Sweet like Honey, Rising like Ash

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/62600047.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Relationship: Levi Ackerman/Reader
Characters: Levi Ackerman, Reader, Hange Zoë, Erwin Smith, Eren Yeager, Mikasa
Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Isabel Magnolia, Furlan Church
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Captain Levi Ackerman, Friends to Lovers, Hange
Zoë Ships It, no y/n, Explicit Sexual Content, I wrote this while listening
to Red Swan, My love letter to Attack on Titan, Levi Ackerman & Hange
Zoë Are Best Friends, Slow Burn, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort,
Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied Childhood
Sexual Abuse, Sexual Tension, Torture, Rough Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal
Sex
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2025-01-29 Updated: 2025-06-20 Words: 219,517 Chapters:
64/?
 Sweet like Honey, Rising like Ash
by rootytooty

Summary

With no recollection of your past, Erwin Smith plucked you from the Underground in hopes
that your memories would one day surface and offer him proof of his theory that life exists
outside the walls. Now as a member of the Scout Regiment, you hope your untimely
migraines are a sign that your missing years are finally coming to light, only they've yet to be
anything but a source of excruciating pain for you.

Two weeks before your first expedition, the Commander takes another gamble and asks for
your aid in recruiting three talented ODM gear users from the same place you grew up.

It's been ten years since you woke up outside the walls without a name or place to call home,
but it's as though your life really begins when you meet Isabel, Furlan, and Levi, for better
and for worse.

Memories unlock and the mysteries of your world slowly become known, but you learn as
life goes on that there is nothing more important to you than the people you love, not even
humanity's win.

A mostly canon-compliant, LONG romantic drama of AOT starting from the OVA "No
Regrets" and ending just past The Final Chapter.

Notes

Hi and welcome,

I just want to preface by saying I will NOT use Y/N and promise to do my best and remain
true to the characters. Despite believing Levi has no romantic interest in the series, a girl can
dream, right? Especially of Levi Ackerman.

I've made several changes to the original story's timeline and dialogue, but generally follow
the plot of AOT. There's nothing I adore more than immersing myself in a world I've grown
to love, and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I've had fun writing it.
 The Beginning

You suck in a sharp breath as pain erupts from the back of your head, then the world around
you fades.

You forget where you were or what you were doing, the only thing you’re aware of is the
pain. This skull-splitting, vision-spotting, all-consuming agony. It feels like someone is
screaming inside your brain. A loud, torturous cry only you can hear.

What tends to be a mere thirty seconds to those around you feels like an eternity. A constant
loop of being trapped within your mind, fists banging against the brutalizing ache on your
skull to let it be over, to let you out, to make it stop.

Then, with a heaving gasp, it’s over.

The veil of torture falls and you’re left with the aftermath of lingering waves of phantom pain
as you regain your barrings. Your eyes flicker open slowly, meeting the lines engraved in the
ground from where your grip on the dirt has left its mark. Dots of moisture cover the earth
between your palms as more tears slip down your cheeks.

Feeling slowly comes back to your body, although your ears buzz, muffling most of the
sound. You can feel a hand on your back, a familiar voice trying to reach you, but you’re
exhausted. You focus on your breathing as you shakily lift a hand, wobbling on the one
keeping your balance. You wipe the residue off your cheeks, sniffling quietly to yourself.

The next thing you feel is embarrassment. It floods through you as you become more aware
of your surroundings. Your stomach churns as you fight back a weakened whimper.

“I need you to say something, Honey. Let me know you’re alright.” Hange’s voice finally
registers in your mind, and you shift to glance up at them briefly. They smile once they’ve
gained your attention. It’s relieved and kind. You swallow thickly, fighting back more tears at
the care behind their gaze.
“I’m fine.” You look back down at the ground with heated cheeks at the sound of your voice.
It’s strained and raw. You must have been screaming.

You can’t bring yourself to look up at the faces you know are staring down at you. Your
squad hadn’t even split off to begin training when the migraine hit, which means everyone
saw it this time. Everyone.

“Did you remember anything?” Hange prods quickly, seemingly unable to help themself. You
can’t help the exasperated sigh that parts your lips, but you’re amused, too. You’re grateful
for it, actually, the same way you had been when you first met.

Hange’s nosey, overbearing personality has always battled your reserved one, but despite
how annoying it can be, you also adore it with all your heart.

Your lips quirk despite your shaky limbs and aching bones.

“No, Hange,” You reply dryly, finally lifting your head to meet their gaze again. “Nothing.”

Their left hand still soothes circles into your back while the other presses into their chest, a
tendency they have for when they’re excited

“Not even a glimpse? A word? A face?”

You shake your head, bowing it further as you hear their quiet, disappointed sigh.

Hange and Commander Erwin are convinced your migraines are a sign that your suppressed
memories are fighting to come back to you, and they’re both desperate for answers. You’re
not sure you’ll ever satisfy them.

It’s been ten years of not knowing your past, only two of those years brought on migraines,
and not a single thing has come back to you.
“Just pain,” You murmur as you finally manage to push yourself up onto your knees. “Sorry
to disappoint.”

“No, no, don’t be and you haven’t.” Hange waves you off as they visibly deflate. “I get
carried away. Are you alright?”

They reach a hand over to you and you accept it, stumbling forward as they help you onto
your feet. You’re tempted to lean your head on their shoulder, desperate for rest, but not with
the entire scout regiment still watching, waiting for the tension to break.

You offer them a glance, lips pressed into a tight line. All their faces look at you, various
expressions passing through them. Some offer sympathetic smiles, having seen one of your
migraines before, but those who haven’t only turn away sharply when they catch your gaze.

“Everyone, proceed to your designated training areas with your scout leaders.” Commander
Erwin calls out from over your shoulder, earning a snicker from Hange as you jolt at the
unexpected, booming voice. “Moblit, you take Hange’s squad to the experimentation tent.
They’ll be with you shortly.”

A chorus of voices and the sound of a synchronized solute fills the air before the soldiers
disperse, leaving the three of you alone. You turn towards the taller man, meeting his serious
expression.

“Another one? So soon?” He asks, crossing his arms. His brow is furrowed, a face you’ve
seen plenty of times. He’s pondering something. You wish you could see all the thoughts that
cross through his mind, particularly the ones pertaining to you.

While Erwin is still your commander, you are closer to him and Hange than most of your
comrades. It’s mostly because of your peculiar circumstances, and their curiosity about you,
but you also know they care.

At least, Hange cares. They’re your best friend.

Commander Erwin is much harder to read. You know he worries for his soldiers, but at the
end of the day, he has his eyes set on his dream, which will always take priority. You can’t
fault him for that, but it’s led you to keep him at an arm’s distance.

You respect him and you trust him as your Commander, but friendship isn’t something you
think you’ll ever truly grasp.

“I don’t know either, sir.” You reply stiffly, hoping your frustration is left out of your voice.
Your migraines are typically months apart, but today marks only thirteen days since your last
one.

“Will you be healthy for our expedition in two weeks?”

You almost falter. You’ve been a scout for a year, but have never been on an expedition past
the walls. That decision was encouraged by Hange who wanted to ensure your migraines
followed their general monthly or bimonthly patterns. With this sudden flex in the timeline,
the worry arises that you’ll have a migraine out in the field, the one thing you all wanted to
avoid.

Yet, being a scout gives you purpose.

Being a scout means pushing forward. It means that the life you had led in the underground,
thieving, lying, and sometimes taking even more drastic measures to survive wasn’t for
nothing, and that the decision to join Erwin’s cause was the right one.

It’s those times, those terrible, dark times underneath the earth’s surface that made you the
person you are now, the person joining the cause for humanity, willing to die for the sake of
humanity. It’s for Erwin, Hange, your comrades, and every child begging for scraps beneath
your feet every day. You fight so all of them can have a brighter, safer future.

And the selfish underlying reason is you fight for what you had been and who you could be.
The past you have no recollection of and the future you that is no longer that horrified, lonely
girl hiding from pursuers, crying yourself to sleep beside a dumpster.

Being a scout allows you to seek more and learn more. Here you can discover your past and
mold your future into something you can be proud of. Being a scout allows you to give your
life meaning.

It’s why you strive forward. It’s why you nod your head at your commander in response to
his heavy question.

“I’ll be fine.” You assure him, and you mean it.

Your migraines have been proven to be nothing but a pain for you and others, but on the off
chance that something finally comes back to you, even amid battle, it’ll be worth it. You
refuse to be treated differently from your comrades, not when you currently offer nothing of
importance.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Hange murmurs, capturing both of your attention. They look
slightly unsure, eyes bouncing between the two of you. “If your migraines are changing their
pattern-”

“I’ll be fine, Hange,” You tell them earnestly, knowing your migraines have always been
something that will hold you back only if you let them.

You’ve spoken with Erwin about this before, that you refuse to let them alter your life more
than they already have. You want to be treated the same, expected of the same, and that
includes joining your comrades on expeditions even if it will cost you your life.

Erwin must read it in your expression, or remember the conversation you had with him the
day you completed your training and choose the Scouts.

“Alright then,” Erwin concedes easily, eyes glinting with something kin to pride. “I’m glad to
hear it because quite frankly, we’ll need you in particular this time around. However, I don’t
wish to discuss it here. Go rest. Hange will come and bring you to my office after training.”

You both solute him, holding your pose as he walks away. Your mind flurries as your
curiosity peaks. You wonder what role you could have in this expedition, one specific to you.

“I don’t like the idea of you going out there,” Hange murmurs once Erwin is far enough
away. You relax your posture, feeling comfortable enough with your friend to run another
soothing hand over your forehead, rubbing comforting circles into your skin.

“I’m a Scout, Hange,” You murmur quietly, watching Erwin’s cape flutter, the wings of
freedom batting behind him in the wind. You then meet their deep brown eyes, watching you
widely with concern. “There are risks for everyone, some more than others.”

“Yes, but, at least those with less experience or middling talent won’t be left entirely
defenseless if-”

“Hange,” You cut them off quietly, “I’ll be fine. Trust that. I’m tough. I endure. We scouts,
we move forward. And if I’m not fine, I signed up for this. I know what I’m getting myself
into the same way we all do. It’s the price we pay for freedom. For discovery.”

Hange’s eyes light up at that word. “Discovery.”

You smile with a slight nod. “Figured that’d shut you up.”

Later that afternoon, Hange and you arrive at Erwin’s office. The commander waits until
you’re situated, and once you’re both sat, he begins.

“I plan to recruit three people from the underground. I want them to join us on the expedition
in two weeks.”
Your brows shoot up, as do Hange’s. Whereas theirs are comically high, eyes brimming with
excitement, yours furrow quickly in realization. You understand why Erwin believes you to
play a valuable role in this, whatever it is, considering you lived in the underground as well.
Only, you don’t understand. Not at all.

“Why would they be joining our expedition?” You ask dumbly, “They don’t have any
experience. Of course, I’m sure they’re tough, but that’s not enough.”

“As a matter of fact, they do have experience. They have ODM gear. How they obtained it, I
don’t know. That being said, they are exceptionally skilled with it. They’ve been giving the
MPs a run for their money. I’ve been reforming the Scouts since I became commander. It
started with the two of you. Clear goals, strong minds-”

“Mostly,” Hange snorts. You smack her shoulder, keeping your eyes on Erwin.

“-and a thirst for more. The two of you seek something beyond the Titans. I believe these
three will have similar mindsets. Valuable additions. They’re the next step. I know it.”

Your lips part, then close, then open once more. “I don’t doubt your words, Commander,”
You tread carefully, “But those three years of training are necessary. Their thick skin was
built out of necessity against other humans. Not titans.”

“We will prepare them best we can,” He nods along with you, as though he were agreeing. “I
know it’s a risk, bringing three untrained people from the underground into our ranks. It’s a
gamble.”

“Always is,” You can’t help but mutter, sighing as you lean back, looking toward the ceiling.
“So, you want me to buddy up to them, yeah? That’s why I’m here.”

“It would be helpful.” He admits calmly, noting your bothered tone. “If anyone can relate to
them, it’s you.”
You can’t help the scoff that parts your lips. Crossing your arms, you offer another glance at
Erwin.

You can’t help but feel like there is more to this plan of his. Something he’s willfully leaving
out, but you’ve put your faith in him. His morals, while questionable, have never been cruel
or misguided. He’s done what he’s needed to and become what he’s needed to be for the
Scouts. For the future of humanity.

You’ve trusted his words since that day Erwin found you crouched on the first flight of a fire
escape in a back alley, hiding from the men you’d stolen bread from. You eyed the man you
had never seen before as he climbed the ladder’s rungs and knelt at your height. You could
tell he was from the surface. No one in the underground owned hair gel.

He didn’t falter from your mean stare, your guarded expression, and simply offered you a
chance to make something of your life.

“Why should I trust you?” You scoffed, tearing a bite from the stale loaf in your palm.

The deep ocean eyes regarded you carefully while you stared back with ferocity. You had
expected the green-robed man to spit at you and call you a whore, or best case scenario not
even acknowledge your existence.

The last thing you foresaw was for him to climb up here, crouch eye-level, and look at you in
the eyes as an equal.

“You don’t have to trust me,” He commented thoughtfully, voice powerful with authority,
“Only my words. I won’t lie to you. The life you’ll be joining up is just as dangerous as the
one down here. You’ll be trading one enemy for another, but you know as well as I do that
Titans aren’t the only evil in this world.”

You did know. You had seen the cruelty of humans. You heard the rough voices speak terrible
things, managing worse actions. You’d seen starving children being ignored, being kicked.
You were one. You lived this life where Titans were the least of your problems. A life where
humans were your only threat.
“Is that why you’re here?” You asked quietly, hesitantly, and uncertainly. “Why you sought
me out? You heard about me from the MPs. You want to know about my missing years? You
think it’s related to your cause?”

“I do.”

You only faltered slightly at the blunt response.

“And you’ll let me train, become strong, and join you in your journey? You’ll let me be a part
of it? Discovering the truth of my past, and who put me here?”

“I will.”

You sat up, heart pounding.

“That’s what you’re saying right? Humans are the real threat, and they’re out there. They
sent me here. They did this to me. That’s what you believe?”

“It is.”

For the first time in your worthless life, you felt understood. You felt excitement, a thirst for
more. You had someone on your side. Someone who didn’t think you were crazy, someone
who looked you in the eyes, someone who believed you.

While you knew the man before you then is the same one now, the same headstrong, goal-
oriented, single-mind-tracked man, you trusted his words. You knew if you asked, he’d tell
you the truth, so you choose to follow him out into the sun of the surface.
You stare at him now on equal footing, with a freshly washed face, a full stomach, and a
uniform of your own draped over your body.

“Tell me I can trust you on this Erwin.” You state firmly, but your eyes plead, begging to see
past those steel blue eyes. “I need you to tell me the truth. I can’t play a role in this if you’re
throwing them out there to die for the sake of some bigger scheme. So, tell me the truth. Do
you think they stand a chance?”

Erwin stares at you, gaze unwavering, eyes the same way they had been on that fateful day in
the underground.

“I do.”

That’s that.

You nod, swallow, then stand. “When do we go?”

“Tomorrow. Eight o'clock."

“I’ll see you then." You comment quietly. "Night, Hange.”

You place a hand on your friend's shoulder before heading out the door. It shuts softly behind
you as a yawn parts your lips, and a grunt of annoyance follows as a familiar voice hollers
through the hardwood.

"Goodnight, Honey! Dream of old memories tonight! Please!"

 Returning to the Underground
Chapter Notes

A few notes for this chapter...

I know in the OVA Erwin is not the Commander yet, but for the sake of my story, he is.
Also, I know Furlan's name is spelled Furlan, but I've been typing Farlan this whole time
and truly can't go through all the chapters I've already written and fix this mistake.
Therefore Furlan is Farlan (:

You never thought you’d come back to the underground. Not willingly, at least, but you’ve
surprised yourself several times since joining the Scouts.

You’re more hopeful than you ever were and kinder to those who aren’t nearly as warmed up
to you as Hange is. Even when frustration takes hold, you’ve found healthier ways to channel
it, whether it be through training, long morning runs, or bringing those who piss you off
down a few levels with a sharp comeback.

The best part about stumping someone with your tongue is the shock that passes over them.
Their ignorance is their weakness, assuming a girl from the underground doesn’t have the
intellect to outwit them. Seeing that look on their faces is more rewarding than any punch
you’ve ever thrown has been.

“You’re that rodent Erwin got out, aren’t you?” The MP at the security check sneers as he
looks over your ID, feigning ignorance. “Surprised to see you’re still alive.”

“That’d be me,” You comment dryly, staring back at the familiar face. You know this man too
well. “I’m surprised to see you’re still here, Larves. It’s truly a wonder you haven’t moved up
in the ranks.”

“Is that sarcasm, you little shit?” The man seethes, eyes glossing over in anger.
“What?” You mock gasp, bringing a hand to your chest. “Oh, no, not at all. You’ve just
always been so good at drinking on the job and shoving little kids down these stairs. I thought
the MPs valued incompetence and cruelty. What? Did I say something wrong?”

The man reaches out to grab you by the collar, but a hand flies out to grab his wrist before he
makes contact. You recognize the person looming over you by the scars across his knuckles,
and the threatening voice that follows.

“Do not touch my comrade, Larves.” Miche spits, shoving the man back by the hold on his
arm.

“This whore can’t just insult me and get away with it.” He grits out, eyes flicking back over
to you. “You think you’re so tough now with all your Survey Trash guard dogs but you’ll
always be the disgusting vermin I used to see down here begging for scraps.”

“Feeling sentimental, Larves?” You ask with a childish pout. “That’s sweet. Oh, I know. We
should tell Miche our favorite memories together, like that one time you chased me down that
alleyway for stealing an apple, but you tripped on that box crate and landed smack dab on
your face. That was hilarious. Remember that?”

“Keep talking to me like that and see what happens.” The MP grits out warningly. You stare
back wide-eyed and glance at Miche as though you’re confused, stifling a snort at his
bewildered expression.

“Like what?” You ask innocently, turning back toward Larves. “Like you’re a nice, funny
guy? Like we’re friends? Like we could ever be after your track record of abusing your
power on me, a little girl with nothing to defend herself with? Did that make you feel big and
tough, kicking me in the stomach, laughing with your friends when I was too weak to fight
back?”

“That’s it.” Larves growls, stepping forward.

“Is there a problem here?” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out, prickling the MP's skin and
putting an instant halt to his movement. Larves steps back quickly, but his eyes cling to your
expression.

“No.” He bites, but his stiff posture suggests otherwise.

“Then perhaps you can give my soldier her ID back so we can proceed,” Erwin comments
icily.

Larves looks angrier than before, his jaw locking as he hands over your card. You take it
from him and offer a sickeningly sweet smile.

“Thanks, Larves. It’s been nice catching up.”

His face twists, and it’s as though he can’t help himself as he leans over and spits at your feet,
a glob of mucus landing on your right boot.

“You’ll always be underground trash.” He seethes. “Never forget that.”

You’re more disturbed by the sight of his saliva on your shoe than his words. You look back
up at the MP, nose shriveled in disgust.

“Gross, dude.”

“Let’s go, Honey.” Miche musters through his teeth, ushering you past the guard.

You can tell by his grip on your shoulder he wants to bury his fist into the MP’s face for the
disrespect he’s shown you, but you’re used to that sort of treatment. You expected it, really,
especially after so blatantly pushing his buttons.
You can focus on the mission with comrades like them by your side and ignore the disgusting
glob of spit on your boot as you walk deeper into the Underground. Larves was right, after
all. Having people who care for you really does make you feel invincible.

With one last recap from Erwin, you all set out to your designated spots. You, Miche, and
your squad members are meant to intercept the three vigilantes during their heist of the MP's
weekly money collection, and you’re in charge of positioning everyone in a good vantage
point.

Your group’s job is to take down the two members who are reportedly skilled but not nearly
as agile or fast as the leader, while Miche herds him in the direction Erwin went.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t excited to see the sort of hell they’re raising for the
MPs, especially if Erwin believes they’re good enough to join the scouts without training
first. The anticipation reminds you this won’t be easy, and to not underestimate any of them.

You lead your squad and its leader up the fire escape of a building until you’re up on the roof.
You all settle in, eyes peeled over the city, and wait.

“What should we expect?” Miche surprises you by asking, and you’re met with expectant
eyes. It stutters something in your chest, noting the respect in your comrade's gazes as they
await an answer.

When you joined the cadet corp, nobody wanted to be near you.

You were the scum from the underground and their grievances were constantly aired out.
Your anger was hot, and the comments from other trainees easily burned straight through
you. It made you even more hostile than you already were.

You were constantly on the defensive, just like you had been down here. You were stubborn
and untrusting, and although you eventually learned to channel all your anger toward your
personal growth as a soldier, you remained a loner.
You couldn’t care if you had friends or not. You felt like you were still in survival mode for
those three years and were used to being alone. You studied, you trained, you kept to
yourself, and that was the way you thought it’d always be.

Then you joined the Survey Corps and met Hange.

It’s self-explanatory to anyone who knows Hange how they managed to get the angry little
mutt from the underground to open up. They weaseled their way into your heart and didn’t
give you a say in the matter.

Hange taught you that not everyone hated you, that you were capable of making someone
laugh, and that you did care if others wanted to be around you or not. You didn’t realize you
had been so cold for so long, and now that you know how it feels to be warm, you don’t ever
want to let it go.

As your comrades stare at you now, not as an underground mutt, but as an equal, you know
that this mission is important to you. You want to get these people out, show them
camaraderie, and how it can change their lives. You want to help them.

“Anger.” You reply finally, settling on the one word you could use to sum it up. “They’re
going to be upset. Justifiably. Don’t taunt them. Don’t belittle them. They’re supposed to
want to join us. Ambushing them, while starting us on the wrong foot, won’t be nearly as bad
as one of you making a snide comment. Trust me, nobody wants to live down here. Nobody
chooses this life.”

They all nod, yet you note some hesitancy from one of the members of your squad. George
has always been skeptical of you, but never outwardly cruel. You tend to just leave him be,
but if his occasional glare is due to your background, he may be a liability.

You make a mental note to keep an eye on him.

“You’re pretty tough, you know that?” Mike muses from beside you, eyes focused on your
surroundings. “Coming back here, taking all that shit up there, and keeping your cool. It can’t
be easy.”
You shrug quietly, eyes scanning the underground sky. “It’s not, but it isn’t difficult either.
I’ve grown a lot since then and realized a lot of things about life. MPs like that, they lead
miserable lives. That’s why they are the way they are. They take their sadness and their
insecurities out on weaker people who have it worse than them. I no longer fit under that
category, so they can’t hurt me.”

Miche watches your profile before nudging your shoulder. You blink, then look over at him.

“You’ve done well.” He comments with a gentle smile that slowly turns into a smirk. “That
was funny as shit, by the way.”

The tips of your ears turn pink from the praise as you face forward, eyes flickering over to the
sudden movement that catches your eye.

“There!” You scream out, but Miche’s already seen it.

He’s barking out the orders you all have memorized before you’re jumping off the edge of
the roof.

Then, you’re flying, weaving through buildings, triggering your ODM gear in full control of
your swings. You all move swiftly and in sync before finding a position that gives you all a
clear sight of the three of them gliding down a main street.

Your eyes lock onto the one in the middle, widening in awe as the dark-haired figure glides
through the air with a grace you’ve never seen before.

He must be the leader.

You can’t help the excitement that courses through you at the thought of seeing him in action
against a Titan. It makes you feel like Hange.
You smile to yourself at the thought of your best friend. They’re going to eat this guy up.

Then, he’s cutting right while the other two go left. You sigh in relief, knowing your instinct
was right. They’d split up for better odds of survival.

“Good luck!” Miche calls out as he zooms past you, swords pointed out toward their leader.

You and the other focus on the others, flurries of bright red and blonde flicker in and out of
sight. You shift your gaze to one of the largest buildings in the underground, the cathedral no
one down here bothers praying in. It’s merely an empty building, covered in graffiti and full
of people without homes. You’ve slept there plenty of times.

Which is why you know the details of the exterior, the columns, and the sculptures on the
sides. It’s perfect to sink your ODM gear into with leeway to whip around fast and smoothly.

“I’ve got the redhead.” You bark out to whoever can hear before veering right.

Your eyes lock onto the perfect latching point, a round globe-like structure. You trigger,
unable to fight the grin on your features as you easily hit your target, the thrill of ODMing
down here something you hadn’t expected. It’s almost fun.

You fly through the stuffy wind, wrapping around the building with such speed that when you
appear directly beside the redhead, she gasps in shock.

She reacts quickly, but just not quick enough. You cut one of her strings before anchoring the
building behind her and swooping her out of the air. She fighting you, wriggling and cursing,
but her voice is high-pitched and young. Very young.

You land gently on your feet despite the girl in your arms doing everything she can to prevent
it.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” You tell her earnestly, reaching to unclip her ODM gear. Her
elbow jams back, but you stretch your neck, dodging the painful blow. The girl groans,
seemingly frustrated.

“Let go of me!”

“How old are you?” You ask just as Kara lands before you. She offers a nod of approval,
allowing you to focus on tying the girl’s hands while Kara undoes her gear. Her fight is
impressive, not that you’re surprised.

“I’m not telling you anything,” The girl practically growls, and once she’s detained, you spin
her to look at you. She soars forward, hoping to catch you off guard with a head butt but you
lift your hands to her shoulders and dodge out of the way again. You almost smile at the fight
in her until you remember what Erwin wants.

This girl is young. She doesn’t even look eighteen, and that worries you.

“Seriously, kid, how old are you?”

“I’m not a kid!” She cries out ferociously, still fighting the rope around her wrists. You lift
your hands in defense.

“Sorry,” You comment, not sounding sorry at all, “Can I know your name?”

“No-”

“Isabel!” A voice calls out, a much cooler, calmer tone than the fiery redhead in front of you.
It gives you a name to the face. Isabel.
“Farlan!” She whips around and runs toward the man Heath and George have successfully
captured. You loop your fingers around her wrist tie, preventing her from getting too far out
of your reach and she snarls at you.

“Don’t touch me!”

“It’s fine, Isabel.” Farlan speaks as he closes the space between them, “They’ve got us. No
point in making things worse for ourselves.”

“Commander Erwin and Squad Leader Mike likely have the other one in custody as well.”
Heath comments from Farlan’s left. “We’ll meet them where-”

“Yeah, right,” Isabel snorts, cutting your comrade off. “They’d never catch, Big Bro.”

“She’s right,” Furlan comments not unkindly, nodding along with the younger girl. “Levi is
the best.”

“You underground mutts are all the same.” George sneers from over Farlan’s right shoulder,
jostling the man for no reason. It takes you fully off guard, and your heart sinks. “You always
think you're better than everyone else.”

“You don’t know us!” Isabel screams at him as Farlan’s face twitches with anger.

You don’t even think as you hand Isabel off to Kara and march toward George. Heath pulls
Farlan back as you swing, landing a solid, loud smack to George’s cheek. Everyone stares in
silence, but you don’t pay them any mind, only stare back at the widened, enraged eyes of
your comrade.

“You can’t hit me!”

“I just did.” You argue back fiercely. “Miche put me in charge, which means right now I
outrank you. Say anything like that again and I’ll consider it insubordination. You know if
Miche was here you’d be kicked out of his squad on the spot. You’re lucky all you got was a
slap.”

George gapes at you but doesn’t bite back with any snarky replies. You accept his silence as
agreement, then turn toward Farlan.

“Are you alright?” You ask. He blinks at you, stunned, then nods. “I can’t apologize enough
for his actions and words. This squad doesn’t condone prejudice. You tell me if he says
anything else, okay?”

“Sounds good to me.” Farlan comments with a wry smile, glancing at George who must be
steaming over your shoulder. You smirk before turning toward toward the girl. Isabel stares at
you with wide, glossy eyes, and you remember the way this so-called Levi, their leader,
soared through the sky with precision and skill.

“They’re probably right.” You admit, offering the girl a tiny wink. “I doubt they have this
Levi detained. Not yet, anyway, but let’s find out.”

You can tell the others are also stunned by your actions, but you hope they’re more disgusted
by George’s words. Regardless, you have a mission to follow. You walk back up to Isabel and
gesture forward with a nod.

“Why are you doing this?” She asks as you guide her to your meeting spot. You keep your
eyes peeled and alert as you walk down an alley.

“It’s best if the Commander explains.” You offer her with an apologetic glance. “I can’t
disclose much, but we aren’t here to hurt you.”

The girl doesn’t comment, but you take that as understanding for now. You’re glad she’s
stopped fighting you, but you can’t ignore the guilty ache in your chest. You know how truly
scared and angry they must feel. You hope Erwin can ease their minds.
You also hope Erwin has a good excuse as to why a child is expected to join the survey corps
on their next expedition without any training. She is good, yes, but you captured her way too
quickly.

You turn the corner of a tall building and find the Commander in a battle -his sword against
their leader’s significantly smaller weapon. Everyone stops, jaws dropping at the sight.

Mike lands then, swords drawn, eyes wide with a gleam of sweat coating his forehead. Your
lips press together, fighting the urge to grin. This guy gave them both a run for their money
with a pocket knife.

Hange really is going to annoy the shit out of him.

“Think about what you’re doing.” Erwin’s voice remains calm, then his head tilts toward
where you’re standing. Dark eyes widen as he takes in the sight, and his jaw ticks as he
notices his companions tied up beside you. The frustration on his face grows, but he backs off
instantly, proving his loyalty to his friends. It makes your heart slip painfully.

They already know what it means to trust, to have companions and comrades they care about.
It warms your chest but also fills it with sorrow and envy for the you who spent her days here
alone.

Mike reacts quickly to the sight of Levi lowering his weapon by grabbing the man’s hands
and tying them. Then, he kicks out his knees and grips his hair, forcing his gaze upward.
Isabel struggles against you once more, and you fight your frown, glancing around for the
reason Miche is being so harsh.

You note the MPs standing nearby quickly and withhold a sigh.

You were barely given clearance to bring the three of them to the surface. The only way you
were able to convince them was by Erwin vowing he’d keep ‘the thugs’ in check. Miche is
merely putting on a show, but Isabel and Farlan don’t know that.
“Don’t hurt him,” She pleads, eyes welling with tears as she starts to wriggle against your
hold once more.

You pull her back into your chest, keeping your voice as quiet as possible. “I meant what I
said. We won’t hurt you. The MPs are watching. We have to make a show of it.”

She isn’t satisfied, but she stops fighting, seemingly partially soothed by your words. By the
look on their leader’s face, he is not happy about it either and doesn’t have the insight you do
to calm himself down.

You quietly walk the girl over to the knelt man as Heath walks the blonde in between them.
She kneels on her own, and you’re grateful she’s taken your words to heart.

You walk around to their front and finally get a decent look at the three of them.

Isabel can’t be older than seventeen, the same age you were when Erwin found you. You had
been hot-headed and eager to prove yourself back then. You would have likely believed
yourself capable of joining the scouts right away without the ODM gear experience had it
been a possibility known to you, and you likely would have died instantly.

You fight your frown, keeping your face neutral as you glance at the blonde beside her, surely
much older than she is, then to the leader they've put their faith in. His brows are tilted in
anger, eyes severe in their guarded and heavy expression.

They all look small from the lack of sunlight and nutrients in the underground. You had
suffered similarly to them, so you know how stunted growth can be growing up in this
shithole.

Despite that, you can feel the power radiating from their leader. Levi.
It’s threatening, strong, and capable. You do not doubt that the praise his friends have given
him holds their weight despite having only caught a glimpse of him in action. Yet, you also
noticed that the sour expression of vengeance overtaking his features only appeared when he
saw his partners caught. He cares for them as they do for him.

All you feel with the three before you is empathy, and a desire to help them. Erwin may have
asked you to befriend them for his own reasons, but you’ll do it, or try to at least, for your
own.

“Where did you learn to use ODM gear?” Erwin asks first. He’s knelt to the man’s height,
and you get the uncomfortable sense of deja vu. The man says nothing.

“You’re talented. You all are. Who taught you?” When the man remains silent once more,
you force yourself not to interject when Mike shoves his face into the mud pile beneath him.
It feels over-the-top, but you also know it’s because of the looming presence of the Military
Police.

“Hey!” Isabel cries out, eyes turning to you. You withhold a look of reassurance, of comfort
for now. You also hold back a wince.

“Alright, okay! Nobody taught us. We taught ourselves. Just let him go.”

Erwin surveys Farlan, who has just come to his friend’s defense, before lifting a brow. “I
don’t believe you. It’s likely impossible you taught yourself and reached this level of
efficiency.”

“Yeah, well the definition of impossible changes when you’re living in a shithole like this.”
He spits, seeming angry for the first time. You understand the frustration behind that
statement all too well.

No one here in the scouts will ever understand, and while you once lived it as well, even you
can’t fully relate. Above the surface is a greater comfort than down below, and you haven’t
lived like them in four years.
Miche lifts the man’s head from the mud, and the murky water drips down his face. His
scowl is now a wince, seemingly disgusted. Erwin attempts a new approach.

“I’m Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouts. What’s your name?”

The man lets out a barely audible sigh before shakily replying. “Levi.”

His voice is deep and resentful, and your chest tightens at the sound.

Erwin nods. “Well, Levi, I want you to join our ranks. All of you. We could use your talents.
If you choose not to, then we have no choice but to turn you over to the MPs. What will it
be? Will you go to them, or will you come with me?”

Erwin glances at you after he’s spoken, which coincidentally causes all three of your captives
to look, too.

You feel your annoyance worsen toward your commander. Threatening to turn them into the
MPs, knowing it would piss you off, then turning their attention to you, so they can see
you’re clearly ticked off? That’s bullshit. And calculated.

You’ve already piqued the interest of Isabel and Farlan by slapping George, but with one
glance, as Erwin knew it would, Levi is also curious about you now.

You bite the inside of your cheek and say nothing. You know the other reason Erwin is giving
you the floor. The MPs already despise you, seeing as you were once where the three of them
stood. You can show them sympathy and that’d be expected, although widen the target on
your own back. You’re fine with that.

You soften your glare as you face the three sets of eyes, and mimic Erwin’s stance before
Isabel. The anger has faded slightly as she looks at you, big green eyes full of pride and
resentment, but curiosity, too.

Your knee lands in the mud, and you’re sure you see Levi twitch in your peripheral.

“You’ll be fed and trained.” You say, speaking directly to the red-headed girl. “You’ll be
given a roof to sleep under, a bed to rest in, and protection. You’ll feel the breeze on your
skin, the grass under your feet, and see the sky. It’s so big and blue, you wouldn’t believe it.”
You pause, thinking about the first time you felt the sun’s rays. “I’ve yet to see it outside the
walls, either. It’s probably even bigger out there.”

Isabel swallows, harsh gaze softening fully. “You lived down here, too, didn’t you?”

Fist clenching above your bent knee, you nod. “I did, but given the opportunity, I chose to
leave with Commander Erwin. I trusted his words. The Commander has poised it as a threat,
the MPs or us. I know that can’t feel good, but we want you to join us because you all have
talent we could utilize.”

You lean closer to her, and she meets you halfway when you whisper so the others can’t hear.
“It’s your choice at the end of the day. I’ll do my best to make sure of that. I’m sure these two
will do whatever you choose. Something tells me Levi can take on our entire brigade by
himself.”

You back away then, the corner of your lip curling upwards at the shock and mischief in the
girl’s eyes. If they decide to join the scouts, you really need to have a conversation with
Erwin about this girl receiving proper training before sending her out beyond the walls.

She turns to Farlan and Levi, so you do, too. Farlan blinks at you, then Isabel, whereas Levi
stares directly at you, gaze full of distrust. You don’t shy away from his eyes. You wouldn’t
trust yourself either in his shoes. Time. It’ll take time.

Levi’s eyes shift away from your face, eventually, searching for something within his friends.
Whatever he finds, you don’t know, not until he turns, sizing up the Commander with
confidence, venom laced through his words.
“Then I guess we're joining the goddamn scouts.”
 An Understanding

“You cannot be serious, Erwin.” Your hiss at him as his office door shuts behind you. He
stares back, expression clear and focused.

“I’m always serious.” His reply is casual. It makes you angrier.

“She’s a kid.”

“A talented kid.”

“That’s still a kid!” Erwin frowns at the sight of your watery eyes. “She has no business
joining us in two weeks. None of them do.”

“Honey, you know all of our new recruits are seventeen, just like her.”

“Yeah, but they have three years of proper training under their belt.” You bite back fiercely.
“You were right. They know how to use their ODM gear and they’re all talented with it, but
Isabel is also inexperienced and cocky, the same way I was. I never would have admitted it
then, but I needed the training. She’ll die out there and you told me you weren’t sending them
out there to die.”

“Just as you do, just as we all do, she knows the risks, and I’m not sending her out there to
die,” Erwin repeats the words once again, voice level and unperturbed by her anger. “I have
faith the three of them will pull their weight the same way any trained soldier would.”

“Does she?” Your voice wavers just slightly as you wipe furiously at your eyes. “Does she
really know what she’s signed up for? Do any of them? It’s not like you gave them a choice.”
Erwin’s brow furrows even further, and you swallow thickly as the silence between you
stretches. Your heaving chest begins to settle, the red in your vision fades and you realize
quickly you’ve let your anger get the best of you.

Guilt sweeps over you as you realize you’ve been ranting to your Commander like a spoiled
brat, screaming and complaining while forgetting your place, forgetting how draining and
difficult his job is. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks, and you turn away from him.

“I’m sorry, Commander.” You breathe out after a moment of silence. “I let my anger get the
best of me. Any punishment you deem fit I’ll-”

“There won’t be any punishment, Honey.” He waves you off with a heavy sigh. “You’re not
entirely wrong. While I did tell you this would be a gamble, that doesn’t make it easy to see
through, but as Commander of the Scouts, I have no choice but to gamble with our soldier’s
lives. I do the same with my own, with yours, with Hange’s. The only way we’ll push
humanity forward is to do so. I can’t sit and stew in what’s right or wrong. I can only take
action, make what I believe to be the best decision, and live with no regrets.”

You stare at your Commander with wide eyes, this moment of his honest candor is one
you’ve only ever seen once before. You can see the brief glimpse of grief in his eyes, of
tiredness before he steels himself. It reminds you he is only human, doing his best to make
the right decisions for humanity while holding onto his dream.

“Tell them everything you know about what’s outside the walls.” He concedes then,
untangling his fingers. “Remind them this is no simple task, tell them our mortality rate, and
if they back out, I’ll submit them to training. If it doesn’t deter them, we continue forward.
They have just under two weeks to train. It’ll be a trial run. If they prove themselves as
talented as I believe them to be, they’ll come along. If they don’t, then I’ll hold them back
until the next expedition. Does that suffice?”

“Thank you, sir.” You blink wetly at him, then smile. “Yes. Yes, that is more than sufficient.
Thank you.”

He nods, a brief smile of his own tugging at his lips. “You already care for them, then?”
You shrug, looking toward the wall, fighting the tint blooming on your cheeks. “I understand
them.”

“And they’ll understand you,” Erwin says what you don’t. You nod quietly, then let out a
shaky breath.

“Right. I’m going to go make sure they’re settling in alright.” You salute your Commander,
and without another word from him, you push through his office door and let it shut behind
you.

You hadn’t realized how much weight had built up on your shoulders at the thought of
sending the three of them outside the walls. You’re relieved and thankful for your
Commander’s honesty and mercy, feeling lighter than this morning when you looked into
youthful green eyes with fear.

Pulling at the front of your scout’s jacket, you set off toward your newest comrades.

They’ve been placed in a bunk together, one used for newer recruits in the barracks where
you once stayed, so it doesn't take long to maneuver your way to their door. You take a
steadying breath, but before your knuckles can rap softly on the wood, it swings open.

“-just implied that we might get his house of shit dirty. Doesn’t that piss you off?” Levi spits
to Farlan, eyes trained on George, briefly meeting yours. You don’t move out of your squad
member’s way. Even when he attempts to slide past you, you step in his path.

“Why are you suddenly being an asshole, George?” You sigh tiredly, pinching the bridge of
your nose. “You were never like this with me and you know I came from the same place as
them.”

“I worked hard to get my spot on Scout Leader Miche’s squad.” He bites back with a snarl. “I
can tolerate you because at least you learned some manners since then, but the untrained filth
from the underground joining our ranks? It’s embarrassing. Like the Survey Corps wasn’t
already the laughing stock of the military.”
“Oh. I get it now.” You note with a sigh as you lean against the doorframe. “You’re worried
they’ll take your spot on Miche’s squad.”

George’s jaw ticks. “What are you even talking about?”

“You saw the way they moved down there, and that was without being properly taught.
Imagine what a little training will do to their skills. Get over yourself, George. Anyone with
eyes knows they’ll be valuable to our cause, and that’s all that matters. We need all the
soldiers we can get, and that includes the ‘untrained filth’ of the underground. Say one more
thing about your comrades and you won’t have to worry about them taking your spot, Miche
will kick you out faster than you can blink.”

George glares at you, seething in his rage, but doesn’t comment further. You lift a challenging
brow, then step out of his way. He breathes out his flared nostrils before marching out the
door. You roll your eyes before facing the new recruits.

They’re all watching you. Isabel has wide eyes and parted lips, staring at you as though she
were awestruck. The blonde, Farlan, looks slightly amused, and their leader, Levi, seems
bored.

“You might be cooler than Big Bro.” Isabel's voice breaks the silence, and you feel a slight
blush creep up your neck.

If you recall correctly, your eyes flicker toward her so-called Big Bro, and have to bite back a
smile.

Levi’s still tense eyes roam over you challengingly. He’s sizing you up, making it obvious
you still haven’t earned his trust. You’re fine with that. If anything, it’s endearing seeing how
much he cares for his friends.

“For some reason, I doubt that.” You comment, and Levi’s eyes slant further.
“Is there a reason you’re here?” He asks tiredly. You do smile then, but you reel it in quickly
as your eyes shift back to Isabel and Farlan.

“I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing and ask if you needed anything.
Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about the ignorant assholes. George had never been
outwardly cruel to me like that before. I wouldn’t have brought him along if I had known. I
really am sorry about that.”

“It’s no different than how the MPs down there treated us.” Isabel shakes you off with a grin.
“We just gotta prove them wrong!”

“Did you really grow up in the underground?” Farlan asks, voice casual as he lays back on
his new bed, testing its structure. “Or was that some scheme to get us to come along with
you?”

“I spent six years of my life there.” You reply briefly, unsure how to broach the subject of
your missing years.

Levi catches the hesitancy in your voice and lifts an unamused brow. “I thought Erwin
recruited you?”

“He did.” You concede, biting the inside of your cheek. Levi scoffs, crossing his arms as
annoyance flashes over his features.

“You’re not making any sense,” Farlan speaks next, sitting up with furrowed brows. “That
means he recruited you when you were six.”

“I was seventeen, actually.” You clear your throat, racking your brain for the best way to
explain this. “I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s hard to explain.”

You’ve never really felt the need to tell anyone about your past. People either knew or didn’t
know, and those who were curious never asked.
“Try,” Levi says then, and his voice isn’t unkind, but there certainly is a lack of patience
behind it. It threatens to work up a sweat under your uniform, but you nod. You can do that.
You can try to explain it, even if it is bizarre.

“When I was eleven, I was found unconscious outside of the walls.” You start carefully,
wincing at the way all of their eyes widen slightly, even Levi’s. “I woke up surrounded by
MPs. They were pelting me with questions in a language I could understand but didn’t
remember learning. I didn’t know anything, not how I got out there or who I was. I didn’t
even know my name. Naturally, the MPs didn’t believe me, and I had no one to claim me, so
they tossed me into the underground.”

You remember the fear that seized you when you had woken up on that day. You were scared,
confused, and alone, berated by older men who didn’t let you explain. They screamed in your
face, slapped you when you didn’t have any answers, and then disposed of you when you
didn’t have anything worthwhile to offer.

You didn’t know the memory still stung, but speaking about it is like reliving that horrible
time in your life. Your eyes sting and you will the tears away as their gazes burn through you.
The silence is thick and stretching, and your cheeks heat with embarrassment.

“Sorry.” You say thickly before mustering a smile. “So, that’s that. Erwin got me out, put me
through training and I chose the Survey Corps.”

The space is still awkward and unsettlingly quiet, so you interlock your fingers in front of
you and let out a tiny, awkward laugh.

“Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and make sure you were settled in. Breakfast is served
between five and seven in the morning. We normally set out for training at seven, but the four
of us are walking tomorrow, so we’ll set out at six.”

You give them all one quick glance, noting they’re all still staring at you like you’ve grown
three heads. It’s isolating, being looked at like that by people you thought you’d finally have
an understanding with.
You turn on the spot and reach for the door, feeling overwhelmingly emotional, but the sound
of Levi’s deep voice stops you in your tracks as your fingers curl around the knob.

“You said you didn’t know your name.” It’s said as a statement. “Do you have one now?”

You turn enough to look at him, and he’s staring back, hip leaning against the bunk bed steps.
You aren’t sure what to say, not when his expression has returned to his usual scowl, making
his question feel strangely loaded.

You’ve had many different names in this life. You once had no name with no one to speak it,
no one to tell you what it was or give you something, anything to be called by. Then, you
joined the cadets, and your name was quite literally no-name, the never-ending joke you
never found funny. Now, there’s only one thing anyone calls you by, and while it’s not
something you’d pick for yourself, it’s better than nothing.

“Honey.” Your reply softly.

“Honey?” Isabel repeats with curious eyes. “Like Honey Bees?”

“Hange named me that.” You say with a small smile and shrug. “You can ask her for the story
if you’re curious.”

“Who’s Hange?” Farlan asks, his eyes are warm as you glance his way. You swallow thickly,
still pulling yourself back from a mental break.

“A squad leader in our regiment. You’ll know Hange when you meet them. I’m surprised you
haven’t yet, actually. I’m quite proud of their restraint.”

“Is that what you like to be called?” Levi asks, silencing his curious friends.
They all look at you expectantly, but there isn’t much to say. You love the way Hange says
the name they coined for you, but it’s not a name you would have chosen for yourself. You
aren’t sure you can really be picky, though. Not when it’s the only name anyone has ever
given you.

“It’s fine. I’m easygoing. It fits Hange. They like that we’re Honey and Hange.” You laugh to
yourself, smiling at the thought of your friend. “So, yeah, it’s fine.”

“Just fine?” Farlan muses, bringing a hand to his chin.

“We’ll think of one.” Isabel chimes in with a wide smile. “A name for you. A name for just
us to call you.”

You blink at her excited smile, then Farlan’s kind one, and even Levi, who is still guarded,
offers a gentle nod of agreement. You feel your chest flutter.

“You don’t have to do that.” You shake your head at them. Levi lifts an unimpressed brow.

“I’m not calling you Honey.”

“Okay.” You say carefully, biting the inside of your cheek to stop a smile. “Well, fine, just
don’t pick anything stupid, okay?”

Farlan snorts and Isabel cackles, but it’s the quirk of Levi’s lip that gets your attention. It’s
barely there, the amusement flashes over his features, but it’s enough to spread the warmth
from your chest to your face.

“With this group?” He mutters, eyes still hooked onto you while he gestures to his friends,
“The only options are something stupid.”
“Don’t listen to him!” Isabel says quickly, pointing at you. “I promise it’ll be good and totally
not stupid.”

“I’m very reassured.” You chuckle, running a hand over your head before checking your
watch. You’re feeling desperate for fresh air, and the range of your emotions went wider than
you thought possible in a matter of minutes.

“Well, we’ve got an early start and it’s been a long day. I’ll let you settle in and I’ll see you
all in the morning. Remember, if you want breakfast, arrive before six. Arrive after six, and
I’m leaving without you.”

“We’ll be there!” Isabel calls after you, and you smile to yourself as the door shuts behind
you.

Your heart skips at the thought of earning their friendship so quickly, and you’re looking
forward to the next few weeks, even knowing tomorrow will bring a very difficult
conversation. You won’t let them go on the expedition without knowing the very real
possibility of their death.

You’ll offer them something no one else has, and you’ll deal with the consequences if they
take you up on it. Erwin isn’t the only one intent on living with regrets, after all.
 A Choice
Chapter Notes

Like I've said before I've altered the timeline a bit. I know in canon Levi had been a part
of the scouts for several years before Eren and gang joined, but for my story, he'll only
be in for like two years -ish

I can give a wrapped-up summary of the timeline if anyone gets confused as I will try to
also not to get confused lol

It’s 5:07 when you push through the double doors into the dining hall.

There are only a few soldiers up this early, one you recognize at first glance. You approach
him quietly, offering him a sleepy smile as you reach for a paper cup.

“Morning, Moblit.”

“Good morning, Honey.” He grins back. His smile is almost blinding this early in the
morning. “You’re up early today, huh?”

You sigh as you pour yourself a cup of tea. “Unfortunately.”

“Not a morning person?” Moblit laughs softly as you nod in response. “You’re walking the
new Scouts to training, right?”

“That I am.” You smile as you speak. “I’m looking forward to it. Hange is going to have a
field day. They might be some of our best soldiers already. They were incredible in the
underground.”
Moblit laughs. “Trust me, I know. They’ve been itching to get a look at them or have a word
with you, but Erwin had them filing paperwork on their latest experiment all night. They’ll
probably cling to the first new face they see at training.”

“I honestly think they’ll get on well with two of them, but they’re going to annoy the shit out
of Levi.”

“Whose going to annoy the shit out of me?”

You turn around, lips parting as you take in the sight of Levi’s usual scowl. The bags under
his eyes seem smaller, and the thought that he slept better last night makes your chest feel
warm. You hope the others experienced a similar experience.

“Good morning, Levi.” You muster another smile despite how droopy your eyes feel. “This is
Moblit, Squad Leader Hange’s assistant. Hange is the person who will likely drive you nuts,
and this is the man who will do his best to keep them under control.”

“Nice to meet you.” Moblit smiles at the shorter man. “Unfortunately, there’s no maybe about
it. They’ll be all over you.”

Levi quirks a brow. “Why?”

“You’re new. You’re talented. They’re a bit of an oddball but we love them.” You shrug,
knowing Levi won’t understand until he meets Hange. “They’re obsessed with everything
Titans, including how efficiently people slay them.”

Levi stiffly nods, and you shift to the side, realizing you’ve been standing in his way. He
steps forward reaching for his own cup, and you can’t help but take in his features being so
close to him.

His eyes are on level with yours, maybe only an inch higher, and they’re a fascinating blue-
gray color, adorned with long, dark lashes. They’re pretty like his silky hair falling over his
pale skin. He’s handsome, but his expression always seems troubled and severe. You can tell
by looking at him that life has not been kind to him, but then you think of the compassion he
shows his friends and your admiration grows. He hasn’t let it stop him from caring.

You don’t realize you’re staring at him until he pauses and shifts his gaze over to you. You
blink, then look away, reaching for something to ask him.

“Farlan and Isabel, are they-”

“I’m not their Dad.” Levi sighs, lifting his cup to his lips and wincing. “This tea tastes like
shit.”

“We’re not the best military branch in terms of funding.” You shrug apologetically, ignoring
his attitude. “We get the MP’s scraps, including the tea they don’t want.”

“How is this place any different from the damn underground, then?” He grumbles, turning to
face forward, then leaning back against the edge of the table. You smirk, sip your tea, and
give Moblit an amused glance.

The doors open once more, and you’re pleasantly pleased to find Farlan and Isabel walking
through the doors. Rather, it’s Farlan strolling in with a spirit similar to Moblit’s, and Isabel
being dragged by the wrist taking on an appearance you’re positive you’d see if you looked
in the mirror right now.

“You couldn’t have waited five minutes for us?” Farlan laughs as they get closer. “We were
like right behind you.”

“No,” Levi replies simply, sipping his shitty tea.

“Good morning.” You greet the pair, eyes landing on Isabel.

Isabel grumbles under her breath in response, and you bring the pads of your fingers to your
lip to hide your smile. Farlan’s eyes trail to you then Moblit. “Morning. I’m Farlan and this
zombie behind me is Isabel.”

Moblit grins widely before reaching out a hand and introducing himself.

The pair of them hit it off as the five of you find a table, Moblit talking excitedly about the
Survey Corps to an enthusiastic Farlan. Isabel slowly wakes up, her eyes growing wider with
each topic Moblit barrels on about while you and Levi sit across from one another in silence.

Sometimes you can see why Hange and Moblit make such an amazing pair. Moblit is kind
and passionate like Hange but knows when to reel it in, whereas Hange can sometimes get
ahead of themself. He shares their curiosity but protects them when they take something too
far. He offers reason, and they positively push his boundaries.

You smile into your cup at the thought, slowly feeling the sleep dissipate from your eyes. You
check your watch, then sigh.

“We’ll head out in ten.” You tell them all, earning a loud groan from Isabel.

“Why are we walking, again?” She whines. “Don’t you guys have horses or something?”

“We do.” You tread carefully. “But the Commander suggested we walk to the training
grounds and teach you how to ride there.”

“He just doesn’t want us to bolt.” Levi deadpans and you offer a sympathetic smile.

“Yes, but he also doesn't want untrained scouts taking a horse through the city.” You know
the only way to gain their trust fully is pure honesty. That means some things won’t be easy
to discuss, but it’s better than leading them astray.
You can tell by the silence that all three of them are slightly put off, and you make it your
mission to reassure them today. Offer them information, guidance, and a helping hand if
things get difficult at training.

“It won’t always be like this,” You say gently, offering a guilty-looking Moblit a soft smile.
“Besides, you’ve already made friends in the Corps. Things will smooth out. I promise.”

The ten minutes pass quickly. Waving goodbye to Moblit, you lead the three of them out of
the dining hall, around the corner to the exit, and out into the morning air.

The summer breeze passes over you, rustling through your hair, and you wonder how the
three of them feel right now.

You can still recall the first time you felt the sun’s rays on your skin. It was as beautiful as it
was depressing, knowing you had missed this warmth your entire life up until that point.

You let them bask in the sights, the smells, and the town’s chatter as you lead them down the
cobblestone streets of Trost. You smile to yourself as Isabel and Farlan talk excitedly back
and forth and to an unresponsive Levi, and ignore the way some sneer at the sight of your
wings of freedom. Farlan and Isabel seem to take notice as well.

“George wasn’t kidding when he said the Survey Corps wasn’t taken seriously,” Farlan
mutters, and you offer him a tiny glance. “The people do hate us.”

“I assume you’ve heard about the fall of Shiganshia?” You ask, watching as they nod,
Isabel’s eyes widening.

“We never knew if it were true or not.” She admits cautiously. “You’re saying it is? Titans got
through?”

You nod, lips pressing into a thin line. “I only bring it up because the Survey Corps was never
highly regarded by the military or the people. Many saw the branch as useless, witnessing
every month how many soldiers left and how little came back. Word travels fast, rumors or
facts, it doesn’t matter, not when the Military Police outwardly discredits us every chance
they get.”

You face forward to hide your frown.

“Well, when Shiganshia’s wall came down almost two years ago, whatever respect the Corps
had from anyone was lost completely. Our entire purpose is to protect the people, to ensure
humanity’s victory, and to slay the Titans, yet they broke through and took out over half of
Shinganshiai’s population. That horrible day is considered our failure.”

“I heard the Titans that did it weren’t like the others, and that they had practically appeared
out of thin air.” Farlan comments curiously, quickening his step to match yours. “If that’s
true, how could the Survey Corp even help?”

“They couldn’t.” You answer with a shrug. “I joined a year after the wall collapsed but the
Commander filled me in. They responded as fast as they could, but by then, it was too late.
Titans were pouring in at an alarming pace. They fought for thirty-two hours until those who
could be evacuated were, then moved headquarters here.”

“Then why do people-”

“They don’t know any better.” You cut Isabel off kindly, noting how she’s come up on your
right, eyes wide with frustration. “Our job isn’t to be well-liked, despite what people like
Goerge believe. Our job is to protect and serve. We don’t need to be liked to do that.”

“Why care?” Levi asks then, his voice flitting in from somewhere behind you. “These are the
same people who tossed you down with mutts like us. Why do anything for them when
they’ve done nothing for you?”

It’s a fair question, one that makes you pause. All three sets of eyes follow you as you turn to
face Levi, but you speak to all of them as you thoughtfully reply.
“I chose to follow Erwin because I had nothing and no one. I trained because it gave me a
healthy way to let go of my anger and hurt, but ultimately, I chose the Scouts because I
wanted to be a part of humanity’s win.”

They stare at you with rapt attention, hanging on every word with interest. It leaves your
cheeks pink in the soft breeze.

“Before I joined the Corps, I was angry at the cards I’d been dealt. I didn’t make friends with
any of my classmates. To me, there was a barrier between people who grew up on the surface
and those who grew up under it. The divide in my mind was clear. One side suffered and the
other thrived. Shiganshia taught me that wasn’t true. I saw children who were orphaned like
me, women who were left all alone to fend for themselves, and so many dead.”

“I had been stuck in my own grief and misfortunes, but that day made it clear that while
humans are just as capable of hurting and killing, Titans are truly humanity’s biggest threat. It
was no longer me and them, but an us against the Titans, and I wanted to be in the group that
wiped them out.”

They continue to watch you closely, and you realize now is the best time to make sure the
three of them understand what they're signing up for.

“I chose the Survey Corps, but I realize, the three of you weren’t given a choice. I’m going to
say it because nobody else will. Erwin recruited you because he sees your potential, but the
truth is, only a fifth of our ranks returned last time they left the wall.”

They blink at you, shock passing over their features.

“There’s a chance the three of you will be some of our best. That you’ll make killing titans
look easy. That’ll you’ll survive, but if we’re going off our results from the last expedition,
there’s a chance all four of us could die out there in two weeks. I want you to know what
you’re getting yourself into if you follow me to training today and if you follow us past the
walls.”
They stare at you dumbly, even Levi’s expression has shifted into a disturbed one. You wish
there were a simpler, gentler way to explain their circumstances, but there isn’t. Their lives
are on the line, and you want to give them what Erwin refused to.

“What?” Isabel finally speaks up, and your gaze lands on her.

The breeze blows her vibrant bangs over her bright green eyes, and you feel something in
your gut sink, knowing the wind in her hair was something she should have experienced
before today. It reminds you her life has only just begun, that there’s still a twinkle in her
irises, a youthful glow to her expression.

She’s the type of person you became a Scout for, she shouldn’t be dying alongside you on the
battlefield.

“I told you yesterday it’s your choice.” You tell her softly with a sad smile. She looks
puzzled, like she can’t grasp what you’re trying to say. Whether that’s because she isn’t sure
or she can’t believe it, you don’t know.

“She’s giving us an out,” Levi speaks up, although there’s a question in his voice.
Uncertainty. “Aren’t you?”

“I am.” You confirm their suspicions, taken back by the way Isabel and Farlan’s jaws drop
and Levi’s eyes widen a fraction. “What?”

“You’d just let us leave? Right now?” Farlan asks, eyes furrowed. “Wouldn’t you get in
trouble?”

“Oh.” You blink, stunned that their first thought is the punishment you’d face for letting them
go. “Yes. I would.”

“What would happen to you?” Isabel asks with a frown crossing her features. You swallow
before answering.
“I’d be placed in a cell for however long Commander Erwin sees fit. My guess would be a
fortnight, but that doesn’t matter.”

“How does that not matter?” Levi asks, his voice quieter than you’ve ever heard it.

“Being locked in a cell for a couple of weeks is nothing compared to the three of you
committing the rest of your lives to a cause you weren’t even given a choice in joining.
Besides, I’m choosing to give you this option, and therefore choosing the consequence I’ll
face if you take me up on it. Don’t worry about me, alright?”

The longer the three of them stare at you with perplexed, distraught expressions, the more
worried you become that you’ve said something wrong. You wrack your brain for what could
be giving them such pause.

You wonder if they’re simply testing you to see if you’re testing them. You remember the
blatant lack of trust you felt for every person when joining the Survey Corps. Kindness felt
like a debt. Good people didn’t exist in the underground. You’d end up dead down there if
you were kind out of the goodness of your heart.

They may be determining whether or not you’re full of shit. At least, that’s what you think
until Isabel suddenly assumes the Scouts solute.

“I want to join,” Isabel says loudly, eyes trained on you. Your lips part in shock and you
instinctively shake your head, reaching to tug down her wrist.

“Please, do not solute me, and at least think about whether or not you-”

“I don’t need to think about it,” Isabel says, eyes shining like a meadow in the middle of the
day as she fights against your hold. “You’ve shown me kindness I haven’t felt from a stranger
since I met these two, and I won’t take an easy route to freedom if it means you’ll be
punished. You’re one of us now and I’d never do that to a friend.”
You gape at her, feeling the heat behind your eyes and regret pooling in your gut because this
wasn’t your intention. You wanted to be kind to Isabel, remind her she could do what she
wanted, that her life was hers, only for her reasoning of joining the Corps anyway be partly
dedicated to you.

If she dies-

“I’m in, too,” Levi says, effectively shutting down your derailing thoughts. He at least
doesn’t solute you, thankfully.

“But-”

“Ignore Isabel.” Levi reiterates with something close to a scoff. “We aren’t doing it for you.
We’re doing it for us. It’s our decision.”

“And for the sky!” Isabel says excitedly, eyes bright, paying no mind to her friend’s
comment, “You said you haven’t seen it yet, right? The sky outside the walls. Let’s see it
together!”

Oh.

You turn around so they don’t see the tears shining in your eyes. You dab them, feeling
almost as embarrassed as you do after a migraine. Weak and fragile, and unbearably
vulnerable.

“Well,” Farlan says from behind you, and then there’s an arm wrapping around your
shoulders, “It’s safe to say that if they’re in, I am, too.”

You look over at him, his bright blue eyes full of mischief and mirth. You can’t help but let
out a small laugh. “You’re all crazy. I just told you that you’re probably going to die.”
“Don’t be a hypocrite,” Levi mutters, walking up to your other side. You look over at him,
knowing your eyes are still slightly glossy.

He lifts a hand, his palm landing just past your forehead, his fingers settling in your hair. You
blink at him from under his arm, heart suddenly lodged in your throat. It’s different from the
way Farlan’s jostling you around.

Hange’s the only other person to have touched you so casually in such a gentle but caring
way, with hugs or caresses on your spine after a migraine. You're taken aback by the fact that
it’s Levi of all people who is patting your head. It’s as though he’s fond of you.

“What are you doing?” You flush under his severe gaze, unable to look toward Farlan when
he laughs at your reaction. All you can do is stare back at the night sky eyes and watch as
they don’t stray from yours.

“It means he likes you,” Farlan says from over your shoulder. “You should feel honored. It
took him weeks before he gave Isabel the Levi seal of approval.”

“Yeah! What’s up with that?” Isabel argues, earning Levi’s attention. His hand drops and
your skin tingles where it had been.

“You brought on a turf war with Velix’s gang.” He deadpans back. “Of course, that’s going to
annoy me, brat.”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to die!” She bites back, but there’s humor flashing over her eyes.
“Besides, I was protecting Hotdog!”

“Hold on.” You say, cheeks still flushed with warmth from the declaration of acceptance and
friendship from all of them. “Who’s Hotdog?”
Farlan joins in the conversation with a loud snort, his arm finally unraveling from around
your neck so he can give you an amused smirk.

“A bird that made its way into the underground. Isabel saved him.” Farlan’s smile turns
positively evil, having quickly caught on to why you’re curious. “She named him, too.”

You blink at him, then turn toward a sheepish Isabel.

“You’re going to give me a stupid name, aren’t you?” You deadpan, earning a loud cackle
from Farlan and an offended look from the younger girl.

“He was eating a hotdog bun when I saved him!”

Farlan’s laughter is contagious, and you can’t help but smile alongside him, shaking your
head in exasperation. “I better stay away from hotdogs then.”

“All foods, really.” Farlan cuts in.

“Or everything,” Levi mutters, turning from you as you glance his way. His face is neutral
but you can see the flash of amusement in his eyes, the affection he rarely shows even his
friends.

You don't know what you did to deserve their friendship or trust, but you’ll cherish it
regardless because Hange taught you life is better surrounded by people you care for and
people who care for you. That grief, while painful, only means you loved hard.

Whatever happens, wherever this path they’ve joined you on takes you, you’ll never regret
letting them into your heart. Never.
 His Request

Training that first day went well.

Erwin had sent you alongside the squad leaders and their assistant to show them the ropes,
and if anyone had been hesitant about the three of them, they left the training grounds with a
new perspective.

Isabel learned to mount and ride a horse faster than anyone you had ever seen. She
confidently guided her animal through the provided obstacle course, talked to it in a soft hum
that made it listen each time, and when asked if she had ridden before, she explained animals
just seemed to love her.

Farlan on the other hand was a social butterfly.

He spoke with anyone who crossed his path, paid their snide comments no mind, and at the
end of the day, made a relatively good impression on almost every member. It certainly made
up for their third member’s complete lack of engagement.

Although, not one person cared that Levi was withdrawn and sour-faced the moment he
showcased his talent with the ODM gear, too envious or awestruck to care.

Hange was captivated the moment Levi gripped his swords backward, and you couldn’t help
but join them in their admiration as he took off from his spot on the ground at an incredible
speed.

You had to focus on keeping up with his movements as he weaved through the trees,
impressed with the way he easily dodged the prop titan’s movements before slicing its neck
out in the blink of an eye.

Everyone stared with dropped jaws and wide eyes as Levi touched back down, but you
managed to conceal your reverence at least. You had known he’d make it look effortless
based on the peek you were fortunate enough to see in the Underground, but you don’t think
you’ll ever get used to how beautifully he glides through the air. He’s on an entirely different
level

Levi glared around at everyone’s stunned expression before landing on Hange’s, but it did
nothing to deter them.

“Don’t look so shocked, four eyes.” Levi had gritted, earning protests about respect from
everyone but Hange who had only blinked at him, then doubled over in their laughter.

“You’re amazing!” They cheered excitedly after regaining their breath. They stepped forward
into his personal space quickly, earning a humorous look of disturbance from Levi who took
a step back. You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing.

Hange rattled on about how this was a new era for the Scouts, that the smell of change was in
the air, and how Levi was the pioneer, and you were conflicted with the way your chest
fluttered when Levi’s eyes fell on you.

“Hange?” He asked knowingly, lifting an unamused brow, and your smile broke through as
you shrugged as if to say I did warn you. With an eye roll, he turned and walked away mid-
conversation, earning more complaints from others and a soft laugh from you.

Grabbing Hange’s shirt to keep them from trailing him and yapping over his shoulder, you
watched his form grow farther and farther away, that same feeling fizzling in your gut.

Hange turned to you with a bright smile, unaware of the new and complicated thumping in
your heart.

“You were the exact same way! It’s adorable seeing people pretend like they don’t care about
anything. I like him. He’s Honey-coded. We’re going to be best friends.”
So, in truth, training went above and beyond your expectations. You’re equally relieved and
worried. There is no doubt Erwin will pass the three of them to join you on the expedition,
and while you’re proud of how well they’ve done and the respect they’re gradually beginning
to earn, you’re still nervous about what the future could hold for all of you.

“These guys are the real deal,” Hange hushes to you excitedly, hunching over their plate of
food. It’s been a week of training, with one more left before the expedition. “Erwin’s
gambles, despite their positive track record, leave me shocked every time they work out.”

“Don’t speak too soon,” You say warningly, pointing at Hange with your fork, “We haven’t
even gone on the expedition yet. Please don’t jinx it.”

“Oh, come on, Honey,” Hange sighs, lips curling, “Don’t be such a worry wart.”

You shrivel your nose. “Don’t call me a wart.”

“New nickname?” Levi drawls as he approaches from over your shoulder. Farlan snorts from
his right and Isabel practically skips around to Hange’s side.

“Please, don’t give Isabel any more ideas.” You grumble, biting back a smile at the offended
look on the girl's face.

“Remember at training yesterday when she called you ‘Leaf’?” Farlan snorts, making Hange
cackle.

“Oh come on, I liked that one.” They elbow Isabel gently, winking at the girl who looks
genuinely frustrated.

“A leaf landed in her hair! I was trying to be spontaneous.” She defends, earning chuckles
from everyone but Levi. You glance at him through your soft laughter, too aware of his
shoulder a mere inch from yours. You can see the humor in his eyes, and you smile, facing
forward again.
“I’m just trying random things and seeing if they stick,” Isabel grumbles and you snort,
giving her a sympathetic look.

“There’s no need to get so dejected about it.”

“It’s hard to think of a word because Honey is just too damn cute.” Hange grins, ignoring you
as they reach out to pinch your cheeks. You grab their wrist with a warning glare. “She
deserves only the best.”

“How did you come up with your nickname?” Isabel asks Hange, a plead in her voice. “It
works so well.”

“You could always just call me Honey, then.” You grumble despite being ignored again as
you toss a tomato toward the side of your plate, frowning at the number they put in the salad
tonight.

“It’s an adorable story, really,” Hange gushes on, the light reflecting on their glasses. You roll
your eyes because you know the story and you know it isn’t adorable in the slightest. “To set
the scene, the girl sitting before you was once a rude, stand-offish recruit with a chip on her
shoulder.”

“Stop acting like this was years ago, Hange.” You sigh over them, tossing another tomato.

“Yes, fine, this was like nine months ago. Anyway, no one could really talk to Honey without
receiving a death glare in return. Just like you.” Hange gestures to Levi excitedly, earning
snorts from the table aside from you and the unamused man beside you.

“I saw right through it, obviously.” Hange barrels on with a wide grin. “I knew she was just
this big softie on the inside desperate to come out. When she had her first migraine in front of
my squad, everyone thought she was dying or having a seizure-”
“Sorry, what?” Levi blurts out, blinking at Hange. They stare back at him, only increasing the
confusion on his face by the confusion on theirs. They look around the table, noting similar
expressions on everyone’s faces.

Your stomach swoops.

“What?” Hange asks innocently.

“Migraines? Seizures? Death?” Farlan lists the words Hange had just spoken before glancing
at you. “Are we acting like you didn’t just say that?”

Hange’s lips form an ‘o’ as they look at you. Your gaze shifts to the table, suddenly feeling
very small.

Their worried, confused stares make you feel guilty, as though you have been keeping a
secret from the three of them, but truthfully, you’ve never had to tell anyone about your
migraines.

People usually witness them to believe them, and those who have witnessed them don’t dare
ask what they are.

When a migraine hits, you fall into your own mind, consumed by pain, and those around you
are forced to watch you crumple to the ground with no way to help. Hange told you before
just how horrible it is to have to stand and wait until you’re done screaming your lungs out to
be of any help, that it isn’t a fun experience for anyone involved, so how do you even broach
the topic?

You lift your gaze to Hange’s and plead with your eyes for them to take the reigns on this
one. After all, they’re the one who's been studying your condition. Sometimes you think they
know more about yourself than you do.

Hange offers an apologetic frown and nods in reply before facing the group.
“Has Honey told you about her memory loss?” They start carefully.

Isabel and Farlan nod. You can’t bring yourself to look over at the man beside you despite
feeling his gaze on your heated skin.

“Yeah, she told us,” Isabel answers for them, her eyes also trained on you. You focus on
picking the tomatoes out of your salad.

“Well, about two years ago, Honey started getting these sudden bursts of pain in her skull.
We call them migraines, but that definitely a much kinder word than what happens. She’s
described it as unbearable, blinding pain. They come on without any warning and take full
control of her body.”

“You think they’re related to her memory loss?” Isabel asks curiously, and Hange nods
enthusiastically, excited to talk about their research.

“Yes! I have so many theories but my biggest one is that these migraines are her memories
attempting to come back to her. I don’t know why they cause so much pain or why they only
started two years ago, but Commander Erwin and I are hoping glimpses will slowly reveal
themselves little by little.”

“I’m a very fascinating subject.” You muse with a clear of your throat, offering Hange an
appreciative smile for livening up the conversation once more. “Back to the original story,
Hange.”

“Oh! Right, well, the migraines are very taxing and so afterward Honey is pretty weak. I had
heard about the migraines but this was the first time I actually witnessed one. It was pretty
terrifying, and I didn’t know how to help, so when it looked like it was over, I crouched down
to her height. I assumed she’d scream at me to back off or to just leave her alone. Instead, this
tough-as-nails, badass from the Underground looks up at me with pink cheeks and watery
eyes and says in the softest, sweetest voice, ‘Can you add honey to my tea?’ Then, get this-
she passed out!”
Hange smiles brightly, looking around as though they’ve just told the punchline of a joke.

It’s not nearly as a comforting, warm story as they’re making it out to be. In fact, the others at
the table look disturbed and completely unamused, understandably so, but when Hange meets
your gaze and the awkward silence sets in, you both burst out laughing.

You hide your face in your hands, embarrassed but relieved for Hange’s miraculous ability to
ease tension.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hange says after a moment, wiping her eyes. “I’m sure you’re all still stuck on
the chronic illness thing, but that's where the name ‘Honey’ came from. Isn’t it just so
adorable?”

You roll your eyes with a snort, regretfully smiling at your best friend. “There is nothing
heartwarming about that story, weirdo.”

Hange mock gasps as though they were offended and you shake your head, finally finding the
courage to glance at the others. Levi’s gaze burns into your pinkening cheeks, so you avoid
him at all costs and find Isabel’s eyes instead.

You’re sure you’ve traumatized the poor girl until she tosses her hands in the air before
letting them smack into her lap in exasperation.

“Well, how the hell am I supposed to find a nickname as good as that one? You have an
interesting and emotional bonding story to back it up!”

“Isabel!” Farlan laughs, offering you an apologetic glance. “Don’t say that. You’re making it
sound like you want something terrible to happen so you can give her a good nickname.”

“You could’ve just said she likes honey in her tea.” Levi deadpans, and you finally find the
courage to look at him. His gaze is set on Hange now, his usual expression overtaking his
features. You look away.
“Yeah, well, that’s boring,” Hange waves him off.

As the tension fades, a strange feeling paves its way into your chest. Its magnitude is
overwhelming, a mix of guilt, embarrassment, and for some reason, sorrow. It stings your
sinuses, and you let out a shaky breath.

“I’m just going to get some air,” You comment as softly as you can, giving Hange a
reassuring smile because you know they’d worry if you didn’t. “Be right back.”

You stand and make your way over to the double doors, helping them shut softly in your
wake. Wandering down the hall, you step out into the soft summer breeze with a heavy sigh.

Relief floods you as you take a deep breath of the fresh air, letting it fill your lungs. Without
any peering eyes, some of the weight on your chest dissipates, but the emotions remain,
clawing at your throat in hopes of escaping.

It’s not as though you were keeping the truth from them, or didn’t want them to discover it,
but with it out in the open now, something feels wrong. You know it’s your mind trying to
remind you that no matter how well you mesh with others, no matter how much you care or
they care, there will always be the weight of your memories, of your migraines that hold you
back. You’ll get close but never close enough. You’ll craft bonds and friendships but there
will always be some distance in between.

Your migraines were always something you knew you’d just have to live with, but now they
just feel like another thing that sets you apart from the people you care about. Something else
that’s wrong with you.

Hange is your best friend but part of the reason they took an interest in you was your
migraines. They study you, wonder about you, and find you interesting. On bad days your
mind tries to convince you that’s the only reason they care, you’re their undiscovered science
project.
You know it isn’t true, that Hange is a good person with a wide open heart and they’ve
reserved a special spot for you. You’re the one who tries to convince yourself otherwise.

The same can be said with Isabel, Farlan, and Levi. You’re tied together through your time in
the Underground, something only the four of you understand, but they spent their entire lives
down there. You don’t even remember the first half of yours. Are you really their friend, or
just someone who has shown them kindness that they’re grateful for?

Your missing years and your migraines will always keep you at arm’s length from everyone
because you let it, and while it’s a deeply isolating thought, you’ll take what you can get.
Anything is better than that nothingness you felt in the Underground.

You wander to the nearby street steps, plopping down on the second from the top with a
quiet, somber sigh. Blinking back stupid tears, you mentally scold yourself for getting
worked up over something that will likely prove to be nothing.

It’s your mind, your insecurities, and your frustration that’s clouding your judgment. You tell
yourself that but when you get into a funk, you tend to stay there in the dark for a bit.

“I told Isabel and Farlan the sky here looked the same as the one in the underground.” Levi’s
voice makes you jump, and you turn to face him with a hand over your heart. “They called
me crazy.”

He’s standing just over you, eyes facing forward down the empty Trost Street before shifting
over to you. You look up at him with wide eyes, then quickly face forward, realizing they’re
likely wet with tears.

After a moment of silence, his presence settles only one step above you, his knees resting in
your peripheral. Close, but far.

“I thought so, too, at first.” You finally reply after taking a moment to compose yourself.
Your gaze drifts upward to the night sky, eyes landing on the crescent moon and the two stars
peaking over a building to your left, glistening down on you.
“There’s no moon down there,” Levi responds quietly. “That’s what Isabel said.”

You smile despite yourself. “At first, I had thought the moon was as beautiful as a street lamp
in the underground.”

Levi makes a barely audible scoff sound, and you shrug in defense.

“Everything looked bleak up here, but that was only because everything served as a reminder
of what I didn’t have down there. I really was a bitter, angry person before I joined the
Scouts, and even then it took a couple of months before I could look at the night sky and find
a difference between the two worlds. It wasn’t until I met Hange that I saw it as something
novel.”

Levi contemplates your words. “You were alone that whole time, then?”

You know what he means and why he’s asked suddenly.

From the day you were tossed into the underground to the day you finally let Hange in, you
didn’t have anyone to lean on. Part of that was your own fault, pushing people away because
of your inability to trust, and the other half was because life in the underground is anything
but kind.

Levi must understand how loneliness can impact a person, and how it can make everything
dull and grey. Isolation can haunt you, even when you aren’t alone anymore.

“Yeah.” You answer quietly, finally turning to see his features. He’s looking back at you, eyes
impossible to read. “I was a young girl who didn’t have a home or anyone to turn to, and no
memory of my past. I was lost and confused, and when the MPs dumped me down there, I
sought out help.”
The silence is thick and heavy. You don’t want to go into detail about that first year in the
underground, how miserable, jarring, and cold it had been. The first person you had asked for
help pushed you down, kicked you in the stomach, and spat on you. You stopped asking after
that, but starvation and thirst can bend anyone’s will.

You swallow thickly. “Well, you know just as well as I do that it didn’t end well. No one
down there would do anything for me out of the kindness of their heart, and eventually, I got
desperate.”

Levi frowns at your words, and you have to look away then.

You don’t want to see sympathy from someone who had just as bad, if not worse. That’s not
the point. You don’t really know why you’re even saying all of this.

“Is there a reason you followed me out here?” You ask quietly.

“Yeah.” His reply is clipped. You turn toward him, and he looks away. Something flickers in
his expression, like he wants to ask you more about your past, for an elaboration, but is
deciding against it. You’re grateful for that. “I told Isabel and Farlan they shouldn’t come on
the expedition. They were upset.”

“Reasonably so.” You offer, sighing at his immediate glare. “I didn’t say I don’t get it, Levi.
Of course, I do. There’s a reason I gave you all a chance to escape, to make your own
choices. I didn’t want any of you to join, especially her, but it’s not my call and it’s not
yours.”

“I know.” He grits out, hands running along his thighs. “She’s stubborn. It’s annoying. Tell
her not to do something and she’ll do it out of spite.”

You watch all the emotions passing through his eyes when he finally meets your gaze. You
swallow thickly at the vulnerability he’s letting you see. The weight on his shoulders that’s
pulling him down, the fear creeping in over his heart.
“I’m scared for them.” He says quietly, his eyes searching yours like you have the answer.
Like there’s anything you can say to ease his dread. You want nothing more than to soothe
the furrow in his brow and the ache in his chest, but you can’t. Pretty lies are worthless, and
Levi deserves the truth.

“What Isabel and Farlan do is up to them.” You respond softly, fighting the urge to place a
hand on his knee for comfort. “All you can do is steady your mind and let go of your fears.
Leave your uneasiness inside these walls. Don’t take it out there with you, Levi.”

He stiffens as you speak his name, but his eyes don’t shift away from yours. He looks at you
like he wants to look anywhere else. His mouth presses into a tight line and that emotion
from before hardens until his usual uninterested gaze takes hold.

You realize he’s steeling himself once more, building up that wall he must have spent years in
the underground constructing. Your fingers itch to reach out, to grab his sleeve and tell him
he can confide in you, that he doesn’t need to board up his emotions.

You don’t though, because what right to learning his heart do you have?

“I wanted to take you up on your offer.” He states with a slight frown on his face. “I wouldn’t
have cared if you were locked in a cell for a month let alone a week if it meant the two of
them wouldn’t have to go through with this.”

You can’t blame him for that, even if it stings. “That’s okay.”

“It’s not.” He bites, shaking his head. “Isabel and Farlan, they’re good people. They didn’t
think twice about denying your offer even though it was a shortcut for us. An easy way out.”

You feel at a loss. “What do you mean?”

He offers you a hesitant glance. “I know I can protect them on the expedition. I know I can,
but for it to work, for us to be free, I can’t always be by their side.”
You stare at him, bewildered as to what he could mean, but as he looks away from you, it
clicks.

It’s not common for someone to be recruited from the Underground, but having been given
an offer yourself, you learned sometimes the military does seek out additional personnel.
Erwin was interested in you because of your memory loss, and he offered you freedom, but at
a price, and that was you join the training corps.

You haven't considered it until now, but you suppose other influential forces in the military
can pull strings and hire who they believe to be Underground Thugs who can carry out their
dirty work. When you’re from the Underground, morals are pretty much shot to hell, so being
asked to do something illegal for the sake of freedom on the surface is an easy deal.

Erwin must not have been the first person to notice Levi’s skills or utilize them to their
advantage, and Levi must be seeing it through to give his friends a life not indebted to the
Survey Corps.

“There’s something you have to do during the expedition.” You state quietly, chest stuttering
at the subtle nod he offers in response. “It’s the reason you joined the Scouts, but you can’t
tell me.”

Another nod.

You look away, jaw tight with a flurry of emotions.

It’s none of your business who they’re working with, but you feel a bitterness blooming in
your chest for their deception.

It’s ignorant and unjustified, your annoyance toward the man beside you. Receiving an offer
in the underground to live on the surface is not something you pass down. You made the
same choice in a heartbeat, and it had been for yourself. You haven’t known him long but you
know Levi well enough to confidently say all of his decisions revolve around ensuring his
friends are happy and healthy.

He carries a heavy burden, one he can hold because of how strong he is. You know he’s doing
what he thinks is best, and yet you can’t help but feel betrayed and saddened by the truth that
whatever he hopes to accomplish during the expedition if he succeeds the three of them will
leave.

They’re going to leave you behind, and now that you know of this plan, you’ll likely be
imprisoned anyway.

You should be angrier, but at the end of the day, if Levi does whatever he needs to, that
means the three of them make it out alive, and you know that’s the most important outcome.
You care too deeply for them now to ever wish them anything but freedom and happiness.

You wanted them to make their own choice and they have.

Their key to freedom risks their lives, and now Levi is grasping for straws, asking you for
help. That’s what this is. He’s asking you do to what he can’t.

You let out a shaky breath, facing forward once more. “You want me to watch over them
while you run off to do whatever it is you’ve been hired to do.”

You don’t need to see his face, the silence is enough of an answer to your statement. Your
chest aches.

It’s unfair for him to ask, to tell you any of this. It’s a burden, but you realize it’s his burden
and he’s hoping to share it. He’s leaning on you. He’s trusting you with the most important
people in his life. It counts for something, what though, you couldn’t say.

“You’re good,” Levi says then, filling the silence when you can’t muster a reply, too lost in
your thoughts. “You’re not me but you’re better than them. You’re more than capable of
keeping them alive. I don’t plan to be gone long.”

You can’t help but laugh bitterly at his words, shifting your gaze to meet his once more.

“I don’t think anyone is as good as you.” You say quietly.

You had felt him watching you all week as much as you had been watching him, but now you
know why. Your gaze was full of admiration, whereas he had been analyzing you. You feel
shameful by how much that stings.

He looks taken back, not by the words but from hearing them, or maybe it’s the look in your
eyes. You aren’t sure which of the emotions fluttering in your chest is presenting itself, but if
you had to guess, it’s a confusing mix of sorrow and defeat.

“There’s always the chance I’ll be indisposed.” You say quietly, turning away from him once
more. “I may end up being useless even if I ask Erwin to put me in your squad.”

“What do we do if that happens?” Levi asks.

You sigh quietly, staring down at your lap.

“On the unfortunate chance I get a migraine in the middle of a battle against Titans, there’s
nothing to be done.”

You reopen your eyes and meet his when the silence feels tense. He looks offended and
aggravated, and it leaves you speechless.

“You mean we’re just meant to let you die?” He reiterates when you can’t find your voice.
Your lips part, then shut, only to open again. “What else would you do?”

“Protect you.” He states

“I can’t ask anyone to do that for me.” You murmur, shaking your head despite his eye roll.
“No, don’t give me that. Don’t act like that’s an unreasonable thing for me to say. I’m joining
my comrades outside the walls knowing at any second I could crumble. That’s not on them.
They shouldn’t die for me. We give our hearts-”

“You give your hearts, yeah, yeah, got it.” He cuts you off, clearly bristled with the idea. “I
think it’s stupid. Sure if we were out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by Titans, your
migraine isn't my problem and a major inconvenience, but it’s the same for you, is it not? You
can't control them. You aren’t choosing to be useless. And as your comrade, it should be my
duty to protect you if I’m capable.”

“Well, you won’t always be there.” You bite back, your throat slowly closing as your
emotions get the best of you. “And I doubt you’d want Isable or Farlan risking their lives for
me, right?”

Even if you can’t blame him for wanting to save his friends, you don’t have to be happy
about how little he values your life in comparison. You stand, not willing to glance back at
what you’re sure to be a stoic face.

“I will ask Erwin about being grouped with you three, but Isabel and Farlan are the type to
stop and help me if I go down, and it’ll get them killed.” You fight off the ridiculous tears
reforming in your eyes. “So if you still want that, if you want to take the risk, I’ll do it. I’ll
ask him and I’ll protect them with all I’ve got while you do what you have to do, but if
you’ve changed your mind, say so.”

“I haven’t changed my mind,” He says quietly, almost immediately, his voice calmer than
before. You nod and step downwards.

“See you tomorrow, then, Levi.”

He doesn’t say anything as you walk away.
 A New Name

The morning of the expedition is surprisingly calm for you.

You’re exhausted and grumpy, but that’s nothing new. Mornings have never been your thing,
but you had expected today to be even worse than usual. Only, you feel at peace in your mind
despite having spent the week prior in a constant state of dread and uncertainty.

It’s because you realized something last night as you tossed and turned in your bed, sulking
in your fears and self-pity. Levi’s words and Erwin’s steely glare were battling one another
within your chest, and you didn’t know which route to take.

You had told Levi you’d see his request through, but doubts were taking hold. You’d lose his
trust to go to Erwin with crucial information about the new scouts, but you also risk the entire
purpose of the expedition if Levi breaks the formation. There’s no promise you can keep
Isabel and Farlan safe anyway, and by going to Erwin with their motives, maybe they’d be
held back from joining you outside of the walls. You’d lose their trust, though.

It was suffocating you, trying to decide where to go and which consequences to risk, but then
it was as though a strong breeze wafted through your thoughts. Suddenly, the clouds in your
head cleared and gave way to an obvious answer, and that was the same reason you risked
confinement so Isabel, Farlan, and Levi could be free.

You’re selfish.

You always have been, but for the majority of your life, it was to protect yourself from the
cruelty of the underground. There wasn’t space to instill trust in others down there, but up
here, in the Scouts, Hange showed you what it meant to be cared for, to be treated as an
equal, and as a friend.

The decision became simple and entirely yours. The truth is that you have people you refuse
to lose, and you selfishly protect them from harm no matter the consequences, even if it
means they leave you and never come back.
You’ll put yourself between Isabel and a Titan, you’ll turn around and ignore orders to keep
Farlan from becoming an Abnormal’s food, and you’ll let others die if it means saving
Hange.

You doubt Levi will ever need saving, but you’d risk your life to protect his heart. You’ve
already agreed to do as much, and it’s your selfish tendencies that make it easy to forgive him
for causing you such duress the past week. He’s reaching helplessly, hoping to control
something he has no say in. You won’t hold his desperate attempt at saving his friends against
him.

You slept easily after realizing that you’re going to do what you want to do. You aren’t going
to betray Levi’s trust or hold any failures against him, and you don’t care if Erwin loses his
faith in you. All that matters is keeping your friends alive, even if it means you die in the
process.

You’ve made this decision, and you’ll live with the consequences. You won’t have anyone to
blame but yourself if things go wrong, and that alone makes walking to the dining hall
doable.

Everyone is already there when you push through the double doors It’s unlike you to be late,
and even Isabel is sitting at the table, hair together, shirt perfectly buttoned, eyes focused.
You know she’s fully confident when you see her, and it inspires you to be, too.

“Morning, Honey.” Hange’s voice calls out first as you approach their table. You find their
cheery eyes and wide smile as they hold a plate of toast out toward you. “I’m not leaving
until I see you take at least four bites.”

You frown at them sleepily as you plop between them and Isabel. “I’m not hungry.”

“I know, Honey, but you have to eat. We have a long day ahead. You’ll thank me later.”
Later. Of course, Hange is much too positive to consider any other outcome than the one
where you all come back here for dinner, but you’re not so certain. Many things can go
wrong during an expedition, and you’ve always been a glass-half-empty type of person.

Your throat feels tight as you take the toast and bite into it, wincing at the dryness. “This
tastes like shit.”

“Weren’t you giving me a hard time for not being a morning person the other day?” Isabel
asks defensively from your right.

“I never said I was one, either.” Your murmur, glaring at Hange as you take another bite. “I’m
just capable of waking up when I need to be up. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“What does that even mean?” She whines, and you shrug unhelpfully.

“It means I need tea.” You snip, pushing up to your feet. “I really hope there is some-”

Your words die out as something shifts in the lower half of your vision, and your throat dries
as a cup is slid in front of your seat. Levi’s hand retracts as you look toward him, but he isn’t
looking at you. He’s listening to whatever Farlan is saying, their conversation the entire
reason you hadn’t greeted them yet.

You blink, then glance at Hange who's wearing the shittiest grin you’ve ever seen. It makes
you bristle as you sit back down, avoiding everyone’s gazes altogether, knowing they’re all
likely smiling like Hange, and you’d rather die than let them see the blush blooming over
your cheeks.

They probably assume Levi has grown some soft spot for you, but you know this is likely
some form of an apology or truce, or maybe just a sign of his guilt. It makes the fluttering in
your chest even more pathetic.

Your fingers wrap around the paper cup, and you gently lift it to your lips. Your heart skips.
There’s honey in the tea.

“That was very thoughtful of you, Levi.” Hange gushes dreamily, earning a glare from the
man in question.

“Can it, Shitty Glasses.”

Your eyes finally look up from your cup, catching a glimpse of Levi’s as he turns toward you
and then looks away. They’re as hard to read as ever, but you’re sure you've seen a twinge of
pink atop his ears, a flush of embarrassment.

Whatever his intention is with this cup of tea, the message is clear. Even if it’s slight, he does
care about you, enough to remember you like honey in your tea, and that he’s sorry.

“Two more bites, Honey. Come on.” Hange chides from your left. You turn to find them
holding out the piece of toast to your lips. You blink at it then up at them unamused, taking
the bread from their hands. They pout childishly. “I wanted to feed you.”

“I am grown.” You tell them softly, rubbing at your temple to fight off a headache. “Let me
eat at my own pace.”

“Can’t do that.” Hange’s grin is anything but sympathetic. “I’ve got orders from Erwin to
bring all of you to his office once Honey’s had her toast and tea.”

You glare at your friend. “The Commander said that?”

“Pretty much.”

“So, not at all. Got it.”

“You remind me of your old self in the mornings.” Hange sighs wistfully, smiling widely. “It
makes me want to squeeze you in my arms and tell you everything is going to be okay.”

“Hange.” You bite out, earning a laugh from Farlan. “God, enough.”

“I do see the resemblance.” The blonde comments. You turn toward him to find a smirk, his
eyes flicking back and forth between Levi and you. “Hange said you used to be a lot like
Levi. I see it now.”

Your eyes turn to slits as Levi also turns toward his friend and Isabel snaps her fingers before
pointing.

“I see it, too!”

“Okay.” You grumble, avoiding Levi’s gaze and emphasizing the last bite as you lean toward
Hange. “There. Four bites. Now leave me alone.”

“Excellent.” Hange grins, pushing to their feet. “Let’s-”

“Wait.” You punch out quickly, tune changing quickly. Hange looks down at you in sudden
concern, but you offer them a reassuring nod. “I’d like to be the first one to tell them.”

Hange’s lips part, then an understanding look passes over their face and they sit back down.
“Go ahead. Please, do be quick, though.”

Erwin is having Hange bring you and the others to his office after breakfast to ensure
everyone is clear on what to do in the unfortunate case you get a migraine while out in the
field today.
The last thing you want is for them to learn about the protocol from anyone but you. It’s your
choice to head outside the walls knowing the risks, and if they’re going to be upset with
anyone, it should be you, and you want them to get it out now.

“I’m sure you saw from Erwin’s layout of the formation that I’ll be in your squad.” You
finally find the courage to say.

“We saw! This morning when the formation was delivered! I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see
you in action.” Isabel perks up instantly, grabbing your bicep with both hands and capturing
your attention. You smile over at her, but it’s painfully forced.

“There’s something we need to discuss, or rather, it’s not up for discussion. It’s an order, from
the commander, but I don’t want you to hear it first from him because ultimately it’s my
decision.”

You feel their gazes, the way their expressions have shifted from humorful to serious.

“You know now that I get migraines. Hange wasn’t being dramatic about how terrible they
are. I go down easily and it leaves me completely useless and defenseless. There’s no way to
tell when I’ll have one or where. It makes me a liability, and no one's problem but my own.”

“If you’re about to say we should leave you if you get one out there, then you’re out of your
mind,” Isabel says instantly, eyes widening in outrage as she notes the look on your face.
Your lips press together and you let out a small, steeling breath.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” You meet her gaze, eyes hard. “If I go do down, you
do not stop for me. That’s an order.”

She waits as if expecting you to laugh and say you’re joking. When you don’t, her jaw drops.

“Like hell! We’re not just going to leave you to die!” Isabel cries out, eyes frantically looking
toward Farlan and Levi. Levi’s biting his tongue, having already been made aware of this
fact, whereas Farlan looks upset, eyes focused on you.

“This is my decision.” You say calmly. “Joining the scouts, I knew it’d be possible to get a
migraine in the middle of an expedition. It’s not likely, considering I had one a little over two
weeks ago, but it’s always a possibility, which is why we need to be on the same page in the
event I get one.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Isabel scoffs indignantly.

“It’s smart.” You argue back.

“It’s fucking stupid!” Isabel cries out, loud enough for others eating to hear. “It shouldn’t
even be an option!”

“Isabel,” Levi scolds, eyes daring her to scream again.

“You aren’t seriously just going to listen to-”

“If it’s an order, if it’s what she wants, then-”

“Not you, too, Farlan!” Isabel yells, eyes wide. “We can’t just leave her to be eaten!”

You stand then, slamming your palms into the table. The red-headed girl’s lips shut tightly,
forming a straight line as her watery eyes look up at you. She notes the redness in your
cheeks, the tears forming in your eyes, and frowns.

“If you die for me, Isabel,” You breathe out shakily, “I will never forgive myself. I know the
risks. I’m going out there knowing if I get a migraine I’m as good as dead, and I’m still
going. That’s my call.”
“Why?” Isabel asks shakily. “Why risk it at all?”

You’ve only told Hange and Erwin why you’ve insisted on joining the Scout outside the
walls despite the danger of doing so.

Hange, despite being starved for knowledge and discovery, has voiced similar concerns to
Isabel. They want to know everything about Titans, but even they are hesitant about risking
your life for information. In the end, the Commander gets the final say, and he agrees with
you.

Erwin has risked his soldier's lives since he became a leader. He pulled you out of the
underground because he believed your interests aligned with his, and they do. It’s your choice
at the end of the day, and you’ve decided the truth is worth the risk.

“I told you I was found outside the walls.” You start slowly, sitting back down with a sigh. “I
think, maybe, I’m from there, too.”

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows your confession. You feel embarrassed
and uncertain, nervous they'll laugh at you or think you’re foolish, but you continue on.

“We can’t know for certain that these walls are all there is to our world. I think there’s
something else out there, and I believe if I travel outside the walls, something will click. A
memory might unlock and we’ll slowly learn more truths about our world and my past.”

“I didn’t lie about wanting to protect people from Titans, but the reason I left the underground
was to discover where I came from. I know it’s selfish for me to ask, but it’s my choice, so
please, do not stop for me.” You breathe out, chest aching painfully as you note the sorrow in
Isabel’s expression, the fight draining from her face. “I need you to tell me you won’t fight
Commander Erwin on this. Tell me, no, promise me, if I get a migraine today, that you won’t
stop for me. Promise me.”

Isabel looks torn, and despite knowing what you're asking isn’t easy, you won’t budge on the
subject.
“It’s alright.” You say then, voice much calmer, kinder. “I’m not trying to scare you, just
prepare you. I’ll be fine, alright? I probably won’t even get one, but, you need to know. So,
promise me you won’t stop, okay?”

Isabel’s bottom lip wobbles slightly, but she nods. “Okay.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” Her voice is fragile as it squeaks out, and she looks away as though ashamed.

You turn then to Levi and Farlan, both eyes set on you. Farlan nods, eyes sad but accepting.
Levi’s arms are crossed, eyes heavy. You hold his gaze until he finally nods.

“Good,” Hange says then as they stand, clearing their throat. “Now that it’s settled, let’s go
speak with Erwin about the same damn thing.”

You hate the awkward silence surrounding you as you make your way to Erwin’s office and
the way the three of them stand there, eyes downcast as Erwin repeats what you’ve said, only
more formally.

When none of them talk back to him, his gaze flickers to yours, knowingly. You keep your
solute, giving him nothing to read in your expression.

Erwin joins as you all walk to the stables. The air always felt different the morning of an
expedition, and it’s even more suffocating now knowing your friends are feeling somber and
uncertain.

You look over at Isabel, whose face has been pale since you made her promise to leave you
behind in the case of a migraine. The last thing any of you need to do is go into this tense,
mood down, hearts sore. You nudge her shoulder with your own, gaining her attention.
“It’ll be fine.” You tell her with a gentle smile.

She looks up at you, eyes focusing on the side of your head. She reaches, pulling a leaf from
your hair, a frown on her face, although her eyes light up slightly.

“Are we sure we can’t call you Leaf?” She asks genuinely, and you can’t help but chuckle.

“Please, do not call me Leaf.”

“That’s a terrible name,” Levi mutters, appearing on the other side of Isabel. He plucks the
leaf from her hand, eyeing it carefully. You can see the wheels turning behind his sour
expression.

“What are you thinking?” You ask him, and he looks at you slightly startled, as though he’s
surprised you’d even look in his direction.

“It’s an ash leaf.” He mumbles, eyes flicking back to the leaf twirling between his fingers.
Your lips tug as he gives you a knowing look out of the corner of his eye.

Your cheeks twinge pink and you face forward, heart in your throat.

“An ash leaf?” Isabel straightens out, picking the leaf back from Levi’s fingers. She looks at
the leaf, while you look back over at Levi to find his gaze still set on you, an unamused
expression taking over his features as Isabel takes way too long to put the pieces together.

“Ash!” She suddenly cries out, turning toward you with bright, excited eyes. “We’ll call you
Ash!”

Levi looks away from you when the smile you’ve been fighting breaks free.
“Wait,” Isabel frowns, eyeing the leaf and then glancing toward you. “I don’t know if it fits.”

“It’s fine,” Levi grumbles out in exasperation.

“That’s not terrible, Bel,” Farlan grins, messing with her hair from behind. “I’m surprised!
You did well.”

“You’re right,” You muse, giving the younger girl credit for Levi’s discovery. “It’s pretty
good, actually.”

“Have we found our name?” Isabel asks, her smile is as bright as the sun as she wistfully
sighs. “Ash.”

“Ash.” Farlan tries it out, his hand finding your shoulder with a comforting grin. “I like it.”

“Ash.” Levi follows suit for once. The name sounds too right rolling off his tongue.

You feel warm again, the calm that had taken over your mind this morning is resurfacing.
Everything you wanted to address has been discussed, and the tension amongst your group
has faded. You can focus on the expedition now, on keeping your newfound friends safe.

Your eyes find Erwin’s through the crowd, surprised to find him watching you with
something close to a frown on his face. You lift a brow in question, and he faces forward in
response.

You don’t pay it any mind.

 A Glimpse
Chapter Notes

A very short foreshadowing chapter, the next one will return to the expedition (:

It’s been five days.

You only know that because Hange has visited you every morning and night, bringing you
food you aren’t hungry for and warm conversation you don’t reply to. They chatter anyway,
unperturbed by the echoing sound of their own voice in this underground prison.

The underground. That’s how this feels —a churn in your gut full of despair, dark and
hopeless surroundings, and pain. Your heart hurts. You're exhausted, but every time you close
your eyes, you see-

“Ash.”

You startle at the sound of his voice. Hange told you he was there, but you had forgotten. He
hasn’t spoken either, not in five days, not until now.

You don’t reply, but your gaze shifts toward the cell bars. Hange is crouched there, watching
you with a pitiful frown. Tears well in your eyes as you take in their concerned expression,
the bags under their eyes, and the hand they’re reaching out to you through the bars.

It’s as though the sound of his voice has released you from your fog, like your body and mind
had been waiting for him to give you the okay to do anything but sulk in your anguish.
You’ve been dreading looking into anyone’s eyes, fearful you’ll find something missing that
was once there or they’ll see the truth in yours.
Only, Hange is still Hange. They look sad and tired, but there’s still love and care in their
eyes. You haven’t lost them.

Your bottom lip wobbles as you shift toward them and lift a hand, the touch of their fingertips
to yours is the closest thing to warmth you’ve felt in days. Five days.

“Yeah?” You croak out finally, lacing your fingers with Hange’s. There’s no answer for a
moment that seems to last a lifetime, but then his voice fills the quiet space.

“What happened out there?” He asks quietly, voice strained but even. He sounds the same,
too, but you know that can’t be right. He must hate you, blame you, or wish it were you that
had died.

Salt slips down your cheeks and to the edge of your jaw before splattering on the
insubordination cell’s ground. When the stain from your tears dries, you find the courage to
answer.
 Outside the Walls

You’re saddled on your horse, fingers gripping the reigns tight to make up for the clamminess
of your palms. Your uniform-clad thighs are hot against the sides of your horse, and you
tighten your hold instinctively as the Commander takes his position in the front.

Every ounce of doubt and fear within you will be left behind where you’re standing now, but
that doesn’t stop it from stirring in your abdomen until you move forward.

“Why am I calmer than you?” Isabel laughs, her horse trotting up beside yours. You glance at
her, taking in her gentle smile, and wide green eyes, and relax just a little. She’s in her
element, and it calms you to watch her gentle demeanor and smile as she pets her animal’s
mane.

“Because you’re too cocky for a kid.” You reply with a smirk, enjoying the mock gasps she
gives you.

“Confidence isn’t a bad thing.” She argues, chin high. “I happen to have the skills to back it
up.”

You fake a doubtful glance and laugh when she swats at your arm way harder than necessary.
“Ow, gentle. I’m kidding, Isabel. Save your energy for the Titans, please.”

She pulls back, nodding in approval, and you roll your eyes.

“But you’re right.” You tell her, knowing it’s important she knows if does feel nervous, it’s
normal. “I’m not nearly as collected as you are, but I’ll be good. Just some jitters I’ll shake
off soon.”

You forgot who you were talking to for a moment, because Isabel only shrugs, then laughs
when her horse trots in place. “We can’t all be me, Ash.”
You look away, shaking your head, biting the inside of your cheek to stop your smile.

“You’re going to die with that attitude,” George mutters to the red-haired girl from over your
shoulders. Your head whips his way, and that same frustration you felt on the first day comes
back to you.

A familiar voice draws your attention before you can speak. It’s thick with irritation, his eyes
piercing in their glare as his horse steps up beside George’s.

“Mind your own, business, Toupé,” Levi grunts with an eye roll, hands clenched tightly
around the reigns as he passes the other member of your group.

George doesn’t reply as his hand subconsciously runs through his bowl cut, but his
expression shows just how annoyed he is as Levi settles in beside Isabel.

You had checked with Levi, Isabel, and Farlan about whether they were comfortable with
George joining your expedition team since Erwin assigned him to join you, and they had
agreed it was fine. They don’t want to bring to light George’s prejudice.

You wondered if that just meant they didn’t want to bring any more attention to themselves
than needed for this expedition, especially with Levi’s side quest throughout.

“Leave the grudge here.” You tell George directly, swallowing your anger. “When we leave
out that gate, we’re comrades in battle. Where we’re from, where you’re from, none of it
matters. Tell me now if we can’t rely on you.”

George doesn’t look pleased but he doesn’t argue, and a nod is the answer you receive in
return. You turn away, satisfied, your eyes catching the moment the doors slowly lift,
exposing the Scouts on the onlookers to the area outside the walls.
“Soldiers,” Erwin’s voice booms across all of you as the gate’s door comes to a booming halt.
“Move out!”

You watch as soldiers filter out, and eventually, your horse starts to move, gradually gaining
speed until you’re passing through the stone gate of Wall Rose. Then, you're riding through
the streets of the fallen cities, avoiding Titans as the groups closer to the front take out the
ones too close for comfort. You make it to Wall Maria, and as you’re galloping out into
unclaimed land your breath catches in your throat.

With wide eyes you look up, your heart petrified with the beauty of the vast pre-afternoon
sky you’ve yet to see so big, so blue, so beautiful. It’s endless and gorgeous and fills you with
such desire and hope it’s hard to comprehend.

You feel as though your chest will burst, like possibilities are endless, like you’re lucky to
have been born into this world with such vibrant colors, soft, fresh air, and people and
animals and trees to breathe it in with you.

With one hand on the reigns, the other reaches out, palm open, fingers gliding through the
wind like silk. You momentarily let your head tilt upward, seeing nothing but blue. Your eyes
sting with unshed tears.

You feel free.

“So pretty,” Isabel cries out beside you. You shift your gaze to hers, heart warming at the
sight of her wide, glossy eyes and beautiful smile. “It’s unreal, like, we always wanted to be
above ground, but this? This! This is what I meant!”

“Focus,” George snaps, his horse falling into step between the both of you, “A Titan could
spring out at any second. No day-dreaming out here.”

You're brought back to reality as your additional team member pulls to the front, and you turn
toward Isabel, the both of you nodding at each other. Right. You aren’t safe out here. You
can’t let your guard down. It’s time to focus.
Over her shoulder, you glance at Levi, and his head whips forward quickly.

It’s uncharacteristic of him to shift his gaze so quickly, almost as though he’s embarrassed
having been caught staring. Your chest tightens as you face back forward, ignoring the swoop
in your gut and the question surfacing in your head wondering just how long Levi had been
looking at you.

“Titan spotted One o’clock!!” A member from three groups ahead of you shouts, and your
eyes focus on the location. Your eyes widen only slightly at the height of the Titan, but you
cringe at the ugly smile and how it runs. It’s not at all close to how Hange described them.

It's quickly taken out by a member ahead of you. You’re convinced it’s Mike.

“Two more, at six!”

Your head turns to look over your shoulder before a figure passes through your vision, fast
and determined.

“Levi!” Farlan yells, eyes flicking from him to you and Isabel. “Let’s help him out, Isabel.”

“Don’t!” George booms.

They nod to each other on a separate wavelength, ignoring George completely as if they
didn’t hear him. You follow their movements, watching as they chase after Levi. You’re
shocked by how quickly they moved, how eager they are to prove themselves, but
disappointed with how quick they all are to ignore orders.

You blink and realize you’d continued on with George, riding alone, and you turn to watch
Levi slice the Titan’s neck in the distance, throat dry.
Isabel and Farlan approach the second twelve-footer, heart in your throat. You whirl on the
spot, knowing it’s against orders to stop but you can’t just keep putting distance between you
and them. You watch as the duo jumps at the same time, blades drawn, but your heart almost
gives way as Isabel is caught in the Titan’s palm.

You’re moving your reigns before you can even think. The scream ready to rip from your
throat is replaced by her battle cry as she chops away at the thing’s fingers until she’s free.
Distracted, the Titan is taken down easily by Farlan, who managed to move even faster the
moment Isabel was grabbed.

You reach them amid their conversation, Isabel’s grinning wide as she gushes to Farlan and
Levi.

“We took that thing down easily!” She beams, then turns toward you. She scoffs at whatever
she sees in your expression, shaking her head. “Hange was right, you really are a worry wart.
We’re fine! Did you see us? Weren’t we awesome?”

You can barely nod, let alone speak as George trots up beside you, eyeing the recruits like
vermin.

“That was reckless.” He scolds. “I told you not to do it and you disobeyed my order.”

“No, it was awesome,” Isabel repeats with a little laugh. Farlan smiles, shaking his head. You
all straighten at the sound of another horse and turn to find Erwin approaching quietly. You
all move into a solute.

“For your first encounter, you did remarkably well,” Erwin comments, tone frosty, and you
watch him quietly, “But you burned too much gas. We need to conserve it out here.”

The comment swirls in the air between you all as you digest it, and it seems you all come to
the same conclusion. If Levi hadn’t gone after the Titans, they would’ve caught up to you,
Farlan, Isabel, and George, putting you all in a tough position.
Levi reacted fast and made a decision to turn around. That costs him gas but saves the four of
you from being put at risk.

Farlan opens his mouth to argue, but Levi stops him, lifting a hand. You all watch his stoic
face take in Eriwn, calmer than you expected.

“Are you saying that saving supplies should take precedence over protecting each other?” He
asks, and Erwin’s expression doesn’t change.

You knew this going in. It’s clear to Erwin that losing scouts is just part of the job. He’d
rather the expedition progress, and to do that, gear must be preserved. Which is another
reason why stopping for you isn’t worth it. If you go down, it would take double the gas to
transport you and more wasted blades to defend you.

“I’m saying many of your movements were wasted. You fight like a man plagued by self-
doubt. You should deal with that before it gets you killed.” Erwin snaps, and your eyes
widen, unable to look away from Levi as Erwin turns.

His face twists at the cruel words and your lips part at the flash of fear taking over Levi’s
features before he seals it. Erwin, while rude, was right. Levi is still carrying his fear. You
watch as Levi turns toward his horse and gracefully resaddles, looking away before you catch
his eyes.

Only you saw it, that sliver of doubt, of fear, and selfishly, you’re grateful for that glimpse.

Because you left your doubt, and your uncertainties back inside the walls, but the moment
Isabel got caught in that Titan’s palm, fear seized your chest so painfully, so brutally, that
you’re still recovering.

Levi is scared, too, not just you. You don’t let him know you saw, or attempt to console him.
He’d hate that. Instead, you sit in the comfort of knowing you truly aren’t alone and feel the
soft spot for him weaken even more.
Your mind clears again with the realization that you aren’t the only one afraid.

Isabel and Farlan can be overly confident. They can believe they’ll kill every Titan we come
across easily because you and Levi will make up for their lack of realism. You’ll be the doubt
and fear they need, the humbling reality, and aid their delusions by helping them fight.

You can do this, and you’ll all make it back inside the walls after all of this is over. You can
do this.
 Their Sacrifice
Chapter Notes

TW: death ):

Things get rocky when the rain starts.

Part of it is because the visibility is low. The droplets are coming down hard enough that you
can barely see more than fifty meters ahead of you. It doesn’t help that everyone is
uncomfortable. The horses kicking up mud onto your legs your hands pruning against the
reigns, and your noses are stuffed, leaving your heads heavy.

The worst part is when you’ve finally grown used to the weather conditions, Levi leaves. You
know it’s the perfect time for him to do so, the thick fog making it easy for him to slip out
without drawing any attention to himself.

You don’t hear what he mutters to his friends, but you watch his cape flutter behind him as he
pushes into the distance, a terrible feeling creeping over your skin as he does. You force it
down again. It’s up to you now to balance out Isabel and Farlan’s recklessness. You’ll do
everything in your power to keep them alive until Levi returns.

“Three Titans, two o’clock!” George cries out a few minutes after Levi’s out of your line of
vision, and your eyes trail to the exact spot where two thirteen-meter Titans and one six-
meter are running toward you.

“Woah!” Isabel cries out, eyes wide with flickering doubt from beneath her hood. “They’re
way too close!”

You don’t wait for your friends to step in this time.

“George, you take the one on the left. I’ve got the right, and Isabel, Farlan, take out the
smaller one together!” You cry out over the downpour, pushing up onto your feet and using a
nearby tree to propel toward the Titans.

Your comrades follow suit as you knew they would, coordinating your attack seamlessly. You
latch onto the titan’s shoulder, and in one fluid motion, you attach your blades, unsheath
them, and slice into the thick skin with a grunt.

The Titan falls fast, and as you clip to the second one, a heavy gasp parts your lips. You
watch through loose strands of hair as George’s legs disappear into the Titan’s mouth.

“George!” You cry out, shooting your hook into the Titan’s jaw, launching toward its neck,
cutting it out with ease. Your comrade screams as the Titan’s grip around his waist loosens,
but before he can plummet to the ground, Farlan swings past and grabs him.

You look over your shoulder, sighing in relief to see Isabel in one piece, the last, smaller
Titan steaming on the ground.

You propel toward her, landing smoothly in the mud just before her arms wrap around you in
the first hug you’ve ever shared.

“That was insane!” She cheers, pulling away with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. “You
glide through the air like Big Bro! Farlan and I were in awe for like a minute watching how
fast you got up there and took out those massive things!”

“Thank you, Isabel, but George-”

“Ash!” Farlan yells, silencing you and sobering up Isabel.

You turn quickly and fall into a sprint toward Farlan. He’s looking at you with wide, frenzied
eyes. He has George sat up against a tree, and just by looking at him you can tell he’s in bad
shape.
“I can’t stop the bleeding!” Farlan cries out frantically, looking back down at the injured man.
George’s teeth are gritted, eyes glazing over as he regards all of you.

“Where’s Levi?”

You’re hands shake as you crouch beside him, ignoring his question. “I have to see the
damage, George. I’m going to touch you now.”

Your comrade cries out as you shift his leg, but you can’t waste time. Farlan is right. George
is losing a lot of blood. Your gaze wanders over the wound, and you do your best to keep
your face neutral as you take in its severity.

The teeth marks have pierced through his left leg almost entirely, past skin and deep into
muscle just above his knee. It’s practically holding on by a thread, nothing but shredded
tendons and muscle keeping it attached. It’s dead weight and will only make transporting him
harder.

The decision is clear, but it’s going to hurt like a bitch.

“Come over here and hold down his left shoulder, Isabel.” You say as calmly as you can.
“You take his right shoulder and leg, Farlan, and put this in between his teeth.”

Farlan stares as you grab the dagger from your boot and hand it over to him. You sheath one
blade and leave the other out. As you start wiping it clean with your cape, you briefly glance
up at your friends who are staring at you with mouths agape and eyes full of horror.

You sigh quietly, but turn your direction to George. “I need to cut your leg off. It’s your best
chance of survival. If I remove it fully we can wrap your thigh and stop the bleeding. It’ll be
easier to move you that way, too.” You say, level-headed, your focus is on making sure
George understands what needs to be done.
You didn’t realize during a crisis you’d be someone capable of remaining calm, but you
realized when Levi pulled away that the hard decisions would be yours. You’ll shoulder the
weight of their lives and do what needs to be done, that way you don’t regret a single thing.

Erwin once told you we can only make the decision we believe to be best. There’s no telling
how what we choose will turn out until it happens, but even in the event of a tragedy or a
mistake, we have to believe we did what we could with what we have.

You’re going to cut off George’s leg, and you’ll deal with the consequences later.

“Wait,” Farlan calls out as you bring the blade to hover over his leg, but he’s cut off by
George.

“Shut up, mutt.” He hisses, eyes squeezing shut, “Let her do it.”

You sigh through your nose at the unnecessary comment, then turn to Farlan giving him a
nod.

“Hold him down with all your strength. You too, Isabel. Don’t let him move.”

Your blonde friend swallows, then nods before placing the dagger in George’s mouth, dull
side first. Once Farlan’s palms are on his bicep and shoulder, you glance at Isabel, and she
nods, too, eyes full of resilience and determination.

You position your sword once more. It’s hard to see, the rain coming down hard, but you
believe you’ve found the weakest spot of his leg. You take a steadying breath, in, then out,
then down in one fluid motion.

George’s screams of agony are barely muffled by the knife. He fights against Isabel and
Farlan, wriggling in his agony, but you managed to do it first try. The cut went straight
through, and you don’t have to put him through that again.
Your friends speak to George the entire time, bearing calmness despite how disturbing the
situation really is. You’re quick-handed, tossing his severed limb aside with your blade and
removing your cape. You wrap it around the stub of his thigh, then tie it as tight as you
possibly can.

His cries are heartbreaking, his pain completely unimaginable to you. Out here he is your
comrade, and you’re going to do everything to save his life.

“How will we-”

“Horseback,” You cut Farlan off with the answer, meeting his wide-eyed gaze. “We’ll need to
ride like crazy to catch up with our medical squad. They were positioned just ahead of us
toward the middle. Help me carry him to my horse.”

“Right.” He nods, turning to George. He pulls the knife from between his teeth, and George
heaves out painfully, face somehow paler than before.

“Leave me,” He wheezes, shaking his head, eyes watering, “I’m going to pass out. I’m dead
weight if I pass out.”

“We aren’t leaving you, Idiot,” You reply snippily, nodding toward your friends. “On three.
One, two, three!”

You Isabel and Farlan carry him to your horse, the rain impossibly thicker. You mount the
gentle animal, then pull George up in front of you with their help. He cries out in pain, then
wheezes out once he’s settled in.

You wrap your arms around him to grab the reigns and keep him in place, then direct your
horse to face the way you intend to go.
Your heart shatters at the bottom of your stomach when you see it.

Large and red beady eyes stare back at you through the onslaught of rain. The monster is on
all fours and fast approaching from the direction Levi had gone. You don’t even have time to
consider what that could mean because the Titan is closing the distance like crazy.

It’s dark hair blows across its face, and its tongue hangs out like a dog. Dread spikes your
entire being, but you react the moment you see it, whipping your head toward your friends
who’ve noticed the Titan, too, and are still with paralyzing fear.

“Get on your horses, now!” You scream, relieved that they blink out of their haze and follow
your orders the moment you scream them. You wait until Isabel and Farlan are on their
horses, steady George in front of you, then whip your reins. Your horse whinnies and then
propels forward.

“And I’m the Idiot,” George hisses out from in front of you, your heart beating wildly in your
chest as you keep your eyes locked on the pair ahead of you. It’s like the first time you saw
them from behind. Isabel’s distinct red hair and Farlan’s seamless movements. “It’ll outrun
us.”

You ignore him, mind whirling around the knowledge you have and the potential routes you
can take.

You remember what abnormals are. Abnormals are completely different from the average
Titan. They’re faster and tend to go for larger groups as opposed to the closest person.

If you and George veer off away from them, it should follow you as long as Isabel and Farlan
split up. It will be attracted to the two of you as opposed to one of them. That’s only if it can
tell the difference between two people and one.

You realize then that it’s the only option, and that you’ll have to let them believe the best
strategy for all of you is to split up. You need to protect them, at all costs, even if it means
lying to them and sacrificing yourself.
Levi needs them. Levi asked this of you, but you’re doing it because it’s your decision. You
haven’t known them long, but they’ve been together for years. They’re the real family, and
you’ll die before any of them do.

Your only regret is Hange. You wish you could tell them you’re sorry.

“You going to get us killed?” George coughs out, seemingly having caught on to the situation
at hand, body slumping before he jerks himself up.

“I’m sorry.” You tell him earnestly.

“So you cut off my leg for nothing.” He winces, then sighs out shakily, “Why did you even
save me?”

“I’d save anyone if I could,” You tell him honestly. “I think you’re ignorant, but I don’t hate
you. Even if I did, I’d never leave you to die. I’m actually a pretty selfish person, though, and
right now it’s us or them. I know you understand.”

You don’t ask, because you know he does. While your goal as scouts is to put humanity first,
making connections and caring for your fellow comrades comes naturally. When it comes
down to it, you protect those you care about. You die for them.

With no other words from George, you accept that as his understanding, and steel yourself.

“Isabel, Farlan!” You scream out as you wedge between them, eyes focused ahead. “We need
to split up.”

“Split up?” Isabel cries out, gaining your attention. Her green eyes are wide and frantic.
“How is that even an option? The only way to take that thing down is together!”
“Abnormals aren’t like other Titans.” You tell her sternly, voice loud so they can hear over
the rain. “They follow larger groups. If we split, we’ll confuse it, maybe even send it
elsewhere toward a different squad.”

“But then that squad-”

“That thing pushed through the left side ranks like it was nothing.” You cut Farlan off, eyes
burning. “It’s fast and powerful. To fight it just us three, likely only one of us comes out
alive, and that’s the best-case scenario. At least if the abnormal goes toward a larger group,
they’d have a better chance.”

“And if it doesn’t leave? If it comes after one of us?” Farlan asks, voice tight. You stare at
him, willing your voice to stay strong and certain.

“Then whoever it goes after needs to send out a black smoke signal, they ride until it catches
up to them, and they hope Levi is on his way back.”

Farlan is looking at you, eyes flicking back and forth between you and George. You can see
the moment the pieces fall together, when the realization passes over his face. He’s seen right
through your plan. Right through you. He knows there are two of you on your horse, and this
is essentially your death sentence.

You plead with your glossy eyes. Please, let me do this. Let me save you. Let me save Isabel.

“It’s our best bet,” Farlan bites out, facing forward, eyes pricked with tears. “You heard her,
Isabel. Take a sharp left on the count of three. I’ll go right, and Ash goes straight.”

“But-”

“It’ll be fine,” You tell her with a smile, a real one, “It’ll work.”
She regards you quietly, then nods. A smile forms on her face. “We’ll be alright.”

It twists in your gut, the lie, the deception, but to save her life, it’s worth it. You don’t let your
grin drop. No regrets.

“I love you guys,” You tell them because you want them to know how much they mean to
you.

Isabel’s eyes widen slightly, but before she can say anything, Farlan starts to count. You’ll be
grateful to him till the end for letting you do this. For not giving Isabel to dissect the finality
in your voice. The goodbye.

“1… 2… 3!” Farlan shouts, then he and Isabel are splitting off while you barrel straight.

“Follow me, follow me, please, follow me,” You mumble to yourself, mentally preparing for
either outcome. You turn back slowly to find your plan has succeeded. The abnormal is
closing the gap on you, continuing straight, still 100 meters out. Isabel and Farlan are out of
harm's way. “Oh, thank god.”

You reach down, grab your flare, and load up a black signal.

“Drop me,” George says, voice stern, “Buy yourself some time.”

“No,” You say, shooting the gun upwards before reholstering it, “I need to keep its attention
on us. They’re the ones who need time to get as far away as possible.”

“They’ll be fine now,” He hisses, struggling in your grip, “Let me go. It won’t pass up the
opportunity to eat me and then you have a chance of taking it out.”

“Abnormals don’t think like we do!” You argue back, the sound of its feral panting growing
closer. “If I drop you too soon, and Isabel and Farlan regroup, it’ll just turn. I have to keep
going.”

“You used to be such an angry, selfish mutt who only ever cared about herself. What
happened to her?” He coughs out, head lolling slightly against your chest.

“She met Hange.” You say, your eyes brimming with tears at the word. Oh, Hange. You know
they’ll understand, too, but you don’t want to be without them. You’re scared. Tears slip
down your cheeks, and your arms tighten around George’s sides.

“This is what we sign up for, right?” George says after a moment, feeling you tense, feeling
your uneven breathing as you cry.

“I’d rather be with anyone else right now,” You can’t help but grit out and he scoffs, “but
thank you. You let me do this. You could’ve told them what was going to happen, but didn’t.
You let me save them, so thank y-”

A sharp, blinding pain in the back of your head cuts you off.

It travels instantly, from your neck to your temple, then, it explodes. Every nerve in your
brain fries on the spot. You don’t have time to finish your sentence, the world around you
turning black.

You subconsciously claw at your head, and the reigns fall down to your thighs. Your balance
wavers and you aren’t conscious enough to register the thump as your body falls from the
horse and lands on the ground. You can’t breathe. The wind’s been knocked out of you, but
you’re too focused on the blinding, searing pain behind your eyes.

Your brain can’t process anything. Not the situation you had been in, not the sound of the
abnormal running directly toward you, or the sound of it coming to a halt. You cry into your
elbows, curled in on yourself, seizing from the unbearable agony.

The world around you fades, and when your breath finally catches, you scream.
-

Isabel felt like something was wrong when you recommended splitting up, but only realized
it was your goal all along to die when you fired the smoke with such ease as if you had been
prepared to.

She turned around instantly, eyes flooded with tears as she remembered your words.

If you die for me, I’ll never forgive myself.

That was never your call to make. Isabel should have never rolled over on that strong belief
of hers that if she was going to sacrifice herself for a friend, it’d be a good way to go. She’ll
decide who she dies for, and you? She’d die for you without a second thought.

“She knew,” Isabel cries to Farlan once they regroup, their eyes trained on your fading figure
and the Titan gaining on you. He nods, seemingly having already put it together, “We can’t
let her do this for us.”

“I know. We need to get it’s attention, but-”

Your scream captures their attention.

“No!” Isabel screams, hand reaching out as if to catch you as they watch you fall from your
horse. Her heart beats out of her chest with fear. A migraine now? They won’t make it to you
in time.

Isabel is convinced you’re about to die, and they’re going to have to watch. Her heart is in
her throat until George turns around. She can tell he’s using every last bit of strength left in
him to stay upright on that horse. How he managed to grab the reigns before falling himself,
she doesn’t know, but she’s damn grateful for it.
“He’s going straight for it!” Farlan grits out. “That damn bastard is getting himself killed to
save her. Why would he do that?”

Isabel watches as the abnormal swipes at George, and she can tell he’s dead on impact, body
skidding along the terrain. She never thought much of the man, but he died in a way he
should be proud of. She’ll always be thankful to him for his sacrifice, even as the abnormal
turns, eyes finding them across the large opening. Red orbs spot them amidst the rainfall, and
her stomach drops.

Right. With George gone, they’re the larger group.

“It’s going to leave her alone,” Isabel comments first, tugging on her reigns to turn, “but
we’ve got to go, Farlan.”

“Shit!” Farlan screams, catching the moment the Titan launches in their direction. “Go, go!”

“It’s leaving her alone!” Isabel can’t help but repeat, a relieved laugh bubbling out of her as
she gains on Farlan, their horses in step with one another. “I can’t believe it. She’s going to be
okay. I thought we were about to watch her die.”

Isabel’s heart is beating wildly, the adrenaline of almost losing you to knowing you’re going
to be fine, but that it’s her and Farlan who are in danger now is catching up to her. She
glances at Farlan and sees the same realization cross his face. The pure, devastating despair is
next.

“Hey, that’s what we wanted Farlan. It’s a good thing.” She swallows and then looks forward.
“She didn’t want this. I know that, but, that was never her choice. It’s ours. She’s a hypocrite
anyway. Saying all she did only to sacrifice herself instead. She’s just like Big Bro.
Seriously.”

Farlan huffs a laugh, eyes watery as he looks over at Isabel, then it crumbles and his voice
breaks. “I don’t want you to die.”
Isabel nods, her voice thick with emotion. “I know. I don't want you to die either, but she
willingly sacrificed herself for us. We can do the same.”

“We can try to split here,” He says quickly, “That way, only one of us-”

“No,“ Isabel shakes her head, “No, I’m not doing that again. I can’t sit by and watch you die.
We stick together. We’ll fight it together or die together.”

“Fuck,” He grits out, wiping at his eyes. The abnormal is gaining on them. “I know, Bel. I
agree. Together.”

“They’ll have each other, though.” Isabel grins through watery eyes, “If we die, they’ll be
alright. I’m pretty sure Levi has a crush on her anyway.”

Farlan laughs. “Even facing death you’re gossiping about Levi’s love life.”

“He can’t seriously think he’ll get through this life without a companion! It’s unrealistic. He
needs someone to ground him. Remind him there is good in the world. He deserves it. He did
so much for us.” Her lip wobbles then, and then she tilts her head back and screams, letting
some of her anger go. “It’s not fair. I’ll never see them kiss.”

“Why do you want to see them kiss?” Farlan chuckles. He’s crying, too.

“You know you do, too.”

“Yeah, but just to see how bad he is at it.”

Isabel laughs loudly, her tears refusing to slow as she looks at Farlan. They’ve always been
on the same wavelength. Twin flames. Brother and sister. They don’t need to say goodbye.
They feel the love with one glance. Siblings to the end.

“I’m not going out running,” She says then, determined. Farlan nods, readying himself. They
leap from their horses and face the abnormal that’s closing distance fast.

“There’s a chance, right?” Isabel asks, fear creeping in. “There’s a chance we take it down
right?”

“Yeah,” Farlan says, pulling out his blades. They assume fighting stances, eyes unwavering.
“Of course.”

Isabel smiles then, and nods, ready for whatever outcome. Just past the Titan, she makes out a
figure. Her heart stutters when she sees it’s you, sprinting fresh out of a migraine, screaming
for her.

“I love you, too, Big Sis.” She whispers to herself, knowing one day you’ll be okay. One day
you’ll understand that the same way you chose to sacrifice yourself, that she and Farlan did,
too. For you. And they wouldn’t change it for the world.

Then, the titan is there, its hand is swinging toward her much too fast. There’s not a chance
she’ll move in time, but that’s okay.

You’re the last thing she sees before her head is ripped from her body.
 Pain
Chapter Notes

TW: graphic depictions of gore

It’s insufferable. It’s pure agony. Your vision is all black but something’s changed.

There’s a voice. A man’s voice is filtering in through your splitting skull, speaking as though
he were underwater.

It’s muffled and deep and unfamiliar, crying and pleading for mercy. The sound of struggle,
thumps, and thuds. Other voices, commands, and wails of agony. Then, one clear word. A
name.

“Zeke!”

Then, it’s gone. The pain, the voices, and you gasp out as you come to.

You don’t know how long you’ve been out, and for a moment you forget where you were
when the migraine hit. You recall the voice, and the name, and a thrill shoots through you at
the thought of telling Hange.

You turn, for some reason expecting to find them there, but you're met with an open field. A
body not too far from you. The expedition. The abnormal.

Your head sways at the speed at which you push to your feet, but you fight through the pain
and nausea because you shouldn’t be alive. You shouldn’t be but you are.
Your eyes widen in horror. You’re alive because the abnormal must have turned around.
Isabel and Farlan.

You do the only thing you can think. You run.

You sprint in what you think is the direction you came from, vision spotty, breath labored,
head hammering. The rain is still heavy, but you’re sure you can see the abnormal somewhere
in the near distance.

You don’t even give the upper half of George’s body a second glance as you pass it, mind
reeling at what could have possibly led to this. How long has it been? How could they turn
back to save you? You begged them not to. You pleaded with them to follow the orders.
Farlan knew and let you go, so what changed?

You go as fast as your body allows, which is shockingly quick. A full sprint. Adrenaline is a
crazy thing. You close the distance, eyes widening in disbelief when you make out two
figures on the other side of the abnormal. Two familiar figures, one with striking red hair.

They’re looking up at the Titan, blades drawn, and you're so utterly petrified. Desperate, but
useless. Exhausted.

You’ve never moved this much after a migraine. You didn’t know you could, but you do,
because they’re about to start fighting the abnormal, and they won’t survive. You have
ground to cover, just under 100 yards, but there aren’t any trees to latch to. You’re too slow
on your feet. You won’t make it, but that doesn’t stop you from running.

