Take Me Out received its world premiere June 21, 2002, at

the Donmar Warehouse, London. It was directed by Joe

Mantello and produced by the Donmar Warehouse, Sam
Mendes, artistic director; Caro Newling, executive producer.
The U.S. premiere, also directed by Joe Mantello, opened
September 5, 2002, at the Public Theater in New York City. It
was produced by the Donmar Warehouse and the Public
Theater, George C. Wolfe, producer; Mara Manus, executive
director. It was subsequently produced on Broadway at the
Walter Kerr Theater on February 27, 2003. It was directed
by Joe Mantello and produced by the Donmar Warehouse,
the Public Theater, Carole Shorenstein Hays, Frederick
DeMann, Greg Holland, and Pilar DeMann.
Sets were designed by Scott Pask; costumes by Jess
Goldstein; lights by Kevin Adams; sound by Janet Kalas. Trip
Cullman was the associate director. The production stage
manager at the Donmar was James Kelly; at the Public, C. A.
Clark; and on Broadway, William Joseph Barnes.

CAST

KIPPY SUNDERSTROM Neal Huff

DARREN LEMMING Daniel Sunjata
SHANE MUNGITT Frederick Weller
SKIPPER / WILLIAM R. Joe Lisi
DANZIGER

MARTINEZ Robert M. Jiménez

 Gene Gabriel
RODRIGUEZ
Kohl Sudduth ACT ONE
JASON CHENIER
Dominic Fumusa (Donmar, Public)
TODDY KOOVITZ
David Eigenberg (Broadway) KIPPY, solo.
Kevin Carroll
DAVEY BATTLE
Denis O'Hare
MASON MARZAC
TAKESHI KAWABATA
James Yaegashi
KIPPY The whole mess started with Darren, I suppose.
After all, if he hadn't done the thing, then the next thing
wouldn't have happened, or all the stuff after, and ? But
no, that's not right.
How could a "mess" have started with Darren?
Who would you ever less associate with that word?
After all: Darren Lemming.
(DARREN appears in uniform.)
As if you don't already know:
A five-tool player of such incredible grace, he made
you suspect there was a sixth tool.
Something only he had. Something you couldn't name.
In addition to all the other stuff:
The one-man-emblem-of-racial-harmony stuff.
His white father. His black mother. Their triumphant
yet cozy middle-class marriage.
Even in baseball-one of the few realms of American
life in which people of color are routinely adulated by
people of pallor, he was something special:
A black man who had obviously never suffered.

TAKE ME OUT 5
 For a few years, he seemed to be the answer to every Okay.
Convenience sake:
question.
So, no: mess does not flow forth from Darren The whole mess started one morning when Darren
Lemming. Lemming said to himself: "What the hell? I'm Darren
(Fade out on DARREN.) Lemming, and that's a very good thing..."
In that case: (Lights on DarrEN, flanked by team.)
The whole mess started, I suppose, soon after the All- DARREN Now, I'm not a personal sort of guy, really, and
Star break, when our world-champion Empires, looking that's not gonna be any different. I mean, don't expect
to glide into a three-peat, started losing close games in the free flow of information. Don't expect the daily
the ninth inning and we had to call up a closer from update. I'm just here to play ball. I'm just here to have a
Double-A Utica. And that closer, as you all now know, good time. That's no different. But, you know, it seems
was ... Shane Mungitt. like you reach this certain level of achievement,
(SHANE appears in uniform.) everyone wants to know what's goin' on with you. The
A man from whom mess does flow forth.
irrelevancies. And they're the fans, so they have certain
And so, anyway, Shane came to us and ... rights, certain limited rights. I don't mean for this to be a
But no... this is too abrupt. You need to know some distraction. I'm hoping this is gonna ward off
stuff before I can get to Shane. You need a little back distractions.
story.
And if, incidentally, there's any kid out there who's
Okay.
struggling with his identity, I hope this sends a
(KIPPY nods to SHANE. SHANE exits.)
message that it's okay. They can follow their dream no
The whole mess started in eighteen something- matter what. Any young man, creed, whatever, can go
something when Abner Doubleday (this never happened) out there and become a ballplayer. Or an interior
gathered a group of friends into a sylvan vale and decorator.
mapped out a diamond made of four bases set ninety (He smiles beguilingly.)
feet apart and ... No.
KIPPY (to us) And that was the beginning, sort of.
The whole mess started with a really beautiful park. (The clubhouse. KIPPY and DARREN.)
And in the park were a man, a woman, a serpent, and DARREN Does this seem to you a Tuesday like any other,
this tree. And?
Kippy?
8

RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

KIPPY Well, Dar, you sort of gave it a different tinge, you DARREN Because lookin' around this clubhouse? I don't
see a hotbed of suppressed sexual desire. In fact, I think
gotta admit.
I'm sensing a difference between the public and this organization is lousy with latent asexuals.
DARREN
KIPPY Now, how did you draw this conclusion?
private realms.
KIPPY How's that? DARREN Because as an amateur of narcissism, I assume
DARREN Between the love and support depicted before everybody in the world is just a version of me.
the media and the slight edging away, as from a bad KIPPY You?
smell, in the clubhouse. DARREN If I'm gonna have sex?and I am, because I'm
KIPPY You gotta expect that at first. It's the "Billy Budd" young and rich and famous and talented and handsome,
thing, Dar. so it's a law-I'd rather do it with a guy, but when all is
DARREN Couldn't find the Cliff Notes for that one, Kippy. said and done, Kippy? I'd rather just play ball.
KIPPY This suddenly disturbing presence in a situation of KIPPY ... I am a passionate man, Darren.
men. DARREN You're an intelligent man.
DARREN I don't want to fuck any of you. KIPPY No, that's my reputation. But I'm not a naturally
KIPPY It's not about that, Darren. intelligent man.
It's about us wanting to fuck you. DARREN I'm afraid you are, Kippy.
(Beat.) KIPPY No, I look like an intelligent man.
DARREN Do you? That's always been true. Because my father and my
KIPPY No. But as an amateur of social psychology? I brothers were these giant, hulking ... Swedes. Next to
suspect that we suspect that you suspect we do. them, I looked ... cerebral.
DARREN Because that's presumed to be the presumption Finally, I couldn't take the distance between my face
of my sudden peer group? That there are two classes of and my essence, so I applied myself. Brought the two in
men: gay and in denial? line.
KIPPY Exactly.
Which is why now I'm-
DARREN But I don't think that.
DARREN The most intelligent man in Major League
KIPPY You don't?
baseball.
DARREN No.
KIPPY Well, maybe not the most?
KIPPY Why not?
DARREN Well, maybe not.
8

