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1. Living our missionary identity with a creative fidelity

We are all confronted by the challenge of faithfulness in life. The world, Africa and, in a
certain sense, the Church are changing rapidly. We are ourselves involved in an ongoing
evolution of life. Life is a succession of significant phases each of which has its own
characteristics. At 60 years old, we do not live our ministry or apostolate in the same way
we did when we were 30 years young1. Beginning with the first stage of life, we need to
create our own social identity. We establish who we are and what we are able to do. We
look for affirmation from others. The middle period of life is an era of readjustment and
questioning priorities. The third part of life is a time of maturity and responsibility where we
learn to gradually let go of power and pass on the benefits of our experience. According to
Erik Erikson, depending on the different ages of life, one does not have the same strength,
the same priorities, or the same enthusiasms over the different periods. We are
continuously called to adapt to new conditions of work, new appointments, new
communities, and new challenges. How can we keep our own missionary identity as well as
the flame of our first ‘yes’ in all these changes? How can we live an authentic faithfulness,
which is not a pure replication of the ‘yes’ of the past, but something that is always created
anew?

Life also reveals our vulnerabilities and strengths and we need to consider this if we want to
remain faithful and persevere, to put down roots, and bear fruit there where we find
ourselves at any particular time. We do need to come back from time to time to the ‘yes’ of
our first commitment, to our youthful “dream” and consider how this is still life giving for us
today. Is it still something we treasure? Pope Francis asked the question: “Is Jesus still our
first love.” This presupposes that we are still in touch with the deep source of our
commitment and that we have not abandoned the well of living water to turn to empty
cisterns. Many temptations today threaten to cut us off from reality and let us be satisfied
with a mere superficial consumerism.

Some questions...

1
B. Ugeux: The Generation Gap: Accepting differences and similarities. P.E. n° 1061 p291
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What were my motivations behind my Missionary Oath? What were my expectations, my

priorities, and my dreams? What was the point of contact with Christ in my ultimate choice?
Today, what remains of all this? Is my momentum, my joy and effectiveness still there?
What still attracts me to the Lord? Is there some bitterness because of inevitable setbacks?
Is there apathy or laziness because I lack enthusiasm, motivation because of such and such a
failure? Do I feel a desire for a new beginning, perhaps more realistic this time? What is left
of my deepest desire? Of my Missionary Oath? Of my choice of a simple life style, (can we
still speak of such things nowadays)? What concrete steps do I take to remain in contact
with the source of my commitment? Where my treasure is, there my heart is as well

- Scripture Texts: Jesus did not try to attract the greatest number of disciples. His
teaching touched hearts and sometimes provoked short-term enthusiasm
(Parable of the Sower, Mt 13, 1-23). This is why he did not hesitate to make clear
that commitment to him came at a price. It was all or nothing. It was not to warn
people off but to help them to discover the radicality of saying ‘yes’. This also
applies to us today. See Lk. 6, 46-49, a true disciple builds on a rock; Mt. 6, 19-21,
for where your treasure is, there also will your heart be; Mk 10, 17-22 and Mt.
19, 16-22, the rich young man; Mt 16, 24-28 the conditions for following Jesus.

- Text of Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium

- 264. The primary reason for evangelizing is the love of Jesus, which we have
received, the experience of salvation, which urges us to ever-greater love of him.
What kind of love would not feel the need to speak of the beloved, to point him
out, to make him known? If we do not feel an intense desire to share this love,
we need to pray insistently that he will once more touch our hearts. We need to
implore his grace daily, asking him to open our cold hearts and shake up our
lukewarm and superficial existence. Standing before him with open hearts,
letting him look at us, we see that gaze of love, which Nathaniel glimpsed on the
day when Jesus said to him: “I saw you under the fig tree” (Jn 1:48). How good it
is to stand before a crucifix, or on our knees before the Blessed Sacrament, and
simply to be in his presence! How much good it does us when he once more
touches our lives and impels us to share his new life! What then happens is that
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“we speak of what we have seen and heard” (1 Jn 1:3). The best incentive for
sharing the Gospel comes from contemplating it with love, lingering over its
pages, and reading it with the heart. If we approach it in this way, its beauty will
amaze and constantly excite us. But if this is to come about, we need to recover a
contemplative spirit, which can help us to realize ever anew that we have been
entrusted with a treasure, which makes us more human and helps us to lead a
new life. There is nothing more precious which we can give to others.
- 266. But this conviction has to be sustained by our own constantly renewed
experience of savouring Christ’s friendship and his message. It is impossible to
persevere in a fervent evangelization unless we are convinced from personal
experience that it is not the same thing to have known Jesus as not to have
known him, not the same thing to walk with him as to walk blindly, not the same
thing to hear his word as not to know it, and not the same thing to contemplate
him, to worship him, to find our peace in him, as not to... A true missionary, who
never ceases to be a disciple, knows that Jesus walks with him, speaks to him,
breathes with him, works with him. He senses Jesus alive with him in the midst of
the missionary enterprise. Unless we see him present at the heart of our
missionary commitment, our enthusiasm soon wanes and we are no longer sure
of what it is that we are handing on; we lack vigour and passion. A person who is
not convinced, enthusiastic, certain and in love, will convince nobody.
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2. How to keep a human and spiritual balance in spite of a life often

disturbed?

