By Panto Archive

Cast (In order of appearance)

Fairy Bowbells
King Rat
Dick Whittington
Tommy the Cat
Alice Fitzwarren
Sarah the Cook
Simple Simon
The Sultanah of Morocco
Plus Ensemble

1
ACT 1

PRESET - SHOW GAUZE

OVERTURE

PROLOGUE – FAIRYLAND

GAUZE OUT TO REVEAL;

ENSEMBLE ON STAGE BACKED BY STAR CLOTH AND

SMOKE. THERY ARE SURROUNDING FAIRY BOWBELLS IN A CIRCLE AND AS THE MUSIC THEY
BEGINS THE CLEAR TO ALLOW HER TO BE SEEN

THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE - FAIRY BOWBELLS AND BOYS OF THE ENSEMBLE

SONG: ‘MAGIC TO DO’ (Pippin)

JOIN US, WAVE GOODBYE TO WORRY

JOIN US, FUN STARTS IN A HURRY
JOIN US, COME AND WASTE AN HOUR OR TWO
DOO-DLE-EE-DO
JOURNEY, JOURNEY TO A SPOT EXCITING,
MYSTIC AND EXOTIC
JOURNEY, TO A PLACE WHERE DREAMS CAN COME TRUE
WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO, JUST FOR YOU
WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY
WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM, HEARTS TO WARM
KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM
AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY
INTRIGUE,PLOTS TO BRING DISASTER
HUMOR, HANDLED BY A MASTER
ROMANCE, EVER AFTERS LIVED HAPPILY
DEE-DLE-EE-DEE
ILLUSION, LOOK AT ME I'M SKY HIGH
BATTLES, WHO'LL DEFEAT THE BAD GUY?
JOIN US, SIT WHERE EVERYBODY CAN SEE
WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO, JUST FOR YOU
WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY
WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM.... HEARTS TO WARM
KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM
AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY.

TRANSITION TO OUTSKIRTS OF LONDON

THE GAUZE AND BLINDER COME IN UPSTAGE OF BOWBELLS
ENSEMBLE EXIT

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Hello (Enter name of town)! (Hello) I’m pleased to see you lot, you’ve not been waiting for me

2
too long have you? (No) Oh how lovely, just that when you travel by cloud like I often do it
can be a bit of a nightmare, what with air traffic control delays and everything. Oh listen to me
waffling on and I’ve not even introduced myself. I’m Fairy Bowbells,I keep an eye out on the
goings on over London, just to make sure all is as it should be, you know. Now I hope you are
up for lending a fairy a hand today, I reckon I might need it. You see I have heard that all is not
well in Old London Town. There’s this strange chappie who’s been hanging around a lot lately,
he’s got designs on himself, calls himself King Rat, he certainly smells like a rat. He’s a nasty
piece of work, he makes Donald Trump look like a saint. Anyway, he’s got this army of rats,
they are all over the place, London is becoming infested, it’s awful! There has though been a
royal decree that whoever can rid us of this plague will become the new Lord Mayor of
London.
Now, I’ve got my eye on a young chap who I think has got just what it takes, he goes by the
name of Dick Whittington

PYRO STAGE LEFT

KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC
KING RAT ENTERS DOWN STAGE LEFT

KING RAT
Bowbells you blasted fairy, have you been badmouthing me all over town again

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Oh rats - it’s you, you made me jump you over sized hamster!

KING RAT
What is that smell, oh it’s you lot (at audience). What a dirty and disgusting stench, I thought
the council had the drains up again. I smell children out there, snotty nosed, bogey eating
vermin children! Well you all had better be scared and quiver at my designer boots, for I am
King Rat, soon to be ruler of London Town. You may not be bowing to me yet but mark my
words you will be before this day is done. You are scared of me aren’t you boys and girls? (No)
Oh yes you are (Oh no were not) Oh yes you are (Oh no we’re not) oh..well you must be
more stupid than you look! and twice as ugly.

FAIRY BOWBELLS
London will never be ruled by the likes of you ratty, we’ve met you Boris Johnson types
before! I am here to protect London Town so with me around you don’t stand much of a
chance

KING RAT
You? Don’t make me laugh – look at the state of you, where did you get that outfit? Ikea?

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Be gone you dirty ratbag. Your days in London Town are numbered. A hero is on his
way. A boy the fates say is brave enough to defeat you and your skanky army of rats.

KING RAT

3
What boy is this you speak of Fairy Liquid?

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Bowbells! He’s a good looking sort, on his way here right now. Last I checked he’d just
stopped off in a certain Eastend pub, the Queen Vic, to enjoying a light refreshment, non
alcoholic of course

KING RAT
What is his name?

FAIRY BOWBELLS
I’m not telling you Dick’s name. Do you think I’m stupid?

KING RAT
Yes. So it’s Dick!

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Oh rats, me and my mouth, you just leave Dick Whittington alone

KING RAT
Dick Whittington

FAIRY BOWBELLS
How do you know that?

KING RAT
Stupid Fairy

EVIL UNDERSCORE

KING RAT
I’ll get rid of this Dick Whittington. Then London will be all mine. And you lot just watch out of
I’ll come out there and steal all your sweets, break all your toys and poop in your popcorn!

KING RAT EXITS DOWN STAGE LEFT

KING RAT EXIT MUSIC

FAIRY BOWBELLS
What a horrible villain – there’s only one thing to do, time to find our hero

LIGHTS UP BEHIND GAUZE TO REVEAL A LONDON

STREET AS DICK ARRIVES WITH HIS BELONGINGS IN A BAG TIED TO A STICK THROWN OVER
HIS SHOULDER.

MUSIC STARTS

4
There he is, that’s him with the cat, that’s Dick Whittington and Tommy, just arrived in London
Town. So It’s time for me to make myself scarce for now for if I’m not mistaken there’s a song
about to start. Bye. (Bye)

FAIRY BOWBELLS EXITS DOWN STAGE RIGHT

GAUZE OUT

SCENE 1 – LONDON TOWN

SONG “DANCING THROUG LIFE” (Wicked) - DICK AND ENSEMBLE

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

SKIMMING THE SURFACE
GLIDING WHERE TURF IS SMOOTH
LIFE’S MORE PAINLESS
FOR THE BRAINLESS
WHY THINK TOO HARD
WHEN IT’S SO SOOTHING

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

NO NEED TO TOUCH TO
WHEN YOU CAN SLOUGH IT OFF AS I DO
NOTHING MATTERS
BUT KNOWING NOTHINGMATTER
IT’S JUS TLIFE
SO KEPE DANCING THROUGH

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

SWAYING AND SWEEPING
AND ALWAYS KEEPING COOL
LIFE IS FRAUGH LESS
WHEN YOU’RE THOUGHTLESS
THOSE WHO DON’T TRY
NEVER LOOK FOOLISH

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

MINDLESS AND CARELESS
MAKE SURE YOU’RE WHERE LESS
TROUBLE IN LIFE
WOES AND FLEETING
BLOWS ARE GLANCING
WHEN YOU’RE DANCING
THROUGH LIFE

MUSIC LOWERS SLIGHTLY

DICK WHITTINGTON
We made it Tommy, all the way to London, my feet are killing me

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TOMMY
Meow Meow

DICK WHITTINGTON
Your paws are too? I’m not surprised. But this is where we are meant to be Tommy, I just
know it, this is where we find our fame and fortune, right here in London Town!

MUSIC SWELLS

Let’s Dance!

DANCING THROUGH LIFE HERE IN OLD LONDON TOWN

ONLY BECAUSE IT IS WHERE WE’VE COME TO
AND THE STRANGE THING
YOUR LIFE COULD END UP CHANGING
WHILE YOU DANCING
THROUGH LIFE

AS THE SONG ENDS ALICE FITZWARREN ENTERS AND HEADS TOWARDS ALDERMAN
FITZWARREN’S STORE, DICK SEES HER FROM THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. ALICE LOOKS AT DICK AND THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER BEFORE
ALICE CARRIES ON INTO THE ALDERMAN’S SHOP

DICK WHITTINGTON
WOW! Did you see her Tommy? What a total babe! I’d swipe left for her, or is it swipe right?
Either way I’m already loving the sights London has to offer

ENSEMBLE/LONDONER 1
That was Alice Fitzwarren, the Alderman’s daughter, she runs his store, he’s away overseas at
the moment so Alice is in charge. She’s quite the business woman.

DICK WHITTINGTON
(To the audience)
Sorry, didn’t see you lot there, I was a bit distracted, isn’t she lovely.(Yes) Hey - hello boys and
girls. (Hello) I’m Dick Whittington and this is my moggy Tommy. I have been looking for a new
challenge and I just know that this is the place where I can make a name for myself. I was told
that the streets would be paved with gold, I stood on something back there but I have a
feeling it wasn’t gold!

ENSEMBLE/LONDONER 2
You won’t find any gold around here Dick, just rats!

6
TOMMY
Meow Meow

DICK WHITTINGTON
I know Tommy, I don’t like rats either

ENSEMBLE/LONDONER 2
This place is crawling with them, if you don’t like rats then you have come to the wrong place.
You should have gone to (enter name of neighbouring town), I hear it’s lovely there

ENSEMBLE/LONDONER 1
If you want to impress Alice, just get rid of the rats. But looking at you, I don’t think you or
your cat have got what it takes. See ya around Dick

THE ENSEMBLE EXIT LAUGHING

DICK WHITTINGTON
Not got what it takes, we’ll see about that. Come on Tommy we have some thinking and
planning to do. See ya later gang.