You huff and cry and scream and move your legs faster than they’ve ever gone. Even as the
Titan reaches them, and swipes at them. You will your feet to move even though Isabel
doesn’t stand a chance.

All you can do is watch as the large hand connects with her body and your vision blurs.
You’re closing the gap, and you sob outwardly as you watch Farlan, who is paralyzed, staring
at something on the ground, be picked up and placed in the Titan’s mouth.
“Farlan!” You scream, but his screams have died out in an instant. You’re close now, hand
reached out as if you could do anything from your position. It’s futile but you will yourself to
save him, to help her, but then your eyes snag on a flash of red in your peripheral vision.

Time slows as you take in the head, the severed head of bright red hair pulled into messy
pigtails. The head of a girl connected to nothing. No body. There’s no body. Just a head.
Isabel’s head.

Your body fails you as you stumble toward her into the mud.

You stare, the sound of the rain fading around you as you look into her eyes. Lifeless,
emotionless eyes.

It’s not processing. None of it. You can only blink as this horrific image burns into your
memory. You’ll never be able to unsee this. Unsee her eyes so withdrawn. There’s no spark
or mischief behind them. There’s no smile on her lips, and she isn’t bragging about taking
down a Titan with ease. She doesn’t even have a body. Where is her body?

Blood gushes from her neck and you finally look away to vomit.

You don’t hear the hooves pummeling the ground, or the sound of his grunt as his horse
stumbles, and he flies off the saddle. He’s near you, maybe a few feet to your right, but you
barely notice his presence at all. You don’t hear his stutter of breath. You can’t unsee those
haunting, lifeless eyes.

You cough out more bile, head splintering in two, whimpers parting your lips.

A thump sounds from your left, and your head turns lazily, numb to all feeling as your eyes
find the upper half of Farlan’s body. He’s only a few feet away, and behind him stands the
very much still alive Titan who is now staring at you. It swallows Farlan’s legs, then shifts on
its spot.
You remember the sound of their voices, their laughs, their kindness, and their sarcastic
quips. You think of Farlan’s hand on your shoulder, the warmth under his fingertips. Isabel’s
arms around your torso, her excited chatter muffled in your shirt. Their eye’s full of curiosity
and a thirst for adventure that those in the underground rarely had. Their acceptance, their
understanding, their friendship.

You think of Levi’s kind eyes, the affection behind them as he joked with his friends, and
how this thing stole them from him. The weight of loss is threatening to petrify you, but with
a white-knuckle grip, you cling to your anger like a vice.

The sound of the rain comes back to you, feeling in your toes, your legs, and your head come
back to you with such force, so powerfully you’re sure your heart is seizing, failing within
your chest. Your gaze shifts once more, turning to look at him. You meet his grief-stricken
eyes, and your heart shatters.

It’s as painful as your migraines, as the lonely days spent in the underground, seeing the
devastation on Levi’s face. You have to look away. You can’t bear it. You can’t breathe. This
can’t be real.

You’d rather have a migraine for the rest of your life than live in this reality. You’d rather be
dead. You should be dead. Instead, your friends are, and Levi will never be the same.

Something crunches behind you, and your grip on your ODM gear tightens.

You don’t register that you’re moving, not really. You feel like a robot, like your body isn’t
yours, and your brain is doing something because your heart can’t physically take it. Any of
it.

You pull the trigger, flying toward the abnormal, and a rageful cry parts your lips as you slice
into its shoulder. You don’t know Levi is soaring through the sky with you until you pass one
another, but neither of you can acknowledge it. Each other. What’s down below, what’s
become of your lives.
You scream, you rage, you cry, and you chop away at the Titan, working in tandem, perfectly
in sync without intending to. Neither of you is really aware of anything but the blinding rage
and pain. You cut the Titan up until its head is severed like the girl you grew to love. Levi
delivers the final blow to its neck, his scream of agony waking you from your haze as you
land on your feet, the Titan’s body crumbling behind you.

You're covered in blood. Levi lands beside you, and he’s covered in blood. You both stare at
the carnage—the bodies of your comrades, your friends, your family.

You feel so much. Too much. Taking your anger out of the Titan responsible barely quenched
your thirst. The pain is consuming. You think you’ll faint.

Footsteps approach, but it isn’t until they speak do you know who’s standing before you.

“You two must be the only survivors then?” Commander Erwin’s voice breaks the silence.

Neither of you reply.

“Aren’t you two a sorry sight,” He mutters then. He must say it without thinking, without any
consideration for the shattered pieces of your hearts lying just past this Titan’s steaming body.
It’s cruel. It’s infuriating.

Your head whips up, and when you note the tiniest curve on your Commander’s lips you lose
your damn mind.

You lunge for him, tears slipping from your eyes at an alarming pace. Someone stops you.
You don’t know who. You can’t look away from those once trustworthy blue eyes, that look
anything but kind and honorable now. They’re cold and detached. Smug. It makes you sick.

“You bastard! I trusted you! You told me they’d be fine! You fucking lied!” You sob wildly,
clawing at the arms wrapped around your torso. “You’re a liar!”
“I did have my faith in them,” He says, voice aggravatingly calm before they slide to Levi,
“But it seems they had ulterior plans.”

Your breath hitches as Levi unsheaths his sword and comes at Erwin with it. The commander
catches it with his palm, eyes hard.

“I’ll kill you here. Finish the job.” Levi spits venom. Erwin holds the sword off in one hand
and reaches into his pocket with the other. He tosses something on the ground. It seems to
make Levi angrier.

Scouts come to Erwin’s aid in time. Levi fights against the three holding him back, voice
cracking in rage. “If you knew, if you knew why we were here, if you knew we were hired to
kill you, if you knew that was the entire reason we joined the goddamn scouts, then why did
you bring us out here! You knew they’d get slaughtered!”

Your stomach drops.

“What?” You breathe out, eyes wide. Levi’s head whips toward you. He looks at you, really
looks at you, but your gaze shifts to Erwin.

“Levi and his friends-”

“Isabel and Farlan.” You correct Erwin angrily, but your voice breaks as you speak. “They
had names. They were people with lives that I cared about, and you, what, you knew they
weren’t serious about joining the Scouts? You knew that and brought them anyway? You
knew Levi would leave them, leave me, what, did you think I’d die, too? Are our lives just
games to you? Are we seriously just your pawns just to get the answers you want? It doesn’t
matter who dies as long as it’s not you, right? As long as you live long enough to prove your
father wasn’t some fucking lunatic?”

You’ve never felt such hurt, such anger, and betrayal in your entire life.
“That’s enough, Honey,” Hange’s voice is like a breath of fresh air in a smoke-infested room.
You realize then the familiar arms wrapped tightly around your torso, and you start to fall
into them until the words they’ve said register.

“No,” You shake your head, and you fight against the arms around you once more, their
comforting arms, but you're weak. Your vision is spotting. “No! No, I can’t, Hange. Isabel-”

“I know,” Hange says, voice sad, “I know, Honey.”

“No, no, no,” You sob, crumbling to the ground. Hange falls with you and your fingers
clench around the blades of grass, and all your adrenaline crashes at once, leaving you on the
brink of passing out. “You don’t know. Her head-”

“Shh,” Hange whispers soothingly, and you wrap your arms around their waist. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not, it’s, I can’t breathe, Hange, please,” You cry, the image of Isabel’s head flooding
your memories. The upper half of Farlan’s body, “It’s my fault. I can’t unsee it, Hange. I
can’t. I can’t.”

Your words slur until you slump in your best friend’s lap, the arms you thought you’d never
feel again, the warmth of a familiar hug that makes you want to cry tears of relief, but all you
feel is loss. Pure, cruel, devastating loss.

“I’m sorry.” You wheeze out before your world goes dark for the second time today.
 No Regrets

Hange’s grip on your hand tightens as you let out a shaky breath and lift your head.

You know it won’t be easy to talk about, to relive, but you know you owe it to Levi to tell
him everything. He deserves to know how his friends died, and how there was nothing you
could do to save them.

“We were distracted.” You breathe out, letting your eyes shut as you focus on recollecting
everything. “George got grabbed, and the Titan took a solid bite before I could take it down.
He was losing blood and his leg was dead weight. I had to cut it off.”

Hange lets out a tiny gasp, but you stay focused.

“Farlan and-” You pause abruptly, a sharp pain stabbing your chest. Five days with nothing to
do but remember their lifeless eyes and yet you still can’t believe they’re gone. It doesn’t feel
real, and maybe that’s why you and Levi haven’t said or done anything until now.

You know life needs to progress. The Scouts risk their lives, and those who survive must
endure. It’s part of the job. This isn’t anything new and yet it’s your first major loss. You
don’t know how Erwin and Hange have stayed sane.

“Go on, Honey,” Hange whispers. You blink out of your haze, and nod, offering Hange a
forced but appreciative smile.

“Farlan and Isabel helped me.” You push their names out. “They held him still, and I had it
sliced in one go. We moved him to my horse. The rain was so thick by then that we hadn’t
seen any smoke beforehand. We turned, and it was just there, coming at us fast.”

“I could tell it was an Abnormal. I knew from training that it’d pass a solo to tear away at a
larger group. I had George on my horse, and I took a risk. Told Farlan and Isabel we needed
to all split up to better our odds, knowing, hoping the thing would chase me, and it did.”
Hange’s fingers tighten around yours, but you can’t bring yourself to look at them, knowing
what you’re admitting to.

You were going to leave them behind in this shitty world to save Isabel and Farlan, and while
you’re sure they understand, it doesn’t ease your guilt. You know now the pain Hange would
have been in had you died. It’s heavy and unwavering.

Tears prick your eyes again and frustration takes over. You try to pull away from Hange but
they tighten your grip, and you finally meet their gaze. They look anything but angry, eyes
full of sorrow and sympathy. Kind and understanding. It lets the tears fall.

“You had a migraine, didn’t you?” Hange asks quietly. A sob parts your lips as you nod
fervently, shaking your head as if it’ll change the past.

“I don’t know what happened.” You cry out painfully. “I was leading it away and the next
thing I knew I was on the ground, confused because I was alive. When I realized what was
going on, I started running. There weren’t any trees, no way for me to move faster than a
sprint. All I could do was watch as-”

Your voice dies out. You can’t say it.

“You don’t have to say anything else.” Levi’s voice is quiet but surprisingly calm. You pull
Hange’s hand to your chest, sinking in your despair.

“I’m so-”

“Especially that.” Levi cuts you off so abruptly your heart stutters. “Don’t apologize. Don’t.”

You suck in a breath. “But you trusted me and I-”

“I should have never put that on you.” Levi grits out tiredly. “It wasn’t fair of me and I knew
that but asked you anyway. You didn’t let me down. You did everything you could so they’d
survive. I’m the one who left and put you in that position.”

“I made my choice.” You state without any room for argument, your tear-stained cheeks
glistening under the firelight. “You asked me to look after them and you told me you were
breaking formation. I could have said no. I could have told Erwin. I didn’t because I realized
I’d protect them without having to be asked to. I made my choice.”

You finally look back over at Hange, frowning, an apology on the tip of your tongue, but they
shake their head, squeezing your hand again.

“You were put in a terrible situation with no right or wrong course of action.” They say
evenly, voice kind and reassuring. “You were, too, Levi.”

“What do you know, Four-Eyes?” Levi spits, but Hange doesn’t react to his anger. They pat
your hand then push to their feet, settling in against the wall where you assume they can see
the both of you.

“I know you were tasked with killing Erwin in exchange for a ticket to live on the surface.
You were dealt a shit hand and did what you knew to try and make a better life for the three
of you. You were doing what you could with what you had.”

Levi doesn’t reply, so Hange turns toward you.

“The same way Honey was presented with an impossible decision. Save her own skin or save
her friends. Of course, you’re going to sacrifice yourself. I know you. You don’t need to look
so guilty, but I must tell you how fucking relieved I am that you’re alive. I’ll forever be
thankful for those two’s sacrifice.”

You blink back more tears, then nod at Hange, appreciative of her for saying what you
couldn’t ask for.
“You both know our choices during battle are guided by our common sense and our
knowledge of Titans, and we make decisions on what we believe will deliver the best
outcome. You both made choices you thought were best, and they backfired. The
consequences were astronomical, I know. Losing Isabel and Farlan is going to stick with us
for a long time, but it’s for them that we need to push forward.”

You stare up at Hange with wide, grief-stricken eyes. They stare back down at you with a sad
smile.

“Easier said than done, I know, but-”

“We can’t live with regrets.” You bite out, knowing already where Hange is going with this.
Erwin’s given you a similar speech before. You even told yourself it before the expedition.
You didn’t think living with the consequences would be so hard.

“Yes,” Hange comments softly. “Surely you must know Isabel and Farlan gave their lives for
you the same way you were willing to give your life for them. Nothing will change the past,
and you shouldn’t want to. All you can do now is keep your comrade’s sacrifices from going
to waste.”

You swallow thickly, fingers clenching into a fist.

This pain won’t vanish, but you have no choice but to live with it and learn from it. You’ll
carry the weight of their losses until it slowly lessens, and one day you’ll think of them
fondly. This is the life of the Scouts. This is the life you chose.

“Sulking won’t bring them back.” Levi finally speaks again, and you note the shift in his
tone. It’s detached but focused. Cold but determined. “I refuse to let their deaths be
meaningless.”

You breathe out, your chest still tight with grief but the overwhelming guilt you have felt for
the past five days is lessening. You were so afraid to face Levi, to acknowledge Hange and
find something broken. Something unfixable.
Only it seems the opposite like this tragedy is something the three of you will take with you,
learn from, and use to better yourselves as soldiers and your relationship as comrades. As
friends.

You look at Hange again, eyes tired. They stare back expectantly.

“When can we leave?”

“Now!” They exclaim excitedly, moving to unlock your cell. “The Commander said
whenever you asked that question, it meant you were henceforth free. I am to take you
straight to his office, though.”

Your gut stirs, and you look away as the door creaks open.

You realize you lashed out on Erwin without knowing everything, and for things he couldn’t
control. You were so consumed with grief and horror, you needed someone to blame, but
even after a day of reflecting you knew you were wrong.

You want answers from him, but you also want to apologize for some of the things you said.

“He’s already forgiven you. If that is what you’re worried about.” Hange murmurs, crouching
down to your height. “We all say things we don’t mean when we’re upset. You were under a
lot of duress, Honey. The only person beating you up for any of it is you.”

You glance at them, blinking wetly with a sigh. “How do you do that?”

“I already told you. I know you. Come on. Let me help you up.”

You take Hange’s hand, and stand, wincing at the ache in your bones.
“We’ll get the two of you back on track tomorrow, but today, we’ll take you to see Erwin and
then you can go bathe and rest.”

“Do you at least have a brush?” You ask weakly with a huff. Hange grins and then licks their
palms before reaching for your hair. You swat their hand away and shrivel your nose.

“Gross. Don’t.”

“I’m here, too, Shitty Glasses,” Levi calls out over Hange’s snickers. “Let me out. I’ve never
felt so disgusting in my life.”

Nervous butterflies flutter in your abdomen at the thought of seeing Levi.

You know based on his words that he isn’t upset with you, yet you still hesitate in your cell as
Hange heads toward his. You haven’t really looked him in the eye since his friends died, and
you aren’t sure you know how to.

You’re scared, but you aren’t a coward. This is the first step toward healing, facing the person
you let down. With a steadying breath, you step out as Hange opens the door. Levi’s gaze
lands on yours and your breath catches.

The darkness under his eyes and the hollowness in his expression make your heart drop. It’s
like the walls he built in the underground have been reinforced. You know he’s lost more than
you in the past week. You had known Isabel and Farlan for two weeks, but he had known
them for years.

You feel selfish and foolish once more for reacting so poorly, for lashing out and acting as
though you were the one hurt in this. The weight of your grief is nothing compared to his.

“You look like shit,” Levi grunts.

You look away quickly despite knowing he’s only trying to break the tension in the air and
will yourself to muster up an equally sarcastic comeback, but you can’t. Nothing comes to
mind and your throat feels swollen with emotion. The silence lingers and your cheeks heat
with apology and embarrassment as Hange whistles.

“You’re a real class act, short stack.”

“I was clearly fucking around.” He barks back making Hange toss up their hands in defense.
His gaze shifts back to yours, lips tilted down, and you muster a small, forced laugh, hoping
it’s convincing enough.

“I probably smell like it, too.” You mumble awkwardly with a huff.

“You’re perfect, Honey. Don’t let sour face here tell you otherwise.” Hange argues loudly,
earning a tut from Levi.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, Hange.” He mutters, tossing you one last glance as your
friend’s grin widens. “Let’s go get this over with.”

Hange cheerfully starts filling you in on what you’ve missed although most of it is mindless
chatter as they lead you to Erwin’s office. They go on excitedly about the 104th Training
Corps cadets and how promising they seem. They won’t be graduating for another year and a
half, but Hange is hopeful at least a handful of brave souls are willing to join the Survey
Corps.

You realize then, in a few months new cadets will join your ranks. The death of your
comrades, of kids Isabel’s age, is just something you’ll have to grow used to. You’ll see it
regularly as you continue to venture outside the walls. That’s if Erwin allows you to do so
again.

The whole reason you risked it was in hopes a memory would unlock, and yet you-
Wait.

You stop walking in the middle of the hall, eyes widening in realization. You had forgotten,
too much had happened that you didn’t even give it another thought, but you remember now.
Your migraine outside the walls wasn’t like the others. You caught a glimpse of what you’re
certain is your past.

A name.

“Ash?” Levi’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you blink up at him to find his
expression controlled and blank. “Hange’s called your name like five times. Answer them.
It’s getting on my nerves.”

Your cheeks flush as you turn to find Hange in your face. It’d be startling if it wasn’t a sight
you’ve grown used to.

“What is it?” Hange asks urgently, grabbing your hands and shaking them. Their eyes are
wide with curiosity and eagerness. “I know that look in your eyes. You’re thinking of
something. What is it?”

You stare back at her, take in the hopefulness in her voice, and your lips tug upward.

“I remembered something.” You breathe out. Hange blinks at you, then their eyes grow
comically big as their hands reach up to cup your cheeks.

“What? Like, like you remember what you had for breakfast a week ago, or like you
remember something from before?”

“She remembered she has to take a shit.” Levi barks out, voice laced with irritation. “What do
you think, Shitty Glasses?”
You laugh, unable to stop it from bubbling out of you, eyes twinkling with tears. Your
emotions feel like a rollercoaster, but an odd sense of relief is flooding you. The entire reason
you went out there was to test a theory, and you had forgotten until now that your hunch was
right.

Isabel and Farlan’s deaths are far from meaningless, but you had felt such guilt for getting a
migraine, for becoming so useless to them with nothing to show for it. Only, you’ve unlocked
something. It’s barely anything, but it’s a sign that it’s possible to learn more.

Hange’s excitement is hard to match but it lifts your spirits enough that you don’t mind being
pulled into a tight hug. Your feet lift from the ground and you laugh again, fighting against
their hold.

“Put me down.” You bite out, cheeks red as you make eye contact with Levi from over their
shoulder. He’s watching the two of you with a blank expression, but his eyes flash with
something you understand. He’s relieved, too. It wasn’t all for nothing.

The moment your feet are back on the floor Hange is tugging you down the hall.

“We have to tell Erwin!” She cries out excitedly. “Then you have to tell us what you
remember! Best you can! Oh, Honey, this is fantastic news!”

You bite the inside of your cheek and let Hange pull you the rest of the way to The
Commander’s office. You occasionally glance back, making sure Levi is still behind you. He
hasn’t changed his pace but he remains close enough to know where to go. He lifts a brow
each time you turn and each time you flush when you face back forward.

When you reach the Commander’s door, Hange knocks loudly.

“Come in.” The familiar deep voice calls out, and your stomach flips uneasily as Hange
wastes zero time in pushing through into his office. Your eyes meet his icy blue ones, but
they soften at the sight of you.
“Honey.” He addresses you kindly, eyes flicking over your shoulder. “Levi. It’s great to see
you both. Sit, please.”

“Honey remembered something!” Hange cries out because they just can’t help themselves.
Erwin’s brows shoot up as he looks at you.

“Really?” He asks, his voice tilting with curiosity and hope. You nod as you sit, glaring at
Hange before turning toward your Commander.

“Yes.” You reply, voice clipped. “It’s not much, though.”

“Something is better than nothing.” Erwin muses, eyes drinking in the sight of you and Levi.
“I suppose we should go over some more pressing details before you divulge what has come
back to you.”

Hange whines but is ignored by everyone as you nod. “I agree. I want to apologize, sir. I was
out of line.”

“There’s no need.” Erwin sighs, interlocking his fingers. “A Scout’s first expedition is never
easy. Sometimes surviving feels like a worse fate, but as survivors, those we’ve lost push us
to continue the fight for humanity. We give their lives and deaths meaning by moving
forward.”

You swallow thickly, feeling way too easily forgiven for all of it. “What I said-”

“Honey,” Erwin says abruptly.

You finally meet his unfaltering gaze, feeling the dirt under your fingernails and the knots in
your hair. It’s like that first day he came to you. You were a different person then, and you
were a different person five days ago, but each time he’s looked you in the eyes you’ve felt
the same resolute feeling. Important and seen.

“I believe we all withheld information for reasons we deemed necessary.” He says then
quietly, shaking his head. “There is no point in regretting what was done or said, but if you
need to hear it, I forgive you.”

You look down at your lap. “Okay.”

“And you Levi?” Erwin asks, making you turn to catch a glimpse of the man beside you.
He’s staring back at the Commander, expression blank. “Is there anything you-”

“No.” Levi cuts him off easily, voice level. “The three of you see something I don’t, right? So
I’ll follow you and give their deaths meaning. That’s all there is for me to say.”

Your eyes search his features for something, anything other than the wall he’s put up in front
of his features but it’s impenetrable. All you know for certain is the belief behind his words.
He’s serious about following this decision, about believing in you, Erwin, and Hange.

You won’t ask him for more.

“Excellent. You’re the best soldier we have, there’s no doubt about it. The both of you are.”
Erwin comments, a twinkle in his eye as he turns back toward you. “You’re valuable assets to
the Scouts, and I have important roles for the both of you, but first, if you’d be so kind as to
tell us what you remember.”

That earns a hollar of approval from Hange who you had forgotten was standing off to your
left. They’re rarely ever so quiet, so their sudden outburst makes you jump in your seat.

“Sorry!” They laugh, stepping over to pat your back. “Scared ya, did I?”
“You’re lucky I love you, Hange.” You grumble, shoving their hand away. “Stop touching
me. I’m covered in filth.”

“I don’t care!” They argue cheerfully. “I missed you.”

“You’ve seen me every day, psycho” You grumble back, glancing toward an amused Erwin.

“Let her tell us what happened, Hange.” He cuts in.

“Oh, right, yes! Tell us what happened. Was the migraine the same as usual? Was it less
painful? What did you see?”

You sigh, rubbing at your temples but think back on when the migraine hit, how you had
fallen off your horse but didn’t even feel it. Your mind went blank with pain and you couldn’t
even register where you were, not even when lives were on the line.

“It felt the same.” You admit quietly. “It came on out of nowhere. The pain was excruciating.
The only difference was this time, I heard a voice.”

“A voice?” Hange cries out, then steps back at the scowl you toss their way. “Sorry, sorry. A
voice, you say?”

Levi scoffs from over your shoulder and you sigh. “Yeah. A man’s voice. I didn’t recognize
it, and I didn’t even hear what he was saying. It was so muffled like I was listening to it
underwater. I could just tell whoever it was that they were upset and desperate.”

“Desperate?” Erwin asks with a furrowed brow. You shrug unhelpfully.

“Like they were begging for something.” You answer as best you can. “There was only one
word that I heard clearly, and it was screamed loudly, like a wail.”
You feel all their gazes on you, giving you a moment to compose yourself. It’s exciting,
knowing something has come back to you, but it’s also frustrating. These are people you
likely knew for eleven years. They may even be your family, and you don’t know or
recognize their names or voices.

An odd sense of guilt floods you at the thought of your indifference.

“Zeke.” You tell them, looking up to meet Erwin’s gaze. “That’s what the voice said.”

“A name?” Hange murmurs to herself, bringing her fingers to her lips. “I’m assuming you
don’t know who that is?”

You shake your head. “No.”

“Hopefully this is a memory that continues to reveal itself,” Erwin comments thoughtfully.
“It is curious that your migraines haven’t provided us with any details until this previous
one.”

“Well, your theory must be somewhat right.” Hange points out to you. “You assumed you’d
remember something if you went out there and you did. It makes me wonder if seeing a Titan
unlocked something, or if it really is the location itself.”

“I believe we have some trials to run, then.” Erwin agrees, smirking at the way Hange’s eyes
light up. “I’ll do some digging as well. See if there are any Zekes inside the walls and
investigate whether they could have played a role in your memory loss.”

“Are we done here then?” You ask, pushing up to your feet and frowning when Erwin shakes
his head.

“There’s one more thing I’d like to discuss with the two of you.”
“I was wondering why I needed to be here for this,” Levi mutters, and you offer him a tiny,
sympathetic glance as you sit back down.

“With the possible return of your memory, we have faith to believe more and more will
reveal itself to you as time passes. You really are one of the most important members of the
Scouts now because you may be able to offer knowledge on the world outside our walls.
Based on what we’ve learned recently, you must continue to join us on every expedition,
even knowing you could suffer a migraine at the worst times. This means you’ll need
protection.”

Erwin’s gaze shifts to Levi.

“You are by far the most talented soldier the Scouts have ever had, and therefore you are the
only person I trust to keep her alive. Starting tomorrow, the two of you will be trained
together and grouped together for future expeditions. You are to protect her at all costs, Levi.
Can I trust you with her life?”

Your lips part as you turn toward Levi, waiting for his answer, but your breath catches when
you find his stare set on you.

“You should be asking Ash,” Levi states. You swallow thickly, heart beating loudly in your
ears under his intense stare.

“Asking me what?”

“Can you?” Levi reiterates. “Can you trust me with your life?”

“Of course I can.” You answer bluntly, confused as to why Levi would think otherwise. He
looks away abruptly at your answer, and it’s then you understand. He made it clear to you
that you haven’t lost his trust, but he has no idea if he still has yours.
The guilt you’ve felt, he’s felt it, too.

“I trust Levi.” You state clearly, facing Erwin. “You don’t need to trust him. I do.”

“Then it’s settled.” Erwin’s eyes shine with an emotion you are sure you’ve never seen on his
features before. It’s unsettling. “You’re both dismissed.”

A sudden thought crosses your mind as Levi pushes to his feet.

“Wait.”

“I’m going to scream.” Levi deadpans.

“You have a different room for him, right?” You ask Erwin, ignoring Levi’s comment. The
Commander regards you thoughtfully, eyes shifting to Levi and then back to you.

“I hadn’t thought that far.”

“Assign him a new room.” You implore quietly, shaking your head. “Please.”

You don’t need to say why you don’t want Levi going back to his bunk alone. The silence
around you is awkward enough, but it’s something you can’t budge on. Levi deserves his own
space, somewhere he can move forward.

“Done,” Erwin states with a nod. “Hange, show Levi where to go. I’ll see you all for training
tomorrow.”

You can feel Levi’s eyes burning into the side of your head as you stand, reddening your
cheeks, and you avoid it completely as you dismiss yourself from the room without another
word. You’ll tackle whatever is left tomorrow.

For now, you’ll focus on one thing at a time, and right now, all you want is a shower.
 Get It Off Your Chest
Chapter Notes

TW: anxiety

Seven months pass with no migraines.

You once would have been pleased with the sudden halt of your aggressive headaches, but
that was before you realized your suppressed memories could come back to you. Now you’re
annoyed and self-conscious with yourself, positive every passing month leaves the
Commander and Levi suspicious that you made it all up.

They haven’t said as much, but you can read it in Erwin’s expression. He’s disappointed in
the lack of progress, the stunting of what had only just begun. You know he isn’t putting any
blame on you, but you feel the weight of it regardless.

It’s your fucked up head after all.

Levi is a different story. He hasn’t been the same since Isabel and Farlan’s deaths. Not that
you blame him or that you haven’t changed either.

The only way to stay sane as each expedition brings more death and less hope is by keeping
relationships moving forward at arm’s length, and you’ve done well in reinforcing that, only,
the people who’ve already wormed their way into your heart, you cling to them for dear life.

The thought of losing Erwin, Hange, or Levi in any of these expeditions creates an ache in
your chest that leaves you breathless. You’re aware that makes them your weakness, but
there’s no use distancing yourself from them now. You don’t want to.
It’s different for Levi.

He’s closed himself off entirely. From everyone. Including you.

You know losing Isabel and Farlan was a significant loss for him. It must have been then
when he decided it’d be better to go it alone than get close to anyone else and risk losing
them. Even though he had briefly let you in when you first met, he barely knew you really,
and it appears it was easy for him to shut you back out.

You understand it, but that doesn’t make his emotionless tone and heavy-set gaze any easier
to swallow when it’s directed toward you. Not when you’ve felt the warmth and comfort of
his palm against your skin, or seen flashes of amusement and fondness behind those eyes that
are nothing but dark and blank now.

He looks at you as though you are nothing more than the thing he must keep safe. A task
assigned by Commander Erwin and one he’ll continue to carry through with as the newly
appointed Captain of the Special Operations Squad.

It’s slowly becoming a delusional thought that Levi once considered you a friend at all,
especially as he steps into his new role. He has more responsibilities and expectations, and
not only are you his comrade but his subordinate for now. While Erwin considers you worthy
of being a squad leader, your migraines are entirely too unpredictable, so for now you’ll
remain under Levi’s watch.

Therefore, Levi is in charge of your safety and progress, which you’re failing to make.

As your Captain, Levi expects more from you, but as someone who once wanted nothing
more than to earn his trust and protect his heart with your life, sometimes his coldness feels
like a harsh slap to the face.

You train together, but you barely talk. You see him every day and yet you feel like you never
do. It’s painful and frustrating and as days pass you wonder if you’ll ever be able to cross the
line he’s drawn in the sand. You step forward and he steps back.
He wants to keep you at a distance. He doesn’t want your friendship.

You’re trying to be okay with that.

“Too slow.” Levi drawls out with a sigh, the weight of his knee slipping off your back as he
stands. “We’ll go again.”

Today has been long and exhausting. You had a nightmare last night that kept you up until
morning, swelling anxiety in your gut. The same dream haunts you as time marches on,
popping up unexpectedly but without fail.

A hazy hallucination where you’re stuck in place, unable to move as rain pelts from above,
and a Titan tears through a line of your friends. Isabel is decapitated, and then Farlan is split
in two. Next is Erwin whose limbs are torn off, and the last to go is Hange, and you can do
nothing but watch as they’re swallowed whole.

The dream ends as Levi turns toward you with half of his face missing, and a soul-crushing
look in his eye, the same one he gives you every day. One devoid of emotion and full of
disappointment. You wake up with tears pooling down your cheeks as he mutters the words
you’re starting to believe.

“It should have been you.”

You’ve spoken to Hange about the dream but not in detail. All they know is you have trouble
sleeping because you see Isabel and Farlan’s death when you close your eyes. They think it
may just be a trauma response, but you think it’s your personal fears manifesting before your
eyes.

The dream is morbid and cruel, a genuine hell that instills an ache in your heart that takes
hours to go away, but in the end, it is just a dream. You wake up, and you have no choice but
to move forward.
Only that bad feeling from this morning has stuck with you all day, and it’s worsening as
training barrels on with Levi gradually losing his patience with you.

It’s fair for him to do so. You’re distracted and failing the basics you learned in the trainee
corps, but your stomach feels sick with this powerful sense of foreboding. Each misstep that
irks him makes you flinch, like a ticking time bomb on the verge of detonation.

You don’t utter a word as you push to your feet. You’re worried your voice will betray you
and crack if you try to speak. You get into position to spar, avoiding his gaze as he nods,
signaling the start.

Sweat trickles down your temple as Levi lunges forward and you step back. He comes at you
again, fast, much faster than last time, and knicks your cheekbone as you whip your head
backward. Your balance teeters, and Levi doesn't give you a chance to right yourself. His leg
swings, taking out yours and you land on your back with a whimper, the wind sucking from
your lungs.

“Your reaction time is shit right now,” Levi mutters, and you heave out a shaky breath, eyes
shutting at the disappointment in his voice. “You messed up the landing with your ODM gear
earlier and your head has been in the clouds since breakfast. I don’t suppose you’ll have a
migraine right about now and make today not a complete waste of my time.”

Your chest burns as you push yourself up onto your feet. Your sinuses are stinging, fighting
back frustrated tears, and your throat is dry, on the verge of retorting with something cruel or
just as condescending as his tone. You will your mouth to stay shut, to bite your tongue, to
not say anything.

He doesn't owe you sympathy or patience, and you have no right to express any anger or
sorrow and burden him with your emotions. He’s your Captain, not your friend.

“Yes, Sir.”
There’s a pause. It’s long and borderline unbearable, but you don’t dare meet Levi’s eyes as it
lingers. You can only stare at his feet, too afraid to look up and see his aggravation, his dull,
blank eyes directed at you with hollowness or annoyance. You’re afraid you’ll snap, and you
don’t know if it’ll be tears or vicious words if you do.

“Again.” He finally says.

You shoot forward first, hoping to channel your fragile mental state into something useful,
but it’s pointless. Levi’s always been faster, but you're normally able to put up a fight at least.
Not today.

Your poor attempt is dodged, and he grabs your wrist and twists it harshly. You whimper as
you’re turned, and he kicks out the back of your knee, leaving you in a similar position from
two rounds prior.

“What is with you, brat?” He seethes, the pressure of his knee to your spine, and the
aggravation in his tone springs angry tears in your eyes. “We leave in two days and you’ve
been nothing but-”

“Useless?” You grit, jaw clenched, your own patience fraying like a thread. “Trust me,
Captain, I’m well aware.”

“What-”

“Get off of me.” You cut him off, voice breaking as the ground against you suddenly feels
like it will crumble, open up, and swallow you whole.

“No.” Levi barks back, pushing you further into the dirt. “Tell me why you’re acting like a
spoiled little shit.”

“No!” You argue back just as childishly as he’s accusing you of being. “You got really good
at not giving a fuck, Levi, I doubt you could even pretend to give a damn even if I told you
how I feel.”

Levi seems stunned by your words because a thick silence follows them. You use the moment
he’s caught off guard to shove him off your back by rolling to the side, he lands beside you
with a barely audible huff.

You push up to your feet, but his fingers wrap around your ankle and tug. You trip, landing
on your chest, but you manage to turn before he can press you face down into the dirt again.

“Get off of me!” You cry out again, struggling against his grip, but he’s stronger. His hands
pin yours down beside your ears and his knees dig into your thighs, holding you in place.

“Look at me.” He commands and you shake your head. “Why won’t you?”

“I don’t want to.” You reply sharply, blinking wetly as your fight begins to fade. “Let me
go.”

“No, not until you look at me.”

You stiffen at his words, knowing he means them.

He won’t move until you meet his gaze, but you’d rather do just about anything than do that.
You can’t keep seeing that look in his eyes. The one from your nightmares, the one from
reality. The look people used to give you in the underground when they saw you huddled on a
street corner, asking for spare change, asking someone to care.

“Then I guess we’re going to be here awhile.” You mutter, turning your head off to the side to
stare off at the trees. The last bits of remaining sunlight flicker between their trunks as silent
tears slip down the side of your face. Levi looks down at you, brow furrowed with irritation
and confusion
“What makes you think I don’t care?” He asks quietly, frustration clear in his tone. You don’t
speak, and he sighs. “I say the same shit to you that I do to Erwin and Hange. I hold you to a
high standard and I’m hard on you because I know you’re strong.”

“I know.” You say quietly, voice fragile. Levi sighs out his nose, and the breath from it fans
your cheek.

“So that’s not it?” He deadpans.

“No.”

“It’s my eyes then.” He states it, but you nod anyway, frowning instinctively. “That’s why
you won’t look at me?”

The calmness and softness of his voice are so different than the emotionless tone he’s been
offering you for months now. It almost convinces you to look at him, but then you wonder if
that’s his goal, why he’s suddenly sounding so gentle and caring. It makes your blood boil
under your skin.

“If you don’t know, you never will.” You bite out, holding your ground.

“If you don’t tell me I never will.” He grits back. “I can’t read minds, Ash. You need to use
your big girl voice and-”

“Oh, fuck you.” You cut him off sharply without thinking. “Want to talk about being
immature? You’re the one who has the emotional intelligence of a walnut.”

“You’re really starting to piss me off.” Levi snips before a scoff parts his lips in realization.
“A walnut? Did you down a bottle of Hange’s mead when I wasn’t looking? What are you
going on about?”
“It means it’s been seven months of me feeling like I can’t breathe when you look at me like
that and you’ve only just noticed.” You seethe out, eyes shut tight.

“Like what?”

“What?” You snap back.

“What is it you’re seeing in my eyes?” Levi reiterates as his palm finds your jaw, and his
thumb curls around your chin. He forces your head straight and keeps it in place. “Open
yours and tell me.”

“No.”

“I’ll peel them open if I have to.”

“I don’t need to look into your eyes to know what’s there.” You argue back fiercely,
struggling against his grip once more. “It’ll be the same damn thing I see every time. This
hollowed-out nothingness, like I’m some burden, an order from the Commander, anything
but a person you once cared for. We were never close, Levi, but you shoved me away the
moment Isabel and Farlan died like it was easy, like I was dead to you, too, and when I
disappoint you, your eyes are full of this resentment, like you wish I had been the one to die
that day. You said you wouldn’t regret anything, but when you look at me I feel like I’m the
only exception, and I can’t do it. I can’t keep seeing that look. It’s suffocating me, and I know
you have every right to feel that way, to push me aside. I’m sure it’s easier for you, and I’m
trying to be okay with it, so whatever this is, whatever you’re doing now, it’s making it
harder for me to just accept it and step back. So just stop pretending to care, Captain, please.
You don’t need to do that. Just let me go and leave me be.”

The anger and fight fade and your voice ends up being a broken plea by the time you're done,
the tears slipping from your eyes were once burning with rage, but now they’re cold and
somber. You’re free from the weight of your selfish grief, but now you feel hollowed out,
drained, and weak. You just want to vanish with the breeze, drift from this spot beneath Levi,
and venture anywhere else.
Levi uncurls his hand from your jaw and his weight leaves you quietly.

You only open your eyes once his retreating footsteps grow far enough away, and when
you’re finally alone you curl into yourself, knowing his silence, his lack of retort only
confirmed your thoughts.

The Levi you met seven months ago is gone. The care you feel for him, it’s one-sided, and
maybe now you can finally accept, not that you really have a choice.

The Scouts must always strive forward and never buckle under the weight of loss, and that
seems to be your fate. Enduring this ache in your chest for the rest of your life.
 Shifted

“Two Titans, Three o’clock! A ten-meter and a twelve!”

“Got it.” You and Levi speak in unison, standing up on horseback before soaring through the
air.

You latch onto the ten-meter and effortlessly slice through its neck, noting Levi in your
peripheral do the same to the taller of the pair. You both resaddle and progress with the
expedition, eyes locked ahead, peeled for other Titans up ahead.

Your time spent training and journeying together past the walls has made you and Levi an
impressive duo, and despite the tension between you today that’s been building since two
days ago, it doesn’t stop either of you from keeping your heads clear.

Everything can be set aside when you’re in Titan country. Nothing is more important than
your comrade’s lives.

Your eyes trail to where Hange’s squad is positioned a few meters in front to your left, and
relief settles you further into your horse seeing they’re fine. Only one other expedition
previous to this one you were close enough to see Hange and Erwin the entire time, and it
had been the least stressful venture to date.

Returning home and meeting up with your friends after an expedition is always stressful, so
having your friends in view saves you the worry of wondering if they made it back alive.

“Ash,” Levi calls out, and you shift your gaze to the back of his head. “We’re almost there.
Ensure your ODM gear is secured to your horse and toss me your reigns.”

“Yes, sir.” You agree, reaching for your specialized harness and tossing it up to Levi who
catches it with one hand. You then click your ODM gear belt to your saddle and tug on it.
Hange had the idea of securing you to your horse, therefore you can’t fall off during a
migraine attack, but it’s a a simple buckle, easy enough to unclip in the event you need to hop
off your horse or Levi needs to pick you up.

Today you’ll observe Titans in a forest and learn how they move surrounded by trees if it’s
any different. You’ll discover if you truly have the advantage, or if the freaks can climb or
use the crowded space to their advantage.

By attaching your reigns to Levi’s horse, if you do become indisposed, Levi can continue to
guide you or turn you around if need be.

“All clipped in?”

“Yes.”

“Unclip it then clip it again. Make sure it isn’t jammed.”

Your brow furrows at the back of his head but you do it anyway. “It’s fine.”

“Good. It’s a good idea in case of a migraine, but if you get caught on your horse, that will be
an issue.” Levi comments, voice stern. You sigh out of your nose.

“Great. I hadn’t thought of that.” You murmur bitterly. Levi tosses you a barely there glance.

“If it’s in straight now it’ll unlock, but if there are any issues at all, tell me.”

“Sir.” You nod to yourself, eyes zeroing in on the tree line that you’re approaching quickly.
The sound of hooves fills the quiet forest as you flood in, passing the thick, tall trunks. Even
the weakest soldiers excel in areas like this, but the unknown is what concerns you the most.
The only way to proceed is with caution, and minds on high alert.

“Titan!” Someone ahead of you screams, and you stare in shock at how slowly the Titan
rounds a tree in your line of sight. It gazes down at your comrades, but someone’s figure is
shooting up and slicing its neck with ease.

“That was easy.” Levi grunts. “Our position is just ahead, let's deploy our gear.”

You nod, unhooking your clip and engaging your hooks. You follow Levi up until you're
standing on a wide branch and look around, noting all the other squads are slowly landing at
their respective sections while the horse tenders round the animals up.

“Do not engage.” Erwin booms from several trees over, and you turn to find a group of four
Titans approaching Hange’s tree. Your friend is jumping giddily as the monsters’s big eyes
look up at them. Everyone watches as the Titans can do nothing but reach up helplessly. They
aren’t climbing.

“They really do get excited over the smallest things.” You muse quietly with a shake of your
head. Hange’s feverishly chattering to an amused but stressed-looking Moblit, whose hand is
writing notes as fast as it can.

“This trip may be one of our shortest expeditions yet.” Levi sighs then, eyes facing forward.
“I doubt Erwin expected the big ugly things to be even more stupid than we thought.”

You nod along. With the Titans being useless when height is involved, all the potential
experiments you could have run are deemed just as purposeless. Perhaps the only trial is to
wait for an Abnormal and see if they react the same.

“I’m going to go check in with the Commander,” Levi comments after a moment. “Sit down
for now. The last thing we want is you falling from this height.”
The Captain is gone before you can even answer, and you sigh, following his order. You
know all the precautions are necessary, but as each expedition passes without any sign of a
migraine, you feel even more useless being given special treatment.

You stare over at your comrades from your seated position, noting the soft chatter filling the
forest. It’s nice knowing that you’re safe up here, and for once the scouts can be outside the
walls without fear of death. You still have to trek back to the wall, but this may be your most
successful venture yet.

“Stop, guys, one of you will fall!” A loud shriek catches your attention, and you turn over
your shoulder to find a group of newer recruits, Jared and Francis, jostling one another
angrily. Their friend Phoebe is the one who shouted, staring at them with wide fearful eyes.

“Jare should’ve thought about that before he told me he tried to kiss you last night!” Francis
seethes, and your brows shoot up at the unexpected drama scene unfolding before you.
You’re on Pheoeb’s side, though. This is not the place to be hashing out their anger.

“Hey!” You call out, and three sets of eyes fall to you. “Knock it off. Save it for when you
aren’t forty feet in the air.”

You get a hesitant nod from Jared, but Francis seems too angry to care about your words. You
watch with slanted eyes as the redhead leans in and whispers something, and before you
know it, Jared is shoving Francis back. Hard.

You’re on your feet the instant the recruit bumps into Phoebe, and the girl is tottering over the
branch, then free-falling to the ground. You launch towards her, hand out, but it happens too
quickly. Your fingers are inches from her jacket when a large hand swings into view. Your
chest gives out as it wraps around Phoebe’s body. The boys above you are screaming, but you
can’t make anything out as you redirect your gear, aiming for the Titan’s nape instead.

“Fuck.” You hiss, eyes landing on two more Titans that had been standing a few trees over.
Their palms are reaching out for you, too, but Phoebe is about to become Titan food if you
don’t take out this one first.
You grit your teeth and move forward, slicing through the nape, then use your momentum to
continue a spin, chopping off the fingers of the other Titan that almost plucks you out of the
air. Unhooking your gear, you reattach to the tree Phoebe fell from, eyes frantically searching
for the girl while noting the two Titans still closing in.

“Pheobe!” Francis cries as he shoots past you, and you gasp at the sight of the girl on the
ground, legs broken, blood pooling from her head. You had stopped her from being eaten, but
nobody had been there to catch her fall. She was just too high up.

“Francis!” You call out, wiping your brow with your forearm. “Fall back. It’s too late!”

The headstrong boy ignores you, landing beside the already dead girl, his cries echoing
through the forest. You look around, realizing the commotion caused has attracted all the
other Titans nearby, and they’re all looking at you or Francis, the only humans within reach.

“Fall back!” You scream down at Francis, but he’s sobbing, crumbling in on himself. A titan
reaches for him, and you know he’s a lost cause. You’re out of time, and you need to get back
up to safety before you’re grabbed, too.

You jump off the tree as a hand swipes for you, but before you can reattach to a branch, your
vision turns black, and your head explodes.

“Zeke!” The voice you heard all those months ago pleads, strained with horror and
desperation. “Surely, this must be a joke! Tell them! Tell them we’re innocent!”

You turn your head, feeling your own tears slip down your cheeks as a faceless but small
figure points a finger at you.

“Zeke.” You hear your own voice whimper as the thick robe binding your wrists behind your
back unravels. You reach out a hand to the smaller one still directed at you and encase it in
your own.
Suddenly you’re somewhere busy. Street vendors are calling out, hoping to sell you products,
and the air is crisp. You fix the angle of the boy’s hat as you crouch in front of him, his face
still blurry.

“What’ll it be, Zeke? An apple or a pear?”

“Pear!” The voice says, but as you purchase the fruit and turn back to him, he’s gone. You
drop the pair and when you look down to pick it up, a smaller child is standing before you.
The toddler is smiling up at you with a head full of blonde hair and big blue eyes. You lift him
into your arms, and he tugs on your hair with a giggle.

“Ow, Zeke.” You laugh through your wince, fighting the tiny hand for your hair back. You
blink and you’re sitting, and the toddler is now a baby. He’s so tiny, and his eyes are
impossibly big, and you feel affection like no other.

“You’re going to make a wonderful older sister.” A voice says.

You lift your head and smile at the woman sitting beside you, but then a blindfold is wrapped
over her eyes, and a big, burly hand is guiding a needle through the back of neck, and your
screams fill your ears as a blinding yellow light takes over your vision, and the baby vanishes
from your lap as you tumble over a wall.

“Ash! Come on, snap out of it, Ash.”

Another desperate, but this time familiar voice calls out as you scream, clutching at your
head.

“Please! Don’t hurt my daughter!”

You wail, sobbing at the agony thumping within your heart and journeying through your
bloodstream to your brain.
“Honey!” Another voice you know. “Honey, we have to wrap your wound. If you can hear
me, stop moving!”

“Stop resisting!”

It’s unlike anything you’ve felt before. You shouldn’t be able to hear voices you know when
voices you don’t are filtering in. It’s like your migraine is over but the pain is still coming in
waves, and the memories are wrapping their fingers around your throat, sinking their teeth
into your skin. It’s like you’re between the worlds, and they're both pulling you to their side.
You’re the rope in this tug-of-war, your limbs and muscles stretching out, warped by time, by
cruel emotions.

It’s unbearable.

“No!” You cry, fighting the hands clutching at your biceps, kicking at the weight on your
legs. “No, please, please, don’t!”

Something swift and harsh makes contact with your cheek. Your head whips to the side, and
your eyes shoot open as a heavy gasp of breath parts your lips. Fingers overlap your own still
gripping your skull tightly through your hair, and they guide your head to face upward.

“Look at me.” A voice you know says, and your bleary gaze finds a set of eyes you feel like
you’ve never seen before, but that isn’t true. You do know them.

You’ve dreamed of them before, you’ve searched for them in crowds, but you’ve been
avoiding them for months. Why? Why would you not want to see these expressive eyes?
These eyes that are now overwhelmed with fear and distress, tender in their suffering, and
open in their affection?

Did you do this? Did you make them look like this? Why? Why would you ever stop seeking
out such beautiful eyes?
“I’m sorry.” Parts your lips as tears slip down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, Captain. I-”

“Levi.” He grits out like he’s in pain, and confusion floods your brain. “Please, Ash. Just
Levi right now.”

You stare at him at a loss for words as he turns away and nods off to your right. Something
like fabric wraps over your forearm, and your own scream catches you off guard as more
excruciating pain floods your brain. Your nerves burn, and your vision swims with dots.

“We need to get her back to Trost.” That deep voice hisses out again.

“I know, Levi, but she’s losing too much blood. We may not-”

“Bring me her horse! I can clip her in that way and I’ll take her back. It’s the best option we
have.”

“Levi-”

“Do it!”

Your cries are weakening, and you’re barely aware of your surroundings now as you’re lifted
into a set of strong arms. Your stomach swoops as you fly through the air. It feels like you're
falling until your thighs are met with the familiar warmth of your horse. Someone settles in
behind you, and you stiffen as the horse takes off almost instantly.

“It’s alright.” A deep voice murmurs from beside your ear as a hand slips over your hip and
presses into your lower abdomen, guiding you until your back meets a solid chest. You mold
into the body instinctively, sighing at his warmth and the comfort of being held so close.
“Just like that.” The man hums softly, the tips of his fingers pressing deeper into the flesh of
your stomach. “We got a bit of way to go, so just keep leaning on me.”

The gentle thrum of his voice leaves you slightly breathless, but it’s grounding, the feeling of
another person against you. Their scent replaces the smell of blood with something sweet but
spicy, and your chest purrs.

“You smell good.” You slur the words, then gasp as the horse below you jostles you
unexpectedly, fiery pain shooting through your left arm. You turn as your right hand shoots
up to clutch the fabric of their jacket as you whimper feebly.

“You’re okay.” The voice reassures you softly.

“It hurts.”

“I’ve got you. You’ll be fine.”

Your eyes flutter open at the gentle words, and you gaze up at the man transporting you,
blinking as you remember it’s not just any soldier. You can’t see him well from your angle,
and you’re too weak to move your head, but you know that jaw, the shape of his nose. This
smell, you’ve never been so close to know his scent, but now that you are, you can’t help it.
You lean your head into his collarbone and press your forehead into the delicate skin of his
throat.

He’s all you can feel. The pain, the horse, the fear, it fades as he envelopes you, and you sigh
once more. You don’t know if you’ve ever felt so safe, and maybe it’s that security and the
wooziness from blood loss that takes away your filter.

“Captain?” Your voice is lazy when you find the courage to speak again.

His arm around your waist stiffens as you call to him, and your brow furrows at the reaction
until you remember. It’s almost like you forgot that your Captain is Levi, and when you
called him Captain earlier, he asked you not to.

“Levi?”

You feel him swallow, his throat bobbing as he ducks his head the tiniest bit. The tip of your
nose feathers his Adam’s apple, and your grip on his jacket tightens.

“Yeah?” He asks.

“You’re skin is soft.” You tell him quietly. “And warm.”

“Is it?”

You nod lazily. “Yeah. I always thought it’d be cold.”

“Why’s that?”

“Your eyes.” You frown to yourself. “Your eyes are cold.”

Levi’s doesn’t reply.

“I think I’m going to fall asleep.” You slur quietly after a moment.

“Don’t.” Levi punches out the words abruptly. “Don’t. Stay awake. Talk to me.”

“What do I say?” You ask weakly. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Anything. Anything you want.”

“Can you talk? I think I’m bad at it.”

“Bad at talking?”

“I say selfish things.”

“That’s okay.”

“Not when it hurts someone.” You whisper, tears welling in your eyes. “I hurt you.”

Levi’s quiet for a moment, and then his hand against your lower half vanishes. Your stomach
drops at the loss of contact, but it doesn’t last long as his fingers settle into your hair, and his
palm cradles the back of your head. You blink wetly as you’re pressed impossibly further into
Levi’s neck, and his heartbeat thumps against your own.

“You didn’t.”

“I didn’t?” You whimper pitifully. “I thought you hated me.”

“No, Ash. I don’t hate you.”

“Then why do you look at me like that?” You cry softly, and his grip on your head tightens.
“When did I become such a burden to you? When did I become just my migraines? How can
I be your friend? I just want to be your friend, Levi.”
Your words become more rushed as your head sways and panic shoots through your chest. If
Levi answers you, you don’t hear it. There’s a ringing in your ears and your vision spots
before it’s enveloped in darkness.

When your body falls limp, you don’t feel the way Levi cradles your seemingly lifeless body.
You don’t see the dread in his eyes or hear the panic in his voice as he tries to wake you.

When he realizes you’re fully out cold, you don’t hear the words he speaks aloud, but you
don’t need to. You’ll know when you wake that something in your Captain has shifted,
although the reason won’t be entirely clear.
 Titan Healing

You wake up a day later. Your room is dark, the only light filtering in is from the full moon.

Your memory feels foggy but your mind feels light, like you’ve been given a dosage of
morphine. It makes the dull ache in your left hand stand out, and you reach across your body,
only to find nothing.

Panic stirs in your chest as you feel around the mattress, and when you finally feel your arm,
tears clot in the corner of your eyes. It’s bandaged, and sore, but you hold onto the nub
tightly, shock coursing through you.

“Honey?” A voice calls to you, and you flinch at the unexpected voice. “You awake?”

“Hange?” You whimper back, voice hoarse, blinking wetly. “My hand-”

“You’re okay,” Hange says quietly, and your eyes finally adjust to the darkness. Your friend
is sitting by your bedside, their glasses reflecting the moon’s glow . They muster a smile for
you as they offer out a cup of water. You down it greedily.

“Do you remember anything?” They ask after a moment.

You know for once Hange isn’t referring to your migraines, but what transpired before and
after the one you had on the expedition. You gasp as the memory finally starts forming
behind your eyes. You tried to save Phoebe, then Francis, but it was too late. You went to
retreat, but then after that, you had a migraine, more memories unlocked, and you barely
remember the rest.

“I had a migraine after trying to save Phoebe.” You supply quietly, mind foggy. “The rest is,
well, vague.”
“You were mid-air when it hit you.” Hange murmurs, shaking their head. “It was terrible.
You weren’t attached to anything yet, and you just went limp and started to free fall. Levi was
already on his way to you, but by the time he got there, half of your body was falling into the
Titan's mouth. He managed to pull you out as it bit down, but its teeth snagged on your wrist.
I’m sorry, Honey.”

You swallow thickly, the words hard to process, but the evidence is tangible. It’s gone, but
you’re lucky to be alive, and there’s one person to thank.

“How is he?” You ask quietly, frowning up at the medical ward’s ceiling.

“By ‘he’ do you mean the Commander?”

You turn toward your friend, eyes wide with sadness. “You know I mean Levi, Hange.”

“Oh, Honey, don’t look at me like that it breaks my heart.”

“I can’t help it.” Tears pool in your eyes. “I think it’s the drugs.”

“It’s definitely the drugs.”

“He’s probably mad at me, right?” You whisper, carrying on pathetically. “I disobeyed his
order and put his life at risk. I should have known I wouldn’t be fast enough to catch Phoebe.
It was stupid. He hates it when I’m stupid.”

“Well, by that logic he’d have to hate you all the time and I just don’t think that’s the case.”
Hange snorts, pushing up to their feet and approaching your bedside. “He brought you back
here on horseback, you know?”

You blink at your friend. “What?”

“Yeah.” They sigh crossing their arms. “You don’t remember then?”

Your mind whirls, and you shut your eyes, trying to picture what happened. You think of
when you briefly gained consciousness, your memory battling your reality. You’d rather wait
until the morning to tell Hange about what you remembered, mostly because you don’t want
to make sense of it yourself just yet. A family you can’t remember is a lot to unpack.

How did you get out of that state?

“Someone slapped me.” You murmur in realization, and Hange snorts. “It worked, though. I
was, my mind was confused, but the slap woke me up. I remember that.” You trail off, heart
skipping as the image of Levi’s eyes and the look in them filters through your mind.

You recall the touch of his fingers on yours, the warmth from his body, his scent. Your cheeks
twinge pink as you remember the way you leaned into him, blatantly smelling his skin,
crying and begging for his friendship.

“Oh, god.” You mumble to yourself, bringing your right forearm over your eyes.

“What?” Hange asks quickly, leaning further over your bed. “What? Tell me what you
remember.”

“No.” You shake your head. “I can’t. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Oh my god, Honey, tell me this instant!”

“I refuse.”
“Please.” Hange whines and you sigh, shaking your head. “I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me
yours.”

You lift your arm to your forehead, eyeing them suspiciously. “Is it a secret I’d want to
know?”

“Of course, you nosey little shit.”

You huff a laugh, pinching your eyes shut. “Fine, but sit back down. I don’t want you leering
over me anymore.”

“Rude.” Hange rolls their eyes but listens, dragging their chair closer so they can lean on
their elbows. “Tell me. What’d you do?”

You blush as you look up at the ceiling, knowing meeting Hange’s eyes will only make your
shame burn brighter.

“I smelled him.” The words sit in the air until Hange’s cackles fill the room. You ignore it,
lifting your hand to your cheek in exasperation.

“That’s it?” Hange chuckles and you glare at them.

“I put my nose against his neck and told him he smelled good, Hange! What’s wrong with
me? He probably thinks I’m a freak.”

“You were on the brink of death, Honey.” Hange smiles through her words. “He probably
didn’t care, maybe even like it, who knows?”

“Stop.” You groan out, running a hand through your dirty hair. “That’s not helping.”
“I’m not-”

“I freaked out him two days before that, too.” You admit with a wince, cutting Hange off, not
in the mood to be comforted. “Spewed some bullshit about how he looks at me like I’m a
burden, like I have any right to make him feel bad for how he feels. Then I smelled him and
clung to him and cried, pleading for his friendship like a little kid. God, Hange, he may even
tell Erwin to find someone else to train me moving forward. I’m such a selfish idiot.”

Your heart is racing in your chest, panic setting in once more. You’re working yourself up,
but you can’t help it. You’ve been out of control the past few days, letting your emotions get
the best of you. There’s no doubt you’ve freaked Levi out.

“Are you done?” Hange asks and you let out a shaky huff.

“I guess.” You mumble, swiping under your eyes with the pad of your thumb. “Go on and tell
me your secret now, and if it sucks and I don’t care about it, I’m going to be pissed.”

“Can I at least offer my two cents on a few of the things you’ve said or am I being denied that
option?” Hange pouts and you sigh, then nod, knowing they’d speak their mind regardless.

“Great. Thank you. I shall proceed.” Hange mocks playfully, leaning their head on their palm.
“I think it’s fantastic you told Levi off. He’s been a damn robot since Isabel and Farlan. Not
that he was ever really expressive, but he has this warped perception that pretending not to
care will eventually make him not care. You shouldn’t feel bad for speaking your mind,
Honey, not when you’ve been bearing his cold shoulder for months now. Our lives as scouts,
they’re too short to bottle up our emotions. That’s why I love you even though losing you is
going to hurt like hell.”

You frown at your friend. “You say that like you’re positive I’m going to die someday soon.”

“No offense, but you’re pretty stupid. There’s no way it won’t get you killed.”
“Yeah, that’s totally not offensive at all.” You scoff, shaking your head. “Tell me your secret
now and make it a good one.”

“He was in here.” Hange gushes the words giddily, wiggling her brow. “Before I got in an
hour ago.”

“How is that a secret?” You grit, eyes hard. “He’s my Captain, why wouldn’t he check in on
his-”

“He was holding your hand!” Hange blurts out, eyes widen. “Or rather, your nub, but that’s
practically the same thing now. I caught him in the act!”

You blush, scoffing and searching for any words to respond with. “Don’t word it like that,
Hange!”

“Someone’s head is in the gutter.” Hange snorts, before leaning back. They lift a gentle hand
to where you haven’t quite looked yet. You swallow as your eyes trail down to find their
fingers ghosting over your bandaged arm, the awkward round cut-off makes you stiffen.

“What are you doing?” You whisper.

“This is what he did.” They tell you quietly, wrapping their fingers around your arm, their
thumb hooks around where your hand should be, swiping softly over what you’re sure is an
ugly, jagged wound. “I think he feels responsible.”

“What?” You gasp out. “Why?”

“It’s his job to protect you.” Hange shrugs, dropping their hand, eyes finding yours. “But,
more than that, despite what he’s tried to convince you of, he is your friend, and he does
care.”
“Don’t put words in his mouth.” You frown at your friend. “Even if that’s true, I’d rather hear
it from him.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Hange sighs, leaning back in her chair. “Anyway, how are you
feeling? You were so quick to ask about Levi we haven’t even discussed what you must be
going through.”

You look away from Hange, eyelids shutting sleepily. “I’ve been through worse than this.
Life will probably be shit for a bit as I learn how to keep going on missions with one hand,
but it’s crucial I keep going. I remembered more, but I’d really rather save all of that for
tomorrow.”

“Understood.” Hange nods in agreement, pushing to their feet. “I’ll go get the doctor so she
can check on you and then I’ll be back in the morning with Erwin and Levi.”

“Hange.” You call to them before they reach the door.

“Yeah?” They ask as they look back, and you muster a smile.

“Thank you.” You say through glossy eyes. “For loving me.”

Hange speeds walks back over to you and pulls you to their chest. You wrap your right arm
around their back and squeeze them tight.

“Of course,” Hange mutters into your hair. “Same to you.”

You don’t have to say the other words, the truth is that you’re grateful for their love, and
they’re grateful for yours because you both know what you stand to lose.

The day one of you dies, the other will be in shambles. The world will go from challenging to
torturous and cruel. You’re too weak to part ways with your best friend, to push them away,
and therefore you’ll need to be strong enough to endure their death if the day should ever
come.

Caring for one another as much as you do is terrifying, it’s why Levi withdrew so quickly,
and why you understand his choice to do that.

Levi’s lost enough as is, so why would he put himself in another position to lose again?

You really have been selfish, and you need to apologize, but for now, you hug Hange tightly,
because they didn’t even know you and still sought a way to put you in their heart. They
chose you before they knew you, and for that, you’ll always love them forever.

Death won’t end a bond like that.

When Hange finally leaves, the doctor comes in to check on you. She’s mostly quiet, aware
you’re still a little high on the drugs, but offers a tentative apology as she turns on the light
and asks a few questions. Things like how you’re feeling and if there is any internal pain are
difficult to answer when you're heavily dosed with painkillers, but you do your best anyway.

“I’m going to swap your bandages now.” Dr. Keena says softly. “It may feel uncomfortable,
and if there’s any sharp pain, let me know.”

You nod, gritting your teeth as the doctor slowly unravels the surprisingly white gauze. You
had expected blood to still be seeping through, but maybe they have medicine that manages
to clot the blood.

Gritting your teeth, you force yourself to watch. The sooner you grow accustomed to not
having a hand, the quicker you can move forward with your new lifestyle. The first step is
acceptance.

Only, you’re left stunned, lips parted in shock as the dressing falls, and telling by the doctor’s
gasp, she is just as perplexed.
“I need to go get Dr. Forges right away.” The woman says breathily before turning and
running out the door. You don’t watch her retreat, too struck to do anything but lift your left
arm and stare at the wound that should be ugly and red and swollen. Instead, your nub has
practically healed, covered in a fresh layer of skin.

You’re also positive Hange said the Titan bit off your wrist, so then why are you looking at
the lower half of your palm?

The doctor from before comes flooding in with a man you assume to be Dr. Forges. His eyes
widen in shock as he stares down at your arm, seemingly too stunned to speak.

“When the Captain brought her here, the wound was profusely bleeding and cut below her
wrist.” Dr. Keena speaks, her words rushed and panicked. “How does this make any sense?”

“It doesn’t.” The doctor finally speaks, eyes flicking up to yours with accusation. “Care to
explain how you healed this fast? How your arm is regenerating itself?”

You look at the doctor like he has three heads. “How the hell should I know? I’m just as
shocked as you.”

“We should contact the Military Police.” Dr. Forges says, ignoring you entirely.

“Doctor-”

“We were given direct orders when we agreed to become doctors for the Survey Corps. Any
suspicious activity is to be reported directly to Djel Sannes. This isn’t something normal. The
only living beings that heal like this are Titans.”

“Now, hold on!” You gasp out, eyes wide. “I don’t know why I’m healing this fucking fast,
but how is the most logical conclusion you can come to something as bizarre as that?”
Dr. Forges' gaze hardens as he glares at you, but he doesn’t respond, mind clearly turning
behind his eyes.

Your head starts thumping from the morphine and confusion. “Just, go get Commander
Erwin. Please. If anyone could have any clue as to what’s going on, it’ll be him.”

“No.” The man scoffs. “The Scouts aren’t suited for something like this. I’m calling the Head
of the Interior Police first thing in the morning. This is something they’ll have to investigate.
Dr. Keena, ensure this patient stays in her room and is visited by no one.”

Dr. Forges is gone before you can even process the words, and your heart sinks. The Interior
Police are the people who interrogated you once you were found outside the walls. That’s
where you know that name from. Djel Sannes was one of the men who sent you to the
underground.

Your eyes look over at Dr. Keena, she’s watching you timidly, but she doesn’t look nearly as
disgusted as her boss.

“Please.” You whimper to her. “Send word to Commander Erwin. The Interior Police will
torture me.”

You’re blunt with the truth, hoping the woman understands just how dire your situation has
become. She looks away and lets out a small, shaky breath.

“I can’t.” She shakes her head, eyes full of sympathy. “I’ll be fired, and I can’t afford that. I
have two kids I need to feed. I’m sorry.”

You watch the doctor leave, and she shuts the door behind her. You swallow, mind reeling
over the possibilities of escape, but only one seems somewhat realistic. Dr. Forges won’t be
calling until morning, which means you have until then to tell the Commander, and maybe he
can stop the doctor from going to the MPs.
That means there isn’t time to waste.

You’re high on morphine and exhausted, but you rip off your bed sheet and stumble to the
window in your hospital room. You glance out the glass, wincing at the second floor you’ve
found yourself in but the consolation is there are five stories to this building. It could be
worse.

You unlock the window and shove it open as you stare down at the cobblestone street. Your
eyes search for something to land on, or someone to call out to, but with no luck. Few people
are wandering the streets, and none are wearing Scout uniforms.

What you do see is the awning of the little shop off to your right. It’s not ideal, and it’ll likely
hurt, but if your arm is anything you go by, your body heals significantly faster than the
normal human. Therefore, this is your best bet.

You take a steadying breath, then jump.

You gasp as you bounce off the taut material, then land on your side with shuddering,
wheezing breath. Your lungs fight for air as you roll onto your chest and shakily push
yourself up onto your feet as fast as you can.

You ignore the looks of others, hoping they’ve all come from the bar across the street and
convince themselves they didn’t just see you jump from a second-story window. You
probably appear drunk, too, staggering down the street, breathing heavily, so you hope your
hasty escape is overlooked.

You’re sure you’ve broken a few ribs in your fall, but there isn’t time to stop. You need to get
away while you can and tell someone what’s happening. Find the Commander, Hange, Levi.
You can’t be taken by the Interior Police. You’re sure you’d rather die.

They’ll do much worse this time around, especially when they recognize you. You really will
be considered a threat, a prisoner, stripped of your place in the Scout regiment and deemed
their property. They’ll torture you and study you, make you a test subject to see how quickly
your wounds heal.

Tears slip down your cheeks as you will your mind to focus. You were at the hospital, which
means the barracks where your comrades are staying should be several streets over. Walking
distance with a well-working body and mind takes about twenty minutes, so at this pace, you
won’t be there for well over a half hour.

“I’m so fucked.” You whimper, bringing a hand to your side where the pain is worsening.
You keep moving though, especially as you consider Dr. Keena checking your room and
finding you gone sometime in the near future. Surely, soon enough MPs will gather outside
the hospital and start asking bystanders what they saw and where you went.

Yet, your hope is Dr. Forges and Dr. Keena are the only ones who’ve witnessed your healing
miracle. If you hide away long enough, and your hand fully grows back, you and your
comrades can convince the MPs the doctors are lying.

What would they choose to believe, two doctors claiming you have the healing abilities of
Titans, or you, with both arms and a well-practiced explanation? At least, that’s all you’ve got
right now. Hange, Levi, or Erwin will likely know a better route, which is why you need to
find one of them now.

You duck down an alley, hoping it’s a shortcut and not a dead end.

“Please.” You whisper to no one, your cries fragile and useless. You doubt any of the Scouts
will be outside of their chambers this time at night, the only one being Hange who left well
over ten minutes ago and likely on horseback. They’re probably back in their room by now.

You sigh as the alley rounds a corner into another street, and you poke your head out,
glancing for stray MPs. Your eyes catch on a lit-up coffee shop, and a familiar figure standing
in front of it, hands in their pockets, staring thoughtfully through the window.

You’d know that silhouette anywhere.

It’s funny how quickly emotions can change. One moment you’re frantic, desperate, and
scared, and the next you're relieved, spilling tears of joy instead of pain. You can’t even find
the words as you limp toward him, but he hears your ragged breathing as you approach, and
turns abruptly, eyes shifting from high alert to realization, from shock to concern.

“Ash? What the hell are you-”

His words fall short as you leap onto him, uncaring that you’re sweaty and have likely caught
him off guard with the suddenness of your appearance and the affection you're so quick to
show him. Your mind is so foggy and hazy. You need something to ground you, to wake you
up, and wrapping your arms around his neck does the trick.

“You’re real.” You whimper out, clutching the collar of his jacket with your right hand.
“Thank fuck.”

“Of course I’m real,” Levi mutters, tone unreadable, hands ghosting your back. “Want to tell
me why you’re wandering the streets looking like a homeless woman when you should be
resting in a hospital bed?”

You pull back, hand slipping to his chest as you suddenly feel quite disoriented. Levi’s hand
reacts quickly, closing the gap and gripping your hips tightly as you sway.

“Seriously, tell me what’s going on.” He mutters, but his voice isn’t unkind. You can hear the
waves of worry in his voice.

You let out a shaky breath as you hold up your amputated arm between you. His eyes warily
flicker to your nub, then back to your eyes, then back to your forearm, widening the farthest
you’ve ever seen them.

“The doctor was going to hold me there.” You breathe out, shaking your head as more tears
fall. “He wouldn’t listen, refused to contact Erwin, and instead is going to call the MPs in the
morning. I don’t know why it healed so fast, I don’t understand, but, but the Interior Police,
they’ll torture me and they, I can’t-”

“You did the right thing,” Levi reassures you quietly, cutting you off as he looks around. “We
need to go to the Commander right away.”

“Right.” You murmur in agreement, eyes drooping as you speak, your adrenaline failing now
that you’ve found safety. “Uh, Levi, I think I broke some ribs jumping out the window.”

“You did what?” He hisses angrily.

“I think I’m going to pass out.” You tell him with uncertainty, then another rushing wave of
nausea and light-headedness floods you, and your head stiffly nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m going
to pass out.”

"Don't." Levi blurts out, and you offer him a tiny, breathless laugh as your vision spots.

"Doesn't work like that." You whisper.

"Make it work like that."

"Can't." You slur before the world goes dark.

At least this time when you fall limp, Levi’s already got a grip on your waist.

You don't fall from the sky toward a Titan's mouth, or fold in on yourself from blood loss.
Your head merely slumps against his beating heart in an anti-climatic way, simply because
you're tired, because you've spent the last twenty-four hours on death's door and the last
twenty minutes in a state of delirious desperation, looking for someone you trust, and you
found him. You find solace in his presence, enough to fall completely defenseless before him.
You care for him and trust him explicitly, and Levi doesn't know why.
He looks down at your fragile form, a heavy frown gracing his features as your hair fans over
your gently shut eyes. His fingers feather your forehead, tucking the strays behind your ears,
and with a quiet, resolute sigh, he hoists you up into his arms and starts walking.
 Friends
Chapter Notes

TW: brief mention of past child sexual abuse

(Ash was 17 when Erwin pulled her from the underground, so the information regarding
her past in the underground, she's a minor for all of it)

There is also something else I'd like to point out but it's sort of a spoiler so I'm going to
include it at the bottom -if you're worried about it please go read it before starting this
chapter.

Lastly, this chapter is long, but I'm quite proud of it so I hope you enjoy

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When you open your eyes this time, the first thing you feel is an ache in your ribs. You
wince, and the sunlight passes through the window of a room, blinding your eyes.

“You’re up.” Levi’s deep voice startles you. You glance his way, finding him sitting at his
desk, an open book in his hand and a cup of tea steaming beside it. Ah. Right.

“It appears that way.” You mutter before sitting up. A sharp pain shoots through your side,
and you groan, clutching at your ribcage through the ragged hospital gown. “How long was I
out?”

“A few hours,” Levi sighs before snapping his novel shut. “Lie back down. You're a
psychopath who jumped out a window, remember? You need to rest.”

You ignore his comment as you look down at your left hand, staring at your newly formed
nubby fingers with pure loss. They aren’t fully grown back, but a few hours ago you didn’t
have any. The morphine has worn off, and your head is clear, so you attempt an experimental
poke at the skin. Not an ounce of pain courses through you, just a dull soreness.
“How is this even possible?” You mumble with a frown.

Levi turns toward you in his chair, eyes flicking from your hand to you. “We don’t know.”

You swallow thickly, then look back up at Levi with sad eyes. “I don’t either. Really. I’ve
always had bruises and cuts that heal relatively fast, but I didn’t think much of it. I don’t
know what’s going on.”

“I believe you,” Levi states calmly, lessening the weight on your gut. “How is your pain
level?”

“Fine.” You shrug quietly, lifting your arm up between you. “It doesn’t even hurt.”

“And your ribs?”

“They’re sore, but with this new development, I doubt it’ll be long until they heal themselves.
Also, just to be clear, the only option was out the window. I didn’t do it because it looked
fun.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me if you did,” Levi mutters, glancing away from you. “This whole
passing out and making me catch you think is getting old.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “You’re right. That’s totally in my control. Sorry, Captain.”

“Good.” Levi gruffs, ignoring your sarcasm. “Now, because I know you’ll ask, Erwin is
currently doing damage control, and Hange should be here soon with news.”

You frown at the thought of giving Erwin even more trouble, and Levi must notice because
he sighs.
“Stop fretting.” He states simply. “Besides, Erwin and Hange are excited about this new
development.”

“Figures.” You mumble, mind shifting to your migraine, and the images that flooded in
behind your eyes.

It’s a rotten feeling, living through those memories, feeling those emotions from then, and
knowing how impactful those people were to you but not having an ounce of understanding
now. That little boy, Zeke, is your younger brother but a stranger now, and that woman, you
assume she’s your mother, but you feel nothing in your chest at the thought of them.

A family you once loved but now can’t even comprehend was real. Your body heals at
lightning speed and regenerates itself, but you don’t know why. Nothing makes sense, and the
world you know is becoming an even bigger, more scrambled mess.

You hunch over and bring your right hand through your hair. It’s disgusting, knotted, and
dirty, just touching it makes you grimace. Levi must be disgusted he had to bring you here,
let alone place you in his bed. You shift toward the edge of the mattress.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Levi drawls and you offer him a frown.

“I don’t want to get your sheets dirtier than I already have.”

“I’ll have to wash them anyway.” He grunts.

You sigh out in annoyance, eyes flickering to the door off to your left, and you bite at the
inside of your cheek. “You have a shower, right?”

Levi lifts a brow. “You want to shower? Here?”

“I haven’t in days.” You flush defensively “I feel gross, and honestly, we don’t know how
long I’ll have to stay here.”

“And you’ll be fine changing back into that ratty dress?” Levi deadpans challengingly. You
cross your arms, looking off toward the wall.

“Maybe Hange is bringing me a change of clothes.”

Levi scoffs. “They’d have to have a brain that thinks about anything other than Titan shit to
do something like that.”

A laugh bubbles out of you at his words, and you offer him an amused smile. Levi blinks at
you, and for a moment he looks taken back.

It’s only then you recall all that’s transpired over the past couple of days, and how the look in
his eyes is neither how it has been for months nor how it was during the expedition. It’s the
way he had been those first two weeks when you met him. The usual scowl paired with
expressive eyes.

You haven’t bickered like this in a long time, let alone smiled at him, and maybe that’s what’s
going through his mind now.

It makes your heart ache a bit and you look away as the awkwardness between the two of you
becomes practically palpable. You don’t think it’s right to pretend your relationship is
anything but normal, and more importantly, you still owe him an apology.

Clearing your throat, you gesture to the bathroom. “Well, if you don’t mind, can I shower?”

Levi sighs out his nose, lips tugging downward slightly as he pushes up to his feet. He walks
over to his dresser and pulls out a towel.
“Here.”

You stand and take the towel, avoiding his gaze. “Thanks.”

Turning away from Levi, you shut the bathroom door behind you with your back, letting out
a quiet breath.

Showering in Levi’s bathroom isn’t nearly as odd as you thought it’d be. It’s quite enjoyable,
really, especially since he keeps it so clean. Ridding your body of the grime makes you feel
significantly more comfortable and soothed like you’re washing away the stress of the last
twenty-four hours.

His shampoo is reminiscent of the ride back to the walls, and while your memory is spotty,
you could never forget how it felt being encased in his arms and his scent. You were on the
brink of death, and yet you’d never felt so safe or protected. You know your feelings for your
Captain are complicated, that your desire to be closer to him comes from all sorts of crooks
and corners in your heart, many of which you don’t wish to examine closely quite yet.

The driving force however is how you yearn to be a person he can turn to. Ever since you
first met him you wanted to be a trustworthy friend, someone who showed him the world
wasn’t all bad, and yet all he’s experienced is cruelty.

He has every right to keep to himself, and you’ve realized all you can do is let him.

You sigh under the water pressure, your muscles relaxing under the heat and the mental
reminder that even though you’ve crossed a line with Levi, he’s a good person and a
professional Captain. It’s slightly embarrassing to think about, and the thought of keeping
your distance makes you sad, but you’ll respect the distance he wants between you.

Life just has to continue as it has been, and obviously, now you have plenty more to focus
on.
You stiffen at the sound of the bathroom door opening, and your heart launches up to your
throat as the curtain keeping you modest is swung open.

Your gasp is cut off by a familiar palm pressing to your lips and pushing you against the wall
while Levi’s other hand twists the handle. The water shuts off, leaving the pair of you in a
sudden and tense silence. He brings his left hand up beside your head, caging you in, before
meeting your stunned eyes.

His stare is severe and apologetic as he takes in your reddening features. You’re all too aware
of his clothed body pressing against your fully naked one. The soft material of his grey long
sleeve tickles the sensitive skin of your bare breasts. It makes you breathless, and
goosebumps cover your body as you shiver.

Your heart is racing so fast it might plunge from your chest, but you know without it being
said that whatever reason Levi has for doing this, it must be for something dire.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers quickly, voice barely audible, his own cheeks a deep shade of pink
as his hair drips with moisture. “The Military Police are outside my door. Hange’s there, too,
trying to convince them we aren’t in here but the MPs are ignoring them. They started
picking the lock and I panicked. The last thing we need is for Hange to be caught in a lie and
for them to see your miraculously healing hand. I’m sorry. We just need to be quiet, okay?”

You nod, eyes lit with fear and vulnerability. Your skin feels hot at Levi’s proximity, the feel
of his body against yours, but dread pulses through you, too, the cold thought of being taken
by the MPs battles the warmth of Levi’s presence.

The feelings are conflicting and entirely too overwhelming. You wish you could disappear.

His hand slips from your lips, and Levi averts his gaze as he leans back enough to hold out
your dirty hospital gown. You grab it quickly and throw it on. As you do, the front door
opens.

The shower curtain isn’t fully closed, but shutting it all the way will only cause suspicion.
Levi’s quick to react, pulling you flush to his chest as he steps back into the corner, keeping
you both hidden behind the white cotton material.

The only way they’ll see you is if they poke their heads in the shower, which is unfortunately,
entirely possible.

“See?” Hange’s voice fills the room, and your heart hammers painfully against your fractured
ribs. “All that breaking and entering for what? He isn’t here.”

“Maybe he’s taking a shit.” A deep voice grumbles, making you stiffen. You shift your head
to meet Levi’s gaze, mere inches apart. He offers a reassuring nod, but you can see the
uncertainty in his eyes this close.

“The doors open, and the Captain doesn’t peg me as an exhibitionist, but for argument's sake,
let’s check. Levi? You in there pooping?” Hange asks loudly, their footsteps growing closer.
Levi’s jaw clenches, and his eyes flash with annoyance.

The bathroom door creaks further open, and Levi’s grip around your waist tightens. You look
over your shoulder the moment Hange pokes their head in. The look of pure shock that
crosses over their face would be hilarious if the situation wasn’t so dangerous. You stare back
at them, cheeks pink, watching as they school their face.

“Empty.” They announce, giving you both pointed looks as they pull back. “He’s at training,
like I said.”

Heavy boots clunk against the bathroom floor, and a nervous, unsettling shiver runs down
your spine. The pads of Levi’s thumbs dig just inside your hip bones instinctively, and it
sends a different jolt through your body.

Your eyes widen as you whip your head toward him, glaring sharply. He lifts a confused
brow, unaware he’s poking a pressure point, its sensitivity is leaving you on the brink of
simultaneously laughing and whimpering.
Your right hand reaches down to his, toying with his fingers to soften their grip. A look of
realization passes over him, and your cheeks darken as you press closer to his chest to hide
your face.

“Huh.” The MP remarks with a huff. “I guess she wasn’t lying.”

“Why would I?” Hange laughs off the MP's words, and you mentally curse your friend while
begging some higher power these men don’t find Hange as suspicious as they are acting.

“You Scouts have been protecting that mutt since Erwin dragged her sorry ass out of the
underground.” A second voice scoffs. “Now we’re just supposed to take the Commander’s
word that Dr. Forges made it all up? Dr. Keenas too?”

“No one could possibly heal as fast as they’re claiming she did,” Hange argues back casually.
“Besides, we were all there. She never lost her arm in the first place. Once we locate where
she is, she’ll prove it to you.”

“Then why do we have reports of Captain Levi bringing her to the hospital covered in blood
and threatening the doctors to save her life?”

You stare at the hem of his shirt and the shape of his collarbones prodding through the soft
material, blinking shyly at the words from the officers. You’re suddenly very aware of your
fist resting against his abdomen, how strong and sturdy he is against your softer body.

He’s carried you several times now while you’ve been unconscious, held your body to his
closely for the sake of dire situations. Levi may even be used to being pressed up against you,
leaving him unaffected by this entire situation, but your stomach is a flurrying, reckless
mess.

Dread and confusion, longing and humility. It’s tearing into your gut, leaving your knees
weak and wobbly. You fight to stay still, but as the emotions take hold, as the cold from your
soaking hair sets in, your body starts to shiver. You’re freezing, and your chest feels raw and
exposed.
Tears form in your eyes as you close the gap briefly, allowing your forehead to press to his
chest, seeking the briefest moment of warmth and comfort. He tenses, but he must feel the
shake of your frail body, the subtle chatter of your teeth because he softens slightly.

Your eyes widen as his right arm wraps around your lower back and pulls you flush to his
body, his other hand shifting up your back and into your hair, guiding your head into the
space between his collarbone and chin. The tip of your nose presses into the delicate skin of
his neck, and your hands curl between your bodies as he holds you tightly.

He’s so warm, and gentle, and he’s holding you snug and with such assurance. Your tears fall
easily but the fear, the embarrassment, and sorrow in your soul lighten as you cling to him,
pressing further into his strong arms. Calm slowly creeps through the panic, and you slowly
compose yourself once more.

“Honey gets migraines,” Hange’s voice filters back in. “We thought her injuries were graver
because she was screaming, but in actuality, it was one of her episodes. As far as the blood, it
must have been from the Scout member she tried to save but couldn’t.”

“And her jumping out of the damn window?” The MP sneers, clearly grasping now for
something that can’t be explained, only Hange seems to have an answer for that, too.

“It’s possible she had another migraine and panicked. Sometimes, she forgets where she is
when her mind gets like that. Which is why you’re wasting my time. I need to go and find
where she ran off to and make sure she’s okay.”

“She sounds like a fucking lunatic.” The first MP’s voice laughs out. “Come on, Larves. We
can report that the doctors are quacks and cut this workday short.”

You stiffen at the familiar name, understanding passing through you. No wonder these two
MPs have gone this far, Larves is one of the police assigned to investigate your case, and
with the way you toyed with him on your trip back to the Underground all those months ago,
of course, he’s going to have it out for you.
“But-”

“This is a waste of our time. Nobody can heal like a Titan, and if the bitch lost her arm, we’ll
know, and then we can do something. Come on, let’s go.”

“I’ll show you out!” Hange exclaims with forced kindness as the sound of their heavy steps
grows farther away.

When the front door slams, neither of you move.

“Give it a minute.” Levi murmurs, jaw muscles clenching against your forehead, his breath
fanning your skin. “Just to be safe.”

You nod your head once against him, just so he knows you heard him. You wait for his arms
to lighten, to inevitably drop you, but he stays where he is, fingers tangled in your drenched
hair, arm holding you in place.

“Alright.” He sighs once silence continues to linger. “I’m going to make sure we’re alone.
Okay?”

You realize he’s asking for permission to let go of you when he doesn’t move, and your face
heats as you slowly push off his chest. Words are failing you, your mouth is so dry, you know
they’ll come out strained, so you just nod.

Levi’s arms slip from your body, and without another word, he steps around you and slides
the curtain open as he exits the shower. You stay where you are, staring at the wall as the cold
fully envelopes you. Levi truly had been keeping you from breaking down, the glue to stop
you from falling to pieces, but now there’s nothing to hold you up.

You’re trying to pull yourself together, but your mind won’t let you forget the emotions that
coursed through you when Levi pushed you up against the wall. You’re ashamed by the
desire that clutched your lower abdomen, the terrifying situation the two of you had found
yourselves in instantly after. It had all happened so fast, like whiplash, and it’s as though
everything that’s transpired in the past several days slams into you ferociously.

You cover your lips as a silent sob rakes through you, and you gently fall to your knees in the
stall, curling inward. You’re tired and freezing and disgusted with yourself. Nothing makes
sense; you feel pathetic and freakish, a burden and useless.

You haven’t felt so vulnerable, so emotionally raw since your time in the underground, so
unsure about everything, and so lost and alone.

“What’s wrong with me?” You whisper to yourself through your tears. They drip down onto
your weird-looking hand as you clench the stumpy fingers to your palm. You barely register
the towel being laid over your shoulders, but you can sense Levi’s presence without having to
look.

You should apologize now, for everything, for instilling guilt in his shoulders, for making
him continuously catch you and hold you when he’s made it clear caring for you is something
he can’t bring himself to do. Your lips press together, then part.

“I’m sorry.”

You turn toward him with wide, watery eyes, completely taken aback by the apology coming
from his lips, and you suck in a breath. His eyes are full of remorse, sorrow, and care. It’s
unlike anything you’ve ever seen, like the wall he’s spent so much time building around you
has been shattered.

“I’ll never forgive myself for what I just put you through.” He reiterates, his voice so quiet,
and you’re sure his pain is the saddest thing you’ve ever seen.

“Levi.” You breathe out his name, lower lip wobbling as you cut him off, gripping at the
towel and pulling it to your chest. “Stop.”
“There were plenty of other ways I could have handled that.”

“There wasn’t.” You argue, the ache in your chest clenching. “Any other way and they would
have heard the shower. I doubt they would have been nearly as kind as you were to offer me
something to cover myself up with as they dragged me off somewhere to be questioned and
tortured.”

“I wouldn’t have let them.” Levi grits out painfully, “They wouldn’t have even made it to the
door.”

You sigh, looking back down at your hands, more pained tears slipping down your cheeks.

“Then what? Nothing would have been resolved. You’d go beating up every MP that’d come
knocking?”

“Yes.”

“Damnit, Levi, that’s not realistic.”

“I don’t give a fuck.” He sneers, his anger with himself steaming. “Anything would have
been better than putting you through that.”

“Through what?” You snap, eyes full of tears and frustration and overwhelming self-loathing.
“What exactly do you think you just put me through, Levi? Are you worried that you’ve
made me uncomfortable around you now? Believe it or not, you aren’t the first person who
has seen me naked and you may be the only one I haven’t immediately hated myself
afterward for it.”

“Stop.” Levi punches out, eyes shutting tightly. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” You seethe, and his jaw tightens. “You think I’m lying? Do you think I hate you
now, or do you just want me to hate you now, Levi?”

“You should hate me,” He snaps back angrily, but you see the frustration and dismay in his
features, the guilt. You fall completely silent as his eyes meet yours, open and honest, and
brutally heartbreaking.

“I lied to you,” Levi says quietly after a moment, and your heart stutters. “I haven’t treated
you the same as Erwin and Hange. With them, I didn’t have to worry. They’re good people,
albeit annoying, but it was easy to keep myself from caring too deeply. You were different.
You were so kind to Isabel and so considerate of all of us. I’ve never warmed up to someone
so fast, never trusted anyone that quickly, and so I pushed you away because it felt like I’d
burn if I stayed too close.”

“I just,” Levi’s voice stutters as he looks down at the ground. “I just wanted losing the two of
them to be the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

“Levi.” You breathe out his name as salty tears pour down your face.

“I thought it was going to kill me.” He admits painfully, eyes downcast. “The only way I can
live with myself is by pushing forward, making the sight of their dead bodies not be for
nothing, and that’s through this role, this position I have in the Scouts. I did turn you into a
thing ordered by the Commander to protect. I had this tunnel vision, and it wasn’t until I had
you pinned on the ground and saw your tears that I realized you were still waiting for me,
reaching out this whole time.”

“I thought I had done it, though.” Levi’s voice is barely audible, but you hang on to every
word like a vice. “Even after you told me how you felt, I told myself I didn’t care anymore,
that the guilt was natural and had nothing to do with the sight of your sad, broken expression,
but then I watched as you fell into that Titan’s mouth, felt your breath shallowing against my
chest, and realized I’ve been idiotic to think I ever stopped caring about you.”

Levi’s eyes are haunting, overflowing with sadness and guilt, self-loathing and pain. His
words, the truth behind the past several months finally make sense to you, and your selfish
desires and self-pity slip away for now.
Your heart’s been bruised, but Levi’s has been broken.

You do the only thing you can think of, and gently lift a hand to his knee. It catches his
attention, and he looks to you like he did all those months ago on that street in Trost,
pleadingly, this time, you aren’t quite sure for what.

“What can I do for you, Levi?” You ask softly, eyes glossy and swollen from your tears, but
kind.

“What?” His voice crackles as he asks, eyes perplexed and lonely.

“How can I help you?” You reiterate gently. “What can I do, if anything? Do you need me to
stop, to let you push me away? Would that make it easier for you?”

Levi stares at you like you’ve gone insane, but you hold your ground.

“I forgive you, okay? I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not for what just happened, not
for pushing me away. It’s made these months easier for you, hasn't it? You got by the way
you knew how, and you made it clear how you were going to proceed. I’m the one who kept
poking at you, reaching out when you had already shut the door. All I’ve done is make life
harder for you, and I’m tired of it, so I’m asking you what you need. If it’s something I can
control, I’ll do it in a heartbeat, alright? Just tell me, Levi. Let me be useful to you for once.”

“Shut up.” Levi grunts, but you don’t get to process his words because he’s reaching for you,
tugging you by the elbow and pulling you into him. He turns his head inward and into your
hair as he wraps his arm under yours. One hand cradles your nape and the other grips your
waist, pulling you flush to him. “You’re so stupid.”

His words are just past your ear, and while insulting, they’re spoken with affection. You hug
him back, arms interlocking behind his back, eyes welling with newfound tears from his
embrace, and the words that follow.
“That’s not an answer.” You mumble, tucking your nose into his shoulder. Levi tuts, bringing
his palms to both sides of your head and guiding it back until you’re meeting his gaze a foot
between you.

You stare at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips as he holds you in place, his
expression a mix of amusement, annoyance, and fondness.

“You want an answer to your idiotic question?” He asks, voices deep and stern. You press
your lips together into a frown but nod anyway. “You can stop being so selfless and realize
you’ve not once been a burden to me. I hurt you, not the other way around. Take my apology
and shut up. I won’t push you away anymore, alright, especially now that I know it’s only
been making you dumber.”

His words, the familiar way he’s talking to you, and the confident way he’s touching you,
thump happily in your heart. The heaviness of your conversation slips away, and the relief
and joy of where it’s brought you makes you smile.

“Ouch.” You scoff playfully, “So mean, Captain.”

“Oi, what are you grinning for then?” Levi grumbles, his thumbs pressing into your temples.

“This makes us friends, does it not?” You ask through your upturned lips.

Levi palms your forehead in response and pushes you back. A laugh bubbles out of you as
you swat his hand away, and you miss the way his cheeks turn pink as he looks away from
you.

“Yeah, Ash. We’re friends.”

Chapter End Notes

TW: Dubious Consent

Explanation: The MPs break into Levi's room as Ash is showering, and he panics and
essentially joins her in the shower. He pushes her up against the wall to keep her from
making sound and giving away their location. It's taken seriously and discussed
afterward, but Levi is obviously quite upset with himself for it even though he
ultimately saved her from being taken by the MPs.
 Levi Squad
Chapter Notes

TW: self-harm (it's for educational purposes due to Ash's healing abilities but wanted to
include it anyway)

“Would you drop that already?” You groan, wiping the sweat off your forehead as you fall
back into the thick grass.

Your legs feel like jelly, and your chest heaves as you attempt to catch your breath. Ten-mile
runs are torturous. Commander Erwin may be trying to kill you.

“You were both soaking wet!” Hange exclaims, hands on their knees as they wheeze out the
words. “You were practically naked and all pressed up against each other! What other way
am I to take that?”

“We were hiding from the MPs someone brought directly into his room.” You snap, glaring at
your friend from under your forearm.

“I ran into them on the way. It couldn’t be helped.” Hange waves you off. “Besides, I deserve
a fucking prize for not only containing the rush of emotions that ran through me at that
moment but then for continuing to spew the stupidest bullshit and making it sound smart. I
put on the performance of a goddamn lifetime, the least you could do is tell me the truth.”

“Hange, I’m not doing this with you again.”

“You’re no fun.” They sigh, straightening out and stretching their arms above their head.
“Levi’s way more entertaining when I bring this up. Turns into a tomato, I swear.”
“Leave him alone, Hange. He still feels bad about it.” You sigh but can’t help the tiny smirk
that takes over your features.

Hange has brought up what they call the ‘shower incident’ at least once every week since it
happened a bit over a month ago, but you’re somewhat grateful for their complete lack of
tact.

It’s made the scenario less uncomfortable for you and Levi to think about, and you do see the
humor in it when you remember the expression on Hange’s face as they poked their head into
the shower. It gets you every time.

“Oh, come on, you know it’s funny.” Hange snorts and then makes a sound similar to a gasp.
“Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Morning, Levi!”

You push up onto your forearms at the mention of his name, finding an unamused and
hesitant Levi approaching the pair of you. He’s likely already gotten his run over with earlier
today, always opting to go it alone the moment the sun breaches the skyline.

“It’s eleven o’clock, Four-Eyes.” He deadpans resting his hands in his scout jacket as his eyes
flicker briefly to yours. “Do I want to know why I’m the subject of your conversation?”

“I doubt it.” You admit sheepishly, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Two words.” Hange’s glasses shimmer. “Shower. Incident.”

“I’m leaving,” Levi grunts, turning on his heels and making Hange cackle.

“You just got here!” They holler, and Levi lifts his middle finger up toward them in response.

“You’re sadistic, Hange.” You sigh, shaking your head before calling out to your Captain.
“Are we still meeting in an hour?”
He lowers his finger and sticks out his thumb upward, making you snort.

“He’s as talkative as always.” Hange grins, turning towards you. “What do you think he came
over here for?”

“We’ll never know because you insist on teasing him every single chance you get.” You
grumble, tossing your head back under the sun’s rays. “Seriously, let up, Hange. It’s funny to
you and even a little to me now, but not to him. You didn’t see his face when he apologized.
He was really upset with himself.”

“Fine, fine.” They pout, crossing their arms. “I’m just teasing.”

“Yes, well, read the room sometimes.” You grunt as you fully sit up.

“What are the two of you meeting up for?” Hange prods.

“Levi’s introducing me to the new squad members today before we head out tomorrow. The
Commander let him handpick them, so I’m sure they’re the best of the best. I wouldn’t be
surprised if he chose Eld and Gunther from Swenson’s team.”

“That’s right” Hange nods in realization. “I forgot Levi has the group of you moving out to
that abandoned old farmhouse. He’s taking you away from me, that little rat.”

You sigh, ignoring their comment. “He wants his team to be on the same wavelength out in
the field, so we’ll all be spending a lot of time living together; training, cleaning, and eating.
I’m sure it’ll be fine, I just, I’m a bit worried.”

“Because you’ll have to tell all of them about your impressive healing ability? And your
migraines?”
“Yeah.” You reply stiffly.

“Let Levi take the reigns on that, which I’m sure he’s already planning to. He’s their Captain
so his word will be law, and if they give you grief he’ll kick ‘em to the curb. I’m sure of it.”

With a quiet sigh, you glance at your left hand that’s fully grown back. It’s hard to believe it
was ever severed from your body, but you have almost all of your comrades to reassure you it
wasn’t a figment of your imagination.

Although, if anyone else asks, it never happened.

The story Hange gave to the two MPs in Levi’s living quarters was concocted by them and
Erwin, and it was a successful cover-up. By that evening, your fingers had grown back, and
you made your reappearance, chalking your escape up to a moment of temporary confusion.

You had already been deemed a freak by the MPs, so it wasn’t difficult to convince them
your mind wasn’t all the way there. The doctors lost their credibility and were demoted. It
troubles you that Dr. Keena and Dr. Forges were only doing their job, but there was no other
option. Your hand had fully grown back, and concealing the truth was the only way.

The ultimate question remained, and it’s something none of you have figured out yet: How
was it possible?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Hange asks, reaching out a hand. You accept it and stand up,
wincing at the soreness in your calves.

“You and Erwin seem so sure that whatever was injected into my mother in my memory is
what gave me this unnatural healing ability.” You comment quietly with a furrowed brow.
“It’s just, I don’t know. Something feels wrong about it.”

“How so?” Hange asks curiously.

You shake your head, unsure how to even explain the inkling you have in your gut. That flash
of light had been so bright, so blinding, like an explosion. If that shot really is some sort of
advanced medicine, why did it look like your mother changed shape when it was inserted into
her skin?

“I don’t know how to explain it.” You admit. “Just some odd feeling I have, like there’s more
to it. Hopefully, I get some more insight soon.”

“We’re all hoping for that.” Hange agrees, looking off toward where other Scouts are
approaching, finishing their runs, Moblit amongst them. “We won’t sweat you, though. I wish
you had told me sooner just how bad things got for you. Your migraines fascinate me, and I’d
be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled you have such a unique quality shared with the Titans, but
you are what’s more important. When you die, I won’t miss the knowledge you could have
shared but you.”

“Again, with the certainty regarding my death.” You scoff and then groan as Hange wraps an
arm around your neck and pulls you in close with a booming laugh. “Seriously, it’s like you
want me to die.”

“Well, just think of the sympathy points I’ll get from the Commander when you kick the
bucket!”

“Hange!” Moblit scolds as he approaches, eyes wide with reproach. “You can’t say things
like that.”

“Thank god.” You grunt, finally breaking free from Hange’s grip. “Take them far, far away
from me.”

“Hey! I won’t see you for like two weeks!”

“Don’t you have Titan saliva to go examine under a microscope?” You retaliate, and Hange’s
offended expression shifts to one of excitement.
“You’re right. I’m off. Moblit, you ready?” Hange grins as Moblit nods with just as much
eagerness. “Let’s get to it! Bye, Honey!”

Their laughter follows them as they walk away, and you wave after them, shaking your head
in exasperation. It’s hard to believe you’ll miss that enthusiastic psychopath.

You head back to your room, shower quickly, and change into your scout uniform. You leave
your hair down since today will mostly be introductions, then head back out your door.

Levi’s already sat when you walk into the dining hall, and his eyes flicker to yours the
moment you enter, expression dull and tired.

A woman with light auburn hair rests beside him, chatting nervously, but the excitement is
clear on her features. She looks close to your age, and you realize then as she notes your
presence and faces you that it’s Petra Ral, one of the newer recruits from a few months back.

You’re instantly impressed without having ever seen her in action, knowing she must be quite
talented to be handpicked for Levi Squad.

“Hello,” She smiles when you’re a few steps away. “I’m Petra.”

“Hi,” You offer kindly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Petra’s eyes glance away from you and toward Levi, then back to you, widening when you
don’t say anything else. “Have you met the Captain, yet?”

“Ash has been in my squad for several months now.” Levi supplies as you sit across from
him and Petra’s eyes flash with confusion, and you’re sure you see something close to envy.
Before you can explain or understand the look in her eye, more voices fill the empty hall.
You turn to find three more men approaching, two of them the middle-aged recruits you had
assumed would join, Gunther and Eld, but the third is a much older man you don’t recognize.
He’s talking with an air of confidence you’re positive will get under Levi’s skin.

“Great. Everyone’s here.” Levi deadpans, pushing up to a standing position. The men
scamper in beside you at the irritation evident in their new Captain’s voice. “Ash. On your
feet.”

You follow his order, approaching his side and facing the four new members of your squad.
It’s intimidating, being under their curious stares, but with Levi beside you, you feel more
confident than you had thought you would.

“You are all now official members of my squad.” He states monotonously. “Beside me is my
second in command, Ash. We depart tomorrow but I’ve called you here today for a specific
reason. Truth is, there are a few things I’m going to say and I’m only going to say them once,
so listen up.”

If your new comrades are confused, they’re doing an excellent job of hiding it. You, on the
other hand, are sure the shock on your face is evident by the widening of your eyes. You had
no idea Levi was naming you his second, let alone going over all of your confusing details in
one full swing, and he’s caught you entirely off guard.

“Ash has memory loss. She doesn’t remember the first eleven years of her life, and from time
to time she’ll have migraines. These are intense episodes of excruciating pain in her skull.
They make her immobile, but it’s essential she comes with us on expeditions, so we are to
protect her in the event she has one outside the walls. The reason why is confidential Scout
business. Do not ask.”

Their eyes are flickering between you and the Captain, wide and enthralled. You’re starting to
feel like an exhibit, but you force yourself not to buckle under the weight of your nerves.

“Her body also heals itself at an alarmingly fast pace. You’ll likely one day see what I mean,
and when you do, I expect you all to remember this conversation and not jump to any
conclusion. Again, you aren’t here to ask questions. If you learn anything it’ll be because she
chooses to tell you. That’s all I’m required to disclose, but there’s one last thing I’d like to
address. I call her Ash, but you will not. Come up with your own name for her together, and
make sure it isn’t anything stupid.”

You blink at the sudden rush of emotions coursing through you, threatening to clog your
sinuses, the call back to the day you met him, Isabel and Farlan playing through your mind.
You hadn’t expected Levi to request something so thoughtful from his squad, but you’re
grateful for it. Honey is your name from your first friends, and Ash is a name you only want
one person calling you by now. Neither would feel right coming from the lips of your new
squad, and Levi somehow knew that.

“Are we clear?” Levi asks once the silence lingers. The Scouts solute in unison.

“Yes, sir.”

Your neck flushes the moment Levi’s eyes turn to you, and you look back at him, hoping the
emotions wrestling in your chest aren’t appearing on your face.

“Is there anything you’d like to say, cadet?” He asks, and your lips part.

“Oh.” You say dumbly. Levi looks unimpressed, and you face forward quickly, clearing your
throat. “Sure. Hello. I’m sure a lot of what the Captain said is confusing, and you have plenty
of questions, but truthfully, for most of it, I couldn’t explain it even if I wanted to. What I can
say is, I’m not easily offended and don’t mind if you have questions. I’ll answer them as best
I can.”

“Good.” Levi nods once he realizes you’re done speaking. “We’ll meet at the stables
tomorrow at five o’clock sharp and ride over together. Enjoy the rest of your day off. You
won’t be getting one for a while after this.”

You solute to match your new squad and join them in watching Levi’s figure fade from view.
Once he’s gone, your arm falls, and you turn back to the four sets of eyes that are locked onto
you. It’d be unsettling if you hadn’t expected a reaction like this having just dumped a bunch
of strange information onto them with little to no explanation.
“Is it true Levi’s slayed over thirty Titans in his time with the Scouts?” The older man asks
while Petra blurts out with intrigue, “What does the Captain mean by you heal fast?”

You huff a tiny laugh before taking the seat Levi had been in moments prior.

You had told them to ask whatever they wanted, and there’s no time like the present to bond
with your new comrades by putting in a good word for Levi and detailing the shocking
revelations of your life.

“Yes, that’s true, and exactly how it sounds. If I get a scratch, within minutes it’ll close.”

They gape at you in disbelief, and you sigh, then look down at your hand. You bring your
thumbnail to the skin on your forearm, press, and drag. There are few gasps and grimaces as
you inflict pain upon yourself, but in the last several weeks Hange’s similarly ran a few tests,
with your consent, of course, and the skin has healed before your eyes.

The scratch is light, only the tiniest pool of red forms over the line, and they all stare with
fascination as the wound closes within a minute.

“What the hell?” The nameless man grunts, eyes flicking up to yours. “How is that
possible?”

“No idea.” You reply with a casual shrug, sitting back. “We are trying to figure that out.”

“How?”

“Also, no idea.” You answer Petra.

“So you just heal fast like a Titan and that’s that? We’re supposed to just accept it as
normal?” The older man persists on, earning glares from the others at the table.

“Oluo, enough.” Petra grits, but you wave her off, feigning calm. So, this is Oluo.

“No, no, you don’t.” You reply evenly, but you keep your stare on him, gaze hard and
challenging. “It’s my new normal, so I have no choice but to live with it, but you don’t have
to. I can tell Captain Levi you’ve resigned your position if you don't think you'll be able to
work alongside a freak like me.”

“No! Uh,” Uluo clears his throat, eyes wide with panic as he composes himself. “No, that
won’t be necessary. My apologies.”

You turn to look at your other comrades, finding grins on Petra and Eld’s faces, and an odd
look of approval from Gunther. You lift a brow.

“Are we good here then, for now?”

“We’re great!” Eld exclaims happily, standing up and holding out a hand. “I’m Eld Gin, this
here is Gunther Schultz, Petra Ral, and Oluo Bozado. It’s a pleasure to meet you. We’re
looking forward to working with you, I promise. Oluo just likes to be ignorant sometimes.”

You ignore Oluo’s complaints and Petra’s laugh as you take Eld’s hand, glance at a nodding
Gunther, and smile back at him.

“Welcome to Levi Squad.”

 Butterflies
Chapter Notes

TW: reference to past child sexual abuse

A few days pass living alongside your new comrades, most of which consists of cleaning the
farmhouse from top to bottom.

You knew Levi was particular about his living conditions, but you realize just how detail-
oriented he can be as he looks over your work with an upturned nose and a grimace when he
finds dust on the underside of your windowsill.

“Disgusting.” He grunts, pressing his fingers together to rid them of the dirt.

“It’s not like I’m going eat off of that,” You groan back, earning a disgusted look in response.
“Seriously, why does it matter to you if I’ve got a little cobweb here or there?”

“I can’t live in a dirty house.” He replies blandly, looking out the window briefly before
meeting your curious gaze. “Don’t call me in here again until it’s spotless. Got it?”

“Yes, Captain.” You grumble, frowning at the back of his head as he disappears through your
doorway.

It’s amusing and fascinating sometimes, learning new sides to Levi and watching him grow
into his role as a leader, and other times, it’s aggravating when he uses his title to have the
final say in a conversation. It makes you want to talk back with sarcasm or sass, but with new
members in the squad, you know better than to do so.
You’re adamant about not giving the others any reason to speculate Levi is giving you special
treatment, especially when Petra, Oluo, Eld, and Gunther have already become kind and
reliable teammates. Not that Levi has or will, but if you act like a brat or challenge his
authority in front of them, things could become tense.

You have a history and a friendship, but the line of professionalism must be drawn and
respected. The last thing you ever intend to do is ruin anything for Levi.

With a resolute sigh, you get back to cleaning. You start with the window, then move slowly
around the perimeter of the room, wiping the individual shelves of your closet, crawling
under your desk to dust off the legs, and even stepping up on a stool to ensure the corners of
your room are cobweb-free.

You cover every square inch of your bedroom, even take your sheets downstairs and out the
front door to the well for a second wash, passing your other comrades who are just as
frazzled by Levi’s standards.

“I thought I had it perfect.” Petra sighs as she hangs her own bedspread on the clothesline.

“Same.” You agree, leaning against the house wall, your own blankets drying in the sun. “I
get it, though. At least I think I do.”

“What do you mean?” She asks as she glances over her shoulder, the wind rustling her hair.

“I’d rather not speak for him.” You admit quietly, looking over to where the horses are
grazing in the field. “I can speak for me, though, and I grew up in the Underground like our
Captain. Down there, few are fortunate enough to have a place to live, let alone a place to
bathe. I had neither. Pretty sure I was covered in grime from when I was shoved down there
to when Erwin got me out.”

It’s not true, but the few times you had access to showers, you’d rather never explain how
you ended up in those situations.
Petra’s quiet as you frown to yourself, shoving those memories aside as your gaze shifts to
the grass beneath your boots. “I don’t necessarily mind the dirt, but sometimes my mind
convinces me I’m covered in it again. Weird things can trigger me, make me feel like I’m still
there.”

“I didn’t know that.” Petra quietly comments, hazel eyes meeting yours. “About you or the
Captain.”

“That surprises me,” You admit, but the quirk of your lips lets your comrade know you find
humor in it. “That seems to be the first thing anyone ever hears about us.”

“I heard the Captain was strong and capable, albeit cold and closed off, and for you, well, I
hadn’t heard of you. When Captain Levi mentioned you had been on his team for months, I
was just taken aback. I didn’t know he had already recruited anyone. I realize I likely came
off rude. I’m sorry.”

Something clicks in you; that unsure moment you had with the girl in front of you quickly
makes sense, and you smile. “Don’t be. It’s a bit of a story, but I was a new recruit when the
Commander plucked Levi from the underground. He was far from leader material when I first
met him.”

Petra faces you, eyes flashing with humor and curiosity. “Really?”

You look over your shoulder, then lean in with a small smile. “I won’t feed into rumors, but
I’ll tell you this much. Captain has a reputation. All kinds of things are said about him, like
how he was roughing up MPs in the underground, disrespectful and rebellious when he
joined the Scouts. The truth, though, is that Captain Levi is-”

“What’s with all the chit-chat?” A voice drawls out dangerously low.

You and Petra jump and face opposite directions. She pretends she’s flattening her sheet, and
you look up at the roof, what you’re pretending to do, well, you couldn’t say, and Levi knows
that.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Levi asks, approaching your side, gaze following
yours up the brick wall. “You climbing up there? Digging out the gutters?”

“Well, actually, I’m waiting for my bed sheets to dry.” You admit truthfully, digging the tip of
your boot into the ground. You feel Levi’s eyes focus on your side profile, and you sigh,
offering a glance in return. “Everything else in my room is clean, I swear.”

“Show me.”

You settle your features and nod, marching past your Captain and leading him up the stairs.
You push your bedroom door open with flair, walk in toward the left, and gesture Levi inside.
His eyes are unreadable as he glances around the room, looks back at you, then walks
through the doorway.

You watch as he takes in your work he deemed disgusting less than an hour ago. The sun
flickers through the window, flashing over his features, and you feel yourself starting to
admire his profile as he’s thorough with his examination. He really is quite handsome.

When he turns toward you, your neck flushes. His lips are tight-lipped, barely up-tilted, and
his expression is impassive, but you see it in his eyes. He’s impressed. Your stomach flips.

“Not bad.” He states, and you smile. “What?”

You shake your head, bringing your fingertips to your lips. “Nothing, nothing.”

Levi’s eyes turn to slants as he faces you and crosses his arms. “Tell me.”

“I’m just not used to your praise.” You admit much too easily, and it’s only when the words
slip past your lips that you’re openly expressing how happy it makes you feel that Levi
approves of you and your work now.

You hadn’t meant it in a way to make him feel guilty for the time in which he barely
acknowledged you, but you see the brief glimpse of apology pass over his features anyway.

Your face burns, and you look towards your sheetless mattress. “I only mean, I’m glad to
know I’ve met your expectations, Sir. Thank you.”

The stillness between you only lasts for a moment. Levi’s footsteps approach until he stops
on your right, just before the doorway. Your shy eyes meet his hesitantly, just in time to
watch his hand lift up to the front of your head and gently palm it.

“You’re doing good” He mutters softly before his fingers detangle from your hair and his feet
carry him out the door.

You stand in place even minutes after he’s gone, heart in your throat, cheeks hot with a rosy
blush. You bring your hand to where his had been and let out a steadying breath, the tingles
under your skin spreading over you like wildfire.

You take a few more moments to compose yourself, ignoring what this reaction to a simple
touch could mean before getting back to work.

The day passes uneventfully, and once everything has received the seal of approval from
Levi, you finally break for dinner.

“How long have you been in the Scouts?” Eld asks out of curiosity.

“Almost two years now.” You shrug. “What about you? You and Gunther were on Swenson’s
squad before this, right?”
“That’s right.” He nods, reaching over and wrapping an arm over his comrade's shoulder.
“We’ve been Scouts for five years. Somehow that practically makes us Vets.”

“If you two are veterans, then what the hell am I?” Oluo gruffs, harshly biting off the end of
his bread.

“A senior citizen?” Petra chimes in, earning laughs from around the table. You smirk at the
girl’s wit, eyes glancing back to Levi. He isn’t smiling, but there’s no trace of annoyance in
his face. If you had to guess, he’s growing used to having more people around the pair of
you. The thought makes you happy.

“I’ve slayed more Titans than you can count on your fingers and toes, girl.” Oluo scoffs, but
his sneer is playful. “What old man do you know can move like I can?”

Petra replies with another sassy remark, and another chorus of chuckles follows while Oluo
pretends to hate the attention the younger woman gives him. Banter like this always seems to
ensue during your meals, and it’s nice to see your team bond together so seamlessly. As the
leaders, you and Levi aren’t quite involved in the budding friendships, but you get along well
enough.

You are quite fond of Petra and Eld seems to have taken a liking to you, always including you
in conversations or calling out to you when you’re out tending to your horse. Gunther mostly
keeps to himself, and you have yet to find common ground with Oluo, but each level of their
camaraderie is welcomed and comforting.

Your physical training will begin tomorrow, where you hope your talents will blend
seamlessly and make you a force to be reckoned with on the expedition in three weeks.
Seeing as Levi handpicked each of these members, you’re sure it’ll be the most eye-opening,
challenging training to date. Having been partnered solely with Levi for the last eight months
reassures you that you’ll be able to hold your own, but you’re interested to see just how
talented they all are and where you fall amongst them.

“Alright.” Levi’s deep voice breaks through the voices, silencing everyone in a heartbeat. He
places his teacup down, eyes lazily regarding all of you. “We’ll start with the basics
tomorrow. I’d like to evaluate all your skills for a refresher and then start designing the best
formation. I’ll see you at six, and I expect freshly washed faces and brushed teeth. Got it?”
“Yes, sir!”

Levi is the first to leave, and as the others stand, you collect their plates and cups and take
them one room over to the kitchen sink.

While Levi’s standards are high, you've quite enjoyed this week, bringing this place back to
life, and doing menial tasks. Washing the dishes or contributing to making dinner gives you
an odd but comforting sense of home. The feeling of living among other people and looking
after one another is something you once thought you’d never experience, and it feels nice.
Warm.

“What are you smiling about?” Eld’s voice breaks through your thoughts, and you jolt
slightly at the unexpectedness of it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine.” You laugh awkwardly, wiping your hair out of your eyes with your right wrist
before taking the cup from his hands. “I was just lost in thought. Thanks, by the way, I must
have missed that.”

“Oh, no, you didn’t.” He reassures you. “I had this up in my bedroom from this morning and
just forgot about it until now.”

You nod in understanding as Eld makes himself comfortable, leaning up beside the sink.

“So, what were you thinking about?” He asks.

Eld is a tall man with shoulder-length hair he normally has pulled back into a low ponytail,
only now it’s loose and framing his face. He has kind eyes and a warm smile, but other than
that, you don’t know much about him, only that other than Petra, he seems to be the most
curious about you.
“It’s just nice doing dishes.” You shrug, flushing slightly at the embarrassing statement.
“Makes me feel useful.”

“You’ve got plenty more going for you than just dishwasher.” Eld laughs kindly. “If you’ve
been training with Captain for months, you’re probably the second strongest on the team.”

“We won’t know until tomorrow.” You reply patiently, glancing at him curiously. “Is there
anything else you need?”

“No, no, sorry.” He flushes, looking away. “Just making small talk.”

“Oh.” You say dumbly, blinking up at him. “Sorry. That was rude of me. I didn’t mean to be
dismissive.”

Eld laughs again, then picks up a hand towel. “It’s fine. Here. Let me help.”

“Sure.” You comment quietly, handing him a plate you’d just rinsed. “Thanks.”

“So, tell me, if you don’t mind, what’s with the name thing?” Eld asks after a moment. “Do
you really not have one?”

“Technically, I have two,” You correct him gently, “but I assume you mean a birth name, and
if that’s the case, I probably have one but I don’t know what it is.”

“So, there’s Ash, and then there’s…”

“Honey.” You fill in the blank, a smile gracing your features as the thought of your friend.
“You know Hange Zoe?”
Eld snorts. “I don’t think there is a soul in the entire Military that doesn’t know Hange.”

“Right. Fair.” You laugh quietly. “Well, they gave me that name.”

“You’re close then?”

“They’re my best friend.” You reply instantly before clarifying. “My favorite person, really.”

“And is the Captain the only one who calls you Ash?”

Eld’s question is innocent and curious, but it still ignites the tiniest spark of grief in your
heart.

“Yes.”

You choose not to explain Isabel and Farlan or the role they played in your life. It’s personal,
and like the name they called you, you’d like to keep it between you and Levi. Luckily, Eld
seems to catch on to the fact that there is something left unsaid and doesn’t question your
response.

“Well, I’m sure the four of us will come up with something nice.” Eld offers thoughtfully.
“Although, I suppose we’ll have to clear it with the Captain before we agree on one.”

You lift an amused brow. “Why do you say that?”

“He ordered us to not give you a stupid name, right?” Eld blinks over at you expectantly, and
you aren’t sure why it makes you laugh but it does. You hunch over the sink slightly, shaking
your head.
“You’re right; he did do that.” You roll your eyes fondly after you compose yourself. “It’s
something I had said to him when he and, well, when he wanted to pick out a name.”

Your slight falter mid-sentence doesn’t go unnoticed, and you aren’t fortunate enough for Eld
to let it go this time.

“How close are you and Captain Levi?” He asks, an intrigued tilt to his voice. “I only ask
because, well, you seem like you barely know one another most of the time, but other times,
it’s like you have a really deep bond. If I’m being honest, the others are curious, too, and
well, you said we could ask-”

“Eld.” You cut him off gently, giving him a pointed look. “It’s fine. Just ask what you want
to.”

“Are you two dating?” He blurts it out, and then his eyes widen as though he can’t believe he
said it aloud, and your lips part in shock. You had not expected that, although now you’re
wondering why with how Eld had phrased his initial question.

“No, we aren’t.” You reply sharply, facing forward once more to hide your blush. “That’s
unprofessional.”

You were only aware of your complex feelings for Levi just today, and weren’t even able to
identify them, so why do all four of your comrades suspect something is going on?

You need to do damage control now and correct the way you’ve been acting, apparently, but
you aren’t even sure what it is you’re doing that’s making them think that.

“Sorry.” Eld winces at your reaction. “Forget I asked.”

“No, I’m sorry.” You counter quickly, mentally cursing yourself and your paranoia. “You just
caught me off guard. I don’t know what’s made all of you think that, but no. No, we aren’t.”
You focus on the dishes, mind reeling, then give Eld an awkward goodbye and you disappear
into your bedroom. When you lay down for bed, your heart is still thudding at what felt like
an accusation.

Romance, love, and lust are things you've never felt and never thought you would. You don’t
know what it entails or how it feels, but you’ve seen what it looks like on others.

You’ve never had sex, but you have done plenty of sexual acts or showed off your body for
money or food. You don’t try to linger in that part of your life because you were desperate to
survive, but the Underground taught you people sought sexual pleasure more than food,
sometimes more than money.

Women and women, men and women, men and men, you’ve heard and seen it all. You
wouldn’t know how it feels, the pleasure of being touched or from touching someone. You
were always giving but never because you wanted to. You were repulsed by the men you got
down on your knees for, the women who coped a feel and tossed a quarter at your feet, the
grown adults who paid extra for someone underage.

It was a necessity, a means to an end, and you were certain it’d always be a transaction. You
thought you’d never touch anyone ever again when Erwin got you out. You had been so
desperate to survive in the Underground that not having to do any of it again felt like a
blessing.

Hange taught you human interaction wasn’t always because one person needed something
and the other had something to give. They taught you kindness and friendship and affection
that happened because you simply cared for someone.

Isabel and Farlan reiterated that feeling, reminding you friendship could blossom from the
oddest places, unexpectedly and short-lasting, but impactful, and Levi.

Levi’s shown you all the same things, but he’s also taught many new ones.
You have always thought he was handsome, even when you first met him. Part of it was
admiration. His natural-born talent of gliding through the air with ODM gear struck you
quickly, and his resilience and ability to care for others so deeply despite growing up the
same way you had.

It was also his looks.

You’d seen conventionally attractive men before, though, and Levi wasn’t like them. The
ones that made some of the ladies on the block swoon were tall, and wide, and smiled
brightly. They knew how to flirt, to make a woman think she wasn’t being paid for service.
You had been with one of those men once, and you hadn’t felt a thing. They were the same as
the others, self-serving, deceptive, and cruel.

Levi, though, he’s your height. He rarely smiles and he speaks boldly and unapologetically,
and yet he has pretty eyes, and soft skin that smells like haven. He doesn’t put up a front for
affection or to deceive others, and yet he’s still secretive in his emotions.

He’s captivated you, made you care, and shown you how it feels when you think he doesn’t.
You seek his praise and find solace when he’s near. He’s your friend.

You knew all of that, never feared it or shied from the weight of what that meant. It’s the
same with Hange, caring as you do is scary, but worth it.

It wasn’t until that damn shower incident that you considered a deeper affection stemming
from within you. A part of you surfaced that wanted something you’ve never wanted before,
and that was to touch, to smell, to taste, but it didn’t click until Eld asked you that question.

Is that what that feeling is? When Levi’s gentle touch leaves you red in the cheeks, is it
because you like him?

Your mind is too convoluted to know the truth right now.

There are too many experiences, thoughts, and fears swarming inside it like a bunch of angry
bees. You can’t be certain this emotion is desire. It could simply be a natural response, your
affection blooming due to the attention he’s suddenly giving you, or perhaps the complete
negligence of care from the opposite sex until now is clouding your judgment.

Either way, you don’t see any point in fretting over it more than you already have. You nor
Levi are in any position to act on romantic feelings even if that were the case for either of
you. You’re comrades, leaders, and first and foremost Scouts.

You do, however, need to nip this belief in the bud before Levi catches wind. You’re certain
he won’t take kindly to being wrapped up in something as juvenile as rumors and crushes,
especially amongst his own squad. The question is how you plan to set the record straight,
and if there’s any way to do it without Levi noticing.
 Mini

“Nice one, old man.” Petra laughs as Oluo lands on his back with a yelp. You straighten out,
pulling your leg back and stepping up to the man you just flattened.

“My tongue!” He cries out as you crouch beside his head. He clutches his jaw, and when you
gently grab his wrist and pull it back, you wince at the sight of blood lathered over his front
teeth.

You reach behind you into the pocket of your training sweats and pull out a clean sweat
towel.

“Here.” You sigh, handing the small cloth over. “You need to stop talking when you’re
sparring, Oluo, this is getting ridiculous.”

“He can’t help it, Mini.” Petra snorts again, and you turn to her with a deadpan stare.

“You keep antagonizing him.” You argue back. “He can’t help it but neither can you, so cut it
with the laughing and go help him wash his mouth out.”

Petra gives you a tiny, dramatic frown before nodding. “Fine, alright.”

You sigh and turn back to Oluo, offering him a hand which he takes with a grateful look in
his eye.

“Thanks for having my-”

“Both of you are on my nerves.” You cut him off sharply. “Go.”
You turn on your feet and walk towards Eld and Gunther before either can speak. You hear
the two troublemakers bicker over your shoulder about who was at fault and roll your eyes.
Nothing is ever going to get through to them.

“Your nickname really starts to take shape when those two are involved,” Gunther grunts,
arms crossed as he watches his comrades’ figures fade from view.

“Right?” Eld laughs nudging his friend. “I was just thinking she’d looked exactly like him
just now.”

“Whatever.” You groan, eyes flicking between the two men. “Who’s next?”

The name they’ve picked for you is ridiculous. You were hesitant to accept it, but Levi
seemed to approve of it. Therefore the reigns were out of your hands, and the four of them
took it and ran.

It was your first expedition with your new squad mates where the name was bestowed upon
you. You and Levi had gone on so many together before that, and as your formation
progressed, the two of you were in complete sync. The others contributed and added some
more Titans to their kill list, but in Petra’s words, you and Levi were on an entirely different
level.

They were impressed with your ability to communicate without speaking, the way you
seemed to both glide through the air with similar auras, and it was Oluo who had coined the
name, muttering under his breath as you and Captain swiftly landed back on your horses.

“She’s like his damn mini-me.”

It’s been a month and a half since then, and the name seems to have fully stuck despite your
protests. It’s not as though you’re offended by it, but the opposite. It feels like a compliment
that’s difficult to just say thanks to, one almost undeserving.
“I’ll go,” Gunther responds and you smile at the initiative.

Gunther has been the least social member of your team, and despite the impression Eld gives
that the two of them are thick as thieves, the former seems as though he’s unaware of the fact.
He’s awkward and silent, those traits have actually made Gunther one of your favorite
comrades.

There’s just something about his calm demeanor, the quiet kindness, and the standoffish
persona he offers others that you appreciate. Perhaps it’s the experience you have in the
Survey Corps, and how his outlook feels the most realistic and comparable to yours and
Levi’s.

“Take it easy on him, Mini Cap.” Eld snorts, eyes flashing with humor as you glare at him.
“What?”

You don’t reply, eyes finding Gunther’s as you take a sparring position. He mirrors your
stance, and the fight begins.

You’re to be using the advanced defensive techniques Levi has drilled into you all this time
training together on your comrades while he visits Erwin in his office back in Trost. He left
yesterday morning and won’t be back until this evening. You’re ashamed by how his lack of
presence puts you on edge, yet instead of focusing on you’re complex emotions, you carry
out what the Captain has asked you to accomplish.

Levi wants you to see how your squad fair against you, note where they need improvement,
including yourself, and tell him later when he returns. You’d teach them these skills yourself
but you have no idea how to. You simply recognize weaknesses and strengths rather quickly
during a spar because it’s how Levi taught you to fight.

With that goal in mind, you advance first, swinging quickly at the side of Gunther’s head. He
ducks quickly, stepping back as you give him no entry space to attack your ribs.

You go again, the same punch, and he reacts quickly but barely fast enough. You use it to
your advantage and follow the swing with your other hand, landing a jab to his gut. It makes
contact but barely as Gunther continues his step back, and with your balance forward, he
swipes a leg.

You stumble but prepare for his attack as your balance totters. He leans forward and you grab
around his neck as he does, tightening your core as you use your momentum to bring him
down to the ground as you fall. His body lands on yours but you roll him over, too quick for
him to react. When the point of your elbow is pressing to his neck, Eld whistles from over
your shoulder.

You stare curiously at a wide-eyed Gunther, waiting for him to make a move, and for a brief
moment, you think you see his lips quirk, and then he nods, conceding.

“You’re way stronger than me.” You tell him, holding your position. “Why fold when you
can launch me off you in an instant?”

“You have me in a checkmate.” He says simply.

“Not necessarily.” You argue. “The body’s flight or fight kicks in. You’d have me on my back
in seconds.”

“If this was a real fight to the death, you’d be putting your entire weight into my neck.”

“So?”

“With the momentum of your turn, the way it caught me off guard, and the position of your
elbow, you’d have me incapacitated.”

“Seriously?” You ask incredulously, and somewhere behind you, Eld laughs.

“Yeah,” Gunther replies.

For a moment you're taken back.

When you join the trainee corps, you’re expected to cover all aspects of the military in your
lessons so you are well prepared no matter what branch you join. Sparring is taught at a basic
level, but only the Garrison and Military Police continue your education on that front. Joining
the Scouts, your priority becomes learning how to slay Titans, not people.

It was Levi’s idea when he first started training you to include sparring sessions. It was
something you full heartedly accepted, agreed with, and even appreciated, having spent so
many nights in the Underground knowing you’d fair better with knowledge in self-defense.

Erwin, since recruiting Levi, has implemented it into training, because he and you both know
Titans are humanity’s biggest threat, but fellow humans are just as dangerous. You’ve been
working at it for almost a year now, and yet you’re still surprised when your small frame
finds ways to take down men three times the size as you.

“Oh.” You reply, blinking. “Cool.”

“Cool?” Eld snorts as you push up to your feet and offer Gunther a hand, and you toss him a
look.

“I mean, I only know most of this shit because Levi’s drilled it into my brain. It’s instinct to
fight the way I do. Sometimes I forget how capable I am.”

“You listen to your gut in these situations, right?” Gunther asks, and you turn back toward
him with a shrug.

“I guess so. I just use your weight to my favor, react to your reactions.”
Gunther smiles knowingly. “My father used to teach Krav Maga. It’s a defensive fighting
style, one that focuses on instinct and counterattacks, and your approach is very similar. The
Captains taught you one of the most helpful techniques for a person your size. Your
opponent’s strength and weight won’t matter if you fight like that. There are a few things I
think you could improve on, though.”

“Can you show me?” You ask him quickly with wide, hopeful eyes.

Your mind whirls back to a few months ago, how the thought of being taken by the MPs
placed a bundle of dread and fear in your gut. Hand-to-hand combat became way more than
just a precautions lesson, but one you and Levi started to focus on more than slaying Titans.
Neither of you is convinced that the MPs are letting you off the hook so easily, and the
moment a second similar situation arises, your healing power won’t be swept under the rug.

Knowing how to defend yourself could save your life one day.

“Sure,” Gunther replies. “Right now?”

“Wait, is it not my turn to fight Mini?” Eld complains in protest, and you offer him a fleeting
glance.

“Fine. Let’s do this quickly.”

“How do you know it’ll be quick?” Eld argues defensively and you bite back a smile.

Eld has rarely any sparring experience, and it’s been five years since he had been in the
training corps with regular lessons. You don’t need to explain why you’ll take him down
swiftly, you’ll just show him.

“Assume your stance.” You tell him, and he does, brow still furrowed with his frown. The
moment he does you fake a lunge, and he steps back, his defensive faltering instantly. You
take the opening, delivering a blow to his lower abdomen.
Eld sucks in a sharp breath and wheezes as he folds in on himself and lifts a hand to signal
stop. You sigh, offering Gunther a quick look to find the amusement you knew would be
there, before looking back down at your bent-over comrade.

