AIZAWL THEOLOGICAL COLLEGE

DURTLANG LEITAN
BACHELOR OF DIVINITY
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELLING

Topic: Divorce: Psychological, social, and Various problems related to Divorce.

Submitted to : Rev. Dr. R. Vanlaltluanga
Submitted by : Shalom Shamuvel Mhaske BD III, Roll no 29.

1) Introduction.

Marriage in medieval time was considered as an important sacrament beside baptism,

eucharist and etc, therefore according to Christian understanding breaking marriage is often
seen as a sin or breaking sacred law or even considered as disobedience to God. Divorce, the
legal dissolution of a marriage, is profoundly complex—affecting individuals emotionally,
spiritually, socially, and practically. In Christian teaching, marriage is not merely a contract
but a sacred covenant ordained by God, mirroring Christ’s relationship with his Church. The
Bible portrays marriage as a lifelong union. This assignment explores key biblical passages,
allowed exceptions, and the pastoral and ethical implications for Christians.
Divorce is not a contextual issue it has been on society from a very long time but now it has
become a trend among the new age couples who get married without future planning or
proper choosing of life partner which sooner or later lead breaking up of the families which
brings damage to both sometimes leaving them unable to heal, breaking of marriage can be
determine in two ways separation (not living together, temporary broken), Divorced
(permanently broken).

1.1) Framework of Marriage as a Divine Covenant

Genesis 2:24 lays the foundation: “A man shall… hold fast to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh.” The verse is very simple and portraits that Gods will is that no one should
be alone, and breaking such a relation would be difficult.
God’s Heart Against Divorce Malachi 2:16: emphatically states, “I hate divorce,”
emphasizing that ending a marriage tear apart what God has joined.
These verses show us that divorce is seen as an evil act in eyes of God as humans are
breaking a wholeness which is created by God, now let us discuss the reasons related to
divorce and its impact on people. There are many books available on marriage. But the Bible
is the best book on marriage there is! The problems of husbands and wives typically centre
around four things: (1) religion, (2) intimacy, (3) money, and (4) children. One of the best
ways to avoid problems in these four areas is to discuss them in detail before you get
married.1

2) Causes of Divorce.
2.1) Religion

The number one problem in marriages is religion. A believer shouldn’t marry an unbeliever.
The Bible says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers . . .” (2 Cor. 6:14).
Then in so many cases, neither the husband nor the wife is Christians when they get married.
But afterwards, one of them gets saved. Remember Paul covers that in First Corinthians
7:12–16. If the unbeliever is pleased to dwell with the Christian, that’s fine. But if the
unbeliever is running around committing adultery and is not pleased to dwell with the
Christian spouse, then let the unbeliever depart. Each situation must be looked at in light of
the law of love.

2.2) Intimacy

The number two problem in marriages is sex. Many times, religion and sex are mixed
together. For example, sometimes a woman gets so “spiritual” that she won’t go to bed with
her husband. She doesn’t want her husband to touch her. He may be saved and even baptized
with the Holy Spirit, but he’s not spiritual enough in her eyes. And in a very few cases, the
same is true with the husband. Be Honest with Your Spouse A common complaint of many
men has been the following: “My wife is cold and frigid. She won’t have anything to do
with me.” I usually tell them, “There isn’t any such thing as a cold and frigid woman. They
don’t exist. The only thing that exists is an ignorant, stupid, fumbling, bungling man.”
This is where the problem is. Man is just interested in himself and his own satisfaction. He’s
selfish. He’s not interested in his wife. He’s not interested in what pleases her. But love

1
Kenneth E. Hagin, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage (USA, Faith Library Publications, Incorporated, 2001)
always puts the other person first. I’m always concerned about putting my wife first. I’m not
interested in getting something; I’m interested in giving something in life. “Love seek eth not
its own” (1 Cor. 13:5).

2.3) Money

The number three problem in marriages is money, financial stability is an essential function
in marriage and family as it is often considered as a basic necessity, lacking to have a strong
financial support can lead to various question regarding future of family and marriage,
(schooling of children, buying of house, having savings for any kind of accidents and
misfortune). Lack of financial stability can cause incompleteness of a relationship, it can be a
major reason for creating miscommunication, misunderstanding, mishandling of resources,
between the family. Finances can also be called as a pillar of functioning family if the pillar is
not strong and steady the marriage can collapse and lead to divorce or separation.

