Positive Reinforcement

We always think of positive reinforcement as a good thing, but malicious

people can also use it to manipulate their victims. The fact is that we all use
positive reinforcement in one form or another. Parents use it to get their
kids to behave properly, teachers use it to make their students more
interested in school, bosses use it to encourage productivity, and partners
use it to modify each other’s behavior in relationships. It is an integral part
of our social interactions, but it only becomes a problem when it’s
detrimental to the person it’s being used on.
Negative Reinforcement
Negative reinforcement is a form of psychological manipulation which is
used to make people feel obligated to act in certain ways in order to avoid
certain levels of mental or physical pain or discomfort. In positive
reinforcement, you get a reward for acting the way the manipulator wants
you to act, and the desire for that reward is what modifies your behavior in
the future. Negative reinforcement is, however, a bit more complicated than
that.
Punishment
In psychological manipulation, punishment is a negative action that is taken
by the manipulator to weaken the victim’s voluntary responses. Punishment
works because it makes the victim fear the consequences of going against
the will of the manipulator. We have already looked at how punishment
differs from negative reinforcement, but we should point out that in some
instances, those two can overlap. In this segment, we will take a look at
some of the most common types of punishment that people with dark
personality traits use to manipulate their victims.
Nagging
Nagging, also known as pestering or hectoring, is a form of manipulation
where one person continuously urges another to do something, despite the
other person previously refusing to do it or to agree to do it at a later time.
One author famously described nagging as an interaction where one person
makes a repeated request while the other person repeatedly ignores that
request, and both people become annoyed as the battle of wills escalates.
Yelling
Yelling works as a manipulation technique for one simple reason; it makes
you feel uncomfortable or afraid to the point that you comply with whatever
the manipulator wants you to do. There are two main ways in which
manipulators use yelling to manipulate others. People either yell to
dominate over you, or to play the victim and to gain your sympathy.
Silent treatment
The silent treatment works as a manipulation technique because it's a form
of love withdrawal. When a person gives you the silent treatment, they are
essentially saying, "I’m taking away the love unless you do what I want." It
is a form of punishment that is designed to control people, and it's a very
popular type of emotional abuse.
Intimidation
Intimidation can either be covert or overt, but in either case, it’s used by
manipulators to get you to bend to their will out of fear.
Overt intimidation is also known as bullying. This is where manipulators
make open threats to get you to do what they want. They’ll use fear to
threaten you into submission. It may be a threat of physical violence.
They’ll brandish anger and rage to prove to you that they have violent
tendencies. If you stand your ground, they may even resort to actual
physical violence. They are usually angry people who have problems with
authority.
Traumatic one-trial learning
One-trial learning refers to singular experiences that we encounter, which
end up shaping our behavior in the future. This sort of experience is usually
traumatizing and powerful enough to serve as a deterrent from acting in a
certain way for the rest of our lives.
In many cases, one-trial learning may occur without anyone inducing it or
imposing it on us. For example, if you try a certain kind of food for the first
time, and then you get a serious bout of food poisoning, you may be
traumatized to the point that you avoid eating that food again in the future.
One-trial learning is important for humans and all animals because it’s
crucial for survival. When we were still hunters and foragers, one-trial
learning would help us avoid foods that were poisonous or situations that
were dangerous.
Manipulation of facts
Manipulation of facts is one of the most effective psychological
manipulation techniques because it is based on facts that are subject to
interpretation. When a person manipulates facts, he is technically not lying;
he is just using the facts in his favor. It could involve cherry-picking facts,
omitting certain facts, or taking facts out of context.
Even the most indisputable facts are subject to interpretation, and people
with dark personality traits are very good at coming up with interpretations
that portray them in the best possible light. Machiavellians are especially
skilled at using factual information to turn bad things into seemingly good
things.
 CHAPTER 5:

Do We All Have A Dark Side?

D ark Psychology really came to light in 2002, when Delroy Paulhus,

a personality psychology researcher and professor of psychology at
the University of British Columbia, and Kevin Williams, a research
scientist with the Educational Testing Service, published their paper, “The
Dark Triad of Personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and
Psychopathy.” In it the two laid out the personality traits for what they
called the Dark Triad. These traits were: Narcissism (entitled self-
importance), Machiavellianism (the manipulation of others for one’s own
gains), and Psychopathy (an antisocial individual completely lacking in
empathy or remorse). Since that paper came out, thousands of other papers
on the Dark Triad (and Dark Psychology) have appeared, with over 1,700
coming out in 2018 alone. And that’s not counting the many thousands of
articles, essays, opinion pieces, blogs—and websites devoted almost
exclusively to the Dark Triad—that have also appeared in the past 10 years.
What Paulhus and Williams laid out in that groundbreaking paper (in which
they sampled 245 university students) was the idea that these three traits
tend to exist along a spectrum (not unlike Asperger’s or Autism), that the
personalities of the Dark Triad move in and out of each other, even though
they are otherwise distinct from one another, and rarely are all three present
in one person (or rarely all three together to the extreme that that person
would then qualify as having a mental disorder), and that all of us are at
least a little bit narcissistic, a little bit Machiavellian, and a little bit
psychopathic.
These socially aversive traits have been around for centuries. And since
Paulhus and Williams’ paper came out, other researchers, particularly
evolutionary biologists, have been questioning the Darwinian roots of these
traits: are these personality traits somehow biologically necessary to the
reproduction of the species? Are they genetically rewarded? What is the
value of these traits to the prolongation of humans? And on a grander scale,
given that these three traits are so seemingly loathsome and undesirable,
why are they a part of us? What do they contribute to the overall balance
and harmony of nature? Of human nature? How do they factor in
biologically and evolutionarily, and why do they seem to survive and thrive
not only in individuals but in societies? Do they preserve a balance between
a civilized world and anarchy? Or are they leading us down the path to
collective suicide?
The Dark Side of Genetics
As Lyall Watson put it in his book Dark Nature: A Natural History of Evil,
Darwin, creator of the concept of survival of the fittest, viewed morality as
humankind’s cure for inner conflicts. He predicted that if any other species
aside from our own were to secure intellectual abilities that they would in
time also develop a conscience, a set of morals. Watson agreed with
Darwin’s theory, and felt that whatever morals evolved in us, they would
only become that much stronger alongside knowing what was immoral.
Watson, though, trained as a botanist, zoologist, and ethologist (and,
interestingly enough, originator of the hypothetical Hundredth Monkey
Effect), and ever the reluctant Darwinian here in his study of evil and its
utility, looks at evil from the biological perspective. And so defines evil as
anything that upsets the integrity of an ecological environment, anything
that discombobulates diversity, abundance, or communications. And while
Watson the biologist can understand why almost every species, from a
cellular level, feels compelled to kill off any stranger that comes into its
midst and can appreciate infanticide among lions and birds, he is stumped
—as are most of us—by the Pol Pots and the Ted Bundys of the world.
His ultimate conclusion was rather desultory: the world is immoral though
we are not. Natural selection is unavoidable, and devoid of any feeling.
Genetic evolution, then, favors a kind of selfish behavior—on the
individual level and on the bigger scale of humans as a species. As Watson
puts it: It’s OK and even necessary for our reproduction to be nice to
people, but only to those in our bloodline. To those outside our bloodline,
don’t trust them, don’t feel obligated to be nice to them. And lie, cheat, and
steal whenever you can. Our genes require this sort of behavior if we are to
survive. The happiness of everyone else be damned.
Short-Term Success
In 2009, another seminal study in the field of the Dark Triad came out. In
this one, “The Dark Triad: Facilitating a Short-Term Mating Strategy in
Men,” psychologist Peter Jonason and colleagues looked at the Dark Triad
through the lens of evolution, asking whether or not these dark traits might
give individuals an advantage in the world. In their introduction, they state
the reasons behind their paper have to do with their suspicion that Dark
Triad traits don’t just pop out of the blue within people but they have a kind
of evolutionary advantage. People seek out those with Dark Traits because
those Dark Trait carriers have a greater chance to reproduce. Never mind
that these Dark Traits tend to be have dark results, for individuals and
society, they’re beneficial in the long run. Psychopaths of the subclinical
type tend not to be neurotic or anxietal, which gives these characters
advantages when it comes to hooking up. Narcissists, too, who are largely
out for themselves, and Machiavellians, who are experts at working other
people, usually excel in one-night stands and short relationships. Anything
long-term usually doesn’t pan out, even though they tend to leave others
damaged in their wake, what do these types care. They got what they
wanted. And they don’t want anything beyond their short-term needs.
In other words, these Dark Personality Alpha Joe types get ahead of
everyone else at work, get laid more often (and with women who seem to
attract, and seem most attracted to, the alpha males), and otherwise
“succeed” in life.
Again, as with Paulhus and Williams’ paper, this study not only gave the
Dark Triad that much more credibility but the media, especially the media
covering the industries of business and finance, embraced it. Practically
wholeheartedly. While plenty of folks lamented the findings and assertions
put forth by Jonason, decrying the idea that society tends to reward
psychopaths and narcissists, many a ruthless CEO and more than a few
pickup artists felt both vindicated and emboldened. If the absence of
anxiety and neuroticism led to bedding more women (whether or not all
these notches on the bedpost led to more babies, i.e., whether or not it led to
the genetic reproduction and continuation of that psychopath’s, that
narcissist’s, that Machiavellian’s DNA), over and above the Joe Schmoes of
the world vainly trying to woo women with roses and understanding and the
Old World values of a good, honest man, then it made just as much sense
that having a narcissistic knack for self-aggrandizement and the charisma of
a psychopath would give Manny Machiavelli a leg up in the
hypercompetitive worlds of business and politics.
The Dirty Dozen
Then, in 2010, Jonason emerged again, this time with a 12-item
questionnaire he and his colleague Gregory Webster of the University of
Florida cynically named the Dirty Dozen. Devised with the goal of
providing other researchers with a cleaner, clearer and cheaper way to
measure the latent constructs of the Dark Triad, the Dirty Dozen is a Cliff’s
Notes mashup of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory and the
Wonderlic test, boiled down to 12 statements. The higher the score, the
higher one’s Dark Triad tendencies.
Ruthless, Counterproductive, Toxic
Two years later, in 2012, Ernest O’Boyle and colleagues at the School of
Business and Economics at Longwood University in Virginia released the
results of a meta-analysis of studies of the Dark Triad. Wanting to know
what sorts of impact individuals with these Dark traits were having in the
workplace, they discovered that Machiavellians and Psychopaths had a
negative effect on the workplace and on coworkers—not a positive one. Job
performance went down.
A few years later, in an update on how things were going in the world of
Dark Triad research (since Pauhlus and Williams’ groundbreaking paper,
there’d been dozens of studies and over 350 scholarly citations), Adrian
Furnham, a professor of psychology at University College London, along
with Paulhus himself and a fellow UC London psychology colleague,
released “The Dark Triad of Personality: A 10-Year Review.” Almost
anticlimactic in its principle finding, the three psychologists agreed that
people of the Dark Triad stepped all over others in their desire to climb the
corporate ladder. And while these types correlated positively with each
other, each of the three Dark Triad traits was nevertheless unique:
Machiavellians appear more likely to plagiarize essays and avoid risky bets;
Narcissists are often more aggressive after any sort of threat to their ego;
and Psychopaths torment others and not only entertain more revenge
fantasies but are more likely to follow through on them. Worse, the authors
claimed that any one of these Dark Personality types made for horrible
bosses, so bad that they were ultimately bad for business.
What’s Bad May Be Good—for Business
But the tide against the Dark Triad soon began to shift. What was once
regarded as malignant traits suddenly became useful if not downright
admirable. In the 2015 study, “Do Bad Guys Get Ahead or Fall Behind?
Relationships of the Dark Triad of Personality with Objective and
Subjective Career Success,” published by three Swiss psychologists, the
authors decided that having these Dark characters in the workplace maybe
wasn’t so bad after all. Narcissists made more money (for themselves and
on occasion for their company), Machiavellians made for effective leaders
and loved their jobs, only the Psychopaths seemed to have and create a hard
time.
In other words: score another one for the bad guys. Who was quickly
turning into not-so-bad guys? Or bad guys who happen to be more
successful than good guys. Narcissism seemed to correlate with higher
salaries, Machiavellianism led individuals further up the career ladder, and
psychopaths seemed to outnumber non-psychopaths in leadership positions
in the business world.
These dark traits, this Dark Triad of Dark Psychology, the more people
seemed to study it, the more people seemed to admire it and embrace it.
And not grudgingly but as traits to aspire to. As practicing clinical
psychologist Noam Shpancer put it in a 2017 story for Psychology Today,
echoing the cynicism of Lyall Watson, the world, especially the business
world, can be a mean place. Better to be mean back to it, and to the other
mean people out there. And if that means mirroring the behaviors of those
in the Dark Triad, so be it. Still, as much as he “praised” the qualities of
these Dark Personality types, he did allow for all the trouble they cause:
lying, cheating, bullying.
 CHAPTER 6:

Understanding Dark Triad Personalities

D ark psychology is not a single, universally applicable medical

diagnosis that can be applied across all cases of deviant
personalities. There are, in fact, a wide variety of ways that dark
psychology may manifest itself in someone’s psychological and behavioral
makeup. There is no absolute division of one deviant personality type from
another, and many deviant personalities with prominent features of dark
psychology may display elements of more than one manifestation of dark
psychology.
This chapter will explore three types of dark psychology personalities. It is
important to remember that although the internet has spawned a huge
growth in problems resulting from dark psychology, these traits have been
part of human culture since ancient times. In fact, one of the dark
psychology profiles we will explore in this chapter, Machiavellianism, takes
its name from a medieval politician. Another, narcissism, takes its name
from an ancient mythological character. Together, the three dark psychology
profiles—psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism—make up what
is known as “the Dark Triad.”
Psychopathy
Psychopathy is defined as a mental disorder with several identifying
characteristics that include antisocial behavior, amorality, an inability to
develop empathy or to establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme
egocentricity, and recidivism, with repeated violations resulting from an
apparent inability to learn from the consequences of earlier transgressions.
Antisocial behavior, in turn, is defined as behavior based upon a goal of
violating formal and informal rules of social conduct through criminal
activity or through acts of personal, private protest, or opposition, all of
which is directed against other individuals or society in general.
Egocentricity is the behavior when the offending person sees himself or
herself as the central focus of the world, or at least of all dominant social
and political activity. Empathy is the ability to view and understand events,
thoughts, emotions, and beliefs from the perspective of others, and is
considered one of the most important psychological components for
establishing successful, ongoing relationships.
Amorality is entirely different from immorality. An immoral act is an act
which violates established moral codes. A person who is immoral can be
confronted with his or her actions with the expectation that he or she will
recognize that his or her actions are offensive form a moral, if not a legal,
standpoint. Amorality, on the other hand, represents a psychology that does
not recognize that any moral codes exist, or if they do, that they have no
value in determining whether or not to act in one way or another.
Thus, someone displaying psychopathy may commit horrendous acts that
cause tremendous psychological and physical trauma and not ever
understand that what he or she has done is wrong. Worse still, those who
display signs of psychopathy usually worsen over time because they are
unable to make the connection between the problems in their lives and in
the lives of those in the world around them and their own harmful and
destructive actions.
Machiavellianism
Strictly defined, Machiavellianism is the political philosophy of Niccolò
Machiavelli, who lived from 1469 until 1527 in Italy. In contemporary
society, Machiavellianism is a term used to describe the popular
understanding of people who are perceived as displaying very high political
or professional ambitions. In psychology, however, the Machiavellianism
scale is used to measure the degree to which people with deviant
personalities display manipulative behavior.
Machiavelli wrote The Prince, a political treatise in which he stated that
sincerity, honesty, and other virtues were certainly admirable qualities, but
that in politics, the capacity to engage in deceit, treachery, and other forms
of criminal behavior was acceptable if there were no other means of
achieving political aims to protect one’s interests.
Popular misconceptions reduce this entire philosophy to the view that “the
end justifies the means.” To be fair, Machiavelli himself insisted that the
more important part of this equation was ensuring that the end itself must
first be justified. Furthermore, it is better to achieve such ends using means
devoid of treachery whenever possible because there is less risk to the
interests of the actor.
Thus, seeking the most effective means of achieving a political end may not
necessarily lead to the most treacherous. In addition, not all political ends
that have been justified as worth pursuing must be pursued. In many cases,
the mere threat that a certain course of action may be pursued may be
enough to achieve that end. In some cases, the treachery may be as mild as
making a credible threat to take action that is not really even intended.
In contemporary society, many people overlook the fact that
Machiavellianism is part of the “Dark Triad” of dark psychology and tacitly
approve of the deviant behavior of political and business leaders who are
able to amass great power or wealth. However, as a psychological disorder,
Machiavellianism is entirely different from a chosen path to political power.
The person displaying Machiavellian personality traits does not consider
whether his or her actions are the most effective means to achieving his or
her goals, whether there are alternatives that do not involve deceit or
treachery, or even whether the ultimate result of his or her actions is worth
achieving. The Machiavellian personality is not evidence of a strategic or
calculating mind attempting to achieve a worthwhile objective in a
contentious environment. Instead, it is always on, whether the situation calls
for a cold, calculating, and manipulative approach or not.
For example, we had all called in sick to work when we really just wanted a
day off. But for most of us, such conduct is not how we behave normally,
and after such acts of dishonesty, many of us feel guilty. Those who display
a high degree of Machiavellianism would not just lie when they want a day
off; they see lying and dishonesty as the only way to conduct themselves in
all situations, regardless of whether doing so results in any benefit.
What’s more, because of the degree of social acceptance and tacit approval
granted to Machiavellian personalities who successfully attain political
power, their presence in society does not receive the kind of negative
attention accorded to the other two members of the Dark Triad—
psychopathy and narcissism.
Narcissism
The term “narcissism” originates from an ancient Greek myth about
Narcissus, a young man who saw his reflection in a pool of water and fell in
love with the image of himself. In clinical psychology, narcissism as an
illness was introduced by Sigmund Freud and has continually been included
in official diagnostic manuals as a description of a specific type of
psychiatric personality disorder.
In psychology, narcissism is defined as a condition characterized by an
exaggerated sense of importance, an excessive need for attention, a lack of
empathy, and, as a result, dysfunctional relationships. Commonly,
narcissists may outwardly display an extremely high level of confidence,
but this façade usually hides a very fragile ego and a high degree of
sensitivity to criticism. There is often a large gulf between a narcissist’s
highly favorable view of himself or herself, the resulting expectation that
others should extend to him or her favors and special treatment, and the
disappointment when the results are quite negative or otherwise different.
These problems can affect all areas of the narcissist’s life, including
personal relationships, professional relationships, and financial matters.
As part of the Dark Triad, those who exhibit traits resulting from
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may engage in relationships
characterized by a lack of empathy. For example, a narcissist may demand
constant comments, attention, and admiration from his or her partner, but
will often appear unable or unwilling to reciprocate by displaying concern
or responding to the concerns, thoughts, and feelings of his or her partner.
Narcissists also display a sense of entitlement and expect excessive reward
and recognition, but usually without ever having accomplished or achieved
anything that would justify such feelings. There is also a tendency toward
excessive criticism of those around him or her, combined with heightened
sensitivity when even the slightest amount of criticism is directed at him or
her.
Thus, while narcissism in popular culture is often used as a pejorative term
and an insult aimed at people like actors, models, and other celebrities who
display high degrees of self-love and satisfaction, NPD is actually a
psychological term that is quite distinct from merely having high self-
esteem. The key to understanding this aspect of dark psychology is that the
narcissist’s image of himself or herself is often completely and entirely
idealized, grandiose, and inflated and cannot be justified with any factual,
meaningful accomplishments or capacities that may make such claims
believable. As a result of this discord between expectation and reality, the
demanding, manipulative, inconsiderate, self-centered, and arrogant
behavior of the narcissist can cause problems not only for himself or herself
but for all of the people in his or her life.
The Dark Triad in Practice
The professional workplace has acknowledged the presence of people
exhibiting Dark Triad characteristics. The following diagram illustrates that
they are tolerated for their efficiency and their ability to get things done but
contrasts that ability with the negative effects it has on their ability to form
personal relationships:
(McLarty, 2015)
The clinical descriptions are easy enough to categorize, and in isolation, it
can be fairly straightforward to separate one type of dark psychology from
another. The real world is a lot messier. Many of us have grown accustomed
to so-called “toxic relationships,” whether they are relationships with our
partners, our co-workers, our family members, our bosses, or our political
and community leaders. In addition, manifestations of dark psychology are
often far more mundane than the dramatic examples we see in major
television and film productions about the romantic lives of serial killers and
other criminals. The more we accept these relationships as normal, the
more difficult it will be to identify them as problematic.
Remember that psychological, emotional, and social predators do not think
of themselves as sick. Their lack of morality and empathy, and their
adaption from a very early age to live according to rules and methods you
may find horribly wrong, can make their presence intimidating. However,
you should also remember that even when their amorality and lack of
empathy may allow them to enjoy an unjust advantage in relationships,
their mental capacities are the result of underdevelopment, not a higher
evolutionary state.
 CHAPTER 7:

