Ah! I Hate Growing Up!!

That’s why I hate growing up.

“Mom,” “Mom,” I shouted as soon as I entered in my house. “Mom, where are you?” I was going mad
with our huge defeat in today’s match. I was upset, angry and irritated. I was angry on myself, my
teammates, my opponents, my coach, God, and everything I could possibly think of. This was my last
chance to be a part of the national team. I was disheartened by everything that had happened.
I just wanted to see my mom. Maybe just hug her. Hold her tightly and cry my heart out, and tell her
how much pain I felt. Tell her how much it hurt to not be lucky, how much it hurt to lose by a single
point. I was going crazy and felt like throwing out everything, coming in my way.
I climbed upstairs to search for my mother.

“Mom, are you here?” I said, as I opened the door of my younger brother’s room.
“I’m here only. Now, will you please stop shouting? Can’t you see Ahaan is sleeping?” Mom said firmly.
“But, I want to tell you something. It’s urgent. Can you please step outside for like a second?” I
whispered. I didn’t want to disrupt Ahaan’s sleep, nor did I felt like crying in front of him, he would think
I was some sort of loser. I didn’t want him to think like that about his big brother.
“No, I can’t. He will wake up,” she said.
“What is he mom? Like 2 or something? He can sleep on his own. I am just asking you to come here for a
second,” I said.
“You can tell me whatever it is from the door itself, no?”
“Mom, I want to talk to you about something. I am…just,”
“You have grown up now. You can handle things on your own. You are 15, so don’t behave like 5.”

Yeah, exactly, throwing tantrums and complaining about life was a thing which only 5 year-olds do. So, it
was kind of illegal and dramatic for me to behave like that. I was supposed to bottle up my emotions
and behave as if I was the happiest person in the entire universe.

“Whatever! Can we just talk about it later?” I said.

I shut the door behind me. My anger! GONE!

I went to my room and closed the door behind me so that she could hear it. Maybe this would make her
come to my room at least, and ask what had happened.

Mom always used to do that when I was a child. She used to console me whenever I cried. She would
cheer me up whenever I was upset. She would know all my pain, even if I didn’t tell her, and I thought
that she had some kind of superpower which made her aware of whatever I was feeling.
Maybe, that superpower has just suddenly disappeared, or she has just blindfolded herself with the line,
‘He’s grown up now and he can handle things on his own.’

I miss those days when she used to come and talk to me about my day, after I came from the school.
When she used to celebrate even the smallest of my wins with the grandest of parties. When she used
to cry with me in my pain, and laugh with me in my joys. I miss those days when even my naughtiest of
things would bring a smile on her face, but now even my sincere actions are thought to be a mischief.

I miss those days when she knew me more than I knew myself.

Things change quickly. There was a time when she could read my thoughts without me saying anything,
and now even if I want to tell something, she’s just too busy to hear it, or she just thinks that it’s another
drama of mine. I don’t know why she feels that I have suddenly grown up so much that I can handle
things on my own, that I can handle life on my own.

I don’t know why she thinks that I always want to argue, or complain, or just disrespect people all the
time, when I’m just trying to share my problems with her.

Maybe we act like idiots, but why don’t people understand or just ask, why we are the way we are. They
loved us when we were young, but why not now? Why do they just start hating us as we grow up?

People always say that children are innocent, and that they are the incarnation of god. But, why then,
when they grow up a bit, they are thought to be incarnation of demons.

We too were innocent. We too were loved. It’s you who made us stone-hearted, by making us realize
that we have grown up.

This shit really puts you off, and you grow up being a sullen adult who doesn’t care about anyone or
anything because no one cared about you when you needed it the most.

I don’t know why this happens, but people just suddenly stop loving you after an age. They really don’t
give a damn about you. They stop laughing at your silly jokes. They stop celebrating your small victories.
They stop comforting you at your small losses, and they just stop caring. ALL OF A SUDDEN!

I didn’t realize that I had been crying all this time when suddenly a drop fell on the page I was writing on.
I felt better now. I don’t know if it was because I had penned down all my thoughts or just because I had
been crying all this time. I wiped my face and tore the page. I crumbled it up and threw it in the dustbin.

People who say that I’m quiet and introvert, are just so wrong about me. I mean, I talk a lot. And I’m a
bit of a tattletale- only to my diary, though!

“Do you want to say something?” my mom entered the room., while I was still lost in my thoughts.
“No,” I said almost as a reflex, “No, it was just…nothing.”
“You have grown up, Ishaan and you don’t always need me around, okay?” she said. Without waiting for
any response, she closed the door and left.
“Maybe, I do mom. It’s just that you don’t realize it now.”