T A K E M E O U T
RICHARD GREENBERG
 KIPPY (to us) As he would be.
KIPPY (a hitch; then)
But what I'm saying is: I am a passionate man. I mean, SKIPPER This changes nothing, Darren.
it's not a mutually exclusive proposition. KIPPY Our manager is famed for his personal skills-
DARREN You're a cauldron, Kippy. toughness tempered by generosity?a wisdom that has
KIPPY I am that, Darren. more than once been referred to as "Solomonic."
You are, too. SKIPPER Absolutely nothing.
DARREN I don't know 'bout that? KIPPY And he loves Darren.
KIPPY Well, now we'll find out. SKIPPER I mean that.
(MARTINEZ and RODRIGUEZ pass by.) (He starts off.)
DARREN Hey. KIPPY Of course, everybody loves Darren, but with the
(MARTINEZ and RODRIGUEZ grunt something, exit.) Skipper, it's different.
DARREN See, now, that wasn't all that hospitable. He thinks he invented Darren.
KIPPY Well, you gotta give guys a chance to adjust, Dar. (Beat.)
This was pretty much out of the blue?not as if anybody DARREN I didn't leave you out, Kippy.
had a whole lotta prep time. A ten-minute team meeting, K I P P Y. . . H u h ?
and then BAM: The Media.
DARREN I made the decision, you know, and then I did it.
DARREN I thought it was the easiest way to? It didn't seem to require discussion, it wasn't anything
KIPPY You didn't tell anybody, Dar.
extraordinary. It just seemed natural.
DARREN No.
KIPPY That's fantastic, Darren, that's so great.
KIPPY Nobody was told ... I wasn't told. DARREN Okay.
DARREN ... No.
KIPPY ?.. So ... who is he?
(Beat.)
(Beat.)
KIPPY Who did you tell?
DARREN ... Who is ... who?
DARREN Well, like a half hour before the reporters, Skip. KIPPY The guy.
(SKIPPER appears.)
(DARREN looks puzzled.)
KIPPY And how did he?
Your guy.
DARREN Ah, he was Skip, he was great?
DARREN ... I don't have a guy, Kippy.

10

RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

KIPPY ... But? DARREN (half smiles, touched but not quite getting it)
DARREN No, Kippy, that wasn't what this is about. I'm not ... Okay.
doin' this so I can foist some new couple on the world. KIPPY Of course, there'll be the inevitable difficult period,
KIPPY ... Oh. but?
DARREN I mean, there've been guys. But it's not like DARREN I don't think that.
there's some guy. Some ... significant other. KIPPY ?that's just- What?
Does this disappoint you? DARREN I don't think there's gonna be much of a difficult
KIPPY No... no... period.
Well. KIPPY ?.. Well, there's inevitably a difficult-
I had this idea about you and this guy and me and DARREN Maybe if it were somebody else, but I don't see it.
Susan and the three kids having dinner? The sorta stuff that's goin' on with the guys now, but I
DARREN Oh, so you had this sorta neo-comfy image don't take note of that. I can just ride above that.
floatin' through your head, I see. Kinduva Hallmark card KIPPY ?.. Either way.
with sodomy. I'm really proud of you, Darren.
Sorry. Not happenin'.
Your future ... it's ... incredible to contemplate!
... Maybe someday. (With some diffidence, JASON approaches them.)
KIPPY Yeah. Maybe someday. Maybe!
JASON U-h-h-h.... Darren?
DARREN ... Kippy, this seems to be a bigger event in your DARREN Yeah?
life than it is in mine.
JASON Jason? Chenier?
KIPPY I'm just so happy for you, Darren. DARREN Yeah, I recognize you.
DARREN Why?
JASON ?.. Oh!
KIPPY Because now you're gonna be happy. DARREN You're our catcher.
DARREN I've always been happy.
JASON Uh-huh.
KIPPY But now you'll be completely happy. DARREN I got these really penetratin' eyes. I can see you
You've named yourself, Darren-you've put yourself from alla way out there in center field.
into words-which means you're free in a way you've JASON Oh.
never been before.
DARREN Do you recognize this guy, Kippy?

12

TAKE ME OUT
RICHARD GREENBERO
 JASON I'm in awe of you-
KIPPY Oh, yeah.
But then, I'm at short, so I get a closer look.
DARREN Sure-
JASON So?u-h-h-h?I never made the first?u-h-h-h? JASON And I just wanna say: the whole gay thing-doesn't
approach to you-first-before ?'cause' a who you were mean?I don't-it doesn't. I'm in awe.
and who I'm not? But now-I can?and? DARREN Yeah, okay.

DARREN Why is that?

JASON I know this guy that read a book once?
KIPPY No!
(Beat.)
JASON Huh? JASON Oh yeah. It was about Grecians. The book.
DARREN Why is that? Why is it that now you can? DARREN ... Grecians?

(Pause.) JASON The Greek people from ... Greece.

JASON (mortified) Oh. Well, uh. DARREN Oh. Oh!
DARREN (saves him) So you came to us, what, three JASON From long ago.
weeks ago? DARREN Ah-huh.
JASON Oh! About three weeks, yeah. Three weeks. Almost Does this story seem to be headin' someplace fishy to
three weeks and a day now? you, Kippy?
KIPPY From Asheville, was it? KIPPY No, this story seems to be heading away from
JASON Yeah, yeah, Triple-A Asheville. someplace fishy to me, Dar.
DARREN Ah-huh. JASON Anyway, those Greeks... they ... (i.e.: were big
JASON Up from Asheville. faggots). And they created.. (He makes a big circular
DARREN Well, that'd be the only direction. gesture with his arms to indicate "civilization and
JASON Hey-yeah-huh? stuff.") They made ... the pyramids.
DARREN Huh what? DARREN They made the pyramids? The Greeks did?
JASON I didn't catch that. JASON Oh, yeah.
DARREN That's all right-you're bound to catch somethin' DARREN Whaddya know?
eventually? Whad the Egyptians make, Kippy?
JASON (suddenly, to DARREN) I'm in awe of you! KIPPY Funny Girl. (DARREN gives him a look.) Well, Omar
(Beat.)
Sharif.
DARREN Okay.
JASON All I'm saying.
14
TAKE ME OUT 15
RICHARD GREENBERO
(Ile gives them a confirmatory nod. Exits.) DARREN I said: WHY DON'T YOU COVER YOURSELF?