“Shall we go again?”

“Nope, nope.” Eld waves you off as he slowly straightens out. “I’m good, not after that hit.”

“Consider yourself lucky, Eld.” You tell him with a tiny smile. Eld winces, palming the spot
your fist connected with his body. “If we were fighting for real, I would have aimed lower.”

His face pales and you snort, turning toward Gunther whose grin is shockingly wide.

“I don’t think there’s much I can teach you.” He says then. “Most of the opponents
unfortunate enough to go against you are going to underestimate you like our friend here, and
they’ll end up on the ground with the strength of your kick.”

“I didn’t underestimate her.” Eld cuts in. “I overestimated myself. There’s a difference.”

“Hardly,” Gunther grunts.

“Just go over whatever you know.” You tell your comrade with a reassuring nod. “If it’s
something I’ve already learned then there’s no harm in a refresher.”

“Well, I’m going to go grab some ice.” Eld grimaces as he starts to walk, and you roll your
eyes.

“You’re just as bad as Oluo.” You tell him, earning a genuine look of offense. “You’re
bruised, not internally bleeding. You can go to the kitchen, but not for ice. Take Oluo and go
for a run, and tell Petra to come out here. She’ll benefit from this, too.”

Eld reluctantly sighs and turns away.

You watch him go, shaking your head with equal amusement and annoyance. You’re grateful
to have earned the familiarity of your squad members, and while you know they like to tease
you and give you grief, at the end of the day they respect you.

Levi thinks it’s weird that you let them speak to you so casually, but you don’t mind. While
he demands attention and expects obedience, you’re fine being challenged and messed with.

There is just something about being treated as someone superior that makes you
uncomfortable. You much prefer staying on others' levels as equals, as comrades and friends.

“He’s a bit of a baby, isn’t he?” You say to Gunther, and he huffs out a laugh. “Don’t tell him
I said that, though.”

When Petra arrives, Gunther goes over the basics of Krav Maga, and she's immediately
enthralled. The session becomes one of your favorites as you refresh your mind on skills Levi
taught you, but they become sharper and more concise with Gunther’s knowledge-based
experience.

You spend hours working with Petra, taking Gunther’s words and replicating them in combat.
Petra’s slightly taller than you but you're stronger than she is, and learning these techniques
on a somewhat equal playing field is eye-opening.

Gunther pauses your mid-combat, making notes, adjusting your placements, and showing the
both of you the tiniest of adjustments can go a long way.

When Eld and Oluo come back, soaked in sweat from their run, they find you and Petra
sizing each other up, both of you searching for the opening to take the other down. She’s
lankier and therefore can strike faster, but you're more agile, and bloke her blows just before
they land.

You want her to learn a lot from this, and therefore you have been holding back just enough
to give her time to adjust and grow from the experience. She’s definitely improved
substantially just with Gunther’s wisdom, and you’re incredibly impressed with the number
of times she’s just almost gotten the best of you.

“Stop taking it easy on her, Mini.” Oluo instigates a focused Petra who doesn’t pay him any
mind. If anything it fuels her fire, and she makes the first move this time, angling a kick
toward your calf.

You step back, then move in with a swift punch to her gut. Petra reads your movement side
stepping as you go for her middle, but you’re too quick. The moment her fingers wrap over
your arm, you use her momentum to tug her over your shoulder with your opposite hand.

You flip her onto her back and she grunts as she lands, the wind sucking from her lungs.
You’re knelt beside her, grip loosening on her elbow and bicep, and know this is the real test.
Will she concede now, or wait until she thinks your guard is down to strike again?

“Just give up already-”

“Can it, Oluo.”

That familiar, sudden deep voice strikes through your chest and fizzles in your gut. Your eyes
shoot up at the sound, stunned by his unexpected appearance, and the moment your eyes
meet his, Petra makes her move.

She uses your hold on her arm to push up and twist, flatting you on your stomach while she
presses you into the dirt from behind. You know she has you in checkmate the moment your
cheek hits the dirt, the experience one you can safely say you’re getting tired of feeling.
“Oh, shit!” Eld exclaims giddily, and Oluo stares with wide eyes and parted lips as you sigh
and tap out quietly.

“I did it!” Petra cheers, her excitement and pride contagious as she moves off you and offers
you a hand. Your cheeks are flushed with slight embarrassment, but you smile at your
comrade and friend, more than happy to celebrate this accomplishment with her.

“That you did.” You agree, then scoff when she wraps are arms around your neck and looks
over at all the men watching the pair of you. “Did you all see? I beat Captain’s mini-me.
Me!”

“Of course they saw.” You grit out, pride for your friend shifting to annoyance despite
yourself. “They were standing right there.”

“Sorry.” She says sheepishly, her own chest heaving with exhaustion. “I’m just happy. I could
tell you were pulling your punches, but I got you there for real, didn’t I?”

It’s true. Petra beat you there fair and square, because the moment you heard Levi’s voice,
you were distracted. You let your guard down and Petra noticed, likely only fueling her
suspicion that you and the Captain care for one another more deeply than you let on. A rumor
you’ve yet to find a way to prove untrue.

You avoid Levi’s heavy stare as you nod at Petra. “Yeah. You did. Well done.”

She laughs, giving you one last squeeze before letting you go. “Gosh, that was freaking
tiring. Fun, but I’m drained.”

“Same.” You agree, swallowing thickly as you finally look at Levi. “Well, Captain? Are we
good to clear out and wash up for dinner?”

“Why are you asking me?” Levi lifts his brow and crosses his arms. Your glare turns steely,
but the message is received.
“Right, then. We’re all dismissed.” You announce a bit snippily, glancing around. “Go
shower and we’ll reconvene for dinner.”

You start to walk alongside Petra, who is already chattering about what you should all make
for dinner when Levi calls out to you.

“Ash. Hold back”

You pause in your steps, not missing the knowing look Petra sends your way with a shit-
eating grin. With a heavy sigh you turn, meeting Levi’s stare from feet away, his potion
unchanged from when he suddenly appeared during your fight.

“If you made me temporary Captain for the two days you're gone, does that mean I’m still
currently out-ranking you and can do whatever I want?” You question jokingly.

“No.” Levi retaliates, although his eyes flash. “We've plenty to discuss later, but first, what
was that?”

“What was what?” You ask despite knowing exactly what he’s referring to.

“I got enough of that mock innocence from Hange in the past two days, I don’t need it from
you.” He deadpans unamused.

“Aw, how is Hange?”

“Ash.”

“What?” You exasperate, flailing your arms up. “You popped up out of nowhere when you
weren’t supposed to be back until late tonight. Your deep baritone caught me off guard. I
don’t know what you want me to say.”

Levi stares at you, head tilted slightly like he wants to say something, but then he decides
against it.

“Right. Go shower. You smell.”

“I’m so glad you're back, Captain.” You grumble, turning on your feet and heading toward
the house. Your heart is in your throat, chest warm at the sight of Levi and knowing he’s near
once more. You realize that’s an incriminating emotion, missing him when he’s only been
gone for a little over a day, but you’ve been by his side for almost an entire year now. Even
when he felt like a stranger, his presence was welcomed, and being without him felt lonely.

When you notice a few heads pop out of sight as you turn the corner toward the front door of
the farmhouse, you pinch the bridge of your nose.

Apparently, you all need to get a grip.

 The Bar
Chapter Notes

TW: reference to past child sexual abuse & prostitution

“Please, Captain!” Petra pleads with wide, pouty eyes as she intertwines her fingers together.

“It’s just one night, Levi, let your team live a little.” Hange butts in, wrapping an arm over
your shoulders. “Come on, don’t you want to see Honey get wasted?”

You shove your friend off with a scoff. “What is wrong with you?”

“No, I agree with Hange. I’d love to see that.” Eld cuts in and your glare turns to him.

“I just want to get drunk,” Oluo grunts his two cents. “Last week’s expedition was a pain,
pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my ass.”

“No one needs to know that, Oluo.” Petra groans.

“I’m fine with it,” Erwin comments over all your shoulders, making you all turn to find him
standing inside the doorway of his office. You had all been called in a day ago to offer a
status report, and seeing as the past four months since you were put together have gone
smoothly with no casualties in your Squad, Erwin wanted to offer his praise.

“Your squad is always off somewhere doing something away from the others, Levi. Why
don’t you all stay in the barracks tonight and come with us out to the pub?”
Everyone blinks at Erwin, then turns back to where Levi’s been glowering at all of you with
crossed arms. His jaw ticks, eyes glancing from Erwn to Hange to you.

“Knock yourselves out.” He grumbles, and a chorus of cheers and conversations start, but
note the disinterested look in his eye.

“You’re going back, aren’t you?” You ask as you step toward him.

“Yep.”

“Oh, don’t be like that!” Hange exclaims, overhearing and hopping over to where the Captain
is standing. They lean forward and whisper something in his ear. His eyes turn to slits, briefly
glancing toward you before he nods.

“Fine. I’ll stay.”

Hange cackles in response and you gape at the pair.

“What could you have possibly said to change his mind?” You ask them incredulously. In
response, Hange pinches their fingers together and drags them across their lips before tossing
the imaginary key over their shoulder.

You turn to Levi who is pretending like this doesn’t concern him. “What did Hange say to
you?”

“Nothing.” Levi drawls, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning away. You stare at his
fading figure, then scowl at Hange who simply shrugs and ushers you along.

“Let’s go to the bar!”

Your squad cheers as your nerves flutter and take over your stomach at the thought of what
Hange’s told Levi. You’ve only ever had too much to drink once, and it was only you and
Hange at the time. They had never made a fuss so you had assumed you were decent at
holding your alcohol, but now you’re nervous that you aren’t and Hange’s promised an
embarrassing display.

You’re in your head for the five-minute walk to the pub, and before you know it you’re sat at
a large wooden table with Levi on your right at the head, and Hange on your left beside Petra.
Erwin sits across from you beside Eld and Gunther, leaving Oluo at the other end of the table,
attempting to mirror Levi’s bored expression.

“First rounds on me!” Hange grins, adjusting their glasses. “Who wants what?”

The table agrees on a pitcher of ale and a small conversation ensues, which pretty much just
means Hange is telling your comrades about her recent Titan discoveries, including the
experiments they’ve been undergoing with the Titans they captured alive on last month’s
expedition.

“It’s really remarkable how Titans produce saliva but they don’t secrete any of other
substances. I stuck that spear right into Sawney’s chest and he didn’t even break a sweat! Not
to mention we’ve had them in captivity for just under three weeks now, and they have yet to
excrete any fecal matter or-”

“Okay, Hange, seriously?” You grimace at your friend who turns to you with wide, confused
eyes.

“What?”

“No one wants to hear you talk about your pet Titan’s inability to take a dump, Shitty
Glasses,” Levi adds in and Hange frowns, glancing around the table to find similar
expressions on your Squad’s faces.

“I second what the Captain and Mini said,” Eld announces before taking a large sip of his
beer.
“Who’s Mini?” Hange asks excitedly, and you bite the inside of your cheek knowing Hange
is going to have a field day with this information. They turn to you and smile wide. “You?
Are you Mini?”

“It’s the name we’ve picked out for her because she’s Captain’s Mini-me.” Eld supplies
casually as he gestures to you, unaware of the chaos about to ensue. It’s like watching a
mirrored image when the two of them are going up against Titans.”

“It’d be unsettling if it weren’t so impressive,” Oluo adds, wiping his mouth after finishing
his first beer.

“Oh my god.” Hange gasps, then turns to you and Levi.

You expected their overreaction, so you’re already staring at them, glaring and daring them to
say anything else. Hange brings a hand over their mouth, eyes darting between you and the
man over your shoulder, then doubles over in laughter.

“You’re making the exact same face, right now.” Petra tacks on, her own smile wide with
amusement.

“Fuck off.” You mutter, looking away from everyone, skin hot. “If anything, Levi is my mini-
me since I joined the Scouts first.”

“Oi,” Levi bites and you meet his challenging stare. “Watch it.”

“It is true.” Erwin muses, eyeing the two of you from over his mug. “You share similar
attributes, but Honey was here first.”

You smile then toss Levi another smug look as he grits his teeth and sips his beer.
“You don’t get to be annoyed now.” You tell him casually with a shrug. “You’re the one who
approved of the stupid name.”

He looks elsewhere, face composed. “It’s funny.”

“Levi likes having a pretty little shadow.” Hange teases, and you nudge them in the ribs with
your elbow. “Ow!”

“Stop saying stupid shit.” You grunt, rolling your eyes at their dramatics. “To think I’ve
missed you.”

“Keep drinking, Honey, you’re so much sweeter to me when you’re drunk.” Hange frowns
and you sigh, making a point to look at them when you take the next sip of your beer. “Yay.”

“Mini’s an affectionate drunk?” Eld grins, eyes flashing. “I’d like to see that.”

“I bet you would,” Gunther mutters, making you choke a bit on your beer as Eld turns to him
with a shocked, guilty expression.

“Ooh, does someone have a crush?” Hange leans in excitedly and you're quick to hit your
friend lightly in the back of the head.

“I’m getting the next round.” You call out as Hange crouches and looks up at you with a
frown, holding their neck.

“Would you stop hitting me?” They complain and you offer a smile, feigning innocence.

“If you stop being a nosey, inappropriate little shit, sure.”

“You know I can’t help that,” Hange whines, making the others laugh. You roll your eyes
before walking over to the bar and flagging down the bartender. You request another round of
eight beers before you frown quietly to yourself.

Gunther and Hange’s words linger in your mind, and you wonder if Eld’s kindness and
openness towards you stems from something more. You recall him seeking you out several
times when it wasn’t necessary, and he was the one who brought up the idea of you and Levi
being a couple. Maybe there was an ulterior motive as to why he asked, not that it truly
matters.

The important issue right now is you worry Hange’s embarrassed Eld for so blatantly calling
it out if that’s the truth, and in front of everyone, too.

“I can’t believe you got away with it.”

You turn toward the voice that shakes you out of your thoughts, blinking in realization as
you’re met with the face of Larves. He’s leaning against the bar beside you, his eyes facing
forward but his jaw is tight, clenching down.

You sigh.

“Give it a rest already. This one-sided beef is embarrassing.”

“Just wait, bitch.” He seethes, eyes hard. “I know who you are, what you are. I won’t let you
get away with it.”

“What?” You exasperate as you turn to him. “Are you drunk?”

“I know you heal like a Titan.” He grits out. “I know you were found outside the walls, and I
know you’re lying about everything. I’m sure the only reason you haven’t said anything
about me and you is to just make me squirm, but once the truth is out they’ll never believe a
word from your whore mouth.”
You stare back at the tall, red-faced man, smell the liquor on his breath, and stop yourself
from delivering a slap across his face. Those foul memories, you haven’t let yourself think
about them in so long, and you know only provoking Larves further will make him angrier,
make him do something rash.

You remember what you had told Miche on that trip back to the Underground, and take a
steadying breath. You refuse to let his words or his threats get to you. He’s scared you’ll talk,
but you’d rather never tell anyone about those days and what you did for food.

“I think you’ve had too much to drink and are letting your emotions get the best of you.” You
tell him evenly, facing forward once more.

“Is that right?”

“Yes. I think you need to just back off and get a life, Larves. I’d rather die than tell anyone
about that time in my life. You have nothing to worry about, trust me.”

“You’re going to wish I fucking killed you in that underground shit hole.” He spits, teeth-
bared before he turns and marches away.

You watch him go, shaking your head in complete loss. There’s no doubt his appearance
tonight was a coincidence, but the fact he came up here just to antagonize you is ridiculous.

You had no idea he was so scared of you.

“Alright?”

You jump slightly before turning toward a sheepish-looking Eld. You nod, sighing quietly to
yourself. One thing to the next, but you’ll welcome this awkwardness and then deal with the
horrible truth you’re trying to avoid with Larves any day.
“Fine. Just a jerk I unfortunately know.”

“He’s in the Military Police?”

“Yeah. He was a patroller in the Underground.” Your eyes turn back toward where Larves ran
off only to no longer see him. “I guess he still holds a grudge that I got out.”

“Ah.” Eld nods, unsure what to say, but you know Petra informed the others about your and
the Captain’s backgrounds. She did it with good intentions and you saw no harm in it; not
when it’s something you were ever intending to hide.

“I just wanted to, well, apologize for Gunther,” Eld says quickly. “I’m sorry things got sort of
uncomfortable for you, and I appreciate you putting an end to it quickly.”

“Eld, it’s no problem. Hange has no boundaries and zero filter. Ignore them.” You shake him
off as the bartender brings over the beers.

“I, uh,” Eld stutters, and you pause at his anxious tone and you turn to him, chest skipping.
“It’s not untrue. I’m not expecting anything, but I just don’t want to lie about it. I think you’re
great.”

You blink at him, lips parted in your surprise at how openly Eld’s admitted to liking you, but
you’re flattered, too, and you think it’s nice.

Even though you don’t feel that way about him, it’s nice to have someone feel that way about
you.

“Oh.” You say quietly, cheeks pink as you face forward. “Thank you, Eld. That’s sweet, but I
am your comrade, and your squad’s second in command.”
“I know.”

“And to be transparent.” You tack on hesitantly. “I just don’t see you in that way.”

“It’s okay.”

“I think it’s really nice, though, how upfront you were about it.” You admit with a kind smile.
“I appreciate it.”

“Sure.” He says awkwardly. Though his smile is shy and his neck is flushed, you assume the
message is received. “Let me get those for you.”

“I’ve got it.” You shake him off, smiling as you lift the tray. “It’s my round, you know.”

He nods then turns, and you follow him back to the table. Your eyes latch onto Hange’s, and
you’re somewhat relieved to find their guilty expression. You hope Levi and Erwin talked
some sense into them while Eld came up to clear the air with you, but in case they haven’t,
you flick their forehead after you’ve placed the tray down.

Your eyes scan over over to Erwin who denied a second drink, so you take it for yourself
when you notice the slightly colder stare Levi is shooting your way.

You’ve yet to tell him your comrade’s belief there is something between the two of you, but
you’re glad you haven’t at the annoyance radiating off him at the mere thought of Eld and
you seeking closer relations.

You’re sure his hesitancy to anything like that happening in his squad is for the sake of
expeditions. Feelings can convolute things and cloud judgments, and while you understand it,
he’s clearly jumping to conclusions here.

For now, you’ll drink and save that conversation for another time.
You focus in on the story Petra is telling about her old squad, finishing your second beer, and
by that time Gunther is thoroughly going over his father’s Krav Maga studio to Hange,
you’re done your third.

Erwin buys everyone a round then leaves, and by then you’re feeling lighter and warmer. The
stress of Eld’s minor confession easily faded close to an hour ago as you laugh with your
friends, and chance a quick glance toward Levi who, despite matching your drinks maintains
his usual cool demeanor.

You begin to nurse your fourth ale as the conversation splits. Your squad starts talking
amongst themselves while Hange turns to face you and Levi. Their smile is devious as they
attempt to pull you into their chest, and this time you let them with a yielding sigh.

“I’m sorry.” They sing quietly into your hair and you huff out a laugh, leaning your head on
their chest, eyes closing briefly.

“You should be.” You murmur. “You get too curious and forget people have feelings. You
embarrassed him.”

“I know, I know, but it’s sweet, no? My little Honey has a secret admirer.”

“That’s enough of that.” You grunt but don’t separate yourself from them. They’re too warm
to let go of, which is why you frown when it’s Hange who puts distance between you and
then turns you until you’re facing your Captain.

“You look sleepy.” You comment to him, ignoring Hange’s weird behavior, too distracted by
Levi’s tired eyes.

“Do I?” He asks, fingers tapping against his glass. You nod.
“I’m glad you came out with us, though.” You look down at the table shyly then back up at
him. Levi seems slightly taken back but schools it quickly at the sight of your genuine close-
lipped smile.

“Me too.” He says quietly, eyes still locked on yours. “You look tired, too, you know.”

“I know.” You pout. “My eyes get puffy when I drink.”

“Isn’t it cute?” Hange asks as they pull you back against them and wrap their arms around
your frame. Their chin rests against your shoulder and you sigh, bringing a hand to her wrist,
patting it gently while keeping your gaze on Levi’s. He doesn’t comment, only brings his
beer up to his lips.

“Honey’s just such a cuddle bug when she’s three beers deep.” They sigh happily, squeezing
you tighter.

“Pretty sure that’s you, Hange.”

“Your hands are soft,” Hange says next, ignoring you. You can’t fight the grin as you look
back at Levi, shaking your head at their antics. “Levi, feel her hands.”

“No.”

“But they’re so soft.” Hange whines and you sigh, holding out your right-hand palm up
against the table. Levi glares back at you as you look at him expectantly.

“Just do it.” You tell him, lightly nodding to where you know Hange is watching. “They’ll
keep bringing it up until you do.”

Levi’s jaw ticks, but then he’s reaching out, the tips of his fingers meeting yours. A current
runs through your hands, up your arms, and spreads all over your body as he makes contact,
slipping his hand softly on top of yours.

“This is fucking weird.” He mutters once your palm to palm, and you smirk, being the first to
curl your fingers around his palm.

“Soft, though?” You ask teasingly, and you watch as his eyes flicker from your connected
hands to your eyes, and nod slowly as he grips you back.

“Yeah.”

“Told you.” You can feel Hange’s grin as she slowly unravels herself from you. “Alright, I’m
off to the bathroom. Hold onto her for me Levi.”

“What?” Levi snaps, pulling his hand back quickly as though you’ve burned him. You miss
the contact, the warmth, and can’t stop the way your expression falls just slightly at how fast
he lets go of you.

“Woah!” Hange rears back dramatically. “You can’t just drop a woman’s hand, Levi. You
have no manners. Look how sad you’ve made her!”

“Hange!” You scold, face pink. “Shut up, I’m fine.”

“Why would we be holding hands in the first place, Shitty Glasses?” Levi snaps.

“I told you, didn’t I? Honey is super affectionate when she’s drunk. She clings to the people
around her.” Hange defends easily, still gesturing toward you. “Isn’t that what you came here
to see? Don’t you want to just pinch her cheeks?”

“No, Four Eyes, and I assumed she’d be clinging to you, not me.” He grits back, voice full of
aggravation. You stare at the table, cheeks pink, embarrassed and annoyed. That’s what
Hange said, and that’s what got Levi to tag along. Does he want to see you be cuddly? Why?
“Weird kink, Levi.”

“Fuck off.”

“I can survive without holding onto someone.” You cut in sharply, avoiding both of their
gazes, feeling the conversation derailing dramatically. “Go piss, Hange, and leave us alone.”

“Meanie! I’m looking out for you.”

“You’re making other people uncomfortable, Hange. Please. Leave.”

“Fine, fine, but don’t worry. I’ll be back soon to hold you because Levi is too shy to-”

“Hange.” Both of you bark out at the bespectacled psycho. They merely grin in response,
lifting up their hands before turning and disappearing toward the bathroom.

You drop your head into your hands to hide how red your face has grown. You’re
embarrassed because Hange is so aggravating but they aren’t wrong.

You hadn’t realized it before because Hange has always been touchy-feely with you, but the
alcohol thurmming in your system makes you feel less ashamed about your desire to be held,
and to hold onto others. It stung to have Levi pull his hand away, for the miniscule second
you believed Hange was pushing you off them.

It must be some sort of trauma response flaring up within you, having spent nights in the
Underground so alone, and the nights that were spent with others were tainted with the
memory of being touched or touching someone else but not wanting to.
You’ve longed to be cared for in the right way, to be around people who want to keep you
just as close as you want to keep them, and when you’re drunk, you’re just happy you’ve
found them. You want to hold them and revel in the safety you feel in their arms.

“I realize that sounded weird,” Levi mutters, and you assume he means him tagging along to
see you cuddly and drunk.

“It’s fine. I’m sure it’s amusing.” You don’t lift your face, only talk into your palms with an
edge to your voice, shame spiraling through you. “Hange’s not wrong. I guess I get touchy
when I’m drinking, always want to hold onto someone, but they’re probably the only one
who likes to reap the benefits of that since I normally push them off me when they hold on
for too long.”

“You’re the same way when you’re hurt,” Levi says next, and you withhold a wince. That’s
true. When Levi carried you on horseback and after you left the hospital, both times you
clung to him, and both times he probably felt like he had no choice but to accept it.

“I’m sorry. I’ve probably made you so uncomfortable all those times.”

“You haven’t.”

Fingers brush the tips of your own and you lift your head, eyes finding Levi’s hand peeling
your down and into his own. He’s looking elsewhere, across the bar, but he’s gentle in his
touch, and soon your hands are intertwined again, resting against the table’s surface.

“It makes you feel safe, doesn’t it?” He asks quietly.

You swallow at the sight of his fingers, long enough curl around the tips of yours. You can’t
believe he’s the one seeking you out, making the first move to help you feel better, and
something warm sharpens in your chest.

“Yeah.” You admit softly.

“I just wanted to know what that feeling looked like on you when you weren’t in the middle
of dying or covered in blood and dirt.” His words are slow, and his eyes stay locked on
something across the bar. “Despite what I made you believe, I don’t mind if it’s me you hold
onto.”

Your fingers instinctively tighten their grip as your heart stumbles at his words, and
something unexpected jolts through you.

His skin touching yours, even for the most innocent, kind reason is igniting a fire in the pit of
your stomach. It’s thoughtful and gentle, and maybe that’s why you find it so attractive, why
your mind wanders toward more sinful thoughts, like when Levi had stepped into your
shower.

It’s the complete lack of intention in his actions that shoots tingles up your arm and makes
you suddenly breathless. He isn’t touching you for his own pleasure or for something in
return, but to make you feel good, to feel better, and that thought sparks longing in your core.

You stare at the pads of his fingers and picture how his hand would feel trailing up the length
of your forearm, feathering over the thin skin of your ribs, the plump of your lips, clutching
your jaw, thumbing your pulse point and the inside of your knees. The thought of Levi’s
hand, this hand that’s already making you sweat inside your palm, grazing every inch of your
body is quickly becoming a delirious want.

You should pull away. Your thoughts are so obscenely tainted by Levi touching you in places
you’ve never wanted anyone before. It’s truly shameful and wrong, but you can’t bring
yourself to do it, not when his warmth is so welcoming and exhilarating.

Your eyes flick back up to his, and you suck in a breath.

He’s looking at you, studying you, and you’re positive you aren’t hiding the flush on your
skin well. The light in the bar is dim, but you watch as he takes in the unexpected lust
clouding your eyes, the shallowness of your breath, and you swallow, unable to look away
despite the crippling shame twisting in with your want.
Levi’s eyes flash with something unfamiliar, but the blank is filled in when his hand slides up
a mere inch, just enough to bring the pad of his thumb to your wrist, and he swipes it
testingly.

Your racing heart skips and your lips part as you stare back at him. An ache starts spiraling
within you that you’ve never felt before, an ache that feels unbelievably good.

You’re suddenly sure Levi’s touch would erase every single invisible scar on your body from
the pervious perverted men in the Underground. You want him to touch you, make those
awful memories, ones including Larves, disappear.

He could single-handedly heal that part of you, you’re sure of it.

Levi’s severe stare is heavier. It flicks from the pulse point he’s now pressing his thumb into,
feeling how fast your heart is racing, then back up to your expression, the flush in your neck,
and the rise and fall of your chest.

It must be the alcohol and the way you’ve completely lost yourself to such delirious, sensual
images, and the look in Levi’s eyes that is dangerous and so distracting, that you don’t see it.

You’re sure it’s the same reason Levi doesn’t react quick enough, too focused on watching
how you’re reacting so inappropriately to his gentle caresses, intrigue and interest clashing on
his expression as a shift in his thumb’s pressure makes your finger twitch against the back of
his hand.

That must be why he doesn’t pay any mind to the hooded man passing your table, and why
you’re both caught entirely off guard when a machete swings down in between you and cuts
through your forearm like butter.
 Hands
Chapter Notes

TW: depiction of past child sexual abuse/prositution, "slut-shaming" and victim-blaming

although Ash does it to herself

There’s a ringing in your ears.

You can see the bodies moving quickly in your peripheral, the commotion swirling around
you, but your gaze is locked on where your arm is. Or was.

Last time, you were lucky enough to pass out and wake up with the gory details long past
you. Your arm started to regenerate and spared you this sight, this bloody, horrifying sight of
blood spurting from your severed limb like it had out of Isabel’s decapitated head.

The same way her body was gone, so is your hand and forearm, the assailant having grabbed
it the moment it was cut. You don’t know what happened next. You don’t know how long it’s
been. Likely seconds, not even enough to make a minute, but your brain is sure you’ve sat
here for an hour, failing to process what you’re looking at.

There’s so much blood where your hand should be, where Levi’s hand had just been. You had
just been so at ease, full of warmth and desire, and it’s as though a cold bucket of water’s
been dumped on your head.

Arms breach the view of your limb, and your eyes snag on the flash of a cloth wrapping over
the wound before your head is clutched and turned. Sound rushes your ears at the moment
you’re eyes are torn away from the awful sight, and it’s an overwhelming collection of cries,
rushed words, and Hange’s voice

“You’re in shock.” Hange looks anything but calm despite the ease in her tone. “Breathe with
me, Honey. It’s alright. You’ll be fine.”
“We need to take her to a doctor!” Petra cries, and you realize then she’s one of the people
trying to stop the bleeding. “She’s losing too much blood!”

It’s like deja vu, only this time you’re entirely lucid for all of it, panic clutching at her heart
like a vice, and you can’t make sense of it. Any of it.

“Let me carry her.” Eld’s voice flickers in. “The hospitals a few blocks down. If I run-.”

“No.”

Your head turns toward where Levi’s voice sounds, and you watch with wide eyes as he
swiftly moves around Hange. There’s dark crimson covering his chest, some of it's splattered
up his neck and chin, but you don’t get much time to take in the jarring sight as he closes the
distance, whipping his belt out of his pant loops swiftly.

He leans across your body, and you can’t see what he’s doing, but then you feel something
tighten around what’s left of your arm, and you whimper.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He breathes out gently before stepping back just enough to loop his arms
under your knees and back before swiftly pulling you up against his chest. “I’ve got her. You
all stay here and wait for the MPs to come and arrest that piece of shit on the floor over there.
Hange, you come with me.”

You blink as your head leans against Levi’s sturdy chest, catching glimpses of your comrade's
pale and frightened faces as you’re carried past them.

“It’ll grow back! It’s going to grow back!” The wailing screams of Larve’s familiar voice
fade behind you as you’re carried out of the pub, the front door slamming behind you.

“He’s right.” You slur, eyes glossing over before squeezing tightly shut. “I’ll be fine.”
“You can still bleed out.” Levi grits, chest rumbling against your right ear.

“He’s right, Honey. Just relax.” Hange’s voice cuts in gently. “We’re not taking her to the
hospital, right, Levi?”

“No.” Levi grunts, fingers tightening their hold on you. You sink further into him. “Not
again. I’m going to take her to the med ward in the barracks and treat her myself.”

“The wound will close, though, right?” Hange asks, voice laced with worry.

“Yes,” Levi says quickly, and you aren’t sure if he’s trying to reassure you or himself and
Hange. “Which is clearly what that shithead intended with this stunt. There were plenty of
witnesses tonight. They all know her arm was severed. He held the goddamn thing up in the
air like he’d just won an award. There will be consequences for her when it grows back. We
can’t brush this incident off, not this time. You need to get to Erwin now. Come up with a
plan.”

“Right. I’m on it. Hang in there, Honey.”

You make a disagreeing sound when Hange’s hand presses gently to your head in farewell.

“Don’t go.” You plead to them, reaching weakly toward them with your left hand.

“I’ll be right back,” Hange reassures you quietly, and your eyes flicker open in time to watch
Hange’s pointed look toward the man above you. “Besides, Levi’s got you.”

You nod wearily and watch as Hange offers one last reassuring smile that doesn’t reach their
eyes before they disappear from view. Your gaze shifts up then, and you frown at the troubled
look in Levi’s expression.
“I’m sorry.” You tell him weakly, “This is what you’re tired of seeing, right?”

Levi tuts, shaking his head. “Don’t be stupid. It’s never your fault.”

“Feels like it this time.” You murmur sadly, nudging deeper into his chest. “I know the MP
who attacked me. He used to walk the streets in the Underground, and I provoked him a year
ago when we came there to get you out.”

“Yeah, I recognize him, too.”

“I think he took it as a threat. He doesn’t like that I’m free up here.” You confess to Levi,
eyes blinking wetly as your head sways. “I think he thinks I’m going to tell people the things
he did to me, the things he probably still does to other girls down there, and knows if I’m
found guilty of hiding my healing abilities, it’ll discredit my words.”

Levi’s quiet, so quiet you’re sure you’ve said the wrong thing, but then he lets out a shaky
breath.

“What did he do to you?” Levi asks, and if his lips weren’t inches above your forehead,
you’re sure you wouldn’t have heard it.

“He would-” Your words catch and stop short, and you shake your head in horror as you
realize what you were about to admit. “Never mind.”

“Tell me, Ash.”

“No.”

“Why?”
“You’ll be disgusted with me.” You whimper into his bloody shirt. “I’m disgusting.”

“You’re not.” Levi disagrees softly.

“I am. You don’t know the things I’ve done.”

“I used to live down there, just like you, remember?” Levi speaks to you so softly that it
makes your heart ache. “I’ve done plenty of things I’m ashamed of, but I don’t think anyone
can live in that hell and be a good person. Whatever awful things you had to do to stay alive,
I can tell you with certainty none of it disgusts me.”

“Promise?” You whisper.

“Promise.” He nods. “I’ll trade you.”

“What?”

“One of your deep dark secrets for one of mine.”

You blink up at him before whispering. “Really? You’ll tell me something about your past?”

“You seem excited.” He mutters begrudgingly.

“I just want to know more about you.” You confess, bringing the back of your left hand up to
settle against his chest. You shut your eyes, lips pressed tightly together. “Friends tell each
other that stuff.”

“Do they?”
“Some do.” You frown, looking down at your bloody, severed arm. The shock of the attack is
slowly wearing off, and the ache in your body is sharpening. “I’ve never told Hange about
what I’ve done.”

“Why not? Hange’s a lot of things but judgemental isn’t one of them.”

“I just hated myself and didn’t want them to hate me, too.” You breathe out shakily, the pain
worsening at an alarming pace “My arm hurts, Levi.”

“I know. We’re almost there. Want to hear my story?”

“Yes.” You tell him, eyes falling shut once more. His heart thuds against your ear, and yours
starts to match his rhythm.

“I’ve killed someone.” He states, and your breath catches. Your hand clenches around
nothing, and tears prick your eyes as Levi continues.

“I had a guardian for a while and he taught me how to defend myself. I knew how to wield a
knife and throw a punch. I liked dishing out what people served me. Push me and I’d push
back.”

“Well, one day, I walked past an alley and saw a grown man cornering a little girl. Told him
to fuck off and he came at me swinging. I sidestepped him and shoved him to the ground, but
his head hit the corner of a nearby dumpster. After I told the girl to go home, I checked his
pulse, and he was dead.”

“Oh, Levi.” You murmur, shaking your head, your arm burning. “I’m so sorry.”

You hear his breath skip. “Why is that your first reaction?”
“It must have been so hard for you.” You tell him, brow pinched as sweat starts to glisten on
your forehead. “Things down there were never black and white. He was a bad guy but you
didn’t mean to kill him.”

“You’re right, but I meant to hurt him, and you never know where a confrontation like that
can lead,” Levi argues, bringing his palm to your forehead and cursing under his breath.
“You’re burning up.”

“I’ll be fine.” You tell him weakly, breathing shallow. “Just give me meds when we get
there.”

“We are here.” He tells you as his hand reaches and unlocks a door. Levi carries you inside.

It’s only when your back hits a tablet that you peel your eyes open to find your Captain
scrambling through drawers with a desk lamp as the only light source.

“Turn the main light on if you can’t see.” You frown at his back.

“I don’t want to hurt your eyes.” He murmurs, then makes something close to a sigh as he
grabs a case of pills. He slips two in his hand, then walks up to you. “Open.”

You don’t ask what it is and let him lift your head and dump the medicine down your throat.
He steps away and fills a paper cup with water before helping you drink it. He then moves on
to something else, and you realize he must know enough about what to do and let your head
fall back.

Your eyes close once more, too exhausted to keep them open.

“Do you feel guilty?” You ask him quietly, thinking back on his confession from before.

“Not anymore.” He replies as you feel him lift your left arm. “Here’s a pinch.”
You bite back a whimper as a needle pricks your vein, and then you let out a tiny breath once
Levi tapes the syringe down.

“I’m glad you don’t. If the price was his life for protecting that little girl then so be it.” You
tell him with conviction before adding in. “She was lucky to have you, even for that small
moment. She probably never forgot you, either.”

Levi’s quiet, and you don’t utter the words on the tip of your tongue. I wish you had been
there to protect me.

“I’ve been in her shoes.” You admit quietly, heart racing as the words flow from your lips. “I
wish I could've killed the men who touched me.”

The silence thickens, and whatever Levi is doing comes to a halt at your words.

“I never knew any of their names.” You frown to yourself. “Larves was the only one who
sought me out repeatedly. He’d give me bread, barely any though, just enough to keep me
from starving to death, and never money. He didn’t want me saving it up. In return,” You
swallow thickly, facing away from Levi despite your eyes having been shut this whole time,
“I’d touch him.”

Your chest burns with shame like your arm, but there’s more you wish to say, more you want
Levi to know.

“I was in no position to make demands.” You whisper shakily. “So, some days he’d claim to
pay me after, and never did. Sometimes he’d ask to see me with other men. I didn’t, I never
let them inside me, but that didn’t mean they didn’t try. I carried a knife with me that came in
handy several times, times Larves witnessed, so he knew not to try that, at least.”

“I wish I had killed him back at the bar.” Levi’s voice is calm, but when you turn your gaze to
finally meet his, the look in his eyes is lethal. “Kick his teeth in and make him swallow
them.”
“Don’t sound so angry, Levi.” You frown to yourself. “He isn’t worth it.”

“You were a kid, Ash.” He snaps fiercely. “Of course I’m upset. You deserved so much
better.”

You gape at him, heart in your throat, thundering in your ears because you’ve never thought
about it so simply before.

Life in the Underground was bad for everyone. Kids facing cruelty, girls selling their bodies,
thieves, killings, it was all things you saw every single day.

You almost forgot it’s not normal.

“Oh.” You say as tears pool down the sides of your face. A gentle hand palms your shoulder,
and you shift your gaze to meet Levi’s. He frowning down at you, eyes dark with anger, pain,
and sympathy.

“You’re touching me.” You breathe out then, blinking in realization.

“What?” He asks, brow furrowed.

“You’re touching me.” You repeat. “I didn’t think you’d want to anymore.”

Levi blinks down at you, eyes confused. “Why not?”

You don't have the words to explain your confusion; you can only stare at him with glossy
eyes and a heavy frown. You thought if anyone knew your past and the things you’ve done,
they’d be disgusted, that they’d think you had diseases or be contagious. You never thought
one of the first things they’d do was touch you.
You watch the pieces click behind his caring stare and his jaw ticks.

“I want to show you something. Will you let me?” He speaks gently with confidence. “You
can say no.”

“No, I mean, yes, you can show me.” You stutter stupidly, heart racing in your chest. “I trust
you.”

Levi’s eyes soften, and the hand on your shoulder glides down your jacket, stopping at the
exposed skin of your wrist. You swallow as you realize he’s mirroring his touch from before,
thumb pressing to your pulsing artery.

“It doesn’t matter what these hands did or what they will do.” Levi’s voice is deep and quiet
as he glances up at you through his lashes. “I don’t care how many times you have to grow
them back or how much blood or dirt stains them, not as long as I feel your pulse here when I
touch them.”

You blink wetly at him, taken back by his words and the vulnerable truth behind them. Levi’s
told you blatantly that he cares for you, but there’s something in his gaze now as he holds
your hand that makes it sink in.

“Why?” You ask him, curling your fingers around his. “Why do you care about me? What did
I do to deserve it?”

You aren’t trying to gain even more compliments or rub his rare moment of sweetness in his
face. Your confusion is genuine because he’s never explained why he couldn’t give up on you
when he tried to.

You were too grateful to question it, but you didn’t understand it then, and now after telling
him about some of the worst parts of you, you’re too curious not to ask.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Levi mutters in reply, shaking his head, “But I won’t
because it’s a stupid question.”

“Why is it stupid?” You frown and he scoffs.

“Why wouldn’t you deserve it?” He counters. “Do you think I need to do something to
deserve your kindness and care? I’m a killer, aren’t I? That doesn’t matter to you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It just doesn’t.”

“Why do you care about me?”

“I just do.” You reply, and he lifts a pointed brow. Your lips part.

“Oh.”

“Idiot.” Levi tuts, but there’s a hint of a smile on his features. “If you don’t need a reason
then neither do I.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“You guess?” He grumbles to himself, shaking his head and straightening out. “You doing
okay? Feeling any better?”
“Yeah.” You nod and realize you mean it.

Emotionally, you feel tired, but surprisingly okay. You know opening that wound will finally
give it the chance to properly heal, and truthfully, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as you
thought it would. You know why that is, and it has something to do with the warmth of Levi’s
fingers still pressing into your wrist.

“How is your pain?” Levi asks next.

“Slowly fading.”

“Your arm?”

“Still gone.”

Levi tuts, his hand slipping away from your wrist. “Smartass.”

Your skin slowly erupts in tingles as you reach out before he can fully pull away. Your fingers
curl around his once more, and you smile softly at him.

“I think the morphine’s kicking in.” You admit. “I don’t want you to go yet.”

“I can tell.”

“You should change, though.” You tell him then, eyes taking in his crimson shirt. “You’re
covered in my blood.”

"I'll have to let go of you to change."

"Never mind, then."

Levi sighs, but you can tell it's one of humor, not annoyance. “Once you're stable, I’ll take
you to a room. You can sleep and hold up there until your arm miraculously returns. Then,
we’ll deal with what we can. Don’t stress over it until you have to, alright?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m serious. Tonight was traumatic for you and for a lot of people. You can talk to me if you
need to, and if not me, Hange or Erwin. Whatever you do, don’t bottle anything up.”

“Yes, Captain.”

Levi glares at you, and you bite your lip as you grin back at him. “What?”

“You’re done taking everything seriously, then?” He deadpans. “Too doped up to be mature?”

You shrug with a quiet sigh and shut your eyes. “I feel like a weight’s been taken off my
chest telling you about Larves, and my pain is fading up into the clouds. I’ll probably wake
up with a shit load of things to stress about, so for now, just let me be high on these drugs,
Levi.”

“Tch,” Levi grunts, making you smile to yourself. “You sounded like Hange just then.”

“In a good way or bad way?” You ask, eyes fluttering open to meet his. His lips quirk.

“You’re puffy eyes are even more swollen now.” He ignores your question again, bringing his
knuckles up to your temple and gently padding your eyelid shut with his thumb. “Go to sleep,
Ash.”
“Will you stay?” You ask him quietly, eyes closed.

Levi’s thumb swipes over your forehead, and the hand he still has interlocked with yours
tightens its grip when he answers. “I’ll be right here.”
 Titan Boy

“What if we just convince them Levi sewed her arm back on?” Hange adds unhelpfully, and
you glare at your friend from across the conference table. “The Military Police are relatively
dumb and tend to turn a blind eye to overly complicated matters. That could work!”

“This isn’t the time to be an idiot.” You exasperate, holding up your freshly regenerated hand.
“There’s no scar, no inflammation, not even any redness. We’ve already been caught in a
cover-up for the first incident. There’s no point in lying again.”

“Well, I don’t know!” Hange frowns, crossing their arms. “I don’t like the current plan. It
feels dangerous.”

“It is dangerous.” Erwin concedes from the head of the table, fingers interlocked as he stares
down at them. “There’s no telling what they’ll do if we are straight with them, but a trial is
the most likely outcome, and if that’s the case, we might need to put on a show.”

You swallow quietly, knowing what that entails. It’s the same reason Miche had once been so
harsh to Levi. If you’re going to convince the MPs the Scouts can be responsible for you and
whatever this outlandish healing ability means, they’ll need to be aggressive. Treat you like
the freak you are.

“If it comes to that, I can do it,” Miche speaks from his spot beside you. You turn to him with
an appreciative nod.

“That won’t work,” Erwin comments, regaining your attention. “It’ll have to be Levi.”

“What?” You ask, heart racing. “Why?”

“They’ll only be appeased if some underground trash you trained is willing to kick the shit
out of their fellow mutt. Is that it?” Levi asks from his spot standing just behind Hange’s
shoulder. His face is tired and blank, but you can see the anger flashing over his features.
“I would have put it in less aggressive terms, but yes.” Erwin concedes. “That will kill two
birds with one stone, seeing as I’m still receiving backlash for my quote, unquote unorthodox
recruiting methods. Are you comfortable with that, Levi?”

“If it’s order just say so.” Levi grunts, eyes flicking toward yours. “Besides, I believe we’ve
been here before where you’ve asked the wrong person this question, Erwin.”

“It’s fine.” You say quickly, steeling your gaze as you face your Commander. “That’s fine.
Whatever we need to do, let’s just do it.”

Erwin nods, offering the slightest smile.

“The Military Police are under the impression you’re still recovering, but won’t let us utilize
this excuse for much longer. You’ll stay in the barracks tonight, and the two of us will travel
to the Royal Capital tomorrow and present your case, maybe even convince them to schedule
a hearing instead of a trial. Levi, you’ll return to your squad after this meeting, explain the
situation, and see through the expedition I already had scheduled for you tomorrow. In the
event Honey is taken into custody, then the trial is where we’ll win her back. I’m sure of it.”

“Understood, sir.” You say confidently, keeping your head high.

The thought of what tomorrow could bring terrifies you, but you know this is the only path.
Hiding it will only bring around issues for your comrades, and you don’t want this to
continue to burden anyone other than you.

“And the shitty MP that did that to her?” Levi asks jaw clenched. You can tell by looking at
him he’s aggravated, likely because while you head off toward possible imprisonment, he’s
meant to take his squad, your squad, outside the walls.

“Currently, he’s being detained,” Erwin replies smoothly. “Although I would imagine the
moment the raving delusions he was hollering about at the pub that night turn out to be true,
they’ll likely release him on probation. He may even be included in the trial.”
Your heart skips nervously at that, but you don’t show any emotion on your face.

“So cutting off a person’s arm is fine as long as it grows back?” Levi bites, his annoyance
palpable.

“It’s complicated, Levi.” You argue gently.

“She’s right. It’s all completely unheard of and will be treated with severe caution. Making a
fuss about the soldier who exposed our farse won’t get us anywhere good. Check your
emotions, keep your heads on straight, and we’ll get through this together. Any more
questions? Anyone?”

Erwin pushes up to his feet when no one replies, and his soldiers follow, saluting and
signaling the end of the meeting.

Miche and Nanaba start talking amongst themselves, and you steady your breath, avoiding
Levi’s gaze as you fix your jacket and step away from the table.

“Can I attend the Cadet’s Ceremony with you tonight? Please?” Hange asks the Commander.

“Unfortunately, no, Hange, it’s just me tonight.”

“Aw, I want a sneak peek of the new crop.” Hange pouts and you snort.

“They’re our soon-to-be comrades, not this year’s harvest, Hange.”

“I have a good feeling,” Hange barrels on, glasses gleaming. “We’re on the cusp of
something. A real world-changing Titan discovery, I just know it.”
“Starting with the clean-up of Trost.” Miche butts in, eyes flashing with amusement.
“Apparently, Instructor Shadis scheduled all the cadets for a day of community service
tomorrow. I’d be pissed if my first day as a trainee corps graduate I was assigned to pick up
litter off the street.”

“I think it’s nice for the kiddos!” Hange argues, “It lets them get to know the community
they’re giving their lives to serve.”

“You just have the hots for Keith Shades.” Nanaba cuts it with a laugh, and your eyebrows
shoot up to your hairline.

“What?” You cry out as Hange’s wide eyes pan to you then Nanaba.

“Shut up! That isn’t true!”

“Hange!” You exclaim, hearing the way their voice raises uncharacteristically high, but
before you can question anything else, your friend is rushing toward the door. “Woah, no you
don’t! Get back-”

“You can’t leave, Ash.” Levi snips, hand finding your shoulder and stopping you from
following your friend to the door. “Hange’s bested you today.”

You know Levi’s drawl is sarcastic but you huff out an annoyed breath. “Goddamnit.”

“Sorry, Honey.” Nanaba laughs as she and Miche head towards the office door. “It’s just
something we’ve always teased Hange about, don’t know if there is any truth to it or not, but
they definitely get worked up about it.”

“Next time you see Hange, tell them I will be getting to the bottom of this.” You shudder at
the thought of your old Instructor. “That man gave me the creeps.”
“I’ll pass on the message.” Nanaba smirks. “Good luck tomorrow. You’ve got all of us in
your corner.”

“Thanks, Nan. You too, Miche.”

Miche waves you off. “We’ll see you soon, Honey.”

Once they're gone, the only others left in the conference room are you, Erwin, and Levi. You
turn toward them with a sigh, shaking away the shock of Hange’s maybe-crush and focusing
on more important matters, like the death glare Levi is sending the Commander’s way.

“I don’t suppose you’ll change your mind and let me come with the two of you?”

“No.” Erwin shakes his head at the cross-armed man. “My mind is made up. As the
Commander, I’ll take responsibility for hiding her healing abilities and hope that not making
a scene will cause a peaceful solution. It can’t appear as though I’m bringing back up.”

Levi tuts, eyes slanting. “You’ll really just let them take her?”

“If it comes down to it.” Erwin nods. “I don’t intend for them to hold onto her for long,
however.”

“Say they call the Interior Police to rough her up before the trial, or worse, kidnap her and
take her to an unknown location. Then what? How is that helpful for anyone?”

“I can promise I have this thoroughly planned, Levi. Besides, it’s not up to you.”

“He’s right.” You butt in, eyes determined as they meet Levi’s hesitant, hardened ones. “It’s
up to the Commander, but I’ve already agreed. This is the only way to find a long-term
solution. If the MPs attempt some shady shit, I won’t be taken without a fight, alright? I’ve
learned some pretty powerful self-defense techniques if you haven’t noticed.”

“That does jack shit to reassure me.” Levi spits, “But it appears as though I’m outranked in
this discussion. So, I’ll leave it to the both of you.”

You frown at Levi’s back as he makes a hasty exit.

“I’ll see you soon.” You call after him. He pauses in the doorway, head barely shifting as he
replies stiffly.

“Yeah, soon, or in a week when I’ll be forced to kick your teeth out.”

Levi’s gone in the blink of an eye, and you stare at where he had been, stomach curling at his
words. You wish you could reassure him, run after him, and apologize for some unknown
reason, simply because you feel as though you’ve upset him.

Yet, you don’t and you won’t, because this is bigger than you or him.

“Honey-”

“It’s fine, Erwin.” You cut him off, facing the Commander with a focused aura. “Show me to
my room for tonight and I’ll be ready for tomorrow. I can endure this. It’s my job.”

Erwin’s eyes light slightly as he regards you, and then he nods. “Glad to hear it. Follow me.”

It’s the next evening when you and the Commander finally arrive at the Royal Capital after
spending the day traveling that all hell breaks loose, and you realize how incredibly terrible
things have turned for the worse.
You don’t know what’s happening or why, but the moment you step out of the carriage, hands
are grabbing your shoulders, dragging you away from the Commander who loses control of
the situation entirely and instantly.

Words are being thrown at you like rocks, pelting you with accusations you can’t make sense
of, like how you’re just like him, the Titan boy, and that all the walls will crumble next after
Wall Maria, that he’s a danger and you’re a threat and you need to be dealt with immediately.

It’s chaos, an overwhelming outrage of opinions and fears convoluted with uncertainty, none
of which you are given time or space to deny or ask for clarity. It’s reminiscent of the day you
woke up outside the walls, and as you’re escorted through unfamiliar halls and eventually
down into a dark, desolate cellar, your voice and will to use it is long gone.

You’re shocked by the turn of events, too stunned, too trapped in your mind to bother
fighting. You're shoved harshly into the cold, solid ground of a tight space, and bars are
slammed in front of you before you can process it.

You blink in the darkness, the only light a single torch lit just outside your holding cell, but
you can barely make anything out. The silence is loud, and you bring your hands up to cover
your ears as you lean back against the wall. It feels like the Underground, like the
insubordination cell after Isabel and Farlan died, like the epitome of hopelessness and
loneliness.

You try to calm you’re intense fears and remind yourself Erwin is here and saw you be taken.
He’ll do everything to protect you and prove your innocence. Levi, he won’t let them take
you or kill you. This, while sudden and terrifying, is what you had expected to happen. You
were sure they’d take you into custody once they saw your arm, and now you have to trust
that Erwin, Levi, and Hange will fight for you, ensure you have a fair trial, and bring you
back to them.

You lean your head back against the rough brick, focusing on your breathing. You are alone
right now, but you aren’t, not really. You remember Nanaba’s words. You have people in your
corner. That’s how this is different from then, from when you were a child. You have people
who care for you, and you trust them to come through for you.

This time really is different, and so you breathe in and out, steady your heart, and focus.
The men who dragged you here were spewing unfathomable nonsense. There were too many
voices speaking at once, arguing over one another, shouting about you but not to you, about a
boy you’ve never heard of, a boy who became a Titan, a boy who in his Titan form aided in
plugging up the wall.

It sounds crazy, and you’d doubt your sanity if it weren’t for the fact that your body is just as
absurd as some of the things they said. You can’t discredit the unknown just because it
doesn’t sound real. You’re living proof that the world is full of mysteries.

You can do nothing from here; you must merely sit and wait for answers, information, or,
hopefully, food and water.

Hours pass, and the torch has been out for some time when a noise has you straightening out.
It’s deep voices, similar to the ones who berated you and brought you down to this
underground prison.

You push up to your feet and wrap your hands around the bars, eyes widening and fingers
tightening in their grip as you take in the figure of a boy, a teenage boy who can’t be any
older than Isabel was when she died.

His face is illuminated with the torch in the MP's hand. It looks bruised, and your heart leaps
when his head lifts and you see the complete loss and fear in his expression, the wide green
eyes that remind you so much of that red-headed girl that your heart is caught in your throat.

“Don’t try anything drastic, boy.” The tall man to the right of the teenager hisses, jostling his
weakened body. “If you turn your cellmate is getting caught in the transformation, and then
we really will have cause to send you to the gallows.”

“Do you have to be so harsh?” You hiss out angrily. “He’s just a kid.”

“You wouldn’t know this you Underground trash, but this kid turned into a fucking Titan
today. He’s the most dangerous person inside the walls right now, so watch your fucking
tongue and pray to the Walls he doesn’t get mad and go on a murderous rampage.”

Your jaw clenches as you stare back at the cruel soldier, but choose to not argue. The one
thing he’s right about is you don’t know what’s going on here, but something in your heart
knows this boy is just as confused and scared as everyone around him. You know how that
feels, and you want to comfort him.

Your eyes shift to the boy’s, finding them already looking at you, wide, glossy, and fearful.
You do your best to muster a reassuring smile, but you’re afraid it looks more like a grimace.

“You freaks should make yourselves at home.” The second MP announces casually as they
shove the boy through the cell door beside yours. “Apparently, Erwin Smith is already
desperate to get his hands on the both of you, but even that slimy fuck couldn’t convince
anyone with more than two brain cells that the two of you shouldn’t be put down. Enjoy the
last few days of your lives, runts.”

The MP spits at you through your cell door before doing the same to the kid beside you, then
they take the light source with them, and you’re left in the dark once more.

Only this time, you don’t linger in your own confusion or despair. You clear your throat and
shift until your shoulder is pressed into the wall separating you from the boy. You think of the
last time you were in a spot like this, it was Levi who had called out to you, released you
from your grief, and forgave you when you felt unforgivable. You think of the green eyes you
had seen on her face that brightened when they spoke your favorite name to date, and make a
decision you’re sure Levi will be supremely annoyed with. The thought makes you smile to
yourself as you speak.

“I’m Ash.” You call out into the quiet. “What’s your name?”

“Eren.” The voice says. “Eren Jaeger.”

“It’s nice to meet you Eren.” You sigh, shutting your eyes. “We seem to have found ourselves
in quite the fucked up situation here, haven’t we?”
“Why are you here?” His voice is shaky as he asks, full of sorrow, confusion, and rage. “Did
you get eaten, swallowed whole by a Titan, only to wake up getting pulled out of the nape of
a different one today, too?”

Your lips press together. “No.”

“Were you held at gunpoint while Military personnel screamed at you, berated you,
threatened you and your friends, then turned around and made you use this Titan ability you
didn’t know you had to plug a hole the size of the Collasel Titan’s foot?”

Eren is breathing heavily, and you can tell he’s still party in shock, unpacking the life-
threatening events of today because he hasn’t had a chance to yet. His anger and confusion
are swelling dangerously in his chest like he’s going to explode, and you think the best thing
to do is to let him.

“No.” You repeat, looking down at your dirty knees. “No, your day has definitely been worse
than mine.”

“Now I’m here, locked away with my life on the line, even though I don’t have any idea why.
I don’t know what happened, why it happened. I don’t understand. What’s wrong with me? I
don’t know!”

You can hear the tears clogging his sinuses, and feel the despair and panic through the wall. It
reminds you of you.

You swallow thickly, then say the words Levi had told you, the words he always manages to
get right.

“I believe you.” You say to Eren, heart aching for the boy beside you, reaching out to the man
so far away from you. “I don’t think you’re a monster.”
Eren’s cries are quaking now, echoing unevenly through the underground prison. You decide
to just start talking in hopes he’ll feel even the tiniest bit less alone when he finds out your
boats, while drastically different, they’re at least in the same sea.

“I heal like a Titan.” You announce as casually as you can. “I don’t know why, but my body
regenerates itself. My left arm has been bitten off, and my right arm has been chopped off
with a machete, and yet I still have both of them.”

Eren’s cries are barely audible now, and you hope that means he’s heard you and is listening.

“I found out a few months back, which is why I sound so calm right now, but trust me, the
first time I woke up after that shit, I was as freaked out as you are right now. I still don’t have
any answers, and it seems you and I are going to be trialed for crimes they’re afraid we’ll one
day commit. The unknown scares people, and so I can't promise anything, Eren. All I can say
with certainty is that I’m your ally.”

You hear a sniffle, then a cough. “How is any of it fair?”

You frown at his question. “I don’t know about you, but nothing about my life has ever really
seemed fair. I just don’t think this world we live in cares about that stuff.”

You can tell the boy’s finally cooling down, and the weight on your chest lessens as you hear
him take another long inhale, and then exhale it out.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I turned into a massive brat right there, complaining about what’s
fair and what isn’t.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “It’s fine. You get a pass and can cry and complain to me
some more if you want. I’ll listen. As that asshole said, we’ve got time.”

“I think I’m good.” Eren breathes out. “Thank you, and if we get out of here alive and you
meet someone in the Survey Corps named Jean, don’t tell him about this. Please.”
You smile at the kindness in his voice, the joke he’s managed to pull off despite the harshness
of his situation, and at the realization that this boy might be one of the new Cadets Hange
was so thrilled about.

You think you’ll save that conversation for tomorrow, seeing as you really do have plenty of
time to get acquainted, and right now you think both of you just need some time to
decompress.

“Your secret is safe with me, Eren.” You tell him softly before letting your eyes fall shut.
“We’re technically partners in crime now, after all.”

“This might be selfish, but I’m glad I’m not alone down here,” Eren admits into the scarily
quiet dungeon.

You laugh. “Then I guess I’m selfish, too.”

 The Trial
Chapter Notes

TW: violence

A/N: I use some dialogue from the episode but improv some as well... hope you like it (:

“Are you fucking for real?”

Eren’s words can barely be processed in your mind. You try to imagine it, but you can’t even
begin to know where to start.

Your imagination was never quite impressive, only stretching as far as you could see in front
of you. Your migraines and memories, sure you’ve reached for them but with no clear goal,
no end in sight, but Eren and his friends, they’re the true definition of dreamers. Te

“Armin showed it to me in a book.” Eren sounds just as excited. “Said it’s huge, spreads so
far you can’t see where it ends past the horizon. We’re going to see it one day. I know it.”

“That’s a lot of water.” You mutter to yourself. “I wonder if it’s warm or cold. Wait, that’s a
stupid quest-”

“I didn’t even think about that.” Eren gasps, cutting off your thoughts and snapping your lips
shut. “Probably cold, right?”

“If it’s as big as Armin is saying it is, it can’t be warm.” You agree, biting back a smile.
“Besides, bathwater gets freezing after like two seconds, there’s no way the ocean can get
above a certain amount of degrees.”
“I’ve always told Armin he should invent a way to keep baths warmer for longer but he
claims he’s a logical thinker, not an inventive one. I just think smart is smart.”

You sigh, rubbing at your eyes. “I can tell you right now, Eren, there are some major flaws
with that statement. Hange, my best friend I told you about, they are brilliant and so
knowledgeable, but solely about Titans. Ask them quite literally anything else, like, I don’t
know, ask me something Armin would know.”

“What is the shelf life of a radish?”

You cackle, head tossed back at the unexpected absurdity of the first thing that came to
Eren’s mind. You don’t bother understanding why he thought vegetables off the bat, knowing
both of you have been a bit loopy recently.

You’re going on day eleven of being imprisoned in this cell. They bring you one meal and a
glass of water a day and spit at you each time they do. You're escorted to a separate cell to
relieve yourselves, and it’s only then you’re grateful for just how dark this place is.

The only thing keeping you and Eren sane is each other with the conversations you’ve
shared; sometimes bitter, sometimes ridiculous like this one, and some deeper than others.

Eren told you about his mother’s traumatic death, how he lost everything during the fall of
Shiganshia’s wall, and that he’s joining the Survey Corps to eradicate the Titans. You’ve
spared him many of the gorey, disturbing details of your life in the Underground, not
deeming it fit for conversation with a kid his age, but you have talked to him about your
favorite people.

You’ve briefly mentioned the Commander, and you’ve talked about Hange, a lot, but you’ve
been hesitant to bring up Levi. Every time you do, you miss him, and it stirs an ache in your
chest that takes a bit to go away.

You think it’s because of the last words he said to you. As the days trickle by and the
imminent trial grows closer, Levi really will have to kick the shit out of you and Eren, now.
While he’s being asked to do it by Erwin, you, and the Scouts because it’ll save the both of
you in the long run, you know Levi’s going to feel guilty about hurting both for you for a
while.

So, you stick to speaking about Hange because your best friend is the most annoying, most
hilarious person you know, and right now, you and Eren need some light in this dusty, dark
hell hole.

“Yeah.” You snort, wiping at your eyes. “Hange would not know the answer to that.”

The tell-tale sign of the dungeon door opening quiets the both of you and your heart skips.
This is different from the other times, especially as you hear three pairs of footsteps
approaching, instead of the usual two.

“Eren, can you hear me?” You whisper out to him.

“Yeah.” He replies voice hushed.

“We’ll be fine.” You tell him with certainty as you pick up on the voice traveling down the
hall, heart in your throat. “I trust them.”

That’s all you can get out before the voices are too close to risk speaking again. You fight the
urge to crawl forward and peer through the bars, to catch a glimpse of his face because you
know that voice and you were beginning to doubt you’d ever hear it again.

“I assumed even the prisoners in the Royal Court were given golden toilets to shit in.” Levi
gruffs, making the same MP who has been spitting at your feet scoff. “The Underground has
parts cleaner than this dump.”
“This is the place for monsters, Captain .” The man sneers. “Only the Wall’s most dangerous
criminals are held down here for a short time before they’re inevitably hung in the town’s
square.”

“We’re only here to understand the situation, Mazen.” Commander Erwin’s tone is as serious
as always. “Nothing else.”

“Right, of course. You’ve been given access to speak with Jaeger and Jaeger only, but I guess
I can give you a quick glance at your fellow mutt.” The man you’ve seen for over a week
now finally has a name, and when the torch is shoved through the solid metal bars, you wince
at the brightness, covering your eyes with the back of your hand. “Oh, don’t be shy now.”

You feel shame trickle through your chest, feeling disgusting and frail, but you lower your
hand enough to look up over it.

Your eyes gloss over as you meet his familiar ones, your heart aching at the frown on his
features. It’s heavy and twisted, like a grimace. You can see the horror flashing over his
expression and the hurt behind his stare.

You can’t begin to imagine what you look like crumpled in this dirty cell.

“Crocodile tears.” Mazen’s lips curl as he utters the cruel words, and you face forward,
gritting your teeth. “Your comrades here can’t even breathe in your direction or I’m to escort
them out, so be a good girl and keep your lips shut while the men talk, bitch.”

You don’t look at the man, which means you don’t look over at Levi either.

It’ll only make sitting here and pretending you aren’t dying to reach through the bars, to
grasp his hand or clutch his jacket, and feel the comfort of safety once more that much harder.
It’ll only make it more obvious you’re also dying you grab Mazen by his scrawny neck and
wring it.
“Don’t talk to her like that!” Eren cries out in protest.

“It’s fine, Eren.” You call back to him, the sharp edges forming over your heart softening
slightly at the boy coming to your defense.

“Isn’t that sweet?” Mazen snorts, standing up straight, leaving your cell in complete darkness
once more. It’s then you shift your gaze and settle it onto Levi’s illuminated features, heart
stuttering when you realize he’s still watching you through the dark, jaw tense.

“The monster coming to the defense of our other monster.” The MP scoffs, and you see
Levi’s fist tighten. You know he won’t act rashly, but you still offer him a slight nod of
reassurance. He looks away from you, and you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’ll take it from here, Mazen,” Erwin states, and while the MP snarls he doesn’t argue.

“You’ve got five minutes, Erwin. Make it count.”

“Hello, Eren.” The Commander gets right to it, and you lower your chin to your chest,
listening in carefully. “My name is Erwin Smith. I’m the-”

“Commander of the Scout Regiment.” Eren finishes for him.

“That’s right, and this here is Captain Levi. I’m merely here to ask you a question before
your trial is scheduled to begin. I assure you, this won’t take long. It appears as though you
are a member of the 104th Cadet Corps. Which branch of the military did you intend to
choose?”

“The Scouts, sir.”

“Why?”
“To kill Titans, sir.”

“No shit.” Levi’s deep voice cuts in, impatient and probing. “What we want to know is why
you want to fight Titans.”

“I hate them,” Eren answers easily, voice laced with rage. “I want them all dead. I want to
wipe every last one off the face of this earth and avenge the countless lives they’ve stolen
from humanity. I’ll do it myself if I have to. I’ll kill them all, I swear it.”

You blink in the darkness at the rage in Eren’s words, and knowing the backstory behind
them, you truly believe he means it with every fiber of his being.

There’s no way Eren alone could exterminate the Titans by himself, in the same way, there’s
no way to know the sea exists, or that the two of you will make it past this trial, but Eren
doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter to him that his dream is outlandish or considered foolish by
others. He’ll continue to strive forward, to pursue his goal of a Titan-free world until the day
he dies, and that’s what separates a soldier from a Scout.

“Fair enough.” Levi grunts, but you can tell he’s pleased by Eren’s response and you know
without seeing him that Erwin is thrilled.

“We’ll do what we can.” The Commander says abruptly, pushing up onto his feet. “Let’s go,
Levi.”

“One second.”

You lift your head, but no one steps back in front of your cell, and your brow furrows.

“When you plead your case to the military pigs and religious fanatics, make it good.” The
familiar deep tone of your Captain is low and stern. Threatening. You turn your head to hear
better once you realize he’s talking solely to Eren. “The woman in the cell beside you’s life is
in your hands. You’re making a case for the both of you, so if you die, so does she, and you
better not fucking die.”

Your stomach flips at his words, but annoyance sparks in your chest at his ridiculous threat
toward the already nervous boy. You bite your tongue, withholding a comment about what
good stressing Eren out more will do.

“Oi, what are you saying to him?” Mazen’s voice filters in, and Levi makes a tch sound.

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

You listen to the sound of their retreating footsteps, then sigh.

“It's alright, Eren.” You reassure him. "Don't worry about what the Captain said."

“But-”

“They’ll help you convince them,” You tell him. “And even if that fails, we’ll both be dead
before Levi can kill you.”

“Great,” Eren mutters and you snicker. “I feel better.”

“Good. You should, because if we do make it out of here alive, he’ll owe it to you, and for
that, even if he doesn’t outright say it, he’ll be grateful. I’m sure of it.”

It’s not long until you hear the distant door open again, and this time, you don’t hesitate a
second to push up to your feet at the sound of the familiar voice.
“Hello, hello!” Hange sings, and you grip the bars tightly, watching as your friend slowly
appears in sight. Their eyes lock on yours from behind their glasses and they close the
distance quickly, placing their hands over yours.

“Hange.” You breathe out, voice thick.

“Not here.” They say back, giving your fingers a parting squeeze before stepping back. You
notice Miche over their shoulder and feel the relief thoroughly washing through you. Erwin,
Hange, Miche, and Levi are all here for the trial that determines your future, Eren’s future,
and knowing that gives you strength and courage.

“Eren, it’s truly wonderful to meet you. I’m Hange Zoe, this is Miche Zacharius, and the two
of us are here to escort you to the tribunal room. You’ve met our sweet Honey, I presume?”

There’s an awkward silence while Hange holds their grin.

“Who?” Eren asks.

“Me, Eren.” You snort, rolling your eyes.

“That’s enough chit-chat. Grab the prisoners and let’s go.” A third voice calls out, and you
recognize it as the second MP who has been in charge of providing you meals. You watch as
Hange unlocks your cells and then shackles your hands behind your backs.

“No funny business, you hear?” Hange lays the sarcasm on thick, and you smirk when you
catch Eren’s confused expression.

Hange and Miche guide you through the thin passage before pushing open the prison door.
Bright light floods in and you wince back from it, eyes aching under the summer sun.
When you arrive outside the courtroom doors, Hange offers one last reassuring glance and a
wish of luck before passing you over to MPs. The men drag you roughly into the room, and
although your eyes are still sore, you scan the crowd. You recognize many important names,
including Nile Dok, the Commander of the Military Police Brigade, Commander Pixis, and
Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackly .

It’s intimidating and unsettling, so you seek out familiar faces instead, finding Erwin whose
gaze is as steely as ever, and beside him is Levi.

Your heart stutters before you’re shoved forward and the back of your knees are kicked out.
Cold metal latches around your ankles, and suddenly you can’t bring yourself to look up from
the marble floor.

It’s a degrading thing, being surrounded by leering eyes, listening to the harsh untruths and
fears spat about you as the trial starts with no option but to just take it. The only consolation
is that Zackly will be in charge of the final decision, and Erwin’s always considered him
level-headed.

It doesn’t stop the surrounding officers from vehemently stating their case that Eren is a
massive threat, and therefore you are, too. You expected it to go this way, and you feel worse
for Eren who’s sniffling into the ground. Someone argues that Eren did in fact save Wall Rose
from ruin, and the courtroom atmosphere shifts when Eren’s friend, Mikasa is roped in.

It’s confirmed Eren attacked her in his form, creating another case for his death sentence, and
the discussion of dissecting or discarding the two of you starts circling the room. You and
Eren take all of it, keep your heads down, and bear it, waiting for the Scout's turn to make
their case.

It’s when accusations are thrown Mikasa’s way that Eren sees red.

“Call me a monster, fine, but you leave her out of this!” He screens, teeth bared. “She’s
innocent!”

“Your word is hardly reliable!”

“It’s the truth!” Eren cries back, and as the voices grow in volume, he snaps. “Stop it!”

The room falls quiet, and you lift your head enough to look at Eren with unshed tears. The
anguish in his features, the hurt, is shoved away by his determination and rage.

“You’re wrong.” He seethes, shaking his head. “About it all. You’re wrong, but you’re all so
intent on pushing your own selfish agendas that you’ve grown blind to what’s right in front of
you.”

“What does that mean?” Nile Dok speaks up first, jaw clenched in a challenge.

“It means none of you have ever even seen a Titan, let alone seen what happens to a body
when it’s eaten alive by one. Why are you all the ones with the power? Why do you all get to
pretend you know the dangers of the world when you’re the safest people inside the walls? If
you don’t want to fight for those who are in more immediate danger, if you don’t want to
fight for your own lives when the Titans eventually break through Trost again, then so be it,
don’t fight, but at least let me do it, you cowards! Put your faith in me!”

There are a few outraged cries amidst the silence, but you can only stare at Eren’s side profile
as he glares at the room of military personnel. It’s hard to believe Eren is only sixteen, not in
this light as he stares in the face of prejudice and cruelty with such determination and pride,
afraid but unwilling to back down.

“And the girl?” A recognizable voice calls out, and you stiffen, turning their way. Larves
stands just over Niles Dok’s and you’re stunned he’s allowed to be here. “Even if we were to
rely on Eren Jeager to aid humanity, we don’t even know what she is or what she could turn
into.”

Whispers spread around the room, and a sheen of sweat perspirates on your brow as Larves
continues.
“Jaeger has proven to have some form of control in his Titan form, and considering he has
been a citizen within these walls all his life, we can trust his word that this ability of his is
just as shocking to him as it is to us. We can’t say the same for this woman, however. After
all, this is the girl we found outside of the walls ten years ago. I’m sure of it.”

Eyes widen around Larves, and your blood starts thumping in your ears as your stomach
drops.

“We couldn’t have known the runt Erwin Smith recruited was her, but this woman’s file
within the Scouts is thin. She doesn’t have a given name, and her records don’t even begin
until the age of seventeen. I’m certain it’s her, and we can’t trust this woman. Not for a
second. For all we know, she’s lied about where she comes from, hiding her healing ability
for all these years just to attack in her true form at the right time.”

Your gaze falls to the ground as the sound begins washing out around you. Their case against
you is becoming unsalvageable.

You hadn’t thought Larves would stoop so desperately low, dig up your files, and make the
connection. He was around when you were first discovered, and knew you as the girl he
threw down those stairs that was borderline manic. When he saw you again as a teenager, he
didn’t recognize you. He never knew that girl was the same person, that it was you the whole
time, but now he does.

The hospital incident must have caused serious suspicion, he must have connected the child
and the teen enough to risk prison to prove a theory, and he ended up being spot on.

What’s the right path? How do you get out of this spiraling descent? Is it even possible? They
never believed you back then, but now, there’s no chance they will.

You’ve been caught hiding your identity, past, and healing abilities with the Scout’s aid.
Their lives are in danger now, too, because they’ve tried to have your back all these years.
Larves made a reasonable claim as to why they should spare Eren, and maybe that’d be the
best-case scenario. You play the monster and save Eren. You play the deceiver and save your
comrades.
You don’t have time to think of the best route. The only choice is to do what you’ve always
done. Use the information you have, and make you best decision you can. You’ve sacrificed
yourself before and lived anyway, maybe that was for this moment, to get Eren and your
friends out of this checkmate.

You grit your teeth, lift your head, and part your lips.

The words never come. A boot slams into the side of your head before you can utter them,
and searing hot pain erupts in your jawbone and into your gums. You taste blood as you
slump down, eyes blinking wearily at your ground as your head sways. Dizzy and nauseous,
you’re sure you might throw up if you’re hit even once more.

“Nothing instills discipline like pain,” Levi announces to the courtroom as tears slip down
your cheeks. You’re too out of it to put the pieces together, to understand why Levi’s just
kicked the fucking shit out of you.

“Words can only do so much.” Levi drawls out. “Actions, though, they teach uncooperative
brats their place much quicker, and the pair of you happen to be in perfect kicking position.”

You stiffen, squeezing your eyes tight and preparing for impact, but nothing comes.

A loud thump sounds on your left and the feeling of something small hits your cheekbone.
You turn your head lazily, finding Levi standing before Eren now. The boy’s mouth is already
bleeding, and on the ground by your knees is a tiny white tooth.

Oh.

You had forgotten that everyone, including you, asked Levi to put on this show. This is the
plan, the way you’ll both be spared, you just have to endure it.
Levi sends another kick into Eren’s gut, then grabs his head and delivers a brutal knee jab to
his face, crunching his nose. Your stomach twists and your eyes water at the sight but you
know this is for both of you, to keep you safe.

Levi sends one more kick up into Eren’s chin before slamming him back against the pole,
pressing his boot to his face. There’s a buzzing in your ears as you focus on Eren’s swollen
features and meet his eyes. You hope yours can convey the emotions you’re feeling, that it’ll
be alright and over soon, but you doubt it. The boy is already out of it.

“Now, hold on, Levi,” Niles interjects nervously.

“What?” Levi drawls, pressing his boot further into Eren’s head.

“It’s dangerous.” The Military Police’s Commander replies stiffly. “They could turn into
Titans and-”

“Aren’t you the ones who want to dissect them?” Levi’s tone is dark and low. He sends
another kick into Eren’s gut. “I heard Jeager killed over twenty Titans in his special form. As
an enemy, his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous, but I can take him down
without a problem. Can any of you say the same? Can any of you actually kill him like I
can?”

Levi leans forward and grabs a fistful of your hair. You turn away from him as he tugs your
head up, not wanting him to see the blood running down your left nostril or the tears
streaming down your cheeks.

“What about her? In the event she does turn into a Titan, do you think you’ll be able to stop
her? You all want to dissect this monster and torture her for information, yet none of you can
handle them. Only me.”

His hand on your head is forceful and rough, unlike any other time you’ve felt his touch, but
it reminds you of what Levi had once told you, a courtesy you’ll extend back to him always.
His hands are still his hands, they’re warm like his soul, and even though they’ve done plenty
wrong, even though they fist your hair now with forced violence, you don’t care.
It’s still Levi.

“I have a proposal, Chief Commander Zackly.” Erwin’s voice booms out, silencing any
hushed whispers.“The abilities these two possess are indeed potential threats, but they are
also the greatest edge humanity has had in the history of our kind. I suggest we put them both
under Captain Levi’s command, take them with us on our next expedition in a month, and
prove their worth toward humanity’s victory, not its downfall.”

You look up in time to see Darius Zackly, pinch his chin and stroke his beard.

“The girl -you recruited her knowing her history, yes?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why? You believe she’s withholding information?”

“No, sir,” Erwin answers plainly. “I believe her claims of memory loss. She also has intense
headaches that are slowly revealing those eleven years to her, which she has been openly
communicating to us. I don’t believe either of them to be threats to us, Chief Commander,
they are an advantage. Even in the event we learn she is keeping information to herself, she is
much too valuable to kill. In fact, I’d still implore you to place her under Captain Levi’s
watch. If either should act out of line, you can ensure he will deal with them.”

“If it comes down to it, you will kill them?” Zackly asks Levi then, and his hand slips out of
your hair. You keep your head down as he answers.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Then I’ve made my decision,” Zackly announces before whacking his javel, dismissing the
trial.
You blink wetly at the ground, withholding a shudder as you shut your eyes. It worked.

You’re going home, and Eren’s coming with you.

 It's Fine
Chapter Notes

A/N: I just wanted to say I'm enjoying writing this story so much and all your comments
make my day... i love hearing your opinions and seeing your reactions

I really like this chapter I hope you do too

When the heavy shackles are slipped off your wrist and the door to the adjacent conference
room is shut with you and your comrades behind it, you’re pulled into a hug almost instantly.

“Oh, thank god.” Hange gushes, holding you tight. You wrap your arms around their middle
and squeeze back, eyes watering. “I was going through Honey withdrawal.”

“She’s serious.” Miche comments as he pulls off Eren’s cuffs. “Insufferable, really.”

“I was better than Levi, wasn’t I?”

“Tch,” Levi grunts from somewhere behind you, but you're unfocused on their banter, eyes
watching Eren from over Hange’s shoulder. You frown as he keeps his gaze on the ground,
swaying in spot.

“Sit down, Eren.” You tell him softly, pulling away from your friend. His eyes find yours,
and you see the tiredness behind them. “You can rest now.”

“Mind if I take a look at you?” Hange asks as they turn toward the boy, not sparing any more
time before examining their newest toy. Eren who is patient as ever shakes his head as he sits.

“Go ahead.” He mumbles in reply.

Levi walks into your peripheral, and you glance his way only for his eyes to look elsewhere.
You sigh, then turn back to Eren, only finding his gaze on the Captain as he sits a few feet to
his left. The boy’s eyes glare from Levi’s scowl to your swollen face, then back to Levi.
Everyone catches on fast.

“The only way they were going to entrust you to us was for Levi to do what he did,” Hange
explains to the boy as they squat before him. “They were never going to hand either of you
over if we didn’t give the impression life would not be easy for you in the Scouts. You’ll
learn we do things a lot differently now that we’ve got you, although I understand if you may
be harboring some rage toward our dear Captain.”

“You hate me now, Eren?” Levi asks tauntingly, arm resting over the top of the bench.

Eren looks at you, and you offer him a small nod. He turns back back to Levi. “No. I
understand now it was necessary.”

“Atta boy.” Hange grins before reaching back into their back pocket. “Here. Snatched this for
you.”

Hange holds out a handkerchief with Eren’s tooth inside, and Levi grimaces.

“You picked that up off the floor?”

“I wasn’t sure if he’d want this back.” Hange defends themself.

“I’m good. Thanks.” Eren says, brow furrowed as he looks between the pair, then his eyes
fall to you. “Are you alright, though?”

“Who? Me?” You wave him off, settling down between him and Levi. Your face is still
throbbing, and you’re pretty sure a few of your teeth are loose, but you offer him a reassuring
smile. “Fine. It barely hurt.”

Hange laughs and Levi tuts, reaching over and gripping your chin gently. He angles your
head toward him, and the pressure of his thumb on your jaw makes you since. He sighs, eyes
skipping over you before letting you go and averting his gaze.

“That’s what I thought.” He replies snippily, crossing his arms. “Hange, when you are done
with the brat, check Ash.”

“You do it, short stack, I’m busy.” Hange bites back, leaning forward. “Open up Eren, I’ve
got gauze for you.”

Eren opens his mouth and Hange peers inside. Their gasp gains everyone’s attention.

“It grew back already,” Hange states. You all stare with dropped jaws before Hange turns to
you with wide, excited eyes. “I changed my mind, Levi, I’ll do Honey’s, too.”

“You were always going to do hers.” The man beside you grunts as Hange steps forward. You
ignore his comment and open your mouth, flinching when Hange pokes a sensitive tooth.

“Sorry.” Hange frowns, but their eyes are lit with curiosity. “Two of them are hanging on by a
thread. I’m going to pull them out.”

“Hange.” You whine. “Why?”

“I need to know how long it takes yours to grow back,” Hange explains before gesturing
toward a curious-looking Eren. “It’s been, what, fifteen, twenty minutes since Levi kicked his
teeth out and they’re back already. Your arm took two full days to regenerate. I wonder if
your healing speeds are different.”
You’d be lying if you said your interest wasn’t peaked, but you bring a hand to your jaw and
pout anyway.

“It’s going to hurt, though.”

“Levi can hold your hand,” Hange smirks, winking, making your eyes turn to slits. “What?
I’m kidding.”

“Just do it.” You tell the maniac in front of you, squeezing your eyes shut. “Please, just be
quick with it.”

“You can count on me.” Hange hums, and with a steadying breath, you open your mouth
again. Her fingers pinch the tooth, you stiffen, and then cry out as it’s plucked from your
gums.

The pain is brutal, and your eyes spring with tears the moment the ligament is torn. Your fists
clench in your lap as you withhold a second shaky whimper.

“That looked like more than a thread, Four-eyes. Did that one even have to come out?” Levi
snaps from your side.

“That fucking hurt, Hange.” You hiss, peeking open one eye, a tear slipping down your
cheekbone. “Tell me you saved the looser one for last.”

Hange looks sheepish, and you shake your head quickly. “Nope. Nope, not doing it.”

“I’m sorry!” Hange exclaims, hands up, “I’m sorry, but it’s got to go, or a tooth will start to
grow there anyway and might be even more painful than just ripping it out now.”

You want to curl in on yourself and cry knowing Hange’s right.

You’re being a baby, but you're just so tired and glad to be free from that cell. All you want is
to be with your friends, sleep on the carriage ride home, and lay in your own bed. You just
want to relax, not endure any more pain.

This small thing feels like a massive hurdle, but you remind yourself it’s just one more.
Eventually, the pain will fade, and your teeth will grow back.

Then, as a result, you’ll have even more information regarding your and Eren’s unique
situation. It sucks but it’s the best route. You close your eyes once more, breathing out your
nose as you nod.

“Okay. Do it.”

Your left hand is encased with slightly longer fingers the moment the words slip off your
tongue, and you recognize Levi’s grip instantly.

You tighten your hold on his hand before opening your mouth.

A few seconds pass.

“Should I count down or-”

“Fucking hell, Hange.” Levi snaps, tone pure aggravation. “Just do it.”

Your lips quirk at the familiar banter, but then your eyes shoot open as the second tooth is
torn from your mouth. You hunch over, bringing your right hand over your lips. The pain is
borderline torturous.
Your grip on Levi’s hand is so tight it may even hurt someone as strong as him, and a hand
swipes over your back with soothing circles.

“There. All done.” Hange sighs out. “If it makes you feel better, I think that hurt me more
than you. Seeing you in pain breaks my heart.”

You lift your head to meet Hange’s eyes with a deadly glare. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Here.” Hange grins, holding up a wad of gauze. “Shove this in there.”

You rip the bandage from their grip and sit back up, pulling your hand from Levi’s to wipe at
the moisture on your cheeks.

“Alright?” Levi’s deep voice rumbles out, and you glance his way, finding an underlying look
of concern behind his heavy eyes. You nod weakly.

“Just ready to go home.”

“You won’t be going back to the Farmhouse.” Erwin’s voice echoes through the room as he
pushes through the door having overheard you as he entered. “I’ve sent word to your squad,
Levi. You, them, Honey, and Eren are to relocate to the Castle within Wall Rose.”

“The old headquarters?” Miche asks, crossing his arms. The Commander nods, eyes landing
on Eren.

“Zackly, Niles, Pixis, and I agreed it would be the safest option, seeing as we know little to
nothing about Eren’s Titan power, nor if Honey is capable of shifting as well. The two of
them are required to sleep in the cellars there, solely as a safety precaution until we learn
more.”

You look down at your lap, an odd feeling creeping over your chest.
You knew when it first happened that your regenerating limbs were undoubtedly weird, and
you knew they were oddly similar to the way Titans heal, but you never once considered you
could be one.

The thought even now is jarring, but Eren’s flipped the world you all know upside down.

“Let’s deal with the specifics when we get back to Trost.” Hange cuts in with a reassuring
grin. They pat your knees before straightening out and offering you a hand. “Come on, Upsy
Daisy.”

You take their hands with a sigh, but you stand too quick and stumble into them.

“Woah there, Honey.” Hange frowns. “You okay?”

“They didn’t feed us much down there,” Eren admits, drawing all of your eyes to his sunken
ones. “I feel pretty weak, too, especially after that beating.”

Levi tuts unhappily, but you shake your head and let go of Hange. “I’ll be fine. Let’s just
go.”

As your comrades escort you out of the building, you and Eren are bombarded with
questions, insults, and praise. Erwin leads the way, setting the role by ignoring each person
demanding answers, while Hange and Miche saunter behind him, faces focused. Levi walks
behind the two of you, his looming presence keeping almost everyone from reaching out and
grabbing at you.

One older man tries, and Levi snatches his wrist so fast you barely even register it happening
until the stranger cries out in pain and Levi’s voice brushes past your left ear.

“Hands off, Gramps.”

No one tries anything after that, and soon you’re filing into the carriages. Erwin and Miche
settle in one while you, Hange, Levi, and Eren file into the other.

“Why are you in here?” Levi grits out as Hange sits across from him. “Three and three made
significantly more sense.”

“I want to catch up with Honey and get to know Eren,” Hange argues back, gesturing for
Eren to sit down on their side as he steps in. You miss the wink your best friend sends to Levi
as you settle beside him, rubbing tiredly at your eyes.

“Hate to break it to you Hange, but I’m most likely going to be sleeping this whole time.”

“Then I’ll talk to-”

“Me too.” Eren cuts them off sheepishly, and Hange frowns. “Sorry.”

“Leave, Hange.” Levi grunts, crossing his arms and glancing out the window. “I’d like at
least some leg space.”

“Right. Good one.” Hange snorts, and you bring your fingers up to your lips to hide your
smile as Levi’s head shifts slowly, his dangerous expression coming into view. If looks could
kill, Hange would be dead.

“Out.” He states his last warning and Hange whistles casually.

“I think I’ll be leaving then. It’s much too crowded in here. See you guys when we get back
to Trost!”
You all watch as the door shuts behind Hange, and you can’t help it. Laughter bubbles from
your chest as you settle further into your seat, burying your face in your hands.

“I’m going to kill that freak one of these days.”

“Oh, Levi.” You snort, shaking your head and looking up at him from over the tips of your
fingers with a wide grin. “They know exactly how to get under your skin.”

Levi bristles, shifting his haze back out toward the window. “Whatever.”

“I see what you meant, Ash.” Eren comments, amusement quirking his lips. “About Hange.”

“Which part?” You smirk back at him, eager for his answer.

“You said they were ridiculous most of the time, but Titan-smart. I see that.” You laugh and
Eren looks away sheepishly. “That sounded bad, I only mean, I’m sort of looking forward to
hearing all they know about Titans. Their idea about the tooth was smart. If you heal slower
than me, it’s possible you can’t turn into one.”

You’re expecting Levi to make some sarcastic quip about how Eren is going to regret saying
that, but he remains quiet and stiff beside you, so you decide to just nod along.

“You’ll learn a lot from them.” You agree, nodding sleepily. “It’ll make their day, that’s for
sure. Plus, actually caring about it will earn you brownie points from Hange, too. Their
research is their passion.”

Eren nods, face blooming with determination. “Right. Good idea.”

“Rest for now though.” You tell him kindly. “Once they start talking they won’t stop.”
“Right,” Eren repeats, his newfound spirit simmering as quickly as it arose. “These seats are
much comfier than those aluminum bed frames.”

“You can say that again.” You sigh, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. It seems
you’re both in agreement to let the conversation fizzle out, and you focus on getting some
rest.

The uneven cobblestone streets make the ride bumpy, but it's surprisingly soothing to you.
The past days have been so still, quiet, and stiff, this movement is welcomed, and it puts you
to sleep quickly.

When you wake up, the sun is setting outside the carriage window, and your head is leaning
against a firm but soft shoulder. You recognize the scent first, the familiar notes of spice, like
cardamon, but sweet like amber and vanilla.

You hum quietly, too entranced by comfort and sleep that you don’t bother pushing away
from him.

“Sorry.” You murmur, blinking wearily. You note Eren’s still asleep across the carriage, body
sprawled across the seat. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s fine.” Levi’s deep voice comes out almost inaudibly. “You could be sleeping like Eren
and then we’d have a problem.”

You smile, shutting your eyes once more. You haven’t felt so relaxed in over a week, and
you’ll hold onto it as long as you’re allowed.

“I’m surprised I moved at all.” You sigh quietly. “I guess I’m clingy when I’m sleepy, too.
You don’t mind?”

“No.”
“Really?” You ask, and then realization passes over you. You’re likely dirty and disgusting
from behind held in that cramped cell for over a week. “I’m gross and I probably smell.”

“You do.” Levi says impatiently, “But it’s fine.”

You frown, feeling slightly offended and guilty. You attempt to sit up, but the moment you do
Levi is reaching across his body to palm your head. He guides your cheek back to his
shoulder and settles his fingers there, tangled where he had painfully gripped your hair only
early today.

Your breath catches as he lowers his head atop yours, and his chin settles over his own thumb
as he quietly murmurs the words you barely hear.

“It’s fine. Stay.”

The position is reminiscent of a headlock, but it’s anything but constricting. Your heart feels
like it’ll leap from your chest, being so wrapped up in Levi’s arms, enveloped in his warmth
and gentleness he seems to save only for you. You shut your eyes and lean further into him,
fighting back tears.

It really has been a hard couple of days.

“You missed me then?” You murmur against his chest.

“I did.” He says.

“How much?”

“Shut up.”
You snicker but don't say anything else. Your arm lifts to wrap around his torso and you
pause.

“Levi?”

“What?”

“Can I move closer?” You ask quietly, voice low. You realize it’s asking for a lot when you’re
already so close, but everything in you for days has yearned to see Levi again, to be
alongside him once more, and right now all you want is to be held.

Levi sucks in a tiny breath, then lets it go. “Yeah. Go on.”

You let out a shaky, relieved breath as you turn further into his embrace, scooting your hips
closer to his on the seat. You move instinctively, reaching across his chest, then hesitate as
you realize you’re about to lift your left knee onto his lap in an awkward half-straddle.

The arm you’re crushing by his side slides behind your back, while the one on your head
lowers and grips the inside of your knee, pulling you the rest of the way. You gasp out shakily
at the action, your breath feathering the bobbing skin on his throat. You wrap your arm
around his right shoulder and settle in flush with his body, pressing your face into his neck.

It’s a unique position, one that makes you feel like a koala, and one you're sure you’d get
tired of holding if it weren’t for Levi’s fingers digging into your flesh, keeping you in place.
You feel cradled and protected, but your body is on fire, your lower abdomen a flurry of
pleasant and terrifying emotions.

It feels almost too good, too intimate, and you realize if Eren wakes, there will be no way to
explain this inappropriate behavior.
“If Eren-”

“Just for a bit longer.” Levi’s voice is breathy and strained. Your heart skips.

“Sure.” You say, fingers clinging to the meat of his shoulder before slowly sliding up the side
of his neck, dancing along his undercut testingly.

“I’m sorry.” He says then, and you take the plunge, slipping your fingers into his silky locks,
enjoying the way he sighs out as you do.

“For what?”

“For hurting you.” Levi mumbles. “I know you’ll say it’s fine, but-”

“No buts.” You cut him off gently. “It is fine.”

“You’re annoying.”

You shush him with a smile, and your lips ghost the sensitive skin where his neck meets his
shoulder. His grip on your knee tightens, and he turns his head further inward, his jaw
brushing against yours.

“Why did he call you Ash?” Levi asks. Yor smile is sad and amused.

“He has her eyes.” You tell him quietly. You don’t need to elaborate, you know Levi
understands when his head dips slightly.

Seconds pass, and you nudge your nose lightly against his neck. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Levi sighs, thumb swiping over the top of your knee through your pants. “That’s
okay.”
 Progress

You shriek loudly and jump back, fear clutching at your heart.

“What? What?” Eren asks breathlessly as he runs around the corner, his eyes wide and
searching for danger. Levi steps into the doorway behind him, albeit more calmly. He must
already know what the fuss is about, and Petra, who stops abruptly behind Levi, peers over
his shoulder for answers.

“Get it, Eren!” You cry out, stepping farther back. “This one is fucking massive!”

“Damnit, Ash.” Eren groans. “I thought it was something serious!”

You glare back. “It is serious!”

Levi’s jaw ticks. “Grab the thing Eren and show me. If it’s smaller than my thumb, we’re
going to make her hold it.”

“No!” You disagree quickly. “No, you will not.”

“It’s the size of my fingernail, sir.”

“Bring it here.”

You glare at Eren as he brings his cupped hands to the Captain, and Levi’s icy stare focuses
on you the moment the spider is revealed to him.

“Please, don’t make me-”

“Ash.” Levi sighs, crossing his arms. “Hold out your hand.”

You frown. “I’m scared.”

“I’ll show you not to be. Get over here.”

You glance at Eren, who looks exasperated, and Petra, who looks intrigued, and sigh,
stepping forward. The moment Eren turns that thing toward you, you flinch, and Petra
snorts.

“Damnit brat, hold still.”

Levi sounds like a Dad at the end of his rope, and you’d be laughing if you weren’t so on
edge.

Spiders and insects have always freaked you out. You know it’s silly seeing as you slay much
larger, a hundred times more dangerous monsters for a living, but you can’t help it.

You couldn’t count on your fingers the number of times you had woken up in the
Underground with them creeping over you, sending chills up your spine. It felt like fingertips
ghosting your skin and for the briefest moment, you’d think someone had found you, and that
you were in danger.

The sight of them now makes your skin crawl.

“Ash.” Levi breaks you from your thoughts. “Come on.”

You stare at the ground, knowing you are being childish but there’s a mental block. Your feet
won’t move, so you squeeze your eyes shut tightly and hold out your hand.
Holding your breath, you wait, and when you feel a weight in your palm, you peek with one
eye.

Levi’s hand is overlapping yours, and the spider you were so afraid of is in his palm. It’s tiny
compared to his palm, and fluffy-looking. Harmless.

You blink at it, feel the warmth from the back of Levi’s fingers, and embarrassment creeps up
the sides of your neck.

“Oh.”

Petra’s laugh fills the room as Eren sighs, bringing a hand to his forehead.

“Quite menacing, yeah?” Levi tuts, sliding his hand over and angling it. You withdraw your
hand before the tiny creature can crawl onto your palm.

“I don’t want it to touch me.” You say defensively. Levi eyes you, pauses, then pulls the
spider back.

“Fine, but can you get through your tasks without screaming bloody murder the next time
you see one of these?”

“Yes, Captain.” You nod sheepishly.

Levi rolls his eyes and then heads back out the door without another word. Petra and Eren
turn toward you after a moment, matching amused expressions written on their faces.

“What?” You ask defensively. “I just don’t like-”

“Not you,” Petra whispers with a snort, waving you off. “The Captain. He took the spider.”

You look to where Levi had disappeared, then make a huh sound. “Yeah, he did.”

“You think he’s setting it free?” Eren asks with wide eyes.

The three of you blink at each other and then dart out the door. You scurry down the hall to
the back exit that leads to the garden, and the three of you peek around the doorway.

You find Levi crouched about ten meters away in front of the tomatoes you planted only
yesterday. His expression is its usual cool, serious demeanor, but his actions are gentle as he
stretches out his hand. You smile fondly at the sight.

“Wow,” Eren grumbles. “I didn’t expect that.”

“You should know by now that Captain’s a big softie deep down, Eren.” Petra gushes out
quietly, her voice thick with admiration. You turn to look at her as she watches Levi, and
realization slaps you across the face.

It must be so easy to spot because it’s recognizable, the fondness and appreciation, their
feelings you know too well regarding your Captain. You wonder how long it’s been there
under the surface, or if you’ve just been oblivious this whole time.

You see it now, though, and the overwhelming emotion that sweeps through you is jarring. It
shoves the guilt for not knowing aside and takes hold of you harshly, splintering inside your
chest, making you feel selfish and rotten.

The relationship between you and Levi has always been complicated.
You cared for him before you even really knew him, and even now, you can’t say you know
him beyond what you’ve observed and the limited backstory he’s revealed to you. Yet there’s
a connection, a bond you share with him, and you care for one another.

Only, recently you’ve felt a different lurch inside you when you look at him, touch him, talk
to him.

When you first felt desire for your Captain, watching him tease your pulse under a bar’s dim-
lit lighting, you weren’t given much time to think about it seeing that the events that followed
were intensely consumed with pain, darkness, and fear.

The carriage ride was a brief moment of vulnerability. You were seeking comfort and safety
and he was feeling remorseful for hurting you. When you woke up alone and turned to find
his troubled profile staring out his window, you were fine with pretending like it didn’t
happen.

You look away from Petra now and watch as Levi frowns down at the minuscule spider he
saved with the utmost care, and your fingers clench at your sides.

This feeling in your gut now is scalding, and very, very telling.

Levi is so beautiful and gentle, yet the world has been so cruel to him. He deserves numerous
admirers, meaningful bonds, and a multitude of people to care for him, but this envy, this
yearning, this possessiveness swelling inside you and clouding your mind is telling you one
thing.

You don’t want Levi to be the way he is with you with anyone else.

“What are you guys doing?”

The three of you jump as you turn to face a widely grinning Eld.
“Nothing!” You all say at once, faces burning all for different reasons.

You retreat back to your duties, and you spend the rest of your time cleaning thinking of
Levi, shaking away the raging, selfish desire, and scolding yourself for having such
thoughts.

There are many more important things to focus on, and that’s what you’ll do.

The next day you ride out to the open field just off the Castle’s property. You settle in at an
abandoned house with a deep, unused well and a few picnic tables out front before Levi and
Hange address your group.

“Today we’re testing Eren’s Titan ability.” Levi starts.

“Our goal is to figure out if and how Eren can trigger the shift, and see if he has any
semblance of control in his Titan form. It’s crucial we understand how this ability works
before the expedition in three weeks so we can utilize it if need be.” Hange explains, and
everyone nods.

“Another goal of today is, in understanding Eren’s Titan, we hope to test similar studies on
Honey and learn the truth of her healing ability. We’ve already noted the different speeds at
which they regenerate body parts. For Eren, his teeth grew back in a matter of minutes, but
for Honey, it took about eight hours. This gives us cause to believe perhaps Honey only
possesses some of Eren’s Titan ability. The question is: how much?”

Nervous butterflies twirl in your gut thinking about the endless possibilities your own body
could hold. It’s terrifying, but you force yourself to stay calm and collected. The last thing
you want is for Eren to feel worse about his shocking power, and it’s not as though fretting
over what and who you are will change it.

“Alright.” Levi breaks the silence once everyone seems to be on the same page. “Eren, we’re
going to send you down the well. You will wait a full minute before even attempting
anything. Once the time has passed, we’ll all be a safe distance away and you’ll attempt to
shift. If it doesn’t work in five minutes, stop. We’ll come to you.”

Eren nods, eyes determined. “Yes, sir.”

Sending Eren down and leaving him there twists an ache in your chest, but nothing hurts
more than looking down the long well seven minutes later and finding Eren covered in his
own blood with glossy panicked eyes.

“I don’t think I can do it anymore.” He whimpers out, panic settling in on his features.

“Get him out of there.” You tell Levi who doesn’t answer but slides down in his ODM gear
anyway.

You and Hange help bandage the boy with reassuring words, but as you’re all sat for lunch,
Levi saunters over with a hard glare to wipe all your comfort away.

“You’re telling me those wounds on your hand and wrist haven’t healed?” He asks, and Eren
shakes his head. “We’ve got a lot riding on your Titan power. Get it together, Eren. That’s an
order.”

You watch Levi's retreating form with a frown. He’s been tense since that day in the carriage,
and you think you know why.

You were the one who boldly asked if you could move closer, but he let you, and he may
regret it. You wonder if he’s scolding himself for crossing a boundary he never should have,
or maybe he’s afraid he’s given you the wrong impression. The impression that the feelings
he has for you dip a toe into the pool of forbidden.

It makes you worry that your realization yesterday of truly wanting Levi isn’t news to him,
that maybe he’s already discovered it by your actions on that day, and he doesn’t know how
to let you down gently. That, or it's completely unrelated and you're fretting for no good
reason.

Either way, you thought about it relentlessly last night instead of sleeping, how those selfish
feelings needed to be locked away, and that’s what you intend to do.

The lives you lead are uncertain and chaotic, dangerous and cruel, but some things are good.
The people, your comrades, your friends, they make this shitty world worth fighting for.
Levi’s one of those people you’ll always hold dear, and risking losing him simply because
you’re suddenly attracted to him and possessive over him isn’t an option.

You will do what you always do, and endure.

“Chin up, Eren,” Gunther calls out from the end of the table, shaking you from your thoughts.
“You’ll get it.”

“If you can’t, then maybe you are more normal than I gave you credit for,” Oluo grunts out.
“Turning into a Titan? That’s just unfathomable.”

“It’s true and you know it.” Gunther sighs back, “Plenty of people saw it happen, even
Commander Pyxis.”

“I’ve always been a see-it-to-believe-it kind of guy.” The older man brushes off his comrade
easily. “If he doesn’t change into one of those monsters in front of me, then I’ll never trust he
can do it.”

“Ignore them, Eren.” You sigh out, turning toward the boy who’s just on your right. His eyes
are downcast, focusing on his injured hands. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He mumbles. “It’s just, I don’t know. I don’t get it. I don’t understand any of it.”
You nod, knowing he doesn’t just mean the transformation, but his life now.

“It’s been one day. We’ll figure it out.”

Eren nods, and then after a silent breath, he reaches for his spoon. A sharp wince parts his
lips out of nowhere, and his hand spasms, knocking the silverware off the side of the table.

“You okay?” You ask, voice laced with concern.

“Yeah. Hand cramp.” He grunts, cursing under his breath as he leans down to pick up the
spoon.

It happens so fast. One second, your mind is whirling, wondering if there’s anything you can
do to help Eren and the next, you’re blinded by a bright yellow light and thrown into the air.

It sounds like an explosion, and you’re too stunned to comprehend what’s happened as your
body lands on its side with a thud. You lift an arm to cover your eyes, protecting them from
the dust and what looks like steam coming from where you had just been.

It raises the hair on your neck and shoots a chill down your spine as you recall where you’ve
seen and smelled this fog before.

Eren must have transformed.

You push up to your feet, realizing it’s dangerous, but knowing this had to have been an
accident. Eren, your squad, Levi, they could be hurt, and your heart is racing as you push
forward, lips parting as you take in the freakish-looking thing Eren’s created. You can see his
figure still on top, desperately trying to pull his hand free, and it’s then you realize he’s
produced a Titan arm.
“Eren!” You call out, but as his head whips your way. His eyes are big and scared, and your
chest aches for him. Levi’s voice cuts through the both of you.

“Calm down.”

Your head whips his way only to find him standing in between Eren and your squad. His
hand is raised in their direction, and your heart drops as you take in their expressions. Their
faces are contorted in fear and anger. Each of them has their swords drawn, and they’re
looking at Eren like a true Titan, not a human being, not their comrade.

“What is the meaning of this, Eren?” Eld lashes out.

“No one gave you permission to change, Eren!” Petra cries out.

“Hold on.” Levi tries but no one seems to hear him.

“Give us a good reason we shouldn’t cut you down right here!” Oluo screams, and you feel
an anger of your own swell in your chest.

“Oluo, I’m telling you to calm down.” Levi snaps.

“Captian, you need to step back.” Petra persists, shaking her head. “It’s too dangerous!”

“No, all of you need to step back.” He reiterates, eyes hard and his patience growing thin.
“Listen to me.”

“Answer us, Eren!” Oluo snarls, “You don’t think we can kill you, is that it? You think you
can get away with-”
“Everyone shut the fuck up!”

You don’t realize you've decided to scream until it’s shoving its way up your throat, viciously
and loudly. You can’t take it anymore, the cruel words, the angry eyes directed at the boy
whose clearing is just as confused as they are.

It’s not right, and you won’t stand for it.

“Captain has given you the same damn order three times now.” You glare at all of them, rage
bubbling in your chest. “Stand down and at least give Eren a goddamn second to answer.”

Their eyes flash with uncertainty and an odd look of betrayal, which you find infuriating.

“Back off. I won’t tell you again.” Levi’s voice leaves no room for options, and the four
comrades bristle, but finally move back.

“Explain.” Petra gets out, voice tilted, but before Eren can get a word out, the familiar ring of
your best friend’s voice fills the open field.

“Eren!” They scream happily through manic laughter. “Oh my god, Eren! Look at that thing!
I want to touch it! Wait, wait, Eren, don’t-”

A steam whistle sounds beside you, and Eren lands behind the arm as he frees himself.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Levi grunts, stepping back from the arm. Your brow furrows, seeing as
you're standing directly beside it, but it barely feels warm. Hange runs up beside you then,
placing their palms onto the muscle before hollering, pulling their hands away with a shriek.

Your interest piques further, and you gently lift a hand up and place it against the shrinking
Titan limb. Your eyes widen.
A hand grips your wrist and pulls it back, and you're met face-to-face with an aggravated
Levi.

“Are you trying to burn your skin off?” He grits, and your lips part.

“It wasn’t hot.” You tell him quietly, pulling your hand back to inspect your palm. The skin
looks normal. “Hange, let me see your hands.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” They misunderstand, pushing up onto their feet. “Damnit! I just wanted
to get a better look at it before it-”

“Hange.” Levi cuts your friend off. “Palms up.”

Your friend glares but then does as they’re asked, making the pair of you wince.

“Damnit, Hange, that was too dangerous! Your skin is blistering!” Moblit’s worried voice
comes from over their right shoulder as they pass you, heading straight for Eren. You look
back down at your hands, and Levi gazes down, too, then sighs.

“What now?” He grumbles out.

“I don’t know.” You say back, clutching your hand to your chest. “Later. Let’s figure things
out with Eren first, then maybe we’ll stumble across answers for this in doing so.”

Levi seems hesitant but you don’t give him time to disagree. You turn to join your comrades
in mid-conversation, thankful Hange is here now to diffuse any lingering tension.

“-telling you I don’t know. I just was reaching for my spoon, and the next thing I knew, my
hand was inside a Titan.”
Hange pinches their chin, then walks over to the disappearing Titan and plucks the spoon
from between its fingers. You all watch them, wondering what it is they’re thinking. You
don’t have to wait long.

“Your cuts were still open when this happened, yes?” Hange ponders aloud.

“Yes,” Eren replies.

“And it wasn’t until you reached for this spoon that you turned?”

“That’s correct.”

“Hmm, fascinating, very fascinating.”

“Spit it out, Hange,” Levi calls out, and your bespectacled friend sighs.

“Don’t rush me. I’m merely theorizing. Eren said biting his hand triggered the transformation
last time, but today when he bit his hand, he couldn’t produce any results, not until he moved
towards a specific goal. When you were in the well, Eren, what were you thinking?”

Eren rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “I just didn’t want to mess it up.”

“So, you didn’t have a clear goal as to why you’d be shifting, you were just trying to shift, is
that right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Right. I have an idea. Let’s put Eren back in the well and-”

“Hange.” You cut your friend off, shaking your head. “He’s exhausted. Let’s save it for
tomorrow.”

Hange pouts but after receiving glares from everyone, they sigh and concede with a nod.

“Fine, but if Eren manages it tomorrow, you’re up the next day.”

“Okay sure, but so you think if Eren tries again but with a clear goal in mind, it’ll work?”

“It’s a theory, but yes.” Hange nods.

“Great, let's pack up.” Levi drawls.

“Wait,” Petra calls out as everyone turns toward the horses. You pause and face her, noting
the apologetic expressions on all your squad member's faces. “So, everything that just
happened, that was an accident?”

You want to be snarky, but you refrain and let Eren reply. “It was.”

The four of them exchange looks, then nod, and you stare in awe as they all bite down on
their hands. It clicks quickly, why they’re injuring themselves. It’s a token of respect, of an
apology, and your anger fizzles out instantly.

“That hurts like a bitch.” Oluo is the first to say. “Sorry, kid.”

“We really are, Eren.” Petra agrees. “We jumped the gun. We’ll have to be more patient and
understanding.”
Eld and Gunther nod in agreement and Eren waves them off, eyes concerned but
appreciative.

“It’s fine. You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.”

“They did.” You correct Eren as you playfully taunt your comrades. “They were cowards and
got all scared of a disfigured arm. Let them be equally stupid in their apology, alright?”

“Rude!” Petra calls out as Oluo hollers. “I wasn’t afraid!”

"Believe him now, old man?"

"How was I to know he'd transform moments after I said that!"

The pair start arguing and it's such a common occurrence now you just ignore them. Eld and
Gunther start defending themselves to Eren and you in a much calmer matter, which
somehow leads to the two of them bickering. You sigh before looking over your shoulder to
find someone to roll your eyes with, only to find Levi and Hange disagreeing over
something, too. You huff out a laugh before bowing your head in exasperation.

It’s oddly heart-warming, though, knowing things are tense and changing around you all the
time, but at the end of the day, your comrades and friends are the same. The same people butt
heads, sometimes emotions get out of hand, yet you manage to work through the knots and
come out the other side stronger. Things feel normal despite being anything but, and it’s
because of the people you hold dear.

Your comrades make these trying times bearable.

“Does anyone here actually like each other?” Eren mutters to you, and toss your head back
into a loud laugh.
 The Well

You’re at the bottom of the well.

Hange's transformation theory succeeded, and Eren managed to shift into his Titan form
yesterday. Hange was over the moon, and while everyone including you was slightly
unsettled at first, once you saw Eren behind the monster’s eyes, you felt more assured.

He couldn’t communicate, but he understood yes-or-no questions and was capable of

providing feedback by nodding his head. Knowing Eren has control opens endless
possibilities, and Hange is more than thrilled with the quick progress. You feel it, too, the
cause for relief and celebration, but you can’t focus on it because all you’ve felt since laying
down last night is dread.

It’s your turn to find out if you become something like Eren, and while you shouldn't be so
afraid after seeing the success that’s come about for the younger boy, you are.

You’re terrified. You’re beside yourself with anxiety because you’ve already proven to have
different side effects on whatever is happening, and what if you turn and never turn back?
What if you become something unimaginable and kill everyone, or they have to kill you?

The worst-case scenarios have been rattling your brain, and now that you’re here, you’re
locking up with your fear.

“Eren did this.” You murmur to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. “He was afraid and he
did it anyway. Get a grip.”

You place your hand between your teeth and let them sink into the meat of your palm, but
you can’t bring yourself to apply force. You bite but it’s not hard enough, it barely hurts, and
your eyes flicker open to pitch black.
Panic seizes your chest as you're met with what feels like a closing wall, then you turn and
the other wall feels even closer than the other.

You knew you were in a tight space, but suddenly it’s smaller, and you’re more aware that
there’s no one near, and you’re so utterly alone and scared. You can’t do it. You can’t bring
yourself to bite down, to discover the truth that you’re a bigger outsider than you always have
been.

You don’t want to know.

“Everything alright down there, Honey?”

You can hear Hange but you can’t bring yourself to respond. Fear is swelling your throat and
making it nearly impossible to breathe, let alone speak. Your heart is beating so fast it hurts.

“We’re going to need a reply, Ash.”

You squeeze your eyes tight and tears slip down your cheeks as you place a palm along the
stone wall to steady yourself. Your lips part, but nothing comes. Your body feels numb and
paralyzed, and your head starts to sway.

You can’t do it. You can’t do anything. You’re a coward, all words and no follow through.
Your migraines haven't proved useful and you’ve wanted nothing but for them to do
otherwise, yet you’re willing to sacrifice the potential advantage you have toward humanity
because you’re afraid of it.

A hand on your shoulder makes you leap back, but the fingers tighten, keeping you upright.
Your wide eyes, glossy with fear and pain meet Levi’s, as he takes in the sight of you with a
concerned brow.

He’s probably confused. There aren’t any wounds or blood. You haven’t been able to bring
yourself to inflict enough damage to attempt a transformation, but you’re crying and heaving.
A pathetic sight, surely.

“What is it?” He asks when he sees you're physically fine. You look away, unable to find any
words, shaking your head.

A hand finds the back of your neck and forces you to face his way, but his voice is gentle as
he asks. “Scared?”

You blink wetly at him, then nod, bringing a hand to your chest.

“Hard to breathe?”

You nod even more feverishly, and before you know it you’re shooting up the well with
Levi’s arms around your waist the wind blowing your hair over your face.

“Back up, Hange, and get some water. Everyone else makes yourselves useful. We’ll proceed
when we deem it fit.”

A hand grasps your shoulder while the other cups your jaw. “You’re safe, now. Open your
eyes. Come on, Ash, you can do it. I’ll peel them open if I have to, remember?”

You’re shaking and cold, gripping the front of Levi’s uniform as you will your eyelids flutter
open. You meet his deep affectionate eyes, and he nods.

“Good. Breathe.”

You nod with him, then suck in a sharp breath.

It’s not just him that’s grounding but the sunlight washing over his features, the open field
behind him. You’re out of the cramped, dark space, and you’re feeling significantly better.
You begin to heave out heavy breaths.

“That’s it,” Levi murmurs, fingers curling around the back of your head once more. “Just
breathe.”

You didn’t realize how blue your fingers had become until now as your gaze trails down to
where they’re white in their hold. You slowly unravel them, heaving out a final steadying
breath as Levi’s hands fall from your sides. You stay sat on the edge of the well and bow your
head down while Levi straightens out in front of you.

“Fuck.” You curse out quietly, pinching your eyes shut. “I don’t know what just happened.”

“It looked like a panic attack.” You can hear the frown in Hange’s reply, and it has you
looking up at them. Their expression is sympathetic as you wipe at your eyes and accept the
water they’re holding out. “I think you may be claustrophobic.”

“What?” You blink dumbly at them after a sip. “I’ve never had an issue with tight spaces
before.”

“This is just a guess, but you were in that cell in the Royal Capital for a long time, Honey.
You were in the dark, not knowing when and if it’d end. Maybe this was a trauma response.”

Your eyes widen slightly at the information before you look back down at your hands, color
slowly seeping back into them.

Looking back on those days, you don’t remember much, just the pitch black, the sound of
Eren’s voice, and the taste of stale bread and watery broth soup.

You were terrified but kept it together for the sake of the much more shaken-up boy in the
cell beside you. That may be what this was, but it feels like an excuse for what you feel is the
truth.

“I think I was just being a coward.” You admit quietly.

Your friends are silent as they regard you, and you wipe furiously at your eyes as some more
tears slip out.

“I don’t want to be a Titan on top of everything else wrong with me.”

You know it’s selfish to say, especially when Eren just did all of it with his head held high.
He’s just a kid but he’s already better at gritting his teeth and bearing it than you are, and as a
leader on this squad it leaves you feeling pathetic.

“If it makes you feel better, I highly doubt you’ll become one,” Hange says softly, and you
finally look up from the ground. Your friends are cross-armed in front of you, Levi’s
expression is his usual blank stare but his eyes are as sincere as Hange’s.

“Really?” You ask them weakly. “What makes you say that?”

“If being injured and having a clear goal in your mind is all it takes, you would have
transformed ages ago. You’re stupid, remember?” You scoff out an unexpected laugh as
Hange grins, squatting down and placing a hand on your knee. “You’ve been injured more
times than I can count with plenty of goals you saw through and you never transformed.
Unless you did and just never told us.”

“You caught me.” You grumble, biting back a smile as you glance toward Levi. He breathes
heavily out of his nose as his jaw ticks.

“No shit you don’t want to turn into one of those ugly things.” He mutters, and your lips tug
upward. “But even if you do, what’s one more thing to tack on your list of oddities?”
“Wow, short stack, that’s some phenomenal advice. Seriously, I’m sure Honey feels so much
better now that you’ve-”

“Shut the fuck up, Hange, and let me finish my goddamn point.” Levi grits, but you watch his
eyes flicker with uncertainty. “I only meant, we’ll do what we always do and deal with it
together. You’ve got us. If you’re a Titan that doesn’t change.”

Your heart flutters at his words, and the look in his eyes as he watches you closely. Levi
offers a private, questioning nod, and you let out a breath before nodding back. Down there in
the well, for a moment you convinced yourself you were isolated again, alone and doomed to
suffer the fate of your abilities alone. That was merely the panic talking, and Levi’s reminded
you of that.

“Wow, nice save, Levi.” Hange chortles from over their shoulder.

“Fuck you. I’m leaving.”

Levi turns on the spot and heads back toward your squad members, and you watch him, your
cheeks still pink from his reassurance.

“He’s right.” Hange sighs, facing forward to reveal their smirk. “Like I said, I doubt it’ll
happen. This test is only a precaution, but it’s one we need to perform so the MPs and Church
of the Walls and all the other jerk-offs who think they’re better than us can hop off our
dicks.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” You sigh, running a hand through your hair. “I can do it.”

“I know you can.” They slap your knee as they stand. “But Levi walked away and I’m scared
to call him back over right away, so we're going to take a five. Are you fine with using the
well again or should we find an alternative?”

“I can do it.” You repeat to Hange with a nod. They smile and pat your cheek fondly.
“Of course you can!”

A five-minute break and two minutes later and you’re back in the well. Levi’s placing you
down, but instead of shooting back up without a word like last time he lingers.

“Alright?” He asks.

You nod. “Yeah. I’m just going to get it over with.”

“Well, you won’t be in here for long either way. If you need to freak out and come back up to
witness Hange verbally berate me again, it’s fine. What we’re asking, it’s not easy. Eren’s just
a brat eager to prove himself. He thinks ‘No’ means try harder.”

Biting the inside of your cheek you look away briefly, knowing that statement is oddly
familiar to one Levi had once made about Isabel all those months ago. Your lips tug
downward.

“He’s handling everything better than I ever have.”

“Oi,” Levi calls out, and you meet his vague outline in the darkness of the well. He lifts a
hand to your hairline, and the heat from his palm shoots tingles down to your toes.

“The migraines, the creepy lizard healing, the possible Titan shifting ability, it’s a lot and
you’ve done just fine. Get out of here,” He shakes your head the slightest bit, “And relax.”

Your eyes meet as he lowers his hand, and you feel your pulse quicken as you finally adjust
to the lack of light. You can make out more of Levi’s familiar, handsome features. He’s so
close to you, and he looks so intoxicating and pretty in this darkness.
Your fingers itch to reach out, feather the skin of his jaw, step into his space, and press your
body flush to his just to see how he’d react. You blink hazily out of the sudden trance, and
Levi lifts a brow, eyes searching your features.

“What is it?”

“What?”

You earn a deadpanned glare in response.

“Don’t be dense, Ash.” He grunts then, lifting his thumb to your right temple. “This look.
What’s it for?”

Your stomach flips. “I don’t know what you mean, Levi.”

“You’re lying.” He mumbles contemplatively, lips tugging downward slightly. “I’ve seen it
before, haven’t I? At the bar.”

You swallow thickly as your pulse accelerates.

You should derail his train of thought, lead him astray, or lie, but your mind and body don’t
care about what’s logical when he’s so close to you and so damn oblivious to what he’s doing
to your heart. It’s leaping forward, urging you to show him instead of explain, but you know
that’d be wrong.

“What do you think it is?” Your voice is just above a whisper when you find it. Levi’s jaw
ticks. He didn’t like that reply.

“We’ve been here before you know.” He grumbles, sliding his thumb to the center of your
forehead and tapping. “I don’t know what you’re thinking until you tell me.”
“Then I guess you’ll never know.” You repeat the words from back then. His hand drops and
his glare would likely kill you if you didn’t find it so alluring on him.

“Why do you do that? Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Because you’re such an open book, Levi.” You reply swiftly, and his eyes flash. “Why is it
always me who has to say what’s on their mind but you get to walk around stone-faced and
toss out your title when you’re uncomfortable?”

“So, I have been making you feel uneasy.” He mutters as he steps back into the wall,
misinterpreting and ignoring your words completely.

You stare at him at a loss for words.

How could he get it so wrong? How could he misinterpret desire and yearning for
uneasiness? Even at the bar, when all you felt was pure, carnal lust, he was seeing your
freezing up as a defensive mechanism?

No, that can’t be right. He sought out your pulse, he knew it was racing, he saw your eyes
and the heaving of your chest. Unless your talk afterward about your past in the Underground
altered his interpretation of what he saw.

You thought maybe he had regretted entertaining your affectionate advances, the hugs, and
the hand-holding because he was remorseful for giving you the wrong impression. You
thought he regretted allowing you to believe he enjoyed it as much as you.

Now, you wonder if he’s been so tense because he’s scolding himself for a different reason,
believing he’s somehow taken advantage of you in your weakened or intoxicated states.
It’s ridiculous to you, but with what Levi knows about you, it makes sense. He’s misread you
this whole time, and your confused frustration settles into something warm. You’re not
selfish enough to let him feel guilty for something he hasn’t done, even if it means coming
clean.

“You’re wrong.” You say. His gaze lifts from the floor to your face, and his furrowed brow
smooths out when he takes in your shy features. “I’m not uncomfortable, Levi. I never have
been with you.”

You watch him swallow, and his lips part as his eyes roam over you. “Then-”

“You two making out down there or something?” Hange’s voice echoes around you, and you
leap backward with a yelp.

“Goddmanit, Hange.” You cry out, bringing a hand to your chest. “Scared the fuck out of
me.”

You hear a soft chuckle. It’s faint, but your head whips up, finding an equally irritated and
amused Levi. His lips are tilted up the slightest bit, and your heart jumps again at the sight for
a different reason.

“What?” You ask.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “You just jump at everything.”

You look away, cheeks red. “Aren’t you going to tell Hange to fuck off?”

“When I get up there.” He nods, pushing off the wall. “We’ll talk more later. See you soon.”

Levi finally shoots back up the well, and you tilt your head to watch as he gracefully hops
over the ledge and back onto solid ground. You face forward to where he had been, mind
reeling over the events of minutes prior, knowing plenty was left unsaid.

You’re relieved in a way, not having to elaborate on your words, but the simmering in your
gut wishes you had been more open simply to see how he’d react. The lid on your emotions
is coming undone, and you aren’t sure how much longer you’ll be able to hold back when he
looks at you and touches you the way he has been.

“Ready to try this shit again, Honey?” Hange yells down and you look up, offering a thumbs
up they can likely barely make out.

“Let’s do it.” You reply.

You wait, give them well over a minute to retreat, then steel yourself. Shutting your eyes, you
remember Levi and Hange’s words of reassurance and slot your palm back in between your
teeth.

You chomp down until you taste blood and focus on the goal of discovering the truth of your
past, your body, and the secrets it holds. It stings, and your eyes well with tears from the pain,
but nothing happens.

You pull your hand away from your face and stare at the crimson trickling down your wrist.
You reach down to untie your shoe, retie it, and stand back up but to no avail. You watch as
the wound slowly heals, and remember Eren’s hands didn’t patch themselves up until he
transformed, and picking up the spoon had nothing to do with becoming a Titan, yet the goal
was clear enough.

You’re certain now. You are not capable of turning into a Titan.

You let out a heavy breath and lean into the wall, placing your head against your forearm as
relief courses through you.

“Honey?” Hange calls out after a few more minutes.

“All good.” You call back and listen to the sound of Levi’s ODM gear whizzing down to you.
You glance over at him, meeting his expectant gaze, and nod tiredly.

“We will not be adding another oddity to my list.” You tell him with a tiny smile. He scoffs,
then reaches forward and tugs you into him. His arm slips around your waist once you’re
flush and your hands curl against his chest. His eyes flicker over yours before he looks away.

“Thank fuck.” He mumbles before shooting the both of you back up into the sunlight.
 Girl Talk

“They were so young, so gentle, and sweet. I can still see their ear-to-ear smiles and hear
their voices. Of course, they never spoke, but Beane was still such a chatterbox. Sawney was
his perfect counterpart, that introverted special, little guy. I can’t believe they’re gone.”

Hange slams their pint into the table before hiding their face in their palm, soft cries parting
their lips.

You bring a hand to their back and rub circles while your eyes lock onto Levi’s from across
the table. The look of disturbance on his face threatens a laugh within you, and when he
mouths the word, ‘ little? ’ a smile cracks through but you school it before Hange notices.

Despite how absurd it feels to everyone else, Hange really is upset, and you feel for your
friend.

You received the upsetting call that Hange’s test subjects had been murdered yesterday, a day
after your test run inside the well. Those Titans were special to them, and they dedicated a lot
of time to studying Sawney and Beane. This wasn’t only a blow to the Survey Corps but to
Hange, and the last thing you’ll do is make them feel bad for feeling so sad about it.

“I’m sorry, Hange.” You tell them, lifting your own beer to your lips. “I’m sure we’ll figure
out who the mole is on the expedition.”

Today Erwin called the three of you into his office to discuss the next mission outside the
walls. It’s set for a week from now, and the four of you are the only ones to know the real
plan. You’re going to lure whoever killed the Hange’s Titans out.

The Commander hasn’t disclosed his entire plan or his reasoning behind it, but he’s under the
impression Eren’s Titan ability and whatever is going on with you has created some waves,
and people within the military want the both of you taken care of. Who or their motives is
unclear, but in capturing the mole, he intends to find out.
“What could they have possibly gained in doing this?” Hange asks, meeting your gaze with
swollen eyes.

“Halted our progress with your experiments,” Levi answers for you after swallowing a sip of
his drink. “I thought that one would be pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, thanks, Levi.” Hange slurs, frowning down at their cup. “Even when I’m sad you
can’t be nice.”

It’s their fifth cup, while you’re nursing your third. You aren’t sure how many Levi’s had but
it must be similar to yours, considering how he replies. He stands and reaches across the
table, palming Hange’s head the way he’s done to you, the way he used to Isabel. The Levi
seal of approval. You smile fondly at the pair.

“I’m here drinking with you, aren’t I, Four-Eyes?” He mutters as he pulls his hand back and
walks off toward the kitchen, likely for a refill. Hange blinks at where he had been standing,
then over to you with wide eyes.

“What the hell was that?” They whisper almost fearfully. You snort.

“You’re officially friends.”

“Have we not been?”

“I guess not to Levi.”

“What a load of shit,” Hange mutters, grabbing their mug and downing the rest, and you
laugh before taking the cup from your friend.

“Slow down or I’m cutting you off.”

“No, Honey, don’t!” They cry out and you wince, bringing a hand over their lips.

“Shut it, Hange. People are sleeping. We’re lucky they haven’t woken up already.”

“Sorry, sorry, but I’m grieving. Let me drink, please.”

“I have been, stupid.” You sigh but hand their cup back. They go to take a sip, forgetting it’s
empty and you snort.

“So mean to me.” They mumble as they wrap their arms around your waist and lean into your
lap. You sigh through your smile before continuing to offer soothing circles on their back.

“I know I’m horrible.” They hum in agreement as your fingers start to comb through their
hair. “You’re lucky we got in later and everyone is asleep. Plenty would have told you to shut
up by now.”

“We’ve thought about it.” Petra’s amused voice travels through the small room as she’s pad
through the doorway. She takes in the sight and lifts a brow. You nod down toward your
friend pleadingly, and Petra smiles gently before walking over and patting Hange’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about your Titans, Hange.”

“Oh, Petra,” Hange mumbles sleepily into your thighs before lifting their head and grabbing
the woman's fingers. “You’re so sweet. Everyone’s being so affectionate. I feel so loved. Will
you stay?”

“Sorry, but I just came down for a glass of water,” Petra says with mock disappointment
before pulling their hand back. Her soft and delicate white nightgown billows behind her as
she walks into the kitchen, where Levi had disappeared, and your stomach flips with
unwanted displeasure.
Hange wiggles around on your lap, then you hear them softly laugh.

“What?” You blink down at them, finding them on their back and looking up at you with a
goofy smile.

“You’re so easy to read even when I’m hammered.” They say softly, and you’re thankful for
their uncharacteristic quietness when they poke at your chin and whisper. “You like Levi,
don’t you?”

You stare down at your friend, feel the alcohol weighing heavily on your chest and mind, and
decide not to make a scene of it. There’s nothing you’ve ever felt the need to hide from
Hange, and you don’t see this as an exception.

“Yeah.” You tell them with a tiny frown. “I have for a while, I think.”

Hange grins, shutting their eyes. “Do you see Petra as competition, then? Is that what that
stare was all about?”

“No, it’s not like that.” You mumble. “I’m pretty sure she likes him, too, and I don’t mind
that.”

“What is it then?”

“It’s greedy of me, Hange, I don’t want to say it.”

“Say it anyway.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and look up with a shaky breath. “Do you think he’s
different with me?”
Hange snorts. “Is that sarcastic?”

“No.”

“Then yes,” Hange tells you seriously. “He’s always been gentler with you.”

“I don’t want him to be like that with anyone else.” You tell them rushed but quiet. “I don’t
care if Petra likes him, just as long as he doesn’t like her back.”

Hange laughs, and you glare back down at them with pink cheeks. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I can’t help it, you’re adorable.”

“I will push you off this bench.”

“Don’t!” They cry out with a giggle, your grip on their shoulders the only thing keeping them
from landing on their face. Petra reemerges from the kitchen with her glass of water. You
note the tint in her cheeks, and your grip on Hange tightens as Levi follows her out.

“Goodnight, guys.” Petra waves with a gentle smile.

The two of you must make a ridiculous sight as you attempt to wave, but Hange falls off the
bench when you let go of them. Petra laughs and steps out of the room, and you look back
down at Hange face-first on the floor and toss your head back in a loud laugh.