15 Different Types of Personality

I - Introvert: Self-sufficient, quiet, and reserved. Their energy is drained

by them socializing. So they tend to be comfortable when they are
alone. They process their thoughts internally. They need time to be
alone for them to recharge.
S - Sensing: They are aware of, trust facts, details, specifics, present
realities, and past experiences. ISTJs are often pragmatic, observant, and
realistic. They live in the now-and-here.
J - Judging: They are disciplined, organized, and strategic. ISTJs are very
responsible, and they stick to the schedules. They like to prepare and plan
ahead.
N - Intuitive: Introspective, imaginative, and creative. They are perfect at
analyzing complex topics. They mainly focus on the future rather than the
present. They trust their gut instincts.
E - Extrovert: These kinds of people like to be around people. They have
high energy levels and are very active. ENFJs like to take up the initiative.
They are enthusiastic and outgoing. They tend to talk more than listen.
P - Perceiving: Keeping options open, preferring spontaneity, and
flexibility. ISTPs are very adaptive, and they go with the flow. They are
playful and are less aware of the time. They prefer to begin a project, and
they question the need for many rules.
1. ISTJ Personality - The Inspector
At your first impression, ISTJs are so intimidating. ISTJs are seen as
formal, proper, and serious. ISTJs like old-school traits and traditions that
uphold cultural responsibility, honor, patience, and hard work. ISTJs are
upright, calm, and quiet.
2. INFJ Personality - The Counselor
These are idealists and visionaries who produce brilliant ideas and creative
imaginations. INFJs have a totally different and very profound aspect of
viewing the universe. Counselors tend to have a depth and substance in the
manner they think, they never take anything at a surface level or accept
things the way they are. Many people may perceive this kind of person as
weird because they view life differently.
3. INTJ Personality - The Mastermind
People in this personality type, as introverts, are reserved, comfortable, and
quiet when they are alone. INTJs are normally self-sufficient, and they
would prefer to work alone than in a group. INTJs live in a world full of
strategy, analysis, and ideas.
4. ENFJ Personality - The Giver
These are focused on people. ENFJs are charismatic, outspoken, idealistic,
extroverted, ethical, and highly principled, and they understand how to
connect and interact with other people no matter their personality or
background. They really rely on their feelings and intuition; they live a life
full of imagination rather than in the actual world. Instead of the ENFJs
concentrating on living in the "now" and want is happening currently, they
tend to focus on the abstract and what could happen in the future possibly.
5. ISTP Personality - The Craftsman
These are very mysterious people who are normally logical and quite
rational, but they are also enthusiastic and spontaneous. ISTPs often have
the capability of humorously insightful observations about the universe
around them. ISTPs traits are less easy to recognize than other personality
types, even for those who know the traits very well cannot often anticipate
their reactions.
6. ESFJ Personality - The Provider
A person with this type of personality is a stereotypical extrovert. ESFJs are
like social butterflies; their urge to socialize with people and make them
happy often ends up making the ESFJs very popular. ESFJs tend to be
sports hero or cheerleaders in college or high school. This is a very
common type of personality and one that is loved by many people.
7. INFP Personality - The Idealist
INFPs are quite reserved. INFPs prefer not to speak about themselves,
particularly in their first interaction with a new person. INFPs love
spending most of their time to be alone in a very quiet environment where
they can make sense of what is going on around them. People with this kind
of personality types like analyzing symbols and signs.
8. ESFP Personality - The Performer
Performers have an observant, perceiving, feeling, and extroverted
personality trait and they are often seen as good entertainers. They are born
to be in front of other people and to capture the stage; this type loves the
spotlight. They are persons with very strong interpersonal techniques.
ESFPs are fun and lively, and they enjoy being the epitome of attention.
9. ENFP Personality - The Champion
The Champions have an intuitive, perceiving, feeling, and an extroverted
personality. ENFPs are highly individualistic, and they tend to drive
towards building their own habits, looks, ideas, actions, and methods -
champions don't love cookie cutter individuals and hate when they are
forced to live in a tiny box.
10. ESTP Personality - The Doer
The Doers are ruled by the need for emotions, social engagements and
feelings, reasoning, and logical processing, along with a need for total
freedom. Abstracts and theories do not keep them quite interested for a long
time. People having this kind of personality type tend to leap before they
look, mending their shortcomings as they go through, rather than preparing
contingency plans or sitting idle.
11. ENTJ Personality - The Commander
Their main purpose of life concentrates on external areas, and all their
issues are dealt with logically and rationally. Their secondary purpose of the
operation is more internal, where reasoning and intuition take center stage.
They are naturally born leaders, and they like to be in charge.
12. INTP Personality - The Thinker
Thinkers are known in your society and in daily life, their excellent theories
and unrelenting logic that makes sense since INTPs are arguably the most
logical mind of all personality types. INTPs love patterns, and they have a
very keen eye for picking up on discrepancies, and a perfect capability to
analyze people, making it not a good idea to lie to an INTP type person.
13. ISFJ Personality - The Nurturer
The Nurturers are philanthropists; they are often ready to give back and
return generosity with more generosity. They are kind-hearted and warm.
Nurturers have value for cooperation and peace and are likely to be more
sensitive when it comes to other people's emotions and feelings. Many
people have great value of the ISFJ personality type for their awareness and
consideration and their capability to bring out the best in other people.
14. ENTP Personality - The Visionary
This is one of the rarest personality types in the universe; this is
understandable. Even though the Visionaries are extroverts, ENTPs do not
enjoy small talk, and they may not be successful in social interaction,
particularly those that may involve people who are very different from the
ENTP type. Visionaries are very knowledgeable and intelligent.
15. ISFP Personality - The Composer
The composers are introverts, but they do not seem like introverts. This is
so because when they have challenges in connecting to others at first, they
try to become friendly, approachable, and warm at the end. ISFPs are fun to
be in your company and quite spontaneous, which makes them the
appropriate pal to be within any activity, regardless of the activity is
planned for or not.
 CHAPTER 8:

Manipulations Tactics and Schemes

A number of us don't even realize they're attempting to regulate and

puzzle us. We might have an anxious feeling in our intestine that
doesn't match the manipulator's words or feel entrapped right into
agreeing with a request. Most individuals respond in the manner in which
escalates misuse or play into the hands of the abuser, which can make us
feel little and also guilty, yet then resort as well as permit unacceptable
actions. If you had a manipulative mom and dad, it could be tougher to
acknowledge in a partner, because it knows.
Old knowledge to "recognize your enemy" is essential when handling a
manipulator. Having the ability to detect these hidden arrows allows you to
respond strategically to covert manipulation. Comprehending what they
depend on equips you.
When people act passive-aggressively, what shows up passive or defensive
is concealed hostility. It's debatable to what level their actions are conscious
or unconscious. To the sufferer, it does not matter. The impact is the same.
Being excessively understanding places you in jeopardy of being abused
repeatedly. When somebody strikes you overtly or secretly, they're
aggressive.
Goals of a Manipulator
The purpose of the adjustment is to obtain influence to obtain our
requirements fulfilled. Yet, chronic manipulators do so for power as well as
control and also use deceptive and abusive methods. Manipulators preserve
dominance via continuous, reoccurring emotional control, misuse, and even
coercive control. Often, they're passive-aggressive. They might lie or act
caring or hurt or shocked by your problems, all to disperse any type of
criticism and also to remain to work unacceptably. In maintaining control to
do what they wish, manipulators purpose:
1. To stay clear of being challenged
 2. To place you on the defensive
3. To make you doubt yourself and also your assumptions
4. To conceal their hostile intent
5. To stay clear of responsibility
6. To not need to transform
Ultimately, you are taken advantage of and can shed reliance on your own,
as well as your sensations and perceptions. Gaslighting is a treacherous,
disabling kind of manipulation.
Emotional Tactics of Adjustment
Psychological Strategies of Control
Exactly how do you get what you want?
Take a min to think about a new circumstance in which you desired
something from one more individual. Maybe you wanted your companion
to clean up the meals. Or you wanted a promotion from your employer. Or
you desired an individual at an event to take place a day with you. Just how
did you get it?
In a perfect globe, we can just request for all of the essential things we
desire from people, and they would comply. Yet the world is not best, and
we can't get whatever that we want on a first shot. So, what can you do to
get what you want?
There is a lot of honest, moral response to this question. Yet there are also
unethical solutions. If you try to obtain what you want via deceptiveness,
lies, or indirect methods, you are utilizing manipulation. Individuals are
trying to control others every day. If you can identify the indications of
control, you can see through them and also have more control over the
decisions you make as well as your connection with others.
Techniques of Manipulation
Appeal
All of us recognize someone that utilizes a wink and a compliment to obtain
what they want. People wish to feel appealing and also desired.
Manipulators play into these sensations by being enchanting. They believe
that when an individual starts to get a little flirty, they'll begin to be drawn
into the manipulator as well as will certainly be more likely to submit to the
manipulator's needs.
Coercion
This method isn't all enjoyable and also flirty. When a person is "coercing"
another to do something, they might be making use of anxiety of harm or
dangers.
Silent Treatment
Silence is a remarkably efficient control (and arrangement) device. Silence
makes us anxious; if a person is silent, or declining to talk, we might feel
the need to give in to their wishes or give them something they want simply
to damage the silence.
Reason
Not all control strategies are underhanded. However, they might be used
unethically. The factor is a beautiful instance of such a control technique.
Individuals may make use of factors or logical arguments to obtain what
they want. They might inform an individual (or themselves) something like,
"If you help me burglarize this bank, you will certainly be able to feed your
family members." Nothing incorrect concerning that, right? But when it's
difficult to argue against somebody who utilizes factor as a manipulation
technique, you might be more likely to break down and offer the
manipulator what they desire.
Regression
When two individuals' factor with each other like grownups, it can be
straightforward for both events to hold their ground. Yet when one person
reverts to acting like a child, things might go haywire. This is the regression
tactic; a person may yawp, weep, or pout until they get their means. People
may give up simply since they desire the childish behavior to stop.
Self-Abasement
Not all manipulation tactics entail insulting or compelling the various other
people to do something. If a manipulator makes use of self-abasement to get
with they want, they will humble themselves. Self-abasement might be
utilized when a manipulator desires a person to forgive them, believe them,
or make various other initiatives to reinforce a connection.
Duty Conjuration
Allows claim you are thinking about obtaining your nails done. It's simple
just to choose, "No, I'm not going to get my nails done." If you currently
scheduled an appointment, nevertheless, it's not so simple to just flee and
not obtain your nails done. Duty conjuration uses these types of
responsibilities to encourage someone to follow through with strategies. A
manipulator might state, "yet you promised..." or "I have currently reserved
the appointments..." to make saying "no" a lot harder.
Hardball
Hardball methods take browbeating to the following degree. While
someone might make use of a threat to set up the concern of injury, hardball
strategies trigger damage or bodily injury.
Pleasure Induction
For several, enjoyment induction is a simple control strategy. When
someone conjures up the satisfaction induction method, they are merely
telling an individual that the action will be fun which the person will enjoy
it. "Come on; it will be enjoyable!"
Social comparison
The Social Comparison theory describes precisely how we contrast
ourselves with others. Many people measure their success, appearance, and
also the presence of personality traits with the comparison of others.
Manipulators know this propensity well. They might make use of social
contrast to persuade individuals to act. "Your good friend at the office does
this for her partner." "The star in the publication in on X diet regimen ... you
must be as well."
Monetary reward
Manipulators might play into an individual's greed by using the cash to
devote acts that they generally would not dedicate. If you were offered a
million bucks, would certainly you commit a crime?
What Are Master Manipulators?
Allows break down some stereotypes right here. Ladies are usually
mounted as master manipulators. This simply isn't real. There are no sex
distinctions in methods of manipulation - research study reveals that men
and women similarly carry out these strategies. Simply view any kind of
"pick-up musician" work his "magic" on YouTube, and the misconceptions
of ladies being manipulators will undoubtedly go away before your eyes.
Correctly how Do Tactics of Manipulation Show Up in the Big 5?
Manipulation tactics appear regularly in The Royal prince. Machiavelli is
just one of the world's most popular manipulators. He is so notorious that
one of the Dark Triad characteristics is named after him. Individuals that
are a lot more "Machiavellian" are most likely to utilize (as well as warrant
their use) adjustment tactics. They believe that they are above ethics and
also deserve to obtain what they want, even if they get it via adjustment.
This connection is instead apparent, but there are also some links between
methods of manipulation and also the Huge Five characteristics. Let's take a
look at them. If you would love to see what your character ratings are, you
can take my free character quiz; nonetheless, it doesn't factor these
strategies of adjustment into your results.
Extraversion
People who usually score high are more likely to use browbeating as well as
responsibility conjuration.
Agreeableness
Individuals that rack up high in agreeableness are more likely to make use
of satisfaction induction and reason to obtain what they desire. These two
adjustment strategies are some of the most moral; they encourage people
that they will get something positive out of taking specific actions.
On the other hand, more unpleasant people are more likely to look for
retribution on individuals with browbeating and the cold shoulder.
Conscientiousness
Comparable to agreeableness, people that score high on conscientiousness
are most likely to pick reason over other control methods. People who score
low in conscientiousness are more likely to choose possibly criminal
strategies, like a threat or unlawful type of financial incentive.
Openness
People who rack up high for openness are more likely to utilize factors and
also sometimes satisfaction induction or obligation invocation. Practical
reasoning frequently needs a greater understanding of thinking or more
excellent knowledge. High openness and even high intellect are typically
linked.
Alternatively, people who score low in openness are most likely to make
use of social comparison.
As you review partnerships in your life, watch out for master manipulators
and also indications of the complying with manipulation techniques. The
more you learn about manipulation, the simpler it will certainly be to see
these techniques at work as well as get even more control over the decisions
you make.
 CHAPTER 9:

Recognize Manipulative Behaviors

N ow that we fully understand deception in the aspect of mind control

and dark psychology let us narrow the study further and take on the
second example of mind control - manipulation. We shall be
turning manipulation inside-out to understand what exactly it is, and where
possible, provide real-life examples.
When a doctor persuades a client into changing their lifestyle to overcome
health issues such as obesity, we can refer to this as social influence. This is
a harmless type of influence. The same applies to all other forms of power
whereby the person doing the influencing has good intentions of the
receptor at heart. On the contrary, if a person uses a form of coercion to get
their way and benefit from the receptor’s action or reaction, this is
considered to be a harmful influence and will generally add up to
manipulation.
If you analyzed all forms of mind control, you would realize that a
manipulator can use most of them to gain the influence they desperately
need. One of the most common tactics across the five types of mind control
is known as emotional blackmail. Here, a manipulator comes up with a plan
to evoke guilt or sympathy in their victim. They understand all too well that
guilt and pity are one of the strongest human emotions, and are likely to
open up their targets to their manipulation. Once the guard is dropped, the
manipulator takes advantage of the subject and initiates the coercion
process. In no time, the question of manipulation finds themselves
cooperating and assisting the controller in attaining their malicious goals.
Emotional blackmail is one of many tactics employed by manipulative
people. There are others, such as a covert form of abuse known as crazy-
making. Just like the name suggests, the aim of the manipulator is to make
their subject to feel crazy. They create a scenario where the victim develops
self-doubt. At times, the level of self-doubt might be so severe that the
matter might think they are losing their mind. There is yet another form of
manipulation where the manipulator acts as if to support their victim
verbally but give non-verbal cues that portray contradicting meaning. If
they get confronted, they revert to rationalization, justification, deception,
and denial to try and escape from trouble.
Another big problem with manipulators is that they might not always be
aware of what their subjects need. At times, they might be mindful of them
but lack the ability to consider and provide them. This does not, at all,
justify their behavior. What it does is show that a manipulator will neither
consider nor prioritize these needs. They also do not feel any pity, guilt, or
shame. The dangerous thing about this trait is that it makes it hard for the
manipulator to stop their harmful influence. If this is a point to consider, it
explains why some victims of this vice never realize the extent of the
damage until it is too late.
Manipulators are also solitary humans. They are most likely to be found
alone because they never form or sustain long-lasting relationships. The
problem is that after building relationships of any form, their manipulative
nature creeps in and scares their friends or lovers away. People who at some
point, relate with manipulators confess to feeling used and lacking trust
towards the controllers. In this case, the problem affects both parties; first,
the controller will not be able to recognize or provide the needs of the other
party. On the other hand, the affected person will not succeed in creating the
emotional connection required to sustain the relations. In the end, both
parties go their own way, and the manipulator is once again left lonely.
The Qualities of a Manipulative Person
According to George Simon, a psychology writer, there are distinct qualities
that define a manipulative person. If someone possesses these traits, their
chances of being successful manipulators are extremely high. In the same
way, if one lacks these traits, they cannot use other people to get to their
selfish goals. I bet this is one of those qualifications we all do not want!
In Simon’s words, a successful manipulator must:
Have the ability to hide their aggressive nature and intentions from
the public, and more so their potential targets.
Have the ability to identify the vulnerable aspects of their potential
victims so as to decide which approaches to use for efficient
manipulation.
 Have an extraordinary level of ruthlessness in them to enable them
to overcome the qualms that might arise from the harm they cause
on their subjects. Ruthlessness can be emotional or physical.
The Behaviors of Manipulative People
We already know the traits that define a manipulative person. These are the
requirements that one needs to possess before they can be potential
manipulators. There are also traits that define a manipulator during the
process of manipulation. In short, what are the behaviors that these people
portray and use to actualize the process of manipulation?
Reinforcing
In psychology, reinforcement is a stimulus, positive or negative, that
increases or strengthens the probability of a specific outcome. When we
talk of positive reinforcement, it is a tactic that a manipulator will use in
public so as to pick their subjects. The manipulator will fake some moves
such as loud laughter, random smiles, giving gifts, crocodile tears, excess
apologies, exaggerated praise and temporary charm, to mention but a few.
Positive reinforcement places the manipulator above random strangers and
draws attention. The point of fraudulent behavior is to make people want to
befriend them. To be honest, if a person offers us a gift or starts a friendly
chat, our minds immediately soften, and we want to return the favor. If we
find an innocent-looking lady crying by herself at the park, we genuinely
want to know how we can help. Unbeknownst to us, some of these people
are out there hunting.
In negative reinforcement, the manipulator will offer to “rescue” the victim
out of a harmful situation if they agree to do something in return. For
example, a teacher might provide to grant a student pass grades after they
have failed if the student offers sex in return. This is a tricky situation
because the victim is usually in a fix and at times, the offer by the
manipulator might be their only way out.
Rationalizing
Rationalization is the act of making up excuses to make one appear
innocent. Even if a manipulator were caught red-handed in the act of
negatively influencing others, they would not accept it. Instead, they would
come up with convincing reasons as to why they committed the act. In most
cases, they claim to have been trying to help the victims.
Punishing
Punishing, in this case, is not necessarily the use of a cane to flog someone.
It is a method of control where the manipulator will deploy a set of
behaviors to influence the psychology of a victim. Some of these
punishment tactics include silent treatment, playing the victim, nagging,
yelling, crying, threatening, and sulking, among others. The aim of the
action is to make the victim feel guilty of something they might not have
done. If the victim plays along, they start apologizing, throwing them deep
into the manipulator’s trap.
Minimizing
Minimization is a combination of denial and rationalization. If caught, they
defend themselves by stating that their behavior is not as harmful as it
appears. We have all met people who throw bad-tasting jokes at us, only to
claim that they were mere jokes and should be taken lightly.
Explosiveness
Explosive behavior, also known as traumatic one-trial learning, is the act
where the manipulator will throw tantrums at the slightest provocation. The
sudden reactions, which might include verbal abuse and explosive anger,
are meant to discourage the subject from upsetting, confronting, or
contradicting the oppressor. Beneath the skin, the manipulator is playing a
game of dominance, intimidation, and superiority over the victim.
Diverting Issues
When a manipulator is asked a question, especially one that relates to their
conduct, they are excellent at diverting the items. Instead of giving real or
straight-to-the-point answers, they give confusing responses. Their aim is to
try and distract the question, especially if it might expose their negative
behavior. In most cases, they will respond vaguely then come up with a
diversion tactic such as introducing another topic, asking a question of their
own or exploding.
Lying
Manipulators are masters at telling lies. Because their intentions and actions
are generally unpleasant, they know that by being honest, nobody would
fall for them. As such, they come up with lies. The lies that they fabricate
are so accurate that it is usually impossible to tell when they are false or
not. While the truth might ultimately come out, it will often be too late for
the victim to respond. A manipulator will use any form of lies to convince
their subjects and get their way.
Intimidation
A manipulator likes to keep their victims on the defensive or in fear. They
pile threats and blames on the victim so that it appears like the victim is at
their mercy. Any time the victim tries to get away from them, they are
threatened, forcing them to obey the manipulator. You have heard of
relationships where either of the lovers threatens to leak indecent photos of
their partner if they tried to walk out or report them. This is a common form
of intimidation that is aided by the extensive use of the internet.
Lying by Omission
Omission lying, or propaganda, is closely related to lying, only that in the
latter, everything the manipulator says is a lie. In omission lying, though,
the controller will tell a truthful subject but omit important issues that
needed to be highlighted. This is a form of manipulation that affects many
parents today. A good example is when a child requests for money to buy
some treats but end up buying drugs with the money. In this case, the child
told the truth about needing money to buy “treats” while in reality, the treats
were drugs. In short, if the parent knew the real intent of the child, they
would not have given them the money.
Denial
The whole life of a manipulator is lived in denial. They never see things for
what they are because if they did, it would have to start with the bitter fact
that their lives are messy. One of the reasons that a person will be okay with
invading others’ lives and destroying them is because they hate theirs.
Another behavior that is common with manipulators is that any time a
manipulator is accused of anything, they will refuse to take responsibility
regardless of whether there is evidence or not. In fact, they will reverse the
blame and place it on the subject.
Playing the Victim
The final behavior we will discuss, which is common in manipulators, is
playing the victim. No matter how ruthless these people can get, they
always make the world think they are oppressed, despite being the
oppressors. This method usually works in their favor because when they
appear hurt, they easily evoke feelings of pity, sympathy, and compassion.
The majority of people in the world are willing to help others who are
suffering, and manipulators are fond of exploiting such people and using
them to further their plans.
 CHAPTER 10:

Principle of Persuasion

P ersuasion is the ability that people have to transmit ideas and that
they are disseminated by those who act as recipients of them. This
translates more effectively as the ability that human beings have
through a relationship, to convince others. Persuasion is a tool that can be
used in fields such as marketing, advertising, and commerce, basically
sectors of the economy in which the public is sensitive to various
interactions with environmental media and where the decision is the
objective of who persuade
Let us elaborate a scene in which a seller wants his products to be acquired
by the buyers, these besides being useful, must be attractive and in one way
or another, more desirable than that of the competition, this is achieved with
persuasion, the which attracts customers by offering the best attributes of
the product or service, in an effective way, providing comfort to the buyer
by relating the most promotional aspects to the most personal. Persuasion,
in turn, generates competition and demand in the market, generating
dynamism of intentions and offers that fosters the development of
sustainable economies.
Another use of persuasion that we see in a society constantly is in the
application of the law. In a trial, the lawyers, in addition to using the law as
the main tool, use the elements in their favor and persuade the jury and the
judge that they are valid to win the case.
We are always waiting for others who live in our environment to reproduce
or share our ideas, even unintentionally, people seek to persuade others so
that their ends are fulfilled, a wife who asks her husband to optimize
expenses is trying to convince him that it is the best for both. Either way,
each person's ideas will be interpreted as an intention for others to apply
and build their own ideas based on the initial idea. Persuasion can be so
extreme that they can change the way a person thinks; it all depends on
what the person who persuades another looks for.
Key elements of persuasion
To better understand the process by which one person or medium can
influence another by changing their mind, it is necessary to take into
account the key elements of the process, these being the issuing source, the
receiver, the message itself and the technique that It is used to transmit it.
1. Issuer
Regarding who transmits the information, the source that tries to persuade,
there are two characteristics that are taken into consideration when it comes
to being or not being persuaded: its attractiveness and credibility. It has
been shown in multiple experiments that we generally consider those
individuals we perceive to be more reliable (partly because of the halo
effect, in which we assume that someone who has a good quality will surely
have others). These are the reasons why men and women of great physical
attractiveness, or well-valued celebrities, frequently appear in advertising in
order to sell us a product.
However, the most influential feature of the source when it comes to
persuading us is credibility, which is given to the level of competence of the
source in the subject matter and the perceived sincerity.
2. Receiver
With regard to the recipient of the message, the main characteristics that
affect the time of being influenced are the level of intelligence, self-esteem,
and the level of involvement with the subject.
It must be taken into consideration that the effect of the intelligence level
should not be taken as a direct measure. It is not that who is more
influential is less intelligent, but someone with higher intelligence will have
more resources to question the arguments put forward in persuasion. By
having a higher capacity to learn and use in real-time the information
memorized, the way of a dialogue of the most intelligent people is more
fluid and consistent, something that is reflected in the results they obtain
when it comes to convincing.
With regard to self-esteem, we generally find that the lower self-esteem, the
less likely we will consider our own arguments as valid, more easily
accepting those of others.
 3. Message
Another of the main elements when it comes to persuading someone is the
message itself. Several studies indicate that the fact of using a more rational
or more emotional message will depend on the type of response you want to
favor. It also affects the message incorporating elements that cause fear or a
sense of threat: according to Rogers protection motivation theory, we will
tend to seek and consider more certain words that allow us to minimize or
avoid damage.
The fact that persuasion occurs more often with a closed or open message
has also been investigated, indicating that it is generally better to leave a
conclusion open to interpretation, although guided in the direction of which
one wishes to persuade. This may be because in this way, the listeners are
more satisfied when they reach those conclusions, something they
experience as if it had been a discovery made by themselves, without
someone trying to impose an idea from outside.
Principles of Persuasion
Reciprocity principle
Essence: we feel the obligation to give something in return for the people
who have provided us with a service.
Give something. After some time, but not right away, ask for something in
return. You do not need to ask for something equivalent: you can get even
more.
When you are providing services to people, make sure they know what they
are getting. Tell them your sincere desire to help. Ideally, the cost and
amount of effort on your part should below and for the interlocutor - high.
Examples:
A non-profit organization gives a pen asking them to fill out a regular
donation form. This greatly increases the likelihood of a donation.
A sales specialist provides many small services to a client, which will make
the latter feel obligated to purchase something.
When prehistoric people switched from a lonely hunt to live in a tribe, they
realized that society intends to do something useful for others in order to
receive a response service after some time. From this grew the principle of
reciprocity.
The principle of commitment and consistency
The bottom line: we must always align our external actions and promises
with beliefs and values.
When we make a promise, we consider it our duty to do everything to keep
it. When we make a decision, we like to feel that this is the right decision.
When we do something that does not correspond to beliefs and values, we
can change these internal aspects to be consistent with ourselves.
In a word, we tend to justify our obligations by inventing a new rationale to
confirm that we made the right choice.
Examples:
The company gives free samples. If the client begins to use them, he will
feel obligated to buy something.
Parents often tell the child that he works very well. After some time, he
begins to perceive himself as hardworking.
The point is alignment. If our beliefs, values, models, and actions are not
completely consistent with each other, we experience cognitive dissonance.
To get rid of it, you need to change actions or beliefs.
The principle of social proof
The bottom line: we repeat the actions of other people, especially when we
are not confident in our knowledge and experience.
Show people how others do what you want from them.
Examples:
Advertising shows a happy family who owns a particular product. Now, one
who has a family will believe that this particular object gives happiness.
The seller tells the customer about other people who have already bought
this product.
The television comedy uses offscreen laughter to show a real audience:
“Hey, this is ridiculous!”
We follow the example of other people or leaders. This is primarily true for
cases where it is not clear what to do. Social proof works thanks to our
desire to belong to society, to respect others and to avoid social punishment
(ridicule and ostracism).
The principle of power and authority
The bottom line: we are inferior to people who seem superior to us.
If we consider someone a professional in any business and this person
claims something as true, then with a high degree of probability we will
believe him without asking questions. We also tend to obey those who have
a pronounced strong body language.
It can be used against us. For example, a specially trained professional actor
invited to speak on a television show speaks confidently and vehemently
criticizes the opposite point of view, creating the appearance of an expert.
We are educated in such a way that we obey others: parents, teachers,
authorities, bosses at work, and so on. And disobedience can have various
negative consequences.
The principle of sympathy
The bottom line: we tend to reasonably and unreasonably sympathize with
people who are pleasant to us.
Be friendly, show others that you like them, sincerely be interested in their
opinions. Two things reinforce sympathy: likeness and praise. If you show
that a person is like you and make a true compliment, there is a chance to
change his point of view.
Examples:
A woman invites her friends to a party and sells them cosmetics. They buy
it, not because of need, but because they know the hostess and they like her.
The seller improves communication skills and becomes more friendly,
which allows him to sell more.
When we meet people, the first thing we do is welcome them. Then we
smile, shake hands, kiss, hug. We can also ask them about health and
family. Why? This creates trust, which is a direct road to sympathy. In fact,
we say: “I like you and I will not harm you. So please trust me.”
Deficit principle
The bottom line: we want what we can’t get in the future.
When things become less accessible, they seem more desirable to us. If we
have a choice to get it now or maybe to receive it in the future, we choose
now. And it’s not the fact that we need this item or service at all.
Examples:
Messages on the website: “Product ends,” “Special offer, valid until the end
of the month,” “Limited batch.”
The mother tells the youngest son that if he does not eat vegetables, she will
give them to the eldest.
Deficit works through expected regret. We fear that we will not get
something in the future, we present it and the negative emotions that will
arise. Our need for this thing wins rational thinking.
 CHAPTER 11:

Theories and Methods of Persuasion

W hen you know your mind and body, it’s easier to recognize and
overcome different methods of persuasion. You will never be
able to be the positive persuader and overall healthy influencer if
you aren’t trying to pay special attention to how the mind works and the
body communicates. Once you have practiced this and really grasped the
basic concepts of mind and body communication, it’s time to move onto the
next advanced level – persuasion.
Persuasion is already happening all around us. Anywhere you look as
you’re walking down the street you might notice someone attempting to be
persuasive. Maybe it’s an advertisement that is trying to sell you something.
Perhaps there is someone with a sign on the street asking for money. Maybe
a friend is texting you trying to convince you to do something. Just like
body language, persuasion isn’t always done just through words. You have
to be aware of the overall persuasion of messages to really start to
understand the way that you are being convinced to do something that isn’t
your own organic thought.
If you aren’t aware of persuasion, then it’s going to be even easier for others
to have the ability to control you. Even when you are actively trying to fight
against persuasion and protect yourself, you might discover that you are
still falling under the spell of others. Though you are already becoming
more skilled and knowledgeable about the process by this point in the book,
there will still always be someone out there that is more skilled and
advanced in this subject that might be able to take power over you. Don’t be
afraid of persuasion. You have the ability to overcome it. Once you are able
to break free from the restraints of other people’s persuasion and influence,
then you can start to use those tools yourself.
Manipulation can be challenging, but you can turn that around into positive
persuasion if you take a moment to rework the goal and intention behind
what you do. First, let’s discuss all of the ways that you are being persuaded
that are obvious, and the deeper methods that might be used against you in a
more secretly embedded way. It’s suggested that you take notes so that you
can even jot down examples of how this is already happening to you as we
go along!
Theories on Persuasion
There are a few different theories on persuasion that we should start to
understand. Before we discuss these, let’s take a deeper look at what
processes persuasion might be done through. How is it that we are able to
completely change the way that we are thinking or feeling based on another
person’s ability to alter our feelings? There are a few core elements to what
persuasion is and what you can use to define this process.
Persuasion is when a message is transferred from one person to the other.
This message might be a way of life, such as a religion. Have you ever seen
signs for someone wanting to share their religion with you? Maybe they
have passed out free information like brochures or mini booklets in order to
try and get you on their side. This is an example of how others might try to
convince you of their messages. They will be using symbols and words to
try and get you to understand where they are coming from. Some will go as
far as to scare you as well, making you think that something bad might
happen to you if you choose not to follow the things that they’re stating.
Persuasion goes as far back as human history does. Some methods of
persuasion have been natural in our society. There are other times when
persuasion has been a little more forced. Perhaps it is a biological skill that
is ingrained in our anatomy that we use in order to help us survive. It could
simply be a survival tactic, or it could be something deeply ingrained in our
society and the language that we use.
Persuasion is always going to be more positive when you can give the other
person their own freedom to choose. When you take that freedom away and
start to be more forceful, this can turn into manipulation, brainwashing, and
other methods of dark psychology. We are going to break all three of these
down for you so that you can better recognize the different levels of
persuasive behavior. First, let’s start to discuss some different theories as to
how and why persuasion can be so effective.
The first one is the conditioning theory. This is one that explains how
prolonged exposure could actually be “conditioning” us to be able to fall
more easily for a message. This is something easily seen on the level of
advertisements. Think of a brand, specifically maybe a candy brand that
you like. Whatever this is, recall the last time you saw an advertisement for
it. They will obviously use signs of the actual product and what this might
look like. In a commercial, they might show someone eating it with the
same branded colors in the background. Maybe they have a simple phrase
or logo that you remember immediately without even trying. Then, you
make your way to a grocery store and see this exact same product with the
exact same colors and are more inclined to purchase this because you have
already been conditioned to do so. If you had never seen an advertisement
for the product, you might not notice the display of candy sitting there when
you walk in the store, but they have already planted this idea in your head,
so you are way more willing actually to purchase this.
The next theory that we have is the cognitive dissonance theory. This
basically states how we will always be looking for ways to connect our
thoughts and behaviors with reality. Even if you are someone that has
thoughts different than what you actually do, your brain will look for ways
to justify this kind of behavior. For example, let’s say that you are
overweight, and you really don’t want to be. You’d love it if you could just
lose thirty pounds. However, you continue to eat unhealthy junk food and
skip the gym every day. Your actions are not aligning with your beliefs, and
this creates cognitive dissonance. This is important because it will help to
show how your brain can be persuaded so easily even when you know
certain information isn’t true. Your brain wants your actions to match your
beliefs, so it will convince you to do one of two things. You can either find
that motivation to go to the gym and eat healthier, and then your actions
match your beliefs of wanting to lose weight. Alternatively, your mind
might instead convince you that there is nothing wrong with being
unhealthy. You might convince yourself that what you are told about your
health is all a lie or maybe that you don’t deserve even to have a healthy
body. Whatever it is, your brain is going to try and fill in those blanks and
make you believe something that isn’t entirely true, all so that your actions
align with your belief. This is something that might end up hurting others in
the long run. Think of a crazy cult leader. They will have things that they
believe, and after a while, it might not be just enough for them to be the
only ones to believe this. Instead of changing their mind about their beliefs,
they might try to convince others to believe the same thing in an attempt to
validate their perspective. This can be toxic and damaging behavior, but it is
something that our brain might naturally do.
These theories are important to understand because they will start to give
you a little insight into how or why someone might be trying to convince
themselves or others of their message. We will discuss the actual methods
of persuasion that people use soon, but we have to understand the motive
first. If you can’t discover a motive behind someone’s persuasion, then they
might not necessarily be trying to be manipulative, intentionally or not.
Always ask, “Why are they doing this?” whenever you might be
questioning someone’s goal for whether or not they are manipulative.
Common Methods for Persuasion
Now that you understand how finding motivation is important in
understanding someone’s psychology, it’s essential that we look at the
actual methods that someone might have been trying to use. These tactics
and strategies can be common, so the more aware you are of them, the
easier it is going to be to keep yourself safe from others down the line.
There is a varying degree of persuasion you should have an understanding
of. It will either be positive persuasion used to get you and the other person
to a place where you can both thrive and achieve a mutual goal, or then
there is negative manipulation which might be an attempt to try and take
everything from you.
The first method of persuasion used is consistency. This is when something
is presented over and over and potentially in the same way. It will be a
method that gives the person being persuaded an understanding of the
message in a way that is normal to them.
Another method of persuasion is reciprocity. When someone gives you
something, you might be more inclined to return the favor.
Social proof is a method of persuasion that we see frequently. It is the way
that others will justify the things that they are trying to persuade you of.
They might use other people’s opinions and things such as “They found
success!” in order to convince you that since others use it, you can too.
Another method of persuasion is the scarcity effect. When something seems
as though it is more limited or harder to come by, there are many people
who will jump at their opportunity to consume. How many times have you
chosen something that was “limited edition” over other things just because
you were afraid you wouldn’t get your chance? Think of sales that you see
in stores. They will always say, “3-day sale, act now!” Why is it only for
three days? Why can’t they just go for a fourth? This is because they want
to instill urgency in you. You will prioritize these scarce things more than
other things because your brain is telling you that this is important.
The better you understand these methods of persuasion, the easier it will be
to protect yourself from them.
 CHAPTER 12:

Persuasion Vs. Manipulation

M anipulation is a way to control others, and it can be used in

different ways. Some of these ways can be very subtle, and others
can be easily recognizable, especially if you know what you are
looking for.
With manipulation, one of the first things that a person will notice is the
feeling of fear, obligation and guilt. When someone is trying to manipulate
you, they are trying to coerce you to do something that you don’t want to
do. You feel scared thinking about doing what they want or feeling scared
in the act, there is a feeling of obligation that goes along with it, and you
sometimes feel guilty if you don’t do it at all.
Bully and victim are the two types of manipulation that can make you feel
this way. When someone is bullying you, they are often using fear in the
form of aggression, threats, and intimidation to make you do what they
want.
On the other hand, if they play the victim, they try to make you think that
they are hurt. No matter the case, they are often the ones who caused the
problem in the first place. If you are being targeted by a manipulator who is
playing the victim, you will do whatever they want to stop their suffering.
You might even feel responsible for their suffering, even though you are
not.
Another thing a person who is being manipulated does is question
themselves and what they are doing. This can often be referred to as
gaslighting. This type of manipulation has people not only questioning
themselves but what is real to them, what they perceive, their own thoughts,
and even their memory. Has someone ever twisted your words around and
made it about them? Have they taken over the conversation to make you
feel like you’re the perpetrator and that you did something wrong while you
wonder what it is that you exactly did? Gaslighters know how to make their
victims feel a false sense of guilt, responsibility and even defensiveness.
They will have you questioning if you have done something wrong when
you haven’t at all.
Another manipulation tactic comes with strings attached. People should
want to do things for you just because they want to and not what they can
get out of it. This is one of the most common forms of manipulation. You
feel like someone is being nice to you and doing things for you when you
need them.
There are other forms of manipulation, but these are the most common
forms.
Persuasion can be found in images, sounds and even through the use of
words. There is a deliberate attempt to influence others. One of the key
points about persuasion is that people are not coerced or manipulated;
instead, they are free to choose what they believe. Even though the images,
sounds or words used in advertisements help them choose what others tell
them too. Persuasion can be found in advertisements or messages on radio,
the internet, television, billboards, and face to face communication through
verbal and non-verbal ways.
This technique has increased over the years and especially in the 21st
century. Messages in the form of advertisements over different sorts of
media have grown and are spread rather rapidly. On average, every U.S.
adult is exposed to 300 to 3,000 advertisements every day (Cherry, 2018).
It can even be found within business itself, and we are not talking about
advertising agencies. There are a lot of companies that use the art of
persuasion to sell goods and services.
Many of the advertisements that we see have been specially made or crafted
to get people to buy their products or services because they want to look
like them or live that certain lifestyle.
If both manipulation and persuasion are prevalent in advertising, then what
are their core differences?
What makes manipulation wrong?
In any situation, the manipulator tries to get the other person to believe
what the manipulator feels is wrong. The manipulator is lying to the other
person, and making the other person make some form of mistake. Thus,
they can also make you believe a false statement, make you feel
inappropriate, get someone else’s approval in the wrong way or to doubt
something, even yourself. There is no good reason to get someone to doubt.
So, to answer the question above, the core distinction between manipulation
and non-manipulation depends on the manipulator and if they are trying to
get someone to make some sort of mistake regarding how they feel, think,
doubt, or pay attention to something.
Reasonable persuasion, defined by Immanuel Kant, is the only moral way
to influence people. As was stated earlier in the chapter, persuasion is
something we all experience, as well as do, every single day. If it is
reasonable, then it is not evil. It is just considered to be one of the ways that
we interact with everyone around us. You might want to persuade someone
to think a certain way because you want to see the world become a better
place. This is often true when you are debating with someone about their
political view of the world and you come back with an intelligent,
researched argument that changes their perception. Did you harm them in
any way? No, you reasonably persuaded them to come to your side. They
make a choice all on their own.
Another way that you can persuade someone is through making a profit. All
types of persuasion further some sort of self-interest. There is nothing
wrong with making money. It isn’t evil, unethical or immoral. However,
you have to persuade another person to part with their money by getting
them to believe that what you have to sell—whether it is a good or service‐
—is what they want or need.
Jonathan Fields states that the difference between persuasion and
manipulation can be defined in three ways:
 The intent behind the reason you want to persuade someone
The truth behind the process
The benefit of impact on the person you are trying to persuade
For example, Amber married Devon 2 years ago, and they started to have
marital problems during the beginning of their second year of marriage.
One-night Devon comes home drunk and hits Amber in the face. The abuse
continues from there until one night she wakes up in the hospital with
broken bones. Amber’s parents are sitting beside the bed, and her mother
takes her hand in hers. That night her parents urge her to leave Devon
because it is in her best interest. They know she loves him, but he needs to
get help for his anger. They persuade her to file domestic violence charges
against him because the next time she might not be so lucky, and they can’t
lose their baby girl.
Now Amber has a choice in all of this. She has the choice to stay with
Devon and the risk that things will get better or worse. Or she has the
choice to leave him with or without pressing charges. Her parent’s argument
was reasonably persuasive, but they were still giving her a choice. They did
not force her or influence her to make a choice. There were quite a few
ways, as was stated before, to manipulate the situation and make her do
what they wanted, even if that wasn’t what she wanted, which would be
manipulation. There is no good type of manipulation, only good persuasion.
Amber isn’t dumb and knows what she is risking if she goes back to Devon.
And, this is where the persuasion influences her to make a choice. The
argument her parents brought to her is with love and compassion. They care
about her well-being, and they want her to know that she can come home,
and everything will be okay. Amber feels good making this decision and is
not making it out of remorse, guilt or out of obligation to her family. This is
the main and very important difference between persuasion and
manipulation.
This is why it is important to know the difference. When you are persuading
someone, they often are feeling better for meeting you. Those who are
being manipulated, feel guilt the second you leave. (Roberts, 2019).
 CHAPTER 13:

Different Types of Persuasion

P ersuasion has a long history, going back to when humans discovered

how to use it to our advantage. Persuasion is defined as a type of
behavior that is employed as a means to influence someone’s way of
thinking, beliefs, decisions, motivation, and behavior.
It can be subtle and undetectable, done in a covert fashion, or more obvious,
such as a form of encouragement.
The reasons for persuasion vary and are commonly used for personal and
financial gain. It’s a method applied throughout history for political and
social gain. One notable example is how the Greeks viewed forms of
persuasion, as a way to measure the suitability of a politician or position of
authority. The ability to persuade was valued highly, and those who were
successful were regarded as worthy of election.

Aristotle, a Greek philosopher, regarded persuasion as an essential skill to

acquire and develop for a variety of reasons. It can be argued that
persuasion, if used in its most skillful form, can deflect a lot of negative
attributes and help someone gain favor, regardless of the circumstance. An
example of this is a court case, where a defendant or their lawyer can argue
their innocence by way of persuasion. Even where a defendant is believed
to be guilty, persuasion can (and has) convince a judge or jury that evidence
is circumstantial or that a witness’s testimony is not credible. There is more
to this method than simply convincing an individual or group of a certain
belief or concept with a smooth presentation and convincing words; it
includes a far more in-depth study and observation of the people who are to
be persuaded. Many of these attributes are useful in winning an argument or
a case, whether the person employing the persuasion techniques is correct
or not. In some cases, it’s not about right or wrong, but instead, a variance
in opinions or beliefs where persuasion can go a long way to convince
people to see the other side of the debate.
What are the Different Types of Persuasion?
Rhetoric is a powerful method of persuasion, which involves the careful
study and observation of people, either in groups, as individuals or in
society, to understand better how best to apply the “art” of persuasion.
Observing people would entail a lot of studies, including employing skilled
writers, artists, and speakers with the expertise and talent to persuade. A
modern example of this method can be seen in advertisements aimed at
specific demographics to promote the sale of a product, or a political
campaign targeting undecided voters, with the intention of swaying their
decision one way or another.
The goal is not only to get your attention but to maintain it by “speaking” to
you in a way that evokes an emotional response or action. This could result
in an emotional plea to support one political party instead of others or to
purchase a certain product or service because of a certain nostalgia or
connection with family or co-workers.
The reasons for using persuasive techniques is not always secretive or
malicious: it can be a good way to convince someone to reconsider making
the wrong decision that could result in a detrimental outcome, or serve as a
form of positive encouragement or reinforcement as a form of
empowerment, such as “you can do it” and “what have you got to lose,
come on!” When persuasion takes on a more direct tone, it may seem like a
strong form of encouragement. While this may work for some people, it
doesn’t have the same impact on others. Some people thrive on overt
persuasion and may otherwise not achieve a milestone or “go for it” without
that persuasive push. On the other hand, there are people who prefer more
autonomy and do not respond well. This is where covert or more subtle
forms of persuasion can be useful in influencing them.
Recognizing the different signs of persuasion is key to knowing if someone
is using these methods on you. It may not be as obvious as coaxing
someone to change their mind or try something new. Some forms of
persuasion may be subtle and difficult to detect initially.
Understanding the reasons behind persuasive techniques and the different
purposes they serve can help determine if you may be on the receiving end
and the reasons why.
Three Basic Forms of Persuasion
There are basically three types of persuasion: ethos, logos, and pathos,
according to Aristotle. Each method appeals to a different source and has its
reason for use:
Ethos
Ethos is known as the persuasion using ethics or morality as a basis. In this
method of persuasion, the speaker or individual applying this method is
trustworthy, credible, and knowledgeable. In their speech or debate, a
credible person will make use of their related expertise and knowledge to
support their argument. This is done by citing relevant sources and using
their own credibility as an expert to persuade the listener of their legitimacy.
This method is regarded as respectful in that it doesn’t intend to sway the
listener for unethical gain or advantage.
The speaker’s reputation and status carry a lot of weight in terms of
credibility, though this can also be established by using carefully
constructed arguments that show that they are ethical.
Logos
Logos is based primarily in logic, or the application of logic to reason with
or persuade someone. This method involves using evidence and related
studies to support an argument.
It’s a clear, concise form that doesn’t convince someone based on pseudo-
science or skewed facts, but rather, it appeals to people who are not easily
persuaded unless facts and their related sources support the argument. The
format of logos is usually presented in a clear, sometimes chronological and
progressive manner to show how a subject or topic began as disputable,
followed by studies and observation to gain factual information to support
the argument.
Pathos
Pathos is a method of persuasion that uses the emotion of the recipient (the
person being persuaded). This is one of the most powerful and frequently
used methods of persuasion. Pathos appeals to an audience’s emotions,
including their passions, imagination, creativity, and sympathetic nature.
While the aim of this method is similar to logos and ethos, pathos can
become very deceptive is using a vulnerable person’s or group’s emotions
to their advantage. This can be seen in high control groups, where the
promise of making lots of money or reaping the rewards of following a set
of rules or belief system. Emotional persuasion can also be powerful in
helping the audience identify with the speaker and their supporters, by
sharing personal experiences and anecdotes that have the ability to convince
people they are sincere and genuine, or “just one of us.” The danger with
employing pathos is how it can be misused to take advantage of a
vulnerable or gullible group of people who are looking for quick answers
and solutions to their problems.
Elements of Persuasion
There are characteristics of persuasion that can determine how successful
the effect is on other people. These attributes are key in focusing attention
on the listener or recipient of the persuasion, often to observe their reaction
and level of engagement.
Some people are more easily convinced than others. There are people who
require a high degree of credibility and factual information before they will
consider agreeing with a specific side of an argument. Others, on the other
hand, are more easily swayed with far less effort.
Likeability
In order to persuade someone, they must like you or at least share a
common ground. A company representative, for example, may not be
successful in persuading or “selling” their products or reputation unless
they first develop a rapport with their audience. Initially, a person in a
representative position may seem intimidating or unrelatable, so they will
often find common ground or likable traits to connect with people before
they apply their persuasion techniques. An example, they may share an
anecdotal story about their immediate family or personal experience that
resonates with others.
This is essentially their “gateway” to establishing a connection and further
their pitch.
Most people want to be liked. If an individual or group of people feel
marginalized or ostracized in any way, a display of acceptance or being
liked can feel empowering. Unfortunately, it can also pave a dangerous path
to being taken advantage of, as the person showing approval may have
malicious intentions of trying to swindle them or use their plight to their
own advantage.
Building Trust
Without trust, there is no success in persuasion. People tend to question
who they don’t trust or agree with. If you are tasked with persuading
someone to comply with the opposite side of their views, it will likely never
happen, unless they have a great deal of trust and confidence in you. Even
in cases where trust is established, persuasion can be challenging, though
combined with other elements, it becomes easier. Building trust takes time
and doesn’t always happen immediately. If there are similarities between
you and the person looking to gain your trust, it becomes an easier process.
Once trust is established, the recipient of the persuasion may let their guard
down and become more susceptible to influence than before. When you feel
that someone is worthy of your trust, it’s important to continually question
and evaluate how they communicate, as it is common to become more
comfortable and less cautious once that barrier of mistrust is lowered.
Communication Skills
Using effective communication skills is important and tailoring the types of
phrases and words used is vital to maintaining interest in persuasion. People
will respond if you speak to them in familiar and understandable terms,
instead of using elaborate descriptions and over-the-top speeches.
If people feel that they can understand and relate, and reciprocate on the
same level, then persuasion becomes useful and powerful. People tend to be
drawn to others who share similar experiences, beliefs, and ideas.
If someone is a smooth talker or conversationalist, they may also be a
master of persuasion and should be approached with caution.
Maintaining Consistency
Keeping the conversation and expectations consistent from the beginning is
important in maintaining engagement. When someone deviates from the
initial goal, even with good persuasion skills, they lose followers and trust.
A skilled speaker will keep things consistent, though it can be difficult to
determine whether they are sincere in their goals (even with the ability to
stay on track) or if their techniques are sharpened well enough to convince
people of their legitimacy.
Persuasion, in its basic form, can be effective as a tool for many people to
achieve a goal or status in life. On the receiving end, it may have its
benefits, where the intentions are good and ethical. Unfortunately,
persuasion can often be used as a way to influence our emotions and
behavior to the degree of mind control, which can lead to exploitation.
 CHAPTER 14:

Influence People with the Power of Language

How Language Subtly Connects Us All

A society exists on the basis of the knowledge and consciousness that

its members have had in the past. It has been defeated in language,
its structure, and its vocabulary. This heritage from the past is the
tradition and wisdom of a society. People are more dependent on such
traditions than animals because they no longer have sufficient natural
instincts and high cultural achievements usually require a long tradition.
While tradition connects the individual with the past on a vertical axis, so to
speak, in a horizontal sense, language serves as the means of contact of
society in the present. It maintains social and intellectual cohesion and
serves to exchange the current content of consciousness, attitudes, and
processes of change. With her current linguistic changes, she lets the
individual share in it.
Function: Language as Tradition (Vertical Dimension)
What the Language Is All About
In this section, we want to introduce language as a bearer of traditions. In
four respects, it constantly influences the consciousness of a society:
Language is itself a tradition
Language conveys (transmits) collective attitudes (traditions) from
the past
Language expresses individual attitudes (traditions)
Language transmits the experience, knowledge, and wisdom of a
society
These points promote that everything stays as it is and was. If you want to
make changes, it can be very important to pick up and breakthrough this
traditional language side actively. If the surrounding vocabulary is not
changed and the previous language retained, this can prevent a change of
attitude among the addressees and cement old structures. In the following,
the aspects are explained in detail:
Language is itself a tradition
In a general and overarching sense, language itself is a tradition. With its
long history, it binds us to our ancestors and our social origins. Along with
words as names and names, it also communicates patterns of perceptions
with which we can structure the world, and in each word also offers
interpretive criteria for the signified:
A house is for living,
A castle is closed,
A castle hangs on a mountain and
A TV is a device to look into the distance.
Only by putting ourselves in the tradition of language and appropriating it
as it meets us can we understand ourselves and others and make ourselves
understood.
Language conveys (transmits) collective attitudes (traditions) from the past
When a child learns the language of their environment, it grows in their
traditions. It learns the attitudes and attitudes of its environment and takes
over. There is no reason to doubt what his parents tell him verbally. And
when a child asks why something is like that, his parents give them their
opinions and attitudes in their answers, which they themselves largely
acquired in a similar way.
The subtle part is that parents pass on much without being aware of it. For
example, when they say that an action like a bomb has been taken, you are
mistaking Bomb as something Positive. Or when they say, the storm has
smashed the open window, creating a culprit or a fake sally beyond their
own area of responsibility.
The thinking habits of groups and generations are obscured by worldviews
in language. Due to the nature of their vocabulary and their structures,
language always conveys more than just itself: possibilities of thinking.
Language is a thinking tool. Basically, it is conceivable and communicable
only for the individual whose language has words. Only what is said can be
thought through and repeated. In this sense, the language transmits, on the
one hand, an immense wealth of experience and with it, the dispositions to a
specific trade, and on the other hand, philosophers and advertising experts
have always noticed that they are constantly creating new word creations.
Sometimes you just have to create new words to say something new. Many
inventions also show that they only became possible after the consciousness
of a society reached a certain level of education, knowledge or experience.
If the conditions were met, then some inventions were made almost
simultaneously in different places.

But not only that, for which there is no word, one cannot think and
communicate, even what is not mentioned, tabooed or hushed up, remains
unbelievable. What has not been thought of in a family or society for a long
time cannot be thought of any day at all because the words or names
required for it have been eliminated from the language's thought-tools. This
can have devastating consequences:
Especially with regard to sexual abuse that is well documented, even the
children and grandchildren of those affected may have depressive
secondary symptoms of it. Because decades of such disgraceful traumas are
often not talked about and therefore could not be worked up, these events
continue to work in the subconscious, and the connection to later symptoms
cannot be established by the consciousness of those affected.
Another example is that in the context of traditional concepts, it is
becoming strange for more and more people to talk about God. Many terms
that used to speak about God in a way that is appropriate to the
circumstances of life and with all the understandable things about God have
been eliminated from the everyday language:
Kingship, grace, mercy, gentleness, goodness, favor, reign, grant, plead,
mercy.
The reuse of such words in many prayers, songs, and biblical texts leads to
the fact that God is at best, reduced to a distant mythological fantasy form
and moved to an infinite distance. For many, it is becoming ever more
difficult to make a contemporary reference to him.
Many church leaders tend to interpret the traditional religious language as
an expression of sacred and eternal truth and derive it from the requirement
to become familiar with it as a believer. By the way, there are Bible
translations and theologians who are trying to understand everyday life.
Then, God is worked out more as a father than as a ruler and king.
Presumably for many people today, religious language has been replaced by
a psychological or esoteric language in which it is relatively easy to
formulate a holistic and extended view. Terms such as life energy, cosmic
energy, holistic sense of life or life balance often express aspects that were
formerly spoken in a religious language. This new language personifies less
and reconstructs many of the relationships formerly called beliefs. This
corresponds to the changed demands of today's people, to believe less and
to want to understand and experience for yourself.
Language Expresses Individual Attitudes (Traditions)
In addition to collective experiences, personal experiences are also
incorporated and implemented in the individual language. Own
experiences, intentions, interests, and feelings lead to seeing people, events,
objects or situations in a specific light – it’s not how their objective is
relevant, but how their specific subjective meaning is.
If one's own experiences are so significant or so strongly imprinted that a
person is guided by them in his future behavior, personal traditions emerge:
Someone is after a successful spurt to the bus, considers himself athletic,
describes himself as an athlete and does more sports. Instead, if someone
would have said: "Well, that was very close again,” he would have a lasting
fear of missing something.
But it can also be more serious situations, such as someone after a car
accident is afraid to get back in a car, and constantly only thinks about these
and other dangers and speaks. One then speaks of traumatic experiences.
When individualized language arrangements spread in groups, they
reflexively revert back to society. Most jokes will probably be individual
creations. Nevertheless, there are a lot of them that have been well-known
for years:
Language transmits attitudes, experience, knowledge, and wisdom of a
society
The language can convey content in terms of content, but it can also be
formal. Textbooks or lectures impart content through language. On the other
hand, designations formally convey through their finished and unreflected
nature: In the term “Polizeipräsidium,” the hidden presidential power is
communicated. However, language can also connect both aspects - the
content and the formal - and convey traditions, which happens where
content is already linguistically ready:
Blood is thicker than water.
The elder shares, the younger chooses.
Pack strikes itself; the pack is compatible.
Thus, a large part of what we acquire in knowledge and gain information,
linguistically prepared us: Each spoken word, every name, every name,
every conversation, every text, every letter, every book carries different
meanings and different meanings uses the medium of language to
communicate all of these meanings, at times, imperceptibly.
Function: Language as A Common Bond
Introduced or deliberately interspersed, you can use familiar phrases to
offer your conversation partners identification options. In many cases, a
metaphor can serve as a visual clarification. It looks original and usually
triggers special attention when you juggle a proverb so that it changes its
meaning through a small change, but still remains recognizable: neck and
arm break, so that you can run again at the next marathon.
With biblical sayings, almost everything can be proved or rejected. The
Bible is suitable as a collection of wisdom and wisdom for many occasions.
Maybe you look in again. Significant events should emphasize your value
and perform with meaningful words:
Hereby I promise you ...
Hereby I declare you husband and wife.
I hereby appoint you to the department manager.
Hereby I separate myself from you.
Hereby I open the new production.
In all these formulations words are acted out expressly and unmistakably.
These sequences are therefore called speech acts.
Even if a language, even from its source, always shapes the presence of a
society, a community always shapes its current language and expresses
itself in it. The language is a common bond and creates connections
between all who speak it. Common words and phrases like meeting in a
marketplace can also be said in a positive sense that the language consists
of commonplaces. This is a space of shared consciousness content.
As long as everyone there talks openly and clearly and informs each other, a
constructive communication takes place. But as soon as someone circulates
poisoned fruits or manipulative words in the marketplace, the welfare of the
community is in danger and the place is occupied by the manipulators. They
then gain spiritual supremacy and determine the direction in which others
think and act. On the other hand, enlightenment and detoxification are
necessary in order to bring the communication back into balance.
 CHAPTER 15:

How to Use Dark Psychology Personally and

in Relationship?

M anipulations can include both positive and negative aspects. We’ll

start with the latest. In case you experience bad emotions and do
not know how to change the situation into better, perhaps, you
have become a victim of manipulations. If you feel like being persuaded or
your partner wants to go against your will or is eager to use you, this is time
to check his techniques. Even more, if after this situation, you agreed to do
what you have not aimed at before, it means that manipulation was
successful.
It is easy to influence a person by only mentioning something. For instance,
while sitting at the dining table, the mother of Jack told his wife that she
was able to tell something unpleasant about her partner. Though no facts
were given, Jack’s spouse Susan was mulling over the situation long
thinking what her husband might have hidden. Such moments leave traces
in sub-consciousness and afterward make an impact on future relationships.
To influence a person, you need to know some rules according to which our
mind works. Actually, subconsciousness understands the language of
images. Unfortunately, it does not pay attention to the essence of words,
numbers or actual facts. So, once you want to make two people argue, it is
enough to draw a kind of picture. For example, say that you have seen
something terrible but do not have a moral right to reveal the secret.
Any manipulation is usually concentrated on three basic human motivators,
particularly, instincts, system of persuasion, and life experience. The
instincts define people’s behavior while the rest ones lead to the way of
these needs' satisfaction. The positive aspects of manipulations include the
following awards:
Money-making process. If you sell something, you are willing to get more
money for such a purchase. The usage of manipulations gives a good result
in such a way. All of you know which power advertisement has, and it is
really hard to sell your product or service without using promotional and
marketing strategies. As well, if we come down to the negotiations at any
level, success will not be yours without manipulations. In case a person is
able to make an influence on others or persuade them, he can charm or
threaten what will inevitably lead to big money.
Relationships. Manipulations here are necessary to make a good
adjustment. It will improve mutual understanding between two people. Of
course, we usually want honest, open, respectful, and equal relations with
others; however, our selfishness does not allow us to build them. People
talk about love, respect, compassion, and attention but in reality, quite often
manipulate each other. For example, a woman understands that she has no
other ways to defend her point of view in relationships with her spouse
providing he does not want to hear about her desires, opinion or purposes.
Certainly, she may break up with him, but what guarantees that another man
is going to be better? Life is not perfect, so it is necessary to gain the skills
of manipulation to build up, control, manage, and develop your
relationships with other people.
Fighting with aggression. Some people may behave quite aggressively and
it may threaten our interests, health and even life. Aggression causes
conflicts where you need to cope with problematic situations. One of the
most effective kinds of weapons in such conflicts is manipulative
techniques. A good manipulator is able to burn down any conflict and leave
it not having any harm. At this stage, manipulation helps to avoid cruelty
and violence, pain and suffering, mistakes, and negative consequences.
The mentioned three reasons are the most typical for our life. They illustrate
clearly when manipulation becomes a useful tool. There is a plenty of other
situations when it is too difficult to cope without manipulations. For
instance, it is inevitable while bringing up children in the political fight and
during the war. To communicate with people successfully, it is pretty
necessary.
Let’s study the following example of manipulations which appeared to be
really helpful. Some doctors told a story of a cunning and clever patient
who suffered because of primary pulmonary hypertension being in the
hospital during several months. At the stage of decompensation at oxygen
breathing she was able to manipulate all the doctors and nurses. She made
promises to do some favors, and this is how she succeeded in getting rather
good medical service. Particularly, the nurse constantly was near her
making everything she wanted to have. Three times a week the hospital
professor came to observe her. The doctor on duty spent at least two hours a
day talking with her while resident physician dealt with her problems and
issues 80 percent of his time.
She did she manage to do it? Before decompensation she had agriculture
business, and, being good psychologist was able to manipulate doctors
fluently by seeing their weaknesses. Particularly, to some of them, she
proposed cheap land near the city, to others she promised to give money
when she could be able to get to the bank. Sometimes she reminded of the
Hippocrates oath. As well, she praised the skills of young doctors and
promised to tell to the professor all the best about his employees. Finally,
she claimed to have spoken with the Minister of Healthcare who
congratulated her with the birthday by calling and saying words of gratitude
to the hospital staff. Needless to say, all the promises were broken, and
calling of authorities was a lie.
The baits are better combined with the methods of psychological attraction.
Good attitude towards each other allows managing another person easier.
The universal scheme of manipulator works in such a way:
First of all, it is necessary to show the bait or lure. In psychology it is
symbolically called “to put the carrot.”
Psychological important here, the attraction is incredibly particularly, you
need to demonstrate that you have common ground and purpose with the
manipulated object, so both of us want this ‘carrot’ so much, however, only
you can help in it;
Then, you need to stimulate mobilizing action; 4. Finally, you are likely to
enjoy the award you have got after manipulation.
To become attractive in the eyes of the victim, the manipulator tries to
understand the value system, pay an appropriate compliment, show
attention and care. All the great governors in ancient times manipulated
their soldiers, sometimes provoking them to go to death. The stated
technique, definitely, works not only in the walls of the hospital but might
refer to global manipulations. By the way, all the wars are organized with
the help of the same behavior pattern. So, what could make you risk your
life?
The idea of supremacy (chosen race, justice and sacred nature of this war),
bait of new and unknown things, prospective of amazing richness which
you may find in different lands.
The governor tries to come in hand with his soldiers. Perhaps, you
remember the story of how Napoleon saw sleeping watchdog, but instead of
punishment took his gun and had been staying there all night protecting his
soldiers. Such actions inspire mass deeply.
People need to be stimulated to actions. That’s why passionate speeches and
proposals to die for the brightest future could sound attractive.
It may seem at first glance that such schemes do not intend the presence of
award. Here you are mistaken. Fame after death, peaceful lands for
children, dead enemies are luring rewards given as the promise to the
soldiers of war.
Quite frequently, psychologists recommend to use transact analysis while
carrying out manipulations. Having understood which position a person acts
from, you are likely to predict his behavior and handle the situation. For
example, the mentioned patient used a behavior pattern of Child, and it was
rather problematic to make her do anything, for example, take responsibility
for the result of therapy or following the guidance of doctors. Which
manipulations could be considered as the most profitable within the area of
transact analysis? Let’s see.
First of all, this is manipulation: ‘Can you do that?’ it exploits the desire of
partner to seem indecisive, coward or not professional. For example, a pupil
can say to his parent: “Personally you cannot do this task!” Father who does
not want to look stupidly starts doing homework instead of his child. Rather
frequently it might be seen in hospitals where patients ask doctors if they
are able to look through the numerous documents. At the same time, they
show a lot of useless indicators, and doctor has to study it. They can also
claim: ‘Can you imagine, one month ago I visited another doctor, and he
told me that I have a healthy heart, but all my pain is caused because of
nerves. But personally, I know that this is verily heart attack!’ Such a game
could be called: ‘Can you find my illness?’ If the doctor does not want to
seem not professional, he will begin to waste time on the case which is
rather typical and should be treated in a different way. This is how
manipulations work.
Another technique is called: ‘This task cannot be solved!’ Quite often when
people do understand that their aim cannot be reached, they take another
tool. Particularly, they switch on useless child inside for whom it is
impossible to give up smoking, cut down on sweet and fat food, or care
about their own health. They try to find more and more reasons why their
purpose is not achievable. Even though in transactional analysis such a
technique is described as failing as the person with childish personality
cannot reach adults’ ambitions, you can use this technique for better.
Actually, if you find a person with a compensative function of Parent (this
person is willing to solve somebody’s problems), there is nothing better
than start talking about hopelessness of life and the inability to change
anything. Universal Decider of problems (let’s call him like that) will think
that only he is able to persuade you, and solve your issues instead of you.
However, don’t take this technique too often because you are at risk of
looking stupid.
One more type of manipulation is connected with the imaginary experience.
A person is able to achieve his goals by pretending to be different. Perhaps,
he does not have enough business or social experience, but by saying: “I
have seen it all,” he creates such an image. One more way to extend this
technique might sound like that: ‘I know about this situation more than
anybody else, as I read a great deal of literature, and appeared in many
similar situations, thus, you can hardly tell me something new’. According
to the statistics, in the majority of cases, people start believing that such
people are experts in some areas, and they tend to ask them for
recommendations. By doing this, manipulator is growing till the position of
Adult who perceives everybody else as Children, according to transactional
analysis of Erik Bern.
The next manipulation that is connected with passive aggression is known
as: ‘You have just offended me!’ Such a person is likely to continue
nagging, saying something stupid or ask to do him a favor until you are out
of emotional control. When you finally answer in an abrupt manner, he will
accuse you of being rude to him. Such a trick is able to lead the row in
another area of relations.
 CHAPTER 16:

Persuasion and Manipulation in Business

T he main reason that people want to learn how to harness the powers
of psychology is for their own benefit—within their own benefit lies
the ability for someone to widen their horizons and improve their
chances of success in all places in their life. Perhaps the most important
area of life which you can really have an influence on is your work life and
your financial life. If you can get a solid grasp on your finances in the
context of persuasion and widen your business opportunities using these
techniques, you can also use these techniques for quite literally all other
parts of your life, no matter who you’re trying to manipulate and what
you’re trying to change in your life.
In particular, dark psychology can be incredibly useful when it comes to
getting someone on your side in a business proposition, and your overall
connections in the business world and in your finances. For example, you
might be someone who often has a difficult time getting your anxiety under
control, especially when it comes to meetings or negotiations for a
business/at work. When you have the power of dark psychology, and you’re
able to pick up on the many ways you can covertly persuade people to your
side or to sympathize with you in general, you have much more influence
over both your own life and the support you get from the people around
you. It can be difficult to build up the confidence to be able to garner this
support quickly, but you will come to be more and more successful in your
financial endeavors using persuasion as the methods come to you more
naturally—once something is second nature or muscle memory, it becomes
much easier and you suddenly have almost no trouble at all using these
techniques. A great example of this is reading people, one of the most
widely used techniques which fall under dark psychology. At first, you have
to tell yourself to be conscious of other people’s movements and how they
hold themselves in order to get a read on them. After a while of learning
how to read people more covertly, the actions that you just learned become
second nature and you train your brain to subconsciously read others with
much more accuracy because of the practice you put into it.
The understanding of your own mind leads directly to a better
understanding of the minds of others—if you can harness the power of your
own psychology, you can also have more influence over the minds of other
people. This also means that the pack mentality and the ability to get other
people to support you and build up a majority can be quickly learned and
harnessed to its fullest potential.