It has been said that missionary life is a hazardous profession. There are many reasons to
justify this statement2. There are many challenges to missionaries covering many different
areas including, from the human point of view, the fact of living far away from our culture
and the demands of celibacy. There are the circumstances in which we work which cover
community life with its problems of instability and personal differences and the never-
ending problems of pastoral work where people expect so much from us. It can also happen
that relationships with the local church are difficult due to problems of collaboration and
lack of appreciation of the efforts being made. In fact, no matter what the differences
regarding character, education, training, age, ministry or apostolate, we are all facing the
same challenge of keeping a balance, which lets us be happy in our life and vocation, fruitful
in our apostolate, agreeable in community and a capacity for persevering. It is important,
therefore, to be able to manage, in a balanced way, the tension between four dimensions of
our life namely: spiritual life, work, relationships and relaxation. It is like the four legs of a
chair, if one is missing, then the whole thing collapses. What are at stake are the human,
spiritual and apostolic aspects of our life, because the quality of our personal and
community witness depends on it. For some, it means doing the least possible because
there is the risk of doing too much. It is important to question ourselves on a regular basis
on the quality of our apostolic and community life taking into account our personality, our
rhythm of life and prayer and our priorities. One can wonder if the four aspects mentioned
above are given the recognition they deserve given all the different individual types
involved. The superior of the community has an important role to play in this area.

Some questions...
The Glory of God is man fully alive wrote St. Irenaeus of Lyon. Am I fully alive? Do I look as if
I am somebody who is happy in my dedication to God, despite all the internal struggles, my
limits and my vulnerabilities? On the other hand, am I often tense, overworked, rushing to
catch up, and grumpy in my relationships and in my exercise of power (we all have it). How

2
Bernard Ugeux: Is missionary life a ‘hazardous profession’? Petit Echo n°1059
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do I compensate in order to reduce the pressure? Do I have a healthy way of relaxing or do I

develop a dependency or addiction and by withdrawing from the community? Do I know
myself well enough to give myself the appropriate means to keep a balanced lifestyle? 3 Can
I talk about my personal needs, seek the help I need from the community? Can I depend on
mutual support to help me keep my balance? Can I say ‘no’ especially if such requests puts
my equilibrium at risk? Do I know how to respond (or to refuse) such demands taking into
account my human, spiritual or community priorities and my recognised limits and not just
out of egoism or mediocrity? Can we talk about all these things with one another?

Scripture Texts: In Ecclesiastes we are reminded that “All things are vanity” (Eccl.
1,2) and that there is a time and a place for everything (Eccl. 3, 1-8).As for Jesus,
he regularly took time out for himself, times of solitude and prayer (Mt.14,23;
Mk. 1,35; Lk. 9, 18-20). He wanted to pass on this wisdom to his disciples. He
invited them to cross over to the other side of the lake to rest awhile after they
returned from the mission (Mk. 6 30-32) Jesus himself liked a snooze when
travelling by boat!

- Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium

- 82. The problem is not always an excess of activity, but rather activity
undertaken badly, without adequate motivation, without a spirituality, which
would permeate it and make it pleasurable. As a result, work becomes more
tiring than necessary, even leading at times to illness. Far from a content and
happy tiredness, this is a tense, burdensome, dissatisfying and, in the end,
unbearable fatigue. This pastoral acedia (spiritual listlessness) can be caused by a
number of things. Some fall into it because they throw themselves into
unrealistic projects and are not satisfied simply to do what they reasonably can.
Others, because they lack the patience to allow processes to mature; they want
everything to fall from heaven. Others, because they are attached to a few
projects or vain dreams of success. Others, because they have lost real contact
with people and so depersonalize their work that they are more concerned with
the road map than with the journey itself. Others fall into acedia because they

3
Stress is not a bad thing in itself. It can stimulate us and make us creative. The problem arises when it
becomes permanent and exceeds our capacity to mange it in a healthy way. Then we risk emotional and
physical exhaustion commonly called ‘burn out’.
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are unable to wait; they want to dominate the rhythm of life. Today’s obsession
with immediate results makes it hard for pastoral workers to tolerate anything
that smacks of disagreement, possible failure, criticism, the cross.
- 83. And so the biggest threat of all gradually takes shape: “the gray pragmatism
of the daily life of the Church, in which all appears to proceed normally, while in
reality faith is wearing down and degenerating into small-mindedness”. A tomb
psychology thus develops and slowly transforms Christians into mummies in a
museum. Disillusioned with reality, with the Church and with themselves, they
experience a constant temptation to cling to a faint melancholy, lacking in hope,
which seizes the heart like “the most precious of the devil’s potions.” Called to
radiate light and communicate life, in the end they are caught up in things that
generate only darkness and inner weariness, and slowly consume all zeal for the
apostolate. For all this, I repeat: Let us not allow ourselves to be robbed of the
joy of evangelization!
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3. Community: an impossible ideal?

The most talked about subject in the Missionaries of Africa has to be that of community life.
There are innumerable texts and sessions on the subject but the ideal seems to be called
into question constantly. Many people have questions regarding the authenticity of
relationships among ourselves.

During a session where the confreres are invited to introduce themselves in a more
inclusive way in small groups, where confidentiality is guaranteed, some discover,
all of a sudden, that they do not know very much about the important events in the
life of a confrere with whom they have lived for a number of years. They are
astonished and sorry because they would not have been so judgemental when he
was going through a difficult period of his life.