DICK AND TOMMY EXIT

SARAH THE COOK ENTERS

SARAH ENTERS SINGING A SHORT VERSION OF “MY MILKSHALE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO
THE YARD”

SARAH THE COOK

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like,
Its better than yours
Damn right, its better than yours

I know what you are thinking! At last, a bit of class has arrived! Helloey you gorgeous bunch
out there, why are you all sat in the dark, have a whip round and see if you can muster up 50p
to put in the meter! Are you enjoying yourselves? (yes) Well I can’t see that lasting. My name
is Sarah, Sarah the Cook. I work for Alice Fitzwarren in the store where I cook up lots of lovely
treats. People come from miles around to sample my dumplings. I have had a hard life
though, I know I don’t look it but, I’m only twenty two you know, oh yes I am (Oh no you’re
not) oh yes I am (Oh no you’re not) Oh yes I …actually it’s too early to get into all that, ok I
admit it, I took a year off, I’m 23 ish! It’s very sad though boys and girls because I am a poor
poor widow women (Awwwww), it’s much much sadder that that (Awwwww) yes it’s about
that sad. We had one gorgeous bouncing baby boy, well he bounced a bit when I dropped
him. Then one day, we were on a tour of the local coffee factory, my poor husband lent over
the edge to look into a big grinder and he fell in with all the coffee beans, he was a goner!

7
Well at least it was instant. I have decided though, I’m ready to through myself back into the
dating game, and looking around here there might be a few men I could land on!

(Sarah sees someone on the front row) Hello sir. What’s your name? (Sarah’s pick says his
name) Nice, I had a boyfriend with that name once, here you didn’t used to sell whelks down
the Old Kent Road did you? Oh, couldn’t have been you then. Anyway -man’s name-. Stand up
so I can a good look at you, gotta do a bit of window shopper before you buy right girls!. Come
on – stand up. Oh you’re lovely. Oh girls if only you could see him up close like I can, all rugged
and handsome, I’ll be speaking
to you again gorgeous. Sit down, save your energy, it’s ok, I’ll be gentle with you.

He’s looking all possessive sat down there, I don’t think he likes you lot looking at me, making
little shy me the centre of attention. Jealousy is a cruel thing.

Anyway, I can’t stand around here gassing to you lot, I’m a busy working girl you know, I’m in
that store baking non stop from nine till five

SONG “9 TO 5” (Dolly Parton)

MUSIC STARTS
ENSEMBLE ENTER

I TUMBLE OUT OF BED

AND I STUMBLE TO THE KITCHEN
POUR MYSELF A CUP OF AMBITION
AND YAWN AND STRETCH
AND TRY TO COME TO LIFE
JUMP IN THE SHOWER
AND THE BLOOD STARTS PUMPING
OUT ON THE STREET
THE TRAFFIC STARTS JUMPING
THE FOLKS LIKE ME ON THE JOB FROM 9 TO 5

WORKIN’ 9 TO 5
WHAT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING
BARELY GETTING BY
IT’S ALL TAKING AND NO GIVING
THEY JUST USE YOUR MIND
AND THEY NEVER GIVE YOU CREDIT
IT’S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY
IF YOU LET IT

9 TO 5, FOR SERVICE AND DEVOTION

YOU WOULD THINK THAT I
WOULD DESERVE A FAT PROMOTION
WANT TO MOVE AHEAD
BUT THE BOSS WON’T SEEM TO LET M
I SWEAR SOME TIMES YOU GUYES AR EOUT TO GET ME

8
WORKING 9 TO 5

SONG ENDS

ALICE ENTERS FROM THE ALDERMANS STORE WITH A BROOM

SARAH THE COOK

Oh Alice, what are you doing with that?

ALICE FITZWARREN
I’m on rat patrol, I just had to chase 3 of them out of the store again, horrible creatures

SARAH THE COOK

Sorry Alice – I should have been there to help you, but this lot kept me chatting. But I’ve
spent the morning on a new recipe, I might try it out a bit later, it’s a bit gloomy though

ALICE FITZWARREN
Gloomy?

SARAH THE COOK

Yes, it’s Apple Grumble

ALICE FITZWARREN
Oh Sarah! You are funny

SARAH THE COOK

Tell that to this lot!

ALICE FITZWARREN
But if we don’t get rid of these rats soon you will have no ingredients left to make anything
with

SARAH THE COOK

There’s always Ratatouille

ALICE FITZWARREN
I just hope the Sultanah of Morocco can help us, we are sailing there to buy some stock.

SARAH THE COOK

The great Sultana of Morocco! I love Sultans, and raisins. Oh how exciting Alice. We can get
some really exotic ingredients and I can make all sorts of new things for us to sell. People will
come from afar to sample my delights. I might even go on the Great British Bake Off. Although
with some of my recent culinary disastrous maybe I’d be better off on The Repair Shop!

ALICE FITZWARREN
You are of course coming with us Sarah, we can’t leave you behind

9
SARAH THE COOK
Oh, that would be lovely, but I can’t love, I’ve got my son, my Simon, I’ve to look after him.
They don’t call him Simple Simon for nothing

ALICE FITZWARREN
It’s ok he is coming to, he’s already at the ship helping get things ready to sail

SARAH THE COOK

Oh well we best go check on him, left alone who knows what sort of a mess he will get into,
come on Alice

SARAH AND ALICE EXIT

ENTRANCE MUSIC FOR SIMPLE SIMON
ALICE AND SARAH EXIT
SIMPLE SIMON ENTERS ON A SCOOTER. HE RIDES
ACROSS THE STAGE AND VANISHES AND THEN RIDES
BACK AND CRASHES IN THE WINGS.

SCOOTER CRASHING SOUND

SIMON ENTERS ON FOOT

SIMPLE SIMON
Don’t panic, calm down, I hardly broke anything! Not sure that technician will ever walk the
same way again though. Hello Boys and Girls. (Hello) Hello gorgeous Mums and grumpy Dads.
(Hello) Hello old people. (Hello) My name’s Simon. But most people call me Simple Simon,
which thinking about it is quite rude actually. I work in Alice Fitzwarren’s shop with my mum
Sarah. I came on my scooter today, I was gonna come on my bike but it was two-tyred, you
get it too tired, two tyred, never mind. I know we’ve only just met but I’m a pretty fast mover
and wondered would you all like to be in my gang? (Yes) great! That could have been really
awks if you said no. Well to be a proper member of my gang you have to know the secret
saying. Do you know it? (No) well I’ll teach you it now, whenever I come on I’ll shout ‘Hey you
guys you’re all cool dudes’ and you shout back ‘Hey Simon you’re a cool dude too’ you got
that (yes) ok I’m gonna go off and come back on and we can give it a try, here goes

Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes (Hey Simon You’re cool too), are you all facing the right
way? I didn’t hear a thing! I’ve heard mice blow off louder than that, let’s give it another try,
here I go

Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes (Hey Simon You’re cool too),That’s more like it, that will
wake the ushers up at the back, well done gang.

Well now you are official members of my gang you can join in with actions in my gang song,
take it away!

MUSIC STARTS

10
SONG: “SIMPLE SIMON SAYS”

ENSEMBLE ENTER AND JOIN THE DANCING AND JOIN IN ON THE (SIMPLES SIMONS SAYS)
PARTS OF THE SONG

I’D LIKE TO PLAY A GAME

THAT’S IS SO MUCH TO PLAY
AND IT’S NOT SO VERY HARD TO DO
THE NAME OF THE GAME
IS SIMPLE SIMON SAYS
AND I WOULD LIKE ALL YOU TO PLAY IT TO

Do as I say Boys and girls, here we go

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)

SHAKE THEM ALL ABOUT (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)
DO IT WHEN SIMON SAYS (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)
AND YOU WILL NEVER BE OUT (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)

I’D LIKE TO PLAY A GAME

THAT’S IS SO MUCH TO PLAY
AND IT’S NOT SO VERY HARD TO DO
THE NAME OF THE GAME
IS SIMPLE SIMON SAYS
AND I WOULD LIKE ALL YOU TO PLAY IT TO

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)

SHAKE THEM ALL ABOUT (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)
DO IT WHEN SIMON SAYS (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)
AND YOU WILL NEVER BE OUT (SIMPLE SIMON SAYS)

SONG ENDS
ENSEMBLE EXIT

That was amazing! You are all so good at that. So now I reckon I can tell you guys just about
anything right? (yes) good, I thought so. You know Alice, the pretty one who works in that
store over there? (yes) well, I kinda, love her (ooooooooh) stop it you lot, you’ll make me
blush, but it is a secret so you can’t tell her

ALICE ENTERS

ALICE FITZWARREN
There you are Simon, me and Sarah were looking for you down at the dock

SIMPLE SIMON

11
SINGS ‘Sitting on the dock of the bay’ …But I’m not at the dock, I’m here, looks it me!

ALICE FITZWARREN
I can see that, there’s no mistaking you Simon. I’ve got a list of jobs for you, we need to
prepare for our trip to Morocco (HANDS OVER A LIST)

SIMPLE SIMON
I am so excited, I’ve never been abroad before and now I’m gonna meet the great raisin

ALICE FITZWARREN
SultanaH

SIMPLE SIMON
No thanks, I’ve just eaten. I’ve always wanted to sail the seven seas Alice the Atlantic, the
Indian, the Antarctic Ocean. And what’s that other one called?

ALICE FITZWARREN
You’ll have to be more specific

SIMPLE SIMON
That’s the one, the specific

SARAH THE COOK ENTERS

SARAH THE COOK

Oh you found him, where have you been you silly boy!

SIMPLE SIMON
Here and there, round and about and up and down, I’ve been with my new gang

SARAH THE COOK

Well I want a word

SIMPLE SIMON
Rhubarb

SARAH THE COOK

What about it?

SIMPLE SIMON
You said you wanted a word that’s a word
SARAH THE COOK
Oh grow up stupid!

SIMPLE SIMON
Yes I did!

SARAH THE COOK

You’re next to an idiot

12
SIMPLE SIMON
Well, I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself there mum

ALICE FITZWARREN
I will be in the store if you need me

ALICE EXITS – AS SHE VANISHES INSIDE THE STORE…

SIMPLE SIMON
Ok Alice, goodbye, I love you

SARAH THE COOK

You were meant to be at the ship getting things ready to sail, me and Alice have just come
from there and it’s nowhere near ready, we are all behind

SIMPLE SIMON
Well you are mum!