(DARREN looks al KIPPY.) You're the one's all shakin' out here like pom-poms-
KIPPY There's gonna be a lotta shit like that. it's not, you know, nudity's not required here, Toddy.

(Lights.) (TODDY, rackled by this, wraps a towel around his waist.)

(to us) There was a lotta shit like that ... TODDY You're not gettin' me, man. Why should I have to
(Lockers.) get dressed? Why should I have to cover myself ever?
(DARREN undresses after a game. TODDY comes out of the DARREN Well, 'cause if you have some hope of reentering
shower, just a towel draped around his waist. He takes off decent society, they make ya. They insist on it.
the towel, starts drying his hair.) (Beat.)
DARREN (casually) Hey. TODDY Ya wanna know your problem, Darren?
TODDY Okay, so now I gotta be worrying about this? DARREN Wha'sat, Toddy?
DARREN About what is that, Toddy? TODDY You have been damaged by your aura of invincible.
TODDY So now I gotta go around worrying that every time You think because you're all this talented or whatever
I'm naked or dressed or whatever, you're checking out that nothing's gonna get at ya.
my ass. DARREN That's pretty right.
DARREN I'm not facing your ass at the moment, Toddy. TODDY But the thing, Darren? An' I know nobody says this
TODDY Like that. Not just skeevous glances- I gotta put stuff to you 'cause'a your salary leadership an' shit, the
up with lewd remarks. thing?
DARREN That wasn't lewd, Toddy. You're not.
TODDY You're not getting me, man. Why do I have to go DARREN I think I am.
around this room, which is, has been, which is this sanc- TODDY You know who doesn't agree?
chewy, rackled with self-consciousness about my body? God.
DARREN Are you rackled, Toddy? DARREN God. Wow.
TODDY 1 am, I am rackled, man.
Heavy.
DARREN Whyn't ya work out more?
TODDY God can kill ya, man.
TODDY What?
DARREN God's gonna kill us all, Toddy.
DARREN I said: Whyn't ya get dressed, then? TODDY God doesn't spare ballplayers, man.
TODDY Huh?
DARREN Nope.
16
TAKE ME OUT
RICHARD GREENBERO
TODDY Not even All-Stars. Not even Hall of Famers. God standards go to hell and, like, decency and shit. I am not
got Clemente. God got Munson. enlightened, Darren. I pride myself on that.
DARREN That's right. That's right, he did. DARREN Well, in that case, let me enlighten you about one
TODDY Gehrig, man. Gehrig's got a fate named after him. thing-
DARREN "A fate." Wow. I didn't know you could talk like My sexuality is not your problem?
that, Toddy. Ya got a real sorta poetry of the ignoramus TODDY It is-it is-
goin' on, don'tcha? DARREN Naw, Toddy, uh-uh. If it concerns you, it's only
TODDY I'm making a point here, man. God can get ya. 'cause, as of yet, it hasn't diminished me to any
DARREN That's true, Toddy. That's very true. God can get noticeable extent. I'm still me. I'm still the man. What
me. actually confounds you is somethin' else.
But short'a God, there's nobody. TODDY Okay-so now, in addition to everything else,
(TODDY is rackled by this. DARREN's got the last of his you're in charge of all meaning?
clothes off and is reaching for a towel.) DARREN Oh yeah, oh yeah.
TODDY Now, what the hell is that? TODDY That's very interesting, Darren; that's very
DARREN Aw, you know what that is, Toddy. Why're ya interesting to know. Who made you God?
lookin' at it's the question. DARREN God made me God, Toddy. Or at least invested
TODDY What is the thinking behind that move, man? Why me with godlike attributes. Whereas you?
did you do that? (Pause.)
DARREN (wrapping the towel around his waist) Are not God.
I'm takin' a shower, Toddy. You are a dimwit.
TODDY See? That's my point, man. That's my point. TODDY I'm not a dimwit, Darren.
DARREN Toddy, this is beneath you. DARREN Did you know your name is a verb?
TODDY Nothing is beneath me, Darren. .. .
DARREN Be that as it may; as an enlightened individual- Yeah, it started in that playoff game last year, do you
TODDY "Enlightened." "Enlightened!" I know that word- remember this? When you thought that fly ball you
DARREN You do? That makes, like, what, seven? caught was the third out, so 'stead of throwin' it, you
TODDY Enlightened is like this thing, idea, where all handed it to that slutty-lookin' girl in the front row

1 8

RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 19

 I don't know.
while, meanwhile, seven, eight guys crossed home
We were best friends, but...
plate-
I started to think it had something to do with the last
TODDY Two guys, two guys?
time he'd seen Davey.
DARREN Yeah; it was the only time the offense and the
defense ever scored simultaneously. Davey Battle.
That's when the verb "to Koovitz" got coined. It means Who, back then, was known to be, and later became,
"to focus on the wrong thing." world-famous as Darren's best friend.
TODDY ... I march to a different drummer. From-jeez-forever.

DARREN And sometimes you halt in the middle'a the It was after they got together that I noticed Darren's

parade. mood started changing, things started to seem to shift in

I don't do that. him.
I never halt. One night we were playing Davey's team?we
That's why I'm better'n you. destroyed them, actually-and after the game, Davey
TODDY But you're queer. and Darren went out together.
DARREN And I'm better at that than you, too. This was one week before the big announcement.
(Lights.) (A lounge.)
(KIPPY, solo.) (DARREN and DAVEY BATTLE.)
KIPPY So the question was: why? DARREN So, okay, this is not a bad place.
Or why now? DAVEY I'm not about to be goin' with you to bad places,
Because, strangely enough, Darren wasn't on the my man.
verge of being outed. DARREN By which I mean this is not a good place. I
There weren't even any rumors... that I knew of. mean we're not at Serendipity, scarfin' down root-beer
He was too discreet. Or maybe he really did have as floats.
little libido as he claims. DAVEY Shit, no.
Hard to say. DARREN 'Cause I'm always wonderin' with you, Bats-I'm
It's possible he just got tired of paying those courtesy always wonderin'-"When's he finally gonna go over the
calls on the famous girlfriends he'd cultivated for a edge? When's his idea of fun gonna be square-dancin' at
while.
the First Methodist Church?"