To live in a community, we need to know the other confreres and to know ourselves. That is
difficult to achieve. Very often, what we know of others is limited to what they say or do.
We know their abilities and the image they like to project. However, we rarely know what
they live interiorly, what they feel at the affective level, what motivates or inhibits them.

See below extracts from the Capitular Acts.

Some questions

When I draw up a balance sheet of my experiences of community life since my Oath, what
are the fruits, the deceptions, the challenges and attractions? Is it possible to talk about it
among ourselves?
On the other hand, we think, no doubt, that we know ourselves quite well, but do we know
what the other confreres think of us? What do we do that irritates them? Have we ever
wondered about that? We all have our little traits that annoy. Happy are we if there is
enough humor in our community so we can guess what others think about us. Do we know
each other sufficiently well in community? Have we ever had the occasion to introduce
ourselves to one another at a deeper level? Do we have a community project which involves
all of us and that we review from time to time, particularly when a new confrere arrives?
Are there moments in our apostolic and community life when we can sit down together not
only to have a drink but to speak of ourselves simply and openly, our pastoral activities, our
relationships, and our families? Can we share on spiritual matters? If that happens, is there
sufficient trust so that we can really be frank with others? Do we experience genuine
attentiveness? There are so many rumors, labels and reputations flying about that speaking
about yourself in community with its limitations, strengths, joys and sorrows might seem to
be rather risky.
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- Scripture Texts: We are called to be witnessing communities, where the quality

of our relationships testifies to the presence of the Lord among us. The
international and intercultural dimension makes this witness particularly striking
in the local Church and for the people with whom we work. This involves quite a
bit of attentiveness, humility and a readiness to let go of our own ideas. The
integrity of our witness depends on this. See Jn. 13, 1-15; the washing of the
feet. Jn. 17, 17-23; “so that they may all be one... that the world may believe.” 1
Pt. 2, 17; “Give honour to all, love the community.” Jas. 3, 17 ; “But the wisdom
from above is first of all pure, then peaceable, gentle, compliant, full of mercy
and good fruits, without inconstancy or insincerity.”

Missionary of Africa texts:

Our Common Vision: An Apostolic Missionary Spirit (From the Capitular Acts
2010 p 24-25)
- A Fraternal Life
- “I have stated that I would not keep a single one of you who would not embrace
all the members of the Society with the same love, no matter to which nation he
belongs.”
“If I could, I would get down on my knees before each one of them to plead that
fraternal charity be maintained among them, outwardly and inwardly.”

(Cardinal Lavigerie, Circular letter on the government and spirit of the Society,
11th November 1974.)

United in diversity, we live in intercultural communities, a living testimony of

Trinitarian Love that inspires our shared life and mission.

In imitation of the Apostles, under Jesus’ guidance, we learn to trust one

another. We recognise our complementarities and our need for one another. We
are pleased with others’ successes and sorrowful when one of us suffers or is
shamed. We strive to walk the road of reconciliation together.

Our family spirit invites us to be simple in fraternal life, united in adversity, and in
solidarity with one another by sharing our resources. We seek to build
welcoming communities together, where each one may feel at home. We enjoy
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receiving our family members there, our friends and sometimes those who are
never invited anywhere.
Extract from “At the Service of our Confreres and the Mission” (Capitular Acts
2010 p44)
- Values and Attitudes
We strive to embody the Gospel-based testimony of men of all races and ages
united by Christ’s love. We wish to live in witnessing communities as examples of
unity, charity and reconciliation. We cultivate openness, availability, listening and
brotherly concern. We practise dialogue, sharing, listening, welcoming and
hospitality.

Text of Pope Francis: Evangelium Gaudium

98. How many wars take place within the people of God and in our different
communities! In our neighbourhoods and in the workplace, how many wars are
caused by envy and jealousy, even among Christians! Spiritual worldliness leads
some Christians to war with other Christians who stand in the way of their quest
for power, prestige, pleasure and economic security. Some are even no longer
content to live as part of the greater Church community but stoke a spirit of
exclusivity, creating an “inner circle.” Instead of belonging to the whole Church in
all its rich variety, they belong to this or that group which thinks itself different or
special.
101. Let us ask the Lord to help us understand the law of love. How good it is to
have this law! How much good it does us to love one another, in spite of
everything. Yes, in spite of everything! Saint Paul’s exhortation is directed to
each of us: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom
12:21). And again: “Let us not grow weary in doing what is right” (Gal 6:9). We all
have our likes and dislikes, and perhaps at this very moment we are angry with
someone. At least let us say to the Lord: “Lord, I am angry with this person, with
that person. I pray to you for him and for her.” To pray for a person with whom I
am irritated is a beautiful step forward in love, and an act of evangelization. Let
us do it today! Let us not allow ourselves to be robbed of the ideal of fraternal
love!
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4. Dare confront the conflicts among ourselves