“You’re both idiots.” Levi sighs as he sits back down with three more pints. Hange shoves
themself up into a sitting position on the floor, their grin wild as they look to you, then Levi.
“What were you and Petra doing in there for so long?” Hange pesters him quickly, and you
tense instantly, glaring daggers at your friend.

“By long, do you mean thirty seconds?” Levi drawls unamused.

“Yes!” Hange nods along, situating themself beside you once more. “Petra’s cute and sweet.
Don’t you think so?”

Levi’s gaze flickers to you, and your hands shoot up. “Don’t look at me.”

“What did the two of you talk about when I was gone?” He asks.

“Nothing.” You lie, neck flushing under his scrutinizing stare. You take a large gulp of your
beer as Hange disregards your denial.

“You and Petra, obviously.”

“You’re pissing me off, Shitty Glasses.”

“What, why? Aww, are you getting nervous talking about girls?”

“Hange.” You snap, earning their amused attention. “Stop.”

“Should we talk about boys, then?” Hange wiggles their brows. “Like Eld? He has a crush on
you. Everyone knows it. Do you like him back?”

Your fists clench on the table as you stare at your friend in disbelief. You know they’re trying
to stir the pot, to get a reaction from the both of you but they’re fraying your last nerve.
“Yeah,” Levi comments. Your head snaps his way. “Do you?”

Hange giggles giddily as you gawp at Levi. “Excuse me?”

“Eld admitted to liking you, didn’t he?” Levi’s voice sounds uninterested, but the fact that
he’s asking says otherwise.

“So?” You bristle. “Why do you care?”

“It’s important I know if members of my squad are getting romantically involved,” Levi
explains, and Hange bursts out laughing as you can’t help but scoff. “Tch, what’s so fucking
funny, and you, what’s that look for? You gonna tell me or just spew some shit about me
never knowing 'cause I can’t read your mind?”

Hange’s still laughing as your aggravation swells in you. “You’re being a real dick, Captain
.”

“And you’re being a brat who can’t answer a simple yes or no answer.”

“I don’t owe you an answer, Levi, because it’s none of your business.”

“I already told you-”

“Yeah, yeah, you're the Captain and blah, blah. Always the excuse.”

Levi’s jaw ticks as he glares at you, and you stare back with equal irritation. You were trying
to put an end to Hange’s teasing at his expense, even though you were as curious as them,
only for him to hop on the bandwagon and poke fun at you.
“You two are too funny.” Hange laughs, pushing up to their feet. “I feel better. Thanks for the
drinks and the entertainment. I’m going to bed.”

The two of you stare in disbelief as the instigator of this entire fight practically skips out of
the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone to simmer in the mess they started. You sigh and let
your head fall into your hands as Levi lifts his drink to his mouth and downs it.

“Fuck, they’re a menace,” Levi grunts out, placing his mug on the table.

“You’re the one who encouraged them.” You grit out, running a hand through your hair as
you straighten out. “The fuck was that?”

“They actually had a point with that question.” Levi shrugs, eyes dancing along your
features.

“And they didn’t when they asked about you and Petra?” You deadpan. Levi lifts a brow.

“No.”

“Right.”

“I don’t know where the two of you concocted your little fantasy where I’d entertain a
relationship with my subordinate, but I’ll set the record straight now. Regardless of how
anyone feels, I’m the Captain of this squad and won’t be getting romantically involved with
anyone. I don’t want to be asked about this shit again, so pass it onto Hange, too, yeah?”

You blink at him, and the words shoot through you quickly, rotting you from the inside out.

Realistically, you should feel relieved. This eliminates any doubt and assures you’ll remain
the one person he’s comfortable enough with to casually speak to and innocently touch. It
keeps things how they are with no room for change, good or bad.
Only in a swift blow, you’ve lost any hope of stepping forward and closing the distance
between you and Levi. The desire pooling in your abdomen and the longing in your heart for
him will be forced to be locked away and sentenced to a life of building up inside you with
no outlet.

He’s shut Petra’s affections down, but he’s also done the same to you, he just doesn’t know it.

“I’ll pass on the message, Captain. That’s very professional of you.” You muse weakly, voice
strained as you push up to your feet. “I’m tired, so I’m turning in, too. Goodnight.”

You don’t look at Levi again as you march out the door, and he doesn’t call to you once.
Tears well in your eyes as you turn toward the stairs, and you leap back at the sight of an
eavesdropping Hange standing there.

They frown at you, and the sight of their sympathy lets you know they did overhear, and that
fact makes the tears fall more easily.

They hold out a hand, and you accept, letting them lead you up the stairs to your new
bedroom, where you’ve only slept in once. Neither of you speaks as you slip into sleep shorts
and a shirt before lying side by side in your bed.

“I’m sorry.” Hange breaks the silence. “I was too pushy.”

“It’s fine.” You sigh, wiping at your wet cheeks and staring up at the ceiling. “It worked. You
got him to open up, it just wasn’t what I wanted to hear. That’s no one’s fault.”

“You alright?” Hange asks then, and you sigh, shutting your eyes.

“Yeah. I will be. I might cry some more now but tomorrow I’ll get it together. Nothing’s
changed, really, at the end of the day.”
“Can I ask something?”

You turn onto your side at their tone, and note the cheeky grin blooming over their features as
they look over at you. Your eyes turn to slits as you regard them.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? Come on, let me ask.”

“Fine. Ask.”

“When you say you like him, does that mean you want to fuck him?” They blurt out, and you
gasp loudly, slapping your friend on the shoulder as your face heats.

“Hange!”

“What?” They cackle out, eyes bright with humor. “It’s totally fair to ask!”

You cover your face with your hands as your friend continues to laugh.

“That’s one hundred percent a yes.” They say after a moment, and you peek at them from
between your fingers. “Damn, the short stack’s missing out.”

“Damnit, Hange.” You grumble, shifting your hands underneath your pillow as you stare over
at them. “Yes, okay? That’s newer and I’ve never, well, I don’t know. I think I’d like that,
though.”
“Are you a virgin?” Hange asks as they turn onto their side, and an excited giggle parts their
lips. “Sorry, this is just so exciting. I’ve always wanted to have girl talk with you.”

You stare at your best friend, Levi’s words come to mind, and you really do wonder why you
ever thought you couldn’t tell them about your past. You’re a little stunned, you told Levi
first as you stare at Hange’s curious and joyful expression.

“Sort of.” You say quietly, and their brow quirks. “It’s complicated.”

“How so?” Hange asks thoughtfully, and you swallow.

“The Underground was a really dark time in my life.” You start slowly, watching as sad
realization takes over their features. “I’ve done things like that for food and for money.”

“Oh, Honey.” Hange interlocks their fingers with yours. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m alright, Hange. Don’t look so sad.” You shake your head. “For the most part, those times
don’t haunt me anymore. I’m just bringing it up because I thought I’d never want to do
anything like that again.”

“Only now, you do. With Levi.”

Your lips press tightly together. “Yeah.”

Hange’s eyes are slowly lighting up once more. “This is a pretty big thing, then, isn’t it?
Feeling attracted to him?”

Your lips tug upward slightly as you nod. “It’s weird. I’ve always felt close to him, even
when I didn’t know much about him. I think it’s the same now, he’s still that reliable, safe
person to me, but I just, I don’t know. I just want him to touch me.”
“Naughty.” Hange snickers.

You flush. “I know. It’s driving me a bit loopy, honestly.”

“I get it more now, how you pretend to be prickly but turn into the biggest cuddler in the
world when you’re drinking. You want to be cared for, and deserve it, too, but with Levi, you
want more than just that. You want to be loved.”

You blush slightly at their words but sigh in defeat. “Guess so, but-”

“So cute!” Hange laughs, pulling you into their arms. You hug them back tightly, letting your
eyes shut against their chest. “He’s such an idiot that short stack. Makes me want to strangle
him for making you cry.”

“He doesn’t even know, Hange.” Your voice comes out muffled against their shirt.

“Then he’s oblivious.”

“Am I that obvious?” You deadpan.

“To me, yes.”

You groan as Hange’s chest rumbles against you. “Why are we only talking about me?”

The words sit between you, and then you pull back suddenly, eyes widening in realization as
you stare at your friend.
“Keith Shadis!” You accuse, and Hange’s lips part in shock. “Girl talk goes both ways,
Hange. Tell me the truth right now. Do you have a crush on that scary man?”

“Not anymore!”

“What!”

“I mean, I liked his drive, his dedication as a leader, his loyalty to our cause. He wasn’t
always bald and sunken-eyed, you know?”

You stare at them in surprise, and they stare back just as flushed and stunned, and then the
two of you burst out laughing.

“Oi!”

You shriek in unison, clinging to one another as your door is thrown open. Levi’s standing
there with an irritated grimace on his face as he takes in the pair of you intertwined.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Hange blurts out stupidly, and you snort, hiding your expression
with your palm.

“My bedroom is right there.” He points through the wall. “I don’t care what is happening
between you two, just be fucking quiet.”

“Hear that, Honey?” Hange grins, turning toward you. “Captain who was all stiff about
relationships in his squad has given us his approval. Should we consummate this thing or
what?”

You roll your eyes, glancing toward Levi. His gaze locks on yours through the dark, and
before you can match Hange’s humor or side with him over their ridiculousness, he slams the
door shut behind him.
Hange laughs, falling back into your bed.

“We really pissed him off.” You sigh, looking down at them. “He might make us run a
hundred million miles tomorrow.”

Hange smirks. “Poor Shortie’s all wound up. If only there were someone adorable and eager
to help him out with some stress relief. Wait a second, didn’t you just say-”

“And that’s enough girl talk.” You face the wall, shaking your head at yourself for revealing
so many details of your deepest secrets to someone as insufferable with teasing as Hange.
You won’t regret it, though. Not one bit.

“Goodnight.” They sigh after a moment, voice sleepy.

“Night, Hange.” You sigh, nuzzling deeper into your pillow. “I’m sorry about Sawney and
Bean. I love you.”

“Thanks, Honey. Love you too.”

 Downpour
Chapter Notes

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep - that's all

TW: reference to child sexual abuse and past character death

You wake with a whimpered cry.

Light flashes through the pattering window beside your bed before a loud thunderous roar
fills the sky outside. You’re drenched in sweat, crying, clutching at your racing heart through
your loose-fitted sleep shirt, and winded from the nightmare you haven’t had in months.

You thought they’d stop, at least, you hoped they had, but tonight, that same dream that
plagued you during Levi’s cold front has returned. Only, the cruel images included the deaths
of all your squad members, too. You feel sick to your stomach remembering the helpless way
you watched, and the look in Levi’s eye.

You kick your sheets down to the bed's end and wipe your cheeks, pushing yourself up. You
stare tiredly down at your exposed legs, your sleep shorts ridden up to your upper thighs, and
suddenly realize how dry your throat is.

It is the middle of summer, and the house has box fans that push the air relatively well, but it
can still get pretty warm. Sharing a bed with Hange a few days ago proved to be a terrible
idea, and you woke up with them sprawled out on the wooden floor complaining about the
heat and the throbbing in their skull.

You let out a tiny huff at the memory before slipping out of bed.

You’re quiet as you descend the stairs and pad into the kitchen before grabbing a glass and
filling it from the sink. You gulp half of the cup before filling it once more. Your eyes flicker
over to the back door, and the sound of rain pummeling against the stone patio just outside it.

You hesitate briefly, then give in to the urge and slip out into the night.

The rain is loud and thick, but the smell is lovely. It’s fresh like the trees and the grass it
moistens, a scent you’ve never really noticed until your first trip out to the farmhouse in the
middle of nowhere, one you thoroughly enjoy.

You had assumed the feel and scent of rain would be triggering for you, but instead, you feel
peace in it.

The rain was merely a bystander on that day, and when you think back, you can’t bring
yourself to remember how it felt pelting your skin or drenching you to the bone. That
moment was consumed by the smell of blood, the cruel visions of death, and the sound of
your heartbeat in your ears.

The rain now feels like acceptance.

It’s like the fight you’ve felt your entire life, the hurt and selfishness. It doesn’t evade you as
you sit on the tiny edge of these patio steps, just under the edge of the awning, but you come
to terms with it as it is and with yourself as you are.

The strong gusts of wind rustle your clothes and whip your hair, and the rain splatters against
your exposed calves, cooling your overheated skin. It leaves you tranquil in your ache, and as
you lean your head against the pillar, you’re sure you could fall asleep if your heart didn’t
feel so strained and raw.

Quiet tears slip down your cheeks as you stare off into the storm.

The dream was horrific, worse than you remember or maybe it’s just been so long it’s taken a
new shape. This breeze is filling your lungs with a resolve you never had before, the need to
confess the selfish, rotten parts of you that reveal themselves in this nightmare. The biggest
fear that resides in your soul that you’ve kept hidden, buried deep under your mock altruism.

You want to carve yourself open and relieve your heart of the weight and the ache, and when
the door behind you opens, you shut your eyes in exasperation. You know by the silent
approach that it’s Levi, and he’s caught you at the best and worst time.

You wipe your cheeks as you look up over your shoulder, meeting his gaze from his spot
standing beside you. It’s hard to make anything out in the darkness of the night, but you can
see the familiar outline of his expression, his pretty eyes, and the thin white cotton tee over
his shoulders.

His gaze takes in your figure, and you’re suddenly more conscious of your exposed legs and
arms, the two buttons loose on your sleep shirt. You face forward, swallowing thickly.

“Why are you up? Couldn’t sleep?” You ask over the pelting rain.

“I heard your bedroom door.” He admits.

Your heart skips and your stomach twists. He’s come out here to find you, then.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I hardly ever sleep.” Levi sighs quietly as he settles down beside you. “Besides,
this Castle is old as shit. One wrong step on any floorboard and even Oluo would wake, and
he sleeps like a goddamn grizzly bear.”

You chuckle, bringing one leg up to your chest and wrapping your arms around it, then rest
your head back against the marble pillar with a quiet sigh.
“I hear his snores from my room sometimes. I don’t know how Petra and Eld share a wall
with him.”

“I’d make him sleep in the stables if I heard that shit.”

You offer him the tiniest glance with a knowing smile and he bristles looking away.

“I think I finally get what Hange means.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“It’s sweet, is all.” You murmur, looking away as your cheeks flush. “You pretending not to
care.”

Levi’s quiet at your admission, and you’re slightly embarrassed as the words sit between you
but you don’t take them back. They’re true after all. You’re very fond of Levi’s heart and how
he feels so deeply even when he tries not to. If it didn’t bleed the way it does it never would
have made space for you, and for that, you’re selfishly grateful.

“It’s morbid.” He starts slowly, and the tone of voice has you turning enough to take in his
side profile. “The feeling I get when I look at them. It’s like I know they’re going to die one
day, and so I’m trying to do what I can to improve their skills and make them stronger, but
this pit in my gut tells me it’s inevitable, and not just them. Everyone around me.”

You know without him saying he means Hange, Erwin, and you. You frown at the look in his
eyes reflecting the moon.

“I have this feeling that whenever we reach where you, Hange, and Erwin are trying to go,
I’ll be the only one left to see it.”
You understand what he’s saying, that he joined the Scouts to find a better life for his friends,
and they died before they could reach it. He continued with your cause to not regret where
their choices brought them, and through that, he got close to more people he’s so scared he’ll
lose the same way.

Levi’s doing the best he can to protect those around him, and at the end of the day, it’s out of
his hands. Those people he cares for are willing to die for their beliefs, and what he cares
about most is keeping them alive. It’ll forever clash.

The same fear plagues you, the day you could lose Hange weighs impossibly heavy on your
heart when you let yourself think that way, so you tend to avoid it entirely. Yet, you love
Hange, and therefore you know them, and their passion will continue to lead them down
dangerous paths.

“Levi.” You call out his name quietly.

It’s barely audible over the heavy rain, but he looks over at you. His expression is somber,
and his eyes are drained, but when he meets yours, you watch the way they soften slightly by
whatever he sees in you.

“Erwin and Hange are lost causes.” You admit with a gentle, sad smile. “Their loyalty and
love will always be with the Titans and the unknown world. They’re going to chase their
dreams until the end or until it kills them. We don’t really get a say.”

“And you?” He asks, eyes searching yours.

Your shoulders are merely an inch apart, and his face is so close that your heart feels like it’s
in your throat, clogging it and making it hard to speak.

“What about me?” You manage the words, though they’re strained.
“Are you going to get yourself killed?” His voice, you can tell he’s trying to control it, but
you hear what he’s really asking.

Are you going to leave me, too?

Levi stares at you awaiting an answer, and it’s like his gaze sees through you and into your
soul. Surrounded by fresh air and falling rain, the words just tumble out.

“I think part of me joined the Scouts to die.” You tell him quietly. Levi’s eyes flicker around
your face, his eyes sad, face downcast. “I did so many terrible, disgusting, degrading things
to survive in that hell hole. I hated myself, but I hated the world more. I was so full of self-
pity and anger, and when Erwin showed up, I jumped on the opportunity to make something
of my life or die trying.”

You blink back tears as you look out toward the downpour, and let out a shaky breath, feeling
Levi’s stare burning into the side of your head.

“I told you, Isabel and Farlan Shiganshia’s fall made me realize that life held death and
cruelty no matter where you lived, that I wasn’t special in my agony, and that made me want
to eradicate the Titans to protect humanity. I think I lied to you. I think I just told myself that
to make me feel better about how the one thing that drove me was my desire to find the truth
of my past and assign blame to anyone in this fucked up life but me. I wanted to avoid the
truth that I was just as lousy as the world I hated, built from the same selfishness and hate. I
lost sight of the point of anything, including my existence, and I ultimately chose the Scouts
to make myself feel better for being a terrible person, or to pay my penance with death.”

You let your hands fall into your hands, and the dream you had tonight comes back in full
force within your mind. You see the brutal deaths of Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo, then
Hange and Erwin, and Eren, too. You shakily breathe out into your hands before lowering
them to clutch at our chest.

“Then I met Hange and they showed me a kindness I didn’t think I deserved. They became
my first friend, and I saw that life could be good for someone like me. I trusted Erwin and got
on well with Miche and my squad. I met Isabel, Farlan, and you. Now everyone here in our
squad. Eren. You’re all the best thing things that have ever happened to me.”
You stare off into the storm and feel one similar swirling in your chest.

“I left my room tonight because I’ve had the same nightmare since Isabel and Farlan died. It’s
been so long since I had it, and it was different this time. Not only are they murdered by a
Titan, but Erwin and Hange are, too. Eld, Petra, Gunther, Oluo, Eren. I just stand there and
watch as they’re taken someplace far from where I am. It feels like the worst thing that’ll
ever happen to me, an unbearable pain, yet somehow, the most painful, gut-wrenching part of
the dream is when you turn to me, injured but alive, and tell me I should’ve been the one to
die instead. You look at me with hate and blame, and somehow, that part kills me more than
losing the people I love. That even if I lose everyone, the one person I’ll still have won’t want
me anymore.”

Tears are slipping down your cheeks freely now, flowing like a downhill river, seemingly
forever running, but so is the rain. The breeze is still cooling your skin, the droplets against
the roof are still pattering, and Levi’s still sitting beside you, watching you, gaze unwavering
even after you reveal the most rotten part of you. The part that just wants to be wanted when
there’s no one left to love you more than anything else.

It lets you go on, dig deeper within yourself, and sprawl it out for him.

“I’m so selfish, Levi.” You murmur, shaking your head. “My greatest fear is being alone,
being hated, being the person I used to be. I think I’d rather be dead than be alone. I don’t
care about my memories anymore. I don’t know if I ever really have. I think I’d say fuck
humanity if it meant I got to keep the people I love and to be loved in return.”

Levi’s tensely quiet beside you, and you don’t blame him for that. You’ve unloaded a
ridiculous amount of trauma and self-centered feelings onto him. You hadn’t meant to, some
of it you even denied internally until the words just rushed out of you, and now they’re lying
thick between you.

You’re afraid you’ve said too much.

“I’m sorry.” You say weakly, wiping your tears as your face heats with embarrassment. “I got
carried away.”
“You do that a lot.” Levi comments, and you turn to him frowning. He isn’t going to say
anything about all the horrible things you’ve just said?

“Do what?”

“Speak your mind, get angry or upset, then apologize immediately after, like you’re feelings
aren’t valid.” He explains evenly. “Is that because you’re afraid people won’t like you
anymore if you upset them?”

You gape at him for so blatantly calling out before you look away, more tears pooling in your
eyes as you shrug, gritting your teeth. “Probably.”

“Is that why you don’t tell me what you’re thinking? You’re worried I’ll hate you for
whatever it is?”

You suck in a tiny breath, then hesitantly nod. “I guess so.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong.” Levi starts, and the blandness in his tone reels in your gut. “Your
family, for whatever reason, abandoned you when you were eleven. Left you to die outside
the walls knowing whatever had happened to you, your memory was wiped. They knew
you’d wake up scared and alone and confused. Right?”

You glare at him, heart pacing achingly in your chest.

“Then, when you pleaded for help, for anyone to listen, you were thrown away again into the
Underground where you were forced to fend for yourself for six years. You stole, you let
perverts touch you, and you slept in alleys and abandoned homes all by yourself with no one
to turn to. It hurt, didn’t it? Being alone, not being wanted by anyone for so long?”

“Levi, what the fuck?” You hiss out, eyes wide with shock and hurt.
“It did, didn’t it? So, when Erwin came down and offered you care with conditions, you
jumped at it, and you met Hange and you love them but you never told them about your past,
and you never told them this either, right? Because you still fear losing them not only through
death but because your dark parts will scare them away, and your biggest fear is being alone.
Am I wrong?”

“No.” You bite out angrily. Although you have spoken with Hange about some of your
Underground life, there is plenty you’ve left unsaid. “No. You aren’t wrong, but you’re being
a fucking asshole.”

“You were abandoned and told there was something wrong with you, then accepted on the
condition that the exact thing you were exiled for would be useful. You’ve been used and
discarded by everyone you’ve ever met. Have I said anything untrue?”

You stare at him through your blurry vision, your heartbeat in your ears, sounding louder than
the pouring rain. Your chest feels like it’s been carved open, exposed, and raw from your
doing but Levi’s picked it apart further. He’s grasping things you knew but couldn't see
clearly.

“No.” You whisper pitifully, then he reaches for you, and despite his cruel words, you let
him. His rough hand cups your jaw gently, and he stares at you, eyes shifting from angry to
kind and gentle.

“Ash, after hearing all of that, how can you think you’re rotten for just wanting something as
simple as kindness? For wanting to keep the people you’ve found, for wanting to be cared
about?”

“I don’t know.” You whimper pitifully as you try to pull away but he tugs at your wrist with
his other hand and keeps you locked where you are.

“I can’t stand it.” He mumbles more to himself, but it makes you shiver, the implication of
his words. “I was one of those people once, too, you know.”
You shut your eyes. This shift in his mood feels overwhelming and sudden, enough to make
your chest ache. “Levi, please-”

“I took advantage of your kindness and weaknesses, saw your desire to belong, and asked
you to die for them, and if it weren’t for that fucking migraine, you would have. I never told
you back then, but another reason I kept trying to push you away was because I didn’t
deserve your forgiveness, especially not your friendship. I still don’t think I do. I think you
deserve better, and I think you only held onto me so tightly then because of your fear because
you don’t want to be alone.”

You push away from him as though he’s burned you, and his face is pained as he watches you
do so.

“Stop that.” You grit out, wiping your tears. “Don’t tell me how I feel, Levi, and don’t
discredit yourself. You barely knew me then and Isabel and Farlan were everything to you.
Besides, I didn’t do it because you asked me to. I did it because I wanted to. I wanted them to
live. I wanted the three of you to be together, and I wanted her to live a long, happy life.”

“And you thought dying for the people you cared for would compensate for your rotten self,
yeah?” He asks sharply, and you suck in a breath. “You’d put an end to it all and be
remembered as the good girl we’d all think of fondly, the one who in death finally got the
love she deserved?”

You move to push away from him, but he grips your wrist before you can stand. Your chest is
heaving with anger, humiliation, and grief, and you’re tired of him pulling at your strings. If
you’re unraveled, there won’t be anywhere left for you to hide.

“What point are you trying to make?” You whimper, turning away and blinking at your salty
tears. “What do you want me to say, Levi?”

He drags your hand to his chest, and your stomach swoops at the unexpected action.

“Ash. Eyes.”
“No.”

“Come on.” He murmurs, and you shake your head. His fingers overlap yours against his
heart, and they squeeze. “I want you to see my eyes when I say this.”

Your interest piques for better and worse, and your tear-stricken face shifts. Your swollen
eyes meet his pained ones. They’re consumed with emotion, too many to count or
understand, and it steals your breath.

“I once told you I wouldn’t care if you suffered if it had meant Isabel and Farlan could
survive.” He says quietly, his thumb swiping across the back of your hand. “Now, I wouldn’t
care who had to suffer if it meant you’d just stay by my side.”

You’re stunned by his words, disoriented by their depth, but he doesn’t give you much time
to process them.

“If Erwin and Hange want to go and get themselves killed, you’re right. There’s nothing we
can do about it, and you and I, we’ll fight alongside them because it’s the right thing to do,
but when this shit’s over, Ash, you better be right next to me.”

“I’ve told you before. I don’t care what you’ve done or what you will do. I don’t give a fuck
if you’re useful to humanity or if your memories reveal hidden truths of the world. I just care
about you, alright? I just want you to be breathing. I want to look over my shoulder and see
you there. That nightmare of yours is bullshit. The day we lose anyone close to us, I’ll
selfishly think thank fuck it wasn’t you. How fucking rotten is that?”

You can barely breathe, let alone consider your actions as you lean forward. You hear his
intake of breath as you swallow his exhale, slotting your lips with his.

The softness of his mouth swirls in your gut. It’s gentle and warm, unlike anything you’ve
ever felt, and so entirely consuming. The sound of the rain coming down fades, and the hurt
in your body evaporates as you breathe him in, feel his body heat against yours, the sound of
your hearts thumping in unison. It feels like everything you ever wanted. You wish to never
part from him, but you have to.

You know you’ve caught Levi by surprise. It was wrong of you to cross the line, but his
words had pierced your heart so beautifully, and all you wanted was to feel his touch in a way
you never had before.

He’s put into words his feelings, and they’re everything you ever wanted to hear from him.
Even if they weren’t coming from a place of romance, the only way you wanted to thank him
was with this, the truth of your own emotions.

When you pull back and your eyelids flutter open, you’re met with a devastatingly beautiful
sight.

His cheeks are flushed with a rosy color, and his eyes are glossed over with surprise as he
stares back at you, lips still parted from where your own had been. It makes you want to
claim them again, push closer into his lap, guide his hands to where you want them on you,
and let your desires take control.

Instead, you pull back a little more, and his eyes trail your features, dipping to your lips and
then back to your eyes as you speak.

“I won’t do it again, okay?” You tell him softly. “I haven’t forgotten what you said the other
day. I just wanted to. Just once.”

When he doesn’t reply, you push to your feet, walk back inside, and bring the tips of your
fingers to your lips once your bedroom door is shut behind you. Your heart is in your throat,
your mind is reeling from your confessions, his response, and the actions you took afterward.

Your stomach is a twist of knots and bundles of desire, but the heavyweight in your heart is
gone. You feel seen and accepted as you are. You’re wanted as you are, and even if it’s not as
you want him, it means everything to you. He’s seen the worst parts of you, yet still touched
you so gently, still looked into your eyes with care and kindness.
It makes sleep come easy, the lingering feel of his lips on yours. You want to do that again,
feel more, taste more, but you won’t.

You’ll keep your word. If you and Levi ever close that gap again, it’ll be because he wants to,
and if he never does, then at least you’ll have this. Just once.
 What He Sees
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Levi doesn’t mention the kiss once in the days that follow, but you can feel the tension
between you every time your eyes meet.

You know you’ve rattled him. His severe stare lingers in your direction more often than
before, and when you catch him staring, you’re certain his ears flush pink each time he
swiftly looks away.

Things have blurred between you since the shower incident, and touches that’d appear
intimate to others had become normal to the both of you. It’s possible he had you placed in an
entirely different category, never once thought much of how different he’d been with you, at
least not until you kissed him.

It makes you wonder if when he said he’d never be romantically involved with a subordinate,
perhaps you were an exception he hadn’t even considered. Or he’s trying to figure out a way
to let you down gently.

You don’t mind if Levi’s confused or shocked by your actions, or never saw you the way
you’ve seen him for some time as long as you haven’t made him uncomfortable. Although,
with the way he’s acted since you don’t think that’s the case. If anything, he seems curious
and contemplative, and you hope once the expedition tomorrow is behind you, he explores
his doubts or desires with you.

What you’re sure of is, whether Levi continues to carry on as though nothing changed or
decides to understand your feelings more, you won’t lose him. He’s made it clear you’re
important to him, and if he never returns your affections, staying by his side is enough for
you.

“Earth to Mini.” Petra laughs, waving a hand over your face. You snap out of your thoughts
and glance her way. “What are you thinking about?”
“Oh, nothing.” You blink forward, eyes focusing back in on your horse’s mane. You comb the
brush through its shiny black hair and shush the animal as it huffs. “Just thinking about
tomorrow.”

“I still get nervous before expeditions, too.” She admits as she leads her horse into its stall.
“Not like, in a scared way, but stomach jitters. I’m sure you get it.”

“Yeah.” You smile at her. “I do.”

“Captain’s picked the best of the best though, and I’m honored to be a part of it.” She muses,
locking the gate. “I wrote home to my parents yesterday and believe I got a little carried away
in describing life here. I’m just so grateful for everyone.”

You look over as Petra approaches, hands on her hips as you offer lingering pets to your
horse's nose through the bars.

“Especially Levi, right?” You guess boldly, and her eyes widen as she looks away with a
severe blush, confirming your suspicions.

“What? I mean, sort of, but-”

“I’m only teasing, Petra.” You cut her off gently. “I meant to talk to you about it but we just
haven’t had much time alone since I noticed. You love him, don’t you?”

Petra hides her face in her hands, and when she finally meets your gaze again, you’re taken
aback by the tears in her eyes. “Yeah. Gosh, Mini, I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” You frown.

“You like him, too, though.” She says quietly. “Right?”

“I do.” You admit quietly after a moment with a tiny shrug. The image of his flushed
expression, glossy eyes, and lips comes to mind, and you let your eyes close as you lean back
against the stable’s gate. “Very much.”

“Then-”

“That doesn’t change how you feel, Petra.” You tell her evenly, meeting her worried gaze
once more. “Should I apologize to you, too?”

“No! No, I just, I don’t know.”

“It’s fine. I sort of get it.” You say then, cutting her some slack. “I can understand now why
you all thought we were together now. The way I feel about him has probably been obvious
to everyone but me and him.”

“That’s not why we thought that.” Petra shakes her head, and you turn to her curiously. “Your
poker face is actually pretty decent, Mini. It’s Captain who made us think you were together.”

Your eyes widen. “What do you mean?”

“Captain’s good at not playing favorites but we all know if he had to pick who’d it be.” You
flush and face forward as your friend continues to speak. “Although, it’s not how he acts with
you but the way he looks at you. He changes when you are around. He’s so severe and tense
but when you crack a joke or show up out of the blue his shoulders sag and his brow smooths
out. I stare at him a lot, so, trust me, I would know.”

You stare at your feet, heart skipping at Petra’s words. “I think we’ve just become comforting
presences for one another.”
“I envy it,” Petra mumbles as she leans against the wall beside you with a quiet sigh. “Not
your relationship with him but your relationship in general. I’d like someone like that, and
oddly enough I feel like the closest person to me is Oluo.”

“That doesn’t shock me whatsoever.” You tell her with a teasing grin and she rolls her eyes.
“The two of you quarrel like you’re old and married.”

“Well, to be fair, Oluo is an old man.” She chuckles back before it dies out. She stares across
the barn thoughtfully before speaking. “I just can’t bring myself to see him like that, like I do
the Captain. It’s odd, though. Most of my affection for Captain Levi derives from admiration.
I just think he’s so cool, handsome, and talented, but I don’t think I’d want something more
with him given the chance. I’m too afraid to lose his respect as a comrade.”

You nod along, although how you feel is drastically different. Petra met Levi as Captain Levi,
whereas you met him as just Levi, the distant, sour-faced Underground recruit with a chip on
his shoulder. You never wanted to be seen as a subordinate, but as a friend, someone he can
relax around and lean on, and that’s why your relationships with the man are so different.

“I think you’re wrong. I think you’re his favorite member of our squad.” You tell her softly,
meaning every word. “I give him too much sass sometimes in front of the others. He doesn’t
like how emotional Eld can be and Gunther is reserved like him so neither makes an effort
past their strict professional relationship. We both know Oluo tests his patience far too much
to be anything but his least favorite, but you’re kind to everyone, you work incredibly hard,
and you’re considerate of him. He really is a softie at heart, so I think even if he doesn’t
return the romantic sentiment, you have earned his full respect and care.”

You glance your friend's way when she’s quiet for a few seconds too long, and find her
dabbing the corners of her glossy eyes. She’s smiling though, and it’s directed toward you.

“Thank you for saying that.” Petra sniffles, nodding to herself. You bring a gentle hand to her
shoulder and squeeze comfortingly.

“Of course. I mean it.” You look away then at the sound of the stable entrance, and both of
you sigh at the familiar, smug expression that peers around the wooden door.
“What’s taking the two of you so long?” Oluo grunts, stepping across the hay on the ground.
“Captain wants everyone showered before dinner and you how he hates it when - are you
crying?”

“Fuck off.” Petra groans, pushing off the wall. “It’s none of your business what I’m doing,
Oldie.”

You watch with raised brows and an amused expression as Petra storms past a taken-back and
confused Oluo. He looks toward you once she’s gone and you laugh quietly, patting his
shoulder on your way out.

“Thanks for coming to get us, Oluo.”

Once Petra is done in the shower, you hop in. The water is freezing since you’re the last one,
and you’re quick to rinse off the sweat from your training and lather your hair with
conditioner before hopping back out. You are cutting it close to dinner time, so you briefly
dry your hair, wrap the towel around your body, and step out into the hall.

Your eyes meet Levi’s as passes through his bedroom doorway at the same time, and your
grip on your towel tightens

“Captain.” You address him with a nod, teeth chattering slightly.

Your breath shallows as his eyes dip down over your figure and then back up to your gaze,
jaw clenching as he does.

“Get dressed.” He snips out as he walks toward you. “You’ll catch a cold like that.”

“Yes, sir.” You agree, but before you can slide past him your name parts his lips. You pause,
then meet his gaze.
“I’d like to speak with you after dinner.” He says, eyes scanning over your features.

“Okay.” You breathe out with a nod, stomach flipping. “Should I hold back afterward or-”

“My room.” He says sharply, looking away. “Come to my room once everyone’s gone to their
own.”

You stare at his side profile, eyes wide and heart pounding. “Okay.”

At the sound of your agreement Levi’s stepping forward and down the stairs. Your throat’s
suddenly dry as you scamper into your room and shut the door. Willing your heart and
stomach to settle, you remind yourself this could be equally a rejection or a step in the
direction you hope it is.

If you go in with high hopes and he crushes them, you’ll have no choice but to accept it and
move forward. You need to be okay with whatever he decides, and being outwardly upset
will only complicate things for him. You put him in this tricky spot, you muddled the already
murky waters, and the last thing you want to do is make him feel bad for not reciprocating
your feelings.

You steel your resolve and your heart and get dressed for dinner. You have an expedition
tomorrow, after all, and regardless of what your conversation with Levi entails later, being
prepared for that will be the priority.

It’s easy to focus on that as your squadmates gather around the dinner table and review
strategy. Erwin has been secretive about his theory, and while you’re to keep most of it hush,
Levi seems to have taken it upon himself to draw up his own ideas.

“It’s crucial we think on our toes when we’re out in the field.” He states clearly, eyes
scanning the room from his head spot on the table. “Eren’s ability has shown us a new kind
of Titan, one that has human intelligence. While unlikely, we have to be prepared from here
on out to encounter Pure Titans, Abnormals, and new ones like him, intelligent ones.”
“What’s the best strategy in that scenario?” Gunther asks thoughtfully. “If a Titan can think
like a human, it won’t mindlessly reach for us. It’ll be calculated in its movements.”

“It remains the same as I taught you,” Levi speaks his response to all of you. “Immobilize it.
Take out its ability to reach, to run, to see if you can’t get to the nape. Just be more smart
about the movements you make and know when to hold back. In the event of an emergency,
we’ll utilize Eren. That is a last-case scenario resort, though, understood?”

“Yes, sir.” Eren nods from your right.

“Any questions?” Levi asks the table then and after a few more notes from Gunther, the
group is dismissed. You turn to Eren when he doesn’t move to stand, his eyes trained on the
spot his plate had been.

“Alright? Nervous?” You ask him carefully.

“No.” He answers quickly, his gaze jumping to yours sheepishly. “I mean I’m not nervous.
I’m alright.”

“It’s okay if you are.” You tell him with a shrug, his determination reminding you of the
redhead girl who never seemed afraid of anything. Although, you can see in Eren’s eyes that
he is unsure and unsettled about the thought of tomorrow. You find it endearing.

“I know.” He bristles and you snort. “I’m not though.”

“Right, of course not.” You grin at him, then stand. “I’m here if you want to talk, Eren. I’ve
been on plenty of these things before and I still get a bit nervous.”

“Really?” His big green eyes find yours as you walk past him and you pause to give him a
kind smile.
“Really.”

“We all do.” Petra’s voice cuts in, and Eren looks at her taken back that your squad lingered
behind. Levi’s still sat at the head but everyone else had stopped just inside the doorway after
hearing your question.

“These things are dangerous, kid,” Oluo remarks, and you sigh out your nose. “They always
will be even with the best in the Survey Corps.”

“Fears a normal thing, Eren,” Eld adds on. “I’d be shocked if you weren’t at least a little
nervous.”

“What matters is you don’t let that fear control you,” Levi speaks out then, and you all turn
toward him. Your chest sputters at the words he speaks next, knowing they were once ones
you had told him. “Be scared, be nervous now, but tomorrow, leave your uneasiness inside
these walls. Don’t talk it out there with you.”

“Yes, sir.” Eren agrees, then faces your comrades once more. “Thank you. All of you. You’ve
all been so accepting of me. I’m grateful to be a part of Levi squad.”

You feel a sting behind your eyes as you look away from Eren, the earnest, hopeful gleam in
his eyes much too reminiscent now.

“We’ve got you, Eren.” Petra smiles and she steps forward and ruffles his hair from across
the table. “Tomorrow marks the first of many expeditions with you by our sides. Looking
forward to it.”

You don’t meet anyone’s eyes as you all head off toward your rooms, and once you're alone
you let a few tears fall. Feeling it now is important, the dread of the unknown, the terror of
losing people you care for. Eren’s become another kid you just want to keep safe, another one
with aspirations and youthful hopes you want to protect. You want him to see the ocean, to
take out all the Titans, to live in a world free from constant death.
 Hange’s discoveries, Erwin’s beliefs, Eren’s dreams -Levi’s words ring through your mind
when you think of them. What you want more than anything is to keep them with you, but
what they see ahead of them, they’ll only be happy reaching toward it. If you can’t guarantee
their safety, you’ll do what you can to keep them alive while they strive forward.

You let out a shaky breath as you run a hand through your hair. You’ll be going to Levi’s
room soon, and the conversation regarding the expedition and the sudden slope of your
emotions has you more than prepared.

Whatever he wants to discuss, life moves forward. You move forward, and you endure.

You change into your comfier, cotton sleep clothes, before stepping out into the hall. You
walk to the bathroom first to brush your teeth and rinse your face which is still slightly
flushed from your tears. You look at yourself in the mirror for a moment and realize you
never once paid much mind to your looks.

You spent those years in the underground barely knowing your own face, and when you first
got a solid look at it, you hated who you were, and your looks seemed to reflect that. Only
now, you don’t feel that. You think maybe you are somewhat pretty, but because you look
healthy and strong. You’re surrounded by more love and care than you ever thought
imaginable, and it shows on your features.

You look down at the water droplets in the sink before patting your face dry, wondering what
Levi sees when he looks at you. You hope as you step out into the dark hallway and approach
his door, you’ll find out soon.

Chapter End Notes

mwhahaha
 Honey
Chapter Notes

so uh yeah... I got a bit carried away here much like our main characters so super long
chapter ahead... and mind le tags... one in particular... haha okay hope you enjoy and I'd
love to hear your feedback

You rap softly on the wood, and the door opens almost instantly, revealing his severe gaze.

“Come in.” He says as he steps back.

A candle flickers on Levi’s desk, illuminating the room in a dim light that outlines his figure
softly as he sits on his chair. He’s still wearing his outfit from dinner, and you feel slightly
embarrassed you’ve changed into sleep clothes.

You shut the door behind you and pad across the room, gesturing toward his bed “Mind if I
sit here?”

Levi shakes his head and you let out a tiny breath as you lower yourself into his sheets,
crossing your legs underneath you. You look up to find him already watching you, gaze
unreadable.

“You wanted to talk?” You say awkwardly, and Levi sighs loudly. “No?”

“Give me a second.” He grunts out exasperated, lifting a teacup to his lips before eyeing you.
“You want some?”

“Sure.”
You watch as Levi pours you a glass and holds it out to you. You cup your hands around the
porcelain and sigh at its warmth, humming at the taste when you bring it to your lips.

“Can I ask you something first then?” You say, the lingering notes of honey on your tongue.
Levi nods quietly. “When you first put honey in my tea, was that an apology?”

“It was an apology.” He confirms.

“And every time since then?” You murmur. “Every time you make tea and offer me some,
there’s honey in it. Why?”

“I only ever drank it black before then.” He starts, placing his mug down. “Sugar was
expensive down there and I was stubborn and used to the bitter taste.”

You nod along, heart pacing as he takes the cup back from your hands and places it beside his
on the desk. He settles beside you on the bed, eyes forward.

“I made you tea to apologize for being a dick. I was unfair and selfish, and even though I was
desperate, you had every right to tell me to fuck off. I expected you to, really, but instead, you
were understanding, and you agreed to help me. I didn’t think people like Isabel and Farlan
existed, people who had been through the same terrible bullshit but were still good and kind.
You surprised me.”

Levi shifts his gaze to yours then, and you’re stomach flips at the vulnerability behind them.

“I drank my tea with honey in it, and I liked it better that way. It was the slightest bit more
sweet, and I wanted that. A change for the better, even a small one. You gave me something I
had never felt before, and that was hope. You think you’re a rotten product of the world’s
cruelty, but to me, you were the shift for the better in mine.”

“Until I wasn’t.” You frown, looking down at your crossed calves.

“You still don’t get it.” He mumbles more to himself, and you look back up at his tone.
“You’re the only reason I got up off the floor of that cell, Ash. Moving forward was only
doable because I was sharing their loss with you. Their sacrifice and my choices, you’re why
I don’t regret them. I lost them but I gained you. You still are the best part of my life. You
make the shitty air in this world breathable.”

Tears swell in your eyes as you stare back at Levi, the hurt but the care so clear in his
expression. It’s bittersweet, everything about his words, about this feeling in your chest.

“You were right.” You tell him quietly. “I loved the two of them. I know I didn’t know them
well, but I wanted them to be happy, and dying so that could happen felt like a good way to
go.”

You look back down as the next words flow out of you.

“I thought it’d be impossible to get over the truth that they died for me. I thought I’d let you
and them down, make nothing of what they gave me, but if what you just said is true, then
they gave me you, and I think for once I can appreciate what they did in knowing that.”

“Can I try something?” Levi’s deep voice is low and gentle, but different. Something has
shifted and you feel it clog your throat.

Your heart thumps in your ears as you nod, unable to bring yourself to meet his gaze. You
wait for words, but instead, his hand comes into view, and you suck in a breath as it settles
against the exposed skin on your knee.

“Look at me.” He says and you comply instantly, chest heaving as you lift your gaze and
meet his much closer one. He’s leaning forward, eyes sifting through yours for something. He
swipes his thumb, teasing the sensitive skin on the top of your inner thigh, and your gut
lunges.
“This is it, then?” He mumbles, voice thick as he shakes his head. “That look in your eye, the
one I’ve been trying to figure out.”

Your lips part but words fail you, so you just close your eyes and nod, bringing the tips of
your fingers just over his.

“How?” His voice is troubled and confused, and your eyelids flutter open to find him
watching you with something pained but soft in his features.

“Levi-”

“My mom,” He starts, and your heart skips at the mention of the word you’ve never heard
him speak before. “She worked in a brothel, and I was too young to remember the graphic
details, but I remember the men that’d come and go. They were vicious, disgusting and cruel.
She did it for the same reason you did, to survive, but it killed her anyway. Those men
drained the life from her.”

“I’m sorry.” You punch the words out, heart aching at the thought of the Levi before you
much smaller, dirtier, skinnier, and scared, witnessing his own mother be hurt the way you
once were. Your hand slips further on top of his. “That’s awful, Levi. I’m so sorry you had to
see that.”

His scoff is weak and tired. “I saw things and it still haunts me, but you lived it, Ash. How
could you trust anyone with something like this again?”

“You’re not just anyone.” You utter softly.

“Is that supposed to mean something special?” He mutters, and you frown at the tone in his
voice. “I already told you, I don’t think I’m deserving of your friendship, let alone your
affection.”
“Do you not want it?” You ask him and his gaze lifts to yours, expression troubled. “I asked
you all the months ago after the shower incident if you needed me to back off, and that
applies here, too. If you don’t feel the same, or you don’t want this part of my heart, then I’ll
step away. I want what you want, Levi. I want to be with you at the end of all of this, and I’ll
remain a friend and a comrade by your side if that’s all you want me to be. I didn’t kiss you
to hurt you, or make things harder.”

“Why did you kiss me, then?” Levi asks, eyes dipping down to your lips. “To thank me?”

“No.” You breathe out, grip on his hand tightening. “I kissed you because I wanted to.”

You realize the weight of those words, and Levi must, too, because his pupils dilate as he
hears them. The air fizzles around you, and you witness the shift in his expression, the
curiosity from the past few days, and desire, too.

“What else do you want?” He murmurs, his neck bobbing as he looks down at his hand on
your knee. “Are you willing to ask for more?”

Your abdomen tightens as it flips as his hand nudges the tiniest bit up your thigh, barely an
inch, but it makes you quietly gasp. His touch is searing and it’s clouding your brain with
lust. You nod helplessly, and his grip on your skin tightens.

“Then ask.”

Your lips part as you stare at him and despite the tightening of your core, you manage a
breathy plea.

“Please, touch me.”

“Where?”
“Damnit, Levi-”

“I’ve never done anything like this.” He says quickly, jaw ticking. “If you tell me what you
want, if you show me what to do, I’ll do it for you.”

“Levi,” You breathe out his name, heart, and stomach surging with delirious want, but you
need to be sure. “Don’t do it if you’re only doing it for me. Please, only touch me if you want
it. If you want me.”

You stare at him, chest rising and falling in quick breaths, and you watch his eyes flicker, and
feel his palm slide up to the middle of your thigh. You gasp as his other hand slides to your
hip and tugs, pulling you into his lap.

You stare down at him, slack-jawed and stunned by his boldness, by the stiffness pressing
into your core from beneath you, and any words or sounds are swallowed when he kisses you
soft and slow.

Your brain goes blank for a moment as you sink into him, matching his feathery kisses with a
blissful sigh, and you miss his lips when he pulls away.

“I want you.” He murmurs against your lips. “Now tell me what you want, Ash. I’ll give it to
you.”

Your hands clutch his shoulders tightly as your eyes flutter down at his equally glossy ones.

“You said you’d never be intimate with someone on your squad.” You tell him breathlessly.
“What changed?”

“I never let myself entertain the thought of it being you.” He admits, voice tight, the pads of
his fingers digging deeper into you hips through your cotton pajamas. “Never thought it
possible, not until you kissed me.”
“What do you mean?” You breathe out, eyes searching his. “Why is being with me like this
different from being with someone like Petra?”

“You’re someone I want to protect more than anyone.” He says easily, shaking his head. “I
want you to know peace and happiness. It’s the same reason I wanted to see you drunk, Ash,
to see you comfortable around others. You’ve known so much hurt, and I like seeing you
healed from it. If this is something that’ll help you, I want to do it.”

Your lower abdomen twists with desire and something sad at his words.

“And you?” You ask pitifully, frowning down at him. “You’re focused on how I feel, but
what about you? Why do you want this? Just to help me out? You know how that sounds
right.”

“What do I get out of touching you?” He asks, brow furrowed. You blush at his obvious tone,
eyes dipping down to his chest.

“Don’t do that.” You shake your chest, fingers tightening around the fabric of his shirt. “Give
me a real answer, please.”

“I’ve never felt this urge before.” He starts, and you meet his gaze again. “It never appealed
to me, being intimate with another person, not until right now with you sitting on my lap and
looking at me like that. I want to make you feel good.” He murmurs, eyes flashing with
desire as his hands sprawl over your thighs. “I want to see what pleasure looks like on you. I
can already tell just from hearing the noises you’ve already made that you’re going to drive
me fucking crazy.”

The ache in your gut is diluting your mind’s logic, and you give in at the yearning in his tone.
“Fine. Please, Levi, touch me.”

“Show me.”
“I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what feels good.” You whimper out in reply,
pressing into him. “Just want you to touch me.”

“You’ll tell me if it’s too much?” He murmurs.

“Yeah.” You nod feverishly, squeezing your eyes shut as you place your hands on top of his
and guide them up your sides. “Same for you. Nothing you don’t want to do. Promise me.”

“I promise.” He huffs out, and then you’re both letting out shaky breaths as the tips of his
fingers feather the underside of your breasts.

“Unbotton my shirt.” You tell him. “Please.”

“Look at me first.”

Breathlessly, your eyes flutter open to find his. They’re dark, clouded with an intense carnal
desire that makes your core throb. His hands move once you’ve made eye contact, and as he
reaches for the buttons of your sleep shirt, the edge of his palms graze your pert nipples.

You gasp harshly, the sensitivity rocketing through you like electricity.

“Fuck, what was that?” Levi’s pupils are blown wide as you stare back at him, lips parted in
awe. You can’t find the words so you grab his hands and nod, signaling for him to keep
going. He swallows and finishes opening your shirt, and you help him slip it off your
shoulders.

You’re left in your white sports bralette. It’s plain but cheap and seethrough, and with your
sensitive skin aching for his touch, your nipples are poking through the thin fabric.
“Here?” Levi murmurs, hands turning to their spot on your ribs, his thumbs teasing the
underside of your breasts. You whimper in response, gaze falling to where his pretty hands
are resting against your overheated skin.

You watch on, enamored with the sight of his familiar body under yours and his strong arms
holding you up until the pads of his fingers flick over your nipples, and you toss your head
back as pleasure ripples through your core.

You’ve been touched here before, but never like this, never with such gentle hands seeking
your own pleasure instead of their own. It springs tears to your eyes as you look back down
at Levi who’s waited for your attention, and his brow furrows at the sight of your watery
expression.

“Too much?” Levi’s voice finds you through the haze, the concern clear in his tone. You
shake your head and lean into him. Your foreheads meet before your lips do, and this time
when you kiss him you move against him.

It’s a little sloppy and uncoordinated as you learn one another’s rhythm, but once you find it,
kissing feels like one of the most grounding things in the world. His arms have since dropped
from your breasts and are snug around your waist, keeping you flush with him. His lips are
soft and delicate, gentle in their movements, full of care and it swells adoration in your heart.

You make the first move to swipe your tongue across his lower lip, but when he sucks in a
breath, you pull away.

“Sorry,” You heave out, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine. Do it again.”

You nod and close the space once more, deepening the kiss quickly, licking open his mouth
and he groans into you, one hand reaching up to clutch the back of your head. You explore
his mouth, feel his tongue press to yours, and feel the ache worsening in your core, matching
your pulse beneath your panties.
It’s enough to drive you mad, delirious with need.

“Touch me more.” You whine against him. “Please, Levi, I need it.”

“Yeah?” He hums, cheeks flushed and his eyes slightly amused, but you don’t care. Now that
you’ve had a taste, you’ll beg for more if you have to. “Want me to lay you down?”

“Yes.” You breathe out before you’re lifted and flipped over.

Your head hits his pillow softly as you stare up at him, hair sprawled out beside your head.
He’s hesitant now that he hovers over you, uncertainty flashing over his features on what to
do.

This sight of him looking down at you is just as beautiful as the one from before. When arms
have encased your body like this in the past, it was never horizontally in a bed, and you never
felt safe. It had always been to trap you, to ensure you saw the exchange out and couldn’t run
before they finished.

With Levi, you feel empowered and sure, which is why you move to pull him down and slot
your lips together again. He lets the weight of his hips press into yours, and your eyes shoot
open mid-kiss as you feel the curve of his cock press perfectly between your legs.

Levi feels it, too, and your moans intertwine as his own eyes meet yours, glazed over in lust.

“Fuck, you sound pretty” Levi mutters against you. “Want to hear that sound again.”

“Please,” You breathe out, clutching at his shoulders, wrapping your right leg around his hips,
and guiding him back down against you. Your eyes remain locked as your bodies touch, and
your jaw drops when he grinds slowly into you.
“Oh, fuck, Levi.” You cry out, eyes wide in disbelief. “That feels so good.”

“Fucking hell.” Levi grunts, rolling against you again, then again. The pleasure is deafening,
blinding, all you can feel is him and his breath against your face.

Consumed with pleasure and yearning for more, you unravel your arms from his shoulders
and tug your bra over your head. You miss the pressure against your core, but the feel of his
rough hands over your delicate skin is equally intoxicating.

“This alright?” He grits out as his thumbs flick your nipples like they had before, and your
back arches, a low whine escaping your throat as you nod.

“Yes, yes, please, keep touching me.” You tell him desperately, clawing at his back. “I want
you all over me, Levi, it feels so good. Please-”

“You’re going to make fucking come in my pants if you keep talking like that. Holy fuck,
Ash.” Levi hisses, head bowing slightly. You almost apologize instinctively but the words are
caught in your throat as his lips latch onto your right breast, sucking your nipple into his
warm mouth with a hum.

Your vision spots at the feeling, and you feel like you’re on the verge of blacking out,
especially as he pulls off you with a loud pop before repeating the action on your left side.
His hand comes up and palms your wet skin, pinching the rosy bud between his fingers.

It’s too much and not enough. It’s beyond pleasurable and yet you need more.

“Levi, Levi, lower, please-”

“Lower?” He asks, and when you meet his eyes, it's the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. His
pupils are blown wide, and his hair is slightly disheveled from your squirming as he looks up
at you eagerly. “You sure?”
You nod feverishly. “Need it.”

He swallows, the same uncertainty flashing over his features. “I’ve never-”

“It’s okay,” You softly slur running a hand through his hair. “Do what feels right, and stop if
you want. I don’t actually need it, I’m sorry. I’m just, I just feel so good. You’re making it
hard to think.”

“I want to.” He tells you. “Tell me if I go too far.”

Your heart skips in anticipation as he pulls back onto his knees, and his eyes rake over your
exposed torso. His fingertips toy with the waistband of your shorts, and you give him a
reassuring nod, shuddering as he pulls them down your legs. Your panties match the bra
that’s been discarded somewhere on the floor, and it’s that same cheap material that seems to
give Levi a sneak peek without having to take them off.

“Fuck.” Levi groans just from looking at you, and it makes your most intimate area throb and
your confidence rise. You carefully spread your legs further, widening his view and he curses
under his breath.

“What?” You breathe out, and his gaze meets yours as if drunk.

“You’re soaked through your underwear.” He tells you as he grips your knees, keeping you
locked in place. “It’s fucking hot, Ash, makes me want to give you more.”

“Then give me more.” You tell him, heart thumping painfully in your chest. “I want it.”

“Yeah?” He murmurs, right hand sliding down your thigh before teasing your panty-line.
“Here?”
You nod wordlessly, your breath caught in anticipation, and your eyes flash at him when the
pad of his thumb only ghosts your front. Levi’s eyes flick up to yours, and it’s as though he’s
grown slightly cocky at the effect he’s learned he has on you. It simultaneously turns you on
and annoys you, making it more exciting and easy-going than as intense as it’s felt until now.

“Don’t tease me.” You weakly protest, and his lips quirk before he swipes along your sex
harder, and you moan wantonly. You’re given no time to recover as your panties are pulled
down your legs and tossed off to the side.

Cool air hits your core and your eyes shoot back open in time to watch Levi respread your
legs and take in the sight of your fully exposed body. The way he’s looking at you, you’ve
never felt proud to be taken in with such appreciative, intrigued eyes. It used to make you feel
dirty, but this, it makes you feel sexy.

Your heart leaps as Levi’s eyes shift up to yours, blackened with desire.

“Okay?”

You nod, words failing.

“Still want more?”

You nod again.

Your breath catches as he lowers a hand, but you can’t look away from the look of awe in his
eyes as he makes contact, trailing his middle finger from your entrance to your clit, parting
your folds as he does. You whine at the contact, gasping out at the feel of his touch on your
most sensitive bud.

His eyes flicker to yours as he brings the finger to his lips and tastes you, something no one
has ever done before. Blood is rushing to your throbbing center, and every nerve in your body
ignites when his eyes shut and a purr thrums through him.
“This always felt gross to me when I thought about it.” He mumbles, eyes fluttering open.
“Unsanitary.”

“Me too.” You whimper in agreement, knowing now it’s anything but.

“With you, though, the thought’s making my head swim. Can I?”

You know what he’s asking, and you can’t believe that he is or that you want it as badly as
you do. It’s new and feels so unusual, but you nod anyway, wanting it more than anything.
You’re so overstimulated, mind foggy with lust that when Levi lowers himself between your
legs, you’re whimpering before he even makes contact.

You push up onto your elbows and stare slack-jawed as he looks up at you through his lashes,
mouth inches from your cunt. His breath fans over you, and suddenly the realization of how
quickly everything’s happened has caught up to you.

You blink down at him, chest heaving with a mix of fear and want. “Levi?”

“Yeah?” He asks.

“Are you sure you want to?”

“Yeah, I fucking want to.” He nods, and you swallow. “You still want me to?”

“I think so.”

“You think so?” He asks, pulling away slightly. “I need a confident yes, Ash.”
“Just, just try it first.” You whimper pathetically. “I’m worried it’ll, that I’ll-”

You’re too embarrassed to say the words, but Levi seems to understand.

“Okay. One lick, yeah?”

You nod eagerly and his eyes stay locked on yours as he leans in.

A silent cry shudders through you as Levi mirrors his finger movements, languidly lapping
through your cunt, parting your slit with his tongue. Your face contorts with a different kind
of pleasure witnessing him practically drool into your pussy, and he groans as he pulls back.

“Fuck, I can tell you liked that.” He breathes, pupils blown wide. “Want me to do it again?”

“I don’t taste weird?” You ask pathetically as your clit throbs, begging for more. Levi scoffs
at the question, eyes fiery as he shakes his head.

“No.” He tells you. “You taste sweet.”

“Sweet?” You blush, and he nods.

“Like honey.” He breathes out, and you shudder at the words. “Reminds me of tea.”

“Fuck, Levi.” You whimper, swallowing thickly. His words are making your ache worsen,
and you fight the urge to move your hips up into him.

“Let me make you feel good, Ash. I want to.”

“Alright.” You agree easily, nodding. “Please, do it again.”

Levi keeps his gaze on you as he leans down once more to lick at your sex with hungry,
determined eyes, and your lips part in awe at the sensation. He watches you closely as his
mouth roams your cunt, searching for your sweet spot, and when the tip of his tongue flicks
your clit you gasp, hips bucking against him.

“Fuck, sorry.” You whimper, and he makes a tch sound, pulling away just enough to reply, his
lips wet and glossy.

“Don’t be. I want you to use me, grind on my tongue if you have to. Just keep looking at me,
Ash, don’t look away. Let me see how good it feels.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to reply as he wraps his lips around your clit and sucks, and
your head tosses back, your right hand instinctively reaching out. Your fingers card through
his hair, digging into his scalp, and he doesn’t start his ministrations again until your eyes
find his.

He’s caught on quickly, focusing most of his efforts on the most sensitive bundle of nerves in
your body, slurping, flicking, sucking your clit, and only lapping at your entrance seemingly
for himself. Each time he tastes the steady flow of wetness building up inside you his eyes
roll for a moment.

He uses his fingers to spread you open, giving him better access to your most intimate,
sensitive spots and all you can do is cry out and watch as the man you’ve always known as
clean and orderly messily eats you out.

What matches Levi’s usual personality is his precision and attention to detail. It’s the sexiest
thing you’ve ever witnessed, watching Levi commit himself to your pleasure. It’s a side to
Levi you never imagined you’d get to see, one that’s working tirelessly to make you feel
good and enjoying it thoroughly.

You tug on his hair and he groans, indulging himself further in your dripping cunt. The
sounds filling the room are sinful each time he lathers his tongue over your sex, making you
wetter and when he prods at your entrance you suck in a sharp breath.

He misunderstands and moves to pull back but you push him back down, and he slides his
tongue inside you. It’s the tiniest stretch, the first time anything has ever been inside you and
it’s exquisite.

Your moan is way too loud, and salty tears pool in the corners of your eyes as he wiggles his
tongue against your tight walls, pressing it as deep as he can, groaning into your cunt
excessively. His sounds are as frequent as yours, and your vision is starting to spot.

“Please, please, fuck, Levi.”

You will your eyes to stay trained on Levi as he slips his tongue out of your entrance and
licks it back up to your puffy clit before sucking it into his mouth. He lets it go with a pop
and you feel that building feeling reach a home stretch.

“Don’t stop.” You plead, tears streaming down your face now as lays his tongue flat against
your swollen sex. His eyes widen slightly, face wet from diving into your pussy. “Please,
please, don’t stop. I’m so close, Levi, fuck, it feels so fucking good. You’re gonna make me
come.”

The look that takes over his face is pure ecstasy, and his lips part, and his brow furrows as he
lifts his pointer and middle fingers to your clit and rubs fast than his tongue can. You're so
slippery that the roads of his fingers glide deliciously over your bundle of nerves, and that
ball of fire in your gut comes back full-fledged. Your jaw drops as cries escape your lips, and
Levi stares awestruck as stars erupt behind your eyes.

Your body shakes with intensity as rippling waves of pleasure crash through you. It’s so
alarming but so pleasurable that your cries turn silent, and the world around you fades
similarly to your migraines, but this time, without any pain. It’s a blinding pleasure.

You heave out a breath as the wall crashes down and you come to with the feeling of Levi
dutifully working his tongue against you, licking at your entrance, moaning heavily into you.
You blink at him, whining at the pleasure on his features as he gets lost in your cunt. His
tongue touches your clit again and you flinch back with a gasp, and he stops quickly, eyes
widening up at you.

“It’s sensitive.” You murmur, thoroughly flushed. He nods, swallowing before backing off
and resting his forehead against your inner thigh.

“Fuck.” He grumbles as he looks up at you, eyes drooping slightly. “You really did it. You
made me fucking come in my pants.”

You feel lightheaded and exhausted, but those words ignite a different desire in your chest.
You reach for him and pull him up your body by his shirt into a searing kiss. He kisses you
back slowly, and you taste yourself on his tongue, stomach somersaulting when you realize it
doesn’t taste bad at all.

“It was good then?” He mumbles, and you scoff, unable to stop the lazy but shy smile that
breaks across your features. His eyes shine back at you, and your heart stutters at the sight.

“Did you really come just from eating me out?” You ask him with a blush. Levi nods, his
own face flush.

“Everything about you just then, your sounds, the way you tasted, the look on your face, I
don’t know. My cock just exploded.” He grumbles out and you snort, laughing more boldly
when he glares at you. “What?”

“Sorry, I’m just flattered.” You tell him sheepishly before a wide grin takes over your
features. “I’ll never drink tea the same way again.”

“You and me fucking both.” He grits out, shaking his head as his eyes flash with a mix of
humor and lust. “Not without thinking about your cunt on my tongue.”

“Levi!” You blush furiously and your core throbs at his words. He scoffs playfully, rolling his
eyes.
“You’re cute.”

“What?” You ask defensively, cheeks pink.

“Getting all embarrassed like you didn’t just come all over my face.” You stare at him
gobsmacked as he pushes to his feet, smirking down at your expression. “What? Did that not
just happen?”

“It did.” You say dumbly, and Levi snorts.

“I’m going to go shower, but I’ll be quick. Do you want to stay here tonight?” He asks,
leaning down and running a comforting hand through your hair. You nod into his touch, eyes
fluttering shut.

You fall asleep while he’s gone, and when he comes back to find you still fully naked, curled
up, and vulnerable in his bed, his heart skips at your faith in him, the trust you’ve honored
him with.

He gently slides your shorts back on, and you mumble something unintelligible as he slips
your shirt back over your torso. When he settles in beside you, you turn toward him
instinctively and wrap your arms around him in your slumber.

Sleep finds Levi quicker than it ever has before, and it’s to the feel of your beating heart
against his ribs. Holding you is a constant reminder that you’re here and you’re with him,
alive and content, and he’s never felt so warm in the dead of night then now with you
clinging to him.
 New Order

Waking up on the morning of an expedition has always been an intense feeling.

Jitters tend to swarm your stomach the moment your eyes flutter open, and you’re usually
sleep-deprived from tossing and turning most of the night, grumpy and slow in getting
dressed and making your way down for breakfast.

It’s why you forget what today even is when you’re gently shaken awake. The warmth
surrounding you feels like a cloud, comforting and safe, unlike any morning in your entire
life. You sigh, ignoring the hand on your shoulder, and snuggle deeper into the cushion
beneath you, blissfully unaware for a moment.

“Ash.” A deep voice filters through your mind, and you mumble incoherently in response.
“Wake up.”

Your lids feel heavy with sleep as you blink them open and your pulse quickens when you’re
met with deep, familiar blue eyes looking down at you. He looks soft in the early morning
sun flickering through the window, and your breath shallows as you remember the night
before and all that transpired.

It’s surprising how normal it feels to lay here with him, and given the way he’s watching you,
he isn’t the least bit bothered by the direction your relationship has shifted.

“Hi.” You mumble, and his lips press together.

“We have to get up,” He says, raising his thumb and padding under your left eye. “You slept
like a log; how are you still so tired?”

“I’m just so comfortable.” You sigh quietly, and then it hits you what today is, and you feel it
weigh heavily against your chest. “Fuck.”
“Forgot then?”

“For a brief moment, yeah.” You frown, eyes searching his features. You’d wish to stay here
all day if you could, but you know it’s not even worth entertaining in your thoughts let alone
uttering out loud.

The pair of you have dedicated your lives to the Scouts, and it’s not something either of you
take lightly. While this development between you and Levi is exciting, your dedication to
Erwin, Hange, and your squad isn’t forgotten even if part of you wants to just grab Levi’s
hand and run away.

“I should go shower.” You say and he nods distractedly, eyes zeroing in on your lips. “If
anyone sees me leave here we may have some awkward explaining to do.”

“That’s if they didn’t hear us.”

“Oh, shit.” You hiss out, covering your reddening face with your hands. “I fucking hope not.”

Fingertips tug yours away, and Levi’s eyes glare into yours. “It’ll be fine.”

“What’s the plan if they heard?” You ask.

“The plan?” Levi deadpans.

“Yeah, well, do we deny it?” You exasperate at his unbothered tone. “I’m technically your
subordinate. They may be upset and accuse you of favoritism.”

“That won’t happen.” He drawls out tiredly. “Everyone knows Petra’s my favorite.”
You can’t help the laugh that parts your lips as your head tilts back and your eyes close,

“Yes, yes, that’s true.” You muse as your lids flutter open once more, finding a gentle look on
his features. Your chest stutters when he leans forward just a bit, curiously, and you stretch
your neck to connect your lips.

It’s soft and short, and you part from him to hold him to your chest. His right arm wraps
around your middle while the other keeps him up, his hold on you snug and safe.

It’s the last bit of comfort and warmth you’ll feel today, not until whenever the expedition
comes to an end. There are so many unknown factors the day could bring and you cling to
Levi knowing once you leave his room, it’s time to focus on keeping you and your comrades
alive.

“Thank you.” You murmur into his shoulder, and his fingertips tighten on your ribs. “For not
just this. You make breathing easier, too. Please, don’t die today.”

“It’s not me you should worry about.” He mutters into your hair. “Focus on yourself. You
haven’t had a migraine in a while. It worries me.”

“I’ll be fine.” You tell him even knowing you can’t promise it. “I want to see the end of this
with you.”

“See to it that you do.” He mutters as you pull away, and you smirk at the seriousness in his
tone.

“Is that an order?” You tease, enjoying the way his eyes flash with annoyance.

“Yes.” He grits out, carding his hand through your hair. “I’m serious. I don’t want to do this
without you.”
“Enough with this sappy talk.” You sigh, sitting up so his eyes are directed upward to meet
yours. “I’m not going anywhere. I happen to have humanity’s strongest soldier as my
bodyguard.”

Levi scoffs as he rolls off the bed, too, glaring at you as he walks over to his dresser.

“That name is ridiculous.”

“I like it.” You grin as you push to your feet, padding over to his bedroom door. “Hange
struck gold with that one.”

“Don’t remind me that freak spread that rumor around. I still want to strangle them for it.”
Levi grits, fully irritated as he faces away from you and opens a drawer. “Pisses me off, that
damn Four-Eyes.”

You snicker to yourself, finger curling around the doorknob as you stare over at Levi’s back.
Last night has only added another layer of complexity to your relationship, one you’re
excited to explore further, but also one that makes you feel even closer to him. You keep
sharing sides of yourselves no one else gets to see, and it makes your heart skip gratefully
when you stare at the wall Levi’s slowly rebuilding around himself.

It’s your turn to seal yours back up, too.

“I’ll see you at breakfast.” You tell him quietly, and his glances back over his shoulder,
features calming.

“See you.”

You step out into the hallway and feel relief course through you at the emptiness of it. You
scamper into your room and sigh once you’re hidden away. Time to focus the mission, on the
mole, on staying alive.

When you walk down to breakfast, you’re caught off guard by the sight of The Commander
in what looks like a serious conversation with Levi. It almost feels like you shouldn’t be
involved, and the moment you recognize their tense shoulders you turn.

“Honey,” Erwin calls out, and you pause in the doorway.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You aren’t. Come over here. You should hear this from me, too.”

When you turn back around, you find Levi’s gaze set anywhere but on you, which makes
your stomach flip uneasily.

“Alright.” You agree as you approach, eyes zeroing in on Erwin. “Whatsup?”

“I have a new direct order for your squad,” Erwin states as he takes a seat at the head of the
dining room table. You press your lips together as you awkwardly sit, too, and Levi stands off
to the side, staring out the Castle window.

“Okay.” You say when Erwin remains quiet. “What is it, sir?”

“My goal as Commander of the Scouts is to ensure Humanity’s win, and my personal
relationships cannot sway the steps I take to do so. What I mean to say is, this will directly
affect you, and I hope in understanding your role as a Scout, you accept these new terms for
the same sake I must set them.”

Your eyes flick over in time to watch Levi’s jaw clench before meeting Erwin’s deep blue
ones. The way Erwin is speaking you’d think he were sentencing you to death, and in a way,
maybe he is.
“I once assigned Levi to safeguard you. At the time, you were our biggest advantage in
discovering the truth of our world. However, with Eren’s Titan shiting ability and the
unknown origins of how he obtained this skill, he is now deemed more important to our
cause than you.”

You stare back at Erwin, an uneasy pit forming in your gut.

“Levi Squad was formed to offer you more protection, and while that still stands, the newer,
more prudent order I am giving this squad is to keep Eren alive. This makes the Captain’s
job, and your squad’s primary objective to protect Eren above all else, including you.”

You blink at your Commander, his words laying heavy on your chest as they register in your
mind. It is logical. Your migraines, your healing ability, it’s all unique and no doubt has some
importance, but Eren’s provided progress in days whereas you’ve done close to nothing in
years.

You aren’t stung by the Commander’s orders, even though this deems your life less valuable
and just as expendable as the others. You don’t mind that, being seen as an equal to your
comrades again. What hurts is the timing, that recently you’ve found a reason, and the
resolve to stay alive, to see the end. You don’t want Levi to see it alone.

“I understand, sir.” You nod slowly, mind whirling. “I have a question.”

“I assumed you would have several. Go on.” Erwin’s voice is kind and sympathetic. You
appreciate that at the least, and his lukewarm apology from the start. You know his role isn’t
easy, that he must keep everyone at a distance for reasons like this.

“This order, does it reinstate the previous one, then?” You ask quietly, avoiding Levi’s gaze
as you feel it zero in on your side profile. “If I get a migraine in the field, I am to be left
behind?”

Erwin’s lips tug downward, but he nods. “If Eren’s life is at stake as well, yes.”
You nod, swallowing thickly as you look down at the table.

“Your knowledge is not invaluable, Honey.” Erwin’s voice cuts in once more. “The Scout
Regiment just cannot ignore that Eren’s ability has already proven to be more useful than-”

“Me.” You say quietly, nodding along. “I understand, Commander.”

You feel a sting of tears behind your eyes but you refuse to let them slip out. The truth of the
matter is that nothing changes. The close call in the forest all those months ago proved even
with Levi as your protector, freak incidents could occur. Your safety has never been entirely
guaranteed, only now, it’s deemed less important.

It is ironic, that you rely on Levi for so many things, including your life. You even made a
joke about it less than an hour ago, that you’d be fine because you had Humanity’s strongest
to keep you safe, but in the end, it will always be up to you.

You started this way, surviving the way you knew how, fighting tooth and nail, playing dirty
to stay alive and preserve the little dignity you had left.

You don’t give yourself enough credit, but you’re strong in mind, body, and soul. You were
abused, starved, and lonely for years in the Underground. You dedicated a portion of your life
to strenuous training for the sake of surging for something else, even if your reasons were
less than noble. You ran toward Isabel and Farlan after suffering a migraine, you jumped out
of a second-story window and limped down the streets of Trost with broken ribs, and you
know how to slay a monster ten times your size.

Your self-worth has always been something so low you could step over it, but in a moment as
Erwin and Levi stare at you, awaiting a reaction, you feel confident in one thing.

Even when you hated yourself, even when you wanted to die, you never gave up fighting to
live, and you didn’t have nearly as much to live for back then as you do now. You can’t
guarantee you’ll survive to the end, but you know you’ll never give up the fight.
You’ll accept this order, and you won’t see it as a death sentence but another hurdle in your
never-ending endurance of this fucked up world.

“You have faith in me as a soldier, don’t you, Commander?” You ask, lifting your eyes finally
to meet his.

“I do.” He says. You shift your gaze to Levi. His gaze is sharp and severe.

“And you, Captain? You’ve trained me, after all. Do you have confidence in my abilities?”

“I do.” Levi’s voice is strained as he grits the words out. You can hear the unsaid ‘but’, and
the words he wishes to follow it with, but you ignore it.

“My life has always been in danger.” You say as you look back to Erwin and push up to your
feet, fingertips just touching the table’s surface. “I’ve been through worse things than falling
into a Titan’s mouth, and I survived them all the same. Nothing changes with this order. I’ll
continue to fight, for Eren, for humanity, and for me. Keep your faith in me and I’ll do the
same.”

Both men stare at you while you await any response, but when nothing comes, you clear your
throat.

“Am I excused, sir?”

Erwin blinks at you, and the corner of his mouth quirks upward as he nods. “Yes.”

“Great. I’ll see you at dinner.”

You only briefly glance in Levi’s direction, not long enough to understand the emotion
behind his eyes as you do. You know he doesn’t like this, not one bit, but it’s out of your
hands. Lingering on what’s fair and what isn’t is pointless, and you both agreed the right
thing to do is see the Scout’s mission through, and it’s what you’ll do.

You care for Levi. You love him. You don’t want to leave him alone, and you don’t intend to,
but this order is a bit of a wake-up call for you. Your confessions and innermost fears were
sprawled out for Levi and for you to see most clearly the other night, and you didn’t like what
you saw.

You had admitted to Levi that you’d likely say fuck humanity if it meant he and Hange and
your friends could survive. You were upset and greedy then, plagued with fear from your
horrific nightmare, and although in your most desperate times, you’d stand by that statement,
you know it isn’t right.

You’ve had beautiful moments with people you love. You’ve experienced friendship,
kindness, excitement, arousal, pleasure, and so many more you once never even wanted for
yourself, deeming them undeserving for the likes of you.

Your life hasn’t been perfect, but it’s turned out to give you more than you could ever ask
for.

You’ll fight for it, for your life, for the future of your life so you can continue to create new
memories and experience new things. You want to hold those you hold most dear tightly and
never let go, but so does everyone else.

Everyone has someone they want to survive, people they love and want near. You’re
determined to be better than that, to fight for the version of yourself that wants to help others
because you’re strong and capable of it. You want to make it to the end of this with your
friends by your side, with Levi standing next to you because there’s nothing you want more
than to protect Levi’s heart, to prevent his biggest fear from coming true. The only way to do
that is to better yourself. To stop the self-pity, to stop relying on others, and to fight.

When you round the corner and find a set of nosy eyes staring back at you, you can tell by
the look on his face that he’s heard everything. You’ve been here before, having told Isabel
the same thing, only, you have different advice this time around.
“Well, I guess this saves me and the Captain from having to explain any of this to you.” You
mumble, searching his face. “I know it’s odd hearing that your life has more value than
others. I’ve been told the same in the past and it didn’t sit right with me either. It’s not easy to
accept, but you have to.”

“But-”

“Why’d you join the Scouts again?” You cut him off, leaning against the hallway wall. “Tell
me.”

Eren frowns but answers after a thick swallow. “To eradicate the Titans.”

“You know how we’re going to do that?” You ask him rhetorically. “By understanding them.
We need to know what they are, where they come from, and why they do what they do. We
need information, crucial valuable knowledge we have barely even begun to grasp. You and
your abilities, Eren, surpass mine easily. They are substantially more helpful to that cause and
therefore in weighing our lives, yours is better.”

“That’s not right, though. I don’t want that. It isn’t-”

“Fair?” You finish for him with a gentle, reassuring smile. He grits his teeth. “Remember
what we said when we were chained up in our cells? We have no right to expect any fairness
from this world. As it is now, it’s cruel and bleak. The day we have the luxury to consider
what’s fair is the day you lead humanity to its answer.”

You gesture toward the key resting against his chest, and he clutches it, shaking his head.

“I refuse to stand by and watch anyone die.” Eren seethes out, and he looks so much like
Isabel that your eyes gloss over for a moment. You look away from him, not wanting to
startle him or make him worry with your tears.
“Eren.” You say his name quietly, heart skipping painfully. “I know now that asking you to
let me die won’t mean you’ll do it. At the end of the day, you’ll make your own choices, the
ones you think are right, and you’ll see to them with all of your heart. So, I won’t ask. The
Commander, he will, and by default, Levi will order you to do the same even though he
doesn’t like it any more than you or I, but I won’t.”

You meet the boy’s devastated gaze with a determined one.

“I won’t ask you to let me die, but if you want to do the right thing, then sacrificing one life
for the good of thousands is what you should do. Choosing yourself isn’t saving your skin
over mine, even though it’ll feel like it. It’s choosing humanity over mine. I am just me.
Don’t forget the reason you joined in the first place for my sake, not when our comrades die
all the time for the same reason you’d leave me behind.”

“I don’t know if I can.” He admits, shaking his head. “It’s not who I am. I can’t stand by and
watch, let alone be a part of it. My body, it’ll act on its own to defend the people I care about.
I never think I just jump in. I won’t let you die, Ash.”

“You, Hange, Levi, why are you all so expectant of my demise?” You try to make light of it,
crossing your arms with a sigh. “I’m a fucking fighter, alright? I may do stupid shit but I’ve
made it this far and won’t just lie down and take it. I asked the Commander and Captain Levi
to have faith in me, and I’ll ask you, too. If I go down, I expect you to push forward, and you
need to expect me to make it back, alright?”

Eren stares back at you, that same anger clenching his jaw, but his eyes are lit with something
equally fierce. Trust, faith, and hope. His gaze then falls over your shoulder, and you turn to
find Levi in the doorway, arms crossed, expression heavy.

You hope he heard it all and understands you don’t intend to be left behind, and you’ll never
expect him to leave you. You’ll fight the right way to stay by his side. You’ll see to it that you
do.

“We good then?” You say, pressing your lips together. Levi doesn’t look happy. He looks
defeated and helpless, but he nods anyway knowing that feeling won’t ever really go away.
You turn back to Eren, whose eyes shift from the Captain to yours, and after a brief hesitant
pause, he nods, too.

“Fine. We’re good.”

 Scream

Wind rustles your hair as you strive forward on your horse. Your squadmates surround you
and Eren as Levi leads you past the treeline of the forest you once lost a forearm in. You
aren’t sure why you’ve changed courses, but you’re positive it’s a sign Erwin’s hunch was
right. Someone’s blended into your ranks, and whoever they are, they’re coming after Eren.

“Captain, why are we in a forest? We won’t be able to see anything!” Eren calls out, eyes
wide with confused panic as he turns to you. You stare back at Eren and give him a
reassuring nod.

“Trust in us, Eren,” Petra says from your left, eyes glancing briefly over. “We know what
we’re doing.”

All of your heads whip back at the sound of heavy thumping, the ground shaking under your
horse’s hooves, and you watch in shock as a massive Titan emerges from the trees no less
than a hundred meters behind you.

It’s another Titan like Eren’s, you can just tell by how unique it is compared to the others. It’s
a female with blonde shoulder-length hair and a defined, muscular body. It sends a chill up
your spine, but Eren is much too valuable to Erwin. He must have made this connection
already, and he’ll be prepared somewhere ahead.

“Keep formation!” Levi yells out, his eyes only briefly meeting yours as he faces forward
once more. “Don’t let up on your reigns!”

“Yes, sir!” You all shout.

“We’ll take it out!” A voice from the squad behind you yells and you breathe out, focusing
forward. Just keep going. Trust Erwin.
An agonizing wail makes you turn once more, and your chest spikes with horror as a
comrade is splattered against a tree, swatted like a fly, and the other is being swung around on
their ODM gear like a yo-yo, all while the Titan continues its sprint. You stare up at its blue
eyes and watch as they zero in on your squad like a predator hunting its prey. Cold,
determined, ruthless.

It’s terrifying.

You could see Eren behind his Titan form and recognize him through his kind, hesitant green
eyes. Whoever the person inside this monster is, they possess cruelty beyond words, killing
so mindlessly, so haphazardly as though it were a sport.

You clench your jaw and face forward once more as anger surges through you.

“Captain! It’s gaining on us!” Petra cries out, her sudden burst of reluctance making more
and more sense as the Titan closes in. “Your orders!”

“We should take it out!” Eld yells and he unsheathes his blades. “We can’t let it get any
closer!”

“Your orders, Captain!” Petra cries again, and you stare at the back of Levi’s head, knowing
the pair of you are the only two aware that Erwin has something up his sleeve. What he has
planned, you don’t know, but you have faith in your Commander. That doesn’t mean you
aren’t aware your comrades being left in the dark is making them terrified and confused.

“What is our mission?” Levi’s voice rings out, deep and stern. “Are we meant to always just
act on impulse? No. This squad’s goal is to do everything we can to keep Eren alive. I’ve
already given you your orders. Keep moving forward.”

You glance at Petra and watch her resolve strengthen in her features. She looks back at you
and nods, then you both turn toward your squad and your chest stutters when you find Eren
staring at his hand, conflict flashing over his features.
“Don’t do it, Eren!” Petra cries out, voice petrified. “You have to listen to the Captain’s
orders!”

“Don’t you dare!” Oluo barks out just as urgently. “Don’t do it, kid!”

Eren keeps staring at his hand, teeth clenched, eyes watery as his gaze flickers to you. He
must remember your words from earlier today. Having faith in his comrades battles his
internal desire to protect everyone, and you can see the struggle crossing over his features.

He’s lost, and you have no idea what to say. You have never known the right path in a
situation like this, but luckily, Levi seems to find the words for you.

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Levi calls out, voice deep and rough, grabbing everyone’s attention.
“You don’t have our experience, and ultimately, it’s up to you to choose whether to trust
yourself, your comrades, or the entire Scout Regiment. The right answer to that? Who
fucking knows anymore. I’ve made choices, ones I thought were right that led to terrible
outcomes. There’s no way we’ll ever know how things will turn out, so just pick what you
believe you’ll regret less. That’s all you can do in a scenario like this, Eren. So, choose.”

Your chest aches to know Levi’s referring to the day he lost his best friends, and for him to
use it as an example for Eren equally warms your heart. It’s always going to be an impossible
choice, and he’s comforting Eren in a way, telling him he isn’t the only one who forces their
minds into a decision like this every day.

Eren has orders to follow, but at the end of the day, his free will gets the final say.

Eren grits his teeth as he lowers his hands to grip his horse’s reigns before shouting out. “I
choose to trust Levi Squad!”

Relief washes through you and your comrades before Levi’s voice rings out once more.

“Great. Now everyone, cover your ears.”

You all listen instantly, and in a flash, you pass hundreds of stacked cannons, and as you clear
the path, they’re firing off. It’s loud, even with your palms offering a layer of protection, and
only when the explosions end do you find the nerve to turn around.

You stare back in awe as the threatening, driven force that had just been on your tail is now
immobile, held tightly still by hundreds of metal rods. You can already tell this is Hange’s
work, and you smirk at the thought of your friend. They really are something extraordinary.

“All of you, circle around the path ahead and fall back to the tree line where the rest of the
Regiment is stationed.” Levi barks out, eyes finding yours for a moment. “Ash is in charge
for now. I’ll find you all after. Remember your orders. Protect Eren. And Oluo, see to my
horse.”

Levi’s up and whizzing away before anyone can offer a sign that they’ve understood his
order, although Oluo huffs a grumble of annoyance under his breath that makes you quietly
laugh to yourself.

You push slightly ahead of them, and the weight on your chest dissipates slightly as your
comrade’s laughter and smiles fill the space. Your adrenaline is still high, and so you let them
revel in the relief of survival.

“Told you Eren!” Petra laughs out breathily. “You can always trust the Levi Squad.”

“We did tell ya, didn’t we, kid?” Oluo grunts out.

“Why are both of you acting superior when Petra, you pissed your pants on your first mission
outside the walls and Oluo, you threw up like five times after yours?” Eld snorts, making you
laugh out loud as you turn your squadmates around as directed.

“That never happened!” The chaotic pair shout at the same time and you shake your head,
glancing back at Eren who looks happy. You smile at him, and he grins back, the relief
evident on his features.
“I’m sorry.” He says then with a heaving sigh. “I didn’t mean to not have faith.”

“You did in the end, didn’t you?” You tell him, facing forward once more. “Levi’s right. Out
here, there’s no right or wrong. There are orders and then there are our gut feelings. Trusting
yourself and trusting your comrades don’t always go hand in hand.”

“Right,” Eren says, voice full of admiration. “I’ll keep doing my best to make the best
choice.”

Your squad continues to bicker around you, and you focus on keeping your eyes peeled. You
haven’t run into any Pure Titans but you assume that’s why your other comrades are stationed
elsewhere to distract them.

Even knowing that something feels odd. All this talk about gut instincts may be getting to
your head, but the air around you feels thick, like in moments something bad is going to
happen.

Panic seizes your chest as it feels like you are hearing drowns out. The hooves of your horses
trotting along the ground, the comforting sound of your friend's voices, the wind in your ears,
it all fades to a dead and silent halt.

It’s quiet, so quiet, until it isn’t.

It’s about a millisecond, the time you’re given to hear the screeching, thunderous cry of a
monster somewhere off in the distance before that same exact scream is suddenly sprinting
toward you, then rushing through your ears, rattling inside your skull.

You scream so loud all of your comrades startle, but like always, you aren’t aware of
anything else but the pain. It’s clearer and louder than anything else. Somehow it’s worse
now than it’s ever been before. It feels like this one will actually kill you as it pulls you from
your consciousness.
Your vision blackens as memories take hold.

You are barely old enough to form a sentence. You know that because you want to ask why
you’re here and where your father is. You’re staring over at your mother as she smiles shyly
at a strange man, a man who is not your Poppa, and all you want is your Poppa.

“Poppa.” You murmur tiredly, and your mother glances your way with a grave expression.
Her arm around your waist is tight but familiar, but your father held you gentler. You want
your father. “Poppa!”

“Shh, there, there.” Your mother hums, patting your back as you get worked up. “This is
Grisha, baby. He’ll take care of us now.”

“Poppa.” You whine, tears blurring your vision.

“Baby, your father’s not here.”

“Poppa!” You wail, and suddenly you’re crying but you're two years older and you're
covering your ears, shaking your head as your parents drill words at you, big ones you don’t
understand.

Zeke sits in front of you with colored blocks sprawled out in front of him on the floor, and his
big blue eyes look sad as he stares at you.

“You need to focus! This is important!”

“No!”

“Our people need you. You have to stop being so selfish!”

“Grisha, please, calm down. We can’t force it on her. We must teach her in a way that makes
her want to learn, that makes her want to help.”

“She’s shown no interest, Dina, not even when we told her the prejudice our people have
been subjected to for years!”

“Grisha, she’s only three years old! We have time.”

You squeeze your eyes shut tightly, willing their argument to end, yearning for their approval
as you are, and eventually their voices fade. When you reopen your eyes, you’re staring down
at a cake. You blink, looking up to find your mom on your right and Zeke on your left. He’s
three now.

“This is the year. I know it. You’ll pass the exam. You’ll become a warrior.” Grisha’s voice
says from over your shoulder, and when you lean in to blow out the five pre-used candles, you
keep falling forward until your face lands in the dirt.

Tears reform in your eyes. You’re sweating, you feel heavy, exhausted. Your lungs are on fire
and footsteps run by you, leaving you behind. You shove up to your feet and chase the young
bodies. You finish the course thirteenth out of twenty-five.

You do not pass. Grisha doesn’t talk to you for a week.

“It’s up to you, Zeke. You’re our only hope now.”

You stare at the boy as he nods, eyes meeting yours briefly with a look of determination
before he turns away, his uniform barely fitting his small frame.

You turn around then, too, and Zeke’s yelling at you, tears streaming down his face, and your
heart is in your throat.
“This is your fault! They hate me because of you! Why couldn’t you do it? Why does it have
to fall to me!”

Your gut twists, and then you fall to your knees. The barrel of a gun presses into the back of
your head. You’re crying, screaming, you feel a pinch in your nape, and the world goes dark.

You gasp out as the memory stops, and then you throw up in the grass, lurching just enough
to the side so you don’t choke on your own vomit.

Your head feels split in two as you flop back down, and your body feels so heavy as though
you’ve been drug along the ground. You’re completely out of it. You can’t even begin to
move if you tried, but you flutter your eyes open, and you’re surprised to find you really are
still alive.

At least, you think you are.

You’re met with fluttering tree leaves, sunlight shining through them, and a soft breeze
brushing over your skin. It’s almost peaceful, seeing as your entire body is going numb. Your
head is becoming fuzzy as the ache begins to fade, and you drift back to sleep much more
calmly than before.

You wake again unceremoniously, eyes bleary as they open to find wide blue ones looking
down at you.

“Jean, wait! She’s awake!” The younger boy exclaims, his blonde hair hanging down with
gravity as his hand grips your shoulder. “Stay down, okay? You’re alright. Not even a scratch
but we think maybe you fell off your horse and hit your head. Does anything hurt?”

You blink at the boy, lips parted but no words come. Your body still feels weak, and in your
head, there’s a dull ache, but more than anything, you’re confused.
“No.” You mumble, shaking your head. “I can get up. Please, let me get up.”

The blonde sits back on his heels watching you warily as you push up into a seated position.
Your eyes flicker around the forest, but you don’t see anyone but the two boys who seem to
have stumbled upon you. You palm your forehead, cursing under your breath.

“What happened?” You say as the second Scout walks up, holding out a pouch of water. You
sip it before handing it back to him with a quiet thanks.

“It’s sort of a lot to explain.” The kid beside you says. “I’m Armin, and this is Jean. You’re
the woman from Eren’s trial, right?”

You quickly realize you’ve seen his face once before, and you know that name all too well.
Something warm settles inside your chest because Armin looks mostly at ease, which means
Eren is surely alright, and if Eren’s okay, the squad must be, too.

Your wariness fades, and while you’re still missing a few key factors as to how this is where
you’ve ended up, your comrades will clear up the missing details when you see them.

“That’s me. Eren’s told me a lot about you.” You say to the blonde who smiles kindly in
return, and you look up at the taller boy and suppress a smirk at the one thing Eren’s told you
about him. “You, not so much.”

Jean scoffs, rolling his eyes.” Yeah, well, that suicidal maniac just hates that I have more
common sense than him.”

“He’s okay then, right? Eren?” You ask because you have to, and when they both nod, you
sigh.

“What do you remember?” Armin asks.

Your eyes trail down at the grass beneath your legs as you rack your brain.

“We were retreating to the treeline. They caught the Female Titan, and Levi told us to meet
up with the rest of the Scouts. I was on my horse, then my consciousness ended there. I know
had a migraine, though, those fucking things pick the worst times to come on.”

You don’t bother with the memories right now, although the ones just revealed to you are
crucial to return to. Especially seeing as you’re certain of one thing as you rub the back of
your neck. Whatever they stuck into your mother, they stuck it in you, too.

“Can you walk?” Armin asks as he pushes to his feet.

You nod, but as he helps you up, your head sways and you stumble against him He wraps an
arm around your waist to keep you upright, and Jean is quick to hop on your other side.

“Sorry.” You mumble tiredly. “Thought I could.”

“It’s fine.” Armin waves you off. “You said you had a migraine? Do you get those a lot?”

“Yeah, a bit of a long story.” You wince, your head pulsing as the three of you start walking.
“Although, Eren tells me you’re the smartest person he knows, so maybe I’ll tell you about it
sometime and pick your brain.”

“Yeah! I’d love to help if I can” The boy grins brightly and you smile back before glancing
toward an eerily quiet Jean. His face is forward, focused, and tense. You furrow your brow,
and when he glances your way and pretends he doesn’t see you looking, you sigh.

“What’s up with you?”

“Huh?” He says dumbly, eyes shifty.

“You look like you’re hiding something.” You tell him quietly, frowning as you look at your
surroundings. Nothing seems out of order, not that there’d be anything you’d pick out from
this forest. “Better tell me before I figure it out.”

Both boys come to a slow stop, and you suck in a tiny breath as your heart follows suit.

They wouldn’t have come to a halt if there wasn’t anything to tell you, and it must be grave
enough that they want you still when they break the news.

Your stomach flips as you stare forward, knowing with certainty someone’s died.

You comb through your brain, not even giving the worst-case scenario a thought. You refuse
to let yourself think that it’s Levi. He’s too strong, too powerful, and Armin would be
devastated if Eren passed, you know that. Your heart slowly sinks to your lower abdomen,
and you squeeze your eyes shut tightly as tears slip out.

“Hange?” Your voice is barely above a whisper as you speak their name fearfully, your voice
weak and on the verge of breaking

“Section Commander Hange is fine,” Jean says quickly, and you let out a relieved sigh,
sagging visibly. Your heart lifts once more, but barely. They still haven’t said who, and it’s
eating you alive.

“Just tell me. Please.” You murmur, staring down at the ground. “I can take it. Just say who.”

“Levi Squad,” Armin says then, his own voice laced with empathy. “All of them.”

The air in your lungs is stolen from you as you turn toward the blonde boy who suddenly has
such overwhelmingly sad eyes. You search them for a lie, willing them to turn mirthful. It
must be a sick joke. It has to be, but it isn’t. You can tell just by looking at Armin that he’s
genuine, yet you still don’t believe it.

“What? What do you, I mean, all? You said all of them?” You whimper out at a loss, eyes
hopelessly searching his. “Who? Who, Armin, say their names, please. Don’t, just, I need to
hear who. I can’t-”

“Eld, Gunther, Oluo, and Petra.” He says sadly, voice wavering. “They’re all gone. I’m so
sorry.”

Your knees go weak and you rip yourself away from the boys to stumble forward. You fall to
the ground, tears fully blocking your vision as blades of grass filter through your fingers. You
tighten your hold on them as a hand finds your back.

A cry rips from your throat as your forehead touches the ground, and silent sobs follow,
raking through your body.

The people you’ve spent months getting to know, the comrades you were so confident would
last because of their talents, because of how Levi’s trained them. Your friends, the people you
got close to because you thought they’d be around for much, much longer.

The names Armin’s just uttered are ones you know so well, and in the blink of an eye, they’re
names you’re meant to grieve now.

Gunther was open with his knowledge, above all else, and was kind enough to sharpen your
self-defense techniques. He was quick-witted when it came to teasing Eld. He was reserved
but considerate, one of your favorites for it.

Eld thought you were great. He liked you for who you were and was honest about his feelings
even in knowing they weren’t returned. He was sweet and funny, helpful around the house
and always lending a hand to those who needed it.
Oluo, who you always joked about being a nuisance, but you knew he just wanted people’s
respect, and no matter how many times you teased him, he was part of the squad. He was
someone you cared for, someone who loved Petra with all his heart.

Petra.

“There’s no way.” You wheeze out to yourself, the ache in your chest making it hard to
breathe. You heave into the grass, your mind growing light from a lack of oxygen. You’re
sobbing, shaking your head as your body shudders. It’s unbearable. It’s a pain you’ve felt but
forgot how sharp it was, how cruelly capable it is of twisting your heart. “How? All four of
them?”

“All four.” Jean’s voice comes out just as fragile.

“Tell me you’re joking. Please.” Your voice is a barely there whisper.

“They aren’t.”

Your head shoots up at the sound of his voice, and the tears flow quicker, more quietly as you
meet his sunken eyes. They’re distant, emotions hidden behind his well-crafted wall, the only
sign of his grief in the way his lips tilt downward.

“They’re gone. I saw it.” He confirms, voice numb as he looks you over. “I thought you were
too when I couldn’t find you. Thought maybe you were eaten, or that I’d just never know.”

You stare at him as the devastating reality of his words crashes through you, and before you
know it you’re pushing forward and wrapping your arms around his neck. He’s hesitant to
hug you back at first, but you only tighten your hold, and eventually, you feel hands cross
over your back.

His grip tightens quickly then, as though he’s finally letting himself believe you’re here and
you’re alive, and his nose tucks into your shoulder as you both crumple into one another in
the middle of the forest. The forest that’s brought you nothing but pain. The forest that’s also
brought you back together. That’s tried but failed to separate you. Somehow the pair of you
have made it again, and the people you care about haven’t.

It hurts. The ache is insufferable, but Levi’s arms remind you it’s survivable. This pain is
familiar, unavoidable in this life, and doable as long as it’s not him you’re grieving.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” You whimper, voice muffled in his shoulder before you apologize
again, this time for the ache you both feel. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t do it again if you’re sorry.” He says into your shoulder sharply. Your eyes feel
swollen as pull away to take in his face.

It’s still somber and cold, but the tiniest glint in his eyes tells you he’s still there, still the man
you love, still Levi. He’s just hurt, and tired of feeling hurt, and you’re sure it’s what he’s
seeing now as he stares back at you.

“I’ll see to it that I don’t.” You murmur, and he nods, placing a palm on your head before
sliding it to the back of your neck. He guides you forward until your foreheads press together,
and your tears continue to fall.

“I know. It’s an order, after all.”

 A Letter

You stare at the empty chairs, and the dull ache in your chest sharpens as Armin and Mikasa
sit where Petra and Oluo once did. Fingers overlap your own, and you turn left to meet
Hange’s kind eyes.

They don’t speak, but you feel their comfort anyway. You offer an appreciative nod and then
face toward the head of the table to meet Erwin’s gaze.

“We’ve gathered to discuss our next steps. We have reason to believe the Female Titan is a
shifter like Eren, someone who can turn at will, only they seem to have significantly more
understanding of this ability than us.”

You will the anger simmering in your gut to stay where it’s at, to not let it get the best of you
and show on your face, but it’s difficult.

Eren gave you and Levi the full rundown two days ago, the morning after the expedition, and
the graphic details of what happened to your comrades made you vomit. Whoever this person
is, you want them dead. You want them to suffer and feel the fear your friends no doubt felt
as they were slaughtered brutally one after the other.

Your heart aches when you think about them, and it rages when you think of her. The Female
Titan.

“Armin, I believe you have an idea as to who the Female Titan is?” The Commander’s voice
is stern but thoughtful, and the blonde boy across from you nods hesitantly.

“I have a theory, yes.”

“Let’s hear it.” Levi gruffs from the opposite end of the table.
“She was a trainee in the 104th Cadet Corps-”

“What?” Eren hisses out from your right, eyes wide as he stares across the table at his friend.
“Someone we grew up with? You can’t be serious. Who?”

“Annie Leonhart, right?” Erwin states, and Armin nods, ignoring Eren for now. “We believe
so as well.”

“Thanks to your tip, Armin, I was able to dig up some information on Annie, and as we
suspected, there is very little in her file.” Hange cuts in, brows furrowed. “It says she was
orphaned when Shiganshia fell, but there was nothing on her upbringing or who her parents
were. I suspect that she, the Armor, and the Colossal are working together, and they broke the
way to infiltrate our ranks seamlessly, using the chaos of that day to their advantage.”

“This is Annie we're talking about!” Eren shouts, eyes wide with disbelief and hurt. “We
can’t be serious right now!”

“Eren.” Mikasa’s voice finally speaks up, and you blink at the softness of her tone despite the
harshness in her eyes. “You fought the Female Titan. Did none of that feel familiar? Not even
a little?”

You frown as Eren turns in on himself, shifty eyes glaring at the table as though he’s
remembering, or really, just letting himself see what he didn’t want to believe. Whoever
Annie is, the three kids here grew up with her. They trained with her and went through the
hardships of the trainee corps together. They were friends.

The saddened, betrayed look on Eren’s face makes your anger even more palpable. You turn
toward Erwin with sharp, unsettling eyes.

“What’s the plan to catch her?” You ask swiftly. “You’ve already come up with one, right?”
“Yes. Annie is a member of the Military Police. She’s stationed in Stohees, a heavily
populated area, so we must move with caution. We’ll send Armin, Eren, and Mikasa to lure
her somewhere underground. This way, if our attempt at a peaceful capture fails, she’ll be
less likely to shift.”

“Why are we talking like we know it for certain?” Eren’s voice is fragile as he speaks up,
teeth grit. “What happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

“Eren,” Armin says his name calmly, sadly. “Even the Female Titan’s mannerisms matched
Annie’s. I can almost say with certainty it’s her, but I hope you’re right. I hope it isn’t.”

Eren is quiet, so Erwin clears his throat and continues. “Hange and I will return to Trost and
come up with an exact plan, but we will be acting fast. I suspect in two days. There’s no
saying whether or not Annie Leonhart is suspicious of what we suspect, and she may attempt
an escape or an ulterior route in capturing Eren.”

“What about me?” You but in, eyes narrowing at Erwin and Hange. “Where do I come in?”

“You don’t,” Erwin replies. “You’re staying back with Captain Levi.”

“Why would I be doing that?” You ask sharply, ignoring Levi’s scoff from over your
shoulder. “I’m not injured, and I can fight.”

“We have reason to believe that when the Female Titan called all the Pure Titans to her, your
migraine struck,” Hange explains. “At least, that’s what Eren recalls.”

“What does that have to do with-”

“You’re related to Titans somehow, Honey.” Hange cuts you off, shaking their head. “Eren
and Annie, they’re capable of shifting into one, and we don’t know enough to deduct why,
but we do know you aren’t like them. You’re something else, something Annie didn’t seem
concerned with. She bypassed you on her way to Eren. Whatever her goal, you don’t seem a
part of it, and that gives us an edge as your memories continue to unfold.”

“So, I’m suddenly of importance once more?” You snap harshly, eyes narrowing toward your
Commander.

“Our world is constantly evolving.” Erwin nods, undeterred by your frustration. “So will our
priorities and orders. There are plenty of theories we could come up with, but if your
migraines connect directly to an intelligent Titan’s call to its kind, you’ll have another one,
and soon, we won’t need to guess what these things mean. We’ll simply know. Therefore,
yes, you are as important as Eren again.”

You stare down at the table, your gut curling in as Erwin speaks.

“If you would then, Honey, please tell us what you remembered this time.”

You feel every eye on you as you let out a tiny sigh, leaning onto your elbows for a second.
Your head and heart hurt, and you’re exhausted with grief, but you know these memories and
what you believe they mean are crucial knowledge Hange and Erwin have been kind enough
to not instantly force out of you. They’ve given you two days despite their curiosity likely
being strong enough to kill them, so you suck it up and begin speaking.

“It was like the others.” You start, keeping your eyes closed as you envision what you have
seen. “It jumped from memory to memory, the first one must have been one of my first. I was
so young, a baby in my mother’s arms, crying for my father while she introduced me to a
man I’d never met.”

The room is silent as you take a steadying breath.

“I was so young there, so I doubt even my memories will provide context as to who my Dad
was, and I’m also assuming my mother married that man and together had Zeke. He was a
baby in my next memory, and I was three. My parents were fighting overtop of me, and I was
staring at a book I barely understood. The man was screaming about our people and how I
could help them if I focused, but I was too overwhelmed.”
“Your people?” Erwin cuts in, and you shrug, opening your eyes to meet his curious ones.

“I don’t know. Apparently, we were facing prejudice, but from whom or why, I don’t know.”

Erwin and Hange make similar actions; both of them pinch their chins before Levi interrupts.

“Keep going, Ash.”

You glance his way for the first time in a while, and his gentle nod lightens the weight in your
chest slightly.

“Right.” You clear your throat. “Well, that memory became one from my fifth birthday, and
the man who still felt like a stranger to me despite growing up beside him was raving about
how it was my year. That I’d become a warrior. I don’t know what that means either, but it
cut to me training myself practically to death.”

You subconsciously bring a hand to your chest, remembering the burn in your lungs.

“There were all kinds of kids, too, no adults. I can’t make sense of it, but I knew I didn’t pass
the test, and Grisha didn’t speak to me for a week. The responsibility of whatever they tried
forcing on me fell to Zeke, and he-”

“Wait.” Armin cuts you off unexpectedly, and you blink wetly at him as you open your eyes,
unaware you have begun to cry. “Did you say Grisha?”

“Eren, that’s your father’s name, correct?” Erwin asks, his voice much too excited given the
circumstances, and he doesn’t give the boy a chance to reply. “What do we know about
Grisha Jaeger?”
“When Eren mentioned the key to his father’s cellar, I did a background check, but nothing
seemed out of the ordinary. In fact, some accounts proved Grisha’s lived inside the walls his
entire life.” Hange explains, their voice too on the brink of excitement. “Although, those
things, like Annie’s, can be tampered with and distorted.”

“I mean obviously the Grisha from Ash’s memories it isn’t my Dad.” Eren defends, brow
furrowed as he looks around the table. “It sounds nothing like him, and he was a well-
respected Doctor inside the walls.”

“Dr. Jaeger wouldn’t be the type of man to have a hidden family,” Mikasa adds, shaking her
head. “He was a loving husband and father.”

“It’s possible it’s another Grisha.” Armin concedes. “What was your mother’s name?”

“Dina.” You reply stiffly.

“Doesn’t ring any bells,” Eren mutters under his breath.

“We’ll keep digging.” Hange interrupts, gaining everyone’s attention. “Go on, Honey.
Sorry.”

You rub your eyes before leaning back and crossing your arms against your chest.

“Well, Zeke, he was sent off to training when he turned five, too.” You furrow your brow as
you recall the memory that, for once, you had felt in your chest. Guilt for your previous self’s
younger brother, and grief much like the one you feel now. “He was put under the same
pressure as I had been and blamed me for it. The next thing I knew, I was overwhelmed with
sorrow. My vision was black, and I was sobbing. I felt the cold barrel of a gun on the back of
my head, a pinch in my neck, then I woke up.”

“A pinch in your neck?” Hange exclaims, making you jump at the suddenness of it. “Where
was the pinch?”
“Damnit, Hange, give her some space.” Levi snaps, and your friend is sheepish as they lean
back a bit, but their eyes remain lit with excited curiosity. You swallow, then look down at the
table.

“My nape.”

The table is dead silent as you speak the words, and the overwhelming confusion springs
tears to your eyes. You dab at them, letting out a quiet, shaky breath.

“That sounds bad, but we don’t know for sure.” Hange comments softly.

“That the shitface Titans we kill every day were once humans?” Levi grits out, and your
watery gaze lands on him as he looks away toward the wall.

“You’re right, it’s merely conjecture, especially since you are very clearly not a Pure Titan,”
Erwin comments quietly, he and Hange finally reading the room and masking their
excitement. “As I’ve said, we’ll know more in time. What we’ve spoken about here does not
leave this table. Are we understood?”

“Yes, sir.” The three younger cadets sitting around you are the ones to answer, seeing as
they’re the ones who are not usually involved in such important conversations.

“Hange and I are off for Trost then. I want the two of you to come with us.” Erwin gestures
toward Mikasa and Armin. “Once we have a plan set, we’ll see it through.”

“So, we’ll just be left here? In the dark?” Levi grunts eye, jaw clenched. “Because I sprained
my goddamn ankle?”

“It’s not a sprain, Levi; you broke it.” Hange sighs, rubbing at their eyes underneath their
glasses.
“No, you’ll be joining us in Trost tomorrow evening when we discuss the plan, and you’ll be
bringing Eren with you. I don’t see any point in making the three of you tag along tonight
with the days you’ve had of recent. Besides, you are the remaining members of Levi Squad
until you find replacements, so spend some time together.”

Replacements. The word makes you feel sick again as you look down at the wood grain.

“Fine. We’ll see you in Trost.” Levi sneers, him too not liking the phrasing of Erwin’s
sentence. Hange’s hand finds your shoulder once more before they follow Erwin out of the
room. Mikasa and Armin give Eren small reassuring nods before joining them, and then it’s
just the three of you and four empty chairs.

After several silent minutes, Levi mutters, “Thank you. "

You look at him, confused, assuming he’s talking to Eren, but you see his eyes staring down
at his teacup before they lift back to you.

“Me?” You frown. “What’d I do?”

“You insisted Erwin give me a new room,” He says quietly, eyes gazing over at where the
rest of your squad should be. “Back when Isabel and Farlan died, you didn’t make me go
back to the bunk we shared. Thank you.”

You blink wetly at Levi before your composure crumples. You hide your grief-stricken face
in your hands and nod because you can’t find the words to speak. You had forgotten about
that, but apparently, it meant a lot to Levi and still does.

“I’m sorry.” Eren’s wavering voice cuts through the two of you, and you turn to look at him,
your tears fresh on your cheeks. Eren’s teeth are clenched, and his eyes are glossy as he looks
down at his lap, his hands tightening into fists.
“I made the wrong choice.” He utters, shaking his head. “I chose to let them handle it, to
leave them behind, and it got them all killed.”

“Maybe.” Levi’s voice is severe as he meets the boy’s gaze. Eren grimaces at the seriousness
behind his Captain’s face. “You chose to trust your comrades, and they died. You also chose
to trust Ash, to leave her behind, and she lived.”

Eren glances at you and then back to Levi.

“Well, when Ash started screaming, we heard the Female Titan’s cry, too, but didn’t think we
were in immediate danger. Petra said they’d never seen one before, but she remembered you
mentioning that they only lasted a few minutes. We guided Ash along on her horse, waiting
for it to end, only she kept screaming, she wouldn’t stop screaming, and Gunther swore he
could hear something or someone coming.”

“So you all cut her loose, right?”

“Yes. We cut her loose and left her behind.”

“Was anyone hesitant about that decision?” Levi asks.

“No,” Eren replies firmly. “Everyone agreed it was safer for her and all of us.”

“And that decision proved to be the one that left you with the least regret, right?” Levi barrels
on, lips pressing together tightly. “You choose the squad, and we captured the Female Titan.
You chose Ash, and she was better off left behind. You chose the squad again, and they died.
What does that tell you?”

“It means you’ll never know the outcome, Eren.” You murmur for the boy who is slowly
becoming more and more withdrawn at Levi’s tone. “
“What Captain Levi is trying to say is you don’t need to apologize. If it’s your fault, then it’s
ours, too, and Petra’s, and Oluo’s, and Gunther’s, and Eld’s. Pointing blame is as pointless as
expecting this fucked up world to be fair. You chose, and they died. Levi and I have done the
same thing. We’ve chosen wrong before. It’ll happen again. Keep pushing forward when it
does. That’s all any of us can do.”

You push tiredly up to your feet, ready for sleep, but the sound of footsteps grabs your
attention. You turn to find Hange appearing in the doorway, a letter in their hand.

“We were saddling up when a messenger arrived.” Hange shrugs, handing the letter over as
you hold out a hand. “It’s addressed to Levi.”

You turn toward your Captain, who attempts to push to his feet, and you scold him quickly.

“Stop, I’m bringing it to you.”

“I can-”

“You don’t need to be standing to read a letter. Sit down.”

Levi glares at you, but he plops back down in his seat with a sigh. You hand him the letter,
and you all watch with interest as he flicks open his pocketknife and slices through the top.
His eyes trail the paper once it’s unraveled, and you can tell by the way his face shifts that it’s
something sad and mournful.

“Petra’s father wants to have tea with me.” He grumbles, folding the paper back up.

“When?” You ask, leaning against the table. “I’ll take you.”

“I won’t bother responding, let alone going.”

“Levi.” You frown as you say his name in protest, and his eyes flick up to you. “You should
go.”

“Why?” He grunts, looking away toward Eren, then Hange, who is still listening in.
Anywhere but you. “It’s not something I need to concern myself with. I was her Captain, not
her boyfriend.”

“Exactly. You were her Captain.” You argue back fiercely, tears pricking your eyes. “That’s
not nothing, Levi, and her father might want to know-”

“How she died?” Levi snips, eyes hard as they shoot back to yours. “I wasn’t there to see it,
so how would I know?”

“I doubt he wants to know that.” You bite back with just as much irritation. “She admired
you. She told me so, and her father might just want to meet the man she held in such high
regard. He might have questions about who she was as a comrade, want to know what her life
was like under your command.”

“Then you can go.” He holds the letter out and looks away from you as though unbothered.
“You’d know all of that better than me, anyway.”

There are plenty of things you wish to say, truths you know he must be aware of that you
want to call him out for, but you won’t. Not with an audience, so you grit your teeth and sigh
through your nose.

“Fine.” You snatch the paper from his hands, read it over, and then meet his icy stare. “I’ll be
stepping out early in the morning. I’ll meet you in Trost for our meeting with the
Commander.”

You turn then and march out the door, past Hange, who for once doesn’t seem amused by
your bickering. They reach for you, but you shrug them off and wipe furiously at your eyes as
you ascend the stairs.
Levi’s being a coward, but he’s never been one before, so you’re trying not to hold it against
him. The reason he has turned a cold shoulder to Petra’s Dad, he just must not be ready to
explain it, but you’re certain it’s because he knows how Petra felt about him. He doesn't want
to face her father and feel the weight of her death on his shoulders as he does. He doesn't
want to look into the eyes of someone who loved her and expected her to be safe in his care.
It's another person Levi feels as though he's let down, and he wants to spare himself that
ache.

Only, this isn’t about him at all.

It’s about Petra.

She once told you she wrote home with how happy she was here. She also confessed her
feelings for the Captain the same night. Her father might just want to see the faces of the
people his daughter loved, the people who made her happy before the end of her life, the
people she died fighting alongside.

Her father might also be angry. You know it's possible when this letter is so vague. He might
want someone to blame.

If that makes Levi uncomfortable enough to turn him down, then fine. You’ll go in his stead.
You’re second in command, after all, and this heavy burden of comforting a grieving father
isn’t just something you feel is your responsibility but something you’ll do gladly.

For Petra.
 Warm
Chapter Notes

rushed this slightly so I could give you something before I'm away for the weekend ... (:
update monday/tuesday we shall see, but I hope you enjoy!

Petra’s father is a tall, skinny man with a kind smile and soft hands. He’s shaking yours now
as you stand in their family home’s front doorway, and despite expecting Captain Levi, he’s
barely shown any sign of disappointment.

“That’s alright. I’m sure the Captain is a very busy man. Petra spoke very highly of you as
well, Mini, and I’m glad to put a name to the face finally.” He grins politely with swollen
eyes.

“You as well, Mr. Rall.”

“You can call me Harold, please.” The man waves you off. “Now, come in. I’ve made tea.
Petra said the Captain is very particular about his, and I happen to make a hobby of crafting
teas. I was hoping to impress him with this one. Perhaps if you like it, you can take some to
him.”

Your frustration with Levi has been simmering in the pit of your stomach since you laid down
for rest and saddled up your horse this morning. You were hoping he’d change his mind by
the time you left, or at least seek you out to explain, but he didn’t, and you left without him.

Hearing Harold talk so kindly about Levi hurts your heart. You know it’s because of how
much Petra cared about her Captain that her father sees him in such a positive light. You
understand now why Levi didn’t want to come. He didn’t want to hear this.

“I’d be happy to do that.” You grin at the older man as you sit at a table by a window in the
kitchen. Harold brings the kettle over from the stove and pours a fresh cup directly in front of
you. “This smells wonderful.”

“This one was her favorite,” Harold says quietly as he pours his own cup. “She was always
so eager to try my new flavors, and never shy to give her honest opinion about them.”

You fight the stinging burn of your sinuses as you watch the older man’s face fight back tears,
his voice strained as he reminisces about his daughter. You let out a shaky breath as you lift
the cup before your lips, blow gently, and then sip.

“This is delicious.” You tell him, eyes wide as you look down at the smooth golden liquid.

“Care to guess the ingredients?” Harold asks out with a sigh as he sits, and you shrug.

“I can try, but I’m not very good with flavors.” You admit sheepishly. “Lavender?”

“Rosemary.” He smiles kindly. “It’s simple and slight. That wasn’t a bad guess, though.”

“I appreciate your attempt to spare my feelings, Harold, but I can assure you, I made a
completely random guess just now.”

Harold laughs quietly before sipping out of his own mug. He places it down with a clink
before turning his gaze out the window. There’s a soft breeze drifting through, rustling the
curtains, and just outside is a large tree with a homemade swing attached to its biggest
branch.

“She used to sit out there all day.” The sorrowful father states with a sad smile. “As you can
tell, I spend plenty of time in the kitchen, and I’d always be able to see her when I looked out
this window. Even after she grew out of the habit, I swear I’d catch a glimpse of her little
figure swaying, laughing to herself. She was a very happy girl.”
You blink wetly out the window, imagining the tiny, curious Petra her father must be seeing
right now, swinging, kicking her feet, waving giddily.

“I’m so sorry.” You murmur, lower lip trembling slightly as you try to keep the grief from
showing.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Harold shakes his head, swallowing thickly. “She’s always
wanted to see the world, and it all started there on that swing. She’d look up at the sky and
watch the same cloud as it floated across it, but eventually, the wall would block her view.
She’d come back inside huffing about never knowing the next shape that cloud would take.
When she learned about the Scout Regiment, she was over the moon. ‘They get to go out
there!’ She’d say. ‘I want to go, too!’”

You can envision a stubborn baby Petra demanding she join the most dangerous military
regiment to follow the clouds. It makes your lips tug upward for a brief moment.

“I really hoped she’d grow out of it because I was always terrible at telling her no.” His voice
cracks and so does the dam on your tears. They slip down your face easily as the man
clutches his chest. “She knew the risks as did I, but she had said she’d become one of the
best, and when she was hand-selected by the Captain, oh, she smiled so brightly that even
now I can’t bring myself to regret letting her go.”

You wipe at your cheeks, steadying your breathing as best you can as you attempt to ease this
father’s ache.

“If the Captain were here, he’d tell you how sincere, focused, and capable Petra was. It made
her his favorite.” You tell him honestly, and the man’s smile is forced but kind. “We’re both
incredibly saddened by her loss, Harold. Truly.”

“Thank you, Mini.” Harold nods, dabbing his cheeks with a handkerchief. “I just wanted to
speak with Captain Levi to thank him. He made my girl very happy, but then again, so did
you. She described you as a sister in a house full of older brothers. So, thank you.”
You laugh, but it sounds like a tiny whimper. “The pleasure’s been ours, and I’ll pass on your
appreciation. Although, I hope one day Levi can stop by and hear it from you himself.”

“Well, even if not, you’re welcome here anytime. I’ve enjoyed your company and your kind
words about my daughter.” The man reaches across to pat the top of your hand, and you offer
him a sad smile in return.

The two of you mostly sit in silence for the rest of your trip as you sip Petra’s favorite tea. It’s
comfortable and quiet, and when you realize you should begin heading toward Erwin’s office,
Petra’s Dad wraps up a tiny bag of rosemary and tea leaves.

“If the Captain doesn’t like it-”

“Then he actually has terrible taste in tea, and it will not go to waste because I will happily
drink it.” You finish the sentence for the man, making him chuckle softly as he places it in
your open palm.

“If you aren’t just saying this to flatter me, I will gladly continue to make you tea, Mini,”
Harold admits as he opens his front door.

“I really would love that.” You tell the man earnestly as you pass him. “I’ve only really ever
drank it one way, my favorite way, but still.”

“What’s your favorite?” He asks as he leans against his doorway. “Maybe I can make you a
batch of your own.”

“Honey.” You reply kindly. “I love honey in my tea.”

“Lovely.” He muses, minds wandering elsewhere, to tea flavors you presume. “That gives me
plenty of room to be creative with it.”
“You can send it to the same address, then, and if for some reason we move, I’ll visit again.
As long as you don’t mind me showing up unannounced.”

“Not at all.” Harold smiles, and you glance down the street with a sigh.

“It was wonderful meeting you, Harold. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.”

The man’s smile seems less forced now, and you hope you’re interested in his passion has
helped him take his mind off his daughter’s passing. That, or he finally has something to look
forward to: another person to try his tea because his daughter can’t anymore.

“No worries. Your visit means more than you know. Thank you, and don’t be a stranger,
Mini.”

As you walk away, you realize there’s only one person left alive to call you that name, the
name your four comrades picked out for you, another group of people who accepted you as
you were and cared for you like a friend. A family.

You hold the tea made for Levi close to your chest and continue down Trost’s streets. As you
watch the clouds disappear over the wall, you know you’ll find time to visit Harold in the
future, even if it’s just to be called that name again.

“How was your meeting with Petra’s father?” Hange asks the moment you push open the
conference room doors. “Did it go okay?”

You note you’re the last one to arrive with Erwin across the room at the head, Miche,
Nanaba, and Hange on the left side, with Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Armin on the right. Your
eyes flicker to where Levi’s standing, leaning against the wall behind the three kids, and
anger fizzles in your gut.
“It was really nice.” You reassure Hange gently before facing the Captain. Your fingers dig
slightly into the tea bag as you approach him, and you transfer it from your chest to his. “Mr.
Rall made this for you.”

Levi glares over at you, lips tilted down, but you keep your face passive as he finally lifts a
hand to hold the bag. The moment you know he won’t drop it, you turn away and waltz back
around the other side to sit beside Hange.

The tension in the room feels palpable, and you sigh, running a hand through your hair. You
know Hange and Eren told their respective friends about your and Levi’s spat, and they’re to
blame for why the air is incredibly thick after something as small as the interaction you’ve
just had with Levi.

“Can everyone stop acting like someone’s strapped a damn bomb under the table?” You snap,
rolling your eyes before facing Erwin, who is smiling amusedly at you. “Everyone’s here,
Commander. Let’s get to it.”

“Right.” Erwin nods, clearing his throat. “Levi, Honey, after plenty of consideration, I’ve
decided to bring the pair of you to Stohess alongside me, Hange Squad, Eren, Mikasa, Jean,
and Armin, as well as a few additional soldiers.”

“Why the change of heart?” Levi drawls out.

While you’re injured and Honey is important to our cause, there’s no denying you’re talented
soldiers we’ll need in a worst-case scenario,” Erwin explains before his eyes find yours.
“Also, whether you’re fighting or not, you deserve to be in the loop at all times, and keeping
your nearby makes communication much easier.”

“Understood, Commander.” You reply shortly. Erwin turns toward Levi.

“Got it.” The Captain states dryly.

“Great. Miche, Nanaba, after this meeting, I’ll provide you with a discrete, remote location
where you’ll transfer all Scout Regiment members from the 104th training corps. We’ll want
them quarantined until we can confirm Annie’s identity as the Female Titan.”

“Yes, sir.” Miche and Nanaba speak at the same time.

“Am I missing anything?” Erwin asks, eyes roaming the quiet room. Hange shakes their
head, and Erwin places his palm flat on the table as he stands. “Great. We’ll leave first thing
in the morning. Section Commander, please show everyone to their rooms.”

“On it!” Hange shouts excitedly, pushing to their feet. You ignore Levi’s gaze as you’re
dismissed and for the entirety of your walk to the barracks. Hange saves the two of your
rooms for last.

“Levi, you’re this one, and Honey, you’re on the right.”

You nod and walk towards your door, still unable to look Levi in the eye, but you can feel his
gaze burning your profile. Hange follows you into your room, shutting the door behind them.

“Say what you want to say and get out, Hange.” You huff, plopping down on the edge of your
bed. “I’m tired as shit.”

“Woah! Hostile.” Hange teases playfully, but their eyes regard you gently as they approach.
“I just wanted to check in. Did your talk with Petra’s father really go alright?”

“Yeah, it did.” You answer quietly before laying back and staring up at your temporary
bedroom’s ceiling. “It was sad. He’s grieving his only child, and there was no sign of his
wife, so I didn’t ask. He’s so lonely, though. I can tell, but he still made me tea and talked
about her, even though it hurt.”

Your voice wavers pitifully as Hange sits beside you, looking down at your glossy eyes with
a frown.
“Sorry. It just makes me upset.” You admit as tears slip down to your ears, but before Hange
can speak, a knock sounds at your door.

“I wonder who that is,” Hange comments quietly, lips tugging upward. You sigh, then push
yourself back up to wipe at your eyes. “Short stack couldn’t last two seconds of you being
mad at him, meanwhile, you held out for months. Pathetic, really.”

“Just answer the damn door, Hange.” You sigh, and your friend snickers to themselves as
they do as they’re told, revealing who you both assumed would be there.

“Howdy, Levi. You coming over to talk to me?” Hange smirks at the man’s glare. His gaze
shifts over to meet yours, but you look away instinctively. “Well, too bad because I’m
heading out. You can keep Honey some company though, if she’s alright with that.”

“It’s fine, Hange.” You mutter, meeting your friend’s smile. “Just leave already.”

“Rude.” They grumble good-heartedly, patting Levi’s shoulder as they step past him. “Have
fun, you two.”

“Fuck off.” Levi grunts, and Hange’s laugh is the last thing you hear as the door shuts behind
them. The air in the room is suddenly thick as the silence sets in, and you bite the inside of
your cheek as you look back down at your lap.

You don’t understand why you’re so unwilling to look Levi in the eyes. You did it earlier
when you gave him the tea, and you did it fiercely last night when he was being stubborn.
Now, it feels like you’ll cave in on yourself if you do.

You hear his footsteps approach until they end up in your line of sight. He doesn’t ask you to
look at him like he usually does. Instead, he crouches down. The tips of his knuckles graze
your knees testingly, and when you offer the slightest nod, he opens his hand on your thigh,
and you slide yours on top.
He’s warm against your shaky hands, and his thumb presses gently into your pulse point.

“I’m sorry I let you go alone.” He speaks hushedly, and your throat clogs instantly. “As the
Captain, it should have been me, and as someone who loves you, it was cruel.”

You squeeze your eyes shut as your fingers tighten around his, and more tears slip down your
face. You aren’t shocked by his words. You know the bond between the two of you isn’t
something light or fleeting, but to hear him say it, it’s an entirely different feeling.

Only, you can’t ignore the conversation, his apology, or the words you have to say.

“He just wanted to thank you.” You tell him, voice thin and fragile. “Why couldn’t you give
him that? The chance to just meet you, to show his appreciation for all you did?”

“I didn’t want to be thanked,” Levi says in response, and you finally open your eyes to meet
his. They’d be hollow if not for the sliver of warmth that flashes over them when you finally
meet his stare.

This is why you didn’t want to see his expression. You already forgive his absence this
morning, his reluctance, and his decision to not stop you from doing it alone. You’d bear all
his hardships if you could, if it meant he didn’t look so sad.

“I know how she felt about me.” He continues, eyes dropping to your connected hands. “It’s
why I got so agitated when Hange teased me about it. I didn’t want her like that and Petra
was good at keeping a strong front, but I could tell my coldness would upset her sometimes,
and so being thanked for making her happy? That’s bullshit. What good did I do? All I could
do was keep her alive, and I failed at that. I’m not deserving of any pats on the shoulder.”

“It’s not about you, Levi.” The softness of your voice conveys the harshness of the statement,
and his eyes flash up to you, taken back.
You lift a hand, softly carding your fingers through his hair to show him you aren’t angry
anymore. His eyes flutter close at your touch, and you watch his shoulders sag as he dips
downward, placing his forehead against the back of your hand.

“I didn’t go because I wanted to.” You say, and his head shifts to look up at you. “I didn’t
want to be thanked or blamed. I didn’t-”

Your voice wavers, and you pause, briefly shutting your eyes as you remember her father’s
crackling voice, the way he painfully reminisced about Petra as a little girl. You also
remember the fond smile that snuck in or the way his eyes lit up when you accepted his offer
of providing you with tea.

“I didn’t want to go, but I’m glad I did. It made this pit in my stomach deeper and tore the
hole in my heart a little wider, but I could tell it meant a lot to him, and I know it’d have
meant a lot to her.”

Levi pushes up from the ground to sit beside you on the bed. Your eyes are guided from
where he had been to where he’s now by his palm settling against your chin, and the pad of
his thumb swipes at the wetness on your cheek.

“You’re going again, aren’t you?” Levi says it more as a statement, and you frown, searching
his features. The bags under his eyes are darker and deeper as you take him in, and it makes
your heart stutter.

“How did you know?” You murmur back, and swear his lips quirk the slightest bit.

“Do you even have to ask?” He responds, shaking his head. “I’ll go with you next time. I
should have gone this time. You’re right. It’s not about me. I was being a coward.”

“You’re allowed to be sometimes.” You clarify swiftly, placing a hand on his thigh. “You
carry so much weight, Levi. I can see it dragging you down every day. I just want you to tell
me when it’s too much and let me help you.”
“You say that like you don’t carry as much as I do.” He grumbles, lips angled down. “It’s not
like we have the luxury to drop our problems on others, and the last person I’d want to put
more stress on is you.”

“I’m telling you it’s okay to do so sometimes.” You reiterate. “I do it to you without even
meaning to, and you take it in stride. Let me share your burdens, too, Levi. I’m not upset you
didn’t go, I’m upset you didn’t stop me before I left to tell me why. To let me tell you it’s
okay, that I can do it.”

“I don’t want you to-”

“I didn’t crumble, did I?” You cut him off, holding his gaze. “No, because I knew I could
handle it. You didn’t go because you couldn’t. That’s all there is to it. Let me do these things
for you when you can’t, and you do the same for me. That’s just how we work, alright?”

His reply is a kiss. It’s a peck, soft and swift, but he doesn’t move far as he pulls away.
Instead, he wraps you in his arms, and when you straddle his waist, he leans back into you’re
laying on top of him.

It’s nothing like the last time you were in his lap. He’s holding you tightly, but your face is in
his neck, and you’re both much too sad, and the grief is much too heavy to do anything but
just breathe each other in and feel one another’s warmth.

“Fine. You’re turn then.”

“What?” You ask, voice muffled in his collar.

“You stepped up for me today so I could take a breather; now it’s your turn to breathe. I’ve
got you. Whatever you need.”