SARAH THE COOK

You’re cruising for a bruising

SIMPLE SIMON
You said we can’t cruise cos the ships not ready, make up your mind! Anyway I don’t wanna
work anymore, working is just like totes boring innit. I just wanna hang out with my pals here
and like do some more pokemon go.

SARAH THE COOK

Why, I thought you liked working in the store for Alice

SIMPLE SIMON
I did until yesterday, a man came in and he threw a lump of butter, 2 yoghurts and pint of milk
all over me! I thought to myself, how dairy!

SARAH THE COOK

You have to work you silly boy, we need the money, the entire family is in dire straights

SIMPLE SIMON
What the pop group from the 80s

SARAH THE COOK

No you fool, we are all in a predicadicadicament, your cousin Jack, he sold the family cow for a
few beans and his poor mother hasn’t seen him since he vanished up a beanstalk, your other
cousin Aladdin, he gave away his magic lamp, his mother is beside herself, and your second
cousin twice removed then put back in Cinderella, don’t even get me started, she never could
tell the time.

SIMPLE SIMON
What’s she done mum?

13
SARAH THE COOK
Went out in a pair of her best most expensive shoes and she only went and lost one! She’s
had to put an ad out on Gumtree looking for it. So you have to grow up and take responsibility

SIMPLE SIMON
I’m not the weird one, I can prove it (Looks to audience),boys and girls which hand do you use
to wipe your bum? (Audience shout back) Well I use toilet tissue, so now who’s the weird
one?

ENTER DICK WHITTINGTON AND TOMMY THE CAT

DICK WHITTINGTON
Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, I’m looking for Alice Fitzwarren.

SIMPLE SIMON
Look here you, we don’t want your type round here, this is a local town for local people! And
no she has not had an accident in the last 3 years, no she does not have PPI, so go away!

DICK WHITTINGTON
You must be Simple Simon

SIMPLE SIMON
Why must I, I always have to be him, can’t you be him for a change

DICK WHITTINGTON
Sorry, I’m busy enough being me. I heard that Alice was looking for people to help crew her
father’s ship, word is she is about to set sail to the far off shores of Morocco

SIMPLE SIMON
That’s right, to buy sultanas

SARAH THE COOK

So are you offering your services?

DICK WHITTINGTON
I do need a job

SARAH THE COOK

Do you have a name?

DICK WHITTINGTON
I’m Dick

SARAH THE COOK AND SIMPLE SIMON LAUGH

SIMPLE SIMON
Did you hear that mum, he’s a ..

14
SARAH THE COOK
Alright Simon that’s enough. Well young Dick – there might be some work going but Alice is
very busy at the moment. It’s been a nightmare round here, just imagine waking up and
finding Piers Morgan at the end of your bed, well it’s worse than that.
The rats are ruining business for everyone. You’d be better off going back to where you came
from really. If you stay here your doomed, doomed, doomed I tell you

SIMPLE SIMON
Calm down mum

SARAH THE COOK

Sorry son, I’m overwrought

SIMPLE SIMON
You’re over acting

DICK WHITTINGTON
I’m tired of people telling me to go home.

DICK FACES FRONT IN A SPOTLIGHT

Mark my words - one day I’ll be Lord Mayor of London Town and my name will ring out
through the ages.

SPOTLIGHT OUT

SIMPLE SIMON
What, Dick!

SARAH THE COOK AND SIMPLE SIMON LAUGH AGAIN

DICK WHITTINGTON
Like I said, mark my words

SIMPLE SIMON
8 out of 10! For a minute I thought he was here because of the royal proclamation

DICK WHITTINGTON
What royal proclamation

SARAH THE COOK

The one that says whoever can rid us of these rats will become the new Lord Mayor, you must
have read it, it was in the (enter name of local newspaper) and everything

DICK WHITTINGTON
That's it! In order to win the girl of my dreams, the gorgeous Alice and to claim my fate and
fortune I must defeat King Rat and rid the town of his rat army.

15
 DICK WHITTINGTON AND TOMMY EXIT

KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC

KING RAT ENTERS
KING RAT
Did someone say my name? (Boo)

SARAH THE COOK

What is that smell, have you trumped again Simon?

SIMPLE SIMON
No it’s fart face the rat there look, don’t worry I’ll handle this. (He goes up to King
Rat) Yo Ratty man! Jog on innit!

KING RAT
What did you say to me you snivelling little toad

SIMPLE SIMON
You heard me. I’m not scared of you ‘cause I is well ‘ard in’it?

KING RAT
Oh now I’m trembling in my converse, you’re so big and tough. You’ve heard of a rat up a
drain pipe, well how would you like a rat up your trouser leg?

SIMPLE SIMON
I want my mummy!

SIMON RUNS TO SARAH

SARAH THE COOK

That told him son well done, they’ll have you up for bravery medal for that for sure

ALICE ENTERS

ALICE FITZWARREN
What’s with all the noise out here?
.
KING RAT
Well if it isn’t Alice Fitzwarren

ALICE FITZWARREN
Get lost King Rat, you ridiculous rodent, have rentokill not caught up with you yet

KING RAT
I love it when you play hard to get. You will want to be my bride once I rule this town

16
ALICE FITZWARREN
I could never marry you

KING RAT
But I’m powerful and handsome

SARAH THE COOK

And modest…. and smelly

ALICE FITZWARREN
power is of no interest to me. Don’t hold your breath ratty, I’ll never marry you, on seconds
thoughts, do hold it!

KING RAT
(Looks to audience)
And you lot can be careful too, I’ve not forgotten you, you had better pick a side carefully or
I’ll turn ugly!

SIMPLE SIMON
Crickey that was quick!

KING RAT
You have not seen the last of me, I’ll have my day, just you see if I don’t

KING RAT EXITS

KING RAT EXIT MUSIC

ALICE FITZWARREN
That King Rat is so mean and nasty, I wish he would just leave us alone.

SARAH THE COOK

Don’t you worry love, us girls will stick together

SIMPLE SIMON
What about me!

SARAH THE COOK

How many more times, get back to that ship you!

SIMPLE SIMON
Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes (Hey Simon you’re a cool dude too) Laters gang!

SIMPLE SIMON EXITS

Like I said, together we will be just fine, me and you, unstoppable!

17
SONG “TOGETHER WHEREVER WE GO” (Gypsy)

SARAH THE COOK

WHEREVER WE GO, WHATEVER WE DO

WE’RE GONNA GO THROUGH IT TOGETHER

ALICE FITZWARREN

WE MAY NOT GO FAR, BUT SURE AS A STAR

WHEREVER WE ARE, IT’S TOGETHER

SARAH THE COOK & ALICE FITZWARREN

WHEREVER I GO I KNOW SHE GOES

WHEREVER I GO I KNOW WE GO
NO FITS NO FIGHTS NO FEUDS AND NO EGOS
AMIGOS, TOGETHER!

SARAH THE COOK

THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN, ALL OUT OR ALL IN

AND WHETHER IT’S WIN, PLACE OR SHOW

ALICE FITZWARREN

WITH YOU FO RME AND ME FOR YOU

WE’LL MUDDLE THROUGH WHATEVER WE DO

SARAH THE COOK AND ALICE FITZWARREN

TOGETHER, WHEREVER WE GO

WHEREVER WE GO, WHATEVER WE DO

WE’RE GONNA GO THROUGH IT TOGETHER
WE MAY NOT GO FAR, BUT SURE AS A STAR
WHEREVER WE ARE, IT’S TOGETHER

TOGETHER!

SONG ENDS
PLAY-OFF
GAUZE COMES IN

SCENE 2: FRONT CLOTH

KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC

18
KING RAT
So that’s the great Dick Whittington. London will be mine sooner than I thought, he is nothing
to worry about, about as much as thorn in my side as soppy Sarah and her idiot son. I’ve seen
more action in local Council cabinet meeting.

What’s that smell, it’s all sugary and sweet, like candy floss, yuk, oh it’s a fairy

PYRO STAGE RIGHT

FAIRY BOWBELLS ENTERS
FAIRY BOWBELLS
Hello you lot? (Hello) I bet you’ve missed me, I’ve missed you. I’ve not missed you though
ratty

KING RAT
What do you want Fairy Blowbells?

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Since I moved to the London Eye I see everything and I know you are up to no good, as usual.
Now why don’t you go back to your cage and play on your hamster wheel

KING RAT
Enough from you. You have nothing to shout about, I’ve seen your so called champion Dick
Whittington and my knees are certainly not trembling. There wasn’t even a quiver of fear.
London will be mine sooner than I anticipated. I’ve got you just where I want you Bowbells,
prepare to become my loyal citizen with everyone else! You will fall at my feet!

KING RAT EXITS STAGE LEFT

KING RAT EXIT MUSIC

FAIRY BOWBELLS
What a rotter! That Kings Rat’s nothing but a slimy rodent. Maybe Dick does needs some help,
he just needs to realise that he can count on his friends, especially the four legged type that
purr! That penny needs to drop quickly, maybe Tommy is the real hero we need. Leave it with
me and I’ll use my powers to plant the idea in Dick’s head. Right you lot, back to the plot you
go…..

SCENE 3 - FITZWARREN’S STORE

ALICE IS CLEANING THE COUNTER AND SINGING TO HERSELF

DICK WHITTINGTON AND TOMMY THE CAT ENTER

DICK WHITTINGTON
Hello Alice Fitzwarren

19
ALICE FITZWARREN
Hello, now which one of you said that?

TOMMY THE CAT

Meow Meow

ALICE FITZWARREN
I couldn’t agree with you more

DICK WHITTINGTON
He’s called Tommy, and I’m Dick Whittington

ALICE FITZWARREN
You’re not the one who has been stalking me on Facebook are you?

DICK WHITTINGTON
Maybe, just a little! I’ve been desperate to meet you

ALICE FITZWARREN
Really? Why?

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well...

SUDENNLY THERE IS A DING SOUND AS THE PENNY DROPS FOR DICK

TOMMY! Of course, Tommy!

ALICE FITZWARREN
What about him?

