DARK PSYCHOLOGY SECRETS

AND MANIPULATON

A GUIDE TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE WITH HUMAN

PSYCHOLOGY. TECHNIQUES FOR PERSUASION,
DECEPTION, NLP, EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND
MIND CONTROL.

Brandon Covert
 DARK PSYCHOLOGY SECRETS AND
MANIPULATON
PART I

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Why Do We Need Emotion?

Chapter 2: What Is Emotional Manipulation?
Chapter 3: Techniques To Emotionally Manipulate Others
Chapter 4: What Is Empathy
Chapter 5: Mind Control With Empathy
Chapter 6: How To Use Manipulation For Empathic Relationships, Friendship, And At Work.
Chapter 7: Coercive Control
Chapter 8: Methods Of Manipulation
Chapter 9: The Pillars Of Manipulation
Chapter 10: Methods Of Persuasion
Chapter 11: Secrets Of Persuasive People
Chapter 12: Dark Persuasion
Chapter 13: Methods Of Deception
Chapter 14: Deception Detection
Chapter 15: Neurolinguistic Programming Secrets
Chapter 16: Nlp Techniques
Chapter 17: Nlp For Influence
Chapter 18: Nlp Anchors
Chapter 19: Using Nlp In Real Life
Chapter 20: Nlp In Business
Chapter 21: Dealing With Manipulation In A Relationship
Chapter 22: Sales And Manipulation
Chapter 23: The Art Of Subliminal Messages
Chapter 24: Using Nlp In Your Real Life, Relationship And Work
Chapter 25: Predators
Chapter 26: Tips To Protect Yourself Against Emotional Predators
Chapter 27: Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 28: Increase Awareness And Create Value For Yourself And In Business
Conclusion

PART II

Introduction
Chapter 1: What Is Dark Psychology?
Chapter 2: History Of Dark Psychology And Its Impact On The Modern World
Chapter 3: Techniques Used In Dark Psychology
Chapter 4: Psychology Of Manipulation
Chapter 5: Do We All Have A Dark Side?
Chapter 6: Understanding Dark Triad Personalities
Chapter 7: 15 Different Types Of Personality
Chapter 8: Manipulations Tactics And Schemes
Chapter 9: Recognize Manipulative Behaviors
Chapter 10: Principle Of Persuasion
Chapter 11: Theories And Methods Of Persuasion
Chapter 12: Persuasion Vs. Manipulation
Chapter 13: Different Types Of Persuasion
Chapter 14: Influence People With The Power Of Language
Chapter 15: How To Use Dark Psychology Personally And In Relationship?
Chapter 16: Persuasion And Manipulation In Business
Chapter 17: Behavioral Traits Of Favorite Victims Of Manipulators
Chapter 18: How To Manipulate People
Chapter 19: 10 Tips For Dealing With Manipulation
Chapter 20: Hypnosis
Chapter 21: Protecting Yourself Against Hypnosis
Chapter 22: The Nlp
Chapter 23: How Is Nlp Used In Dark Psychology?
Chapter 24: Brainwashing
Chapter 25: Deception
Chapter 26: Speed Reading People
Chapter 27: Using Mind Control To Your Advantage
Conclusion
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DARK PSYCHOLOGY SECRETS
AND MANIPULATION

A GUIDE TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE WITH

HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY. TECHNIQUES FOR
PERSUASION, DECEPTION, NLP, EMOTIONAL
MANIPULATION AND MIND CONTROL.

Brandon Covert
 Introduction

I n order to recognize how manipulation works, it is important to

understand the mechanisms of the human mind. The unconscious mind
makes up almost all of the brain’s functions. It controls your breathing,
digestion, heart rate, etc. It is home to your creativity, imagination, and
memories. It is also used to build your automatic response to feeling
threatened. Your emotions are also present in the unconscious mind.
Manipulative people play largely on the unconscious mind by altering
another person’s emotional response to someone. An individual who is a
successful manipulator can make others feel comfortable and calm while
covertly getting people to do what they want.
Manipulation is made possible through the use of psychology. Manipulators
use psychological tactics to give an individual a false sense of security,
which then leads to the level of trust that the manipulator is seeking. It is
when the manipulator gains another person’s trust that the true mind games
begin.
The psychology behind manipulation focuses on the idea that instead of
making someone do what you want them to do, it is the key to make
another person want to do what you want them to do. The way in which a
manipulator is able to make this happen is through understanding the person
they are trying to manipulate. The genuine wants and desires of the person
being manipulated must be learned so that the manipulator can modify said
wants and desires to match their own goals. The most important thing a
manipulator should keep in mind is that the closer they are to the person
being manipulated, the easier it will be to manipulate them. It takes time
and patience to build this level of trust and the top manipulators take the
time to learn the best way to manipulate a certain person at a particular
moment.
One of the most common forms of manipulation comes in the form of
emotional and psychological manipulation. Psychological manipulation
focuses on the unevenness of power between people. The individual with
the power preys on the weaknesses of the other person. The cycle of this
form of manipulation is the manipulator finds an individual’s weaknesses,
the manipulator takes advantage of said weaknesses, and then the process
continues to repeat. Once a manipulator successfully manipulates a person,
they are not likely to stop manipulating until being forced to stop.
While it can be difficult to take notice of when one is being manipulated
and stop someone from manipulating, there are ways to protect one’s mind
from manipulation. One tool that can be helpful is meditation. When a
person is able to silence their mind and become more grounded, it can be
noticeably easier to deal with emotional and psychological manipulation.
Even when other people are hostile and controlling, an individual with inner
peace can remain calm but aware of the manipulator’s intentions. Avoiding
an emotional attachment to manipulative people is also crucial. This
approach can be challenging, especially if the manipulator is showing false
signs of kindness to gain a person’s trust. The best way to weed out the
manipulators is to pay attention to any of the beginning signs that someone
is overpowering someone emotionally. Once there is any warning of
emotional manipulation, it is time to slowly back out of the relationship
before attachment forms.
A manipulative person strives for power over another person. And so, by
not allowing the manipulator into one’s head, the manipulator loses their
power. An individual can prevent a manipulator from getting into their head
by laughing at their insults or statements and going along with what they
say without actually agreeing with what is said. It is also extremely
important to focus on one’s own idea of self rather than how others see
them. When a person has a solid sense of self-worth, it becomes nearly
impossible for others to weaken that self-assurance. One finally a tool that
can be used to stop manipulation is escaping from harmful relationships.
People cannot be forced to change; it is best to save oneself from toxic
relationships before the physical and emotional threat becomes too
dangerous. Every person deserves to be in relationships where they are
valued rather than ones that break a person down.

In order to prevent manipulation, one must first become aware of the signs
of manipulation. One of the most common red flags that manipulation is
taking place is if an individual is feeling guilty. Manipulators thrive on
making the people around them feel bad about themselves. Since
manipulators are unable to own up to their own faults, they tend to place
blame onto other people, which thus creates guilt for the person being
manipulated. This is commonly known in abusive relationships when the
abuser says that it was the victim who made them act in an aggressive way.
The victim of a manipulator will truly believe that it is their fault and stay in
the toxic relationship. A manipulator will also use the controlled person’s
words against them to gain power and enforce the guilt approach.
Once all of the signs of manipulative behavior have been comprehended, it
then becomes important to understand the power of emotion in connection
to manipulation. An individual’s emotions play a vital role in one’s ability
to manipulate and to be manipulated. Emotion is one of the main tools used
in manipulation. Manipulators will use an emotional connection to get as
much information from another person as possible. This is also the main
outlet of learning the weaknesses of the individual being manipulated.
Additionally, manipulators will fake emotion at times in order to
strategically undermine a person’s decisions and create a level of self-
consciousness. If a person’s sudden onset of emotion does not appear
genuine, call them out or get out of the relationship.
Sometimes it may take time for an individual to pick up on the warning
signs of manipulation. However, one can train the brain to take notice of
seemly innocent words and actions that can lead to manipulation. It may
seem flattering if a partner wants to know what the other person is up to.
However, when a boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly asking what the other
person is doing and becomes angry when they do not receive an answer,
this should send off a warning sign in the head. This can be an indication
that the partner is monitoring their significant other and can even go as far
as to turn into stalking.
A question that is often wondered by people who hear of someone having
been in an abusive relationship is how could they have stayed with the
person? An abuser manipulates their partner into staying by providing
moments of love. The abuser attempts to reel their partner in again after
moments of violence by providing compliments or gifts. It is important for
the brain to recognize that this does not mean the abuse will stop; it is only
a ploy to make the person stay. Get out of the relationship as quickly as
possible.
Abusers are also aware that many people draw the line at physical abuse. It
can be more difficult to detect psychological abuse. However, there are still
ways to train the mind to pick up on psychological trauma. Conversations
surrounding jealousy can be a great indicator. If a partner is constantly
jealous of their significant other spending time with other people, they are
most likely trying to isolate their victim from everyone else. The
manipulator is attempting to create a false notion that the partner can only
rely on the manipulator.
Once an individual is able to train the mind to pick up on manipulative
tendencies and phrases, it is time to get out of a manipulative situation
altogether. The way an individual respond to manipulation depends on the
type of manipulation that is taking place. If a person finds themselves in a
situation where the manipulator is aggressive, for example, an abusive
relationship, it is wise to speak with a professional about the best way to
exit. Speaking to a therapist or a hotline that specializes in domestic
violence are two great tools to find the safest course of action.
If an individual is being manipulated but does not feel a sense of danger,
either physically or emotionally, it becomes important not to allow the
manipulator’s words to sink in, let it go in one ear and out of the other. It is
also strategic to create boundaries. Manipulators tend to create boundaries
that are far too strict or too involved. It is helpful if the manipulated person
responds by following their own boundaries and disregarding the
manipulators. One last response to manipulation is not to make any rash
decisions. Do not sign a contract or agree to any major decisions without
truly thinking it over on one’s own. This allows the person to rationally
come to a conclusion without a manipulator’s own desires being the focal
point.
Another approach to preventing or stopping oneself from being manipulated
is to rewire the brain to be socially dominant. Studies have shown that
social dominance is not improved by heightening the level of aggression or
physical strength a person is exerting. Instead, when an individual becomes
more resilient, dominance can be achieved. When a person is able to find
success in one area of their life, they can translate that mindset into other
instances of their life. Additionally, attempting to transform oneself into an
extrovert can be useful. Extroverts tend to exhibit high levels of social
dominance. To become an extrovert, an individual must be open-minded.
Some of the traits of an extrovert are perceived as negative, but focusing on
the positive attributes can help a person develop some of the desirable
character traits of an extrovert. Another way to look at extroverts in a
positive light is to think of influential people who are considered extroverts.
The next step is to practice the behaviors of an extrovert until they become
natural. Specifically, look at opportunities to call attention to oneself is a
beneficial way to learn to interact with all types of people. However, if an
individual truly cannot be an extrovert, it is still possible to act the part.
Plenty of famous actors pretend to be an extrovert on screen but are actually
introverts behind the scenes. One example is Johnny Depp. The Hollywood
star has played the roles of extroverts such as Willy Wonka and Captain
Jack Sparrow, but in real life, Depp chooses to stay away from social
situations.
Learning from others is another possible way to become an extrovert. There
tends to be more than one personality type in a given group of people,
including extroverts. Watch how the extroverts in the group act compared to
oneself and replicate their behavior. One final option is to have a complete
understanding of oneself. What makes one person different from another
person? Once an individual knows who they are, they can begin to look at
how they are perceived by the people around them. This leads to a person’s
ability to see what attributes they have that other people respond to in a
positive way and which characters can still be improved upon. The
extrovert is not as easily manipulated, which promotes the act of
transforming, even if it only on the surface, into an extrovert.
 CHAPTER 1:

Why Do We Need Emotion?

P erhaps the most basic tenet you must understand before approaching
dark psychology in any meaningful manner is emotions. You must be
able to recognize how emotions sway other people, why we have
them, and how to sway them if you want to be able to control people. This
is for one key reason—emotions are motivating. They drive everything.
Once you understand how people are feeling, you can begin to recognize
how your own behaviors influence the feelings of others. Once you
understand that, you can tweak your own behaviors intentionally in order to
evoke the desired behavior from the other person. The more control you
gain over another’s emotions, the more control you have over their thoughts
and behaviors. This is because thoughts, feelings, and behaviors work
together in a constant, never-ending cycle. Your thoughts influence your
feelings, and your feelings influence your behaviors, which in turn,
continue the cycle.
What are Emotions?
Ultimately, emotions are somewhat simple to define in theory. Despite how
vastly different they may be from each other; all emotions have some base
similarities at their foundation. In particular, they have three key features
that define what they are. They are natural, they are reflexive, and they are
instinctive.
In being natural, they come on their own. They were created over millennia
of evolution and development, forming in ways that would be conducive to
the survival of life as life continued to grow more and more complex over
time. The more complex and capable of thought life grew, the more
emotional capacity was necessary to control them.
Emotions are reflexive, meaning they are reactions to the world around
them. If left completely unprovoked with no real stimulus, emotional states
do not change much. Things happen around you to sway you into feeling
one way or the other. For example, getting hurt can cause negative feelings
of sadness, anger, or fear. This is because all three of those emotions can aid
in survival in that particular situation—sadness lends itself to getting the
support of others. Anger lends itself to defending oneself, and fear lends
itself to flee. When emotions are reflexive, they are meant to bolster one’s
chances at survival.
Lastly, emotions are instinctive. They happen automatically with very little
thought involved. They do not require much conscious thought to arise,
instead of happening on their own. This is largely believed to be due to the
fact that humans have two different thought processes that operate largely
independently from each other. Humans have the implicit or automatic
thought process, which involves instinctive judgments and behaviors, such
as emotions, and they have the explicit or controlled thought process that is
responsible for rational thought, learning, and development. Emotions fall
into the implicit, unconscious thought process—they occur on their own
without feeling the constraints of rationality.
Of course, when they are not constrained by rationality, it is easy to
understand how fickle they can be—emotions can largely be influenced by
several different external factors. Anything from how the day went to what
you ate could sway your emotions.
Why We Have Emotions
Despite how fickle and impractical emotions can be; they have important
biological purposes. If they were not important, they would not have
developed over the course of several thousands of years in a wide range of
species. Many animals with higher brain development have the areas in the
brain believed to be responsible for different emotions—it is not solely a
human thing. With that in mind, the two biggest purposes for emotions are
survival and communication with a crowd.
As briefly touched upon, emotions are reflexive. They are natural,
instinctive responses to the world around you meant to boost your survival.
This is because they are motivators. Emotions motivate you to perform
certain actions and behaviors in hopes of firstly surviving and secondly
passing on genes to the next generation. Because you will naturally and
instinctively feel certain ways when exposed to certain situations, your own
behaviors will be influenced. If something makes you scared, you are likely
to approach it cautiously or avoid it altogether. This is because fear serves
to put your body on high alert. If something makes you happy, you are
likely going to continue to seek exposure to it because happiness is what is
felt when needs are met, and means you are doing something right. Of
course, this is not always necessarily an accurate way to go about life, but it
is a good rule of thumb. Things that trigger happiness, such as love,
affection, sex, good food, and rest are all generally good for survival.
Secondarily, emotions serve as a major component for effective
communication. When you can communicate effectively, you are better able
to survive. You will be able to clearly iterate whatever it is you need in that
particular moment simply because emotions are all about your current
unconscious thoughts, feelings, and needs revolving whatever is happening
around you. Those feelings trigger specific reactions in the body, namely in
body language, actions, and expressions, and those three things culminate in
a way to nonverbally communicate your needs to those around you. Those
who are closest to you are likely to want then to behave in ways that are
beneficial to you, actively seeking to meet your needs to ensure you are
cared for simply because they understand that you have needs as well.
Further, when you can read the needs of others around you, you can also
choose to regulate your own behavior. Think of anger, for example—it is
largely an alarm emotion. You feel anger when you feel as though you are
being wronged or your boundaries have been overstepped. When you feel
angry, you will show the typical angry body language. When someone else
sees that their own actions have made you angry, they then have the
opportunity to tweak their own behaviors to ensure they do not continue to
make you feel wronged. Both of these facets of communication aid in the
survival of the social species. Because humans naturally crave living in
groups of people, surrounded by others, they need to have a good
understanding of the thoughts and feelings of those around them in order to
live in a happy, healthy manner without angering everyone.
What Emotions Say
We have dozens of emotions—joy may be different than exuberance, for
example, and disappointed is different than agony. While they may fall
under similar categories of emotions—such as joy and exuberance both
falling under the umbrella category of happiness and agony and
disappointment both falling, at least in part, under sadness—they are
different. Rather than going through each emotion step-by-step to define it,
we will look at broader categories. The seven emotions that will be
presented here are believed to be the seven fundamental emotions, meaning
that all emotions felt will fall under the category of one or several of the
emotions listed here. Emotions exist on a spectrum, and they can be quite
complex, particularly when you start feeling complicated, conflicting
feelings, and for that reason, reducing the wide range of feelings down to
the seven universal feelings that are known to occur in all cultures across
the world, no matter how distanced or withdrawn the people may be. Each
of these seven emotions evokes a specific facial expression in response that
can be recognized across cultures. Even people that are born blind and
never get to see expressions exhibit the expressions that go along with these
seven emotions, making them believed to be universal.
Anger
Anger is felt like a response to something wronging the individual or
overstepping a boundary. It is meant to evoke protection or defensive
behavior and conveys a deep need for a boundary to be respected or some
distance to be given.
Fear
Fear is felt during times of active threat. The individual believes that he or
she is in danger, and the body responds to that by preparing to either fight
or flee to survive. When seeing this emotion in others, it conveys a need for
security and safety.
Contempt
Contempt is felt when an individual feels a deep hatred or disapproval for
another person or thing. It is usually caused as a response to not believing in
something someone is saying or lacking trust or respect for the other
person. It conveys a need for trust.
Disgust
Disgust is usually felt when you are exposed to something that is toxic to
your health. It is usually reserved for things that will make you ill if you
consume it, but it can also be directed toward people as well if they have
done something utterly against your moral code. It usually conveys that
whatever is present is toxic and should be avoided at all costs.
Happiness
Happiness is the ultimate sign that you are doing everything right and
should continue to do so. It means that the individual is satisfied during that
moment and that all needs are met. It is pleasant and meant to encourage the
individual to continue doing whatever evoked that happiness response in
the first place.
Sadness
Sadness is felt in times of pain or loss. It triggers a withdrawal in which the
individual feeling sadness attempts to escape from the cause of the pain or
the loss and is a cue that major support is needed in order to heal.
Surprise
Surprise occurs when something startling or unexpected has occurred. It
usually means that something that did not line up with prior belief sets has
occurred and that it requires further attention in order to understand what
has happened.
 CHAPTER 2:

What is Emotional Manipulation?

N o one enjoys being taken for a ride; no one likes being played for a
fool either. Unfortunately, many people have these unpleasant
experiences in almost every facet of human interaction. Worst of
all, it happens to a lot of us more than once! The intriguing thing is not that
we were played for fools; rather, it is that we come out of the experience
with a determination to never fall for such tricks ever again only to find that
we have been tricked again and again.
Perhaps, this book you are reading right now is the wakeup call you need to
jar you out of your psychological slumber and do something practical about
your decision not to have a repeat experience of emotional manipulation
ever again.
What is Emotional Manipulation?
For the sake of clarity, let us have a working definition of what emotional
manipulation is.
Emotional manipulation is the temporal takeover of your ability to think
and act rationally. When someone acts or says things that distract or
bypasses your rational and conscious mind, and then hijacks your emotions
to the point of influencing you to feel a certain way or behave in a certain
way, they are, at that moment, manipulating your emotions.
Such people who have practiced the art of emotional manipulation or who
have developed the bad habit of manipulating others are capable of making
you do what you would normally not do. Beyond making you behave in
negative ways, shrewd influencers can completely ruin your career, destroy
your love life, and cause havoc in your relationship with others. It doesn’t
matter how academically intelligent you are; if you do not take steps to
protect yourself from emotional saboteurs by developing your emotional
intelligence, you may learn the hard way why being street smart is as
equally important as being book smart.
Emotional manipulation is simply a mind game. Although some people
have psychopathic and sociopathic issues, while others go through some
training to attain mastery in the art of mind games, everyone is born with
the ability to manipulate others for positive and for negative purposes.
Children do not need formal training in neuro-linguistic programming
before they can push their parents’ guilt buttons, neither do they have to be
coached before they use flattery to warm their way into the hearts of parents
and adults right before they present their requests. Passive aggression
doesn’t have to be taught to any child before they use it to manipulate
parents and adults into submission. These things are inborn and can be used
for the benefit of all involved in any interaction (a win-win situation) or
strictly for the selfish benefit of the manipulator.
Usually, those who are manipulated emotionally have unknowingly
surrendered a part of their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-image to the
manipulator. This is why the longer a victim stays in a manipulative
relationship (either personal or professional relationship), the more damage
is done to their overall sense of self.
Self-awareness is a very important quality to develop if you must
accomplish your goal of not falling again for manipulators. The more aware
you are of your emotions and your tendency to react to others, the greater
your chances of gaining control of your thoughts, emotions, and your
behavioral response.
Look at it from this angle: since emotional manipulation is all about mind
games, the person with greater control of your emotions wins the game. So,
if you gain control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, there is
little to no chance that you will be played for a fool again and again.
Let us now give our attention to finding out who a manipulator is, their
goals, and the tools with which they use in the art of manipulation.
Who is a Manipulator?
In the simplest terms, a manipulator is someone who uses people to
influence the outcome of a situation usually to their benefit. In other words,
when someone gets you to think and act in ways that please them, they have
manipulated you. The outcome that a manipulator seeks can include:
To use their victim to gain access to power or to seize power.
To gain partial or total control in a relationship or at work.
To take the credit for another person’s hard work.
To enjoy the benefits of their victim’s hard work.
To make another person take the fall for their faults.
To achieve their devious goals, manipulators can use any of the following
tools:
Deceit – deliberately withholding vital information, misleading with
words, actions, or inactions, being dishonest, and being generally
fraudulent.
Guilt – making you feel responsible for an unfortunate outcome.
Lies – deliberately twisting the truth or spreading outright falsehood
about their victims.
False hope – making empty promises, using future events that may
not ever occur as baits for their victims.
An emotional manipulator has a deep-seated need to be in control.
Underneath that desire to always be in control of people and situations is
the feeling of insecurity. To mask that insecurity, an emotional manipulator
will sometimes put on the appearance of someone domineering and
powerful.
A person who is in the habit of manipulating others has little to no regard
for how his or her behavior affects their victims or others around them.
Their desire to be in control and to feel superior is more important to them
than any other thing. This is why they carefully seek out vulnerable
individuals who will dance to their tune and validate them. When you
succumb to a manipulator or even react in an emotional outburst, you give
them power over you.
Let us see the reasons for emotional manipulation – why people are
manipulated and why they fall prey to manipulators.
Why People are Emotionally Manipulated
From ill-famed world leaders to leaders in the workplace and other social
settings, emotional manipulation has been used to rally followers around
selfish causes or goals. Emotionally charged speeches, well-timed body
gestures, sarcasm, intimidation, aggression, and false hope have been used
to get people to stop thinking and just act blindly! The question is: why do
people tend to fall for these types of mind control tactics easily?
I am not implying that only people under another person’s authority can be
negatively influenced. In reality, your station in life doesn’t matter much
when it comes to emotional manipulation. You could be a follower, subject,
sibling, child, subordinate, student, or any other person and still be able to
influence your superior negatively. Isn’t this why kids have their way with
their parents? Have you not witnessed or heard of bosses who are incapable
of asserting their official powers over a particular employee because that
employee has them wrapped around his or her fingers?
Why then do people of all class and position fall for manipulators? Two
reasons stand out from all the other possible reasons: unhealthy self-esteem
and fear. A person with a healthy self-esteem does not need flattery to
recognize their self-worth, neither does he or she respond to covert and
overt aggression. Since they recognize the inherent and inalienable worth of
every person, it is difficult to get them distracted by a feeling of pity for
anybody. Having healthy self-esteem ensures that you are not easily pushed
into feeling guilty for someone else’s actions or inactions.
However, unhealthy self-esteem can make an individual seek validation of
their self-worth from external sources. When a manipulator gets wind of
this fact, he preys on that weakness by temporarily soothing their emotional
need. As soon as the victim becomes comfortable and lets down their
emotional guard, the manipulator nudges, and sometimes, coerces them into
doing things they would not have normally done.
Fear, on the other hand, drives people to succumb to a manipulator even
long after they have discovered that the person is using them. Fear is the
reason why a lot of people remain in a manipulative, controlling and toxic
relationship. They fear:
Loss of basic needs: for those who are in a relationship where their daily
sustenance depends 100% on a manipulative partner, they may continue to
endure such emotional control tactics because of the fear of losing their
only means of survival.
Confrontation: many people would rather avoid arguments and conflicts
that are likely to arise from being firm and courageous. Confrontation gives
them the jitters.
Discomfort: this refers to doing everything possible to stay clear of the
awkward feeling that being assertive can bring about. Some people prefer
the seeming peace than the uneasiness that will result in their relationship if
they were to take steps to protect themselves from being controlled
emotionally.
Loss of friendship or partnership: some people go to great lengths to
keep their relationship even when it is causing them deep hurts and
subjecting them to negative influences. They simply cannot picture
themselves without the other person; they are loyal to a fault. This makes
them open to all sorts of manipulation as the other person takes undue
advantage of their loyalty.
Loss of opportunity: this refers to remaining compliant and submissive to
gain or keep an opportunity like free accommodation, gainful employment,
and other benefits.
It is important to note that emotional control may not always present as
someone trying to dominate and oppress you, at least, not at first. In many
cases, it presents as being pleasant and nice but it later turns into
manipulation and control.
If you are in a relationship that has any of the above characteristics, then
you are in an emotionally controlling relationship. It is doing a lot of
damage to your self-esteem. Over a long time, you will feel worthless and
completely dependent on the other person.
There is a need to free yourself from such manipulation if you must regain
your self-esteem.
 CHAPTER 3:

Techniques to emotionally manipulate others

H ow would you feel or react when you realize that for the longest
time you had been acting out of the script of someone else? That is,
you have been in control of your own actions and also your life as a
whole. If it sounds scary and probably annoying, that is what emotional
manipulation is all about. While a lot of people talk about emotional
manipulation, there are still many who don’t know what it is all about.
Emotional manipulation, or sometimes called psychological manipulation
or “mind-effing” is used to refer to the behavior which is intended to
change the attitude as well as the behavior of other people by using
deceptive, devious and sometimes abusive means. The manipulator
psychologically or socially influences their victims to respond or behave to
situations or issues in a manner that is unoriginal to their victims but which
suits their purpose. This is classic manipulation because while you are
acting out of that person’s script, you will think that you are still yourself.
Emotional manipulation usually doesn’t involve using force but has a lot to
do with playing with someone’s emotions and mind (psychological) to
exploit them. It’s very hard to credit this concept with advantages if any,
because of the covert nature of the work that goes into it and also the end
results. Emotional manipulation compares to when someone uses what
belongs to you to feed their own desires but in a covert manner and without
your permission. While the manipulator acting in secrecy is definitely an
issue, the biggest issue is when the manipulator makes you do things you
wouldn’t normally do or things that don’t consider as good, or you seriously
object to.
Usually, when a person is ignorant of the tactics or techniques that the
manipulator is using on them, they may not be able to break loose from the
spell. They will keep convincing themselves that they are in charge of their
life when they are actually not. But knowing the techniques can easily make
them identify when they are being used. And while emotional manipulation
is generally considered a bad thing, there may be times when you will need
it to get what you want from people who have not been very cooperative
with you, and having knowledge of the tactics used would go a long way in
helping you in such situations.
Emotional manipulators identify their victim’s psychological weak points
and then work on them. This is only wise because if one makes a mistake of
manipulating the other where they are the strongest, the manipulator will
fail before they even begin. Expert manipulators look at an aspect that
makes their victim vulnerable and works through that.
The best practical tactics and techniques to emotionally manipulate others:
Projection
Projection is a diversionary tactic that manipulators employ to shift their
shortcomings or deficiencies to another person. Instead of accepting
responsibility for their errors, they would rather make another person take
the blame. It is a psychologically abusive tactic that aims at taking the
burden of guilt off their shoulders and mounting it onto someone else’s. The
main motive here is to paint themselves clean, and the other person looks
dirty and unfortunate.
Intimidation
To intimidate is to frighten or overawe another person, especially to make
them do what one wants. Emotional manipulators usually apply the
technique of intimidation to silence people who they consider a threat to
them. In the case of a confrontation, they would look at the other into the
eyes and with strange body language so that they can induce fear and
distract their victims from their train of thought and make them end the
debate.
Magnifying their own problems while diminishing that of
others
This is also another covert emotional manipulation tactic. Emotional
manipulators start by pretending that they are sorry for the things that you
are going through, and while at it, they may also put on a show of short-
lived empathy. This is usually a ruse to hide their true intentions. But soon
after, they would quickly bring up their own problems or challenges and
magnify them so much that yours end up looking insignificant.
Intellectual bullying
Overwhelming someone with intellectual facts is one of a kind tactics that
people use to manipulate others. Don’t get it wrong though, they may not
always be accurate in what they are quoting but what they do know is that
the other person doesn’t have access to or a chance to verify what is being
said as valid. This way, they are able to place themselves before the other as
an authority of some kind in order to have a way with them.
Name-calling
One of the character traits of emotional manipulators is that they have an
exalted opinion of themselves that is usually false. To them, other people
are never right while they are never wrong. In fact, most emotional
manipulators have been said to be narcissists. Therefore, when you are
about to challenge their ego by putting their thoughts and opinions into
question, be prepared to be called more names other than those in your birth
certificate.
Conditioning
Conditioning is a psychological training method of an animal towards a
particular taste or trait that the trainer wants. Now imagine that on a human
being. Of course, the manipulator would do this secretly. Through
emotional manipulation, the victim is the one being “trained” by the
manipulator. The idea here is to make the victim do away with their initial
values and instead embrace those of the manipulator. For example, if a
victim values honesty, then the manipulator would present anything good in
life as dishonest. That way, the victim will end up associating honesty with
a set of wrong values. The main reason that manipulators do this is so that
the victim fails to proceed further and might even end up being disgraced.
Gossiping and stalking
Every emotional manipulation tactic’s main aim is to control a person.
However, when manipulators find it hard to control their targeted victim,
they look for other ways to achieve that by controlling how other people
view or see the victim. This can be achieved by spreading false information
behind the victim’s back and other times monitoring their movements. The
idea here is to not only give people a bad impression about the victim but
also to intimidate them. For example, when a partner hints at ending a
relationship due to the other partner’s bad habits, the other partner would go
around spreading lies. The intention behind this is to get people to generally
dislike the victimized partner due to the lies being spread instead of people
getting to know the truth.
Bad surprises
It is nice to be surprised once in a while, especially from a loved one. But
surprises from an emotional manipulator come differently; they are used as
a tool to throw their victim’s off-balance. A manipulative person would
keep a promise only to say at the last moment that it won’t be possible. The
main aim here is for the manipulator to get a psychological advantage over
the victim by putting them in a situation where they can’t do anything but
yield to their demands. At that last moment, when the victim doesn’t have
any other option, the manipulator would bring out their egoistic demands
that the victim would have no option but to meet them. This tactic is
common among business people, and the 0key to staying out of it is to
reach a legal agreement before signing a deal.
Personality marketing
This tactic involves a person selling their alleged good qualities to another
before they even get to know them personally. When the manipulative
person here realizes the qualities that their targeted victim wants to
associate with, they come sneakily, blowing their own trumpets and
marketing those qualities the victims prefer. This is a technique commonly
used by politicians. They identify the qualities that their voters want in a
leader and market themselves like that. It is only after they have been voted
in the office that they would start showing their true colors.
Demeaning sarcasm
While making it look like a joke, manipulators would mention things that
their victim is struggling with in an underhanded way. This is meant to
create feelings of insecurity to the victim and eventually overpowering
them. Manipulators usually apply this tactic when they feel like their victim
is getting too much recognition or attention. Demeaning sarcasm is done
when a person cracks jokes about some struggles or failures in another
person’s life like a failed exam or marriage. Such things aren’t anywhere
near funny, but manipulators will make jokes out of them. While it may
appear that it is just clowning, what the manipulator is trying to achieve is
to make other people realize that the victim isn’t perfect or they aren’t
worth as much as other people thought.
Triangulation
This emotional manipulation tactic is very common in romantic
relationships. It is also one of the emotional narcissists’ leading
characteristics. The idea here is for the manipulator to validate their own
selfish and wrongdoings towards their victim by making recourse to another
party’s act. For example, a victim would be abused, and then when making
a fuss, the abuser, without apologizing or admitting their wrong, would then
direct the attention to another friend of the victim who was slapped by a
partner and didn’t make a fuss about it. The main intention here is to make
the victim look like they are overreacting and also the abuser or
manipulator would technically be validating their action. The principle of
triangulation is to divert the victim’s attention by comparing an upsetting
event of a third party to justify their current wrongdoing.
Boundary testing
Boundary testing is when manipulators test their victims to see how far they
can go in crossing the victim’s line before they trespass the victim’s
personal boundary. They cross one line at a time until they get deeper into
their victim’s head. This is a very common tactic among abusers. First, they
would talk condescendingly to the victim, when they show “excessive
understanding” the next time they would slap them and if the victim
accommodates that as well, it won’t be very long after that when they
would turn into a punching bag. The reason this tactic succeeds is the
victim choosing to show empathy rather than stand up to themselves.
Narcissists, the most chronic emotional manipulators thrive in this. Their
main concern isn’t empathy but rather the consequences of their actions.
Therefore, the more they succeed in decapitating their victim, and nothing
happens, the more they move a notch higher.
Judging others
This is one of those emotional manipulation tactics that is done openly;
anyone else apart from the victim knows and sees it. The manipulator
would deliberately pick on their victim, especially when they know that
there is nothing the victim can do right away. The most egoistic and self-
centered emotional manipulators are the ones who display this characteristic
very often. They would keep bringing out their victim’s fault and brush
aside their good efforts so that other people would view them negatively.
Also, this tactic helps fuel the manipulators' ego because the more they
judge the victim, the more they are portraying themselves as the better one.
The victim can save themselves from this tactic by severing ties with the
manipulator and avoid showing considerations of any sort.
 CHAPTER 4:

What is Empathy

I t was in the mid-19th century that the German aestheticians introduced

the concept of empathy. They called it “Einfühlung,” which means the
emotional knowledge of artwork. Mostly defining the emotions and
feelings that accompany an artwork. A psychologist by the name Theodore
Lipps expanded the meaning of the word by the end of the 19th century. He
explained it as the feeling you have over a different experience. He went
ahead to explain that when we imitate the actions of other people, we will
defiantly show empathy voluntarily. Martin Buber, a philosopher, added to
it and gave a profound concept that described the empathetic relationship as
“I and Thou” versus “me and it.” What Martin meant is that the opposite of
respect for humans is objectification and dehumanization of other people.
Empathy can be defined as the mental and emotional attachment towards
other people’s emotions, needs, and struggles. Understanding and trusting
other people can be achieved by setting a common goal. The goal is to
make sure that people have great connections that will help them in solving
their problems and those of other people. Empaths are people who connect
to other people’s emotions and feelings and are able to resonate with them.
Empaths show compassion and consideration to other people. They are
fine-tuned to the emotions and feelings of the people around them. Most
empaths do not even understand how the ability they have works. They tend
to think that they are just sensitive to other people’s emotions. Empaths
have shared characteristics.
Empaths are very sensitive to deep emotions. Most people are prone to
putting up an image of what they want other people to see while they are
busy hiding their true feelings. An empath is able to scan through the false
emotions and see the real feelings of the person. They have a big heart, and
mostly, they assist the person who is trying to hide their real feelings into
expressing exactly what they feel. Empaths show empathy to human beings
ranging from close members of the family to strangers, animals, plants, and
even non-living organisms. They also show empathy to the planetary
system, mechanical devices, and buildings, among other things. Empaths
are not limited to time and space, which means they are able to feel the
emotions of people and things even if they are at a distance.
Most empaths are poets in action. They possess a high degree of creativity
and imagination, and they are born writers, singers, and artists. That means
that most empaths are found in the community of artists. Empaths are
known to be multi-talented, and they have diverse interests. They have an
interest in cultural diversity, and they are open-minded about people from
different backgrounds and cultures. Empaths cuts across all tribes, races,
cultures, and geographical positioning. They are found anywhere within
your family, neighborhood, place of work, and the community at large.
Empaths cut across all ages, genders, career, and personality in that it is not
easy to associate them within a certain group. The best description for
empaths is listeners of life. They are fond of solving problems, thinking,
and study broadly. They believe in answers to every problem, and they are
committed to searching for solutions to every problem they encounter.
Empaths have the ability to sense other people on different levels. They are
able to observe people when they are speaking, what they feel and think in
order to understand them. They are very skilled at studying people’s body
language and their eye movements. All this ability may not be used to
describe an empath, but these are skills that are developed as a result of
showing interest in studying humanity and how people behave the way they
do. The ability to study someone through observance can be referred to as
the communication package for empathy.
Empathy is an important tool as it defines societal and personal functioning.
It enables people to share experiences, needs, and desires amongst
themselves. It brings about an emotional bridge that supports pro-social
behavior. It requires an intense interplay of neural connections to enable
individuals to perceive other people’s emotions, understand their emotions
and their brain. It enables us to understand why other people perceive things
the way they do, and also differentiate our emotions from other people.
Empaths are very sensitive to media, and it can affect them. Violence or
emotional dramas showing on TV, movies, news, and broadcasts on
children, adults, or animals can send them to tears. Most of the time, they
hold tears back or even get physically ill on seeing such scenes. They never
understand why such cruelty should happen to certain organisms.
Empaths are warm to be around, and people from all walks of life, and even
animals want to be around them. They have real compassion towards both
living and non-living organisms, which is very attractive. People might not
understand that someone is an empath, but they are always drawn towards
them. Empaths are attractive even to total strangers. They find it easy to
express their innate feelings to them even though they barely know them.
It’s not easy to explain why people find it easy to trust empaths even with
their deepest secrets even though they do not know they are empaths, but
then they end up having a listening ear and maybe even finding the solution
to their problems or confusion.
There is a tendency of empaths to be cautious of the outside feelings rather
than the inside. This makes them forget their own feeling and focus on other
people. They value peace over everything, and they are committed to
ensuring there is peace always.
 CHAPTER 5:

Mind Control With Empathy

W hen you think about “mind control” what comes to mind?

Chances are it conjures up thoughts of a mastermind controlling
their minions like puppets. In a roundabout way, that’s true.
There are folks who seemingly have a magic power that enables them to
compel others to do their bidding.
The fact of the matter is that there are no such powers. If there were,
whoever could develop them would be incredibly powerful. So, that begs
the question: what is mind control?
To answer this question, we need to focus specifically on how free will
among humans works. In general, a human being possesses free will. This
means that a person is free to choose whatever they want to do. However,
this ability can be more or less enhanced depending on the circumstances
surrounding a person.
Think about that for a minute.
If you happened to find yourself stuck in a concentration camp during Nazi
Germany, there wouldn’t be much that you could do to exercise your free
will. Any type of manifestation of your freedom of choice would have been
quickly crushed by those in charge of keeping prisoners in line.
What this implies is that free will can be negated to a certain extent, though
not completely extinguished. So, mind control can be influenced in such a
way that a manipulator can motivate a person to do one thing or another.
Now, this isn’t your traditional “influence” or “persuasion.” We’re talking
about powerful techniques in which you can play with a person’s reactions
and natural instincts so that they are compelled to do what you want them to
do.
This is powerful stuff indeed. That is why this will delve into the ways in
which you can use such techniques to get others to go along with your plans
and your ideas without having to resort to coercion or any other type of
underhanded trickery.
Smiling
The power of smiling is seriously underrated. While you’re generally taught
that smiling is a great way to break the ice and so on, the fact of the matter
is that a well-placed smile can go a long way toward connecting with
someone. This goes back to our discussion on rapport. When you are able to
build rapport with someone, the likelihood of getting them to go along with
you is far greater.
It should be noted that there is smiling, and then there’s a genuine smile.
The difference lies in the fact that a fake smile can be spotted a mile away.
When a person flashes a fake smile, they somehow seem uncomfortable
when doing so. They don’t seem sincere in the way they do it. To better
exemplify this, think about people you meet at the grocery store or bank.
You can tell the smile and say “good morning” simply because it’s a part of
their job.
So, pay attention to the people you encounter in all walks of life, when you
meet someone who flashes a smile at you, and they seem sincere while
doing it, pay attention to the way in which they did it. You will notice that
they make normal eye contact and do so under the right circumstances. For
instance, a cashier will look at you and smile when they give you your
receipt after paying for a purchase. Or, a waiter will smile at you while
greeting you at your table.
You can use the power of smiling to your benefit when you meet someone,
talk to them in a social interaction or when negotiating with. However, you
need to train your mind to do so when you are genuinely feeling the urge to
smile. If you smile while thinking negative thoughts about this person, then
you will find that your smile will be fake. Therefore, you have to get into
character and at least tell yourself that you genuinely care about this person.
This will be a great start.
Eye Contact
With effective smiling and positive interactions comes eye contact. This is a
very tricky subject as a deep, penetrating stare will make people defensive.
So, this may trigger a “flight or fight” response. In that manner, you may
end up generating the opposite effect that you wish to create.
Positive eye contact is generally achieved when you are at a logical point in
your interaction. For instance, eye contact along with a pleasant smile and
firm handshake when meeting someone, can easily trigger a “safe” response
at the other party. This is essential when going into a job interview, for
example. In a situation such as this, your interviewer will be relaxed and
more open to hearing what you have to say.
If you reflect submission or even fear in your eye contact, the other party
may be inclined to take advantage of this. By the same token, if you spot
that your counterpart shows some type of reluctance, this may be a signal
that they feel uncomfortable in some way. This may be a signal to you to
pounce on the situation and go for your particular objectives.
At the end of the day, eye contact can be a powerful weapon when you are
able to make genuine and sincere contact while ensuring that the other party
isn’t creeped out by your attempt to appear pleasing. So, if you find that the
other party is hesitant to meet your stare, then you are in a good position to
take full advantage.
Persistence
Being persistent can be somewhat tricky. What this means is that you can’t
just take “NO” for an answer and leave it at that. Rather, persistence means
that you will insist on achieving your aims until you manage to do so.
However, with persistence, timing is everything. Let’s suppose you are
trying to get your boss to agree on giving you a day off. If you ask your
boss when they are busy and stressing out over their daily tasks, the chances
of getting a positive response will be quite low. However, you can choose a
time when they are more relaxed.
Now, if you happen to receive a negative answer, you can graciously walk
away and try again later. Perhaps you simply caught them at a bad time.
Thus, it’s up to you to find the right time. As you study people more
closely, you will intuit when people are more vulnerable and when they are
not. For instance, if you ask for a day off on a Friday afternoon, the
likelihood of getting a positive answer will be far greater than on a Monday
morning.
Justifications
There is a difference between having a good reason and a good excuse.
When you have a good reason for one thing or another, it will be much
easier to get someone to go along with you. When you have excuses, it
won’t be so easy.
Consider this situation.
If your boss asks you why you did not complete a task on time, you can
provide an excuse like, “I didn’t get the information I needed soon enough.”
This is an excuse and most likely will not fly with your boss. However, you
can provide a reason why the task took longer than expected. Something
like, “the data process was very complex and took longer to produce
accurate results.” You can then go into how you processed the data thereby
showing off your skills and experience.
In this situation, a good justification for any situation can provide you with
enough ammunition to have anyone agree with you. The only catch is that
when you furnish a justification, it needs to be congruent and logical. If you
just come up with any old reason, then it may not hold up to scrutiny.
Hence, you need to test your justifications. Scrutinize them as if you were
being interrogated. If they hold up to reasonable questioning, then you can
be confident that they will work.
Narrow Ties
Forming close relationships with people is an essential manner to get others
to follow along with you. When you build meaningful relationships, people
will comply with your requests because they believe in you. By the same
token, if you are unable to produce healthy relationships, they won’t be so
keen to go along with you.
This idea goes back to the concept regarding building up trust capital. When
you act as forthcoming as you can, you can build up credibility with others
around you in such a way that they won’t balk at your requests. That way,
you will find that it won’t be hard to get others to comply with your ideas.
As such, bonding is a very useful tool. By bonding with others, you can find
common ground that will be very hard to break. This can be achieved in any
number of ways. Perhaps the most common is to find ways in which you
can identify with others. For instance, if you have both been through similar
experiences, then you instantly have common ground. Also, if you have
other aspects in common, you can exploit these coincidences in the pursuit
of forming narrow ties with others. In the end, you will get others to follow
along simply because they trust you and believe in you.
Active Listening
Listening is perhaps the most overlooked tactic when it comes to
influencing others and getting them to comply with your desires. When you
really listen, it will automatically give the other person the impression that
you care about them. As such, you will create the narrow ties that are
essential to building trust capital.
Moreover, it’s really easy to get others to see that you are truly listening. All
you need to do is look at them and mirror some of their mannerism.
Mirroring consists of doing the same things they do. For example, if they
cross their arms, you can do the same. Or, if they place their hand below
their chin, you can do the same.
Be Forthcoming
Lastly, the best way to build credibility is to be forthcoming and truthful.
Trust capital is such a valuable commodity that you must ensure that you
try your best to accumulate as much of it as you can. While you may be
aware of the fact that you’re only doing things because it is convenient for
you, others need not be privy to this.
One of the best ways in which you can build this trust capital is to tell the
truth. In short, if there is no need to lie, then don’t. If you are a pathological
liar, people will catch on to you and dismiss you as a charlatan. That’s
hardly the effect you are looking to create. In fact, when people see that you
are forthcoming and honest, they will definitely look to you in all situations.
You can create a persona that is based on credibility. Therefore, people will
find it hard to question your judgment and actions. In the end, you will
allow your track record to speak for yourself. In the end, whenever
someone chooses to go against you, all you need to do is point to your
accomplishments.
Although, do keep in mind that building this type of credibility takes time
and consistency. So, do make a point of implementing as a part of your
usual behavior. It is certainly worth taking the time to build a credible
persona. You will get far more from people by being forthcoming than by
being deceitful.
 CHAPTER 6:

How to Use Manipulation for Empathic

Relationships, Friendship, and at Work.

I want to inspire—I know, teach me how! This is a typical manipulation

and dark psychology learning request. It is easy to satisfy. You come to
the trainer, he teaches you how to make trance and how to formulate
indirect suggestions, and in the lessons, you already succeed, but when you
notice that the interlocutor “swam” and you could give him a command, it
often turns out that in order to inspire, there is nothing. Own thoughts run-
up, but there are no normal working templates yet. And that’s all—the
moment is lost.
There are two reasons for this. First: you just don’t know what you want.
Do not know your desires. In a milder version: you do not know what to
want from this particular interlocutor. The cure is simple: sit down and
write a list of your desires. When there are many desires, it is easy to see
the possibilities for realizing at least one of them. Further: before the
meeting, consider why you are going to it, what you would like to receive
from this person. And imagine the result as a picture. Usually, it makes
sense to instill either the right behavior or the right attitude towards
something. On that and we will solve.
The second reason: you are afraid that upon hearing your suggestion, the
interlocutor will come out of the trance and give you in the face. Well, or
make a claim in any other form. Well, practice shows that these fears are
justified, and an inexperienced person can really run into. If it inspires not
something and not what wakes up the internal watchman of his “victim.”
What suggestions are safe, we will analyze further.
Courtesy Rules
It is helpful to treat suggestions as polite requests. Indeed, it is much more
pleasant instead of “Look at the clock and tell me what time it is!” To hear
the indirect “Can you tell me the time?” Or “Do you have a watch?” De
facto, these are indirect suggestions, but they are perceived by requests.
A request is nicer than a demand. Requests are polite. And everyone knows
from childhood that if you are asked politely, it is already impolite to refuse.
Therefore, politeness is almost the most effective form of suggestion. But
after all, to be honest, I don’t want to fulfill all the requests? “Could you
dance at the table of your boss?” “Please give me all your money!” “Won’t
it bother you to surrender to me tonight?”—Not everyone is ready to fulfill
such wishes. What’s the secret?
A person will gladly fulfill our request if three conditions are met:
He understands what needs to be done. He knows how to do it.
It is easy and stress-free for him. Do not have to spend too much
and strain.
It seems to him that fulfilling the request is beneficial to him.
If at least one of these conditions is violated, you can at least get out of
touch; he will not do it soon—then when the conditions change.
A Reminder
I remind you that our task is to speak in such a way as to dull the vigilance
of the interlocutor, and not at all the other way around. What does the
sentinel system of any living creature respond to? Right! A sharp and
unmotivated change in the situation. If you walk along the street and
suddenly even smiling and decently dressed people begin to approach you
quickly, the subconscious will sound the alarm and throw a portion of
adrenaline into the blood for a fight. If you are talking peacefully with a
person, and he suddenly begins to speak twice as loud (quieter, faster,
higher), you understand that something is wrong, and you need to beware.
But we are not just living beings—we are thinking beings. We have beliefs,
principles, attitudes. And all this, we are ready to protect more than our own
body. Therefore, in order to dull the vigilance of the interlocutor, you need
to say something that is consistent with his ideas about reality. It happens.
So, it is necessary. That’s right. Do you want to agree with this?
All the same, a person will not do what is contrary to his beliefs. So do not
offer this! It would be strange if you suggested a person take poison and he
would gladly agree. Do you agree? But to take medicine is welcome. It
would be strange if people gave money just like that, but for bracelets
charged with healing prana, they very much give.
If you believe in the healing properties of these bracelets, it’s rare that
anyone is ready to give orders to experience excitement, but to listen to
someone else’s exciting experience is welcome, or at least, about love at
first sight.
When you inspire, make sure that your words are consistent with the beliefs
of the interlocutor. With you knowing the logic, it is easy to choose safe-
sounding messages from which the correct behavioral conclusions will flow
logically, out of the competence of a consultant is the need for a large fee,
out of the danger of influenza is the need to pay for the vaccine, out of the
importance of the project is the need to work overtime. Inspire the
promises, and the person will accept the conclusions.
Inspired Mood
It is difficult to describe the whole gamut of feelings that overwhelmed me
at that moment. Here was the delight of access to the great sacrament, and
the thrill of its truly universal scope, and the sweet, languid foreboding of
inevitable work—quite familiar in essence, but unprecedented in scope—
something like this for American tourists visiting the ruins of the
Colosseum.
Most of our decisions are made under mood pressure. Conscious or not. I
like this man—I take him to work. The specialist is good, but causes
irritation—I do not take it. The Christmas tree toy is ugly but happy. The
car is expensive but awkward. Emotions dominate! If a person does not like
his decision, he will find a way to change it, and he will figure out how to
justify it—extremely logical!
We live in a world where everyone thinks that logic is at the forefront. In
sales training, we are taught to select logical arguments. At negotiations
training, we are taught to build reinforced concrete logic. Relations and
those are disassembled using the scalpel of logical thinking. Thoughts are
put at the forefront, and therefore, the influence through emotions gives
fantastic results!
Compliments
Few people immediately agree to consider you above yourself. The
suggestion, “I am more important!” is dangerous if not confirmed by
official instructions. And then, few will allow you to evaluate yourself out
loud. And the suggestion, “Listen to my opinion!” also rarely works—but
there is one loophole that you know about. Right! Compliments!
A compliment is the type of assessment that is accepted. This is polite. Yes,
and nice, to be honest. I just want to believe them, especially if there is a
reason. “Great job!” “Amazing hairstyle!” “Fine move!” “Next to you, I’m
like a stone wall!” But agreeing to accept compliments, people agree with
everything else—that the opinion of the evaluator is important—what rights
does he have to evaluate what is more important? After all, he who
evaluates is more important, right? Well, you do not dare to tell the boss
that he is doing a good job.
Compliments are socially acceptable and, therefore, safe, unless, of course,
speak them in moderation. And for this, there are special tricks.
And, saying compliments, we teach a person to accept our suggestions. But
they are not so simple—if you look closely. Indeed, a positive assessment is
also a requirement of conformity.
You are kind, be kind. You are generous, do not be greedy. You are brave,
protect me. You are caring, help bring the bag. You are talented, think for
yourself. You are charismatic, charge the team with energy. You are
punctual, come on time. Match in a new word for your needs.
By the way, it is often enough just to reduce the intensity of praise relative
to the usual level so that the person realizes that he has done something
wrong. Women know. But this is another song.
Only PR
On the one hand, praising yourself, your goods, your services are not
accepted. On the other hand, you won’t surprise anyone. This is normal.
The only thing that is important to monitor here is the relevance of the
statements. They should be on the subject. It would be strange on a
romantic date to start praising the furniture of our own production.
If you have a good reason to say good things about yourself, act! Show
yourself from the best sides! Show off more. These are suggestions! After a
certain number of repetitions, a person will just get used to thinking about
you just as you tell about yourself. “I did a successful project.” “I caught a
cool combination.” “The boss said that I am a very valuable specialist.”
“It’s strange, but for some reason, women like me.” “I will be pleased if you
think well of me.” True, good examples?
Does the man praise you? Thank and do not forget to mention that he is not
the only one who thinks so. All honest people adhere to just such an opinion
about you. For example, say that his review will be the pearl of your
collection of positive reviews about your work. It is actually the same.
Awards, diplomas, won contests, titles—why don’t people find out about
them? They form your reputation!
And if I do not like to brag? Then, praise yourself indirectly. “Yesterday, a
friend called whom I often help out, he told me...” “A week ago, at a
festival dedicated to awarding our company, I saw a girl in a stunning dress!
I want this too!” “When my friend, the head of the cosmetology clinic, and
I went to Cyprus...” The most important thing is in relative clauses.
Since self-praise is the same suggestion—all speech strategies of indirect
suggestions work here. Praise yourself sweetly and charmingly, and people
will forgive your easy boasting—but the positive charge remains. It’s a fact.
Total Correct suggestions are those on which one is not ashamed to be
caught. These are suggestions that are easy to accept, and the actions arising
from them are relaxed and subjectively beneficial. This effect is achieved
by the fact that we say only that which is consistent with the interlocutor’s
ideas about reality, and that from which the behavioral consequences are not
obvious—about the mood, about attitude, about the qualities, about me—or
just ask about what a person would gladly agree to himself. Well, fine.
 CHAPTER 7:

Coercive Control

C
control.
oercive control has been linked to domestic abuse, and in certain
cases, this can be true. However, most people who use coercive
control in a loving relationship are just looking to gain some

Emotional manipulation is merely a way to make sure your partner is aware

of your needs and has the ability to fill them. When a controlling partner is
mentioned, it can lead to visions of a bully or abusive person who governs
the relationship with violence. Dark psychology does not mean you should
use any form of physical abuse to control your partner. Instead, you will use
a gentler form of persuasion to take control of your personal life and make
your relationship better.
In the examples below, we will take a look at what psychologists believe
are controlling traits, yet we will take an alternative view using dark
psychology as our lead:
1) Isolation tactics: When you try and keep your partner away from their
family and friends and strip them of their network of support. Psychologists
will tell you this is an unhealthy way of conducting a relationship, and you
should stand up to them and make time for yourself.
Alternative view: What if you just love spending time with your partner and
encourage them to choose you over your friends and family? Work and
home life can be all-encompassing and leave you very little quality time to
spend with your partner. Gently persuading them to ditch other people and
make time for you is just a form of persuasion.
2) Chronic criticism: Psychologists will tell you that if your partner
corrects your behavior or other aspects of your relationship, then they are
abusing your rights. They claim this is a sign your partner doesn't value you
and is constantly trying to change you. They also claim that comments
about how you dress, keep house, speak, or activities are always
detrimental.
The alternative view: Criticism is not always negative. Do you accept that
you aren't perfect? Of course, you do, and, in that respect, you know your
partner isn't perfect either. Well-meaning comments about how they can
change aspects of their personalities will only let them know how you be a
better partner and someone you will love even more. When your partner
asks how they look in a particular outfit, are you supposed to lie and let
them go out looking bad? Of course, you shouldn't. Should you try and help
your partner become the best version of themselves? Of course, you should.
As long as you are prepared to take criticism reciprocally, then it can be part
of your relationship and help it grow.
3) Making threats to stop them, leaving you: Psychologists cite that when
you point out to your partner what will happen if you split up, then this is a
form of threatening behavior. If you dare to mention the financial aspects
following a split or the fact the children will suffer, these are viewed as
veiled threats and psychologically damaging.
The alternative view: When you are going through a rough patch, it can be
an easy way out to split up and go your separate ways. If you have only
been together for six months and live apart, then go for it. There will be no
fallout or harm done. However, if you are in a committed relationship with
property and children involved, then you have so much more at stake.
Surely using these facts to persuade your partner to work through your
difficulties is merely pointing out the truth. You are not threatening them;
you are realistic.
4) Using a scorecard to measure the relationship: Healthy relationships
are built on reciprocity, and it is usual to help your partner out and expect
them to do the same. However, if you point out that the relationship is a
little skewed and you seem to be putting in more effort then, apparently you
are using "mental abuse" to control your partner.
The alternative view: Surely, a relationship should be balanced? When you
encourage your partner to take a more active part in your life and help you
out whenever they can, then you are only looking to redress the balance.
Some psychologists believe we should accept that one partner will be the
dominant one and provide more support. With coercive control, you are
making it a level playing field.
5) Creating a debt, you can't pay back: At the beginning of a
relationship, it is normal to buy gifts for each other, to go for extravagant
meals on special occasions, and planning outings for the future.
Psychologists will tell you that your partner is creating a sense of debt that
is designed to keep you from breaking up and putting an emotional debt on
your shoulders.
The alternative view: Who doesn't love a gift, or even giving a gift to show
affection? You are persuading your partner to share your lifestyle when you
allow them to use your house or car whenever they like. The "debt" is in
their mind only and was never your intention. Yes, you are improving your
chances of love with material objects, but you are a generous soul who
loves to give.
6) Spying on you: If you are in a relationship and feel that this entitles you
to know what is going on in the other person's life, this can be described as
spying and controlling. Psychology describes this as excessive disclosure
and suggests it's an unhealthy part of a relationship.
The alternative view: Forewarned is forearmed. Disclosure is essential if
you want to make sure you are in a relationship that is monogamous and
trustworthy. So, what if you sneak a peek at their phone? If they aren't
doing anything wrong, then what's the problem? If you live together, then
you need to know what bills and such are being generated. You can suggest
that you disclose your personal emails and passwords to each other just in
case of an emergency situation. If they trust and love you, there should be
no qualms involved.
7) Jealousy and accusations: A healthy relationship is formed when you
feel a level of attraction for your partner that is off the scale along with
connections of the mind. You hope that they feel the same way and are
willing to share their hopes and fears with you as well as their dreams. Yet
we are not supposed to acknowledge that other people may feel a level of
attraction to our partners and feel aggrieved. Jealousy is a psychological
way to control your partner in the view of psychologists and shouldn't be
allowed.
The alternative view: Telling your partner if you are aware of how other
people view them is just another way of acknowledging their physical
beauty. They should be flattered; you are jealous. How would they feel if
you weren't bothered at all? Telling your partner how you feel lets them
know you appreciate them but aren't too keen on their flirting with others or
openly admiring other people. That's just asking for respect for your
feelings and showing they care about you.
8) Earning treats: In a relationship, you need to have the stuff to look
forward to, but a psychologist will tell you if you are given goals with a
reward that this is a form of abuse. They say that a partner who sets your
goals is controlling and dominant and is looking to change you.
The alternative view: Do you want to be in a rut for the rest of your life? Do
you expect your partner to help you achieve your goals and be instrumental
in your progress? Apparently, that's bullying! Surely giving your partner
something to look forward to if they are struggling to progress is simply the
carrot and donkey scenario. You are a team with your partner, and it is
merely persuasive behavior to promise there will be a happy outcome after
a potentially tough time.
9) Making you tired of arguing, so you give in: Some would say that
arguments are an integral part of a healthy relationship. However, if you are
sick of arguing and try to get your partner to find a different way of settling
things, then psychologists will tell you this is controlling behavior and
damaging for your partner.
The alternative view: Avoiding arguments is not a controlling way of
dealing with conflict; it is just a less damaging one. Suggest to your partner
they work with you and find a way to solve problems that don't involve
yelling, and your household will become a happier one.
10) Telling you what you should eat: When you are in a relationship, it is
important to keep your individuality and not become a branch of the other
person. If you are told what to eat and how nutrition affects your life, you
run the risk of being bullied into a certain diet and feeling miserable, or so
the experts tell you.
The alternative view: You love your partner and want to spend the rest of
your lives together, so advising them on the correct foods to eat can only
make them healthier. You are persuading them to make changes in their diet
based on a desire to keep them alive longer. Coercing them to change their
diet is a loving way of showing them you want to spend your future
together with you both in the best condition possible.
11) Banning you from seeing certain people: If your partner puts any
restrictions on who you can and cannot see, they are only interested in
controlling your circle of friends for their own benefit. The psychologists
will tell you that even people who have a bad influence on you should be
kept around, even if your partner disagrees.
The alternative view: Who knows you better than your partner? Your
parents, maybe? Did anyone, ever, say that you shouldn't listen to your
parents and kids should be allowed to make their own decisions about the
people they hang out with? No, they didn't. So why, as adults, should we
dismiss advice from someone who knows us the best and has our best
interests at heart? Persuade your partner that you can make better decisions
about their friends as you are outside the circle looking in and have a
clearer perception. Banning is a strong term, but coercing them to believe
which friends they need to drop will only make your life as a couple better.
You can also use the argument that as friends, you will probably all hang
out at some time, and it will just avoid awkwardness when you do.
 CHAPTER 8:

Methods of Manipulation

M anipulation techniques are created to blur the mind and act on the
manipulator's will. These techniques range from subtle to coarse.
If you understand that the game is being played with you, you
can get rid of these traps without the need for paranoia. Let's take a look at
the clinical analysis of the most common traps.
We want to believe that the world is a beautiful place full of reliable and
loving people. There are also people in our world living by this ideal, but
there have also been and will be people who want to use you if you permit
them. We try to see and embrace the best aspects of every human being, but
the facts sometimes force us to reconsider our approach.
We realize that selfishness is a common human behavior to some extent, but
when we look into the depths of betrayal, manipulation, and deception in
some people, this leads many of us to a different and more careful
approach. This does not force you to paranoia, but for selfish purposes, you
need to be careful in your relationships with people who may play with you.
Manipulation by Lies
It is one of the commonly used methods by fraudsters. They form a dense
network of lies, and this system distorts reality, making you a victim of
manipulation. The only way to evade this is to check for conflicts and
recognize bluffs. You have to rule hard on trust. Avoid sharing your
personal and financial information until you know a person well enough.
Watch out for the perfect offers and job offers that can't be right. A deeper
level is to avoid making your decisions based on weak pieces of
information. It is always best to verify the sources of information and test
the validity of statements before verifying them. Spending time and
thinking in this way is the best defense mechanism to protect you from
retreating to the vortex of lies.
Taking Advantage of Your Emotional Investments
It is the worst method of manipulation that can be applied to a person.
Many people who are emotionally possessed or threatened are forced to do
things they would never do. People with a tendency to be psychopathic tend
to apply it to other people. The way to save yourself from such a situation is
to prevent it from happening before it starts. Don’t verbally express your
emotional investments to foreigners. Don’t exhibit your weaknesses even
though it is not necessary because there may be people around you who
want to benefit from it. Open your heart fully only to a few trusted people.
Ego Whipping Through Provocation and Humiliation
In the other fields of politics, sport, and human activity, one of the greatest
manipulation methods is provocation and humiliation. A person can be
forced to do stupid things through provocation, humiliation, or humiliation
in public. A wounded ego is dangerous and can be manipulated. When
you've been provoked to do something stupid in this way, think about what
you're going to do, no matter what is worth it.
It's easy to let your wounded ego drive you crazy. Wait before you do
something stupid and freeze everything for a while, making it easier to
think thoroughly. The provocation is always aimed at a purpose and you
shouldn’t react until you have left it completely behind. Otherwise, you will
be blindly trapped.
Falsification
It has been known since the history of man that instant temptations and
ambitions are a curse that prompts people to ruin their lives in an instant.
Desiring something in addiction will become your weakness. These desires
expect to ambush us as manipulative traps. So you need to avoid them.
Instead of seeking short-term gains, value long-term plans to avoid a
tempting trap. Knowing your desires, and those who constantly feed them
can take control of your life and lead you. In this case, you will lose your
freedom. Any type of addiction, such as drug addiction, booze, money, or
sex addiction, can cause you to be ruined. By preventing yourself from
dependence on material things and obsessive desires, you prevent
manipulators from dominating your life.
Pure Brainwashing
It is a tactic of manipulation used by marketing and advertising companies
as well as extreme conservatives. If you do something over and over in
front of a person or a mass, it takes over their reasoning. The only means to
guard yourself against such manipulative people is to filter what you listen
to through a logic filter. Don't accept things just because people say so.
Research and verify before believing. Thinking in your own way is the best
thing you can do about it.
Subtle Emotional Blackmail
It is sometimes seen in relationships. It is one of the manipulation
techniques in relationships and it’s often unnoticed. You value a person, and
the man or woman uses the emotions that you nurture for his or her own
interests. It is very common in relationships and continues until the victim
decides that this is enough.
Know exactly where to draw the line because self-sacrifice and sacrifice
lose their meaning after a certain point.
Deprivation
Deprivation is another emotional manipulation that drives people to
unwanted jobs. Such manipulative psychology peaks in family and social
life. Deprivation is used to make you obey people, and it is really difficult
for people to overcome it. Independence and creating your own source of
income is the only way to get rid of this manipulation trap.
Ego Caress - Arrogance
It is one of the methods of intense emotional manipulation. Ego has the
power to caress, even break relationships. Feeding lies, your ego caresses
until you reach huge dimensions, so the manipulator turns you into a
puppet. In short, arrogance can be disastrous. One can only get out of this
situation by trying to be humble and fair among people. One should pay
attention to these machines and emotional techniques. Manipulation can
also be used positively. People can be manipulated to do good work and
make the right choices, but it is a very risky game for that person.
Building your independent opinion and your judgment on the phenomena of
the outside world helps to protect you from becoming a victim of such
mental manipulations. In other words, don't let anyone think for you. But let
them think for themselves. Keep a distance between anger, desires,
ambitions, and lies from your mind. This is the basic rule of life. Truly
listen to everyone, talk to some, and trust only a few. Prudence, patience,
independent thinking, and good judgment will always protect you from the
manipulative traps around you.
 CHAPTER 9:

The Pillars of Manipulation

1. They use storytelling

B eing able to tie stories into logical facts is a brilliant tactic attorney
use because the brain is more likely to enjoy listening to a story and
absorb the point being made, more than it will when being
inundated with a barrage of facts and statistics.
Stories will often bypass the logical part of the brain and make one think
more with their emotions than facts will, and this is what you want when
trying to establish a strong case for yourself.
Just be careful of someone trying to use this tactic against you and making
you fall for a bad argument due to them drawing your logical mind into the
nearly hypnotized state that comes with being absorbed by a good story. It
increases your suggestibility and reduces your ability to focus on the facts.
2. They know their audience
Great attorneys make it a point to do background checks on the potential
jurors and judges they may have to deal with and try their hardest to make
sure they can control who is selected to sit in on their cases. If they can
control that element, they try to make their arguments, cases, and general
way of communicating suit the audience they will be presenting to.
You never know when you might find yourself in a situation when you have
to communicate effectively with people who are not used to your usual
style. It is imperative that you know as much as you can about the people
you speak to if you are to sway them to come over to your side. You want to
learn to communicate with them on their level and avoid the risk of not
getting what you want due to minor miscommunications and
misunderstandings.
3. They show and not tell where possible
The mind is more drawn in by stories and pictures than it is by pure facts
alone. They are often more interesting and easier for the brain to absorb
than dates, studies, and statistics. The best attorneys know this better than
anyone and use it to their full advantage. They will present evidence where
possible, instead of simply referring to it. They will keep referring back to
it, even though the audience knows it’s there, to keep reinforcing the
‘truthfulness’ of their cases and re-establishing themselves as the authority
in that specific encounter as they have visual evidence of irrefutable truth.
Be aware of someone who is constantly harping on about a piece of
evidence they may have shown you. Question it despite seeing it. Make
sure that you are not falling for the old trick of misdirection just to be
misled by a nefarious manipulator.
4. They are reasonable
There are moments when digging in your heels and locking your jaw can
play against you even when you are in the right. Great attorneys know this
and can recalibrate themselves to suit the interaction and better increase the
chances of them getting what they want.
You can consider doing this in your own life where you find small points
where you agree with your opponent to lower their defenses. Once their
guard is down, you can go back and show them the logic from your own
point of view.
This can be a great tactic since people are more likely to dig their heels in
when it seems force is the only way out, so suddenly changing the game on
them can confuse them into thinking they are getting what they want (to be
understood by others) while you are secretly just ensnaring them in your
trap from a different angle.
5. They appeal to emotion
There is nothing stronger than being able to use emotions to keep someone
off balance and have them eating out of the palm of your hand. Attorneys
will often do this by making witnesses angry on the stand to make them slip
up in their testimony if it suits them; making a jury feel bad for a defendant
whether or not they are guilty; making potential clients trust them, whether
it’s in the best interest of the client or not.
Make sure always to keep your head and use your opponent’s emotions
against them where possible. Winning or losing at games of manipulations
often comes down to emotions more than they do with facts. Whether you
are trying to convince or prevent yourself from being convinced, keeping
your emotions in check while making sure your target does not will be the
deciding factor in you walking away as the victim or victor in these kinds of
insidious games.
6. They watch the audience’s body language
Body language is often a huge deciding factor in how people see you and
how they communicate as well. You will often see the best attorneys change
their swagger according to the situation so that their message is being
communicated on multiple levels. Moreover, body language taps into
people's’ mirror neurons and can have their instinct to imitate be used
against them.
Mirroring someone’s body language can make them feel accepted or
slightly intimidated, as if you are reading their minds. Seeing someone
mirroring you is often a sign that they are more likely to believe what you
are saying. At other times, you want to use this to see how people feel about
you and react accordingly where necessary.
Body language skills can be a tool for reading minds and controlling
emotions.
7. They use leading questions
Leading questions is the favorite technique of many people in the legal
business because it allows them to control perspectives, which can win or
lose cases and future clients.
If someone asks you, “how much do you hate hockey?” They are not giving
you the option of liking hockey. The question already assumes you agree
with the person asking it and simply demands the degree to which you
agree to show that you are on their side.
Be careful of people using questions like this against you. This tactic can
have you not realizing that you are being lured into the trap of accepting a
premise that is not true to you. Persuasion is not about right or wrong; it’s
about winning.
8. Listening skills
The best salespeople know how to listen closely for the smallest detail that
might help them close the deal. It might be a sign of hesitation, confidence
anything that tells them if you are a target they should be spending their
time on and how they should know if it is time to move on.
Usually, we end up being the ones to give these salespeople all the
information they need to handle us better. All they usually have to do is
listen as we over-answer simple questions and give ourselves away.
9. Empathy
A salesperson who can get under the skin of a prospective client is often
more likely to have higher sales because they are able to build a far better
rapport with the people they interact with and make them feel safe and
secure.
Consider this technique the next time you encounter a salesperson you
considered particularly likable. They may just have been using a sense of
empathy to comfort you into buying something you may not have wanted in
the first place.
10. Assuming the sale
Salespeople these days no longer ask you if you want to buy their product
or not. More often than not they will ask for your details and ask you to sign
on the dotted line as if you already agreed to make the purchase.
This often tricks a lot of people into buying things since they don’t realize
they are being baited into buying something until they’re already signing.
This tactic is also useful because it takes the choice away from the buyer
and puts it in the salesperson’s hands.
11. Confidence
People are a lot more likely to buy with their feelings than with their heads,
so a confident salesperson can be highly effective because people are more
likely to want to trust them simply because of their confident demeanor.
It’s natural to want to follow the lead of someone when they seem like they
know exactly where they are going. Salespeople use this information to the
fullest by starting the sale with a confident body language that engages you
even before any words have been spoken.
12. Creating a scarcity mindset
The best salespeople know that scarcity and novelty often play a huge role
in how we put a value on things. They use this information to make their
product seem more valuable by making customers think that this is the best
deal they will ever get. They further reinforce this by making customers
think that the offer will only stand for a limited time because this is the last
one, or another customer showed interest in buying it as well.
Always take your time to know when this pressure is being applied to you
or how you could apply it to an unsuspecting victim.
13. Honesty (where possible)
One of many tactics' salespeople have in common with attorneys is their
ability to manipulate the truth. They know how to omit certain truths or
simply bend the truth where possible to ensure you see the picture the way
they want you to.
They will tell the truth where possible and avoid it where necessary. As
long as it benefits them, they will play with the truth as much as possible
while maintaining a sense of plausible deniability. This way, they can
practice deception without lying. They escape on a technicality.
14. Curiosity
Great salespeople will often use questions that seem simple to get what they
want from you. They may disguise these questions as simple curiosity, but
they are usually laying the groundwork properly to manipulate you into
buying what they want.
In the game of persuasion, information is king. The more you know about a
target, the more ammunition you have to bypass their rational mind and
appeal to their emotions. No word must be wasted and all information must
be treasured.
15. Communication skills
It is imperative that a salesperson has the gift of the gab and is quick on
their feet because the customers will spend more time listening to the way a
salesperson speaks more than they do the actual content of their speech.
Therefore, you will often find that the best salespeople will make subtle
changes to the way they use language to better appeal to whoever is in front
of them at that moment.
16. Preparation for objections
As with anything in life, preparation is key. Preparing for possible
objections is common among the best attorneys and salespeople. This is a
great way to establish and reinforce your position as the expert who needs
to be trusted in this given field.
Salespeople take care to make sure they give you the sense that they know
more than you and once that has entered your mind, it becomes of the
utmost import that they maintain that guise by having all the answers to
your questions.
 CHAPTER 10:

Methods of Persuasion

F or some people, the art of persuasion comes easily. You can watch
them talk to almost anyone, and it seems like they will always get the
response that they want from the other person. On the other hand,
there are those people who may have the best message in the world who
couldn’t convince anyone, even their closest friends, to do something. No
matter where you fall in either of these groups though, with a little bit of
practice and hard work, you will be able to learn how to use persuasion to
your advantage.
In terms of the process of using persuasion, there will usually be three parts
that you need to follow including:
The communicator, or the medium used as the source of persuasion
The persuasive nature of the appeal
The audience or the target person that the appeal is going to be sent
too.
Each of these elements needs to be accounted for before you try to use
persuasion on a higher level. It is always a good practice to look around you
and check to see how many instances of persuasion are going on in your
daily life. Some of these are going to be overt, but many of them are going
to be pretty subtle. This can be great training for persuasion because you
will be able to employ the same kind of tactics. Let's take a look at some of
the options that you can use when it comes to good persuasion and using
the right techniques.
Using the Aristotelian appeals
So, the first option that we are going to look at is the Aristotelian appeals.
Aristotle is well-known and is actually one of the most famous persuaders
of all time. He believed that there were three main ways that a person could
approach things when they were trying to use persuasion to change the
opinion of the other person.
Ethos
The first appeal that one could use was ethos, which is going to focus on
things such as trust, integrity, and character. This appeal is going to focus
on the reputation of the person and some of the things that they may have
done in the past, or even how others think about them today. There are
many people who value their reputations, and they will work hard to
maintain them, especially if the person is in a high office or the public eye.
This is not a bad thing to care about your reputation.
As the persuader, it is fine to show off some character because this shows
that you are a human like everyone else, and you can even show off some of
the flaws that you have. The trick here is that you need only to show off
flaws that are pretty small, ones that the target audience will not see as a big
deal, but they do need to be large enough that they show that you are still a
person who has some good values and even virtues.
Pathos
The second appeal that you should work on is pathos, which is when you
evoke the emotions of the other person. You will want to find some way to
excise the other person, to get their interest in some way. This can often be
done with storytelling or even by referencing situations where injustices
were done at some point. You can add in some ethos to this by condemning
these actions and describing how your values fall into the matter.
If you are working on this appeal, it is important to use the right linguistics.
Language is going to be your most important tool for getting the emotions
involved. A good speaker will always be able to pick out the right words to
get their message out there. For example, they know how to use words that
will amplify or subdue the situation based on the results that you want to
get.
Logos
And the third appeal that you can use when it comes to persuasion is logos.
This is when you are going to use logic, rational explanations, and even
evidence to help support your claims. Some people do not respond that well
to the emotional side, and they may feel that anyone who is using their
values and integrity are only doing so to make a sale. These people are
probably going to do the best with logos, being told logical information that
they can look up on their own to verify before they make a decision.
Foot in the door
This one allows you to ask for a bigger favor after you have already been
granted a smaller favor, especially if they are related in some way. You may
start off with something that is pretty small, such as just borrowing a cup of
sugar from your neighbor. Your neighbor will probably be fine with this
because it’s not that big of a deal, and most people, as long as they have it
on hand, will have a cup of sugar to share with you.
This method can be used in many different persuasion circumstances. The
trick is to always start out with something small, something that you think
the target will be willing to help you out with. Then you will slowly build
yourself up until you get to the bigger thing that you would like them to
have in the long run. You may have wanted the target to start with the
bigger thing, but if you went there first, you would have completely missed
out on the sale.
Reversal tagging
Another option that you can use is known as reversal tagging. This is a trick
that uses simple and subtle sentence phrasing to get an agreement, or at
least compliance, from the target in general. It is going to use two opposing
structures inside the sentence, the first part being an affirmative statement
and the second one will be a tag question.
The key to this method is to ensure that the first statement is pretty strong
because it is going to be the main persuasive component. This kind of
technique is also useful when you are trying to convince the other person to
take an action on something, rather than just agreeing with you. It is the
same principle, but this time you will state your negative first before taking
a long pause and then adding in the tag question.
Reverse psychology
This is something that you have probably heard about in the past because it
is a psychological tactic that is often used when you want to get the other
person to take an action. However, if you are not good at performing this
tactic, it is going to seem pretty obvious, and it will not work the way that
you would like it to. This tactic is basically going to get somebody to do
what you would like by suggesting that they do the opposite in the
beginning. It is going to be the most effective if you can evoke an emotional
response because it will stop the person from thinking rationally through
their decision.
Cognitive dissonance
Have you ever been in a situation where you know that something seems a
bit off about it, but you cannot figure out why it doesn’t feel right? When
there isn’t something quite right about a situation, it is going to set off some
dissonance in the mind and will trigger the person to try to make it all right.
People who have OCD will often know this feeling because they will notice
when little things are out of the normal.
If you can change things up a little bit, you may be able to convince the
other person to act in the way that you would like. They may feel that their
reputation is falling a little bit, that they are missing out on something, or so
much else. You can then step in to offer them a solution, an easy way to
change things back to normal, and they are more likely to jump right at it.
Counter-attitudinal advocacy
It is pretty common for people to state a view on something, or even to
support an opinion, even if that is not something that they really believe
themselves. This isn't necessarily that deceptive because the things that
people choose to do this with are usually small or they have the best
intentions. For example, it is common for someone to tell a little white lie
because it will help to protect the feelings of someone else. When this
happens, we are attempting to reduce the dissonance that we caused by
saying that our actions are still noble.
Whether you think that telling a little white lie or doing something similar is
acceptable or that you think honesty is the best option is irrelevant because
you can still use this human tendency to your advantage when you are
persuading others. This is a common technique to use when it comes to
cults or even gangs when they are trying to change the beliefs of others to
justify their behavior.
Hurt and rescue principle
This principle is going to be based on evoking some discomfort or fear in
the person from the start. When the person is assessing their options for a
solution, you will be able to offer the perfect solution in the form of the
thing you want to persuade them to. You need to be able to manufacture a
level of discomfort here first, and being crafty enough to make this work
can be hard.
Since you are trying to bring in some fear or discomfort with your target,
you do need to be a bit careful with this option. It is not a good idea to come
off as aggressive or intimidating in the process because this will just turn
the person away from you completely.
Auction model
This strategy is a good one to put in place if you are working with more
than one buyer at the same time. Otherwise, it is not going to be the best
one. With this method, you want to play one of the parties against the others
so that there is a buying frenzy, and it is more likely that the price is going
to be driven up, no matter what you are trying to sell.
It is human nature to be competitive, and when they are faced with some
opposition to something that they would like, their primitive instincts are
going to come out. Possession seems to be an innate for most of us,
especially if we haven't gone through to rationally appraise the real use for
the item ahead of time. The persuader will be able to use their advantage,
getting all the buyers in the deal to jump on board and try to pay more than
the other person.
As you can see, there are a lot of different techniques that you can use when
it comes to being successful with persuasion. The one that you will choose
often depends on the goals that you have in mind, what you are trying to
persuade the other person to do, your comfort level, and how hard the other
person will be to persuade. Try a few of them out and see which one works
the best for you.
 CHAPTER 11:

Secrets of Persuasive People

W hether you are trying to convince your boss or a friend over a

certain issue, persuasion is necessary for all instances of life.
People who are persuasive stand out from the crowd because they have the
uncanny habit of getting what they go after. They are also convincing, and
they make you lean towards their way of thinking at all times, even when
you previously realized that they aren’t true to their word.
Let us look at the various characteristics of persuasive people.
1. They Understand Their Audience
People that are persuasive understand their audience very well. They use
this ability to communicate perfectly with their audiences. Learning about
an audience is the first step towards engaging them the right way.
When they know about the audience, they automatically make them like
them. As a persuasive person, you know that there are different
personalities in the room, and you make sure you identify the personalities
then find a good way to build the right rapport.
So, how do they get to know their audience better?
• They run their research early in advance. They look at the
demographics and where the interest lies. At the end of it, they
have a few conclusive statements about the audience.
• The expert looks at other people that have interacted with the
audience. If the audience is made up of a group that needs to be
marketed to, then the person talking to them can look at the
competitors that had interacted with them before that session.
• You can get to know the audience personally. This is a big step
because it takes some time to get to them on a personal level.
• You can also monitor their engagement and comments. With many
people using social media nowadays, you can now know what they
love and what they don’t just from the comments they leave
behind.
• If you have the time, you can conduct surveys to know what their
opinion is about various topics.
2. They Know How to Connect
People will readily get persuaded if they understand what type of person
you are. You need to learn to connect to and with a person so that you don’t
miss out on the benefits of making them open up to you. To connect with
someone, you first need to understand that they are human and not an
object.
Remember that failure to connect to a person at a personal level makes
them doubt what you will say, even if it makes a lot of sense to other
people.
Connecting with each other on a personal level also needs you to be
emotionally vulnerable, be willing to give the other person the benefit of the
doubt, and to have active listening skills. These three helps to build all the
trust you need to make the perfect connection.
3. They Don’t Force
To make persuasion more successful, you shouldn’t push your audience in a
direction they don’t want to go. If they make a point, and they see that
many people aren’t warming up to it, they drop the idea and explore a
different path.
They seek to establish their ideas in a confident and assertive way, without
being too aggressive or forceful. If you didn’t know previously, pushy
people tend to be a big turnoff for the audience. If you are used to forcing
people to adopt your side of the story, then you cannot be a persuasive
person.
Another great aspect of persuasive people is that they don’t ask for too
much from their subject. They also don’t argue as the world depends on it.
Instead, they deliver the points the right way, knowing that the content of
their conversation is what will drive them to convince anyone.
When handling an audience, make sure you are confident and calm, and
you have your points well spelled out. Don’t be persistent and impatient. If
the idea is a good one, then people will embrace it if you give them the
time.
4. They Use Appropriate Body language
When going after an audience, you need to make sure that you use the right
body language to supplement your content. The body language is all about
the expressions you make, the gestures, and the right tone of voice. If they
are spot on, these will make people open up to you fast.
Make sure the tone you adopt varies depending on the kind of content you
are passing across, but make sure it stays positive all through. Maintain eye
contact, uncross your arms, and leaning towards the audience when talking
to them all draw other people in.
Using positive language convinces the audience that what you are saying is
valid and that you are sure of whatever you have. Remember that
persuasions are more of how you say something rather than what you say.
5. Clear and Straight to the Point
Persuasive people don’t beat around the bush; instead, they deliver their
ideas fast and clearly. This tells you that they have what it takes to
communicate clearly. The persuasive person also has content at the tips of
their fingers, and they know what they talk about without repeating.
Since they know about their audience well enough, they understand how to
communicate in a way that the audience understands. A good way to make
this work is to know the subject so well that you can explain the concept to
a kid, and they get something out of it.
You need to approach the audience assuming that they have never heard
about the subject you are going to share then give them all the information
they need to leave the session thinking they have become experts at the
subject.
6. They Are Genuine
For you to be persuasive, you need to be honest and genuine. If you are
fake, the audience will spot you out even before you start talking. When
you are genuine, you win the affection of the masses because they know
they can trust you with their information. It is hard to understand someone
if you don’t know them, or you don’t know how they react to issues.
Persuasive people understand who they are, and they pride themselves on
using their strengths to communicate. They are confident, and they exude
this confidence in such a way that you will be able to know that you are
dealing with someone that knows what to do at what time. When you
understand who you are, you will know that you are doing the right thing at
all times. When you understand what drives you, it is easier to become
persuasive.
7. They Aren’t Perfect
The persuasive expert will also hear other people out. He comes with a
point of view, yes, but he also admits that his point of view isn’t necessarily
a perfect one. He shows you that he is open-minded and that he can make
corrections when necessary instead of sticking to a certain point and
stopping there.
You have to acknowledge their contributions and find a way to add to your
own knowledge. Doing this tells them that you appreciate them in such a
way that you can listen to what they say.
A persuasive person allows the other person to have an opinion, and they
treat the opinion as a valid point. This shows the other person some respect,
which makes them consider the point of view of the person who is trying to
persuade them.
8. They Stay Relevant
Many people fail to persuade because they ask irrelevant questions that in
turn irritate the subject. Asking irrelevant questions is a result of failing to
listen to the audience and thinking that you are the only one that knows
what is right.
One of the simplest ways to avoid asking irrelevant questions is to ask
questions as well. However, don’t just ask questions but make sure you ask
those that are relevant to whatever you are discussing or that are relevant to
the audience.
9. They Help the Audience to Visualize
If you bring a point to life, you are more likely to persuade the other person.
A persuasive person does all this by using visual imagery to explain
something that has been hard to understand.
When the actual images aren’t available, the persuasion expert uses stories
and examples to illustrate the point that they are trying to put across. Using
stories and imagery create ideas in the mind of the audience that they will
take time to forget.
10. Make the Right First Impression
The first impression is everything. Studies show that people decide whether
to listen to you or not within the first few seconds of your presentation.
They then use the rest of the time justifying the first impression they had
about you, whether it was good or bad.
It might sound a bit tricky, but when you understand this, you can easily
take advantage of it and gain great leverage by being able to persuade your
audience. First impressions are ultimately tied to the way you behave, the
way you communicate and generally how you present yourself.
Make sure you adopt a strong posture, a smile, a firm handshake, and use an
opening statement that makes the audience to be easy.
11. They Know When to Stop
If you are an expert at persuasion, you know when to step back and observe
what is happening. You cannot run your cause the whole time without
knowing when to pause. If you try to communicate, then you see that it isn’t
working the way you expected it to do so in the first place, then you need to
stop and evaluate the strategy.
The aspect of stopping to evaluate what you need to do next is what makes
many people fail at communication. What you need in this case is to take
time and understand what the audience needs from you then deliver it the
right way.
If you know that you are holding a strong position, you should stick to it
and hope that the audience gets the chance to appreciate it as you explain it
to them. Remember that great ideas take time to get understood, which
means you need more time to allow it to sink in.
12. They Have Goals
Persuasive people start their conversations with a goal in mind. They enter
the room, knowing about the goal, and they then direct the audience
towards the goal.
Understanding your goal makes sure you direct the audience towards a
particular direction, knowing that that is where you want them to go.
13. They Prepare for Objections
In addition to the objections that you expect from the original question, you
also need to think about any other objection that might arise. When you
decide to meet the audience, make sure you have several responses that you
will use against the objections when they arise.
 CHAPTER 12:

Dark Persuasion

P ersuasion happens everywhere in day-to-day life. It can be seen in

how we interact with others, leaning in to persuade people to keep
talking while ignoring them in hopes that they will be persuaded to
go away. We persuade others to help by asking them and pleading our case,
or we persuade people to do something by suggesting it. What makes
persuasion dark versus regular persuasion, and how does dark persuasion
work? If you want to understand why dark persuasion is so manipulative,
you must first understand what it entails, as well as how it differs from
harmless persuasion.
Defining Dark Persuasion
At its simplest, persuasion is the act of coaxing or influencing someone into
doing or believing something that they did not do or believe prior. Think of
asking someone to do something that would never have occurred to them
before. Perhaps you ask your partner to help you carry something because it
is too heavy, and your partner has not yet offered help. If your partner then
decides to carry something for you, you have successfully persuaded them.
There is nothing inherently manipulative or wrong about doing this—you
are simply asking for help and your partner obliges.
Dark persuasion, then, adds a level of darkness. Remember, darkness
implies selfishness or harm. The propensity for darkness is the propensity to
doing things for one’s own selfish interest with no regard for what it may or
may not do to those around the manipulator. They do not care if people get
hurt, betrayed, or upset. The only thing that matters to people who have a
propensity for darkness or dark psychology is that one’s own wants and
needs are met.
Taking those two definitions, of darkness and persuasion, you can then infer
that dark persuasion is the art of influencing people to act in a way that is
primarily or only beneficial to the manipulator with no regard for those
being manipulated. Anything that the manipulator attempts to get from
others is selfishly motivated. This selfishness, this darkness, is what makes
dark persuasion so dangerous or harmful to others.
Persuasion vs. Dark Persuasion
If persuasion is acceptable, but dark persuasion is harmful, what is the real
difference, you may ask. The difference lies in the intention. Persuasion, by
and large, does not seek to inflict harm, and if anything, often seeks to
better both the person doing the persuading and the person being persuaded.
Oftentimes when trying to persuade someone, you are doing so because you
believe it would be better, and this is from a good spot, seeking to benefit
the other person as well. You are not trying to convince the other person to
do something for your own benefit, and only your own benefit.
Ultimately, the one-sided selfishness is what differentiates the two from
each other. Persuasion is not necessary but can be selfish, but dark
persuasion always is. Dark persuasion is almost always one-sided, though
the other person may believe there is some sort of benefit to him or her as
well. In contrast, persuasion often seeks to balance the benefits of all
involved, attempting to spread as much good as possible. All parties
involved in normal persuasion usually benefit in some way, shape, or form,
but only the manipulator benefits in dark persuasion. Dark persuasion does
not concern itself with morality, whereas persuasion does. The dark
persuader does not care about right or wrong, but the persuader does.
How Dark Persuasion Works
Persuasion, and therefore dark persuasion, works through seven elements.
These elements enable you to influence other people, no matter whether
you seek to persuade someone with the best of intentions genuinely or you
wish to darkly persuade someone into the behavior you know they would
not necessarily care for. Understanding these seven elements is crucial to
understanding exactly how to persuade others.
Reciprocity
Reciprocity is the idea that when someone helps or gives you something,
you should return the favor. Even if it is as simple as someone smiling at
you, you should smile back. No matter how big or small, the favor should
be returned. This typically works in everyone’s favor when everyone
reciprocates, because everyone sees benefits. If Alice asks Brenda for help
moving furniture in exchange for homemade cookies and Brenda agrees to
do so, the future time that Brenda needs help with something, Alice is going
to be more likely to volunteer or agree to help. We inherently want to help
others who help us; it is part of our wiring as a social species.
However, this idea of reciprocity also applies in dark persuasion. If you
seek to tap into dark persuasion, you are going to seek to create a sense of
obligation in your target. You will do something for the other person with
the intent of cashing in on the favor you feel you are owed. Many people
are likely to give in to this notion, as well, and will oftentimes, even if
begrudgingly, attempt to reciprocate.
Consistency and Commitment
Consistency is important within persuasion because of three key factors: It
is valued, creates a schedule that can be used to manage all of one’s many
responsibilities, and it can simplify situations that are otherwise difficult to
juggle due to having a routine. This means that consistency, in effect, makes
people’s daily tasks more streamlined. People are able to get through
everything easier when they have a set routine that enables them to meet all
of their responsibilities that have proven effective in the past.
The consistency in routine allows for reliability as well. Someone who is
consistent is typically also quite reliable because of his or her routine.
Therefore, someone who is consistent becomes easy to persuade. One that
person has agreed to do something for you, you can be certain they will
follow through due to their own skills at self-motivating to remain
consistent. In dark persuasion, you can take this to mean that once someone
who is consistent has said they will do something, they will motivate
themselves to do so, even if, halfway through, they realize that it is
something that they have no desire to do, or is something that does not quite
line up with their own belief systems.
Going hand-in-hand with consistency comes commitment. Those who are
consistent typically follow through with commitments no matter what. They
self-motivate to get the job done due to their consistency. Those who have
proven themselves consistent typically will continue to follow that pattern,
believing remaining consistent and reliable is integral to which they are as a
person. This self-motivation is, in essence, a form of self-persuasion. By
simply getting a commitment, you may not even have to do the persuasion
part; the other person will do the work for you.
This means that once you bind this person to do something, it will almost
absolutely happen. Commitments are valued and not taken lightly. Even if
you do find that the other person is balking at the agreement and seeming as
though he or she may back out of the arrangement, appealing to that
commitment, reminding the other person that they had promised or
otherwise committed him- or herself to completing the commitment is often
enough to keep them in line.
Within dark persuasion, then, by earning a commission, particularly from
someone consistent, you are able to ensure then that you do not have to
work hard to hold the other person accountable. Ultimately, those interested
in dark persuasion and covert manipulation seek to get results with the least
amount of effort, so by getting someone that you know is consistent and
dedicated to meeting commitments, you are able to lessen your workload.
You know that you are not likely to need to nag at the other person to
follow through, which means you do not have to do as much follow up
work.
Authority
By and large, people defer to authority and are more likely to do whatever
someone asks if they see clear signs of authority presented to them. For
example, a person may listen to what a nurse has to say about care at home
but may not follow through. If that same person were told the same thing by
a doctor whose lab coat declared them the head of the ER department,
however, they would be far more likely to do as told. This is because the
person unconsciously defers to higher authorities. In the person’s mind, the
nurse may not be as worthy of being an authority as the doctor who is the
head of the emergency room, even though the information provided is
exactly the same.
In terms of being able to persuade others, then this implies that it is
important to cue that the predator is an authority in some way. You can
convince people to buy products if you have a business degree hanging on
the wall, and you can sway someone by using your credentials with your
name on nameplates, business cards, and other identifying items. Consider
if someone talked to you about what you should do with your insurance on
your car—would you be more inclined to listen to a random person in
casual clothes, or someone wearing a shirt emblazoned with the logo of a
popular, well-known insurance company? The answer is the one who has
identified themselves as a representative of an insurance company. You
would assume they are an authority on the product if their shirt marks them
as someone involved with the insurance business.
The dark persuaders, then, could take this a step further. Either through
misrepresenting experience, or even lying about credentials, they are able to
be seen as more reliable. They may some reason they have more working
knowledge over a situation, and because of that, they should be seen as a
default authority on the matter.
Scarcity
People always want what they cannot have. Because oftentimes, people see
the proverbial grass is greener on the other side, by imposing scarcity on a
product, demand goes up. If an unpopular item is being removed from a
menu, people will suddenly want it more, until it is gone, at which point,
that item that never sold well in the first place is suddenly missed. Many
restaurants follow similar structures, offering items for a limited time only,
although realistically, they would be able to produce enough to meet
demand if they chose to. Hype for the item is built through the exclusive
nature of it because it is limited, more people want to try it before they lose
the opportunity forever.
When it comes to persuading others, then keeping scarcity in mind can be
particularly useful. Not only should a predator make sure to tout benefits
toward what people can gain by going along with the predator’s plan, but
also what may be lost if the plan is not followed. Emphasizing the
temporary nature of the deal, as well as what the loss of the deal will entail.
People will be far more likely to go along with the plan if they feel like they
stand to lose something if they do not do it.
 CHAPTER 13:

Methods of Deception

D eception is a type of expression that utilizes lies and omissions so

as to persuade the victim to fit into the world that the agent wants.
A form of interaction or communication has to be involved.
Deception can manifest itself in different types according to the situation
where it is applied. As stated earlier, it is very difficult to tell when
someone is trying to deceive others. Luckily, though, there are a few
components which, when identified, point to the likelihood of deception
being involved. After many years of studying deception, psychologists have
come up with three classifications of deception: camouflage, simulation,
and disguise. Out of the three classifications of deception, we can identify
the common techniques used in deception. Let us first define the
classifications.
Camouflage
Camouflage is the first classification of deception. This is the process by
which the deceiver works to conceal the truth of their intentions in a way
that the subject cannot decode. Just like the typical camouflage deployed by
animals and plants to hide from predators or to approach prey without being
detected, deceivers make use methods that are hard to detect without extra
observation. Mostly, camouflage is applied as half-truths during
interactions. One part of the communication is true, but there is also a
malicious element to it which the victim cannot see. The victim is not able
to detect the deception until the agent decides to show it. In most cases, this
will be after they have achieved their goals. Camouflage is a dangerous skill
when deployed since it is one of the toughest forms of deception to detect.
Simulation
The second classification of deception is the simulation. Simulation is the
act of imitating or pretending to be something. In deception, simulation is
defined as exposing the victim to false information as a tool of misleading
them. There are three types of simulation as listed below:
Fabrication
Fabrication means altering reality. The deceiver can use a real thing and
change it to work in their favor. For example, they can add or reduce details
to a story to make it better or worse so that it convinces the subject. A real-
life example is when a suspect in court over stealing might tell the judge
that they stole food because they were almost starving, yet they intended to
sell their loot for financial gain.
Mimicry
The second type of simulation is known as mimicry. Mimicry is defined as
the art of imitating with the aim of ridiculing or confusing a situation. In
deception, mimicry happens when the deceiver pretends to be something or
someone that they are not. A deceiver might steal an idea from someone
and instead of citing the owner; they use it as their own. An example of
mimicry is when an author uses the name of a popular writer to fool readers
to purchase their book.
Distraction
The final type of simulation is called distraction. Distraction is the act of
cunningly forcing the victim to shift their attention from reality and to focus
on falsehood. To divert the subject, a deceiver can use a form of bait, which
might appear to be more convincing or beneficial than the truth. An
example of distraction is when someone loses another person’s property and
is not willing to tell them. They come up with multiple excuses, which
change every time they are confronted. The downside of distraction is that it
does not offer a permanent solution, so the deceiver must constantly come
up with new lies so as to maintain the deception process.
Disguise
The third classification of deception is a disguise. Disguise is defined as the
act feigning a different appearance with the aim of concealing one’s
identity. When it is being deployed, the deceiver puts up the impression of
being somebody or something different from what they are. Practically,
disguise means the agent is keeping something from the victim such as their
intentions, what they do for a living, whether they are dating, and so on.
Disguise is more complicated than putting up a temporary pseudo
appearance. It involves the deceiver changing their entire form of existence,
so they come off as a totally different personality with the aim of tricking
their victims.
The above three components of deception are general classifications that
can give us different techniques applied in the art of misleading subjects.
The following are some of the common tactics used by deceivers in
controlling the minds of their targets.
Lies
A lie refers to the act of the agent, making up and feeding the victim with
information that is not true. When presenting a lie, the deceiver makes it
appear as a fact, thereby making the subject to absorb it as the truth. Lies
are the most common techniques used in deception since they divert the
victim from verifiable facts and make them easy targets of manipulation.
Concealment
Concealment is the act of preventing something from being recognized. In
deception, it is mostly deployed by the use of half-truths. The deceiver,
while giving information, intentionally omits some important parts so as to
keep some truth from the receiver. While the deceiver will not have lied to
the victim directly, they will have ensured that the most important
information has been kept from them.
Creating illusions
Deceivers are experts at creating convincing illusions. Once they have
acquired the attention of the subject, they demonstrate imaginary pictures
that sway them into partnering with them. They come up with illusions that
appear to be realistic and workable in every way. The first step of creating
the illusions is to explain their “ideas” to the target’s mind. After that, they
pull back a little to wait and see if the subject will develop an interest in the
illusions.
Equivocations
Equivocating is the application of ambiguous language to hide the truth.
Ambiguous language can be indirect or contradictory. The objective of
equivocations is to confuse the victim, so they are not aware of what is
happening. If a deceiver is asked a question, he avoids giving definite
answers and provides general responses. They can also be used by the
deceiver to escape blames in the event that they are found out. In the event
that they are suspected, they give a lot of explanations whose aim is to
confuse the accuser.
Understatements
An understatement is a situation that has been minimized or downplayed
but has the potential of causing more effects than what has been portrayed.
The deceiver delivers a statement to their victim while making it appear like
a small deal than what it is. However, the statement has the potential to
influence the victim more than they have been made to believe. Once the
real magnitude of the statement has been shown, the deceiver pretends to be
surprised, yet they were aware all along. They could convince the subject
that they were not aware, making them look insensitive if they pursued the
matter any further.
Seduction
To seduce someone means to entice them into believing or doing
something. Deceivers use this method to lure people into their traps. They
might use concealed approaches such as praising, charming, encouraging,
flattering, giving financial support, and so on. Seduction is also meant to
make the target to lower their defense mechanisms. This technique works to
lure a person to do something using a form of irresistible attraction. The
deceiver knows that by creating a scenario that will arouse the interest of
the target, they can get them to do whatever they want.
Rationalization
Rationalization is the deployment of weak or far-fetched arguments with the
intent of convincing someone that something is more pleasant than it
appears. In the context of deception, it is when the agent comes up with
convincing ideas to convince the victim to do something that is difficult to
accept or is unpleasant under normal circumstances. Basically, it is a form
of hidden misleading behavior. The deceiver sanctifies an otherwise
harmful idea so they can benefit from the negative effects which are going
to befall the victim. Once the negative effects have emerged, the deceiver
saves their face by saying they only had good intentions of helping the
victim. Rationalization is also known as spinning.
Playing the Servant
Another method used to deceive people is playing the volunteer or servant
role. In this case, the deceiver hides their agenda by making their victims
believe that they are doing something for a noble cause. The subjects are
less likely to suspect that someone is up to some mischief is they claim to
be doing something to assist others. Therefore, they end up trusting them
and concurrently lowering their defense mechanisms. Once the deceivers
have their way, they unravel their malicious plans.
Diversion
Diversion is the action of changing the natural or acceptable course of
something. In deception, diversion is a misleading endeavor which aims at
causing destruction to a subject. Mind controllers are aware of the human
traits which direct their responses, behaviors, and personalities such as self-
esteem and discipline. Therefore, they do their best to divert potential
targets from such pillars so they can become more vulnerable. In short, they
attack the self-defense mechanisms. Peer pressure is one form of deception
which makes use of diversion. A spoilt person might persuade their friend
to take up bad behavior, leading to their destruction.
Playing the Victim
Deception takes a lot of consideration for emotions. A deceiver uses the act
of playing victims so they can appear weaker or hurt, whereas they are the
ones in control. The idea is to make others believe that they are victims of
circumstances so as to evoke sympathy, compassion, and pity from the
people they look forward to deceiving. Once a victim shows some form of
concern for the deceiver, they cooperate with them and become easy to
deceive.
Feigning Authority
The final technique that we shall look at is feigning authority as a method
of deception. Some deceivers pretend to possess some authority as a way of
increasing their likability and trust. As humans, we have a tendency to trust
people in authority some more. That is why we are likely to approach a
police officer for directions when we are lost than a random stranger. This is
true because people in authority are professional and are mandated to
improve the lives of ordinary citizens. They also have more connections in
higher places. Therefore, when a deceiver puts up the face of a person in
authority and approaches the subject, they have the highest chances of
leading them on.
The above techniques are a few amongst the many types of deception that
exist. A deceiver will not hesitate to use any method which they feel will
help them to achieve their objectives without a lot of effort. This is similar
to what other types of mind controllers do. They have a wide range of mind
control techniques but only use the ones that best suit the target at hand. As
such, deceivers can also make use of other techniques beyond the ones we
have listed above. Therefore, this should not be perceived as the exclusive
list of all potential deception tactics. Finally, the best thing to do once you
suspect someone is deceiving you is to create the greatest distance between
the two of you.
 CHAPTER 14:

Deception Detection

T here are different ways through which you can detect deception in an
oral or written statement.
How to Detect an Anomaly
Some professionals have an in-depth understanding of linguistic text
analysis. The analysis will entail studying the grammar, language, and
syntax, and the main agenda is to learn more about how an event is
described, in a bid to detect any anomalies. As an experienced investigator,
you will be tasked with detecting some of the nonverbal cues of the
subjects. You will focus on eye movement and verbal behavior. Oral
statements will also be studied.
Signs of Deception
Some of the signs of deception are as follows:
The Lack of Self-Reference
If a person is truthful, they will utilize the pronoun “I” when they are
describing what took place. For example, an honest person will go ahead
and say, “I arrived home and went straight to the bedroom. After that, I
went to talk to my mother, and we had a lengthy chat.” That’s just an
example statement. As we can see, the pronoun “I” appears twice in the
statement provided.
Deceptive people will use language that minimizes the number of “I”
references. During an oral statement, the witness or suspect may end up
leaving out some important pieces of information; this can happen even
when they are issuing an informal written statement.
Answering a Question with a Question
Even though a person may be a liar, they will prefer not to engage in the act
of lying. When a person lies, they risk being detected. Before you answer a
question with a lie, you should avoid answering the question at all costs.
When trying to act dodgy, people may often answer a question with another
question. The investigators should always be on the lookout for people that
answer a question with another question.
After talking about deception, we will now look into how to spot a liar.
Since the FBI is a security organization, it is well suited to weighing into
the matter on how to spot a liar. The following tips may come in handy
when spotting a liar:
Focus on Building Rapport
It is evident that a “good cop” will always display better results as
compared to a “bad cop.” During an interview, a person may appear as
empathetic, and they will end up gaining access to more information as
compared to the person who appears cold. It is also advisable to avoid being
accusatory during the interrogation process.
Surprising the Suspects
A deceptive individual will always try to anticipate your next move. For
instance, they may try to anticipate your next question so that they can
ensure each answer they are issuing seems natural. You should always ask
those questions that they do not expect.
Listening More Than You Speak
If you are a liar, you will focus on speaking more, and your main goal is to
ensure that you will sound legitimate. Also, you will focus on winning over
a certain target audience. Some liars may make use of some complex
sentences so that they can conceal the truth.
You should be aware of the following:
• When people are stressed, they tend to speak faster.
• A stressed person will speak louder.
• The liars usually clear their voice and cough regularly, and that
means that they are experiencing some tension.
Although the statements that have been mentioned above are supposed to
enlighten you on how to spot a liar, it is good to note that some people may
exhibit some signs of tension, but that is not an indicator that they are lying
to you. In case you have noticed any of the mentioned actions, you should
proceed with caution.
Pay Attention to How a Person says, “No”
When engaging a suspect, you should pay close attention to how they utter
the word “No.” A person depicting some unusual behavior will always face
another direction as they say, “No.” They may also appear hesitant, and
they can also close their eyes.
Watch for the Changes in Behavior
When a person changes their behavior, it is an indicator that they may be
engaging in deceptive behavior. You should be careful when a person issues
some short answers to different questions. Also, they may pretend that they
are suffering from memory lapse, especially at a critical moment. They can
also start to speak formally, and they may start issuing some exaggerated
responses.
Always Ask for the Story Backward
If a person is indeed truthful, they will add some details, and they will focus
on remembering more stories about what happened. A liar will start by
memorizing the story, and they will stick to one narrative. If they add some
details, by taking a close look at the details, you will notice that they are not
adding up. If you suspect someone is deceptive, you should ask them to
recall the event in a backward manner, rather than issuing the narrative from
the beginning to the end. You can ask them to talk more about what
happened right before a certain point. A person who is telling the truth will
usually recall many details. A liar will simplify the story, and they will also
contradict themselves.
Beware of the Compliments Issued by People
Although compliments are good, they are only good if a genuine person has
issued them. You should always be on the lookout for a person who is
trying to make a good impression. When you agree with all the opinions
being issued by a person and also laugh at all their jokes, it is an indicator
that you may be insincere.
Asking a Follow-Up Question
People do not like dealing with liars; however, it is good to remember that
sometimes people are uneasy with some questions, since they are avoiding
instances of personal embarrassment. Also, some people may be extremely
dependent on the outcome of a specific conversation.
For instance, during a job interview, a person may be tempted to hide the
details about why they may have been fired from their previous job.
Although the person may be qualified and their personality is good, they
may hide some of these details since they are in dire need of a job. During
the interview, a person may issue a response that may seem puzzling. If you
are puzzled during an interview by some of the responses, you can come up
with some follow-up questions. If you are in doubt, you can continue to ask
questions. With time, you will be able to spot whether a person is deceptive
or not.
 CHAPTER 15:

Neurolinguistic Programming Secrets

N LP could be used to fixate a message in people’s minds. This is

definitely the underlying purpose of NLP. In fact, it is commonly
used in the educational field to help students remember content in a
more efficient manner.
However, NLP was born out of research looking into human cognition,
learning and how knowledge is built in the human mind. This research led
to the understanding that humans are creatures of habit. As a result, humans
will never be able to internalize something at first glance. In fact, those
individuals who are able to fixate content in their mind by taking on look at
things are truly unusual people.
As such, we’ll be taking a closer look at NLP and the various ways in
which it can be used to help manipulators advance their personal agendas.
In particular, the use of NLP is centered around establishing a message in
people’s minds in such a way that the individual, or group of individuals,
will not question the validity of the information. In fact, they will
eventually learn to take the information at face value, thereby accepting the
manipulator’s intentions and bringing down their own personal barriers.
A Brief History of NLP
NLP is a rather new technique. It dates back to the work done by Richard
Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s. As stated earlier, this approach was
born out of research done on human cognition and learning. It evolved into
a framework in which it seeks to encompass everything that pertains to
modifying human behavior through the use of sound and language.
Consequently, behavior modification is possible without actively engaging
the individual in a conscious activity that will lead to behavior
modification.
While there is no conclusive scientific research done on the validity of NLP,
empirical evidence has proven it to be rather effective. It has been
implemented in a wide range of fields though it must be said that results
have been mixed. This supports the notion that NLP is not a cross-cutting
technique, but rather, it is more focused on getting messages across to
individuals while looking to fixate them in their subconscious mind.
Core Concepts of NLP
NLP’s core philosophy is built on three essential pillars. From these pillars,
other researchers and practitioners have expanded upon them. So long as
these three pillars are respected, NLP is believed to work and be effective.
To reach their maximum potential, practitioners need to pay close attention
to the way these pillars interact with one another.
Subjectivity
The first pillar, or core concept, is subjectivity. This concept is based on the
fact that we all have different perceptions of the world around us. And
while there are universal concepts which are believed and accepted, the fact
of the matter is that we all have experience which differs to a varying
degree.
Moreover, subjectivity is the basis of the human experience. Therefore, we
need to engage all of our senses in order to perceive the world as best we
can. This is why educators who implement NLP seek to engage all five
senses within the learning experience. That way, learners can get a good
sense of the content they are trying to internalize.
Consciousness
NLP is predicated on the fact that the human psyche is built on a dual-layer
of consciousness and unconsciousness. In this manner, the human psyche
uses consciousness to express rationality for the things that we do on a daily
basis. On the flipside, unconsciousness is the instinctive manifestation of
the built-in programming that we have accrued over the course of your
evolution.
Learning
Learning takes place when the conscious internalization of the world
around us is achieved through the perception that is generation by the
senses. When a person is able to internalize content or their own particular
perception of the experiences they live, they are able to transform this into
learning. This is why experience is crucial to the effectiveness of NLP.
Unless a human is unable to experience the world, meaningful learning
cannot fully take place.
NLP Modelling
Given the fact that NLP is a theory that looks to model the way in which the
human psyche perceives the world, there is a clear effort in attempting to
map the way the human mind can perceive the world. However, a universal
model of the world cannot be represented since everyone experiences the
world in a different manner. Therefore, it is possible to model how
knowledge and experience are fixated in mind, but the actual perception of
the world is a truly unique experience for every individual.
Nevertheless, most NLP practitioners tend to offer people a “model” they
can follow which is intended to help them learn one thing or another, or
perhaps help them replace existing habits with new ones. As a result, NLP
has become quite prevalent in the mainstream by affording individuals the
opportunity to replace existing thoughts and ideas with new ones by
essentially talking themselves into.
On the other hand, NLP has been proven to be effective in coercing others
to do things or embrace ideas through the use of chants, slogans, songs, and
visual imagery that reinforces a particular thought pattern. This is why NLP
has become quite popular in the “dark” domain. NLP offers the possibility
of communicating a message is such a way that individuals may not
perceive it directly, but are subjected to it, nonetheless.
NLP as a Means of Communication
In the business world, it’s common to see the company list their values and
principles. This is done in order to give employees a frame of reference
which they must follow if they want to be valuable and productive members
of their organization. As a result, employees are often asked to cite the
company’s value through a series of chants and slogans disguised as
motivational team-building practices.
However, the true intent behind this type of practice is to indoctrinate
employees to perform in such a way that is expected of them. The reason
why uniforms are used in the workplace is a glaring example of how
individuality is discouraged in favor of universalization of behavior, dress,
and attitude. When an employee does not conform to these established
norms, they are generally cast aside. This is true of any social group in
which members are expected to act in accordance with that social group’s
values and ideals.
Verbal Communication
Verbal communication is often misrepresented as words and language. And
while that is the core component of verbal communication, the fact of the
matter is that words, in themselves, are meaningless when faced with other
components such as tone of voice, pitch, speed and volume. For most
individuals, picking up on these contextual clues is instinctive, that is, they
are trained to recognize them from an early age though they don’t really
rationalize what they actually mean.
Therefore, verbal communication is an essential factor when it comes to
getting a message across. Even the most hateful comment can seem less
damaging if it is delivered in a friendly tone. By the same token, the most
beautiful words can be delivered in a somber tone thereby ruining their
intended effect.
The fact of the matter is that verbal communication is tailored to suit the
need of the manipulator. In some contexts, manipulators may be dismissed
as hypocritical and false. Yet, they know when to smile and sound cheerful,
especially when that means extracting some type of gain from their
counterparts. A good example of this can be seen in salespeople. They
automatically turn on the charm when they want to woo a customer. Once
they have made the sale, they can revert back to their real selves.
As such, skilled manipulators know how to use their voice and when to play
with it. They will find the best way to get their message across while
making sure that they implant their true intentions. That way, the individual
will react in the manner they seek.
Non-Verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication makes up the bulk of human communication. It
is said that 95% of communication is non-verbal. This means that the way
we dress, act and gesticulate all points toward our true intentions. This
means that you can betray your words by acting in a manner that contradicts
what you are trying to portray outwardly.
This is why manipulators pay close attention to their gestures, body
language, and mannerisms. They know that if they do one thing, or fail to
do the other, they run the risk of blowing their cover. One of the most
common things that manipulators do is have some type of prop with them.
This could include a cigarette, a cup of coffee, a phone, or anything they
can use to diffuse any unconscious mannerism. Able manipulators are adept
at smiling when they have to and feigning sadness when they have to. They
are keenly aware of the way they are expected to act in a given situation and
will do so especially when they don’t feel in that particular manner.
Building Rapport
NLP’s communication-heavy approach is used by coaches and gurus in the
art of building rapport. Rapport is a powerful manipulation tool as it
consists of getting others to be comfortable around you so that they trust
you. This includes a strong dose of non-verbal communication since most
folks will automatically feel comfortable when confronting people that act
and behave in a certain manner. For example, rapport is predicated upon a
cheerful tone of voice, smiling a lot and offering friendly, non-intrusive
physical contact (a handshake is a good example of this).
When you are adept at building rapport, you will find that getting others to
trust you is not hard. This is why you often hear that psychopaths tend to be
very charming people. This is used as a lure to capture unsuspecting
victims. Think about it this way: what would your reaction be if you saw a
hideous monster? Naturally, you’d be frightened. Now, think of a hideous
monster that wants to eat, but instead of having a gruesome outward
appearance, they look like the most attractive person you could imagine. In
this case, the trap would be far more effective.
This is why building rapport is a basic tool in the manipulator’s toolkit. So,
it’s always best to be the way of a friendly stranger. You could be in the
presence of a master manipulator.
 CHAPTER 16:

NLP Techniques

Anchoring

A Russian scientist, Ivan Pavlov, conducted an experiment on dogs by

repeatedly ringing a bell while the dogs were eating and concluded
that he could get the dogs to salivate by ringing the bell anytime,
even when there was no food present. This neurobiological connection
observed in the dogs, between the bell and salivation is called a conditioned
response or “anchor.” Thus, the process of creating a perceivable sensory
trigger to the state of how you feel is called Anchoring.
Try this yourself! Think of a gesture or sensation on your body (pulling
your earlobe, cracking your knuckles, or touching your forehead) and
associate it with any desired positive emotional response (happiness,
confidence, calmness, etc.) by recalling and reliving the memory when you
actually experienced those emotions. The next time you are feeling stressed
or low, you can trigger this anchor voluntarily and you will notice your
feeling will immediately change. To strengthen triggered response, you can
think of another memory when you felt the desired emotion and relive it.
Every time you add a new memory to the mix, your anchor will become
more potent and trigger a stronger response.
Content Reframing
This NLP technique is best suited to combat negative thoughts and feelings.
With the use of these visualization techniques you can alter your mind to
think differently about situations where you feel threatened or
disempowered. Simply view the negative situation and reframe its meaning
into something positive. For example, let’s say you just broke up with your
long term girlfriend or boyfriend. You will most likely be hurt and in pain.
But you can choose to reframe the end of your relationship with
empowering thoughts of being single and new potential relationships. You
can choose to focus on the lessons you learned from your past relationship
and how you can implement them to have an even better relationship in the
future. Thus, by simply reframing the breakup, you can feel better and
empower yourself.
This technique has massive appeal in treatment of post-traumatic stress
disorder and for people who have experienced child abuse or are suffering
from chronic or life-threatening diseases.
Rapport Building
Rapport is the art of generating empathy in others by pacing and mirroring
their verbal and non-verbal behaviors. People like other people who they
think are similar to themselves. When you can subtly mirror the other
person, their brain will fire off “mirror neurons” or “pleasure sensors” in
their brain, which make them feel a sense of liking for you. You can simply
stand or sit the way the other person or tilt your head in the same direction
as theirs or the best of all, just smile when they smile. All these cues will
help you build rapport with the other person. The social significance of
rapport building cannot be underscored. Strong personal and professional
connections lead to a happier and longer life.
Dissociation
The NLP technique of dissociation guides you in severing the link between
negative emotions and the associated trigger. For instance, certain words or
phrases may instantly bring back bad memories and make you feel stressed
or depressed. If you can successfully identify those triggers and make an
effort to detach those negative feelings from it, you are one step closer to
healing and empowering yourself. A slew of mental health conditions like
anxiety, depression and even phobias can be effectively treated with this
technique. It can also be used to deal with difficult situations at home and
work positively.
Future Pacing
The NLP technique of leading the subject to a future state and rehearsing
the potential future outcomes so as to achieve the desired outcome
automatically is called Future Pacing. It’s a type of visualization technique
or mental imagery, used to anchor a change or resources to future situations
by imagining and virtually experiencing those situations. A skilled
manipulator can lead their victim on a mental journey into the future and
influence the responses occurring when the future unfolds. An expert NLP
user with prominent Dark Psychological traits may cognitively transport
their victim into the future and suggest outcomes while monitoring the
victim’s response to eventually get their own desired outcome into the
psyche of the victim.
Influence and Persuasion
This is definitely the most ambivalent NLP technique and houses a gray
area between Dark Psychology and Psychotherapy. NLP is primarily
focused on eliminating negative emotions, curb bad habits and resolve
conflicts; another aspect of NLP deals with ethically influencing and
persuade others. Now pay attention to the word ETHICAL here.
One of the prominent psychology therapists to participate in Grinder’s
original research on NLP was Milton Erickson, a leading hypnotherapist
and founder of the “American Society for Clinical Hypnosis.” Erickson was
so adept at hypnosis that he could literally hypnotize anyone anywhere and
communicate with people’s subconscious mind without needing hypnosis.
He helped construct the “Milton Model” of NLP, designed to induce trance-
like state in people using abstract language patterns. According to the
Milton Model, using artfully vague and deliberately ambiguous sentences
will trigger the person to search for meaning of what they hear from their
own life experiences and fill in the details subconsciously. This powerful
tool can be used to not only ethically influence and persuade people but also
help people deal with some deep-seated negative emotions, overcome fears
and increase their self-awareness.
 CHAPTER 17:

NLP for Influence

Strategies to Influence and Manipulate Everyone using NLP

T he worst mistake you can make when you ask anyone for anything is
asking them to "think it over." Here's why: people have too much to
worry about.
Their mind is already jammed between their work, their families, and their
own interests and friends, like a bag on the edges. Add another sock, and it's
going to explode.
We "forget" about things that aren't very important to them to stop it, or
they don't think very hard because they care about you. It's not because
they're stupid or lazy. They're just busy, and the priority list probably isn't
very high.
1. So, the best strategy is not to expect them to talk about it.
Do that for them.
Instead of wanting them to see how your blog post would help their
audience, clarify it, and offer examples of similar blogs that have
been well done in the past
Instead of inviting someone to hold a webinar with you, set up your
own webinar, landing pages, and contacts, and submit them as part
of your presentation
Instead of convincing a client to write an essay from scratch, send
them a dozen different posts. Explain your argument. Offer
evidence. Ask them why and what to do next.
If you're doing it right, it's not going to feel like talking. It's going to be
more like giving advice.
And they're going to say yes. Not because of the mystic powers of
persuasion, but because of everything you've learned, and it's a no-brainer.
 2. Launch an avalanche. It's a lot like launching an avalanche to create a
successful marketing campaign.
You climb the mountain first, and then you find the biggest boulder at the
top, and then you sweat and cough and struggle to drive over the boulder,
and then you sit down and watch peacefully as the boulder falls into other
rocks, finally knocking down the entire side of the mountain.
The lesson?
The first major yes is a pain in the ass to get, but it's easy to get all the other
yeses if you get it from the right person.
For example:
• It's hard to get a famous blogger to share your message, but once
they do, thousands or perhaps even hundreds of people can retweet
them.
• Convincing a pioneer in your market to advertise your product is
difficult, but once they do, everyone else will want to promote it
too.
• Convincing a celebrity buyer to send you a testimonial can be
challenging, but once you do it, sales increase.
They're telling you to start and work your way up from the bottom because
it's easier.
But it's just an illusion, really. Yeah, it's easier to push over a small rock
than to push over a boulder, but the boulder is much more likely to cause an
avalanche. So, while getting top people to help you is more effort in the
beginning, in the long run, it's actually less work, and the outcomes are far,
far better.
3. Ask for an inch, take a mile, you have heard the phrase, "Show them an
inch, and they're going to take a mile," right?
It should be derogative. It's meant to be an appeasement alert. It's supposed
to protect you from being abused.
But it's great, too.
Each time you ask for anything, never start asking upfront for anything.
Start small instead. Getting started is quick. Reduce risk when flopping. Let
them see for themselves the effects.
Then call for more when all goes well. And more. And there's more.
You may think this is immoral, but if all goes well, why not press for more?
It's not being exploited. It's a sense of common sense.
For example:
• If you want to write a guest post for a popular blog, begin by
pitching the idea in one or two words, then give them a diagram,
and then write the full draft of the post
• If you want to do a JV campaign with a pioneer in your industry,
start by asking them to email your launch material to only 10% of
their list, and then 50% of their list, and then 100% of their list. It's
an intelligent business. No one likes to risk everything upfront, and
your chances of getting them to say yes go through the roof by
offering progressive levels of engagement.
4. Always have a clear deadline the keyword is "time."
We've all had salesmen asking us, "Alright, you'd better get back to me
soon, because I've got three more prospects arriving this afternoon, and I
don't know how long it's going to last."
There are no customers, and no urgency exists. The salesman is so
desperate that he is willing to lie, not only losing him the trust but
potentially also the bid.
And they're not just salesmen.
How many occasions have you been issued completely artificial deadlines
by other people, thinking it's going to inspire you to act? Our teachers do it,
our employers do it, our families do it, and you probably did it without
knowing about it.
It's not only counterproductive, it's completely unnecessary. It's easy to
create real urgency. You can build it into your everyday life with a little
thought.
For example:
• Instead of forever leaving a free report on your blog, tell everyone
that it's only going to be available for seven days, and then start
charging $7 for it. Not only will you get a lot more downloads, but
 other bloggers will be much more likely to promote it in the
window
• Instead of allowing JV partners to dictate when they're going to
promote your product, schedule a launch, announce it to your list,
and then forward the announcement to partners, inviting them to
participate
• Instead of asking customers for testimonials whenever they're
there, show them up. You need it by then, or you can't include it
will some of them bow out, saying they're too busy right now, and
they're going to catch you next time?

5. Give ten times as much as you're getting, you know you're supposed to
give, right? But what you really don't know is how much to offer.
Most advertisers mistakenly assume that this is a ratio of 1:1.
You should provide a guide before you call for a connection. You should
send a raise before calling for promotion. You should do one thing that
merits a testimonial before you call for a testimony.
That's false, though. Great advertisers use a 10:1 scale, not just in practice,
but in value:
• If you want 100 guests, give them 1,000
• If you want $1,000 of product sales, then sell $10,000 in their
goods
• If you want one testimonial, do ten separate heroic acts of
customer service deserving of a testimonial.
Yeah, it's a lot of work, but it's affecting the quality.
6. March for something bigger than you think on a street corner there are
two homeless people.
The first man has a regular run-of-the-mill sign that says, "Spare a few
dollars? On the other hand, the second guy has a much more peculiar sign:
"It's not possible to feed my kids, and it's breaking me apart. Aid, please, so
I can stop feeling like such a horrible parent. "Which one would you aid
more? The other, right?
Forget to give him a couple of dollars. You would drive him to the grocery
store with a sign like that and give him $200 worth in grocery stores. I think
I'd do it.
That's the strength of being greater than yourself for something. It's taking
care of people.
And it extends to everything:
• Instead of writing yet another form of blogging, take a stand on an
important issue, argue with both zeal and unassailable rationale.
• Instead of beginning another me-too consultancy company, create a
movement, work tirelessly to improve your customers' lives.
• Instead of selling yet another step-by-step book, sell a concept full
of inspirational instances. Just for having the opportunity to help
you spread the word, they feel grateful.
How NLP Can Bring You to Influence the Masses
Neuro Linguistic Programming gives us a variety of strategies to develop
our perception, conversation and behavior.
NLP's roots come from the study and replication of clones–individuals who
have been good at what they have achieved and then reproduce it to achieve
similar results.
Our ability to understand what works is key to our success in business.
There are seven of the observations or techniques to get you started here
that we can replicate as managers to help us get even better at what we do.
1. Create a compelling vision to encourage others
We need to be transparent in our own heads where we want to go as a
company and as a team before we can start leading others. We can't expect
others to follow if we don't know.
2. Building a relationship to build a culture of confidence
Without a real connection with our team's individuals, we may be just a
figurehead that our title tells people to follow. It's just enforcement and it's
only going to get you so far. In order to really leverage the team's brain
power and skills, we will engage with people as individuals.
3. Gain insight into how people think as people give us clues about what
they think and how they think every day.
NLP therapists listen to words closely, they track body language and
behavior to help them understand what may happen. That and actually
asking our colleagues gives us a real chance to get the best out of them.
Using cognitive positions to gain a fresh perspective in particular in the
customer care and hospitality sectors, placing oneself in the place of others
is normal. This allows us to understand what the other person might be like.
Through motivating us to look at things from other perspectives, visual
positions help establish this notion. This may include the observer's or' fly
on the wall,' which allows us to clearly see from an objective point of view
all sides of the story.
4. Modeling others as a blueprint for success
A successful approach for administrators is to concentrate on what's
effective for everyone and then learn how to do it. Like the pioneers of
NLP, the sequence of events and what they mean at each point observe and
question people who are good in a particular area. Real results can be
obtained by creating a model of this process and then replicating it
throughout the organization.
5. Access useful internal resources in challenging situations
An excellent coach knows that the coaches have the resources that they
need to succeed most of the time. Helping the other person find them is the
trick. Accessing past achievements' feelings, strengths and trust allow us to
apply them in different situations.
6. Personal values also fuel the desire to consider the beliefs of other
people.
Knowing what is important in terms of their work for people can help us
create an atmosphere in which they can thrive. If it is necessary for them to
have the responsibility to carry out a mission without pressure from their
boss, think about how you can allow them the room to do this.
 CHAPTER 18:

NLP Anchors

A nchoring is yet another Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique

that focuses on gaining control of and maintaining your emotional
state. It is a simple process that has a profound effect on your well-
being. And it’s no surprise that anchoring, like all other NLP techniques, is
a process that you engage in daily at an unconscious level.
What Is Anchoring?
It is the process of forming an association between an external stimulus and
an internal state whereby the internal state can be aroused by merely
experiencing the external stimulus. The association refers to a neurological
pathway that is established as a result of numerous pairings of the internal
state with the external stimulus. The internal state could be either a positive
or negative emotion. However, NLP uses only positive states to anchor, as
the goal of anchoring is to make you feel good, and that can be achieved
only if you associate positive feelings.
Let’s use an example. Have you ever wondered why you wake up every
morning from the sound of your alarm? It’s because of anchoring! The
sound of the alarm (which is the external stimulus) has been consistently
paired with a state of wakefulness (internal state), which has resulted in the
formation of an association between them, so now the mere sound of the
alarm will cause you to open your eyes.
Try changing the tone of your alarm and observe if it has the same effect on
you. The majority of the time you will sleep through it and wake up late the
following day because the sound of the new alarm has no built-in
association with your state of wakefulness; therefore, it doesn’t wake you
up. But, give it a week or so, and you will realize that you can wake up as
usual for the sound of the new alarm.
So, what did you learn from your experience with the new alarm?
Repetition or consistency is an essential part of anchoring. The internal
state has to be repeatedly paired with the external stimulus to establish the
association called anchoring, but it is not the same for all types of
anchoring. Certain associations can be built on just one instance of pairing.
The necessity for repetition is dependent on the strength or frequency of the
occurrence of the stimuli.
How Did Anchoring Originate?
If you’re curious to know a little bit of the history of anchoring, here it is.
All credit goes to the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov who conducted a
series of experiments with dogs. Pavlov observed an extraordinary response
of the dog towards the food, which later was used to form the principle of
classical conditioning. He realized that the dogs initially salivated at the
presence of food, which was expected, as it is a natural response to salivate
at the sight of food. However, as the series of experiments progressed, the
dog began salivating at the mere sound of the footsteps of the researcher
bringing the food, well before the food was presented to the dog. This
phenomenon was termed classical conditioning, whereby a neutral stimulus
(footsteps of the researcher) was paired with an unconditioned stimulus
(food) that originally elicited an unconditioned response (salivating).
Numerous such pairings resulted in the neutral stimulus to become a
conditioned stimulus (footsteps), which then elicited a conditioned response
(salivating).
Anchoring is based on this principle of classical conditioning as it tries to
form a stimulus-response association, which will produce the unconditioned
response of feeling good whenever a person requires it.
Types of Anchors
In NLP Anchoring, the external stimulus acts as the anchor for your
positive internal state. This external cue could take the form of any
representational system which activates our sensory organs. The external
stimulus can be any of the five senses:
• Auditory – a verbal phrase such as lyrics of a favorite song that
makes you emotional
• Visual – an image of a holiday photograph which reminds you of
all the good times
• Kinesthetic – a physical touch such as a hug from a friend which
makes you nostalgic
• Gustatory – a specific dish which makes you feel sick in the
stomach
• Olfactory – the smell of good perfume which makes you aroused
The Process of Anchoring
Although you are unconsciously aware of the process of anchoring, learning
and practicing it consciously will give you the advantage of being able to
control and maintain your emotional state and can prevent you from falling
prey to pre-existing negative anchors in your life.
Imagine what it would be like to be able to instantly shift from feeling
angry and frustrated at being unfairly reprimanded to a state of peace and
tranquility.
Here’s how you can achieve it in just five steps:
1. Identify what you want to feel; for example, peaceful and calm.
2. Vividly recall an experience where you felt that emotion. Relive the
situation and embrace the full force of the internal state, as if you are
experiencing it all over again. Think of an instance in life when you felt
calm. Not just relaxed and cool, but truly at peace. It should be a state of
high intensity of feeling, like maybe an episode of meditation. Now go back
in time to that exact point in your life and relive it – literally. You can’t be
an observer of the event. You have to completely integrate yourself to hear,
see, and smell all the stimuli in that environment. Only then will you be
able to feel the same intensity of peace you experienced.
3. Anchoring. Choose a specific external stimulus to act as your anchor. It
could be kinesthetic such as touching your thumb and index finger together,
making a fist, uttering a phrase aloud, etc.
Apply the anchor when you feel your peak state increasing and hold on
until you feel the emotion begin to subside, then release the anchor.
When you find yourself reaching the peak of your state, and feel totally at
peace, anchor your state by balling up your fist. Hold still until you feel the
emotion beginning to fade. You have now formed a neurological association
between the internal state of peace and an external cue of balling up your
fist. Gently release the anchor by opening your palm
4. Change state. Distract yourself by doing some other action such as
looking out the window or reading something unrelated.
Change your mind by trying to recall the lyrics of your favorite song.
5. Test the anchor. Now ball up your fist in the same manner as step 3 and
observe if you can naturally drift back into that state of feeling. Don’t resist,
let anchoring just work its course.
Once again, ball up your fist and find yourself feeling the sensation of
peace overtaking you.
If you don’t find yourself being able to fire the anchor, go back to step 2
and repeat the process until you master it. Allow for sufficient time between
setting the anchor (step 3) and firing it (step 5).
The Five Keys You Should Know About Successful Anchoring
You can easily remember the 5 keys using the acronym “ITURN.”
1. The intensity of experience (I) – ensure that the experience you choose
to anchor to is a situation of high intense emotion. (For example, when you
want to anchor a confident state, do not choose a common experience such
as driving. Although you may be highly confident about your driving skills,
you are not in an intense mental state when you drive.)
2. Timing of the Anchor (T) – stay vigilant and apply the anchor when you
are about to reach the peak of your emotional state. There is a minuscule
time gap between applying the anchor and the acknowledgment on a
neurological level. So, applying it just before you reach the peak will ensure
that the anchor sets in at the peak state, which will provide optimum
anchoring.
3. The uniqueness of the stimulus (U) – if it is a kinesthetic stimulus you
seek, then choose a part of your body that is easily accessible while also
being a part that is not commonly touched. Use an easily accessible point
because you want to be able to call on the anchor immediately when
required instead of reaching for a far corner of your physique. A rarely
touched spot or gesture is used because you don’t want to be unnecessarily
firing the anchor every time that spot experiences contact or gesture is
made, which might cause the anchor to lose its effectiveness after a while.
4. Replication of the stimulus (R) – reapply the stimulus many times to
make sure that the anchor has been firmly set in your neurology (step 3 of
the above procedure).
5. The number of times (N) – test the anchor repeatedly by firing, which
will ensure that the new neurological pathway becomes a regularly used
pathway that can be easily triggered when necessary.
Applications of NLP Anchoring
The prime use of Anchoring is to be able to manage your emotions and
access resourceful states when you need them. To be able to replace
negative and unwanted feelings with desirable ones is absolute freedom.
There are many ways of using anchors to achieve this. Here are a few
applications:
State Management – this is the most basic use of anchoring. You call upon
an internal state by touching your anchor when required. It’s useful in
situations like examinations, presentations, or interviews, where you might
want to be highly confident.
Stacking Anchors – to do this, you have to choose different situations that
elicit the same or different emotions and stack them all at one point in your
body. For example, you can create a stack of confidence anchors by forming
multiple anchors of situations where you experienced peak confidence, or
you can make a stack of peak positive anchors by anchoring different
experiences of positive peak states.
This comes in handy when you want to experience multiple states such as a
combination of happiness, confidence, and love. Your stack of anchors,
when fired, will help you draw on all these states at the same time.
Chaining Anchors – involves anchoring similar states on consecutive
points of your body and firing them one after the other to experience a
sequence of similar states. After a few trials of firing, you will realize that
firing the first anchor is sufficient to activate the entire sequence of anchors.
This is useful when you need to gradually transition from one state to
another, building up your state until you reach the climax.
Collapsing anchors – is a useful technique to remove a negative state and
replace it with a positive one. It involves anchoring a negative state and a
positive state at two separate points. Ensure that the positive state is more
powerful than the negative state. Fire both states simultaneously, let both
states overtake you, and then gradually release the negative state, followed
by a positive state.
 CHAPTER 19:

Using NLP in Real Life

T he NLP Anchor techniques are there for training purposes in real life,
you'll be using anchors moment to moment, on the fly, and you
probably won't be working with a person identified as a client, sitting
them down, explaining beforehand what you're going to do, and taking
them through every single step of a technique as written down.
I've met plenty of people who've done NLP courses which can go through
all of the motions like that, but the anchors they try to set don't work. That's
usually because they haven't paid enough attention to whether the person
has gone sufficiently into an intense state in the first place, so the 'resource'
state they think they've anchored is actually a state of indifference. You
need to pay attention so that you get a feedback loop that tells you when is
the right time to set an anchor.
Another way that people fail to use anchors effectively is by not realizing
that the stimulus they are using may have pre-existing associations that they
haven't noticed. This is particularly true with music as an anchor. The
response to music is a very personal thing. When I was just starting out in
NLP, I did a course with a trainer who played the music from Chariots of
Fire as an anchor for inspiration during an exercise designed to increase our
self-belief, or something similar. What he hadn't reckoned with was that
many of us hadn't seen the movie, and the only thing that music reminded
us of was a number of TV comedy shows that were current around that time
that featured spoof clips of blokes in improbably baggy shorts running in
slow motion to largely comic effect. Out of respect for the trainer and with
some effort we kept a straight face, but I don't think we felt very inspired.
So how can you use anchoring in real life, in conversations or presentations,
and actually get the results you want? Here are some ideas:
If you are coaching someone and they describe achieving a goal which is
meaningful to them - and you'll know it's meaningful to them when they
become more animated, and when the way they talk about it changes, then
anchor that goal with a word or phrase in a particular voice tone. It's easier
to do this if you use the same words and voice tone that your client uses,
because that phrase will be meaningful to them, it already exists as an
anchor for them. If later on in the coaching session the client seems to lose
motivation, perhaps if they are considering obstacles to getting there, you
can fire off that 'achieving the goal' anchor. At the unconscious level, that
will bring back the motivated state; at the conscious level, they will feel that
the effort to get there is worthwhile.
If you're presenting to a group, and you have to deliver some bad news or
uncomfortable truths, use what's called “stage” or “spatial anchoring.” The
idea is that if you stand in a particular spot in the room, that spot becomes
anchored to a particular state. So to deliver your bad news, you would move
to a different spot in the room and don't go back there once your bad news
has been delivered. You could probably make the group nervous just by
going back and standing in that spot.
If you are in, perhaps, a sales meeting, and you've just made a real gaffe
that has not gone down well with your audience, you can dissociate yourself
from it by stepping out of that spot, gesturing at where you were, and
saying something like "And that, of course, is something we would never
do."
Similarly, if you are following a speaker who has bored or upset the
audience, make sure that you stand in a different spot from that speaker. Or
if you are all at a sit-down meeting round a table, make sure you don't use
the same voice tone as the unpopular speaker.
As you experiment with using visual, auditory and kinesthetic anchors, it's
also worth knowing that if you set an anchor in the primary representation
system that a person is using at the time - which you can tell from the
person's 'predicates' (the sensory words they use) - they will probably notice
that you're doing it. If you set an anchor in a representation system that
they're not using much, it will probably be out of their conscious awareness.
It's worth experimenting with setting anchors both in and out of people's
conscious awareness, and noticing which gets more of a result when you
test them.
 CHAPTER 20:

NLP In Business

N LP enhances negotiation skills and selling skills. Clients who use

NLP in the business report that their managers are excellent
coaches, motivators, and influencers.
NLP multiplies excellence in any field. This is a skill known as the
modeling in NLP. It uses the incorporation of all other intermediate skills.
This is very useful in a business organization if, for example, business took
good employees from each field and brought them together. The work done
will be excellent.
NLP helps to improve communication while doing business. During
communication, there is the use of verbal and nonverbal cues. By using
NLP, one will be able to understand the spoken and unspoken language of
customers and prospects.
It helps one to emulate the successful efforts of other businesses easily.
NLP teaches one to understand how successful people work and converse.
One can then emulate those using NLP strategies to copy those successes to
fit their businesses.
NLP gives one sales staff mind-reading abilities. This enables them to
understand nonverbal cues and eye movements, hence enabling them to
answer customers’ questions and provide useful information about the
products. They also understand how a client feels about the product in
question, which makes it easier for them to close sales.
NLP improves negotiation skills. Negotiation is one big requirement in the
business world—negotiation with vendors, employees’ marketers,
advertising firms, and many more. With NLP negotiation skills, everyone in
the business will be more effective and persuasive. NLP boosts morale.
Why wouldn’t one’s morale be boosted if everyone in the company or
office knows how well and effectively you communicate? One is able to
make themselves clear as well as able to relate with everyone in the office.
This makes the workplace much more fun since there is a better
understanding of one another.
NLP is the best customer service tool. NLP helps to understand customers’
complaints and suggestions after a sale. One can be able to discern if a
customer is complaining because of awful customer service or if he or she
is just having a bad day. When one’s customer care is able to understand the
customer’s nonverbal cues, then he will be able to deal with the angry
customer and make them happy so that they would come again.
NLP can be so effective in boosting your entrepreneurial pursuits. It helps
in building skills in teamwork, coaching, sales, productivity, personal
development, and leadership. For NLP to be effective, there must be
potential for growth, and human interaction should be present.
NLP is a good tool when you are setting and working toward achieving
your goals. When you are in a business, it is necessary that you set your
goals, which are supposed to be achievable, intelligent, meaningful, and
measurable. For instance, it will not be realistic for you to set a goal to earn
millions of dollars within a month without having logical ways to achieve
your goal. Thus, using NLP, it is possible to set and achieve goals for your
business. Using NLP will help you to change your way of thinking and
speaking and also motivate you to take appropriate actions toward
achieving your goal.
When you are in a business, sometimes you become stressed, but if you
apply NLP techniques, it is possible to have a happier and more fulfilling
life. NLP includes studying steps taken by successful people to achieve
success, and these successes can come out from any part of your body.
These techniques will help you overcome phobias, speak with confidence in
front of a large congregation, reduce anxiety, and learn how to be in a
healthy personal relationship.
 CHAPTER 21:

Dealing with Manipulation in a Relationship

S ometimes it’s not always possible to get out of a relationship with a

manipulator, such as a parent/child relationship. In some cases, you
may truly care about the person you’re with, and you want to help
them, but don’t allow this to become another way for the manipulator to
take control. There are ways that you can deal with a manipulator, but it
will take some time and some hard work on you.
Focus on You
All too often, victims of manipulators focus on their tormentor rather than
themselves. This is exactly what the manipulator wants, which will only
make their behavior worse. The reality of the situation is that you can only
help yourself and not the person who is manipulating you, so focus on you
rather than on them. Sometimes this will actually resolve the situation all on
its own because the manipulator will realize they are not in control anymore
and leave.
Do not fall into the trap of sharing your emotions and feelings with a
manipulator. They will only turn this against you in the end and having
them thrown back at you from a different perspective may be very difficult
to handle. Remember that manipulators are not susceptible to empathy and
will not be able to take your side in the matter.
Assess the Value
Is this relationship really worth all of this effort to you? Sometimes the
damage is already so severe, and your sense of happiness and integrity has
been damaged so badly that you just need to leave the relationship.
Of course, sometimes, it is impossible to get out of a relationship with a
manipulator because they may be your child, so you have to assess how the
relationship is hurting you as the parent and figure out how to alleviate
some of the manipulations. If you are the parent dealing with a
manipulative child, sometimes it’s best to have that child see a psychologist
to get to the root of the issue.
Use Assertiveness
The first step to using assertiveness in a relationship is to take back the
control you have. You are most likely very used to complying with your
manipulator just to avoid an altercation, but there are other ways to avoid
altercations. When one starts to arise and the manipulator starts to do
something that upsets you, simply remove yourself from the situation. You
can do this by stating, “I need time to think about this.”
Do not allow the manipulator to ask you why you need time because this is
another tactic, they use to regain control! Simply restate the statement over
and over again until you are out of the situation, in another room, outside,
or in another location completely.
Once you’re removed from the situation, you must confront your fears and
anxieties that are building up. Why do you feel guilty when the manipulator
uses this tactic? This is very hard to do, but there must be a reason as to
why you are responding the way you are, being submissive and being the
victim. This may be a great challenge for you, but it could save your
relationship or set you up for healthier ones in the future.
Finally, in a calmed state, confront the manipulator and tell them exactly
what you just learned about yourself. For example, they may threaten to
leave you during an argument, and that makes you feel afraid. Simply state
that to the manipulator and tell them that if they state what they want with
respect, you might be more willing to listen. Then tell them firmly, but not
without control, that you will not allow them to play on your fears any
longer.
This will lead to one of two results. Either the manipulator will realize that
what they did is wrong and hurtful to you, and they will stop their
manipulative ways, or they will leave because they no longer have control.
Do not be afraid of either outcome as this will strengthen your relationship
with yourself, and that is the most important one you have.
Performing these steps can be very difficult, and you may need the help of a
therapist or a psychologist. Do not be afraid to ask for help! Sometimes
manipulators know what they’re doing, but they don’t realize it’s hurting
their relationship with you. If they’re confronted with a calm and friendly
environment in a therapist’s office, things might go better.
Can You Successfully Deal with A Manipulative Partner?
As we just mentioned, not every relationship needs to end because of a
manipulator, although in several cases, it is the best choice. One thing that
you really need to remember is that even in a normal, healthy relationship,
it is natural to be influenced by your partner. Relationships are known to
change both parties, as you grow and discover who you are together as a
team. What you need to watch out for though, is where you start to feel like
you are losing yourself in the relationship. Your partner should be bringing
the best out in you, not overpowering every aspect of your life.
We are going to look at manipulation in general. Here we are going to talk
about what signs to look for to know if it is manipulation you are dealing
with in your current relationship.
Understanding Manipulation
Manipulation can present itself in a variety of forms, there are four main
types of manipulators. In relationships though, manipulation can present
itself a little differently as it can be in the form of teasing and sarcasm. With
how many different ways manipulation can be presented, it is often very
difficult to determine whether or not your partner is manipulating you.
Signs of Manipulation
Many times, in relationships you will start to feel like you are being
manipulated, but sometimes you can’t pinpoint why you feel that way. In
most cases, you feel that way because you aren’t listening to your gut, you
are going against those feelings so you start to feel a bit uncomfortable.
Other times you will make decisions because of things your partner
suggests, they work on getting you around to their way of thinking very
subtly
However, in order to say without a doubt that you are being manipulated
you have to look at your partner’s behaviors logically. You cannot go on gut
instinct alone. One way to do this is to be 100% honest with yourself. Look
at your partner’s behavior towards you and think about what you would tell
a friend if it was happening to them. If you would tell your friend to leave
the relationship because the behavior is too controlling, you need to follow
your own advice. If you would honestly tell them they are overreacting,
chances are you are too.
What to Do If you are Being Manipulated
If you decide to approach your partner, you are going to want to make sure
that you have a plan in place. Having a plan in place is important because
sometimes confronting the manipulative person causes further
manipulation, making it hard for you to stay on track regarding what you
want to say. So, to prevent this from happening carefully think about how
you want to handle the situation, you can even use some of the approaches
already mentioned to help you deal with it.
When you do approach your partner do not do so in an accusatory manner.
Accusing them only sets them on edge and can cause the entire
conversation to go awry. Instead, focus on the way that you are feeling
rather than putting the focus on how your partner is acting. To keep the
focus on you and your feelings use plenty of “I” statements. These kinds of
statements will also help provide examples to your partner about what has
been going on. Going this route will help open up the conversations and
will hopefully prevent your partner from becoming defensive.
Now once you start the conversation with your partner, you have to be
willing to carry it out. You cannot go into the conversation and state your
case and then just walk away. You need to listen to what your partner has to
say as well. In fact, how your partner responds to your conversation is
going to be what determines if the problem can be solved. If your partner
accepts responsibility for what they have done chances are the problem can
be solved, but both parties will need to continue to work on improving
communication
If your partner belittles your feelings or brushes you off, you need to rethink
the entire relationship. Only you can make the decision of whether or not
the relationship is worth saving.
No matter what you decide, you still need to continue to be aware of how
others are treating you. It’s all too easy to get back into the same routine of
manipulation. If you do stay with your partner to work things out, sharing
how you are really feeling on a regular basis is very important. Effectively
communicating with your partner can help prevent both of you from falling
into old patterns.
 CHAPTER 22:

Sales and Manipulation

W hen it comes to selling in business, you probably heard of the

expression “you can sell anything if you have the right mind.”
There is truth to that since an individual must know the
techniques of persuasion of the salesperson to sell the product to the
customers. There's a reason used-car salesman has the reputation that they
do of being able to take any crappy used car and convince someone that it is
substantially better than what one can perceive.
In spite of this practice, criticism is almost always directed towards them
for the usage of manipulation. The line between persuasion and
manipulation can be blurred. Especially in a business where high amounts
of money and people's jobs can be at stake and as a result, this line can end
up being crossed so many times it can be hard to tell which is which. We’ll
clarify how salespeople use manipulation to sell their product successfully
and how you can use the same tactics for your own business or for your
own ventures.
Business always has the need to sustain the customer’s needs first before
even introducing a product. Once the product is made with that in mind, the
salesperson will persuade and, in this case, manipulate you into buying. See
a lot of products are designed to pray on basic human emotional instinct as
a result.
With these things in mind, let's explain how these tactics work. One
example is hitting the customer with facts or statistics. A salesperson is
trying to sell bike helmets for $75.
The next customer he encounters, he brings up how in the last year, children
between the ages of six and fourteen are more likely to get into fatal bike
accidents. This makes it easier for him as this applies to the customer's
empathy.
Via playing on the customers’ innate desire to help protect their children
and ensure that no injuries befall to their child. To take it a step further, the
salesperson will cut the customer a one-time deal, giving a 15% discount if
he purchases it right now.
This manipulation is leaving little to no time to decide. And oftentimes this
claim of a 15 percent discount is in fact actually given to every potential
customer encountered by the salesperson. Thus, creating the illusion that his
sale is special to them only.
These pressures the customers thinking it would be indisputable and almost
inane not to purchase the helmet right then and there. As well as convincing
the customer that this deal is immoral not to take it also plays on the fact
that humans love exclusivity so if they are convinced that this deal on the
bike helmet or car or whatever it is being given at a good deal only to them
then they will take it.
As a result of these sales tactics at the end of the day, the salesperson person
has now sold something at an incredibly marked up price when in reality its
values are substantially less than what it is being sold for. It should be
known that they do this for positive reinforcement, making you feel good
about the purchase. Remember, they are trying to satisfy the customer's
needs while making a profit.
In a simple sense, sales and manipulation both play on simple psychology.
If you ever take a look at some advertisements, you may notice how they
show that the individuals who are using their products seem incredibly
happy or like their life has been fulfilled simply because they are using this
product. As a result of the manipulation utilized in sales, professional
businesses will be very careful to avoid doing something that will give them
a negative or tarnished reputation, henceforth they usually pride themselves
on a quality product.
With this in mind, how exactly do you avoid manipulative sales tactics?
Well, that question has an answer that is fairly similar to how you avoid
other manipulation tactics, except the end goal is different.
You need to keep to yourself, so if you say, for example, you have been
smart and done your research and know that a given a car is worth perhaps
twenty-five thousand dollars. And you go to a car lot, and the car salesman
is trying to sell it up at thirty thousand by throwing in a large number of
unwanted luxury features.
Then from here, you need to be blunt and bold with the salesperson and tell
them well “Hey buddy I know I can get this hunk of junk for 25k
somewhere else.”
See in simple terms most car salespeople tend to hedge their bets on the fact
that people will be squeamish and perhaps not stand up for themselves. As a
result, when going to buy anything be bold and confident.
This act of being bold and confident helps show the salesperson that you
mean business and may perhaps be difficult if not impossible to trick.
Lastly, let me briefly explain how advertising uses emotional manipulation
tactics to get you to purchase their products.
One of the main tricks advertising agencies like to use is something
psychologists call the “Fear of missing out” what this means is say Apple
releases a new iPhone and they run all these ads for it well their betting less
on the advertisements selling the phone and more on a cultural
phenomenon. See in basic terms if everyone you know and all the people
around you begin buying up these iPhones than you yourself is going to be
very tempted to buy one. Your reasoning will be mostly subconscious such
as not wanting to be left out of the new loop and wanting to fit in. The other
tactic ad agencies like to use is sex.
We have all heard the term sex sells well this can be seen in a lot of the way
things are subtly sold and the shapes they may make it adds. As a result of
these things remember whenever you are watching an advertisement to pay
close attention to see if it is trying to perhaps play on some of your
subconscious and innate desires. This includes things like scantily clad
women, suggestive shapes and figures within the ad.
Now that you know how advertising plays on simple emotions you can
avoid it better. The most important thing to remember when making any big
purchase is to deal only with facts and logic and disregard any emotion you
might have towards it. This is may or may not come as a surprise, but most
of the motivation that comes for a purpose is dictated by emotion rather
than logic. As a result of this emotion over the logic that people use most if
not all manipulative sales tactics try and play on our emotions as opposed to
logic. Remember this when going to something and ignore the emotional
cues.
This can be difficult especially when it comes to buying a house. Real estate
can be an issue where realtors will try many different tactics to try and get
you to buy a house.
Their main trick will be by trying to sell you on the emotional appeal of a
house’s aesthetics something that is not important. You can always counter
these emotional claims from a realtor by firmly and strongly disagreeing
and holding your boundaries firmly and clearly, in doing so you also set the
precedent that you are not one that is easily susceptible to manipulative
tactics. These tactics can even be seen in the supermarket in how they will
sometimes show an item as being marked down even though it is not.
What I mean by this is that they will advertise a product as being for sale
when in reality it is not what this means is that they will always label it as
being on sale even though it is not. Their goal is to trick you into thinking
that by not purchasing it you are missing out on some kind of deal, when in
fact, it is quite the opposite this plays on the human fear of missing out on a
good deal.
Now that you know the tactics salespeople use you are better equipped to
avoid them. On the flipside, if you are a business owner yourself you can
utilize these little psychological tricks to your own advantage and, in doing
so hopefully acre great wealth and success for yourself. It is important to
remember that these tactics are not coming from a place of maliciousness
on the side of the salesperson but simply put. They use positive
reinforcement to get what they want and to get you to think you want it.
Therefore, it is not entirely a malicious thing. With these thoughts in mind,
you are now armored and prepared for whenever you set foot into the sales
floor. And can hopefully utilize these tricks in your daily life to bring
yourself a great success.
 CHAPTER 23:

The Art of Subliminal Messages

A subliminal message can be defined as an auditory or visual message

that is presented so fast or slow to target only those that pay
attention. Many researchers have studied the effect of subliminal
messages as a way of passing information to the right audience. What has
come out clear is that subliminal messages have an impact on how an
audience perceives certain crucial details in product advertisement. When
used correctly, it can result in an increase in overall sales of the items
offered by different companies.
In 1986 Merkle and Cheeseman came up with the Psychodynamic
Activation Theory that gave suggestions on how subliminal messages work
on different individuals. The theory suggests that subliminal messages
intrigue an unconscious defense mechanism to an individual who sees or
hears the message. It then puts the individual in a position of desiring to
satisfy two complementary features as portrayed in the subliminal
messages. As a result, they end up buying a product that they wouldn’t have
bought in the absence of the subliminal messages. This unconscious
stimulus is what results in the positive impact of subliminal messages as a
persuasion tool.
Over the years, many companies have used subliminal messages when
advertising their products. A common example is a phrase “Drink Coke and
Eat Popcorn” that was used in the mid-90s. This made let to an increase in
sales of the product pair especially after watching movies at different
theatres. Subliminal messages are made to affect an individual’s actions
proactively without them realizing any new changes. The messages are
found everywhere; be it in the gym, movie shop, or bookstores. Companies
use subliminal messages so that the target audience can stop doing certain
things in favor of their products.
So, does subliminal messaging deliver results or are the facts
misrepresented? Some researchers such as Greenwald and Spangenberg
have given out a thumbs up for subliminal messages as a way of convincing
a population mass to think in a certain direction. As a result, it causes an
upsurge in sales of the items that a certain manufacturer is offering. But you
have to be smart while coining the subliminal messages. The phrases
shouldn’t be too obvious. Instead, they should show a co-relationship
between two independent activities. Subliminal messages have a great
effect on the memory of the target audience. Most of them feel emotionally
attached to the messages portrayed by the subliminal cards.
A Brief History of Subliminal Messages
The first-ever recorded book about subliminal messages was called “The
New Psychology” and was published by Scripture in 1907. The book
described the basics and principles of subliminal messages. That’s a clear
indication that the art 0of subliminal messages have been around for quite a
while. Another early recorded example of subliminal messages is by Knight
Dunlap who was an American professor of psychology. In his presentation,
Knight created an illusion of Muller-Lyre by including two pointed arrows
showing different lengths. These arrows subliminally influenced his
subjects based on the length of the shadow lines. Since then, researchers
have carried out different visual subliminal experiments to come up with a
workable theory.
The visual flash technique has also been used in different fields. One such
example is when soldiers who were participating in World War II were
being trained on how to identify a plane in 1/100th of a second. Pictures of
different planes were passed on the display board and each soldier was
expected to come up with the name that plane. This technique was used to
enable the soldiers to quickly identify enemy planes and shoot them down
as fast as possible.
In 1957, James Vicar carried out research on the impact of visual display of
subliminal messages. During a movie presentation at the New Jersey
theatre, James used a tachistoscope and projected the words “Drink Coca-
Cola” and “Hungry? Eat popcorn.” He did this for 1/3000 of a second after
every five seconds during the movie representation. This saw an increase in
the sales of Coca-Cola and Popcorns shoots up to an all-time high of 58
percent. This caught the attention of the business world and soon, every
corporate was looking for unique ways of writing subliminal messages to
the target audience.
In 1979, about fifty stores in Canada and the U.S. started broadcasting
messages in audiotapes that warned about shoplifting. During this era, most
stores made losses due to shoplifting scenarios. Hence, incorporating
subliminal messages with soothing background music was a good starting
point. It is recorded that the stores saved about $600,000 as store theft
reduced by 37 percent. The auditory background messages had a great
impact on this great step. Ever since many stores throughout the world have
incorporated this technique to reduce store theft and promote new products.
Subliminal messages in music have been associated with anti-social
behavior. Some musicians often don’t pay attention to what they are
writing. When they talk about sex, guns, and other forms of violence, their
fans get motivated to do things that they hear from the records. This calls
for the responsibility of musicians and other relevant governing bodies that
are tasked with the responsibility of inspecting any released content. The
subliminal messages portrayed in such records also have an impact on the
relationship between musicians and fans. Most fans choose to pick sides
when their favorite artist sidelines them to hate another artist.
What has come out in recent years is that subliminal messages are powerful
persuasion tools. More people are embracing this art to boost sales and to
control a target audience in a particular direction. Also, researchers are still
making wonderful strides in this field and we can only expect new
innovations soon. The beauty of subliminal messaging is that it targets a
specific audience and thus, it makes it easy to make a follow up on the
series of events that have come up. Besides, it enables business owners to
record the effects that arise due to its impact accurately.
Types of Subliminal Messages
There are two common types of subliminal messages; auditory subliminal
messages and visual subliminal messages. These messages are almost
similar but their impact is felt differently. They also have different results in
terms of effectiveness and workability. However, instances of visual
subliminal messages have been around for the longest time. In fact, auditory
subliminal messages evolved from their visual counterparts. But there is no
doubt that their effect cannot be underestimated. When used together, they
give out exemplary results you can’t achieve by using a single persuasion
tool. Here’s what you need to know about these two kinds of subliminal
messages.
Visual Subliminal Messages
Multiple researches have shown that visual subliminal messages stimulate
people’s cognition. As such, it enables them to identify with certain items.
However, these subliminal messages have to be projected to the audience
on a regular and consistent basis before being successful. Our bodies work
under the control of hormones. When people see something that excites the
body, they will go the extra mile and look for the solution. That is why the
visual subliminal messages should be creatively written to spark interest in
the target audience.
Visual subliminal messages often aim at messing around with the self-
esteem of the target audience. Many people feel belittled when someone
comments on anything that touches their ego or convenience. As a result,
the visual subliminal messages often give suggestions of complementary
pairs that you should focus on. However, the messages should be direct and
polite. Avoid using excessively provocative words when coining the visual
subliminal messages. This will put you in a backlash with the target
audience, which is not good for business. So, do extensive research on the
topic at hand before making any persuasion advances.
Visual subliminal messages have played a huge role in the business world.
The once simple tool has transitioned to become a very powerful marketing
jewel to the global business community. It is common to spot such acts
everywhere, as they have been incorporated in almost every aspect of our
lives. Researchers, on the other hand, are always looking for new ways to
make this marketing technique better. With the strides that have been made
in the industry, we can only expect more inventions soon in this field.
Social media has made the use of visual subliminal messages even bigger.
The available platforms give business owners a large audience with just one
shot.
Auditory Subliminal Messages
The auditory subliminal messages are meant to drive specific information
embedded in background music or any other discussion. This marketing
technique is a subsidiary of visual subliminal messages. However, most
researchers have found that the two are effective when used together.
Initially, business owners only focused on advertising through visual
subliminal messages. They often did this because they thought that
incorporating audio messages will result in backlash from those who want
to enjoy their beautiful time. But this technique has now evolved to become
one of the best marketing tools epically in supermarkets and other big retail
shops.
Sometimes, you want to reach a large audience by speaking to every single
person at ago. However, doing that may require large sums of money
pumped in roadshow campaigns and other advertisement schemes that
attract large masses. This menace can be solved by simply embedding
subliminal messages in your audience’s favorite music or radio station
programs. People will likely listen to those whom they hold a huge
responsibility. Besides, it is common for people to filter what they want to
hear in different situations.
Auditory subliminal messages are common in the entertainment industry.
Nowadays, big artists are paid to mention the names of brands in their
songs, interviews, or shows. Some artists have even been signed as brand
ambassadors so that they can promote companies in different situations.
The world of advertisement is slowly experiencing the significance of the
auditory subliminal messages for better sales and companies’ growth. This
marketing technique is no doubt excellent especially when it targets a non-
repulsive target. Most start-ups are slowly incorporating this marketing tool
to join the league of successful business owners. With the current world
innovations, we can only expect more ideas to develop in this beautiful
marketing field.
After sending out subliminal messages to the audience, the ball is now in
their court. Different people perceive messages in a different manner. Some
may accept the message while some may decide to ignore it. However,
when a subliminal message is efficiently drafted, the reach out should be
huge. So, what do you do to ensure that your message isn’t misinterpreted?
Or, what are the ways of ensuring that your subliminal messages feature
detailed information in one shot?
When administering the subliminal messages, you should be prepared for
worst-case scenarios. Don’t expect everything to run smoothly. Instead,
prepare on how you’ll counter-attack any negative feedback. A good
counterattack should be the one that offers permanent solutions to the
problem at hand. You can only come up with such a solution when you
involve an expert. Always, consult with successful business brands to get
more insight about subliminal messaging. Benchmarking gives you the
opportunity to get finer details about subliminal messages as well as know
what you should avoid being successful in your persuasion pursuit.
 CHAPTER 24:

Using NLP in your Real Life,

Relationship and Work

Using NLP to Manage People

W hen it comes to managing people effectively, it’s important that

you first understand the non-verbal cues they provide, in order to
be able to apply your skills toward influencing them. This is an
important principle in applying the NLP technique. Following are a few
NLP techniques that can allow you to influence people’s perception and
thinking:
Deciphering eye movements
The reason it is important to understand the meaning of eye movements is
that each eye movement tells its own tale. For instance, when you’re
searching for the right word or trying to remember a name, you
automatically move your eyes in a certain way (most likely, squinting).
Rolling the eyes signals contempt, or exasperation. Winking indicates
flirtation or a joke. Widening the eyes signals surprise, or shock; even
extreme excitement. The eyes can reveal much more about people’s mental
and emotional status, all on their own.
Once you understand what other people’s thought processes are, you can
accurately follow a course of action or dialogue which acknowledges the
unspoken response, as signaled by the eyes. Dilation of the pupils,
breathing, angle of the body, position of the hands – all these are
complementary to the spoken message. Still, eye movement is very
important in communication, because every movement is influenced by
particular senses, as well as different parts of the brain.
Here is how you can generally interpret eye movement:
Visual responsiveness
Eyes upward, then towards the right:
Whenever a person tilts eyes upward and then to the right, it means that the
person is formulating a mental picture.
Eyes upward, then towards the left:
Whenever a person tilts eyes upward, followed by an eye movement to the
left, it means the person is recalling a certain image.
Eyes looking straight ahead:
Whenever someone focuses directly in front of them, as though looking at a
point in the distance, this indicate that the person is not focused on anything
in particular. That is the look often referred to as ‘glazed’.
Auditory Responsiveness
Eyes looking towards the right:
When a person’s eyes shift straight towards the right, it means the person is
in the process of constructing a sound.
Eyes looking towards the left:
When a person’s eyes shift straight towards the left, it indicates that the
person is recalling a sound.
Audio-digital responsiveness
Eyes looking downward, then switching to the left:
When someone drops their eyes and then proceeds to turn their eyes to the
left, this signals that the person is engaged in internal dialogue.
Eyes looking right down then left to right:
When a person looks downward and then proceeds to turn their eyes to the
left and then, to the right in consecutive movements, it means the person is
engaged in negative self-talk.
Kinesthetic responsiveness
Here, the person looks directly down, only to turn the eyes to the right. That
is an indication that the person is evaluating emotional status. This further
indicates that the person is not at ease.
Verbal responses
Rhythmic speech
The idea here is not to be poetic as you speak, but to speak at a regular
pace. The recommended pace of speaking is equated to the heartbeat, say,
between 45 and 72 beats per minute. At that pace, you are likely to sustain
the listener’s attention and establish greater receptivity to what you’re
saying. While normal conversational speed averages about 140 words per
minute, slowing down a little and taking time to pause is highly effective as
a means of sustaining people’s attention. Your regular cadence should be
punctuated by fluctuations in tone and emphasis, in order not to sound
monotonous.
Repeating key words
When you are trying to influence someone, there are key words or phrases
which that carry additional weight as far as your message is concerned. This
method of speaking is a way of embedding the message in the listener and
subtly suggesting that your message is valid and worthy of reception.
Repeating key words also suggests commitment, conviction and mastery of
the subject matter.
Touching the person lightly, as you speak
Touching the person as you speak to them draws their attention to you in a
relaxed and familiar way. By employing this technique, you’re preparing
the listener to absorb what you are saying to them; a way of programming
attentiveness. Those engaging in inter-gender conversations in the
workplace should take great care with this technique, as it can lead to
misunderstandings.
Using a mixture of “hot” and “vague” words
“Hot” words are those that tend to provoke specific sensations in the
listener. When you are using them to influence someone’s thinking, it is
advisable to use them in a suitable pattern. Examples of phrases containing
hot words are: it means; feel free; see this; because; hear this. The effect of
employing these words and phrases is that you’re directing influencing the
listener’s state of mind, including how that person feels, imagines and
perceives. You’re also appealing to the sense most prevalent in the
listener’s perceptive style (as observed through the movement of their
eyes). For example, the phrase “hear this” will appeal to those who indicate
a tendency to respond most actively to auditory stimuli.
Using the intersperse technique
The intersperse technique is the practice of stating one thing, while hoping
to impress on the listener something entirely different. For example, you
could make a positive statement like:
John is very generous, but some people take advantage of him and treat him
as though he is gullible.
When someone hears this statement, the likely assumption is that you want
people to appreciate John’s generosity. That is likely to be the message
heard and yet, the subtext is that while John is generous, he is also
considered gullible and thus, at a disadvantage in life, when it comes to
other people. Your hidden agenda may be to influence the listener to
actually think of John as gullible, which calls into question his judgment.
So, emphasize the words “but” and “gullible.” The word “but” serves the
purpose of transitioning the perceived compliment to John to an implicit
slight.
The techniques just described form strategies in the service of influencing
people. They’re not intended to force a viewpoint or to control people’s
behavior for nefarious ends. These techniques are intended to modify
undesirable behaviors, which may be resulting in workplace difficulties,
including the failure of staff to work well together or to complete team
projects. They’re also extremely helpful in the context of relationships with
young people and children, whether at home, or in a learning environment.
Techniques of subtle manipulative effects like those described, though
capable of influencing people and their behavior, don’t amount to anything
even approaching coercion. The person being spoken to chooses all
responses and is merely influenced, or steered toward those responses.
How to Use NLP
Ultimately, you do not need anything to get started. There are a handful of
traits that you will need to allow this process to really work to its fullest,
and if you are willing and able to embrace these changes to yourself, you
will see that you can actually begin to make huge, meaningful changes to
your life. You will not have to live your life trapped by negativity any
longer. You will not have to hold yourself back any longer. You will not
have to keep yourself pinned down, enslaved by your feelings any longer.
You will be able to reclaim yourself and your autonomy.
You must be ambitious
Remember, this is no small feat—nor is it an easy one. When you are using
NLP, you are looking to rewrite your thought processes literally. You are
trying to make major changes to yourself and how you approach the world
in hopes of making sure that you can achieve everything that you hope to
achieve. Your ambition will keep you moving forward in the process—you
will be able to keep yourself going just due to being motivated by your
goals, and that is a very powerful thing for you to take advantage of.
You must be courageous
You are, in many cases, going to be rejecting everything that you have
known and accepted for the majority of your life, and that is no easy feat.
When you are courageous, however, you recognize that at the end of the
day, you are able to take it on. You know that the change needs to happen,
and you are willing to move forward to ensure that it does, in fact, occur. It
will be scary at times—after all, we fear the unknown. However, you must
remember that at the end of the day, your courage will keep you moving
forward toward the progress that you are looking for.
You must be open
You must be willing to approach all of this with an open mind. After all, it
can seem highly unlikely in many different situations that this is actually
something that can work. If you are dubious, at least give it a shot. It can be
hard to think that you can, in fact, change your entire mindset just with a
few quick shifts in how you want to treat yourself or how you want to think
about yourself, but it is very real. It is possible. You can take control of
yourself and your feelings to make this happen if you are willing to be
receptive to the possibility.
You must be curious
Much of NLP is all about learning to look at the world in a new manner. It
is all about learning how best to recognize the changes in the world that you
want to see and recognizing that you may have to change how you wish to
see the world in the first place. It requires you to approach the world in new
ways—you must be willing and able to ask questions. You must be able to
wonder how or why things will work the way that they do. You must be
willing to investigate why you do what you do so you can make the changes
that you need to make. This is not possible if you are not curious about the
world around you—it is only when you can embrace that curiosity and be
willing to look at the world around you, much like how a child would, that
you can unlearn those patterns that you have taught yourself. However,
when you do so, it will be greatly worth it.
You must be disciplined
When you are disciplined, you can keep yourself on the right track. You can
recognize that, while things may be difficult and painful at first, it is for the
best, and it will help you ensure that, at the end of the day, you do see those
necessary changes. You will be able to recognize that you need to remain
determined and continue to attempt to make these changes that you need to
see in life. These changes will help you immensely. They will ensure that,
at the end of the day, you do move forward and you do see those changes to
yourself.
 CHAPTER 25:

Predators

W ithin dark psychology, it is believed that everyone has the

capacity for harming or manipulating others. Dark psychology
itself is the tendency to victimize others for an individual’s own
gain. It involves manipulating other people to get desired results, regardless
of the cost to those who are unfortunate enough to fall victim to the
predator. It is often deemed impractical, and in some cases, physically
harmful to the other person.
Those who utilize dark psychology are typically attempting to sway other
people for one reason or another, sometimes for good or justified reasons,
and other times, due to extreme selfishness. Despite the wide range of
reasons someone may seek to manipulate others, this part will focus on
those who do it to harm other people intentionally. These predators want to
achieve their goals and get whatever it is that their hearts desire at any cost,
and are willing and able to do whatever it takes to be satisfied.
Users of Dark Psychology
Lawyers
In the court of law, oftentimes, juries or the judge must be convinced
beyond a preponderance of a doubt of the answer as to whether someone is
guilty or innocent. This, of course, can be swayed by whether evidence is
presented effectively and the wording and body language used by the
lawyer. While one person may say the thing that establishes the truth,
another could word things just ambiguously enough that it could sway how
things are understood and therefore sway how the jury or judge views the
person on trial. For example, one lawyer could attempt to paint a murderer
as someone worthy of sympathy, invoking images of the murderer as a
loving parent, spouse, and child who has always been involved within his
community and acted only in self-defense, which could potentially
influence the judge to give more leniency than an alcoholic, repeat offender
who is twice-divorced, a deadbeat dad, and has never been able to hold a
job for longer than a week at a time. With that in mind, lawyers may also
coach their clients to act in certain ways to influence the judge and jury to
see them in a certain light to better the chances of a good outcome, even if
that outcome is unwarranted, such as a murderer being free to walk away.
Leaders
Leaders are often either manipulative or persuasive. Good leaders act within
the realm of persuasion, seeking to interact with people with an open mind
and attempting to get a positive outcome for everyone involved.
Manipulative leaders, on the other hand, act for their own self-interest.
They rule through power and coercion, threatening those who resist certain
actions or behaviors, as opposed to earning their position as a respected
leader. Leaders who manipulate typically have low emotional intelligence
and work through punishing bad behavior as opposed to rewarding good
behavior. Leaders who rule like this are seldom successful, though people
will follow out of fear. This means that they are likely not going to last in a
leadership role before someone else ousts them.
Politicians
Politicians are masters at reading the cues in other people and running with
them. They will present themselves in ways that come across as though they
know exactly what it is they are talking about, while they may truly be
clueless. They present facts confidently, using their own body language to
manipulate others. They may attempt to intimidate or throw off their
competition, or they may attempt to be seen as an authority figure to those
listening who will have the ability to vote. They want to get the votes they
are seeking in any way possible, and so they must present themselves in a
way that seems confident and convincing. This is directly manipulating the
people around the politician, as it seeks to influence other people for the
politician’s own gain selfishly.
Public Speakers
Public speakers must be able to read those in the audience, but also to
convince the public to agree with them. Whether the public speaker is
attempting to get a new law or initiative passed, sway your vote in an
election, or even just to convince you to protest some new store, their entire
purpose is to speak convincingly and influentially.
Sometimes, these public speakers will resort to all sorts of dark psychology
tricks, such as using words that are intentionally ambiguous in order to
misconstrue situations in their favor, or in appealing to specific groups,
citing fears as reasons to not go forward with whatever plan the others may
have. They will do whatever it takes to appeal to any emotional states
within the audience and use those emotional states to sway and manipulate
those in the audience accordingly.
Narcissists
Clinically diagnosed narcissists exhibit three key traits: They have an
inflated sense of self-importance, crave constant or near-constant attention,
and lack empathy for other people. Because they crave attention and want
to feel validated, narcissists will often manipulate those around them to
admit or believe that the narcissists are truly superior. They will create an
environment that is conducive to getting what they want, whether it’s from
coercion or manipulation. They do not care what the cost is to the other
person, so long as they get a steady stream of their desired attention and
validation and the other person does not challenge them.
Sociopaths
Sociopaths are people who do not empathize with others. Because of this,
they do not feel that motivation not to harm others. While many
neurotypical people naturally allow empathy to act as inhibition from
harming others, the sociopath does not. This is why the average person feels
guilt at manipulating while the sociopath will not.
Sociopaths are typically intelligent, charming, and also typically quite
impulsive by nature of their personality disorder. These, combined with the
lack of empathy, or the ability to understand how the other person is
thinking or feeling, lead to someone who is prone to impulsively
manipulating others in order to get whatever is desired. They may fake
relationships in order to get the other person to do whatever is desired or
just outright take advantage of others just because they can, and they do not
feel guilty about it.
Salespeople
Those who work in sales are literally paid to convince you to buy things. It
should come as no surprise that they oftentimes try to manipulate potential
clients into buying what they are selling. They may appeal to the client’s
fears or insecurities, or portray a sale as a better deal than it actually is in an
attempt to sway the client into making a purchase impulsively, without
taking the time to analyze or see the manipulation.
Traits of Users of Dark Psychology
Manipulative people are difficult to spot, in part because they are so good at
covering their tracks, which is how they get what they want in the first
place. Here are some of the warning signs that someone around you is a
manipulator or user of dark psychology.
Dark Triad
The dark triad is a reference to three particular traits someone may have:
Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These three are referred to
as dark due to the fact that they all have the potential to harm others. People
who score highly on these three traits are typically prone to crimes, social
issues, and cause problems for any organizations they may join. While all
three traits are quite similar to each other, they are distinct.
Narcissism: As briefly touched upon, narcissism refers to an individual
who believes in self-grandiosity, lacks empathy, and is constantly seeking
attention. Narcissists behave selfishly, seeking only to benefit themselves,
and they have no qualms about manipulating others to get what they want.
Machiavellianism: Those who score highly on Machiavellianism are
typically quite cynical in the sense that they seek to further their own self-
interest with no regard to morality. They typically do not see any reason to
follow the principles of society, instead of believing that the only way to
succeed in life is to manipulate others.
Psychopathy: People who score highly on psychopathy lack empathy while
also being prone to impulsive decisions and seeking thrills. They do
whatever they want, regardless of the cost to other people because it is not
happening to them and therefore does not matter to them. They may see
someone screaming in pain and not care because they do not have the
empathy programmed in their minds to cause them to care. This means
those with high psychopathy levels typically go out of their way to only act
in ways that are self-serving or that satisfy whatever new impulse they
have.
Passive-Aggressive
Those who are covertly or overtly manipulative are frequently quite
passive-aggressive. They typically rely on this sort of attitude in order to
convince others to do what they want, typically by making the other person
feel guilty. This is a way that they can act out sorts of micro-aggressions
while still maintaining plausible deniability if anyone tries to call them out.
Think of a family member who always conveniently forgets that you have a
special event coming up, even if it happens to be relevant to them as well.
You cannot really argue if someone says that they have forgotten about
something in order to prove otherwise, since you will never be able to read
another person’s mind, meaning that even though you may know the truth,
you have no real recourse to prove it. You are left feeling frustrated while
the other person was able to hurt you through something that many people
would see as harmless, and you have no way to call them out for it.
Stubborn
Because predators of all kinds are typically trying to convince or
manipulate you into something, they cannot exactly admit fault or take the
blame for something without admitting failure. Instead, they double down
on whatever they are saying and insist that things are their way. They are
unwilling to help in problem-solving, even if they are the problem, and they
will adamantly refuse to compromise. Through their own stubbornness,
they will double down and refuse to help with the conflict, and may instead
throw more fire on it.
Infallible
Along with their stubbornness, predators typically will never willingly take
responsibility for their actions, unless doing so seems to be the best possible
situation. They insist that they are infallible, refusing to acknowledge
anything less than perfection. They will deny misbehaviors or mistakes
vehemently, and may even shift the blame to other people instead, creating
scapegoats. Everyone around the predator may recognize that it was his or
her transgressions that caused the problem, but the predator will do
anything possible to avoid that blame.
Controlling
Predators seek control over everything. The very foundation of
manipulation is controlling other people. Because they seek power and
control, they will often try to make anything possible on their own terms,
whether it is seeking to make a confrontation on his or her own terms, or in
a location chosen by the predator. They want to keep you out of your
comfort zone because it makes you easier to control. In the event that you
try to get them to concede a little bit and try to make something convenient
for both you and the predator, the predator is likely to insist that the meeting
will take place on his terms or not at all.
 CHAPTER 26:

Tips to Protect Yourself Against

Emotional Predators

L et’s start by looking at an example of typical Emotional Predator

behavior that includes omitting relevant facts to hide the truth,
ignoring rules, denying facts, being indignant and bullying when
called on bad behavior, blaming their target, being hypocritical, refusing to
inconvenience themselves or change, being indifferent to their negative
impact on others, playing the victim, and manipulating emotions with
melodramatic tones and words.
There is no “one size fits all” approach to dealing with an Emotional
Predator in your life... This means that no single strategy or tactic can be
guaranteed to neutralize every Emotional Predator. Learning how to protect
you is a process of trial and error doesn’t work when we demand perfect
results each time. So, let yourself off the hook of perfectionism. When a
tactic doesn’t work as you’d hoped, it’s not a failure, it’s a learning
opportunity.
Some of the ways to protect yourself can be easy to understand but difficult
to put into practice and internalize, others harder to understand. Make notes
in the margins, on the Table of Contents or on the blank pages at the
beginning or end. Create your own table of contents so you can find things
that are particularly important to you.
Identify Emotional Predators
The first step in protecting yourself from Emotional Predators is to
recognize them behind their camouflage.
As you read about the behaviors, tactics and traits of Emotional Predators,
you may recognize some of them in yourself and worry that you may be
one of them. We all can share some of the behaviors that distinguish
Emotional Predators from others, and under stress we can temporarily
regress to some of those more primitive ways (and many teenagers seem to
temporarily regress that way as part of a natural developmental phase). And
as we’ll see, we also can choose to selectively adopt some Emotional
Predator tactics to defend ourselves from Emotional Predators.
Emotional Predators exhibit a pervasive and enduring pattern of behavior
and perception, not a selective, temporary use of tactics. That’s why it can
take repeated observations over time and examining documented history to
determine whether someone is an Emotional Predator, or just a decent
person temporarily regressed under stress or selectively resorting to
defensive tactics.
You don’t become an Emotional Predator by selectively using some of the
clever or even devious Emotional Predator tactics to protect yourself and
your loved ones. You can choose to use the same tactics without sharing the
same traits and nature. Selectively playing an Emotional Predator’s game
better than she does in order to protect yourself, and with concern for the
negative impact on innocent people, is very different from the Emotional
Predator’s pervasive use of tactics to use and abuse others for her own ends
without regard to the costs imposed on others.
And Emotional Predators lack insight into themselves. They’re deeply
delusional about who they are and, in particular, how they impact others.
Although they can fake it using the jargon of psychotherapy, they’re not
truly introspective. Recognizing Emotional Predator behaviors and tactics
in yourself, suggests that you’re more introspective than they are.
Be Flexible about how you define yourself
Emotional Predators seek out emotionally reactive people and harness their
emotional reactions to control them. But a strategically responsive person
can regain control and power and is a less appealing target. Your emotional
reactions control you. You control your strategic responses.
Although it’s natural to want to change an Emotional Predator, don’t
underestimate the power of changing yourself. Knowing yourself better
than she knows you are essential, but more powerful protection comes
when you’re willing to change yourself. And you’re the only person you
can change. You can’t change who she is. You can, however, change who
you are to fortify your defenses, build immunity and improve your
responses. And by changing yourself and how you respond, you can
influence her behaviors.
Avoid and Disengage when possible
The wizards are right. Have the wisdom to run from Emotional Predators
whenever you can. When you identify an Emotional Predator in your world,
the best thing to do is avoid engaging with them. That’s easiest when she
isn’t targeting you and you are observing her from the sidelines. In that
situation, just steer clear and avoid involvement. This should be done
politely and without any hint that you see anything wrong or negative about
her. You certainly shouldn’t explain to an Emotional Predator the real
reason you’re moving away. If she asks, some version of the old line from
dating of “It’s not you, it’s me” is usually the best approach. Be too busy.
Make vague circumstances the “bad cop” that forces you to decline
engaging with her.
As you move away from an Emotional Predator, don’t explain or justify,
just state your unavailability in the briefest way possible. “I have too much
going on,” without being drawn into listing and justifying what else you
have going on, is usually enough. Particularly after you’ve already said you
aren’t available, often the most powerful response to a further inquiry is no
response at all. Silence can speak loudly and clearly (and uses the
Emotional Predator tactic of passive-aggression for protection). Be as
invisible as you can, showing fear or vulnerability, joy or excitement,
satisfaction or disappointment. Show no emotion at all, because your
emotions are what an Emotional Predator feeds on and will try to
manipulate.
If you find yourself already engaged with an Emotional Predator, the best
thing to do is disengage. But that may not always be possible. If the
Emotional Predator is in your family or at your work, you may need to, or
you may choose to stay engaged.
Be Strategic when you do engage
The strategy of avoiding and disengaging may not be available or practical
in your situation, particularly if the Emotional Predator is part of your
family or at your work. If you must, or if you choose to, remain involved
with an Emotional Predator (you have children together, for example), it’s
vital to be smart and strategic, and use effective tactics to protect yourself
and your loved ones and restore the balance of power. Every strategy and
tactic for dealing with an Emotional Predator, including disengaging, aims
to re-balance power and restore control.
Many of the tactics for managing involvement with an Emotional Predator
can be summed up as playing the Emotional Predator’s game better than she
does and setting your own rules of engagement. Don’t bring a knife to a gun
fight. Remember, playing her game better than she plays it doesn’t make
you an Emotional Predator. The tactics themselves may look the same and
an uninformed observer may not readily distinguish between offensive and
defensive uses, but there’s a world of difference.
Control Information
Controlling information is central to any strategy for protecting yourself.
An Emotional Predator will carefully control the information she lets out,
telling affirmative lies and distortions as well as lying by omission. This
makes it important for you to mine all sources of information to get the
facts and fill in what she’s left out. Penetrate her facade by gathering
information about her abusive, deceptive and manipulative behaviors and
reality.
An Emotional Predator also will relentlessly try to mine you for information
about you, particularly for information about what’s emotionally important
to you, what you hold near and dear to your heart, your core beliefs and
values. So, learn to play her hiding game better than she does by controlling
the information you let out. The less she knows about you, the better. Don’t
say what you want to say, say what will be strategically smart to say.
Like a good card player, remember that misleading your opponent is central
to a good outcome. When an Emotional Predator thinks you care about
things that are unimportant to you (and visa versa), she’ll attack you where
you’re immune and not attack you where you’re vulnerable. You can
strategically mislead her both by withholding accurate information about
you and by releasing inaccurate information. Although strategically faking
an emotional display can put an Emotional Predator off balance and
misdirect her attention, this tactic should be used sparingly and only by the
theatrically inclined. Unless you’re a good actor, it’s probably better to
remain emotionally invisible.
Types, Sources and Direction of Information Flow
Managing the flow of information between you and an Emotional Predator,
and with third parties, is part of almost all the strategies for protecting
yourself. There are three types of information: information about you, about
the Emotional Predator and about the situation. In addition, information
moves in two directions: you acquire it and you release it.
You can acquire information from three sources: from yourself, from the
Emotional Predator and from third parties (which includes independent
records). And you can release information to any of three audiences: to
yourself, to the Emotional Predator or to third parties. Particularly when
releasing information, but also when acquiring it, involve third parties with
caution. Through ignorance or intention, third parties may or may not be
trustworthy. Some could be helpful, others could be oblivious, still others
could be enlisted now or in the future as Emotional Predator helpers or
patsies.
This may sound more complex than it is. The bottom line is that effective
protection from Emotional Predators involves controlling the information
you reveal and acquire, considering what that information is, from whom
it’s acquired and to whom it’s shared. Managing all the different types of
information and the directions they flow is a central part of an effective
defense, but controlling the information you let out about yourself,
particularly about your emotions, is essential. If you wear your heart on
your sleeve and let your emotional states be visible, there’s little hope of
effective protection. Common therapy admonitions to be open and honest
and share your feelings are a disaster if you follow them with an Emotional
Predator.
 CHAPTER 27:

Emotional Intelligence

E motional intelligence is a significant indicator of victory in various

aspects of life. It entails being able to recognize other people's
emotions. Having emotional intelligence puts you in a better position
in what you do. It could be in business or at the workplace. People who
have high emotional intelligence tend to perform better at the workplace.
Emotional intelligence is a suitable tool in enabling you to handle situations
and people such that you can overcome dark psychological aspects or
manipulations. You will learn what emotional intelligence is, how it can
help you to overcome manipulators, and how you can develop emotional
intelligence.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Think of emotional intelligence like this: You probably know a person who
fascinates you by the way they pay attention and listens to what you have to
tell them. It could be your friend or colleague. In any circumstances that
you are in, they will find the right words to say to you and tell them to you
in a manner where you won’t upset or offended. You can confidently call
this person considerate and caring. Such a person will leave you feeling
optimistic and hopeful, even though you did not find the solution to the
problem you were having. They have a high degree of emotional
intelligence. They are people who tend to know themselves exceptionally
well and can sense the emotional needs of others.
I know this is a character you admire, and you would like to be like them.
While emotional intelligence is turning out to be an essential aspect of
professional success, it is paramount to self-wellbeing.
Emotional intelligence is the capability to identify, manage, and use your
emotions to comprehend what they tell you and in what way they affect
other people. It includes how you perceive other people, which is essential
since, for you to manage relationships effectively, you need to sense how
others feel. Emotionally intelligent people can go through life smoothly as
compared to other people. The reason for this is that they do not quickly get
upset or angered because they can understand other people's emotions.
The following are elements of emotional intelligence that will assist you in
understanding what it entails.
Self-Awareness
High emotional intelligence will enable you to understand the concerns,
needs, and feelings of other people. It is easy for you to pick up on
emotional cues, identify power dynamics in a group, and feel comfortable
socially. Being self-aware means that you understand your emotions, and
you are capable of managing them, and you do not let your feelings control
you. It is about being confident because you trust your intuition and would
never allow your emotions to get out of control.
How often do you take an honest look at yourself? People with emotional
intelligence comprehend their strengths and weaknesses; they not only
know how to handle other people but know areas where they can perform
better. Self-awareness is arguably the most paramount part of emotional
intelligence (Watkin, 2000). From the above explanation, we learn the
crucial aspects of self-awareness, which are emotional awareness, personal
confidence, and individual assessment. If you have these qualities, then you
will be in a position to distinguish emotions that are inappropriate and
appropriate. This is what people who have emotional intelligence do.
Take, for instance, anger. It is a negative emotion. However, there are
certain circumstances in which it is an appropriate and reasonable emotion.
There could be a person who has purposefully angered you. As a person
who has emotional intelligence, you will be able to see the intention and
react appropriately.
Self-Management
Self-management is also referred to as self-regulation. It means being able
to manage your emotions, control impulsive behaviors and, take the
initiative and fulfill your commitments and adapt to changing
circumstances. It is an essential quality as it means that you do not allow
yourself to become too jealous or angry. A major drawback to most people
is that they do not make hasty, impulsive decisions. It is more about
thinking before you act.
As manifested above, the attributes of self-management include the ability
to say no, integrity, comfortable with change, and thoughtfulness. These
aspects will enable you to respond to the emotions of others appropriately.
Motivation
It is also an essential aspect of emotional intelligence. It is more about
having a personal drive to achieve and improve, being committed to your
goals, and being ready to act on opportunities. These are people who have
high resilience and optimism in life. Self-motivation is what has brought
you this far and enabled you to achieve what you have.
Self-motivation is a critical skill that enables you to bypass most of the dark
psychology aspects. It is about setting and making reasonable demands on
yourself and being assertive. A motivated person is difficult to manipulate
because you can defer immediate results for long-term success. It is about
being very useful in whatever you do, loving challenge, and being
productive.
Empathy
Empathy is also referred to as social awareness. The reason why you are
vulnerable to dark psychological aspects such as narcissism,
Machiavellianism, and psychopathy is because you have empathy. In this
context, being empathic is broader. It means you are capable of
understanding the concerns, needs, and emotions of others.
It helps you to see things from other people’s standpoint, which makes you
have a stronger understanding of other people's situations. It is about
leveraging diversity, having service orientation, developing others, and
understanding them. The advantage of people with empathy is that they can
identify other people's feelings even when those feelings are hidden. As an
aspect of emotional intelligence, being empathetic enables you to be
excellent at relating, listening, and managing relationships with others. You
are a master at maintaining and building relationships, an excellent
communicator, and you are capable of handling disputes.
Social Skills
Social skills entail a broad range of interpersonal and relationship skills. A
person with emotional intelligence makes good leaders because they can
influence, persuade, and manage conflicts. When you have social skills, you
are easy to talk to: you are trustworthy, able to share, and you are a good
listener. It is easy for you to be attractive to others and be more charismatic.
The advantage with this is that it helps improve your confidence and self-
esteem making it easy to have a positive personal dialogue. Hence, you tend
to have a greater understanding and acceptance of your emotions.
It is easy to talk to and admire people with excellent social skills. It makes
this person a good player. It gives them an advantage in learning other
people's intentions. If they identify good motives, it will help them shine
and develop.
The analysis above has shown that emotional intelligence is an essential
aspect of one’s life. Concerning psychology, it is paramount to your mental
health. Uncontrolled stress and emotions could indeed impact your
emotional wellbeing and make you susceptible to depression and anxiety.
Emotional intelligence will enable you to develop healthy relationships.
You can control your emotions and express your feelings well while
understanding how others are feeling. Another critical aspect manifested in
this analysis is social intelligence, which you will apply when determining a
foe from a friend.
How Does Emotional Intelligence Help You Deal with
Manipulators?
A significant aspect of emotional intelligence is that some decide to use it
for personal interest. Such people capitalize on empathy to manipulate
others. Thus, when you are seeking to know how to deal with manipulators,
remember that most of them have a significant level of emotional
intelligence. Your focus here is not to be an expert so that you can
manipulate others instead overcome any aspects of manipulation. With high
emotional intelligence, you can recognize, appreciate, and relate with other
people's emotions.
The question you should be asking is this: if the manipulators have
emotional intelligence, how will you overcome them? It is possible to do
so; remember, emotional intelligence helps you to identify a friend from a
foe. You use the insight to identify those who want to fulfill their self-
interest by using you and those that are genuine. Emotional intelligence
helps to overcome various tricks used by manipulators.
Manipulators use fear to control you. It is common to find someone
exaggerating fear to the extent that he or she is telling you outrageous lies.
It would be best to research or talk to a trusted friend to find out the truth
about what the manipulator was saying. Emotional intelligence relates to
self-knowledge. It is an outstanding quality that entails having a solid sense
of who you are, such that no one can convince you otherwise. You do not
need anybody telling you or implying to you who you are.
Emotional intelligence equips you with a strong sense of compassion for
yourself. Manipulators like people who are less compassionate about
themselves. However, when you have self-confidence, you develop a firm
positive compassion inner dialogue with yourself, which enables you to
outdo the influence of a manipulator (Bailey, Murphy, & Porock, 2011). It
is about refusing to allow manipulators to activate your buttons and
schemas. You will be in a position to engage with them and make their
words slide without having an impact on you.
Manipulation is about toiling with your emotions. Being emotionally
intelligent enables you to block such influence or the possibility of someone
taking advantage of your feelings. You can notice how you feel, and
healthily, you can cope with the feelings that you go through. It is difficult
to find someone who is emotionally intelligent, making impulsive
decisions, or letting emotions control them. When they feel confused,
frustrated, angry, fearful, guilty, or feeling defensive, they will either excuse
themselves or retreat to a new location. When dealing with a manipulator,
there is insanity that inevitably occurs when you are emotionally intelligent.
You do not engage in it because you do not allow the things they say or do
get to you.
Each of the characteristics of emotional intelligence puts you in a better
position to deal with a manipulator compared to a person who has low
emotional intelligence. Among the various things you can do with them is
take responsibility for yourself. It means that a person will not fool you
twice, nor will you let a manipulator walk all over you. It is because you
have self-respect and self-awareness.
 CHAPTER 28:

Increase awareness and create value for

yourself and in business

W hen people know that what they want is limited in terms of time,
color, options, availability, and quantity, their desire for it
increases exponentially. Corresponding to this theory, whenever
you want something but cannot easily have it, the appetite for that object
increases significantly; this is nothing but human nature and one of
economics’ fundamental laws.
Citizens have always heard about the law of supply and demand, and they
understand how difficult it is to buy something at a much higher price just
because the market for it has increased. That is why they are going to
markets to buy a product that is more likely to become extremely popular in
the future and take advantage of its original price.
Today, most stores use this strategy–first, they get people to understand
their product's inherent value, which they know the consumers need
tremendously. They will then throw in some freebies and a cheap price,
which would help them generate sufficient revenue to fund their money. We
will then conceal the product from the public. Once we think there is
enough clamor for the product to return to the shelf, they'll bring it back on
the market at a ridiculously high price.
What is this action going to do? By listening to the people's voice, it makes
the storeowner look good, and then he earns a lot of extra money to do so.
He does not need the people to know the second advantage he enjoyed,
though. The first benefit is all that he would need to remind them of.
Regarding his goals, he is simply trying to make his customers avoid the
pain by reintroducing an old product that would most likely be much more
expensive than the new products his store offers. The customers did not
know, however, that the storeowner has already guaranteed his reward–he
knows his old product would be selling, no matter what. He did not take
any risk at all.
So, how can you use this principle? The first element of this principle is that
your goal must be aware that it will be valuable to him or her for your
service, offer proposal, or product. He or she is going to suffer if he or she
loses the chance to have this right now. The second element is the act of
scarcity induction. Now, to your target, you can induce scarcity. Tell him or
her that, in terms of business operations, what you are selling right now will
only be available for a limited time (or in limited quantities). The target will
know by causing scarcity that there is a real possibility that he or she may
not get what they want because time (or stock) will run out quickly. As
such, telling your target in no uncertain terms how it will lose out in this
situation would be essential.
Suppose you are a businessman as an illustrative example, and your target
is a potential customer. You can say to your goal, "I would hate to see you
miss this latest iPhone! Note that this version will only have 2,000 iPhone
units available. I will give you the chance to reserve one for yourself if you
wish!" This example would work because it involves a specific number,
which justifies the claim of scarcity. A seller would sell for a certain
amount based on how much his customer would like or need the service
that he sells. The thing is that soon because it is that special, the product
will be taken off the shelves. He can make a claim stronger by saying that
most people can get it only on a reservation basis because the competition is
very tough, but still, fighting for the product is so worth it. A store owner
may declare that consumers have a specific deadline to make up their
minds, missing that deadline is the same as missing the entire opportunity to
profit from the service.
Now, if you were that salesman, you could even boost your pitch by saying
you are willing to go out of your way and make sure your target gets a fair
fighting chance to get that product, but it should count on an effort.
Insinuate that going through the trouble of having to fill up the paperwork
and stand in line can be frustrating for you. You are now guaranteed to sell,
and you would also get a good tip.
 Conclusion

T here are many examples of manipulation, mind control, and

persuasion in history. Some of the most infamous examples are
Charles Manson, Adolph Hitler, and Ted Bundy.
When you look at Charles Manson, an American criminal and cult leader,
you can get a profile of someone who was able to use his words and “love”
for his “family” to create a cult. He has been able to take young adults and
turn them into murders.
Charles Manson never actually killed anyone. He simply had the members
of his “family” do this through manipulation, mind control, and persuasion.
Adolph Hitler acted similarly. He started by getting people to like him
through persuasion. People believed that he would be one of the greatest
political leaders of all time. He used all the tactics to get people to believe
Jews and people with mental and physical handicaps were worthless. By
using his manipulating techniques, he made some citizens and the Nazis to
believe that specific categories of people had to be killed to make the world
a better place.
Ted Bundy is one of America’s most notorious serial killers. During the
1970s, he raped and killed several females. He would often get the women
to follow him because of his charisma, which is a personality trait that
many manipulators and persuaders have. He was also known to be good
looking and would act like he could be anyone’s best friend.
Today, psychologists continue to study the methods behind people like
Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, and Adolph Hitler. One of the most famous
psychological experiments to prove that people can be controlled through
manipulation and persuasion is the Stanford Prison Experiment. In the early
1970s, psychology professor Philip Zimbardo used college students from
his class to perform this experiment (Mcleod, 2018). He told some students
that they were criminals and were locked up in prison. He told other
students that they were the guards. Every student in the experiment had
their assigned roles and understood what they were supposed to do.
The purpose of the study was to find out whether guards in the American
prison system were ruthless because of their personality or because of their
environment (Mcleod, 2018). Zimbardo played the supervisor of the prison
and built a mock prison in the basement of the Stanford University
psychology building. Before he agreed to let people play any role, he made
sure they were mentally and emotionally able to handle this type of
experiment by giving people a psychological assessment. Out of the 75
college students that applied, about 24 men were approved.
None of the participants knew each other and their roles were randomly
assigned. By the time of the study, there were 11 prisoners and 10 guards.
The prisoners were arrested in their own homes, without warning. They
were then blindfolded and brought to the mock prison where they were
searched and fingerprinted. They were treated like every other criminal.
The guards were given matching uniforms, billy clubs, and whistles. They
were also given sunglasses so that they couldn’t make eye contact with any
of the prisoners. From the beginning, Zimbardo told the guards that they
could not use physical violence to maintain law and order. However, they
could do whatever else they felt was necessary. To Zimbardo’s surprise,
who believed real correctional officers were cruel to prisoners because of
their personality, the guards started to become hostile to the prisoners
quickly.
Within hours, the guards started to harass the prisoners and make them do
sit-ups or pushups as punishment. They also started to increase their
authority against the prisoners. This brought a surprise rebellion from the
prisoners, who tore off their number badges and pushed their beds in front
of the doors to their cells so guards could not get in (Mcleod, 2018).
This rebellion was the start of a changing relationship between the guards
and prisoners. The prisoners became more submissive as the guards become
more aggressive. Within a couple of days into the experiment, one prisoner
started to suffer from emotional disturbance. When the parents came to visit
the prisoners the day, most prisoners introduced themselves by their prison
number. Rumors started to spread of a mass escape plan, which is when
Zimbardo started to look into what was going on a little more closely. He
started to talk to the prisoners and inform them that they were not their
number, that they had a name and an identity (Mcleod, 2018).
Less than a week into the experiment, it was terminated because the guards
started to abuse the prisoners. On top of this, many prisoners were showing
signs of emotional disturbance, which was making other psychological
professors anxious about the experiment.
The Stanford Prison Experiment concluded that people will conform to
social roles, especially in a heavy manipulated environment (Mcleod,
2018). People will also start to conform when other people try to persuade
them to act in a certain way, such as when a guard would get another guard
to treat a prisoner harshly. People will also conform when they are being
controlled, such as with the social roles and the environment. These are
forms of mind control.
Through this narration you have learned what dark psychology means. It is
nothing to be afraid of. It can improve your daily life. Once you dominate
it, you will be able to realize if you have been manipulated, persuaded, and
controlled through your mind. While most people deal with these forms of
dark psychology as a way to help them make better decisions, sometimes it
is not for your good.
You have become aware of the techniques people use to try to control or
manipulate you. Because of this, you will feel ready to take on your
manipulator. You will feel that you understand what they are trying to do,
which means you will be less likely to fall victim to their techniques.
However, you always need to be aware of the strategies they will use that
you do not understand. While I talked about the most common strategies
within this book, this doesn’t mean that they won’t come up with their
strategies. While beginners will struggle with finding their manipulative
techniques, master manipulators will have enough experience to come up
with their own.
The bottom line is, using any of these dark psychology tactics negatively in
a relationship is a form of abuse. If you are being manipulated or mentally
controlled to the point it is hurting you physically, emotionally, or mentally
you have to find a way to get out of the relationship. It will not be easy and
you might feel that, in the beginning, you are making the wrong decision
since you are leaving your “comfort zone.” You might find yourself going
back to your significant other after you leave him because, as you will get
yourself to believe, “it wasn’t that bad” and “They promised they would
change.”
You must realize that they are not going to be able to change overnight. It is
going to take them years and a lot of counseling to change. If they
genuinely want to change, which usually isn’t the fact, then you need to
make sure they go to a counselor and recognize when behaviors change and
when they don’t.
Though fear will conquer and dominate your thoughts, you are fully
capable of getting out of that situation. You can and you will start again and
in the best way. You do have support. Even if you have become isolated
from your friends and family, there are always support groups, shelters, and
non-profits who are willing to help you get your life back on track.
It will not be easy because you will need to get to the point that you start to
build up your confidence again. You need to feel that you are not worthless
and that people want to help you. This is something that master
manipulators and mind controllers try to take away from you as it gives
them the upper hand and they feel that you will never be able to find your
confidence again.
However, you can prove them wrong. You can fight this, and you will come
out on top.
Use the techniques described in this book to identify dark psychology
behaviors and especially the cynical manipulation to be able not to lose
control over your life.
DARK PSYCHOLOGY SECRETS

A GUIDE TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE WITH

HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY, TECHNIQUES FOR
PERSUASION, DECEPTION, NLP,
EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND MIND
CONTROL