At certain periods in the history of the Church, the community ideal has been presented,
sometimes, as an ideal life free from conflict. It became an art form to avoid outward
conflict and go along with whatever the superior or others decided. Needless to say, this
involved an awful lot of hypocrisy and stress. Could we then describe communion in the
community as something like the movement of fish in a bowl avoiding each other at the
last minute? Happily, with the help of human sciences and freedom of speech in most of
the congregations since Vatican II, we can recognise that there is no community without
disagreements. There are differences of age, social backgrounds, temperaments,
responsibilities and functions, and, in our own case, cultural differences, to ensure that,
initially at least, we will not see eye to eye on questions of community and apostolic life.
We only need to look at the experiences of the negotiators and negotiations concerning
the drawing up of the community project (if everybody plays his part). There are conflicts
and disagreements. Questions arise over planning and organisation, the use of certain
items and vehicles. In these cases, we are expected to show enough maturity in order to
negotiate the tensions without dramatising them. However, when we touch on questions
of pastoral work, spirituality and community priorities, use of money, relaxation and
relationships with people (who welcomes, who helps, relations with families) there are,
potentially areas of conflict. We should point out that confrontation at this level is normal
as it involves personal commitment and conflicts of interest regarding people and policies.
In fact, it would be astonishing if there were no tensions in these areas. It is the sign of a
community that is alive. However, to speak of conflict means also speaking of arbitration,
dialogue, mediation and the exercise of authority. The ideal is that we should keep
disagreements within the family and not wash our dirty linen in public. This means
achieving a level of attentiveness, dialogue and mutual respect in order to find an
agreement on the fundamentals. This means that everybody is committed once a decision
has been taken. It is important that we avoid gossiping about internal conflicts outside the
community.
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Some questions to help us build a community inspired by the Spirit.

What do we think of the quality of attentiveness and respect in our community? Has
everybody his place, his private space, and the right to speak out? When we are
challenged, do we listen? What are the sensitive areas where there are differences and
consequently tensions between us? Do we speak out? Have we talked about them
already? How did it go? A well-managed conflict resolution often leads to reconciliation
between members and to a more authentic communion. Is this the case? Where do we
broach thorny subjects? Perhaps we do it at table, under the guise of confrontation and a
settling of accounts. On the other hand, do we just keep quite in order to have peace? Is
there a space (time and place) when it is possible to have a real face-to-face encounter to
get over our differences without aggression? The house council? In this case, what place is
given to the preparation (an agenda) and to prayer? Do we criticise others outside? Am I
aware of how I behave in cases of conflict? Do I bully or threaten, or shout? On the other
hand, do I just withdraw into myself and shut up? Do I manipulate? Not turn up? On the
other hand, play the comedian? Self-knowledge (and fears) is the key to the construction
of a community, which dares to tackle its areas of conflict in an attitude of Gospel non-
violence. Later on, we will look at the question of pardon and reconciliation.

- Scripture Texts: The ideal proposed by Paul and in the Acts of the Apostles seem
to be too idealistic. It is a question of complete disinterested love, which is not
humanly possible. Happily, there is grace…and forgiveness. However, it is good to
remember the ideal to which we are called. Besides, we know that in the first
Christian communities there were tensions such as the case of Ananias and
Sapphira in Acts 5, 1-11 and the institution of the deacons in Acts 6, also 1 Cor.
13; the hymn to love, Acts 2, 44-47; the first Christian community.
- Text of Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium:

- 226. Conflict cannot be ignored or concealed. It has to be faced. But if we remain

trapped in conflict, we lose our perspective, our horizons shrink and reality itself
begins to fall apart. In the midst of conflict, we lose our sense of the profound
unity of reality.
- 228. In this way it becomes possible to build communion amid disagreement, but
this can only be achieved by those great persons who are willing to go beyond
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the surface of the conflict and to see others in their deepest dignity. This requires
acknowledging a principle indispensable to the building of friendship in society:
namely, that unity is greater than conflict. Solidarity, in its deepest and most
challenging sense, thus becomes a way of making history in a life setting where
conflicts, tensions and oppositions can achieve a diversified and life-giving unity.
This is not to opt for a kind of syncretism, or for the absorption of one into the
other, but rather for a resolution which takes place on a higher plane and
preserves what is valid and useful on both sides.
- 229. This principle, drawn from the Gospel, reminds us that Christ has made all
things one in himself: heaven and earth, God and man, time and eternity, flesh
and spirit, person and society. The sign of this unity and reconciliation of all
things in him is peace. Christ “is our peace” (Eph 2:14). The Gospel message
always begins with a greeting of peace, and peace at all times crowns and
confirms the relations between the disciples. Peace is possible because the Lord
has overcome the world and its constant conflict “by making peace through the
blood of his cross” (Col 1:20). But if we look more closely at these biblical texts,
we find that the locus of this reconciliation of differences is within ourselves, in
our own lives, ever threatened as they are by fragmentation and breakdown. If
hearts are shattered in thousands of pieces, it is not easy to create authentic
peace in society.
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5. Practicing hospitality towards each another

There are many areas in life where cultural differences are important especially in the
domain of hospitality, welcome, and ways of mourning... without going into too much detail
here. In some cultures, at the time of a painful bereavement, some like to withdraw into
themselves, take the time to settle their emotions without any external expression of what
they are going through. On the other hand, when someone experiences a bereavement,
other members of the household are expected to comfort the bereaved even if nothing
much is said. The bereaved person feels able to show his/her emotions through behaviour
such as facial or bodily expressions and speaking about the dead person.

A confrere returned to his family on the occasion of the death of a much-loved

parent. He wrote to his community about how painful it was for him. He arrived late
for the funeral and as sometimes happens when a family member is a religious,
found himself as the referee between the different conflicts between family
members. When he returned to the mission, he was surprised to be met by two
members of his community who had come late at night to the airport to meet him.
They had cleared their agendas to take time out to listen to him and to comfort him.