DICK WHITTINGTON
He’s the best ratter this side of the Thames, that’s what I wanted to see you for, if you employ
us we can keep your store rat free

ALICE FITZWARREN
I’d love to give you a job Dick but King Rat and his army of rats are all over London and have
just about eaten everything we had to sell. I wouldn’t be able to feed you let alone pay you.

A SWARM OF RATTLINGS ENTER AND RUN AROUND THE SHOP. CHASE MUSIC STARTS.
ALICE JUMPS ONTO THE COUNTER, DICK AVOID THE RATS AND TOMMY CHASES THEM ONE
BY ONE OUT OF THE SHOP

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well done Tommy! Are you ok Alice?

DICK HELPS ALICE DOWN FROM THE COUNTER

ALICE FITZWARREN

20
I’m fine, thanks to Tommy, what a hero, thank you Tommy. You see what I mean about the
rats, they get everywhere1 Just like Rylan Clarke.

ALICE FACES DICK AND A LUSH CHORD PLAYS

Thank you too Dick, I’m glad you were here

ALICE AND DICK STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES

Tommy
Meow Meow Meow

DICK WHITTINGTON
Not now cat, Timmy, I mean Tommy

SONG: ‘WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME’ (Diana Ross)

DICK WHITTINGTON

I WANT TO CALL THE STARS

DOWN FROM THE SKY
I WANT TO LIVE A DAY
THAT NEVER DIES
I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD
ONLY FOR YOU
ALL THE IMPOSSIBLE
I WANT TO DO

ALICE FITZWARREN

I WANT TO HOLD YOU CLOSE

UNDER THE RAIN
I WANT TO KISS YOUR SMILE
AND FEEL THE PAIN
I KNOW WHAT’S BEAUTIFUL
LOOKING AT YOU
IN A WORLD OF LIES
YOU ARE THE TRUTH

DICK WHITTINGTON AND ALICE FITZWARREN

AND BABY
EVERYTIME YOU TOUCH ME
I BECOME A HERO
I’LL MAKE YOU SAFE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
AND GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR
NOTHING IS ABOVE ME
I’M SHINING LIKE A CANDLE IN THE DARK

21
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

ALICE FITZWARREN

I WANT TO MAKE YOU SEE

JUST THAT I WAS
SHOW YOU THE LONELINESS
AND WHAT IT DOES
YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE
TO STOP MY TEARS
EVERYTHING’S EASY NOW
I HAVE YOU HERE

DICK WHITTINGTON AND ALICE FITZWARREN

AND BABY
EVERYTIME YOU TOUCH ME
I BECOME A HERO
I’LL MAKE YOU SAFE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
AND GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR
NOTHING IS ABOVE ME
I’M SHINING LIKE A CANDLE IN THE DARK
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

DICK WHITTINGTON

IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOU

I WOLD ALWAYS HUNGER
ALL I NEED IS YOUR LOVE TO MAKE ME STRONGER

DICK WHITTINGTON AND ALICE FITZWARREN

AND BABY
EVERYTIME YOU TOUCH ME
I BECOME A HERO
I’LL MAKE YOU SAFE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
AND GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR
NOTHING IS ABOVE ME
I’M SHINING LIKE A CANDLE IN THE DARK
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

YOU LOVE ME
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

SONG ENDS

22
ALICE FITZWARREN
I’ve decided, you and Tommy can work for me, we will find a way of paying you, I promised
my father I would take good care of his store and I think I need you guys to help me.

SARAH THE COOK ENTERS

SARAH THE COOK

Oh, excuse me, am I interrupting something here?

ALICE FITZWARREN
Not at all Sarah. I have just employed Dick and Tommy, rat catchers extraordinaire

SARAH THE COOK

That’s great news, congratulation you two. It’s getting late Alice, I wasn’t sure you would still
be here. I’ve just picked up all the money to pay the wages to the ships crew tomorrow. I
thought I should pop it in the safe, it’s a lot of money

SARAH LOCKS A BAG OF MONEY IN THE SAFE

Well I think I should turn in for the night, we have a big day tomorrow. Where are you going
to sleep Dick? You could always top to tail with me or there’s always my top bunk.

DICK WHITTINGTON
I think me and Tommy will be just fine here, we can keep an eye on any unwanted night time
ratty intruders that way too

ALICE FIZWARREN
And of course Dick and Tommy will be joining us tomorrow on the ship so they will need a
good nights sleep

SARAH THE COOK

Oh how lovely. Off to bed everyone, nighty nighty, pyjama pyjama, oh here you go Dick you
better look after this too, guard it with your life, it’s the key to the safe.

ALICE FITZWARREN
Goodnight Dick, sweet dreams… sleep well

SARAH THE COOK AND ALICE FITZWARREN EXIT

DICK WHITTINGOTN AND TOMMY THE CAGT SETTLE IN FOR THE NIGHT LAYING AGAINST
THE COUNTER. NIGHTIME LULLABY MUSIC STARTS AND LIGHTING DIMS TO SHOW NIGHT-
TIME

DICK WHITTINGTON
Looks like it’s just me and you Tommy. I think we have really fallen on our feet here and I may
have fallen in love too. It’s all working out just fine. We have a job, we have new friends, and
I’ve met Alice. I think I should try and stay awake for a bit to guard the shop.

DICK YAWNS AND STRTCHES AND INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AND SNORES. TOMMY IS ALSO
ASLEEP NOW

23
 KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC
KING RAT ENTERS

KING RAT
So our so called hero Dick has found himself a job, a place to stay andsome friends. Oh goody!
But what if he lost it all, just imagine if Dick waited for everyone to be in bed and then he
robbed the safe, stole the wages and put them in his bundle, oh the shame of it all (QUIET
EVIL LAUGH) he would lose the lot. Oh well! Them’s the breaks kiddo. Let’s summon up the
help of a pair of fools to help pull of this little job.

SPELL/TRANCE UNDERSCORE
Rodent powers of Darkness here my call
Dick is heading for an almighty fall
Send me Sarah and Simon too
There’ll do me dealings before this night is through

KING RAT CASTS A SPELL AND SIMON AND SARAH ENTER

IN A TRANCE WITH THEIR ARMS STRETCH OUT, IN THEIR PYJAMAS

Marvellous, this daft duo are now totally under my control. I had better just test them to
make sure

KING RAT
Everything I say you’ll do, you are both under my evil control. Repeat everything I say

SARAH AND SIMON

repeat everything I say

KING RAT
Not yet

SARAH AND SIMON

Not yet

KING RAT
You are in my power

SARAH AND SIMON

You are in my power

KING RAT
Not your power, my power

SARAH AND SIMON

Not your power, my power

24
KING RAT
Quiet! And now for your orders

SIMPLE SIMON
Mines a Double Whooper and Fries, hold the mayo!

SARAH THE COOK

I’ll have a bargain boneless banquet meal please and a chicken McFlurry

KING RAT
You are sleepy

SARAH AND SIMON

We are sleepy

KING RAT
You are dopey

SARAH THE COOK

(Dropping his lady voice)
Don’t get personal you!

KING RAT
Take the key from around Dick’s neck

SARAH THE COOK

Take the key from around Dick’s neck

SARAH TAKES THE KEY FROM AROUND DICK’S NECK AND

HANDS IT TO SIMON
KING RAT
Take the money from inside the safe

SIMPLE SIMON
Take the money from inside the safe

SIMON OPENS THE SAFE AND TAKES OUT THE MONEY

LEAVING THE SAFE OPEN
KING RAT
Now put the money in Dick’s bundle

SIMPLE SIMON
Now put the money in Dick’s bundle

SIMON PLANTS THE MONEY IN DICK’S BUNDLE

KING RAT
Put the key back around his neck

25
SARAH THE COOK
Put the key back around his neck

SARAH REPLACES THE KEY

KING RAT
The deed is done, your work is over, retuned to your beds, return to your slumber

SIMON AND SARAH EXIT TO THEIR ROOMS STILL IN A

TRANCE

The trap is set, the deed is done, Dick will be thrown out of London, and I will have won, this
pantomime is as good as done!

KING RAT EXITS LAUGHING.

KING RAT EXIT MUSIC INTO “ODE TO MORNING”
TRANSITION TO MORNING LIGHTING

ALICE FITZWARREN ENTERS

ALICE FITZWARREN
Morning Dick, morning Tommy

DICK WHITTINGTON
Morning Alice

ALICE FITZWARREN
It’s such a lovely day outside, perfect for sailing to Morocco. I need to divvy up the crews
wages (Walks towards safe and suddenly stops) Hang on. The safe is already open. (Checks
inside) The money’s gone. We’ve been robbed.

SIMON AND SARAH ENTER

SARAH THE COOK

Did you say robbed!

SIMPLE SIMON
Yeah she said robbed!

EASTENDERS CLOSING DRUM BEATS PLAY

SARAH THE COOK

A body search is in order, me first me first! Come on (Man from earlier in front row’s name)
you can do it!

DICK WHITTINGTON
But me and Tommy have been right here all night

SARAH THE COOK

We must keep calm, keep calm, Perfectly calm, PANIC!, someone slap me around the face, I’m
hysterical!

26
SIMPLE SIMON
I’ll do it!

ALICE FITZWARREN
There’s no sign the safe was forced open

SIMPLE SIMON
It must have been an inside job

ALICE FITZWARREN
But Dick had the key - and he’d never steal from me, would you Dick?

DICK WHITTINGTON
Of course I wouldn’t, I didn’t take the money

SARAH HAS PICKED UP DICK’S BAG AND THE MONEY

FALLS OUT
SARAH THE COOK
Then why is it in your bag?

ALL GASP
EATENDERS DOF DOOFS PLAY LOUDLY
DICK WHITTINGTON
I didn’t take the money. I’m innocent. Does no-one believe me? You must believe me Alice

SIMPLE SIMON
Yeah cos we’ve known you for so long Dick!

