100 Jokes Collection

1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

2. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

3. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

4. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

5. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

6. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.

7. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

8. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

9. How does the ocean say hi? It waves.

10. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

11. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

12. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.

13. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.

14. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

15. What do you call a snowman in summer? A puddle.

16. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

17. Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9.

18. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

19. Why don't some fish play piano? Because you can't tuna fish.

20. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.

21. What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop.

22. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

23. Why can't your ear be 12 inches long? Because then it would be an ear-foot.

24. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

25. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!

26. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

27. What did zero say to eight? Nice belt!

28. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? Irrelephant.

30. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

31. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

32. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

33. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crummy.

34. What do you call a dinosaur that's sleeping? A dino-snore.

35. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

36. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

37. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

38. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

39. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.

40. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.

41. Why don't crabs share? Because they're shellfish.

42. What did one plate say to another? Lunch is on me.

43. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

44. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.

45. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

46. Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they are shellfish.

47. What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.

48. Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

49. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

50. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!

51. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

52. Why was the calendar always tired? Because its days were numbered.

53. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

54. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.

55. Why did Mickey Mouse break up with Minnie Mouse? Because she was acting Goofy.

56. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.

57. Why was the math book unhappy? Because it had too many problems.

58. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
59. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

60. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

61. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

62. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.

63. Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.

64. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

65. Why don't melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

66. Why was the music teacher locked out? Because she left her keys inside.

67. What do you call a flying bagel? A plain bagel.

68. Why don't elephants use computers? They're afraid of the mouse.

69. Why can't you trust stairs? Because they're always up to something.

70. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? To tie the score.

71. What do clouds wear under their clothes? Thunderwear!

72. Why was the broom always tired? Because it was sweeping all day.

73. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

74. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

75. What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazy bones.

76. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter? They wear snow caps.

77. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.

78. Why did the pencil go to the principal's office? It was acting a little sketchy.

79. What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.

80. Why did the moon skip dinner? Because it was full.

81. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? Because they have the best batter.

82. Why don't bananas ever feel lonely? Because they hang out in bunches.

83. What do you call an owl magician? Hoo-dini.

84. What's brown and sticky? A stick.

85. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

86. Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.

87. What is a cow's favorite holiday? Moo Year's Day.

88. Why don't sharks like fast food? Because they can't catch it.
89. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.

90. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python.

91. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.

92. What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.

93. Why was the fish blushing? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

94. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, Grandpa, no hands!

95. What does one volcano say to the other? I lava you!

96. Why was the belt so good at his job? Because he always held things together.

97. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead!

98. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

99. How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.

100. Why did the spider go to school? To improve his web design.