20
RICHARD GREENBERO
TAKE ME OUT 21
DAVEY Shit, no. DARREN Yeah, but you sure you wouldn't prefer a nice
DARREN So tell me: you'll say "shit." herb tea?
DAVEY I will say "shit." DAVEY ... A nice herb tea would be nice.
DARREN And you'll say "fuck." DARREN But you can't have it 'cause, in addition to bein' a
DAVEY If provoked, I will say "fuck." good man, you need to have it known that you're a
DARREN But you won't say "goddammit." regular guy. I mean, we're not here to shoot the shit,
DAVEY I will not, and I wish you wouldn't, either. we're here to publicize how well rounded you are.
DARREN (smiles at that) So how's Linda? DAVEY You got a problem with how well rounded I am,
DAVEY Linda is excellent, thank you. Darren?
DARREN And Tadana and Tahica and Davey Junior? DARREN Nah, Bats, no problem. You're just funny, that's
DAVEY They're very fine. all.
DARREN Why is it that all ballplayers have three DAVEY "Funny."
kids? Huh!
DAVEY Baseball is a game of threes. Multiples of three. I'm going to tell you something that's going to surprise
Three strikes. Nine innings. Nine players (except in you, Darren: you are probably a happier man in your
the debased American League). Now, I'm not into career than I am in mine.
numerology, which is a heathen practice, but baseball is DARREN That so?
a game of threes.
DAVEY That is so. Well, look at tonight: 1 played a better
Where are your three?
game than you, but your team won.
DARREN I'm hitting three-thirty-three. I'm on course for Why is that, would you say?
thirty-three stolen bases-
DARREN We're a better team.
DAVEY You deflect me, my man.
DAVEY That's the truth. And this points up the difference
DARREN Yeah, well, sometimes I do.
between our superstardoms.
DAVEY Why? Why do you?
Our talents are similar, but yours are muted because
DARREN (deflecting him) Do you want that beer? you're on a superior team. Whereas on my team of
DAVEY You've got your own.
stumblebums, I'm an aberration. My achievements are
DARREN That's not the issue do you want that beer? solitary-which creates a certain loneliness_ which is
DAVEY I ordered it, didn't I?
why you're a happier man in your career.
22
RICHARD GREENBERO
TAKE ME OUT 28
DARREN I'm sorry you feel that way. DARREN Do you think it's good, Bats? Do you think you
DAVEY But I'm a happier man in my life. like me?
And do you know why that is? DAVEY I know I like you, Darren. You're my friend.
DARREN I'm afraid to ask? But now you're seen As Through a Glass Darkly.
DAVEY Because I am well rounded. Do you know what I'm saying to you?
Because I have my wife. I drink my one beer, and I cuss my two cuss words
I have my three. loudly, so as to manifest my true nature.
Where are your three, Darren? I want my whole self known.
DARREN I don't have my three, Bats. I don't even want You, too, Darren.
them, no offense to your superior domestic You should, too.
arrangements. (Lights.)
DAVEY Who do you love, Darren? (MASON MARZAC, solo.)
(Hesitation.) MASON And a couple of weeks earlier, I would have barely
No, now, I know that's a difficult question, I know recognized the name!
that's not the sort of thing men talk to each other about, Then the announcement?that incredible act of
but we've got to, 'cause we're close and it's important. elective heroism-and it was as if I'd known him my
DARREN I don't love anybody, Bats. (Beat.) My parents.
whole life-as if he'd been something latent in my
(Beat.) I like a lot of people.
subconscious.
DAVEY That's a situation you're gonna have to change,
A lot of people felt that way.
Darren.
And we all knew everything in an instant?all his
Because until you love somebody ...
contradictions- his white father, his black mother; he
Ohh-you're all sly, all quick-witted and mysterious- was universally beloved, he was a little remote and
this is your aura. Polite but mischievous, that's your now the biggest contradiction of all?
charm. But until you love somebody, do you understand But the contradictions all seemed reconciled in him;
what I'm saying? You'll never know your true nature. that was his genius.
DARREN I know my true nature.
Often, in interviews, he'd be asked: "Do you consider
DAVEY I do, too, Darren, and it is good.
yourself black or white?"

24

RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 25

 And he'd reply, "I'm black and white." DARREN Oh yeah? When was that?
As if that were the only answer possible. As if no sane MASON Last night, well, around two in the morning.
person could have a problem with that. DARREN Whereabouts do you live?
And now I was to handle his money, which is a really MASON Chelsea.
intimate thing, and we were meeting for the first time, DARREN? Yeah, that's where my spot runs these days
and I thought, God, just let me contain myself- Chelsea at around two in the morning
(Lights. DARREN joins MASON.) Ya see, there's some concern that people might
Mr. Lemming-Mason Marzac. A pleasure to meet question what it is I'm doing with that marshmallow
you! spread?
DARREN (shakes his hand) MASON ?whereas in Chelsea after midnight, it's a
Nice to meet you. question that delights!
MASON Yes; a very great pleasure- (instantly regrets it)
DARREN Great? DARREN ... Something like that, yeah.
MASON Very great indeed. So why are you my guy now? What happened to Abe?
DARREN ... Okay. MASON Arthritis, sclerosis, Florida. In other words:
MASON ... The purpose of this meeting is largely just to retirement. Didn't you get the letter?
get acquainted, although? DARREN I don't really read my mail.
DARREN Nothing's happened to my money? MASON Assistants to assist with the work caused by
MASON Umm, nothing you wouldn't want to. assistants, hm?
DARREN 'Cause this is a time in my life when things are DARREN So you've taken over Abe's clients.
shifting a little, and my money's one'a the solid- MASON Oh-God-no-not all?I am, in fact, largely ...
MASON (overlap) Yes, I'd say-I'd say they're shifting- yours.
DARREN ... Meaning?
DARREN . . .
MASON Oh.
I guess I got you because the guys with families are
Oh, nothing.
too distracted.
.. You know, a funny thing. I saw your commercial MASON Interesting inference, but no. Recently it's been
last night-for the first time ever. The one for the noticed that I have taken some clients with fairly modest
marshmallow spread?
portfolios and made them rather wealthy.
28

