Don't hesitate to stop.
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/34301317.
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Relationship: Jin Ling | Jin Rulan/Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui
Characters: Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Jin Ling | Jin Rulan
Additional Tags: Top Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Bottom Jin Ling | Jin Rulan, Anal Sex,
Asphyxiation, Safewords, Spanking (mentioned), Slight Panic Attack,
Safeword Use, The Sex Doesn't Finish, Comfort, Canon Compliant
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-10-05 Words: 3,663 Chapters: 1/1
Don't hesitate to stop.
by Spoook
Summary
A while ago Jin Ling and Sizhui escalated their sexual encounters beyond just the standard.
But testing the limits comes with precautions, and now Jin Ling have to say stop because it
goes beyond what he can handle. However, that isn't the end of the world!
Rated explicit mostly for the first paragraph and the mentions of brief bdsm elements, but
don't come here expecting porn, because I will disappoint you!
Notes
Tahto is a mysterious enigma who guards personal information well, (which is totally valid!
stay safe on the internet everyone.) and therefore they won't tell me their birthday. But I still
wanna make a birthday fic for them, so I simply assigned them a birthday. I choose this date,
5th October, because that's when they first posted their lovely fic "Imposter syndrome", so
happy anniversary to that story, and happy (not) birthday to Tahto. Your stories are a delight,
and I am happy you were born!
The vague prompt Tahto gave me was: Lan Yuan spends time with a tired/insecure Jin Ling
and basically just dotes him.
See the end of the work for more notes
The place between his lover's spread legs is warm and smooth, it brings Sizhui more comfort
than any home ever could. The motions were familiar, coming to them naturally as their
bodies joined together on golden silk sheets, with breathy gasps, and slick squelches from
Sizhui pumping his cock in and out of Jin Ling's generously wet little hole. Sizhui's lover is
ethereal in his naked splendor, illuminated by the flickering candle light. It doesn't matter
how many times they tangle together in sensual intimacy, Jin Ling's beauty will always
astonish him.
But something felt wrong, maybe it was a look in Jin Ling's eyes, a different glint to his tears,
or maybe it was the delicate skin of his throat underneath Sizhui's hands. Stubbornly Sizhui
keeps his grip tight, choking his lover just like he'd been told too. Thumbs overlap at the
centre, while his fingers are wrapped around the rest of the Jin sect leader's neck.
"...Jin Ling?" Sizhui asks, his thrusts into that pliant body beneath him slowly coming to a
stop, and the creaks of the bedframe follows with.
Wide blown topaz eyes don't quite reach him, and when Jin Ling gulps, Sizhui feels the
movement against his palms.
"Jin Ling, what season is it?" Sizhui's voice rings with a tone of demand as he asks, and he
looses up his grip, just a sliver, to give his lover room to speak.
The bedroom is suddenly so quiet, save for Sizhui's own labored inhales of air and the
cicadas singing outside their windows. The silence stays far too long, and Jin Ling holds his
breath the whole while.
Just as Sizhui is about to repeat his question, the boy beneath him speaks up;
"Winter."
It's spoken so quietly, it's barely audible, especially for someone who wasn't actively listening
for it. But it resounds, loud and clear in Sizhui's ears.
Sizhui quickly retracts his hands from Jin Ling's throat, as if just the touch burnt him. In an
instant he pulls away, creating a distance between the both of them by almost literally
throwing himself to the other side of Jin Ling's giant bed.
Finally Jin Ling breathes, and when given the space he curls in on himself.
Jin Ling is strong, stubborn, righteous, and often larger than life in Sizhui's eyes. But in this
moment, trembling and hunched over himself so his spine is protruding underneath
porcelain-like skin, he looks frail. It's a terrifying sight, and Sizhui wonders how the Jin sect
leader can make himself seem so small while curled up alone atop rumpled golden silk
sheets.
There is nothing Sizhui wants more than to reach out for him, to give him comfort and
reassurance, but he can't. That's not their agreement. It's important that Sizhui follows the
rules of this arrangement, he was the one that demanded them in the first place when they
decided to escalate their intimacy beyond the normal between lovers.
They had agreed upon three words, three seasons, to communicate with through their throes
of passion: Summer - I'm good, continue. Autumn - I'm overwhelmed, take a pause. Winter -
I don't like this, stop.
