The diagram shows the life cycle of the salmon fish.
There are three main stages in the life cycle of a salmon, and the fish live in different types
of water in each stage.
In the first stage, salmon lay eggs in the upper part of a freshwater river, where the water is
slow-moving. The eggs are laid among reeds, pebbles, and on the riverbed. After about 5 to
6 months, the eggs hatch and the small fish, called ‘fry’, come out. These fry are about 3 to
8 cm long.
In the second stage, the fry swim to the lower part of the river, where the water flows faster.
They live here for around 4 years and grow bigger. After that, they are called ‘smolt’. At this
point, their length is about 12 to 15 cm.
In the third stage, the smolt move to the open sea. They live in the sea for about 5 years and
become adult salmon. Adult salmon can grow up to 70 to 76 cm. After they become adults,
they return to the river to lay eggs, and the cycle starts again.
In conclusion, salmon change places and grow bigger at each stage of their life. They begin
in freshwater rivers and end up in the sea before coming back to where they started.
NHẬN XÉT:
Introduction & Overview
The diagram shows the life cycle of the salmon fish.
→ ỔN
There are three main stages in the life cycle of a salmon, and the fish live in different types
of water in each stage.
- Overview đầy đủ
- lỗi dùng dư từ “life cycle of the salmon fish” → “life cycle of the salmon” (redundant to say
“fish”).
Body
In the first stage, salmon lay eggs in the upper part of a freshwater river, where the water is
slow-moving. The eggs are laid among reeds, pebbles, and on the riverbed. After about 5 to 6
months, the eggs hatch and the small fish, called ‘fry’, come out. These fry are about 3 to 8 cm
long.
- đoạn văn oke, đầy đủ và chính xác
- “among reeds, pebbles, and on the riverbed” – dư “on the riverbed” → “among reeds and
pebbles on the riverbed”.
In the second stage, the fry swim to the lower part of the river, where the water flows faster.
They live here for around 4 years and grow bigger. After that, they are called ‘smolt’. At this
point, their length is about 12 to 15 cm.
- các ý dc lien ket tốt
- “grow bigger” → “increase in size”.
In the third stage, the smolt move to the open sea. They live in the sea for about 5 years and
become adult salmon. Adult salmon can grow up to 70 to 76 cm. After they become adults,
they return to the river to lay eggs, and the cycle starts again.
- Passive dc dùng tốt trong đoạn này
- “grow up to 70 to 76 cm” → “grow to 70–76 cm”.
Conclusion
In conclusion, salmon change places and grow bigger at each stage of their life. They begin in
freshwater rivers and end up in the sea before coming back to where they started.
- Conclusion khong có cũng dc, nhưng cũng đủ ý và xúc tích
Task Achievement: 7
Bài viết mô tả đầy đủ các giai đoạn chính xác và trình tự hợp lý. Overview viet tot.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Trình bày mạch lạc, các đoạn và câu liên kết tốt.
Lexical Resource: 6
Từ vựng dùng đ1ung ngữ cảnh. Một số chỗ dùng từ giong spoken english quá (“grow bigger”).
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Ngữ pháp hầu hết chính xác, cấu trúc câu đa dạng.
Sample answer:
The diagram shows the life cycle of the salmon.
Overall, the salmon undergoes three main stages, living in different types of water at each
stage of its development.
In the first stage, salmon lay their eggs in the upper part of slow-moving freshwater rivers,
usually among reeds and pebbles on the riverbed. After about five to six months, the eggs
hatch into small fish known as fry, which are about 3 to 8 cm long.
In the second stage, the fry move downstream to the lower part of the river, where the water
flows faster. They live here for approximately four years, gradually growing larger. When
they reach a length of 12 to 15 cm, they are called smolt.
In the third stage, smolt migrate to the open sea. Here, they remain for about five years and
grow into adult salmon, reaching 70 to 76 cm in length. After maturing, the adult salmon
return to the river to lay eggs, and the cycle begins again.
The diagrams show how cement and concrete are produced.
The first diagram explains the steps to make cement. The second diagram shows how to
make concrete by using cement and other materials.
To make cement, limestone and clay are put into a crusher. After that, they become powder
and are mixed together. Then the mixture is put into a rotating heater, where it is heated.
After heating, the mixture is passed through a grinder, and the final product is cement. This
cement is packed in bags.
To make concrete, we use four materials. Cement is one of them, and it is 15% of the
mixture. The other materials are sand (25%), gravel (50%), and water (10%). These materials
are mixed together in a concrete mixer to make concrete.
In conclusion, cement is made from limestone and clay through several machines. Then
cement is used with other materials to make concrete for building.
Nhận xét:
Introduction & Overview
The first diagram explains the steps to make cement. The second diagram shows how to
make concrete by using cement and other materials.
→ Mở bài đầy đủ tuy còn thiếu overview (dùng từ phần conclusion)
Body
● To make cement, limestone and clay are put into a crusher. After that, they become
powder and are mixed together. Then the mixture is put into a rotating heater, where it
is heated. After heating, the mixture is passed through a grinder, and the final product
is cement. This cement is packed in bags.
- các bước dc trình bày rõ ràng
- có chỗ còn lặp lại : "After that, they become powder and are mixed together"
→ "crushed into powder and mixed together".
● To make concrete, we use four materials. Cement is one of them, and it is 15% of the
mixture. The other materials are sand (25%), gravel (50%), and water (10%). These
materials are mixed together in a concrete mixer to make concrete.
- Viết đầy đủ thông tin.
- Không dùng “we” khi viết task 1
Conclusion
● In conclusion, cement is made from limestone and clay through several machines.
Then cement is used with other materials to make concrete for building.
Nên làm overview
Task Achievement: 7
Bài viết mô tả đầy đủ các bước chính của quy trình sản xuấ.
Thông tin chính xác và trọn vẹn.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Trình tự hợp lý, các bước liên kết rõ ràng.
Bố cục tốt, sử dụng từ nối hợp lý.
Lexical Resource: 7
Từ vựng rõ ràng, chính xác.
Có một số chỗ lặp từ nhưng khong ảnh hưởng nhìeu.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Ngữ pháp hầu hết chính xác, sử dụng bị động và đa dạng cấu trúc câu.
Còn 1 số chỗ dùng spoken english
Rewritten Model Answer (Band 7 Sample)
The first diagram illustrates the process of making cement, while the second diagram
shows how concrete is produced using cement and other materials.
Overall, cement is made from limestone and clay through several stages, and is then
combined with other materials to make concrete for building.
To produce cement, limestone and clay are first placed into a crusher to be ground into
powder. This powder is then mixed thoroughly in a mixer. Next, the mixture is fed into a
rotating heater, where it is heated. After heating, the mixture is passed through a grinder to
form cement, which is then packed into bags.
Concrete is made by combining four materials: cement (15%), sand (25%), gravel (50%), and
water (10%). These materials are mixed together in a concrete mixer to produce concrete
for construction purposes.