RICHARD GREENBERO
TAKE ME OUT 27
DARREN What kind of clients were those? MASON Then with whom are you in touch?
MASON Oh, you know-models. Not even supermodels. DARREN Only the Lord, Mason; only the Lord
The kind that go to restaurants and are barely snide. (Beat.)
Now they can retire. I'm sort of the Rookie of the Year, Nah, I'm just goofin' on ya. So what was it that Abe
after a fashion. In my own little world, I'm you! and "I" discussed?
(Silence. MASON blanches.) MASON Well-according to Abe's instructions, you said?
Oh dear God, forgive me. I didn't mean to suggest- or, rather, someone speaking for you said you wanted?
DARREN Nah, it's okay? that is, some courier of your desire suggested that it
MASON It didn't occur to me- might be a good idea to take up a conspicuous charity of
DARREN Not a problem- some sort.
MASON ?that by saying "I'm you," I'm implying you're DARREN Oh.
me?I would never? (Beat.)
(DARREN puts a comforting hand over MASON's clenched And why'd I wanna do that?
hands.)
MASON Because it's a good, a very good, idea.
DARREN Sssh.
DARREN Why?
(MASON gets quiet.)
MASON Oh! Well... there's a feeling that when money...
MASON Thank you, you're very generous. is too densely concentrated... I mean, when one person
Well, uh?
has too much of it.. there's a feeling that it's
Last time you and Abe spoke?
damaging.
DARREN We didn't speak.
DARREN To who?
MASON Oh?
MASON To the ... well, to the economy as a whole. The
DARREN I think he spoke to my agent.
body politic... To goodness. He gives a quiet little
MASON Oh, really.
laugh.)
DARREN I'm not sure; I don't really speak to my agent. (Beat.)
MASON Oh-well?
DARREN We're only talking a hundred six mil here. I mean,
DARREN You're gonna have to ask my assistant. it's not like some vast sum. Amortized or whatever over
MASON And how would I reach him?
six years.
DARREN I don't know, ya know, I hardly ever see him. (Beat.)
28
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
MASON On the other hand, it's not not a vast sum. DARREN Make it kids.
MASON ... Good.
(Beat.)
DARREN The thing that worries me is this. DARREN Kids'a some kind... fucked-up kids. Some kinda
Ya know how every now an' then, people-not people fucked-up kids. Little kids!
but, for instance, business managers, 'round about MASON That will be superb.
Christmas, instead of sendin' you a nice cut-glass bowl, DARREN Fucked-up kids under ten.
will inform you that in lieu of an actual present, a MASON Splendid.
donation has been made in your name to the Such-and- DARREN ... Gay kids.
Such Foundation, dedicated to the cause of fightin' (Beat.)
This-and-That. MASON Gay kids ... under ten?
Do you understand what I'm sayin'? DARREN Yeah.
'Stead of another meaningless, pretty objet, they're (Beat.)
givin' you the gift of phony concern. MASON We could do that.
I don't want that. I can foresee some problems in qualifications testing.
'fI do some big charitable thing, I want it to be DARREN Hey, Mason?
somethin' I give a shit about. MASON Yes?
MASON Absolutely.
DARREN I'm goofin' on ya again.
(Beat.) (Hesitation.)
So what do you give a shit about? MASON Ah.
(Pause.) F
DARREN I've got some concerns, but I'm just havin' some
(Longer pause.)
trouble synthesizin' them for the moment.
DARREN Let me get back to ya on that one.
MASON (boldly, in a rush) I want to say what you've done
MASON Uh-
is a very wonderful thing for the community.
DARREN Okay-okay?set up some kinda foundation. DARREN What community would that be?
MASON Excellent.
(Beat.)
To benefit whom?
MASON Well, our community.
DARREN ... Aw, fuck me.
Of course, I don't really have a community. Or, more
MASON The question needs to be asked.
precisely, the community won't really have me. And I
30

RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

 don't like communities in general. I avoid them. I'm MASON (half tantalized)... I've been watching some
outside them. (Beat.) Possibly beneath them. baseball ... lately.
DARREN I don't really have a community, either. DARREN 'Zat so?
I'm above them. MASON It seems... remarkably interesting. Especially the
MASON Well, then, you've done a very wonderful thing for numbers.
a community to which neither of us belongs but with DARREN The numbers, huh?
which we will both inevitably be associated. MASON Yes- that guy who hit sixty-one home runs to tie
DARREN Oh. the guy who hit sixty-one home runs in 1961 and did it
That wasn't why I did it. on his father's sixty-first birthday.
MASON Even so, it was tremendously brave. That's.
DARREN It's only brave if ya think somethin' bad's gonna DARREN Oh, yeah.
happen. They don't ... to me. There's a lot of that.
MASON ... Never?
Keep watchin'. You'll see.
DARRENP r e t t y m u c h . (MASON smiles tentatively.)
MASON Why is that?
So my money's okay?
DARREN Because I'm in baseball.
MASON Flourishing.
And so is God, Mason. So is God. DARREN Well, that's gotta be a sign, too, right?
MASON That's more or less your all-purpose punch line, (Lights.)
isn't it?
(KIPPY, solo.)
DARREN No, I mean it this time. KIPPY Except that then, all of a sudden, we started losing
Look around you:
... bad.
Typhoons, earthquakes, avalanches. War. He's absent. Apparently, our pitching staff held a secret meeting at
The holocaust. Nowhere. which they voted to slump in unison. Take our ace, for
That's not how He works. He's got a whimsical nature. example: Takeshi Kawabata-san.
He makes Himself known in stupid stuff. Trivia. (KAWABATA appears, pitching.)
Baseball. The Grammys. Acquired in the off-season from the Fukuoka Daiei
But especially baseball. Hawks, Kawabata came with a dazzling arsenal of

32
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
 pitches, a breathtaking contract, and a truly stupendous He didn't seem to like the game.