While an aspect of the agreement was Jin Ling relinquishing his control and autonomy to
Sizhui, submitting entirely to the Lan disciple's dominance – when Jin Ling says; Winter,
then Sizhui loses that authority over him.
Which is why Sizhui cannot touch his lover until permission is given. All he can do is sit still
by the foot end of the bed and patiently wait as Jin Ling catches his breath, and himself in the
process.
The flickering candle lights in the bedroom casts dancing shadows over Jin Ling's sweaty
back, the tremors through his body tells Sizhui that it's a cold sweat. When uncertain of how
to conduct himself or what to do, Sizhui falls back on his teachings. He sits on his knees with
his back straight; in perfect Lan posture, which makes probably a rather uncanny sight in his
state of undress and still half aroused length standing up. But Sizhui holds his form, places
his hands on his knees, curled into fists so tight his fingernails dig crescents into his palms.
This is the first time anyone of them have ever used that word, and as he watches Jin Ling
from a respectful distance a dreadful thought crosses his mind; how long would Jin Ling
make himself endure, if he hadn't specifically asked for the season?
Sizhui knows Jin Ling; his insecurities and the unwarranted self scrutiny that accompanies
them. There is an unhealthy tendency there to push himself too far, it lingers in almost
everything Jin Ling does. It's there in his cultivation practice, it makes an appearance in his
performance as the role of a sect leader, but Sizhui never wanted to see it present in their
love.
"I'm sorry," Jin Ling croaks out with a hoarse voice and Sizhui's chest drops cold.
"A-Yuan, I'm sorry. I-I trust you, I promise that I do," Jin Ling insists but Sizhui can't quite
tell who he is speaking to, is it really for Sizhui or is it for himself?
A million questions bounce around in Sizhui's head; What's wrong? Why are you saying this?
Why are you apologizing? Why didn't you speak up sooner? All Sizhui really want is to
understand, see the whole picture and tackle this problem meticulously as he would with any
other. However, what Sizhui wants doesn't matter right now, that can wait. It has to wait.
"I've never doubted that for even a second," Sizhui says calmly, and it's true.
"I-I trust you with my life, you'd never betray me- never use me…" Jin Ling whispers and
brings a hand to his neck, tracing the red outline of the bruise left by Sizhui's fingers.
"I'm sorry I..."
"Jin Ling you trust me, and you've done nothing to suggest the contrary," Sizhui takes a deep
breath and uncurls his fists.
"Setting a boundary, telling me to stop, that is also a display of trust. You trust me to respect
you, and I am grateful that you do."
"But if I trust you, then why did I..." Jin Ling whimpers and curls in further, wrapping his
arms around himself for comfort.
"Why did I think of him when you were the one who-..."
"A-Ling can I touch you?" Sizhui knows it's rude to interrupt, and he knows that at this
moment he should probably let Jin Ling continue to vent his grievance. But Sizhui has a good
guess who he – that Jin Ling mentioned; is. Sizhui doesn't want Jin Ling to continue down
that trail of thought, not on his own, not isolated from him.
The bedroom falls into silence again, but this time there are two breaths filling up the
emptiness with the company of the cicadas' song. There is a resolve that settles in Jin Ling's
shoulders as the tension bleeds out of him, and Sizhui sees him wiping away his tears with a
slight sniffle.
"...Yes, but not-... just one hand, please," Jin Ling hesitantly gives his permission. The
hesitance is concerning, but just like Jin Ling trusts Sizhui, Sizhui trusts him the same. He
has already displayed the courage to tell Sizhui when to stop, so the Lan disciple has the faith
that he wouldn't push himself again.
Red brimmed topaz eyes stare at him with undivided attention as Sizhui slowly crawls closer
to Jin Ling and reaches out his hand. He starts with small steps, carefully placing his open
palm down on Jin Ling's ankle. They maintain eye contact and Sizhui never curls his fingers
in, doesn't grab or grip him, just slowly caresses the ball of Jin Ling's foot in a circular
motion with his palm.