ALICE FITZWARREN
I don’t know what to believe. My heart tells me one thing but my eyes tell me another

DICK WHITTINGTON
Please Alice. Listen to your heart

ALICE TURNS AWAY FROM DICK

SARAH THE COOK
(Handing Dick his things)
I think you’d better be on your way Dick

SIMPLE SIMON
(Singing) Go on now go, walk out the door, don’t turn around now, cos you’re not welcome
anymore

DICK WHITTINGTON
I’ll go, but Alice I promise I am innocent. I’ll clear my name and then maybe you’ll love me as
much as I love you. Come on Tommy

TOMMY AND DICK EXIT

27
 FRONT GAUZE AND BLINDER COME IN
AS CLOTH COMES IN ALICE STAYS DOWNSTAGE OF THE
CLOTH

SONG “WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME ” REPRISE

ALICE FITZWARREN

EVERYTIME YOU TOUCH ME

I BECOME A HERO
I’LL MAKE YOU SAFE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
AND GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR
NOTHING IS ABOVE ME
I’M SHINING LIKE A CANDLE IN THE DARK
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

ALICE EXITS

SCENE 4: FRONT CLOTH

KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC

KING RAT ENTERS

KING RAT
Still here you lot? Thought you would have given up and gone home, I thought it was all over
and done with. Dick Whittington is defeated. He’s on his way back home to - all thanks to me.
I am so wonderful and powerful don’t you think boys and girls? (No you’re not) Oh yes I am.
(Oh no
you’re not) Oh yes I am. (Oh no you’re not) Well if
you’re going to be like that!

KING RAT EXITS

KING RAT EXIT MUSIC
DICK ENTERS FOLLOWED BY TOMMY

DICK WHITTINGTON
Come on Tommy, we’ve got a long walk ahead of us. Oh Tommy. I had such dreams. I guess
I’ll never make a name for myself - and I’ll never be good enough for
Alice. Let’s rest here, just for a little bit.

DICK AND TOM SIT DOWN TO REST AND BOTH FALL ASLEEP

FAIRY BOWBELLS ENTERS

FAIRY BOWBELLS

28
Poor Dick. Worn out and defeated. I think it’s time I introduced myself to him. I must
persuade Dick to return to tur around and return to London. I must show him what his life can
be if he just believes in himself, after all it’s his fate.

FAIRY SPELL MUSIC INTO DREAM UNDERSCORE

FAIRY BOWBELLS CASTS A SPELL
LIGHTS GO DOWN ON STAGE AND SHINE ONTO THE
AUDIENCE FOR A MOMENT BEFORE COMING BACK UP ON
STAGE

SCENE 5: DREAM LAND (STAR CLOTH)

WHEN LIGHTS COME UP DICK IS STANDING BEFORE FAIRY

BOWBELLS THOUGH HIS SLEEPING SELF IS STILL LYING
ON THE GROUND NEXT TO THE SLEEPING TOMMY

DICK WHITTINGTON
Who are you?

FAIRY BOWBELLS
I am Fairy Bowbells. I’ve been looking after you and guiding your path

DICK WHITTINGTON
(Seeing himself still asleep)
It’s a dream - you’re not real

FAIRY BOWBELLS
This may be a dream but I am very real. I’ve come to tell you not to give up. Go back
to London and to your Alice and prove your innocence once and for all. Only
you can save London from King Rat

FAIRY SPELL MUSIC INTO

FAIRY BOWBELLS CASTS A SPELL AND THE BELLS OF
LONDON CALL OUT FOR DICK TO RETURN TO LONDON
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON - ENSEMBLE (OFF STAGE)
OFF STAGE BACKING:
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON LORD MAYOR OF LONDON
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON THREE TIMES LORD MAYOR
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON LORD MAYOR OF LONDON
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON THREE TIMES LORD MAYOR
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON LORD MAYOR OF LONDON
TURN AGAIN WHITTINGTON THREE TIMES LORD MAYOR

THE FOLLOWING DIALOGUE HAPPENS OVER ”TURN AGAIN

WHITTINGTON”

FAIRY BOWBELLS
The bells of London are calling you back Dick. You can be Lord Mayor - and have Alice by your
side

29
SONG “A NEW LIFE” – (Jekyll and Hyde The Musical)

FAIRY BOWBELLS
A NEW LIFE
WHAT YOU WOULDN’T GIVE TO HAVE A NEW LIFE
ONE THING YOU HAVE LEARNED AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE
NOTHING IS FOR FREE ALONG THE WAY

DICK WHITTINGTON
A NEW START
THAT’S THE THING I NEED TO GIVE ME NEW HEART
HALF A CHANCE IN LIFE TO FIND A NEW PART
JUST A SIMPLE ROLL THAT I CAN PLAY

A NEW HOPE
SOMETHING TO CONVINCE ME TO RENUE HOPE
A NEW DAY
BRIGHT ENOUGH YO HELP ME FIND MY WAY
A NEW CHANCE
ONE THAT MAYBE HAS A TOUCH OF ROMANCE
WHERE CAN IT BE?
THE CHANCE FOR ME

THE ENSEMBLE BRING ON A LORD MAYOR’S

CLOAK AND DRESS DICK IN IT

FAIRY BOWBELLS & ENSEMBLE

A NEW DREAM
I HAVE ONE I KNOW THAT VERY FEW DREA,
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT OVER DUE DREAM
EVEN THOUGH IT NEVER MAY COME TRUE

STILL AS PART OF THE DREAM SARAH ENTERS WITH SIMON

HOLDING THE MAYOR’S HAT. ALICE ENTERS
WITH THE MAYOR’S CHAIN. THEY PLACE THE HAT AND
CHAIN ON DICK

ALICE FITZWARREN
A NEW LOVE
THOUGH I KNOW THERES NO SUCH THING AS TRUE LOVE
EVEN SO, ALTHOUGH I NEVER KNEW LOVE
STILL I FEEL THAT ONE DREAM IS MY DUE

ALICE FITZWARREN & DICK WHITTINGTON

A NEW WORLD
THIS ONE THING I WANT TO ASK OF YOU WORLD
ONCE, BEFORE IT’S TIME TO SAY ADUE WORLD
ONE SWEET CHANCE TO PROVE THE CINICS WRONG

30
ALICE, DICK, SARAH, FAIRY BOWBELLS & ENSEMBLE
A NEW LIFE
MORE AND MORE I’M SURE AS I GO THROUGH LIFE
JUST TO PLAY THE GAME AND TO PURSUE LIFE
JUST TO SHARE IT’S PLEASURES AND BELONG
THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN HERE FOR ALL ALONG
EACH DAYS A BRAND NEW LIFE

ALICE STANDS PROUDLY BESIDES DICK AS LORD MAYOR

TABS IN
PLAY-OFF

END OF ACT 1

31
 ACT 2
ENTR’ACTE
TABS OUT TO REVEAL
PROLOGUE - SHOW GAUZE
KING RAT ENTRANCE MUSIC.
KING RAT ENTERS
KING RAT
You came back! To see me of course. That meddling fairy is getting in my way again, she has
sent Dick back and ruined my good work. I am hatching another plan, if Dick gets in my way,
it’s simple, I’ll have to kill him. (boo) I really am very clever aren’t I? (No) Oh yes I am. (Oh no
you’re not) Oh yes I am. (Oh no you’re not) I am, I am, I
am. (You’re not. You’re not, you’re not) Oh -finish your ice creams and shut up.

KING RAT EXITS

GAUZE OUT REVEALING LLONDON TOWN CLOTH

SCENE 1: LONDON TOWN

SONG “LONDON IS LONDON” (Goodbye Mr Chips)

FAIRY BOWBELLS & ensemble

Eros stands in piccadily circus,

Nelson stands in trafalgar square,
Big Ben stands by the river thames,
and will as long as the thames is there,
London is a strange unchanging town,
But take my word,
Whatever you've heard,
London Bridge has no intention

of falling down,
London is London,
Is anyone in doubt about it,

London is London,
It's easy to find out about it,

London is springtime, cockney champagne,

London is summer,
Lots of rain but who's complaining,

London is Lovely, Let no one change his mind about it,

Lovely and Lively,
Yes that's the thing I find about it,
You can have Paris, and Venice, and

Rome,

32
But London, is London, is London,
is England, is home.
(BREAK)
London is history, future and past,
London is mystery,
flabbergasted, everlasting,
London is somehow,
The only place I want to be in,
London can somehow
Make every man a human being,
Being in London, one has to take heed,
Cos villains abound,
And are bound to succeed
For London is London,

And London is all that we need

FAIRY BOWBELLS
Oh you lot came back! Did you have an ice cream or some sweeties? (YES) good! Did you have
a wee wee? (YES)good! Well then you are all set and we can get back to our story. So recap…
Alice thinks Dick has stolen all of the loot to pay the shops crew, we know he didn’t, but now
she doesn’t trust him and has sent him on his way. The gang are all gathered at the ship ready
to set sail to Morocco to see the Sultanah and after a little persuasion from me they will be
joined by Dick and Tommy, but Dick is in disguise so nobody will recognise him. Let’s head
ship side to see how things are going.

CLOTH OUT
SHIP SET

SCENE 2: THE SHIP

Dick and Tommy arrive at the ship, Dick is wearing a fake beard

DICK WHITTINGTON
I hope this disguise works Tommy, if Alice recognises us now then the game is up!

TOMMY
Meow

DICK WHITTINGTON
I think so too, I’m practically unrecognisable. I must clear my name and win Alice’s heart and it
looks lie the ship is all set to sail any minute.

THE CREW (ENSEMBLE), ALIE, SIMON AND SARAH ENTER THE STAGE AND BOARD THE SHIP –
SSARAH IS LAST AND STOPS TO SPEAK TO DICK

33
SARAH THE COOK
Well hello handsome, you’ll get a name for yourself hanging about the docks like this, I know I
did! Do I know you? You seem awfully familiar.

DICK WHITTINGTON
No no Sarah we have never met before

SARAH THE COOK

You said my name…you said Sarah

DICK WHITTINGTON
No no, I saId Sailor not Sarah. I was actually hoping you might have some work available
aboard this marvellous vessel

SARAH THE COOK

Are you refeering to be as a vessel?