lack of English-language skills, which at times seemed Now, over the course of a hundred sixty-two games,
willful. guys are gonna be angry, smelly, turbulent, fractious, but
For the first half of the season, he pitched brilliantly. just drop a key word or two, and most of them are all of
He was still pitching brilliantly-for about six innings a a sudden going to remember being four-and Dad and
start. Then the seventh would come, where he would the Wiffle ball, and it's too much emotion.
break down completely and leave the game... Which is appropriate.
(KAWABATA breaks down, leaves the game.) Almost everybody picks up on that almost right away.
... ashamed, disgraced, and basically inconsolable (Lights.)
because, speaking no English, he never spoke at all and (MASON, solo.)
was alone in his defeat. MASON So I've done what was suggested. I continued to
(KAWABATA's gone.) watch, and I have come (with no little excitement) to
Then we'd go to our bullpen guys, who'd all begun to understand that baseball is a perfect metaphor for hope
grip the ball like it was some chunk of alien matter in a democratic society.
that had fallen from the sky, and alluva sudden, we're in It has to do with the rules of play.
first place by only half a game. It has to do with the mode of enforcement of these
But we're the Empires-we fix these situations. rules.
Word came back from Double-A Utica about a guy It has to do with certain nuances and grace notes of
who was burning up the place-with an ERA under one the game.
over nineteen games.
First, it's the remarkable symmetry of everything.
And He Came Unto Us. All those threes and multiples of three, calling
(SHANE MUNGITT appears.)
attention to- virtually making a fetish of-the game's
(He throws a series of pitches. But he throws like a noble equality.
dybbuk. And he keeps throwing.)
Equality, that is, of opportunity.
And we were winners again.
Everyone is given exactly the same chance.
Which was how things were supposed to be. And the opportunity to exercise that chance at his
But he spoke less English than the Japanese guy. own pace.
And there was something worse than that: There's none of that scurry, none of that
34 35
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
 relentlessness, that marks other games - basketball, So that baseball achieves the tragic vision democracy
football, hockey. evades. Evades and embodies.
I've never watched basketball, football, or hockey, but Democracy is lovely, but baseball's more mature.
I'm sure I wouldn't like them. Or maybe I would, but it (Pause.)
wouldn't be the same. Another thing I like is the home-run trot.
What I mean is, in baseball there's no clock. Not the mad dash around the bases when it's an
What could be more generous than to give everyone inside-the-ballpark home run?I'm not sure I've ever
all these opportunities and the time to seize them in as seen an inside-the-ballpark home run?I'm talking about
well? And with each turn at the plate, there's the that graceful little canter when the ball has been
possibility of turning the situation to your favor. Down to crushed, and it's missing, and the outcome's not in
the very last try. doubt.
And then, to ensure that everything remains fair, What I like about it is it's so unnecessary.
justices are ranged around the park to witness and The ball's gone, no one's going to bring it back. And
assess the play. can anyone doubt that a man capable of launching a ball
And if the justice errs, an appeal can be made. four hundred feet is somehow going to fail to touch a
It's invariably turned down, but that's part of what base when he's running uninterfered with?
makes the metaphor so right.
For all intents and purposes, the game, at that
Because even in the most well meant of systems, error
moment, is not being played.
is inevitable. Even within the fairest of paradigms, If duration of game is an issue- and I'm given to
unfairness will creep in.
believe that duration of game is an issue the sensible
And baseball is better than democracy-or at least thing would be to say, yes, that's gone, add a point to the
than democracy as it's practiced in this country? score, and send the next batter to the plate.
because, unlike democracy, baseball acknowledges loss. But that's not what happens.
While conservatives tell you, "Leave things alone and Instead, play is suspended for a celebration.
no one will lose," and liberals tell you, "Interfere a lot A man rounds four bases, and if he's with the home
and no one will lose," baseball says, "Someone will lose." team, the crowd has a catharsis.
Not only says it-insists upon it! And from the way he runs, you learn something about

38 37
RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
 the man. And from the way they cheer, you learn KIPPY (as if interrupted) As I was saying:
something about the crowd. We kept on winning, and the new guy was a
And I like this because I don't believe in God. machine-
Or?well-don't know about God. Or about any of but we had no idea who he was.
that ... metaphysical murk. And it got so, eventually, we wanted to introduce
Yet I like to believe that something about being human ourselves.
is ... good. (The clubhouse.)
And I think what's best about us is manifested in our (KIPPY, DARREN, some of the others. SHANE alone.)
desire to show respect for one another. For what we can KIPPY So, uh, Shane?
be. (SHANE looks up. Some of the other guys do, too. You get
And that's what we do in our ceremonies, isn't it? the sense that maybe this is the first time anyone's spoken
Honor ourselves as we pass through time? to him. He says nothing.)
(DARREN enters, carrying a bat.) Now you say hello.
And it seems to me that to conduct this ceremony not (Beat.)
before a game or after a game but in the very heart of a SHANE Hey.
game is... quite ... well, does any other game do that? KIPPY Darren here and I-we've been wondering
That's baseball.
something.
(Beat.)
(Beat.)
(DARREN takes his excellent batting stance. Signals to SHANE Whuzzat?
someone located audience-ward to throw a ball. He KIPPY Well?.. we're wondering who you are, Shane.
swings. The swing is beautiful. It connects, there's that (Beat.)
lovely sound. DARREN and MASON watch the ball soar. A
SHANE Oh?
moment.)
KIPPY You never introduced yourself.
DARREN (casually) Baseball.
DARREN That's a violation of protocol.
MASON (happily) Yes.
KIPPY Generally, the new guys introduce themselves to
That is, too.
the old guys. Not the other way around.
(Lights.)
SHANE Oh.
(KIPPY enters.)
KIPPY You don't expect, do you, the great Darren
38
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
 Lemming to search out every two-bit whatchamadoo KIPPY Where were you born?

from A-ball Bumfuck, do you? SHANE Oh!

SHANE Uuuhh... sorry. Arkansas.

(Beat.) KIPPY Oh, Arkansas, now we know something-

KIPPY Well, that's all right. SHANE Arkansas... Tennessee...
DARREN So who are ya, Shane? KIPPY Arkansas... Tennessee...
SHANE I'm Shane Mungitt. SHANE One' a them.
(Beat.) (Beat.)
KIPPY I think we'd like to delve a little deeper, if we might. Mississippi.
'Cause you've come into our clubhouse? KIPPY Okay, let me try an easier one.
DARREN Scared the shit outta everybody? Where'd you grow up, mostly, Shane?
KIPPY With your? SHANE ... Lotta places.
DARREN -general? DARREN But mostly?
KIPPY ?fast ball?and we'd like to make you a little more (Beat.)
comprehensible to ourselves? SHANEThis sorta group home.
DARREN ?we'd like some information? (Beat.)
KIPPY -some of the basics.
KIPPY Group home?
Okay? SHANE Uh-huh, yeah.
(Beat.) KIPPY Like a commune?
SHANE 'kay. DARREN A kibbutz?
KIPPY Where do you come from, Shane? SHANE Nah.
SHANE ?.. Double A. KIPPY Hippie stuff? Are we talking hippie stuff, Shane?
KIPPY No, that's not-that's not what I- SHANE Nah.
SHANE Double-A Utica?
DARREN Then what then?
KIPPY That's not what I meant.
SHANE Well, it was
(Beat.)
?-u-u-u-h-h
SHANE Oh.
orphanage.
(Beat.)
(Beat.)

40 41
RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
DARREN They still have those? Orphanages? KIPPY Why'd he do that, your dad?

SHANE Kinda. SHANE U-u-u-h-h.

KIPPY You an orphan, Shane? I can't say.

SHANE Oh, yeah. I was only ... fourteen months at the time.
(Beat.) .. ?
KIPPY I'm very sorry to hear that. But I met this guy? Later? Who knew 'em?