Brandon Covert
 Introduction

I t is not uncommon for humans to make attempts at influencing others

by making use of psychological techniques such as manipulation,
coercion, persuasion, deception, hypnosis, mind games, and
brainwashing. Psychology is the study of the mental process of humans. It
seeks to investigate the thought process of humans by looking critically at
the reason why people do what they do and the way they do it.
When it comes to dark psychology, the focus is on the human condition in
relation to the nature of the psyche of humans, which propels them to prey
on other people with the aim of influencing them. This is driven by criminal
or deviant tendencies which lack purpose, as well as other general
assumptions of both social science and instinctual drives.
All the members of humanity have the tendency to victimize other people,
as well as every living creature on Earth. For some people, these tendencies
are restrained and very minimal. In contrast, others easily fall for the
instinct and act upon these impulses.
According to dark psychology, every human has a bank of malevolent
intentions geared towards other people, and these intentions range from
fleeting thoughts to minimally obtrusiveness to pure psychopathic deviant
characters that are devoid of any form of cohesive rationality. This is
described with a term known as the Dark Continuum.
Also, there is another term known as the Dark Factor, which refers to the
mitigating factors that act as accelerants or attractive factors to every form
of approaching Dark Singularity, which indicates the point where a person's
heinous actions fall in the radar of the Dark Continuum.
Michael Nuccitelli (2006) states that dark psychology isn't only the dark
side of the moon, but the dark side of the combination of all the moons. It is
a combination of everything that makes an individual who they are about
their dark sides. It is a trait that is present in every religion, culture, faith, as
well as every race of humanity.
From the point of birth to the point of death, there is an inherent not-so-
pleasant side within everyone, which some have described as evil. In
contrast, others call it deviant, criminal, and pathological.
With dark psychology, there is an introduction of a third philosophical
construct, which looks at these behaviors from a different angle aside from
religious dogmas and contemporary theories of social science. To be
successful, every individual must take an interest in their fellow humanity.
It is from the lack of interest in others that every failure in life springs, and
this causes significant injury to others. All human failures arise from this
type of individual (Alfred Adler, n.d.).
According to the tenets of dark psychology, some of those who commit
these acts do not do so for the love of money, power, sex, retribution, or any
other known motivation. They just merely commit these horrid acts without
any goal at all. They easily simplify their ends and do not justify their
means.
Some other people just violate or cause injury to other people for the sake
of doing so, and the potential for this lies within the core of everyone—a
drive to harm other people without any reason, explanation or purpose.
According to dark psychology, this is a complex potential that is hard to
define. It states that the potential to become a predator, which is present in
everyone, has access to people's thoughts, feelings and even their
perceptions. The good thing is that it is only a few people that act on this
potential.
At one point or the other, every human will have had thoughts or feelings of
acting towards another person brutally, and many times would have had
thoughts or the feelings of hurting someone else without mercy. To be
honest with oneself is to accept the fact that at a certain point in time, there
has been a feeling of wanting to commit some heinous acts.
As a result of the fact that humans consider themselves to be a benevolent
species, it isn't surprising that most times humans want to believe and
convince themselves that these thoughts and feelings are non-existent. Still,
the truth is that these thoughts are always present in everyone.
In dark psychology, it is believed that this predatorial side of human nature
is of an individual purpose. Several fields of religion, psychology and other
dogmas have attempted to give a solid definition to dark psychology.
Although most areas of human behavior related to evil actions indeed have
a purpose and a goal, when it comes to dark psychology, the aspect that is
concerned with goal-oriented and purposive motivation seems to become
very indistinct.
There exists a continuum of dark psychology victimization which ranges
from thoughts and spans to pure psychopathic deviance. However, this
contributes to helping in conceptualizing the philosophy of dark
psychology.
The aspect of the human psyche which dark psychology addresses, is that
which makes room for these predatory behaviors. In many cases, these
behavioral tendencies are characterized by a lack of apparent rational
motivation which is universal and lacks predictability.
If there is any truth in this evolutionary theory, and if you belong to the
league of those who believe in the theory, you will agree with the fact that
every behavior has something to do with three instincts: aggression, sex and
self-sustenance. These are the primary instincts that drive humans.
In the evolutionary theory, there is a tenet of the survival of the fittest which
is replicated in other species. In other to survive and reproduce, there is a
similarity between humans and all other life forms. To be able to mark one's
territory, there must be a show of aggression. This also goes a long way in
protecting these marked territories, as well as gaining the right to procreate.
Although this may seem to be a rational process of thoughts and actions, it
is not a part of the human condition in the purest sense of it. Therefore, it is
important to note that dark psychology is not applicable when it comes to
other animals on the planet, as it is only humans that are prone to exhibiting
the tenets of dark psychology. However, a critical look at the human
condition will dissolve the theories of natural selection, evolution, and
animal instincts as humans are the only species that can prey on themselves
without any apparent reason for procreation to survive and sustain
humanity.
Humans prey on one another for reasons that are not clear and cannot be
sustained. It is this part of the human mental state or what is known as the
universal human condition, that dark psychology aims at addressing; the
part that makes humans impel this predatory attitude.
In dark psychology, it is believed that there is an intrapsychic part of human
nature that makes people do what they do in terms of preying on others.
This part of human nature goes against the tenets of evolution. Humans are
also the only other creatures on the planet that will kill one another for
reasons other than the want of food, survival, territory, or procreation.
For ages, philosophers and other ecclesiastical writers have made several
attempts at looking at this phenomenon to explain it. What has only been
discovered is the fact that it is only human beings that harm themselves
without any form of rational motivation.
It is assumed in dark psychology that there is a part of the human psyche
that gives life to these dark and vicious characters and this part of all human
beings is universal. At this point, in the past or in the future, there hasn't
been any human creature that did not possess this dark side.
 CHAPTER 1:

What is Dark Psychology?

B efore we take a look at some of the methods that come with dark
psychology and how it can be used against you, it is essential to
know precisely what this form of psychology is about. Psychology,
or an understanding of how the human mind works, is a part of all of our
lives. Psychology is going to underpin everything in our lives from
advertising to finance, crime to religion, and even from hate to love.
Someone who is able to understand these psychological principles is
someone who really holds onto the key to human influence.
So, if only a few people really understand psychology and how the human
mind works, why is it so important to know what this is? It is because those
who do know what it is and how to use it can choose to use that power and
that knowledge against you.
Dark psychology is always present in the world. There are always those
who will search for the weaknesses in others, in order to benefit
themselves.
Being able to understand dark psychology is not just a defensive measure.
There are a lot of principles and ideas found within the world of dark
psychology.
Once you have pulled back the curtain of the world of dark psychology, you
will find that there is so much more to human nature than you ever
imagined. Let’s take a look at how this can work.
How Is Dark Psychology Used Today?
While some people are going to use these dark psychology tactics in order
to harm their victim, there are times when you may use these tactics without
the intent of negatively manipulating another person. Some of these tactics
were either unintentionally or intentionally added to our toolbox from a
variety of means that could include:
When you were a child, you would see how adults, especially those close to
you, behaved.
When you were a teenager, the mind and your ability to understand the
behaviors around you were expanded indeed.
You were able to watch others use the tactics and then succeed.
Using the tactics may have been unintentional in the beginning, but when
you found that it worked to get you what you wanted, you would start to
use those tactics in an intentional manner.
Some people, such as a politician, a public speaker, or a salesperson, would
be trained to use these types of tactics to get what they want.
Dark Psychology Tactics That Are Used on a Regular Basis
Love flooding: This would include any buttering up, praising, or
complimenting people to get them to comply with the request that you
want. If you want someone to help you move some items into your home,
you may use love flooding in order to make them feel good, which could
make it more likely that they will help you. A dark manipulator could also
use it to make the other person feel attached to them and then get them to
do things that they may not normally do.
Lying: This would include telling the victim an untrue version of the
situation. It can also include a partial truth or exaggerations with the goal of
getting what you wanted to be done.
Love denial: This one can be hard on the victim because it can make them
feel lost and abandoned by the manipulator. This one basically includes
withholding affection and love until you are able to get what you want out
of the victim.
Withdrawal: This would be when the victim is given the silent treatment or
is avoided until they meet the needs of the other person.
Restricting choices: The manipulator may give their victim access to some
choices, but they do this in order to distract them from the choices that they
don’t want the victim to make.
Semantic manipulation: This is a technique where the manipulator is
going to use some commonly known words, ones that have accepted
meanings by both parties, in a conversation. But then they will tell the
victim, later on, that they had meant something completely different when
they used that word. The new meaning is often going to change up the
entire definition and could make it so that the conversation goes the way the
manipulator wanted, even though the victim was tricked.
Reverse psychology: This is when you tell someone to do something in
one manner, knowing that they will do the opposite. But the opposite action
is what the manipulator wanted to happen in the first place.
Who Will Deliberately Use Dark Tactics?
There are many different people who may choose to use these shady tactics
against you. They can be found in many different aspects of your life,
which is why it is so important to learn how to stay away from them. Some
of the people who are able to use some of these dark psychology tactics
deliberately include:
Narcissists: These individuals are going to have a bloated sense of their
own self-worth, and they will have the need to make others believe that
they are superior as well. In order to meet their desires of being worshipped
and adored by everyone they meet; they will use persuasion and dark
psychology.
Sociopaths: Those who are sociopaths are charming, intelligent, and
persuasive. But they only act this way to get what they want. They lack any
emotions, and they are not able to feel any remorse. This means that they
have no issue with using the tactics of dark psychology to get what they
want, including taking it as far as creating superficial relationships.
Politicians: With the help of dark psychology, a politician could convince
someone to cast votes for them merely by convincing these people that their
point of view is the right one.
Salespeople: Not all salespeople are going to use dark tactics against you.
But it is possible that some, especially those who are really into getting
their sales numbers and being the best, will not think twice about using dark
persuasion to manipulate people.
Leaders: Throughout history, there have been plenty of leaders who will
use the techniques of dark psychology to get their team members,
subordinates, and citizens to do what they want.
Selfish people: This could be any person that you come across who will
make sure that their own needs are put before anyone else’s. They aren’t
concerned about others, and they will let others forego their benefits so that
they can benefit. If the situation benefits them, it is fine if it benefits
someone else. But if someone is going to be the loser, it will be the other
person and not them.
This list is important because it is going to serve two purposes. First, it is
going to help you be more aware of the people who may try to manipulate
you to do things that you don’t want to do, and it can be there to help out
with self-realization. Being on the lookout for those who want to get
something out of you, without any concerns about how it will affect you, is
one of the main goals of this book so that you can arm yourself against dark
psychology.
 CHAPTER 2:

History of Dark Psychology and its Impact on the

Modern World

I f Dark Psychology is such a matter of concern, why is it still considered

such a newly established part of the psychological field? Some of the
key reasons for this is that while psychology overall is still a recent
phenomenon in medical literature, Dark Psychology as an area of research
is one of the latest innovations in psychology since it has been recognized
as a significant topic in modern culture. Dark Psychology made a big
impact on the field in the early 2000s as psychologists around the world
were motivated and inspired to understand cybercriminals better, starting to
collect information that had been gathered about criminal psychology and
analyzing individuals to either capture them or anticipate their next exploits
before they ever had an opportunity to set them off. Study into the
personality traits associated with Dark Psychology (also known as
malevolence characteristics) has been underway for decades, contributing to
some of the world's biggest advances in justice and criminal law, such as:
I. Criminal profiling and investigative branches of service devoted to
research and development from county-level police to foreign
enforcement teams at government levels.
II. Introduction of new regulations to protect us from the evilest among
us who would not have been punished by law before.
III. Stretching prison sentences for the most evil, or delivering
psychiatric and social treatment for their disorders that were not
acknowledged by medical and legal institutions in the years before a
particular case.
Currently, Dark Psychology is well considered to be of special concern to
those examining the minds, emotions and behavior of offenders operating
within the cyber world for tactical gain and worldwide advantage. Across
the entertainment industry, there have been numerous applications made for
it which continue to be investigated, including high-quality insightful shows
on true crime cases and fictitious criminals and crime solvers with profound
and humanizing qualities, that have drawn people's interest at all political,
academic, social and class levels all over the globe. More than anything,
Dark Psychology and its increasing prominence have caused all those who
are unwilling to accept the darker aspects of human nature to rise and take
note, acknowledging the fact that even the happiest and most positive of
people may be characterized by darker traits. Each individual is made up of
both positive and negative attributes, habits and behaviors that are
influenced or created by events that they have experienced and the people
who surround them. It is perfectly natural for each person to have questions
about their personality, feelings, emotions and behavior that can be
answered by the research and studies undertaken in Dark Psychology.
How Dark Psychology Affects Humans
There are nine personality traits that researchers usually associate with
people who are of interest to Dark Psychology analysis. Sometimes
recognized as the “Traits of Malevolence” these character indicators shape
the basis of darker personalities, and knowing them will help to identify
their use around you, whether deliberate or otherwise.
Two Can Make A Pattern
Displaying only one of the recognizable characteristics is not enough for
anyone to be firmly branded a dark personality. If they only fall within one
group of indicators, then it might only be a chance of experiencing a
childhood trauma or a challenging series of conditions that they encounter
that proves to have a huge impact on the development of that individual's
personality. In situations such as these where the trait is dangerous to the
person or others, or where the person is unable to recognize this aspect of
himself or herself and creates certain psychological problems, the person
may seek the help of a counselor or other psychological health provider to
recognize their issues and to figure out how best to handle them in the
future.
Here is a closer look at the dark traits shown and established in individuals
who are guided by their Dark Psychology.
I. Narcissism: Narcissists are people whose behavior, feelings and interests
center around their well-being and success above others, and often to the
detriment of others. This personality feature is influenced by the Greek
myth of Narcissus, a man who spent his life in love with his own image.
Narcissists tend not to operate well in organizations and can instantly be
outraged if others seek to supervise them.
II. Excessively Reactive Egos: Often widely referred to as Egotists,
individuals with overly sensitive egos may appear like narcissists on paper,
but there is a crucial distinction between them. Like narcissists, individuals
with overly sensitive egos are concerned about their development and
success in life, but unlike narcissists who have an inherently high view
about themselves, egotists and others who exhibit this tendency evaluate
their self-worth based on what others think about them. When others praise
them, their self-worth improves, and they can perform without paying too
much attention to their environment, whether at work or at home. It is when
egotists and others with excessively sensitive egos are rebuked or
questioned that their deeper sideshows, and it can show itself in several
ways, such as complacency or antisocial behaviors.
III. Elevated Self-Interest: Individuals with elevated self-interest are also
centered on their own advancement and well-being, to the extent of fleeing
or leaving others. This attribute is often associated with remarkable
personal ambition and motivation that enables them to stand out among
their colleagues. Sadly, like narcissists and egotists, they may not perform
well in team or community settings but seem to succeed in leadership
positions and having control over others as long as they have somebody to
answer to that has a more moderate or positive temperament and behavioral
style.
IV. Personal Entitlement: These are individuals who believe that
everything on this planet should belong to them. While the nuances differ
from person to person, entitled individuals feel they deserve what they see
others getting. It could be trivial, like belongings or the sum of money that
someone else makes. It could be broader than that, believing that they
deserve love and affection without needing to earn it or find it as most
people do. Their darkest traits emerge when they have been refused
something to which they believe they are entitled. One of the most
prominent instances of moral privilege used in trait analysis is that of
spoiled children. Entitlement is an acquired characteristic that many
individuals grow out of in their adolescent years or into adulthood, but it
can be prompted or triggered by factors such as financial status, social class
and personal success (or loss, based on individual circumstances).
V. Manipulative Tendency: People living on the dark side of psychology
are considered to have a talent for deceit. This may be as subtle as using a
talent for deception to ensure that they have the best sales figures each
week, to those who use their talents for political gain, or find themselves
influencing others through mind control and other destructive tactics.
Sometimes referred to as the “Machiavellian characteristic,” those who
display expertise for the strategic coercion of others for their benefit are
named after the political scientist Niccolò Machiavelli. Machiavelli's
political views were centered on the principle that the means used to
accomplish a certain objective are often worth it in the end (often
irrespective of the cost or harm caused, as long as the manipulator is not
adversely affected).
VI. Moral Disengagement: This is the term widely used to characterize
people who truly believe that any laws in effect do not apply to them. Those
who have this behavioral trait are considered to believe that they are above
the law and are thus free to take action that others would find immoral or
unethical without having any sort of moral obligation, remorse or
embarrassment after the act.
VII. Psychopathy and Psychopathic Tendencies: An individual who has
been labeled a “psychopath” has been described by qualified psychologists
or personality specialists as having a personality disorder called
Psychopathy, in which a person lacks sympathy or compassion for anyone
or anything. The term “psychopath” has invaded the mainstream vocabulary
as a well-known generic term for serial killers and other delinquents that
fall into that type of character. They have become popular in TV series and
horror movies, but this remains one of the most misconstrued characteristics
that is still being explored and researched because more and more is being
discovered about the psychopathic mind.
VIII. Sadism and Sadistic Behaviors: A sadist is someone who has been
described as displaying sadistic behavioral patterns or, as part of their
developed personality, having a propensity towards inflicting suffering or
embarrassment to others (and getting gratification from these misdeeds) as
a way of expressing their dominance and control over others. The harm
does not always have to be physical or psychological. This personality trait
is often related to sexual dominance as well as to the demonstration of
emotional and psychological control.
IX. Spitefulness and Malicious Predispositions: Malice is the intention
and ability to inflict harm or to cause damage and also the readiness to take
such action even if it means injuring oneself in the process (physically,
mentally or psychologically). These malicious features can appear in any
variety of human behaviors but should be taken very seriously when they
are identified, and treated with the utmost caution, as the risk of personal
damage by association is elevated with those who have daily interactions
with malicious individuals.
The Dark Triad and Their Roles In Dark Psychology
While all of the characteristics described above can be seen in individuals
with dark personality traits, there are three key attributes that some
psychologists say must be present for anyone to be considered a focus for
Dark Psychology. Manipulation, Psychopathy and Narcissism are the core
components of what is known in psychological contexts as the Dark Triad.
The Dark Triad is the basis for most of the Dark Psychology studies, as
these traits are the three most prominent attributes exhibited by those who
are researched within the field of Dark Psychology.
 CHAPTER 3:

Techniques Used in Dark Psychology

How Is Dark Psychology Used?

B ecause dark psychology can cover such a wide variety of mental

techniques, it’s important to understand that each one can be applied
differently. Although there is some overlap between methods,
defining each one can be helpful to comprehend the full spectrum of dark
psychology.
Persuasion
To persuade someone is to convince them to act or think a certain way
based on reasoning or through argument. When we talk about persuasion in
the realm of dark psychology, it means to convince someone to act in a way
that is beneficial to the persuader but may not be beneficial to the person
being persuaded. This can come in the form of coercion or other means of
forced compliance.
Persuasion is an important skill when it comes to businesses like sales, but
can be used in personal relationships, as well. People who are the target of
persuasion are usually aware of what is going on, but find themselves
powerless to fight it. The art of persuasion as a standalone discipline has
been taught since the times of the Ancient Greeks when Aristotle himself
instructed his students in rhetoric and argumentative method.
Manipulation
Manipulation has a negative connotation, even before it is put under the
spotlight of dark psychology. Manipulation means to bend something to
your will, to mold something to your specifications and desires, or to
maneuver the pieces of something until it all comes together. In dark
psychology, this refers to the technique of causing another person to change
themselves, act in a manner deviant from their personality, or to act on
behalf of the person manipulating them.
People who are being manipulated are often unaware that it is occurring
because skilled manipulators can seamlessly make their subjects feel at
ease. Even if there are the proverbial red flags, they are usually quickly
ignored or moved on from during the next stage of the manipulation.
Psychologists are still trying to pinpoint exactly what causes a person to
manipulate another, but some have identified what they believe to be the
strongest characteristics of the manipulator and the manipulated.

Deception
Deception can be thought of as ranging anywhere from a small falsehood
like a little white lie all the way through a large fraudulent indiscretion.
Influencing how another person feels, thinks, or acts through means of
untruthfulness or lies of omission all fall under the category of deception.
People use deception when they’ve done something they do not want to
have been caught doing, when they want to falsely cause someone else to
think or act a certain way, or when they want to have something occur
under false pretenses.
Deception can be a very hurtful method of dark psychology because most
people react very negatively to being lied to. People who use deception as a
method in dark psychology should be aware that there may be an aftermath
of anger and grief should they are caught in their lives.

Hypnosis
Hypnosis is a technique which alters a person’s state of consciousness in
order to make them highly suggestible to behaviors which they would not
normally exhibit. It has been used historically in everything from parlor
shows to intense psychotherapy and is subject to a great deal of skepticism.
In the realm of dark psychology, hypnosis could be used to cause the
subject to act on another’s behalf or otherwise behave in a way abhorrent to
their normal state of being. Because people in a state of hypnosis are often
hyper-focused on the task they’ve been given, they are driven to complete
that task no matter the consequence.
Hypnosis was popularized by Austrian physician Franz Mesmer, whose
name is where we derive the word “mesmerize.” Mesmer’s method of
hypnosis is vastly different from what we think of it today, and Mesmer
believed it was truly a tool for healing. Mesmer’s theory held that the
human body, like all things, has an invisible magnetic field and that by
finding a way to align that magnetic field, his patients could be cured of
what ailed them. These patients were often said to go into a trance-like state
during treatment, therefore becoming “mesmerized.”
Trance states or subconscious actions during a trance are not only limited to
Mesmer’s healing technique. There are numerous examples throughout
history of people falling into a trance during spiritual and religious rituals.
Many of the precursors to Mesmer’s work also included magnets. It wasn’t
until later on, when Scottish doctor James Braid became interested in
Mesmer’s work, that the technique of inducing a medical trance became
known as first as neuro-hypnosis and later just hypnosis.
Braid believed that mesmerism or hypnotism had less to do with magnetic
fields and more to do with the process of ocular focus used to induce the
trance. Braid theorized that when patients were forced to keep their eyes on
a moving object, their brains were lulled into a sense of pseudo-sleep and
began functioning at a different level.

Brainwashing and Other Conditioning Techniques

Most people are familiar with conditioning, made famous by Pavlov and his
dogs. For those who need a refresher, Ivan Pavlov was a Russian
psychologist, physiologist, and researcher who became the father of
classical conditioning. His renowned experiment involving dogs can be
summed up briefly like this: Pavlov would ring a bell each day, and then
immediately feed his canine subjects. The dogs would begin to salivate
because they knew their food was coming after the bell. Eventually, the
dogs began to salivate when they heard the bell, whether they were fed
immediately after or not. The dogs had become conditioned to salivate
when the bell rang.
In much the same way, humans can become conditioned to behave in a
specific way based on the criteria of stimuli. Brainwashing, as we often call
it, can apply to an individual or a group, as is often seen in cults. People
behave a certain way when prompted because they believe there will be a
reward in the end. In extreme cases, people do not want to be rescued from
their brainwashers because they believe that they will be punished and not
receive their promised reward.
Another extreme form of conditioning is known as Stockholm syndrome.
This occurs when a captive forms a sympathetic connection with their
captor. The reverse of this is known as Lima Syndrome. Both psychological
effects are named for historical acts- the first, a bank robbery in Stockholm,
Sweden in which hostages refused to speak out against the bank robbers
who held them against their will, and the second occurred in Lima, Peru,
where militants took hundreds of people hostage at the Japanese embassy,
but released most of them due to sympathy for their plight.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological technique which existed long before it was
given its modern moniker. The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from a play and
later film called Gaslight, where a man makes his wife believe she is losing
her sanity, when in truth, the husband is playing a series of subtle
psychological tricks on her, including changing the settings of the gas lamps
within their home.
In general, the term ‘gaslighting’ is now used to describe any number of
actions which cause a subject to question their own perceptions, their grasp
on reality and their sanity. Gaslighting is most frequently used by one
individual on another individual, but can also be perpetrated on a larger
group under certain circumstances.
General Application of Dark Psychology
As you can see, there is a multitude of techniques and methods of dark
psychology, which begets some questions. Why would someone use dark
psychology? How can it be used to my benefit? How do you know when
dark psychology is being used on you?
The first question is the easiest to answer. People use dark psychology to
get something that they want. Whether that desire is for something material
or something emotional, the primary use of dark psychology is to attain a
goal. That leads to another question- is dark psychology only beneficial to
the person using it? Conversely, does it always harm the subject?
The second question asked here was “how can I use dark psychology to my
benefit?” The answer would be to determine the method that fits your
needs. To do that, you must first pinpoint your goal or desire. Once you’ve
done that, you can determine what dark psychology method is the best way
to achieve your goals. There may be times that a mixture of methods is the
most effective for your needs.
 CHAPTER 4:

Psychology of Manipulation

P sychological manipulation is defined as a form of social influence

which seeks to alter the behavior and the perceptions of others, by the
use of tactics that are indirect, deceptive, and underhanded. In other
words, it’s about using certain tricks to get people to act in a certain way or
to think certain things, usually to the advantage of whoever is perpetrating
the manipulation.
Now, from the very start, we need to make sure you understand that not all
psychological manipulation and social influence is negative. It’s possible to
manipulate someone for their own good. For instance, parents may
manipulate their children into eating vegetables. In as much as that is
manipulation, it ends up benefiting the child because his or her health is
improved. Similarly, friends, family members, and healthcare professionals
may try to influence you using certain manipulation techniques with the aim
of getting you to make the right choices in certain situations.
Social influence is a normal and important part of social discourse. In
healthy social influence, there is no aspect of coercion. In other words,
when a well-meaning person tries to influence you, and you resist that
influence, they are not going to strong-arm you into doing what they want.
However, in unhealthy psychological manipulation, the manipulator often
resorts to coercive techniques if they sense that you are resistant to the
softer techniques that they have been trying to use on you.
When malicious people deploy psychological manipulation techniques
against you, they usually try to conceal the aggressive nature of their
intentions, so you have to understand that most of their techniques are
designed to be subtle. Most of them will also take some time to get to know
you and understand your psychological vulnerabilities before they can
decide which manipulation techniques will work on you. This means that
just because you have known someone for a while, and you haven’t seen
them try to harm you in any way, it doesn’t guarantee the fact that their
intentions are pure, which means that you shouldn’t start disregarding your
instincts about them. The best manipulators are those who reveal their
intentions long after you have decided to trust them.
Remember that manipulators generally have a tendency toward
ruthlessness, so even if they are treating you well at the beginning of your
association with them, pay close attention to the way they act towards
others. If you see them using manipulation techniques against other people,
you should know that it’s just a matter of time before they get around to
using the same techniques against you.
It’s important to understand these techniques and how they work so that you
can be able to spot them when they are being used against you or someone
close to you, and so that you can know how to defend against them.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most lethal psychological manipulation techniques
out there. It’s where a manipulator tries to get their target to start
questioning their own reality. It involves getting someone to doubt their
own memories and perceptions, and instead, to start believing what the
manipulator wants them to believe.
The manipulator will sow seeds of doubt in the person so that they start
thinking that either they remember things wrong, or they are losing their
sanity. Gaslighting involves the persistent denial of things that obvious
facts. It also involves a lot of misdirection, contradictions, and blatant lying.
When a person is subjected to gaslighting for a long time, they start to
become unstable, and they start feeling as though their own beliefs are
illegitimate.
There are several techniques that gaslighters use to get a stranglehold on
their victims. One such technique is withholding. This is where the
manipulator refuses to listen to what the victim says or pretends not to
understand what they are saying. You might bring up something important,
but the response you get is, "I don't even remember this thing you keep
talking about."
Another gaslighting technique is called countering. This is where the
manipulator questions the victim’s memory of the events in question. They
say things like “Were you even sober? Because that is not how that
happened." The manipulator would then go on to offer an entirely different
version of the story, where he casts himself as the hero or even the "real
victim."
Projection
Projection is a psychological manipulation technique where someone
transfers their emotions and mistakes onto you. Projection is a defense
mechanism that almost everyone uses to some extent. We all have a natural
tendency to project our negative emotions and undesirable feelings onto the
people around us, and this often happens when we feel like we have been
put on the spot. However, in as much as we all do it, narcissists and people
with other dark personality traits tend to do it excessively and to absurd
extents.
Toxic people find it very difficult to admit even to themselves that the nasty
things around them could be a result of their own doing, and they always
find people to blame for every little thing that happens. Such people often
go out of their way to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. As a
result, they may assign their negative behavior and traits to you. For
example, if you have a boss who is always late to work, you might be
surprised to find him accusing you of tardiness even if you are consistently
punctual. A kleptomaniac is more likely to accuse you of stealing his/her
personal items.
Isolation
We all have social support systems that help us cope with difficult situations
and keep us from making decisions that are bad for us. We have friends and
family members who take notice when our behavior changes, or when we
start hanging out with "bad people," and they always watch our backs.
Manipulators understand this, and one of the first things that they'll do
when trying to gain control over your life is to isolate you.
Isolation facilitates abuse because it takes away any recourse that you might
have when someone starts getting abusive. It closes a victim's avenues of
escape, and it increases their sense of helplessness. It ensures that when
things go south, there's no one there to rescue you. It increases the power
that the abuser or manipulator has over the victim because it makes the
victim more dependent on the abuser.
Positive Reinforcement
We always think of positive reinforcement as a good thing, but malicious
people can also use it to manipulate their victims. The fact is that we all use
positive reinforcement in one form or another. Parents use it to get their
kids to behave properly, teachers use it to make their students more
interested in school, bosses use it to encourage productivity, and partners
use it to modify each other’s behavior in relationships. It is an integral part
of our social interactions, but it only becomes a problem when it’s
detrimental to the person it’s being used on.
Negative Reinforcement
Negative reinforcement is a form of psychological manipulation which is
used to make people feel obligated to act in certain ways in order to avoid
certain levels of mental or physical pain or discomfort. In positive
reinforcement, you get a reward for acting the way the manipulator wants
you to act, and the desire for that reward is what modifies your behavior in
the future. Negative reinforcement is, however, a bit more complicated than
that.
Punishment
In psychological manipulation, punishment is a negative action that is taken
by the manipulator to weaken the victim’s voluntary responses. Punishment
works because it makes the victim fear the consequences of going against
the will of the manipulator. We have already looked at how punishment
differs from negative reinforcement, but we should point out that in some
instances, those two can overlap. In this segment, we will take a look at
some of the most common types of punishment that people with dark
personality traits use to manipulate their victims.
Nagging
Nagging, also known as pestering or hectoring, is a form of manipulation
where one person continuously urges another to do something, despite the
other person previously refusing to do it or to agree to do it at a later time.
One author famously described nagging as an interaction where one person
makes a repeated request while the other person repeatedly ignores that
request, and both people become annoyed as the battle of wills escalates.
Yelling