We also know that culture plays a key role in the way visitors are received. The most
frequent example given is that of Abraham receiving the three strangers. For a citizen of an
industrial country, what happened seemed to be pretty unrealistic. However, if one has
lived with nomadic peoples, or worked in Arabic countries, in the desert or in the Sahel, the
behaviour of Abraham is entirely normal. Every Missionary of Africa community has a
tradition of hospitality and welcome. The new arrival will learn very quickly, what the
ground rules in the house are. Very often, this will reflect the cultural habits of the individual
members of the community with little or no thought given to the apostolic and spiritual
dimension. Many of us have experienced disagreements over invitations that have been
extended or refused on grounds such as the absolute necessity to protect the private life of
the community. Tensions can also arise regarding spontaneous invitations to people to
come and eat or stay with the community without any previous dialogue on such subjects.
This is an important point when discussing the community project.

No doubt, everything begins with the way we welcome one another in the community,
despite all our differences. Is there a “right to be different” which would respect a minimum
of community agreement on the matter? On the other hand, do people put forward
arguments to impose their cultural differences on the others, sometimes using apostolic and
spiritual arguments to justify themselves?

There was a remark at the last chapter that before speaking of JPIC or Encounter and
Dialogue, we should be invited to evaluate the quality of our own dialogue and the practice
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of justice for each member of the community especially for the one who finds himself in the
minority.

Some questions

What is our approach when welcoming one another? How important is it for ourselves to
show hospitality to a confrere? Do we get the chance to talk about cultural differences in
our community? What is the reaction to this? What would I like to tell my confreres about
my culture? On the other hand, what elements are better not talked about as they are
contrary to Gospel values? Do we take into account the differences between us due to the
generation gap and cultural differences? Can we accept that others may not have the same
priorities as ourselves? Am I tempted to use the cultural card in an argument to justify my
debatable position, which is incompatible with community life? What means can we use to
reach an agreement when there is a clash of priorities regarding community life or pastoral
work due to the generation gap and cultural differences?

- Scripture Texts:
- Gn 18, 1-15. Abraham’s hospitality reminds us that a welcome is extended in the
name of a common humanity. It is a human reaction preceding any religious
connotation and it concerns all human beings. Neither is it confined to personal
relationships, or our network of acquaintances. Besides, this event shows that
anyone who welcomes a stranger in the name of God discovers that God comes
to him in the stranger who has need of him. The rule of St. Benedict clearly states
that everybody should be welcomed as if they Christ himself. Lk. 1, 39-45; The
story of the visitation shows us that Mary, by going to visit her cousin Elizabeth,
discovers how the Holy Spirit is also at work in her cousin. In this way, the two
women are able to support one another in their vocation as being mother in the
service of the History of Salvation according to the Spirit. It is an invitation to
discover how the Spirit goes before us in every encounter including meeting with
our confreres. Let us remind ourselves that Jesus liked to let himself be
welcomed and to be close to the marginalised.

- M. Afr. Text: Extract from “At the Service of our Confreres and the Mission”
(Capitular Acts 2010 p44).
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Community remains the prime location in which our mission finds its unity,
fraternity and strength.

Our unity is founded on our search for and service of the Kingdom, following the
example of Christ.

We bear testimony to this unity by the brotherly concern we have for one
another. In mutual support, we create an atmosphere where everyone feels
accepted and appreciated. Our community life contains certain dynamics,
including the range in our ages, cultures and mentalities; the variations in our
conceptions of community life, apostolate or mission; the progressive distancing
from community life on the part of one or other confrere.

- Text of Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium

- 87. Today, when the networks and means of human communication have made
unprecedented advances, we sense the challenge of finding and sharing a
“mystique” of living together, of mingling and encounter, of embracing and
supporting one another, of stepping into this flood tide, which, while chaotic, can
become a genuine experience of fraternity, a caravan of solidarity, a sacred
pilgrimage. Greater possibilities for communication thus turn into greater
possibilities for encounter and solidarity for everyone. If we were able to take
this route, it would be so good, so soothing, so liberating and hope-filled! To go
out of ourselves and to join others is healthy for us. To be self-enclosed is to
taste the bitter poison of immanence, and humanity will be worse for every
selfish choice we make.
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6. Experiencing vulnerability, maturity and fecundity

When talking about vulnerability, we frequently encounter negative reactions. True, it

reminds us of something that is neither strong nor reliable. However, experiences of
vulnerability are very much involved in our identity and life story. Besides, it can also be a
source of fruitfulness in the sense that it allows us to go beyond the limited human
perceptions regarding efficiency and ability. Feeling vulnerable and weak is part and parcel
of our deepest human experience; consider the trauma of being born.4 After that, we had to
learn to walk, fall and stand up again. Later on, we passed through the crisis of adolescence,
the apprenticeship to adult life and difficult life experiences. All this comes with physical,
moral and emotional crises that we have lived through on a personal level, in the
surroundings of our family and friends and in our apostolate right up to the present day. We
have gone through stages of vulnerability which have sometimes strengthened us, built us
up5, matured us but have sometimes nearly crushed us and made us doubt.