DARREN Didn't you ever go to foster homes or something And he said they didn't get along that well.
like that? KIPPY I bet that was it!
SHANE Oh, yeah. But u-u-h-h SHANE Yeah?
I got ... they returned me. DARREN That musta been it.
KIPPY Returned? Why was that? SHANE Yeah.
DARREN Were you already offensive as a youth, Shane? (Beat.)
SHANE U-u-h Sometimes I think I can remember it.
Maybe. KIPPY The-
SHANE The
. ? ?
u-u-h-h
Nah, I think it was more like 'cause'a the way I killings.
became an orphan.
Sometimes I think I can see it.
KIPPY What way was that? KIPPY Well, that happens sometimes, Shane. You hear a
SHANE This murder-suicide ... attempt? story enough and it becomes so vivid in your
DARREN Murder-suicide attempt?
imagination, you think you were there.
SHANE ... Successful. (Beat.)
KIPPY ... Oh.
SHANE I was there.
DARREN ... Oh. (Beat.)
SHANE My dad, See? Shot my mom? Then turned the gun KIPPY What?
on himself?
SHANE For... bout... three days.
The foster people didn't like that story. I was all-they found me
They u-u-u-h-h ...
I was all bawling-and dehydrate.
42 43
RICHARD OREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
 Shitted all over myself. And we kept on winning.

That's how they found me. (Guys do victory stuff.)

Sometimes I think I remember it. And he was this phenom, this sensation. Everybody
Think 1 see it. wanted to talk to him.
(Beat.) And one night all the words he didn't know, he said.
(He starts to laugh, a loose, quietly crazy sound.) On television.
KIPPY Was that a lie, Shane? Was that whole story (The team ranges around, as though watching TV.)
something you made up? (SHANE appears, solo.)
SHANE (surprised) No. TV VOICE And so what is it like for you, Shane, a young
DARREN Then what are you laughing for? kid out of nowhere, pitching for Double-A Utica, to be
SHANE ... brought up by the defending world champions when
they're starting to struggle a bit, and to come in and
Whut's not funny? essentially save their season?
He looks at them contemptuously, walks off.) KIPPY And he replied:
TODDY (from the background) What an asshole. SHANE Well, I tell ya, it's a pretty humblin' thing.
(Lights.) I'm just this kid outta nowhere and alluva sudden?
(KIPPY, solo.) WHAM, I'm on this team.
KIPPY I, of course, didn't think so. An' it's a pretty funny team, ya know.
I thought: he just can't talk. A pretty funny buncha guys.
He doesn't know any words. Now, don't get me wrong.
And that's always seemed to me the worst kind of I don't mind the colored people? the gooks an' the
hardship: not to have words to name the world with... spics an' the coons an' like that.
to shape yourself to ... But every night t'hafta take a shower with a faggot?
So, while most of the guys hated him and kept their Do ya know what I'm sayin'?
distance, I secretly fell hopelessly in ... custody of him. (Beat. Team watches in frozen horror.)
I decided he was my responsibility. Do ya get me?
Because I understood him. And no one else did. (Hold.)
So ... he kept on closing. (Fade out.)

44 RICHARD OREENBERO TAKE ME

O U T
 ACT TWO
Lights.
WILLIAM R. DANZIGER, solo.

WILLIAM R. DANZIGER Dear Mr. Lemming:

I am writing you first to express my outrage at the
appalling remarks made by Shane Mungitt, and to
commend you on the grace you've shown through this
whole difficult time, beginning with the brave and
unprecedented revelation of your sexual preference.
You are, indeed, a sterling young man, and an example
to all.
Mr. Lemming, I have an eight-year-old son.
I would be proud if you were my son's chemistry
teacher or math teacher or even-especially-gym
teacher.
If you were his religious instructor, I am sure you
would imbue him with a truer sense of Christian charity
than any of the questionable types holding forth in the
Sunday school he now attends.
Were my son your age and gay?an option, being gay,
that is, that he already knows is open to him, since all
we ask is that he follow the truth of his heart-he could
do no better than find a man like you for his lover.

TAKE ME OUT 47
 It would be a kick having you as a friend. And I would DARREN Fuck this shit, Kippy.
have no trouble sharing a communal shower with you Do you know what I'm getting?
after a round of tennis at whatever club. KIPPY ?.. Offers?
But do you have to play BASEBALL? DARREN Compassion.
Don't you know what baseball means to me? I need compassion?
I wish you well in all other things, but this hurts my KIPPY Nah.
feelings. DARREN Don't you have compassion for me. You envy me!
This is how it is with me, this is how it's always been,
Cordially,
take your fuckin' compassion an' stick it up your ass,
William R. Danziger
'cause you're not gettin' me there!
Rahway, New Jersey
KIPPY (hugs him with compassion)
(Lights.) I know how it is, man, and I feel for you.
(KIPPY, towel wrapped around his waist, solo.) DARREN (throwing him off)
KIPPY But mostly it was support. You fuckin' faggot.
Which was killing Darren. (KIPPY laughs. DARREN quiets down, gets somber.)
(DARREN enters.) Ya know what it is, Kippy.
DARREN I am so freakin' sick of this welcome I'm getting. They think they've figured me out.
KIPPY Welcome? They think my secret's out.
DARREN Ever since fuckin' Mungitt went on TV. And what's gonna follow is this cavalcade of
Alluva sudden I'm a victim. revelation.
Fuck that! IS THAT WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS?
I want slurs-brickbats-epithets. You think you're gonna get this torrent of me comin'
Do you know what I'm getting? at ya?
KIPPY What? You think you know me? You think you know my
DARREN Offers! secret?
KIPPY Like ...? Shit, that wasn't a secret-that was an omission. I've
DARREN Endorsements for, like, cheap furniture. got a secret?but that's not it.
KIPPY Those can be very moving. KIPPY What is?

