PARENTING
Definition
Parenting is the process of rearing children from conception till they become
adults. It involves providing for and promoting the child’s physiological,
emotional, social, and intellectual needs till they are fully grown. Parenting is not
limited to biological parents but extends to other caregivers who play a role in the
growth and development of the child. However, the biological parents, if alive,
bear the greatest responsibility to raise the child in the most acceptable manner.
There are many aspects in parenting including grooming, achievement in school,
relating with other people, being productive, being responsible, morality and many
others.
PARENTING SKILLS
The skills discussed are generic as they impact on all aspects of the child’s growth
and development.
1. Develop attachment and maintain a close relationship with the child.
This often starts with bonding which has to be effected by caregivers especially
father and mother • It is achieved through physical presence and positive
touching of the child • Caregivers are encouraged to touch, hold and cuddle the
child • Smiling at the child, singing to the child and other ways that make the
child feel your physical and emotional presence will help foster attachment • It
is always good to show appropriate facial expressions, tone and body language
to a child • If the child is talking to you, listen. Show care, empathy and
approval as is necessary • Once the child gets attached to you, it will be easier
for them to listen to you and act appropriately
2. Control the environment.
The environment can be so wide that it is not practically possible to control it.
However, it is quite possible to control the home environment by ensuring the
following: • Every member of the family in which the child is growing should
model the same behaviour that the child is expected to pick up • The child should
be encouraged by all family members and caregivers • The child should be shown
love and acceptance by all • Reduce unnecessary noise in the home environment,
avoid quarrelling, fighting and shouting at each other or at the child • The
environment should be orderly with items placed safely and in an orderly manner •
Keep the home physical environment well kept • Practice responsible drinking for
those who consume alcohol
3. Communicating and dialoguing with the child.
Oftentimes, caregivers ignore talking to their children particularly when they are in
the adolescent stage. It is encouraged that all caregivers talk to children regularly.
Engage in light talk with children. It is necessary that when caregivers have
expectations, the same should be communicated to children clearly Parenting
skills. In instances where you wish to teach certain things to the child, choose the
content appropriate to the age of the child and pass it accordingly. You may teach
by direct instruction, through examples, by use of role-play or even by use of role
models. Some communication may be effected through family meetings especially
where the family wishes to develop common values .For mature children,
caregivers are encouraged to dialogue with them instead of always talking down to
them. Avoid dictating things to children especially adolescents as if they have no
say. They also have a way of looking at things and every effort should be sought to
seek their opinion before deciding on what to do and how to do it • Sometimes lack
of involving children in decisions can have severe consequences such as violent
strikes in schools
4. Discipline.
One cannot talk about raising children without fostering disciplined children. •
Discipline is determined by many factors including the environment that we live
in, which can be quite difficult to control .One of the first lessons we have to
contend with is that children will, in most cases, act as their parents (and
caregivers) do • It is important, therefore, that all caregivers strive to be the best
examples they can be to the children they are raising. Caregivers who always
display inappropriate behaviour will influence children negatively . Avoid being
disorderly, noisy, violent, unreliable, drunk, and untrustworthy before children •
Discipline can also be achieved through teaching the child the right thing to do.
This ‘positive discipline’ method emphasises the good effects of discipline while
showing the child the consequences of wrong behaviour. When this is done and
followed with actual examples in the family, it becomes quite effective •
Correcting children whenever they go wrong is also a method of instilling
discipline. The very young ones should be stopped and redirected so that they do
only that which is right instead of leaving them to explore all including dangerous
activities. If left to do all, they may grow up thinking there are no boundaries in the
world
Positive parenting is about showing children love, warmth and
kindness, guiding children to act the way you want by encouraging
and teaching them. It's also about helping children thrive by sending
the powerful message: “You are loved, you are good, and you matter”.
It further involves;
Avoidance of any form of violence.
Diversity, freedom, and autonomy: all ways of being a child are valid
and fair.
Shared parenting, in which mothers, fathers, and other caregivers are
equally responsible for the child’s well-being.
Respect for the rights of children and adolescents during their
upbringing.
Conscious affectivity: educating from affection, in a way that children
and adolescents perceive affection.
DIANA BAUMRIND’S THEORY OF PARENTING STYLES.
Baumrind’s Parenting Styles explains the differences between parenting
styles and the potential consequences on a child’s behavior.
The uninvolved (or neglectful) parenting style. These parents are low on
responsiveness and often disengaged from their children. They are also low on
demandingness, with little control over their children’s behavior. As a result, their
children can be withdrawn, non-compliant, aggressive, and have insecure attachments
to others. They suffer in school and in their relationships with their peers
The permissive parent is highly responsive but lacks control. These parents are warm
and communicative but provide little structure for their children. They may act as a
friend to their child rather than an authority figure. Children are allowed to make their
own rules and determine their activities. Children may fail to learn self-discipline and be
relatively immature. They have low social competence and may feel somewhat insecure
because they do not know the limits. These children may also be demanding, rebellious,
and aggressive.
The authoritarian parent is low on responsiveness and high on demandingness. This
parent makes the rules, and the children are expected to be obedient. Baumrind
suggests that authoritarian parents tend to place maturity demands on their children that
are unreasonably high and tend to be aloof and distant. Consequently, children reared
in this way may fear rather than respect their parents and, because their parents do not
allow discussion, may take out their frustrations on safer targets – perhaps as bullies
toward peers. These children tend to have lower self-control and are less independent.
They also may be more aggressive, resistant to correction, or anxious.
Finally, the authoritative parent is responsive and reasonably in control. Parents allow
negotiation where appropriate and discipline matches the severity of the offense. As a
result, their children are friendly, socially competent, confident, self-reliant, cooperative,
successful, and happy.
POINTS TO REMEMBER IN PARENTING
There is no rule of the thumb about parenting. There are as many parenting skills
as there are families. The important thing is to aim at getting the best out of the
child. Both male and female parents (caregivers) should be involved in parenting
so that the child gets socially adjusted. Always be calm and patient while parenting
. Avoid using force, punishment, and dictating as you parent Each age of the
child’s growth may call for a particular parenting skill more than others. Use age-
appropriate skills while parenting . As a caregiver, be present to the child. Presence
here means being physically, psychologically, emotionally and socially available .
Although children are endowed with their own abilities, they will most likely be
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