Your fingers clutch his jacket, and the tears spring up instantly, like a seal has been swiftly
taken away. The pain of the days prior, the ache in a grieving father's face, the realization hits
you once more that it’s just the pair of you again. it’s suddenly overwhelming, and you burst
into sobs.

Levi grips you close, his body keeping you grounded until your cries weaken, and when they
turn into silent snores, he adjusts you under the covers and holds you until morning.

He doesn’t want to sleep, but once again, the lullaby of your beating heart against his lures
him into a comfort he never thought he’d ever have. When he wakes before you, the
puffiness of your early morning eyes makes his heart skip.

His lips tug upward as he pulls you closer, and you react in your sleep, mumbling something
incoherent. The only word he makes out is ‘warm’, and he can’t help but agree. Everything
has always been so cold. Places, people, emotions. Not you.

You’re warm, and he wants to be wrapped up in you for the rest of his miserable existence.
 Control
Chapter Notes

im baack & I loved returning to see more comments, kudos, and hits... thank you so
much (:

TW: mentions of past child sexual abuse

“They’ll be confronting her about now,” Levi mutters from your right, head tilted back
against the carriage wall. “That is if she hasn’t already sniffed Eren out. He’s so damn shitty
at controlling his emotions.”

“That’s why they’re letting Armin do most of the talking.” You reassure him, but it serves as
a reminder for you, too. Biting the inside of your cheek as you stare out the window, your
anxiety teeters. There hasn’t been any sign of trouble yet, but by the nervous butterflies in
your stomach, you aren’t feeling confident with this plan.

Your biggest concern is cornering Annie. She didn’t hesitate to ruthlessly take the lives of
your comrades, so you doubt being surrounded by innocent civilians will give her any pause
if she feels threatened. She'll turn in a heartbeat if she gets the chance.

“Sit back, already,” Levi sighs out. “You look like your holding in a shit, fidgeting around
like that. Unless you actually do have to, then-”

“I don't have to take a shit, Levi." You snap, glaring over at the unbothered man. "I’m
anxious. I know that’s a concept foreign to you, but plenty of people get nervous before hell
breaks loose.”

"Looks more like constipation to me."

You groan, face flushed as you look away from him. "If this is your way to take my mind off
of the potential mass killing of civilians, you're doing a real shitty job at it."

"Was that a pun, or?"

You spin around to glare at him, finding his eyes zeroed in on you. "You're pissing me off."

"Good."

"Good?" You scoff.

"It's working."

"No, I'm still very much on edge!" You argue in exasperation, and his lips tug upward at your
outburst. Your eyes turn to slits as you regard him, watching the way his eyes roam your
features.

"Are you sure?" He mumbles, lifting a brow. "Your cheeks are pink, you know?"

"Because you keep talking about me having to take a dump, Levi!" Your blush is furious
now, and when his lips fully twist up, you look away, crossing your arms.

“You’re funny.” He muses quietly.

"Fuck you."

"Not here.” Your head whips his way as you gape at him, and he lifts a brow. “What? I didn’t
say no, just not right now.”
Your lips part, then snap shut before parting again, your brain completely malfunctioning.

Neither of you have brought up that night or what you did. Most of your time since then has
been consumed with grief and the plans moving forward, but in truth, it’s been mere days
since you were intimate together. You still remember how it felt, his hands, his lips roaming
your body, his words, and the way you came undone. In fact, it’s coming back to you now as
you sit inches from his body.

It’s absurd, but Levi’s right. You’re entirely distracted now.

“Have I turned you into a fish?” He murmurs, bringing a hand to your chin, and you close
your lips quickly, embarrassment flooding you. A different kind, one you don’t dislike, but
one that makes you feel hot all over.

“Shit jokes weren’t working so you resorted to this?” You ask breathlessly, lips quirking as
his eyes flash. “You realize how bizarre that is, don’t you?”

“Got you to calm down a bit, hasn’t it?” Levi replies, fingers slipping into your hair.

“Unfortunately, you weirdo.” You mumble, shutting your eyes as his fingers dig slightly into
your scalp.

“Feels good?” He asks, and you nod, leaning into his palm. “We’re always running from one
thing to the next. We’ve likely got seconds before Erwin comes to get us or Annie takes out
this entire city, us included. The small moments we get to breathe, I want you to take them.
Stressing over things won’t change their outcome, so let yourself breathe when you're able
to."

“I can’t help it.” You whisper, eyes fluttering open. “It’s so scary having no control. I don’t
like it.”
“Neither does the next person.” Levi nods. “Focus on what you can control. Your emotions,
your actions, your thoughts.”

“I know. I know, I’m trying.” You let out a shaky breath, focusing on his touch. A thought
passes through you, and a tiny laugh parts your lips.

“What?” Levi asks.

“You’re ridiculous.” You tell him, shaking your head. “All of that just to get me where I am
now with a single touch. Skip the teasing and just rub my head next time, will you?”

“What are you, a dog?”

Before you can say anything, the ground below you violently shakes, and your stomach
plummets.

"Fuck.” You shudder, meeting Levi’s severe eyes once more. “That had to have been her,
Levi.”

“I know.” He replies, gripping your hair tightly for a moment in parting before his hand slips
back down to his side. “Time to focus.”

“Right when I was getting comfortable.” You mutter as you pull back, sitting straight with a
steadying breath.

Erwin opens the carriage door in an instant. It’s harsh like a winter breeze, the sudden shift
from your bubble of pretend to the reality of your situation. Although, even as you take in
Erwin’s stoney expression, you’re thankful for the brief moment of calm with Levi before
you brave the storm.
“Step out.” He orders, and as you and Levi follow, he mutters under his breath. “Stay
focused.”

You steady your breath as your eyes train on Niles just a few feet over. Positioning yourself
just behind Erwin’s left and with Levi over his right, you feel as you did that day you
returned to the Underground to get Levi, Isabel, and Farlan.

You let your comrade's proximity strengthen your resolve and ease your fear, even as Niles'
eyes flash with recognition as they pass over your features.

“What’s the meaning of your visit?” He snaps, eyes turning back to the Commander. “I see
the nameless woman is here. Why isn’t Eren Jeager with Captain Levi, as well?”

“We’re here on business,” Erwin replies calmly. “Eren is in our second carriage, just over
there.”

“Let me see him.” He states, but before anyone can utter another word, a second thunderous
explosion sounds off in the distance. Eren.

“What was that?” Niles cries out, eyes flickering between the three of you. ”What kind of
game are you-”

“Get back in your carriage, Jaeger!” A voice argues behind you, and according to plan, you
turn to find Jean ripping off his wig as he steps out.

“Don’t compare me to that idiot!” He grits back, shoving the wig into the man’s chest before
pushing past the MP to stand tall before the Commander. “Your orders, sir!”

“Find where that sound came from and help the others,” Erwin replies, and Jean nods, eyes
determined.
“Hey,” Levi grunts out before the boy can take off. Jean looks taken back by the sound of
Levi’s voice, but he faces the Captain head-on.

“Yes, sir?”

“I like the brass balls, but swing them around too much, and you’ll get hurt.”

Jean blinks at him, then nods in understanding. “Yes, sir.”

You watch Jean whizz away while you stay behind, unhurt and capable to fight. You grit your
teeth and channel yout irritation into Levi’s ridiculous comment.

“Be smart and stay safe wouldn’t have sufficed?” You mutter to Levi, who scoffs in reply.

“Sir!” An MP comes running up behind Niles, eyes wide with fear. “There’re reports of two
Titans fighting in the streets!”

You do your best to remain passive like Erwin and Levi are so capable of doing, but this is
the worst-case scenario of your plan. Annie’s turned, and now Eren and countless civilians
will die. The carange that will plague today, Erwin insistes he’ll carry on his shoulders, but
you and your comrades knowingly follow him, and therefore it’s on yours, too.

“What the hell is happening, goddamnit!” Niles barks, and for once, you feel his anger is
justified, even as he lifts his rifle in the Commander's direction. “Was this your idea, Erwin?
What the fuck is wrong with you? Preaching about the good of humanity when you let your
Titans run rampant in the street!”

“I acted entirely on my own authority. I offer no excuses.” Erwin’s reply is collected and
careful. It seems to tick Nile off more.
“Answer me! Do you think murdering innocents is good for humanity? You think this is the
solution?”

“I have faith it’s a step forward,” Erwin replies.

Niles grits his teeth and then shakes his head toward his fellow MPs. “Arrest him.”

You and Levi watch as the MPs circle Erwin and place him in shackles, and you press your
lips together, willing your face to remain passive. Erwin foresaw this and told us he’d likely
be arrested for this stunt, but his faith in capturing Annie outweighed the difficulties of
exonerating the Commander.

What you didn’t expect was the MP that rounds the corner next with tall shoulders and a head
high as though he were deemed someone of importance. Perhaps the chaos he created in your
life offered him a better one in his: a promotion or maybe even a smidge more respect. The
man who discovered the lying, Titan healing bitch deserves a reward afterall.

“They’re destroying the city, Commander,” Larves speaks as though this destruction were
above him, and when his eyes shift to Erwin, then you, remaining unbothered becomes
increasingly more difficult.

“Take Erwin Smith to a cell. We’ll question him once we figure out how to stop Eren Jaeger
and his Titan friend.” Niles orders. The men begin to guide Erwin, but they pause as he
speaks, likely too interested in what he could possibly say in the face of such dark times.

“Levi, don’t take action. A pointless death won’t suit you.” He states before he turns toward
you. “Neither of you.”

“No, I doubt it would.” Levi grits, eyes flashing as they finally look away from Larves and to
his Commander. “Anymore than it suits anyone else.”
“I’m surprised to see you here,” Larves speaks out, earning everyone’s attention once more,
but his gaze is set on yours. “I had money on your being the blonde bitch helping Eren Jeager
destroy the city.”

It makes your blood boil, how Larves can so easily flop between desperate swipes at your
heels to speaking with an upturned nose and condescending attitude. His newfound respect is
as flimsy as his morals, and you’re sure one day he’s going to be back on the ground, bloody
and groveling.

You’re aware your attitude toward him atop the Underground staircase is likely what put the
target on your back in the first place, but you’re tired of being afraid, of him, of that part of
your past.

You’re realizing you’re quite prideful as the shame for what you’ve done and how you feel
lessens gradually as time trickles on. You don’t feel as unnerved in the face of Larves, and
you will not let him think he’s suddenly invincible behind his comrades like you do.
Something in you clicks at that thought.

You’ve felt so burdened by your younger self's decisions, but Levi’s right. You were a child.

You, you were so young. Alone and helpless but pleading to stay alive. You’re embarrassed
by what you did to do so, whereas Larves, he had power, money, people in his corner. He did
what you did, only for you is was a form of survival, and for him it was to indulge in a
forbidden fantasy.

He was your nightmare, and you were his sick and twisted desire.

The lengths he’s gone to keep this secret reveals to you just how wrong and dark and cruel it
was of him, what he put you through. He took advantage of you, and his shame makes him
afraid, whereas you’re slowly discovering a way for it to make you strong.

You survived, after all.

It wasn’t for nothing, and it’s brought you here beside Erwin, Hange, Eren, and Levi. It
brought you Isabel and Farlan, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld. All these people you’ve lost and
fear to lose, all these people you love in life and death, you’d never have any of it if you
didn’t let Larves' sickening nature seep under your skin.

While you’re still learning how to live with choices you’ve made in the past, you’re
understanding the difference. There's your reasoning, engaging in such actions to survive, and
then there's his, hurting a little girl because he could. Because he wanted to.

As he stands tall behind his MP comrades with his newfound confidence and indifference,
you realize you don’t care anymore if this secret, his secret, stays hidden or is revealed in the
light. You don’t care if he manages to rise to a power that threatens you because you don’t
care about him. You refuse to let him hurt you anymore.

He may have his slimy MP and Interior Police jerkoffs, but you have your people. His
camaraderie is conditional. Yours is real and everlasting. It’s something even death can’t
destroy.

You know that first-hand now.

“I don’t blame you for thinking as much.” You comment in mock thoughtfulness, willing
your shoulders to remain confident and strong as you meet Larves directly in the eye. “I only
mean, seeing as Section Commander Hange Zoe’s reports much go directly to the most
esteemed members on the Military Police, and Premier Darius Zackly himself, I can
understand why you wouldn’t be up to date with our progress as a Regiment.”

Larves nostrils flare. “You call what’s happening out there progress?”

“Oh, well, I can’t answer that. That would be disclosing confidential information, and if you
weren’t made aware of my current status, I certainly won’t be revealing anything about Eren
Jeager to you.”

Larves steps forward, but Niles's hand, flattening against his chest, stops him. “Enough.
Thank you for the update, Larves. Go take your squad in helping the others evacuate
civilians.”

“Commander-”

“Now.” Niles cuts him off, and Larves angry eyes glare into your passive ones. If anything,
you’re brought that same amusement from toying him that year ago. He’s much like a child,
and you find irony in that statement.

Larves makes sure you see the threat in his features before he turns and barks an order to who
you assume is his squad before they’re disappearing where they came from.

“The Military Police rewards psychopathic stalkers for chopping off limbs, then?” Levi
snaps, his voice laced with irritation.

“While his measures were extreme, he brought your Regiment’s injustices to light,” Niles
replies just as sharply, although for once he looks somewhat uncertain for a brief moment.
“Erwin, you’re coming with us.”

“Stay together. Find Hange when this is done.” The Commander offers one last order before
the MPs drag him off, and the pair of you wait until they’re out of sight to speak.

“Fuck this.” Levi grimaces as he turns, his suit jacket swaying behind him from where it’s
resting on his shoulders. “We’re suiting up. If Eren and that bitch take their fight over here,
were good as dead.”

“Agreed.” You nod, following Levi, your spiked heart rate becoming suddenly obvious to
you.

It’s a combination of adrenaline from standing up to Larves, to the overwhelming realization

that, for once, you see what Levi did when you told him of your past. Seeing him again has
altered your perspective of the events, and while it gave you strength to stand up for yourself
moments ago, to not show weakness, the weight of it is crashing down on you.
It’s not news. You know what happened, you lived it, but even when Levi had said Larves
abused you, it didn’t stick like it is now. It’s alarming, this ache in your chest, the curl in your
gut as you think about what that man did to you, how his sins felt like yours until now.

You watch through a filmy haze as Levi pulls your gear from the back of the cart before
looking down, blinking wetly at the cracks in the ground.

This is not the time to let self-pity envelope you. People are dying, your comrades are
fighting, and the two of you, you’re going to disobey orders and jump in because it’s the right
thing to do. You need to keep your head. You need to stay focused.

Now isn’t the time, you repeat in your head. Push it aside. Breathe in and out. Just breathe.
You’re fine. You’re safe, Ash. You’re-

“-safe. Just breathe. Ash, come on. I don’t want to slap you again, but you’ve gotta snap out
of it.”

You suck in a deep breath as you relaize that voice, it was Levi’s, not yours, and you look up
at him, heart in your throat as he stares back at you, concern in his brow.

“Good. Now breathe.”

“Fuck.” You wheeze out, clutching at his arms, suddenly feeling his fingertips pressing into
your shoulders. “Damnit, now isn’t the time to-”

“Have a panic attack?” Levi finishes for you, squeezing you reassuringly. “That’s out of your
control. You’re back with me now, so just catch your breath. Can I let go?”

You nod and miss Levi’s warmth as it retreats, but there isn’t time to waste. You can pull
yourself together while he swiftly works on the gear. You place your palm on your chest and
look up at the sky, the clouds passing over the wall, and breathe.

“Step.”

You look back down to find Levi crouched, your harness sprawled out on the street. You
place a hand on his shoulder and step into the rings before he’s tugging them up your legs.
You let your heart rate calm as you go through the motions with Levi’s help, looping your
arms through the material before he locks them in place and tightens the straps.

“I’ve got the rest.” You tell him gently, and he checks your features, then nods before
working on his own harness. You attach the main housing before inserting your gas cylinders.
You grip your triggers, check their mobility, and ensure your grapplers will engage, and by
the time you’re suited up, Levi’s finishing up with his last steps as well.

“You’re good at this.” You tell him distractedly, steadying your mind with the sight of his
hands tugging on his straps.

“It’s hard to be bad at it.” He notes before bringing a hand to your face and cupping your jaw.
His eyes flicker over your features. “How do you feel?”

“Fine.” You tell him, fingers wrapping around his wrist and tugging it down softly. “I’ll deal
with whatever that was later. We have much more important things to focus on. Control what
I can, remember? This, I can control. I'm good to go.”

Levi seems hesitant before he nods, trusting your words. “Let’s get up on a roof and see what
we’re dealing with.”

You follow him through the air, and when your feet land on roof tiles, your eyes widen.

Eren and Annie are fighting by the wall, and you’re there in time to watch as he grips her
face and squeezes it till it pops. You wince at the sight while Levi curses in his breath when
the Female Titan jams an elbow into his face, pushing him off her. It creates enough space for
her to land a powerful kick to his stomach, and it sends him flying backward.

“She’s making a fucking run for it.” Levi snarls, eyes blazing as Annie sprints towards the
wall and begins to ascend. Anger bubbles in your gut as you grit your teeth. For someone so
unafraid of murdering, she sure is quick to run at the first sign of trouble.

Annie Leonhart is a fucking coward.

“We need to stop her.” You spit, and with Levi’s nod.

“You go left. I’ll go right. Don’t step in unless you have to. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir.” You agree before you both jump off the roof and sail through different streets. You
temporarily lose sight of what’s happening as you whip around buildings, and while your
eyes threaten to snag on the sight of splattered crimson and the various bodies thrown about,
you don’t let them.

When you land on a roof significantly closer to the sign, you watch in awe as a figure with a
similar grace to Levi slices through Annie’s fingers, halting her movements as her arm drops
to her side. You know then it’s Mikasa as she whips around, cutting the knuckles of her other
hand.

Annie falls, and Eren’s on her in a flash.

Your eyes shift to where Hange and the others stand several roofs over before looking around
for Levi, but to no avail.

He gave you a brief rundown on Mikasa’s abilities, stating they were the best he’s seen from
someone her age. Levi must have realized it was her taking care of Annie and knew she’d be
able to. He must be positioning himself to step in if needed. You refocus, eyes searching for a
good place to position yourself, but Hange’s scream captures your attention.
“He’s going to devour her whole! Damnit!”

You face Eren once more and watch as he tears into a now decapitated Annie’s nape, and
your heart falters. If he does this, all this death and destruction, it will have been for nothing.
You need that cold-hearted monster alive, the knowledge she seems to have; you need a
reason for her cruelty.

You all hold your breath as Eren stares down at the blonde, but he doesn’t move. He’s halted
every movement, and that hesitancy allows time for whatever happens next. A bluish glow
illuminates Eren’s Titan and shoves him back. You see him then, flying through the sky.
You’d recognize Levi’s shape anywhere, and you watch in admiration as he steps in before
anyone else finds the nerve to.

He cuts Eren out, and you watch Hange, her squad, and the new recruits react quickly,
moving toward the pair of them. As you step forward to reconvene with everyone, pain
shoots through the back of your skull.

No one is close enough to hear your scream or to see you fall off the roof of the building, and
the memory that takes hold is brief, coming to an abrupt end as the back your head smacks
the pavement hard.

“Our people need you, and even as you grow older and witness the cruelty of this world, you
continue to choose yourself. I’ll never understand. Aren’t you ashamed?”

“Yes. I am.”

“It must be some internalized self-entitlement, then, being only half of someone like us.”

“Grisha!”
“What? If she were my daughter, she’d never-”

Then, darkness.
 Five Minutes
Chapter Notes

alright, major trigger warning here... this chapter gets dark. I'll do my best to provide the
necessary warnings, but if I miss anything, please tell me.

TW: physical abuse, mental abuse, torture, reference to sexual child abuse, reference to
sexual assault, nonconsensual touching, suicidal thoughts

I take these topics seriously, and I try to write them with the utmost amount of care. I
won't ever write any graphic scenes of these topics past the extent of what is shown
here, but I think they are important to talk about, and in this story's case, a scene like this
feels necessary to show just how awful Larves is as a person. In AOT, especially in the
underground and with the corrupt MPs, it's realistic. We even see it in the show when
Armin is sexually assaulted.

Also, to give you peace of mind since I know these warnings seem daunting, this
chapter has a happy ending. In her words, Ash is a fighter, and she'll continue to push
forward out of the darkness.

Thank you, and I'm open to feedback!

You wake up somewhere dark with a blaring in the back of your skull. It’s thumping along
with your heart, pulsing as you whimper, reaching for it. Your hand flinches back at the
soreness, but not until after you’ve felt the patchy, dried blood beneath your fingertips.

“Awake? Took you long enough.” A familiar voice calls from your right, and your eyes shoot
open, panic seizing your chest as you barely make out the figure of Larves slowly
approaching.

Another MP stands over his shoulder, illuminated by the daylight pouring through the
window to your left. You don’t recognize her in the slightest. Blonde hair, blue and sharp
eyes, looking down at you impassively.

“Make this quick, Larves. Five minutes. That’s all I’ll give you.” She commands, and you
shift your focus to where you’re being held.
You’re in an empty bar, but it doesn’t look abandoned. Beer mugs still rest on tables, and
there isn’t even the faintest smell of dust or rotting wood. People must have left in a hurry.
They must have evacuated.

That’s right. You’re in Stohess.

Your comrades are somewhere in this city, capturing Annie, aiding Eren, and you’re here.
Forever the liability.

“Yeah, yeah, Caven.” He waves the woman off before leering down at you. “It felt like my
lucky day when the same bitch who made me look incompetent in front of my Commander
and squad was sprawled out on the street with her guard mutt nowhere in sight.”

“I thought you were dead, but then I realized your freakish healing would keep you alive. If
anything, it gave me an idea.” He keeps on sneering at you, and before you can utter a
response, a boot makes contact with your jaw.

It’s just as bad as when Levi did it, only this time, you know the man standing above you
means harm. It makes the temporary lack of consciousness more frightening as your head
whips to the side.

You stare blearily at the wall then suck in a gasp at ache tingling it’s way from what you’re
sure is a fractured jaw and broken teeth to an even worse concussion. It worsens your
drowsiness and makes your heart feel like it’ll beat out of your chest as it fights to give you
oxygen.

“Goddmanit, Larves.” The woman snaps. “You said you wanted to talk. We’re meant to keep
a low profile. Killing her won’t-”

“I’m not going to kill her, Caven. She heals like a fucking Titan. Besides, it’s none of your
fucking business what I do to her.”
“He’s not going to let it slide if you raise even the slightest bit of suspicion.” She sighs,
shaking her head. “I’m leaving. I won’t be a part-”

“Don’t.” You whimper out pleadingly, using the strength you have to look over at the woman.
Her wide blue eyes regard you like vermin, but you still try. “Don’t leave me with him.
Please. Please, don’t-”

“You’ve got some fucking nerve.” Larves’s spit lands on your cheek as he seethes your way,
cutting you off.

You blink again, and the enraged MP is grabbing you by your hair and tossing you across the
room, slamming your body into an old, rickety table. You barely keep yourself from
collapsing before a fist connects with your face, cracking another bone and sending you
harshly to the ground. Your knees hit the concrete hard, and you whimper, hanging your
head.

You’re barely conscious at this point, but the sudden cold liquid being poured over the back
of your neck pops your eyes open just in time to feel his foot contort to your gut. It launches
you onto your back as the air is sucked from your lungs, and more liquid is poured onto your
face, making you choke.

“I thought you’d learn your place when I chopped off your arm.” Larves muses coldly as he
places the empty beer bottle back on the table. You turn enough to cough out the liquid, mind
racing. Larves, the weakness in your bones, pain, and the smell of beer. It’s too familiar, too
palarlyzing.

“I stood in that courtroom and watched as Erwin managed to get you out of that, though, and
then he was able to ensure Ackerman would always be by your side. A guard mutt for the
Underground whore. I’ve been wondering, you let them fuck you, didn’t you? It’s the only
palusible explanation as to why anyone would give a fuck about your safety.”

He grabs you by the hair again. You’re silently crying, barely able to keep up with the turn of
events as you claw at his hands as he drags you along the floor, only releasing you when
you’re lying in front of the other MP. The woman. She hasn’t left. You hate that it reassures
you.

You look up at her, eyes wide and glossy, petrified and desperate.

“You never let me between those legs, but I find solace in knowing you finally gave it up
only to wind up here, because what are you when they aren’t here to protect you?” He walks
around, standing beside Caven as the two of them look down at you. “You’re the same bitch I
used to use as a glory hole. Pathetic, easy, and at my fucking mercy.”

“I’m not.” You bite back, but your voice is fragile. It takes everything in you to say the
words. His vile, disgusting comments, you know he’s trying to break you down, and you’re
trying so hard to stay whole. The pain, you can endure. You will endure.

You can barely lift your head, but you still will your arms to push you backward, sliding
further away.

“You aren’t?” Larves asks in a condescending tone, stepping forward once you’ve gained
distance. “You look pretty weak right now, like I can do whatever I fucking want with you
and you’ll barely be able to lift a finger. You’d probably like it, too, slut.”

You will the dread swarming your gut to not show on your face as you grit your teeth.

“Hurting me while I’m already injured?” You challenge him. “That doesn’t prove a fucking
thing.”

“Maybe not, but it gets my message across.”

“Which is?” You ask, flinching away from him as he steps over your body and squats over
your torso, glaring down at you with a viciousness that threatens to consume you with fear.
“Each time, you talk back to me,” He mutters darkly, lifting a finger to trail your jaw. “It adds
another tick to the tally. I’m keeping count, you see, because one of these days, at the right
moment, I’m going to get my hands on you again. When that happens, all these times you
opened these filthy lips to bad-mouth me in front of my colleagues is the number of times I’ll
force it to take my cock. Just like old times.”

Tears pool in your eyes and slip into your ears as you turn away from him, and your own
body shudders in disgust and fear.

“That’s enough, Larves.” The woman's voice filters in.

“Not yet.” He grunts, gripping your face, and you fight then. You kick, squirm, and scream,
pushing against him, but you're too weak. His face, his cruel and ugly expression, it’s
growing closer. You fight his grip, face turned slightly, and when his lips ghost your cheek,
you whimper out a weak cry of fear.

“I’m going to fuck you, too.” He murmurs breathily into your ear as you struggle against
him, “And only when I’ve finished inside-”

The weight of his body is there, and the next, it isn’t. Your eyes are still squeezed tightly shut,
and you’re paralyzed on the spot, shaking, sweating, crying silently as voices argue around
you.

“What the fuck, Caven?”

“I told you, enough .” She spits back. “You’ll get your time eventually, but not until I tell-”

“You won’t say a word, bitch.” Larves voice is just as vicious to her as it was to you.

“Or what? You going to threaten to rape me, too?” She replies icily. “This wasn’t in your part
of the deal.”
“What do you care what I do to her? It has nothing to do with you!”

“You’re in no position to talk back to me, you little shit. Bite your fucking tongue and follow
me out of this goddamn building or I’ll shoot you right here.”

The sound of a gun cocks, but your’s still clutching at your head, shivering with cold fear. No
more words follow, not one, only the sound of footsteps. You stay where you are even when
they’re gone, too afraid to open your eyes.

You feel small in this dark room. Freezing and alone, back where you once were in the
Underground. Weak and pathetic, just like he said.

Larves must have noticed the shift in your gaze as you stared at him earlier, saw your
indifference, and felt a desire to remind you he’ll always be around with some sort of power
over you. You're trying not to prove him right. You don't want to let his words get to you, but
you feel dread pooling in your gut, replaying the grotesqueness of his words, the threat that
sounded like a promise coming from him. Hearing him speak so vilely had a much greater
effect than his assault, and you’re rattled.

You feel so afraid you can’t bring yourself to move even minutes after they’re gone.

Even in knowing you’ve done nothing wrong, you feel disgusting. You feel worthless. Your
body hurts, and he’s touched it again, even the slightest bit, and you’re curling in on yourself,
heaving for breath, clutching at your head.

You search your mind for something, anything, to feel that power you once did, to remind
yourself Larves only caught you at a bad time, that he won’t get the chance again, that you
have nothing to be ashamed for.

Aren’t you ashamed?

"I am." You wheeze out as tears slip down your cheeks. Apparently, you always have been,
even when you can’t remember feeling that way.

Your shame is thickening now, threatening to envelope you and swallow you whole. It will if
you choose to let it. You have choices, right? You have control over your emotions, and part
of you just wants to give up and lie here forever. You could, you’re convinced you could do
it. You feel so hollow and bruised. Broken.

You could just stay here and let yourself waste away until you die. The irony is that your
body won’t let you. It’ll always heal, everything but the cracks in your chest.

It almost feels like a curse until you think of Isabel.

You don’t know why it's her that filters through your weakened mind out of everyone, only
that she does, and you find yourself pushing up to your feet.

Isabel put you first when she barely knew you. She never once asked you for anything. She
never used you. She brought you Levi. She loved you. She died for you.

You use whatever strength is left in your body, in your heart, to stumble out of the bar and
wander down the street. You search for someone you know to help, you push forward to find
solace, to find safety, because you want to live, and when you see that girl again, whenever
that may be, you want her to smile at you with not an ounce of regret for choosing you.

“Holy fuck, is that you, Ash?” An astounded voice calls out, and you warily turn toward the
voice, head nodding before you right it again. “What the fuck happened?”

“Jean?” You mutter, squinting as you step toward him. It turns into a stumble, and he catches
you quickly, cursing under his breath.

“Fuck, you’re in horrible shape. I need to get you to-”

“Jean.” You say again, gripping his forearms as your eyes swell with tears. “Jean, you’re
real? Are you real?”

He looks stunned and doesn’t answer, so you grip his arms tighter, pleadingly.

“Please, I can’t tell if I’m, where I’m-”

“I’m real. You’re okay.” He replies hesitantly, and he fully stiffens as you lean forward
slightly, your head inches from his chest as you curl in on yourself. You’re so relieved, so
overwhelmed at the thought that you’ve found someone you can trust that it fully tears your
chest wide open.

The fear, the pain, and the traumatic memories Larves made you feel like you were living all
over again finally catch up to you now that you feel safe, and sobs rake through your body.
They’re loud, childish wails that are sure to gain the attention of others, but you can’t help it.

It falls out of you; every painful emotion you felt for those five minutes just explodes from
your heart. Five minutes. That’s all it was, Larves hurt you, touched you for fives minutes,
and it’s over now. It’s over for now.

You can’t see Jean’s face, but you’re sure you’re embarrassing him fully. You’re the adult
here, but you're whining like a kid, making him uncomfortable, burdening him by clinging to
him like a lifeline, but you’re too scared to let go.

“Alright,” Jean mutters quietly, albeit awkwardly. “It’s alright. Let’s get you to Captain Levi,
okay?”

“Isabel.” You whimper out without meaning to. “I want Isabel.”

“Who?”
You still then look back up at the newer recruit. There’s a frown on his face as he regards you
cautiously, and you blink at him. Right. You’re alive. Isabel’s dead.

“I’m sorry.” You stutter breathlessly, eyes fluttering. “Never mind.”

“Okay,” Jean says. “You look like you’re going to pass out, Ash.”

“No, no.” You shake your head frantically, even though it makes you sway, and you grip his
arms tighter. “Don’t let me, Jean. I’m scared. If I wake up alone, I’ll-”

“You won’t.” He cuts you off. “You won’t. I’ll make sure someone’s there, even if it’s me.”

“You will?” You ask, lips wobbling, and he nods.

“I will. Now hop on my back.”

You blink at the younger boy, then concede, swallowing thickly as he turns. You falter as you
attempt to climb, but he catches you before hiking you up. You whimper, pain spiking
through your body.

“Sorry.” He says quickly, and you shake your head.

“No.” You murmur as you fall mostly limp against him. “I am.”

“For what? This? Don’t kill me for saying it, but you and the Captain are pretty small. You’re
easier to carry than the sandbags Shadis used to make us sprint across fields holding.”
Those words make you laugh out loud despite your state, knowing Levi would kill Jean for
saying so, but your ribs ache as you do, and it turns into a shaky shudder. Your body shivers,
and you filter in and out of consciousness as Jean carries you silently from that moment on.

You fight sleep, even when you know it’s inevitable. You’re exhausted. You have fractured,
maybe even broken bones, your face and your skull are pounding, and your heart feels sore.
Sleep would be kind, knowing Jean’s promised you won’t awaken alone.

Only, you’re tired of passing out. You’re sick of being in this state, of needing to be rescued,
and while staying awake doesn’t change the fact that soon you’ll crash, you don’t want to.
Not yet.

“Captain!” Jean calls out suddenly, and you stiffen against him, eyes squeezing shut. “She
stumbled into me a few streets over. I don’t know what happened, sir. She asked for Isabel,
but I don’t know who that is.”

You hear footsteps, and your grip on Jean’s shoulders tightens as tears pool down your face.

You’ve been used and discarded by everyone you’ve ever met.

The footsteps grow closer, and you turn away from them. You don’t want him to see your
face. It feels swollen, and it hurts. You don’t want him to see you like this again.

Aren’t you ashamed?

Jean moves to lower you, but you cling to his jacket, and he pauses. Larves's lips on your
cheek feel like they’ve burned through your skin, branded you, and you are ashamed.

You’re the same bitch from the Underground.

You don’t want to be her. You aren’t her. Not anymore.

You were a kid, Ash. You deserved so much better.

“Ash.” Levi’s voice is soft as it reaches you.

You’ve known so much hurt, and I like seeing you healed from it.

You aren’t healed, not really, but you’ve grown, haven’t you? You’ve taken steps forward.
You’re stronger than you’ve ever been. This is merely a minor setback. Right?

I don’t think I’m deserving of your friendship, let alone your affection.

He is. You love him.

I just care about you, alright?

You slowly turn toward him, remembering those words. He doesn’t care what you’ve done,
what’s happened to you, what you will do. He just wants you. You have to trust that.

Your eyes feel droopy as you finally meet Levi’s gaze.

He’s so handsome, you think as you blink wetly in his direction. You remember once
avoiding those eyes, mostly dark blue with indifference. You felt foolish when you finally
looked in them and saw his heart speckled along within the warm grey.

Only now they’re consumed with something close to horror as he takes in the sight of your
face. It hurts your heart, the devastation in his eyes, the downward tugging grimace of his lips
as he steps closer.
I just want you to be breathing.

“I’m breathing.” You slur to him, hoping to reassure him. It seems to make him sadder.

“Can I hold you?” He asks as he pulls his hands from his pockets.

“I’m bloody.” You tell him lazily with a frown, head tilting before you lift it once more.
Memories filter through your mind, and you frown. “Beer, too. He dumped it all over me. It’s
sticky, and it got in my mouth. I’m just, I’m all gross and dirty, and he, I was so weak, and I
couldn’t even, not even when he, he-”

“I want to,” Levi says, his voice strained as he stops you from incoherently saying anything
else. It’s likely because your words were becoming rushed, panicked, and scared. “I want to
hold you. Do you want me to?”

You stare at him through blurry vision, gritting your teeth to hold back a cry, and nod.

Levi steps forward instantly, pulling you from Jean’s back as you wrap your arms around his
neck, your legs around his waist. His hands find the underside of your thighs, and he starts
walking instantly.

More sobs shudder through your body as you cling to him like a little kid, but his scent is the
same as always, and it’s like a breath of fresh air. His body is warm, and it’s like a soft
summer breeze. It encases you and shields you from the outside world. You forget about
Larves; you forget about what he’s done and his promise as to what he will do.

“You’re safe now.” Levi murmurs, and you believe him.

You were waiting for him. You didn’t want to sleep because you were afraid you wouldn’t
wake up, even knowing logically it wouldn’t make sense. You wanted to feel this comfort
once more, and it’s washing everything away.
If his arms are the last thing you ever feel, you’ll die peacefully, regardless of the pain, the
trauma, and the heartache.

It doesn’t matter what happens, what you endure, because you will endure it. You’ll continue
pushing forward even as hardships befall you, even as rotten humans and Titans threaten to
destroy the life you’re growing to care for.

Larves can say what he wants, but you won’t believe a word, not in the end. How could you,
when the man you cling to holds you so tightly? Your mind will be swayed, tricked, and
convince you you’re worthless or disgusting sometimes, but you’ll fight to find your way
back, and when you’re back in his arms, you’ll be reminded you’re okay, you’re strong, and
you’re loved.

It doesn’t matter where you go. Place to place, outside or within the walls, you’ll find him.

He’s your home.

“Levi.” You whisper his name, barely conscious, voice clogged with whiplashing emotions.

“Yeah, baby?”

You sigh at the name, at the care of his hold, and fall asleep before you can say what you had
planned to.

Aren’t you ashamed?

No. Not of loving him. Never.

 Never Again

Jean’s sitting by your bedside when you wake up.

Your bleary gaze lands on his before you wince at the brightness of the setting sun filtering
through the curtains.

“You want some water?” The boy asks as you lift a forearm to cover your eyes.

“Yeah.” Your voice is hoarse as you push yourself up into a sitting position, grimacing at the
ache in your ribs, the slight throbbing in your head. Although, you can tell you’re more
healed than when you were last conscious.

You remember everything, from Larves’s assault to Jean transferring you into Levi’s arms.
You feel slightly embarrassed to have relied so heavily on the boy by your side and to have
put the weight of your burdens on him.

You know he’s only here because you asked him to ensure someone was, and that thought
makes you frown.

“I’m sorry, Jean.” You mutter weakly as you take the cup he’s holding out to you.

“You were completely out of it, Ash. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

You disagree, but you don’t argue. “Okay.”

The water cools and soothes your throat, and you sigh, leaning your head back against the
wall.
“Section Commander Hange stopped by briefly, Captain Levi, too, but with everything going
on-”

“I understand.” You cut him off, swallowing thickly. You know that while what happened to
you isn’t something you can shove under the rug, the Scout Regiment is facing trying times
as you speak, and none of you have the time to stop or step away from them to focus on your
individual problems.

One day, when all of this is over, maybe then you’ll have time to unpack all your pain, to heal
fully from the cruelty of the world. Maybe then, but not now.

“Can you fill me in?” You say after another sip of water.

“Sure,” Jean replies. “It’s a lot.”

“I assumed it’d be.” You tell him with a half smile. “Go ahead.”

“We stopped Annie from escaping.” He starts, and your eyes widen. “Only, she solidified
herself inside some sort of crystal. It’s impossible to break through, so we can’t interrogate
her. Hange has a sample of it, though, the crystal, and is examining it now.”

“So, no progress, essentially.” You state, and Jean nods. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Erwin’s probably facing shit right now as we speak, then, right?”

“Well, he was, an hour ago.” Jean winces as your brows furrow. “Only, things have been put
to a halt.”
“Why?”

“Well,” He rubs the back of his neck, “Wall Rose has a breach.”

“What?” You yell, ignoring the blaring in your sides as you launch forward. “Jean, why the
hell are we still here? Why are you still here?”

“We’re leaving soon, actually. Everyone’s packing up, setting up the carts and horses. I
insisted on staying here in case you woke up. They’ll come get us when we’re ready to head
out.”

You gape at him, mind whirling at the information. “Jean, I appreciate that you’ve kept your
promise, but really, you didn’t-”

“With all due respect, I did.” Jean cuts you off this time, shaking his head with a clenched
jaw. “I’ve never seen someone so horribly assaulted by another human being, a girl at that,
and you were so scared. I’m not very good at comforting people, but I made a promise to
you, and I know how to keep those.”

Your lips press into a firm line as your sinuses burn, but you fight back the wave of emotions
coursing through you. You settle on one and find yourself offering Jean a grateful nod.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, before a tiny smirk takes over your features. “Although, the
girl comment wasn’t necessary.”

Jean’s eyes widen. “What? Oh, I only meant, well -violence is violence, but to me, a man
who can lift a hand to a woman like that is a coward.”

“Captain Levi’s kicked my teeth out before, you know?” You say only to tease the younger
boy whose eyes widen in shock. “It was in front of an entire audience, too. Do you think he’s
a coward?”
“Oh, well,” Jean winces, looking away briefly. “I guess it depends on the context.”

You laugh quietly at his flushed expression, the nervousness in his hesitant reply. “I’m only
messing with you, Jean. I know what you’re trying to say, but this sort of treatment isn’t new
to me. Where I’m from, human beings hurt one another, man or woman, it doesn’t matter. We
just have had different ubringings, you and I.”

“I’ve been quite privileged, then,” Jean mutters more to himself, glancing off toward the
window. “Titans, they’ve always been the one enemy in my mind, but all this corruptness in
the Military Police, the cruelty you’ve endured, I’ll try to learn from it. Remind myself not to
be so single-minded.”

“Easier said than done, but I think that’s a good step forward. I doubt we’ve seen the end of
Larves or others who will want to cause us harm. Try your best to prepare yourself for the
day we aren’t just fighting the monsters outside the walls.” You tell him with a reassuring
nod, and oddly enough, this conversation gives you a dose of courage. Jean, Eren, Armin,
and Mikasa; they are all kids in this world that's becoming increasingly more dangerous.

Your problems are overwhelmingly large up close, but when you step back and see the whole
picture, they’re small. You can compartmentalize this, what’s happened to you, because
you’re fighting for a world that’ll prevent it from happening to any of them.

“Alright.” You sigh out, gesturing toward the door. “Thank you, Jean, but you can go now.
Tell whoever needs to hear it that I’m up and at ‘em, and I’ll be just behind you.”

“Are you sure you’re fine on your own? Should I grab Mikasa to help you get dressed?” Jean
asks as he pushes to his feet.

You shake your head. “I’m fine, but thank you. My body has healed itself enough.”

“I can at least wait outside.” He offers, and you roll your eyes, shoving the blanket off your
lap.
“Get out, Jean.”

“Right.”

Once the boy’s gone, you slowly change into your uniform. Your body is a little worse off
than you predicted, sore all over with every movement, and your head is still somewhat
boggled, making you light-headed when you move too swiftly.

As you leave your room, you move cautiously, utilizing the walls and handrails as you make
your way down the stairs with a focused face. You find your comrades before they notice
your approach. Jean is leading the conversation, which makes you assume their topic is you.

It gives you a second to steady yourself.

You remember how you felt lying on that empty bar’s floor. Larves had gotten to you because
you let him. His threats, his vile comments, it was all too reminiscent of how hopeless you
once were, made you feel as though you were still that child in the underground with no one
to turn to.

Larves took advantage of your head injury and tried to drill that nonsense back into you, and
although it worked then, you’ve woken up with a clearer mind. As you approach your
friends, you know he couldn’t have been more wrong.

You aren’t that kid he used to touch, and you’ll never, ever let him make you feel small again.
He once told you that he’d make you wish you had died in the Underground all those years
ago, but you’re determined to turn the tables on him.

One day, he’s going to wish he had killed you in that bar.
“Honey!” Hange shouts the moment they spot you over Levi’s shoulder. You hold a hand just
before they crush you with a hug you physically aren’t ready for.

“Please, Hange. I’m sore.”

“Right! Sorry. How are you?”

You can see their hesitancy in their eyes, sadness flashing over their features as they take you
in. You muster a smile to reassure them, and all the other eyes are focused on you.

“I’m fine, Hange.” You mean it as you say it. You’re also slightly embarrassed and feel
violated, and your anger feels hot under your skin, but for now, you’re fine. You’ll deem that
to be true.

You look around the group, all of their eyes mirroring the same emotion. Uncertainty. Even
Levi’s tired eyes are worried, and you don’t blame him. You were in rough shape, a crying,
boneless mess, but you’ve come out of your slumber stronger.

You clear your throat and look away toward everyone else.

“I’ll say it so this awkwardness in the air can just be dealt with, and we can focus on more
important things, like who the hell this guy is.” You gesture to the tall, out-of-place stranger
in the Church of the Walls uniform before refocusing on your friends.

“A lot happened yesterday, more than what went on with me. I appreciate all of your concern,
and I’m sure I scared some of you with the state I was in, but really, I am fine now.”

Everyone’s silent, and you sigh, crossing your arms as you look at them.

“What? Do I not look fine?” You challenge, knowing you’re probably a sight for sore eyes,
and you get the hilarious reaction you were hoping for. All three of the boys’ eyes widen
before they jump in to disagree.

“No, that’s not-”

“Great! You look great!”

“We didn’t mean-”

You snort, smiling at their reactions, and they quiet instantly before sheepishly looking away.
You find Mikasa’s eyes and nod, and she nods back before you glance at Levi, who's staring
at Armin, Jean, and Eren with a disapproving grimace.

“You’ve got a massive black eye.” Hange supplies with a tiny smirk, and you sigh, meeting
your friend's gaze. “Like half of your face is purple right now. Kind of badass.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” You tell them with a shrug, aware your face has felt swollen
since you woke up. “It’ll heal. Now, what’s with the random dude and the rock in your
hand?”

“I’m so happy you asked!” Hange gushes instantly, and you flinch back at their volume.

“Before you go on your rant, Four-Eyes, everyone needs to hop in the cart.” Levi drawls out,
nodding his head. “We’ve been paired together for a reason, and it’s not because we’re all
just the best of friends.”

All of your gazes land on the religious man. His frown worsens, and his shoulders stiffen
under your group’s scrutinizing eyes.

“Well, time to get acquainted.” You mutter, stepping forward first. Levi’s gaze burns the side
of your face as you push yourself with a wince, and when you lift your knee, a sharp pain
shoots through your ribs.
Hands grip your waist before you can stumble back, and you let out a shaky breath as you
turn to find Levi’s face close to yours.

“I’ve got you.” He murmurs, and you nod back, eyes glossy.

He helps you up, careful as his fingers slip from your hips, and you sigh with relief, sliding to
the farthest seat in. Levi follows, settling in beside you, then the stranger and Hange before
all the newer recruits sit across from you.

“Alright, now.” Hange starts as your cart begins its journey. “Jean, did you fill Honey in on
everything?”

“Not quite.”

“What?” You exclaim, leaning forward to glare at Jean as your shoulder brushes Levi’s.
“What else is there?”

“There are Titans inside of the walls,” Jean answers, and your brows furrow.

“Like, the breach?”

“No,” Armin shakes his head. “Like the walls, Sina, Rose, and Maria have Titans inside
them.”

You blink at the blonde. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, that sums up our reactions.” Hange jumps in. “Which brings us to why Pastor Nick is
journeying with us. He knew and has kept quiet about it.”
“What?” Eren grits out, eyes ablaze as he stares across the cart at the Pastor. “You knew?
How long? Who else knows?”

“Good luck getting anything out of him, Eren,” Hange mutters bitterly.

“There are other ways to make someone talk,” Levi states calmly, but the revolver on the
inside of his jacket makes the Pastor straighten even further. You’re stunned by its sudden
appearance, but you don’t bother asking now.

“Threatening him doesn’t work either, Levi. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Hange’s voice is
exasperated before they lean forward and their eyes meet yours. “However, I’ve been
patiently waiting to answer your previous question, Honey. This rock is not just a rock. It’s a
piece of the material Annie encased herself in, and its molecular structure is the very same as
the one of the walls.”

“Armin, isn’t that what you were just saying?” Mikasa comments quietly, and Armin nods,
his eyes locked on Hange.

“So, you’re saying the walls are-”

“Woah, hold on there,” Hange exclaims excitedly, reaching over to cover Armin’s lips. “It’s
rude to steal another person’s thunder! After all, I’m the one who did the examination, for
hours, mind you, and so yes, I’m saying the walls are made of the same exact material Annie
produced. This means that Titans make up our walls to keep other Titans out. Three questions
arise then: Why and how are they there, and does Eren have the same ability? Can he create
this nearly indestructible material?”

“Damnit, Hange, let go of Armin.” You snap, reaching over to pull their hand back.

“You think Eren can plug the hole in Wall Maria?” Armin says the moment he can, and
Hange yelps as if struck.
“Damnit, what did I just say!”

“If I can plug the wall, we can reclaim the land inside it,” Eren mutters to himself, brow
furrowed.

“Can you?” Hange says quickly, refocusing. “I know that’s not fair to ask, but can you do it?”

“It’s not about if he can; it’s if he will,” Levi says, and Eren swallows. “Will you or won’t
you?”

“I will!” Eren says with determined eyes. “I’ll plug the hole, and we’ll take it back!”

“I have faith in you, Eren, and we won’t send you to do it blind or alone.” You say, gaining
everyone’s attention. Eren nods gratefully to you, and you reply with a smile before facing
Hange. “But we should focus on one thing at a time. What do we know about the breach of
Wall Rose?”

“Not much,” They answer, adjusting their glasses. “There’s just been reports of Titans inside
the walls. I assume Miche and Nanaba’s squads are out looking for the hole as we speak.
We’ll hopefully have reports when we arrive.”

“Until then, we’ll do what we can to get this shithead to talk.” Levi grunts, pressing his
revolver closer to the man who finally parts his lips.

“I’ve made an oath.” He says indignantly. “I will never talk.”

“We’ll see,” Levi mutters, facing forward. He feels your gaze on him, and he turns, eyeing
you. “What?”
“What’s with the gun?” You ask him as the others fall into their own private conversations.

“Stole it.” He mutters back, and you scoff.

“Seriously? From who?”

“An MP. Don’t know his name.”

You laugh quietly, shaking your head. “I suppose you can take the man out of the
Underground, but you can’t take the Underground out of the man.”

“What corny ass shit did you just say to me?”

Your face twists into a smile by the affronted expression on Levi’s face, and his softens just
slightly at the sight of it.

“I like it.” You muse softly, fighting the urge to reach over and card your fingers through his
hair. “That you still know how to play dirty despite being the respectable Captain Levi.”

“When have I ever given the impression I’m respectable?” He deadpans, but his eyes flash
with mirth.

“Good point, but plenty look up to you.”

“They don’t know me.”

“No, they don’t.”

“You do.” He mutters, and you nod. “And I know you.”

“You do.” You agree.

“So, I know you’re not fine.” His voice is so quiet, so soft you can barely hear it. “But I know
you don’t have a choice right now but to be fine.”

You swallow and shrug. “Yeah. I’m obviously not okay with what happened.”

“Obviously.”

“But we don’t get the luxury to stop and wallow.”

“We don’t.”

“Besides,” You tell him softly, leaning into him just slightly. “If he had done what he did
even five months ago, I’d be back at square one, but I’m not who I was then, and I’m
definitely not that kid he used to abuse. I woke up today more angry and disgusted than upset
and scared, and I think that says a lot. So, despite how I acted yesterday, I am fine. Know
why?”

Levi takes you in, then presses closer the way you had just done to him. “Tell me.”

“As we’ve just discussed, we aren’t respectable, and we aren’t afraid to get our hands dirty.”
You murmur with a tiny quirk to your lips. “I’m fine because I know one day that fucking
pervert will get whats coming to him.”

Levi tuts. “Yeah, I’m with you on that.”

“You’ll help me, then?”

“Don’t be dense.” He mutters back with a scoff. “The only reason I won’t kill that shitbag
myself is because I want to watch you do it. I can think of all kinds of creative ways to make
that son of a bitch cry, though, and I’m looking forward to seeing what his ugly face looks
like when he’s in pain.”

“You’re quite the sweet talker, Captain.” You tease, but your stomach flips at the look he
gives you in reply. It’s full of mirth, fondness, and something dangerous.

“Yeah? You like it when I talk torture to you?” He deadpans, eyes briefly dipping to your
lips. You nod, smiling at his sarcasm.

“Yeah. Tell me more. You gonna chop off his fingers? Make him eat them?”

Levi scoffs, eyes flashing. “That escalated.”

“What?” You laugh. “Too far?”

“Not far enough. Just didn’t expect to hear you say it.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re too pretty to be talking like that.” He mutters, voice low.

You flush under his heavy gaze and the compliments he’s tossed in seemingly out of
nowhere. “What does that mean? Can someone be too pretty to be violent?”

“Not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I don’t think I should say.” He mumbles, shaking his head. “Not with what you went
through yesterday.”

Your brow pinches, unsure of where this is going. “Say it, and we’ll find out if it pisses me
off or not.”

“Fine.” Levi grits as he clenches his jaw. “I only meant that the combination on you suddenly
gives me the craving for tea.”

Your breath catches at the double meaning; the memory of his head between your legs filters
through your mind, and you feel it burn in your core. You understand Levi’s hesitancy now to
admit his emotions, but you’re glad he has because it’s made you realize something.

Larves threats were terrifying and disgusting. They made your skin crawl, your body cold,
your heart shrivel; nothing remotely close to how it feels when Levi speaks to you with desire
in his words or lust in his eyes.

His want for you is pure and warm, and even though the thought of being touched by anyone
else makes you want to curl in on yourself, the memory, the thought of Levi’s touch still
ignites a fire in you.

Larves hasn’t stolen that from you, and you’re overwhelmingly relieved.

You glance around and find that no one is paying attention to the pair of you, too caught up in
their own conversations to care.

Your face is rosy when you return Levi’s severe stare, and when he notices the fresh wetness
in your eyes, he frowns, misunderstanding. You don’t let an apology part his lips.
“Levi.” You shush his name quietly, eyes dipping to his lips, then back up to his pretty eyes.
“I appreciate your concern, but nothing that wretched fuck has done or will do can take you
from me.”

“Will do?” Levi mutters, shaking his head. “He’ll never touch you again, Ash. That I fucking
promise.”

His anger for you warms your heart, and his promise is one you have full faith in. You put
much more value in this man’s words, the one in front of you looking at you with anger for
the hurt you’ve endured but such tenderness in his eyes for you.

It erases the nervousness that came with Larves threat, and you believe wholeheartedly that
yesterday was the last time Larves will ever hurt you. Together, the two of you won’t let him.

Together, you’ll make him pay.

 Temper

When you arrive in Ehrmich District, things happen quickly.

Everyone rushes to gear up and ready their horses while messengers flurry around, reporting
any news, which is quite limited. You’re still achy and slow to move, which has brought you
here beside Levi. You’ve both been ordered to stay out of the fight, seeing as neither of you is
fit for battle, and instead, you’ll try to get Pastor Nick to open up.

“Nobody said stop walking, Holy man.” Levi drawls out, placing a foot on the man’s back
and shoving him forward.

You step beside the Pastor and look up at his horrified eyes as hundreds waddle through the
crowded streets. Children and babies cry, parents grit their teeth to keep a strong face for their
little ones, and only a few are fortunate enough to travel with small sacks of belongings.

“You may have the luxury to keep secrets within your cushy life within the innermost wall.”
You tell the exhausted-looking man, and his grimace worsens. “But these are the real lives
you affect by doing so. Whatever you know, whatever you’re sworn to secrecy over, well, I
hope it’s worth the hundreds and thousands of families that are losing their homes, being sent
to shelters where they’ll have to watch their children slowly starve and sleep on dirty street
floors.”

“It’s not simple.” The Pastor grits out, eyes seemingly haunted.

“Make it simple.” Levi grits from his spot behind Nick. “If you can look at a scene like this
and not feel compelled to help even the slightest bit, then who are you to call yourself a man
of the people? Isn’t your entire organization built on providing citizens with hope? Can’t you
see it doesn’t matter how strong or righteous their god is once it’s destroyed and they’re sent
packing?”

“You don’t understand,” Pastor Nick says, his voice sad and fragile. “My oath means more to
me than my life.”
“Does it mean more than all these people’s lives?” You ask him, crossing your arms.

Nick hesitates at that, then places a hand over his face, distraught. “I don’t know anymore.”

“Anything you can say helps us.” You plead to him, stepping closer. “Anything, Pastor. We
want to aid humanity. This information, your sacrifice, we won’t let it go to waste.”

“I won’t tell you anything.” He says. You sigh exasperated, but as your eyes meet Levi’s dark
glare, the Pastor speaks again. “However, I know someone who can.”

Your head whips his way as Levi responds. “We’ll take it.”

Before the religious man can speak further, Moblit runs up to you.

“Everyone’s almost ready to go. If you want to say goodbye, now's the time.”

“Thanks, Moblit. Hold that thought, Pastor. Hange will want to hear what you have to say
anyway.” You find your voice before following Moblit to where your comrades are gathered.

“Get him to say anything?” Hange’s voice is bitter and dry, but when you nod, they perk up
in shock. “What? Really? What’d he say?”

“We don’t know,” Levi answers, leaning up against the wall as your eyes fall on the Pastor.
“He’s about to tell us.”

“Right.” Nick nods, his face troubled. “Even this may be saying too much, but it wasn’t in
my oath, so I’ll impart it to all of you. There is a girl in your Regiment, a new member from
the 104th trainee corps, and she is the key. She can tell you what I cannot.”
“Who?” Eren asks fiercely, likely frustrated that another one of their comrades has been
keeping secrets.

“Her name is Historia, but I’ve been told she goes by another name. Christa Lenz.”

All four of your comrades' faces drop as Hange yells, “Who?”

You're just as in the dark as Hange on this one. You have no idea who this Christa person is,
but Armin, Mikasa, Eren, and Jean do, and well.

“Christa?” Armin says aloud in disbelief while Jean mutters, “No way.”

“Someone tell me who that is.” Hange exasperates, and Mikasa replies.

“The short blonde girl who's always hanging around Ymir.”

Your brows shoot up with hazy recognition. You can barely picture her face, but you
remember how soft-spoken and shy she seemed. You understand Hange’s reaction as their
jaw drops.

“What? Her? The small one?”

“The cute one.” Armin supplies in agreement, and you lift a brow his way.

“Excuse me!” A brown-haired girl shouts from right over your shoulder, making you jump a
foot in the air. Everyone turns towards the new voice, and all the newer recruits seem taken
aback by her appearance. Your glare falls onto the girl you vaguely recognize as you hold
your chest.
“Scream over anyone else’s shoulder next time.” You tell her in all seriousness, and she
swallows, nodding.

“Sorry!”

“Sasha? What are you doing here?” Mikasa asks, but the girl ignores her and pushes forward,
stopping in front of Hange.

“A letter for you, Section Commander. The one you requested.”

Hange blinks and then nods, taking the curled paper. “Right then. Thanks.”

You all watch as Hange opens the message, and your gaze briefly meets Levi’s, whose eyes
are flashing with mirth as he stares over at you. You flush and focus back on Hange, and your
stomach twists as their expression hardens.

“What is it, Hange?” You ask, stepping closer. They shake their head, shoving the rolled up
letter under their arm.

“Not here.”

“Section Commander, we really don’t have time to-”

“I’ll make it brief, Moblit. This is important. Let’s move into this private room over here.”

Everyone files in except Pastor Nick, and once Hange is assured that your voices aren’t open
to any unwanted ears, they proceed.
“Right, well, if you all recall, I did some digging on Annie once Armin offered her name as a
potential suspect. Well, after seeing the irregularities in her background, I decided to do a
background check on everyone in the 104th Training Corps. Two names have come up with
the exact same oddities. Orphans from the Shiganshia breach with zero information on their
lives before then.”

Eren looks like he’s about to have a mental breakdown while Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, and Jean
ready themselves.

“Are you implying the two names you’re about to list are the Armor and the Colossal
Titans?” Levi says what no one else can bring themselves to, and Hange frowns but nods.

“Yes, that’s what I’ve theorized.”

“Who?” Eren practically growls in his frustration, dipping his head. “Who are we claiming
has betrayed us now?”

“Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover,” Hange says, and your heart stutters as Eren shoves to
his feet, eyes wild.

“No way! Absolutely not.”

“Eren-”

“No, Armin,” Eren says frantically, shaking off his friend’s arm. “Annie, I didn’t want to
believe it, but that was on principal. I understand people betray and that people can be cruel
now, but Reiner and Bertholdt? We’re close to them. We’ve been friends since we joined the
corps, and I told them about my Mom. I told them everything, and you’re telling me to just
accept that they’re the reason she’s dead? You’re lying!”

“Eren.” Levi snaps harshly in Hnage’s defense as the boy insults them, crossing his arms.
“Mind your temper.”
“It’s fine, Levi.” Hange waves him off before nodding to Eren. “I’m making an educated
guess here, Eren, but I have strong reason to believe Reiner and Bertoldt aren’t who they say
they are. I’m aware it’s upsetting. These are people you’ve trained alongside, comrades
you’ve put your faith in, and if I’m right, this makes them lying murderers.”

“We don’t know for sure, though! I’m not able to just turn my back on them based off an
assumption.”

“No, we don’t know for sure.” You tell Eren as the eyes in the room fall on you. “Hange isn’t
telling you it’s them with certainty, but with confidence. Do not trust them by any means, but
if you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, then fine. That’s your judgment call, but
don’t insult Hange by disregarding the work they’ve put in to give us an edge here. Trust me,
Eren, no one wants your friends to be traitors, but this is the reality of the situation. We were
right about Annie, and it’s more likely than not that we’re right about these two.”

Eren swallows, eyes saddening as he looks at you. His expression is guilty and troubled, and
you feel for him as he turns back toward Hange.

“I’m sorry, Section Commander. I’m just tired of people betraying us.” He admits quietly,
and you press your lips together to stop a frown.

“I already said it’s fine, Eren. I don’t expect you to be robotic when I keep tossing your
friends’ names on the chopping block. Although, my two little guard chihuahuas here nipping
at your ankles are right. Control your emotions when it matters, which means when we
rendezvous with everyone, you’ve got to keep it together. Do not let Reiner or Bertholdt
know we’re suspicious of them.”

“We’ve got a lot riding on you, Eren,” Levi speaks up as he turns his glare from Hange back
to the boy. “From here on out, put your trust solely in the people in this room. Reiner and
Belltower, or whatever his fucking name is, they’re likely not the same kids you sat around a
campfire and shared stories with in the trainee corps. Chances are, everything they’ve told
you is a lie. No one is saying that it shouldn’t sting, but to get your emotions about in check.
Understood?”
“Yes, sir.” Eren nods, a determined look passing over his features.

“Mikasa.” Levi barks out toward the girl, who looks over at him impassively. “I don’t get
your attachment to the brat, but keep looking out after him. Ash and I won’t be there, so the
responsibility falls to you.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll always look after Eren.” She says in all seriousness, and you bite back a smile.

“Armin, you and Hange have been spot-on with hunches before, so keep putting your brains
together and speak up when necessary.”

“Yes, sir.” Armin nods as he pushes to his feet. Jean and Sasha look expectant, waiting for
their order from the Captain, but when nothing comes, they look down sheepishly.

“Jean, Sasha,” You call out their names, and their eyes shoot up to meet yours. “You’re both
reliable and have good heads on your shoulders. Trust your guts and aid all the others with
their tasks.”

“Right!” They say in unison, clearly fighting smiles. You press your lips together to stop
yours as you all filter out of the room. You and Levi watch as they all hop on their horses.
Approaching Hange’s, they give you a reassuring nod.

“I’ll tell you everything when I get back, and I expect you’ll do the same.”

“Right, 'cause I’ll have so many interesting stories about how I waited here where it’s safe
while you and everyone else risk their lives.” You deadpan, eyes turning to slits as Hange
smirks.

“I meant more along the lines of what goes down between you and short stack while I’m
gone. A couple of nights to lean on one another, healing, bonding, and then of course that
brief, insignificant thing you mentioned about wanting to-”
“Damnit, Hange, fuck off.” You groan with a pink tint adorning your cheeks. “Come back
alive, and sure, I’ll reward you with vague, barely-there details and not a single definitive
answer to any of your questions.”

“I’ll take it!” They cheer, reaching down to pat your head. “Rest up, Honey. I’m sure there
will be plenty to do when we’re back.”

“Be safe.” You tell them as you step back. Your eyes roam over your comrades then. “That
goes for all of you. Come back in one piece, yeah? After all, Captain Levi and I are searching
for new squad members, and if you prove useful in protecting Eren, your success may just
land you a role.”

“Bribing them with something that isn’t yours to offer, huh?” Levi mutters from beside you,
but as you both watch Armin utter something excitedly to Eren and Mikasa while Jean and
Sasha exchange determined looks, he concedes with a sigh. “I suppose it was a good idea.”

“Of course it was! Honey’s full of ‘em.” Hange grins, winking to you once last time before
addressing your comrades. “Alrighty, folks. Let’s move out!”

You feel your heart lift to your throat as their figures fade into the night, out Wall Sina’s gate
and into the danger zone.

“Take your own advice,” Levi says softly, and you blink wetly at him. “Have faith that they’ll
come back.”

You nod, dabbing at your eyes. “Right, and we’ll do what we can from here. Let’s get Pastor
Nick somewhere safe.”

“Agreed.”
It’s a long night after that. Finding a place for the Pastor to hold up isn’t difficult, but it’s
finding somewhere for the two of you to sleep that proves to be an issue. With the Military
Police being the main patrollers inside the innermost wall, the Scout Regiment rumors are
intensely more fabricated, and the treatment is significantly worse after Annie and Eren's
display in Stohess.

Every place turns you away, upfront with their dislike or claiming they’re full, and the two of
you are reaching your limit.

“Where the fuck did Erwin say he was staying?” You whine, a sheen of sweat forming on
your features. You’re exhausted, overheated, and your body aches are becoming worse as the
minutes tick by.

“He didn’t. He’s meeting with Pixis and Niles as we speak to discuss a scenario in which they
send him and reinforcements to aid Hange and the others.” Levi grits out, pinching the bridge
of his nose. “I’m about ready to nap in a fucking alleyway.”

“How nostalgic.”

“You have any better ideas?” Levi grunts back; the limp in his leg has also grown
increasingly more obvious. You search your surroundings, frowning with worry for him and
yourself.

“Toss our capes and double back?” You wince out the only reasonable idea that crosses your
mind.

“That wouldn’t be a terrible call if our faces weren’t memorized by half the residents here.”

You hang your head. “Right.”

“Let’s head back to the stables just inside the gate. Maybe we can find at least one MP who
doesn’t reek of booze or sneer our way for fucking existing.” Levi sighs, and you nod,
knowing there isn’t any other option.

Your bad luck streak is broken when you run into Niles Dok on your way through the
crowded streets, and he recognizes the pair of you with detectably lacking enthusiasm.

“Captain.” He says sharply, and you wave awkwardly as he glances your way. “You.”

“Me.” You agree, much too tired to care about his cold front.

“We need a place to sleep.” Levi cuts straight to the chase, and the Military Police
Commander nods.

“Right. Apologies. I’ll take you to an inn nearby.”

Neither you nor Levi bother explaining you’ve already tried to enter the hotel he leads you to.
You’re sure he’ll pull strings, and this place that claimed to be full will miraculously have a
room open up. Truthfully, you don’t care anymore. You just want a shower and a place to
sleep.

“What is to be done with Commander Erwin?” Levi asks, and Nile briefly glances his way.

“We’ll make the final decision tomorrow as to whether we’ll be sending Erwin Smith out
with a squad of reinforcements. For now, he’s staying in our insubordination cells by the
barracks until we decide whether to arrest him or not. That’s all I’ll disclose.”

While it's not great news, they haven’t entirely locked Erwin away yet, and the two of you
choose to settle for that response.

As expected, Niles manages to secure you one room at a place you visited prior, although the
owners don’t seem keen on hiding their resentment as they had you a room key. Again,
whatever it takes to get you clean and asleep, you’ll endure it.
“I’ll leave you here,” Niles says as he turns toward the front door to leave unceremoniously.

“Thank you.” You call out to him, earning another glance. “Really. Your help is greatly
appreciated.”

Niles seems to think on something, and when he decides to see it through, he turns back
around and approaches you.

“You’ll repay me with the truth about Larves.” He says quietly, and you stiffen slightly. He
takes note of it. “What’s your history there? He’s had it out for you more than anyone, more
than Eren Jeager, so I know it’s not because of your healing ability.”

“If she answers, will you actually do something about him?” Levi cuts in, eyes hard. “There’s
a reason Ash and I don’t have good relationships with any of your comrades. You know that,
don’t you? You know why, too, but you turn a blind eye. When was the last time you even
visited the Underground, Niles?”

The older man before you presses his lips together, and a guilty look passes over his face.

“Tch, that’s what I thought.”

“So, it started there, then?” Niles asks you, ignoring Levi, and your lips tug downward as you
nod. “Alright, that’s all I need to know.”

“Is it?” You mutter, simmering anger pulsing in your veins. “Levi’s right, then. If simply
knowing I met Larves when I was nothing but a homeless child in the Underground is all you
need to know, then you’re fully aware of what he and the others like him do.”

“I am now.” He says quietly, eyes flickering between the two of you. “Despite the reputation
a few rotten apples have given, I don’t intend to let the Military Police become a joke. I plan
to pluck out its weeds, make it once more what it always should have been. Strong,
dedicated, and proud.”

“Did you just call rapists rotten apples?” You murmur in disbelief. “You think if you kick
people like Larves out, your problem will be solved? Respectfully, open you fucking eyes,
Commander. It’s all corrupt, and the ones who claim they’d never are the ones who do it
when no one’s looking. Larves chopped off my goddamn arm for fuck’s sake and now he’s
leading a squad. If you want change, good for you. I hope it works out, but don’t talk down to
us like we aren’t obvious victims of your bullshit branches’ prejudice and cruelty.”

Niles doesn’t reply right away, and you don’t wait for one.

“Good luck with your reform , Niles.” You mutter before turning away.

Levi follows you as you march off toward your room, and a borderline manic laugh erupts
from you when you find place they have given you is the same size as a goddamn broom
closet.

“I fucking hate this place,” Levi mutters as you wipe at your eyes, your tears from a
combination of exhaustion, amusement, and exasperation.

“Let’s go back to the farmhouse.” You say as you regain your sanity, stepping inside the
cramped space and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Tomorrow. The Castle, we don’t need its
cellar anymore, and the farmhouse was cozier.”

“They won’t let us leave until we hear news about the breach,” Levi replies before settling in
beside you, both of you wincing at the creak in the springs as he does.

“Next chance we get, then.” You say. “It’ll be a new place for Eren when he gets back, and I
think with all those kids, it’ll be a different environment. They’re a lively bunch, aren’t
they?”
“If by lively, you mean annoying, then yes. Quite lively.”

You smirk at him. “You didn’t say anything about not recruiting them for your squad.”

“Because I think it’s a good idea.” He muses quietly, eyes shifting to meet yours. “Mikasa
will practically do my job for me, Armin is intelligent, Jean has-”

“Brass balls?” You cut him off, and Levi scoffs, patting your head and pushing you back
gently.

“Let that go.”

“Sorry.” You giggle, lowering his hand but keeping it encased in yours. “Continue.”

“You were right. Jean and Sasha have good heads on their shoulders. Good instincts, too.” He
admits. “We’ll talk to Hange when they’re back and get a status report and go from there.”

“Right.” You agree softly, not letting your mind consider the possibility of never seeing any
of them again. Instead, you focus on the present, the grime that feels as though it’s coating
your body. “I feel so gross.”

“I doubt this place will let us shower if this pea-sized room is any indication of their distaste
for us being here.”

You groan, flopping back on the twin mattress with a huff. “I know.”

“Are you fine with sharing this shit bed for the night? I can’t sleep in this suit, and we don’t
have any clothes to change into.” Levi asks as he stands, turning to face you with uncertainty
in his expression. “I will sleep on the floor if you ask me to.”
You push onto your elbows, eyeing him as you shake your head. “You’re not sleeping on the
floor, Levi. I don’t mind. I’m taking off my uniform, too. That cool with you?”

Levi tuts. “What do you think?”

“If you feel the need to ask, then I’ll give the same courtesy to you.” You grumble
defensively as you sit back up.

The pair of you derobe quietly, slipping your jackets and button-ups off your shoulders, and
your heart rate picks up as you slip you pants down your legs, leaving you in your underwear
and a tank top.

You slide back onto the bed until your head meets a pillow, and your eyes trail over Levi’s
exposed arms and legs as he’s left in his undershirt and boxers. He’s toned, which you knew,
but the sight of his legs stirs something in you. Oddly, something miniscule like that can
make your heart tick, but it’s in knowing these are parts of his body nobody gets to see.

“How’s your ankle?” You ask him breathlessly as his eyes roam your body.

“Fine.” He grunts, slipping in beside you, back resting against the headboard. You gaze up at
him as he looks down at you, and his palm finds your head once more, his fingers carding
through your hair. You hum at the feeling, his touch soothing to the ache behind your
fluttering eyes.

“And you? How's your head? Your ribs?”

“Sore.” You murmur with a sigh. “That feels good, though.”

“Good.”
“Levi?” You say, feeling the weight of sleep pressing you deeper into the uncomfortable
mattress, but Levi’s presence offers solace and safety. It makes your chest warm, and you feel
the sudden urge to clear something up, to ease his dread, and to hear it said aloud.

“He didn’t touch me like that.”

By the pause of Levi’s hand, you can tell he knows you mean Larves, and you let out a shaky
breath before continuing.

“He kicked me and punched me.” You say quietly. “He grabbed me by the hair and threw me
across the room. He hovered over me, and his lips, they grazed my cheek. He threatened to
rape me, but he didn’t touch me like that. I know I probably gave the impression that he did.
It felt like he had at the time, but he didn’t, and I just want you to know that.”

You finally open your eyes after a few moments of silence, and you look up at Levi’s somber,
contemplative expression as he drinks you in, lips tilted down.

“Did you think it’d change how I felt about you if he had?” He asks, and your lips part, heart
stuttering at the question.

“No.” You say thickly, eyes shifting to his torso, and you slowly lift a hand, laying your palm
flat to his abdomen. His muscles tense under your touch through the fabric of his shirt. “No, I
don’t.”

“Good,” Levi mumbles. His hand continues its gentle caress in your hair, and you relax
again. “It doesn’t, and while I’m relieved he didn’t touch you like that, him making you feel
like he had is just as bad in my eyes. Only, I care most about how you feel about it. You lived
it, not me. I just want you to be okay.”

“I am okay.” You scoot closer and wrap your arm fully around his waist. With your head
resting just below his chest, you sigh contently. “It just feels like something bad happened,
and it’s over now. One more terrible thing that I’m leaving there in the past. I’m alright, Levi.
With you, I think I always will be.”
He wraps his arm across your shoulders as he sinks down the bed an inch. His hold around
you tightens before he whispers, “I know the feeling.”
 Exploring

The both of you toss and turn most of the night, half asleep, a tangle of warm limbs in the
cramped space. When you do blink open your eyes, you aren’t entirely shocked to find Levi’s
front pressed to your back, his arm snugged tightly to your waist, and your face inches from
the wall.

You're surprised Levi’s still sleeping, it being a rare form for him, but the slightest amount of
sunlight peering in through the tiny window informs you it’s barely morning. You must have
only gotten four hours of sleep at most, but your body feels almost entirely healed.

You settle deeper into the cocoon he’s created for you, feeling his breath tickling your nape,
and it’s then you feel the hardness between his legs grazing your behind. Your heart jumps,
and your mind whirls with nerves and curiosity.

You’ve seen male appendages before, touched them, tasted them, but each image and
memory you conjure only makes you shudder in disgust. Yet, this is Levi’s body behind
yours. He’s hard muscles and soft skin, his hands are the epitome of warmth and safety, and
feeling his body flush to yours fills you with desire, not dread.

Only, you still feel nerves bundle in your gut because the thought of doing to Levi what
you’ve done to so many others almost feels wrong. Oddly, it feels unfair to him, like he
deserves better than to be added to the list of the men you’ve taken in your mouth.

You’re scared, too, that you’ll try and back out, make him uncomfortable, make yourself
uneasy, and ruin what you have. You’re worried and fearful, but your curiosity feels just as
strong when you think of the look of pleasure on his face from the last time you were
intimate.

You want to make him feel good, the way he made you feel, and not to return the favor but
because you want to. You understand what he had meant then about wanting to see what
pleasure looked like on you. Your navel flips when you imagine the look in his eyes, the
words he’d say, the way pleasing him would absolve you of those horrific memories in the
Underground.
Your emotions are conflicting. Yearning and uncertainty fight in your chest and lower
abdomen, and you’re left with no answer.

“What’s got you so tense?” Levi’s scratchy voice breathes out from behind you, making you
shiver at the deep sound. It reinforces the part of you that wants him, reminds you just how
attracted you are to the man you love, and your worries waiver.

You don’t speak, instead, you lean your back further into his chest, and his arm tightens
across your hip.

“Am I supposed to guess?” He asks gruffly, taking note of the hitch in your breath as the air
thickens around you. Your eyes flutter shut as you take the courageous plunge and move your
hips back, pushing yourself against his hardened length.

Levi sucks in a harsh breath as your bodies are merely seperated by thin undergarments. His
hand pulls back to grip your hip, fingers pressing into skin and halting your movements.

“Ash,” He grits out your name warningly, making your stomach flip at the strain in his voice.

“What?” You ask with mock innocence, enjoying the tut sound that parts his lips.

He tugs on your hips until you’re flat on your back, and your chest slowly heaves as you look
up at him. He’s so breathtaking in the early morning, hair slightly ruffled, eyes glossy, and his
face flushed from your previous actions.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles, cupping your jaw gently. His thumb swipes playfully
across your lips. “Teasing me?”

You press your bare thighs together, and you lean your knees against his hip, biting the inside
of your cheek to stop a smile.
“No.”

“No?” He asks, eyes dipping down your body, then back up. “Testing me, then. Is that it?”

You shift onto your side, tucking your arm under your head before murmuring. “I was just
thinking about it.”

“About what?”

“What it’d be like with you.” Your cheeks flush red as the words part your lips, and your gaze
falls to his chest as shyness creeps over you. You lift your fingers to the fabric of his torso,
steadying your breath. “The things I’ve done before, they never appealed to me, you know
that, but, I don’t know. I think maybe I’d like it if it were you I was touching.”

Levi’s quiet, so you finally glance up at him through your lashes, and your lower abdomen
clenches at the look in his eyes. They’ve softened and darkened at the same. Adoration and
lust spiral in his irises.

“You can touch me if that’s what you want.” Levi’s voice is slow and low, and your pulse
quickens under his heavy gaze. “Touch me, don’t touch me, touch me and then stop. It’s
entirely up to you. Whatever you want to give.”

Your heart lodges in your throat as your shaky hand clutches the material of his shirt and tugs
it gently upward, exposing the pale skin of his navel. You move with caution, slipping your
fingers under the hem and ghosting his warm skin.

Levi lets out a soft sigh, and you finally look away from his gaze down to the lower half of
his torso. Your eyes take in the v-shaped muscles that disappear underneath his boxers and
the evident bulge there. It makes you swallow, but you avert your gaze back up, sliding his
shirt up further.
“Want me to take it off?” Levi’s asks then, and you nod, voice failing. Your heart hammers in
your chest as he pulls the material off his shoulders, tossing it gently by his folded pile of
clothing.

“Can you lay back?” You ask, sitting up and leaning against the wall to give him space. Levi
doesn’t answer but positions himself on the bed, his back flat to the mattress. He’s propped
up against the pillow leaning against the metal headboard, and once he’s comfortable, he
looks over at you, eyes dark but his expression patient.

You bite the inside of your cheek before moving toward him. His eyes flash as you lift your
knee to straddle his waist, and once you settle in his lap, your hands find his and place them
on your thighs.

“Is this okay?” You ask him breathlessly, eyes meeting his once more as your palms touch his
stomach. The defined abs under the pads of your fingertips tense when he nods, and your
heart skips at how lovely he looks like this underneath you.

“More than.”

Your smile is soft and shy as you dip your head, run your hands up his front, and pause on his
ribs.

His beautiful body is nothing like you’ve ever seen, so smooth and defined, almost fragile-
looking, like porcelain, but he’s anything but weak. His frame is the epitome of power, but
he’s so pliant under you, offering you control and the chance to discover his body on your
own terms.

You think he’s pretty, so handsome and sexy, nothing like any of the men from the
Underground. Not to mention you were always looking up at them, and the only thing
exposed were their aroused members. Their hands were rough in your hair, forceful and
hungry to take, but Levi, he’s the one looking up at you.

His hands are calloused but smooth, and he isn’t taking anything from you; he’s allowing you
the chance to give. That’s the most obvious difference to you. Your bodies are close, but so
are your hearts. You trust each other and care for one another, and that makes your desire to
touch him unbearable to ignore, so you don’t bother trying to.

You lean down, and his eyes watch as you close the distance until your lips intertwine. You
kiss him slowly, meaningfully, and press your hips tighter to his, feeling his erection press
into your core.

You part, gasping into one another’s mouths at the contact, but you remind yourself that you
want to focus on touching him, tasting him, so you feather a kiss to his cheek, then his jaw.
Your place an open-mouthed one to his throat, and his breath turns ragged; his grip on your
hips tight but nonrestricting.

He groans when you give into your desire and lap your tongue up the edge of his jaw. His
skin tastes sweet, and it thrums in your veins, making your head feel fuzzy with want. You
know then you want more, to savor more of his body, and that thought makes you feel
emotional.

“Enjoying yourself?” Levi asks breathily. You place a parting kiss on his neck before pulling
back enough to look at him. He takes in your features and curses. “Fuck, you really are,
aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” You smile at him, your heart beating wildly, warmly as you watch the lust in his gaze
fully cloud over his pupils. “You taste good. Does it feel good?”

“Fuck, yeah, it feels good.” He replies, voice thick. It makes you shiver. “I’ve never been
touched like this before.”

A thrill shoots up your spine at the thought, and you place a chaste kiss on his lips before
sliding down to his chest. You remember how it felt for you, and although his are smaller,
you testingly pad at his nipples, swiping your thumbs over pink, taut flesh.

He huffs out, his stomach muscles jumping against you, and you look up at him.
“Alright?”

Levi nods. “Just different.”

You hesitate before placing an open-mouthed kiss on his right nipple, and Levi’s breath turns
shaky. You lap a soft kitten-lick to the pebbled flesh before lowering further, flattening your
tongue up his stomach, humming at the salty but sweet flavor of his skin.

The firm but delicate muscles you’re aquianting yourself with are filling your abdomen with
increasing desire, and when you look back up at him, the expression on his features lodges
your heart in your throat.

He looks awestruck as he stares at you, like you’re not doing something degrading but
meaningful. His eyes shine with adoration, and you know then that is just as impactful to him
as it is to you, this level of intimacy you’re wanting to give him, the control he’s giving up to
you.

He’s looking at you like you’re something worthy of praise and love, and it’s like he’s
realizing he is, too. It’s making your head swim with overwhelming relief, want, and love.

You’ve never been viewed this way or felt powerful in a position like this, and your affection
for him is making it almost hard to breathe. This ache bursting the vessels in your heart is a
good one, but it is an ache nonetheless.

Levi pushes up onto his elbows, noting the shift in your expression. “You don’t have to,
Ash.”

“I want to.” You murmur, looking up at him with glossy eyes. Your words are completely
true, but you feel as though your heart is going to explode.

Levi swallows as he brings a hand to your jaw. “You really want to? You’re sure?”
“I am.” You breathe out, tears forming in your eyes despite yourself. “It’s never been like
this. I’ve never initiated it or been looked at like you’re looking at me, and I certainly haven’t
been asked if I’m sure before. I want to. I really do. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m
crying.”

“Come here,” Levi murmurs, guiding you up his body. “Take a breather.”

“I’m fine.” You shake your head as he pulls you tight to his chest, but your body betrays you
as you wrap your arms around his shoulders and press your face to the crook of his neck.
“I’m sorry. I don’t-”

“Ash,” Levi shushes you, his hand finding the back of your head. “Don’t apologize. I believe
you, I think you’re just overwhelmed.”

“Oh.” You say dumbly, sniflfing slightly “Fuck, that’s annoying.”

Levi huffs out a laugh. “It’s normal.”

“It isn’t.” You disagree, and Levi guides you back, his hands cupping your jaw as his thumb
swipes at your tears.

“It is.” He argues back intently. “You’ve had to endure a lot of fucked up shit in your life.
This is just a part of healing.”

You groan out dramatically, leaning your forehead to his. “Still annoying. I really do want
to.”

“If you still feel that way later and are up for it, I can promise I won’t stop you.” Levi muses,
and you sigh at his comment.
“Later?” You grumble begrudgingly. Levi’s lips quirk before he sits up with you against his
chest, and a stunned laugh escapes your lips.

“Your enthusiasm and desire to suck me off is flattering, Ash.” He muses, and you hide your
blush in his chest.

“Stop, Levi, that’s embarrassing.”

“Why is it embarrassing?” He asks in seriousness. “I came in my pants just from tasting you,
and I’m not embarrassed about it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to make
someone you care about feel good, especially not when you taste as good as you do. Just
thinking about your pretty cunt makes me hard.”

“Levi, enough, please.” You scold into his skin, flushing at his blunt words. Your core throbs,
and you fight the urge to grind down on him for some relief.

“What?” He grunts. “Are you saying I should be embarrassed?”

“No.” You groan, pushing back to meet his stare. You must be as red as a tomato with pupils
blown wide with lust from his dirty mouth, and his lips part as he takes you in. “You’re
making it difficult for me to wait for later when you talk like that.”

“Oh.”

You jump when a fist slams on the broom closet door, but Levi keeps you from falling over
as a voice shouts through the wood.

“Check out in ten minutes or pay double!” A woman shrieks before their footsteps stomp
away. You both blink at the door, then meet each other's stares, equally amused and annoyed.

“It can’t even be five in the fucking morning yet.” You mutter with a pout. “I hate this place.”
“I suppose we should go get some updates on Hange and the others if there are any, and find
out what they’ve decided for Erwin.” He replies, eyes dipping to your lips. “Save all of this
for when we’re in a much more comfortable location.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” You sigh before sliding off his lap. You lose balance and catch yourself
on the opposing wall, sighing in annoyance. “Yeah, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Once you’re dressed and have paid the woman who sneers you out the door, the two of you
set out to the Wall. While you’re looking for Niles, you both pause when you recognize the
familiar tall figure with gelled blonde hair. Erwin’s prepping his horse when you both walk
up to him.

“Well, I was going to send word with Niles, but it appears I’ll be able to fill you in myself.”
The Commander muses as he takes the pair of you in. “I’ve been released to lead a group of
reinforcements to aid the others.”

“Any word from them?” You ask, and Erwin shakes his head.

“Not from Hange, although a messenger from Captain Hanne’s squad arrived moments ago
out by the wall, stating they found no breach.”

“What? No breach?” You repeat, lips parted in shock, “But Titans were spotted inside?”

“Yes. Many.” Erwin nods, his face also perplexed. “I’m certain Hange will have more
information, but with what your memories have shown us, I have a theory. We won’t discuss
it here, however. When I return, we’ll group up in Trost. I expect to be back tomorrow or the
day after.”

“If there’s no breach, can we return to Trost now?” Levi asks, arms crossed.
“What about Pastor Nick?” You cut in.

“We can retrieve our holy pastor at a later date. Transfer him to Trost amidst all the chaos of
people returning to their homes.”

“You don’t think he’ll try to escape?” You worry with a frown. “Or worse, if the Church or
Royal Court find out he gave us a lead, they may even send someone to kill him.”

“He definitely won’t run, seeing as we are now his only source of protection,” Levi mutters.
“I have concerns about leaving him here, but taking him with us now would cause too much
suspicion, and I refuse to stay in this fucking place another night.”

“I understand your sleeping arrangements last night were anything but comfortable,” Erwin
comments knowingly. “Civilians won’t be granted access until the area is cleared, but seeing
as the two of you are Scouts, I wouldn’t be opposed to you accompanying us on our journey
until we pass through Trost. I predict Pastor Nick will be fine here for twenty-four to forty-
eight hours.”

“Fine by me.” Levi grunts, and you nod in agreement.

“Great.” Erwin claps. “We’ll be leaving soon. I’ll expect the two of you to veer off from the
group as we pass through Trost, and I request you stay in the barracks until we either return
or you receive word with alternative plans.”

“Yes, sir.” You nod before following Levi to the stables.

Twenty minutes later, you’re passing through Wall Sina’s gates.

You had missed the wind in your hair, and you find yourself smiling quietly as you look up at
the sky. So much of your traveling as of recent has been by carriage or cart, but this, riding a
horse through open fields, will always be your favorite.
“Can I ask you something?” Levi calls out to you, and your hair whips over your face as you
turn in his direction.

“Of course.” You say back, and his eyes soften slightly before he faces forward.

“I know you were out of it, but Jean said you had asked for Isabel when he found you.” He
says, and your smile falters just slightly. “Do you remember why?”

You look back up at the vast blue. “Yeah, I do. Vaguely.”

It’s not the same as that day you first ventured outside the walls with that redhead on your
side, but the wind in your hair on a beautiful day like today always takes you back to then. It
makes you think of it fondly, the moments before disaster. Her bright smile, the way she held
her arms out to her side and laughed.

You’re happy one of her last moments was experiencing the closest thing to freedom any of
you get in this world.

“I couldn’t bring myself to get up off the floor after Larves left, not until she crossed through
my mind. I remember thinking irrationally that lying there meant giving up, meant dying, and
I didn’t want to see her again, not like that. The day I do, I want to be stronger, prouder, and I
want her to smile at me like she did that day. I don’t want her to be sad I’ve joined her, but
happy I did well with what she gave me. Does that make sense?”

You turn toward him, and his eyes are already taking you in, swimming with affection.

“Yeah, it does," He says. His gaze is warmer than the sun's but more reminiscent of the moon
that showed you that life up on the surface was different.

Erwin, Hange, Isabel, Farlan, Petra, Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Eren, Jean, Mikasa, Armin. Levi.
They’re the difference. They made all those shit years worth it because it brought you them,
and it’s brought you here. You’d live them again knowing it’d bring you where you are now,
and if that isn’t healing, then you don’t know what is.
 Soup
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The empty streets of Trost are a relief compared to the crowded influx of refugees inside
Ehrmich District, but the barracks' lack of life is eerily upsetting.

“I don’t like it.” You mutter to Levi as you walk down the familiar hallway to the dining hall
and kitchen. You’re freshly showered, and now your hunger is taking precedence over
anything else. “I feel like someone is going to pop out any second and scare us.”

“The only person I can picture doing something deranged as that is probably too busy
drooling over the Collasal Titan right now,” Levi grunts sarcastically, but it makes you frown
as you look over at him.

“Do you really think they’re running into trouble?” You ask.

“No amount of pep talk is going to stop Eren from being a hothead,” Levi admits tiredly
before offering you a tiny knowing glance. “Worrying about them from here won’t do them
or us any good.”

“Yeah, I know.” You bite the inside of your cheek, looking forward. “Maybe we can try and
at least do some training after we eat? I hate sitting around, and I feel pretty much back to
normal. How’s your ankle?”

“Sore, but better than it was.”

“You need more rest then.” You tell him, rolling your eyes at his glare. “Don’t give me that
look. You’ll be back to square one if you even step on it funny. Besides, there’s other work
we can do.”
“Like figuring out where we're going to place Pastor Nick.” Levi nods in agreement, and
your eyes light up with an idea.

“Right, and maybe we can draw up some training plans for the new squad. Figure out
sleeping arrangements and assign cleaning roles since the farmhouse is, without a doubt,
going to need a thorough scrub down. We could even brainstorm ways to test Eren’s
hardening ability.”

“Calm down,” Levi mutters as he pushes the dining hall doors open. “You’re sounding like
Hange and it’s freaking me out. Let’s just get some food and then see if you still want to put
all that work in when we can easily do it tomorrow. It’s already past midday.”

You smirk to yourself as you follow him to the kitchens. “You’ve never been a procrastinator
before, Captain.”

“It’s not procrastination. It’s called having priorities.” He mutters, ushering you into the
kitchen. You sigh in relief at the bowl of apples and grab two before tossing Levi one. You
bite into the fruit and groan.

“When did we last eat?” You mumble, taking another bite.

After swallowing, he replies, “We had bread on our ride to Ehrmich.”

You nod, remembering the loaf Hange broke apart. It makes you curious about something
more filling. You walk to the pantry and give Levi a quick look of excitement before pulling
out a bag of potatoes.

“What do we think about making some soup?” You muse, and his eyes dip to the bag, then
back to you as he takes another large bite. “They might even have some meat somewhere in
the back.”

“From the reserves?” Levi deadpans.

“No one is here to stop us.” You shrug. “Besides, you’re the one who told me worrying won’t
do anything and to take advantage of the moments I have to breathe.”

Being here felt odd at first, but now, as you stare across the kitchen at Levi and consider the
empty corridors and the lack of responsibilities, you find yourself wanting to take advantage
of the limited time you have to live a little.

You place the potatoes on the counter, then step toward him. “I’ll have faith that our
comrades will return, and when they do, chaos will ensue once more. For all we know, this
might be our only chance in years to relax.”

Levi’s eyes trail your frame as you step closer before leaning your hip against the island.

“What about all the paperwork you were just gushing about doing?” He challenges
thoughtfully, stepping toward you. “Is that still on the cards for today or?”

“It was your idea to save it for tomorrow.” You bite back, heart thumping excitedly in your
chest, your confidence blooming as he moves closer and his eyes darken. “You mentioned
priorities. I trust you to decide what’s more worthy of our time, Captain.”

Levi’s eyes roam your features as he lifts a slow hand to yours, ghosting the back of it. You
shudder, opening your palm and letting him loop your fingers into his.

“Soup.” He concedes, looking slightly down to your lips. “That’s priority number one.”

You smile. “And the second?”

“One step at a time.”

You laugh at the dismissiveness in his tone before stepping back and tugging him along into
the backroom.

“Fine by me.” You mumble, eyes roaming the shelves. “Those apple were good but soup
sounds fucking delicious right now.”

“There.” Levi nods, gently shaking off your hand to grab a nearby stool. He steps up onto it
to grab a slab of dried meat from the top rack, and when he notices the amusement you’re
attempting to hide, he scowls.

“You’re shorter than me.” He deadpans, stepping down. “You don’t get to laugh at my height.

You put your hands up in defense.

“I know, I know. You’re just cute. I couldn’t help it.” Your grin widens at the annoyed glare
he sends your way as he brushes past your shoulder. “What? Humanity’s strongest doesn’t
like being called cute?”

He doesn’t bother with a reply as you follow his gloomy figure back into the kitchen. You
lean in the doorway, arms crossed over your chest, and watch him as he makes himself busy
gathering the necessary supplies. Knives and a cutting board, carrots and onions, pre-made
broth, and a large pot.

You watch his focused expression, deliberately so, and you wonder if you really have upset
him. Frowning, you walk up to his stiff figure and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. He
pauses but doesn’t turn toward you.

“Levi, I didn’t mean to-”

Your voice dies as he finally turns enough for you to see the blush on his features, the
shyness behind his gaze, and your stomach flips.
“You haven’t.” He says tightly, before looking back down at the counter. He grabs an onion
and starts to dice it. “I just don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” You ask, staring at his side profile.

“I don’t get what you see when you look at me.” He mutters, shaking his head. “Cute? That’s
absurd, Ash.”

“It’s not.” You disagree softly, but he stays quiet, focusing on chopping the vegetables and
tossing them into the pot.

You grab the potatoes and start to peel them to keep your hands preoccupied while your mind
whirls, searching for the words. You’d like to find the right ones, but when you glance his
way after several moments of quiet work, you find his brow still knit.

“I’ll tell you what I see.” You say then, deciding speaking your mind is better than carefully
choosing your words. “I do think you’re cute. When you pretend not to care, or when you
scowl when someone says something idiotic, it’s endearing to me.”

“Ash-”

“I also think you’re kind.” You cut him off swiftly, slicing the potatoes. “You look out for
people, care for them, and you carry your burdens quietly without complaint. I admire that
about you, and I think it makes you a great Captain.”

Levi doesn’t speak, so you look over at him. He’s watching you, lips tilted down as though
he’d like to disagree.

“If you’re uncomfortable with compliments, I understand that.” You say quietly, gaze
roaming his features. “You’ve told me plenty of things I’ve disagreed with or didn’t see at
first, so I get it, but it won’t change the way I feel.”

“I won’t argue then if you’re going to be stubborn about it,” Levi comments, looking back
down at his task. Your eyes turn to slits as he continues prepping. “I’m sure it’d be similar to
fighting with a brick wall.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” You say back snippily, leaning across him to add the potatoes to the
pot, ignoring his glance. “How I feel about you isn’t something I’d just budge on.”

He sighs outwardly, and you glance his way. “You barely know anything about the shit I’ve
done and yet you claim I’m cute and sweet and kind.”

“I don’t care what you did in the Underground, Levi.” You frown at him. “Not any more than
you care about what I’ve done.”

“That’s different.” He snaps, eyes meeting yours. “You did what you had to survive. I did
things because I could.”

“I don’t care.” You say easily. “You protected that little girl, and you took in Isabel when she
needed a home. She told me she was running from a group of men, and you saved her.”

“Doing good by a few does shit for the fuck’s I beat to the brink of death, or the asshole’s I
stabbed in the thigh after stealing their shit because I wanted to.” Levi sighs, dropping his
knife and leaning against the counter before looking over his shoulder at you. “Don’t you get
it, Ash? I wasn’t down there just beating up the bad guys. I was a rotten shit, too.”

“Levi.” You say his name fiercely, stepping up to his shoulder, meeting his stare. “I know
what life was like, alright? It’s practically anarchy. So what if you punched a guy and stole
his lunch money? What matters more to me is the good you did, the kids you protected. Do
you even understand the difference you probably made for them? For girls like me?”

Levi hangs his head before uttering. “I liked inflicting the pain.”
“That’s okay.” You whisper back, reaching for his wrist and tugging gently. “I don’t care that
you did.”

“I hate that I was never there for you.” He says then, fighting your grip. “It makes me sick
thinking about it, all the kids that got beat up in alleys, the ones I stepped in to help. Why
were none of them ever you?”

“Levi.” You say his name, and he finally lets you guide him around. You step toward his
front, pressing his back to the counter and sliding your fingers around his neck, your thumbs
pressing into the muscles of his jaw as your eyes meet. They’re troubled and sad, and your
heart aches at the sight.

“I once thought the same thing.” You admit quietly, carding your fingers through his hair. “I
really needed someone down there, and I wished it had been you.”

Levi’s lips twist downward, but before he can speak, you do.

“I don’t anymore.”

He blinks at you. “What?”

“I’m glad we never met then, Levi.” You murmur, shaking your head. “I realized something
recently, and it’s that I’d live that life again to have this one now. We’d never be what we are
now if you had found me then. You came into my life at the right time. I know that with
certainty.”

His eyes soften as you speak, and you grab his right hand and guide his palm to your cheek.

“Remember when you told me you don’t care what my hands have done, as long as you feel
their pulse?” You murmur, craning your neck to place a kiss on his wrist. “Well, I don’t care
how bloody or dirty yours are, either; I’ll still kiss them like this.”

“Gross.” He teases breathlessly, and you laugh softly, snuggling into his hand.

“I mean it.” You say then, kissing his wrist again, eyes locked on his. “Can I ask you
something?”

“Of course.”

“When I asked you if you regretted killing that man, you said you used to. What is it then that
bothers you about what you’ve done?”

“It was more of you not knowing the extent.” He answers stiffly, brow creased. “You look at
me with such fondness and call me cute when I’ve hurt others for fun. It feels wrong.”

“Because I’m so innocent?” You ask playfully. “I’ve kicked so many dudes in the nuts, you
wouldn’t believe it.”

Levi smiles as a scoffed laugh parts his lips, and it’s so lovely your heart pauses in your
chest.

“Wow, yeah, that’s way worse.” He rolls his eyes before noting the shift in your expression.
“What’s that look?”

“You’re just so beautiful.” You tell him, adoring the way his cheeks flush.

“Beautiful?” He says in disbelief.

“I’m serious, Levi.” You breathe out as you press closer. Your gaze dipping to his lips, then
back up to watch his eyes dilate. “I could watch you torture someone, and it wouldn’t change
how I felt about you. This world is fucked up and so are we. We’re a product of the shitty
lives we’ve endured up until now, and I’m finally feeling lighter, less burdened by the things
I did because you made me realize I wasn’t to blame.”

His eyes take you in as he swallows. “You really don’t care about any of it?”

“Not in the slightest.” You shake your head. “It might be twisted, but I think it’s attractive.”

His eyes flash, and he combs a hand through your hair while the other wraps around your
hip.

“You think it’s attractive?” He repeats darkly. “You like that I went around breaking noses
and skewering shitbags?”

“If I do?” You counter, leaning in until your lips are inches apart.

He doesn’t respond with words, but his mouth. He closes the distance, and the moment you
gasp from his tightening grip, he’s licking into your mouth. Your stomach flips as his tongue
battles yours, his fingers carding through your hair, tugging gently at the roots and making
your head spin.

His pulls back before latching onto your neck. You whimper as his velvety tongue swipes
over the delicate skin.

You chase his mouth again, deeming it too far away, delirious on the lack of timidness in both
of your touches. His hands slip under your thighs and tug you up, and you pant at the action,
wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

He starts walking out of the kitchen, and you shudder, pulling back from his mouth to
whisper. “What about priority number one?”
“It’s been moved to two.”

“Oh?” You laugh breathlessly, and his grip on your thighs tightens. “So, what would you
consider the first, then?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes.” He grunts out. “If you say soup, I’ll turn us around.”

“What would you consider my other option?” You ask, tension swirling in your gut. “Soup or
what?”

“Me.”

You lean forward to his ear before whispering. “I’ll take that one.”

Levi pushes through his bedroom door and shuts it behind him before pinning you down on
his bed.

His mouth finally finds yours again, licking the roof of your mouth before sucking your
tongue between his lips. He kisses wantonly, like he had once when his head was between
your legs.

“Levi,” You puff out between kisses, and he pulls away with a heaving chest. “I want you. I
want it all. Everything.”
 Levi’s breath fans your lips, and his eyes hold so much fondness, lust, and love. It’s a
delirious feeling, being underneath him, being touched by him. You want more.

“I want your mouth on me.” You continue, whispering past the heart in your throat. “I want
you to touch me, and I want to touch you. I want you to talk to me and hold me like this. You
feel so good, I don’t want you to worry about upsetting me. I don’t want you to hold back.
Please, Levi, let’s just-”

“Be together.” He finishes for you, voice raspy, pupils blown wide.

“Yes.” You blink at him. “If you want that, too, then yes.”

Your heart hammers as you watch the shift in him take hold. The remaining hesitancy slips
off his shoulders, and sparks of excitement course up and down your spine, curling your toes
against the comforter.

“I’ve never wanted anything more than you.” He says, voice level and serious against your
lips before molding them together. It’s different than the other ones. This kiss is definitive
and promising, and when he pulls back, you see the look in his eyes that makes your heart
sing.

The two of you are about to take each other apart slowly, and when you’re done, all the
pieces will fall back better than they were before.

Chapter End Notes

apologies for the cliff hanger, but i have faith next chapter will not disappoint
 Dirty
Chapter Notes

so... long chapter filled entirely with truly filthy and graphic smut ... enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

His lips are addicting.

They mold to yours perfectly, eagerly, lovingly, and his hands are strong and capable,
gripping your ribs, your waist, cradling your head. You’re breathless by the way he devours
you, encompasses you, and you aren’t even naked yet.

“Levi.” You murmur in between kisses, and he hums in response. “Clothes.”

He dips to lap once at your jawline before pulling back and standing at the edge of the bed.
You push up onto your elbows, eyeing him as he shrugs off his jacket.

You want to watch him undress, but you’re desperate to feel his hands on your bare skin.
Shifting up onto your knees, his eyes drink you in as you lift your training long sleeve over
your head. Left in your sports bra, you watch Levi’s abdomen be exposed once more. As his
shirt hits the ground, you lean into him as he steps forward.

The kiss is searing, mind-scorching as he grips the exposed skin on your sides, and your
hands run along the beautiful muscles of his stomach, stopping at his pant line. Your fingers
work nimbly, popping his pants open.

“Take them off.” You whisper as you pull back, and he’s quick to step out of them, leaving
him only in his boxers. He pants against your lips, speechless as the tips of your fingers graze
his boxers, and Levi leans forward, pressing his forehead to yours as you slip just under the
hem.
Your breaths intertwine, mouths inches apart, and your eyes cloud as pleasure takes over his
features the moment your hand makes contact with his length.

“Fuck.” He hisses out, and your heart soars. You’ve barely touched him, and he’s reacting so
beautifully. It spurs you on, and you wrap your fingers around his cock before freeing it from
it’s confines.

Levi’s eyes flutter open as another moan parts his lips, and you kiss him, slipping your
tongue into his mouth, making him practically whimper against you. His visible, audible
pleasure makes your core pulse with want.

His lips move sloppily against yours as you pump his cock, grunts and groans feather against
your mouth. He feels big in your hand, much larger and longer than any of the other ones,
and your curiosity becomes too prominent to ignore.

You pull back, feeling drunk on this feeling as you finally look down. Your eyes widen at the
sight of him in your hand.

His pale skin is flushed pink, swollen, and aching at your touch. He’s long and thick, and you
never thought you’d see one and think it was pretty, but here you are, feeling oddly
mesmerized by the sight.

You watch as your thumb lathers the moisture across the tip, and the sound Levi makes, his
eyes trained down on where you’re working his cock makes you feel delirious with the need
to give him more.

“You alright?” Levi wheezes out, and your eyes flickers up to meet his through your lashes.

“Lay down for me.” You request breathily and you feel him shudder against you while his
cock throbs in your hand. You pump it once more before letting it go, and Levi gets on the
bed, leaning against the headboard.
His cocks is upright against his lower abdomen, bobbing as he settles down and your stomach
flips at the sight.

It’s an entirely different experience, being in control, being in a bed, being looked at with
such hooded, lustful eyes. It gives you confidence as you crawl in between his legs, and Levi
watches your every movement, eyes flashing like he’s committing this to memory.

“You’re sure?” His voice is strained. You answer him by leaning down and licking a flat
stripe from his base to the tip. The way his jaw slacks and his eyes blacken makes your sex
throb.

Every other time you’ve done this, it was never for you. You were used and disgusted, but
now, you’re exploring what feels good for him and are driven by the desire to hear him make
those delicious sounds. Each one has made your chest warm with pride and love. It’s
overwhelming once more just how meaningful this is to you and him.

You refuse to let that stop you this time.

You grip his base and slide your lips over the top of his cock, sucking the aching flesh into
your mouth. Your eyes stay locked on his as you do, adoring the pure bliss on his features as
you suction and slurp at his length.

His right hand cards through your hair softly and does nothing but cradle you as you slip his
member further into your mouth. The deeper you take him, the deeper indent between his
brow worsens. He’s been so silent in his pleasure until your lips flatten against his base, and
the long, unabashed moan that breaks through deep from within his throat has you pressing
your thighs together for relief.

“Fuck, Ash.” He grits, head tossing back slightly, but he doesn’t take his eyes off you as you
slide off his cock with a pop. He pulls you forward with the grip of the back of your head
until your lips are working in tandem.
You pull back, eyes lit with lust as he attempts to pull you back in. You offer a peck before
murmuring. “I’m not done yet.”

His jaw clenches as you dip back down and take him in your mouth to the tilt. You savor the
way he’s heavy, pulsing on your tongue, his grip in your hair firm but unmoving, and the
puffs heaving from his lips.

You bring a hand to his balls and cup them, and his groan is deep when you meet his heavy
expression once more, still working his length into your throat.

“You’re fucking pretty.” He grunts, thumb swiping from the corner of your stretched mouth
to the thin skin below your watering eyes, flooding from the praises parting his lips. “You’re
doing so good.”

You’ve never been talked to like this, and it’s making you unbelievably wet. You whimper
against his throbbing member, and his abs ripple as you do. His eyes flash in understanding.

“These tears are good ones, yeah?” He asks, wiping at your wet skin. You finally pull off,
gasping as you nod, leaning into his hand. “You like making me feel good?”

“Yes.” You breathe out quickly, lapping drunkenly at his tip before suckling back into
between your rosy lips. His eyes roll as you do, and his grip in your hair tightens.

“Fuck, baby, look at you.” He grits his teeth. You moan against him, bobbing your head, and
he hisses. “You’re gonna make me come.”

You blink wetly, heart purring, lower abdomen clenching as he groans.

“Fuck, Ash, pull off if you don’t-”

His voice cuts off as you guide his tip to the back of your throat and his cock pulses. You pull
off enough so when he comes, it coats your tongue white. You swallow it, savoring his salty
taste. It’s not the flavor itself, but that it’s Levi’s, and the look on his face as he orgasms is
stunning.

His eyes are tightly shut below furrowed brows, and a delayed guttural groan is parting his
lips. It reaches deep inside you, making your core throb almost painfully. You can feel how
slick you are between your legs, to the point that it’s uncomfortable.

You’re desperate to be touched, and thankfully, when he comes to and witnesses the sight of
you gulping down his cum, not sparing a drop, he turns into someone different.

He gently tugs you off his cock before lunging, pushing you back until your flat on the
mattress and he’s crawling over you, tongue prodding into your mouth before you can blink.
You think about the orgasm he just experienced, how the taste of it lingers in your throat as
he reaches for it, and your head swims.

“Oh, fuck, I can taste my cum on your tongue.” He groans against you, hands cupping your
breasts, swiping at your pebbled nipples through the material of your sports bra. “You’re
fucking unreal.”

“Levi.” You gasp, his name the only word you manage to say before he’s pulling back on his
calves, fingers gripping the hem of your training pants. He flicks open the button, then tugs
them down, your underwear, too, and you’re left bare before him.

His palms grip the underside of your thighs and push them up. Your lower back lifts slightly
off the mattress, and you blush at the position. He can see everything.

“You’re fucking drenched.” He groans, licking his lips as his eyes zero in on your pulsing
cunt, then lower. “Your pussy’s dripped down to your asshole.”

“Levi.” You gasp out, flustered but impossibly turned on as his eyes meet yours and he leans
forward.
Your face turns an ever deeper shade of red, and your eyes glaze over, feeling your brain
chemistry alter as you watch your clean-obsessed Captain’s velvety tongue lap at your
puckered hole.

He licks up your overflowing juices before prodding teasingly at the ringed muscle, and your
jaw slacks at the feeling before he pulls back enough to drag his mouth up to your cunt’s
entrance.

He slurps up the evidence of your arousal, throat bobbing as he swallows. Your cry is silent
as he continues his journey up, parting your folds and tonguing at your already swollen clit.
Your hips would buck if he didn’t have such a strong grip on your legs, whimpering, gasping
as he sucks your sensitive nub between his teeth.

He pulls off, flicks your clit with his tongue, then smirks when you buck against his grip once
more. Your head feels light at the sight.

“Did you like that?” He asks knowingly, but you nod weakly anyway. “Words, Ash.”

“Yes.” You wheeze out drunkenly, pleadingly. He curses under his breath before leaning
forward again, prodding at your opening and slipping inside. You stare transfixed into his
eyes as his tongue wriggles inside you. You're clenching around the muscle, mewling at the
sensation of your walls being touched again.

You whine, arms looping around your thighs, and Levi curses as he removes his hands,
noting you’re still keeping the position on your own.

“Fuck, that’s it, keep yourself open for me.” He hums, positioning himself further down
before bringing a hand to your cunt. A finger teases your entrance, and his eyes find yours
questioningly.

“You want my fingers?” He asks quietly, lips glossy, and your abdomen tightens in
anticipation.
You tilt your head in agreement, and your lips part as you watch and feel his middle finger
slip inside you.

Your brow furrows at the sensation. It’s exhilarating and odd, but not uncomfortable. You're
so turned on that you barely feel a stretch, and you bite your lower lip as he teasingly prods
with a second one, adding it alongside the first.

“You’re doing good.” He tells you, and your walls clench around him, something that doesn’t
go unnoticed. “Fuck, you’re squeezing me. Does it feel good?”

You nod, and when he teasingly curls his fingers, pressing into your walls, your jaw fully
drops as a shuddering gasp parts you. Levi’s eyes flash as he does it again, this time, pulling
his fingers out then plunging them back in, wiggling them side to side.

Your head tosses back at the delicious pressure as Levi fingers you open, his eyes trained on
your face as yours pinch shut and your whimpers become full-blown moans and whines.

When Levi’s lips find your clit and pull hard at the puffy skin your mind explodes. Your grip
on your thighs slips as your orgasm takes over you with a loud, explosive cry, but Levi
doesn’t pull off, even as your legs close around him.

He removes his fingers to lick at your flowing cunt before mouthing at your navel and
shuffling back up your body. You reach for him, clutching his head as your mouths
intertwine. It’s messy and unlike either of you in your day-to-day, but being dirty and reckless
here feels deliriously good.

“Want more.” You moan against him as his hands tug your bra down to pinch at your nipples,
making you whimper against his wet lips.

“I’ll give you more.” He breathes out before he kisses you again, his hand reaching back
down to your sex, and you mewl at the sensitivity, but don’t push him away. His fingers rub
at your swelling clit, slow circles that feel good before he dips two fingers down and curls
them into your cunt.

“Oh, fuck.” You whine, the new angle feeling even more pleasurable. “Fuck, that feels good.”

“Yeah?” He whispers, lips fanning over your jaw as you nod. “You’re so tight around my
fingers.”

“Add another.” You wheeze out, and he lets out a tiny breath. He pulls his fingers out, and
you whimper in protest.

“Patience.” He tuts, wrapping his arm around the underside of your thigh, holding it up to
your chest as you feel three fingers line up with your core with much more leverage for him
to work with.

You wait, but nothing comes. Your lids flutter, and he bullies his fingers to the hilt when your
eyes meet his. Your back curls against he mattress as you cry out, brow pinched as the
equally delicious and stinging sensation envelopes you. Levi’s eyes take in your expression
hungrily, pulling his hand back before plunging the digits back in.

“Don’t look away from me.” He utters as he sits up, one hand keeping your thigh flat, the
other quickening to a punishing pace. You can only watch with breathy cries as he fucks you
open with three fingers, clutching at the bed beneath you, shaking from the force in which
he’s widening your cunt.

The bundle is building, but it’s not reaching where you’re desperate for it to go. You don’t
think as you reach down and furiously swipe at your clit, and as Levi’s eyes widen your cries
fill the room. Your orgasm is ever more powerful than the first, and the waves pummel into
you, seemingly never-ending, as your mind lifts elsewhere.

Levi’s fingers slow to a stop, your walls trying to suck them back in as he slips them out.
Your chest heaves as you come to, and a velvety tongue soothes your worn pussy, making
you moan, reaching down to run your fingers through Levi’s hair as he brings you down.
“Oh, fuck me.” You groan, your body feeling numb but still so stimulated. Levi playfully laps
at your clit and you whimper, tugging his roots back, and he huffs against your swollen sex.

“I almost came watching you touch yourself like that.” He grunts, letting you pull him back
up your body.

You flush, eyes lit as you regard his features. “I just did what felt right.”

“I can tell.” He tuts, bringing the same hand that was just inside you to cup your jaw. “You
fucking wailed when you came just now.”

You turn to look away, cheeks burning, but he stops you, eyes shining with mirth as he takes
you in.

“Don’t be shy on me now.” He grumbles, carding his hand through your hair. “You still want
more?”

You let out a shuddery breath and nod. “Yeah.”

“You said something about fucking you.” He comments, and your heart skips. “You want
that?”

“Yes.” You breathe, stomach swirling at the look in his eyes as he searches for any hesitancy.
“Do you want to?”

“All I could think about when you were squeezing the fuck out of my hand was how perfect
your pussy would feel around my cock.” He admits, eyeing you dangerously. Your eyes glaze
over again at his words.
“Then fuck me.” You whisper, loving the way his jaw clenches, clearly affected by the dirty
words parting your lips. It spurs you on, the desire to turn him practically feral once more.
“Your fingers felt so good, Levi. I want to know how wide your cock will stretch me, how
deep it’ll go. I’ll probably feel it in my guts.”

“Where’d this filthy fucking mouth come from?” He grits out, eye ablaze as you feel his dick
stir against your navel. “Huh? You're trying to get a reaction out of me, is that it?”

“Sorry, I know how much you hate it when I’m dirty, Captain .” You say unapologetically
with mock innocence, heart accelerating excitedly as he groans, eyes squeezing shut.

“Damnit, Ash.” He sits back, eyes glaring down at you as he wraps a hand around his length
and pumps it over your abdomen. “As if tea time weren’t already troubling enough. I don’t
need a hard-on every time you call me by my title.”

You finally pull your bra over your head and push up into your elbows, looking up at him
through your lashes with a sly smile.

“You can have a dirty mouth, but I can’t?” You ask and he scoffs, bringing his dick to your
center, sliding it slowly over your clit and you gasp at the feeling, widening your legs in
response.

“You can say whatever you want while you still can.” He murmurs, one hand gripping the
back side of your knee, eyes trained on your swollen sex. “I want to fuck your pretty cunt
until you’re too cock-drunk to speak.”

Your jaw slacks at the words, and the way he brings the tip of his cock to your entrance
before pulling it away.

“Fuck, Levi, please don’t tease me.”

“You’re not the only one upset.” He grunts out with a groan, eyes dark and focused on your
lower half. “Your pussy’s clenching around nothing, begging to be filled. Poor thing.”

“You’re mouth is ridiculous, Levi.” You whimper, shifting your hips toward him, and he
smirks at the action.

“What is it?” He taps his cock against you clit and you moan. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.” You snap, but your irritation is swept away as the spongey tip of his cock
slips into your heat. You moan loudly, adoring the way your walls stretch around him. You're
so overflowing with slick that it barely even stings, just feels unbelievably fucking good.

“Oh my fuck.” You mewl, face contorted with pleasure as he keeps paving the way inside
you. Your head does sway for a moment, the pleasure almost unbearable.

“Snug fucking cunt.” He grits out, eyes mesmerized at the sight of his cock sinking into you.
You’re watching, too, mind numbing as his dick dissapears slowly, touching every crook and
crevice inside you.

When he finally bottoms out, your eyes meet at the same time, mirroring similar expressions.

“Fuck.” He hisses, eyes dipping down your body, then back up to you. “You’re gripping the
shit out me. Does it hurt?”

“No.” You admit, walls still clenching, adjusting to his size. “Just good. So good. You feel so
fucking big, Levi.”

You gasp as his cock twitches inside you before Levi pulls back, and your eyes roll slightly as
he drags his length against every ridge before pushing back in.
You whimper, eyes staying locked on his as he works his way in and out of you slowly. Your
walls are growing more accustomed with each thrust, and your abdomen clenches, begging
for a quicker, deeper pace.

“Go faster.” You plead with wide eyes. “Please.”

“You’re taking my cock so well, Ash.” He breathes out, eyes wild as his hips increase their
speed. “You don’t have to beg for it. I’ll give you whatever you want, you know that.”

Your moaning as he works up the pace until his cock beats unapologetically into your cervix,
plunging in then out, in then out. It’s a crippling pace, one that has you salivating, crying as
your cunt sloppily drools over his length. The sounds that fill the room are obscene, but your
moans are louder.

“Fuck, that’s it, fucking scream for me.” Levi groans, snapping his hips, and you practically
squeal, wailing as he bullies your walls. The pace is relentless, and the pleasure is tingling
your toes, your fingertips, turning your head fuzzy as he doesn’t let up.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” You chant pathetically, hands gripping the back of your knees and pulling
them further back. Levi moans as you give him more room, angling his hips downward and
spearing you again and again on his thick length. Your mind starts to blur.

His fingers find your swollen nub as he pumps into you, and stars burst behind your eyes.

His groans fade as your own voice fills your ears, crying out. You’re so loud, sobbing as you
surrender yourself to the the ecstasy of being fucked. When you do become aware of your
surroundings once more, Levi slows his thrusts, and wetness forms in the corners of your
eyes.

“These are the only tears I ever want to see on you.” He grunts, hands sprawling across the
inside of your thighs as his movements come to a halt. Your chest heaves as Levi leans over
you, his lips pressing to your salty cheeks, licking your tears. Your walls clench, still
recovering from your orgasm, but still yearning.
“Okay?” He asks then, and you nod. He kisses you gently, and you hum against his mouth,
wrapping your arms around his neck. You slip your tongue in first, gasping as you feel his
cock quiver inside you once more.

His forehead presses to yours, his hands pinned down on both sides of your head as he starts
to move again. Slow, gentle thrusts that feel soothing on your battered walls.

“You’re sucking me in so deep.” He mumbles against you, and you constrict him in response,
making him huff out. “Just like that.”

“Can’t help it.” You whisper, eyes twinkling at him, your head light and high. “I want more.”

“You’ve got a greedy fucking pussy.” He hisses, rolling his hips. “If I came this many times
I’d be fucking run dry.”

Your laugh is breathy and light. “I think I’ve only got one more in me.”

“Good, because I’m fucking close.” He groans, lips suckling the sensitive skin below your
ear before whispering. “How do you want it? Like this? Nice and slow?”

He pulls back, eyes meeting yours as he rocks into you languidly, leaning on one hand so the
other can pluck your pebbled nipple.

You shiver delightfully. “Preferably the opposite.”

“I haven’t bruised your cunt enough?” He breathes out in disbelief, hips meeting yours and
pausing as you shake your head. “Ash, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.” You reply easily, combing your fingers through his hair lazily. “It feels so good,
baby.”

“You’re calling me baby now?” He grumbles, his expression flushed.

Your eyes shine with mirth. “Unless you prefer Captain.”

“Is my name no longer an option?” He deadpans.

“Not when I can feel you twitch inside me when I call you by the others.” You admit with a
smirk, and Levi curses under his breath.

“You want to be fucked like a brat then, is that it? That’s why you’re suddenly acting like
one?” He asks, his voice dangerously low, and your lower abdomen flips as you nod, pulling
your lower lip between your teeth

“Fine. Turn over.”

Your eyes bulge as he pulls back onto his calves, and your stomach plunges as his cock slips
out of you. You look down at it, slick and aching, and listen, flipping onto your knees.

You gasp as Levi grips your hips and repositions you, your head sinking into the mattress.
Your core is sore, you know that as Levi’s wastes no time in filling it to the brim with his
cock, but it’s anything but uncomfortable.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head at the feeling, and you turn your head to look at him,
jaw slack in ecstasy at the new angle. The tip of his cock is reaching deeper at the new angle,
and you’re positive he really will fuck you dumb like this.

“I was about to ask, but you seem to be enjoying yourself down there.” He snides, hands
squeezing your plump flesh and spreading you further open. “Your cunt is swollen and red
and you’re still aching for more.”

You whimper at his words, clit throbbing painfully, begging to be touched. Levi does a
testing thrust, cock prodding delciously at your untouched walls and you moan languidly,
feeling saliva pool in your mouth. His cock twitches inside you.

“I’m not going to last long with you looking like this.” He groans, offering another thrust,
strong and deep, making you whine. “Completely fucked out, not a care in the world that I’ve
seen every fucking part of you. You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

Your fingers clutch the comforter as you push yourself up. Euphoric, overwhelming tears
spring in your eyes as Levi wraps an arm around your waist and pulls your back flush to his
chest. His nose nuzzles into your neck, kisses nipping at your nape, and his breath pants
against your skin.

His hips don’t have as much leverage to thrust, but he’s able to offer short, quick ones, hitting
your deepest spot, then pulling back slightly before slamming it again. He mouths at your
shoulder, while the hand squeezing and pinching your breast slips down to your overused clit
and circles it.

Your final orgasm is a blackout.

You remember the intense build-up, the sparks until the explosion, and then your mind goes
blank. It’s a second or two, and even when you blink through the bliss, you feel like you’re
floating. Then you feel the rush of liquid. It’s not much, but it’s enough that you look down,
eyes wide at the fluid coating Levi’s hand, splotching on the bed.

“Shit, Ash, you just squirted all over my fucking hand.” Levi’s voice is raspy and thick, and
your heart purrs at the awe in it. “I’m gonna come.”

Levi gently guides you back down onto all fours before he slips out of you. Your body is
jelly, but you use the little strength you have to flip onto your back so you can watch him jerk
his cock still slick with your juices.
You dance your fingers along your lower abdomen, eyes fluttering up at him. Your mind and
body are too numb to speak, but he understands your meaning, and his eyes roll.

The sounds he makes are beautiful and intoxicating. You watch with your heart in your throat
as spurts of white fly out onto your stomach, layering your skin with creamy, warm strings
that shoot up to your breasts.

His groans are guttural as he works himself through his orgasm, and his eyes only leave yours
to watch the last few threads of cum drip onto the top your pulsing cunt.

His eyes flash to yours, lazy and sinful, and you’re practically limp, watching, enamored as
he pushes your hips back up.

“I’ll clean you up.” He utters darkly before flattening his tongue on your asshole, cleaning
your mess before dragging it up through your folds until he’s softly lapping up his own cum
from your overly sensitive clit.

You’re sore and raw, but he’s soft in his licks, gentle as he soothes your weeping pussy. It’s
clear he has no intention of trying to pull another orgasm from you, aware you’re barely even
awake, drunk on the mind-blowing sex the two of you have just experienced for the first
time.

He pulls back after a few short moments, eyeing his release still coating your abdomen before
his eyes meet your bleary ones.

“I’ll grab a wet towel.” He mumbles, moving to hover over you. His lips find your forehead,
and you sigh, eyes finally slipping shut. “Go ahead and sleep, baby. I’ve got you.”

Heart warm, body deliciously sore, and feeling protected, safe, and comfortable, you slip into
unconsciousness and don’t wake even as Levi wipes you down and lifts you, guiding you into
his arms as your head sinks into the pillows of his bed. You subconsciously cling to him,
 though, naked bodies molding as one as sleep finds him, too. You don't wake for a couple of
hours, and when you do, it's to the strangest dream.

A place you'd never been but felt familiar, as if you had. You look out the window of Levi's
bedroom, noting the faraway setting sun, and remember the sand filtering between your toes,
the navy blue skies above your head, and in front of you, a tree-like structure seemingly made
of light. It felt real, but you toss it aside as an odd phenomenon, confused as to why you felt
two presences within the dream-like realm, one of them being Eren Jaeger.

Chapter End Notes

and we wrap it up with the tiniest smidge of plot lmao

 Sheets
Chapter Notes

elloooo just offering some fluff and smut before things pick up again (:

When your eyes flutter awake a second time, you’re met with the wafting, delicious scent of
food. You sit up fast, the loose sheet falling to your waist as you take in an unimpressed Levi
who's only just walked through the door.

There are two bowls and silverware in one hand and a pot he’s balanced with a rope wrapped
through the handles in the other. He’s dressed in black slacks and a white long-sleeve, his hair
still slightly damp from the shower he must have taken while you were asleep.

You stare at him with parted lips and wide eyes, uncaring that you’re half naked to his gaze.

“You made the fucking soup?” You gasp out excitedly.

“You’ve been knocked out for hours but the moment I bring this damn thing in the room you
shoot up like a smoke flare.” He sighs out, placing everything on his desk. “But yes, I made
the soup.”

“I’m starved,” You breathe out, watching as he laddles it into a bowl. “Thank you, Levi.”

You start to move, but his head whips toward you. “Stay. I’m bringing it to you.”

You gape at him. “You’re letting me eat in your bed?”

“I’m confident in your abilities to not spill.” He replies shortly, eyes dipping over your
exposed skin. “If you do, I’m quite good at cleaning.”

“Oh, I know, Captain.” You tease back lightly, cheeks rosy as the memories coursing through
you. Your eyes flicker over the room, finding your discarded clothes folded on a chair. “Does
this mean the condition in eating here is being naked while I do?”

He scoffs, walking over to his drawer and scooping out a t-shirt. He hands it to you, glaring at
your smirk before he turns back toward his desk. Your eyes shine up at him after you’ve
slipped the cotton over your head, and you cup the bottom of the bowl as he hands it to you.

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“Spoiled.” You reply with a tiny smile, eyeing the meat inside the bowl. “Thank you again.”

“Ash.” He says quietly, and you look up at him. “You know what I meant.”

“I feel good.” You tell him reassuringly as he cards a hand through your hair, your eyes
fluttering shut. “Really good, Levi.”

“Are you sore?”

The dull ache between your legs flashes through your mind, and so does the way Levi had
devoured you whole, unabashedly, desperately as though he’d starve without you. You
remember the dirty words he spewed and the way he so easily drew pleasure out of you.

You fight a shiver as desire creeps into your gut as you look back up at him.

“In a good way.”

“What does that mean?” He scoffs amusedly.

“It means once I get some food and water in me, I’m ready to go again.” You tease, and Levi
rolls his eyes before turning away to grab his own bowl. “What? Was it not good for you?”

“I won’t humor that with a response.” He says, walking back over to sit on the edge of the
bed. You carefully lift a spoonful to your lips and groan.

“This is delicious, Levi.”

“It’s fine.” He waves you off in response, sipping his own slowly. You don’t bother arguing,
and instead, the two of you eat in easy silence, sharing the canister of water Levi brought up
from the kitchen.

You appreciate Levi’s profile, and your heart feels warm at the confident, comfortable
intimacy you share, the trust and care in your relationship.

You’ve been through difficult, sorrowful times together, but you’ve also been gifted moments
like these to explore the parts of life that can be good. As you sit beside him, eating soup in
bed at some hour of the night, you wonder for once what life could be like when you reach
the end of this journey.

You’ve never let yourself feel that way before, so positive, and while it’s terrifying, you let
yourself have hope, even if it’s just for tonight.

He takes your bowl once you're done and you flop back, enjoying the comfort of his bed, the
softness of the sheets on your bare legs. You feel happy, and Levi can tell as he turns to face
you that you’re still blissed out.

“You’re taking this relax-while-we-can-thing to heart.” He drawls walking back over the
edge of the bed. You look up at him with a soft smile, hair sprawled out over your head as
you stretch.
“My guess is they’ll be back early morning.” You admit with a sigh. “Just enjoying the peace
while it lasts.”

“I see.” He muses thoughtfully. “I brought fresh sheets over from the linen closet. I figure I
can change them as you shower.”

“Is that your way of telling me to get up?” You tease, and his lips press together, roaming
your face before he offers a short reply.

“Yes.”

With a huff, you push back up and toss the sheet off to the side. “Sir, yes, sir.”

You pad across the room before vanishing behind the bathroom door. His burning gaze only
leaves you then, and you breathe out gently.

Sex with Levi was the most pleasurable thing you’ve ever felt in your entire life, and it
wasn’t just because he touched your body like a man starved and looked delicious while
doing it.

He healed parts of your soul, parts of you that were cracked or dry, he soothed with the caress
of his fingers, with the gentleness in his eyes. He fucked you like you wanted him to because
he trusts you not to break, but he also made love to a body you once deemed worthless.

All those memories from the Underground feel miniscule and unimportant now. Even as you
try and think of them, your mind takes you to hours ago. Levi’s eyes, his mouth, his body, it’s
him you see, and you know it’s him you’ll always feel from this moment on.

Moments ago you were able to consider a future because you feel as though you’re finally
living in the present.
You step under the shower’s spray and hum at the rushing warmth and feel it spreading
throughout your chest, stuttering your beating heart. Your fingers slip down to your core, and
you sigh at the slight soreness, the reminder of what Levi’s done and what you want him to
forever do.

As you cleanse your body, you don’t feel Levi’s touch go away.

You once showered hoping to scrub away the touches and the disgusting feeling spiraling
inside your heart, but now you touch your body gently, overlapping your hands where he had
been with love blooming within your chest.

Nothing will feel better than listening to the sound of his heart as he sleeps, of being
connected in the throes of pleasure, or knowing the pair of you will always share this
connection, this respect, and deep, tethering love.

Even when things become rocky again, scary and heavy on your heart, you’ll think back on
these moments to ground you. This is a mere glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, the
one you’re determined to fight with every ounce of your being to see.

You step out of the shower, feeling fresh and content, and wrap your body in a towel. When
you emerge from the bathroom, you find Levi at his desk writing. He offers you a small
glance over his shoulder before refocusing.

“Paperwork?” You muse, tossing the same t-shirt over your shoulder and folding the towel on
top of his dresser. You step into a pair of his boxers, then pad over to him.

“I figured a little can’t hurt.”

You peer over his shoulder, recognize the names he’s jotting down and smile. “Wait until we
get a report from Hange, huh?”
“Can it.”

You snort, plopping down on the bed. “I think it’s the right call.”

“Braus is one of them too, right?” He asks with a furrowed brow and you laugh.

“One of them?”

“The brats.”

“Are they a band?”

His glare is severe but playful. “Funny.”