"Being reminded of him, when put in a situation like that, doesn't speak of whether or not you
trust me A-Ling," there is a sense of guilt that Sizhui doesn't show as he speaks. Jin Ling had
trusted him, and he'd been thoughtless. The fact that Sizhui never took a moment to consider
that choking Jin Ling could be a cruel reminder of that day in the Guanyin temple, when Jin
Guangyao wrapped a guqin string around Jin Ling's throat – it made Sizhui feel ashamed of
himself. The eager excitement lighting up topaz eyes when Jin Ling first proposed it for their
night activity wasn't any excuse that could justify Sizhui's lack of critical thinking.
"I don't want to be associated with him, and you don't want that either. So the right thing to
do was to stop, you did good A-Ling and I am proud of you for that."
Sizhui's hand slowly inches up from Jin Ling's ankle, trailing along his delicate calf in a
fleeting featherlight caress. Like a flower spreading it's petals after a long night, Jin Ling
unfurls from his hunched up position and leans towards Sizhui's touch – as if he is the
sunlight breaking through the horizon at dawn.
"You can touch me freely," Jin Ling whispers, reaching out his own hand and Sizhui doesn't
hesitate to take it. Fingers intertwined out of reflex the moment their hands meet and as Jin
Ling looks up at Sizhui with eyes that finally reach him, Sizhui notices the form of the red
bruise left behind on Jin Ling's throat from his hold.
The shape from the memory of his fingers digging into the pale throat is reminiscent of a
butterfly's wings; painted in a contrasting crimson against white skin.
"Jin Ling," Sizhui whispers, a hint of shame slipping through his voice and he averts his gaze
from the sight.
"May I hold you?"
Jin Ling gives a diminutive nod and that's all the permission Sizhui needs to gently scoop him
up in his arms, keeping their hands joined together the whole time as he pulls Jin Ling into
his naked lap.
There is still a slight tremble to Jin Ling's body but it slowly eases out as Sizhui holds him.
For a vulnerable moment they don't speak, they just breathe. Deep inhales that they hold for a
second or two before exhaling in unison. The moment passes them by slowly, but Sizhui
refuses to look at the bruise over Jin Ling's throat even after the moment is gone. As he
brushes the fringe out of Jin Ling's eyes and cups his cheek tenderly, he deliberately avoids
touching anywhere too close to that tender area.
"I really mean it A-Ling, I am proud of you."
"Only someone like you could find something to be proud of when I am disappointing
myself," Jin Ling says with a self deprecating chuckle and a furrow between his brows.
"You've not done anything that warrants disappointment," Sizhui speaks firmly, easing out
the frown with a thumb pressed into Jin Ling's forehead.
Topaz eyes flutter close with dark lashes fanning out over delicate cheeks as Jin Ling takes
another deep breath and leans into the press of Sizhui's thumb.
"I thought it would be kinda exciting, literally placing my life in your hands, the intimacy
was appealing in theory," he explains, and when Jin Ling puts it like that, then Sizhui could
see the intrigue.
"I trust you, yet still I couldn't follow through."
Sizhui pulls their joined hands to his own throat, pressing Jin Ling's fingers against where a
pulse slowly beats beneath his skin.
"Would you like to try it on me instead?"
"No!" Jin Ling shouts, snatching his hand out of Sizhui grip so fast his manicured nails
accidentally scratches the Lan disciple's skin.
The sharp reaction catches Sizhui by surprise and he bites his tongue quickly to stop himself
from apologizing on impulse. Jin Ling is already in an insecure place, and pressing his own
desire for forgiveness onto him wouldn't help.
"Alright, then we know that this isn't for us..." Sizhui says calmly and it's surprisingly easy
for him to remain unfazed, it shouldn't be surprising, not really. Sizhui knows that there is an
immense source of strength to be found within himself – if Jin Ling needs him to be strong.
"... And that isn't disappointing, A-Ling."
"I-I'm sorry for shouting," Jin Ling says while leaning in against Sizhui's chest, taking back
the hand he'd just retracted from.
"You were within your right, I shouldn't have brought it up," Sizhui gives Jin Ling a soft
smile as he speaks, but his lover's eyes are drawn to the red scratch marks on the Lan
disciple's hand. While it stings just a little bit, it's nothing Sizhui is bothered by, Jin Ling has
certainly scratched him before, and depraved as he is, Sizhui enjoys the sensation.