The experience of vulnerability can be beneficial in a number of ways. First of all, it reminds
us that we are not all powerful (a temptation for us all) and that we are only human. We are
the well-loved children of the Father, called to be holy certainly, but recognising that we
depend on Him for everything. It reminds us of our weakness regarding temptation and sin
and our need for grace to extend to every dimension of our lives. It also means that, in a
certain way, we need to establish relationships. We need mutual support and solidarity in
order to survive, as we all experience periods of weakness and vulnerability6. This is why
there is a strong link between community life and the experience of vulnerability.

Then there is the question of accepting the other’s vulnerability. It is precisely in our own
experience of weakness that we can accept the fragility of the other in our community and

4
Birth involves the expulsion of the baby from a very secure milieu into a world of noise and bright lights after
a painful physical passage.
5
Resilience is the capacity to “bounce back ,“ to overcome traumatic situations. It is also the capacity for an
individual to face up to a difficult or stressful situation. This capacity is not innate. It finds its roots in our
childhood. Resilience necessitates some form of support or a favourable environment. When the trauma is so
great that it overwhelms the person’s resilience, then they will probably need some form of professional care to
get over the state of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. This could apply to confreres who have been caught up in
seriously violent situations.

6
Bernard Ugeux, Traverser nos fragilités, éd. de l’Atelier.
 17

in our apostolate. Those who have experienced great ordeals have discovered that wounds
can be fruitful when they are identified, accepted and allowed to heal. The memory of the
journey travelled, in our heart, in our consciousness and, sometimes, in our body, helps us
to help those who have the courage to talk about their wounds be they physical, emotional
or spiritual. Besides, if we do that by letting the Lord visit us, we can dare to speak words
that do not come from us but from Him who has gone before us in everything including the
Cross.

Some questions:

Am I aware of my wounds and weaknesses? Have I had traumatic experiences (personally or

someone I know)? When did I experience vulnerability (a period when I was feeling
particularly weak)? How did I live this period? Can I share these experiences with my
confreres? What did that teach me about others and myself? How did my spiritual life help
me to get through these difficult experiences? Did my spiritual life change? Did it affect my
approach to pastoral work? What support did I receive from my community and my friends?
Did this experience alter my view of vulnerability and failures in others? What are the
consequences for my personal and community life?

- Scripture Texts:
- The New Testament texts show that our God does not use strength to impose his
salvation on us, but he offers salvation to us through fragile means: love, pardon,
respect, the Cross. The Beatitudes indicate the kind of attitudes we should have
among ourselves. Gal. 6, 2; “bear one another’s burdens...” Mt. 11, 28-30;
“Come to me all you who labour and are burdened...” Mt. 18, 1-4; “ ...unless you
turn and become like children...” Mt. 5, 1-12 ; the Beatitudes. 2 Cor. 12, 10;
“…for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
- Text of Pope Francis: Apostolic Letter of Pope Francis to All Consecrated People.
- May this Year of Consecrated Life also be an occasion for confessing humbly,
with immense confidence in the God who is Love (cf. 1 Jn 4:8), our own weakness
and, in it, to experience the Lord’s merciful love. May this Year likewise be an
 18

occasion for bearing vigorous and joyful witness before the world to the holiness
and vitality present in so many of those called to follow Jesus in the consecrated
life. (I, 1)

- None of us should be dour, discontented and dissatisfied, for “a gloomy disciple

is a disciple of gloom.” Like everyone else, we have our troubles, our dark nights
of the soul, our disappointments and infirmities, our experience of slowing down
as we grow older. But in all these things we should be able to discover “perfect
joy.” For it is here that we learn to recognize the face of Christ, who became like
us in all things, and to rejoice in the knowledge that we are being conformed to
him who, out of love of us, did not refuse the sufferings of the cross.
- In a society, which exalts the cult of efficiency, fitness and success, one which
ignores the poor and dismisses “losers”, we can witness by our lives to the truth
of the words of Scripture: “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor 12:10). (II,
1)
- At times, like Elijah and Jonah, you may feel the temptation to flee, to abandon
the task of being a prophet because it is too demanding, wearisome or
apparently fruitless. But prophets know that they are never alone. As he did with
Jeremiah, so God encourages us: “Be not afraid of them, for I am with you to
deliver you” (Jer 1:8). (II, 2)
- 4. I also expect from you what I have asked all the members of the Church: to
come out of yourselves and go forth to the existential peripheries. “Go into all
the world”; these were the last words which Jesus spoke to his followers and
which he continues to address to us (cf. Mk 16:15). A whole world awaits us: men
and women who have lost all hope, families in difficulty, abandoned children,
young people without a future, the elderly, sick and abandoned, those who are
rich in the world’s goods but impoverished within, men and women looking for a
purpose in life, thirsting for the divine…( II,4)
 19

7. How to help one another when faced with serious difficulties?

We all have our weak moments and we all have known periods of joy, success,
disappointment, and failure in our life. Sometimes, painful experiences or mistakes have
helped us to grow and mature. We emerge stronger and more confident. But sadly, these
experiences are talked about by confreres behind our backs and we find ourselves stuck
with a label that sticks with us wherever we go. This rush to judgement and prejudice can
prevent a confrere from getting back on track after a failure or a mistake. However, the
attitude of Jesus was always to give someone a new chance7. On the other hand, we often
feel uneasy when it is a question of dealing with a confrere whom we believe is not doing
too well. In some way, this will depend on how open minded the confrere is because one
cannot force a person into a relationship or to share, particularly when he retreats into
himself and is in denial. However, sometimes the one in difficulty does not dare to speak
out because relationships in the community are superficial or there is a lack of trust on the
part of the confreres or in the family circle.