“It’s sweet you want to keep them all together, and yes. She’s friends with Jean and the bald
one.” You tell him gently then, looking back down at the paper. “I can’t remember his
name.”

“Springer.” He tuts, rolling his eyes. “His head’s shaved, he isn’t bald.”

“What’s his first name?” You ask.

“Connie.”

“Ah.” You nod along, smiling. He sighs at your playful tone before facing you.

“What?”
“Nothing, Levi. You’re just good with them.”

“Names?” He deadpans.

“Kids.” You smirk. “I think you have Isabel to thank for that.”

“Who she was had nothing to do with me.” He comments, crossing his arms. “She was
always like that, even when Farlan and I first met her.”

“Confident?”

“Loud and cocky.”

You laugh, lying down on your side and propping yourself up on your elbow. “I believe it.”

He looks away from you, down at his desk. “I don’t get how she was like that.”

“Will you tell me more about her and Farlan?” You ask hesitantly, quietly. He looks back up
at you, expression strained, and guilt sweeps over you. “You don’t have to, I just, never mind.
I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He says quietly, then with a quiet huff he pushes up onto his feet. He climbs over
you on the bed and positions himself upright against the wall. You flip over, looking up at
him with a frown.

“You really don’t have to.”

“I know.” He says stiffly, eyes flicking up from his lap to meet yours. “What do you want to
know?”

“Whatever you want to tell me.” You murmur back. “Everything or nothing. It’s up to you.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He admits, lips tilting. “I’d rather you ask specific questions.”

“Okay.” You agree, pushing up to a sitting position once more. You cross your legs in front of
him, your knees fitting just under his slightly bent, extended ones. “Stupidest thing Isabel
ever did?”

He scoffs, but light flickers back into his eyes momentarily. “Try and ask me something a
little less impossible to answer.”

Smirking you bring a gentle hand around his calf and palm his knee. “Do you know anything
about her past before you?”

“She was living with her mother, but she got sick and they couldn’t afford medicine.” He
answers quietly. “As far as I know her life growing up was relatively kind considering it was
in the Underground. She was only on her own for a couple of months before we took her in.”

“She told you all of that?” You ask softly. He shakes his head.

“Farlan. They were closer to one another than they ever were with me, and he was much
more talkative and personable than I was. Almost too kind. It messed with business
sometimes.”

“How so?”

“He was giving extra money to a member of our team.” He explains, eyes focusing on your
hand atop his knee. “Jan had a bad leg and needed it, but offering a portion of our cut each
time kept us stagnant.”

“You really were just stealing from the MPs then?” You smirk, keeping the conversation
light. His lips twist. “That was your day job?”

“They made it too easy not to. Even after they knew we acquired ODM gear they were still
leaving their shit out the middle of the street. Fucking idiots.”

You snort, nodding along. “How long did it take to teach Isabel how to use the gear?”

“Too long.” He groans, leaning his head back against the wall. “She was overly excited, too
focused on doing as opposed to learning.”

“Sounds right. Who cooked?”

“Me.”

“Every day?”

“Every day. Isabel tried once and I never let her near the stove ever again. She almost set the
place on fire.” He tuts, his fingers pinching a lock of your damp hair. “Farlan was just shit at
it.”

“How’d you meet Farlan?”

“I got into it with a few of his gang members when I was a teenager,” Levi admits and your
brows shoot up. “Yeah, I know. I couldn't believe it either, but Farlan only joined to be with
his older brother. When he was betrayed by the gang and killed, Farlan sought me out.”
“Did he want revenge?”

Levi shakes his head. “No, just someone he could trust.”

Your smile is sad, mirroring the look in Levi’s eyes.

“Can I ask you something about you?” You murmur. He swallows, eyes flicking from his grip
on your hair to your eyes before nodding. “How old were you when your mother passed?”

“I don’t know.” He admits. “Young. We were holed up in her room in the brothel for a while.
She was dead for days before-”

He cuts himself off, and you try to hold back the horror of knowing he had been in the same
room with his dead mother’s body for days, maybe even weeks.

“If it’s too hard to say-”

“No, it’s just that I’ve never told anyone this.” His voice is deep and careful in his words. “A
man I’d never met came to visit my mother. She must have been somewhat important to him
because he left there with me in tow.”

“Is he the one who taught you how to fight?” You ask and Levi nods.

“Yeah. He’s the reason I survived.” Your lips part, but he reads your mind. “He left me on my
own eventually. It must have been three or four years after I first met him. I don’t know why
he did.”

“Do you miss him?” Your voice is gentle but Levi scoffs.
“No. He wasn’t a good person. I toyed with MPs, but he butchered them.”

You blink at Levi, eyes widening in realization. “You were raised by Kenny the Ripper?”

He nods. “You’ve heard of him then?”

“Yeah, I have, but just through conversations I was never a part of. Larves was scared shitless
he’d be murdered in the middle of the night.”

“You were a bit of a fan then, no?” Levi jokes quietly and you snort.

“A bit. I’m a bigger fan knowing what he did for you, although he loses points for leaving.”

“What’s your scoring system here?” He drawls, making you laugh.

“Well, you and Hange, you’ve got about unlimited points.”

Levi scoffs. “I’m lumped in with that maniac?”

“As for Kenny, I’d say he has about two.”

“A whopping two points for the serial killer. Impressive. How many does Eren have?”

“One hundred seventy-two.” Levi glares at the smile creeping over your features.

“You’re stupid.” He mutters, shaking his head.

“Of course I am, but you’re the one who had to be a smart-ass about a turn of phrase I
made.”

“Fine. Moving on.” He grumbles, making you laugh. “Any more questions?’

“Oh, plenty.” You smile. “But I’ll only ask one more for now.”

“You can ask more if you want.” He says with a barely there shrug. “I don’t mind.”

“Does it feel good talking about these things?” You ask.

“With you it’s nice.” He sighs out, eyes roaming your features. “You care about the stupid
shit.”

“It’s not stupid.” You argue back fiercely and he lifts a pointed brow. “I’m serious, Levi. It all
matters to me. Every detail.”

“Exactly.”

Your eyes turn to slits as you cross your arms against your chest.

“Tell me something about you that even you think is important, and don’t say nothing
because that’s bullshit.”

“You.” He states blandly, and you blink at him.

“What?”
“You’re the only thing about me I think is important anymore. You love me, don’t you?” His
tone is level and your face flushes pink as your lips part.

“I mean, yes, of course I do, but-”

“Then you’re the only notable thing about my shitty existence.” He says evenly, hands
grabbing your thighs and pulling you closer, partially on his lap. “Somehow, I’ve managed to
gain the heart of someone as good as you. If there’s anything I’ll find value in it’s that.”

Your heart lodges in your throat as you stare at him, eyes sad. “Levi, I have a fuck ton of
reasons as to why I care about you as much as I do.”

“A fuck ton?” He repeats, lips twisting and you pout. “Oh don’t give me that look. You say
the stupidest things.”

“And you’re mean.”

“I know I am.” He tuts, nudging his nose against yours. You give in to the urge and slot your
mouth to his, humming as he licks at your lower lip. Pulling back instead of letting him
deepen the kiss, you’re met with a heavy gaze.

“I want you to appreciate yourself more.” You whisper, smirking as he sighs and leans over,
forehead resting against your shoulder. “Name something else and I’ll give you a reward.”

“A reward?” He mutters into the cotton of your shirt. You pull back to uncross your legs
before straddling his waist, placing your knees up by his sides. Dark eyes watch your
movements carefully, and when your core meets his stirring length through his pants he sighs.
“Fine. Any hints?”
“Nope.” You laugh quietly. “This is all you. What’s something else you like about yourself,
Levi?”

“I like the way you scream when I-”

“That has nothing to do with me.” You cut him off, placing your palm to his lips, cheeks red.
“Something solely about you.”

You feel his lips frown against your hand before you pull it away. The moment his mind
traces elsewhere you know he’s giving it thought, and you bite the inside of your cheek to
stop a smile.

“Alright.” He starts after several moments pass, looking sheepish and unsure. “I’ve always
considered it a flaw just how much I let myself care for others even when I do nothing but
attempt to do the opposite. It’s brought me nothing but pain, but you’ve shown it to me in a
different light, and I suppose I’d rather have the memories with all the people we've lost than
to have never met them at all.”

His answer is beautiful and strikes your heart in a swooping blow. Tears swell in your eyes
instantly, which makes him roll his.

“Damnit, Ash, it’s not that big of a-”

You cut him off with a kiss, one that’s full of passion and admiration. You clutch his jaw and
press yourself into him and as his mouth adapts to the tempo you’ve sprung upon him, his
hands glide up your back.

“Your heart is the reason I first fell for you.” You admit sappily against his lips. “I’m so
happy you see it, that caring isn’t a flaw. It’s human, and you’re my favorite one, Levi. I
really do fucking love you.”
You’re met with a kiss similar to the one you had just latched onto him with. His tongue
presses against yours and your hands drop to his pants. He pulls back, breath fanning your
lips as you pull his hardening cock out, feeling it grow in your palm.

Before he can keep up with your bold movements, you’re shoving his loose-fitting boxers to
the side and guiding his cock to your entrance.

“Fuck, Ash, what-”

Levi’s cut off with his own hiss as you slowly sink, his length inching up your walls
languidly. You’re not as wet as yesterday but the stretch is just as welcoming, just as
delicious, and you moan wildly against him once you’re fully seated.

“You’re reward.” You whisper your answer just after you’ve somewhat caught your breath.

“I thought you were sore?” He mutters, eyes cloudy with pleasure, jaw clenched.

You swirl your hips, making the two of you gasp into one another’s mouths. It’s a different
sensation, sitting on his cock, feeling it mold and rub deep inside you. Your soreness, if
anything, feels soothed at the fullness.

“I am.” You admit breathlessly. “And it feels fucking good.”

“Shit.” He curses, his cock twitching inside you. “You’re so warm and tight, Ash, I’m already
close.”

You buck your hips again, whining at the heavy groan that parts his lips and the feeling of his
throbbing member prodding inside your cunt. It’s similar to when he had wiggled his fingers,
but thicker and stronger. It’s leaving you breathless.
You use your feet planted on the bed to lift yourself up, eyes widening at the control in your
actions, sitting back down the moment the tip of his cock almost slips out. Levi’s jaw slacks
and his eyes screw shut, and it’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. You repeat the action,
his hands finding your hips and guiding you.

You bounce on his cock, both of you moaning messes as your clenching walls suction his
dick like your mouth would, only hotter and tighter.

“You’re going to fucking milk me in you don’t stop.” He warns, voices almost a deep
whimper before a lower groan takes over. “Yeah, fuck, Ash, pull off.”

Your cunt makes a lewd squelch sound as you lift yourself off his dick, and he is quick to
pump his cock as thick ripes spurt over his clothes and your swollen sex. You stare in awe as
his other hand finds your clit, massaging his release into your puffy skin, circling it feverishly
until your orgasm smacks you out of nowhere. Your head tosses back in a loud cry, and your
thighs shake as you ride out the waves.

You both come down slowly, and when your eyes open you find his. They’re still cloudy,
dipping down to where you’re pussy is still sticking out, coated with slick. You look back up
at him, note the level of disheveledness in his clothes and softening dick, and smile lazily.

“At least we don’t have to change the sheets again?” You try weakly, and Levi grunts in
response, pulling you flush once more before standing with your legs wrapped around his
waste.

“Not yet, anyway.” He mutters, making you snicker into his shoulder as he carries you into
the bathroom.
 Reunion

“Honey, I’m ho-Oh my fuck!”

You wake with a fright, stiffening your hold on Levi’s waist as your eyes shoot open. You’re
met with a pale-looking Hange standing in Levi’s doorway. You can tell they’ve been injured
and that the lack of color in their expression isn’t solely due to the sight before them, but
they’re alive, and they’re here.

A rush of relief, embarrassment, and concern rushes through you, but you’re paralyzed on the
spot, eyes boring into theirs for a comically long time. Your cheek is pressed just above
Levi’s belly button, and your blush deepens as time stretches on, making you more and more
aware of the sight your friend has just stumbled upon.

There is no doubt what the two of you have been up to while they were gone. Hange’s
bulging eyes are a testament to that.

“Shut your mouth, Four-eyes, you’ll catch flies.” Levi barks out, disrupting the stare-off. You
flush, looking up at his challenging expression. He’s resting with his back against the metal
headboard, hand still placed on your bare one, seemingly unbothered by the turn of events.

“Apologies! You’re right. I’m being rude.” They snap back sarcastically without any bite
before leaning back out the doorway. “Moblit! Moblit, you have to come-”

“No!” You yell, sitting up. “Do not come in here Moblit!”

“Oi!” Levi hollers as you expose your body and his for a moment, but by the time Hange
faces you, he’s covered back up and you’re the only one still naked to their bespectacled
eyes. They laugh before covering them, trotting in place like an antsy horse.

“Damn, short stack, way to score!” They exclaim giddily, making Levi scoff from over your
shoulder as you toss on a t-shirt and step into a pair of sweatpants. “Can I open my eyes or
will I too be blessed with the sight of Humanity’s Shortest-”

“Hange.” You cut them off before Levi has a conniption. Hange chances a glance with a wide
shit-eating grin, and you’re too happy to see them to care about the teasing. “Can I hug
you?”

“Aw, yes of course, but be gentle. I’m sore.”

You frown at their response but step forward and gently wrap your arms around them. As
your arms graze their sides, they flinch slightly, and you pause, your worry deepening.

“This air hug is lovely, thank you.” Hange muses quietly, their chin coming to rest on the top
of your head. “Unfortunately my body is covered in two-degree burns at the moment.”

“What?” You gasp out, stepping back. “Hange, what the hell happened out there?”

“I’d rather not be entirely nude for this conversation,” Levi announces dryly and Hange
snorts.

“As amusing and scandalous this reunion has been, I’ll leave the two of you to get dressed in
your uniforms. Honeymoon’s over.”

“Trust me, we are well aware.” Levi snaps. “Get the fuck out already.”

“Oh, it’s good to be back. I’ll wait outside.” Hange waves before shutting the bedroom door
behind them. You turn toward Levi with a tiny pout before padding back over to him.

“Time to return to reality.” You murmur as you lean down and place a gentle, chaste kiss on
his lips.
“No one gives a wake-up call better than that freak.” He replies snarkily, feathers already
ruffled. You smirk at him, kiss his nose, smile at the glare he shoots your way, and then walk
toward your folded clothes.

“Like a plunge into frigid water.” You laugh, stepping out of the sweats and into your
uniform as Levi does the same over your shoulder. You remember Hange’s words and sober
slightly. “Two-degree burns? What could cause that? Were they grabbed by a titan, maybe?”

“My money’s on the Colossal or the Armor.” Levi huffs out, and you turn to find him
buttoning up his white long sleeve. He notices the fear in your gaze and steps forward, eyes
pointed. “At least we know Hange is safe.”

“That’s true.” You murmur. “Let’s find out the rest then, I suppose.”

He pats the top of your head gently. “It’ll be fine.”

You follow a still-smirking Hange and a flushed-neck Moblit to Erwin’s bedroom, but his
office. That alone tells you the Commander has been gravely injured, but it’s not until you
stand in the doorway and see his missing limb that you realize the gravity of the situation.

“It seems I could have utilized that healing ability of yours.” Erwin jokes first when the
awkwardness is prominent. You clear your throat.

“Yes, well, if it were something I could share, I would.”

“How the hell did this happen, then?” Levi scoffs out, walking across the room to sit at the
table by the window.

“I suppose we should start at the beginning before Erwin arrived on the scene,” Hange notes
methodically. “Our hunch was right. Reiner and Bertolt are the Armor and the Collasal, and
they didn’t take much convincing to admit it. In fact, they’re the ones who confessed to Eren
before transforming. The Collasal transformation is equivalent to an immense fiery
explosion, hence my and several others injuries. It also consistently emits dangerous amounts
of hot steam afterward, so there’s no getting close to them without practically catching fire.”

“They managed to capture Eren for several hours before my reinforcements arrived, which is
when we set out to retrieve him immediately.” Erwin takes over calmly, and your heart seizes
for a moment. “We succeeded in getting him back, however, we’ve noted some casualties.”

You stare at Erwin as a moment passes, and the weight of his words thickens the air in the
room.

“Who?” Levi asks.

“Nanaba and Miche.”

Your stomach drops and your eyes widen in shock as you push to your feet. “What? What do
you mean? How?”

“We are all just as shocked as you, Honey.” Hange frowns. “We’ve been told Miche veered
away from his group to stall a hoard. We suspect that there was an issue with his ODM gear.
All they found was blood.”

Your eyes sting as they shift downward. Miche, your old squad leader, was one of the first
people to respect you despite your past. He stood up for you, he trained you at the start, and
now he’s gone.

“And Nanaba?” You whisper.

Hange sighs quietly before replying. “For some reason, a select group of Titans were able to
move around at night. Nanaba and other soldiers consisting of our newer cadets, including
Reiner and Bertoldt, were trapped in an abandoned tower far out near the Wall. They say she
took out four before she got grabbed.”
You sit back down as quiet tears slip down your features.

“Both Miche and Nanaba died protecting the Survey Corps youths because that is the burden
of being in our Regiment. Their sacrifices will forever be remembered, and we’ll honor them
by striving toward the next steps.” Erwin steps in, voice level with forced clarity. “We
retrieved Eren but our problems are far from over. We now have three known intelligent
Titans somewhere out there with no knowledge as to how many more enemies we are sure to
face. Not to mention the people in the interior who are hoping to silence us.”

“Three?” Levi asks because you’re too overwhelmed to bother.

“Ymir, the tall girl who follows Historia around had the power of the Titans as well. We are
clearly in over our heads.” Hange mutters, running a hand over their head. “According to
Historia, she’s not an enemy, but it’s obvious her only goal has been to protect the blonde.
Which we must now prioritize, given Pastor Nick’s warning. Fuck, I need a strong drink.”

“I think we all do, Section Commander.” Moblit agrees, even his voice sounding strained.

You realize you and Levi are now the higher-ups in the best shape, and while the deaths of
Miche and Nanaba weigh heavy on your heart, there is plenty that needs to be done.

“What you all need is rest.” You speak up, gazing around the room before facing Erwin.
“What do you need from us, sir? What can we do?”

“I need you to take Eren and Historia elsewhere.” The Commander concedes, eyes warm as
he regards your initiative. “Somewhere isolated and safe.”

“Easy.” Levi cuts in then. “Ash and I will take Eren and Historia as well as their 104th
friends to our old farmhouse. I’ve chosen them for my new squad.”
A knock draws your attention to the door, and Moblit pulls it open to reveal Connie
Springer's miraculously timed arrival.

“Sir! I apologize for interrupting, but I have something important to share.” His eyes are
wide, laced with horror and fear, and your stomach twists at the sight. “I don’t know who else
to go to, and it may sound crazy, but-”

“Connie.” You cut him off gently, and his frantic gaze latches to yours. “Bizzare is the new
normal. Tell us what you know, and it may be the tamest thing we’ve heard all day.”

He swallows, eyes flicking to the Commander who nods. The boy hesitantly steps into the
room while Moblit moves around him.

“I’m going to keep watch.” He announces, earning an appreciative smile from Hange.

The door shuts, and a heavy silence follows as Connie’s disturbed gaze stays forward. His lip
quivers before he takes a steadying breath.

“Ragako Village. My hometown. We passed through it while searching for the compromised
section of Wall Rose.”

“Reports say no casualties were found.” Hange cuts in with a furrowed brow. “But that the
town was destroyed.”

“Yes, there weren’t any bodies, but there was a Titan, an immobile one laying on its back,
directly where my house once was.” Connie’s voice trembles slightly. “The Titan, it, well, it
couldn’t walk. There was confusion on how it even got there, and when I looked into its eyes,
I, I swear that it spoke to me.”

Connie looks as though he’s waiting for you all to laugh or kick him out of the room, but
instead, he’s met with morbid curiosity and patience.
“Spoke to you?” Hange’s glasses flash. “What did it say?”

“Welcome home,” Connie’s voice breaks as tears form in his eyes. “Reiner told me I was
imagining things, but knowing his identity now, he must have been trying to confuse me, but
I know now. I know in my soul that the Titan lying over my crushed home is my mother. I
don’t know how but I know it’s her. I know it.”

Your heart feels cracked as the boy does his best to control his emotions, but you can see the
mix of grief and anger coursing through his veins. You believe him wholeheartedly. You
recall your memories, the far-fetched theory all of you in this room have already crafted.

You know now with certainty that Titans were once human, and this boy not only lost his
entire family but was forced to look into the eyes of his mother and see a monster. You stand
and toss professionalism out the window as you pull him into a hug. The boy you barely
know clings to you, and the dam bursts as he sobs into your shoulder.

It’s important to remain strong, to carry the burdens and march forward, but sometimes, it’s
too much. Sometimes it’s too heavy, and this boy needs to let some of it go, to share it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t-”

“It’s alright, Connie.” You shush him, eyes meeting Hange’s over his shoulder. They look at
you with warmth and pride despite the weight of the boy’s sorrow. You pull back and startle
slightly at the sight of Levi directly beside you, and he offers a pointed look before handing
the boy a handkerchief.

“We believe you.” The Commander speaks up. “In fact, you’ve been a key part of a theory
we’ve previously surmised. Thank you.”

Connie’s wide eyes shift from Erwin to Levi. He utters a weak appreciation before taking the
white cloth.
“It’s a lot. We get it, but take a walk and pull it together, Springer. You’re the first to know
you’ve been appointed to my Squad starting tomorrow, and this is the only grace period I’ll
allow you.” Levi’s voice is stern but gentle. Connie’s red-rimmed eyes widen, shock and
slivers of excitement coursing through them.

“Thank you, sir. I’m honored.” Connie sputters, wiping at his eyes. You know the trauma
won't go away so easily, but Levi’s done well with helping the boy look forward to other
things, even something as minuscule as joining Levi Squad.

“The other brats from your graduation year, Eren, Historia, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, and Jean;
they’ll be accompanying us as well. I’m assigning you the task of informing them. We’ll
meet tomorrow at the stables and ride out at dawn. If any of them are late, that responsibility
falls to you. Understood?”

“Yes, sir!” Connie nods before his gaze flickers to you. You offer a reassuring smile. “Thank
you.”

“You’re dismissed,” Levi says as he turns away and Connie nods before exiting the room.
You rub your eyes, letting the reality sink in with a small huff.

“Fuck.” You mutter for everyone, and sighs of agreement follow.

“Our hunch was right again.” Hange groans, taking your seat. “Titans are humans. Absurd,
but undeniable now with that testimony and the knowledge supplied by Honey’s memories.”

“Whatever they injected into my mother, it turned her.” You mutter, facing the three
remaining members in the room. “They injected it into me, too, but I didn’t turn.”

“Or they tried to and failed,” Hange comments thoughtfully, “You felt the pinch, but we have
no cause to believe you turned then turned back somehow like an intelligent Titan. Therefore,
it’s possible the serum was never inserted or even partially inserted. You’re unlike anything
we’ve seen so far. You’re a real mystery, Honey."
“The question is who the fuck can create a fucking potion that turns people into those ugly
things?” Levi interjects with a scoff. “Someone out there fucking does this shit intentionally,
and I’ll bet the royal shits and the fuckers of the Walls know.”

“Hange, ride out with Levi Sqaud tomorrow.” The Commander finally chimes in, eyes far
away. “The three of you will question Historia there. Allow the entire squad to be present. I
have reason to believe she’ll tell us everything she knows, and when she does, I’ll expect you
to return to me with results.”

“Yes, sir.” Hange sings out with a sigh, eyes finding yours. They look hesitant, and you sigh.

“What, Hange?”

“I hate to bring it up but it’s important. The MPs seem to have some role in this and a lot of
them have placed a target on your back due to your past. One in particular.”

“Cut to the point, Four Eyes.” Levi grunts.

“I’m getting there.” Hange snaps before looking back at you. “I only mean to ask if you
remember anything Larves had said to you during those five minutes. He seems like a real
cocky bastard and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was handing out telling threats while he had
you to himself.”

Your brow furrows as you think back, remembering something you haven’t had the chance to
discuss with anyone. The woman, their apparent understanding, and the boss they were both
serving. A plan and a deal.

“What is it, Ash?” Levi asks, noticing your shifting expression.

“Larves is working for someone, and I don’t mean he was under any regular orders from
Dok.” You say quietly, eyes meeting his heavy ones. “He and a blonde woman, Caven, they
were the only ones there. She was pissed at Larves and said whoever they were working for
wouldn’t be happy he was spoiling their low profile. She told him to wait for his chance.”

Levi looks away, jaw clenched and the room fizzles with tension. Your eyes glance to the
Commander’s pitiful stare and choose to turn to Hange, finding a mix of anger and
determination.

“What else was said?” They ask.

“He ignored her, and tried to touch me.” You mumble, noting the twitch in Hange’s brow.
“She pulled a gun on him, said that rape wasn’t part of their deal, and they left.”

“Fucking hell,” Levi mutters, shaking his head. You glance at him, finding a dangerous
expression on his face. “I can’t wait to kill that shitbag.”

“We have reason to believe that whoever had ulterior motives within the interior will act
soon, then.” Erwin shifts the conversation swiftly, diffusing the stifling tension from the
weight of your words. “We need to proceed with caution as always. We have many enemies
coming from all different angles. I will continue to do my job from here, and I expect the
three of you to do yours.”

“Of course, sir.” You say, shooting him a grateful glance. “Our priorities remain the same.”

His eyes shift to Levi and then Hange before he sighs and settles into his bed. “Come to me if
anything changes, but head out tomorrow as planned. Do not send letters, have them
personally delivered by a member of Hange squad.”

“Nifa, she’s good with blending in.” Hange supplies easily. “When I leave this room I’ll
assign her the-”
“No, you’ll go to your room and rest, Hange. Levi or I will inform Nifa.” You cut them off
with an eye roll. “You’ve done enough.”

“Well, I also should probably-”

“Tomorrow, Hange.” Erwin cuts them off with a smirk. “Tomorrow.”

“Ugh, fine.” They groan, pushing to their feet with a wince. “Shall we take our leave, then?”

You all offer Erwin nods before stepping out of the room, finding Moblit in the hall. The four
of you wander back to the rooms together, primarily to ensure Hange does as they’re told.

“Levi, you inform Nifa. Honey’s with me.” They say as they open their bedroom door. “I
need her to rub ointment all over my body.”

“Surely you can do some of it for yourself, no?” You scoff.

“Nope. I’m so feeble. So weak. I need Honey’s gentle, caressing touch.” Hange snorts at the
glare Levi sends their way. “Jealous?”

“Hange.” Moblit scolds. “You have no tact.”

“Neither do these two, Moblit. You really should have seen-”

“Hange.” You grit out, cutting them off. “I’ll only do your back, and that’s if you shut up.”

“Deal. Step into my office.” They grin, gesturing you inside their room. You roll your eyes
and turn to give an irritated Levi a departing nod.
“I’ll see you later.” You say softly and Levi nods.

“What? No parting kiss?” Hange blurts out.

“That’s it, I’m only doing your upper back.”

“Aw, no fair, you know my arm joints are naturally stiff. I can barely grab my own ass, let
alone my-”

“Maybe we ought to break the bones, let them heal backward so you can pick your wedgies
from here on out.” Levi hisses out, stepping forward, closer to you. Hange lets out an
exaggerated gasp.

“Really? You’d do that for me? That’d be great. I always have to do a weird bend pose
whenever my uniform rides up too far.”

You laugh. “ That’s why you do that shit. I always thought it was a part of your dumbass pre-
examination dance rituals.”

“Those are important!” Hange argues fiercely. “They bring me good luck before entering the
lab!”

“How does shoving a hand up your ass bring you luck?” Levi drawls with a scrunched nose.

“It doesn’t!” Hange snaps in exasperation, making your smile grow even wider. “That’s not
what that’s for! I just explained that!”

Your giggles and Levi’s mirthful eyes make Hange fight their own despite being the subject
of your teasing. “Whatever. My body is on fucking fire and I need that damn lotion. I know
after your passionate forty-eight hours together, parting will be hard, but I assure you, time
will bring you together once more.”

“Damn, you’re annoying,” Levi grunts out. “Where can I find Nifa?”

“She’ll be with the others in the dining hall.”

“Great.” He sighs, eyes meeting yours before taking a step around you.

“Wait, seriously? No goodbye kiss? Some gentleman you are.” Hange sighs, shaking their
head. “Come on, Honey. Some boys just can’t be told.”

You smirk stepping toward Hange with a shake of your head, but as their eyes shift to one of
delight you’re spun around and lips are pressed to yours.

Levi kisses you swiftly but deeply, hands cupping your jaw and holding you against him. You
can hear Hange’s squeal but it drowns out with the rush of warmth swirling in your heart and
your gut.

You know it’s a one-time thing, this display of public affection, but you also know he’s
proving a point to both you and Hange that he isn’t afraid of this. That Hange can tease but it
won’t fluster him. Being with you won’t embarrass him.

He pulls back, eyes locked on yours with a promise. The bubble you two lived in the past two
days may have popped, but this doesn’t dissolve with it. The bond you share, the tether
between your hearts remains strong, unyielding, and brave in the face of change, danger, and
death.

His lips are a breath away, and you’re about to lean back in when you’re tugged back into
Hange’s room. Your friend sticks their tongue out at a suddenly unamused Levi and the last
thing he sees is your shining, smiling expression before the door shuts in his face.
He glances to his right where he finds a smiling Moblit. He had forgotten Hange’s assistant
was standing right there as well, not that it would have stopped him.

“What?” Levi asks.

“Nothing, sir.” The man says, before opening his own bedroom door. “It’s just refreshing to
see Hange smile after the shitty days we’ve just endured. The pair of you always seem to
bring the playfulness out of them, so thank you.”

Levi surveys him quietly, knowing Moblit to have always been a kind man. His words are
genuine, therefore Levi refrains from a sarcastic reply and instead nods at him, stuffing his
hands in his pockets.

“Sure.” He says lowly before turning and walking down the hall. Moblit calls out to him once
more, and Levi pauses to listen but stays facing forward. He doesn’t need Hange’s assistant
blabbering to the bespectacled freak about the blush that creeps up his face at the words.

“I don't mean to assume or pry, but I’m happy for you, Captain. Both of you. You look good
together."

Silence lingers for a moment before Levi offers a gentle reply that lacks the bite he intends
for it.

"Mind your own business, Moblit."

Hange's assistant lets out a tiny laugh before the sound of a door shuts somewhere over Levi's
shoulder, and the short, grumpy man sighs, his lips still tingling as he makes his way to the
dining hall.
 Fire
Chapter Notes

updates will be much less frequent from here on out but I shall do my absolute best (:

“Sasha! Put the potato down!” You scold, pointing a warning finger at the brown-haired girl
from across the room. Her wide honey eyes meet yours with surprise and betrayal as the
others chime in, groaning about her trying to steal food again.

You’ve been in the farmhouse for two days and the moment you stepped inside, the
rambunctious, child-like laughter filled the halls and painted them a new color. This group is
nothing like your previous one, and you’re grateful for how easy it’s made returning to this
place.

On the other hand, you feel more like a babysitter than a second in command.

“Damnit, Connie, you need to make sure you’re wiping the entirety of the underside of the
table. Captain Levi will check every fucking crevice.” You snap, crawling under the dining
room seating area to do it yourself.

“I thought I did!” The boy exclaims defensively.

“I’m sorry, Ash, I’ve been telling them but they don’t understand.” Eren cries out before
another groan parts his lips. “Shit, guys, take off your damn shoes before walking into the
house!”

“Our hands are full, douche-pants, what do you want from us!” Jean’s familiar sneer enters
the room.
“You’re tracking dirt throughout the damn foyer! Mikasa’s taking off her boots. You can, too,
horseface!”

“What are you, my Mom?” Jeans grits back before you watching his feet approach the table
and plop the bag in his arms on the surface. “I’m bringing in supplies, not out talking a
calming stroll through nature, Jaeger, so hop off my dick.”

“We’re running out of time and you’re giving us more shit to clean!”

“Fucking hell, I’ll clean the damn floor then.”

“Fine!”

“Everyone needs to relax. Captain Levi won’t be back until tonight.” Armin calls out from
somewhere in the kitchen. “We’re all doing our best. Just keep cleaning.”

You grit your teeth knowing Captain Levi is likely to arrive any second just to catch everyone
off guard and show them exactly why you and Eren are so adamant about thoroughly
completing these tasks.

You sigh to yourself knowing the only way to learn is the hard way.

“Where the hell is Ash, anyway?” Jean grunts out, and Armin seems to be the only one
attempting to stop the boy from speaking any further. Jean ignores the small protesting sound,
too focused on his irritation. “Wasn’t she the one saying to treat her like an equal and not a
superior? Why does she get to slack off while we’re worked to the bone?”

It falls silent, everyone seeming to wait for you to announce your presence. It’s comical
really, the way Jean asks. “What’s got everyone looking so stupid?”
It sets the perfect stage, making the scare even more hilarious as you reach out from under
the table and grab the boy's ankle.

He shrieks, jumps, and falls back on his ass, landing in his own muddy footprints as his wide
eyes meet yours. The room erupts in laughter. Your eyes are challenging slits.

“You’re a real shit talker, aren’t you, Jean?”

You had only seen his gentle side before living with the boy, him always finding you in
weakened states, but you’ve learned quickly just how sharp his judgment and sass can be
when you aren’t at death’s door.

“Sorry.” He winces, and you see the apology in his eyes. “Misguided anger.”

“I see that.” You mutter.

“Oh, shit! The Captain’s back!”

You sigh as Jean scrambles up, suddenly mirroring Eren’s concerns, and everyone starts
running around to make themselves look busy as the sound of the front door reaches you. It
has the opposite effect, the sound of a teen stampede, and you sigh, staying under the table
hoping the ground will swallow you whole.

“What’s all the commotion?” Levi’s voice drawls out, and silence follows. You stare at
everyone’s awkwardly placed feet, knowing their expressions likely look just as ridiculous.
Levi’s calculated steps enter the room, nearing the table. His hand reaches the underside, a
spot you’ve yet to wipe, and you have a front-row seat to the dust falling as his fingertips
disrupt it.

“I’m quite certain I gave you enough time.” He grits out. You can hear Eren’s wince and the
thick swallows of the others, so with a steadying breath, you awkwardly crawl forward and
poke your head out.
You’re responsible for them after all, and therefore you’ll take the blame for their inadequate
cleaning skills.

Levi’s eyes widen slightly as he looks down at your unexpected appearance, and your lips
quirk at the flash of amusement passing over his eyes.

“I was about to wipe that spot.” You admit sheepishly.

“Is that so?” Levi snips back.

“Yes, sir.”

“Seeing as you are under the table, I’ll believe you. However, that does little to explain the
complete, utter failure of cleaning the rest of this room amongst the seven of you.” Levi says
slowly, shifting his gaze up.

A chorus of weak apologies fills the room and Levi rolls his neck before shaking off his
jacket and rolling up his long sleeves.

“I suppose I’ll help you seeing as I’ve finished with previous responsibilities earlier than
expected.” Levi sighs ever so charitably, and you roll your eyes as you disappear back
underneath the table. “If with my help the entire place isn’t clean by sunset, I’ll expect a five-
mile run tomorrow morning. Understood?”

“Yes, sir!”

An hour passes while everyone works significantly more diligently and efficiently than when
you were their only superior around, but you can’t bring yourself to mind. You have their
respect but you’ve established a much more lax relationship with the others, and you like it
that way. You want to be someone they can joke with and turn to when things get hard, not
someone they feel on edge around.

The atmosphere eases after Levi’s early arrival, as he tends to find peace when he cleans.
Sasha and Connie seem particularly shocked by how attentive and quiet the Captain can be,
but the others seem less taken aback.

Eren knows you and the Captain better than anyone here, and Mikasa doesn’t seem perturbed
either way. You’re sure Jean and Armin’s lack of shock is due to the intimate scene they bore
witness to after Levi had found you in the forest of tall trees, and the way he had carried you
after Larves assault.

It warms your heart, the soft chatter, the focused eyes, and the way you all find a comfortable
rhythm. The people surrounding you in the present allow you to reminisce just slightly on the
past.

It’s bittersweet as you head down to the well with stale sheets and soap, remembering first
cleaning this house with the original Levi Squad. You pass Mikasa chopping firewood and
remember Gunther doing the same, and Armin who's on his way back up with a clean batch
of towels is reminiscent of Petra offering a smile and a nod in ways of hello. When you reach
the clothesline, you notice Jean and Eren in the stables, bickering with each other like Petra
and Oluo.

The thought of them, it twinges but it doesn’t sting. It’s prodding but it’s dull. You feel them
and you miss them, and yet you find yourself grateful for the memories, and look forward to
the new ones. While some things remind you of the earlier days, you’re here in the present,
enjoying the company of these ridiculous teenagers and their high spirits.

It’s infectious, their laughs, their smiles, and their friendships. Not to mention Levi’s still
here, and that alone makes your heart stutter every time you see him. There’s pain in this
world, but there’s happiness, too.

Right now, you think you’re happy.

When you head back inside you pass Mikasa, Armin, and Connie finishing up the dining
room. You waltz into the kitchen finding Sasha scrubbing dishes and Levi cleaning out each
cabinet meticulously.

“Hey guys.” You announce, eyes roaming for a task. “Are things covered in here or should I
head upstairs?”

Levi glances over his shoulder before lowering his face mask. “The compartments on my left
are clean. You can start organizing the flatware Sasha’s already washed. Inspect each plate as
you do. This place is a fucking pig sty.”

You smirk but nod. “Alright. How are you doing Sasha?”

“Hungry.” She grumbles quietly to you as you settle beside her. You remember washing
dishes with Eld once here, and you smile to yourself as you look over the drying rack.

“You have quite the appetite.” You muse, lifting a set of four plates into your arms one by
one. “What’s the story behind that?”

She glances toward a focused Levi before turning back to you. “Are we allowed to-”

“Talk?” Levi gruffs out, voice thin, making Sasha scrub the plate in her hand hard. “Yes, I
believe most people are born with the motor function to do so.”

“As long as you keep working a little conversation won’t hurt.” You tell her, rolling your eyes
at the Captain. “So? The food obsession?”

“Well, I grew up in a small village where food was scarce, and I never felt full with my
portions.” Sasha starts somberly. “I’d sneak into the food supply almost every night, and even
when they caught me the first time and gave me lashings on the back of my hand, I still
risked it. I just have no self-restraint with food because I truly do feel as though I’m always
hungry.”
You nod along, familiar with feeling so starved you’d do anything for food. You don’t have
the same gluttonous need, but you can understand where she’s coming from in a sense.

“If you steal food here you won’t be lashed but you’ll be assigned extra running miles.” Levi
chirps in after a moment. “That will likely make you even more hungry, no?”

“Understood, sir.” Sasha comments. “I’ll control myself.”

“Good.” You nudge her before taking the plates to the first cabinet. Footsteps pad into the
room and you turn to find Historia carrying a tray of cups. She notices your curious stare and
shrugs, adding the dirty dishes to Sasha’s pile.

“I found them in what is to be my bedroom. They were hidden under the bed.”

Levi’s head snaps towards the tiny blonde, eyes wide with rage. “Which bedroom?”

“The one at the very end, sir.” She replies stiffly. You cover your parted lips in shock and
Levi looks almost betrayed.

“Gunther.” He mutters to himself, meeting your eyes with disbelieving ones. “Damnit! I
knew the fucking tea cups were disappearing but I thought it was you being a little shit and
messing with me.”

You bend over laughing.

It’s too hilarious and so unlike the collected man you knew. You were aware of the sly tricks
he had up his sleeve, the comments he’d make at Eld’s expense, but never knew he was a
secret tea cup hoarder. Plus the fact that Levi spent those months believing you were plotting
some elaborate prank on him is just too good to be true.
“That’s fucking fantastic.” You wipe your eyes, straightening out. “That makes me want to
investigate all of their rooms.”

“You will not.” Levi gruffs, shaking his head. “Anything else you find of this sort, don’t tell
me. This is too much.”

Levi heads out the back door to the porch and you let out your last few laughs, noting the
unsure expressions on the girls' faces.

“Gunther was one of the cleanest in the house, we thought.” You tell them with a watery
smile. “This to our Captain is a deep betrayal.”

They nod as if they understand, and your eyes land on the blonde who has lacked life since
her arrival here. You know her having to rehash the past, the secret she’s been forced to keep
her whole life wasn’t easy, but you also know the more painstaking part of her day-to-day is
missing Ymir.

You don’t know the details, but you know they were close. Very close.

“Why don’t you take over for me, and I’ll take the Captain’s spot?” You say to her, and she
nods quietly.

“Sure, just tell me what to do.”

Another hour passes before the three of you have successfully tackled the kitchen. You leave,
noting the difference in the air quality in the dining room—that’s how much cleaner the
house feels. You double-check the work anyway before glancing outside.

The sun is lowering in the sky, but it’s light enough to note the three figures out by the
stables, one is standing, and two are on the ground doing sit-ups.
Sasha snorts. “Those idiots pissed the Captain off.”

“Who is that?” Historia asks quietly. “It’s too bright, I can’t see.”

“Looks like Eren and Jean.” You sigh out. “I’m assuming the others are upstairs cleaning.
Why don’t you two check on them, help them out and I’ll join you soon. I’m going to see
what’s happening out there and try to convince the Captain to wrap it up today for showers
and dinner.”

“Oh! Yes, please.” Sasha exclaims happily. “You’re the best Ash.”

“I promise nothing.” You say with a pointed look before stepping outside and heading
towards the sounds of grunts and heaves. Settling beside Levi, you look down at the boy’s
eyes who stare up at you with a pleading look.

“Don’t look at her like that. She’s not getting you out of this.” Levi snaps before his eyes
shift to glare at you. “You’re giving them false hope. Leave.”

“Rude.” You bristle, crossing your arms. “What’d they do?”

“They were out here for two hours and don’t have the stables cleaned out yet.” He utters to
you, eyes glancing over yours. “Plus, I’m pretty sure Kirstein shit his pants.”

Eren cackles despite his shortness of breath and Jean groans.

“I sat in mud earlier! Ash saw!”

“Did anyone say talk?” Levi barks out at them and their faces sober into winces. You frown
down at the boys then turn over Levi’s shoulder to whisper so they can’t hear.
“How long have they been doing sit-ups?”

“Not long enough,” Levi grunts back. “I’m serious. I’m not taking it easy on them just
because you’ve got a bleeding heart.”

“At least switch up the exercise. They’re in pain.” You urge quietly and Levi sighs.

“Alright. Stop.”

Both boys slowly unfurl themselves, clutching their abdomens with twisted expressions,
heaving into the dirt. You bring the tips of your fingers to Levi’s shoulders before whispering.
“Thank you, Captain.”

He tuts, eyes dark when they meet yours. “You’re playing with fire.”

You smirk. “Whatever could you mean?”

“I want the two of you doing push-ups next,” Levi commands, glancing with a clenched jaw.
“Count together to a hundred. Drop and you start over.”

“Yes. sir!” They say in unison before their chants take up the space. Levi looks back over at
you, eyes lit with sparking mirth.

“What happened to making sure the squad knows you don’t get special treatment from the
Captain?” He mutters challengingly. “You used to be so adamant about that.”

“It’s different now.” You smile at him sweetly.

“Oh?” Levi breathes out. “You like proving to everyone here you’re my weak spot?”
“Maybe I do.” You answer easily, and you both turn forward at the sound of a curse and a
yelp.

“Oh, fuck, ow!” Eren cries out, failing to the side when they were just approaching number
sixty-three.

“Damnit, Jaeger!” Jean booms out, falling too now that he knows they’ll have to start over.
“What the fuck, man?”

“My hand cramped, I’m sorry!”

“Start over,” Levi calls out. “Fall again and you’re switching back to sit-ups.”

The boys bicker as they reposition and you sigh at the pain in their expressions. You pat
Levi’s shoulder who gives you a questioning glance before you settle down in front of Eren
and Jean. They eye you warily as you get on all fours, then assume the same position as
them.

“Come on, let’s do it together. Don’t falter. Just get it done.” You say calmly, and they blink
at you before their expressions sharpen.

“Alright!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Oh no, Jean. Don’t ever call me that again.”

“Got it.”
When the boys reach a hundred they collapse, groaning and mumbling curses to one another.
You let out a heavy breath, pushing back up onto your calves as you regard them.

“You were punished for fighting and yet you’re still doing it.” You heave out, shaking your
arms at your sides. “What’s the reason for the beef?”

“Eren’s a hot-headed, suicidal maniac.”

“Jean’s a snobby horseface who thinks he’s better than everyone.”

“No, I’m just better than you.”

“You fucking wish!”

“Okay, alright.” You cut them off briskly with an annoyed sigh. “Got it. You’re both too
prideful so you butt heads. Whatever. Be weird frenemies but don’t let it affect your work,
training, or our time in the field. I won’t try to persuade the Captian next time you’re caught
slacking because you’re too busy arguing.”

Both boys frown and look like they’d like to disagree, but don’t say any words. You think
that’s wise.

“Sorry, Ash,” Eren mutters first. Jean glances at the green-eyed boy and then rolls his eyes.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“What is this bullshit?” Levi cuts in sharply, making both boys shoot up. “Why is she getting
apologized to when I’m the one who deserves a fucking apology?”
“Sorry, Captain!” They say with a solute and you do everything you can to stop a smile. You
fail.

“Oi.” Levi grits out, walking around you. “What’s so damn amusing?”

“Nothing, Captain.” You reply, looking up at him from your position on the ground, knees
tucked into the grassy plain. He surveys you dangerously before turning toward the boys still
recovering on the ground.

“Eren, Jean, you have one hour to finish cleaning the stables. I want the horses in their stalls
as well by the time I come back. If it’s not done, you’ll be running ten miles tomorrow
instead of five.”

“You got it, Captain,” Eren replies, pushing up to his feet before storming back into the
stables. Jean offers a solute before following.

“You’ll help them,” Levi tells you once they’re out of earshot. “Since you’re such buddies.”

“I think of it more as an older sister figure for them.” You huff as you push up to your feet.
“But yeah, I know. I deserve some reprimand for sure.”

“Ah, so you’re self-aware you’re being a brat. Is it simply to make me look soft in front of
my team or is it because you want to be punished?” He asks quietly, his voice deep and
teasing. Your stomach twists as you regard him with heat behind your stare.

“Both?” You murmur playfully, and he grunts, gently shoving you toward the stables.

“Enough. Go help. You’ll suffer the same punishment if it isn’t clean in there when I get back
and I know you’re shit at cardio.”
“We’ll have it done in time.” You say confidently, and Levi’s eyes dip over your figure as you
walk away, glancing at him over your shoulder. “But if you think of any other disciplinary
actions for me, I’ll be more than accepting of them, Captain.”

Levi’s glare burns you even as you walk to the back of the stable and earn another round of
apologies from Eren and Jean. When you offer your Captain one last glance there’s an
intensity behind his eyes that shoots tingles up your spine before he turns and walks away.

You really are playing with fire it would seem, and you’re looking forward to when it burns.
 Training
Chapter Notes

Hi, I'm back... here's a light chapter before we get into season 3, aka Levi's hottest
season imo

You’ve eaten your words, run ten miles with them jostling around in your stomach, and are
now throwing them up. Repeatedly.

“How is there anything left?” Eren grimaces with a wheeze, patting your back. You shake
your head, heaving into the grass.

“This is all your fault, Jaeger.” Jean gasps out from the tree he’s leaning against, sweat
dripping from his forehead.

“How is it my fault?” The boy beside you snaps.

“We would have been done cleaning if you hadn’t knocked over that barrel of old, dried-up
shit.”

“I only knocked it over because you shoved me into it!”

“Shut the fuck up already.” You say tiredly, wiping at your mouth with the back of your hand.
Both boys fall quiet at your words. “I’ve had to listen to you both bicker all yesterday
evening and every damn second of the run that never should have happened. You’re both
fucking blockheads. Don’t talk to me for at least an hour, or I may actually strangle both of
you. Got it?”
You push to your feet, glaring at the two boys as your chest heaves. They stare at you wide-
eyed and nod mutely before you push away, your irritation flaring when you’re met with a
smug Levi.

“Still open to further punishments, or?” He drawls out, leaning beside the front door of the
house. You realize you’ve not only poked the bear, but you walked into its den and woke it
up, and now it’s standing over your battered body, lifting an amused brow as if to say you
never stood a chance.

You put yourself here, and yet you still have the nerve to be pissed.

“Kindly, fuck off, Captain.” You grunt out, and a gasp from inside the house makes you
pause. That had only been for his ears, but as you look over at the shocked faces of Sasha and
Connie, you know you’ve done it this time. Levi lets a heavy breath out of his nose.

Behind closed doors, it’s fine, but in front of the others, he has no choice but to punish you
for the backtalk.

“Two more miles.” He says, pushing off the wall. His disappointed gaze meets your
devastated one with a shrug. “Unless you’d rather I cut out your tongue.”

“Do I get to choose?” You whimper, and his lips twitch.

“No. Get running. Take the two idiots with you.”

“But they-”

“Don’t care.”

“Yes, sir.”
Two miles later, and you’re yaking again, this time Jean’s rubbing circles into your back
while Eren heaves in front of you. They’re silent, and you’re grateful. Exhausted and
apologetic, too, feeling sorry for yourself and them.

“Those were on me.” You admit, ribs quivering. “I guess we’re all idiots.”

“It’s whatever.” Jean sighs. “We’re to blame for ten miles, you’re allowed to tack on two.”

“It’s my fault,” Eren says, shaking his head as he sits back on his calves. “You and Captain
Levi keep telling me to monitor my emotions, and I tell myself to listen, but in the heat of the
moment, it’s like I lose control.”

“You’re forgetting I’m the one who provoked you, Jaeger.” Jean snips. “Stop taking all the
credit.”

“I’m only saying I take it too far.” Eren sighs, running a hand through his hair. “We’re here
because of me. We’ll never get anywhere if I don’t get my shit together and grow up.”

“This is about saving the world now? Get a grip, Eren, we did some laps because I pushed
you into a barrel of horse shit.”

“Damnit, dude, I’m just saying-”

“I’m cutting in.” You snap, pushing up to your feet. You're wobbly, and Jean reaches out to
steady you. With a tiny nod, you step back, hands finding your hips as you give both boys
pointed looks.

“You’re arguing over whose at fault now.” You say curiously, but it’s a statement. “I think
I’m starting to understand why you’re always at one another’s throats. I think you like
fighting; maybe it offers an odd sense of normalcy in our fucked up lives. I get that, so I
won’t try to understand any more than that. I will say this; whenever your heads butt and you
take it too far, Levi’s stepping in, and I’m not getting involved ever again. Alright?”

Both boys are looking away from each other and you, and it’s endearing how their
embarrassment is evident as they agree simultaneously. “Alright.”

You walk away and into the house, Eren and Jean in step, as you find the others finishing
breakfast. Levi sits at the head, Armin and Mikasa on his left, while Sasha and Connie look
up at you from his right like you’re some idol. It’d make you laugh if your chest wasn’t still
on fire.

“Would you like some tea, Ash?” Armin offers quietly, and you shake your head. “Eren?
Jean?”

“Thanks, but I don’t think I can stomach anything but water right now.” You glance at Levi,
finding his heavy stare already locked on yours. “I’m going to shower, Captain, if that’s
alright.”

“I don’t disagree that you need one, but it’ll have to wait.” He grunts out, and you force
yourself not to react as his eyes survey the room. “Eren, tomorrow we start experiments with
Hange, therefore, I’ll allow you to merely watch. However, the rest of you will train with Ash
today. I want you each to fight her one-on-one.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, feel the tiredness in your legs, the soreness in your chest
and wonder if Levi really is pissed at you.

“Sir?” Eren says shakily. “Won’t Ash be at a disadvantage after running twelve miles?”

“No,” Levi replies simply as he stands, folding up his sleeves. “It’ll be as fair a fight as it’s
going to get with her fatigued.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Captain.” You grit out as Armin hands you a canister.
Levi’s dangerous eyes challenge yours, and you don’t look away as you gulp down the water.
Compliment or not, this is further punishment.

“Right then.” You announce with a resounding sigh. “Let’s head out every one.”

Eren looks guilty, and Jean looks pale as you turn back towards the front door. You place a
reassuring hand on their shoulders as you pass between them.

“Chin’s up. This is only the beginning.” You mutter quietly before leading the group out of
the house.

Your words then couldn’t have been more right as you make your way through each of your
squad members, successfully pinning each of them in every fight, only for Levi to order you
to do it all over again.

The only relatively easy opponents to take down are Historia and Armin. Jean doesn’t put up
much of a fight either because he’s just as exhausted as you. Mikasa gives you the most
struggle both times, but you manage to come out on top simply because your technique is
sharper. She almost beats you with her speed in the second face-off, but again, you are trained
to guess her movements, and because you can predict them, you win. Just barely.

“I’ve never seen anyone take down Mikasa before,” Eren says with awe as you heave up onto
your feet, helping Mikasa up onto her own. She looks tilted by his words, and you squeeze
her hand, and her eyes turn to yours.

“The only reason I’ve won is because Captain Levi has drilled the technique into me, and my
old squadmate sharpened my movements. I think you’re incredibly strong and talented,
Mikasa. I can train you if you’d like. Once you learn as I have, you’ll beat me every time.”

“Thanks, Ash. I’d like that.” Mikasa nods quietly before stepping off toward your lined-up
squad. Your body is on fire, and your head feels heavy. You feel drained, physically and
emotionally, and as your squad stares at you with respect, you feel your sinuses burn.
They are all so young, yet they’re determined and strong, and you want nothing more than to
protect them. To ensure they can protect themselves.

You swallow thickly, all too aware of Levi’s presence over your shoulder, but no longer
caring that these are his petty orders. You see the value of this, and you’re going to ignore
your exhaustion.

“I’ll teach all of you.” You say with resolve, steadying your heart. “Let’s go again. Armin,
you first. Everyone else, pay attention.”

The blonde boy steps up, wide blue eyes looking unsure. You offer him an encouraging
smile, and he takes his stance. This time, instead of swiftly knocking him on his feet, you
adjust his body to the proper position, explaining why you’re doing so and the advantages of
each minor shift in his body. He retains the information well as you coach him through a spar,
proving that the smallest changes make the largest difference. He puts up a better fight than
before, and even though you still win with a pin, your squadmates cheer for him, and he
smiles.

Next is Connie. He does well, remembers some of the things you showed Armin, but his
focus shifts too often. You wonder if he has difficulty staying locked onto one thing for too
long, and recommend he watch your torso.

“You keep your eyes trained here.” You press a hand to your chest. “Your life could be on the
line, and you can’t let your attention slip for even a second, Connie. Watch your opponent’s
center, will yourself to, and you’ll find yourself reacting faster.”

You pin Connie, but his nerves seem to thin at your advice and understanding of his issue.

Sasha steps up, and you tell her if she pins you, then you’ll give her half your dinner portion.
The girl uses the previous techniques you taught and gives you a challenge. She even
manages to knock you off balance, but you remember Gunther’s words. As your left knee hits
the dirt, she lunges for you, you let yourself fall with her, only to use her momentum against
her, spinning her and pinning her.
“That was impressive, Sasha.” You heave out to her as you push back onto your calves before
glancing at your team. “I’m incredibly tired, so I used Sasha’s energy to take her down.
Gunther taught me that it doesn’t matter if your opponent is faster, taller, or stronger, that
anyone can beat anyone if they fight smart.”

Sasha pouts, complaining about the food she’s let slip through her fingers, and you huff out a
laugh. Historia is next, and she’s fiercer with the lessons you’ve taught your previous squad
mates. You can see the improvement just from a few pointers, and even as you take her down,
you feel pride swirl in your chest.

“Better already.” You tell her, noting the glossiness in her eyes. She’s frustrated. Sad, too.
You help her up and place a comforting hand on her hand. “Keep pushing forward. You’re
doing the best you can. That’s all we need from you.”

She swallows thickly, words caught in her throat as she settles beside a concerned-looking
Eren. You pull her attention away from her and focus on Jean.

He looks as drained as you feel, but steps forward anyway, and you take a moment to address
the group.

“The world is becoming more dangerous with each passing day.” You announce to all the
young faces watching you with rapt attention. “I’m doing this because, eventually, you’ll find
yourself fighting for your life, for your squadmate’s lives, and whether it’s a Titan or a human
being, they won’t care if you’re tired. You all know what death looks like, what betrayal and
hurt and pain are, so you already understand the point I’m about to make. Even when you’re
certain you can’t take anymore, when you’re weakened, tired, hopeless, I assure you that you
can give more.”

They all nod, although you read the glazing over doubt in their features. You know they’ll
fully understand one day, and until then, you and Levi will do everything you can to prepare
them.

As you begin to spar, Jean's movements are sloppy, but he does his best. You note some
improvement, which you tell him. Mikasa is next and last.
You eye her carefully as she stares back at you, eyes sharp. You know she’s going to go for
the kill, taking each piece of information you’ve offered and putting it to good use. She didn’t
like losing, even though she looked anything but weak as she did.

“If Mikasa can pin Ash, we’ll call it for today,” Levi announces, reminding everyone of his
presence.

You glance over your shoulder at the man, finding his eyes. His lips are twisted in his usual
scowl, expression unreadable with crossed arms.

You face forward, ignoring his intense gaze, and meet Mikasa’s determined expression.
You’ll fight with everything you have, but hope she takes you down. It would be amazing for
her and everyone to see how powerful she is, how powerful you know her to be.

You both assume a stance, then lunge.

The fight starts even, both of you swiping, blocking, kicking, ducking. Your calves burn
alongside your chest, and your head swims with exhaustion, but you focus on keeping your
core tight, your eyes trained on her swings. You’re playing more defensively, too tired to risk
opening yourself up to someone as swift as Mikasa.

Only, she knows that. You see it in her gaze when she realizes, and she starts moving faster.
You’re blocking but quickly losing stamina. When she sweeps a foot under you, she keeps it
tight to her body. When you step back to stay upright, she’s diving forward. It’s too fast for
you to turn the tables, and when your body hits the dirt the air is sucked from your lungs.

“Shit, sorry, Ash.” Mikasa curses, but you shake your head, rolling to your side as she stands.
You lift a thumbs up, hearing laughs from Sasha and Connie.

“I told you.” Your voice is an embarrassing wheeze. “You did it. Good job. Proud of you.”
“Only because you’re exhausted.” She argues softly, offering you a hand. You take it,
clutching your abdomen as you stand beside her and offer a crooked grin.

“The only person who can take me down when I’m at a hundred percent is the Captain.”

“I’d like to see the pair of you go at it,” Connie says excitedly, making you flush, and Jean
smacks his shaved head from the back.

“Word choice.” The taller boy grits out, making Sasha’s face twist into a smirking snort.

“Anyway,” You say with emphasis before turning toward Levi. He’s watching all of you with
that same damn expressionless face. “Are they free for the day then, Captain? Mikasa pinned
me, after all.”

“Showers, then dinner.” He replies curtly. “I was mostly disappointed with what I saw today,
but your ability to listen to instructions and learn on the fly made it worth watching. You’re
excused.”

“Sir.” The group salutes him before scampering away, each one turning on Connie with a
teasing or scolding expression. You watch them fondly, and only when they’re inside do you
crumble slightly, crouching into the dirt.

Your body hurts so badly, but since it heals so quickly, you’re sure the ache will fade soon.

Something grazes the top of your head, and you lift your gaze to meet Levi’s downcast eyes.
The tips of his fingers ghost the framing pieces of your hair before plucking your chin
upward. Your eyes are sleepy as you regard his grim expression.

“You’ve been provoking me.” He murmurs, and you sigh out.

“I know.”
“I had no choice but to punish you.”

“I know.”

“Do you regret it then?” He asks quietly, and you watch him stiffen as you lower your jaw
and place a soft kiss on the tips of his fingers.

“No.” Your smile is barely there. “On mile eight, I thought about never talking to you again,
but seeing their faces just now as they started growing confidence made it worth it.”

“You’re a better leader than I am.” Levi sighs, prodding your lower lip with his thumb. You
pout further, making it easier for him to tease the flesh.

“Liar.” You whisper then. “We’re equals here to them.”

“Are we?”

“I think so.” You say gently. “I know technically I’m second in command, but we both bring
valuable leadership skills to the table. They look up to you, see you as a role model, and with
me they’re are able to stand on level ground, but we’ve both earned their respect. We’re a
good team, Captain.”

His eyes roam your face, his hand dropping from your mouth, and you miss his touch the
moment it’s gone.

“They’re watching from the window.” He tells you, noting your dissapointment. It’s replaced
with a smirk as you take the hand he offers you. You wobble slightly and he catches your hip,
holding you still.
“Should we put on a show?” You whisper beside his ear, and his fingers dip into your hip,
making you chuckle breathily. “Maybe get into a big fight? You storm off over there and I go
inside and tell them how mean you are?”

“You’re the biggest brat here, you know that?” He grits out. “You heard the shit Springer said
just now.”

“Oh, stop.” You laugh, rolling your eyes. “He didn’t mean it like that.”

“The others heard the double meaning.” Levi tuts, eyes dipping to your lips. “Right as I feel
as though I’ve convinced them I’ll treat you all the same, you look at me like that.”

“Like what?” You breathe.

His eyes squint. “Like I pushed too far. I’d never feel that way about any of them.”

“I’m alive.”

“So I didn’t push hard enough?”

“Do you want me to collapse?” You challenge with a tiny smile. “I’ll go run another mile, but
you’re going to have to carry me back into the house, and that’d cause even more gossip than
the fact you’ve been holding me to your chest for two minutes straight.”

Levi steps away instantly, neck flushed as he curses under his breath, glaring at you as though
you’ve done something wrong.

“Damnit, Ash.”
“What?” You ask defensively, before you blink at him. “Oh, are we doing the fake fight
thing?”

Levi scoffs and then walks away toward the stables. You snort before calling after him.

“Is that a yes?” He tosses his center finger back at you, and your lips twist. “Roger that, sir!”
 Love

Hange starts Eren’s Titan experiments with excited, glittery eyes, but as days pass and little
progress is made, their frustration becomes obvious.

“Get up, Eren!” She hollers down the cliff, face distressed. “The future of humanity is
depending on you, damnit!”

“Hange.” You scold quietly, meeting Moblit’s exasperated stare. “Relax a bit.”

“This is the third time.” Levi sighs from your right. “His form’s changed again. He’s not even
ten meters tall, and his body lacks muscle. Plus, Eren’s scrawny ass is hanging out.”

“I can see that.” Hange barks, teeth grit.

“He’s not moving.” You say with worry, eyeing Eren’s still body sticking out from the nape
of his Titan. You watch as Mikasa calls for the boy, hopping off her horse.

“Brat’s at it again.” Levi grunts. “Always to the rescue.”

“She cares about him, and we’re putting him through the wringer. We need results, I know,
but he’s doing his best, and it’s draining him.” You mutter to them, aware that Historia and
Armin are standing behind you, looking just as concerned. “Hange.”

“Right.” Your friend blinks out of their haze, giving you a small nod before stepping forward.
“There’s no response. We’re done here. Eren!”

You watch as Hange soars down, Moblit in tow, worrying your bottom lip between your
teeth. They rip Eren out, and his face is missing. You turn away, stomach curdling at the
sight, even knowing he’ll heal fine.
“Not the outcome we hoped for,” Levi mutters as he turns toward you, Historia, and Armin.
“We’re still a long way from being able to use Eren’s Titan to seal the wall.”

“We knew this plan wasn’t going to be simple, nor clear-cut,” Armin replies, sounding just as
disappointed. “It’s sound in theory, but-”

“It’s entirely up to Eren.” You finish for the boy, lips twisted down. “There’s nothing we can
do but learn as we go. It’s not like we have knowledge on this stuff.”

Levi’s eyes bore into yours, expression unreadable as he addresses Armin and Historia. “You
two can start heading back. I’m going to Trost with Hange to discuss our lack of progress
with Eren. Ash will be right behind you.”

“Yes, sir.” Both blondes say in unison before stalking off.

“I want you to stay here.” He says once they’re out of earshot.

“Yeah, I got that.” You mumble with a frown.

“Don’t give me that. You know I don’t like leaving them without someone intelligent enough
to call the shots in case of an emergency. You can also keep them in line on chores, training,
and ensure Eren heals properly so we can start experiments back up in two days.”

With a quiet sigh, you nod. “You’ll fill me in when you’re back, won’t you?”

Levi tuts, walking closer and lifting a hand to your head. “Idiot.”

“What?” You bristle childishly. “I don’t like being out of the loop.”
“You never are.”

His eyes are expressionless but honest, and your heart thumps at the way his fingers press to
your skull. Nothing brings you such overwhelming comfort as Levi’s words and touch, and it
always makes his departure bittersweet. You’ll look forward to when he’s beside you once
more, but miss him every second as you do.

“When will you be back?”

“Tomorrow evening.” He mutters pointedly, pulling his hand from your head. “You’ll survive
till then, won’t you?”

Your eyes sharpen with irritation at his condescending question, even knowing he’s teasing
you.

“You’ll feel pretty shitty if don’t, Captain.”

He tuts with a clenched jaw. “Don’t say shit like that. You’ll be fine.”

“You’re certain?” You challenge just for the sake of doing so.

“Yes.” He grunts, crossing his arms. “Ash, do you know why I took months to pick our first
squad, but days to choose the one we have now?”

You take in his features as you shake your head slowly. “Tell me.”

“I wanted to find the absolute best of the Survey Corps. Only the most technical, talented,
intelligent people would be allowed on my squad because I was certain only the elite could
keep you alive.”
Your lips part at the new information, the realization that Levi’s cared about you long before
you even knew. The volume of his feelings, too. It shocks you every time he reminds you
what you mean to him, and how long you’ve resided in his heart, even when you thought you
were nothing to him.

“Obviously, Erwin’s orders changed, and Eren became our squad’s priority,” Levi says then,
eyes shifting down the steaming Titan body and the small figures of your comrades. “I told
myself I could do it, focus on the order the Commander gave, because you could hold your
own. Then everyone was dead, and I couldn’t find you, and I realized I was lying to myself
again. Orders are priority until your life is on the line, then it’s always you.”

Your throat feels dry, and your eyes burn as you find weakly parted words. “What does this
have to do with going from adding only the most elite to adding young, unqualified members
to Levi Squad?”

“Eld, Oluo, Gunther, even Petra, they’d follow orders blindly without question. I appreciated
that about them, their faith in their superiors, but that meant they’d leave you behind to die. I
know Eren, and I saw how Jean and Armin treated you despite not knowing you, and I knew
their group would be the kind of people who’d let their hearts get in the way of orders. Just
like Isabel.”

Your eyes are watery as you note the tiniest flush on Levi’s neck, the way his eyes finally
shift back to yours with sincerity.

“That's what makes them qualified to me, that orders or not, if your life is on the line, they
won’t sit and watch. You’re the exact same way, so yes, Ash, you’ll be fine while I’m away.
You all will be.”

Words couldn’t capture the multitude of emotions swirling in your chest at the raw, open
honesty he’s laid out before you. The way he sees you, the way he sees this group, is so pure,
so kind, and anyone else would never know it. You’re blessed to have his truth. He’s put his
faith in these kids. He cares about these kids and trusts them with you.
Your heart feels unbelievably warm and yearns to hold him close. The last thing you want to
do now is say goodbye, but you know there is a limit to ignoring orders. It’s not that
disregarding them is a choice, but a reaction. Like jumping after a comrade whose fallen out
of a tree, or turning around to gain the attention of an abnormal to save someone you care
for.

It’s those moments Levi is referring to, not the selfish desire to convince him to stay. So
instead of putting how you feel into words, you step forward and place a short-lasting kiss to
his cheek, hug him gently, and pull back before he can even react.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Captain.” You murmur before turning away and following the
steps Armin and Historia had taken moments ago. You don’t look back, but you can feel his
stare on your profile, and you already look forward to when you’ll see those beautiful eyes
once more.

Levi’s words replay in your mind as you help Mikasa get Eren situated in his bed. His face is
still red with exposed muscle, and although it’s difficult to see him like this, you know it’s
worse for the girl beside you. That’s why you offer to help even though your stomach is
curdled.

The only thing easing your dread is the fact that you can feel the boy’s pulse and that he’s out
cold. He isn’t in pain, and by the time he wakes, he’ll be healed. Sore and tired, but not in
agony. That’s what matters.

“He’ll be okay.” You tell the girl as you shut his bedroom door behind you.

“Physically.” Mikasa murmurs, eyes staring down the hall at nothing. You withhold a frown
at her reply, knowing what she’s implying.

Eren has had this weight on him, placed there unexplainably by this Titan power he never
asked for. He carries too many burdens as the sole hope of humanity. Our progress rests on
his shoulders, and Mikasa has noticed the toll it’s taking.
“He’s got friends like you and Armin to keep his spirits high.” You tell her quietly, and her
sad eyes meet yours. “Besides, I know he’s doing his best. We all do. Some pressure is good;
it can be encouraging, but too much and it locks us in place. I’ll talk to him, see where he’s at
if you’d like.”

Mikasa nods. “Yeah. Do that, please. He doesn’t like telling me how he feels, but maybe he’ll
tell you.”

“I think he just doesn’t want to put his burdens on you.”

“Well, I want him to.” Mikasa grits out, eyes shining. “I’ve always wanted him to just lean on
me, but he refuses.”

“You’ve known him longer than I, so correct me if I’m wrong.” You say softly with a shrug.
“But Eren is the kind of person who will, in the end, only rely on himself. He’s driven by his
emotions, his desires, and the people he wants to protect, so the last thing he’ll do is let those
people feel troubled because of him. It’s a flawed way to think, but it’s his.”

“You’re right.” Mikasa sighs, leaning against the wall. Her fingers reach out the clutch the
red material of the scarf over her shoulders. “He’s always seen me as someone to protect, too
blinded by what’s ahead to stop and realize I’ve been gladly fighting his battles alongside
since we met. Every time I feel like he’ll look over at me and see me, he’s pushing ahead
again, and Armin and I are playing catch-up.”

Your eyes shift from the scarf to the girl’s face. There isn’t much to say that will console her,
not when you know she views Eren in an entirely different light than you. He’s not just her
friend or someone she holds dear, but her person. She loves the boy wholeheartedly, and
words of solace won’t reach her, not when her perception of Eren is very real.

He’s determined to fight his own battles, somehow oblivious that he’s had help along the
way. Or rather, he knows, but doesn’t want his friends to keep putting themselves in danger
for him. He wants to be strong enough that he won’t need them, but you doubt that day will
ever really come.
“All you can do is be there for him, Mikasa.” You say quietly, pushing off the wall. “Eren’s
strong and capable, but he’ll never get by without help. We’re all like that. We need each
other. One day he’ll see it, I’m sure of it.”

Mikasa nods, face settling to his usual passive expression. “Thanks, Ash.”

“You thank me, but I haven’t done anything.” You smile gently at her. “You know all of this,
but it’s nice to be reminded, isn’t it?”

Before she can say anything, a chorus of arguments breaks off downstairs,s and you sigh,
recognizing the familiar scolding.

“Whenever the Captain isn’t here, she’s out of control.” You muse, shaking your head.
“That’s got to be my fault, right? She knows I won’t rat.”

“Ash!” Connie screams from the floor below, and you groan.

“Alright, time to defuse. You coming?”

“I think I’m going to sit by him for a bit if that’s alright?” Mikasa asks so shyly that you can’t
help the smile that curls your lips.

“Of course, that’s fine. If you aren’t down for dinner, I’ll come grab-”

“Ash!” Connie screams again.

“Give me a damn second!” You shout back, giving Mikasa an exasperated look before
jogging down the stairs. Your feet halt at the sight, and your eyes widen in genuine shock.
“This cannot be necessary.” You look to Armin, who looks just as put out by the sight of
Connie holding Sasha in a headlock while she fights against him.

“She went batshit the moment she saw the corn,” Jean exclaims wildly. “She’s fucking
crazy.”

“I haven’t had corn in years!” She cries out. You walk up to her, crouch, then crisply slap her
face. Connie’s mouth parts in shock, but Sasha blinks as though she’s remembering where
and who she is. She faces you sheepishly.

“Back with us, Sasha?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Get up.” You tell them, pushing up to your feet. “Everyone’s going to shower while Armin
and I start on dinner. If the Captain were here, he’d give the corn to the horses, but
unfortunately, I’m a big softie who can’t help but reward bad behavior, so we’ll cook it
tonight.”

Arms wrap around you and squeeze, and you roll your eyes.

“Thank you, thank you, thank-”

“Get off.” You grunt but smile when you meet Jean’s disappointed stare.

“She gets away with this shit because of you.” He says, crossing his arms.

“What am I going to do, waste food?” You scoff as Sasha finally lets you go. “She lost her
cool, but she’s back now. Right, Sasha? You aren’t going to need to be physically restrained
ever again, will you?”
“No, I swear!”

“See?” You say, smirking because you know for a fact the girl cannot control her obsession.
Jean groans, then turns away and heads up the stairs. Sasha gives you another wide smile
before following him with a skip.

“I’m not holding her back next time,” Connie grumbles as he follows them up, leaving you
and Armin in a welcome silence.

“They’re too cute.” You tell the blonde with a smirk as you walk up to him. “Sorry to rope
you into dinner duty, but the three of them could use a second to chill out, and Historia seems
to be having a rough day, so I’m going to let her rest a little longer.”

“I understand.” Armin agrees with a small smile of his own. “I don’t mind either. I enjoy
cooking.”

“Yeah? Did you used to cook for your family?”

His smile falters just slightly. “Yeah, for my grandfather.”

You tread carefully as you prep the vegetables. “Did he pass when Wall Maria fell?”

Armin nods. “Yes. He went to help with the evacuation, but he never came back. My parents
died when I was a baby. They tried to sneak out of the walls to explore, but were caught and
executed.”

Frowning, you toss the diced onion into the cooking pot and start to shuck the corn.
“That book, the one Eren told me about with the massive body of water. Was that theirs?”
You ask quietly, gently. Armin’s eyes light up as he nods, offering you a warm glance.

“It was! My grandfather didn’t encourage my curiosity; in fact, it worried him, but I couldn’t
help it. I was enamored with the thought of freedom, what existed outside the walls, and I
shared those dreams with Eren and Mikasa. They never once made me feel ridiculous like the
other kids did.”

“They sound like good friends.” You comment kindly. “I’m glad you had them. I wish I
dreamed as big as you three did; it’d probably have made my time in the Underground less
miserable.”

“You believe it now, though?” Armin asks. “About the sea?”

“Oh, one hundred percent.” You tell him in all seriousness. “When Eren told me, I was
gobsmacked, but so excited at the thought of something that miraculous. I never really
considered what lay past the walls. Most of my life, I had just wanted to be on the surface.”

“That makes sense.” Armin muses, and you nod.

“Yeah, so when I did grow accustomed to being up here, it was all about the Titans. I think
hearing you and Eren talk so animatedly about the good things that we could find out there
gives me hope, as though once we eradicate the Titans, there will be plenty to do and see.”

Armin seems thrilled, smiling widely and nodding along with your words. “Exactly! I think
so many of us forget what fighting for humanity means, that this life is more than the Titans,
more than the pain and the death.”

You grin, plopping the corn over the stove. “You’re sweet, Armin. Thank you for being so
positive when I’m sure it’s hard to be so sometimes.”
The boy flushes under your praise, but you know he’s appreciative by the way his eyes
soften. You finish the rest of the prep in silence, and as the water comes to a boil, the others
make their way down. Armin offers to grab Mikasa, so you head off to the showers, letting
the warm water soften your stiff shoulders.

You think of Levi, who's likely still traveling to Trost, and Hange, who's likely yapping his
ears off. The sea crosses your mind, and your heart yearns to see nothing but expansive blue
with them by your sides while the kids run around and splash in the water.

Currently, it feels like a dream, something you’d concoct in the middle of your sleep and
wake up in tears because it’s too good to be true. There are so many obstacles in front of you,
so many uncertainties, but when Armin talks about it, it feels like the inevitable.

When you sit down beside your squad to share a meal, you look at all of their faces and really
do envision the day you all make it to the ocean together. You’ll cry, you know you will. How
could you not?

“What’s with the dopey smile?” Jean mutters from across from you.

“Maybe she’s thinking about the Captain.” Sasha supplies easily, and you choke on your
potato.

“Damnit, Sasha, you can’t say shit like that.” Jean grunts.

“Yeah, they’re trying to keep their relationship a secret, you idiot.” Connie tacks on, making
your face a deeper shade of red as you gulp down water.

“You’re both dumb.” Jean sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

You search your brain for the proper route to take with this newfound conversation. You
never imagined any of them would be bold enough to address. Figures you’re leniency with
Sasha would have its consequences, but you can’t be upset with them. You’ve been pestering
Levi, making your relationship known amongst the others to an extent, and now they’re
curious.

“I know I tend to overlook our differences in status on this squad, but this is an inappropriate
shift in topic.” Your words are carefully picked, and you will your eyes to be sharp and
threatening. Sasha frowns and looks down at her plate.

“Sorry, Ash.”

“I understand if you’re curious.” You say with a quiet sigh. “Is this something you all gossip
about? Be honest.”

“All the time,” Connie says bluntly. You blink at him, then slowly nod.

You’re getting deja vu from your last squad, remembering how they all reacted to your
relationship with Levi. You weren’t nearly as intertwined then, but apparently, you’ve always
been obvious with your emotions.

Eld and Petra were adults asking a fellow adult, though. Now, you’re surrounded by curious
teenagers who likely barely understand the concept of what an intimate relationship consists
of. Their curiosity is likely them just being nosey, but it’s possible it also stems from a
genuine place.

You don’t even know how to broach the topic, but you do know shutting them down won’t
stop their theories and won’t be very productive. You’re the adult here, after all.

“Right, well, I haven’t necessarily been subtle, have I?” You mutter more to yourself before
addressing the group. “Okay. One question. You get to ask me one thing as long as it’s
appropriate and I’ll answer.”

Mikasa and Jean move quickly, slapping their hands over Sasha and Connie’s lips before they
can blurt out something ridiculous. The pair looks offended, but you’re grateful for their
caution. Knowing those two, they’d ask something completely out of control and borderline
abusive.

You don’t expect Historia's gentle voice to speak before anyone else can from her spot beside
you, nor are you prepared for the question she settles on for the group.

“Are the two of you in love?”

You stare at her with reddening cheeks and parted lips, eyes wide as you blink into her big
blue ones. You meet everyone else’s shocked but curious expressions then and swallow
thickly, turning your attention to your plate.

You know that loving someone and being in love with someone are different things. You also
know you’re undoubtedly in love with Levi, and that he loves you, but to say he’s in love
with you without having ever heard as much feels wrong.

Even knowing Levi cares for you deeply, you’d never put words in his mouth or assume how
he feels.

Your blush is absurd and heated as you let out a quiet breath and give them an answer.

“I’m in love with him, yes.”

When you meet their gazes, you’re stunned that they all seem just as shy and mortified as
you.

“Why do you all look embarrassed like you’re the ones who just came out and said that sappy
shit?” You bark out. The table erupts, all their voices coming out at once. You can’t pick up
on any of it, too confused by the outrage, but they seem to work themselves up, pointing and
pretending their cheeks aren’t pink.
They stand one by one, leaving and arguing amidst different conversations. You’re positive
none of them are hearing one other, only spewing words in defense when no one’s outwardly
accused them.

You’re at a complete loss when Armin and you are the only ones left in the dining room. You
turn to the boy, who is still slightly pink but doesn’t shy away from your gaze.

“Armin,” You say, voice laced with confusion and concern. “What the hell just happened?”

The boy grimaces slightly as he shrugs, but your attention is brought back to Sasha as she
rushes back into the room and grabs the leftovers on everyone’s plates. She seems suddenly
cool and collected, eyes darting over to you.

“I’ll tell you.” She says, mouth full, and before you can protest, she starts her list, pointing at
her fingers as she goes on. “Connie is just embarrassed by that stuff. Mikasa likes Eren, Jean
likes Mikasa, but I think maybe he likes you, too, and Historia likes Ymir. You confessed
your love, and it made them all think of their crushes. I played along to get them to leave so I
could have dibs on the leftovers. Armin, do you like anyone?”

“Sasha.” You groan out, palming your forehead. “Enough. You’ve said enough.”

“It’s not like any of those are secrets.” She shrugs, swallowing before shoving my food down
her throat. “They just think they aren’t obvious about it.”

“What have I done?” You mutter to yourself. Levi is going to come back to a house full of
adolescent hormones, and you’re the one to blame for the uprising.

“Nothing wrong,” Armin answers for you despite the question being an inward one. “I think
it’s nice you’re able to be so open about your feelings. Life’s too short to bottle them up.
Maybe they’ll all take a lesson from your book.”
“Thank you, Armin.” You sigh, running a hand through your still-damp hair. “I doubt the
Captain will see it that way when he comes home to awkward silences and blushes, but thank
you.”

“You said you were in love with him, not that he’s in love with you.” Sasha points out after a
moment. Instead of offering her a reply, you hold out your plate, and her eyes widen in
appreciation and excitement. She’s distracted as she digs in, and while Armin’s noted your
diversion, he doesn’t comment.

“Help me with these dishes?” You ask the boy tiredly, and he nods, lifting your spirits with an
easy smile.

“Sure.”
 Lucky

“Just pretend nothing happened. That’s what everyone else is going to do.”

Gladly , you thought of Armin’s perfect, sensible advice. You were worrying over the mess
you seemed to have created while aiding Armin in washing the dishes, when he had read
your mind and spoken the golden words.

It seems that though you were the one who had embarrassingly declared your love for your
Captain last night, your squad’s reactions had nothing to do with you and all to do with them.
They were stuck on their personal feelings, which Sasha had detailed out fully to you.

You knew Mikasa liked Eren, and you had an inkling that Historia and Ymir shared
something closer than friendship, but you feel guilty knowing Jean may like Mikasa without
having picked up on it before. A crush on you, though? An absurd thought, one that makes
you laugh when you think about it.

Which you don’t, because it didn’t happen, and you realize just how right Armin had been as
your squad convenes for breakfast.

“Pass the bread, please?”

“Sasha, you already got your loaf. Sit down and shut up.” Jean grunts, lathering mushed
grapes onto his. Sasha frowns but listens, and you eye each kid curiously. You catch Armin’s
lifted brows and sigh, shaking your head.

“Don’t eat too much.” You tell them, deeming this the best and only route. “We’re ODM
training in an hour, then we’re cycling through post duties.”

“Post duties?” Armin asks with a curious tilt. You nod, sitting back.
“A letter arrived late last night from the Captain. It was sent the moment they arrived in
Trost. It appears our situation is more tense than we thought, so we’ll need to keep guard
throughout the day and night. I’ll take the first overnight shift, but then I expect you all to
take turns every four hours.”

Grunts of acknowledgement and disappointment ring out; the thought of standing still for
hours on end seems to make Sasha and Connie squirm. You ignore them as you push to your
feet, finishing your tea before placing the cup in the sink.

“Jean, you’re on dish duty this morning. I want them done before we train.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He calls back, and you glare at him.

“Ash doesn’t like it when you call her that.” Eren’s familiar voice fills the room, making you
all turn to find him sauntering down the stairs, face pale and gaunt. “Respet your superiors,
dipshit.”

“Eren! You should be resting.” Mikasa calls out as she stands.

“I’m fine, Mikasa.” He groans, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve done nothing but waste our time and
sleep for twenty-four hours. The least I can do is contribute to chores.”

“You’re doing your best.” The girl argues fiercely. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“She’s right, Eren. You’re doing fine, but if you don’t want to be locked up in your room,
then you can watch today. Have some breakfast first, though, then help Jean with the
dishes.”

“Hey!”

“Respect your superiors, dipshit.” Jean snarls at the sound of Eren’s protest.
“When you’re done, meet me outside. We’ll gear up, then set out.” You announce before
heading out the front.

The sun is slowly rising, shimmering over the dewy grass, and you pause to cherish the chilly
breeze. You know the warm days are behind you, that even as the day grows old, the weather
will only warm up slightly. In a few weeks, you’ll be in late fall, and then winter will arrive.

You wonder if by then you’ll have plugged the wall, if you’ll have found the sea. You hope
so. It doesn’t seem so far away when you think about it like that.

Your gear is situated as your squad files out of the house to step into their own. Their chatter
and laughs make you smile to yourself as you settle on your horse, and suddenly, the thought
of their rosy complexions makes you feel fond.

You’re glad they’re all still experiencing adolescence and regular teenage emotions while
their lives are dark and full of horrors. You remember this farmhouse is merely an illusion of
safety, that soon you’ll be found or forced to leave, to step back into the world that seems
intent on making you all suffer.

While it was slightly humiliating admitting you are in love with Levi, you’re glad you did.
You really do hope these kids feel a little less alone, or maybe even come to you if they have
questions, primarily in a one-on-one setting as opposed to on the spot at the dinner table, but
you suppose it could have been worse.

If any of them ask you about sex, you’ll probably have a heart attack.

“You’re smiling to yourself again, and I refuse to ask as to why this time,” Jean mutters as he
hops onto his horse beside yours. You roll your eyes, shoving your thoughts away quickly.

“I could blame you for the can of worms that seemed to unravel, but won’t. Besides, I
thought we were all happy to ignore the topic of conversation from last night.”
“I’m more mature than the rest of them.” Jean insists casually, although you note the flush on
his neck. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop a smile and nod.

“Oh, for sure, Jean. For sure.”

“I don’t like the way you said that.”

“Alright, everyone ready?” You address the group, ignoring Jean entirely, and you find
everyone’s gaze zeroed in on you. “There’s a forest about seven miles East. This training
exercise will mostly be so we don’t become rusty with our gear, but I’d also like to fully
understand your abilities. This isn’t a test, Connie, so don’t look so nervous.”

“Will you show us your ODM skills?” Sasha asks excitedly. “We’ve heard you’re only
second to the Captain.”

“Maybe.” You shrug, facing forward, combing your horse's mane through your fingers. “If I
have your entire focus until the end of training, then yes, I’ll offer a demonstration.”

It’s not that you’ve ever had an issue with your squad’s focus when it mattered, but your
promise seems to give them more reason to train determinedly. They’re all putting their best
foot forward, weaving through the trees, slicing down the prop Titans with precision.

You watch from a branch, Eren on your left as you survey your squad from above. They go
through the drills together, working in tandem. There are mishaps, close calls, and individual
errors, of course, but that’s when you have everyone pause and offer a teaching moment.

You’re quite flattered by their motivation to witness you in action, so much so you’re sure
even if they suddenly decided to half ass everything you’d still give in. There’s just
something so earnest about this group, and even when they’re tired, they still give their all. It
makes you feel pride as though they were your kids.
A terrifying thought, really. You’d be a horrible mother.

“Historia, a quicker release there!” You cry down to the blonde who lands on a tree with a
huff. Her blue eyes meet yours. “Unlatch a moment sooner and you’ll glide faster and
smoother through the air. Seconds matter when you’re being pawed at by a Titan.”

“Right.” The girl nods before cycling back to the line. You’re having them go two at once,
examining them as you do.

Mikasa was just paired with Historia, and she’s significantly more talented than the others in
combat and ODM skills. You don’t think the group will be too awestruck watching you take
on the course, seeing as you’re barely faster than her.

Connie and Sasha are next, less coordinated but more confident in their movements. Jean and
Armin go then, opposites in the way they operate. Armin is calculated and sharp, yet there’s a
delay in his movements, whereas Jean is swift but could refine his technique..

They cycle through, then you offer feedback and have them go again. You note minor
adjustments, but most of these skills will improve through repetition but the last thing you
want to do is overwork them. Your circumstances have grown even more capricious in the
matter of hours, and any second you could be forced to fight or run. You want your squad at
their best when the time comes.

“Alright, that’s enough.” You call out as you descend to the ground, Eren behind you. “You
all did well, and I appreciate your attention, so as promised, I’ll go now.”

Sasha and Connie cheer while the others keep their curiosity and excitement more to
themselves. You roll your eyes, checking your gear.

“I don’t know why you’re all so excited about this. You’ve seen Captain Levi go, and I’m not
better than him.”
“He trained you, didn’t he?” Armin asks, and you nod. “Well, it’ll be nice to see how good
you are in comparison. It’d mean it’s possible the rest of us can grow to be that talented if
we’re taught the way you were.”

You smile gently at the kind words. “I have complete faith you’ll all be as good as me
eventually, maybe even surpass me, but if I’m being honest, the only person I think will ever
come close to Levi’s skill level is Mikasa.”

“We know that much, at least.” Jean muses, “Mikasa has had to be strong since she was a kid
to ensure Eren didn’t get his face punched in.”

“You know what, horseface-”

“Woah, let’s not erupt into a fight and ruin the totally amazing training we’ve had up until
now.” You diffuse the tension quickly. “Unless, you’d rather fight than see me-”

“We’re good.” Eren and Jean say in unison, and while that seems to anger the pair, they don’t
argue again.

“Good.” You smirk before facing forward, “Spread out on the trees. I’ll keep to this section.”

The group confirms they understand, and the sound of their gear whizzes past you. You give
them a minute or two to situate themselves, and once you’re sure they’re watching, you take
a steadying breath in.

Tingles shoot from your nailbeds down to your toes, anticipation coursing through your
veins. You’re excited to show off the skills you worked hard for, the strength you built even
when you were miserable and wanted nothing more than to lie in bed all day. You withstood
your grief, Levi’s cold shoulder, and persevered back then.

Those skills had always been a survival method, something to channel your hurt into, but
right now, they feel like something to be proud of under their eager, excited stares.
You breathe out, finger the triggers, and shoot forward in an instant.

It’s second nature to you, so much so that you don’t have to think about anything as you slice
through the air at what would be an alarming pace if you weren’t entirely in control of your
movements, but you are, and each is concise, clean, and fast.

You feel adrenaline. You feel free flying in this protected area. You don’t worry about Titans
or saving comrades or migraines, not with your squad around you, watching on as you
maneuver around the forest with ease.

You let yourself enjoy it because you aren’t sure you ever really had the chance to do it for
fun, and you’re realizing now it really is so much fun.

You loop around the forest and spin in the air with a laugh, going high to whizz past your
squadmates. They holler something you can’t hear, your blood and thumping in your ears, the
sound of whooshing wind against your temples.

Blades of grass tickle your back as you stoop low, then shoot back up with one last tricky
weave through two side-by-side trees. When you finally land on the ground, you’re smiling
ear to ear, heart beating wildly in your chest.

You hear the tell-tale sign of ODM gear approaching, so you school your pride enough to
face your squad. Your cheeks are rosy and your eyes are glossy from the wind as you survey
them.

They're staring at you in awe, and it makes you laugh quietly.

“What?” You ask, placing a hand on your hip. “You’re acting like you’ve never seen anyone
use ODM gear before.”
“Not like that,” Jean mutters. “Only the Captain moves like that.”

“You looked just like him,” Armin says, voice feather light. “It was almost uncanny.”

“I’ve heard that before.” You snort.

“You aren’t related, are you?” Connie asks, making each of the kids choke. You blanche at
the boy whose hit on the back of the head by Sasha.

“I fucking hope not.” That raises more ears, but you cough and look around, avoiding their
gazes. “No, we are not related. I just spent months being trained by him. Back then, I was the
only member of his squad, so he had nothing better to do but drill these techniques into my
skull.”

“The training you just had us do, that’s how he trained you?” Mikasa asks, and you nod.

“Yep, just for much, much longer.”

“Then why are we wrapping up early?” Jean butts in.

“I appreciate that you all are striving to better yourselves, but now isn’t the time for you to
become the best of the Survey Corps, not when the Scouts are in such uncertain danger. I
need you all ready to fight at the drop of a dime, and if I worked you to the bone, you’d be
exhausted and not on your best game.”

“I thought you said even when we’re tired that-”

“Okay, smartass.” You cut Jean off, already knowing where he’s going with this. “Yes, when
you’re tired, you’ll still be able to fight because that’s the kind of people you all are, but
that’s not ideal. I don’t want any of you to ever be put in a position where you’re fighting
tooth and nail to stay alive.”
They all stare at you with widening eyes as you look to the ground with a frown and a sudden
bout of honesty parting your lips.

“I’d rather none of you have to fight at all.” You admit quietly. “I don’t like seeing you in
pain or scared, and the thought of losing any of you terrifies me. I know that’s the price of the
lives we chose, but I want nothing more than for all of you to live.”

You lift your gaze, noting the somber but soft expressions of your squad.

“We don’t have the luxury to ensure you’re all at my or the Captain’s level before we’re
forced to take action. That’s not to say all of your skills aren’t exceptional. There is a reason
you’re here, but your room to improve isn’t something we’ll tackle now. I’m not going to
overwork you and potentially lower your chances of survival. Does that make sense?”

Everyone nods as Jean offers a weak reply. “Yes, that makes sense.”

“Of course it does, idiot,” Eren mutters. “Ash knows what she’s doing.”

“Of course I do!” You remark easily, although you’d mostly beg to differ. “I promise, though,
when we do find the time to properly train you, the Captain and I won’t disappoint. We’ll
keep you on a strict schedule-” The group groans, “-control your diet-” Sasha can’t help but
cry out, “-and I promise you’ll know what it really means to dig deep when you’re exhausted.
Just something to look forward to, right?”

Everyone’s glares and grievances fall on Jean, and you laugh to yourself, loving the chaos
that’s ensuing as arguments break out.

You’re glad you were able to have a serious talk and find a way to ease the dreadfulness of
your reality. In times of stress or fear, it’s easy to forget your squad is full of young teenagers.
They hold themselves well, and their minds and bodies are strong, but in the end, they’re just
a group of kids, and you’ll always remind yourself to let them feel like it now and then.
Back at the farmhouse, you and the squad put together two outlook posts, and by the time
you're done, the sun is starting to set. Jean offers to keep lookout while you shower and eat,
which you do hastily, feeling bad that the boy is the only one still on duty while everyone
relaxes.

Rejoining him outside, you climb up, check your rifle, then meet the boy’s eyes.

“You can go in now.” You tell him. “Eren’s surprisingly good at making mashed potatoes,
and I told Sasha she’d not get dinner tomorrow if she ate your portion.”

“I’d rather not leave you out here alone,” Jean admits, shaking his head. “The Captain
wouldn’t like it. What if you had a migraine in the middle of the night?”

“Then I’d collapse right here and wake up right here.” You shrug, eyes shifting out towards
the grasslands. “Don’t worry about that, Jean. I’ll be fine. Plus, Levi should be back soon.”

“Then I’ll wait with you until he’s back.” The boy says in a tone that doesn’t leave it up for
discussion. You concede with a sigh but don’t comment.

You can’t make him go back inside, and some company is nice regardless of whether it’s
necessary. You stand in comfortable silence until Jean shuffles a bit. You glance his way and
his head whips forward. Lips pressing together, you ignore it, unsure if you’d just caught him
staring or if he’s psyching himself up to say something.

You get your answer a few minutes later.

“Ash?” Jean calls out to you, voice unsure. You face him, taken aback by the sadness in his
features as he regards you. “What you said earlier, about being used to losing people -how do
you do it?”
“What do you mean?” You ask softly.

“I mean, how do you keep going?” His voice is sharp, and his somber expression shifts into
one of irritation. “I won’t pretend I know all you’ve been through, but your entire squad had
been wiped out when we met. I was sure you’d be miserable, or difficult to be around after
that, but you aren’t.”

Your lips quirk downward at his confession, the anger in his words. “Are you upset that I
haven’t fallen apart?”

Jean blinks away, eyes glossy in the moonlight. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s okay if it is.” You reassure him, knowing his hurt is something within him, not with you.
“I’m sure it’s alarming how adjusted to this lifestyle I am. The Commander, Hange, and
Captain Levi, too. We must seem cold to you.”

“No,” Jean says then, shaking his head. “No, that isn’t true, and that’s what I don’t get. You
should be cruel, and rude, and hateful. I know you feel it all, the pain and suffering, and yet
you’re nothing but warm and kind. How can you feel all that hurt and still be like that with
us? Aren’t you terrified?”

Your heart thumps at the boy’s words, and no words come to you. You’d never seen yourself
as someone who radiates warmth or kindness. You certainly haven’t felt like anyone worthy
of such praise, but you can see the internal turmoil crossing over Jean’s features.

This isn’t about you, not really.

“You’ve lost someone close to you, then?” You take a stab at what your gut is saying, and the
boy confirms what you’ve asked with the briefest nod, eyes avoiding yours. “Who?”

You watch as Jean swallows. “Marco.”

“Who was he to you?” You ask quietly, not wanting to assume.

“A friend,” Jean admits, voice wavering. “The best person I’ve ever known.”

You look away for a moment.

Jean is hurt and wants to know some sort of secret to coping. He wants to know how you’re
able to put on a brave face and not let the grief consume you, but the truth is, he already
understands the answer—everyone in the Scouts does.

“You’re already doing it, Jean.” You tell him, and his eyes shoot to yours. “You know just as
I do that it isn’t a choice. Moving forward is all we can do. You miss Marco, and it hurts to
think of him, but you still wake up, you go through your day, you train, you eat, you force a
smile, and you do it all over again.”

It hurts watching Jean’s face crumple for a moment, but he straightens out and turns away,
leaving his back to you. Moments pass, and you let Jean compose himself before his reply
fills the space between you.

“It feels wrong.” He admits weakly. “Leaving him behind.”

“Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving him behind, Jean.” You say in earnest, and Jean’s
glossy eyes turn to look at you again. “He was a fellow solder, yeah? Well, they stay with us,
urging us ahead when we feel like coming to a stop. Marco is the reason you get up every
day, the same with anyone else you love and lose. They’ll always going to be with you.”

Your eyes burn as the words of advice you once yearned to hear part your lips. You look
away into the starry night, remembering all the comrades you’ve lost up until now. One in
particular.
“You’ll think of them when you feel like you can’t go anymore, and they’ll show you that
you can.” Your voice is thin, heart aching with each thump to your ribs as you envision red
hair and bright green eyes.

“Are you thinking of Isabel?” Jean asks, and you head whips his way in shock. “You said her
name that one time I found you. She’s dead, isn’t she?”

Tears do slip then as you recall what Levi had said. You had asked for her when Jean found
you after Larves' assault. You can’t believe he remembers it.

“Yes.” You utter, wiping at your cheeks. “That day, she saved me, and I don’t mean like some
ghost shit or divine intervention. I felt irreparable on that floor. I had been assaulted,
threatened, and wanted the ground to swallow me whole, but then I thought of her, and I got
up.”

Jean’s quiet, so you clear your throat. “What I mean to say is, love doesn’t end in death, and
no Scout will ever die in vain because we’ll never let them. Marco will be with you forever,
Jean, in life and in death.”

The air between your two posts has eased in tension, but Jean’s silence makes you wonder if
he’s still holding something back. When the sound of hooves in the distance snags in your
ears, you turn quickly, eyes wide, heart full as you recognize the familiar figure approaching
down the trail.

“He’s in love with you, too, you know.” Jean’s voice is barely audible. You blink away from
Levi and turn toward the boy who’s climbing down his post. When he reaches the ground, he
looks up at you, shoulders less tense, but eyes full of sorrow. It sends an ache to your heart.

“It’d be impossible for him not to be.”

You watch Jean walk away, your heart lodged in your throat. You remember Sasha’s words
and wonder if they were true, if Jean sees you in a romantic light, but that doesn’t feel like
the whole truth.
The look he just gave you was true, utter heartache, and you just know in your gut that look
couldn’t have been solely because your affections lie elsewhere. He’s grieving, confused, and
feeling guilty for continuing to live. Jean is lonely. A romantic with love to give and no one
to give it to, and you wonder if maybe, just maybe, the person he wishes to give it to the most
is gone.

“What’s wrong?”

You startle slightly at the familiar, lovely sound of Levi’s voice just below you. Your eyes
meet his, and yours spring with a fresh set of tears. His brow furrows in further concern, and
you let out a shaky breath, taking off your rifle and standing on the edge of the post.

“I’m jumping.”

“ What? ”

A huff leaves Levi’s voice as he catches you, hands gripping around your thighs as your arms
wrap around his neck. You hold him tightly, and instead of reprimanding you for being a
psycho, he cradles you just as close, face tilted into your hair.

His warmth envelopes you, his scent crackles in your chest as you breathe him in, and your
tears stream quietly, peacefully with a mix of relief, sadness, and love. So much love.

“I just realized how lucky I am.” Your voice is muffled in his Scout jacket as his arms
tighten.

“You? Lucky?” Levi grunts out, and you let out a choked laugh at his clear disbelief.

“I know, right?”
“Is this something to do with Kirstein being out here just now?” He asks then, and you pull
back to meet his face. He’s so handsome, so beautiful, and so very much alive. You’re certain
you’d die alongside him if he weren’t.

“Yeah.” You admit, clutching his lapels. “He was asking me questions I didn’t know I had the
answer to until I was offering them. He’s hurting so much, Levi, and I know they all are.
Connie just lost his entire family, and the only surviving member is a Titan. Mikasa’s always
worried about Eren, Eren’s always pushing himself too hard because the future of humanity
was shoved onto his shoulders. Historia’s depressed, Armin thinks he isn’t good enough, and
Sasha, well-”

“Has to eat the same-sized portions as the rest of us?” Levi drawls out, and your lips twitch
up, heart refilling with warmth at his teasing quip.

“She struggles, too.” You tell him softly, shaking your head. “She’s the only one who has
something to go back to when this is all done, and that’s a different kind of fear and
heartache.”

“I know,” Levi says, voice genuine. “So, what do you plan to do? Solve all of their
problems?”

“I want us to keep them alive.” You tell him, your chest fluttering at his softening expression.
“I want them with us at the end so they can finally experience a life without fear, death, and
pain.”

“That’s always been the plan.” He says quietly, hands reaching up to cradle your jaw. “The
moment Eren joined, I saw how you shifted. You were the same way with Isabel. Those brats
jammed themselves into your heart way too easily, Ash.”

Your eyes flutter shut at his words. You feel his lips feather yours, and you press forward,
closing the space. He kisses you back slowly, and you melt into him, your warm teardrops
losing shape against his cheeks.
“Not as easy as you did.” You murmur against his mouth, fingers tangling in his hair. “I
missed you.”

“But you survived, didn’t you?” Levi mutters back, thumb pressing into the corner of your
mouth.

“I won’t if you ever leave for good.” You breathe out weakly, placing your forehead to his. “I
mean it, Levi. I love these kids, but you, your-”

“I know.” He cuts you off at the sound of your crackling voice, pulling you into his chest. His
heart beats against your ear, and you feel yourself calm. “Me too.”

He’s in love with you, too, you know.

You do. Of course you do.

 Kenny
Chapter Notes

TW: threats of SA

Hange arrives early the next morning, and you know something is wrong by their widened
eyes and the worry line between them, but it’s not until they express what’s transpired
overnight that you realize just how dire your situation has become.

Pastor Nick was tortured and murdered by the Interior Police yesterday afternoon, and mere
hours later, MPs came for Erwin, and the government issued warrants for Eren, Historia, and
you.

Levi barks out the orders fast, demanding everyone pack up their belongings to make it
appear as though you all were never here. You can’t leave a trail of your whereabouts, and
you certainly don’t have time to feel sentimental or disappointed about your abrupt departure.
You knew this could happen any moment, and luckily, you had prepared the kids as well.

You’re out of the empty farmhouse in less than fifteen minutes, and when you reach the top
of the mountain nearby where you and Levi had stood two days prior, you watch with quiet
horror as MPs ride up to the place you had just abandoned.

“Shit, that was close,” Connie mutters from somewhere over your shoulder. “Would they
have taken out our fingernails, too?”

You turn toward Levi, and you watch the gears turn behind his eyes. Everyone waits for his
word while Hange has a hushed conversation with Moblit before addressing the group.

“They’re going to protect the Wall's secret at all costs, but why, and why would they go after
Honey, Eren, and Historia? What do they need them for?”
“Whatever the reason, they want them and they aren’t being subtle about it.” Levi grits out,
rolling his neck. “For now, we’ll move them to Trost.”

“The same place where Pastor Nick was just murdered?” Moblit asks quickly, voice
concerned.

“Heading toward the interior would be worse, and with Trost in a panic, it’ll be easier to slip
in,” Levi explains, voice low as his eyes flicker over to you, then back to Hange. “We don’t
know the identity of our enemy yet, and I have an idea of how we can change that. Hange, I
need to borrow some of your squad.”

“Fine by me. All of you can go with Captain Levi, but Moblit’s with me. We’re heading to
Erwin. We’ll update him on what’s going on and reconvene in Trost. I’ll find you.”

Hange offers you a parting glance, one of reassurance, and you return it. The pair hop on
their horses, but before they head out, Eren runs up to Hange.

“I remembered a conversation between Ymir and Bertholdt. I wrote it all down for you
here.”

“Thanks, Eren,” Hange says, stuffing the folded paper into their jacket. “I’ll take a look at it
when I get a chance. Be safe, everyone. We’ll see you soon.”

Once Hange and Moblit are gone, Levi and you lead the squad farther away from your
ransacked house before hopping into the cart you grabbed before leaving. Your trip to Trost
consists of Levi detailing the plan he’s come up with to the rest of you.

“We’re going to draw our enemy out,” Levi explains, huddled around your squad and Nifa,
while Abel guides the horses down the path. “We’ll be obvious, walk down the streets openly,
and see who comes after us. Only, we’ll send Eren and Historia in this cart in a different
direction. Armin and Jean, you’ll be their doubles. You two and Ash will be taken, but I can
assure you we will get you back.”
“Why is Ash not going with us?” Eren asks, voice laced with concern. “If we’re too valuable
to be taken, surely she’s-”

“We know who is after Ash,” Levi says swiftly, voice sharp as he cuts off Eren’s worried
rant. “Her ability to heal is certainly one that caused suspicion at first, but you outshone her
by going full Titan. I suspect you and Historia are wanted alive, whereas Ash is of little
importance in their grand scheme. The person coming for her merely wishes to torment her. I
suspect he’ll be one of the first on the scene, all too eager to get his hands on her.”

Levi sounds vicious as he speaks his theory, one you wholeheartedly agree with after
overhearing Larves and Caven’s conversation. You aren’t a part of their big plan, just
someone Larves wants revenge on, and by working with whoever wants Eren and Historia,
he’ll get that. He was promised it.

“Larves.” You say the name Levi doesn’t, noting the realization and frowns on everyone’s
face at the reminder of your assault. “I agree with Captain. I think letting them take me will
bring him out, and then we can force answers out of him, especially if our initial captors
don’t have all the information we need.”

“Isn’t this too risky?” Mikasa murmurs. “What if they see through us, or manage to slip Ash
away?”

“We won’t take our eyes off of any of them,” Levi explains, although you can tell by his tone
he isn’t entirely sure. “Once Jean, Armin, and Ash are taken, Mikasa, Connie, and Sasha will
stake out nearby, wait for Larves to arrive. I’ll be staying with Eren and Historia, making sure
they’re safe. If you lose sight of anyone for longer than a minute, or when Larves shows his
ugly face, come notify me. Then we’ll all regather and beat the piss out of that fucker for
answers.”

“It’s not the safest plan, but I agree it’s the best we have.” Armin voices his opinion. “I’m for
it.”

“I’m okay with it.” You say, eyes finding all the others involved. “Jean? Eren, Historia, is this
alright?”
“Not like I have a choice.” Jean grunts, crossing his arms and leaning back. “Why I’m stuck
being Eren’s stunt double every time, though, I’ll never understand.”

“We can agree on that.” Eren hisses out, leaning forward to glare at his comrade. “With that
horseface of yours, I can’t believe anyone is dumb enough to think you’re me.”

“I usually throw on a constipated look and they don’t think twice about it.” Jean snaps back.

“You mean your usual expression? Can’t see how that’d help you there!”

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as the boys go back and forth while the others
look just as put out. An elbow on your left nudges you, and you glance up to meet Levi’s
heavy stare.

“You sure you’re alright with this?” He asks quietly.

“I’m fine, Captain.” You tell him with a small, reassuring smile. “Even if something doesn’t
go as planned, I’m tougher now than I ever was before. I can hold out until you find me. You
and I both are determined to never let him lay a finger on me again, and I know everyone else
feels the same way.”

“If it does go to shit, you won’t have to wait long, I promise you that.” Levi grits, shaking his
head. “I meant what I said. He’ll never hurt you again.”

“I know.”

“If he manages to, I’ll-”

“I know.” You smirk now, knowing he conversation itself is anything but humorous, but the
insistence in his words, the promise in his eyes gives you zero cause to be concerned. Even if
Larves managed to sneak you away from the others, Levi will find you. You’re sure of it.

“Yeah, yeah, you know, but I want you to remember it.” Levi tuts, lifting a hand to your hair.
You smile up at him, watching as he glances toward the others, then does a double-take. You
turn, too, finding all their eyes are on the pair of you, cheeks slightly pink.

“What are you all staring at?” Levi barks out, removing his hand. They all look away, some
whistle, some pretend they were mid-conversation, and Jean merely looks at the ground, eyes
glazing over. Levi then looks at you, and you grimace.

“I’ll tell you another time.” You say awkwardly, which lifts his brows.

“What the hell did you do?”

“I will tell you another time.” You repeat with a quiet hiss, your own complexion turning
rosy. Levi sighs in exasperation, but doesn’t push it. You meet Armin’s eyes and roll your
own as though the two of you are in on some inside joke. The boy smiles before starting a
new conversation, swiftly moving on, and your heart grows even fonder for the shy blonde.

You travel throughout the night, most of you catching some sleep for the day ahead. The sun
is in the middle of the sky when you arrive in Trost, and your plan sets in motion quickly.
Eren and Historia go their separate way, never revealing themselves to the outside world,
while the rest of you pile out, hoods up to be less obvious about being obvious.

“They’re giving out food from the reserves?” Sasha asks incredulously as you pass a group of
MPs announcing the generosity of their king. “Why would they do that?”

“The people are less likely to stage an uprising with their stomachs full,” Levi grunts out,
voice tight. “It’s a smart move from his point of view, but incredibly aggravating as someone
who knows it’s a ploy to gain favors.”
“Keep moving, everyone.” You say as the hairs on your neck stand up. You can feel someone
burning holes into the back of your head. “Stay alert. I think we’ve been spotted.”

Everyone seems to stiffen just slightly at your advice, knowing it’s very much real. You keep
walking forward, your dread swirling in your gut despite knowing your plan is ideal and that
no one here will let Larves hurt you. It doesn’t stop the nervous, fearful jitters from surfacing,
especially when Levi’s voice rings out.

“Everyone, get down!”

The sound of hooves gains you from behind fast, and you feel an arm wrap around your
middle before you’re lifted off the ground. Voices cry out after you, then your chest lands
harshly on the wooden floor of a fast-moving cart. You struggle as your arms are pulled
behind you, eyeing your surroundings. You’re relieved to see Armin and Jean in the same
cart. This is according to plan.

They’re struggling, too, their disguises good enough to have fooled the people tying your
hands. The lack of MP uniforms is shocking to you, especially when you know without a
doubt that the Interior is involved.

You aren’t given time to think about it when the man tying up Armin trails a finger down his
face.

“Pretty girl.” He slurs.

“Don’t touch her!” You growl out. The man who had begun touching Armin rears back, face
angry.

“Shut it, bitch.” He snaps, stepping over Armin to deliver a sloppy kick to your gut. It sucks
the air from your lungs, and Jean and Armin fight their restraints at the sight of you being
injured.
“We got a rowdy bunch.” The man sneers at you, crouching closer to your level. “You’re the
one Larves called dibs on, right? Well, I hate that son of bitch, so maybe I’ll have a quick go
before he comes to claim you.”

You ignore the man’s disgusting grin and stare back at Armin and Jean, who look petrified by
the words. With a shake of your head, you tell them not to react, that it’ll be okay. They don’t
look consoled, but you can’t blame them for that.

The cruelty of man is still only a figment of their imaginations. Aside from the betrayal of
their friends, they’ve yet to witness just how fucked up people can be.

“Ignoring me?” The man continues on, lifting the same finger he put on Armin to your
jawline. It makes your skin crawl. “There’s no need to play hard to get. I’ve heard all kinds of
stories about you from that asshole, and looking at your face, I can believe it. I’ve got a sixth
sense for this kind of thing. I know a whore when I see one.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” Jean lashes out wildly, and you flinch with watery eyes as the boy’s
grabbed by his hair and slammed into the ground. Jean’s knocked out cold, and neither you
nor Armin speaks as the men taunt and berate you. It’s the only option. Both of you just
endure it.

When the cart comes to a stop, bags are shoved over your heads. You aren’t sure how they
wake up Jean, but you can hear his groggy voice protest before he remembers where he is.
Then, he goes quiet as you’re guided somewhere.

You hear the sound of doors and gruff, muffled voices, but you’re confused when you reach a
set of stairs. Fear prickles your skin, and you’re sure as you descend that Armin and Jean are
not going the same place you are.

You remind yourself that Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie saw you enter this building. They know
you’re in here even if they don’t have eyes on you, and if you’re gone for longer than a few
minutes, they’ll get Levi.
“Confused?” A voice drawls out once you reach the bottom. Your feet stop at the familiarity,
but you are shoved forward, offered no time to think about where you’ve heard that voice
before. “Aw, don’t tell me you remember me after all this time. It’d make me feel bad for
what we have in store for you.”

“Hurry up, Forges, I don’t have all day. The two of you can catch up later.”

Another voice you don’t know filters in, but Forges, that’s a name you’ve heard before, too.
You can’t think straight, not when you’re shoved onto hard concrete, knees bruising as they
land. Hands paw at your ODM gear, dismantling it roughly. When the bag is ripped from
your head, you’re met with fluorescent lights that burn your irises.

“Oh, she is quite the looker.” A voice grunts, then a shadow passes over you, blocking the
light. “No wonder that little runt of mine is so whipped. I heard he’s been doing flips to keep
you out of harm's way, although for him that’s like strolling through Stohess.”

You know this stranger is referring to Levi, and by the way he’s talking about him, you’re left
with an educated guess as to who he is.

“Kenny.” You say dully, eyes adjusting to the light and filtering over to the two Military
Police men standing over his shoulders. They haven’t spoken yet. “I thought you were known
for cutting the throats of guys like these?”

“Ah, my reputation precedes me. I wonder, did you hear all this from groveling shits in the
Underground, or was Levi feeling sentimental one day and decide to tell you about the man
who kept him alive when he was a snot-nosed kid. I’m looking forward to catching him off
guard in a few minutes, see him in action after all these years, but first, I wanted to meet
you.”

“That’s enough, Kenny. We had a deal. Leave.” The familiar slimy voice fills the room, and
you will your expression not to betray you, not to show fear to the man a foot from your face.
You know you fail, though, especially as Kenny’s eyes narrow just slightly before he stands.
Kenny steps back as two figures walk around you, one on the left is Larves, and the one on
the right is Forges. You remember him the moment you lock eyes.

Dr. Forges, the man who was going to give you away to the MPs after you first discovered
your Titan healing. The man you convinced everyone had lied. The man who was fired
because of you.

“Ah, you do remember then.” Dr. Forges snips, crossing his arms as he looks down at you. “I
assumed you had forgotten about me, seeing as it was so easy for you to ruin my life.”

“Clearly, you’re doing just fine.” You sneer at him, eyeing the MP uniform he’s wearing.
“You were such buddy-buddy with the MPs back then, it must be a dream come true to
become one.”

“You stripped my title from me.” He screams, eyes red with seething anger. “I lost all of my
credibility, even after the truth came out that you’re a lying bitch. I’ll never be the respected
man I once was, and that’s because of you , so don’t pretend you’re the victim here.”

You look around, shake your tied-up arms, then give him a pointed look. “Well, I’m certainly
not the assailant.”

“You’re only getting what you deserve.” Larves takes over, his hand carding through your
hair before yanking it up harshly. You cry out in pain as his fist connects with your abdomen,
sending you into a coughing fit. “Don’t worry, Forges, I’m going to shut that mouth of hers
up soon enough. I made her a promise, didn’t I?”

You curl in on yourself, gritting your teeth when the bottom of a boot steps on your head and
presses it into the floor.

“After I get my fill , our good doctor here is going to be performing some surgical procedures
on you. He misses the life he once had before you stole it from him, so it’s only fair you give
him that. Besides, you’re the perfect subject with your quick healing. I’m sure a monstrous
freak like you will barely feel a thing.”
Horror constricts your lungs as the shoe lifts from your head, only for you to be grabbed
again, this time by Forges. He grips you by the cheeks hard, smushing your face as his is
enveloped in a cruel, sadistic smile.

“I know what I said, Larves, but maybe I will help you out to start. I mean, as a man of
biology, I know there are plenty of holes in the human body that can be-”

Your ears ring before anything else, and then the realization of what’s happened comes to you
in full force.

You see the barrel in your peripheral vision, then blink at where Forges had just been, mere
inches from your face, to where the doctor’s brains are now splattered along the wall beside
you.

“Kenny, you fucking-”

Larves is cut off too, but not by a gunshot. You turn in time to see one of the MPs bash the
back of his head with the blunt end of their rifle. You’re at a complete loss as the threatening
man crumples to the floor beside his now dead partner in crime.

You don’t realize your mouth is agape until a hand reaches over and shuts it. That’s when you
rear back, looking up at the man responsible for the turn of events you never would have
predicted, finding a wry grin on his face.

“You’re welcome.” He rasps before standing back up. “Although, before you jump to
conclusions, I’m not sparing your life.”

You swallow, willing your mind to keep up, to understand his motives, but you can’t fathom
it.
“What the hell just happened?” You settle for just asking, and Kenny snorts..

“I’ve always been a bit of an equal opportunist,” Kenny explains haphazardly, waving a hand
around. “I’d butcher MPs left and right, paying no mind to gender. Everyone bleeds the same
blood, after all, but the thing Larves had planned for you, well, I wasn’t going to be a part of
that. Let’s just say that’s not my style.”

Staring in disbelief at the man you know to have taught Levi the basic survival skills to
survive in the Underground as a child, you believe him. You think he’s telling the truth, that
he had no ulterior motive here other than to prevent you from being violated.

“That being said, I can’t just let you go.” Kenny shrugs, adjusting his odd-looking ODM gear.
His words from before stick out like a sore thumb then, and you suck in a sharp breath.

“You’re going after Levi?” You ask despite knowing the answer. You grit your teeth and
clench your fists. Kenny must be somewhat strong if he trained Levi, not to mention he’s
older, more experienced in combat. If anyone can give Levi a run for his money, you’re sure
it’s the man standing before you.

“If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.” You hiss, blinking back tears. “Any of them, hurt any of them,
and I will.”

The man smirks as though your threat is empty. Who knows, maybe it is, but you say it as if
you’re swearing it under oath because you feel it in your soul.

“You’ll have to be alive to try, and I’ve given Sannes and Ralph strict orders to end your life
once they’ve gotten whatever information they can out of you. Of course, we’ll let you enact
your revenge on Larves first. Caven detailed your last encounter, and I’m a firm believer in
an eye for an eye.”

Kenny starts to walk away, but your blood is thrumming with anger knowing where he’s
headed. You maneuver onto your feet, but before you can slam into his body, arms grab your
shoulders.
The man turns to you with delighted eyes as you fight against the MPs holding you back.

“I don’t care if you just saved me from a fate worse than death, or that you kept Levi alive as
a child. None of it means shit if you’re trying to take him from me now.”

“You have that little faith in the little runt?” Kenny muses, and you stand your ground, eyes
watery but fierce.

“No, he’ll win.” You state firmly, meaning every word. “I said, don’t hurt him, not don’t kill
him, because I know you can’t. You may have taught him how to fight, but you didn’t raise
him. He grew up alone and is still a better man than you’ll ever be, endured all kinds of shit
you could have shieded him from and still came out of it a good person with a kind heart. He
cares for his comrades, and he’ll fight for them. That’s how I know he’ll kill you first, but if
he doesn’t, and you hurt him, then I’ll do the honors. I fucking promise you that.”

Kenny smiles widely, tilts his hat, and then turns away. His fading figure is the last thing you
see before pain erupts in the back of your skull, and your world goes dark.
 Knife
Chapter Notes

TW: threats of SA, reference to child SA

You gasp awake with a jerk, limbs still tied behind your back as your eyes blink rapidly.

You're inside another moving cart. It’s pitch black outside, meaning you’ve been unconscious
for hours. The only light is from the lantern the carriage driver is holding, and the dim yellow
hue outlines the figure across from you. Larves.

He’s still out cold, and you’re sure you’ve only woken before him thanks to your healing
abilities. You shift your gaze to the man beside you, eyeing the outside of the cart from
behind. Kenny had said his name was Sannes, which means the man driving is Ralph.

“Where are you taking me?” You murmur sleepily, finding humor in the way the man’s head
whips toward you in surprise until you’re met with his beady, baggy eyes. They’re almost
scary in the darkness, and you flinch back slightly.

“She’s not supposed to be awake yet.” Ralph hisses out. Sannes settles slightly, worry taking
over his features as he responds to his comrade.

“It’s fine. We’re almost there.”

“Reeves shouldn’t be too far behind us.” The other MP argues. “We don’t know for certain if
he’s being followed, and we cannot let the Scouts know we’re holding her here, too. They
aren’t supposed to know where-”
“We’ll have them both locked up before then,” Sannes cuts off the man with a convincing
confidence, poking his head out the curtains. “They won’t find out.”

The words take a moment to register, but when they do, hope and relief surge through you. A
man named Reeves is bringing Armin and Jean here, which means the others will be
following them, no doubt about it.

You can only imagine how worried they’ve been about you.

Armin and Jean must have been terrified hearing that greasy man’s words, only for you to be
nowhere in sight when the bags were lifted off their heads. Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie must
feel responsible that they lost sight of you, when you’re sure something must have prevented
them from seeking Levi sooner.

Levi.

Levi had to deal with the news that you were missing, only to be forced into battle with
Kenny and his men immediately after, unable to go after you. Now that hours have passed,
you fear they’ve spent the time dreading the unknown.

You want nothing more than to soothe their ache.

“I don’t care, Sannes. Knock her out again. We can’t take the risk.”

The man beside you sighs, grabbing his gun. You squeeze your eyes tightly shut as you're
guided to your knees, preparing for impact. It’s as swift as last time, and you’re knocked
unconscious once more.

This time, when you wake, you’re tied to a chair in a dark, moldy-smelling room. Sannes
stands before you with a lantern in his grip as you blink warily at your surroundings. The
walls are made of concrete, and the ground is compacted dirt, making you wonder if you’re
in some sort of underground cellar.
“There’s been a change of plans.” You stiffen at the words spoken over your shoulder, mind
quickly playing catch-up. “Kenny two-timed me, which I should have seen coming. I mean,
anyone who grew up in that Underground shithole will always be trash, but Sannes and Ralph
are sensible men who grew up on the surface with me. They understand the importance of
social status, of a man’s dignity, which you’ve threatened one too many times.”

Your body shudders as Larves walks around you again, and you know it’s some form of ego
trip or fear tactic of his, letting you hear his voice before you see him. Your eyes flick toward
Sannes, who has one miserable-looking face. His shoulders are stiff, and he’s avoiding your
eyes.

“Of course.” You utter sharply, glaring holes into the shameful MP. “Nothing says ‘ dignified
man’ to me like standing around while a defenseless woman is assaulted. Your mother must
be so proud, and your wife, surely, she must feel like the luckiest person in the world.”

Sannes looks visibly unsettled by your words, adjusting his stance, clearly uncomfortable
with the way you’re calling him out. You know you’ve struck him in the chest hard, and you
hope to continue to do so until he feels guilty enough to change his mind.

“You’re such a little bitch.” Larves scoffs, rolling up his sleeves, expression dark. “You don’t
get to talk about our women like you know a damn thing.”

You gape at the man you’ve known since you were a child, the realization that he’s been
married this entire time startling you.

It shouldn’t, not really, but your young mind never fathomed that Larves could be even more
of a monster than he is, and you must have just never let yourself consider that he was not
only abusing you but betraying his family for all those years.

Suddenly, it makes even more sense than before. His desperate acts to shut you up, the lies he
tells himself, his righteousness, his selfishness, his cruelty. You knew he was delusional, but
now you know why he’s been so insistent and paranoid.
It’s not just his job he’s put on the line.

An even more horrifying thought crosses your mind, and when he scoffs at the expression on
your face, you find the words.

“You’re a father, too, aren’t you? Is it a girl?” You whisper, and it earns you a punch to the
jaw. Tears spring in your eyes, and you feel like throwing up, but not from the pain spasming
through your skull.

Footsteps sound from outside the cell as you stare warily at the ground.

“Reeves is here,” Ralph announces, earning a grunt from Larves.

“Give the fat fuck his money and tell him to fuck off, then bring those kids down here. I want
them to watch.”

“We’re supposed to keep them separate,” Ralph argues hesitantly. “Kenny said-”

“Do I look like I give a fuck what that back-stabbing cunt said?” Larves seethes, turning
sharply toward the men. “You both sided with me the moment you untied my hands. Bring
the Reiss bitch and the Titan shifter down here now .”

Your stomach curdles as neither men grow a spine, and Sannes walks away without another
word, leaving you alone with Larves for the first time since the Underground.

Grimey fingers pinch your chin, and you reel back. He slaps you harshly before doing it
again, his grip harder, nails digging into your jaw and forcing your eyes to meet his.

“You care about those kids, don’t you?” He breathes out, breath putrid, making you grimace,
struggling in his grip. “I wonder what they’ll think when they watch you gag on my prick.”
“Stop.” You whimper out, feeling such intense disgust and horror that it’s hard to breathe.

“Funny.” Larves muses, shoving your face away as he stands, eyeing your body. “You never
once said that down there. You were eager for it from what I recall.”

“I was starving.” You manage, tears slipping down your cheeks. “I was a child.”

“Like that gives you a pass. No one down there can claim innocence, especially you. I saw
you steal and lie. I watched you stab a man in the thigh once, remember? He wanted a go,
even paid me for it. You gave him false hope he’d get more than just your mouth, then
punished him for it.”

You do remember. Now you do.

You remember being on a bathroom floor, scared out of your mind when Larves shoved you
in a stall, and a man you didn’t know walked in. You feared for your life, but that wasn’t
anything new. You did what you knew, and got even more terrified when the man reached for
your pants.

“I was scared out of my fucking mind.” You reiterate, not letting Larves convince you of guilt
you know you shouldn’t feel. Shame, yes, because no matter what anyone says, those
memories will always make you feel dirty and disgusted, but not with yourself. Not
anymore.

“You took advantage of me.” You barely recognize your own voice as the words come out in
an enraged, shaky cry. “All I ever did down there was keep myself alive, and I know now that
I never did anything wrong. You’re the rotten one. You’re the smallest, most pathetic man
I’ve ever known, and I feel sorry for your wife, for your little girl at home that doesn’t know
her Daddy is a fucking child rapist, that’s if you haven’t already-”

You’re hit so hard in the side of your head that you and your chair fall to the side. The wood
splinters, making escape possible with effort, which you don’t hesitate to put in. Larves
laughs at what he deems to be feeble attempts, but his eyes widen as you rip yourself off the
broken wood.

The rope is loose now, and when Larves lunges to pin you down, you just manage to free
your hands. You ignore the blaring in your head as you fight against him, using your legs,
your shoulders, your torso.

Every part of you acts on instinct to shove the bodyweight off, and a breathy laugh fans your
nose as you do.

“It’s much more fun when you struggle against me like this,” He taunts, eyes practically
black as he stares down at you. “Especially when you like to act so tough, so above me. Now
you're underneath me, and I want to see you cry.”

You lift a knee harshly to the space between his legs, and Larves groans out in pain, his grip
slipping. You rip your wrists out of his hold, and your palms find his shoulder and shove him
back enough to place the sole of your boot on his abdomen and kick him off.

He lands back on his ass while you scramble to your feet, but he sits between you and the
only means of escape.

You level your mind, think smart and calculated about your next move. Rushing around him
will only result in him getting his fingers wrapped around your ankle and putting you in a
worse position than before.

You realize your only option is to fight, but that gives you comfort as you stare down at the
sorry excuse of a man. In hand-to-hand combat, surely you’re better. You were trained by the
strongest, most talented member in the entire military, after all, while Larves has sat on his
ass his entire career.

“You’re probably thinking you’ve got this in the bag, right?” Larves sneers before a wicked
smile passes over his features. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”
You school your face as Larves pulls a knife out from behind his back, having likely stored
one in his belt. Anxiety surges through your veins, but then you remember the one you keep
in your boot, only when you reach for it, it’s not there.

“Luckily, when those two idiots set me free, I searched your body for weapons.” You realize
then the one he’s holding is your blade. You hope your panic doesn't show on your face, and
you will it to settle in your chest.

Armed or not, even in a space as tight and small as this, you can take Larves. He’ll rely fully
on slicing at you, but you’re swift. You can dodge, play defensively until he opens himself
up, then disarm him. You relax slightly. This man is nothing compared to you.

This man is nothing.

“You don’t look nearly as scared as you should feel,” Larves speaks again, twirling the blade
around his fingers to show off how adept he is with one in his hand. It doesn’t get to you one
bit. “That confident, are you?”

You don’t bother offering an answer, but the obvious one is yes, you are.

Larves doesn’t want you dead. He hasn’t had his fun yet, but you won’t underestimate him. If
his life is on the line, he may act drastically, preferring to lose his chance to torment you over
his demise.

He sneers as he stands, then lunges at you surprisingly fast.

You side step, the knife just swishing past your torso, then jump back when he swings again.
You jab at his ribs when he offers an opening, and he curses, swiping at your arm. The knife
nicks your elbow, but you barely react, grabbing his forearm and twisting it behind his back.

You don’t expect him to overpower you with his legs as he slams you backwards into the
nearby wall. Your grip falters, and he spins out of your hold. You crouch as he slices his knife
through the air where your neck had just been, but it’s a miscalculation, because your knife is
sharp, and it doesn’t need much momentum to do damage.

Larves plunges the knife downward, and you cry out as the blade tears through the muscle
and arteries of your shoulder. You keep your head through the excruciating pain, fueled by
Larves cocky laugh as he attempts to pull the weapon out.

You don’t let him.

You grip the handle over his fingers, keeping him locked in place, and relish the shock in his
features as you glance up at him and slam your fist into his gut.

He makes a gruntled sound, and you grit your teeth through the agony coursing through you
as you push to your feet and deliver a hard, brutal kick between his legs. There’s significantly
more power in this attack than before, when you had just barely gotten him in the sensitive
area with your knee. This time, the strength and venom behind your actions have Larves’ grip
slipping entirely from the knife. He backtracks with a groan and curls inward, and you don’t
wait for him to recover.

With a chest heaving, you rear your leg back once more before propelling your boot forward.
You hear the crunch of his nose as you make contact with his grimacing face, and watch as
his body launches backward. His head slams into the ground hard, and then his body goes
still.

You blink at his unmoving form, catching your breath with labored huffs. The adrenaline
makes the pain tolerable, as does the realization that you’ve taken out Larves. You fought at a
disadvantage, took a brutal blow, and still managed to render him unconscious.

Tears prick your eyes, but the sound of a creaking door reaches your ears and makes you
stiffen.

Reaching toward the knife sticking out of your shoulder, you’re prepared to use it to defend
yourself, but all the fear and fight evade you at the sound of a familiar voice filling the space.
Your heart skyrockets into your throat.
“You’re going to tell me where the fuck they took her or I fucking perosnally see to it that
you’re locked away, eating your own shit for the rest of your worthless lives.”

It feels like a dream, even though it’s not unfathomable that he’d be here. You knew they’d
likely be following Jean and Armin if they couldn’t find a trail to track you, but it still catches
you by surprise and floods you with relief.

You don’t think twice about rushing out of the cell.