DICK WHITTINGTON
The ship madam!

SARAH THE COOK

Well as chance would have it we do have a vacancy, we were recently very let down by
someone. So yes, join us, you and your cat, who also looks strangely familiar. Come on cutie,
follow me.

(Shouting to the crew)Cooooeeee…gang.. We have our final crew member! We are ship
shape and ready to sail!

All aboard!

SONG “GO WEST / IN THE NAVY”

COMPANY SING ABOARD SHIP

SARAH THE COOK:

TOGETHER WE WILL GO OUR WAY
TOGETHER WE WILL LEAVE SOME DAY
TOGETHER YOUR HAND IN MY HAND
TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE A PLAN

DICK WHITTINGTON:
TOGETHER WE WILL FLY SO HIGH
TOGETHER TELL OUR FRIENDS GOODBYE
TOGETHER WE WILL START LIFE NEW
TOGETHER THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO

COMPANY:

34
GO WEST, LIFE
IS PEACEFUL THERE
GO WEST, LOTS OF OPEN AIR
GO WEST TO BEGIN LIFE NEW
GO WEST, THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO
GO WEST, SUN IN WINTER TIME
GO WEST, WE WILL DO JUST FINE
GO WEST WHERE THE SKIES ARE BLUE
GO WEST, THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO

SIMPLE SIMON:
I KNOW THAT THERE ARE MANY WAYS
TO LIVE THERE IN THE SUN OR SHADE
TOGETHER WE WILL START LIFE NEW
TOGETHER THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO

SIMPLE SIMON & SARAH:

GO WEST, LIFE IS PEACEFUL THERE
GO WEST, LOTS OF OPEN AIR
GO WEST WHERE THE SKIES ARE BLUE
GO WEST, THIS IS WHAT WE'LL DO

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

DICK WHITTINGTON:
YES, YOU CAN SAIL THE SEVEN SEAS

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

ALICE FITZWARREN:
YES, YOU CAN PUT YOUR MIND AT EASE

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

SARAH THE COOK:

COME ON NOW, PEOPLE, MAKE A STAND

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

SIMPLE SIMON:
CAN'T YOU SEE WE NEED A HAND

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

35
SARAH THE COOK:
COME ON, PROTECT THE MOTHERLAND

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

ALICE: COME ON AND JOIN YOUR FELLOW MAN

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY

DICK WHITTINGTON:
COME ON PEOPLE, AND MAKE A STAND

COMPANY:
IN THE NAVY, IN THE NAVY

WE WANT YOU, WE WANT YOU, WE WANT

YOU AS
A NEW RECRUIT
WE WANT YOU, WE WANT YOU, WE WANT YOU AS A NEW RECRUIT

AS THE NUMBER ENDS THE CREW GET ABOUT CLEANING THE SHIP WHILST SARAH IS
STEARING AT THE WHEEL AND CHATTING TO ALICE AND SIMON

ALICE FITZWARREN
I still think we should have employed an experienced Captain

SARAH THE COOK

Oh don’t you worry I’ve had lot’s of experience at sea

SIMPLE
Yeah you might have heard of the last ship she sailed….the Titanic!

SARAH THE COOK

Cheeky boy!

ALICE FITZWARREN
That new boy you took on seems very familiar Sarah, I can’t quite put my finger on it

SARAH THE COOK

Maybe he has been on TV, maybe he just has one of those faces

DICK AND TOMMY APPROACH AND OVERHEAR THE CONVERSATION

DICK WHITTINGTON
Now we are safely at sea, I can reveal my true identity

DICK REMOVES HIS BEARD

36
SARAH THE COOK
Steps back in amazement! I don’t believe it, I have been fooled by your cunning disguise,
DICK! Although I must say it is nice to have a bit of handsome talent aboard, the pickings were
looking slim.

SIMPLE SIMON
I hope you can swim Dickie cos I have a feeling it’s gonna be a case of man overboard any
minute….with a kitty following close behind,(in a pirates voice) and these be shark infested
waters I tell ya! Rrrrrrrrrrr.

DICK WHITTINGTON
I just needed the disguise to get onboard to prove to you that I am honest and I am a friend. I
want to help. Alice, I have gone to so much trouble to be here, you must release the truth
now and how much you mean to me

ALICE FITZWARREN
I want to believe you Dick, deep down I know the truth, I know you would never have done
this, it is more like something King Rat would do

SARAH THE COOK

Wait just one cotton pickin’ minute! I’m having a flashback

SIMPLE SIMON
It’s your age mum, you can get patches for that

SARAH THE COOK

I do declare DICK IS INNOCENT! as Celine Dion once said It’s all coming back to me now, it was
that stinker King Rat! He put a spell on me and Simon! Dick, how can you ever forgive us!

DICK WHITTINGTON
Everyone deserves a second chance Sarah, I’m just glad you know I didn’t steal the money

SIMPLE SIMON
Well I never believed he was guilty, I have always said he is a good sort that Dick, salt of the
earth type

ALICE FITZWARREN
I am so pleased you are hear Dick,and you too Tommy. I Will never doubt you again, friends
together forever!

DICK WHITTINGTON
I never want to leave your side again Alice

DICK AND ALICE KISS

SIMPLE SIMON
Someone pass me the sick bucket, we are meant to be going to Morocco not Love Island.

SARAH THE COOK

37
Come on Simon, let’s give these love birds some time alone

SIMPLE SIMON
Umm, that’s all very well mum but you are meant to be driving this thing!

SARAH THE COOK

You mean steering, and it’s ok, I’ve turned on autopilot, it’s one of those self-steer Tesla ships,
we have all the mod cons. Come on Tommy, let’s try and find you a kipper or two.

SARAH, SIMON AND TOMMY EXIT

SONG “ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU”

DICK WHITTINGTON
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT MAKES ME LOVE YOU SO
I ONLY KNOW I NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO
‘CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING, OH CAN’T YOU SEE
THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU’VE HAD A HOLD ON ME
IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU
ALICE FITZWARREN
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHAT YOU DO
I WANT TO SPEND EACH MOMENT OF THE DAY WITH YOU
WELL LOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH JUST ONE KISS
I NEVER KNEW THAT I COULD BE INLOVE LIKE THIS
IT’S CRAZY BUT IT’S TRUE
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU
YOU STOPPED AND SMILED AT ME
AND WITH ONE GLANCE
I FELL INTO YOUR OPEN ARMS
AND I DID’T STAND A CHANCE
DICK WHITTINGTON
NOW LISTEN ALICE
I JUST WANT TO BE BESIDE YOU EVERYWHERE
AS LONG AS WE’RE TOGETHER ALICE I DON’T CARE
‘CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING OH CAN’T YOU SEE
THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU’VE HAD A HOLD ON ME
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU
YOU STOPPED AND SMILED AT ME
AND WITH ONE GLANCE
I FELL INTO YOUR OPEN ARMS
AND I DID’T STAND A CHANCE

38
ALICE FITZWARREN
NOW HEAR ME DICKIE, I JUST WANT TO BE BESIDE YOU EVERYWHERE
AS LONG AS WE’RE TOGETHER, HONEY, I DON’T CARE
‘CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING, OH CAN’T YOU SEE
THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU HAD A HOLD ON ME
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
I ONOY WANT TO BE WITH YOU
DICK WHITTINGTON & ALICE FITZWARREN
I SAID NO MATTER WHAR YOU DO
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU

DICK AND ALICE KISS

FRONT CLOTH IN

SCENE 3: FRONT CLOTH

SIMPLE SIMON
Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes (Hey Simon You’re cool too). Oh how quickly you forget,
that was a bit pathetic! Anyway, love is in the air on this here ship, Alice and Dick are
together, it’s Facebook official and everything. Things move very quicky in panto land. I have
noticed mum is eyeing up a few of the crew too, I think she’s wasting her time there but I
don’t like to say anything. I have got to know some of the crew quite well myself, infact we
were having a chat earlier about what we are all buying people for Christmas. I’ll tell you
what, I get them altogether so you can hear all about it!

SIMPLE SIMON, SARAH THE COOK, PLUS AN ENSEMBLE MEMBER PERFORM 12 DAYS OF
CHRISTMAS WITH PROPS – THROUGHOUT THE SONG THEY WILL EACH MESS AROUND WITH
EACHOTHERS PROPS TO CREATE CHAOS. THE NEW PROP IS COLLECTED FROM THE SIDE OF
STAGE EACH TIM EIT IS FIRST MENTIONED.

SONG: “THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”

SIMPLE SIMON
ON THE 1ST OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
A BEA THAT WAS MEAN TO HOLD 3

ENTER ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
ON THE 2ND DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO
TWO FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

39
 ENTER SARAH THE COOK

SARAH THE COOK

ON THE 3RD DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ENTER ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
ON THE 4TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT HOLD 3

SIMPLE SIMON
ON THE 5TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
ON THE 6TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

40
ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

SARAH THE COOK

ON THE 7TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMOLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
ON THE 8TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

41
ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ON THE 9TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME

9 WATER PISTOLS

PAUSE TO SPRAY AUDIENCE MEMBERS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
ON THE 10TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
10 WELLY BOOTS

SIMPLE SIMON
9 WATER PISTOLS

42
ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT OT HOLD 3

SARAH THE COOK

ON THE 11TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
A STRING OF SILLY SAUSAGES

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
10 WELL BOOTS

SIMPLE SIMON
9 WATER PISTOLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

43
SARAH THE COOK
3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
ON THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
12 SMELLY OLD FISH

SARAH THE COOK

11 SILLY SAUSAGES

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
10 WELL BOOTS

SIMPLE SIMON
9 WATER PISTOLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

THE GANG ALL COLLAPSE OT THE FLOOR IN EXHAUSTION

SIMPLE SIMON
Thinking about it logically, I might just buy everyone gift vouchers actually!

44
SARAH THE COOK
Well look at all this mess! We had better clear it away or someone will slip on something and
then the theatre’s health and safety jobsworth will have to fill out 20 different forms. Let’s do
it one more time, double speed and clear up as we go…here we go!

