THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT

Overview
Personal values are ideals or principles that can be used to guide and motivate our choices,
especially in difficult circumstances. Values discovery is the process of identifying what your
personal values are. In the rest of this guide, you ll be introduced to three specific exercises
to help you discover your own personal values: The Personal Values List, The Admirable
Friends Exercise, and The Disagreeable Truths Question.

The Personal Values List

The Personal Values List is a non-comprehensive list of potential personal values. It s meant
to help you begin to think about and explore what your own personal values might be. There
are a handful of short exercises I recommend you go through with The Personal Values List.
NOTE You can find the list on the following page.

1. Values Scan. To begin, simply scan The Personal Values List and circle any values that
resonate with you or seem especially meaningful. Aim to circle more than 10 but fewer than
20. If any values occur to you that are not on the list, feel free to write them in.

2. Inherited vs Discovered Values. For each of the values you circled, if you do consider them
a personal value, ask yourself whether it was a value you inherited at a young age from
your family, culture, religion, etc. or whether it was one you discovered or cultivated later in
life.

3. Actual vs Aspirational. Scan the entire list again with the following question in mind: Is this
a value I currently embody or one I wish I embodied? Make a note of any interesting
observations.

4. Anti-Values. If a value is an ideal that guides your choices in the right direction, an anti-
value signals that you should avoid a choice. For example: An athlete might consider
contentment to be an anti-value because it conflicts with their value of competitiveness.
Would you consider any of the values listed to be anti-values? Note: an anti-value should be
considered unhelpful, not necessarily bad or wrong.

5. Outdated Values. Are there any values on the list that you hold because they were
important or served a function at one point in your life but no longer do? Put another way,
are there any values you hold but would like to let go of?

6. Core Values. Imagine you could only have three values which guided and motivated your
most important decisions in life… which three would you choose and why?

THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT | © 2025 NICK WIGNALL & NUTHYMIA LLC
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 PERSONAL VALUES LIST

Achievement Courage Fitness Justice Security

Adventurousness Creativity Focus Kindness Self-actualization
Altruism Curiosity Freedom Knowledge Self-control
Ambition Decisiveness Friendship Leadership Self-reliance
Assertiveness Dependability Fun Learning Self-respect
Authenticity Determination Generosity Legacy Sensitivity
Autonomy Devoutness Grace Love Serenity
Balance Diligence Gratitude Loyalty Service
Beauty Discipline Growth Mastery Simplicity
Belonging Diversity Happiness Moderation Spirituality
Boldness Dynamism Hard Work Obedience Spontaneity
Calm Effectiveness Harmony Openness Stability
Camaraderie Ef ciency Health Optimism Strength
Carefulness Elegance Holiness Order Structure
Challenge Empathy Honesty Originality Support
Cheerfulness Enjoyment Honor Patriotism Teamwork
Citizenship Enthusiasm Hospitality Peace Thoughtfulness
Cleverness Equality Humility Piety Tolerance
Commitment Excellence Humor Pleasure Tradition
Community Excitement Independence Poise Trustworthiness
Compassion Expertise In uence Positivity Understanding
Competition Exploration Ingenuity Practicality Usefulness
Consistency Fairness Insightfulness Preparedness Vision
Contentment Faith Intelligence Prudence Vitality
Cooperation Fame Intuition Resourcefulness Wealth
Courtesy Fidelity Joy Responsibility Wisdom

PERSONAL VALUES LIST © NICK WIGNALL AND NUTHYMIA LLC 2025 VALUES DISCOVERY TOOL KIT
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 Admirable Friends
Another good way to discover potential values is to reflect on the people you admire and
why. Often the qualities, traits, or behaviors of people we admire signal deeper values we
hold but aren t explicitly aware of.

STEP 1 List 3 5 people you admire. They could be friends, family members, mentors, even
fictional characters.

STEP 2 For each person, spend a few minutes describing which qualities you most admire in
them. If it helps, imagine another friend was asking you why you admire this person. What
would you say?

STEP 3 Now, for each admirable quality, ask yourself what value or ideal does that value
represent?

EXAMPLE
• Jodi
• Qualities I Admire: One of the things I really appreciate about Jodi is how direct she is
with her opinions. She s never rude or aggressive, but she never seems afraid to tell
people what she really thinks. I really admire that about her.
• Value: Directness

NAME __________________________________
ADMIRABLE QUALITIES _______________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

NAME __________________________________
ADMIRABLE QUALITIES _______________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

NAME __________________________________
ADMIRABLE QUALITIES _______________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT | © 2025 NICK WIGNALL & NUTHYMIA LLC
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 Disagreeable Truths
Consider the following question: What important truth do very few people agree with you
about?

