PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

QUARTER 2

I. PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
“No Man is an Island”
- A phrase that comes from a sermon by the poet John Donne.
- It means humans being are social creatures and need to be part of a community to survive and
thrive.
Relationship
- The concept of relationship is very broad, complex and varies from person to person.
- Researchers have found that relationships are important to a person's happiness. The absence
of close relationships can produce negative effects such as feeling worthless, powerless, and
alienated.
- We can say that every relationship has specific objectives or purposes that a person wishes to
pursue, either because of need, want, and/or desire.
- The very first meaningful relationship every person encounter is with one's mother. The mother-
child relationship is already established even before birth because of the connection.
- Pre-historic humans were interacting already through different forms of behavior such as
smiling, greeting each other, showing love, affection, and loyalty, and/or hunting food together.

Personal relationship
- This kind of relationship refers to the association and close connection between people, formed
by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow and form mutual experiences.
Personal relationships generally refer to family, friends, and significant others.
- Changes in the physical and cognitive aspects go along with the changes in relationships
especially with family and friends during the adolescence period. Moreover, in the adolescence
stage, a new understanding of one's self occurs. This may include independence, identity, and
self-esteem. A person’s personal relationships then play a significant role in the adolescent's
pursuit of self-understanding.

Different Personal Relationships

1. Family Relationship
- The basic unit in the society.
- Family is generally defined as people living together in a household who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption. It may include siblings and parents whom you grew up with. One’s family
relationship can also be extended to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins though not living
together. In a family, roles are also defined. Parents and older relatives’ role is to guide, discipline,
and support younger members.
- Family bond plays a vital role in a person's well-being. It helps form other kinds of relationships
such as friendships and romantic relationships bound by love and closeness. On the other hand,
relationships, in general, may involve arguments, disagreements, moments of anger, and hurt.
There may be a usual increase in arguments and conflicts with parents when adolescents assert
their independence as their way of finding self-identity. However, these are short-lived for
families when there is love, care, and understanding.

2. Friendship
- Friends are the people who are not related to us by blood but we choose to interact with them.
They are the people with whom we share our trust, respect, and care. We feel that we can confide
in them and we want to spend time with them. Friendship is a reciprocal relationship. Both
people must see each other as a friend for the relationship to exist. Good friendships are mutually
 respectful, supportive and share common interests and ideas. It should be built on honesty,
support, and loyalty.
- There are different degrees of friendship. You may find that you feel closer to some friends than
others. Some friendships, especially if they have only known each other for a short time, may not
share personal issues or concerns. Usually, you may find that you feel more comfortable and able
to confide in friends whom you have known well.
- Furthermore, friends who are very close and have known each other well are referred to as “best
friends or close friends”. Some people have many friends, while others may only have one or
two. It is not in the number of people with whom you can call friends but, in the quality, and that
everyone is different.
- Some friendships can be close where they choose to greet each other by hugging or kissing on
the cheek, other friendships may have no physical contact or may simply shake hands. However,
romantic contact or being intimate physically is not appropriate in a friendship.

3. Romantic relationship
- A romantic relationship is when you feel strongly attracted to the other person. The attraction
encompasses a person's physical attributes and personality. This should be reciprocated by the
other person in the relationship.
- A romantic relationship is described as the closest form of relationship in which, the two people
who are involved will often describe themselves as being attracted to each other and/or "in
love". They feel a strong connection and bond with each other that they do not feel with anyone
else, even with close friends. The bond is also exclusive and monogamous.
- People in a romantic relationship often see each other and when apart will find ways to contact
each other by phone and the likes. An example of a romantic relationship for adolescents is
between a boyfriend and girlfriend.

II. DYNAMICS OF ATTRACTION, LOVE AND COMMITMENT

THEORIES:
1. BIOLOGICAL MODEL OF LOVE
As proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are three brain systems of love: lust, attraction, and
attachment. Each also involves different neurochemicals in the brain. Depending on a person, a love
relationship can start in any of these three.
Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. It is also described as a
sex drive associated primarily with estrogens and androgens.
Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. It involves focusing attention on a particular person.
Many factors influence attraction such as physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, and
reciprocity.

a. Physical Attractiveness is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction. Most people
prefer whom they consider physically attractive especially in the early stages of dating.

b. Proximity can be explained when people tend to get attracted to people who are geographically
closer to them. They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual familiarity with the people who live
close to them. For example, being attracted to a classmate since you regularly see the person.

c. Similarity is when people choose partners whom they find similarities such as social class, religious
beliefs, and education. It explains when two people share more attitudes and opinions, the more they
will want to do the same activities. As a result, they would create a strong bond between them.

d. Reciprocity means people like others who like them back. The more a person is liked by someone,
the more he/she behaves in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.

Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another. Usually, long-
lasting commitments are exchanged when people are attached even across time and space.
 2. TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
There are three main components of love as suggested by Robert Stenberg (1988). These are
intimacy, passion, and commitment. The relationships vary and depend on the presence or
absence of each of these components.
Intimacy is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. It is
characterized by closeness, connectedness, and boundedness.
Passion is described as an intense emotion towards a person. It is also shown as compelling
interest for someone. Like having a desire to spend time with a person most of the time.
Commitment is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements with another
person. Wherein, the values of integrity and respect are evident in the relationship. Ways to
express commitment in a relationship are showing loyalty and conveying honesty.

The combination of these three (3) components of love can produce eight (8) types of love or
relationship as shown in the table.
Types of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment Example
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first
sight or being obsessed
with a person
Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships
or Arrange marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated
by a passion
Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking
passion such as those
between family members
or close friends
Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded
emotionally and
physically to another
person
Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love

3. THEORY LOVE STYLES

Ancient Greeks studied love and giving each type a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a theory derived
from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.
Philia – Affectionate Love usually runs deep in true friendship. It occurs without romantic
attraction between friends or family members. It is also called brotherly love when both people
share the same values and respect. It can be shown by engaging in deep conversation, exchanging
beliefs and imperfections, being open and trustworthy, and being supportive in difficult times.
Pragma – Enduring Love is described as a mature love that develops over time. To reach this
relationship commitment and efforts are needed. With the partner by your side, you are "standing
in love" instead of "falling in love". It is expressed by strengthening the bond, seeking and showing
effort with your partner, and choosing to work with your partner.
Storge – Familiar love is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as well as best
friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection. It usually flows
between parents and children or childhood friends. Ways to show this love are sacrificing one's
time, self, or personal pleasures, showing gratitude, and quickly forgiving. You also share
memorable and impactful moments.
 Eros – Romantic Love is characterized by personal infatuation and physical pleasure.
It is a passionate love displayed through physical affection. In this case, admiration is focused on
someone's physical body. Hence, the couple engages in physical touch such as hugging and kissing
even if it not appropriate yet.
Ludus – Playful love is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the beginning. This type of love
consists of teasing and playful motives between two people. It is shown by having fun together.
Mania – Obsessive Love as named is described as obsessiveness or madness over love. It leads to
unwanted jealousy or possessiveness. To avoid it, obsessive or possessive behavior must be
recognized to be properly addressed. One should learn to focus on oneself more than another
person.
Philautia – Self Love is having a healthy “self-compassion” towards one’s self.
It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins
with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.
Agape – Selfless Love is the highest love to offer. It is an empathetic attitude of love. It is given without
any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered unconditional love. It is expressed
by helping the other person improve his life.

LOVE LANGUAGE DESCRIPTION

Words of • "Actions don't always speak louder than the word".
Affirmation • Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
• Wanting to hear "I love you" or other positive compliments you're your
partner. And if you don't hear it, then you might feel unloved.
• Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
• You wanted to hear kind and encouraging words that build you up.
Acts of Service • Doing nice things for other people and anything you do to ease the burden of
the other person are "acts of service."
• Whether it's changing someone's oil, cleaning the house, or giving a back rub,
doing things to help make the other person happy is what this one is about.
• Helping with homework can be an expression of love for you.
• The words you wanted to hear are "Let me do it for you".
Receiving Gifts • You value giving and receiving gifts and some do not.
• So, if you measure your partner’s love by how many gifts you are given, then
your love language is “receiving gifts.”
• Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of the gifts
wanted on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.
• A missed birthday or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous.
Quality Time • You measure the quality of love by how much time other people want to spend
with you.
• If you don't get enough "together time," then you might feel unloved.
• Being there for this type of person is critical, but being there – with the TV off,
fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks standby makes you feel truly
special and loved.
• Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be hurtful.
Physical Touch • A person whose primary language is physical touch is not very touchy.
• Hugs, pats on the back, holding a hand and thoughtful touches on the arm can
show excitement, concern, care, and love.
• Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be
unforgivable and destructive.
• Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.
 III. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and well-being. There is compelling evidence
that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Research shows that a healthy
relationship can help you live longer, deal with stress, be healthier, and feel richer.

