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Malicious Simon NolanThis is a stock cover image. We regularly add new custom covers so come back
tomorrow to see if we've made one for you.
Malicious Simon Nolan
A Short Story
by Random Writer
Jeff Olsson had always loved deprived Truro with its great, green gates. It was a place where he felt
worried.
He was a delightful, forgetful, port drinker with dirty thighs and short toes. His friends saw him as an
abundant, annoying author. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a quarrelsome baby. That's the sort
of man he was.
Jeff walked over to the window and reflected on his quiet surroundings. The wind blew like hopping
tortoises.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Simon Nolan. Simon was
a malicious wally with feathery thighs and brown toes.
Jeff gulped. He was not prepared for Simon.
As Jeff stepped outside and Simon came closer, he could see the envious glint in his eye.
"I am here because I want love," Simon bellowed, in a clever tone. He slammed his fist against Jeff's
chest, with the force of 792 ostriches. "I frigging love you, Jeff Olsson."
Jeff looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the enchanted sausage. "Simon, you must think I
was born yesterday," he replied.
They looked at each other with worried feelings, like two glorious, grisly giraffes sleeping at a very
tactless wedding, which had jazz music playing in the background and two caring uncles boating to the
beat.
Jeff regarded Simon's feathery thighs and brown toes. He held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he
whispered, gently.
"Hmph," pondered Simon.
"Please?" begged Jeff with puppy dog eyes.
Simon looked sleepy, his body blushing like a tired, tight teapot.
Then Simon came inside for a nice glass of port.
THE END
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Auto Praise for Malicious Simon Nolan
"I feel like I know Jeff Olsson. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with
the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the wind blew like hopping tortoises is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop
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