This question is fascinating, in part, because it suggests that there are truths we believe (and
values we hold) that for one reason or another we tend to keep hidden, maybe even from
ourselves. So it s an interesting way to uncover values we might not normally consider.

Try to identify two or three disagreeable truths you hold, then reflect on them as a way to
discover a hidden value.

EXAMPLE
• Disagreeable Truth: In relationships struggles, communication is never the real problem.
• Reflection: It s a truism that when people struggle in their relationships that
communication problems are central. But in my experience, communication breakdowns
are symptomatic of one of two deeper issues which are that people either have
fundamentally conflicting values or they aren t skilled at managing difficult emotions well.
• Value: Self-awareness

DISAGREEABLE TRUTH _______________________________________________________________________

REFLECTION __________________________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

DISAGREEABLE TRUTH _______________________________________________________________________

REFLECTION __________________________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

DISAGREEABLE TRUTH _______________________________________________________________________

REFLECTION __________________________________________________________________________________
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VALUE _________________________________

THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT | © 2025 NICK WIGNALL & NUTHYMIA LLC
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 Frequently Asked Questions About Values Discovery

I wanted to circle every value on the list… What does that mean?
Most of the values on the personal values list are things we all think are important to some
degree in some contexts and at some times. The point of the exercise is to identify values
that are especially meaningful for you and generally applicable across situations and
contexts.

I identified several values that no longer serve me and I want to let go of… But how?
In my experience, there are two main reasons people hold on to values that no longer serve
them: 1 They aren t very aware of their values generally. The more aware you become of
your values and the roles they play in your life, the easier it will be to adopt new values and
release unhelpful ones. B The value in question is highly valued by important people in your
life and letting go of it would mean some loss in those relationships or communities. And if
you don t have other high-quality relationships to hold you, the potential loss of those existing
relationships can make the cost of letting go of those values feel too high.

I ve spent some time discovering my values. Now what?

Generally speaking, I think of values clarification as the next step after values discovery. That
is, once you ve increased your awareness around your values and started to prioritize them, it
helps to put some time into understanding them on a deeper and more specific level.
Because the clearer your values are the more they will help to both guide your decisions and
motivate you toward them. A good way to get started with values clarification is to pick a
value then spend some time reflecting on three questions: 1 What does it look like when I m
living out this value—what behaviors exemplify it? 2 How does it feel emotionally for me to
live out this value? 3 Who benefits and how when I live out this value more fully?

Any advice for turning aspirational values into actual values?

The key here is to get very specific about the behaviors associated with that value. I find it
helps to develop some values role models—people who truly embody that value whom you
can observe and study: What habits do they have? What areas of life does that value seem
to play a strong role? How do they think about the role that value plays in their life? Etc.

I m having a hard time coming up with any disagreeable truths. Any suggestions?
Pay attention to when you get especially angry. Anger is an emotional response to perceived
injustice. As a result, it tends to be activated when a value or belief we hold strongly is
violated. When this happens, ask yourself: What belief or value is this anger a response to?
Once you start paying more attention to your beliefs and values, you ll be more likely to notice
unusual or countercultural ones.

THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT | © 2025 NICK WIGNALL & NUTHYMIA LLC
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 Extra Resources
If you re interested in learning more from me about values, self-awareness, emotional
intelligence, and other aspects of psychology and emotional health, here are a few resources
that might be helpful:

The Friendly Mind →

My free weekly newsletter where I answer reader questions about common emotional health
challenges ranging from self-doubt and anxiety to procrastination and relationship problems.

Finding Focus: A Values Based Approach to Overcoming Procrastination →

A short video course I developed about how to use values work to overcome procrastination
and build sustainable motivation for personal, professional, and creative goals.

How to Find Your Purpose: 11 Reflection Questions →

An article I did in response to a reader question about practical ways to find your purpose or
calling in life.

Values Clarification: A Brief Guide →

A short guide I put together on the topic of personal values and how to start clarifying them.

4 Mindsets of Highly Disciplined People →

An article I wrote about the psychology of self-discipline and how to cultivate it so that you
can better and more consistently align your actions with your values.

Existential Time Management with Oliver Burkeman →

Podcast interview I did with author Oliver Burkeman about how to make the most of our
limited time.

Do We Really Want the Things We Say We Want?

Short essay I wrote about what it means to say we want or value something.

Wanting and the Hidden Power of Mimetic Desire →

A review of one of my favorite books about values and desire, Wanting by Luke Burgis.

THE VALUES DISCOVERY TOOLKIT | © 2025 NICK WIGNALL & NUTHYMIA LLC
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