"I don't think we will be having any more sex tonight."
"Yeah… I kinda ruined our evening, didn't I?" Jin Ling whispers and gives Sizhui a sheepish
smile.
"Of course not, time spent with you is always wonderful, a change of plans doesn't affect
that." Sizhui awkwardly reaches for Jin Ling's inner robes by leaning off the side of the bed
and picks them up from where they'd hastily discarded them on the floor.
"We can go to the sitting room and you can have some tea while I play my guqin for you?"
Sizhui offers with a happy smile, but at the mention of his instrument Jin Ling tenses up, just
a slight bit. Sizhui realizes that the sight of the string instrument might not be welcomed after
Jin Ling's recent reminder of Jin Guangyao.
"Or we can stay in bed, cuddle up closely and just enjoy each other's company?"
Jin Ling gives Sizhui another diminutive nod and helps him pull the thin sleeves of his robes
over his arms.
"I'd like that,'' there is a slight trembling smile on Jin Ling's lips as he speaks and it melts
Sizhui's heart a little. No matter what happens, Sizhui knows he'll chase that smile with
everything he got, and that's a comforting thought. To have a steady constant like this to be
certain of, it brings Sizhui reassurance.
"You should know something A-Ling," Sizhui whispers tenderly while he fixes the robes in
place and wraps them around Jin Ling's waist.
"While I do enjoy dominating you, when you relinquish yourself and put yourself in my
mercy completely; it may make me feel powerful…" As he speaks he brings a hand up to
comb Jin Ling's hair out of his face.
"...But nothing can make me feel more invincible than seeing your smile."
The pink blush that slowly creeps up Jin Ling's cheeks is also quite empowering to Sizhui.
"So sappy..." Sizhui's little treasure grumbles and averts his gaze shyly with a pout, a familiar
reaction that makes Sizhui chuckle fondly.
"You are pretty powerful though, you can always make me feel safe, even now," Jin Ling
hesitantly brings a hand to his throat and draws Sizhui's eyes towards the red butterfly-like
bruise once more.
Sizhui just feels bad looking at it, but it isn't likely Jin Ling has the luxury to ignore it like he
does. With a deep sigh Sizhui reaches for his own discarded robes and brings it up to the bed
with them from the floor.
"You should get some salve on that," he explains as he pulls the robes on and digs through the
sleeve to bring out his qiankun pouch.
They both fall silent as Sizhui opens the pouch and brings out a little jar the size of his palm –
which contains herbal salve. It's familiar to the both of them; Sizhui would always
meticulously spread it over every bruise and patch of smarted skin left on Jin Ling's body
after their more intense couplings.
"Can you do it for me?" Jin Ling asks when Sizhui holds the container out for him. The
nervous twitch in Sizhui's fingers doesn't go unnoticed by his lover who wraps his hands
around his.
"Please, I need you to do this," Jin Ling gives him a hopeful smile, and it helps Sizhui find
his courage despite the shame in his heart.
Even if his hands are shaking Sizhui still draws on the resolve to uncap the container, despite
the tremble he still dips his fingers into the salve, and in an act of defiance against the hitch in
his breath from the dread in his gut Sizhui slowly reaches out for Jin Ling's throat. The
sensitive skin is warm to touch, and Jin Ling shudders as Sizhui carefully spreads the salve
over the red mark, delicately tracing his fingertips along the path made by the choke hold. An
apology teeters on the tip of Sizhui's tongue but he swallows it down in favor to show his
remorse with tender actions.
"I think I needed to do this as well," Sizhui admits truthfully, his shame parting way for a
little spark of pride when Jin Ling submissively tilts his head back and bares his throat for
him.
Jin Ling closes his eyes and melts into Sizhui's chest as the Lan disciple meticulously spreads
the salve over the angry bruise. Sizhui's fingertips slowly follow Jin Ling's windpipe before
coming to rest over his pulse point, and there he finds that his lover's heart beats in a slow
peaceful rhythm, devoid of fear.
"Could you… kiss me there too?" Jin Ling asks shyly.
It's easier for Sizhui to bring his lips to Jin Ling's throat, than it was to will his hands to
touch. Sizhui presses his mouth tenderly against the centre of Jin Ling's adams apple, and
then he lingers there, finding comfort in the way Jin Ling seeks his affection.