“If you’d just give me a second to talk-”

“Your torture of Pastor Nick has given us all kinds of ideas, Sannes, but don’t worry, I don’t
intend to fully steal your thunder. Captain Levi and I are sure to think of all kinds of original,
unique ways to get you to talk.”

“For the love of the Walls, she’s-”

You round the corner then, eyes wide as you look up a few steps to find Levi and Hange
guiding the two MPs down the stairs. Their eyes snag on you the moment you're visible,
expressions stunned.

“-here.” Sannes finishes, seeming relieved he’s finally done with this particular line of
questioning.

He’s then yelping as he’s kicked the rest of the way down, and Levi’s closing the distance on
you, eyes the glossiest you’ve ever seen. He takes in your body, and while he looks as though
he’s itching to close the distance, his eyes narrow on your shoulder.

You blink and look too, finding the weapon lodged in your muscle. The shock of their arrival
made you forget.
“I was stabbed.” You say dumbly, and his lips twist down as Hange lets out a breathy laugh.
You can hear the relief in their exhale.

“I see that.” His voice is barely audible and strained.

“I’m okay.” You tell him gently, knowing what he’s most concerned about. You’re adrenaline
and shock are surely making you appear clamer than you should, but you want Levi to know
Larves didn’t lay a finger on you. “He didn’t touch me. I didn’t let him. He is out cold in the
last cell down the hall, though.”

You watch as his shoulders visibly sag, and he swallows with a nod, shiny eyes still roaming
over you as though he can’t believe you’re standing in front of him.

“Go upstairs with Hange.” He says after clearing his throat. You go to protest, but he tuts
softly, cutting you off. “I’ll be up in a second, just have to make sure our guests are locked
away in their cells.”

Hange hands Ralph off to Levi. “Come on, Honey. Everyone is going to be so relieved to see
you. They’ve been worried sick the past however many hours it’s been. Feels like days,
honestly.”

Your stomach twists as you're guided away from Levi and focus on the kids you’re about to
reunite with, knowing the sight of a knife in your shoulder is going to scare them.

“Can’t you take it out now?” You ask, and Hange gives you a knowing glance.

“The sight of a knife in your shoulder will cause less alarm than the sight of gushing blood.
Trust me, they can handle the sight of you injured if they know what’s caused it.”
“I guess.” You murmur. Hange’s fingers wrap around the knob but they don’t open the door.
You peer over at them with wet lashes to find them looking at you with a sad, worried
expression.

“Honey, you’re sure you’re alright?” They ask delicately, voice thin. “He really didn’t-”

“No, he didn’t.” You tell them reassuringly, the newfound safety of your situation finally
setting in at the warmth of your friend by your side. “I’m okay, Hange, you know, aside from
the stab wound.”

Hange nods with a soft chuckle. “So badass.”

You roll your eyes tiredly as they push open the door, revealing a table of somber-looking
teenagers. Your heart aches at the sadness in their expressions, but you can’t help but be
instantly distracted by the two missing faces. Your stomach drops.

“Hange, where-”

“Ash!”

All of their voices chorus together at the sound of your voice as they push to their feet. Hange
steps in front of you before they can crowd you, sprawling their arms out in protest. Jean,
Connie, Sasha, Armin, and Mikasa thankfully come to a halt in front of the Hange barricade
and take you in with wide, red-rimmed eyes.

It’s almost comical how their gazes all simultaneously land on the blade embedded in your
shoulder, and the way they all make the same disturbed, horrified cry and point at it with not
an ounce of tact in their actions.

“There’s a knife in your shoulder!” Sasha and Connie cry out together, and you sigh, your up-
tilting lips betraying the pain that’s seeping into your body.
“Yes, Sasha, Connie, now that we’ve all been made aware of that fact thanks to you, we’re all
going to back up, clear space for Honey to sit, and divide and conquer. I need a bowl of
water, rags, my medical bag-”

“On it!” The teens cry out before running out of the room.

“I’m sure you feel loads better now that we have a diagnosis!” Hange mock cheers before
guiding you to an end seat. You let out a tiny chuckle, shaking your head. Your smile fades as
you stare at the table, remembering the missing members of your squad.

“Hange, where are Eren and Historia?” You ask, your voice timid. You’re afraid to know the
truth, but you need to step back into the loop.

“Kenny and his group managed to take them,” Hange explains, eyeing you carefully. “We’re
going to get the shits downstairs to give us answers and to figure out their location.”

Your frown is unavoidable, but you force yourself to swallow the fear you’re sure your
comrades are already consumed with, Mikasa and Armin especially. Figuring out where
they’ve been taken is up to you, Hange, and Levi, and it has all to do with how good you are
at torturing the man who wanted to rape you and the men who were going to let him.

“We’ll find them.” You tell Hange, voice sharp. Your friend smirks.

“Of course we will.”

Your squad members flood back in then, none of them addressing you directly as they prep
the table with each of the requests Hange made. It’s reminiscent to when Larves had chopped
off your hand, the way your old squad had rushed around in a flurrying panic.
“You all realize I’m going to be okay, right?” You address the group but receive no answer. “I
heal like a Titan.”

“Doesn’t mean you aren’t in pain,” Armin says quietly, pulling gauze from Hange’s bag. You
frown at the words.

“But I’ll be-”

“Don’t say fine.” Jean cuts you off without any bite as he rounds the table. “Please, just let us
do what we can.”

Everyone looks pale and unsettled, and you remember then what Jean and Armin had
overheard in the cart. Your heart stutters at the uncertainty and fear in their faces as they look
at you, but you know now isn’t the time to address it.

“Alrighty, first things first,” Hange says, clearing their throat as they pick up a pair of
scissors. “I need to cut off your clothes.”

“Anyone who wants to stay can stay.” You announce to the room. “Anyone who's
uncomfortable can go.”

Your sports bra will provide enough coverage, but you realize that as teenagers, they may not
feel comfortable sticking around while so much of your skin is exposed. You also know how
worried they’ve been and that they may not want to step away.

“We’re staying,” Connie says for all of them, although he avoids your eyes. “We’ll just look
away if, you know, something falls out.”

“Something falls out?” Hange repeats with a cackle before shaking their head, surveying the
group to ensure Connie has spoken for everyone. “Well, I’m glad because I’m going to need
all of your help, seeing as the Captain is busy at the moment. Any takers?”
“What do you need me to do?” Mikasa asks first, voice soft and tired.

“Pick your poison: pull out the blade or press this towel to wound,” Hange says as they start
to snip at the fabric.

“I’ll pull the knife out.”

“Excellent. Who wants stop-the-bleeding duty?”

“I can do it.” Armin steps up.

“Great. I’m going to need you to press hard, though, and Honey is going to be in a lot of pain.
Can you handle that?”

The blonde nods, lips pressed tightly together. “I can.”

“That means Jean, Sasha, and Connie. One of you needs to be on standby with the
disinfectant while the other two help me. Once I've wiped the area clean, I’ll need one of you
to take the bloody towels from me and the other to hand me the adhesive bandages and
gauze.” Hange stares at the three of them, who glance at each other. Jean and Sasha lift their
hands and offer to help Hange.

“Okay, perfect. That means, Connie, you’re going to wait for me to tell you to, but we need to
clean her wound with rubbing alcohol. Again, this is going to hurt, but it’s necessary. Dump
half of this bottle over the wound, don’t miss a spot.”

You love Hange for prepping the kids for the sight of your writhing as opposed to offering
solace to you. You love that your friend knows to address their concerns because that’s what
you want. You’ve grown used to pain, but they’re still learning what it looks like on the
people they care about.
“Okay, are we ready? Honey? All good?” Hange asks as they very delicately slide your bra
strap down your bicep.

“I’m good.” You nod. Your stab wound is now open to their eyes without any obstructions,
and while you’re sure it’s an ugly sight, you’re proud of everyone’s determined, focused
expressions.

Your left hand grips the edge of the table while your nails dig into your palm in the other. You
close your eyes and take a breath. It’ll hurt, but they’ll be quick and work with the utmost
care. You’ll be fine.

You’re in good hands, and yet-

“Hold on, Mikasa.”

You’re blinking through tears when your eyes find Levi’s, and relief surges through you.

He shuts the basement door behind him and rounds the table. He sits beside you, softly picks
apart your clenched fist, and wraps his fingers around your palm, offering a reassuring
squeeze.

Your eyes lift from your intertwined hands to meet his, and you don’t worry about the gazes
zeroing in on the two of you anymore. You lean away from the knife, press your forehead to
Levi’s neck, and brace yourself. His left hand wraps around you to cradle your head, holding
you firmly still against his body.

“Ready?” Levi’s chest vibrates against you as he speaks. His fingers press into your scalp,
you breathe in his scent, and you let out a shaky breath.

“Go ahead.”
Mikasa pulls the knife out in one fluid motion.
 Ready
Chapter Notes

i don't know why i had so much trouble writing this chapter but that's why I've taken SO
long to update.. ill fix any typos alter I'm just throwing it out so you have it lol

“You lost a lot of blood.” Armin worries with a frown. “You should be resting.”

“I can rest on the way to wherever we need to go.” You sigh, wincing at the twinge in your
shoulder as Hange ties the sling behind your neck. “There’s no time to waste in finding Eren
and Historia.”

“I think Captain Levi and Hange are more than capable of handling it.” Jean bristles, crossing
his arms.

“We are.” Hange agrees with a smirk as they walk around you. Your gaze shifts to where
Levi’s leaning against the wall beside the downstairs door. He offers a nod.

“I want to be there.” You say, meeting Jean’s sour expression. “This is important to me.”

“You were just stabbed.” He grits out. “I don’t think you should be going anywhere near the
man who-”

“I’m not made of glass, Jean. I’m not going to break. I’m sure the past few hours have been
stressful for you-”

“We thought you were dead.” Armin cuts you off, voice wavering. Your head turns toward
the blonde on your right, heart stuttering at the sorrow in his eyes. Jean steps forward, fists
clenched by his sides.
“We thought way worse than that.” Jean snaps, eyes flaring, flashing with unshed tears. “We
heard what that piece of shit said in the cart, and I found you after the last time those fucks
got their hands on you, Ash. We were sure you’d be forever changed if we did manage to
save you before they-”

Jean sharply cuts himself off before turning away, and your stomach twists as you take in the
room.

Armin won’t look away from the floor. Jean won’t turn away from the wall. Mikasa and
Sasha frown at their comrades, and Connie picks at his sleeve. No one wants to meet your
gaze, and it’s then that you falter, letting yourself feel the gravity of the situation.

They’ve all spent the last few hours panicked and scared, thinking horrible, unimaginable
things were happening to you. It’s not a stretch that they’d assume you’d either never be
found or you’d be found irrevocably damaged. Simply saying you’re fine won’t ease their
fear, not when they still don’t know what’s transpired.

Your heart aches as you clear your throat and turn toward Hange. “You both go. I’ll be down
in a moment.”

Hange nods, gives your good shoulder a pat before stalking toward Levi. Your eyes meet his
softening ones, and he offers a reassuring nod before leading Hange down the stairs.

The door shuts behind them, and you let out a steadying breath before facing the group.

“Can you all please look at me?” You ask gently, frowning at their hesitancy. Slowly, one by
one, their eyes find yours. You gesture for them to sit, and they move quietly, the tension
thick amongst them.

You settle at the head of the table and steel yourself.

“I’m sorry you had to hear what that man said.” You start with a whisper, blinking back the
sudden wave of emotion as you look over at Jean and Armin on the left, and then the others
on the right.

“Did he, or Larves, did they-”

“No.” You cut Connie off, not wanting the boy to force himself to say it. You watch their
bodies sag, similar to the way Levi’s had. “The knife wound was all Larves managed to do,
and when I tell you I’m okay, I mean it. Yes, getting stabbed hurt like a bitch, and I was
afraid and worried about all for you, but no one touched me, and right now -I am okay.”

It’s written in the boy’s expressions that they can’t fathom the cruelty of people like those
men, so eager to hurt and abuse, that they’ve never considered there are things worse than
death.

“You’re saying he’s done it before then?” Jean mutters quietly, voice teetering over anger and
sorrow.

You swallow thickly, lips pressing together. “Yes.”

Their bodies stiffen, and you sigh, running a hand through your hair.

“I know how that sounds, okay, but life in the Underground was shitty for everyone but the
MPs running around and taking advantage of people like me. I’ve dealt with Larves
practically my entire life, and he’s fucked with my head for most of it up until recently. I’ve
found clarity, and I see all of it for what it was and refuse to let him take anything else from
me. I don’t want, nor do I need, any of you to pity me for my past or anything that happens in
the future.”

“I love that you care, and I always want you to speak your mind when something is bothering
you, but everytime you worry, I’ll likely tell you that I can handle my shit. Hence why I’m
going down there and I’m cutting that bastards nutsack off.”
The kids blink at you, lips parting in shock, and the boys wince in horror at the visual. You
push to your feet and smile when you notice Mikasa’s lips twitch upward.

“I know he deserves it, but torturing someone, how does that make us any better than them?”
Jean asks, earning glares from most of the table. “I just said he deserves it, don’t give me
those looks. It’s just, I thought we were the good guys, fighting to save humanity, and now
we’re here, fugitives, torturing people for information, and I just don’t feel like a good person
anymore.”

“We aren’t.” You shrug, earning their wide-eyed attention. “You can’t be a good person in
this world. I’ve never been one, that’s for damn sure, but we can’t let ourselves care about
that shit anymore, okay? We can’t worry if we’re in the right or the wrong, because who
fucking knows? It doesn’t matter. We’re going to fight for what we think is right against
people who think they’re doing what’s right. That’s where we are. There is no good versus
bad, just us and them. I will kill if it means saving one of you, and I’m going to torture the
men downstairs to find Eren and Historia. Nothing matters more to me than all of you, my
comrades and the people we aim to protect.”

Their rapt attention and the understanding in their expressions tell you that your words have
struck them where it matters, that they don’t see you as a monster but someone to aspire to
be.

That once would have made you uncomfortable.

Isabel saw your vision and committed herself to it, and it got her killed. You were foolish to
speak so hopefully to someone her age, to use positivity and the unknown world to motivate
her when you knew bad things could happen in the blink of an eye. Yes, you had warned her
of that, but you had also let her be ignorant. You let her feel invincible.

You’ve learned since then, grown harder and colder, but you’re certain that if these kids adapt
the way you have to the cruelty of the world, it will strengthen their chances of survival.
You’re by no means harsh, but realistic.

You can’t be soft, and good, and kind in the face of the adversity people like Kenny or
Larves, like Reiner, Annie, and Bertoldt, bring to the table.
“I understand.” Jean comments quietly, nodding.

“We all do.” Sasha agrees.

“Lovely.” You smile sweetly, reaching over to rustle Armin’s blonde hair. “What about you?
You okay?”

He nods, eyes meeting yours. They’re sad, but they also look as though he’s coming to some
sort of realization. You aren’t prepared for what he asks.

“Have you ever killed someone?”

You blink at him, then slowly sit back down. “I actually haven’t. Why?”

“Armin saved my life earlier,” Jean answers gruffly, jaw clenched. “I hesitated and got put at
gunpoint. He killed the woman before she could find the courage to shoot.”

“Do you regret it?” You ask Armin, searching his expression.

“No.” He says quietly. “I guess I’m just struggling coming to terms with how I’ve never been
a good person either. Not really. I’d let others fight my battles, worried Eren or Mikasa would
get themselves hurt for me, but never enough to just step up. Eren launched himself into a
Titan’s mouth once to pull me out, while I just watched as its teeth bit down on him. Today, I
didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. I did it so easily, so carelessly. For once, I did something
and by doing so, I took someone’s life. I’m just wondering if I’ve been a coward my whole
life or just a really selfish person.”

“When I say we need to be okay with who we are and what we do, that doesn’t always mean
we’ll be proud of who we become.” You whisper gently before bringing a gentle palm to the
boy's chest, your fingers grazing his shoulder. “Our minds are odd sometimes, Armin,
especially in the face of danger. Fight and flight are very real responses, and freezing isn’t
right or wrong. It’s human. But today, the part of you that encouraged you to act, the part
you’re feeling ashamed of, I’m proud of it. I’m thankful for what you did. You saved Jean’s
life, and to me, that’s all that matters. Today, I think you made the right call, and I’m sorry it
hurts, but thank you.”

Armin's eyes are red-rimmed by the time you're done.

“Would you like a hug?” His cheeks pinken, and he glances around the table, making you
smirk. “Alright, then. I hope you feel better, but I’m here for you if you aren’t. So is the
Captain and Hange. Ask them and I promise they’ll tell you the same I did.”

“Captain Levi already did.” He murmurs, shaking his head. “I think I just wanted to hear it
from you, too.”

“Because I’m your favorite, right?” You tease, but you aren’t expecting the chorus of
agreements. It makes you laugh and it warms your heart. “Alright, don’t tell Levi that.”

“We won’t,” Sasha mutters, and you roll your eyes.

“Okay, he isn’t that bad. He cares, you at least know that, don’t you?” The group nods, their
faces softening slightly. “Well, good. Does anyone else want to talk? If you’d rather talk in
private, we can do that later, too. Things are going to keep picking up pace, it’s important you
take care of what’s in here.”

You use Connie as an example, tapping his shaved head. He laughs as though you’ve tickled
him.

“We’ll find Eren, won’t we?” Mikasa asks, her voice fragile and her eyes shiny under the dim
yellow lighting. You don’t falter or avoid her gaze, because your reply comes from your
heart, and you know it to be true.
“Of course we will.”

When you finally join your friends in the cellar, you're met with ragged screams and
protests.

“At least ask me questions? Who the hell tortures someone without asking them anything?”
Sannes cries out, wriggling in his chair.

“Oh, right.” Hange muses, making you snort. Both sets of eyes turn toward you, and you
force yourself not to grin at Levi’s get-up. He must have found the two-sizes-too-large apron
and gloves in one of the supply closets down here. You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Shut up.” He snaps, facing forward once more. “Alright, sunken eyes. Where are Eren and
Historia?”

Levi doesn’t wait to pinch the man’s nail with the vice grips and rip it from its bed. Sannes's
head tosses back with a wail, and his strapped feet kick at the restraints desperately.

“I’ll never tell you anything!” He cries, tears streaming down his face. “You’ll never
understand, all the things we’ve done, it’s been with purpose! All the men I’ve killed, the
women we’ve tortured, I won’t bring myself to regret a thing! I’ve enjoyed it truly because in
the end it’s we who maintain the peace!”

You stare at the man in disbelief, shocked by his delusions, the beliefs he holds so dear. All of
you appear unimpressed, and Hange and Levi take turns pulling the man's nails, but to no
avail. He refuses to speak.

“This shitbag isn’t going to spill,” Levi grunts, turning on the spot. “Onto the next.”

“You’re more faithful to your shitty secrets then you are your wife and children.” You speak
out, teeth gritting as you stare at the sorry excuse of a man. Levi’s eyes flick over you,
understanding this isn’t a tactic to get the man to open up, but to merely rub salt in his
wounds.

“You don’t know anything about-”

“I know you untied Larves.” You cut him off sharply, stepping forward. “I know you were
fine with what he has planned for me. You were going to watch, right? Maybe have a go of
your own? Now, doing that wouldn’t have been for world peace or humanity, but for you and
your sick, twisted mind. You convince yourself all your terrible deeds are for the greater
good, but that’s just to make yourself feel better, and the only people in the world who could
still love you despite all the pain and suffering you’ve caused, you’ve betrayed.”

“I didn’t lay a finger on you!” He howls, eyes wide and horrifying in their fallacy. You turn
away, ignoring his pleas, and Hange and Levi follow you out, slamming the door shut with a
loud bang.

“Fucking scum,” Levi mutters, crossing his arms.

“Big time, although what you said in there, Honey, has given me an idea. I’m going to head
up and find a paper and pen and meet you back down here to talk to Ralph.”

Hange skips a stair with each step as they bolt up the first floor, leaving you and Levi alone
with the muffled sobs of Sannes a room over. You run a hand through your hair as you meet
his severe gaze.

“Shall we pay our favorite MP a visit now?” You mutter light-heartedly, and Levi’s jaw
tightens. He steps forward and grips the back of your neck, guiding your forehead to his.

“I’m so sorry.” His voice is barely audible, and you frown as his eyes squeeze shut. “My plan
was shit and it brought you here. When Mikasa told me you were gone, Kenny showed up
and-”
“Levi.” You shush him gently, carding your fingers through his hair. “Your plan fell through.
It happens. We all agreed it was the best course of action, and you found me, didn’t you? You
said you would.”

“By pure dumb, shitty luck.” He grunts, eyes blinking open. “If he had-”

“He didn’t.” You cut him off swiftly but not unkindly. “I kicked his ass clean out and he’s
down the hall, tied up, practically begging to be brutally maimed. Shall I have the same
conversation with you as I did the kiddos?”

Levi steps back, eyes quinting. “You’re insufferable.”

“That’s the Captain I love so very much.” You gush playfully, leaning forward to peck his
lips. You gasp when he grabs your neck as you move to back away, tugging you back in for a
deep, toe-tingling kiss. His tongue swipes yours with intent, and you clutch his apron,
humming against his warm mouth.

“I love you,” He grunts out, stealing your breath. “I don’t know if I’ve ever come out and
said it like that, but spending several hours today wondering if you were in pain or dead made
me really regret not knowing if I ever said those words to you.”

You’ve never heard Levi be so openly sappy in his affections for you, and while it’s
alarmingly out of character, it feels like the first real thing you’ve felt since they’ve found
you here. Your eyes water, and you wrap your arms around his neck, holding him tight. His
grip tightens on your waist, and you finally let yourself relax.

“I love you so much.” You mumble into his shirt, voice shaky with emotion. “I’m okay.”

“I know. I know you are.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am now.”

You pull back to wipe your eyes, but his hands cup your jaw first and swipe at the wetness.
His lips feather against yours again, but you close the distance this time, molding into him,
your salty tears pooling against his skin.

You think back to when Larves cut off your hand and Levi held the other while you cried,
confessing his sins that you thought were your own. Your memory flashes back to when Levi
pushed you up against the shower stall wall, and how you weren't afraid of him, but how you
felt. You were a confusing, messy bundle of uncertainty and hurt, and Levi had laid a towel
over your shoulder and apologized to you.

You kissed Levi first, and he took the initiative to show you what love really feels like. He's
shown you what it takes to heal, and you've followed through. You let yourself be guided,
you listened and repeated, and you've since reached the point where you don't need to be
shown the truth. You know the truth now.

This bumpy road to forgiving yourself and realizing you never really needed to is like the
time you stood in that well. You felt alone and scared, and when you were on the brink of
panic, Levi appeared. He zipped you up into the light to soothe your fear, to remind you that
you aren't alone, but then he took you back down so you could overcome it on your own. You
fought your way through the murky waters that Larves had laid out to fester in your mind and
heart and turned them blue.

“You ready?” He asks, voice deep as he pulls back. You stare into his eyes that seem to soften
only for you, and nod.

So very, very blue.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

 Mended
Chapter Notes

I've been away and just got back today, so here ya go (:

Also, I can't believe we're past 50 chapters and have over 10k hits... thank you all so
much for your support. I'm having so much fun writing this story, and your comments
and kudos mean so much to me<3

TW for torture and references to child SA abuse

Larves is still unconscious when you creak open his cell door. His arms are tied tightly
behind him, and his head droops onto his chest with heavy breaths parting his lips.

“How should we wake him?” Levi draws, walking slightly ahead of you. He grabs the man
by his hair and lifts his face, revealing the massive purple bruise forming on his chin. Levi
makes a sound close to a laugh and a scoff at the sight. “You fucking wailed one on him,
didn’t you?”

The pride in his voice flushes your cheeks. “Yeah, I did.”

Levi’s lips twitch, eyes flashing with fondness before he faces Larves again. “Should we pull
out a tooth?”

“I’m thinking we chop off a finger.” You smirk, stepping forward and positioning your hand
on the armrest.

“Then, when he wakes up screaming, we shove it in his mouth?” Levi finishes your thought,
recalling the conversation you had after Larves assaulted you in Stohess.
“Good memory, Captain.” You wink, holding out a hand. He places the cleaver in your palm,
eyes watching intently. There isn’t an ounce of judgment there, only encouragement, and it
makes you feel empowered as you lift the blade and slam it down, smoothly slicing through
two knuckles.

Levi plucks the man’s pointer finger from the chair as his eyes shoot open in a panic, and his
lips part to scream at the sight of it. Levi slips the digit into his mouth before forcefully
slamming it shut by his jaw.

“Swallow it,” Levi orders darkly while Larves wriggles around, his screams muffled behind
his teeth.

You can’t imagine this particular feeling of horror, waking up to this traumatizing scenario of
being forced to eat your own body part, but you can imagine waking up in an alley with a
snarling figure leering over you. You can remember how it felt being first exposed to sexual
acts and not truly grasping the gravity of the situation, feeling sick with disgust and shame,
but too hungry to care.

You’ve been subjected to much worse at the hands of this man, and as you stare at his dread,
you feel nothing but satisfaction.

You step forward, Larves’s eyes shifting to you, having the nerve to plead for mercy with his
irises. You pinch his nose shut, and his eyes widen.

“Swallow.” You repeat, teeth grit.

Larves’s fight slowly dies as does his oxygen, and only when you see the expansion of his
throat do you and Levi back away. Larves coughs, wheezes, and dry heaves the moment you
do, clearly trying to throw the finger back up.

“I guess that answers whether or not he faked it,” Levi comments dryly. “If you hack it up,
we are going to make you eat it again, so I’d suggest you stomach it.”
Larves’s eyes are glossy as he regards you, nostrils flaring with fury. “I’ve never done
anything as bad as what you two just-”

His head whips to the side as Levi’s fist connects with his already aching jaw.

“What makes you think you can talk without being spoken to?” Levi grunts, grabbing Larves
by his scalp and righting his face. The man stares back with equal venom, although he looks
nowhere near as intimidating as Levi. His adrenaline is fighting the pain, but you can tell he’s
hurting. You’re glad.

“Now pull a tooth.” You tell Levi, who nods, reaching for the pliers. Larves’s eyes widen, but
he doesn’t get a word out before the metal tool is wedged between his mouth. Levi latches
onto one of the teeth in the front and yanks.

The man wails in pain, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes as Levi steps back. Blood
gushes from the wound, coating his lips red, and you feel power surge through you to your
fingertips.

“It’s ironic you’d say you’ve never done anything as bad as what we’ve just done.” You say.
“If I recall, you chopped off my entire wrist. Now, we’ve pulled a tooth. I’ve had teeth pulled
before, and the only reason I was put in that situation was because you chopped off my hand.
See where I’m going with this?”

“You grow them back you fucking cunt.” Larves growls with blood-coated teeth. “I’ll be
missing-”

You punch him, landing a solid blow on the same side Levi had hit earlier, the same side
where he’s surely aching from the hole where his tooth used to be. The man whimpers
pathetically.

“Somehow you don’t get it.” You mutter, shaking your head, ignoring the sting in your
knuckles. “What you put me through in that shithole has stuck with me my entire life. Just
because my wounds heal doesn’t mean my heart does, doesn’t mean I’m fine.”
“Fucking women.” Larves spits out a glob of bloody mucus. “Always playing the victim.
Keep pretending you hated it if it makes you feel better about yourself, but at least let your
new doggie know the truth, that you’d drop to your knees and claw at my pants like a bitch in
heat the moment you saw me.”

Shame threatens to burn through you. The graphic image playing through your mind, it must
be circling Levi’s, too, and that makes you feel filthy, but you refuse to let it seep past your
thickened layer of skin.

You know how it was then, that it wasn’t always bad for you in the moment, just the normal.
You’re wiser now, and Larves won’t ever get in your head again.

“If anyone is lying to make themselves feel better, it’s you.” Your voice comes out even and
strong. “Do you know how young I was the first time you unzipped your pants? Fourteen. I
was a fourteen-year-old girl. How old is your daughter?”

“Fuck you.” He snarls. You lean closer, but keep your height the same. He has to look up at
you to meet your threatening gaze. “It’s not the same.”

“Is she ten? Eleven? Would you be okay with one of your buddies coming over and doing to
her what you did to me? Would you watch?”

“I would never, you fucking freak!!” Larves fights his restraints again, but to no avail. His
face is red, veiny, and full of visceral rage. Desperation.

“You realize then that it’s wrong .” You bite, hating the glossiness taking over your eyes.
“What you did to me was wrong, and haunting, and cruel. I was a girl like your daughter
when you touched me, and you can tell yourself I enjoyed it, that I wanted it, that I deserved
it, but you spent all this time trying to shut me up because you know otherwise.”

You’d be shocked by the way Larves’s crumbles if it weren’t for the fact that you know he’s
always been weak on the inside. He puts up a bravado big enough to hide his cowardice, but
with his hands tied behind his back, there is nowhere for him to hide.

This sobbing, tiny man is the real him.

He curls in on himself, and you step back, wiping your eyes and taking a deep breath. You
feel Levi’s gaze but can’t meet it yet. Your wound has been opened slightly, not enough to
fully tear, but enough to feel raw. It means you’re healing, but you need a second to calm
yourself.

“It wasn’t like that.” Larves’s body shakes as he droops his head. “I wasn’t because you were
young. You were a thief, scum, someone who was supposed to stay down there and die down
there. I’d never hurt an innocent girl on the surface, and I’d never hurt my little girl. I’d never
do that.”

You stare at the man, sickness swelling in your gut at his hypocrisy, cruelty, and delusion. It’s
not that you’re surprised or disturbed. You feel sad for your younger self, for the girls in the
Underground who are treated as trash with one glance, doomed to a life deemed worthless
simply for being born under the earth.

His words don’t come close to excusing his actions, and if anything, it gives you more cause
to do what you had always planned to when you had the chance. This uneasy feeling in your
stomach is for his daughter. The girl who will likely grow into a woman who curses your
nameless, faceless identity. The person who killed her father in the war.

You’re ready to leave this part of your past, and him, behind in this tiny, mildew-smelling
cellar.

“You would.” You say stiffly, earning the pathetic man's ugly, horrified look. “You say it’s
because of my circumstances, but that only means it was easy to use me. If you could, if it
were as acceptable amongst your buddies to use the kids on the surface, you’d do it. You
wouldn’t blink.”

“You don’t know me!” He cries out, spewing the same bullshit as before. You finally find the
courage to glance Levi’s way, his grimaced face is set on you. He dips his chin in question,
and you nod, knowing he’s asking if you’re alright.

A knock sounds at the door before it creaks open, and Hange’s head pops into view.

“I’m all set. Did you get enough time with the pedo?”

Larves curls further into himself with denial while you give Hange a nod.

“Yeah, thanks. We’ll wrap up. I’d much rather put our energy toward finding Eren and
Historia.”

“Sounds good.” Hange offers a reassuring smile. “You care if I stay?”

“Not at all.” You shake your head before facing Larves as Hange slides the rest of the way
in.

His eyes are red-rimmed, and there’s snot wetting his upper lip. He looks worse than you
have ever seen him. It’s odd how mock power can change a man, and how quickly they fall
from their make-believe pedestal when you simply knock out a leg.

“My work with Kenny was conditional. I don’t know anything, okay?”

“I don’t care what you know.” You sigh, frowning. “Haven’t you gotten it yet? We aren’t
doing this for answers.”

Larves stares at you, blinking dumbly as he plays catch-up. You press your lips together and
face Levi.
“Will you do something for me?” You ask him quietly, pulling the knife that Larves had
lodged into your shoulder from your pocket and holding it out. Levi takes it, eyes gleaming
with his instant answer. Of course I will.

You face the man who has watched the interaction, and as Levi approaches, he turns even
more frantic. He wriggles in his confines, tears streaming down his face as Levi walks behind
him.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for all of it, just, please, please don’t kill me. My
daughter, think of my kid! Please!”

Your lips press together at the weightless apology, meeting his gaze head-on, unafraid.

“I considered chopping off your dick and letting you live, but then you’d still have hands. If I
chopped off your hands, you’d still have feet, and turning you into a useless torso doesn’t
seem reasonable.”

“You’re such a fucking cunt!” He screams as the knife held by your lover leans against the
sensitive skin of his throat. “This will come back to you. Killing me won’t take the target off
your back!”

You grimace at the red-turning face. “Killing you won’t do anything but kill you. I’m not full
of shit. I know this isn’t some twisted act of justice. I’m doing this for me.”

You look up and meet Levi’s gaze. He nods.

“You’re all going to hell.” Larves cries out, face crumpled with despair.

“We know,” Levi grunts before sliding the steel through his jugular. Blood splatters the front
of his uniform, you hear the sound of his gargled gasps for breath, then you watch as the life
extinguishes in his eyes.
It’s painful but quick, kinder than he deserves, yet you still look away.

You don’t regret your decision. Your world is better without him, but you can’t relish in his
death he way you had his suffering. The only ones who will suffer now are his wife and child.
You’re glad they’ll never know what a horrible man Larves was, and you’re fine with them
hating you, but the pain they’ll feel when he never comes home isn’t something you can
ignore.

A hand finds your shoulder, and you turn, finding Hange’s concerned gaze.

“Alright, Honey?”

You nod, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, I’m good, just a little light-headed.”

“Why don’t you go rest, even for a little? Levi and I can handle it from here.”

Knowing it’s the right call, you don’t argue, only glance toward Levi, who steps up to your
side.

“Thank you.” You say quietly. He stares at you for a moment, then gestures toward the door.
You keep your head down as you walk toward the stairs, intending to head up them without
another word to hide the fact that tears are welling in your eyes.

A hand wraps around your wrist as the sole of your boot touches the first step.

You know it’s Levi, and you know he’s figured you out. You’re crackling inside, a convoluted
mixture of emotions overflowing through you. It’s overwhelming, and there aren’t enough
words to describe this feeling in your gut.
You’ve been fighting for so long, against Larves, for yourself, but all the shit the dead man a
room over put you through made you who you are, and brought you here to this life. You
wouldn’t change any of it, but you’ve finally found the true and final resolution. You didn’t
think you’d ever get the chance to put this nail in the coffin of this chapter, but here it is.

Larves will never hurt you again.

A sob rakes through you, but Levi doesn’t close the space. You’re grateful he knows you so
well.

You need a moment to step away. You can relish in this victory tomorrow, but tonight, you’ll
cry for the little girl Larves tortured, the girl you aren’t anymore, and mourn her.

Levi says everything he needs to without parting his lips. His grip on your wrist shifts, and
his thumb gently presses into the delicate skin over your pulse point. It’s a reminder.

You survived.

You’re alive, and he loves you.

When he lets go, you climb the stairs. You grip the railing, vision unreliably blurry, and when
you shove through the basement door, you’re met with five pairs of worried eyes.

It’s deja vu from moments prior, but the ache in your chest is different.

Your sudden appearance in this abandoned home and the blade protruding form your
shoulder had them all freaking out. You focused your energy on making sure they knew you
were alright. They’re the kids. You should be the one who's there for them, a comforting
presence, not one who puts the weight of your own problems on their shoulders.
Only right now, you don’t feel like a superior. You feel weak and broken and hurt. You don’t
feel capable of forcing a smile or saying words you don’t mean. You’re relieved to be out of
that cellar, to be free from Larves, and it’s all you can feel. It hurts, and you can’t lie to them.

The sight of them catches in your throat, and your eyes squeeze tightly shut, rushing salty
tears down your face. No one speaks, but arms wrap around your shoulders. The hands are
rushed but gentle, and you cling back to Sasha’s warm frame, sobbing wildly like a child into
her auburn hair.

You can’t think about how it looks or worry if you’re scaring them. Your chest feels sewn
shut properly for the first time in years. It’s all you can feel, even as a hand settles in your
hair, another on your shoulder, while two more find your back. It makes you cry harder.

Being surrounded by the children you’ve deemed family makes your relief feel tangible.
You’re so fucking grateful to be alive, to have been blessed with people to call home. You
once thought you’d never have it, and now the source of those negative thoughts has died
with them.

Once your sobs have become barely audible sniffles, you blink open your puffy eyes, meeting
Jean’s glossy ones as his hand drops from your knotted strands. You pull back enough to
notice the large stain on Sasha’s shoulder and wince.

“I’m-”

“Don’t apologize.” Sasha shakes her head. “We get Titan guts on these things, and even that
comes out. I don’t mind.”

“Here, Ash.” Armin’s voice catches your attention, and you turn to find a cloth being held in
your direction. You take it with a nod and clear your sinuses, your head throbbing as you do.
Your feet wobble a bit, and Connie helps Sasha keep you upright.

“Shit.” You murmur, vision spotting slightly. “You were right, Armin, I lost a lot of blood.”
“You need rest.”

You frown, blinking over at Mikasa. “We need to leave to find-”

“Even if Hange and Captain Levi come up with answers, we can’t leave right away,” Armin
states, always the voice of reason. “We’ll need at least an hour or two to plan our next steps.
Trust me, we all know just how valuable our time is. There isn’t any to waste, but you can
rest until we need to leave.”

You swallow, then nod. “Right. You’re right.”

“I’ll take her to bed.”

“We got it.” Sasha and Mikasa cut Jean off as they flank your sides. The boy looks
scandalized at the glares the girls shoot his way, and you dip your head to let out a weak
laugh as you’re led up the stairs.

The first door atop the stairs is the one they push open. The room is small, and the bed is
dusty and old, but you’re so tired you could sleep on a jagged rock and deem it comfortable.
The girls don’t seem to feel the same, and you watch through a haze as Sasha steps forward
and shakes out the blanket the best she can.

“Open the window.” Mikasa says, from your side, keeping you upright. “Let some dust out.
The air in here is stale, so we should leave the door open, too.”

Your head shoots up, and suddenly you’re sitting on the bedside while Mikasa unlaces your
boots. You must have dozed off while standing.

“You can go back to sleep,” Sasha says as she places her palm to your forehead. “You’re
safe.”
The words flood your chest with warmth.

You wonder for a ridiculous moment if this is the closest thing to a mother’s love you’ll ever
feel. A caring woman’s gentle touch, the cold towel pressed to your temple shortly after,
being guided back and tucked in. Tears well in your eyes, and guilt sweeps through you.

These are your kids, not the other way around.

“I’m sorry for making you take care of me.” You mutter almost nonsensically, half asleep and
sorrowful. You’re too drained to open your eyes, but you feel them pause in the doorway.

“Ash,” Mikasa says quietly. “You aren’t making us do anything.”

“But-”

“We just love you, alright?” Sasha snips, voice thick and silencing you with the heart behind
her words. “We want to take care of you. It’s not a burden. Nothing is if it means making sure
someone we love is okay.”

Tears slip down your face as sleep overpowers you. The last thing you hear is Mikasa’s
parting words. “Get some rest. We’re here if you need us.”
 Snail
Chapter Notes

hehehe... idk why but this chapter ended up being one of my favorites to write, but I also
feel that way about ninety percent of them lol

You settle deeper into the hardened surface beneath you as you regain consciousness. You
know this figure, this warmth, it’s addictive, and you feel greedy for more.

“ Mm , Levi.” You murmur, recognizing the familiar muscles as you run your hands up his
back and to his shoulders. The vague scent of sweat on his skin makes you hum, and you
nestle closer, pressing your nose deep into his neck from behind.

“Ash.” He speaks your name lowly, and his fingers clench around the underside of your
thighs in warning. By the tilt in his voice, you know there isn’t any real danger near, so you
don’t consider the reasoning behind his reluctance, only sleepily prod further.

“It’s just me, baby .” You murmur, smiling to yourself, picturing the flush on his cheekbones.
He stiffens under you, and a breathy laugh parts your lips before you plant a soft kiss to his
nape. “Cute.”

“Enough.” He grits out.

Your brow furrows, and your lips purse into a pout. “What-”

“It’s not just you.”

Your eyes blearily flutter open, your mind playing catch-up, but your face turns beet-red as
you realize Levi’s right. You aren’t alone. In fact, you’re surrounded by young faces who
seem intent on looking anywhere but the two of you.

You curse under your breath and hide your face in Levi’s grey long-sleeve, knowing now that
not only has he been carrying your dead weight through this forest, but you’ve been pawing
at him in front of your squad, no doubt making everyone uncomfortable.

“I’m so sorry.” You mutter against him, keeping your voice quiet for his ears only.

“Don’t be.” He replies, thumb swiping the side of your knee through the fabric of your pants.
“You didn’t know.”

You frown, feeling too easily forgiven. “You tried to warn me.”

“I did, but you’ve been out cold for hours, didn’t even budge when Hange shook you by the
shoulders.” You scoff at the image he’s placed in your mind. “How do you feel?”

“Other than mortified?” You mumble, leaning your cheek between his shoulder blades and
looking up at the green leaves of the trees. “Better.”

“Good.” He replies.

“You can put me down.”

“Not yet.” He replies easily. “Find your bearings.”

“Aren’t you tired of carrying me?”

“No.”
Your eyes shut as a shaky breath parts your lips. “Okay. At least fill me in on what I missed.”

A thick moment passes, but before you can raise your head and figure out what’s happening,
Armin is speaking out.

“Historia is the heir to the royal throne.” He clears his voice as though he hasn’t spoken in
some time. “We believe her father and the true King, Rod Riess, is the person behind her and
Eren’s abduction, and that he intends to have Historia devour Eren and take his Titan power.”

Your head shoots up to meet Armin’s side profile, jaw slackened in horror and shock. The
boy is facing ahead, hands clutching the gun against his chest tightly.

“Do we know where they are?” You ask, voice strained.

“No,” Levi responds. “There’s nothing we can do right now but stay under the radar and let
them come to us.”

“Who?”

“Anyone.”

“Huh?”

“They’re intending to disband the Scout Regiment,” Armin explains once more, and you
know then that this is his idea. “They’ll be sending out search parties, no doubt, and when
they do, we’ll capture some MPs and extract further information. They should at least be able
to tell us where we can find the higher-ups that know what’s going on.”
Your mind whirls, but then you lean back sharply, glancing around, realizing your
bespectacled friend is nowhere to be seen.

“Levi, where’s Hange?”

“Meeting up with Moblit in Trost.”

You let out a small huff. “I’m assuming they have a plan?”

“They do, we just have no idea what it is.”

“Then we’re leaving that part of this war to them.” You sigh, running your hand through your
hair. “We don’t have much time on our end, though, do we?”

“No,” Levi replies with a tiny shake of his head. “We don’t.”

“I hear a river,” Sasha speaks out suddenly, turning to face you and Levi. “Somewhere ahead
and to the left.”

“Lead the way.” Levi grunts, adjusting his grip on you. You insist he let you walk, but he
doesn’t place you on your feet until everyone takes a moment to rest by the riverbed. He
keeps a touch on your elbow as you settle on your legs, eyes meeting yours.

They’re sincere and curious, wanting to know how you are after the events of last night. You
let yourself remember and wait for any reaction other than relief to take hold. None do.

For you, it was as you said it’d be. You wept and grieved for your younger self, but today
marks a new day, one with Larves being something of the past.
“I feel good.” You reply to his silent question. “I’m glad to be rid of him.”

Levi nods, glancing over at the kids who are ankle-deep in the cold water, chatting amongst
themselves. Your eyes stay trained on his side profile, heart in your throat from the rushing
adoration flooding your senses. You think about how he had looked at you when you
unexpectedly locked eyes in the cellar; his pain, his relief, his love.

It feels like bubble wrap surrounding your limbs and organs. Any scrape, wound, bruise, it’s
as though none of it will hurt you, not truly, not when you have him by your side.

“Ash!” Connie calls out loudly before he’s scolded by everyone for being loud. His voice
turns to a hissed whisper as you lift a brow at him, almost agitated for being forced to look
anywhere but the beautiful man beside you. “Look! It’s a snail!”

You don’t bother wondering why the boy felt the need to call your attention to the little
brown shelled animal in his palm, whether he knew or not that you’ve never seen one before,
only approach slowly and peer down at the creature.

“The shell is so tiny.” You mutter, eyeing its pretty yellow banding. “Why is it so cute?”

“Its whole body is tiny,” Jean grumbles, listening in with his back turned. “Tiny things are
always cute.”

“Do you think they’re edible?” Sasha wonders aloud, earning a protesting scoff from Connie.

“We are not eating him, Sasha!”

“How do you know it’s a he?” She counters, and Connie’s brows pinch. “Maybe it’s a girl!”

“Most snails are hermaphrodites.” Armin cuts in, stepping up to your side and plucking the
tiny thing from Connie’s palm. Both he and Sasha are staring at him with blank expressions.
Armin sighs. “It means they have both female and male parts.”

“Woah!” They say in unison, and you snort, glancing back toward where Levi had been, only
to find him gone. You frown, then face forward.

“That’d be kind of cool.” Connie muses.

“Pervert.” Mikasa joins the conversation with a muttered accusation, and Connie flounders,
face pink as his tongue refuses to make any coherent words. You roll your eyes fondly before
looking back down at the shellfish.

“Are there snails in the ocean?” You ask the blonde boy, and his eyes light up.

“Yeah, I think so, but what I find cooler are the various types of creatures like snails. Crabs,
mollusks, clams, sea urchins-”

Your nose scrunches. “What the hell is an urchin?”

“That’s just its name.” Armin shrugs. “The book didn’t have any pictures of one, but it was
described as a ball with spikes.”

You try but fail to envision a living creature of that nature. “Sounds weird. You think we’ll
see one when we get to the sea?”

Armin looks excited and warm at your tone. When. Not if. He nods, his smile contagious.

“I sure hope so.”

Levi reappears an hour later with a bundle of sticks under one arm and five dead squirrels
gripped by their tails in the other. You don’t say anything until the fire’s started and the
animals are being turned by a bored-looking Jean. Levi’s walking away again without a word,
and you pace after him, lifting a hand to his shoulder and whirling to his front.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him, crossing your arms. His face unsurprisingly gives nothing
away, but you know him better than that. He knows that, too, so he doesn’t seem bothered to
deny it.

“I just can’t stand still.” He mutters, gaze roaming your features. The sun is still in the middle
of the sky, allowing you to see the dark circles under his eyes. It’s not a new look, but they’re
deeper than usual.

“Are you worried about something?” You ask him gently. He shakes his head. “Just
anxious?”

“Angry.” He admits, jaw clenching as he breathes out his nose. “I don’t want to bother you
with it.”

You tut, then lift a hand to his jaw, guiding his face back to yours like he’s done so many
times to you.

“Try again.” You encourage sharply. You watch his dark eyes flicker before they shut.

“I checked on you after Hange and I finished with Sannes.” He starts, shaking his head as
though recalling something awful. “You were whimpering in your sleep, crying, shaking. It
made me feel like death was too kind, and I’m fucking livid he got the easy way out. Killing
him with my own hands wasn’t enough. I know that’s selfish. You needed him to be dead,
and I know you woke up today ready to move on, but I can’t stand still.”

You swallow at the information, surprised you were in such a state even in your sleep, but
perfectly calm now. That’s the difference, you think. You closed that chapter with shuteye.
Levi’s barely had time to sit, let alone rest.
“Well, we can’t awaken the dead.” You start, and his eyes open as a scoff parts his lips. Mirth
flashes over his expression, too.

“Unfortunately.”

“We did make him eat his own finger, though.” You recall with a breathy laugh. “That’s
pretty brutal, right?”

“Should’ve made him eat all ten. Then the toes, and his prick.”

“That may have been overboard.” You smirk, shaking your head. “We probably should’ve
chopped his bits off, though, but we didn’t.”

“We can’t change the past.” He agrees. “You wouldn’t want to if we could, huh?”

You nod. “I got all I needed to move on.”

“That’s all that matters to me.” He grunts, that fresh frustration back in his scowl. “It does. I
don’t know what’s wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Larves traumatized me for years, and I’m someone you care about, right?” He nods,
listening intently. “Of course you’re going to feel this way, Levi. It’s okay, and it’s definitely
not something to feel sorry for, but you need to stop wandering off. I know you’ll refuse to
sleep, but at least sit down.”

“My blood is boiling, Ash.” He grits out, exasperated. “It’s out of my control. He’s dead, but
my hands still want to fucking grab his skull and bash his face in.”
Levi’s getting himself worked up, his chest is rising and falling at a pace you’re not used to
seeing on him. Beyond the wall, he can get like this, but as you watch the flush on his neck,
and your eyes dip to the glistening skin on his collarbones, it reminds you of another time he
was this affected.

It’s wrong, and still, your gut flips and your throat dries. You remember the way he did
whatever you told him to last night, the flex in his forearms beneath the hem of his gloves,
his precision.

“You’re all going to hell.”

“We know.”

Fuck, do you know that better than anyone as the memory of Levi slicing a man’s throat
makes your heart race. You want those same hands on you now. You want to help him blow
off some steam and be the source he releases it on. You want to be touched, handled, and
used.

Your silence lingers as you’re lost in your indecent thoughts. It captures Levi’s attention, and
it takes mere seconds before he clocks it. That doesn’t surprise you, the way his gaze darkens,
not when you’ve never been good at hiding your desire for him.

He doesn’t speak, only glances over his shoulder, and you do, too.

There, you find your squad arguing by the fire about how long the food will take. They’re far
away, but sneaking off is selfish and careless. Going anywhere out of earshot means anything
could happen to them without you knowing. It’s not worth it.

You’re about to say as much when you’re tugged by the wrist, a few feet further from camp,
and before you can utter a word, your back meets bark. You’re breathless as you stare across
at Levi, his hands caging your head while his eyes are dipped, eyes zeroing in on the ground.
You can tell from the feel that this tree is wide. You’re completely hidden, far enough to not
make out talking voices, but close enough to hear shouts. Your thighs clench, and Levi
curses, having caught it in his peripheral vision.

“Fuck, we shouldn’t.” He grunts painfully. You swallow, your core aching.

“I know.”

“It’s broad daylight.”

“I know.”

“If anyone comes looking for us and we pop out from behind a tree, they’ll know we were
doing something.”

“I know.”

“You know?” He repeats, lifting his gaze enough to peer at you through his lashes. He looks
irresistible like that, eyes clouded with frustration and lust. Only you get to see him like this.
Your voice fails. “You know all of that and yet you’re still here, still looking at me like you
want to be fucked.”

Your whimper is weak and barely audible, but Levi hears it. It seems to be the breaking point
because he swiftly closes the space, left hand staying flat on the tree while his right palm
clutches the side of your neck. His thumb curls around your jugular, feeling your pulse from
the other side. You knock your head back into the trunk, fingers clutching the sides of his
jacket while your eyes know better than to close as he sizes you up like prey.

Your gut flips, and your core burns as he holds your gaze while leaning forward, and without
a word, you open your lips part for him and his tongue laps at the roof of your mouth. It’s
languid and filthy, the way he’s holding eye contact while his tongue prods your throat. You
don’t fight for dominance or to tease him, too concerned with holding back the moans
threatening to rake through you.

“Keep quiet or I'll stop.” He mutters against your lips, reading your mind. You nod, clawing
at his body to move closer. Tutting, Levi kisses you again but complies, pressing his body
flush to yours. The whiny whimper you let out is swallowed by his mouth, and his hand finds
your knee and lifts. His clothed length presses against your sex, and your mind swirls.

“Please.” You breathe out, walls fluttering. “Need you.”

“What was it?” He asks darkly as his nimble fingers find the button on your pants. You’re too
encased with want, the question doesn’t process.

“What?” You ask weakly, eyes rolling when his hand slips past your panty line. Your jaw
slackens as his middle finger slides through your folds, then curls up inside you. Your head
tilts, and before the lurid moan that’d give the two of you away, parts your lips, his other
hand muffles it.

“What made you this wet?” He reiterates, the finger inside you pulling out to swirl your clit.
“Did your cunt start to drip when you thought about me killing that fucking shitstain? Is that
it?”

Your body temperature rises from those words alone, and your eyes pinch shut as you nod
shamefully, pressing down on his hand.

“Thought so.” He grunts, pressing two digits into your heat. He pumps them, palm still firmly
pressed to your lips while his other hand brushes against your throbbing core in a mind-
numbing rhythm. “We’re so fucked, aren’t we? Getting off to this? You’re dripping all over
my hand and my cock is rock fucking solid.”

You moan into his skin, knowing his words are only making you more delirious with want as
you nod.
A shaky gasp parts you when both hands pull back. Slumping against the tree, your walls
clench around nothing as you’re lust-filled mind regards Levi. He’s undoing the buckle, then
the buttons and zipper.

“Turn around.”

You spin on command, and your gasp slips out as his fingers curl around the hem of your
pants and pull them down to the curve of your ass where it meets your thighs.

“We need to be quick,” Levi mutters, his breathing fanning your nape as his bare cock
brushes your folds. You’re practically drooling in anticipation, nodding because your throat is
too thick to speak. “You need to be quiet.”

“I will be.” A plea laces in with your words, and you hear Levi tut.

“We both know that’s a lie.”

You lean your forehead to the bark and press your ass back against him. His hands palm your
plump skin and tug you back. Your hands just land against the tree trunk for balance when his
tip prods your entrance. At the sound of your whimper, the heavy weight of his cock is gone.

“Levi, please, I’m sorry, just-”

You cut off with a silent cry as he slams his length into your snug walls to the hilt and pulls
you back, hand finding your mouth again as his lips graze the shell of your ear.

“Such good girl taking my cock without a single sound.” He breathes out. “Feels good, yeah?

Your eyes are practically rolled back to your skull. Words don’t come, and for once, Levi lets
it slide.
You’re in the middle of a forest, on the run from people who want you dead, but nothing feels
more important than this, than your molded bodies, than remembering you’re still young, still
capable of yearning, and that Levi’s pain is only temporary. He’ll move on from Larves like
you have, and you’ll gladly let his anger seep into you like this anytime.

“With the river right there, this shouldn’t be too loud.” He whispers more to himself, voice
sharp as he rears back, the head of his cock snagging deliciously on every ridge inside you.
Your mind is breaking from this pleasure as he snaps back into you, and he doesn’t give you
any time to catch up as he repeats the motion.

The sound of your skin and the cries muffling into Levi’s palm are in one ear and out the
other. All you feel is intoxicatingly full. Your body moves on its own, pushing back against
his thrust, and your vocal cords have their own song. It’s bliss, giving yourself to him,
knowing he’s controlling your body, the situation. He can fuck you but stay in tune to your
surroundings, where as you, your trust makes you feel safe to slip under the veil of pleasure.

“Bend over, baby.” Levi groans quietly, and you slide further down the tree until your body is
in the shape of an L. You place your palm between the bark and your cheekbone, glancing
out of the corner of your eye at Levi’s. His temple glistens with sweat. At some point, he
rolled up his sleeves, exposing his forearms, and he looks less angry. Your lips tug up as your
walls clench around him.

“What’s that pretty smile for?” He murmurs as he languidly pulls his length from your walls
and back in again. You bite your lip to hold back the whimper before whispering a response.

“You look better.”

Levi’s eyes shift from you to where he’s sinking back into your sopping cunt.

“Of course I do.” He grits, and your jaw slackens when you feel his thumb poke at your
asshole. “Your pussy is wrapped around me like a glove and your second hole is winking at
me like it wants to be filled, too. You want my finger?”
“Yes.” You whimper.

It’s lewd, the sound of Levi spitting, and you’re quick to cover your lips with your own hand
as the wetness lands where his thumb had just been. Your moan is choppy behind your palm,
and he pops the thick digit past the taut rim to the knuckle, then starts bucking his hips again.

It’s unfamiliar, but that’s what turns you on. This whole situation is adding to your desire,
being fucked up against a tree with a finger in your ass is absurd but so, so good.

“You make me fucking insane.” Levi hisses out with punchy breaths, reading your mind.
“Can’t believe I’m fucking you where anyone can see.”

You feel the new angle, the way his dick curves differently, and the euphoric feeling that
thrums over you is different than the others you’ve experienced. Instead of quick coming,
mind-blinding bliss, this one isn’t as intense, but you feel it everywhere. Your cries worsen,
and Levi guides you up by your hair and replaces your hand with his once more.

“Bite down.” He grunts out, and your teeth sink into the meat of his palm. “Just like that.
Fuck, you think you can come like this?”

You nod frantically, knowing your clit is depserate to be touched but the growing pressure in
your gut feels similar. You want to chase it, feel whatever will erupt from your nerves.

Levi tchs and as his free hand palms your ass, the smack teasing. Your cunt pulses as he
pounds into the most sensitive part of you. You grip wildly at his length as if to keep it from
leaving your cushy walls, and then you’re overcome with pleasure.

Your entire body is hot, tingling beneath your clothes, and you taste blood, knowing you’re
biting too hard, but if his hand weren’t here, your squad would come running, thinking you
were being slaughtered.
Levi sounds far away when he grunts, and his cock slips out of your weeping core. You
flutter around nothing and lick his palm for him to pull back. You turn and sink to your knees,
sucking his swollen tip between your lips and he comes.

Your eyes peer up at him as he pants, visibly disheveled as he unloads into your throat, left
hand propping him up against the tree. He looks drained of any fight as he reaches for you,
and you comply, swallowing just before his lips overtake yours.

You moan gently against him. Your back hits the tree once more before he cradles your head
to his heaving chest, fingers lost in your hair while he rights himself and you.

“This was reckless.” Levi scolds both of you breathlessly before his lips press to the warm
skin of your temple. “We really are fucked.”

You lean further into him, encased in his warmth, and place a responding kiss on his throat.

“I know, but so is the world.”

“I know.” He repeats with a teasing huff. “You’re new phrase all of a sudden.”

“I just feel lighter than I ever have.” You admit against his skin. “I won’t live with regrets
anymore, or shame for the things I do or want. I’m accepting myself as I am and things as
they are. I accept that we’re fucked up in the head. I don’t know if we could be anything else
with the lives we’ve lived thus far.”

Levi gently pushes you back until your eyes meet. The darkness of his irises has turned into
something gentle. Something calm.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, regarding you so fondly that your heart feels like it’ll burst. “I’m
okay now.”
You raise a teasing brow. “You said as much earlier.”

Levi tuts, patting your flushed cheek. “Not because you just creamed all over my cock, Ash.
Well, partly.”

You laugh, and his lips tug at the sight.

“You just bring me peace.” He murmurs then, shaking his head. “You’re perfect as you are,
mold to me and my shitty attitude like-”

“A snail and its shell?” You finish for him, smiling with glossy eyes, not having to tell him
you feel the same. He's your shell, hardened exterior, but cozy, comforting, safe.

His scoff is breathy as his forehead presses to yours.

“Sure. Let’s go with that.”

 Sappy

Your moment together was quick, and you both took enough time to ensure neither of you
looked thoroughly fucked so when you walk back with more firewood none of the kids bat an
eye.

“Have you ever eaten squirrel?” Connie asks you to sit down beside him on the ground, his
gaze focused ahead on the browning, skinned animal Jean is still painstakingly cooking.

“No, but I’ve eaten rat.”

His nose scrunches. “Ew.”

“It was raw, too.”

He looks even more disgusted.

“Was it good?” Sasha wonders curiously, earning groans from the group.

“No,” Levi replies for you as he sits on your side.

“You, too, Captain?” Connie winces.

“We certainly weren’t fine dining in the Underground.” He grunts back.

“Oh, right.” The shaven-headed boy looks sheepish and apologetic, so you nudge his
shoulder.
“It wasn’t all bad.” It’s mostly a lie, but you focus on one memory, the only good one you can
muster at the moment. “A lot of illegal shit went on down there, including smuggling goods
from the surface—drugs, animals, and food. The gangs would somehow obtain it and sell it
to MPs for cheap. If you got caught trying to steal it, they’d beat you to a pulp or flat out kill
you, but if you got away with it, well, it was yours.”

Sasha leans forward, eyes wide. “Go on.”

“I overheard some scum whispering about sneaking down some delicacy from the surface,
food only the King divulges in. Naturally, my ears perked up at that.”

“Weren’t you afraid?” Armin asks quietly.

“Of being killed?” He nods. “No. I was constantly in a state of starvation. If I didn’t eat, I’d
die anyway. Besides, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to try something only the King gets
to eat.”

“What was it?” Sasha persists, even closer to your face. You give her an amused look and she
remembers herself and sits back. “Sorry.”

You tug your knees to your chest as you survey the group. “Chocolate.”

“Chocolate?” She screams, rearing forward once more. “What’s that?”

“That’s what I wanted to know.” You admit with a tiny smirk. “I overheard where they were
meeting up and planned to intercept it.”

“Planned to?” Jean cuts in curiously. “So you didn’t?”

“No, someone beat me to it.” You sigh, shrugging your shoulders, looking down at the fire.
“It looked like a larger group, a separate gang with red face masks. I did not want to stick my
nose into that, but I suppose it was a blessing in disguise. I alone wouldn’t have gotten away
with what they barely did. Several of their men died, actually.”

Everyone is quiet before Sasha pries further. “Why did this feel like a story about you trying
the food?”

“Because I did.” You smile then, letting yourself fall back to one of the only times someone
was kind enough to see you, recognize your frailness, and offer kindness.

“One of the members saw me hiding behind a tall stack of crates. I thought I was going to die
when we locked eyes through their mask. Only, they didn’t point me out or approach.
Actually, they were one of the people carrying boxes of goods, and as all the remaining
members left, they dropped a bar of it. An entire bar. I couldn’t fucking believe it.”

“You’re killing me, Ash. What did it taste like?” Sasha practically whines, and you toss your
head back with a laugh.

“It was the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten.” You grin at the girl. “It was soft and sweet,
practically melted in my mouth. I’ve never had anything like it and probably never will
again.”

“I wish I had some.” Sasha looks genuinely sorrowful. You glance around at the group,
noting similar looks on their faces. Hunger. Levi is the only composed one, but there’s
something in his expression that you can’t read. He feels your gaze and offers a tiny head
shake.

Later, then.

“You know what you’re doing?” Levi breaks the silence. Jean glances his way, then back
toward the skinned animal on a stick.
Jean nods. “Yeah. My mom used to cook squirrel all the time. It shouldn’t be too much
longer.”

Your head lifts at the information, but you don’t comment. You know Jean grew up in Trost
with his mother, but she passed before he joined the training corps. By his tone, it seems he’d
rather not skip down memory lane.

“I hear footsteps,” Sasha exclaims suddenly, eyes wide. Everyone moves fast, jumping to
their feet. Jean snuffs the fire and everyone tosses up their hoods and grabs their weapons.
You’ve discussed the course of action in this scenario, so by the time two unfamiliar figures
approach, you’re all in position.

You watch from behind a tree as the MPs approach Armin and Jean at the river, your gun
held tightly to your chest.

“Don’t move.” The man shouts, pointing his barrel at Armin’s back. Your jaw clenches as
you step out.

“Neither should you.” Levi barks out, and the pair stiffens. Their eyes roam the grounds,
noting that they are outnumbered. The man drops his weapon first, and the woman looks
irritated as she reluctantly does.

“Knees.” You say, almost enjoying the pissy look on the woman’s face as her comrade
encourages her to just listen, Hitch.

You and Levi round them as Mikasa and Sasha tie their hands.

“What are your names?” You ask. “Hitch and?”

“Marlo.” The man says.

“Hitch and Marlo. We have questions for you.”

“You Scouts are so entitled.” The girl grits out, eyes fierce as she glares up at you. “We’re
still rebuilding the city after you wrecked Stohess. Innocent lives, children, all killed for your
little stunt, and now you want more from us? Why would we tell you anything?”

“Why were we in Stohess?” Levi asks darkly, eyes sharp.

“For your Titan experiment!” She shrieks, fighting her new restraints. “All for information
you’ll never succeed in obtaining, ruining the lives we’ve built inside the walls, focused on
what’s out there, well, nothing is! Nothing is out there, and you’re murdering lives in here!
Annie was in here. Annie was awkward and standoffish, but I wanted to be her friend, and
now? She’s missing! She’s missing ever since that day you all brought your fucking freak
Eren Jeagaer into our home!”

You stare at the irate, sad woman as tears well in her eyes. Your prejudice against the MPs
makes you forget that most of them are in the dark, just like you, just like everyone. That
doesn’t excuse most of their behavior, but not everyone is a Larves. This girl certainly isn’t.

“It pisses me off.” Levi scoffs, shaking his head, seeming to have come to a similar
conclusion as you. “No one knows shit about this world. Not us, not either of you. We
weren’t on Stohess for an experiment. I don’t know if you noticed the second massive Titan
throwing fists with Eren, but that was your friend. Annie.”

Hitch’s expression shifts to horror and disbelief. Her line of sight trails to the river, and she
shakes her head.

“What? Annie, she, there’s no way, she-”

“It’s true.” You cut Hitch off with a sigh, frowning at the devastation on her features. You
grasp the empathy stirring in your gut, remembering how betrayed Eren had felt, too.
“We did cause a shitshow in Stohess,” Levi says with finality in his voice. “We did put
everyone’s lives in danger. We won’t pretend to be something we are not. We knew what
would happen when cornering a scared rat didn’t go as planned.”

Marlo looks confused for a few moments, almost like he’s sorting through his thoughts, and
Hitch seems as though she’s derailing. They’re clearly both very lost in this newfound
information and the lack of it, but you don’t have time to let them sort through it all.

At least, you’re sure they’ve both succumbed to shock when Marlo’s head shoots up. The
determination spreading across his features takes you back to when Eren had been presented
to a court of doubters.

“I want to help you, Captain Levi!” He exclaims. “I want to help the Scouts!”

His change of heart suddenly doesn’t feel so sudden to you. The way he’s staring, it’s as
though the seed of doubt within his military branch has already been planted; it just took
being face to face with someone as honest and strong as Levi for it to bloom.

“We can’t trust that.” Jean surprises you by speaking and stepping forward. You eye Levi,
who seems slightly taken aback, but he lets it slide. You see the curiosity there and have to
agree. Jean wanting to take the reins is unexpected, but you feel pride swirl in your chest.

“I wanted to be an MP, too. I wanted to live a comfortable life inside the walls. I wanted to
lounge around where it’s safe, and get away with skirting by while being praised for the very
little I did. That means I also know how it feels to be selfish, to say anything to save my own
skin. We can’t trust them, Captain. We have to kill them.”

“It isn’t like that!” Marlo cries out, shaking his head while Hitch’s eyes widen in fear. “I’m
not just saying this. I mean it!”

“You realize what that means, don’t you?” Jean grits out. “We’re the enemy right now. We’re
wanted criminals, and helping us turns your back on the system. If we don’t pull off what we
need to, then we’ll be hanged, you with us. Is that really the fate you want? Didn’t you join
the MPs for a life of safe luxury?”
You stare at Jean’s side profile and feel that respect for him swell to the point you feel
emotional. Jean has grown so much, and he’s taken initiative here because he can relate to
Marlo. He would have been Marlo had he joined the MPs, knowing it was wrong but feeling
tangled in his safety net.

All of you know life would be so much easier if you all bent your wills, if you forsake your
morals, but for Jean, choosing what’s right hasn’t been as reflexive. He’s fought to be who he
is now, he fights every day against the part of him that yearns for something easier.

“I was wrong about the MPs and I’ve known that since I joined.” Marlo’s voice is desperate,
but genuine. “My branch, they see their jacket as something deserving of special treatment,
an excuse to break rules, and a source of power to use against others. I don’t want to be them.
Let me prove it. Tell me what you need to know, and I’ll do everything in my power to aid
you.”

Jean glances at you, and your pride must be showing in your features because he flushes and
turns toward Levi. Your Captain eyes the boy, then Marlo, face stern, but his words are a
resignation on this cold front.

“Tell us where to find your nearest checkpoint base.”

Marlo complies, details how to find where you need to go while Hitch stands by his side,
holding her wrists as they’re freed. You know you shouldn’t, but you also don’t see any
reason not to tell the girl where she can find her friend. Not even Eren’s Titan form was
capable of breaking her hardened shell.

“Hitch.” You mumble her name as Marlo goes over the map with Levi. She blinks and then
turns toward you. “Do you know where the Underground cellars that belong to our regiment
are?”

“The ones in Trost?” She asks, and you nod. “I do.”

“Annie is alive.” You tell her, and she perks up instantly, suddenly very intrigued with what
you have to say. “That’s where she’s being held. She’s crystallized; did it to herself before we
could question her, so she won’t talk back, but she’s alive.”

“What else has she done?” Hitch asks quietly, shaking her head. “Aside from Stohess. I can
tell you don’t like her.”

“You’re right.” You let out a shaky breath and cross your arms, taking in the sight of your
squad, allowing yourself a moment to remember the ones who came before your kids. “I
don’t like her. I hate her. I won’t tell you why.”

“Why not?” Hitch asks with a frown. “If she’s-”

“Sometimes, the people we care for could be the worst human beings alive, and we’d still
care for them. I have a feeling even if I told you what Annie has done, it won’t change your
affection for her, and I don’t want to hate you.”

Hitch blinks and doesn’t argue, only lets a similar sigh to yours. “Right. Well, thank you.”

You nod, then walk away.

Once Levi is satisfied with the route Marlo suggests, it takes twenty minutes until you’re
crouched behind foliage, staring over at the small camp.

“I’m counting seven people outside, and we should assume there are at least three in the
tent.” You mutter to Levi from his left, and he nods before turning toward the MPs standing
over your shoulders.

“The two of you are free to go. It will be suspicious if you don’t return to your post.” While
reluctant, the pair nod and start to move. They only pause when Levi calls to them again.
“Marlo, Hitch. We’re grateful.”
Taken aback but appreciative, the pair assumes the Scout salute. “Sir!”

“Your orders, Captain?” You say as Levi faces forward once more.

“We’re going to ambush them. We don’t have time for anything other than brute force.” Levi
explains, eyeing each of your squadmates, ensuring you’re all on the same page. With
reassuring nods from everyone, Levi continues.

“Use the blunt ends of your guns and aim for their heads. Most of these men are just doing
their jobs, similar to Hitch and Marlo, so killing isn’t a priority. I’ll head directly in and
restrain McCoy, then we’ll extract information. Understood?”

You all agree, then set the plan into motion.

Finding a horse and cart down the road, you take out the driver and pile on before riding
straight in. You leap at the first MP charging your group, screaming as your feet land onto the
man’s chest. He falls with a huff, and you swing your gun down, knocking him out cold.

You lift your head, finding a man with his hands around Sasha’s neck. You lunge for them,
knocking the man away from your comrade before driving a fist into the side of his head. He
grunts as you swing your gun around and deliver the same blow to his temple.

“Are you alright?” You ask the girl frantically as she coughs, but nods. Over her shoulder,
you find three more MPs on the ground, and a scuffle amongst the Armin, Connie, and a
larger, burlier man. Before you can step in, Mikasa does, finishing him off easily.

The last MP lands a hit on Jean off to your left, and you rush them quickly. You grab the
man’s fist as he whirls it back, shocked by how quickly he turns on you and lands a punch in
your gut. You’re curled inward as the tell-tale sign of someone’s skull being bashed fills your
ears, and the sound of a body falling follows.
“Shit, Ash, are you alright?” Jean’s voice filters in as his hand finds your back. You nod,
wheezing slightly as he helps you straighten out. His eyes peer down at you with concern and
care, but you muster a smile for him once you’ve caught your breath.

“I’m alright.” You tell him before patting his cheek playfully. “You were great earlier.”

He scoffs and pushes your hand away, cheeks pink. “Stop.”

“What? You were!” You defend with a snicker.

“You’re not my Mom.”

“No, of course not. That’s Eren.” Your laugh grows louder at Jean’s glare. “Oh, stop, can’t I
be proud of you?”

“I don’t want your pride.”

You startle slightly as his snapping tone. A frown takes over your features, but before you can
comment, the tent flap opens and captures your attention. Levi appears, dragging a man with
a bloody nose out by his collar.

The MP fights Levi’s hold, but your Captain is unaffected by the man’s best efforts. Your
stomach dips at the sight of his strength. Jean lets out a sigh by your side, and you school
your heart eyes to meet his gaze, only he’s already walking ahead. You stare at his back as a
thought crosses your mind.

You had hoped Sasha was wrong, or that Jean was merely confused, misplacing his love for
Marco on you, but something in your gut says perhaps you’ve been wrong, or maybe even
the hours they spent believing they had lost you have altered Jean’s own outlook. Either way,
there’s no mistaking his implication just now.
“I don’t want your pride.” He wants something else from you.

“Jean.” You call out to him before he can make it far. His feet stop, but he doesn’t turn.

“I know.” He grunts before you say anything. You scoff, then approach him sharply, rounding
his side and placing your hands on your hips. He looks frustrated with himself as you lift a
brow.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“I do. Whatever you’re going to say, I can assure you, I know it.”

You purse your lips, then back up once with a shrug. “Okay.”

Jean seems taken aback that you’ve given up so easily, but you aren’t going to stand here and
lecture him. If he wants to pout and be immature, then you’ll let him, especially when, as of
late, he’s been taking the initiative to grow. You’re pride isn’t conditional, and if he needs
some time to be a teenager, then that’s fine with you.

“Let’s take him back to camp before the sun sets,” Levi calls out, gaining your attention.
“We’ll question him there.”

You nod, then start to walk, hearing Jean’s footsteps a few feet behind. He’ll come to you
when he’s in a better mood, even if it’s not until after you’ve retrieved Eren and Historia from
Rod Reiss.

You follow just behind Levi, grimacing down at the MP, whose spewing nonsense you
couldn't care less about, words you know Levi will make him eat in a few short moments.
Even when he stares at you with venom in his irises and recognizes you, your skin is much
too thick for someone like this man to break through it.
“You're the one Larves wanted, aren’t you?” He seethes out, nostrils flaring. “The Titan bitch.
The whore he used to fuck. That’s you, isn’t it?”

“Sure is.” You grin sourly before rolling your eyes. “Even from the grave, that bastard’s still
hanging around.”

“He’s dead?” The MP asks, eyes wide.

“Oh, no, were you friends?” You mock the asshole as your camp comes into view. Armin
restarts the fire while Levi tosses your hostage up against a tree.

“Did you kill him?” He asks, jaw clenched.

“I did,” Levi answers, lifting his boot to the side of the man’s head and pressing.

“I watched.” You add, crouching in front of the man. “He cried like a bitch, too, but we aren’t
here to talk about this sack of shit. We’re here to figure out where Kenny and Rod Riess took
Eren Jeager and Historia Reiss.”

“Fuck you.” The man spits before Levi rears his foot back and slams the MP's face into the
tree. Hard .

Blood drips from the side of the man’s mouth as he cries out, teeth loosening from the impact
alone.

“You may want to talk now while you’re bones are all still in one piece.” Levi grits, gripping
the man by his wrist and twisting his arm back behind him. His cry of agony fills the quiet
forest. “I know how to break every bone in your body without killing you, and I know how to
break them so they’ll never heal properly again.”
“I don’t know where they are.” The man cries, just another large ego that turns into a snotty
mess when they’re met with your and Levi’s wrath. “Kenny wouldn’t say.”

“What do you know about Kenny?” Levi asks, and the man sniffles.

“Nothing! Kenny Ackerman is elusive. No one knows a thing about him!”

Your lips part as your head whips toward where Mikasa is standing, her own expression
aghast. Levi’s brow pinches, but no one comments on the newfound information. Instead,
Levi lifts the man up and breaks his arm with one solid push. McCoy sobs as he looks up at
the leaves overhead, tears streaming down his face.

“I told you I don’t know anything!” He cries out, eyes meeting yours. “All those men down
there were merely servants. New personnel told you to stand guard, and you killed them!
Innocent men with families. You’re monsters!”

“Maybe.” Levi deadpans, eyes devoid of any emotion. Neither of you bothers correcting him.

Instead, you sigh, meeting Levi’s eyes. “I don’t think he knows anything.”

“He would’ve talked after I broke his elbow.” Levi agrees, stepping back from the man as he
crumbles to the ground. He holds out a hand and Connie places his gun in it. Levi flips the
gun around and jams it into the man’s nape, knocking him out cold.

Your faith waivers then, because you’re not even a step closer to finding Eren and Historia,
and you’re sure to be out of time before the sun rises again in the morning.

“Can we eat now?” Sasha asks after the silence lingers for a few moments. It’s not her usual
food-focused mind that speaks out, and you know that as you meet her gaze. Your squad
stands around her, the worry evident in their eyes, and it’s then you see the girl is merely
looking for something, anything to lift spirits.
You push to your feet and nod. “Yeah, let’s eat.”

Your squad gathers around the fire, morale low as you nibble on the squirrel Jean had
finished cooking earlier. It’s cold but still good, and you make sure to thank the boy who still
seems less than enthusiastic to talk with you.

“Shit, I hear more footsteps,” Sasha says suddenly, her eyes widening with fear.

“Get down.” Levi barks out his order as he steps forward to where Sasha had just pointed.
You and the kids drop to your chests while Levi scopes the forest. You watch the moment his
shoulders sag, and push to your feet at the sound of that all too familiar voice.

“Howdy folks!” Hange greets as they lower their hood, Moblit in tow. Your heart feels warm
at the sight of your friend, a sliver of hope coursing through you as you approach and pull
them into a quick hug.

If Hange’s here, there must be something to report. It’s even possible they have answers.

“Missed me, then?” They ask as you pull back.

“Always.” You reply easily with a smile before nodding towards Moblit. “Please, tell me you
have good news.”

“We do.” Hange grins, pulling out a rolled of piece of paper. They hand it to Levi, who sits
back down on the log. You saddle up beside him as the kids gather around to peer over his
shoulder. You all read it, but Hange’s voice eases any disbelief in the article’s words.

“Erwin managed to stage a coup, but a lot of people made it happen. Zackly has arrested the
King’s royal court, and the Scout Regiment is no longer in danger of being disbanded. Erwin
has been released from custody. We’re no longer wanted criminals and free to do as we
please, like head over to the Riess estate and rescue Eren and Historia.”

A moment of silence is shattered with an eruption of cheers. The kids jump at one another,
sharing hugs, and your eyes water as you look up at Hange.

“You know where they are?” You murmur, and Hange nods with a grin, patting your head
affectionately.

“Of course I do.”

You leap up into their arms, and they laugh, hugging you back tightly. You dramatically kiss
their cheek, earning another amused chuckle as they push you back.

“You’re going to make shortstack jealous over there, Honey.” Hange smirks, righting their
glasses up the bridge of their nose. “Look, he’s seething with rage.”

You glance at Levi, who has his usual stoic expression, and smile at him with glossy eyes. He
regards you quietly before pushing to his feet, his somber eyes landing on your friend.

“Thanks, Hange.” He says, taking you both by surprise. “You’ve saved everyone and have
given us a chance to get the rest of my squad back. Meanwhile, my plans put everyone in
danger and got your people killed. I’m sorry.”

Your heart aches at his apology, but Hange merely blinks at Levi, then smiles. They lift a
hand to his head the way he once did to her at the farmhouse, the night Sawney and Bean had
been murdered. Levi lets them, and the sight of their affection fills your eyes with tears.

You jump at them, pulling them both into a group hug.

Levi scoffs as his hand finds your hip while Hange’s arm wraps around your shoulders with a
laugh. You don’t subject them to your hold long and pull back with fresh tears streaking
down your cheeks.

“Enough sappy shit.” Levi tuts, cupping your jaw and wiping at the wetness. “We’ve wasted
enough time. Let’s go get our brats back.”
 Eight
Chapter Notes

two chapters in one day lets gooo

“Everyone is aware of the plan, yes?” Levi surveys the group, receiving nods from each
member. “Now’s the time to back out if any of you have changed your mind.”

“Captain?” Connie questions, his squad members mirroring his expression. Levi’s lips press
together as he looks up at everyone.

“Every time before this, we’ve been forced to defend ourselves. This will be the first time
we’re choosing to walk into a fight. Everyone here has a choice. The group that follows me
into this shitty basement will do it willingly.”

“We appreciate the option, Captain Levi, but we’ve been on board since we joined the
Scouts,” Jean replies smoothly. You, Levi, and Hange watch each face, ensure you see
agreement amongst them when you do, Levi nods.

“Alright. Don’t hesitate. Go for the kill. Protect your comrades. Save Eren and Historia. Let’s
go.”

You’re third down the hatch. The barrel strapped to your back, heavy with gunpowder,
threatens to pull you down faster than intended, but Levi’s hand on your hip keeps your
footing from giving out.

“Thanks.” You say to him with haste as you start to prep your barrel, and he turns to the next
person coming down the ladder.
Armin and Hange did a wonderful job detailing the mechanics of Kenny and his squad's
altered ODM gear. It’s long distance, which makes you approaching them with swords an
issue, only if they can land a clear shot. These barrels with give you the advantage they aren’t
prepared for.

“I’m assuming they’re waiting for us through this door,” Hange announces once everyone is
situated and the barrels are lined up. “We’re going to open it, send the gunpowder down first.
It’ll likely confuse them, so when we do rush out, they’re delayed reaction time will give
Sasha a chance to shoot a barrel right away. The explosion will catch them by surprise, and
they won’t even realize everyone is already on the move.”

“In an ideal world that favors us, yes, that is exactly what would happen.” You snort, lacing
up your right boot before pushing up to your feet. “Our plan should work, but trust your
instincts. Don’t get overly confident, but don’t lose your nerve.”

You look over at all your kids, meeting their fierce expressions. It takes you back to combat
training, the day you had tried to prepare them for a moment like this. They look ready. You
are, too.

“Open the door, Hange.” Levi nods, and your friend listens.

The door swings outward, Levi removes the block, and you kick the barrels forward. They
jostle as they roll, and in mere seconds, you’re running out the door. A step behind Levi, you
scan the room, shocked by how large it is and how small some of the men stationed here
appear beside the massive glass-like columns.

The sound of the first barrel’s fiery detonation is your cue, and flares shoot through the space.
Levi keeps right, you veer left, remaining hidden behind the cloud of green smoke.

“Thirty-four! In the upper parts of the pillars!” Levi’s voice echoes through the open space.
Coughs and concerned voices reach your ears as you whizz by, and they don’t stand a chance
when you break through your disguise.

“Oh, shi-”
The man’s voice is cut off as you slice your blade through his neck. His partner screams out
in rage, but she’s much too slow to react. You whirl around the column and shoot up from
beneath her, sending your foot to her jaw. You hear the crack of her bone and watch as she
falls.

Next, you think as you look around, finding another set of partners four columns over. You
knew the moment your plan was discovered, the element of surprise wouldn’t be as effective,
which is why you all stocked up on flares.

You shoot toward them, watch the barrel of their guns aim at your head, then detach. A flare
shoots out in front of you, and you let your body free-fall before latching just below their feet
with one hook. Their eyes shoot down, and they hastily pull their triggers, but you’re
rounding behind them already.

You disengage your first fastener as you trigger your second. The metal clasp tears through
the shirt and skin on the farther man’s torso, and when you release it immediately, the wire
pulls back, pulling him and his comrade off the edge of their platform.

You attach before your feet land on the side of the pillar, the man’s body weight threatening
to pull you down as it snags for a brief moment, then falls. Your ODM gear rights itself, and
you look back out.

Your heart plummets at the sight of someone coming up behind Connie, but then an arrow
lodges in the enemy’s chest, and he falls.

“Sasha!” Connie gasps, eyes full of appreciation. You breathe out shakily, then survey the
room. You find Levi weaving through pillars, and a familiar figure by his side. Kenny.

You watch as Levi tosses a bag of alcohol into the air, and as it explodes from Kenny’s
gunpowder, Levi bursts through the flames and lands a deep slicing wound to Kenny’s torso.
It reminds you how he moved in the Underground all that time ago when you witnessed his
graceful power firsthand.

You were in awe of him then, so there’s no way to describe the emotions swirling in your
chest now. Awe doesn’t begin to cover it.

“It seems as though I’ve found myself another reckless spirit!” A voice rings out suddenly,
and you turn toward Hange, your amusement shifting to horror as you see it before they do.
Caven successfully tricked them, using Hange’s knowledge of their ODM gear against them.

Hange doesn’t stand a chance.

The metal latch tears into your friend's shoulder, and your heart stutters as the blonde
intentionally sends Hange flying toward the ground with an enraged cry. They land with a
thud, blood smearing on the crystallized ground.

“Hange!” Jean cries out, and it triggers something guttural in you. You’re moving before your
mind can catch up, seething, red-hot anger guiding you toward the blonde.

Her blue eyes widen as they see you in their peripheral but you’re too fast. You tackle her
mid-air, sending both of you down onto the ground. She coughs up blood as she lands on her
back, and while your knees and ankles ache from the impact, you’re not entirely present in
your mind.

Fear is ceasing your limbs. Denial. Ignorance. You remember Farlan’s death. Isabel. Eld.
Oluo. Gunther. Petra. Your dream of losing everyone feels like reality as pain engulfs your
heart like a flame, the sound of Hange’s scream, the image of their unmoving body, it’s
paralyzing your brain.

You don’t think, only boil in your rage. You swing your fist down, and Caven’s head whips to
the side. She’s clawing at your arms, but you barely feel it as you land another bone-crackling
punch to her jaw. Then another. Your tears splatter on her bloodied features before hands grip
your wrists. You fight without meaning to, even as you take in the woman’s barely
recognizable features. You know you did that, you know she isn’t getting up, and yet you
want more.

“Ash.” Levi’s voice rings through your skull. You squeeze your eye shut and shake your
head.

“No, don’t, don’t tell me, not again-”

“Hange is fine.” He breathes out, and you pause, eyes shooting open. You turn to look up at
him, finding his pained expression. “They have a pulse. They’re hurt, but Armin and Moblit
are getting them out of here. This isn’t like last time. Hange is okay.”

You hiccup, then glance over to where the two blondes are treating your friend. Hange’s face
is gritted in a wince, but it’s a sign of life. You shudder, a heaving gasp rattling your ribs.

“Fuck.” You breathe out, turning back towards Caven. She isn’t moving, not that her life
mattered to you, but you’ve beaten her within an inch of her life. “Fuck, I’m-”

“You’re fine.” Levi’s lips graze your ear as he grounds you. His thumbs press into your pulse
points, and you center your breathing, your back pressed to his chest. “You’re fine and
Hange’s fine, but we need to go.”

“Kenny, where’d he-”

“They fell back.” He interrupts. “I don’t think we have much time.”

Eren. Historia. You nod, not needing to hear it again. Levi guides you up before a hand wraps
around your ankle. Your gaze shifts to the woman’s, expecting a look of hatred, only to find
sorrow.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is thin as her swollen eyes close. “After Stohess, I knew his true
nature, and I didn’t stop him.”

You swallow as her fingers loosen their grip. You know she means Larves. “I suppose we’re
even after this, then.”

Her lip twitches. “I guess so.”

You walk away. The worried gazes of Mikasa, Jean, Connie, and Sasha fizzle the remaining
fuzziness of your haze. You focus, offering them a reassuring nod.

“I’m fine.” You tell them. “Which way did Kenny-”

You're cut off by the ground shaking beneath your feet. It’s like an earthquake, a familiar
feeling you know now is the shiting of a Titan. Your panicked eyes meet Levi’s.

“Armin, Moblit, get Hange out of here, now! The rest of you come with me.” He barks out
the orders effortlessly before whipping through the air. You’re quick to react, inches behind
him as you approach a netted opening. Levi slices a slit through the ropes, you make a
parallel one beside it and Mikasa swipes across. A flap opens, and you enter one by one.

You’re met with a bright yellow light, and a spine the size of the walls. You’re terrified it’s
Historia until you make out the familiar figures of your two missing squadmates atop of
stage-like platform.

The blonde is curled over Eren, and it’s then that you see the thick chains holding him in
place. You’re moving toward them in an instant, the others by your side. You land, reaching
for Historia’s shoulders.

“Back up.” You guide her frantic body back as Levi takes the keys from her hand. “Mikasa,
Sasha, make sure she isn’t hurt, then search for any way out of here. This place is going to
collapse.”
“Who even is that?” Connie cries out, the blast making breathing difficult. Levi unclaps
Eren’s wrist, then hands the keys down to Jean.

“Guys, you’re here.” Eren sobs, face scrunched in anguish and covered in blood. Your heart
aches at the sight.

“Of course, we’re here, you half-naked weirdo.” Jean barks, handing the keys up to you. You
work swiftly, unlocking the cuff, then letting the jingling metal fall to Connie.

“Let him eat me.” Eren whimpers shakily, even as he’s freed and dragged away from the
edge. “He’ll right the wrongs of my father and save humanity. Him, not me. Let me die. It’ll
be better that way.”

You’re taken aback. This isn’t the Eren Jeager you know, and by the looks on everyone’s
faces, they’re just as stunned by his weakened will. Something monumental must have been
revealed to him during this time with the Reiss’s, and even if the words he just spoke were
true, they aren’t plausible.

“Eren.” You snap, and his teary eyes meet yours. Hair whips across your face as you take in
his sorrow and pain, and you swallow thickly as you crouch to his height. “Look at the size of
Rod’s Titan. It’s still forming, and we’ll all be fully crushed before he even gets the chance to
take your power.”

Eren blinks, then faces forward, his expression crumbling once more. You look up to meet
Levi’s eyes, and he steels his features.

“I hate that I keep doing this to you, Eren.” He starts, shaking his head as his jaw clenches.
“But you need to make a choice.”

Eren curls inward and clutches at his hair. You’re certain he’s giving in, crumbling alongside
this underground cavern before his head shoots up. He moves fast, but you notice the bottle
on the ground, he grabs it before he starts sprinting.
You reach for him out of instinct as he leaps off the edge, but you recoil as another bright
light erupts. It’s different then all the other times. The figure forming isn’t his Titan, but a
shell of his Titan, made of the same crystallization Annie used, the same material that makes
up the ground, ceiling, and walls of this strange place.

“Everyone, get under Eren!” Levi screams, grabbing your wrist and tugging you along.

You cradle your head as Levi’s curls over you, and the place falls apart. It’s loud and
aggressive, but the shelter Eren’s made entirely protects all of you even as the ceiling
crumbles.

Only when you’re met with the night sky do you all start to move, deeming it safe enough to
exit.

Mikasa is the fastest, shooting up to Eren’s nape and pulling him out while you check with
each person, ensuring they’re unharmed. You examine Historia last and pull her into a quick
hug.

“Thank fuck you’re alright.” You mutter before letting her go, only she grabs your jacket and
pulls you back in. You swallow thickly and hold her tight, her face buried in your shoulder.
You can’t imagine the trauma she’s just endured, and don’t let go until she pulls back.

She wipes at her eyes, then offers you a rare smile. You haven’t seen one like this since
before Ymir. This girl has suffered so much, and yet it’s as though this experience has
changed her, or maybe cleared the murkiness in her heart. Something about her feels
different. Stronger. Confident.

“Same to you.” Her voice is sweet, and you let out a tiny laugh, patting her head.

You reach the grass and find Armin and Moblit there with a bloody Hange on the back of a
cart.
Your best friend is hurt, but they’re propped up, smiling dopily at all of you as you approach.

“Historia! You’re alright.” They grin before their eyes land on you and Levi. “I’m so relieved
everyone made it out.”

You don’t comment, merely approach and cradle their face, worried about causing further
harm to their injuries with a hug. Your eyes water as you shake your head.

“You fucking idiot.” You say without any bite. Hange laughs as you pull back and wipe your
eyes. “You’re smarter than that, Hange. Don’t let it happen again.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Hange nods, although their eyes shimmer. “Sorry, Honey.”

“You better fucking be.” You sigh, glancing over your shoulder and spotting Mikasa
approach with Eren. You step forward to pull him into your arms. He’s tired but reluctantly
hugs you back.

“I’m fine, Ash.” He mutters, and you can hear the blush on his cheeks. You scoff and pull
back, taking in his features.

“Why are you all so awkward with hugs?” You mutter, dropping your hands from his
shoulders. “It’s just me.”

“Exactly,” Jean grumbles, and you lift a brow. He scratches the back of his head before
looking out toward the massive Titan crawling toward the Wall. “Shouldn’t we be doing
something about that?”

“Yes, we should.”
Everyone turns toward the new voice, shocked to find Commander Erwin a few feet away.
The quaking ground must have masked the sound of his and the Scouts behind him’s horses.

“Erwin,” Levi calls out, stepping forward. “You’ve looked better.”

“Yes, well, as have all of you.” Erwin’s smile is wry, but Levi’s assessment was almost kind.
The blackness circling the Commander’s eyes is almost distracting. He looks thin, too, but
being held prisoner does that.

“Hi, Commander.” Hange waves lazily from their spot in the cart, and you snort.

“Is Hange the only casualty?” Erwin asks with a lifted brow.

“That’s right,” Levi replies.

“We’ve managed to slow the bleeding, but Section Commander Hange needs medical
attention right away.” Moblit calls out from Hange’s side.

Erwin nods, then barks out an order over his shoulder. Two people hop off a cart and rush
onto Hange’s with medical bags, and you’re comforted knowing Hange is receiving proper
attention for their wounds.

You turn back toward Erwin.

Your head suddenly swims.

Your vision spots, and pain erupts through the back of your skull.
You scream into the darkness, pain you haven’t felt in weeks, pain you expect memories to
accompany, but nothing does. It’s pitch-black and empty. It’s agony, and this time, when it
ends, your haze lasts a mere moment.

You blink wetly into the grass, hands overlapping your own as you cradle your head. The
voices around you are muffled, and as you move to lift your head, your nerves erupt again. A
second wave hits unlike ever before. You sob wildly into the grass as unbearable, sharp
twinges repeat themselves over and over in your brain.

When it stops, it picks back up. It feels like an experiment, a prank being held on you by
someone who knows you’re being tortured with skull spasms. In fact, you’re sure that’s what
it is. Torture from miles and miles away.

After the eighth migraine, you fall unconscious.

Only then do you find a break from the torment that seemed inescapable. You’re slumber
leaves you blissfully unaware of the horrified looks from all your comrades. The shaky hands
that have pulled you to their chest don’t stop even as they place you into the cart beside
Hange, or as he saddles his horse, knuckles white on the reins.

That day you lost your hand to the jaws of a Titan, at least you’re wails of pain had come to
an end after a short period of time. When Jean had placed you bruised and beaten in his arms,
at least then you opened your pretty eyes and looked up at him as though he were your
haven.

The worst moment of his life was when Mikasa had told him they lost sight of you, but this is
a close second. Your screams are the worst thing he’s ever heard, and they’re pummeling into
his skull, leaving him feeling powerless, uneasy, scared .

This is new. You’ve never had more than one migraine before in the same day, none in such
quick succession, and you just struggled through eight.

His fears are consuming, and yet he can’t let them. Rod Reiss is crawling towards Orvurd.
You can’t be his number one priority right now, and the way you’re sleeping almost
peacefully in the cart with Hange’s fingers in your hair should ease his pain, but it doesn’t.

He’s worried so many migraines could permanently damage your head or take away
memories. You’ve lost them before, haven’t you? What if you wake up and don’t remember
him? What if you don’t wake up at all? What if-

“Levi,” Hange calls out, and Levi snaps his head towards them. They watch him knowingly,
but instead of commenting anything that’d be obvious or piss him off, they say the only thing
he needs to hear. “Let’s go over everything we know and come up with a plan to stop Riess’s
titan.”

He swallows, then faces forward, only realizing then all the eyes burning holes into the back
and sides of his head as they journey to the wall. No one has ever seen him so rattled, no one
but his squad. Now the entire Scout Regiment has borne witness to Humanity’s Strongest
Soldier’s only weakness.

“Right.” He nods, willing his voice to remain strong. His gaze finds Eren and Historia’s. “Tell
us everything.”
 Fear
Chapter Notes

we get some POV shifts in here.. normally I wouldn't jam a bunch in one chapter, but for
this one it just flowed that way, so i signified them with little -'s

listening to Bauklotze had me in my fricking feels and reminded me how much i love
Hange
love them so much and needed to give them some more attention and care this chapter

enjoy (:

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Levi is sitting at his desk, watching your sleeping figure with a deep-set frown, when a knock
sounds, and Hange pushes through the bedroom door.

“I brought tea.” They sing-song, strutting up to his side and placing the porcelain inches from
his left hand. “Anything?”

“What does it look like?” He grunts, lifting the cup to his lips. He swallows, then glances up.
“Thanks.”

“Sure.” They shrug, leaning their back against the wall, arm strapped in its sling. “You’re
moving back out to the farmhouse tomorrow, and I’ll be visiting often. Erwin wants to pick
back up on the hardening experiments.”

“Did he set the timeline?”

“Two months,” Hange replies. Levi clicks his tongue. “We’ll be fine.”

“Glad you’re sure.”

“Someone has to stay positive, and it certainly isn’t you.” Hange hums. “I can see you’re
derailing.”

Levi grits his teeth but doesn’t comment.

“Bottling it up won’t make it go away, and I know you don’t want to put your problems on
her shoulders when she wakes up.” Levi glares sharply, and Hange sighs, putting their hands
up in defense. “I’m only saying that I’m here if you want to talk. I know you men think
emotions are a weakness-”

“Fuck off, Hange.”

“-but I think being a stubborn, grumpy jackass is just as debilitating.”

Levi breathes out of his nose. “I’m not being stubborn I just don’t know how to be real with
you when you can’t take a damn thing seriously.”

Hange is quiet for a second. Levi is stiff in his seat.

“Alright. Shoot.”

He stares at the wood grain, fingers clenched into a fist, while the other brings the teacup
back to his lips. The ceramic rattles in his shaky grip as he places it back on the plate.

“I’m worried that all those migraines could fuck with her head.”

“You’re afraid she’ll wake up without any recollection of her past again,” Hange asks, and
Levi’s silence is confirmation. “That theory is currently baseless.”
“Feelings don’t need to be logical.”

“No, they don’t,” Hange murmurs, shaking their head, “but the only reason Ash woke up
without a past the first time was because someone put shit in her bloodstream that altered her
body. She isn’t like you and me.”

“We don’t know jackshit about what happened to her,” Levi grunts for the sake of argument.

“It’s not proven, no, but nothing we know of permanently damages a brain like that, so it’s
the most likely whatever they stuck in her nape.” Hange’s voice stays calm and factual.
“Regardless, we’ll hopefully figure it out in Grisha Jaeger’s basement.”

“Yeah, two months from now.” Levi hisses, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Levi,” Hange says his name in a way that makes him stiffen. “Everything I’ve said, you’re
smart enough to conclude for yourself. What’s really bothering you?”

The truth is threatening to turn him inside out, steal his breath, swallow him whole. It’s a
devastating ache. An inevitable dread. It spills from his heart.

“It felt intentional.” He pushes out the words like a breath. “I think it was an experiment, or
just something to fuck with her, like Reiner and Bottlepop told whoever they work for about
her migraines.”

“How would they know?”

“They were a part of that expedition,” Levi explains, voice devoid of the raw emotion he’s
letting Hange see on his features. “They have an abundance of information we’re learning at
a fucking snail’s pace. There’s no way they didn’t make the connection when Annie screamed
and Ash went down, and I’d bet they know exactly why.”
Hange looks contemplative. “I suppose that makes sense.”

“I think she came from wherever they’re from, and that they’re pulling her strings.” Levi grits
out. “I know she’ll wake up soon and be fine, but what if these people who hurt her and are
somehow able to control her from wherever the fuck they are? What if they make her
forget?”

What if they make her forget me?

Hange knows that’s what the Captain means as they stare at Levi’s profile, witnessing the
very rare moment of weakness.

They’ve seen it before, and each situation involved you. You’ve always been his weak spot,
and Hange doesn’t blame him.

You make others feel seen, safe, and accepted as they are. You made Hange feel that way, and
they’ve never told you that. You’ve always believed Hange was the one who softened you,
but you reached them first.

It was your first week with the Scouts, You were one of four new recruits out of the seventy-
three in your graduation class.

It was at the time when Hange was newly appointed Section Commander and given
responsibilities in the research field. No one thought to study Titans before them, and many
were skeptical and outwardly cruel.

“Why are we wasting funding on this shit?” A Military Police officer scoffed as he read over
Erwin’s proposal. He snagged it off of Hange’s desk two days after they were appointed to an
office and lab. You were only there to deliver a report from the Commander.

“Titans are humanity’s number one enemy,” Hange explained easily as you set the stack of
papers down. They nodded at you in thanks before you turned. “It’s important to understand
them.”

“Just kill the bastards.” The man gritted. “That’s all you need to do. I can’t believe Dok
signed off on giving some dude-bitch money to jerk Titan’s off and tell us how their cum
tastes.”

You paused in your step just outside the door. His tone and words were much too aggressive
for you to leave the pair of them alone. Your fists were clenched by your sides. Hange noticed
your shadow the moment you stopped walking.

“I wouldn’t expect you to know this since you’ve never seen a Titan, let alone been outside
the walls, but they don’t have any genitalia,” Hange replied smoothly, challengingly. “It’s
like a plastic doll down there. Oh, sorry, you don’t have any kids. Um, closest example I can
think of so you can get a visual is probably what you see when you take off your tighty-
whities.”

“Fucking bitch.” The man seethed, his nerves struck by Hange’s accusation. “Maybe you
oughta get on your knees and I'll show you just how big my-"

The man never finished his sentence, too distracted by your presence. He looked you up and
down, opened his mouth to likely ask why the fuck you were still there, but instead let out a
tremendous screach.

You lowered your foot back down from where it had just slammed in between the man’s legs
and watched as he curled over, thighs pressed together as tears sprang in his eyes.

“You were right, Section Commander Hange.” You mused, having been the very first person
to call them by their title. “I didn’t feel a thing.”
Ferdinand Terry was never seen in Hange’s office again after that, the day Hange Zoe decided
to stop at nothing to become friends with the ill-tempered, misunderstood Underground mutt.

It wasn’t until Hange learned of what happened with Larves that they understood why you
hadn’t given much thought to what had transpired back then. You had always been so sure
that you gave Hange no reason to seek your friendship, and that’s because you were used to
that sort of behavior.

Hange had always been an oddball nerd who dressed like a boy and was bullied for such, but
their skin was thick. Being accused of jerking a Titan off to completion didn’t breach the
protective layer, but the sight of the man’s rageful eyes and the threat to sexually assault them
had seeped fear into their bones.

Short-lived fear that dispersed the moment they realized they weren’t alone. Stepping in to
aid another person facing such cruelty wasn’t a second thought, but in an instant, Hange’s
fascination toward you turned into camaraderie, compassion, and kinship.

Looking at your sleeping form now, thinking of that memory and everything you’ve
overcome, fought against, grown from, Hange’s own worries slipping away.

“I understand your fear, Levi, but we can’t underestimate Honey’s mental fortitude.” Hange
finally finds the words, their eyes shifting to your sleeping form. “I know you haven’t had it
easy, either, but Honey’s been through the fucking wringer and still manages to be the person
the two of us love more than anyone.”

Levi looks over at you again, his heart sore with an aching fondness. “I know.”

“Those fuckers can try and hurt her, try to take us from her, but the Honey we know won’t
roll over and let it happen easily. Even at her weakest, she’s strong, and in the worst case
scenario, if they take her memories, then we’ll just have to make her remember.”

“I might stop breathing if she looks at me one day and doesn’t know who I am.” Levi’s words
are hushed and barely audible.
Hange can’t help but snort, earning an affronted, pissed-off glare from the Captain. “What
happened to taking shit seriously, Shitty-Glasses?”

“I cannot believe you just said that pathetic shit, Levi. You ghosted Honey for like eight
months because you were pouting, and she carried it with more grace than you deserved.”
Hange rolls their eyes, laughing when Levi looks away quickly, shoulders sagging with
shame. “The least you can do is endure the confusion and distance if, against her will, she
doesn’t recognize your face.”

“Fuck.” He mutters, shame creeping up his neck as he rubs his palms over his face. “You’re
right. A blade through my gut would’ve worked just as well, but I get the message.”

Hange’s grinning wildly at another rare sight they’re sure only you and they have seen on
Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Embarrassment.

They’re about to make another comment when they catch movement out of the corner of their
eye. The back of their hand finds Levi’s shoulder, the sudden shift in the air telling him all he
needs to know.

Your mind feels foggier than it ever has before when you stir awake. Your tank top clings to
you with sweat as you blink your eyes open, then blink again.

Panic stirs in your gut when you’re met with darkness.

“You’re okay.”

You startle, heart leaping in your chest at the unexpected voice. You know it, you know the
voice, you trust it, but your mind is spinning, sludgy and slow.
“I can’t, uh, my eyes, I can’t.” You stutter nonsensically, whimpering in fear before your
voice breaks. “I can’t see.”

“You can’t see?” The person somewhere to your right reiterates. You can hear the waiver in
their voice.

“It’s dark.” You try to explain, feeling a sting behind your nose. “I’m scared. I don’t know
what’s wrong.”

“Don’t be scared.” The voice soothes. “You can hear, can’t you? You hear my voice?”

You nod, throat thickening with emotion as you squeeze your eyes shut. Tears slip out, and
your fingers tighten around the fitted sheet. You prefer the darkness. It’s better than knowing
you’re eyes are open and not seeing.

“I’m going to place a hand on yours, alright?” The comforting presence says.

“Okay.” You wheeze, biting the inside of your cheek. Fingertips graze your wrists, curling
over your palm and intertwining with your own.

“Feel that?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, letting the touch ground you.

“You’re alright.” They say it again. “Deep breaths, Ash.”

The thumb from their other hand presses to your pulse point, and a gasp shudders through
you.
“ Levi. ”

A sob parts your lips the moment your brain finally clicks. Shame and despair trickle through
your chest. How could you not know that voice? How could you?

“You know it’s me?” He murmurs over your tears, thumb prodding your veins.

“I do now.” You cry, shaking your head. “I know it’s you, and yet your voice, it didn’t, I
knew it, but I couldn’t place it. Even now, I know it’s you, but I’m very lost. I don’t feel like
I’m awake. I’m so sorry, I don’t-”

“Just breathe, Ash,” Levi shushes you softly, voice gentle. A palm molds to your forehead.
“It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.”

Levi’s words are soothing, calming as you heave and hiccup, fighting to catch your breath.
He continues to murmur the sentiments, and while terror is threatening to tear through you,
warm hands are pressing to your skin, hands you know better than your own, and a voice like
his is a lullaby to your restless nights. Slowly, they take their toll.

In minutes, your breathing finds an even rhythm.

“Squeeze my hand if you’re still awake.” Your fist clenches around his palm, and he hums.
“Good girl. Can you go back to sleep for me?”

Your pulse spikes. “No, I can’t, I don’t want to. What if I wake up and forget again? I can’t-”

You’re cut off by the feeling of the bed dipping, then arms wrap around your waist and tug
you onto a hard chest. You cling to him, settling your nose into his neck. You know this
smell. You know this body. It’s Levi. Your Levi.
How could you ever forget him?

“You’re shaking,” Levi whispers before hushing you gently, his fingers finding your hair.
“Breathe, Ash. You’ve got to calm down.”

“Just don’t leave.” You rush out, tears breaking against his skin. “Don’t let me go. Please,
hold me like this. I don’t want to wake up and not recognize you, not ever again. Don’t let me
forget. Please, Levi. Don’t-”

“You’re talking out of your ass.” He grumbles, voice tight. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“What if I go somewhere? What if I forget again? What if I don’t know your voice, what if I
don’t know your touch? How could I ever? But it’s happened before, hasn’t it? I’ve forgotten
my entire family, and even in flashbacks, I don’t feel them.”

Your sobs are becoming uncontrolled again. Your biggest fear is losing Levi, but you never
considered that there were multiple ways in which you could.

“I’ll never forgive myself if I-”

The words don’t come. They’re stolen by soft lips, thrown to the back of your mind for a
moment as Levi kisses you soundly, then pulls away. His breath fans your mouth, smelling
like mint and tea. You sinker deeper into him.

“I’m always going to be here.” He whispers. “I won’t let you wander far. I won’t let you
forget. You trust me, don’t you?”

“More than anyone.” You breathe out weakly.

“Then it’s settled. Go back to sleep, Ash. You aren’t going anywhere.”
You don’t say anything else, just softly cry into Levi’s warmth. He cradles you in his arms,
and when you succumb to the darkness, Levi lifts his gaze back up to the friend who now sits
at his desk.

“I don’t think she was ever fully awake just now,” Hange says quietly. “I know that doesn’t
make us feel better, but it looked like a night terror.”

Levi nods, his grip tightening around your frame. “Her fear was real.”

“Yeah,” Hange sighs, eyeing the Captain gently. “It makes you feel less sorry for yourself,
doesn’t it?”

Levi’s jaw clenches. “Yeah, it does.”

Silence lingers before Hange breaks it.

“You’re such a softie.”

“Fuck off.” He grunts. “You can leave now.”

Hange snickers as they adjust their glasses up the bridge of their nose. “Alright, alright.”

Before they can leave, Levi calls out one more time.

“Thank you.”

Hange glances over their shoulder and smirks. "Would you say I've been a good girl?"
 "Get the fuck out."

"Right. My bad. Going!"

When you stir again, you’re in a calmer state and the sun is just poking it’s head over the
horizon. Levi’s heart lodges in his throat as you peer up at him, puffy eyes through long
lashes, a sight he’s grown stupidly fond of.

You see him, vision clear, and entirely unaware of the five minutes you woke in the middle of
the night, panicked and terrified. He realizes it as you sigh and snuggle deeper into his chest
that Hange was right.

You weren’t entirely lucid, and what he had witnessed was some form of night terror.

He doesn’t mention it.

Chapter End Notes

bottlepop lmao i crack myself up... Hange not even correcting him that's good stuff
 Migraines
Chapter Notes

tw: panic attack

“Wait, wait, tell me again.”

You’re sure you’ve never been more delighted with a story in your life. Connie seems more
than happy to relay it back to you when Levi cuts in from his spot to your left at the head of
the table.

“Enough.” He grunts over his cup of tea. “The brat became Queen, and the first thing she did
was offer the weakest punch known to humanity. That’s it.”

Your head tosses back with a giddy laugh, uncaring that Levi’s irritation is worsening.

“That’s hilarious.” You smile, eyeing each kid at the table. You wish the woman of the hour
were here to bow at her feet, but watching everyone else on your squad attempt to hold back
their own laughter is plenty to be grateful for. “Did you know she was going to do it?”

“I did,” Mikasa replies calmly, eyes flicking to Levi then back to you. “It was my idea.”

“The fuck?” Levi snaps, affronted, but you’re too busy cackling once more, beside yourself
with pride and amusement.

“I knew she wouldn’t have thought of that herself,” Jean grumbles, shoveling oats into his
mouth. “I still can’t believe she went through with it.”
“I can.” Mikasa drawls, springing tears of joy into your eyes. It’s not so shocking that Levi
and Mikasa are blood relatives. They’re clearly cut from the same cloth when they’re pissed
about something.

Levi filled you in on everything you missed while you were unconscious for two days.

While all of it was mostly good news, the defeat of Rod Riess and the lack of any further
injuries in your squad, you could tell he had been struggling for multiple reasons. He felt
guilty for not giving Historia much of a choice in becoming Queen, stressed because of the
toll the migraines left on your body, and of course, because Kenny, his Uncle, died right in
front of him.

Your Captain brushed you off when you attempted to comfort him.

“I’m fine, Ash. I hadn’t seen the man in over ten years, and I practically killed him myself.”

You knew there was more to it, but this morning the bags under his eyes seemed less. He may
feel an odd sense of grief for Kenny, but your recovery has taken precedence and has helped
him move forward.

No one, however, said a word about this punch until ten minutes ago.

“I’m only sad I missed it.” You wipe your eyes. “I can’t wait to tell Hange.”

Levi scoffs, then pushes up to his feet. You all watch as he disappears into the kitchen, then
you turn back toward your squad like a kid passing notes behind a teacher’s back.

“What did he do after the punch?” You whisper sharply, your curiosity burning. “Did he say
anything?”
Mikasa’s lips quirk, and it’s then you know her ill feelings toward Levi haven’t stuck around,
but it’s Sasha who replies.

“He laughed and thanked us,” She says, eyes wide. “It was creepy.”

Your lips part, and you turn toward Levi as he rememerges, your heart skipping with
adoration. He tch’s at the sight of your awestruck gaze before barking out an order.

“Anyone late to training runs an extra five miles tomorrow morning.”

The table is cleared in seconds, until Sasha runs back inside and shoves the last uneaten
scoop of your porridge in her mouth.

Two weeks pass, and you’re overwhelmingly proud of Eren.

The shift in his ability is clear, like a mental block he had been facing has evaporated. He’s
started consistently creating structures with his hardening ability, enough so that Erwin is
considering moving the expedition up.

If he does, you’ll be heading back to war in a month. It’s a good thing. Your squad is
becoming stronger, more prepared than they ever have been for war.

Hange and Armin have been working together on new gear to take down Reiner, Sasha and
Connie are improving in their ODM skills, Mikasa is as efficient as ever, and Jean continues
to impress you and Levi with his leadership skills.

The only weak link now is you.

Levi shoves through your bedroom door at the sound of your first scream.
It’s the middle of the night, but your body doesn’t seem to care. You had four consecutive
migraines five days ago during your run, where Jean and Eren had to stay with you while
Mikasa ran to get Levi. You slept through the day and woke up realizing the first was no
fluke.

Whoever is responsible for your skull-splitting in two, they figured out it’s affected you, or
likely they’re hoping it is. They’re short enough that no memories unlock, but long enough to
be torturous as usual. It’s no longer a coincidence. Someone is toying with your head.

“Why is this happening?” You cry out in between heaves, voice muffled by your arms as they
cradle your head. You’re curled in a fetal position, sobbing as the pain erupts again. Hands
find your back, rough and familiar as they soothe circles into your clammy skin, but you
don’t feel them until the second wave subsides.

“Levi?” You cry out.

“I’m right here.” Levi’s voice filters through the haze.

“Captain?”

Levi’s head whips back to find his squad’s pale, concerned expressions peering through the
doorway. He knows the last thing you’d want for everyone standing around in their sleeping
robes, watching you with fear and knowing you’re the reason. He can also tell that these kids
are worried and want to help in any way they can, and truthfully, he needs it.

This seems to be something you’ll all have to work together to get through, and shoving them
away and keeping them out of the loop will only make them worry more.

You start screaming again, and Levi swallows. “Armin, go make tea. You’re the best at it.”
“Don’t forget the honey,” Jean calls out as the blonde disappears. He faces the Captain once
more. “Sir, I’ll get a cold compress.”

Levi nods, and Jean turns on his heel.

“Connie, go help Armin and bring up a glass of water, too. Mikasa, write to Hange. You have
the best handwriting. Tell them Ash has had another episode, and leave a space for the
amount. Sasha, help me keep track. We’re on three right now.”

“Yes, sir!” Their voices blend, and as Mikasa and Connie vanish for their supplies and Sasha
steps in the doorway, Levi’s eyes settle on Eren.

“What can I do?” The boy asks weakly.

“Stay here.” Levi’s voice remains strong despite his anxiety. “She might need you.”

His squad only witnessed the four migraines in a row’s aftermath. You had been able to walk
with aid back to the house, but the first time you suffered from eight, you had that bout of
confusion. If you start getting confused, he’s hoping Eren’s face is familiar enough for you to
cling to.

Eren doesn’t question what that means, only nods at his superior officer right as you fall back
into the in-between stage of your migraines.

“Levi.” You whimper feebly, reaching for him while keeping your head encased. He grips
your hand and crouches to the edge of the bed. “Levi, it hurts.”

Levi trails his other hand to your hairline, ignoring the buildup of sweat as he coos
soothingly. “I know. I know it does.”
The fourth wave erupts, and Levi’s fingers tighten. The anguish in his expression might not
be readable to anyone who doesn’t know him, but having spent every day with the man,
Sasha and Eren both know he’s barely holding it together.

Jean appears with a rag as you suck in a sharp breath, the pain momentarily pausing, leaving
you to shake and weakly cry.

“I’m going to wake everyone up.” You wheeze, oblivious to the numerous eyes locked on
you. Levi’s fingers have gone numb. “Eren, he’s been training so hard, improving so much,
and he needs rest. I, I can’t stay here anymore. It’s-”

“Bullshit.” Eren grits as he steps forward. He takes the rag from Jean and settles on the side
of your bed, just above your head. Your lips wobble as you feel the damp rag lie across your
overheated skin.

“Eren?” You frown. “You shouldn’t-”

You don’t finish the sentence. Mikasa appears as you start to scream and hands Sasha a scrap
of paper and a pencil, and the girl tallies out five dashes.

You sob into your mattress, hair sprawled out, muttering nonsense for ten minutes.
Apologies, pleas, obscenities part your lips, and within that time frame, you suffer nine more
migraines, making your grand total fourteen.

Everyone is distraught, horrified, and sick to their stomachs by the time they realize it’s
finally over, and you’re barely there in the head.

You’re slurring your words together, unable to form a coherent sentence, exhausted, brain
puddled into mush.

Fingertips brush your hair out of your eyes, and a palm settles against your temple. The hand
rubs soothing circles into the side of your head as you silently cry.
“It’s over, Ash. You’re alright.”

Your eyes are swollen, but you manage to flutter them open.

The man's face is close but blurry from your tears. His skin is soft-looking, and your fingers
itch to reach out and touch his jaw in thanks, but phantom pains leave your limbs weak,
shaky, and numb.

It’s then you notice the figure behind him, handing him a cup. You stiffen.

“I brought a straw just in case.”

You don’t know this person. His presence makes you frown. Blue eyes notice your worried
stare, and the blonde boy smiles kindly. Your eyelids squint, and the thumb against your skin
swipes over your eyebrow.

“Do you know who I am?” The dark-haired man asks. Your gaze lowers to the stranger
cradling your skull, and you feel your heart skip at the sight of his beautiful features.

“Handsome.”

The man’s lips quirk, and you hear a chuckle off to the left.

Your heart plummets into your gut as you shift your gaze and find four sets of eyes on you.
So many eyes, so many faces, watching you.

You stare back at them, your chest starting to heave, and you blink, and blink, but the room is
spinning. An intense, all-consuming dread pools in your gut as it feels as though they’re
crowding in, judging you, because you should know them, shouldn’t you? They surely seem
to know you.

“Ash, you’re okay.”

Your eyes shoot back toward the man crouched to your height, the warmth of his palm still
radiating in waves to your aching skull.

It’s not okay.

You can’t think of a single name.

Should you know them? Do you? You do. Of course you do. This isn’t the Underground. You
have people in your corner. You have loved ones, comrades, teenagers you care for, and a
man you’re in love with.

This isn’t the Underground.

Then why are there so many nameless faces? Why do you feel more alone than you’ve ever
been?

Your eyes dart to the ceiling, but the hand guides you back. Your face is crumpling in despair
as your gaze meets the pretty man’s again. His expression is severe and stern, but gentle. It’s
as though you fall into a trance, one that relies solely on him to ease your fear.

“Breathe. In and out. I know you can.”

Your chest heaves as the man sets a pace with deep inhales and long exhales. You watch his
lips, his chest, his eyes, and find yourself mimicking it. After a few minutes, you’ve found a
rhythm, and the man rewards you with a barely-there smile.
“Good.”

You nod, blinking wetly at the man’s softening expression. You glance once more toward the
others, and suddenly their stares are just as kind, just as welcoming, and you find yourself
settling into the mattress, sleep weighing heavily on your frame.

It’s then that you feel the other set of eyes. You pause, then look upward toward the boy you
hadn’t seen.

“Eren?” You ask with furrowed brows. He seems taken aback for a moment, then nods.

“Yeah, Ash, it’s me.”

You know Eren. He’s your brother.

What?

No.

No, not Eren. Your eyes shift upward, and you flinch back.

You try to shove yourself away, but you’re too weak, like a newborn deer. It’s pathetic and
horrifying, but you aren’t in your right mind. This person is only from your memories, and
he’s only a boy in them. This adult can’t be him.

He can’t be here.
So then why is a grown man standing behind Eren, staring at you as though you’re the
terrifying one?

You start to hyperventilate.

“No, no, no, no, no, no-”

Your own voice fades as you clutch your head again, willing yourself to wake up. You rock,
sob, and voices try to reach you, but you’re falling, drowning in your mind. You fight off
hands, and no one can manage to get hold of you.

Your sobbing only fades when your consciousness does, too.

You stare at the wood grain, bread untouched, as Hange’s takes in your withdrawn eyes.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit.” You reply, lip quirking as you finally look up. Your friend is smiling at you,
and it takes some weight off your chest. Everyone else seems tense, nervous, traumatized, all
because of you .

“What do you remember?” Hange asks, getting straight to it.

“Only the beginning.” You purse your lips. “Eren placed the towel on my forehead, and then
the migraine hit after that. That’s all I got.”

“But you know now who everyone is?” They ask.

You sigh out your nose. “I do.”

“Can you go around the room and-”

“Jean, Sasha, Connie, Mikasa, Armin, Eren.” You point at each of them without looking up
from the table.

You feel mortified that they witnessed you fall apart. You feel ashamed knowing you’ve
scared all of them, and a sickness is swelling in your gut because you can’t remember what
you did to do so.

“Well done.” Hange nods. “Unfortunately, there isn’t much to go off of, but the good news is
that I rock.”

“I’m thrilled.” You deadpan. “How so?”

“I have a sound theory as to what’s going on.”

“Continue.”

“I’ll wait for Captain Levi to get out of the shitter before I-”

“Get on with it, Four-Eyes.” Levi barks out as he reenters the house, eyes locking into yours
instantly. “I was grabbing the damn honey you left in your satchel because you’re too fucking
lazy to do it yourself.”

Even knowing he’s putting on a brave face, Levi’s presence has you relaxing further into your
chair. He’s yet to look at you any differently than he always has, and you’re unbelievably
grateful for the normalcy.
You’ve only been awake for an hour, and no one has told you what transpired, only that
you’ve been in and out of sleep for three days.

“Anyway, as I was saying.” Hange smirks, folding their arms in front of them as Levi rounds
the table and takes the seat beside you. You reach but he bats your hand away, scooping
honey into your tea like you’re the Queen, not Historia.

You roll your eyes. It’s like he read your mind about not being weird and decided to toss the
words back into your face.

“From what we know of your migraines, they’re triggered by Titan screams. They’ve
weakened you, but we haven’t seen long-term effects. I think that will remain true no matter
how many you have consecutively. Fourteen is a massive number, close to fifteen minutes of
your brain pulling itself apart, but you’re fully recovered after a long period of rest. I think if
you didn’t have your Titan healing, you would have been brain dead after the first bout of
eight.”

Everyone’s silent and still as Hange clears their throat.

“However, you do have your Titan healing, and it’s keeping you alive. These things won’t kill
you, and you won’t suffer long-term memory loss or hallucinations.”

You let out a shaky breath, and your lips press together as your heart sinks. “Memory loss?
Hallucinations?”

The air is thick when no one answers right away.

Hange lets out a huff of air and pushes their glasses up the bridge of their nose. “I wasn’t
here, so I don’t know.”
You falter. “Then how-”

“This wasn’t the first time,” Levi says, clearing his throat. Your head whips his way, and he
doesn’t steer from your frustrated glance. “Hange and I were in the room when you had, what
we thought at the time, was a night terror. You claimed you couldn’t see and didn’t recognize
my voice. You were panicked and scared, so last night, when it happened again and you
looked at all of us, not knowing who we were, I handled it. I calmed you down.”

You know right away Levi didn’t mention the first instance for good reason. He assumed it
was a bad dream, and with everything going on at that time, stressing you with something
you didn’t remember didn’t seem necessary.

You trust him and know he followed his gut on the matter, and that’s why he’s telling you
now.

“Okay.” You swallow thickly, processing the information as you look back down at the table.
You can’t imagine how stress-inducing and scary it had been for him for that first time, and
now the kids witnessed it firsthand, too.

No wonder they seem so tense. You looked them in their eyes and didn’t know who they
were.

Shame trickles into your chest, and your eyes gloss over as your sinuses burn. How could you
do that to them? How could you ever look into the eyes of the people you love most in the
world and not recognize them? You should be stronger than that.

“Ash-”

“I’m sorry.” You cut Eren off, merely speaking at the same time as him. You look up,
blinking wetly at his pained expression. “I’m so sorry you all had to look at me and see a
stranger in my eyes because I saw one in yours.”
“It’s not your fault,” Eren mutters, shaking his head. “Hange just explained it. There’s
nothing for you to apologize for.”

You gaze at each of their faces, then have to look away. The guilt in your heart says you don’t
deserve their understanding, but the chill in your bones from having no recollection of it
wants their unconditional love and support.

You know if it were any of them in your shoes, you’d be saying the same thing. It’s out of
your control. There’s nothing you can do about some outside force torturing your brain to
mush, and this is the new normal.

It’s these trying times that show you who your real family is, and it’s every single person in
this room.

With a shaky sigh, you nod. “Okay, so what hallucinations?”

Another heavy quiet falls over you, and before you can snap for someone to say anything,
Eren does.

“You recognized me.” He says first, rubbing the back of his neck. Your eyes widen,
surprised.

“Just you?”

“Yeah,” He winces awkwardly. Your brow furrows, but Levi doesn’t let you linger in your
confusion.

“I told you I was able to get you to relax, right? Well, you were sedated, practically asleep,
when you noticed Eren’s presence, and it’s like a switch flipped. You started panicking,
trying to get away. No one could get you to relax after that. You only fell asleep because your
body was drained of its energy.”
You stare at Levi, lost for words. “Why? Why would-”

“It wasn’t Eren,” Levi clarifies, watching your gears turn with anxiety. “The hallucination.
That was this. You saw something. Someone. It was Zeke. You didn’t have many words to
say, but his name was one of them, and Hange and I think we know why.”

“We think he’s responsible.” Hange takes over for Levi with a nod, and you’re intense eyes
land on them. “Your memories, he’s been in them, a constant in your life before you woke up
outside the walls. It’s possible he has the power of the Titans and has only just learned he’s
been accidentally revealing valuable information with his screams, and considering the two
of you did not end up on good terms in your past life, he’s likely trying to fuck with you now
that he’s learned of your connection.”

“Only, he pushed too far into your head, and you saw him. If this outlandish theory is right, I
have reason to believe you seeing him will have spooked him. You play with fire until it gets
too hot and you back up, afraid to be burned. You saw him and cowered, but who's to say you
won’t react violently or remember next time? If he’s smart, and I assume he has some
intelligence, he’ll stop.”

“This also means your brother is likely comrades with Annie, Reiner, and Bellringer. If that’s
true, I suspect we’ll be meeting him very soon when we venture out to Shiganshia.” Levi
grunts, eyes flashing with murderous intent.

Your brain is overflowing with information, but it’s retaining it well. If Hange is right, and
they’re rarely off their mark, every migraine is somehow directly correlated to your brother,
Zeke, who may be a Titan. It checks out with your memories, the task you couldn’t
accomplish that was passed on to him, and seeing him last night was a mistake on his part.

Perhaps he’s offered more to you than he intended with that slip-up, and while he likely
understimates your intelligence, it may have been enough for him to back off for now.

You sure hope so.

“Bellringer?” Connie mutters under his breath, earning everyone’s attention. The genuine
confusion on his face lightens the weight on your chest.

“They’re talking about Bertoad,” Sasha mutters quietly.

“It’s Bertholdt.” Armin rolls his eyes.

“Is it really?” Hange asks, thoroughly distracted, and you sigh, glancing toward Levi, whose
gaze hasn’t left your side profile since he added the honey to your tea.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the night terror.” He murmurs, lifting an arm over the back
of your chair.

“I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.” You mutter back, shaking your head. “That feels
unfathomable to me.”

“You may not have heard my name in your head,” His reply is a firm whisper, “but you knew
it was me. I know you did.”

“How?” Your voice wobbles slightly.

“My voice.” He starts, his thumb ghosting your spine. “You knew to trust it, and my touch
calmed you. Your eyes, too. I know it like the back of my hand what being loved by you
looks like. So no, you couldn’t put a name to my, quote, handsome face, but-”

“I said that?” You cut him off with a smirk. “Really?”

“I quoted it, did I not?” He drawls out, lifting a brow. “Why? Do you want to take it back?”
“No, I’m just impressed with myself. Even on the brink of cognitive failure, I’m putting the
moves on my Captain. Balls of steel, right? Or no? What was it you said to Jean in Stohess?
Oh, shit it was brass balls, wasn't it?”

“Fuck off,” Levi scoffs and looks away as his palm finds your forehead and playfully pushes
you away. Warmth erupts from your chest at the familiarity of it, and your laugh feels like the
first breath of fresh air since you’ve woken up disoriented and confused. You wrap your
fingers around his wrist and bring them to your lips, placing a chaste kiss on the skin in
parting.

You take the first bite of your bread and sigh as it settles in your stomach.

"So, what's on the training schedule for today?"

 Commander

“You wanted to see me, Commander?”

Your voice carries across the office, but Erwin’s blue eyes don’t look up from his spread of
papers. You’ve stood just inside the door for a minute now, assuming any second he’d
address your reason for traveling to Trost today, and yet-

“Apologies.” He grumbles, brow furrowed as he scribbles something down. “With the

operation a week away, there are many things to see to. I was hoping to be done before your
arrival, but-”

“Take your time.” You cut him off kindly, pressing your lips together and gazing around.

It’s been some time since you’ve been in here, seeing as Levi is your superior officer and
always the one summoned for meetings, but part of your chest makes it feel as though it
hasn’t been long at all.

It’s odd, this place never felt special to you, but suddenly you’re remembering all the
mornings you visited when you were just a kid in the cadet corps.

Back then, Erwin had only felt like someone who took you from the Underground to lessen
the distance to his goal, and your relationship was thin and felt merely conditional, but he had
also been your only trusted acquaintance. The first person you could turn to, and you relied
on his support like a lifeline.

“It’s impossible living with these little shits.” You gritted, arms wrapped around your knees
with your feet folded over the edge of the chair and your head tilted up toward the ceiling.
“It’s obvious they’ve never had to spend a night in an alley where any noise you made could
be the determining factor on whether you saw morning through the ceiling cracks. They talk,
snore, move around, get up constantly. How is it that I slept better on a rusty metal balcony
than in a bed? Oh, because the spoiled fucks up here don’t think of anyone other than
themselves.”
Erwin would always reply seconds after your rants, ensuring your words were all laid out,
and it’d always be something to make you search inward as opposed to tossing blame
elsewhere. You’d scoff and change the subject each time, pretend you didn’t hear him, then
lie in your cot and revel in the truth behind his reflections.

“Are you mad they grew up on the surface? That they didn’t suffer as you did? Or do you feel
uncomfortable in your newfound safety and have a difficult time trusting it?”

He never intended to make you aware of the tiny pushes he gave you in becoming who you
are today, but you are now more than ever, as you stand where you’d always wander to in
times of trouble, hurt, confusion, frustration, and grief.

“They’re cruel.” You had muttered quietly, facing away from the Commander as you looked
over the journals along the wall. You didn’t want him to see the tears behind your eyes. “I’ve
known them for two years now and yet they all still look at me like scum on the bottom of
their boots.”

Erwin was silent, staring at the side of your head as your voice wobbled toward the end. He
waited, knowing you had more to say.

“I never wanted to prove myself to them, and I didn’t care if I earned their respect, but I
thought at least by now they’d fucking keep the comments to themselves, or that I wouldn’t
care anymore. I don’t know why I do. It’s infuriating. I’ve had worse said about me, worse
done to me by more cutthroat people than a few bullies that’ll just become the same MPs I’d
never bother myself with again. I take the high road every time to prove a point, and yet it
doesn’t seem to work. I’m about ready to jam my fist into their noses, Erwin. I’m sick of this
shit.”

When Erwin realized your rant had reached its end, he spoke words that made you storm out,
and you didn’t revisit him for two months. When you did return, you pretended none of it had
happened, and Erwin let you.

“If you're expecting them to be the same MPs you detest for good reason, then aren’t you
harboring prejudiced feelings toward them, as well?”
You understand that point now. You still don’t think you deserved the harsh treatment from
your fellow cadets, but you didn’t try to understand them as you wanted them to understand
you.

Erwin was never one to support your wallowing, and that hasn’t changed, but at that time,
you thought it made him unfeeling, when in reality, he was making you stronger. He knew
you intended to join the Scouts, and that weak part of you needed to be refined.