If a confrere has a problem and needs help, it is important to express ourselves with charity
otherwise our intervention will not be welcomed. If the person concerned feels judged or
attacked, or rejected, he can withdraw into denial. If he perceives a real fraternal concern,
true compassion, and a willingness to help, there will be more of a chance of him opening
up. It is important to take the risk even if some people maintain a studied opaqueness about
their private life and their network of relationships. Why do some people hide elements of
their private life? Do we ask ourselves this question? Is it because they do not feel welcome
or feel out of place in our community? On the other hand, are they living a double life and
need to be challenged on this? (Will they accept such an approach?)

Some questions ….

How can we talk to a confrere about his difficulties and offer to help him? Is he open to be
helped? Does not this depend on the quality and openness of our daily communication in
community where we guarantee a space for candid exchanges? How do I feel when I see a
confrere heading into trouble and putting himself in danger? Do I block it out? Am I afraid of
being impolite? Do I look for the first available opportunity to speak to him face to face? Do
I judge him? Do I avoid him? Do I cut him off? Do I talk with another confrere about him to
get some clarification? Do I just criticise and point the finger at him? It is possible that I feel
awkward and powerless but how can I remain completely passive and content myself to
report him to the superior (without even telling the person concerned)? If there is a risk of
scandal, do I have the courage tell him? Or do I alert the competent authorities ? It is good

7
Certainly, there are borderline cases where the Society would like to help but cannot, especially where there
is an obvious lack of good will.
 20

to speak of our feelings of powerlessness and to look together for a solution that does not
condemn him but support him

Regarding myself, when I feel that I am losing my equilibrium and I am not on the right
track, what is my reaction? Do I pray? Do I analyse what is happening and try to find the
cause of the crisis? Do I take decisions based on my principles? Do I look for advice (from a
good friend, a spiritual mentor, a superior, or a professional counsellor)? Do I tell my
community? Do I withdraw into myself? Do I seek refuge in a fantasy world? Do I look for
consolation elsewhere (social life, alcohol, girl friends, Smartphone’s, social networks, or
watch doubtful videos)?

- Scripture texts: Jesus always showed great patience and respect for the liberty of
the sinners he met: “if you want”, “go, and sin no more,” “go, look for your
husband” and “he is who is without sin.” He never closed the door on a sinful
person; he always gave them a fresh start as Matthew (Mt. 9, 9-13) and
Zacchaeus (Lk. 19.1-10) and of course Peter... What is striking is that, after the
Resurrection, he never reproached his disciples except maybe the disciples of
Emmaus who were very slow to understand what he was talking about! He gave
a new start to Peter after repeating the miraculous draught of fishes (Jn. 21,
17ff). Mt. 5, 20-26, “...then recall that your brother has anything against you,
leave your gift there...” Jn. 8, 1-11; the woman caught in adultery and in Jn. 4, 1-
30, Jesus and the Samaritan woman.

Texts from the Missionaries of Africa.

Extract from the Capitular Acts 2010: “At the Service of our Confreres and the
Mission.” (p43)

The confreres are the most highly prized resource we have in the Society. In this
document, the Chapter speaks of this resource. It addresses three points:
community life, attentiveness to confreres in difficulty and the appointment of
personnel.

In its document on Mission, the Chapter reminds us that it is firstly in our

communities that we are called to live our missionary priorities of JPIC and
Encounter and Dialogue. It is a matter of being consistent with ourselves and of
apostolic credibility. Here, the Chapter earnestly invites us to give our community
life its full meaning.

If the quest for the greater good of every confrere is the priority of the Society,
this must nevertheless take into account the well-being of the community, of
the Society and of its Mission
 21

Text of Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium

44. Moreover, pastors and the lay faithful who accompany their brothers and sisters in faith
or on a journey of openness to God must always remember what the Catechism of the
Catholic Church teaches quite clearly: “Imputability and responsibility for an action can be
diminished or even nullified by ignorance, inadvertence, duress, fear, habit, inordinate
attachments, and other psychological or social factors”. Consequently, without detracting
from the evangelical ideal, they need to accompany with mercy and patience the eventual
stages of personal growth as these progressively occur. I want to remind priests that the
confessional must not be a torture chamber but rather an encounter with the Lord’s mercy
which spurs us on to do our best. A small step, in the midst of great human limitations, can
be more pleasing to God than a life, which appears outwardly in order but moves through
the day without confronting great difficulties. Everyone needs to be touched by the comfort
and attraction of God’s saving love, which is mysteriously at work in each person, above and
beyond their faults and failings.

46. A Church which “goes forth” is a Church whose doors are open. Going out to others in
order to reach the fringes of humanity does not mean rushing out aimlessly into the world.
Often it is better simply to slow down, to put aside our eagerness in order to see and listen
to others, to stop rushing from one thing to another and to remain with someone who has
faltered along the way. At times we have to be like the father of the prodigal son, who
always keeps his door open so that when the son returns, he can readily pass through it.