These are some important aspects of healthy relationships. Important Aspects for
Healthy Relationships
Adapted from Woititz, J., Adult Children of Alcoholics
Mutual Respect Do I treat the other person as if he/she
is of value?
Compassion Do I have a genuine concern for the
issues that cause the other person's
concern?
Empathy To what degree am I able to allow
myself to be open to what he/she feels?
Understanding Do I try to understand the other person,
what they say or do?
Acceptance Can I feel I am okay the way I am? Do I
accept him/her as he/she is?
Honesty Is the relationship built on truthfulness,
or are there games involved?
Trust To what degree am I willing to let the
other person know private aspects of
my thoughts, feelings, and life?
Good Communication Can we talk freely about issues that are
important to relationships?
Do we know how to talk so we each are
understood and sharing is safe?
Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s
needs as well as my own?
Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the
same things?
Mutual Enjoyment In areas of disagreement, are we able to
agree or disagree?
Personal Integrity Am I able to maintain my beliefs and
sense of self as well as offer my time and
attention to the relationship?
Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my
barriers and allow the other person to
see my perceived weaknesses, without
fear of negative reactions from them?

How to become responsible in real life?

Taking responsibility is not just a one-sided practice. It looks like practicing self-awareness. The
following ways to use the empowering action of taking responsibility are important for you and your
family, friends, or partner to use and practice in your relationship.
1. Be Honest
“You have to love yourself before you love others” is a versatile phrase that has multiple meanings when
applied to relationships. It can translate to “You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest
with others.” Being honest with yourself begins with a healthy sense of self-awareness. And being self-
aware means, you acknowledge that what you say and do impacts your family, friends, and partner.

2. Act on Situations, Don’t React

When people are held accountable for their behaviors, they often become defensive. Getting defensive
is a reaction. When you act on a situation, you can respond with clarity and awareness. You can practice
acting on situations instead of reacting by taking deep breaths or counting to ten. It also helps to take a
second and look at the situation from your partner’s perspective. It can be hard to think from the other
perspective, especially in the heat of the moment. By being honest with yourself and your partner, you
can effectively respond by taking responsibility.

3. Be Willing to Forgive Your Other People and Yourself

Everyone makes mistakes and forgiving yourself or your partner is important for moving past
challenges and making your relationship stronger. When you view taking responsibility for your
mistakes as an opportunity to learn, your relationship can become a place that fosters and celebrates
growth. Forgiveness builds trust and accountability in your relationship, breaks down resentment,
and stops the never-fun "blame game."
Taking responsibility for your behaviors in your relationship requires honest and open communication
and a willingness to address unhealthy excuses with your family, friends, and partner. They’re not
always easy discussions to have, but you’ll find that doing so builds trust within your relationship over
time and is an empowering way to learn and grow.

IV. SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

As you grow up, you get to know people and build relationships of which you have first your family. As
human persons, it is expected that you build relationships or social relationships that affect the way
you think, decide and even act on certain things.
Hence, adolescence is a crucial part of your development as a person. And the different factors such as
social relationships that influence you are also important. Social relationships are your interactions
with other people. These kinds of relationships vary from the “degree of intimacy and vulnerability you
offer to other people so as to cooperate and achieve a certain objective” (Torres 2017, 3).

There are four (4) main types of relationships that influence you as an adolescent: (1) Parents, (2)
Peers, (3) Community, and (4) Society.
Now, as you commit to social relationships, you also have various roles to represent. In society, you
can be someone based on a social situation that you decide to take in as a social relationship. Wherein
in these relationships, leaders, and followers also exist.
Leadership is the ability of the person in authority to guide others to achieve certain goals. While
followership is the act or condition of following a leader. Being a follower is not passive, one must be
a critical thinker and interactive in the act of helping the leader achieve the goal/s. Thus, the leader
and the follower need each other. There is a dynamic relationship of mutual benefit and support
between them.