2.4) Children

The number four problem in marriages is children, children are often said to be blessing from
God but we should also understand the capacity of the family to take care of the children,
family planning is an essential part of pre-marital counselling, the government also support
having a small no of children so that they can get a good facilities from their families, it is
indeed that we have dropped the child birth rate but we can also see that if there are less
children the parents can give them proper attention and provide them with the best resources
available. Being childless or not wanting a child can be a significant reason for separation,
the recent studies also show the postpartum stress which women go through after child birth
and in this case having several children can be a challenge for a mother.

3) The Atmosphere of the Home

The problem with divorce is that so many people get married outside the garden environment
yet still desire and expect “garden” results. God, the Creator and Manufacturer of marriage
guarantees its success, but only under the conditions that it consists of “garden” ingredients.
Those ingredients are what I call the “beginning” male and female. Jesus said, “For this cause
shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife,” (Matt. 19:5). But not
everyone is ready to take that step. Only those males and females who are “in the beginning,”
who are in the garden environment of living in God’s presence, are prepared to leave their
homes and parents and be joined in marriage. God joins only those “beginning” males and
females who come together in the “garden” of His presence. Marriages outside the garden are
unions made by men, not God. There is nothing wrong with marriage. So many marriages
end in divorce because they started o with the wrong ingredients. The Bible teaches that
marriage itself is honourable, something it never says about the people involved. Marriage is
always to be highly esteemed as a perfect institution established by God. People contaminate
that perfect institution with all kinds of junk and then wonder why they do not get the results
the manufacturer promised. Divorce is not the problem. The problem is a defective marriage
due to defective individuals who come together outside of the “garden” context—people who
have never become truly single.2

4) Christians shouldn't cause divorce, but sometimes they have to accept it.

Jesus made absolutely clear the seriousness of divorce and its consequences: “And I say unto
you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another,
committeth adultery: and whoso married her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matt.
19:9). The only qualification for divorce that God even considers, even though He doesn’t
like it, is adultery. Marriage is a covenant. Adultery essentially voids one covenant and cuts a
new one. Divorce for any reason other than adultery is not recognized by God, and the
divorced partners become guilty of adultery if they marry someone else. The person they
marry also becomes guilty of adultery. This is serious business. God does not play games.3

5) Impact and Various problem faced by Divorced individuals.

5.1) Effects Of Divorce4

How does divorce affect men vs. women? Both people involved in a divorce can experience
it differently. But most notable is the differing impact it can have on daily living.

2
Kenneth E. Hagin, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage (USA, Faith Library Publications, Incorporated, 2001)

3
Myles Munroe, Single, Married, Separated, & Life After Divorce (U.S.A. Destiny Image. Publishers, Inc.)
4
Does divorce affect men and women differently? https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-differences-in-divorce-for-
men-and-women. (accessed on 30th June, 2025)
  Economic stability: Despite dual-income households having become standard, it’s
still more likely for a woman to be financially dependent (at least to some degree) on
her husband. This circumstance may work in a functioning marriage where household
responsibilities are split between two partners. But during a divorce, household
income takes centre stage, and the stress of financial uncertainty can usually be felt
more greatly by women.

 Child-rearing: Despite having more stay-at-home dads than ever before, the
responsibility of childcare and child-rearing still falls primarily on women. This isn’t
to say that all fathers are falling down on the job. It’s still common for mothers to be
more highly considered for child custody during divorce proceedings. This fact can
weigh heavily on financial stability and daily logistical considerations.

 Future relationships: Although both men and women are likely to date, during, or
after a divorce, men are far more likely to remarry. Empathy and social support While
women are up to 69% more likely to initiate divorce than men (31%), they’re still
more likely to have more support and greater empathy when going through a divorce.
This can leave some men at a disadvantage regarding the psychological effects of
divorce they can be separated from family and friend relationships in some cases. The
state of each partner’s pre-divorce life will play a significant part in how each one
experiences lifestyle changes.

