Nothing.

I'm confused yet I have clarity. I sense losing something but I realise that it was never mine to lose and I can do
nothing about it I can just see everything and act like it doesn't affect me. I have no right to say in someone's life but
seeing the position the way a person has given to someone that you could have is just making me feel jealous and
superficial . I was never like this before and it just happened in a snap. I've known a person most, some and none of
it at the same time. I'm just tired of proving and to have social acceptance but I've realised that I can never be ever
accepted by this society. I also want to be fit in and be known like most people but sometimes I realise it's better to
have just 4-5 friends and I have them which makes me feel grateful. At night I still crave for a person who doesn't
give a probable shit about me but there is now just a bond which I cannot break on my own. I know that I can never
have that person and that's totally fine but why me? I have experienced this 2 times. In the first one I was able to
understand it because I was considered an immature person although not in my opinion and in this second one things
are really hard to believe and I'm not able to let that person go. She's the earth and I'm the moon I'll always be
around her yet she will be attracted by his sun in which there's no comparison and for the sun might rise and it shall
rise... When I sit by myself I realise the room is less silent than myself. The silence of my inner self silences
everything and my own thoughts devour me. I don't like myself now how can I fucking expect to like me I know I'm
changed but I did change for someone, I talk to that person almost daily but I miss something everytime and I will
have regret later on. I'm a fool I desired someone who ended up destroying me yet still I want that person in my life.
That person might not be in my life after 2-3 months and then I would not see her everyday and not knowing her
will haunt me. She will meet new people and surely make friends and will hangout with them and soon she'll not
have the slightest memory of me. I know I will see her but that would not just be the same as it was never before it
never was and it will never be..
---------------------------------
Being happy is a sin one should never commit to succeed in life.
---------------------------------
The horizon promises freedom, but the chains I carry are forged from within
---------------------------------
My beloved has committed no sin but my eyes still found them guilty and lovable at the same time.
---------------------------------
I don't actually exist, it's on the person how they see me.
---------------------------------
Is it loneliness,
or is it peace I've found?
A quiet life with no one around.
Is it emptiness, or freedom I own?
A soul at ease when left alone.
But if I choose silence, am I still free?
Or does loneliness quietly cradle me?
---------------------------------
"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die." Perhaps understanding is the scar I bear.
---------------------------------
We make people our home just to be homeless at the end
---------------------------------
Maybe that's all we're meant to be Two souls that never quite align Our paths diverge eternally Perhaps that makes
our love divine.
For in my heart you'll never fade A love untouched by human hands - Sweet dream, a "could have been".
A love that always stays within.
I know that fate keeps us apart But you remain a part of me.
A drop of honey in my heart
A taste of what we'll never be.
---------------------------------
To love the ordinary is the love to love
---------------------------------
Dear shifa,
I just wanna talk!?
I know that I'm not a friend that u need but I have attached myself a lot to you and now it's just very difficult to just
let all the things go and I know it's not your problem, it's mine but you are also suffering and I'm suffering harder
and thats why I am coming more and more close to that point where if you are near me it's damn awkward and if
you are apart, my eyes always search for your one look and your smile. To this day I do not know why I love you
and if somebody questions me, I don't have an answer. Your absence for me is like a rotten hell and your presence
is just a corridor for heaven to me. I know I'm not the person you want in your life and that's truly acceptable but the
fear of losing you or seeing you with someone else just shatter my heart as it is a sin to get attached and in the end i
realised that you were always meant for me perhaps as a punishment and I shall continue this life in prison for this
crime. I know I'm annoying, not good looking, ugly as fuck but I loved you for most of my heart. My day is just like
a crushed rose without talking to you, I'm dying to talk to you but how, you don't want to talk to me if you did. You
would not just believe someone's bullshit advice to unfollow and I knew that you would certainly not do this, but
you did and my trust in just one moment is gone but I still love you. I know this is just mad and according to you it's
cringe but I'm really feeling like this and can't express it to someone. Maybe in another life , i may be a good person
or good looking and you like me. Shifa, when I say this word from my mouth it's just like you are just sitting next to
me and saying things like" ha Mehar kya bolra" just these words of yours and your time if I had, i wouldn't end like
this. I know I can't force you to like me and i will not. Shifa when you say my name "Mehar time bata?!?" And once
you said in chats phrases like "yes Mehar i know you'll wait", "how was day your going Mehar" , "ofc Mehar" when
I said that I can help you anytime. When your health is not good mine is even worse, my whole mood just changes.
My playlist has over 150 songs and in each song there is one look of you whether it's a happy, pop or sad, it doesn't
matter if you are always there and you know that I would never share this with you. But you always remember when
you need help, support or just anything there I would be standing for you . When I open my eyes I always look for
you and when I close my eyes therefore I find you and will always find you. I'm not an egoistic person and i can't
just disappear or detach myself from you whatever you do, you unfollow me ,you talk to me rudely, or anything , I
can't, will and never let you go. I don't want to make you just a chapter of my life , i wanna dedicate my whole book
of my life to you . Shifa you should clearly know that if a million people love you, then know that I'm one of them,
if one person loves you then know that it's me , and if no one loves you, know that I'm dead. I know that you don't
reciprocate the same feelings but it's just me and I'll never give up..
Me_Ar
---------------------------------

Dear shifa,
How's everything? I'm confused like what I have to say. Every time I talk to you openly there's something always
left, like I said something to you about a topic and the conversation is about to end but still I wait about the part of
your opinion. You don't really openly talk to me. I wished that you yap about your day and I stand there and stare. I
completely lost myself in your eyes and your sparkly face, it's just poetry, well you will always be my poem and I
will be the poet but only for this lifetime, in the next lifetime I want to be your supporter, your beloved and I hope
I'll come to this earth in every life just to find and love you again as much I do now. Sometimes I imagine different
things like the death of me or one of my family members which makes me emotional but one time i thought of you
and it ripped my heart apart and then I'll be incomplete forever. There's no other shifa in this world like you and
never ever would be. Your health is also a nightmare for me and I hope that I'll always be around you and be assured
of your health. There's more to say but that would be annoying so just be happy, bye!!
Me_Ar
---------------------------------
My absence would not haunt anyone as my presence didn't matter to anyone
---------------------------------
Dear shifa,
I'm back, I'm tired today so I came here as I feel relaxed here. Today I was extremely happy and sad at the same
exact time as when I was at you, you were the most beautiful creation I had ever seen but sad because this creation is
happy without me. I can't do shit about this fact. I have accepted that you will never be mine but there's still hope. I
realised that you always came to me like a winter night - cool, silent and full of secrets. I want to tell you about how
I'm feeling, I want to cry out, to ask you not to go. But what right did I have to hold you back when your happiness
lay in another's arms. And it's winter again or perhaps it's the winter that never left.
Me_Ar