Self-pity was an ugly look on you, and when Erwin’s words had time to settle, you stopped
the cold front, stopped reacting to their words, and eventually found peace within yourself.

“Reminiscing?” Erwin asks, and you blink out of your memory to offer him a knowing
glance.

“I haven’t been here in some time.” You shrug, stepping towards his desk. “This used to be
the only place that didn’t make my skin crawl.”

“That surprises me.” Erwin chuckles, leaning back in his chair. “I was certain you weren’t
very fond of me. Sometimes I’m not even sure you like me now.”

Your brow furrows. “I was a brat who you didn’t owe anything to, and yet you still let me
come here and rant about nonsense. You told me things I didn’t want to hear but needed to, so
sure back then you pissed me off, but you seriosuly think I’m not grateful for it now?”

“I could never tell with you,” Erwin admits, and you scoff. “I don’t mean that in a way that
negatively reflects who you are, but who I am. I took you out of the Underground for selfish
reasons and was never very empathetic with your struggles, despite them being quite severe. I
used you and still do, like how I expect you to come with us to retake Wall Maria.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” You tell him, shaking your head. “And why the hell
wouldn’t I come with?”
“Zeke is sure to be there, or use his connection to weaken you from wherever he may be.
Your life will be in danger more than it ever has before, and I’m counting on it.” He explains
matter-of-factly. “Levi had some words to share with me on the matter.”

Your heart twinges at the mention of Levi defending you. “Well, he conceded in the end,
didn’t he? Because we know what we are as Scouts. We signed up for this, and the same goes
for you and me. Our relationship was once murky, but it’s been clear-cut to me since the day
Isabel and Farlan died.”

“Right.” Erwin winces slightly at the mention of that horrible day. “That instance only served
as another reason I believed you were justified in not caring for me.”

“I think I hated you in the moment, but my mind was clouded with hurt and grief. The long
hours I spent afterward in my cell made me truly see what had always been in front of me.”

“Which is?” Erwin asks curiously.

“Ever since you found me in that shithole we have had an understanding. You aren’t a
parental figure, and we aren’t friends, but strictly comrades. Commander and subordinate.
That doesn’t mean you don’t care about me, or I you. You put my life on the line the same
way you do yours, but I let you. I chose to follow you out into the sunlight, out past the walls,
and into the life of the Scouts. If you’re suddenly feeling awkward or apologetic for not
valuing my life more than others simply because our history draws back farther than most,
then get it together.”

Erwin lets out a huffing laugh, tapping his fingers on his desk. “I suppose I’m growing soft in
my old age.”

“Erwin.” You say his name quietly, searching his tired expression. “Why’d you call me here?
Is it really to apologize for not caring more for me than you think you should?”
He peers up at you, then stands and walks toward a box on the windowsill of his room. He
rounds his desk and places it in your hand, and your heart rate picks up when the lid lifts and
you’re met with a syringe full of blue, cloudy liquid.

You swallow. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yes. Kenny Ackerman had it with him and gave it to Levi moments before his death. He
didn’t tell you under my orders.”

“Okay.” You look up at your Commander. “Then why show me now?”

“I called you here for a few reasons. As you’re aware, I met with our squad leaders two days
ago, and upon his arrival back at your base, Levi delivered your summons here.”

“Yes, that is what occurred.” You repeat, unimpressed. “Get to the point, Erwin, I’m feeling
very on edge. You aren’t normally someone to beat around the bush.”

“I’m putting Captain Levi in charge of this syringe, and I’ve given him explicit orders not to
use it on you. There’s no saying this isn’t the same sample that had been proven ineffective in
your past life, and I don’t intend to let it go to waste. If we can use it and steal another Titan
power from Reiner or Bertoldht, our side gains a massive advantage. Levi is the only person
I’m certain will see the end of this operation, or else I’d never ask something so cruel of
him.”

You let out a shaky breath, realizing the point Erwin is making.

He’s given Levi an impossible task in and of itself, but for the only exception of this
responsibility to be you, it is cruel. Even in your understanding of Erwin’s logic, you find
yourself bristling.

You cover the serum and place it back in Erwin’s hand.

“I’ll ask again, Commander, why am I here?”

“If Levi tries to give you the serum, don’t let him.”

You clench your jaw. “Why give him a task as awful as this and doubt his ability to see it
through?”

Erwin’s grin is wry. “You wish to take back your words from before?”

You falter, then sigh. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Yes, of course.” Erwin clears his throat, then steps back around to sit at his desk. “I know
Levi will do what’s right when the moment comes. The real reason I’ve called you here was
to relay a message, one that is conditional.”

You let out a small breath. “Okay, sir. What is it?”

“In the event I die, even if I’m an option, but not his choice, and even if he disregards my
order and chooses you, I want you to make sure he knows I chose him for a reason, and that’s
because I trust no one more than him with this decision, and I trust no one more than you to
reach through to him.”

Your eyes gloss over at the words, the seriousness taking over Erwin’s features. You hadn’t
expected it, this show of emotion from your Commander.

You always felt as though his interior was steel, that he was such a good leader because of his
ability to do what needed to be done and not linger in the effects of his actions. You knew
Erwin had emotions and feelings, but you thought he had built a wall, a tolerance, but you’re
seeing now that even he lets things slip through cracks.
There are many things you could say or ask, but this brief meeting, and the silver of
vulnerability Erwin has shown you, is more than enough to understand. The Commander is
sure he’ll die on this mission, and he’s tying up loose ends.

He’s living with no regrets.

“I’ll make sure he knows.” You tell Erwin, and the man smiles.

“Thank you, Honey. You’re dismissed.”

“I can’t believe Commandant Shadis was hiding such heavy secrets from us,” Hange mutters
behind their mug of beer. “I thought he was better than that.”

“I’m more stuck on the fact that Grisha Jeager was found outside the walls within the same
week I was, which supports the theory he’s likely the man from my memories, my father,
which would mean Eren and I are related, which is the only cool thing about what we learned
today.” You grumble sourly, your anger thick, but the liquor in your system leaves you calmer
than you’ve felt all day since the truth was outed this morning. “But you're right, Hange, your
unrequited love for eyebags turned scorned is more traumatizing.”

”Idiots.” Levi mutters from the head of the table. Both of your gazes fall to him with drunken
pouts, and he rolls his eyes. “It was a rough day, for some more than others, but Eren seemed
to find some peace within the answers.”

“That’s true.” You sigh, rubbing your eyes. You think of the boy upstairs and find your grief
lessening. “Keith’s words about his mother struck him where it matters. His father might’ve
been a liar who left me for dead, but at least his mother was loving and believed in him as he
is. That sounded bitter, but I promise I don’t feel that way about it. I’m happy for Eren. I am.”
Hange chuckles, then pats your back. “You can be happy for him and still pissed off his Dad
was a deadbeat fuckhead to you.”

“We don’t know anything, Hange.” You reply stiffly, frowning into your cup of beer. “There
could be a good reason he-”

“Abandoned his daughter, let her starve in the Underground while he started a new family on
the surface with his hot waitress wife and a brand new shining baby boy? Is that what you
were going to say?”

You shift your gaze to Hange and burn a glare into their shit-eating grin, only to nod in
agreement. “Yeah, something along those lines.”

“If it makes you feel any better, my father cheated on my mother with our neighbor, then
moved in with her and pretended like neither of us existed.” Hange sighs then lowers their
voice. “ Howdy, neighbor! Hi, Dad!”

“What is wrong with you?” Levi exasperates and Hange chuckles, waving the man off.

“I’m only kidding.”

“We know.”

“My father actually died when I was two.” Hange tries out another lie, one that’d be more
believable if both you and Levi didn’t already know their backstory.

You can’t tell if their being an idiot intetionally or if they don’t remember that you know, and
are trying to fuck with you. Levi seems intent on egging them on, either way.

“How’d he die?” He asks with seriousness. You hide your smile in your glass.
“Horse carriage accident.”

“Were they driving?”

“Nope. Run over.”

“Ouch.” Levi deadpans. “Dead on impact?”

“Torturously slow.” Hange muses with a sigh. “Poor Papa.”

The pair stare at one another, the epitome of stoicism, and you can’t help it.

You burst into a fit of laughter. Levi doesn’t find it humorous, but Hange seems beyond
pleased that you do. Tears spring into your eyes before you can even find the words through
your shortness of breath.

“Hange, you idiot.” You wheeze, wiping at your eyes. “What are you even doing?”

“What? You don’t believe me?” They ask through their grin.

“We know you grew up without a Dad, Four-Eyes.”

Hange blinks. “Oh, shit, really? I don’t remember telling you guys that.”

You laugh harder, while Levi picks up the glass of liquor and pours three shots.
“The last time the three of us drank in this room, you were moping about your Titans, and
somehow it came up.” He mutters, and Hange’s lips form an ‘o’ before their glasses shine
with their devious smile.

“I remember that night. Levi flirted with Petra in the kitchen right in front of poor Honey.”

You choke on your drink.

“I did not flirt with her in the kitchen.” Levi snaps instantly.

“Then why was she blushing?” Hange counters.

“How the fuck should I know?” Levi bites back.

“Right,” Hange mutters, and you roll your eyes.

“You're such an instigator when you’re drunk, Hange.” You scold, shaking your head, face
flushed. “Why bother bringing up old shit?”

“It may be old, but it’s still important.” Hange sighs, gesturing toward the two of you. “It’s
your history. That day altered everything.”

“Dramatic.” You mutter under your breath.

“How can you say that? You owned up to your feelings that night. To me, at least.” You flush
and ignore Levi’s heavy gaze on your profile. “Shortstack said he’d never date you even if his
life depended on it, you cried-”
“That’s total bullshit and out of context.” Levi grunts, cutting Hange off before he pauses.
“You cried?”

“She did!” Hange answers for you. “She was inconsolable.”

“Again with the exaggerations, Hange?” You groan before glancing toward Levi, who’s
frowning. “I may have shed a tear or two.”

“At least ten.” Hange corrects with a tut. “No one blames you, Honey. If the man I was
desperately horny for shot me down, I’d be pretty upset, too.”

“You’d have to actually own up to your crush on Keith Shadis for that to happen.” You bite
back, content to ignore Levi’s gaze. Hange glares at you amongst the full circle moment, then
takes another sip of their drink.

“Too soon.”

“He’s not dead, Hange.”

“The man I thought he was is!”

You roll your eyes. “You’re fucking absurd tonight.”

“And you’re being awfully rude considering the day I’ve had,” Hange grumbles, and you
sigh out your nose.

“I might kill you.”

“You’d be so sad without me, though.”

“I know.” You sigh, frowning as you lean your head on their shoulder. “I know, but fuck, can
you get on my nerves.”

“Uh, oh, the cuddles are coming out.” Hange muses with a snicker, eyeing Levi from over
your hair. “Jealous?”

“Not in the slightest.”

Your brow furrows as you look over at him.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“How can he be so cruel?” Hange wraps their arms around your frame. Levi curses under his
breath. “He doesn’t know how good he has it.”

“I guess not.”

“Oi.” You smile at Levi’s protest, amused by the genuine frustration in his voice. “Why are
you suddenly on their side?”

“Hange’s warm.” You mutter back.

“So am I.”

“I thought you weren’t jealous?”

Your eyes pop open as arms wrap around your waist, and your shriek of laughter fills the
dining room. The last thing you expected was to be stolen by force from Hange’s grip and
draped over his shoulder like a wounded soldier on the battlefield.

“Levi!”

“We’re going to bed.” He tells Hange without a second glance before he starts ascending the
stairs. Your smile is pathetically wide as you lift your head to meet Hange’s baffled
expression.

“Hange, help! He’s going to punish me.”

Hange cackles, and Levi makes an annoyed grunt and slaps your thigh. “You’re being bad.”

“Sorry, Captain .” You reply with a snicker. Levi comes to an abrupt halt, and your face turns
beet red at his next words.

“Go back to bed, Connie.” He sighs almost apologetically.

“Yes, sir.”

You cover your face with your hands as Levi starts walking again. You peek through your
fingers to find the other boy further down the hall, eyes bulging out of his head, when you
disappear through the doorframe.

“You really are the worst brat here,” Levi grunts before gripping your hips and pulling you to
his front.

You giggle as you wrap your legs around his waist to catch yourself and his hands find your
ass before his mouth cover yours.
You moan against him, your hands clutching his soft hair. His tongue laps at the roof of your
mouth, but as your back finds the bed, Levi pulls back.

You’re left panting, staring up at him with confused eyes.

“I thought you wanted to be punished?”

“Not like this.” You mutter, pushing up into a sitting position.

“Too bad,” Levi grunts, gripping your jaw. “There’s no chance in fuck Connie isn’t blabbing
to our squad about what he saw. Even if I merely slept in here, they’d jump to their own
conclusions. I’m leaving. You’ll just have to be patient.”

Levi waits for you to nod, then backs away.

When he opens the door, he pauses in the doorway. “What did I just tell you, Springer?”

“Sorry, sir, but I left to get a glass of water earlier, and well, I thought it’d be safe now.”

You laugh, and Levi’s glare is the last thing you see before the door slams shut.
 Promise

“Who knew giving them meat would turn them this ravenous?” Hange asks aloud, mouth
full. You glare at the side of their head until they turn to face you. “What?”

“I knew!” You snap, rolling your eyes before facing the scene that everyone in the dining hall
is staring at. “I specifically told you we should put Sasha in a separate room with her portion
of the lamb roast. I told you that, and yet here we are, watching her try to gnaw Jean’s arm
off.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Hange muses. “You did say that. I thought you were being dramatic. I
see I was wrong.”

A scoff is heard amongst the table, and you lift a challenging brow to the officer, who seems
to have a few words to say.

“Can I help you?”

“Shouldn’t you be stepping in?” He asks, voice tilted with aggravation. Pearson is his name.
He’s been placed here by Niles Dok under Erwin’s request for more men. “They’re your
squad, and they’re disrupting everyone’s meal time over something as trivial as meat.”

You clench your jaw.

You gave Pearson and the handful of MPs joining your mission tomorrow the benefit of the
doubt. After all, they’ve stepped away from their cushy lives and are subjecting themselves to
the filth of the Scout Regiment lifestyle, and death, most likely.

While it’s true declining would have stripped them of their position, surely they deserve a pat
on the back for gritting their teeth and bearing it. That doesn’t mean you won’t put up with
their ignorance or any cruelty toward your squad.
“Pearson, right?” You ask, placing your fork down.

“Squad Leader Pearson.”

“Right.” You roll your eyes. “Listen, Pearson, you may think having lamb with your dinner is
normal, but the Scouts are severely underfunded. That girl over there, I won’t deny she’s
being a total nuisance, but you don’t get to judge her. You spent your life in the city being
spoon-fed breakfast, lunch, and dinner, while she was forced to ration in her village for years.
She then joined the Scouts, knowing food would be in bland and short supply, because she’s
stronger than you’ll ever be.”

The man stares back, slightly dumbfounded, as you push to your feet.

“She doesn’t get to eat meat. She hasn’t eaten meat in years. It’s not trivial to her, so kindly,
fuck off.” You snap when his silence aggravates you further. Hange snickers before you head
over to the group of kids causing a ruckus.

You can see in her eyes that Sasha is in some other world right now, one where she’s a wild
animal on the brink of starvation and fighting for her life. Jean and Connie are the only ones
bothering themselves with trying to calm her down, so you shoot Eren, Mikasa, and Armin a
disappointed glare. They sheepishly face forward in reply, and that’s enough remorse for
you.

“Connie, go over to those barrels in the corner. There should be some rope.”

The boy takes off in a rush, and you sigh, crouching in front of Jean and Sasha. A gleam of
sweat shines on his forehead, and your eyes meet his with appreciation.

“Thank you for helping. Does it hurt?” You gesture to where Sasha’s teeth are sunk into his
forearm.
“No.” Jean grunts. “It’s like a teething baby. She’s just suckling on my arm. What a freak.”

You laugh, shaking your head fondly. “I won’t argue there.”

“Here, Ash.” Connie appears with the thick thread. Connie and Jean maneuver Sasha over to
a pillar while you wrap the rope around her torso. Once she’s tied down, you hit her head and
she drops Jean’s arm with a wince, then passes out.

You blink at her and check her pulse.

“Seriously?” Jean asks, voice incredulous.

“I wasn’t expecting her to knock out like that.” You shrug as you stand, then turn to face their
table. You notice Marlo there, his bowl cut impossible to miss, and offer a smile. “I know
you.”

“Yes, hello.”

“Congrats on being one of the few to volunteer to be here.” You tell him genuinely. “Where’s
your friend?”

“Hitch is a coward.” He mutters, and you lift your brows. “She’s not who I thought she was.”

“Willingly joining our Regiment isn’t an easy thing to do.” You tell him kindly. “It’s not for
everyone, and it’s rare for someone who's seen the life of an MP would actively choose to
leave it. You’re a rare case, very courageous, but that doesn’t make her a coward. Not to me,
anyway.”

“Yeah, not everyone wants to be a suicidal maniac,” Jean announces loudly, intentionally
eyeing Eren from his spot on the other side of Armin. “Some people don’t have to rely on
others to save their asses everytime they feel like running in without a second thought.”
You breathe out your nose at the obvious ploy, but you understand his intention.

Ever since before your fourteen consecutive migraines, Eren has been slightly withdrawn.
You’ve spoken to him and prodded without being overbearing, and he’s just expressed his
focus to perform well, and that the pressure of being the only one capable of plugging the
wall is heavy.

The news of his father’s backstory came to light two days ago, and while you thought that
would only make him fall further inward, his mother’s words are what have stuck with him.

You don’t know much about Eren’s mom. He never wants to broach that topic, but Mikasa
told you once that the pair of them watched her be eaten the day the wall fell.

You know the horror of watching someone you love be devoured right in front of you, but
you don’t know what it’s like to watch a parent die at such a young age in such a gruesome
way. Your mind can’t fathom the trauma Eren and Mikasa experienced that day, but given
Eren’s response to his mother’s words, you know Carla Jaeger had a kind heart.

The light you’ve always admired in Eren seems to have seeped back into the green of his
irises, and that’s why you let it slide when the two fall into their typical quarrels about
nothing.

“Are you talking about someone in particular?” Eren grits out challengingly.

You step back and lean against the pillar Sasha is currently tied to to and hide your smile
behind your hand. Jean lets out a startled, mocking laugh, then scoffs.

“Yeah, I’m looking right at him, suicidal maniac.”

“I’ve realized recently I’m actually a pretty normal person, so if you feel that way, then I
think that just makes you the real coward here, Jean.”

The air is tense before the boys push to their feet and clutch each other’s shirts within their
fists. The words they exchange only cause another disruption in the hall. All eyes fall on
them, and judgmental words are whispered alongside curious ones

Seeing them with life and energy is reassuring, especially Eren, but as they move toward the
center to start a brawl, you pinch the bridge of your nose in embarrassment.

“Just don’t hit the face,” Connie says with a mouth full of food. “Nothing below the belt,
either.”

“What are they doing?” Marlo asks lowly, but no one answers. There’s not really a simple
way to explain Eren and Jean’s relationship, especially when you know neither hates the
other.

If anything, you’d explain them as different sides of the same coin. Eren was born with the
instinct to fight. There’s never been a question in his mind about acting on his emotions, but
he gets ahead of himself, forgets reason and logic, then falters.

Jean doesn’t have that issue because he has to force himself to follow through on what he
believes, to actively choose to do the right thing, but that makes him level-headed in the face
of danger. He thinks, then acts, while Eren acts before he thinks.

Their flaws and strengths misalign, so they genuinely do butt heads, but you know them both
well enough that they like blowing off steam side by side.

“Should we stop them?” Armin asks Mikasa before he looks over her shoulder toward you.

“I think it’s fine,” Mikasa replies quietly, and you snort.

“I agree.”

“You better start paying your mom some respect, Jean-Boy !” Eren shouts, and this time you
turn your shoulder and duck to laugh.

“Really?”

You peer through your crinkled eyes to find Levi approaching from a side door. He’s in a
light gray long-sleeve shirt that clings to his muscles and exposes his collarbones.

You blush slightly at the sight of him, then offer a sheepish smile when he takes in the scene
your squad has created. His eyes drift from where Sasha’s tied up to where Eren and Jean are
exchanging blows, then back to you with an unimpressed look.

“Sorry.”

“Are you?” He sighs, peering around the pillar. “How long have they been doing this?”

“So far? Two minutes.”

“And Braus?”

“They served meat today.”

“Ah.”

Levi stares over at the fight unfolding, and you stare at him, eyes dipping to the exposed skin
on his chest, the sharpness of his jaw, the clean-cut line of his undercut. You feel so much in
your chest when he’s near, an overwhelming flurry of affection and attraction.

You don’t think you could ever love him more than you already do, then you’re apart for
mere hours, and his return is like the sun poking it’s head through a cloudy sky. You’re so
fond of him you could burst, and when you think of the operation tomorrow, and what’s at
stake, it makes the love turn into a paralyzing ache.

You don’t want any of this to end.

“I feel you staring.”

You don’t feel like speaking your mind just yet, so you glance back over your shoulder and
change the subject.

“Are all teenage boys like this?”

“Violent and stupid?”

“Yeah.”

“Mostly.” Levi shrugs. “They’re one or the other, if not both.”

“Which one were you?” You smirk as you glance his way. Levi stares back unimpressed.

“Funny.”

“Thank you.”
“I’m putting an end to this.” He grunts before he brushes past you and stalks towards the
boys in the center of the room.

“Hey.”

Their heads whip his way, eyes widening, but before either can utter a word, he’s punching
Jean clean in the stomach and kicking Eren in his. They fall to the floor with groans, and the
room goes silent.

“That’s enough celebrating. Party’s over.” He orders lowly before his face scrunches into a
grimace at the sight of Jean spilling his guts all over the floor. You wince, too. “And clean
that up.”

He steps around the pile of vomit and heads toward you.

“Come with me.”

You blink and watch his figure retreat, before turning toward Mikasa.

“Please, make sure Sasha gets her portion.”

“I’ve already got a plate saved.” The girl answers back.

“Thank you,” Your smile is grateful as you squeeze her shoulder gently, “Enjoy the night. I’ll
see you all tomorrow morning for check-in.”

The kids who are still sitting wave you goodbye, and you wave back before following Levi’s
trail.
Outside, you find him waiting, back to the wall and arms crossed. He regards you quietly as
you approach.

“Sorry, I was-”

“Making sure Sasha was taken care of. I know.” He cuts you off, eyes shining under the street
light. He nods his head as he pushes off, and you follow him blindly, trustingly, without a
question or word.

It's misleading, the beautiful, starry sky and the man leading you down a cobblestoned path,
the cool night breeze that pushes through your hair and feels silky against your skin. There is
a warmth in your veins from the drinks, in your heart as you stare at Levi’s profile, and it
makes you feel like there are only good days ahead.

You know it’s a lie.

The first time you and Levi were on these steps together, he asked you to protect Isabel and
Farlan, and you had been naive. You both felt hope for different reasons: his because you had
essentially promised to die for his friends, and yours because you really thought you could
control what happened outside the walls.

You know better now. You know better than to think that tomorrow will bring anything other
than pain, sorrow, and death, even in the face of a victory. There’s nothing either of you can
do or say to change that fate. People will die. It can’t be delayed or stopped, but right now
you are here, not there, and the air is soft and you’re with Levi.

You won’t spend your time on these steps, worried about controlling what tomorrow will
bring. You’ll spend it in the now.

Levi suddenly veers left into a small bar, and you follow him in.
There are few people inside, so it doesn’t take long for the bartender to recognize your
presence and offer free beers. The Scouts have been respected more in Trost since Hange,
Moblit, and Flegel tricked the MPs into confessing their crimes.

“Four shots, too, please, but let us pay for those.” You insist to the man behind the counter.
You don’t hear any protest from Levi as you knock back two each before carrying your mugs
back outside.

The buzz under the skin is thicker, making your lips and limbs looser.

“It’s beautiful out.” You sigh, but before you can sit on the steps, Levi tugs you into a small
alcove. Your skin tints pink at his proximity before he sits with his back to the wall, and you
mirror him, knees bent, pressing together as you’re situated face to face.

“I just wanted to get away from the noise,” Levi says quietly after a moment. “And sitting out
there, we’d just get gawked at.”

“Can you blame them? You have a reputation. People want to know what Humanity’s
Strongest gets up to the night before a battle.” Levi glares in response, and a laugh parts your
lips. “If looks could kill, I would’ve been dead the day we met.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” You scoff at the obvious lie, but Levi holds strong. “If I had the shitty
ability to murder people with my eyes I’d learn how to control it.”

“No amount of training would stop you from burning holes into people’s heads.” You smirk.
“Besides, you would have used it on me. One hundred percent.”

“No.”

“Yes!”
“No.”

“Levi, when I rounded that corner with Isabel tied up, I would have dropped dead from the
glare you sent my way.”

Levi pauses. “Maybe.”

You toss your head back with a laugh, shaking your head fondly as you look back across at
the man you love more than anything. He’s watching you, expression softer than usual.

“What is it?” You murmur.

“I-

“I know it’s wrong for me to say this, but shouldn’t you both look out for me more?” Eren’s
voice carries through your conversation. You lean your head to the side against the wall with
a tiny smile, staring into Levi’s eyes as Armin’s voice comes in next.

“I figured if you got hurt, you’d just heal.”

“That’s sort of cruel,” Eren mutters.

“You started the fight, Eren.” Mikasa is third, her voice stern. “That’s not on us.”

“At least you’re spunky again.” Armin tacks on, voice uplifted. “We’ve been worried about
you.”

“Meeting with Commandant Shadies helped me put things into perspective.” Eren’s reply is
so quiet you can barely hear him. “The past two months, I’ve been so focused on the things I
couldn’t change. I felt powerless and weak, like I was letting everyone down, but alone,
everyone needs help. I saw that with Ash. She’s one of the strongest people we know, and yet
I’ve never seen anyone look as frail as she did after those migraines. Captain Levi, he’s the
strongest person we know, and yet even he gets rattled when she does.”

You don’t shift your gaze from Levi’s, and his doesn’t falter either as Eren continues.

“I had those bits and pieces, but it wasn’t until I learned about how my Mom saw the good in
me before I had any good to give that it all fell into place. I was born as I am, the same way
you both were. Every person is different, but that’s why we're such a good team. Together,
we’re powerful. I don’t need to be anything I’m not. Just me.”

“I think you’re right,” Armin murmurs thoughtfully after a moment. “I’ve felt that way, too,
like who I am isn’t good enough, but we all have strengths and weaknesses, but for what I
lack, someone else makes up for it.”

The three are silent for a moment before Mikasa’s delicate voice rings out.

“Once we retake Wall Maria and defeat all our enemies, will they come back? The days we
once took for granted?”

“We’ll bring them back.” Eren’s response is certain. “Some things will forever be changed,
and we’ll make them pay for that.”

“We’ll make new memories, too.” Armin’s voice has a new tilt to it, one full of hope. Your
eyes burn at the sound of it, and Levi lifts a hand to your knee as you squeeze them shut.
“The sea, guys! The book said it’s a salt lake so big that merchants could spend their lives
and still not get all the salt. There’s more to look forward to than just reclaiming our land, and
there’s more than just Titans outside the walls. Fiery water, lands of ice, sandy snowfields. I
joined the Scouts to see all of that, and when we defeat the others, it should be the first thing
we do!”

“Yeah, you sure did.” Eren laughs good-heartedly. He doesn’t sound as sure.
“That settles it, then! Let’s start by seeing the sea. I know you secretly doubt it’s real, Eren,
but you’ll see! It does exist!”

“Yeah, alright, alright.” The green-eyed boy sighs. “It’s a promise.”

“It’s a promise,” Mikasa adds.

Levi taps your knee, and your eyes flutter open.

His lips are twisted down, and you know both of you are reminiscing about the past and
fearing feelings of hope for the future. It’s dangerous to let yourself think so positively about
what lies ahead, but those three kids, Armin in particular, are brave in their dreams. They
always have been, and it reminds you of your promise to Levi, to see the end of this war by
his side.

It’s true, tomorrow will bring horrors and destruction to the lives you know now, but that
doesn’t mean good things don’t exist at all in your future. You’ve suffered plenty in the past
year, but you’ve also been blessed.

Your eyes dip to where Levi’s hand is resting, and you feel tears slip down your cheeks as
you note the slight extension of his pinky finger.

You can only be who you are. You can’t control tomorrow’s outcome, but you will allow
yourself a moment to look forward to the occasional good day. Any one would do.

You link your pinky to his and offer a watery smile.

“It’s a promise.”
 Forever Changed
Chapter Notes

a slightly shorter chapter with fluff and smut before the return to Shiganshia arc.... i plan
to be writing like non stop for the next two days so expect something later today or
tomorrow and well i wish u the best

You don’t bother going back to your bed, and Levi doesn’t expect you to as the two of you
pass your door and he ushers you inside his room.

A peaceful quiet surrounds the four walls as you step out of your boots, and Levi brings the
tea and water you in the dining hall for over to his desk.

You fold your jacket atop Levi’s dresser before stepping out of your pants and adding them to
the pile. Tugging the shirt over your head, you're left in your underclothes as you pad into the
bathroom.

You rinse your face and brush your teeth before reemerging in the doorway. Your smile is
amused and fond when you find Levi sitting with his back turned and a cup of tea held
delicately by its brim in his right hand.

You approach him quietly and wrap your arms around his neck from behind, careful not to
spill the liquid as you lean your chin on his shoulder. Your body shapes to his so easily,
you’re sure you could sleep here like you had in the forest, pressed to his hard yet
comfortable frame.

“Don’t fall asleep on me.”

Your chuckle is soft. “How’d you know?”

“You’re starting to get heavier.”

“Sorry.” You murmur, placing a parting kiss to his skin before backing up. He places his cup
down, then grips you by the wrist and guides you to his front. You eye him and he nods, so
you straddle his waist in the chair and lean into him, rewrapping your arms around his neck.

You sigh, letting your eyes close as you cling to him, and his hands palm your back, soothing
circles into your skin.

“I’m still in danger of falling asleep.” You mumble.

“I know, but at least this way I won’t have to wake you when I get up.”

Your heart twinges with affection as you let yourself fall deeper into him.

“Okay.”

When your eyes flutter open, darkness encompasses the room, but the faint scent of candle
smoke lingers.

It can’t have been long since Levi maneuvered the two of you to where you are now, his arms
wrapped around your frame from behind, your heads sharing the same pillow, his heartbeat
against your shoulder blades; and even still, you’re set to leave two hours before sunrise.

Your bones know that isn’t long from now, and soon you’ll leave the warmth of his embrace
and dive headfirst into enemy territory. You dread your separation and yearn to be impossibly
closer.

“Go back to sleep,” Levi grumbles, voice muffling against the crown of your head. “We still
have-”
“Don’t tell me.” You press back into him, and his fingers widen, palming your abdomen and
ribs. “I don’t want to think about what little time we have left.”

Your voice is still thick with sleep, but your nerves are fiery and spiking with each crook of
your body that molds to each corner of his. You want more than just to be encased in his
warmth. You want to smother in it.

Levi’s grip turns firm and assertive against your skin, and his head dips, lips brushing your
ear.

“What is it that you want then?”

“I want you to touch me.” You breathe out in a quick response.

He lifts the hand pressed to your ribs to cover your thinly clothed breasts, and cups it gently,
rolling his thumb over the pebbled skin. You arch back with a moan, your core dully aching
at the simplest of touches, and Levi lets out a huff in response.

“Like this?”

“Yes.” You whimper, turning your head so his nose brushes your left temple. His breath fans
your cheekbone as he pinches your nipple through the fabric of your tank top, and you whine,
lifting a hand to the back of his head and guiding his mouth to yours.

Levi swallows your tongue the moment you press it behind his teeth, and your gut swims
with want as his hand slides down your body and dips into your underwear.

“Fuck.” He grunts as his middle finger parts your folds and dips into your entrance. He curls
the digit in deep, and you cry out, clinging to his neck. He slips two more inside, stretching
your weeping core wide, and you take it eagerly, a mix of incoherent pleas and moans parting
your lips.

“Oh, fuck, Levi, like that.”

“Yeah?” Levi pumps his hand, then pushes it to the hilt and massages your walls, pressing
pleasure points that make your abdomen taut with your impending orgasm. The sound of
your slickening cunt is filling the room with sinful squelches, and the groan Levi lets out is
from deep within in his chest.

“Hear that?” He breathes out against yout lips as he starts jabbing your weakest spot. “You’re
gonna make my fingers fucking soggy.”

“Levi.” You gasp, your grip tightening on his nape. “Oh, fuck, I’m-”

You're empty in an instant, but before you can get the question off your tongue, Levi’s
gripping your knee and widening the area between your legs where he’s slotting himself.

He cradles your jaw and places a kiss on your lips, soft and slow, while he lines his length up
to your entrance. You moan against his mouth as he slides in, gently and slowly. Your walls
envelope him tightly, urging him deep, begging him to stay.

“Don’t go,” Levi murmurs against you as he starts rocking his hips. Your heart aches as your
abdomen tenses. “Stay here and be here when I return.”

“You know I can’t do that.” You whimper, carding your fingers through his hair as he tugs
your knee up higher.

“I do know,” Levi replies, his pace quickening, your cries growing louder. “I just don’t want
to lose you. Tell me I won’t lose you.”
“You won’t lose me.” You whimper and Levi lets out a guttural groan, cock twitching inside
you. “You won’t lose me, baby.”

“Tell me how it feels.”

“It feels so fucking good, Levi.” You reply swiftly, crying as he pummels into your cunt.
“Fuck, you’re going to make me come.”

“Tell me you love me first.”

“I love you.” You mewl shakily as you reach the brink. “I love you, I love -oh fuck!”

Levi hammers you into the mattress as your orgasm hits, and his lips mouth your jaw, your
collarbones, your lips. You’re a puddle underneath him, his pleading making you delirious,
your heart soaring and shattering at once as your body shakes.

He doesn’t let up as you come down, keeps punishing your pussy with deep, hard thrusts
while he holds your body like it’s fragile.

“You’ll always be mine.” His voice reveals how vulnerable he feels. Thick and full of
emotion. Your breath catches and the ball in your gut starts its ascent once more.

“Yours.” You slur, blinking wetly at him through the dark. “Always yours.”

“If you leave, I’ll follow. If I lose you, I’ll find you. You aren’t going anywhere. Say it.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Your voice is assertive before you grip his face and pull him into
a deep kiss. It’s long-lasting and messy, your breaths warm and intertwining as sweat trickles
on your skin. Levi’s hips stutter, and he groans, pulling back to dip his head.
“I’m close.”

“Tell me first.” You guide him back to your lips, words muffling against them. “Tell me I’ll
never-”

“You’re never going to lose me.” Levi grits out.

“What else?”

“Your pussy feels so good wrapped around me.” He whimpers, and your nerves spike with
lust. “I was made to do this, to fuck you, to make you feel good, to keep you safe, to -shit,
Ash, I’m-”

“Keep going.” You whine desperately. “Please, Levi, tell me you-”

“I love you.” He hushes you with the words, face crumpled in ache and lust, “Always will.
Always want this. You. I want you.”

“Come, Levi.” You urge him, tears pooling into your ears. “I love you.”

It takes two seconds before Levi pulls out and coats your clammy skin with his release. He’s
a groaning, whiney mess, and you’re core throbs and your heart yearns at the sight. Then he’s
done he crouches and cleans you’re stomach and cunt with his tongue.

You grip his hair and your legs shake when he wraps his mouth around your puffy skin and
sucks, and your second orgasm is cleaned up by him, languidly and delicately. You tug him
back up your body and capture his lips, tasting him and you and feeling his spent cock press
to your overused center. It’s intimacy and trust and so much love and care.

You kiss for minutes it feels like, relishing in their after-sex haze, the world the two of you
share inside this tiny bedroom, the bubble you’ll have to pop when you leave. You’re still
crying, letting yourself grieve the safety and comfort here in his arms, but he wipes them
away when he pulls back, collecting your tears on his thumbs.

“Shower?” He asks softly, eyes searching yours. You know what that means. There isn’t any
time left.

“Yeah.” You nod, lips pressing together. “Shower.”

When you’re clean, you both dress in opposite corners of the room, rebuilding the walls you
need to survive outside of this cocoon, and when you reconvene at the door, Levi lifts a palm
to the back of your head and guides you in. His lips press a soft kiss to your temple, then in
an instant, he’s gone.

You watch his back as he opens the bedroom door, and the bubble, as you always knew it
would, pops.

You shut the door behind you, preserving what’s left inside, and follow Levi down the hall.

“Hange! Good luck!”

You whip your head over to the edge of the wall, then your eyes widen at the sight of the
mass group of people gathering below.

“Flegel?” Hange says in disbelief, appearing on your left, fixing their glasses. You snort.

“You really did a number on him.”

“He’s just grateful, is all,” Hange mutters, eyes shifting to Moblit on their left. You catch the
look and raise your brows. When Hange notices, they shake their head, you back off. Another
time, then.

“Whose the little rat that told?” Levi grunts on the other side of the Commander as the others
note the fans down below.

“Things did get a little rowdy in the dining hall last night.” Some voice adds, and everyone
seems to accept that as the answer. You peer over your shoulder at Eren and Jean, only to find
the shorter boy with a bloody nose.

Jean must notice the look on your face because he immediately tosses his hands up. “It
wasn’t me!”

“It was me,” Eren mutters darkly. “I’m done now, though, and I’m ready.”

You meet his eyes, the familiar determination there, and smile.

“Okay. Is everyone else-”

You're cut off by a booming yell that makes you jump, and you whip your head around to
find Erwin with his arm raised and the noise coming from his lips. You meet Levi’s eyes
once, noting the amusement there, and roll your eyes.

All of your squad starts to cheer too, and the people down below love it. They start whistling,
waving towels, and you’re stunned by the warming departure. The Scouts have never once
been regarded in such a positive light.

“Cheer, Honey!” Hange wraps an arm around your shoulder with a wide-eyed smile. “We’re
taking back Shiganshia! It’s cause for celebration!”
“We have to do it first.” You mutter, and Hange scoffs. “What? It’s true!”

“You’ve been spending too much time with short stack.”

“Oi!”

“Let me hear a ‘Woohoo!’”

You laugh at your friend’s ridiculously sounding noise, but your heart swells with affection
for them. Surely, they’ve noticed your lackluster mood. It’s fizzling around, people’s nerves
and fears of failure or worse, death. You know Hange feels it, too, but right now their smile is
genuine and their excitement is real.

“We’re on the brink of discovering everything, Honey,” Hange says next, shining as they turn
you both and look out toward Wall Maria. “Remember when we first became friends, and
you didn’t judge me for my love of science and everything Titan because you were just as
curious? We would both talk for hours about theories of what life outside the walls really
could be, where the Titans are from, and where you are from. Well, it’s here and within reach.
Discovery , Honey! Everything we’ve done has been for this moment! Now, let me hear a-”

You cut Hange off with a holler of your own. It’s pitchy and shrieky, and their head tosses
back into a cackle at what you’re sure was a very disturbing noise. Your cheeks burn, but
Hange’s joy makes it worth it, even when your squad complains and covers their ears around
you.

“Happy?” You scoff, crossing your arms. Hange wipes their eyes and nods.

“So, so happy.” Their eyes flick over your shoulder, and you turn, finding Levi approaching.

“Is there a dying rat over here?”

Hange succumbs further to laughter while you glare back at your Captain.

“Funny.”

“I know.”

You bite the inside of your cheek to stop a smile and look out past the wall once more. Levi’s
gaze lingers on your profile.

“Did you hear Hange?”

“They talk in uppercase. I can always hear them.”

“Then you know they’re right. Everything we don’t know about the world, about Eren, about
me, it’s likely we’re going to learn it today. Almost every unanswered question will be
answered.”

“If we all survive.” You can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of you. “What?”

“I do sound like you sometimes.” Levi glares in response, and you smile at him. “I don’t
think it’s a bad thing. I’ve got you, my little pessimist on one shoulder-”

“Little?”

“-and Hange, my overbearing optimist on the other.”

“What do you have to say about it then?” Levi asks, crossing his arms. “What does Ash’s
mind think?”
“I think we’ll do it.” You tell him softly, the wind pushing through your hair. “I think we’ll
learn the truth, but not without sacrifice. I know in my heart you’ll be okay, and Hange will
be okay. You just have to be, and you’ll see the end of this operation for those who can’t.”

Levi’s deadly quiet, so you glance his way, and his expression fractures every piece of your
heart. You realize then how your words sounded, but you hadn’t even considered yourself in
your own reply.

“And you?” His voice is barely audible. Fragile.

“Soldiers! The Operation to take back Wall Maria begins now! Move out!”

Commander Erwin’s voice slices through the tension between you and Levi, and you’re both
forced to stop your conversation here, unended, because your mission is starting, and no one
knows how it’ll end.

Your gut merely hopes for your loved ones to survive, for you to see the aftermath with them,
but words are ringing through your mind. Words that belonged to Eren, words he said to his
friends last night on the steps where you once made a broken promise to Levi. Words that are
the only thing you know to be true, and they feel blatantly obvious.

Some things will forever be changed.

 Flames
Chapter Notes

A quick note before we get into this -

I've been getting some spam/bot hate comments from guest accounts so I had to
unfortunately turn off comments from unregistered users.. to all my guest readers who
have been commenting, I'm so grateful for you dedication to my story and I'm so sorry I
won't be able to hear your voices as we continue forward, but this is something I enjoy
doing and I'm too fragile to deal with the negativity these comments brought on, so I put
a quick end to it.

I hope you understand <3

Here's an update for you all.. please don't hate me (:

“Eren!” You call out to him as he lands atop the wall. Hange lands beside you, taking in the
sight of the boy while Mikasa is already there, doing the same.

“I’m fine.” He says, eyes drifting from you to the Section commander. “I’m not even tired.
All that training paid off.”

You smile proudly and reach over to ruffle his hair. “Nice work. Where’s your hood?”

“Lost it.”

Mikasa places hers on his shoulders, and Eren looks over her gratefully. “Thank you.”

“How’s it look?” Levi hollers down to the troops below. They’re voices are hard to hear, but
the green flare lets you know it worked. The outer gate is sealed.
“Let’s not waste time,” Hange announces, using their blade to direct the group of you.
“Everyone, head for the inner gate, and keep your face hidden!”

Your squad moves in step around the perimeter of the wall, eyes peeled for any sign of
danger.

“This felt too easy,” Hange mutters, a worried look taking over their features. “Eren’s
impressed me, and I know we’re due for some luck, but why hasn’t our enemy made a move
yet? Surely something is happening under our noses and it’s making me itch.”

Hange’s just put your fears into words, and you’re glad they’re on the same page as you.

The Scout Regiment arrived less than fifteen minutes ago and hasn’t faced any resistance, nor
have you seen a single Titan. There’s no doubt in your mind that the enemies are near, biding
their time, waiting for a specific moment to strike, and that leaves you unsettled and on edge.

“I think you’re right.” You wince, looking around, staying focused. “We might be playing
into their hands.”

“Even still, the operation continues as planned,” Levi calls out a step ahead of you. “We’re
used to being the ones in the dark, and that doesn’t change now. Move forward, and when
they inevitably show their cards, we’ll react. Now, switch to ODM gear and meet above the
inner gate!”

“Yes, sir!”

You’re within a hundred meters of your destination when you see it. The red smoke filling
the sky has everyone latching onto the wall, eyes wide, and taking in the sight of the sign to
halt the mission.

“Everyone, scatter a top on the wall!” Hange screams out before you meet with them, and
Levi, your backs to each other as you scour the area.
“I wonder if Armin found something,” Eren says aloud a few feet over.

“I wouldn’t put it past him.” You reply. “Our enemy may always have the upper hand, but
they underestimate us, especially soldiers like Armin. It’s like having a secret weapon.”

“We do have a secret weapon,” Levi mutters. “An actual secret weapon.”

“Someone’s jealous.” Hange retorts, making you chuckle and Levi tch.

“Fuck off and stay focused.” He mutters back.

“I feel like a sitting duck out here,” Connie admits, his group consisting of Jean and Sasha.
You’re facing them and able to offer a reassuring look.

“Commander Erwin has likely figured out a course of action now. We won’t stand here
long.”

“They’re moving!”

You all shift out of formation to find hundreds of Scouts scaling the walls, tapping the surface
with their swords. You note the familiar head of blonde hair just below your section, and
shake your head in admiration.

“What are they doing?” Sasha asks aloud.

“Armin.” You smile to yourself. “He did figure something out. He remembered the Titans on
the walls. I’m sure he-”
“I’ll bet your butts he thinks Reiner and Bertoldht are hiding inside the walls.” Hange cuts
you off, glasses shining under the sun as if they thought of it all on their own. “It makes
sense. They don’t know we know, and it’s the perfect spot to see everything going on.”

You glare at the side of their head for a second before rolling your neck and looking back
down. It happens fast.

Fingers grip your cape and pull you, protecting you from the grey acoustic shell launching
upward right where you had just been before the hand vanishes. You fall on your ass but
know it was Levi who saved you because he rounds you and launches himself down the
wall.

You scramble over, heart in your throat as you witness the moment Levi’s blade is jammed
through Reiner’s neck. You hear the familiar rageful roar from Levi as he sends the other one
through the man’s chest, running down the tall surface in a way only he can make look
graceful.

You’re sure the enemy is dead when Levi suddenly halts, pulling his blade back and latching
onto the wall. The body falls to the ground, then a yellow light erupts. Your hair is blown
backwards from the gust of wind produced by the transformation.

“What are these guys fucking made of?” Levi spits before glancing toward Armin. The
blonde looks frantic and sweaty, but nods gratefully toward his Captain. You know that Levi
reacted so swiftly and without a second thought because he saw the window to do so, but also
because Armin was in danger.

“Fuck.” You curse out in temporary relief, hanging your head, then pushing to your feet. Levi
and Armin land beside you, and Hange’s voice rings out.

“We need to group with the Commander. We’ll wait for his orders!”

You start to move, watching Erwin from afar as he moves his hand out, then pain rips through
your skull. You crumble to the ground with a wail, and the world around you fades.
Your comrades stare on in horror as you fall, and at the same time, a wall of yellow lights
explodes within Wall Maria, a line of monsters and one large, fur-covered Titan in the
middle.

“Fucking shit.” Hange curses, head whipping to where you’re clutching your head,
screaming, and out to where all the enemies just appeared. “That has to be Zeke, Levi. The
ugly one in the middle. He’s the one doing this.”

“Jean, stay with Ash.” Levi barks out, face grimaced in distress. “Everyone else, group with
Erwin. We can’t stop, and Ash wouldn’t want us to. When she wakes up, make sure she’s
alright, then regroup with our squad.”

“Yes, sir.” Jean grits, crouching by your side, while everyone reluctantly turns and runs
toward their Commander. Levi hears your cries fade over his shoulder, and his gut swells
with guilt.

“It’s fine,” Hange says from his left. “She’ll be fine. Zeke can’t fuck with her more than he
already has. The migraines stopped for a reason. She scared him when she saw it was him
inside her head. The only reason she’s hurting now is because of something he did to turn
those Titans. I’m sure this time it wasn’t his intention, only a side effect of his ability. She’ll
be fine.”

Levi knows Hange’s words are level-headed and reasonable conjecture, and yet it doesn’t
ease the ache in his chest he’s felt since your lack of reply to his questions this morning.

He knows your will to live is fierce, that you’re one of the strongest people he’s ever known,
that you’ll fight tooth and nail to survive and keep your promise, but he also knows it’s not
entirely in his or your control, and that scares the fucking shit out of him.

Your screams come to a halt behind him, and he turns, catching a glance of you pushing
yourself up onto your hands.
“See?” Hange nudges him, only for the two of them to curse when they hear a holler from
Zeke, and you fall again. Hange looks out towards the land inside the Wall and curses.
“Watch out! Multiple two and three-meter approaching!”

“Fucking damnit.” Levi grits out, face pained. “If he keeps doing this-”

“He won’t,” Hange says with assurance. “He’s only doing it to communicate with Titans on
his side, and he’s only got one more line of Titans at his disposal.”

“That’s still one more time, Hange.”

“She endured thirteen.” The Section Commander reminds him. “She can handle three and
probably rejoin the fight.”

“I’d rather lock her away until we’re ready to leave.”

“Adorable.” Hange snorts, shaking their head. “Chin up, Levi. It’s out of your control.”

“Thanks, Four-eyes. Sound advice.” Levi bristles. He’s all too well aware of that fact.

Any sense of control he thought he had has been an illusion for him since he met you.

His whole life, he’s directed himself onto the path that would hurt less. People think he’s
strong or cold when in reality, he’s forced himself into a mentality that refuses to slow down
in the face of grief, anger, or hurt. He detaches himself entirely, and eventually, lives with the
pain caged somewhere he can’t reach, and never lets it bug him again.

When his mother died, he stayed holed up in that bedroom because moving meant facing the
reality that she was gone, and when Kenny offered him a way out, he took it and didn’t
glance toward the bed once. He never cried for his mother even though her death left a hole
in his chest the size of a fucking melon and irrevocably altered his brain chemistry.
When Levi broke her teacup, the wall almost crumbled, but instead of wallowing, he decided
to never hold a cup the same way so he’d never think about it again. When gang members
laughed about the whores in the brothels, he’d move onto the next group. Anything that
brought up her memory, he’d ignore.

He thought he had it locked down, and even when he met Isabel and Farlan, he was sure he’d
be fine if their time together came to an end, solely because he had a system to enact in the
face of death. If he could find a way not to grieve his mother, then certainly he could find a
way to deal with losing another efficiently.

His heart rate would sharpen and quicken and pace, and he’d detach himself on instinct.

His mother died. Detach and move on.

Kenny left. Detach and move on.

Isabel and Farlan died.

He sat in that cell for days constructing a wall, only to find himself in a never-ending cycle of
trying and failing, because he’d detached himself, but you didn’t let him move on.

Your presence a cell over was blaring even in the silence.

When he’d try to block out the memory of Isabel’s severed head, he’d think of your crumbled
form in the muddy grass being pelted by rain just beside it, and when he’d tried to block the
image of Farlan’s upper half being tossed, he’d remember your rageful cry and pitiful sobs
while Hange held you back from Erwin.

You were the loose end he couldn’t tie up because you weren’t dead. You were very much
alive and all-consumed with grief for people he thought he’d be the only one to lose. He
realized then his ease in skipping the mourning process was the fact that he never had anyone
to share his grief with, to remind him of what he lost and the unfairness of it all.

Isabel and Farlan died, and he ached all over.

He wanted to hate you for it. You ruined everything he built. You made him feel weak, then
proceeded to show him how it was possible to live with grief, that he had it wrong the whole
time, that he had been weak long before you made him feel it.

He couldn’t fathom how you let yourself fall victim to your hurt and maintain your strength,
your compassion, your kindness. He couldn’t believe you were trying to apologize, that you
kept reaching out a hand after he continuously ignored it. You deserved better than him, and
all he wanted to do was enact his usual course of action in the face of death.

You didn’t let him, and no, he didn’t hate you for it; he fell in love with you because of it.

His heart bled with indescribable awe and it’s been an insufferable, tormenting,
uncontrollable, fucked-up life since you barreled your way into his chest, and yet he’d rather
die than detangle himself from you.

If you die, so will he.

You suck in a shuddering breath as the pain comes to an end. A hand rubs your shoulder, and
your eyes flutter open, wetness coating your cheeks as you look up to find Jean.

“Alright?” He asks quietly, brow furrowed. You nod, your throat dry before glancing around.

You sit up quickly, the realization that you’ve had a migraine in the middle of a mission
jolting you awake. Jean scoffs when you inevitably wince and clutch your skull.
“Relax.” He mutters, reaching for his water canister. “You’ve only been out of it for a minute
or so, but you suffered two. The Commander hasn’t even given word yet on our course of
action. You haven’t missed anything.”

Your shoulders sag, and you offer him an appreciative nod as you gulp down a few sips of the
water.

“Can you stand?” Jean asks as you hand the sack back to him.

“I think so.” You reply with a shaky breath. “That sucked but I think having thirteen in a row
built up a tolerance. Enduring just two suddenly feels like a blessing.”

“You’ve got color coming back to your cheeks, too.” He admits, eyes roaming your features.
“Here.”

You take his hand and do what you can to aid him in pulling you to your feet. You use his
frame to steady yourself and wait, making sure you’re not light-headed before you drop your
hand from his shoulder.

“I’m okay.” You nod, meeting Jean’s worried eyes. “Thank you for holding back.”

“The Captain asked me to.” He replies, lifting his gaze towards the others. “Shit, let’s go.”

You follow his line of sight and utter similar sentiments. People are starting to move. Erwin
has given his orders.

You run, watching as your squad takes off toward Shiganshi district while the others drop
down to where your horses are being kept inside the inner gate. It’s then you see the line of
Titans, and the massive hairy one standing amongst them.
You know it in your bones that the person in control of that intelligent Titan is Zeke.

“Damnit, Jean, you said I didn’t miss anything!” You hiss, slapping his arm lightly. He looks
over at you, a confused and offended expression on his face.

“You didn’t!”

“The giant monkey?” You scoff, and his lips press together.

“My bad.”

You roll your eyes and look forward once more, locking eyes with Levi. You see the way his
stiff posture relaxes at the sight of you up and moving, and he offers you one nod before
hurling down toward the side the Beast Titan is on—your pulse skips.

“Commander!” You call, huffing slightly as you reach his side. Erwin takes in your
appearance.

“You’re alright?”

“Yes.” You nod. “I’m fine. That was nothing compared to the other times.”

“Good. Any memories?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“That’s fine. We have bigger fish to fry, anyway. The two of you will join your squad and
Hange’s squad in taking down the Armor Titan. I’ve sent Armin with my plan and have
placed in in charge of your squad. It’s good to see you on your feet. You’ve come a long
way.”

Your lips part to ask, but you snap them shut, deeming it inappropriate.

“I’ve given him the task to take down the Beast Titan.” He informs you, lips quirking
slightly. “I have faith he is more than capable of doing so.”

“Yes, sir.” You agree sheepishly before clearing your throat. “Be safe, Commander. Jean, let’s
go.”

You and the younger boy take off, finding Hange and the others atop a building.

“Ash!” Armin is the first to acknowledge your presence, and the others follow suit with
relieved smiles. Your heart warms at their joy of seeing you, but it’s Hange's gasp of delight
that makes you scoff.

“Don’t act like I died.” You push them away as they go in for a hug. “Stay on topic. What’s
the plan?”

“I’m sure you noticed Reiner is scaling the wall as we speak, yes?” Hange falls back into
their professional tone, and you sigh, glancing toward the large Titan you’d have to be blind
to miss.

“Yes, I happened to have seen that.”

“The Commander is worried the Armor Titan is intending to go for our horses and deny us
any chance of escape, but their main goal is to capture Eren. Revealing himself should do the
trick in getting him to run around, and if he doesn’t, Eren will wrap around and get The Beast
Titan to break formation. Lovely brother you have, by the way.”
“Yes, I think so, too.”

The sound of a transformation captures your attention, and you find Eren’s Titan streets over.
All your gazes shift to where Reiner is perched. Moments pass, but eventually he moves.
He’s headed back down the wall. He fell for the bait.

“Everyone, ensure you’re ODM gear is secure and that you’re Thunder Spears are properly
engaged.” Hange hollers, eyeing each of you. “We wait nearby for Eren to create an opening,
then go in for the kill. Remember, aim for the weak spots in between the armor plates!”

You squad wraps around right while Hange takes their squad left, and you watch intently as
Eren and Reiner share punches. It’s obvious Eren’s improved in combat, and it doesn’t take
long until he’s got Reiner on his hands and knees, nape exposed.

“Go!” You shout before hauling yourself forward. You whizz through the air, rearing back a
thunder spear while Hange aligns beside you. With precision, your explosives land on either
side of the hardened skin covering his nape, then you latch backwards. Mikasa and Armin fly
in above you, then Sasha and Connie come up from below.

You land on a building as the booming sound fills the space, and the Titan roars, the
protective layer shattered.

“Another round!” Hange screams out, and you repeat the process. This time, when the
thunder spears explode, the body inside is revealed. His head is half gone, but you know he
isn’t dead yet. You can tell by the steam coming from the wound. The regenerative process
has started, but you don’t intend to let it happen in full.

You step forward to finish to job when Reiner screams. It’s a loud, ground-shaking roar that
has you clutching your head in fear, but you don’t succumb to a migraine. You feel eyes
locked on you, but you look around, fingers shaky as you let out a steadying breath.

“I’m fine. That wasn’t a Pure Titan call.”

“It was a cry for help! Look!” Armin cries out, voice spiked with an alarming amount of
dread. You whip your head to him and find his hand angled up to the sky. You search for
where he’s pointing and find it relatively fast, your stomach plummeting.

A barrel.

“That’s got to be Bertodlt!” Armin exclaims.

“Shit!” Hange curses. “Fall back! Fall back!”

Your ODM gear can only take you so far, and even as you fly through the streets at your
fastest speed, it’s as though you’ve gained no distance at all. If Bertholdt transforms, you’re
all dead. Your squad and Hange’s squad know it, too. They’re faces are stretched with panic
and fear. You swallow your own.

“Don’t look back!” You scream out. “Keep moving forward! Just keep moving! We’ll be
fine! Do not stop!”

No one replies, but you know your words are their only option. Minutes pass as you soar
between buildings, hearts on the line, but nothing comes. You take it upon yourself to scope
the area, finding the barrel nowhere in sight.

“Regroup on Eren!” You shout before latching onto the Titan’s shoulder. You grip onto Eren’s
hair to keep your balance as Hange and their squad land on a building to your right, and you
all look out at what should be a nuclear explosion.

“He must’ve seen Reiner’s exposed body and knew he’d die, too, if he transformed,” Hange
announces, their chest heaving.

“This is the only time we can reason,” Armin mutters more to himself, but when your eyes
find his, he addresses you. “They’ve never given us a chance to talk or understand. Maybe
now is the time. If Bertholdt feels compassion for Reiner, for his comrade, surely he can take
a moment to talk to us. We were once his comrades, too. Let me try, please.”

Your chest aches for the boy, for the others that still seem desperate to understand the
betrayal of their close friends.

“Fine,” Hange replies as your lips part to say the opposite.

Your worried gaze meets theirs. You were about to deny Armin’s request to vouch for peace.
It’s much too late in your mind, and getting anywhere near the lanky man feels like signing
your death warrant. Hange sees your annoyance but doesn’t address it.

They’ve made the executive call and have reminded you that Armin is the stand-in leader. He
doesn’t need your permission. You swallow and refocus, not allowing yourself any time to
falter. Hange and Armin are the voices of logic and reason. You have to trust them. You do.

“Levi squad stays here. Armin, you approach and meet him in the middle between here and
the Armor, and Mikasa, you trail behind. My squad will wrap around and grab Reiner. We
need a failsafe, and with Bertholdt sparing Reiner’s life just now, we may be able to hold him
hostage if Armin’s reasoning doesn’t work. If things go sideways, Armin, fire a red smoke.
We all know the Collasal would be our biggest threat. You’ve all done exceptionally well,
and I trust your judgments. Be safe.”

“Hange!” You call for them before they can take off.

“There’s no time to argue, Honey.”

“Let me go instead of Mikasa.” You state your idea fiercely. “It’s my responsibility as second
-”

“No.” Hange cuts you off sharply. “There’s no saying when Zeke will scream again, and if it
times out when Bertholdt attempts to make a move, you and Armin are both dead. Mikasa is
just as fast and isn’t in danger of being indisposed. She goes.”

“Then I’m going with you.” You snap. “If there’s even a sliver of a chance Reiner is back on
his feet, you’re going to need more Thunder Spears. I still have two on me.”

“If that’s your argument, then I should go,” Jean argues, and you turn to him, eyes hard. “I
haven’t deployed any of mine yet.”

“No. You’re staying here. There’s no one I trust more than all of you to protect Eren. Levi
and I trained you well. Stay here, wait for the outcome, and react.” You use Levi's words
from before to ease their concerns before turning back toward Hange, ignoring Jean’s
irritated scoff. “Are we good?”

With Hange’s reluctant nod, you step forward.

A hand grips your jacket as you turn, and you shift your gaze, blinking into Sasha’s warm,
fearful brown eyes.

“I have a bad feeling.” She says, lip wobbling. “Don’t go.”

You stare back at her with parted lips, and an ache sprouts in your heart at her expression.
You take in your squad’s faces, the same, terrified looks on each one, and frown. You shake
off her hand gently and face them.

“We’re Scouts. I have a job to do, and so do you. Follow the chain of command; it’s there for
a reason. I have faith in all of you. I love all of you. I'll see you all very soon. Good luck.”

You turn then and launch towards Hange’s group. You can feel their gazes on your back for
some time as you make your way around the outskirts of Shiganshia. There’s even a weird
tension between you and Hange, one that puts you on edge.
“What?” You bristle. “Mad at me?”

“No,” Hange replies quietly. “I was letting my emotions get the best of me. I’m worried about
you, but I know you’re right. I’ll need you near if any of this plan goes to shit.”

“Erwin brought me along for a reason, and it wasn’t to sit around on my ass while everyone
fights for their lives.”

“I know, Honey, I know.” Hange’s voice is quiet. “Maybe I’m the one who's been spending
too much time around Levi.”

Before you can ask what that means, Moblit’s voice slices through your moment.

“There! Armin and Bertodlt are talking!”

You look over and let out a huffing laugh at the sight. You shouldn’t be surprised anymore
that Armin reads people and situations as well as the Commander does, and yet your pride for
the boy each time shows you are.

“We should be good to close the space on Reiner while he’s distracted,” Hange mutters more
to themself before raising their voice loudly with authority. “Change your angle, head straight
for the Armor Titan!”

You all focus on getting to your location as fast as possible, feeling safe in your certainty that
Armin’s strategy is working as planned.

It’s why you spend moments unaware Bertohdlt had been minimizing his distance to you, and
only realize it when his figure flies overhead in your peripheral vision.

There’s no time.
You’re as good as dead as a bright yellow light erupts above you, yet even in knowing there’s
nothing to stop the inevitable, you reach for Hange.

They aren't close enough, and your effort to hold them in your final moments is futile. You're
heartache is short-lived as you witness the moment Moblit shoves your best friend down by
their shoulders, and watch as their body disappears inside the concrete walls of an
underground well.

You shut your eyes, relief coursing through your body before it's engulfed in flames.
 Burn

Levi stares at the scene in front of him, chest heaving, mind spinning.

“Yeah! Hell yeah! Armin’s breathing!” Eren’s face is tear-streaked as he crouches over the
burnt body haphazardly tossed on a roof. Levi’s sinuses burn. He can’t begin to let himself
consider what’s happened on this side of the wall, knowing what’s happened on his, but the
sight of Armin’s unrecognizable corpse leaves him momentarily gasping for breath.

There’s Titan blood up his nose, in his eyes, and Zeke, he’s getting away. He’s escaping, and
Levi’s out of gas, but he has to give up the chase. There’s no other choice, not when Eren’s
big green eyes turn to him full of desperation.

“Captain! Captain, the syringe! We can bring Armin back, have him eat Bertholdt, and take
the Collasal’s power!”

“That’s Armin?” A fragile voice asks over Levi’s shoulder. Mikasa is now in sight, eyes
swelling with tears, and Levi desperately needs you to show your face.

He needs to know you’re alright.

“Captain, please! He’s barely holding on!”

But there’s no time to wait.

Levi looks down at the roof, blinking, letting himself go numb. “Right.”

He swallows, reaching for the box he’s kept in his Scout jacket. Eren’s fingers stretch for it
when a body appears over the side of the roof. Levi’s heart leaps out of his chest with hope
until he’s met with the sight of familiar blonde hair.
A different pain surges through him.

“Captain! It’s the Commander. His insides are torn to shreds, and he’s lost a lot of blood. His
breathing is barely there, but I thought maybe the syringe could help.” The redheaded recruit
named Floch exclaims urgently, and Levi feels his chest pull apart.

Armin.

Erwin.

They’re right here in front of him, and he has to pick one.

He has to pick one of them when his entire being is telling him to turn around and figure out
where the fuck you are.

He doesn’t know a damn thing, whether you’ll show in a few moments, if you’re with Hange
dealing with the Armor Titan still, or somewhere else, on the brink of death and pleading to
be saved with this injection. The injection he’s not meant to give you.

The only thing he does know is you aren’t here.

It’s all he knows, but he needs to shove away the part of his mind that’s afraid and ignore his
entire heart that’s aching if he’s going to be productive in the face of this crisis.

He can’t be selfish and focus on the what-ifs his fears are concocting, not when their
expectant eyes are on his features.

He can only work with what’s in front of him. He has to make a choice, and he knows the
right one. The Scouts need their Commander after suffering such a brutal blow to the
Regiment’s numbers. They need someone who can bring them back from this. They need a
leader, but Armin is just a kid. A kid with dreams and people who are right here, pleading for
him to be saved. A boy whom Levi has trained, who you care deeply for, who has a
remarkable mind, and Levi wants to save him.

Eren’s fingers are tightening around the box, but Levi pulls it back and out of his grip. The
silence is thick, and Levi swallows before uttering the words.

“The shot goes to Erwin.”

Eren makes a strangled sound and breathes out hard as he steps forward, face crumpled in
despair and anger.

“Eren-”

“Why did you hesitate?” The boy asks, eyes full of unshed tears. He’s looking right through
Levi’s facade into his crackling chest, and every ounce of Levi’s heart is fighting off the
pressure. “Why did you take so long to reach for the serum, Captain?”

Levi stares into Eren’s desperate eyes and fights to keep his face stoic. “You know why.”

Eren lets out a shaky breath. “Then you know how we feel.”

“Emotions can’t matter here.” Levi grits out. “This isn’t about what we want but what the
Scouts need.”

“But if she were here like Armin is, you’d give it to her!”

“Well, she’s not.” Levi snaps. “She’s not on the brink of death like the Commander and
Armin are, and we’re running out of time. Step aside.”
He had hoped Eren’s argument was baseless, that he knew you somewhere a few streets over
and was merely using you as an example to argue for his friend, but instead, the boy’s face
crinkles with despair at Levi’s words.

Denial jams its way into his heart swiftly.

“I said move over, Eren.”

“Captain-”

“Back up!”

“No!” Eren screams, reaching for the serum. Levi delivers a backhand to the boy’s jaw in
response.

He goes flying, and a growl sounds behind him. He turns just in time when Mikasa lunges at
him, knocking him on his back as a sword presses to his neck. Her tears drip onto his face,
and his heart twinges at the sight of her despair. He feels his own deep within him.

It’s threatening to crackle his composure, the fear and dread bubbling in his heart. The longer
he goes without hearing your voice, the worse it gets, but with you out of sight, you have to
be out of mind.

He has to leave emotions out of this.

It’s the only way he’ll stay sane and make the right choice.

“I understand, okay? I get it, but think about what you’re doing.” Levi grits out, muscles
fatigued but fighting to keep the box in his grip. “It’s Erwin, Commander of the Scouts.
We’ve only made it this far because of him.”

“You’re wrong.” Eren whimpers from the spot he’s landed on the roof’s shingles. “Armin had
the idea to check inside the walls. It was Armin who figured out the Female Titan’s identity.
Armin came up with the plan to take down Bertholdt! We’re only here because of Armin!
Tell him, Mikasa!”

The girl atop him refocuses, her strength impressive and praise-worthy if it weren’t being
used to loosen his grip on the syringe.

“How can you both be so selfish!” Floch screams, stepping forward. “The obvious choice is
the Commander! Did you know that every Scout on the other side of this wall is dead?
Captain, the Commander, and I are the only ones left alive! It was a bloodbath! A total
massacre, and the only way we’ll ever see the end of this fucking war is if a devil leads us.
That’s right, the Commander is the only choice because he’s the only one who will do what
needs to be done!”

Mikasa breathes out her nose, glaring at the newer scout in rage. “You don’t get a say in this.”

“Why shouldn’t I? I’ve lost today, too! I just watched all my friends die right in front of me,
and now your friend is just going to have to do the same, because the Captain would never
save some random soldier over the Commander of the Scouts!”

The girl snaps, lunging for her comrade with her sword drawn.

“Don’t do it!” Levi screams, but before he can reach her, hands wrap around Mikasa’s frame
and pull her back.

Levi launches himself up, a deep breath of air finally finding his lungs at the sight of his best
friend.
“Hange.” He breathes out with relief. He’s overwhelmed with how much ease floods him at
the sight of their bespectacled face, then his eyes flick up on instinct, knowing if you’re
anywhere, it’s by Hange’s side.

He finds a pale-looking Connie with an injured Sasha on his back, and Jean, who doesn’t
even look like himself. He seems hollow, and you, you’re nowhere to be seen. He blinks,
eyes roaming the group, confusion, denial, dread, pooling in his stomach.

“No.” Connie wheezes, dropping to his knees as tears spring into his eyes. “Not Armin, too.
Not someone else. Please.”

Too?

A deep burning sensation starts in the center of Levi’s chest and spreads like wildfire, turning
his body to ice. His eyes turn black as he lowers his gaze to Hange. They won’t look at him.
Their eyes are shut as they clutch a sobbing Mikasa to their chest. Hange’s grip on the girl is
tight, and he’s only ever seen them hold you like that.

Levi acts fast, not giving himself time to acknowledge the blaringly obvious lack of you. He
keeps his hands busy to prevent his mind from slipping, to stop his heart from being
smothered by the catastrophic weight threatening its cave-in.

If he thinks, he’ll crumble, and right now he has a job to do. He opens the box and starts to
prep the injection.

Mikasa cries in outrage.

“Mikasa!” Hange pleads, struggling to hold the girl back. “You have to know how much we
need Erwin! We can’t let humanity’s hope extinguish inside the walls! We need a leader!”

“But Armin, Armin could do that, too! He’s just as smart! He can lead us!”
“I know. I know he can. Armin has an exceptional mind, and he’s saved us multiple times,
but he doesn't have the experience or the leadership skills that Erwin has. We have to think
rationally, Mikasa, and the clear choice is the Commander.”

Mikasa grabs Hange’s wrists and twists, but the Section Commander holds strong, wincing
and pulling their hand free from their grip. They wrap their arms around Mikasa’s chest in a
hug instead of a restraint, and everyone freezes at the sound Hange makes.

A feeble whimper.

“There are people I want to bring back, too.”

Levi stills, eyes locked on the syringe in his shaky hand. He’s never heard Hange so
distraught.

It makes him dizzy.

“Since the day I joined the Scouts, all I’ve known is farewell.” Their voice is cracked, laced
with so much grief that Levi stops breathing. “It hurts. I know it does. We all have people
we’d bring back if we could. People we love. People we don’t think we can live without.
People we’d rather die than live without. It’s hard to keep your sanity living like this.
Sometimes it’s impossible, but we don’t get a choice. We have to keep moving forward. It’s
the only way to make their deaths worth something.”

Mikasa isn’t fighting anymore. Her pain is draining out of her like a faucet, wetting her
cheeks, and her only sign of acceptance is a shaky breath and small nod.

That’s when everyone’s eyes fall on Levi. He’s frozen, eyes burning, chest scorched in an
anguish he’s never felt. He’s losing the battle within him. His body is shaking, his skin is
clammy, cold, fucking prickling with the need to turn itself inside out.
He needs to do this. Just do this. Inject Erwin. Do that and then get the fuck out of here and
find you.

He’ll find you. He told you he would. That’s what he’ll do.

“Captain.” Eren’s voice is a breathless whimper. “Do you know about the sea?”

Levi’s heart plummets, and his pinky twitches.

“Armin told me about it when we were kids. A childish dream he’s held onto despite
everything we’ve been through. He’s lost as much as I have, and yet he still holds onto
thoughts like that. Dreams of a bright future because he still sees the good in the world, in
others, when all I see is darkness. All of us, we only fight now for the sake of winning, for
the sake of fighting, but Armin, he fights because he can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
He’s the only one who can save humanity!”

Eren starts to heave into the shingled roof, his torment a pitiful, heart-breaking sight.

“Ash was like that, too.” Eren sobs, face scrunched. “All she knew was cruelty and pain, but
she was still so kind. She knew life wasn’t about fighting, but living. She just wanted us to
live, be kids in a world we were forced to grow up fast in, and she encouraged our dreams.
She wanted to see the sea. She believed in it, too. She‘d know the right choice is Armin!
She’d pick him because we need someone like him to lead us! Someone like her!”

Levi can’t ignore it anymore. It’s a swarming mess in his mind, an onslaught of waves
pummeling, crashing into his chest. He can’t think. He can’t breathe.

He catches himself with his free hand as he stumbles. His ears are ringing. His heart is
thudding so loudly he’s sure it’ll give out any second.

It can’t be real. He refuses to believe it is. His body is rejecting it. He’s going to be sick.
“Levi-”

“Everyone needs to leave.” Levi doesn’t recognize his own voice as it cuts off Hange’s.

He stares at the injection as people move around him, and even when they're gone, he is still
as stone.

He’s past detachment, stuck in limbo, unsure how to get himself to move. He’s seeing
without seeing, he can’t even remember what it is he has to do.

It’s indescribable, the blankness consuming his mind. He might be losing it. He is losing it.
He knows that as your voice filters into his mind, coming to his aid.

Levi. Breathe, Levi. You have to move. You have to choose.

“I can’t.” The words are pushed out, the last breath in his chest.

You have to.

“No.”

You’ve done it to Eren countless times. Make an impossible choice. Choose Erwin, whose
dream ends here, today, in the cellar, or Armin, whose dream is as simple as Isabel’s was, a
dream that can expand, a dream with no limit. Choose what you think is best and don’t regret
it.

It’s like his body knows the only way he’ll move is if you give him a push, even if it’s some
sick, twisted psychological delusion on his end.
Levi blinks down at the man who's put so much on the line, who's spent years in hell, and
knows then Eren is right. That your imaginary voice of reason is spot on.

This dream of his drove him to this point, but it’d die here with or without him. Erwin has
fought to learn the truth of the world, but Armin has fought to live in it. He may not have the
experience, but he and Hange and you do. All of you can teach him, and he’ll continue to
grow into a man worth choosing over the Commander, and this way, Erwin can finally rest.

The choice suddenly becomes clear.

Levi gives Armin the injection, grabs the Commander, and zips six buildings over to where
Hange is. They’re sitting, unmoving, even as he lays Erwin down by their side. Hange
would’ve chosen Erwin, and yet they don’t even react.

Levi’s skin crawls, but the decisions have been made. He won’t regret it. There’s somewhere
he needs to be.

“Hange. Show me.”

“It was the Collasal’s blast.” Their voice is fragile, so unlike them, and Levi’s face twists
with anger.

“I don’t care. Show me.”

“Moblit turned to ash right in front of my eyes.” Hange’s voice loses all emotion as they look
up at him, warm brown eyes now cold and dark. “The explosion, it engulfed him, Levi. He
was there, and then he wasn't. There was nothing left. Don’t you get it, Levi? There’s
nothing! She’s-”

Levi doesn’t let Hange’s derailing rant finish. He can’t hear it. He can’t. He won’t. He won’t
believe it until he sees it. He won’t fathom this bullshit, this sudden dissapearance of you. It’s
not right. It can’t be. You were real. You were just here, just in his arms, just within reach.
He’s felt your heartbeat against his thumb, he’s heard your scoff vibrate through his ears, the
thump of your fist to his palm in training, your laughter intertwining with your squad’s, your
gentle caresses on his jaw, the softness of your lips against his.

You’re existence is much too valued, much too large to just be gone, to be vanished like you
hadn’t once spoken gentle words of advice to Mikasa, given words of encouragement to
Eren, treated Jean’s natural, fragile emotions with care, showed thoughtuflness to Sasha’s
food trauma, offered a shoulder for Connie to cry on about his mother, expressed faith in
Armin when he couldn’t see it himself, loved Hange’s erratic, psychotic behavior.

You’re existence is everything to him. It’s all that matters. It couldn’t have turned to ash.

It can’t be over.

He’ll find you.

Levi’s breathing is erratic as he lands in front of his squad.

“Who has gas?” They all look up at him with blank stares. “I’ll ask again -who has any
fucking gas left?”

“I have a small amount.” Jean’s voice is barely audible.

“Me too.” Connie murmurs.

“Who has more?”

They compare their tanks before Jean looks over. “Me.”

“Hand it over.”

In a matter of seconds, Levi has swapped his empty canisters out for Jean’s and is leaping off
the building.

He can make out the large section where the blast hit. He knows there isn’t enough gas to
search the entire area, so he starts with the perimeter. His eyes scan the ashen ground, the
buildings, and he calls for you. He says your name more times than he thinks he ever has
before, and a piece of him breaks every time he does.

He knows what Hange said. He knows he’s being irrational, that you’re likely a pile of soot
he’s passed over, but he can’t fathom that.

The Scouts are used to farewells, but he refuses to accept this goodbye.

His ODM gear fails after twenty minutes of searching. He’s mid-air when the fuel
extinguishes, and he lands on his shoulder when he hits the ground.

He doesn’t feel any pain.

He doesn’t feel anything.

He told you he didn’t care as long as you had a pulse. He can’t work with this. There isn’t
anything he can do if you aren’t breathing, if you aren’t even here anymore, so he racks his
brain for something, for any possibility that you’re out here, and that you just need to be
found.

Hange may have seen it, but he didn’t. Hange may know that your Titan healing would be
proven futile to a nuclear explosion, but Levi doesn’t believe it. You regenerate hands. Your
body produces red blood cells. Your brain melts inside your skull, and you wake up days later
like nothing happened. You place your palms on a steaming Titan arm, and your skin doesn’t
blister. You-
Levi sits up.

You don’t blister.

You don’t burn.

He fires the last flare in his belt up into the sky. It’s a green one, and he knows all your
remaining comrades have seen it. Even if they all can’t get here, he knows at least one person
with gas still in their gear.

Connie lands in front of him minutes later, eyes wide as he takes in the second wind found in
his Captain’s eyes. He, too, has more color in his cheeks. Armin must've transformed.

“Sir?”

“Connie, do you have enough fuel to get back?” He asks first, and the boy swallows, then
looks down at his gear.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Deliver a message to Hange for me.”

All he needs is a pulse, and he knows in his bones you have one somewhere.

He just needs to find you.

 The Truth
Chapter Notes

long chapter... the big one.. im sorry

You wake with a gasp.

Coughs trickle harshly out of your chest, and your ribs rattle as you heave into the jagged
surface beneath you. There’s a layer of soot coating your throat and skin. Everything hurts.
You’re lungs are on fire, your muscles stretched, and your bones broken.

Tears clump in your waterline, washing out the dust in your lashes as they flutter open.
There’s nothing recognizable in this dark area, only chunks of debris and clouds of smoke,
and all you can smell is fire, burnt wood, and scorched stone.

Your first thought is that you shouldn’t be alive right now.

Bertholdt transformed right above you. You saw the light and felt the blast. You remember
being launched through the air, wondering why your skin wasn’t melting, why your bones
weren’t disintegrating. The only pain you felt was when your body eventually hit something
hard and shattered on impact, and the pain of it has been dragging you in and out of
consciousness.

You feel more awake now than those other times, and with a somewhat clearer mind, your
second thought is of Hange.

Moblit’s final act of courage flickers through your mind, and your head dips as tears pool
down your cheeks.
You’re heartbroken for him, for all of Hange’s squad, but you cling to the knowledge that
your best friend is alive. Your squad must be, too, and considering the ground isn’t shaking
and Shiganshia is oddly quiet, you can only assume they did it. They defeated Reiner and
Bertholdt, which means you need to get up.

There’s no doubt everyone thinks you’re dead this time around. Hange knows you were
directly caught in the explosion, and your squad watched from afar as Bertholdt turned half
of the town into a crater.

Your chest aches at the thought. You can't lie here for any longer than you already have.

When you shakily attempt to push up onto your knees, one arm crumbles under the weight,
and you land on your right hip with a yelp. Your leg ignites with a fiery pain that springs tears
to your eyes, but with a steadying breath, you use all your strength to flip over onto your
back.

“Shit.” You hiss, more salt water streaming down your face as you sit up and look down.

You’re in bad shape.

Your tibia is jutting out of your skin, snapped in half below your knee, and there's dried blood
all over you from the gashes covering your body. It’s thick and dark, sticking to your
forehead, splotched along your limbs and torso, and the right side of your body seems
unusable.

But you’re alive, and you can make do with anything as long as you have a pulse.

Your first thought is your ODM gear, but it’s a stupid one considering you’re entirely naked
from head to toe. Your mobility device must have turned to ash alongside your clothes.

You look around again with a new level of focus, eyes stopping on a plank of rotted wood a
few feet over. There’s a pile of debris beside it with a charred, polyester material sticking out.
Scooting down along the wooden floor until it’s within reach, you let out a wheezing breath
as you pick both up.

No amount of preparation will make this splint any less painful to assemble, so with a final
breath, you begin.

You pull the knife from your right boot and slice down the center of the wood, snapping the
rest of the way through by pressing it into the ground with your one working hand.

Then, you cut a chunk of fabric from what you think used to be a flag and place it between
your teeth to protect your tongue. You whimper as you lift your calf over the remaining cloth,
and your hand shakes as it hovers over the exposed bone.

You're afraid of the pain, but you’re even more scared of the suffering your comrades must be
experiencing, and if they’re still fighting, you have to get over there to help.

You let out a shuddering breath, then get to work.

Your screams are barely muffled as you pop the bone back inside with the material. It’s
insufferable agony, and you almost faint as you struggle to wrap the old flag around your leg
with one hand. Once the wound is covered, you place the wood inside and layer the fabric
over it until it runs out. There's a loose piece of wire on the ground that you use to tie the
splint in place. It takes too long, and you’re barely keeping yourself from collapsing by the
time you manage to tighten it enough so that it won’t just fall off when you stand.

You're light-headed and out of breath, but it's over.

“I just need to get on my feet then.” You murmur to yourself with a wheeze, keeping your
mind on track so you don’t succumb to the exhaustion.

There’s a large wall with jutting bumps beside you, so in one focused, fluid motion, you pull
yourself up onto your left foot. Your right leg bends despite attempting to keep it straight, and
you cry out, letting your head fall into your arms against the rough edges of the stone.

Your body quakes, the pain unbearable, but you don’t get a choice here. You need to find a
way to let your comrades know you’re alive.

You move to take your first step, then the next, and the next. You limp out of the structure
and find that you were tossed into the first story of someone’s home. It’s barely recognizable.
Everything has been irrevocably destroyed, but you know you’ve found the street when you
find cobblestone beneath your feet.

You’d rather not be naked when you’re found, but at the moment, you’re more concerned
about how they’re going to find you.

You’re on the outskirts of Shiganshia, somewhere near the outer gate, a considerable distance
from where Levi and the others surely are.

You don’t get much time to consider it, though, because suddenly the ground beneath you
starts to shake. You gasp, but with nothing to catch yourself on, you fall. You hit the
pavement hard, crying out in pain before your head whips over just in time to witness a
quadruped Titan turn the corner.

You scramble for something, anything to defend yourself, but it’s running full speed, and
suddenly it’s like you're back in the rain out past the walls, riding for your life away from the
Abnormal that stole the lives of Isabal and Farlan.

You find your knife and hold it out, using the little strength to have to push yourself back
despite knowing it’s futile. It’s moving too fast, and there’s nothing you can do.

Your heart races with fear, and helplessness begins to course through your veins when
suddenly the thing starts to slow before stopping directly in front of you. Its black beady eyes
examine you, and you swallow thickly.
Your mind is foggy and confused, and you freeze in shock when your eyes flick up into wide
blue ones. You know this face from your migraines.

Zeke.

He’s perched on the back of the titan. He’s missing arms and legs, and you find the Armor
Titan in a similar state beside him. They’ve been mutilated. They’re retreating.

Your comrades did this, and you’ve won today.

Unfortunately, you can’t quite celebrate seeing as they’ve stumbled upon you in their escape,
and you’re in no condition to fight. Your saving grace is that they seem to be in the same
position, and Zeke seems equally stunned by your appearance.

“Well, fuck. Looks like this mission won't be a total bust after all.” He mutters, looking down
at you, taking in the gory sight of blood and ash. “Pieck, toss her something to throw on.”

Your heart races as the person inside the quadruped appears through clouds of steam. It’s a
woman with shoulder-length, dark hair, and her expression is unbothered as she pulls one arm
free and opens up one of the crates on her Titan’s back.

She tosses a buttoned-up cotton dress down to you, and you put it on backwards like a
hospital gown, glaring daggers at the man whose been fucking with your head for years. Zeke
stares back, a look of intrigue on his features.

“You were caught in Bertholdt’s transformation, weren’t you? I mean, we assumed you were,
but it was really a shot in the dark idea."

“We're pretending to know each other, then?” You snip angrily. Zeke’s lips twist upward.

“Well, to be fair, I know you.”

“You knew me.” You correct him. “You knew a me I don’t even know.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Zeke sighs, eyes dipping over your frame once more. “Not a single
burn mark. That’s remarkable.”

“Tell me what you know.” You demand.

“I know close to nothing.” Zeke muses unhelpfully.

“That’s still more than me.” You snap, teeth grit. “What am I?”

“A very unique case, one that has many of our minds boggled.”

“Who?” You push out. “Who are you working with?”

“Unfortunately, there isn’t any time for me to disclose anything else.” The blonde cuts you
off with a tired, disappointed sigh. “You can thank that fucking monster on your side for that
-had we won today, I would’ve told you everything in detail, answered all your questions, but
I underestimated Levi’s strength, and now we have to skip to the not-so-fun part because
we've already wasted enough time in hopes of finding you somewhere out here.”

The woman starts moving again and reaches into a different crate. You instantly recognize the
smaller box she pulls out, and your stomach plummets.

“No, no, please, don’t, please-”

“Relax.” Zeke cuts you off easily. “It didn’t kill you the first time, so it probably won’t kill
you now.”
“It made me forget everything!” You cry, voice weak as you plead. “Please, I don’t want to
forget again.”

“You won’t even know what you’ve forgotten,” Zeke says sharply as Pieck lands on her feet.
You’re too weak to run or fight. Salty tears stream down your cheeks as you hold out the
knife in your palm.

“Don’t do this.”

“It’s already been decided,” Zeke explains with a sigh. “We’ve never seen anything like you
in our history, and we’re curious as to whether a second injection will actually turn you, kill
you, or make you even more indestructible than you already are.”

“Why?” You ask frantically, pathetically pushing yourself back from the woman by wiggling
your hips. “I’m nothing special. Why does it matter? What good could any of those outcomes
bring you?”

“As a matter of fact, you are special.” Zeke corrects you with a thoughtful hum. “We’ve
tested my spinal fluid on people like you, and all the others have perished within minutes.”

“What does that even mean? People like me?”

“I don’t see a point in explaining it now. If you survive this, then we’ll tell you everything.”

The woman, Pieck, is in front of you now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop her as she
preps the syringe.

“Don’t touch me!” You snap anyway, your desperation feverish as you kick your only good
leg at her. She sighs and grips your ankle, bringing your movements to a halt.
“It’s good to see you like this, with a backbone, with fire in your eyes.” Zeke reflects as Pieck
lowers your leg and digs her boot into your thigh. “You were such a bland child, never spoke
up for yourself. Hopefully, you don’t lose this grit if you’re reborn again.”

You can only sob in response to Zeke’s callous words. It's all happening too fast, and your
heart is shattering, barely able to fathom that you’re going to forget everyone you love. That's
what's going to happen, isn't it? You once cared for Zeke, and even now, after being reunited,
you don’t feel a thing.

Will you be like that with Hange? With your kids? With Levi?

You don't want to forget.

Your life here, everything you've experienced in the Underground, the person it's made you,
the friend it's turned you into, the lover you've become. It can't all just be gone. Don't let it all
be gone. Your heart can't take it. The pain is making it hard to breathe.

You'd rather die than forget.

"Don't let me forget. I’m begging you. Please, stop!” You heave the words out between
panicked sobs as the woman grabs your hair and pushes your head down. “No, please, please
don’t. Please! Levi! Levi!”

You scream his name, beg for him to show up to stop them from taking you from him, but
when the familiar sting of a needle breaks the skin on the back of your head, you know it’s
over.

He’s lost you.

You're sorry.

-
“Zeke is at training,” Grisha grumbles from behind his coffee mug the moment you sit down
for breakfast.

“Okay.”

“You should still be training, too.” He says next, eyeing you darkly. “You have three more
years before you’re too old to do so. A lot can change in three years, and currently, Zeke is
just as hopeless as you are. However, if you both put your best foot forward, I’m sure-”

“I have put my best foot forward.” You mutter weakly, eyes burning as you stare down at
your cereal. “I’ve done everything you asked, trained every day for as long as I can
remember, but my neck hasn’t been the same. It aches every time I-”

“We’ve been over this. I’ve checked your spinal cord for injuries, I’ve massaged the muscles
in your back and shoulders, and there is nothing there. You’re lying.”

“I’m not!”

Dina walks into the room with a scowl. “Fighting, already?”

“Your daughter is trying to convince me, the Doctor, that her injury from a while back is still
bothering her.”

“It is!”

“Enough excuses. Our people need you, and even as you grow older and witness the cruelty
of this world, you continue to choose yourself. I’ll never understand. Aren’t you ashamed?”

You stare at the man who's supposed to be your father figure and feel nothing but sorrow and
ache. You’ve never been able to appease him, no matter how hard you’ve pushed yourself to
meet his expectations. You don’t know why you are the way you are, or why you’re neck
suddenly jolts in pain in random moments.

All you know is that you wish you were different. Someone who made your parents proud.
Someone worthy of love, not someone who is merely a burden. You wish you could be the
change for the better that they so desperately want you to make.

“Yes. I am.” You are ashamed of your fragility, your inability to be what they want you to be.
You hate yourself.

“It must be some internalized self-entitlement then.” Grisha hisses, voice enraged, mistaking
your lack of emotion for indifference. He couldn’t be more wrong. “Being only half of
someone like us-”

“Grisha!”

“What? If she were my daughter, she’d never be such a coward! I can’t even believe she’s
yours!”

“She isn’t!” Dina screams, before her eyes widen and her hands slap over her lips.
You stare, mouth agape at your Mom, eyes swelling with tears in an instant. Her horrified
ones look back before her head falls into her hands, and she crumbles in front of you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. God, forgive me.”

You can’t process your mother’s words. What does that mean? You aren’t hers? What?

“Dina, what are you talking about?” Grisha snaps, eyes wide behind his glasses. “You told
me she’s the product of a one-night stand with a Marleyan.”

“I lied.” Dina cries, shaking her head.

“What does that mean?”

“She’s not mine. Biologically, she isn’t. I never gave birth to her.”

“If she isn’t yours, then whose? Why would you lie to me about it?”

“No one can know I’m a descendant of the royal family, the last living member here, Grisha.
I needed a cover. I needed to protect my identity, so I, I-”

“Damnit, Dina, spit it out!”

“I grabbed her from the orphanage. Here, in Marley.”

The silence is heavy, the only sound in the room being your cries, Grisha’s heavy breathing,
and Dina’s frantic scrambling. She’s back on her feet, leaving the room, then returning with a
tiny paper in her grip.

“There are so many parentless children with the ongoing war, and they barely check anyone’s
backgrounds. I needed a scapegoat if they ever found me, and they’d know Dina Fritz doesn’t
have a child of this age. This is her birth certificate. She isn’t mine.”

Grisha looks over the paper, then crumples it with his fist. “Dina, this has to be some cruel
joke. Tell me you’re lying!”

“I’m sorry!”

“She’s not even Eldian!”

“Grisha, please!”

“You knew then, even with all this effort, she’d never be able to inherit a Titan. You knew, and
you let me put her through this? You put us through this? What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you! I never found a way to bring it up, and then this whole thing
started, but it’s okay! It’s okay because Zeke is doing it, he’s going to become a warrior, and
he’s going to-”
“For fuck’s sake, Dina, Zeke is just as hopeless as this child! Why did you let us waste so
much time on her when she isn’t even one of us? We should’ve put all our energy into Zeke,
not her!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know, I was afraid, okay? I didn’t want you to hate me for lying in the
first place. Please, Grisha, I love you! Please, forgive me.”

You watch as your mother sobs, her sole focus on consoling Grisha and not you, the daughter
she merely needed to make her double life more convenient.

In this moment, you feel utterly hollow.

You were never meant to be here. You aren’t related to anyone. Your brother isn’t your
brother. You aren’t his sister. You’re a failure whose heavy burden fell onto his shoulders, and
you don’t blame him for hating you.

You hate you.

You’re a snotty, crying mess when the front door is broken in and Marleyan soldiers push
through. You’re numb, unable to process anything as you’re grabbed harshly, fingertips
digging into your fragile skin, dragging you past Zeke, who stares, eyes wide and horrified,
but his finger is still locked in place, pointing at you.

Your parents, no, Grisha and Dina, plead for their lives, asking questions, shouting at their
son’s betrayal with shock and grief. Too much has happened too soon, none of you can
comprehend the turn of events, not as bags are shoved over your heads and you’re pushed
into a carriage.

“Why is this happening?” Dina sobs.

“How could Zeke do this to us?” Grisha screams.

“He hates you.” You find yourself saying it before you can help it.

Your hurt is taking hold, so much so that you don’t even care what’s about to happen to you.
Death, torture, they’re frightening concepts, and yet you’re consumed with ache. You’re
consumed with nothingness, and so you don’t fear any of it.

“What? Why would you-”

“All we’ve ever been to you are tools.” You mutter quietly, wobbling as the carriage runs
over a pothole. “Zeke may be yours by blood, but you’ve treated him the same as me, as
warriors, as a means to your goals, but we’re kids. We’re just kids, but you didn’t let us be
kids. All I’ve ever wanted was to make you proud, to see a smile instead of a sneer, and Zeke
felt the same, and now he hates me. He hates me because I couldn’t make you happy, and now
he can’t either. He was right to turn you both in. At least now he can be free. At least now I’ll
be free.”

You block out their protests and apologies, their fear of death making them frantically try to
earn forgiveness, to explain you are their daughter in their hearts, and that they only wanted
what was best for you. For Eldia.

You don’t feel concerned with their weak attempts at consolation. You’re tired. You’ve been
tired. You want this existence to reach its end. Finally.

Eventually, Grisha and Dina stop trying to reason with you, and the ride to wherever you’re
headed comes to a stop. You’re guided along, the sound of crashing waves somewhere in the
distance as you're shoved into another cramped space. You can tell it’s a boat as you set sail,
and the journey feels short. You’re in and out of it, your heart having given up long ago, so
when you reach the final destination, you’re anticipating death.

More walking ensues before your bag is ripped from your head.

You’re met with sand, and an expansive lot of land.

“Paradis.” Grisha gazes out at the never-ending sky. “It’s real.”

“Grisha!” A woman’s voice cries out, and you turn to watch your mother be shoved beside
you. You’re in between them, keeping them apart to the end, it would seem.

“Dina.”

“Grisha?” Another voice cries out. “What the hell is happening?”

“It was Zeke!” Another voice screams.

You realize quickly that all the people here are the restorationists your parents have been
illegally meeting with. The ironic part of this whole thing is you’ve always wanted to help.
The stories your parents fed you, your heart believed in them, in the people across the sea
who needed you, and the people in your camp who needed you. You wanted to help. You’ve
always wanted to help.

As it turns out, you were never capable.

“Did you know about this?” A voice snaps, and you blink out of your haze to find an angry,
red-faced man on the other side of Grisha glaring at you.

“Of course she didn’t.” Your mother defends you, and in turn, herself and Grisha. “She’s
here the same as us!”

“You never should have trusted your kids!” He wails, and you stare blankly as a Marleyan
soldier appears up the steps from over his shoulder. “We never should have done this. Oh
god, we’re going to die!”

“Ready, Gents?” The burly man calls out with a grin, lighting a cigar in his mouth before
looking down at the man who had just screamed. “You seem spry. I’ll give you the head start.
Who knows? Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you’ll outrun them.”

“What-”
You all stare in horror as the man falls down the wall, and the soldier who kicked him
laughs.

“Better start running!”

The man is injured, but he starts limping, taking the advice to heart. The people tied
alongside you are crying messes. It seems like you’re the only one not in tears, the only one
who's grown numb to mistreatment.

The soldier plays a kid’s game over your shoulders, pointing at the back of your heads and
humming the words ‘eenie meenie’ before he lands on the man who yelled at you.

“Please, I beg you, don’t-”

The man is cut off by his own cry of agony as a syringe plunges into the skin on his nape, and
before he hits the ground, a yellow light erupts, and a Titan stands where he would have.

Your eyelashes flutter in stunned blinks, but nothing makes what you’ve just witnessed make
sense. The inherited Titans aren’t the only Titans?

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Someone sobs, only claiming themselves as the next. The
commanding officer of the Marleyans stops behind you at the sound of Grisha’s angry cry.

“I remember you.” Grisha seethes, eyes fiery and laced with grief. “You fed my sister to your
dogs!”

The officer stares, scratches his chin, then snaps his fingers. “Oh! Yes, well, you left your
zone without a Day Pass.”

“She was nine and you murdered her!”

“She was Eldian.” The man shrugs, then his eyes flicker to you. You stare back, heart devoid
of anything worth keeping. “Is this your daughter?”

“No, please, don’t hurt her! Please, don’t hurt my daughter!” Dina cries, and your chest jolts
at the sudden burst of affection. You look over at your mother, really look at her since the
truth came out that you were her scapegoat, and find genuine fear and love in her stare.

Your eyes swell with tears in an instant. “Mom?”

“I’m so sorry,” Dina says through a choked sob. “I’m so sorry I lied, but you’re mine, you
hear me? I lost sight of what mattered, and that does nothing to ease the hurt we’ve caused
you, but I need you to know. You’re as good as my daughter as Zeke is my son, and I love you
both with all my heart.”

“A whole family affair, huh?” The man chortles before approaching Dina. Your throat is
thick with emotion, the apology, the words of love you haven’t heard in so long adding color
to your pale skin.
“Don’t touch her!” Grisha screams, but the man doesn’t shift his gaze from the syringe in his
hand. Your limbs itch to lunge forward, to stop the man from turning your mother into one of
those things, but you're helpless.

You zone out Grisha’s voice as the man fixes the syringe and places it to Dina’s neck. Your
mother’s neck.

“Mom-”

“I love you, sweetheart.” She cries, and your lips wobble. “I’m so sorry.”

“Mom!” You cry out.

“Dina!”

“I’ll find you.” She says to both of you. “I’ll find you in the next life. I promise. I lo-”

She doesn’t finish her sentence.

You watch as your mother’s body is shoved off the wall, and her Titan form takes hold. You
lurch forward to vomit, body shaking, mind unable to keep up with the horrible things it’s
witnessing. That can’t be your mother down there with a terrifying smile, the size of a
building, menacing and chasing after the limping man.

It can’t be, but it is.

“The girl now.”

“Wait, wait, please, she isn’t even Eldian!” Grisha scrounges for scraps, and you’re taken
aback once more by the pleas for your life by people you were just convinced used you for
their own goals. You don’t understand. You fold further inward, sobbing into the pavement.

“Kruger, you stay; everyone else, go. I’d like to play with these two a little longer.” He
snarls, and the others scurry away while one lingers in the back. “You think I’d believe some
half-assed lie that this girl isn’t Eldian?”

“She isn’t! I’m telling the truth!

The man grips you by the hair, and you yelp in pain as he pulls you to your feet. You fight
instinctively against his grip, and he lands a punch to your gut, stilling your movements.

“Stop resisting!” The officer growls.

“Don’t you feel remorse? What if I did this to you? What if I killed your family in front of
you?” Grisha cries out, struggles against his restraints when the second officer places a
hand on his shoulder in warning.

“I’d be devastated.” The older man admits as he pulls out a vial. “My family isn’t made of
Devils, though, and they wouldn’t deserve a death like this one. You and your family, on the
other hand, are Eldians, and this fate is kinder than you deserve.”
“But she isn’t-”

“You’re full of shit.” He grits out, cutting Grisha off sharply. “I know an Eldian when I see
one.”

“Sir, if I may, let’s just say you aren’t lying. Let’s say the girl isn’t Eldian.” Kruger’s voice is
tinged with curiosity. “Do you know what would happen if you injected this into her
bloodstream?”

The man with his harsh fingers in your hair lets out a quizzical sound. “Huh. I don’t.”

“No one does,” Kruger explains. “The Beast Titan’s Spinal fluid has never been injected into
anyone but a subject of Ymir.”

“Well, yes, because they’re the only ones who can turn into man-eating freaks.” The man
muses thoughtfully. “It’d probably just kill her, but now I’m curious. You’re doing it, though.
If she turns, I’m not getting crushed in the transformation.”

The cold metal barrel of a gun presses to the back of your head and shoves it down.

“Don’t move or I’ll shoot.” The man threatens before he switches places with Kruger. He
grips Grisha’s head and forces the man to watch as the Marleyan soldier releases the air
from the syringe.

You cry, and Grisha fights the man, but it’s no use.

The needle dives into your skin and pierces your spine. You scream in agony, your blood
burning, boiling under your skin, your head splitting in two until you collapse, and darkness
prevails.
 Photograph

He’s sprinting.

He’s never run so fast in his life. It’s like his heart will leap from his chest any second; it’s
beating so fast, but the moment he heard your cries, he knew he’d suffer a heart attack if it
meant reaching you and putting a stop to whatever is making you scream his name like that.

He can’t be far. It sounded so close, a street, maybe two over. His stomach flips with a
mixture of relief and dread when he rounds the first corner and finds that same Cart-like Titan
that stole Zeke from his grasp, and in front of it, a woman struggling to lift a writhing body
with blood-curdling wails erupting from its throat.

You. That’s you making that horrific, gut-wrenching sound.

Levi sees red.

“God-fucking-damnit!” Zeke hollers when he notices Levi’s swift approach. “Drop her,
Pieck! Leave her! Get us the hell out of here!”

Levi is less than fifty feet away when the woman lets you fall to the pavement, and all he can
do is push his legs faster when she transforms on the spot and snags both Zeke and Reiner
into her Titan’s mouth. He draws his blade and lunges, but it barely nicks the hind legs of the
quadruped.

They’re going to get away from him again, but Levi’s already crouching over you, pulling
you into his body as you make the worst sounds he’s ever heard. This is worse than your
migraines. These screams don’t even sound like you. They’re guttural, seeping out of your
heart and soul, and when Levi searches the area for any sign of why, his blood turns to ice.

On the ground beside you lies a glass syringe, the same one he just used to inject Armin, and
it’s empty.
You sob into his lap as he softly but firmly clutches the back of your head, moving your hair
off your nape in the process. He finds the injection point there, swollen and bright red, and
his eyes squeeze shut.

He cradles your shaking body, fighting back the onslaught of tears threatening to burst from
him. He doesn’t think he’s ever cried before. Not once, but this? There’s too much inside
him, and he doesn’t know where to put it all.

You’re alive. You’re here in his arms again, but he can barely feel relieved. Your agony is his,
and he doesn’t know if you’ll survive this, given the sounds you're making. He should’ve
known Erwin had another reason as to why he didn’t want you to be given the syringe. He
must’ve had a hunch that it wouldn’t turn you into a Titan, but only sentence you to your
doom. That, or it’ll be a repeat of history, and when this pain subsides, you’ll sleep and wake
up not knowing who you are or the life you lived beforehand.

He remembers the sounds of your pleas, the way you shrieked in pure fear, calling for him,
begging him to save you, to stop them from doing this. It’s splintering his chest. He’s failed
you, but as long as you survive, he can do everything in his power to make it right, to bring
you back to him, to Hange, to your squad, and your home.

He’ll plead with his entire being to whoever gets a say in this outcome to spare your life.

Take your memories of him. Take your love. As long as you have a pulse, he and the others
will restore it. You won’t wake up alone and scared and abandoned this time, but loved,
cherished, and cared for.

He just needs you to live.

When your screams suddenly stop, so does his heart. He holds his breath as he presses his
thumb to your wrist and ducks his head to your chest. The rhythmic thumps against his ear
and finger almost make him crumble, but instead, he pulls you into his arms and stands.
Everyone, aside from Armin and Sasha, should be scouring the streets for you. Levi sent his
memory of your non-blistering skin along with Connie and asked him to share his plan.
Search every street and carve your name into the wall so there wouldn’t be any overlaps, and
eventually, someone would find you, or you’d find them.

He’s lucky to have gained some distance from the others with his ODM gear, and he knows
it’s why he had been so near when you called for him. It means he’s the farthest, though, and
it takes him over an hour to reach the inner gate.

He uses the lift, and once he’s up on the wall, he lies you down beside Sasha. She and Armin
are both still out cold, so he’s given a moment to collect his thoughts before firing off one of
the flares in the bag he no doubt knows Hange left for this exact reason.

He wonders how they reacted to the news that you could be alive. He pictures them gaining a
second wind and leading the search party, barking orders and stressing everyone out. After
seeing that hopelessness he witnessed in them before, he’s looking forward to the moment
they manage to annoy the shit out of him again.

Levi sits down beside you, takes in your frowning, deep-in-slumber face, the gleam of sweat
on your fidgety body, and checks your pulse again despite your movements.

It’s still there. He breathes out and sends up the flare.

There will be explaining to do, he knows that, but he’s expecting some time to collect his
own thoughts, not for Hange to appear within a minute wearing a fresh set of ODM gear.

He hadn’t thought in his panic to check the fallen soldiers for barely used gas tanks, but it
seems the newly appointed Commander maintained their brains in the crisis. He wants to
make an irritated comment about how the hell no one saw him walk four miles through the
city, but refrains as Hange falls to their knees beside you.

They don’t speak, only lift a shaking hand to your neck, their first instinct to check your
pulse, too. They sit back then and blink back tears, taking in your form before their face
scrunches. “What is she wearing?”
“That’s seriously your first question?” Levi grits out, and Hange snorts. They cover their lips
with their palms, shaking their head, their relief coming out in waves of disbelieving laughter.
Some of the weight on his chest lessens at the sight.

“I have many, but my brain settled on that.” They admit, wiping at the wetness on their
cheeks. “It’s really ugly.”

“I know.” He sighs, looking down at the scratchy-looking grey fabric. He doesn’t know
where you got it, but given its condition, he can assume that the woman, the Titan, offered it
to you.

“Where was she?” Hange asks next.

“Close to the outer gate.” Levi starts slowly before pressing his lips together at Hange’s
expectant stare. “We should wait for the others to get here before I explain.”

“Explain what?” Hange asks, voice tilting with concern. “Levi, what happened?”

“What did I just say, Hange?”

“You know I’m impatient!”

Levi scoffs, then looks out over the wall. He spots the bodies coming in close and gestures.

“You won’t be waiting long.”

Mikasa is the first to land, and the others aren’t far behind her. Their chests heave as they
stare down at Ash like they’re seeing a ghost, and in a way, they are.
Levi doesn’t know how to say it, but as their eyes fall to him, the words flow out of him.
Words he’s said over and over again in his mind as he carried you all the way here. The only
thing that truly matters in this whole fucked-up situation.

“She’s alive.”

Jean lets out a shuddering breath and falls to one knee. Eren steps forward, green eyes wide
as he crouches beside Hange, watching you with disbelieving eyes while Mikasa’s swell with
tears.

Connie, though, reacts similarly to how Hange did.

“What is she wearing?” The boy snorts.

“See?” Hange bursts out in exclamation. “It’s a fair question!”

“Shut up.” Levi grits out with a frustrated sigh. “There’s something else you all need to
know.”

The group sobers quickly at his tone.

“What is it, Captain?” Jean asks, brow furrowed with fear.

Levi sighs quietly, his eyes trailing down to you as the words part his lips.

“The enemy injected her with the Titan serum.” He doesn’t pull any punches, shoving the
true and devastating words out with no room for confusion. “We can’t know with certainty
what this means, but we all need to prepare for the worst. The last time this substance was put
into her bloodstream, Ash woke up without any memory.”
“What are you saying?” Mikasa’s voice wobbles.

“I’m saying there’s a chance she won’t remember any of us when she wakes up.”

The silence is stretched and heavy.

Levi can’t bring himself to look up from your face, even as Hange clears their throat and
pushes to their feet.

“Well, sitting here and looking at her won’t do us any good. Come on, we’re going to the
cellar.”

“What if Ash or Armin wakes up?” Eren asks, looking up at Hange with wide eyes.

“Jean and Connie will stay here with them and Sasha,” Hange explains easily, bringing a
hand to Levi’s shoulder as they pass and squeezing. “I doubt either of them will wake up any
time soon, so in the mean time, let’s figure out whatever the fuck is going on.”

Levi stands with a new level of focus. The cellar will have answers about you, too. “Right.
Let’s go.”

Mikasa and Eren lead them down the destroyed streets of Shiganshia, and Levi’s relief that
Bertholdt managed not to incinerate this part of the city is swallowed at the sight of their
childhood home.

The massive chunk of wall that flattened the structure has since started to grow moss, a
reminder that this was the image these kids saw that day. Eren’s mother was likely smushed,
or trapped, and there was nothing to do but leave her behind.
Hange glances at Levi, a similar frown on their features. These are horrors children should
never be subjected to, and yet it’s common in this cruel world.

“There should be a wooden door here.” Mikasa murmurs, eyeing the large boulder. The four
of them place their palms to the rock and shove, then jump back as more of the foundation
crumbles along with the stone. The latch is revealed, and Eren crouches to tug it upward.

Levi grimaces at the accumulation of dust and cobwebs and gives Hange a tiny shove.

“You first.”

“Aw, what!”

“It’s fine,” Mikasa utters quietly, taking the first step, swatting at the wispy strings. It makes
Levi think of you. He remembers how terrified you once were of one spider, and can only
imagine how you’d react to this hellish sight.

He wonders, when you wake up, if you’ll still hate the sight of the eight-legged creatures.

“I didn’t know you were unsettled by spiders, Levi.” Hange snorts, their one eye taking him
in. “Humanity’s Strongest hates bugs. Who knew?”

“Fuck off.” Levi grunts, not bothering to correct them as he refocuses, watching Eren rip off
his necklace and guide the key into the door. He twists, but nothing happens. “What’s the
holdup?”

“It’s not opening,” Eren says, turning to look at them with wide, fearful eyes. Levi tuts, then
gestures Eren out of the way with a nod.

“Wait, maybe it’s-”

He doesn’t wait for Hange to finish, only lifts a leg and jams it through the old wood. It
splinters open, and Levi lets out a huff of air.

“Well, that’ll work, too, I suppose.” Hange rolls their eyes before stepping forward and
reaching through the breach. They unlock the door from the inside and then push it open. It
looks like a regular study, which Hange points out, but if that key wasn’t for the door, it’s for
something else.

“Start searching.” He barks out, stepping off the left. “There should be a keyhole somewhere.
Find it.”

“Yes, sir.” Mikasa and Eren speak at the same time, and Levi bristles at their light tone.
They’re sheepish and kissing ass for being a pain in his, but he doesn’t comment.

“Here,” Mikasa calls out, waving Eren over after five minutes of searching. She’s crouched
on the right side of Grisha’s desk, and he hands Mikasa the key as Hange and Levi approach.
The drawer pops open, and the kids deflate. “It’s empty.”

Levi reaches around and shifts the panel of wood, revealing the secret, second compartment.
Mikasa’s lips part, and Eren’s eyes widen as they take in the sight of three books.

“Journals?” Hange mutters, reaching down to pick up the first one. They flip it open, stare for
what feels like forever, creating an unnecessary, lengthy suspense. Before Levi’s irritation
can be expressed, Hange utters three words. “Holy fucking shit.”

“What?” Levi snaps. Hange’s eyes lift, then their lips quirk as they pull a tiny piece of paper
from the front and flip it over, revealing an image.

Grisha Jaeger stands on the left with a small, frail-looking boy on his hip, and beside him is a
woman with short hair leaning into the pair of them. Levi’s eyes are drawn to the fourth
member, the one almost hiding behind the woman’s frame, gripping her mother’s dress with a
tiny hand, peering up at the camera with big, sad eyes.
His heart seizes at the sight.

“Isn’t she just the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen?” Hange gushes, turning the photo
back over to stare some more. “Look at that little face, and the curls in her hair? Oh my
Walls, she’s wearing heels.”

“She looks traumatized, Hange.” Levi snaps despite snatching the photo back to look again.

Hange smirks knowingly, but Levi doesn’t care. He’s lost in the little girl’s eyes, your eyes
that look so scared. They’re begging to be seen, to be heard, to be helped and cared for. It
only reminds him that even in your previous life, you weren’t given the love you deserved,
and it makes his chest hurt.

He won’t let you feel that way ever again.

“What does the back say?” Mikasa asks. Hange takes the image back and peers through their
glasses.

“This is not a drawing. It’s a photograph of live events, taken with technology that Paradis
does not have within the walls. It’s done by burning reflective light onto special paper. There
are many fascinating things like this where I’m from. These journals will detail everything,
Eren. Love, Dad.”

“I can’t believe my Dad is the Grisha from Ash’s memories.” Eren murmurs, voice devoid of
emotion. He sounds tired and disappointed. “I feel like I never really knew him.”

“We haven’t read anything yet, Eren. He might have a good explanation for all of this.”
Mikasa tries to reassure the boy, but based on this photo, there isn’t much that can be said to
rectify this situation. Hange notices the shift in mood and claps their hands, making the two
kids jump.
“Let's grab these and head out. We should read them with rested, level minds. Not to
mention, Sasha needs medical attention, the two of you need to be locked up, and it’ll be
helpful if Armin and Honey wake up in a safe, controlled environment.”

Levi leads the group out, the weight of the bag carrying all three journals held tightly in his
grip. Something moves in his peripheral vision, and he shifts his gaze to find the photograph
of you being held out towards him.

“You should keep it.” Hange smiles, and Levi shakes his head.

“It goes to Eren.”

“Thank you, Captain, but I don’t want it.” Eren’s voice cuts in sharply. Levi looks over at the
boy whose face is twisted in a confused anger. “You should take it and show it to Ash when
she wakes up. I’m sure some sort of proof from her first past life will help her adjust to this
one.”

Levi sighs quietly, then plucks the image from Hange’s hand and slides it safely into the
inside pocket of his jacket, just over where his heart is.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Mikasa says, startling him. She doesn’t look away from the street
ahead, but he notes the tint on her neck and a similar one on Eren’s cheekbones. He can’t tell
if they’re apologizing for their insubordination or because your memories of him have likely
been stolen from you, but regardless, an apology isn’t necessary.

He shoves the bag into Hange’s chest and steps in front of the two kids. They stop walking
and lower their gazes to the ground. Levi tuts.

“It’s not like we don’t know how it feels.” He replies before lifting his palms to their heads.
“We’ll deal with your mutiny when we get back to Trost, but don’t apologize. Not for any of
it. I chose Armin. It was my decision. We’ll leave it at that. Understood?”
They look down at him with grateful eyes once and nod. “Yes, sir.”

Levi takes the bag back from Hange then and ignores the soft smile they send his way.

“The Levi seal of approval.” They mutter to themself.

“What was that?” He asks.

“Nothing,” Hange smirks, facing forward once more. “Nothing at all.”

 The Paths
Chapter Notes

short but important chapter (:

“You’re here again.”

You startle at the voice, the child-like echo in your ear. There’s sand in your toes, blue in your
eyes, but they’re unseeing. Speckles of white light flutter in the darkness. You aren’t afraid,
but the words confuse you.

“I’ve been here before?”

“Yes.” The voice is tired. Empty. “You were the first. The only one I allowed. The others
who’ve come since then sought things from me. I let them perish, but you, I sympathized with
you. You were a girl like me. Used. Discarded. Thrown Away. I thought you were the one I
was waiting for. I see now I was wrong. Now, you’re a woman, and your love is like the one
that led me here. You’d suffer, kill, and die to keep him, and he you. I can hear him plead. He
is my subject after all.”

There’s much you don’t understand. You're not even sure who is speaking to you, but they feel
monumental. Important and powerful, and yet you feel the sorrow, the tragedy, the loneliness
in this otherworldly space.

By the little they’ve revealed, you can tell their soul is trapped and burdened here, and if it’s
true you once appeared to them when you had nothing and no one, then the peace that’s
washed over you now in this second visit is proof that you’ve abandoned them in their
despair.

“Do you intend to let me die then?” You ask quietly.

“Will you not beg me to spare you?” The voice trembles with frustration. “Will you not cry
and insist I give you back?”

“I want to go back.” You admit softly, knowing the thump in your heart yearns for people.
They’re nameless and faceless here, but you know it in your bones that they’re waiting for
you. “I want to, and yet I feel the hearts of those I love, even now, as our souls are worlds
apart. It’s a comfort. I am very lucky. I know that is thanks to you, and I couldn’t ask you for
more.”

The voice does not reply for a very long time. You do not feel inclined to rush her. Your body
is afloat, and there is no pain. You are merely an entity in limbo awaiting its fate.

“I see now.” The girl speaks when she’s ready. “You are not like me. You don’t belong here,
and yet, you feel welcomed here, and a part of me feels compelled by your presence. You are
not the one I seek, but I see value in your life. You are a bridge, for your blood is not
monstrous, but it bleeds for others like me. Eldians who have been forsaken. I see the truest
part of your soul. You’ve revealed it to me twice now, and both times, you did not ask me for
anything. As a weak child, you could have asked for death and did not. Now, as a strong
woman, you could have pleaded for life. You are the first to not seek something from me. Your
soul is pure. I will give you the choice.”

“Die here and now with peace in your limbs and love in your heart. You won’t experience
war or troubles or loss ever again. You will be unburdened and free, a fate I’ve been
searching 2000 years for.”

“What is my second option?” You ask. The girl’s laugh is bitter.

“Life.”

“I choose life.”
“Life is all I can promise.” The voice snaps sharply. “I can make it so your body does not
reject the foreign substance coursing in its veins as I did before, but to do so, the qualities
from the Titan’s fluid will alter your brain and body chemistry. It’s why you have qualities
only a Beast could have. It’s why you woke up without any prior memories. Choosing life
does not mean choosing your life.”

Your choice remains the same.

“There’s the slightest tug in my heart.” You say to the girl. “Its threads are strong, even
though it is built by hands I cannot remember. It’s how I know returning is the only answer.
Even if I do not know the people inside here who have left their mark, I consider myself
blessed to have the opportunity to learn and love them all over again.”

“Then I’ll save you.”

You don’t feel like yourself, but you know you are smiling. “Can I know your name?”

“You will not remember any of this.”

“That’s okay. I wish to thank you.”

“You will suffer greatly despite having listened to your soul. The path will be a difficult one.
Your appreciation is spoken too soon.”

“I know whatever happens, I will be grateful for this in the end. Please, tell me your name.”

There is a long pause. You wait. “My name is Ymir.”

“Thank you, Ymir.”

Your feet sift through the sand as you plummet down. The blue turns to black. Your peace is
swallowed.

All is forgotten.
 Waking Up
Chapter Notes

Ya'll even in knowing this was the plan from the start this first chapter back was SO
HARD to write ... I apologize for the delay but we're back now that I've got some sort of
foundation.. honestly this fic is so long but I'd consider this part halfway lmaoooooo

Don't let me forget.

I’m begging you.

Please, stop!

No, please, please don’t!

Please!

Levi!

Levi!

Levi.

Levi.

Don’t forget.
Levi.

You shoot up with a cry, your heart racing with panic as sweat trickles down your clammy
skin. Your sorrow and fear from before rattle inside your head, but you can’t remember why
you were screaming, and you certainly don’t know where you are now.

Your hands clutch at the bedsheets beneath you as you frantically search the room, using the
little moonlight shining through the window to see. You scramble back with a yelp at the
sight of an outlined figure sitting in the chair by your bedside.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” The voice tries to soothe you as their hands move around the desk.
“Shit, where are the fucking matches?”

You're light-headed and terrified before your stomach churns with sickness.

You gag and cover your lips with your palm before crawling off the end of the bed. You
shove through the bathroom door on instinct and fall to your knees.

Your ears ring as you hurl into the porcelain. It’s a putrid, acidic, bluish bile that burns the
back of your throat and makes your eyes burn. Thick clumps of tears snag in your lashes as a
shuddering sob rips through you, and your knuckles whiten in their grip on the edges of the
toilet bowl.

There is an unexplainable grief in your soul. An emptiness inside your heart where your body
knows something precious once resided, and that tells you everything you need to know
without entirely understanding it.

Whatever it is you were pleading for, the memories you didn’t want to forget -they’re gone.
Everything is gone, and even in your ignorance of what’s been stolen, you know it with your
entire being that it’s one swooping, devastating, all-consuming loss.

“No, no, no.” You wail as you push yourself backward, lifting a palm to the feverish skin on
your forehead. “This can’t be happening. Not again. Not again.”

A dim glow shines from the doorway in your peripheral vision, and you gasp, clambering
backward. You had forgotten the figure by the bedside in your distress, overwhelmed by the
waves of agony barreling into your chest, but now they have you cornered, and you have no
way to know who this person is.

Your instinct is to cower as they hover in the doorway. You scoot back into the corner, hiding
your face, whimpering out pleas to be spared any further damage.

“Please, don’t come any closer.” You cry out, hands shaking. “Don’t hurt me. Please-”

“I won’t hurt you.” You falter at the pained, deep voice, aggressive hiccups pulsing in your
throat. “I won’t come any closer, but I’m not going anywhere, either, just going to get you
some water.”

The man’s presence is gone in an instant, and you squeeze your eyes shut tightly, your skull
pounding with your heartbeat. You clutch your head, fingers threaded through your hair as
you quietly weep into your knees.

You rack your brain for anything from before, and will yourself to remember, but it’s one
massive blank space. All you have are the words you cried out before you were overcome
with pain. They’re the only things you remember -pleading for mercy and screaming in
agony.

You suck in a breath. There was one other thing.

A name you had thought of in your time of duress, someone you called for above others, but
more than that, someone you were desperate not to forget. You were engraving him into your
brain. You cared for him enough that even though everything’s been taken from you, his
name hasn’t been.

Levi.

“Here.” The voice calls to you, and you flinch, eyes lifting to find him keeping his word.
He’s crouched where he had been, a canister of water in his palm and flat to the floor. “I’ll
slide it to you. Is that alright?”

Your breath catches.

His face is illuminated with the candle, allowing you to see the dark hair falling into his
fluttering lashes, the smooth and pale skin hued golden in the firelight, and his dark eyes,
which are the reason your defenses shatter, because they’re genuine, soft, and swarming with
an overbearing sorrow akin to the ache in your heart.

S omething stirs inside you as you take in his tired, distraught expression, something intimate
and known. There’s an extra thump in your heartbeat, a string in your chest that’s being
plucked, like you can feel whoever you were before you woke up in this bed is banging on a
locked door somewhere inside you.

“You’re Levi.” You say quietly through your tears. The man’s eyes widen, flashes of relief,
hope, and affection seeping through at your words.

“Yeah.” He breathes out. “I am.”

“I was calling for you.” Your lips wobble before you press them together. “It’s all I can
remember. I’m sorry.”
He watches you closely as he shakes his head. “What could you possibly be apologizing
for?”

Fresh tears pool in your waterline as you stare back at his beautiful features, your heart
willing you to remember seeing his lovely face before tonight, but nothing comes forth. It’s a
horrible, guilty, disgusting feeling.

“I should know you.” You whimper, wiping your cheeks with the back of your hand before
placing your palm to your chest. “I can feel it in my heart. I remember saying your name, and
I know it was an effort to hold onto you, but I failed. I’ve lost it all. Everything’s gone. I’m so
sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” The man, Levi, murmurs gently over your gut-wrenching sobs. “Don’t
cry for me. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. It’s not. Nothing is. Everything’s gone.”

“You’re wrong. Not everything.”

You rapidly blink at him, tears slipping to your lips, and you taste salt as you speak. “What
do you mean?”

“You’re alive,” Levi says quietly, voice gentle but firm. “As long as your heart is still beating,
those memories you’ve lost, we can remind you of them. As long as you have a pulse, you
can make new ones.”

“We?” You ask weakly.

“You aren’t alone.” Levi reiterates. “There are people who care about you.”

“Even now?” Your scoff. “Even after I’ve forgotten them?”

“It’s not your fault. None of this bullshit is, and everyone knows that.”

“That doesn’t mean they aren’t hurt.”

“You haven’t hurt anyone.”

“I’m going to look into the eyes of people I care about and likely love, and feel nothing for
them.” You argue back fiercely, shaking your head. “How can you say that isn’t cruel? How
can you say they won’t hate me for it? I hate myself for it! I know this is the second time. I
don’t know how, but I do, and I’m weak for letting this happen again. ”

“The last thing you are is weak.” The man tuts, rolling his eyes, unperturbed by your anger.
You grit your teeth.

“ We don’t know who I am, do we?” Your frustration is translating to more sorrow, making
your voice sound more pathetic than threatening. “Everything that made me the person
you’re certain I am has been wiped from my fucking brain. What if I’m not someone worth
caring for anymore?”

Your emotional state is so fragile, you don’t even know why you’re arguing, why you’re
challenging this person who's been nothing but reassuring, respectful, and empathetic. Your
eyes are watering all over again, but you can’t help it. Your fears feel tangible and very real.

You don’t know who you were. You don’t know how to be the person Levi and the faceless
others would suffer like this for.

“Look at me.” He says gently, and after a second of calming yourself, you comply, lifting
your shameful gaze to his. “I’m entirely aware that you might not be the same person as
before. It would only make sense. Your experiences aren’t there to shape you; the people
from your past aren’t in the back of your mind to guide your steps.”
“Then why-”

“I’m also entirely aware that it doesn’t matter who you are. Not to me.” He cuts you off,
halting your derailing thoughts. “I cared about you then as you were, and I care about you
now as you are. I’m not going anywhere, not without you by my side.”

Your heart stutters at his words, the fondness in them, and it clicks.

“You loved me.” Your statement is a breathy whisper, a heart-aching realization.

“I love you.” He corrects your words so easily, flipping them around into something warm
and cherished. “I always will.”

Your lips part as your eyes gloss over with a different kind of tears. His honesty and devotion
in this scenario calm your dread, and suddenly, the hollowness inside you doesn’t feel so
heavy, because you believe him.

You aren’t alone, and you know with certainty now that feeling in your heart to trust the man
in front of you isn’t some misguided hope for someone to care. It’s real. It’s a part of you.

“Will you drink some water for me now?” Levi asks after the silence lingers. There’s a tint to
his cheeks, as though he’s become aware that his love confession may feel hasty to you. It
doesn’t. It feels comforting. Safe.

You don’t think it’ll be hard to return the affection.

Nodding in reply, he goes to slide it, but you clear your throat. “You don’t have to stay
there.”

He eyes you carefully, then pushes to his feet. His boots pad into the room before he settles
himself down across from you, back to the wall, the tips of his toes inches from yours as he
holds out the bottle.

Your fingers wrap around the material, grazing his, and you pull it back fast, avoiding his
eyes as you twist the cap.

The water is lukewarm but soothing, even if the first sip tastes awful and rinses out the
remnants of your vomit. He places the candle down on the floor, and you glance up at him
again after a moment.

He’s watching you, his severe, tired expression has softened drastically.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Five days.”

You swallow at the unnerving information, then ask the next thing that comes to mind.

“Who did this to me?”

“Do you remember anything about our world?” He asks slowly, and you shake your head. “It
may be a lot of information for you right now.”

“You’ll tell me tomorrow then?” You ask.

“I’ll tell you everything you want to know, Ash.”

Your lips part. “My name?”

Levi’s lips tug upwards. “The name I gave you.”

You flush. “What does that even mean?”

“It means the first time you lost your memories, no one knew your birth-given name, so we
thought of names for you.”

“I have more than one name?” You snort. “That’s absurd.”

Levi shrugs. “It just goes to show you’ve always been more than one person to a lot of
people, and that this won’t change anything, not to the people who care about you.”

You fall quiet at that, the words easing the remaining fear in your gut. You swallow the
thickening emotion in your throat and nod.

“Alright. Let’s go through the list.”

“Well, to me and the kids, you're Ash.”

“Kids?” You jolt up, and Levi’s laugh is a quiet, beautiful thing. You stare at him, heart
skipping. Something tells you it’s a rare sight, and you’re blessed to bear witness to it.

“Our squad.” He explains, although that does little to help you understand. He sighs, running
a hand through his hair when he realizes. “Our world is one fucked up mess, and we’re in the
first line of defense. The Scout Regiment. You and I, we’re leaders of a group of teenagers.”

“Our kids.” You nod, letting it click, but not focusing on the severity of that statement.
“Right. We should save all of this for when I’m not sitting next to a bowl of my own throw-
up.”
“You didn’t even flush it?” His nose scrunches in disgust, and you feel a laugh bubble out of
you. “That’s disgusting.”

“I didn’t really think about it.” You admit sheepishly, not mentioning the obvious that you
were preoccupied with falling apart.

Levi lets out a resounding sigh before he pushes himself back up and offers a hand. “You
should get off the floor and rest some more.”

“I’ve been resting for five days.”

“Then what’s one more night?” He retorts, and you sigh but concede, feeling the puffiness of
your eyes weigh heavily on your skull. You slowly slip your hand into his, and he pulls you
up, leaving you’re chest to chest, inches apart.

You avoid his gaze, heart racing at his proximity that feels oddly familiar. He reaches around
to flush the toilet, and you scoff, earning a tiny smirk in response as he backs away. He heads
for the door, while you gravitate toward the bed.

“I’ll be back in the morning.” He calls softly.

“Just you?” You ask quietly, and he pauses as his hand wraps around the doorknob. He turns
toward you and nods.

“Just me.”

Levi shuts the door behind him and lets out a shaky breath.
It went better than he ever could have anticipated, given the circumstances of your memory
being wiped. When you said his name, it was like breathing again after days of being on life
support.

Everything’s felt bleary and hollow, and Zackly and Historia were desperate to host the medal
ceremony, give the people a day to celebrate the reclaiming of Wall Maria, so they held it two
days ago. Your absence was blaringly obvious to him, Hange, and your squad, widening the
emptiness within their hearts where you should be.

You deserved to be there, but there was no saying when you’d wake, or that you’d even know
what you were being celebrated for. Regardless, it felt wrong, and that sourness turned into
even more despair.

Tonight, you startled him. He has been sleeping by your bedside, seeing as the day is always
filled with discussions, planning, and strategy with Historia, Hange, Zackly, Pixis, and Niles
Dok. He’s been worried you’ll wake up alone and scared, but he’s been more afraid you
wouldn’t wake up at all.

He’s relieved he was there for you, even if watching you cower in the corner of the bathroom
was one of the worst things he’s ever seen. Your eyes when you took him in, he could see the
realization, the curiosity, and acknowledgment, and now you trust him after mere minutes.

His heartbeat feels stronger than it has in days.

“How’d it go?”

Levi lifts his head to find Hange there, arms crossed, lips tilted down. It’s still odd seeing
them with their eye patch, but it’s as though reading the emotion on their face is even easier
with just one eye letting it shine through. It’s how Levi knows something is wrong. Hange
hardly looks this somber.

“It’s not like it was before.” He replies quietly. “She remembers emotions, even if she doesn’t
know where they’re coming from.”
“That’s good.”

“She’s still her.” He says to Hange’s tired response. “Her first thought, despite waking up
terrified, was of the people she’s forgotten. She felt guilty and assumed everyone would hate
her as if she had any say.”

“Sounds like her.”

“Okay, what’s with you?” Levi snaps, crossing his arms.

“We should talk in my office.” They reply stiffly before walking away, hands in pockets. Levi
stares at the back of their head, mind whirling on what could have possibly happened to make
Hange so withdrawn.

When he doesn’t move, Hange turns over their shoulder, lips pressed together.

“Please.”

Levi follows then, heart in his stomach.

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