47.... Frequently, we act as arbiters of grace rather than its facilitators. But the Church is not
a tollhouse; it is the house of the Father, where there is a place for everyone, with all their
problems.
 22

8. Pardon, the way of reconciliation and healing

Our apostolic and community experience teaches us that forgiveness is the key to peace and
unity. It is the supreme gift of love. It may take a lot of time, patience and humility. It
demands a grace we have to ask for. Maybe we have had the experience that the first
beneficiary of forgiveness is the one who pardons. Because when we cannot or do not want
to forgive, our hearts and relationships are blocked and cannot flourish. The first step is
pardon, to give over all thoughts of vengeance and a refusal to dwell on toxic memories,
which continually open the old wounds we have carried for decades. Just doing that is
already a source of liberation and the beginning of healing. Forgiveness springs from free
will; no one can be forced to forgive. It is a free gesture, which is unconditional and final.
This is why it is so challenging and can take a lot of time. What can help us to prepare, is to
pray for those who have hurt us. A major problem to consider will be the depth of trauma
experienced and the fact that the person who made us suffer may or may not be present.
There are some errors to be avoided such as confusing pardon with forgetting, simply
because the events and the people are impossible to forget. Sometimes it might be
necessary to keep the memory in order not to repeat the experience. Another error is to
make the pardon conditional on the remorse shown by the person who hurt us. You cannot
force someone to repent. Moreover, this person may have dropped out of sight, died, or
maybe refused all contact. By posing this condition, we give too much power to the person
who has hurt us. We should not make our liberation dependent on another.

Other people cannot forgive because they are afraid that they will not get justice. However,
pardon does not exclude justice or reparation. The offender might need to face justice and
make a gesture of reparation so that he too can experience a form of liberation from the
past. Neither should one think that pardon always leads to reconciliation. Forgiveness does
not mean a return to the relationship, which existed in the past. For some, it will be enough
to forgive, even if the other does not know about it. For others, a reconciliation process will
renew and strengthen their relationship. There can also be a link between forgiveness and
healing whether it is a physical, psychic, or spiritual healing that gives one the capacity to
forgive or by courageously taking a step forward to pardon can bring about an interior
healing. It is now recognized that the people who have suffered grave abuse need to be
recognised as victims if they are to be healed. That is why it is very important to try to
establish the facts. It is difficult when the victims are elderly or everybody has his/her own
version of events. Nevertheless, justice demands it. The truth will set you free. To recognise
someone as a victim does not mean that we should encourage him or her to remain in a
state of victimhood. After a period of care and mentoring, it might become necessary to tell
 23

them to “take up your stretcher and walk.” An attitude of remaining in a state of victimhood
could be construed as a refusal to undertake the healing process or an effort to make others
feel guilty in order to remain at the centre of attention8. This is not the way of healing.

Forgiveness is a step forward, however tentative, in faith and Christian love. It is not a
bending over backwards way of excusing the other by taking away responsibility for his/her
actions. Nor is it a reliance on God to forgive which would absolve us from taking this
difficult step ourselves. Finally, forgiveness does not express moral superiority. It should not
be given in an arrogant manner or imposed in a humiliating way. It is given in humility, in
the awareness that we ourselves are sinners and weak persons. It should lift up the other
and let him/her go in peace.

Some questions...

Have I already experienced or received forgiveness that touched me? What is my experience
of forgiveness? Have I experienced a vitally important moment when I succeeded in
forgiving or asking for pardon? What were the effects on the relationship? Am I still filled
with bitterness and the temptation to take revenge? What still blocks me now? What can I
do to benefit from the freedom that forgiveness has brought me? Do I have a positive
experience of forgiveness (given or received)? How did the Lord/others help me in taking
this step? What were the fruits? How can I make our community a place of pardon and joy?
What kind of help do I need in order to forgive? What place does the sacrament of
Reconciliation have in my life? Does it help me to forgive? Does it help me to get rid of the
toxic memories and my temptation to seek revenge?

- Scripture Texts: Jesus often returned to the importance of forgiveness and made
it a condition of being forgiven oneself. He made it a way to love, as the Father
does, “be merciful as your Father is merciful.” It is a way of loving right to the
extreme as St. John said at the washing of the feet, “He loved his own in the
world and he loved them to the end.” Jesus also forgave his executioners. We
need to ask for this grace, which should lead, if possible, to reconciliation. Mt. 5,
23-26, “when you present your offering…” Mt. 18, 15-22, “… how often must I
forgive him…not seven times but seventy seven times?” Lk. 23, 34; “Father
forgive them, they know not what they do.” The Our Father; “...as forgive those
who trespass against us.”

- Texts of Pope Francis: Evangelii Gaudium

8
‘Why do you do what we did to you ?’ asks Simone Pacot in her book “Evangelization Depths” Cerf 1997
 24

- 3. I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal

encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter
them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this
invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy
brought by the Lord.” The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk;
whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already
there, waiting for us with open arms. Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I
have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet
here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once
again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it
feels to come back to him whenever we are lost! Let me say this once more: God
never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy. Christ,
who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given
us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he
bears us on his shoulders. No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by
this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints,
but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up
our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us
never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which
impels us onwards!
- 100. Those wounded by historical divisions find it difficult to accept our invitation
to forgiveness and reconciliation, since they think that we are ignoring their pain
or are asking them to give up their memory and ideals. But if they see the
witness of authentically fraternal and reconciled communities, they will find that
witness luminous and attractive. It always pains me greatly to discover how some
Christian communities, and even consecrated persons, can tolerate different
forms of enmity, division, calumny, defamation, vendetta, jealousy and the
desire to impose certain ideas at all costs, even to persecutions which appear as
veritable witch hunts. Whom are we going to evangelize if this is the way we act?
25