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
ON THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS SANTA SENT TO ME
12 SMELLY OLD FISH

SARAH THE COOK

11 SILLY SAUSAGES

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
10 WELL BOOTS

SIMPLE SIMON
9 WATER PISTOLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
8 RUBBER DUCKIES

SARAH THE COOK

7 SMELLY SOCKS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
6 FEATHER DUSTERS

SIMPLE SIMON
5 TOILET ROLLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
4 POTS AND PANS

SARAH THE COOK

3 JUGGLING BALLS

ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
2 FOOTBALLS SHIRTS

SIMPLE SIMON
BIG FINISH…..AND A BRA THAT WAS MEANT TO HOLD 3

FRONT CLOTH OUT

SCENE 4: THE SHIP

ENTER KING RAT ENTERS INFRON OF THE SHIP.

ON THE SHIP THE COMPANY CAN BE SEEN GOING ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS WITH SRAH
STEERING THE SHIP

45
KING RAT
It’s time to bring this tale to and end once and for all and send these crettins to a watery
grave. My rattlings will destroy this ship in no time as they gnaw through it and I’ll conjure up
an almighty storm to add the icing to this cake, afarewell Whittington and co, you’re time is
up!

SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS AS KING RAT EXITS

LIGHTNING STRIKES AND A THUNDER CLAP ROARS AS SARAH TRIES TO STEADY THE SHIP

SARAH THE COOK

I don’t like the look of this storm, it’s getting closer too, I’ve never seen anything like it.

ALICE FITZWARREN
Hold the ship steady Sarah, those waves are getting bigger

SIMON RUNS ONIN A PANIC

SIMPLE SIMON
Doomed doomed, we’re all doomed! Baton down the hatches, women , children and
comedians first! Iceberg straight ahead!

SARAH THE COOK

There is no iceberg you fool

SIMPLE SIMON
No but there are holes all over the ship and they have eaten holes all over the place, we are
ging down. PANIC! I’m too handsome to die.

COMPANY ARE RUNNING FROM SIDE TO SIDE OF THE SHIP AS SARAH LOOSES CONTROL IN
THE WEATHER AS MORE LIGHTING FLASHES AND THUNDER ROARS.

SARAH THE COOK

It’s every man for himself, save yourselves! We’re going down!

LOUD THUNDER CLAP AND THE STAGE IS THROWN INTO DARKNESS

THE WIND HOWLS AND THEN THERE IS SILENCE

BEACH / ISLAND CLOTH IN

SCENE 5: SHIPWRCKED ON THE SHORE

SIMPLE SIMON
Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes!

I’ll tell you what, it’s a god job I’m a strong swimmer, did you see that storm! The waves were
bigger than Hagrid! Now I’m all washed up on this island. I am all alone! (Ahhhhhhh) It’s
sadder than that (Ahhhhhhhhhhhh) yeah that’s about how sad it is.

46
 SARAH THE COOK ENTERS

SARAH THE COOK

Simon, is that you my oy or are you a mirage?

SIMPLE SIMON
Mum! Yu are alive, I thought you were a goner especially as you can’t swim

SARAH THE COOK

I know, I clung to a boy for dear life, he ran off as soon as we got to the shore though. Well it’s
just the two of us now, just the two of us and the rest have al perished. Ohh it’s too sad.

DICK WHITTINGTON ENTERS

DICK WHITTINGTON
There you both are, thank the sea gods for that!

SARAH THE COOK

Dickie! You are alive too, oh it’s just the three of us now, left here to perish on this deserted
island

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well not quite, the rest of the gang are at the other end of the beach, we have been looking
for you two. I rode a piece of driftwood to safety, it was like totally awesome surf dude! But
this is not a deserted island, it’s the shore of Morocco, we have arrived exactly where we
wanted to be

SIMPLE SIMON
What a relief!

SARAH THE COOK

What a coincidence! That is a stroke of luck but it’s starting to get dark and I’ve heard funny
things about the shores of Morocco.

DICK WHITTINGTON
What have you heard Sarah?

SARAH THE COOK

These beaches are haunted by ghosties and ghoulies

DICK WHITTINGTON
Oh no, I don’t want to get caught by the ghosties

SIMPLE SIMON
And I don’t want to get caught by the gho….

SARAH THE COOK

SIMON! Not infront of the children. Besides I’m not so scared of them than I am the man
eating gorillas that are said to live around here.

47
SIMPLE SIMON
That’s just bananas

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well we better stick together, I’m a bit scared now you have said that

SARAH THE COOK

It’s ok boys, Sarah is here to protect you. I know what we can do, we will sit over there on that
conveniently placed log and we will sing a lovely song to stop us being scared. Come on.

SARAH, DICK AND SIMON SIT ON A LARGE LOG

What shall we sing, let me think. Do you all know the words to Nessum Dorma?

SIMPLE SIMON
Nessa who?

SARAH THE COOK

That’s a no then. Well how about this little ditty I learnt when I was in the cubs, I mean
brownies. Here we go….

WE’RE RIDING ALONG ON THE CREST OF A WAVE AND THE SUN IS IN THE SKY
ALL OF OUR EYES ON THE DISTANT HORIZON
LOOK OUT FOR PASSERS BY

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well that’s easy enough.

SARAH THE COOK

Good, well we can sing that and the boys ad girls can keep an eye out for those pesky gorillas
for us. You will shoult and let us know if you see anything won’t you boys and girls? (Yeah) oh
that’s good, I have every faith in you so keep those peeper peeled and shout nice and loud.
Here we go…

SARAH THE COOK, SIMPLE SIMON & DICK WHITTINGTON SING/ WHILST SINGING A GORILLA
RUNS BEHIND THEM FROM ONE SIDE OF STAGE TO THE OTHER. THE AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT
TO WARN THEM

WE’RE RIDING ALONG ON THE CREST OF A WAVE AND THE SUN IS IN THE SKY
ALL OF OUR EYES ON THE DISTANT HORIZON
LOOK OUT FOR PASSERS BY

SARAH THE COOK

What is it boys and girls why are you shouting so loudly? (Audience shout) what was it? (A
GORILLA) A Gorilla! Oh my goodness! I better have a look.

SARAH, DICK AND SIMON WALK AROUND THE LOG

48
Well it’s not here now, I think we scared it off. We better sing our song again and you can all
keep watch for us again. Here we go…

SARAH THE COOK, SIMPLE SIMON & DICK WHITTINGTON SING/ WHILST SINGING A GORILLA
RUNS ON, TAPS DICK ON HIS SHOULDER AND HE RUNS OFF SCREAMING UNNOTICED BY
SARAH AND SIMON. THE AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT TO WARN THEM

WE’RE RIDING ALONG ON THE CREST OF A WAVE AND THE SUN IS IN THE SKY
ALL OF OUR EYES ON THE DISTANT HORIZON
LOOK OUT FOR PASSERS BY

SIMPLE SIMON
Mum mum mum, they are shouting again!

SARAH THE COOK

What was it? (GORILLA) Not another one! Oh no and they have run off with Dick!

SIMPLE SIMON
What are we gonna do now, I want my mummy!

SARAH THE COOK

I am your mummy you silly boy!

SIMPLE SIMON
Oh yes!

SARAH THE COOK

It will be ok, we just need to sing a little louder this time. Here we go…

SARAH THE COOK & SIMPLE SIMON SING/ WHILST SINGING A GORILLA RUNS ON, TAPS
SIMON ON HIS SHOULDER AND HE RUNS OFF SCREAMING UNNOTICED BY SARAH THE
AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT TO WARN THEM

WE’RE RIDING ALONG ON THE CREST OF A WAVE AND THE SUN IS IN THE SKY
ALL OF OUR EYES ON THE DISTANT HORIZON
LOOK OUT FOR PASSERS BY

What was it boys and girls, where has Simon gone? (A GORILLA TOOK HIM) No! oh poor
Simon. We must have sung it too loud that time and attracted their attention. I’m just going to
sit here on my log and sing it to myself very very quietly indeed. But if you see anything you
know what to do don’t you? (yes). Here we go….

SARAH THE COOK SINGS AND A GORILLA RUNS ON, SITS NEXT TO HER ON THE LOG
WOTHOUT HER NOTICING.

49
WE’RE RIDING ALONG ON THE CREST OF A WAVE AND THE SUN IS IN THE SKY
ALL OF OUR EYES ON THE DISTANT HORIZON
LOOK OUT FOR PASSERS BY

Why are you shouting? (THERES A GORILLA NEXT TO YOU) Oh, not another one, right next to
me you say? Well, I better have a little looksie then!

SARAH LOOKS TO ONE SIDE, NO GORILLA, SARAH SLOWLY LOOKS THE OTHER WAY AND
COMES FACE TO FACE WITH A GORLLILA.

Well hello handsome, fancy sharing a coconut?

THE GORILLA SCREAMS AND RUNS OFF STAGE

Typical!

CLOTH OUT

SCENE 6: THE SULTANAH OF MOROCCOS PALACE

THE SULTANAH IS SAT IN HER THRONE CENTRE STAGE WITH HER SERVANTS AT HER SIDE
FANNING HER.

SIMON, DICK, TOMMY AND ALICE ENTER THE SID EOF THE STAGE

ALICE FITZWARREN
That must be her, the Sultanah of Morroco! One of the riches people in the entire universe?

SIMPLE SIMON
as rich as Alan Sugar?

ALICE FITZWARREN
So they say

SARAH THE COOK RUNS ON BEHIND THEM OUT OF BREATHE

SARAH THE COOK

I have bene trying to catch u with you lot for miles! Did you not here me shouting?

SIMPLE SIMON
I heard something but I thought it was Dick trumping and didn’t like to say anything

SARAH THE COOK

How did you manage to escape those nasty scary Gorillas?

50
DICK WHITTINGTON
Oh they weren’t too bad actually, once I had a chat with them, calmly explained the situation,
they were very understanding and pointed us in the direction of the Saltanah’s palace. Quite
civil really.

SARAH THE COOK

Well where is it?