If you want to have the most aggressive improvement in your life within
business and your finances, as well as any workplace where you work with
other people to climb the ladder, think of your mind as a weapon against the
minds of others. You are an individual in a world where everyone else
probably has very similar goals to your own. So, you’re in constant
competition with those around you in order to reach the top. Having this
kind of competitive mindset is how working people reach the top by force,
instead of by sheer luck or with a benefactor of some kind. People who are
able to discipline themselves to climb to the top and compete directly with
everyone around them are the same people who will make it closest to the
top and stay there for longer than their peers who reached there for a
moment of luck or with a burst of motivation to improve. This can be a sad
reality for many people to face—you don’t succeed through motivation. No
one has ever made it to the top of any corporate ladder by waking up
suddenly with the motivation to be great. A person succeeds because they
wake up suddenly, and they make the decision to be better, and they never
go back on that decision. When they make that decision, they stick to it
until they’ve reached their goal and beyond.
There’s a certain kind of confidence that comes with understanding this
role. While you may feel, at times, burdened by the knowledge that you
have people who you have to be able to support through that leadership,
there are many more benefits than you know of that kind of position. When
you’re in the position of a leader, you have the ability to move around
people as you please, and you have more confidence, which enables you to
make more connections. This is part of the reason that most leaders or
people in high leadership roles tend to have similar personalities or at least
similar dispositions—they all understand their place and are more
successful because of that understanding. If you don’t understand the many
responsibilities that come with your individual role within a group, you
have a higher chance of failing in that role. However, if you have a grasp on
what you have to do because you’re in a higher position, you can use that
awareness and make sure that you succeed more because of that heightened
awareness.
Leaders tend to be more understanding or others in the way that a leader
tends to be—in a way that is empathetic but commanding of the people
under them. If you want to be in a position of power, you can’t just demand
the respect of the people around you and expect them to conform to that
whim—you have no authority to do that. Instead, it’s yet another patient
process in which you have to have made a lot of different connections with
many different people on all levels of that business or workplace. When you
have those positive connections built up, you have support from different
fields or different perspectives within the same field. Although it’s good to
have a lot of support in one area in particular at times, it’s usually best to
have a lot of variety in the people who support you—having someone on
the same level as you as far as status goes, the support of someone higher
up than you, and the support of workers who might be on a lower level than
you at that moment can all go a long way. Not only will having these many
different perspectives allow for others to see that there isn’t one particular
reason or bias for that support, but it will also allow you to have more of a
shot at getting general support because you understand more diverse
perspectives.
Having many different people tell you their stories and bond with you over
the experiences you share can not only ensure that people are aware of your
empathy, but it also helps to grow your actual sense of empathy for other
people who might not have lived similar to yours. When you grow your
sense of empathy and you learn not only how to manipulate and persuade
people, but also how to best connect with them on a human level, you can
really expand your horizons and become the best leader you can possibly be
to the people underneath you.
This is the other most important aspect of having the best possible mentality
when it comes to being a leader and being able to be there for the people
who rely on you—genuinely caring for the wellbeing of the people who you
have to provide for financially and being humble and understanding toward
them. Being able to sit down with someone who supports you and listen to
their story will broaden your horizons and further secure your success in
work and in life.
If your goal is not necessarily to be the humblest person or the most well-
liked, but to be well-known by the general public, connections are still just
as important. If you want to be moderately successful in your business, you
have to be disciplined and understanding of the people around you. If you
want to be rich, you have to be disciplined and frugal, and it helps to be
lucky. If you want to be famous, however, you have to be lucky enough to
have already the connections you need in order to rub elbows with other
people who are already famous enough to give you even more connections.
This is how wealthy and powerful families stay in that status bracket—the
rich and born rich and die rich, and the poor are born poor and die poor.
This is a self-fulling cycle where your wealth is mainly determined by who
you know, who you know is determined by who you grow up with, who
you grow up with is determined by your neighborhood and your education,
and these things are determined by your family’s wealth. The richest
families stay in power because they have close bonds with the other richest
families and people. These connections are what will also allow you to
enter these circles of the rich and famous. If you can’t make connections,
you have next to no hope of ever coming anywhere close to the label of
being “famous.” Of course, you make those most important connections by
being able to communicate and manipulate the people you meet, getting a
good read on them as soon as you meet. If you can be able to persuade
people and manipulate them better than the average person they meet on the
street, and you get lucky enough to have the opportunity to use those
abilities on someone who could get you into a circle of that kind of
connection, you can quickly become famous through those connections.
However, becoming well-known in the business world isn’t quite so
chance-heavy and lavish. If you want to be known in the business world,
you only have to be considered successful at a fairly extreme level. If you
can make your company of business succeed fast enough or with enough
explosive power using the powers of negotiation, manipulation, and other
weapons under your belt using dark psychology, you can guarantee yourself
an in with the rich and famous of the business world. Although this world is
much less left up to chance, it still tends to be incredibly cutthroat, and it
can be easy for you to fall from grace. You are a direct representative of
your company or business, so it fails if you fail and vice versa. Because of
this, you have to be ready to sacrifice a massive amount in the name of
staying socially afloat. This can mean sabotaging others, even your own
people, for the sake of keeping in the good graces of other rich and
powerful businesspeople. This is often the most efficient way you can scale,
or grow, your business—by ensuring you stay on good terms with people
more powerful than you until you become more powerful than them.
Having the assistance of those people who are more powerful around you
can be an excellent asset when you first begin growing your business and
turning it into something larger than you may have ever thought possible.
 CHAPTER 17:

Behavioral Traits of Favorite Victims of

Manipulators

T here are certain characteristics and behavioral traits that make people
more vulnerable to manipulation, and people with dark psychology
traits know this full well. They tend to seek out victims who have
those specific behavioral traits because they are essentially easy targets.
Let’s discuss 6 of the traits of the favorite victims of manipulators.
Emotional insecurity and fragility
Manipulators like to target victims who are emotionally insecure or
emotionally fragile. Unfortunately for these victims, such traits are very
easy to identify even in total strangers, so it’s easy for experienced
manipulators to find them.
People who are emotionally insecure tend to be very defensive when they
are attacked or when they are under pressure, and that makes them easy to
spot in social situations. Even after just a few interactions, a manipulator
can gauge with a certain degree of accuracy, how insecure a person is.
They’ll try to provoke their potential targets in a subtle way, and then wait
to see how the targets react. If they are overly defensive, manipulators will
take it as a sign of insecurity, and they will intensify their manipulative
attacks.
Manipulators can also tell if a target is emotionally insecure if he/she
redirects accusations or negative comments. They will find a way to put you
on the spot, and if you try to throw it back at them, or to make excuses
instead of confronting the situation head-on, the manipulator could
conclude that you are insecure and therefore an easy target.
People who have social anxiety also tend to have emotional insecurity, and
manipulators are aware of this fact. In social gatherings, they can easily
spot individuals who have social anxiety, then target them for manipulation.
"Pickup artists" are able to identify the girls who seem uneasy in social
situations by the way they conduct themselves. Social anxiety is difficult to
conceal, especially to manipulators who are experienced at preying on
emotional vulnerability.
Emotional fragility is different from emotional insecurity. Emotionally
insecure people tend to show it all the time, while emotionally fragile
people appear to be normal, but they break down emotionally at the
slightest provocation. Manipulators like targeting emotionally fragile
people because it’s very easy to elicit a reaction from them. Once a
manipulator finds out that you are emotionally fragile, he is going to jump
at the change to manipulate you because he knows it would be fairly easy.
Emotional fragility can be temporary, so people with these traits are often
targeted by opportunistic manipulators. A person may be emotionally stable
most of the time, but he/she may experience emotional fragility when they
are going through a breakup, when they are grieving, or when they are
dealing with a situation that is emotionally draining.
Sensitive people
Highly sensitive people are those individuals who process information at a
deeper level and are more aware of the subtleties in social dynamics. They
have lots of positive attributes because they tend to be very considerate of
others, and they watch their step to avoid causing people any harm, whether
directly or indirectly. Such people tend to dislike any form of violence or
cruelty, and they are easily upset by news reports about disastrous
occurrences, or even depictions of gory scenes in movies.
Sensitive people also tend to get emotionally exhausted from taking in other
people’s feelings. When they walk into a room, they have the immediate
ability to detect other people’s moods, because they are naturally skilled at
identifying and interpreting other people’s body language cues, facial
expressions, and tonal variations.
Manipulators like to target sensitive people because they are easy to
manipulate. If you are sensitive to certain things, manipulators can use them
against you. They will feign certain emotions to draw sensitive people in so
that they can exploit them.
Sensitive people also tend to scare easily. They have a heightened "startle
reflex," which means that they are more likely to show clear signs of fear or
nervousness in potentially threatening situations. For example, sensitive
people are more likely to jump up when someone sneaks up on them, even
before they determine whether they are in any real danger. If you are a
sensitive person, this trait can be very difficult to hide, and malicious people
will be able to see it from a mile away.
Manipulators can also identify sensitive people by listening to how they
talk. Sensitive people tend to be very proper; they never use vulgar
language, and they tend to be very politically correct because they are
trying to avoid offending anyone. They also tend to be polite, and they say
please and thank you more often than others. Manipulators go after such
people because they know that they are too polite to dismiss them right
away; sensitive people will indulge anyone because they don't want to be
rude, and that gives maliciously people a way in.
Emphatic people
Emphatic people are generally similar to highly sensitive people, except
that they are more attuned to the feelings of others and the energy of the
world around them. They tend to internalize other people's suffering to the
point that it becomes their own. In fact, for some of them, it can be difficult
to distinguish someone's discomfort from their own. Emphatic people make
the best partners because they feel everything you feel. However, this
makes them particularly easy to manipulate, which is why malicious people
like to target them.
Malicious people can feign certain emotions, and convey those emotions to
emphatic people, who will feel them as though they were real. That opens
them up for exploitation. Emphatic people are the favorite targets of
psychopathic conmen because they feel so deeply for others. A conman can
make up stories about financial difficulties and swindle lots of money from
emphatic people.
Emphatic people have a big-hearts, and they tend to be extremely generous,
often to their own detriment. They are highly charitable, and they feel guilty
when others around them suffer, even if it’s not their fault and they can’t do
anything about it. Malicious people have a very easy time taking such
people on guilt trips. They are the kind of people who would willingly fork
over their life savings to help their friends get out of debt, even if it means
they would be ruined financially.
Malicious people like to get into relationships with emphatic people
because they are easy to take advantage of. Emphatic people try to avoid
getting into intimate relationships in the first place because they know that
it’s easy for them to get engulfed in such relationships and to lose their
identities in the process. However, manipulators will doggedly pursue them
because they know that once they get it, they can guilt the emphatic person
into doing anything they want.
Fear of loneliness
Many people are afraid of being alone, but this fear is more heightened in a
small percentage of the population. This kind of fear can be truly paralyzing
for those who experience it, and it can open them up to exploitation by
malicious people. For example, there are many people who stay in
dysfunctional relationships because they are afraid, they will never find
someone else to love them if they break up with an abusive partner.
Manipulators can identify this fear in a victim, and they'll often do
everything they can to fuel it further to make sure that the person is crippled
by it. People who are afraid of being alone can tolerate or even rationalize
any kind of abuse.
The fear of being alone can be easy to spot in a potential victim. People
with this kind of fear tend to exude some level of desperation at the
beginning of relationships, and they can sometimes come across as clingy.
While ordinary people may think of being clingy as a red flag, manipulative
people will see it as an opportunity to exploit somebody. If you are attached
to them, they’ll use manipulative techniques to make you even more
dependent on them.
People with abandonment issues stemming from childhood tend to
experience the fear of loneliness to a higher degree. There are also those
people who may not necessarily fear loneliness in general, but they are
afraid of being separated from the important people in their lives. For
example, lots of people end up staying in abusive or dysfunctional
relationships because they are afraid of being separated from their children.
Fear of disappointing others
We all feel a certain sense of obligation towards the people in our lives, but
there are some people who are extremely afraid of disappointing others.
This kind of fear is similar to the fear of embarrassment and the fear of
rejection because it means that the person puts a lot of stock into how others
perceive him or her. The fear of disappointing others can occur naturally,
and it can actually be useful in some situations; parents who are afraid of
disappointing their families will work harder to provide for them, and
children who are afraid of disappointing their parents will study harder at
school. In this case, the fear is actually constructive. However, it becomes
unhealthy when it’s directed at the wrong people, or when it forces you to
compromise your own comfort and happiness.
When manipulators find out that you have a fear of disappointing others,
they'll try to put you in a position where you feel like you owe them
something. They’ll do certain favors for you, and then they’ll manipulate
you into believing that you have a sense of obligation towards them. They
will then guilt you into complying with any request whenever they want
something from you.
Personality Dependent disorders and emotional dependency
Dependent personality disorder refers to a real disorder that is characterized
by a person having an excessive and even pervasive need to be taken care
of. This need often leads the person to be submissive towards the people in
their lives and to be clingy and afraid of separation. People with this
disorder act in ways that are meant to elicit caregiving. They tend to
practice what's called "learned helplessness." This is where they act out of a
conviction that they are unable to do certain things for themselves, and they
need the help of others.
Such people have a hard time making decisions, even when dealing with
simple things like picking out which clothes to wear.
Manipulators like to target people with dependent personality disorders
because they are very easy to control and dominate. These people willingly
cede control over their lives to others, so when manipulators come
knocking, they don’t face much resistance. Manipulators start off by giving
them a false sense of security, but once they have won their trust, they
switch gears and start imposing their will on them.
Emotional dependency is somewhat similar to dependent personality
disorder, but it doesn't rise to the level of clinical significance. It stems from
having low self-esteem, and it’s often a result of childhood abandonment
issues. People with an emotional dependency will play a submissive role in
relationships for fear of losing their partners. They tend to be very agreeable
because they want to please the people in their lives. Such people are easy
to manipulate, and malicious people can easily dominate them.
 CHAPTER 18:

How to Manipulate People

T here are times in life whеrе people dоn't givе уоu what you wаnt, but
уоu dоn't have tо ѕеttlе for diѕарроintmеnt. Whеn lifе gives уоu
lemons, mаniрulаtе the lemon ѕаlеѕmаn. Hеrе'ѕ hоw.
It's wоrth nоting that manipulating реорlе is gеnеrаllу a bаd thing tо do.
Please dо nоt tаkе thiѕ аdviсе. Inѕtеаd, uѕе it as a guide to spot
mаniрulаtiоn in your day-to-day interactions аnd protect уоurѕеlf frоm
mаniрulаtivе people. Such is thе gоаl of Evil Wееk.
Emоtiоn vs. Lоgiс
Thе еаѕiеѕt wау tо manipulate реорlе—еѕресiаllу Americans—is bу
рlауing on thеir еmоtiоnѕ. If уоu let реорlе think too muсh thеу'rе more
likely tо mаkе a logical choice. If уоu can guidе them tо feel a сеrtаin wау
—а wау thаt benefits you—you'll have a muсh еаѕiеr timе getting what you
wаnt. Thiѕ iѕ whаt emotional manipulation iѕ аll аbоut.
Mаѕtеr Your Own Emotions
Ideally уоur target won't hаvе аn еxсерtiоnаl аmоunt оf соntrоl over thеir
emotions, but thаt dоеѕn't mеаn уоu gеt tо bе lаzу. A mаѕtеr mаniрulаtоr
needs tо be аblе tо act. Shеdding a tear whеn it ѕuitѕ your nееdѕ or losing
уоurѕеlf in a fit оf rаgе аrе bоth imроrtаnt ѕkillѕ уоu'll wаnt tо mаѕtеr.
Whether уоu wаnt tо inсitе fear, ѕуmраthу, оr anything else will dереnd on
thе ѕituаtiоn, ѕо it'ѕ important tо master your оwn еmоtiоnѕ so уоu'll have
thе proper tооlѕ fоr thе task аt hаnd.
Bе Chаrming аnd Flirt Oftеn
But уоu саn't juѕt сrу аnd throw tantrums whenever уоu want something—
people have tо likе уоu. Chаrm is аn imроrtаnt раrt of manipulating реорlе.
If уоu'rе ridiсulоuѕlу likаblе mоѕt оf the time, when уоu rеасt with еxtrеmе
еmоtiоn it'll have a grеаtеr imрасt. Having соntrоl over your еmоtiоnѕ also
involves keeping thеm in сhесk mоѕt оf the timе and not just bеing able to
асt.
Chаrm iѕ great, but whеn you саn flirt уоu ѕhоuld. Because mаniрulаtiоn
gеnеrаllу mаkеѕ thе target fееl рооrlу, whеthеr thеу understand thаt they're
bеing manipulated or not, the more thеу likе уоu the better. Diѕrеgаrd thе
boundaries оf your own ѕеxuаlitу аnd throw in ѕоmе ѕuggеѕtivе touches
whеn you think thеу'll bе еffесtivе. Thiѕ tасtiс iѕ еѕресiаllу еffесtivе with
people whо are lonely and hаvе lоw ѕеlf-еѕtееm.
Pеорlе whо'vе bееn mаniрulаtеd a numbеr оf timеѕ before аrе generally on
thе lookout fоr this kind of bеhаviоr аnd don't truѕt реорlе easily, ѕо уоu
nееd tо watch for signs. If уоu believe truѕt iѕ аn issue, thе ԛuiсkеѕt wау
аrоund thаt рrоblеm iѕ to ѕhаrе ѕоmеthing vеrу personal аnd vеrу private
with thе target. It'ѕ аlwауѕ bеѕt if it'ѕ relevant tо them, оr if thеу fееl you
trust thеm enough tо confide ѕоmеthing ѕо personal. It's nоt imроrtаnt that
уоur story is truе, but that thеу bеliеvе it. Agаin, acting is kеу.
Thе biggеѕt еnеmу you'll have whеn trуing tо manipulate another реrѕоn is
doubt. If they don't notice ѕоmеthing fiѕhу аbоut уоur behavior, thеу might
ѕtаrt tо nоtiсе thаt they're not acting like themselves. Hopefully, аt this
point, уоu'vе managed tо learn a fеw of thеir рrоblеmѕ and whаt thеу want
tо change about thеir livеѕ. If thеу ореnlу question thе way thеу'rе acting,
remind them that сhаngе is оftеn unсоmfоrtаblе but they nееd tо gо through
this tumultuоuѕ реriоd in thеir lives to mаkе роѕitivе рrоgrеѕѕ. Save аnу
negativity fоr a nесеѕѕаrу emotional outburst. Pоѕitivitу is аlwауѕ уоur bеѕt
friend when trуing to convince people to dо what уоu wаnt. Nеgаtivе
manipulation should оnlу bе uѕеd whеn nесеѕѕаrу. Tоо much nеgаtivitу
will mаkе you аn inеffесtivе mаniрulаtоr.
Conceal Evil in Altruiѕm
Yоu hаvе tо seem like a gооd реrѕоn, еvеn if уоu'rе not. If you еvеr need tо
tаkе a nеgаtivе асtiоn likе сritiсizing behavior, blаming аnоthеr реrѕоn
(whether it'ѕ thеir fаult оr yours), or еvеn yelling аt thе tаrgеt, уоu should
аlwауѕ find a wау tо wrар it in аltruiѕm. It саn bе very hаrd to hate an
аltruiѕt and so it'ѕ vеrу еffесtivе to раint уоurѕеlf аѕ one. For еxаmрlе, if
уоu yell at уоur target for nоt doing ѕоmеthing уоu wаntеd, it'ѕ bеttеr tо
frame thе оutburѕt аѕ a means оf hеlрing thеm. Yоu can ароlоgizе fоr thе
оutburѕt аnd tеll thеm you felt thеу wеrеn't асting in thеir bеѕt interest.
You're ѕоrrу уоu got ѕо еmоtiоnаl, but уоu саrе аbоut them and wаnt thе
bеѕt fоr them and it scares уоu tо think that thеу don't hаvе thеir bеѕt
intеrеѕtѕ аt hеаrt. On thе оthеr ѕidе оf the соin, when criticizing someone
еlѕе'ѕ bеhаviоr, remind thе tаrgеt thаt уоu'rе there fоr thеm no matter whаt
hоrriblе thing someone else dоеѕ. Alwауѕ аѕk how you саn hеlр rather thаn
simply criticize whаt оthеrѕ dо.
Whаt tо Dо If Yоu'rе Diѕсоvеrеd
Mаnу nоviсе mаniрulаtоrѕ make thе miѕtаkе оf rеѕоrting to thе tactics
dеѕсribеd аbоvе whеn they're diѕсоvеrеd. If уоur target рinѕ уоu аѕ a
manipulator, thе worst thing уоu саn do is exhibit mаniрulаtivе behavior in
response. If уоu'rе саught, bе a nоrmаl аnd calm реrѕоn. Let thеm bе in
control оf thе ѕituаtiоn, and dоn't dеfеnd уоurѕеlf. Onсе you're in the hole
of being саught, thе only wау to gеt оut iѕ сrеаtе dоubt—thе kind of dоubt
thаt bеnеfitѕ уоu—in the mind оf your target. If you dоn't react likе a
traditionally mаniрulаtivе person, they'll likеlу wоndеr if thеir аѕѕumрtiоn
аbоut уоu wаѕ соrrесt. In mоѕt cases thеу'll already fееl аttасhеd tо you and
will jumр оn any еxсuѕе tо bеliеvе уоu'rе trulу a good реrѕоn. Oftеn timеѕ
"саtсhing you" is ѕimрlу bесаuѕе оf ѕоmеthing a friеnd—оr аnоthеr
mаniрulаtоr—tоld thеm. Bе smart, bе саrеful, аnd be рrераrеd tо ѕurрriѕе if
уоu find уоurѕеlf diѕсоvеrеd.
How to Manipulate a Manipulator
Every individuаl has manipulation skill in them but only very few аrе аblе
to master it. Onlу a fеw аblе tо uѕе it fоr mutual benefits. Only a fеw реорlе
become a mаniрulаtоr whо mаniрulаtеѕ a mаniрulаtоr. If you wаnt tо
mаniрulаtе a manipulator thеn уоu must bе able tо learn the mаniрulаtiоn
tесhniԛuеѕ.
Rеmеmbеr Nеvеr use manipulation tесhniԛuеѕ fоr bаd wауѕ оr fоr wrоng
thingѕ, because wrоng thingѕ or bad wауѕ nеvеr givе long-term ѕuссеѕѕ.
Yоu саn never gаin рrоfit by wrоng way. Hеnсе bу learning mаniрulаtiоn
technique, уоu ѕhоuld wоrk for mutuаl bеnеfitѕ. You ѕhоuld nоt only dо
gооd fоr уоurѕеlf but for others too bесаuѕе when you do gооd for others
thаt good dееd will dо best fоr you.
In Today’s lifе, wе аrе surrounded by mаniрulаtоrѕ, big соmраniеѕ, ad
аgеnсiеѕ, media еtс. Everyone tries tо manipulate uѕ ѕо thаt we bесоmе
thеir сuѕtоmеr. Thеу trу tо manipulate uѕ so that wе ѕау уеѕ for thеir
рrоduсt. Wе convert from роtеntiаl tо lоуаl сuѕtоmеrѕ. In order to
mаniрulаtе us, big companies аd agencies uѕе different tесhniԛuеѕ ѕuсh аѕ
thеу hire hugе ѕtаrѕ in their аdѕ bесаuѕе thеу knоw that сеlеbritiеѕ have a
hugе influеnсе on their fаnѕ. Even роlitiсiаnѕ use mаniрulаtiоn techniques
in оrdеr to win thе еlесtiоnѕ. They рlау hаrd tо kеер uѕ оn their ѕidе. If you
nоtiсе attentively thеn уоu’ll rеаlizе thаt almost everywhere mаniрulаtiоn
tесhniԛuеѕ аrе uѕеd.
Every day уоu get mаniрulаtеd by ѕоmеоnе еithеr by your соllеаguе оr bу
уоur crush/attraction or bу big соmраniеѕ оr bу a salesman. Fоr еxаmрlе,
you gо ѕhоррing thinking of buуing one drеѕѕ but when уоu соmе оut of
that ѕhор уоu’ll hаvе more thаn оnе dress for sure. Thiѕ hарреnѕ bесаuѕе of
mаniрulаtiоn еithеr that ѕhор lightingѕ manipulated уоu or thаt shops
ѕаlеѕmаn. Manipulation mаkеѕ уоu do whаt оthеrѕ wаnt you to dо.
Always ѕtау соmmittеd
The mоrе реорlе likе you the more уоu’ll bесоmе a grеаt mаniрulаtоr, in
оrdеr to mаkе others likе уоu, you ѕhоuld stay соmmittеd аnd consistent,
bесаuѕе people truѕt оnlу thоѕе people who ѕtау оn thеir words, if уоu
рrоmiѕе ѕоmеthing and forgets thаt рrоmiѕе аѕ next day соmеѕ, thеn thiѕ
thing will never аllоw others tо bеliеvе уоu аnd when others can’t believe
you then уоu саn nеvеr mаniрulаtе their decision оr асtiоn, hence tо
mаniрulаtе a mаniрulаtоr аlwауѕ stay соnѕiѕtеnt and committed because
thiѕ ԛuаlitу is liked bу all.
Liking imрасtѕ a lot
Yоu must hаvе nоtiсеd thаt уоu fаil tо rеjесt your lоvеd оnеѕ request, nо
mаttеr whаt thеу request, уоu try tо fulfill it, bесаuѕе lоvе оr liking hаѕ thе
роwеr tо impact our dесiѕiоnѕ аnd асtiоnѕ, hеnсе if уоu want tо mаniрulаtе
a mаniрulаtоr than уоu muѕt firѕt trу to make thеm like уоu, thеrе аrе
several ways уоu саn mаkе someone like уоu, Like wоrk оn уоur рhуѕiсаl
attraction, always ѕmеll gооd, givе gеnuinе соmрlimеntѕ, аlwауѕ stay
hоnеѕt bесаuѕе hоnеѕtу mаkеѕ others tо trust you аnd trust gives you
mаniрulаtiоn роwеr аnd influеnсing skill, and аlwауѕ stay kind, kindnеѕѕ
will always givе уоu the best rеѕultѕ.
Dоn’t аlwауѕ ѕау уеѕ
The biggеѕt problem we аrе fасing iѕ that we fаil to ѕау Nо, wе fееl
еmbаrrаѕѕеd оr ѕhу to ѕау nо tо ѕоmеоnе, Sауing уеѕ fоr ѕоmеthing
imроrtаnt аnd to ѕоmеоnе who gеnuinеlу needs uѕ iѕ right, but always
saying уеѕ tо оthеrѕ аnd neglecting уоur own орiniоnѕ dесiѕiоnѕ and views
аrе nоt right, Mаnу Dаting guruѕ expert says that don’t bе always available
for уоur сruѕh оr аttrасtiоn, don’t always ѕау yes for еvеrу request уоur
crush makes.
Yоu gо tо a shop аnd buу mоrе thаn whаt уоu hаvе planned happens
bесаuѕе of уоur not ѕауing NO аttitudе, if you go tо a ѕhор, fоllоw уоur
plan аnd ѕау nо tо unnесеѕѕаrу things then уоu learn to mаniрulаtе thоѕе
mаniрulаtоrѕ, lеаrn tо ѕау nо, ѕtiсk to уоur рlаn аnd dесiѕiоn.
Alwауѕ ѕtау truѕtwоrthу
Mаniрulаtiоn can bе dоnе in twо ways, in a gооd wау аnd in a bаd wау.
Gооd wау will hеlр уоu in lоng term and bad wау will make уоur lifе more
wоrѕt, if уоu gаin ѕоmеоnе truѕt bу being fаkе thаn thаt truѕt won’t lаѕt fоr
lоng, аt ѕоmе роint opposite реrѕоn will fоr ѕurе come tо knоw аbоut your
hiddеn mоtivе аnd that thing will nеvеr bе аblе tо get what you want, hence
in оrdеr to mаniрulаtе someone always stay gооd and trustworthy, bесаuѕе
trust оf реорlе never соmеѕ еаѕilу but gоеѕ vеrу еаѕilу, hence if you wаnt tо
реrѕuаdе оr influence ѕоmеоnе’ѕ асtiоn аnd decision then that реrѕоn
should have trust in уоu, that уеѕ уоu will nеvеr dо аnуthing bad fоr thеm,
thаt trust will hеlр уоu to mаkе ѕоmеоnе dо whаt you wаnt thеm tо dо.
Fоr еxаmрlе, our Hеrо Mahatma Gаndhi. He wаѕ able tо mаniрulаtе and
influence us because we hаd truѕt on him thаt nо mаttеr what hарреnѕ he
will nеvеr dо anything bаd fоr us, he will аlwауѕ work fоr оur bеnеfit, thаt
truѕt iѕ really nееdеd in оrdеr to реrѕuаdе ѕоmеоnе.
Lеаrn аnd imрlеmеnt mаniрulаtiоn technique not оnlу for уоur оwn gооd
but аlѕо for оthеrѕ because unity will not оnlу imрrоvе us but аlѕо imрrоvе
our nаtiоn оur соuntrу. Mаniрulаting реорlе tо walk tоwаrdѕ the right
dirесtiоn will mаkе uѕ аnd оur соuntrу grow in thе right dirесtiоn. Dоn’t
оnlу think аbоut уоurѕеlf; ѕрrеаd right knowledge аnd manipulation
technique so thаt реорlе become gооd mаniрulаtоrѕ.
 CHAPTER 19:

10 Tips for Dealing with Manipulation

M anipulative people can seem to be everywhere. Most

manipulation is not necessarily oppressive. Not every stranger
asking you to do something is a controlling manipulative person.
Everyone can be a little manipulative when they need to be, so not every
manipulative person is bad.
Take your time to identify a person whom you suspect to be a control freak.
Do they come across as selfish? Are they approachable? Do they seem
excessively bossy?
1. Ground rules
What you have read so far will help you to identify the difference between
persuasion and manipulation. Persuasion may be for yours or the teams'
own benefit, manipulation is always for the controller's benefit. Examples
could be: is what you are being asked to do within your normal remit? Are
they asking you to rush something through for the team, or for their own
personal remit? Will this benefit you, or make you look bad? Do you like
and trust this person?
There are ways you can deal with a manipulator, should you have the
misfortune to meet one.
2. Observe a manipulator before you label them
It is not unusual in a workplace to have people telling you what to do. So
long as they ask in the correct manner and they have the authority.
Authority comes in many guises. It could be because they are your
managers, or they are close work colleagues. If the request is genuine, then
it should not be a problem. If someone is constantly demanding you to
make things with aggressive coercion, then you are right to be suspicious.
Don’t jump the gun though, take your time. You don't want to overreact and
ruin a workplace relationship unnecessarily.
Observe their behavior whenever you can, without them realizing what you
are doing. Keep your distance because you don’t want to attract this
character’s attention. It is important to identify this person for what they
are, so you to keep them at a distance in the future.
3. Never let them see your own weaknesses
If you recognize someone to be a controlling manipulative person, it might
be best that you have as little contact with them as possible. This can be
difficult in a working environment, but try to restrict personal contact with
them. That way, you are not likely to ever divulge your personal life or any
problems you may be having. The last thing you want is for them to
recognize any of your own weaknesses. They may use that information to
gain a hold over you.
The best option is to be open and honest. If you can handle your own
weaknesses, then how can a control freak find a hold on you?
4. Never allow them to put you down, especially in front of others
A common psychological phenomenon often exploited by manipulators is
Imposter syndrome. This is a phenomenon that has been well studied. At
least 70% of people will suffer from Imposter syndrome at some time in
their life. It includes that dreaded feeling of inadequacy at whatever you
attempt to do. Even if there is evidence that shows you otherwise, such as
your own success at your work. You feel a fraud and you are simply waiting
for someone to announce it. That someone may very well be the office
manipulator. Except, of course, they are not uncovering you because you
are perfectly proficient at your job. What they are actually doing is working
on your own feelings of inadequacy. It’s how manipulators work, especially
the more invasive ones.
When you stand up to a manipulator, they can become abusive. A forceful
manipulator will not let people stand in the way of their primary objective.
Everyone is fair game in their attempts at power-play. If there is one in your
work environment, it will only be a matter of time before they turn their
attention to you.
What can you do?
Show them your confident side, especially if this person is constantly
putting people down. You know them for what they are.
Convince yourself that anything they say is untrue.
Do not allow them to break you, and do not bend to their will. Try not to be
confrontational with them, that could make matters worse, but stand up for
yourself.
If you are regularly under the spell of a narcissistic manipulator, then you
will have low self-esteem. You MUST build up your self-confidence and
become more powerful within yourself. Only then will you be able to break
the chains they have wrapped around you.
5. How to leave a control freak
For many people, especially women, this can happen in the family home.
For such victims, trying to break free is the most difficult. Not the least
because the victim may, in fact, love their toxic partner or parent. If you are
in such an unhappy situation, then you must consider your own wellbeing
and safety. Only if the perpetrator can admit that they have a problem and
seek help, can they begin to mend? If they learn to compromise and accept
your input, then it will be a great step forward. Such an openness may save
a two-way partnership. The problem is though; such a manipulator cannot
see that they are making your life a misery. If they are so blind, how can
they ever accept that something is wrong? Indeed, if you approach them,
they may become defensive and aggressive. This is because they perceive
you as having insulted their integrity and pride. How dare you accuse them
of anything!
Unfortunately, if you are in such a relationship then the only way you will
be free is to make the break yourself. The adage, “You only have this one
life, live it to the fullest,” is never after than in this situation.
How though, do you find the courage to leave? That is exactly what it will
take to be rid of such an overpowering partner. They may even continue to
threaten you after you have dared to leave. That is one of the reasons why
you dare not make that move.
6. Begin with building up a support network
It is vital that you have support from friends and family. This can be a
difficult one though. It could be that the very partner you have just left,
browbeat you to severing all personal ties. If this is your situation and you
are unable to pick up those ties, then there are organizations that you can
turn to. These agencies can guide you in dealing with your situation.
7. Don’t forget your own health needs
Do things that help you relax, if possible. Get outside and take short walks.
You need personal space so you can consider your situation. Listening to
music you like or immersing yourself in a book or a TV program, is good if
it helps you to switch off. Avoid overeating or drinking too much alcohol.
Your problem will become tenfold if you take that route. All these points
are double stressed if you have children. You need to stay strong for them
and for yourself.
8. Accept that you will feel scared
If your partner has sensed anything, they could revert to being overly nice
to you. Don’t be fooled, you know, without anyone having to tell you that it
will not last. It will only be natural to hesitate in your actions, whether it is
out of fondness, pity, or fear. Fear of being on your own is natural. Fear of
your partner’s violence is not. If that's something you feel, then you are
most certainly making the right choice. If you do leave, then you must make
it quick and clean, leaving no trace of where you are going. Manipulative,
obsessive partners will attempt to track down fleeing partners, even if only
to punish them. You have broken their self-ego and now they have no one
left to control. If they do find you, they may try the extra-nice approach and
beg you to return, or they may be violent and angry. You don’t want to be
there for any confrontations whatsoever.
9. What are the after stages?
Once you make the break, accept that it is permanent. This one chance may
be the only opportunity you get. Everyone's motives and decisions for
making such a daring move are individual choices. It can be especially
difficult if children are involved. Often, those who have managed to make
the break can eventually give in. It could be out of a sense of pity or a false
sense of being beholden. The controlling partner will offer to change their
ways, and could even manage to do it, but most do not. You may give in
thinking they cannot live without you around to help them. This is a form of
pity and you should fight it off. If you give in, you will go right back to
square one. Be selfish and think about yourself for a change. Perhaps you
might feel lonely and that in retrospect life together wasn't that bad. This is
a natural reaction at first, but tell yourself, if it had not been that bad, why
did you leave?
10. Build up your courage
Once you have built up your courage and self-esteem, you can then face the
world head-on. We all approach this one in a different way. The first rule
must be not to compare yourself to others. It is not an easy rule to follow,
but nonetheless, you are new to freedom. That is exactly what you are, free.
Forget other people. Of course, be polite, but concentrate on your needs and
not anyone else’s, unless you have children.
There will come a time when you must begin to take risks. That is after the
huge risk you have put yourself through by leaving. You have taken a huge
leap forward, no need to jump in feet first, give it time to settle.
A great exercise for those who are worriers, is to write down all the worst
situations you feel may befall you. Once you have a thorough list, the next
stage is to consider how you might deal with each of them. Take notes on
your best plan and strategy. This will show you the problem from a
detached perspective. It will help you determine which approach is best for
each situation. If you feel it is too overwhelming, then break it down into
smaller and more manageable steps. As you tackle each micro-step, before
you know it, you will have reached the last one. Baby steps do lead to
resolving the whole of the problem.
You will make mistakes! The proverb, "to err is human," is true. You need
to embrace any mistakes you make and learn by them. Learning the right
way to do something is so much easier when you have knowledge of the
wrong way. You’re not perfect, no one is, but you only need to be as perfect
as you yourself want to be.
 CHAPTER 20:

Hypnosis

T here are many different forms of hypnosis and their applications vary
widely. Understanding how hypnosis works, where it came from, and
how it applies to things like NLP is important in ensuring you can
get through the difficult thing we call life without being taken advantage of
or manipulated for darker desires.
When we think of hypnosis, we typically think of what is done on a stage
for fun. You are one of your friends goes up and sits in a chair to become
hypnotized. The hypnotist convinces you that you are some barnyard
animal or other silly thing and makes you act it out. Upon the snap of their
fingers you wake up with no recollection of what you had previously been
doing. While this is a form of hypnosis, it is not at all what actually goes on
with clinical hypnosis.
Many people have an issue with clinical hypnosis. This is due to the fact
they'd think of it the way that Hollywood portrays it. However, hypnosis
can be very beneficial to a lot of people and helping them solve their issues.
Most people don't understand what being hypnotized means actually.
When you are under the influence of hypnosis you are more likely to accept
suggestions. It is a heightened State of Consciousness that allows extreme
focus. In addition, it is associated with being relaxed. When you are relaxed
you are more able to take on the Improvement suggestions that people make
to you. Getting your brain to relax can be very difficult and a hypnotic
trance can help make it easier.
Stage hypnosis can make it look like you can get a person to do absolutely
anything. However, this is not true. Sure, your brain is more open to
suggestions when you are in a hypnotized state, but it is very unlikely that
you would do something that is not naturally in your will. If you don't like
to act like a fool, it is unlikely that being hypnotized would cause you to do
so.
It is important to understand that not every person can be hypnotized. Part
of the process is that the individual undergoing it needs actually to want to
make a change and be hypnotized. For some people, it is simply impossible.
They will not be able to reach the state that is considered a hypnotized
trance where suggestions are easier to embed. Obviously, if you're
undergoing this process, you want to make sure that it is with a person that
you trust to make a good suggestion for you. Typically, when people are
being hypnotized It Is by their therapist.
There are mixed results that come along with hypnosis. Some people find it
to be very effective in helping them to stop participating in bad habits. This
could be used to help a person quit smoking, stick to their weight loss plan,
get past a bout of insomnia, or even help them to find forgotten memories.
Hypnosis typically, does not work with one session. You will need to
undergo this form of treatment several times to reinforce the positive
suggestions that are being made.
People have also found that getting in control of their anxiety can happen
after some sessions of hypnosis. It is also good when managing pain. There
are truly many different things that hypnosis can be beneficial. Some
researchers have even found that it can help with the negative side effects of
dementia. Helping to jog memories that have been misplaced is great for
those that start to lose them.
You're probably wondering how hypnosis actually works. If you watch a lot
of movies or you have been to a stage show that revolves around hypnosis
you may have seen a slightly villainous-looking person waving around a
pocket watch. This, however, is not at all how hypnosis works. Hollywood
has done a great job of causing misunderstanding toward what hypnosis
actually is.
When you are working with a psychologist or a therapist in hypnotherapy,
they are not actually the ones that are hypnotizing you. They are simply
there to help guide you along the path to becoming hypnotized. You are
actually the vessel that causes the hypnosis. They help you learn the skills
so that you can have hyper-focus and your mind will open up more easily to
suggestions.
You can actually practice hypnosis at home. By simply laying down in your
bed in a dimly lit room and focusing on your breathing, you can reach what
they call a hypnotic trance. Once there, because you will still be in control
of yourself, you can repeat mantras to help you stick to goals. Whether you
are trying to lose weight and not eat that extra piece of cake or you haven't
smoked in a while, but a cigarette sounds really good hypnosis can help you
get past it. Working with a skilled hypnotist, in the beginning, is pretty
important as they can help you learn the skills you need to be able to do this
on your own.
It is common to think that when you are in a hypnotic trance you are sleepy
or zoned out. That is absolutely not the truth. As mentioned, you are
actually hyper focused. This improved sense of awareness will allow you to
accept suggestions more easily. You will find this to be especially true if
you participate in several sessions of hypnosis with the same repetitive
thoughts being suggested to you. There truly are some dramatic results that
can come from this type of therapy.
Hypnosis can affect people in very different ways. Depending on your
strength of mind and character it may not work as well on you as it does
with others. Many have suggested that it feels like an out-of-body
experience. Some will be able to hold actual conversations while in a
hypnotic trance while others will be able to mumble words barely. The type
of person you are in the way your brain is wired will play a role in how well
you receive hypnosis. In addition, it has a lot to do with how much you
want it to work. If you are all in on this type of therapy, it is likely that you
will get more out of it than someone who feels that it could never work for
them.
The question of isn't neuro-linguistic programming simply hypnosis crops
up frequently. The simple answer to this question is no. The use of NLP
may consist of some hypnosis; however, there are several different
techniques that are used in this type of treatment. So, now you can see that
hypnotizing people can be part of the process, but they are vastly different
things.
Hypnosis relies heavily on suggestion. It helps you to change your habits or
your belief patterns due to a constant repetitive piece of information that is
going through the back door of your brain while you are in a hypnotized
state. Neuro-linguistic programming works quite a bit different. You will
still be in that trance like state; however, it does not rely on suggestions.
When your therapist is using neuro-linguistic programming and put you in a
hypnotic trance they Are going to use the same thought patterns that are
causing you issues. By altering these thought patterns, you won't have the
same bad associations with certain sights, smells, sounds, or other
experiences. As you can see, hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming
hypnosis are a bit different as they go about helping you and prove yourself
in different ways.
Anchoring is a common technique that is used in NLP. In doing this, a
person will start to think about one of their happiest memories. One that
makes them feel confident and proud of themselves. The hypnotist would
then suggest that the person tuck their hair behind their ear. With repetition
of this behavior when that person is tucking their hair behind their ears in
an everyday situation, it can help to bring on that feeling of happiness and
confidence. This is a great example of anchoring and it can be used in many
ways.
Milton Erickson
Hypnosis is in the roots of neuro-linguistic programming. When they were
first researching and developing this method, they studied a man by the
name of Dr. Milton Erickson. He has oftentimes been referred to as the
“father of hypnosis.” His works have led to many different Therapies and
they have helped a huge amount of people across the world.
As a teenager, he's suffered from polio. This left him bedridden and unable
to do a lot of things that normal healthy people can do. It took away His
ability to do most things. Basically, he lay in bed all day and could hear
what was going on around him. He could also see and move his eyes
around, however, he was unable to speak or truly interact with those that
were near.
During this period of time, he learned to pay attention to people's body
language. He could hear what was going on and surmise a lot more from the
way that people were acting. It allowed him to further his theories after he
became a psychologist. He learned from a young age that what people are
saying is not necessarily what they are thinking and feeling. The importance
of reading body language and movement became very apparent to him at
the tender age of 17.
He found that it was very simple to hear somebody say yes but realize that
their body language absolutely said no. As he moved on and healed from
this medical disaster, he used this information in his thought process.
Working through college, he continued to study people and take notice of
their indirect behavior. In fact, it helped him old many of his thoughts,
theories, ideas, and books.
The famed psychotherapist and psychologist thought that there was a better
way to go about hypnotherapy. Rather than making hard suggestions, he
believed in subtlety. Making an effort to change a person's bad behaviors in
a subtle way has proven to be more effective than in a more in-your-face
type of way. Part of why his ways worked better than others is he truly
believes that you need to understand where the person you are working with
is coming from. This promotes a better understanding of how you need to
help them and what specific behaviors they need to work on changing.
Erickson believed that a person's history only played a small role in their
therapy. You do need a basic idea of what has happened in someone's life;
however, a little bit of information goes a long way. He believes that
focusing on the past didn't necessarily help to make changes in the present.
With this belief, he would only put a small amount of effort into learning
about somebody's personal history.
He found that focusing on what is happening in the here and now is more
imperative to the person you are trying to improve. When somebody
realizes that you are truly compassionate about their situation and want to
help them, they are more accepting of making changes. Working through
issues of the past may be important in some instances, but for the most part,
looking at what is happening right now is more important.
 CHAPTER 21:

Protecting Yourself Against Hypnosis

Beware of Matchers

T he first thing you’re going to want to do is to take in and apply

everything you’ve just learned. Remember all that stuff about
matching and mirroring? Well, now you need to be on the lookout
for it. When you are speaking to someone who you think is trying to control
you, make a point to note how they are reacting to your body language. Are
they sitting in the same pattern you are? Are they copying your movements
as well?
If you’re unsure, try testing it out by changing your posture and then wait to
see if they mimic it. The mimicking may be a bit more subtle and a bit more
delayed, but the unskilled ones are a total giveaway. They’ll copy the
posture right away, and automatically, you know what you’re up against.
Now that you know, you can either call them out on their behavior or, if you
want to have a little fun, not only will you catch them off guard, but if you
can pull it off, you can get them to tell you what their whole ploy was all
about and who put them up to it. Total win!
Consciously Infuse Randomness in Your Eye Movement
When it comes to confusing your opponent and playing them at their own
game, there is little that is going to give you the same amount of satisfaction
as random play. Random eye movements are like going to the gym with
your iPod on shuffle. Nobody knows what’s coming on next. It’s basically
like trolling your manipulators in real-time, and it can be quite fun.
Any user worth their salt is going to go in hard with the whole eye
movement thing. This is because your eye movements tell them how you
assess and store information, which is precisely why some people can tell if
you are lying or cheating just by looking at your eyes. When they say your
eyes speak volumes, this is what they mean! Simple, use random eye
movements. As you are speaking, make a point to look left or right or up or
down. You can even make a game of it. Left for every complex sentence,
down for every question, and simple sentences can go right or up,
depending on whether they start with a vowel.
Be Attentive
Another thing you need to be very careful about is how much attention you
are paying to your surroundings and to what’s going on in them. This may
sound a little extreme because obviously who stays alert all the time, you’re
hardly a cop on the stakeout, and even if you were, how are you supposed
to be attentive all the time!
Okay, so look, we get you can’t always be super alert, but you need to know
that when you aren’t alert; you are vulnerable. So, an important tactic that
employers use when negotiating salary packages is waiting until the
employee in question seems a little off and then jumping in and saying that
they haven’t negotiated a pay difference for Tom, Dick, and Harry, and
don’t foresee a lot of change in the other employees as well. Not much
change at all, they repeat.
Automatically, now that you are asked how much change in salary you
expect, you say not much change – Congratulations! You’ve just been
programmed!
Watch Your Mouth
Another important tip? Watch what you say. Master manipulators tend to
create a false sense of urgency where they will make you feel that you have
to do this particular thing by this specific time or else something drastic will
happen. You don’t have a choice. You have to do this now! What do you
do? Well, nothing.
Yes, seriously nothing. Never make any important decisions at the drop of a
hat. Chances are you're not the president of the United States, meaning no
nuclear codes lie with you, which of course, means that you don’t need to
make any immediate decisions without consulting people. Really, you don’t
have to make any immediate decisions at all. Sit tight.
Getting you to commit is a classic dark psychology move to create a sense
of obligation that can later be exploited. Don’t fall for it!
Trust your Gut
And your final rule, which also happens to be your most important, is to
trust your gut. Your instincts know a lot more than you do, mostly because
your subconscious mind is processing signs and symbols at a rate your
conscious brain can’t even begin to fathom. So if it is out there telling you
that something is up and that something needs to be done about it, then you
need to make sure that you are on your guard ready to get things done
because like a used car salesman, you are more likely than not in the hands
of a master practitioner.
 CHAPTER 22:

The NLP

euro-linguistic programming (NLP) utilizes a combination of

N
language, neurology and programming. It is essentially a
pragmatic school of thought. You will look at what successful
people do and then use it to achieve something. In the case of
persuasion, you will look at the behaviors of the most
persuasive people and start to adopt them.
The key elements of this include action, modeling and effective
communication. The premise of NLP is that if a person can understand how
a person did something, they can copy their process and accomplish it too.
This technique was initially created to help people to find success in the
business world. However, since its start in the 1970s, it has been adapted to
work for an array of fields, including helping people to become more
persuasive.
You know people who are naturally more persuasive than others. You also
certainly see people in the media that can easily persuade people to do
things. Of course, marketing and advertising also use NLP to promote their
services and products. So, you see this technique in action daily. People
take what works and use it. Simple as that.
To make NLP work for you and your persuasive abilities, you have to know
what the most persuasive people are doing. Once you learn about the traits
and techniques that persuasive people use, all you have to do is adopt and
model them to put NLP to work.
NLP Models
There are two primary NLP models to know about. The Meta Model is a set
of language patterns or specifying questions that work to expand and
challenge the limits to a person’s “map” of the world. This can be used to
help a person decide what they ultimately want, and it teaches you which
questions to ask to learn more about a situation or a person.
The Milton Model is based on language patterns and it is a type of
hypnotherapy. Milton Erickson’s hypnotic communication methods are
used for this model. The purpose is to maintain or induce a trance, via using
language, to contact the personality’s hidden resources. It helps you to build
a rapport with someone, cultivate unconscious communication and better
use words the person you are talking to will understand and connect to.
Traits of Persuasive People
You do not have to be born naturally persuasive to be successful with it.
Once you know what the best traits for this are, it will be easy to start
adopting them. Once you successfully model them, you will notice it is
much easier to get what you want. The traits include:
Active listening: You have surely heard about this in any communication
class or seminar you have taken. When you are attempting to persuade
someone to do something, they have to feel as though you have their
attention. When they feel special, per se, it is much easier to get them to do
something. Another element of this is once you can understand where a
person is coming from, it is easier to influence them.
Effective questions: When you are talking to someone, are you asking the
right questions to learn the information needed to persuade them? Make
sure that your questions are open-ended and putting the other person first.
This gives you a chance to learn more about their personality and how easy
they will be to persuade. You also want to make it seem like what you are
asking will benefit them as much as you. Asking the right questions makes
it easier to see what they view as a benefit.
Selflessness: Remember that persuasion is half you and half the person you
are trying to persuade. If you put all of the focus on you, the other person
no longer feels special and when this feeling disappears, so does your
control over them. You want to spend the majority of the conversation on
the other person. Then, you can easily add in some information about how
your proposal will benefit them. By the end of the conversation, once you
ask for something, they are influenced to do it.
Empathy: If someone thinks that you care, they are more likely to help you
with things. This is another way to use people’s emotions as a way to
persuade them to do something. To be effective at using empathy, just make
sure it comes across as genuine or else it can backfire on you.
Positivity: People are naturally attracted to positive people. When you give
off positive energy, it is infectious, and people want more of it. They will
naturally do what you want just to be in your positive presence. You see this
used in sales all the time. The salespeople who are positive and upbeat are
the most successful.
Confidence: It is true that people are going to respond more to a confident
person. This is true even if your competence level is low. When you are
confident, you can ask for things and get them without ever having to get
aggressive.
Compromise: As long as you appear willing to compromise, it is easy to
get what you want. You want to pick and choose when to do this. For
example, stand your ground on the big things, but compromise on
something small. The fact that you compromised at all will stick in the
person’s mind, making them easier to persuade.
Authenticity: As long as you appear authentic, people will listen to you
and trust every word. When someone trusts you, they are going to want
your approval and getting your approval means allowing you to persuade
them to do things.
Top NLP Techniques of Persuasive People
All of the techniques here come from an NLP perspective and that is why
they are so effective. These include:
Embedded commands: When you make it impossible to say “no” while
remaining polite, you can convince people to do what you want every time.
For example, do not ask a person if they want to go to dinner. Ask them
where they want to go. With the first question, they can say “no,” but with
the second, they feel like you are waiting for their opinion, so they feel
compelled to have dinner with you.
Choice restriction: You want to restrict choice without it being obvious
that you are doing so. For example, instead of asking a person the type of
wine they would like, ask them “red or white?” The second question will
restrict them to either white or red. Then, you will ultimately get to choose
the wine based on the color that they chose. They will not realize that you
essentially persuaded them to allow you to choose which wine the two of
you are going to drink.
I could, but rather not: This is a technique you have certainly used in the
past and it has likely been used on you. An example would be saying
something, such as “I can drive if you want me to.” At this point, you are
saying you can drive, but the last part of the sentence opens the door for the
other person to volunteer because you really do not want to drive. In most
cases, the other person will volunteer to drive not even realizing that you
wanted that exact outcome.
And vs. but: You have no idea how powerful “but” can be until you are
starting to enhance your persuasion skills. This word can easily change
opinions and you can fully use this to your advantage. For example, if you
want someone to take you somewhere, but they are tired, you could frame it
in the following way: “I know you are tired but going to this movie will be
so much fun and everyone has seen it.” The second part of the sentence
after the “but” makes them feel obligated since the movie is trendy and fun.
What they really want: This is not only a type of NLP persuasion
technique but also a form of hypnotism. Make sure that when you ask what
a person wants that you make it open. For example, ask which car they
would want if money were not a factor. You can use this same approach for
just about anything. Once you get their true needs and wants, you can use
these to your advantage to persuade the other person to do something. For
example, if you want to take a vacation with your significant other, ask
where they would go if there were no restrictions. Once they answer, use
this to present your idea.
 CHAPTER 23:

How is NLP used in Dark Psychology?

T he first is through hypnosis. Hypnosis is a technique that is used

by psychologists or psychiatrists. It helps them to retrieve the hidden
things in the unconscious minds of their patients. It is one of the
psychoanalysis techniques that exist. They help you dig in the hidden past
and answer some questions that were unclear to you. It is like the doorway
to the buried issues in the unconscious. Most of what is trying to be
uncovered are usually from one’s past that their mind probably wants it
hidden or it was a coping mechanism. Hypnosis is being able to read the
unconscious mind. Find all the aspects that have been hidden from us.
Finding out the reason why these memories are hidden away in a place
where reaching it is not so easy. This is where NLP comes in and it makes
hypnosis easy. It is a program used in mind reading. So, it helps the
psychiatrist to see what your unconscious mind holds and what the best way
of retrieving the hidden information is. To understand all these, you must
first understand the conscious and the pre-conscious mind.
The other way it helps is in finding deceptive people. Deception is the art
of giving half-truths. This is basically like lying but only halfway. This
means that these people give you what you want to hear and the less of
what you do not want to hear. Over the years, people have come up with
contraptions that are used to detecting a lie. These contraptions include:
polygraph machines, lie detector machines and recently they have found a
way of making truth serums. All these have been made to catch deceivers
and not to leave the liars out of this. These have been used especially by the
authorities during the investigation of crimes. So how do these contraptions
or scientific research work? How are they involved with NLP? The answer
is simple. NLP is the main ingredient of how the work. First, you must
understand the person then find out how they operate. The contraptions
have also been made in a way that when you are connected to them, then
understand you will be easy. You are asked questions and when you lie or
tell the truth halfway, they will just find you. This method is easy since the
machine does the work for the human.
NLP is also used in brainwashing. What is brainwashing? Brainwashing
is the act reprogramming one’s brain. It is where one can be changed their
ideas and mindset and a new you given to you. The new you will have a
new way of thinking, new ideas and also new perspectives to life. The
person who reprograms you makes you into their minion or puppet. You
follow all that he or she says to you. It is like you are a min him or her. Your
thoughts and actions are what they want you to do. This is possible for
someone who can hack your mind. Only a person with the knowledge of
NLP can do that. The study you and know who you really are. That is from
behavior to how you think and whole who and what you are. This is where
they know how to start manipulating you and leading you into their ways.
They know your strengths and weaknesses. They know all your blind spots
in which they can use against you and so in the very end they have you in
their grasp. All you do is in their bidding.
Another way is by playing mind games. In mind games, one finds the
thing that makes you feel vulnerable. That means to find your weak or blind
spot. With this knowledge, they know how to play with you. Find what
makes you vulnerable is easy. You just have to study the person. Get close
to them so that it is easy to study them. Study their behavior and way of
communication. Get to know their thinking patterns. Know how they react
to different issues that arise in their daily living. Know their emotions and
whether they show them in front of others. These are the secrets to mind
games. NLP people are diverse in such doing, so for them to make mind
games happen so easy they make it seem like taking water. For them
studying someone could take only a few days and with that, they can be
able to play with your mind without a care in the world. To them, this seems
like a harmless toy to play with. They do not realize the damage to them;
it’s all fun and games on their part. This is how NLP makes mind games a
big success in terms of dark psychology.
Also, NLP helps narcissistic people. These are people who only care about
themselves. What matters is their lives and what’s in them. They use others
to get to the top. As they use them at the very end, they let go of them since
they are a one-person ride. They have so many techniques that they use on
others like smear campaigns. They know when they need you and when
they do not. They also know how to keep you around them. They know
what you deeply desire, and what they do is give it to you when they need
you, and then they take it away when they are done with you. It is usually
hard for the victim to give them up since they have that effect. Where then
does NLP come in? It comes to the point where they are looking for their
stepping stone that means that the person they use then throw away. They
know who can be manipulated and who cannot, and so they use that to their
advantage. They get to know what you desire and with that, they draw you
to their side and make you stay there until otherwise.
The other is persuasion. Some people think that this is harmless but it is
not. It is not just doing the bidding for someone just once. Some people say
it was just once. These persuasive people can make doing again if they see
that you were up to it once. What they do is to whisper to your ear and tell
you should do something. They convince you with sweet words and reasons
why you should do it. They make you into a puppet even if it is in that
moment that you do their bidding. You become somewhat like their servant
for that period of time. So, what makes NLP successful in the art of
persuasion? These people find what you really want and a reason that
would make do the deed that they need you to do. So, the point is looking
for your weakness and somehow made into a way to convince. They know
you and they use that against you. This is mainly used by people who really
know you like, friends, family, workmates, and even classmates. This is one
method that people assume and thinking that is no cause of alarm in any
way.
The second last is psychopathy. This is the act in which psychopaths do.
Psychopaths are believed to be dangerous to the people. They cannot live in
society since they are dangerous to themselves and others. They normally
look for a target and they look for a way to attack them. They normally
attack in all forms. That means physically, mentally and even
psychologically. They choose someone depending on their like or based on
something they went through. They like stocking and being in the shadows
which is very creepy and very unusual for most of the normal people. They
can kill and do not find that very hard to do. They are also very unstable
emotionally. They can act up at any time without notice. NLP is what they
choose their victims with. They may look for the most vulnerable people or
for those who seem like they own the world as revenge. They easily get
obsessed with someone and if they do their actions are unpredictable hence
can hurt anyone in their way. These people are very dangerous and should
seek professional help from other psychiatrists. They are unfit to live in
society just like that with no help.
Finally, there is Machiavellianism. This is where someone uses cunning
methods to get what he or she wants. One can do so many things to get
what they want in this type of condition. The only thing that matters is what
they want and by hook or crook, they must get it. They forget to use the
right means and they always will choose to use the crooked means in their
lives. So, what is important to them is their goals. They are manipulative;
hence they know how to apply NLP in their lives for their goals to come to
form. So, in all these, we have seen the works of NLP and how they work
everywhere round to make dark psychology possible and a success. They
both deal with the mind and how it works. They are both bound together.
There is no dark psychology without NLP around. It is important to know
how dark psychology comes about from NLP. There is so much that I have
not dealt with in the uses of NLP in dark psychology but the given
information should shed some light on the topic. This was important to
know if you are to understand dark psychology. These are the ideas to grasp
in your mind in terms of dark psychology in relation to NLP.
 CHAPTER 24:

Brainwashing

B rainwashing can be defined as the attempt to change the thoughts

and beliefs of others against their will or without their consent. It is
a systematic effort to coerce and alter the attitudes and beliefs of an
individual in order to change their behavior.
Programs of political indoctrination have been known to use brainwashing
tactics to get people to change their political beliefs. Brainwashing is also
used in certain religious practices especially in cultic ones to manipulate
followers. Primarily, brainwashing works by making the victim’s beliefs
and attitudes obsolete and replacing them with ones that the captor ones and
are suitable for the environment.
Brainwashing involves total removal of freedom, independence as well as
decision-making power from an individual. It is the radical disruption of
one’s routine, habits, and behavior. It involves complete isolation and
destruction from friends, loyalties and associates and calls for absolute
obedience to the authority of the captor in every way. Brainwashing in
many cases involves physical abuse, threats of injuries, death or life
imprisonment. The captive is always presented with new beliefs as the best
and acceptable way to an enlightened life.
The techniques used in brainwashing are intended to induce a childlike trust
in the victim and dependency on their captor. The captive is encouraged to
confess to perceived past crimes where the victim admits to absurd and
trivial mistakes and in some cases, implicating others falsely to impress
their captors. If there are other captors that have been brainwashed before
you, they are likely to be used to reinforce the process by criticizing the
victim and showing their support to the captors. Once the brainwashing
process has taken hold, the captor starts getting rewards and approvals for
their deeds.
How Brainwashing can be part of Dark Psychology
When a person uses brainwashing tactics to manipulate or influence another
person against their will, that is dark psychology. Every person has been
given the ability of free will. You should be able to make your own
decisions, have the freedom of association and whom to be loyal to. When
that freedom is taken away from you by force, that becomes part of dark
psychology.
People in abusive relationships can also be brainwashed. A husband forbids
a wife from interacting with her friends saying they are a bad influence. The
wife is mature enough to know what is good or bad for her and she should
independently make that choice. There are cases where a spouse would
force the partner to stop wearing certain kinds of clothes claiming they are
not pleasing, among other things. This is a way of taking freedom from
your partner so that you may control them.
It is very confusing and draining living with an abusive partner. They blame
and manipulate you for things that are not your fault or for things you never
did. To keep your abuser happy, you get isolated from your family and
friends, change how you dress, change your political beliefs, and the world
becomes about you versus them.
An abusive relationship that one partner is using brainwashing tactics to
control the other, the abused partner becomes dependent on the other and
cannot make simple decisions even on what to cook for dinner. They must
consult with everything and they exist for the sole purpose of making their
partner happy at the expense of their own happiness. The abuser, in this
case, defines what love is and how it should be expressed. The abuser
defines everything in the victim’s life, what is wrong with them, what they
should improve, how they should behave and what is appropriate.
A person can fall into the hands of an abuser in various ways but the most
common ways are through emotional, psychological, and physical abuse.
Once an abuser has managed to hook their partner, they begin to put them
down through belittling remarks and insults. To keep the brainwashing and
abuse ongoing, they periodically have periods where they stop the abuse
and start showing kindness towards their victim. This trauma-binds the
victim. He or she constantly wants to make their abuser happy, hoping to be
treated with warmth and kindness.
Brainwashing becomes part of dark psychology because the victim is
imprisoned in their own lives. The controlling partner in a relationship may
withhold resources such as a car, money even food. They make the victim
be a prisoner in their own home, cause the victim to live in fear and change
how they view the world.
The life of a brainwashed victim is overwhelmed with thoughts on how to
please their abuser. Even without physical abuse, the victim does not feel
free to leave their lives but lives under the shadow if their abuser. They get
affected psychologically, develop anxiety disorders and suffer from
depression.
The Process of Brainwashing
The process of brainwashing is a systematic one. It is a process aimed at
losing self-identity and weakening one’s beliefs, attitudes, values, and
transformed thought process. The following steps or stages are what
manipulators use to brainwash their victims.
Guilt
A manipulator in a relationship will constantly pick arguments to cast the
victim as the wrongdoer, causing them to feel guilty for the arguments. This
behavior is persistent to the point the victim becomes to feel shame for
almost everything and begins to think they deserve to be punished. This is
the first stage of breaking a person in order to begin brainwashing them.
Self-betrayal
When a person is forced to denounce family and friends, it destroys their
sense of self and enhances their guilt feelings. These feelings go to separate
them from their past, paving the way for the building of a new personality.
Breaking point
When the victim is constantly assaulted, made to feel guilty and have
feelings of betraying self, they break down. They may find themselves
crying inconsolably, fall into depression and have anxiety attacks.
Psychologically, they feel they have lost a sense of themselves and live in
fear of annihilation of self.
Leniency
Just when a victim is feeling annihilation of themselves, the oppressor
shows them kindness. This is a brief rest from the assault on who they are.
During these brief moments of seeing the light where there was darkness,
they feel deeply grateful to their abusers. This is a calculated move from
their abusers before they begin the assault again.
Compulsion to confess
At the point where they are grateful to their abuser for pulling them from
their point of breakdown, they are faced with the contrast of further assault
against the rescue and leniency. They sometimes feel they owe the abuser
and are obliged to repay the kindness extended to them. The abuser may
give them the opportunity to assuage themselves from their guilt by
encouraging them to confess to perceived mistakes.
Channeling guilt
The feelings of guilt and shame the victim is feeling will be confused by the
increased assault to their identity. This causes the person to get confused
and lose the sense of what they are guilty of and just believe they are wrong
and carry that burden. Because of the guilt, the abuser uses it to redirect it
towards anything they please. This is typically done by showing the victim
that they have lived a life of wrong decisions and ideologies and they need
to open up to new ideas.
Logical Dishonoring
The victim holds to the notion that the cause of their guilt is ideologies that
have been imposed externally. They blame their teachers and the ideology
instead of seeing the manipulation. The relief of their guilt by making more
confessions about everything they did under the “wrong” ideology. They
mentally throw away these wrong acts and, in the process, they are
completing the act of rejecting the perceived wrong ideology.
Progress and Harmony
With the rejection of the old ideology, a vacuum is created where the new
ideology can be introduced. As they become enemies of the old ideology,
the person is now in search of a contrasting ideology to replace it. The
process is speeded up as the new ideology is shown to be in harmony with
them and suited to their needs. At this point, there is a calmness that
replaces the pain and punishment of before. The captors all of a sudden are
wonderful and kind, and the new ideology is embraced as a replacement for
the sins of the old ideology.
Final Confession and Rebirth
Faced with the distinct contrast of past pain and the glow of the future
presented by the new ideology, the victim completely sheds any remaining
allegiance to the old ideology by confessing any remaining secrets. At this
point, they took the full mantle of the new ideology.
This is described as a rebirth. Depending on the ideology, it may be
accompanied by a rite of passage to be cemented in the new order
completely. It may include strong statements the victim is told to confess to
in acceptance of the new ideology and swearing allegiance to the new
leaders.
The Impact of Brainwashing
Brainwashing as earlier explained, is a form of systematically transforming
the thought patterns, beliefs and attitudes of a person in order to control
their behavior. This is usually done for the benefit of the manipulator and
can result in many negative aspects. There are various ways in which
brainwashing can impact a person. These ways include:
Brainwashing negatively impacts the self-esteem of the victim. The victim
feels they are not good enough and nothing they do is good. This can lead
them to have suicidal thoughts or get depressed.
Anxiety disorders: A person that is being brainwashed loses a sense of self
and gets isolated from their loved ones. They are forced to change from
who they are and pick on a new identity. The victim is constantly anxious
not to do the wrong thing and may suffer from anxiety disorders that can
affect their outward behaviors.
Depression: Most brainwashing victims are isolated from their loved ones
and the world. Their world revolves around pleasing their captor and
receiving some kindness from them. They have no one else to talk to and
their feelings are disregarded. This may cause them to be depressed and not
associate well with others.
Lack of self-confidence: The constant abuse by their captor and criticism
makes the victim believe they are good for nothing. They fear to make
decisions because they have been made to feel unworthy.
Living in fear: One of the tactics brainwashers use is creating fear in their
victims. They lie to them of impending doom and how the world is
unfriendly. They live with the fear that every person is dangerous and if
they venture out, they will be in danger. The captor also uses threats of
consequences on their victim. The victim lives in constant fear of what may
happen if he or she does not do as the captor says.
Change of beliefs: The intent of the captor is to transform the beliefs of
their victims in order to control their behavior. It doesn’t matter whether
their belief was ethical but as long as it does not agree with the ideologies
or beliefs of the captor, then they are not good enough.
Depending on the intent of the captor or aggressor, there are varied effects
of brainwashing on the victim. It is important to identify the technique and
tricks that an aggressor will use in order to avoid being a victim of
brainwashing.
 CHAPTER 25:

Deception

Beyond the Little White Lie

E veryone’s done it. Small children don’t know who made the mess or
broke the lamp. The check is in the mail. We’ll be ready in five
minutes. Yes, you look wonderful in that dress. The little white lie.
It’s inherent in human nature. Before we look at how we can use lies and
deception, let’s look at why we lie.
LIES!
If humans are hardwired to lie, why? Where does the instinct to tell an
untruth to come from? Is it biological or psychological, or both? The
answer is both! Humans lie because of what scientists call a ‘tend and
defend' response. This means that lies are used to tend to needs or to defend
against the threat, and there is a correlation between lying and the release of
the brain chemical oxytocin, one of our innate ‘feel good' hormones. When
we have elevated levels of oxytocin, we are more likely to lie to avoid
losing that feeling of a natural high.
There are several documented reasons for lying, which fall into either the
tend or defend category. They are as follows:
1- Defend oneself - these are lies made to avoid punishment or
backlash for action or perceived action;
2- Defend others - these are lies made to avoid others being punished
or attacked for their actions or perceived actions;
3- Tend to oneself - these are lies told to gain control of a situation or
a person, lies told to avoid embarrassment or awkward social
situations, or lies told to gain personal desires or win admiration;
and
4- Tend to others - lies told to protect others’ secrets, to build other
people up into greater figures than they are, and to maintain social
facades.
Lies don’t have to be earth-shattering, but when they become too big, it
often becomes extremely difficult to keep a story straight. They say the best
lies have an element of truth, and that seems to be the case. Lies often have
harsh consequences when they are discovered, so if you are going to be
deceptive, be sure to be emotionally prepared to deal with any fallout.
The fallout from Pinocchio’s lies manifested physically as a growing nose!
When Do Lies Become Deception?
If you stop to think about lies, you’ll realize that they almost have a scale. A
little white lie about not having a babysitter might get you out of going to a
party, so that’s pretty low on the scale. But if you lie about not having a
babysitter, but you don’t need one because you are lying about having a
baby, now that’s a bit of a whopper. So, where is the line?
Small lies, or fibs, often don’t have many consequences. But larger lies,
especially those that become compounded by repetition or addition, lead to
a cycle of lying that eventually becomes destructive to self, others, or self.
That cycle is most likely the definitive line between a lie and a deception.
Deception comes in many forms- lying about work or life experience, lying
about the state of your relationships, lies of omission, and even lies which
are told so many times, the liar themselves believe them. If lies can cause so
much psychological damage, why do people still insist on using them?
How Lies Apply in Real Life
It goes back to that ‘tend or defend’ response. Let’s take a more in-depth
look at why people could use lies for those purposes. The first reason on the
list was to “defend oneself.” Self-preservation is a powerful thing. If you
are in an abusive relationship, you might lie about where you’ve been to
avoid being verbally or physically attacked, even if your location would be
somewhere perfectly harmless in a healthy relationship. If your abuser
thinks you were at the grocery store rather than having coffee with a friend,
you’ve lied to protect yourself from abuse.
The second reason was to defend others. This may follow closely a scenario
like above, but perhaps it’s a mother lying to protect her children from a
physically or emotionally abusive authority figure. Another scenario might
be an older sibling taking the blame for misbehaving when it was really the
younger sibling that caused a mess or broke something valuable. Friends or
coworkers may lie to stick up for each other in situations that they might
otherwise get in trouble for.
The next item on the list about why people lie is to tend to themselves.
There are many selfish reasons to lie, and it's probably the most common
reason as well. People lie to take care of their own needs and desires to get
what they want from others. People lie because they want other people to
like them, and so they exaggerate personal accomplishments and
achievements to make themselves look better. We hear of this in cases of a
transcript or resume fraud.
Lies that people tell to tend to themselves also frequently are told, no
maliciously, but with the intent of covering up an embarrassing situation or
avoid an awkward social interaction. These lies might be to hide a slip-up
or to skip a party you don’t want to attend. While these are little white lies,
you may still face a little backlash when your husband’s annoying cousin
finds out you weren’t really too ill to attend her bridal shower two hours
away.
The last category of lie is the one that people tell to tend to others. This can
mean being deceptive about liking someone’s new haircut or lying about
how good someone is at their job to help them get a good reference. Lies
that we tell to tend to others tend to be lies of a positive nature, but that
doesn’t mean that they won’t be susceptible to the same negative impacts as
the other types of lies.
Famous Instances of Deception
Deception is one of the most ubiquitous methods are dark psychology. We
see deception used in almost every era of human history. The Trojan Horse
is a fabulous example of the power of trickery and deceit. A whole
population believed they were receiving a gift, and instead, ended up with a
massacre.
In the modern age, one of the largest stories to come out of a basis of
deception is the rise and fall of Elizabeth Holmes and her health technology
business Theranos. Holmes claimed to have invented a blood testing
machine that could run full diagnoses with a minute amount of blood,
primarily through a finger-stick. Holmes had her investors and board of
directors completely fooled, and these weren’t some joes off the street.
Billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch, the Walton family of Walmart
fame, and the DeVos family, founders of Amway, all fell prey to Holmes's
deceptions as investors in her biotech firm. She even fooled many well-
heeled and well-educated board members, including several former or
future the United States Presidential Cabinet members. Holmes's house of
cards came tumbling down when it was revealed that her miraculous blood
testing equipment was deeply flawed and may have even risked the health
of the people who'd relied on it. Before her lies being discovered, Holmes
had managed to accumulate a net worth of $4.5 billion, all of which is gone
today.
Holmes somehow hoodwinked some of the biggest scientific and
entrepreneurial names in the country and all over the world. Now that's
some serious deception!
The Art of Crafting a Good Lie
Telling a lie and selling a lie are two completely different things. Everyone
knows when a preschooler is lying about who painted the living room wall.
But when it’s time to practice deception, how do you put together a story
that’s believable and watertight?
To tell an effective lie, it must be in part based on truth. It will be easier to
remember, and you'll have a defense that you only bent the truth, not
outright lied, should you get caught. You also should make your lie as
simple as possible, to have fewer details to mess up potentially if you have
time to create your deception, practice telling it. It will come out much
more naturally when it's time to tell it.
You shouldn’t try to include anyone else in your lies, the more people who
know what’s happening, the greater chance of you getting caught. Lies and
secrets are best kept to yourself. You should keep things brief and talk in
your normal tone of voice when you deliver your lie. Make sure your body
language and eye contact match your words and be sure that you could
convince yourself of what you’re trying to say.
Once you’ve told your lie, destroy any evidence. If you made a social media
post, delete it. If you wrote something down, make sure you get rid of the
piece of paper. Most importantly, don’t compound your lie with another lie.
If you get caught, it’s probably best just to confess. Why? Because if you
come clean and are honest, you’re less likely to get caught the next time.
Pants On Fire
Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could catch someone in a lie because their
pants went up in flames? Unfortunately, liar, liar, pants on fire isn't a real
phenomenon. There are ways to tell if someone is lying, no flames
involved. Watch someone's eyes when they speak to you; if they seem
unable to make eye contact or are very fidgety, they may not be being
truthful with you.
Being able to spot a lie goes beyond fidgeting and shifty eyes, though. If
someone has a delay in speech or a behavioral pause that they don’t
normally exhibit, they may be lying to you. Some experts say that a tell-tale
sign of lying is if someone who doesn’t normally touch their face or throat
does so while speaking; likewise, for playing with or running their fingers
through their hair.
Speech signals could also denote when someone is lying to you. If someone
repeats very simple questions before answering you, they could be buying
time to craft a false response. You should also take note of any vagueness or
lack of details when asked a direct question. If you suspect you’re being
lied to, ask the person to tell you their story again, but in reverse. The
cognitive power it takes to remember a lie may make them slip up if they
need to tell it out of order.
While there is no foolproof way to determine if someone is lying to you,
use these tips and go with your gut, and you’ll find that you’ll improve your
chances of ratting out a liar. Don’t discount your instincts, they can tell you
more than body language or speech patterns ever will.
 CHAPTER 26:

Speed Reading People

What Is Speeding Reading People?

Ignite the Art of Reading People through Your Super Senses

I f you want to read people, you have to do the garment of a psychiatrist

who has the power to interpret cues which are verbal and nonverbal.
You need to observe beyond people’s masks into their real selves. You
may not get the entire picture of anybody through logic alone. You have to
surrender to their critical forms of information to interpret the essential
nonverbal perceptive cues that individuals exude. For you to achieve this
feat, you need to be eager to surrender emotional baggage like ego clashes
or old resentments and also any preconceptions which can prevent you from
making out the person. It is crucial, as well, for you to obtain information
without bias and continue to be impartial without twisting it.
In the process of reading a colleague, your boss, or partner for you to
understand them accurately, some walls need to come down, and you need
to surrender biases. You need to be ready to let go of limiting old ideas as
far as intellect is concerned. Those who read other people well are taught to
comprehend the hidden. They have discovered how they will draw on what
is called ‘super-sense’ so they can take a profound observation beyond
where you usually steer your focus when you attempt to hack into
transformative awareness.
Examine cues of body language
When you are reading the cues of body language, you have to surrender the
focus by releasing your struggle to understand the hidden signals of body
language. Never get analytical or overtly intense. Stay fluid and relaxed.
Observe by sitting back comfortably.
Focus on appearance
When you are reading other people, take note of what they are wearing. Are
they putting on well-shined shoes and a power suit? The indication for
success is when someone deck out decently. For someone wearing a T-shirt
and jeans may be an indicator of that person being comfortable with casual.
It may be a signal of a seductive choice when someone wears a tight top
with cleavage. A pendant like Buddha or cross may indicate spiritual
values.
Notice posture
Postures are an essential aspect of reading people. It’s a sign of confident
when people’s head is held high. Or you can get an indication of low self-
esteem when they cower, or they walk irresolutely. You can also get a sign
of a big ego when they have a puffed-out chest and swagger.
Pay attention to physical movements
When you read others, look out for their distance and learning. In general,
people bend forward at those they like and keep a distance from others they
don’t. Also, when people cross their arms and legs, you can see signs of
anger, self-protection, or defensiveness. It is an indication that people are
hiding something when they hide their hands by placing them in their
pockets, laps, or place them behind them. With cuticle picking or lip biting,
you will get a sign of people attempting to calm themselves in a difficult
circumstance or under pressure.
Read facial expression
Our faces provide the outline for our emotions. Profound frown lines
indicate over-thinking or worry. The smile lines of delight are crow’s feet;
pursed lips are a signal of contempt, anger, or bitterness. While teeth
grinding and clenched jaw are indicators of tension.
Take note to your intuition
It is possible to tune into someone ahead of their words and body language.
Though not what your head says, what your gut feels is intuition. Instead of
logic, intuition is your perception of nonverbal information through images.
If you are in the process of understanding a person, their outer trappings are
insignificant, and it is only who the person is what counts. To reveal a richer
story, intuition gives the power to distinguish beyond the obvious to tell a
richer story.
You need to watch out for these checklists' cues of intuition:
Respect your gut feelings
Pay attention to the voices of your gut, in particular when connecting with
someone for the first time, an automatic rejoinder that happens out of
impulse. Gut feelings are as a result of if you are tensed up or at ease. As a
cardinal response, gut feelings occur in an instant. They are meters of your
inner truth that relay to you if you should trust someone.
Goosebumps feelings
Pleasant, intuitive shivers are goosebumps, and they happen when
something strikes a chord in us in connection with our resonance to
individuals that inspire or move us. Also, goosebumps occur in the course
of going through déjà-vu and when you have never met someone before but
still recognize them.
Listen to sparkles of insight
During a conversation with people, you may be impressed by those who
come quickly. Watch out and stay alert. Or else, you might fail to spot it.
For most of us, this crucial awareness is lost because of the inclination to
move onto the next idea.
Look for insightful empathy
This cue happens when you have a passionate type of empathy through the
feelings of someone’s real emotions and symptoms within your body. So,
while reading people, take note of whether you had pain on your back when
it wasn’t there before, or if you are upset or depressed following a mind-
numbing conference. To determine if empathy is at play, get feedback.
Discern emotional power
The vibe we radiate and the remarkable demonstration of our energy are
emotions. It is with an intuition that we procure these emotions. For some
people, you will be happy to be around them because they enhance your
vitality and mood. Others tend to be draining; get away from them is what
you want. Though it is undetectable, you can feel this ‘subtle energy’ feet or
inches from the body. It’s called chi in Chinese medicine, an essential
healthy vitality.
Be aware of the presence of people
Though not substantially similar to our behavior or words, the accustomed
energy we discharge is when we sense the presence of the people. It is
typical of a rain cloud or the sun that borders around our emotional
atmosphere. In the process of reading people, take note of if you get
attraction with their presence or retreating due to the willies you are getting.
Watch people’s eyes
Humans’ eyes convey compelling forces. As the eyes cast off an
electromagnetic signal, according to studies, the brain does the same. When
you watch people’s eyes, you will know if they are tranquil, sexy, mean,
angry, or caring. Also, you will have the ability to determine if a person
wants intimacy in their eyes or their eyes can give signs that they are
comfortable. Even in their eyes, you will know whether they appear to be
hiding or guarded.
Observe the feel of a hug, handshake, or touch
Most of us shake emotional energy, similar to an electrical flow during
physical contact. You can ask yourself if a hug or handshake feels
comfortable, warm, or confident. Or if it is repulsive so much that you wish
to withdraw. You can know the sign of anxiety with someone’s hand
clammy or limp to suggest being timid or non-committal.
Listen to the tone of laugh and voice
Our voice’s volume and tone are capable of telling a lot about our emotions.
Vibration is a result of sound frequencies. Notice how people’s pitch of
voice affects you in the course of reading them. Envisage if the tone is
snippy, abrasive, and whiny or if their tone feels soothing.
To read people can be hard sometimes. It takes practice and courage.
However, once you are past that, you will gain a significant advantage. Not
only will you survive, but you will also thrive in all your relationships with
others. People will approach you. Opportunities will come to you. And
some people will want to be like you.
 CHAPTER 27:

Using Mind Control to Your Advantage

T he goal of this book was to show you what the study of dark
psychology is, discuss the individuals who mainly fall into the dark
personality category, and to demystify the various mind control
techniques that these individuals employ. There are reasons why
psychopaths, Machiavellian, narcissists, and sadists tend to thrive in their
lives, and that is because they possess the odd advantage of being able to
participate in malevolent mind control techniques without consideration of
another’s wellbeing. If you are reading this, then you are probably not one
of these people. Their abilities are deeply ingrained without their complex
personality types and have thus shown the world the various ways of
benefiting oneself in a less than honest manner.
But like any skill, the goal and reasoning behind its commitment of action
can easily be skewed and altered with a much less negative intention. Mind
control, influence, manipulation, persuasion, and coercion, by definition,
are immoral due to the nature of deception. But deception is not entirely
bad; it can be done with positive goals and intentions, and we even do it to
ourselves to help us achieve a goal in our lives. If we want to lose weight,
we may hide a candy bar somewhere we know we will not recall, or if we
want to stop spending money, we may ask a friend to hide cash somewhere
in your apartment that you will not be able to locate. Parents manipulate
their children into eating healthy food, and partners keep information about
an ex to save the emotions of those they love. Deception, along with its
various forms of techniques applied with it, can be used for good.
We hope that you are now informed about how mind control works and that
you cannot climb into another person’s mind and flick a switch about them
wanting to promote you. However, you can apply some of these techniques
to persuade them to promote you, highlighting why you are the best
candidate for the job. We hope that you can take these skills into the world
and make some lemonade from the dark lemons that darker personalities
have offered us.
A book titled The Wisdom of Psychopathy discusses the many benefits and
lessons that we as non-psychopaths can take into the daily life that would
benefit us. This does not mean that you stop caring for others or applying
your empathy toward those you care about, but considering certain aspects
of that personality type in moderation can help us lead to life success. That
is the essential point of this book: to inform, educate, and offer you ways
that you can put these lessons into action.
Here is a list of six lessons that psychopaths can teach you about living a
fulfilling and happy life:
Focus on the positive. Many psychopaths can look at situations positively
due to their lack of fear and anxiety. Anything that happens to them feels
interesting, challenging, and an opportunity for growth. Try to do this the
next time something seemingly negative happens to you in your life. This
does not mean, of course, that you don’t acknowledge what happens. It just
means that you look at it from a different perspective as well. For example,
if your cat pees on the floor, that is naturally annoying; but if you look at it
from a positive light, perhaps you can see that it is a challenge for you to
learn to train your cat more or better, or it may be an indicator of illness.
Once you can apply this mindset consistently, you will start to see initially
perceived negative events as new opportunities.
Stick to your beliefs. Psychopaths are not influenced by the opinions or
should be forced upon them by those around them. They are not bothered
by other's beliefs or desire to changes their beliefs. If you possess a belief
that is important to you, do not let others try to influence you to change it.
This, of course, concerns innocent and non-harmful beliefs, such as ones of
human rights, animal rights, etc. If something is close to your heart and
soul, don’t let someone try to alter that because they are forcing themselves
onto you.
Don’t take things personally. It is fairly easy for people who do not have
psychopathic traits to take things that people say or do fairly personally.
What this essentially means is that we easily get offended when someone is
always late to pick us up or if they say something about us that were not
intended to hurt our feelings. Psychopaths don’t be afraid or anxiety nor do
they worry about what other people think, so it is fairly easy for them not to
take what others say and do personally. Many relationships are disrupted or
bothered by behaviors of others that are easily misinterpreted. Psychopaths
take everything at face value and do not interpret anything beyond what it
is. This also means that they do not get upset about career setbacks, being
dumped by their partner, or anything that most people would make about
themselves–something they inherently lack. Try to look at the circumstance
more than yourself and realize that most things that people do have more to
do with them than you.
Don’t overanalyze or criticize yourself. Learning to be self-
compassionate is one of the biggest keys to happiness and success. There is
nothing wrong with some constructive feedback, but because most humans
are wired with a negative bias, they will think about what went wrong more
so then what went right. But, if you practice self-compassion and choose to
look at the positive, a.k.a consciously. What did go right, then you will
build new neural pathways in your brain, making the positive thinking feel
more automatic.
Be fearless/Just do it. The only way to truly overcome fears is to face
them. Procrastination only adds to the frustration of not being productive.
Psychopaths generally don’t feel fear or anxiety, so it is easier for them to
face things that will help them advance. So, try to adopt this frame of
thinking, in your case, that feels the fear and does it anyway. Fear is a
temporary emotion that is necessary to help us grow, and each time we face
our fears, we build confidence with more willingness to face each fear as
they come up in our lives. We will only get closer and closer to our dreams
once we make this a habit.
Stay in the present. Psychopaths rarely waste time worrying about the
future and ruminating about the past. They stay in the present moment, and
by doing this, they can get the best out of it. What this means essentially is
that they can focus and get tasks done, rather than falling into unhealthy
thinking patterns that tend to set us back. Each moment can only be taken
for what it is rather then what we think it should be. Psychopaths know this
inherently, and you can too. Practicing mindfulness will help you do this,
and you do that by meditating and applying other exercises. Mindful eating,
walking, even showering, or brushing your teeth can help you be in that
moment, rather than deep in your mind. Once this has become a habit in
your life, it will be easier to see things as they are, not categorizing them as
positive or negative, but with deep acceptance. Acceptance will help you
when life becomes more challenging, rather than ruminating and worrying
about potentially negative results.
 Conclusion

A s we move forward, though, we want to perhaps keep in mind that

all of the issues you just saw and dealt with are to, a certain extent,
present in all human beings. That’s why you felt so uncomfortable
reading so many of the chapters because you could see reflections of your
behavior with people in it. Even those of us who are “good” people can fall
into behavior that is similar to the actions of dark psychopaths. It’s
unnerving, but also true.
Are you surprised we know? Look, we keep telling you this, but let’s repeat
it anyway: This is all about you. You are the person who, even before you
read this, had a niggling feeling that you were dealing with a problem, and
you are the person who took the badass decision to do something about it.
This is merely a guide. In fact, why don’t you think of it as a road map?
You are like a traveler making your way down to the bright sunny town of
Hope Springs, and every step that you have gone through is an obstacle that
you have to overcome so that you can keep moving forward.
It may sound silly, but in truth, if you really want to break away from the
negative psychological impacts that dark psychology has been having on
your life and perhaps the negativity that you have been spreading by acting
in an underhanded, manipulative manner, then all you have to do is start.
And start now.
Life is like a long, twisting road that you are walking down. The older you
get, the more you will realize that contrary to popular opinion, where the
road leads are insignificant—what’s important is the journey.
Make your journey count. Focus on where you are now and try not to
become obsessed with the destination. You will miss what is happening in
the present, and when you finally reach the destination, you will realize that
you missed the important things in life, the things that lined the road you
have walked.
Speaking of important, do you know what is important to us?
As cheesy as it may sound, you are.
Your well-being, your happiness, your mental peace—all of these are
factors that we are deeply invested in. This isn’t just your journey; it’s our
journey. And we want to walk with you as you learn to improve yourself
and your life, your relationships and those around you. We are in this
together.
At this point, you have had some time to analyze the target and figure out
what makes them tick. You know whether they are driven more by logic or
by emotions, and you know a lot more about what will work as a technique
of manipulation for them. Once you are done with that, it is time to move
into planting some of the seeds of how you would like the target to behave.
These are hopefully going to get the target to agree to your course of action,
but they are planted in a manner that makes it, so the target feels they got to
make the decision, rather than them feeling like they are forced to make the
decision by someone else.
When all of that is done, it is time to move on to the third part of influence
the process of persuading people. This is going to be the part that will
require you to bring in some physical actions, rather than just using your
words. These physical actions are so important because they will really
push things over the edge and will get your target to agree with you, or get
them to comply, with the thing you are asking for.
The trick to this one is that you need to use persuasion in a way that is
going to work on your target. This is where the other two parts come in. If
you were successful with all of this, and you really worked towards making
the target understood, then you will find that the persuading part of all of
this was pretty easy. You will be well equipped to deal with the target
because you will know the perfect tactic of persuasion that you can use each
and every time.
Persuasion is such an important part of this. And we are going to take some
time to explore how to make this work and some of the different techniques
that come with persuasion later on. But right now, remember that
persuasion is going to be a big part of the manipulation, and it is the step
that will help to seal the deal. If you are able to put all three of these parts
together, you will be amazed at the results that you are able to get from the
target, and how easy it is to get them to do what you want.
This guide is going to spend some time working on the different techniques
that you are able to use when it comes to the art of persuasion. This can
sometimes be something that we see as a good thing. And often, persuasion
doesn’t have the same evil or bad connotation that manipulation may, even
though it is possible that it is going to be used for evil purposes along the
way as well.
There is a lot of persuasions that we kind find in the world around us, and it
is often going to depend again on the intention that is behind it, and how
much choice the other person has. If they are able to see it working and then
walk away without feeling any guilt or anything else in the process, then
this is seen as a good form of persuasion that still lets you have some kind
of choice. But if the manipulator, or the person behind the persuasion, is
able to get you to behave in a certain way because it is really hard to walk
away and say no, then this is often seen as a bad thing.
Think of some times when you have seen persuasion at work, and it didn’t
seem like such a bad thing to work with at all. You may have seen countless
advertisements out there telling us to purchase this one product, and not
another one. We may have had a parent or another family member try to
convince us to do something because they needed help or because they
thought that it was in our best interests.