5.2) Psychological and emotional effects of divorce.

If someone is facing or going through a divorce, you may be experiencing various emotions
that seem to change minute by minute. For example, you might be angry one minute and have
feelings of sadness the next. Other common emotions you might be feeling include:
Hopelessness, guilt, regret, hope, loneliness, relief, denial, disappointment, depression,
anxiety. Though the emotions that they feel might be the same, the way they feel them can be
different. They might experience delayed emotions, whereas the partner might be
immediately thrown into emotional turmoil. Men might be more hesitant to seek counselling,
but women might be more open to the idea. Still, this isn’t always the case. The reverse might
also be true for some. Every couple is different. What might be challenges for one couple
might look different for another.

5.3) Physical Effects of Divorce.

The emotional effects are often more talked about, but physical effects can go unrecognized
and unaddressed.
 Quality diet. Issues with nutrition aren’t uncommon, particularly if one of the partner
was the one preparing and providing healthy meals. A 2016 study Trusted
Source found that this was more common in men than women. This change in diet
might also be the result of depression.
 Lowered immune response. Stress can affect the body in several ways, including
lowering the immune system. This can make them more susceptible to illness and
harder for them to recover. A 2018 study Trusted Source found that because women
initiated divorce more than men, men were more surprised with the decision, leading
to more stress when the marriage dissolved.
 Substance use. Self-medication with alcohol or other substances isn’t uncommon for
people going through divorce. Men are more likely Trusted Source to use substances
such as alcohol, in general. The stress of a divorce might increase this tendency.
A 2018 study Trusted Source found there was a link between substance use and
divorce. The chances were higher in men, but more research is needed.
 Cardiac issues. Studies have supported the correlation between coronary artery
disease and divorce in men and women. The rate of heart problems appears to
increase in women who’ve had multiple divorces, but not men, according to a 2017
study Trusted Source.

6) Conclusion
Divorce should be the last option Paul and Jesus have the same message for two different
cultures:
1. We should never cause a divorce-that is, they should not break their marriage vows.
2.We should not use a groundless divorce Jewish believers should not use the Hillelite "Any
Cause" divorce, and no one should use the Roman "divorce-by-separation."
Jesus adds that believers should do all they can to save a marriage, which includes forgiving a
partner who breaks vows and then repents. And Paul adds that believers who have wrongly
enacted a divorce-by separation should attempt to be reconciled and not remarry because that
would make the divorce irreversible. Paul says further that if someone is divorced against
their will, they may accept it. There is nothing they can do to reverse the divorce, and God
has called them to peace.
But this leaves us with two questions:
 Can a Christian divorce a partner who breaks their vows unrepentantly?
 can a Christian remarry after a divorce?
 Do marriages ever end in the sight of God?

People often ask where grace comes in if you are not permitted to divorce and then re-marry.
Grace comes in when you are able to forgive your spouse and reconcile with him/her,
strengthening your marriage more than it has ever been.

Bibliography and Webliography

These are the various books which were read to get some idea and information for the
assignment

 Ellingsen, Mark. The cutting edge (Geneva: WCC publications, 1993)

 Hagin, Kenneth E., Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage (USA: Faith Library
Publications, Incorporated, 2001).
 Kithan, P Zubeno. Psychosocial wellbeing of divorced women: a liberative pastoral
care and counselling paradigm (New Delhi: Christian world imprints, 2021)
 Myles Munroe, Single, Married, Separated, & Life After Divorce (U.S.A. Destiny
Image. Publishers, Inc.)
 Singh, Kirti. Separated and divorced women in India economic rights and
entitlements (New Delhi: sage publication India, 2013)
 Hamner, Curt, John Trent, Rebekah J. Byrd, Eric l. Johnson and Erick Thoennes, eds.,
Marriage: its foundation, theology and mission in a changing world (USA, Chicago:
Moody Publisher, 2018)
 Brewer, David Instone. Divorce and remarriage in the church: biblical solutions for
pastoral realities (USA: Inter varsity press 2003)
 Does divorce affect men and women differently? https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-
differences-in-divorce-for-men-and-women. (accessed on 30th June, 2025).