"Again…" Jin Ling whispers and Sizhui feels the movement in Jin Ling’s throat as he speaks,
against his lips. There is probably nothing Jin Ling could ask of him that Sizhui wouldn't
give. If it's kisses he wants, then kisses he shall have, and if Sizhui inaudibly mouths out
apologies for ever hurting him against Jin Ling's neck, he doesn't pay it any mind.
Sizhui gently lays Jin Ling down on the bed again while placing kiss, after tender kiss, to his
bruise.
"I love you, A-Yuan," The admission leaves Jin Ling's lips softly, and the next kiss Sizhui
pressed into his throat is given with a smile.
"I love you too, A-Ling," Sizhui mumbles against the sensitive skin underneath his lips.
Parting from Jin Ling's warmth is a difficult feat, but the desire to bundle him up properly in
blankets and bedsheets wins over Sizhui's own selfish urge to lavish Jin Ling in more kisses.
"You did very well today, and I still have treats for you to eat."
Giving Jin Ling treats after couplings was a habit that started early around the time they
attempted something more unorthodox in bed. Sizhui had spanked his lover's rear red and
sore, and as he left to fetch a towel to clean with Jin Ling suddenly started crying. The quick
drop in adrenaline had left him jarred, and without Sizhui's comforting presence it came
down on him hard.
Ever since then Sizhui had always prepared sweet little treats to comfort Jin Ling with, and
the sugar definitely helped the situation. These treats would range from sweet peaches,
plums, apricots or candies such as; dragon's beards, tanghulu, and tonight the star is intricate
sugar paintings which Sizhui had sneakily bought while they were touring through Lanling
during the day.
Fetching his qiankun pouch again, Jin Ling stares with a hint of excitement as Sizhui pulls
out the sugary confections, carefully wrapped in rice paper.
"Do I really deserve a treat though?" Jin Ling asks and bites his lip in uncertainty.
"What a silly question," Sizhui laughs as he gently unwraps a beautiful golden flower made
out of melted sugar.
"You've earned this, by trying something new and recognizing that it wasn't fun," he holds
out the flower as he speaks but instead of taking it on his own, Jin Ling leans forth and
nibbles on it out of Sizhui's hands. Its an endearing sight which makes Sizhui’s smile so
softly as he speaks:
"You desired deeper types of intimacy, I personally think we have found it by learning more
of each other and our limitations."
Jin Ling's cheeks flushed a little deeper and his smile spread a little wider.
"I suppose that's one way to look at it," he pushes Sizhui to lay down properly in bed with
him, only to shuffle closer and lay his head on the Lan disciple's chest, trapping him
underneath his own weight.
"Thank you, A-Yuan."
"It's my pleasure, sweetheart, it honestly is," Sizhui whispers, brushing one hand through
silky brown hair and feeding Jin Ling his treats with the other.
"I'm not just thanking you for finding a way to make me feel less insecure," Jin Ling traces a
finger over Sizhui's chest, resting his hand over his heartbeat.
"I'm also thanking you for recognizing that I wasn't enjoying myself, you gave me the chance
to say stop, and just that made it easier."
"I am grateful you found the strength to do so, and I hope in the future you won't hesitate for
so long if you need to say it again," Sizhui feels his heart beating slow and steady beneath Jin
Ling's palm. He hopes Jin Ling knows that it beats for him.
"Yeah, I know now that there is no reason to hesitate," Jin Ling chuckles with ease.
"Now feed me more!"
The place under his lover's weight is warm and cozy, it brings Sizhui more comfort than any
home could. The motions were familiar, coming to them naturally, as their bodies curl up in a
tender embrace wrapped safely in golden silk sheets, with affectionate words, and a giggle on
Jin Ling's lips as Sizhui feeds him sugary candy. Sizhui's lover is ethereal with happiness in
his eyes, illuminated by the flickering candle lights in their bedroom. It doesn't matter how
many times Jin Ling's face splits into a smile, his beauty will always astonish Sizhui.
And everything felt right.
End Notes
Thanks for taking your time reading, I hope you liked it, and I hope Tahto liked it too.
Feel free to leave comments
Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!