DICK WHITTINGTON
Where’s what?

SARAH THE COOK

The Sultanah’s palace! Der!

DICK WHITTINGTON
You are in it….look over there, that’s the Sultanah

THE SULTANAH
You people over there, you may approach me. Don’t hide in the corner cluttering up the
palace and muttering to yourselves.

THE GANG APPROACH THE SULTANAH, SURROUNDING HER THRONE AND THEY BOW AND
COURTSEY

SARAH THE COOK

Oh your majesticles, it’s such an honour to be in your presence, that’s a lovely throne too, is it
Ikea?

THE SULTANAH
You must be the shipwreckers who set sale form Old London Town

SIMPLE SIMON
How does she know? She’s like Mystic Meg! Do you know next week’s lottery numbers too?

THE SULTANAH
Hush you fool! I am all seeing and all knowing, plus I happen to be very good friends with Fairy
Bowbells and she is has kept me posted on developments.

SARAH THE COOK

Who is flarry dowballs?

THE SULTANAH
That’s not important, but if you hand over your money I shall have my servants supply you
with goods you seek from me

ALICE FITZWARREN
That’s the problem, we have no money, it all went down with the ship

SIMPLE SIMON

51
Yep, it’s all down there in Bikini Bottom now, you know with Sponge Bob Square pants, HE
LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA, SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!

THE SULTANAH
You come here for my goods with no money and you bring this idiot with you too! You insult
me. GUARDS….have them thrown back into the sea.

SEVERAL RATS ENTER AND START RUNNING AROUND THE THRONE

No, not more of those pesky scavengers!

DICK WHITTINGTON
It looks as if you have a rat problem too!

THE SULTANAH
They are all over Morocco, they are destroying my country

TOMMY THE CAT

Meow Meow Meow

DICK WHITTINGTON
This is Tommy, the best ratter on the planet! He says he could solve your problem and rid you
of this plaque…for a price of course!

THE SULTANAH
Rid me of these rats and I shall let you live and reward you with all of the goods you came in
search of

TOMMY THE CAT

Meowwwwwwwwwwww

DICK WHITTINGTON
Tommy say’s it’s a deal, stand aside everyone, watch an expert at work

ORIENTAL FIGHT MUSIC PLAYS

TOMMY CHASES THE RATTLINGS AND FIGHTS WITH THEM, ONE BY ONE THE RATES RUN
OFF STAGE UNTIL THERE ARE NONE LEFT

DICK WHITTINGTON
Well done Tommy, you did it! Three cheers for Tommy the champion cat.
Hip hip (Hooray)
Hip hip (Hooray)
Hip hip (Hooray)

SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS

A FLASH OF LIGHT OCCURS
KING RAT APPEARS AT THE SIDE OF STAGE

KING RAT

52
Hold the celebrations team for you are not rat free yet, the biggest and best is still here, ME!
And it will take more that this pathetic pet to chase me off

SARAH THE COOK

How did he get here so fast?

SIMPLE SIMON
I’ guessing Easy Jet on one of their new routes

KING RAT
So far I have been playing with you, I’ve given you an easy ride but the journey is at an end

SIMPLE SIMON
Keep your distance ratface or Dick he will teach you a lesson!

DICK WHITITNGTON
I will?

SIMPLE SIMON
Yeah, use that special karate on him yu were telling me about on the ship

DICK WHITTINGTON
What karate?

SIMPLE SIMON
You said you were an expert in origami!

THERE IS A FLASH OF LIGHT AND FAIRY BOWBELLS APPEARS

FAIRY BOWBELLS
I thought it was about time I popped back up, you had all forgotten about me hadn’t you boys
and girls! I am Fairy Bowbells Dick and I have been guiding your path so far and now it’s time
for you to be who you were born to be and defeat this rat. I am always well prepared, quick
Sarah, behind that throne you will a sword, hand it to Dick.

SARAH COLLECTS THE SWORD FORM BEHIND THE THRONE AND PASSES IT TO DICK

SIMPLE SIMON
Just look at the size of his weapon!

KING RAT
Call that a sword? This is a sword!

KIND RAT DRAWS A BIGGER SWORD

SARAH THE COOK

Don’t be intimidated Dick, it’s not the size that counts

DICK WHITTINGTON

53
Come on then ratty, after all, it’s not the size of the dog in the fight but the fight in the dog
that matters! No offense Tommy! ON GUARD!

THE COMPANY STAND CLEAR AS DICK AND KING RATTER TAKE CENTRE STAGE IN A
CHOREOGRAPHED SWORD FIGHT BEFORE DICK KNOCKS KING RAS SWORD FORM HIS HAND
AND DEFEATS HIM LEAVING KING RAT ONHIS KNEES

It’s over Rat! What shall do with him boys and girls?
(AUDIENCE REACTION)

SARAH THE COOK

Who said Kill him? charming, what an audience!

KING RAT
No please, there’s no need to kill me! I’m getting too old for this malarky! You have eon fair
and square, I shall change my ways I promise, just please let me live

ALICE FITZWARREN
Remember what you said earlier Dick, everyone deserves a second chance

KING RAT
I do, I do deserve it

FAIRY BOWBELLS
You have defeated him Dick, you have shown his weakness, he will be no trouble to you now.
Let him go free and I will keep a very special eye on him and should he put a foot out of
place…. Then it’s rentokill for him.

KING RAT
There’s no need for that, I’ve been eyeing up a job in local government for a while now I think
that will keep me out of harms way

KING RAT EXITS

THE SULTANAH
I am glad everything has turned out so well, you have defeated the villain and saved my land
Dick. You shall all return to London with everything you desire. A new ship will be waiting for
you at the shore, loaded with goods for your return journey.

ALL CHEER

FAIRY BOWBELLS
You have saved London and Morocco from the evil King Rat and a heroes welcome awaits you
back in London Dick, where the bells will ring out your name and a title awaits you, Lord
Mayor of London

SARAH THE COOK

What a clever Dick he really is… and well done Tommy too!

DICK WHITTINGTON

54
I have got everything I ever wanted, it’s a dream ending

ALICE FITZWARREN
Well I suppose if you are quite content with your lot then you would not be interested in a
little proposition I have for you Dick

DICK WHITTINGTON
What do you mean?

ALICE FITZWARREN
Well, I’m a modern kind f a girl, I’m not waiting around for my handsome prince to propose,
but I can do the proposing, Marry me Dick?

SIMPLE SIMON
Typical, he gets a title and the women throw themselves at him

DICK WHITTINGTON
It would be an honour Alice, I accept!

SARAH THE COOK

Now does that make him Dick Fitzwarren or her Alice Whittington?

ALICE FITZWARREN
We can argue about that later I think

SARAH THE COOK

Well I hope it’s ging to be a long engagement, especially if I am going t plan this wedding

ALICE FITZWARREN
Oh I think a week should be long enough

SARAH THE COOK

Oh I do love a happy ending!

EVERYONE CHEERS

ENTIRE COMPANY: SONG: “CELEBRATION”

FRONT CLOTH IN
SIMPLE SIMON STEPS FORWARD INFRONT OF CLOTH AS IT COMES IN

SCENE 7: FRONT CLOTH

SIMPLE SIMON
One last time….Hey you guys you’re all cool dudes! (Audience reaction)
Can you believe that Alice! Proposing! She’s only known him since before the interval! She’s
known me for years! But it’s ok cos I think that Sulatanah was giving me the eye, we’ve gonna
be pen pals for a bit and I’m popping over to Morocco at weekends. Anyway, everyone is back

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in London, King Rat is being very well behaved and his rattlings have all vanished. So everyone
is really happy. I have a brilliant song about being happy and I am gonna teach it to you guys,
here come the words….

SONGSHEET – HAPPINESS (KEN DODD)

SIMPLE SIMON TRACHES AUDIENCE THE LYRICS, SPLITS THEM IN HALF AND HAS A
COMPETION TO SEE WHICH SIDE SINGS THE BEST. THIS TIME CAN ALSO BE USED FOR ANY
SHOUTOUTS FOR GROUPS/PARTIES/BIRTHDAYS

HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS, THE GREATEST GIFT THAT I POSSES

I THANK THE LORD THAT I’VE BEEN BLESSED
WITH MORE THAN MU SHARE OF HAPPINESS

TO ME THIS WORLD IS A WONDERFUL PLACE

I’M THE LUCKIEST HUMAN IN THE HUMAN RACE
I’VE GOT NO SILVER AND I’VE GOT NO GOLD
BUT I’VE GOT HAPPINESS IN MY SOUL

SIMPLE SIMON
I really enjoyed that but now I’ve got to dash or I’l be last for the wedding! See ya gang!

SIMON EXITS
FINALE/WALKDOWN MUSIC PLAYS
LIGHTS UP BEHIND GAUZE REVEALLING ENSMEBLE
GAUZE OUT
ENSEMBLE WALK FORWARD AND TAKE BOWS – THEN SPLIT TO EACH SIDE OF SIDE

CAST ENTER FRON BACK/CENTRE STAGE, COME TO FRONT AND BOW BEFORE JOINING CAST
EACH SIDE OF STAGE

BOWS:
THE SULTANAH
TOMMY THE CAT
FAITY BOWBELLS
SARAH THE COOK
SIMPLE SIMON

SIMPLE SIMON
Three cheers for the happy couple Dick and Alice Fitzwarren-Whittington!

DICK AND ALICE ENTER TOGETHER AND TAKE BOWS

EVERYONE CHEERS

KING RAT
This pantomime is over and this rat king did not win!

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THE SULTANAH
But I’ve got my eye on Simon, I might just marry him

FAIRY BOWBELLS
I love a happy ending, things just turned out swell

SIMPLE SIMON
I’ve got myself a girl now and a holiday home in Morocco aswell!

SARAH THE COOK

So to everyone a fond farewell

ALICE FITZWARREN
And from all of us up here

ALL
A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!

EXIT MUSIC STARS

COMPANY MOVE UPSTAGE AND WAVE TO AUDIENCE
TABS IN

END

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