They have various roles to play and basically, this may take a toll of influence on each member. Take for
instance the following examples:
 1. Political leaders- These are the people who create and implement the laws of the land. They are
the role models through which we follow the laws.
2. Religious leaders- These are the individuals who guide their followers according to their faith.
They are keepers of religious traditions and are also moral leaders.
3. Teachers- They are the educators of young minds. They impart knowledge to the young
generation to become the next generation of leaders.
4. Children - They are the ones that need to be taken care of and ensured that they are supported
with the services they most need.
5. Church members- They are the people who commit to practicing their faith. They let their faith
grow and carry out their faith traditions.
6. Celebrities- They are the people who promote ethical behavior and responsible personal
decisions. They are also expected to show good behaviors as they are always seen in public.

Social influence is another important concept in social relationships. Some social influences are
known as:
▪ conformity - is behaving as others do. This is desiring to belong to peers and seek their approval to
feel that you are one of them.
▪ compliance – an individual is doing something that another individual has told them to do. This is
also another way of an adolescent to feel that they belong with peers.
▪ obedience – this is accepting and doing something directed to you by a person you look up to as
someone in authority. In most cases in obedience, you believe that you don’t have a choice.

Now, as an adolescent, you must have experience recognizing yourself, knowing your strengths and
limitations, and discovering about the person that you are. By that, you are now capable of knowing
where you stand which is either a leader or a follower whichever suit and makes you a better person.

V. PERCEIVING AND PRESENTING THE SELF

Generally, perception is described as a mental image, while self-perception is the idea of the kind of
person you perceive yourself to be. Given these definitions of the terms, how do you understand or
see yourself as a person?
The development of self-perception happens all throughout a person’s lifetime. Many questions arise
as to what kind of person you are and what kind of person others see and/or know you.
Thus, in the study of the self, there are three (3) core concepts to understand - self-concept, self-
esteem, and self-efficacy.
There is a great relationship among these three concepts in understanding the self. Self-efficacy
influences self-esteem which also influences self-concept. Before going deeper into the relationship
among these three, let us first understand each concept.
Self-concept is the person’s awareness or thinking about himself/herself. Self-concept is developed in
ways like a person’s interactions with others and their reaction to him/her and comparisons to other
people (as in superiority and inferiority, similarity and difference).
Next, self-esteem is the specific evaluation or judgment a person creates about the self-concept. Self-
esteem affects the way a person communicates and behaves by which this concept varies throughout
life and the context a person is in.
Lastly, self-efficacy is developed through experiences. This is also about the person’s extent of seeing
himself/herself as an effective individual.

VI. FILIPINO RELATIONSHIPS

Filipino social relationships are like a mosaic of different values that are alive in every Filipino
regardless of who they are with. A lot of researchers have already studied these values and found them
unique to Filipino culture. Hence, social relations in the Philippines are identified by the values we
embrace.
Filipino Values
Values are a guide to man’s behaviors and actions as they relate with others in most situations in life.
With Filipinos, values are somehow the symbol of identity which helps them keep harmonious
relationships.
Some of the Filipino values that we are known for are:
1. Sense of propriety or ‘hiya’. It is a positively defined value among Filipinos which means
conformity to the good.

2. Pakikipagkapwa-tao. It means showing empathy towards and with others.

3. Hospitality. It is one of the values for which Filipinos are famous; being polite and accommodating
to other people.

4. Utang na loob. It refers to a sense of obligation on the part of someone being helped with to repay
the one who has done a favor.

5. Bayanihan. It is the spirit of communal unity and cooperation.

Other Filipino values

Positive values
1. Amor proprio- loving oneself, self-respect
2. Compassion for others
3. Bayanihan
4. We value our honor
5. Respectful
6. Delicadeza- we value our reputation
7. Mapasalamat
8. Hardwork
9. Pakikisama
10. Masikap

Negative values
1. Filipino time
2. Manana Habit
3. Ningas Cogon
4. Bahala na
5. Marites/chismosa
6. Fiesta mindset
7. Pautang
8. Disregarding rules- arriving late, cutting line, beating the red light
9. Colonial mentality
10. Crab mentality