48 RICHARD OREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 49

DARREN ... Wha-? KIPPY No, I liked you before-loved you in a manly sort of
KIPPY What is your secret? You said you have a secret. way. But now you're ... more human.
DARREN ... I don't have a secret, Kippy. DARREN What was I before?
I am a secret. KIPPY Sort of... godly.
KIPPY Even from me? DARREN And now I'm human?
(Beat. The question slides away.) KIPPY Yeah.
DARREN I'm sick of baseball. DARREN Kippy?
I want out. KIPPY Yeah, Dar?
KIPPY Oh, bullshit. DARREN Isn't that a demotion?
DARREN I mean it?I might walk right out of all this? (Lights.)
KIPPY Nobody playing the way you're playing "walks right (KIPPY, solo.)
out" of it? Nobody making your salary "walks right out" KIPPY So, Shane was suspended for a period of time to be
of it? determined, and without Shane, we started losing again.
DARREN How do you know? What makes you sure'a that? But Darren didn't. Darren soared. Darren brought his
KIPPY The world's old, there've been a lot of people; I average up to around four hundred. Darren leaped tall
extrapolate. walls in a single bound, robbed the opposing team of
DARREN Maybe I'm somethin' that's never been seen home runs routinely, led the league in ... everything.
before. And after each game, he would quickly and silently
Maybe I'm somethin' brand-new. Maybe- shower, then quickly and silently leave.
KIPPY I play with you. All of which led to some dark postgame conspiracy
I play on your team (which is not to say that I play on theories.
your team, but) I ... play on your team. (The showers.)
I know you. (TODDY, JASON, MARTINEZ, RODRIGUEZ, KAWABATA showering.

I know you when you're playing. KIPPY hangs up his towel, joins them.)
DARREN ... Things are ?.. changing. TODDY Fucker did this on purpose.
I'm changing. Fucker did this to make us look bad.
KIPPY I like you better now. Fucker had the whole thing in mind the whole time.
DARREN Bullshit. KIPPY What whole thing's that, Toddy?

50 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

TODDY This is it, Kippy. even subtler than your analysis. I think what's happened
Darren's always felt this inferiority thing because his to us as a team ?and what has not happened to Darren
friend Davey Battle gets to be a showboat on a lousy simply because he's better? is we're in a kind of
team, see? And Darren, 'cause we're good, was thinkin', mourning.
shit, people aren't watchin' me enough, people don't TODDY Huh?
know it's me, not the team, so I'll do this thing. KIPPY Very well put.
KIPPY And what thing is that? I think we've experienced a kind of profound loss.

TODDY The thing? the thing? the thing that's happened! First in the physical realm-in the sexual realm, even.
KIPPY Oh, I see. So his thinking went: (RODRIGUEZ and MARTINEZ look sharply to KIPPY, almost in
I'll reveal myself to be a homosexual, whereupon a unison.)
racist homophobe hillbilly will be brought up to close, TODDY Huh?
and then, on television, reveal a medley of reprehensible KIPPY I take your point, however.
social attitudes leading to his suspension, which will Well, look at us now.
lead in turn to a general team demoralization, from How we turn from each other.
which I alone will be exempt, thereby becoming what I How, when we turn to each other, we maintain eye
have always longed to be: a solo hotshot on a mediocre contact.
club. (RODRIGUEZ and MARTINEZ look away.)

TODDY ... Yeah. Before, this wasn't necessary.

KIPPY Well, that sounds about right to me. We were Men.
RODRIGUEZ Tico. This meant we could be girlish.
MARTINEZ (overlapping) Di me lo. We could pat fannies, snap towels; hug.
RODRIGUEZ Ven acá, de que cojones hablan esta gente?! Now...

MARTINEZ Coño yo ni se. What do we do with our stray homosexual impulses?

RODRIGUEZ ¿Tu crees que un día hablaremos ese jodio JASON Pardon?
idioma? KIPPY Yes?

MARTINEZ Completamente, espero que no. JASON You were talking to me, right?
(KAWABATA exits.) KIPPY No, Jason, I wasn't.
(Beat.)
KIPPY But I think what we've really got going, Toddy? Is

52 RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 53

JASON Oh. KIPPY And the bad feeling continued- and took on an
(Beat. He turns crimson. He exits.) international flavor.
KIPPY You see? (MARTINEZ and RODRIGUEZ eye KAWABATA with suspicion.)
We've lost a kind of paradise. MARTINEZ Mira lo primitivo, por ese es que perdémos.
We see that we are naked. RODRIGUEZ Por él es porque siempre perdémos.
TODDY Bullshit. MARTINEZ Hasta los juegos que él no lanza-
(They leave the showers, cross to the lockers, begin to RODRIGUEZ Sabemos que él-
towel off, dress.) MARTINEZ Sabemos que nos va a decojonar-
KIPPY And our refuge? We have none. RODRIGUEZ Sabemos que nos va a cagar-
We might want to assume a defensive hostility, an JASON (over last of this) Hey, Kippy, do you know what
aggression. The danger there is, we become Shane they're saying?
Mungitt. So our anger, our maleness, is lost to us. We're KIPPY Kawabata sucks.
tight. We choke up on the bat. We play short flies on the JASON Oh.
bounce. We suck. MARTINEZ ¿Siete millones-tu te ganas siete millones?
(SHANE enters in his civvies.) JASON Do you speak Spanish?
SHANE U-u-u-h-h. RODRIGUEZ Yo tengo suerte si me gano seis?
I'm here to pack some stuff. KIPPY I don't speak Spanish, but I understand it?
Baseball said I could. MARTINEZ Yo tengo suerte si me gano seis punto cinco-
. . ?
KIPPY No hablo español, pero comprendolo-
U-u-h-h. RODRIGUEZ ¡Oye, Nip, mama esto!
Could I talk to som'un?
MARTINEZ iMama esto!
. . ?
RODRIGUEZ ¡No mama esto!
Will somebody talk to me? MARTINEZ No. ¡Mama esto!
KIPPY (to us) And almost nobody would.
RODRIGUEZ Oye, muchacho, deja eso, él va a mamar
(Lights.)
esto.
(KIPPY, JASON, MARTINEZ, RODRIGUEZ, KAWABATA dressing after MARTINEZ El mio es más lindo.
the shower.)
RODRIGUEZ El mio es más grande.

54 RICHARD GREENBERG 55
TAKE ME OUT
MARTINEZ Size queen! "come on," like signaling a car to keep backing up. JASON
RODRIGUEZ ¡Maricón! looks helpless. KIPPY dances a quick frug.)
MARTINEZ ¿A quién tu le dices maricón? Gogo!
(They start to shove each other. Fight.) KIPPY You got it!
JASON What are they talking about now? (JASON goes to KAWABATA.)
KIPPY Dick. JASON (sincerely) Nogo... pogo... togo... gogo.
JASON Oh. (KAWABATA gives him a funny look.)
(KAWABATA makes a guttural noise. MARTINEZ and RODRIGUEZ Why's he looking at me like that?
stop fighting. KAWABATA stares at them, makes another KIPPY Because, in truth, you neither speak nor understand
guttural noise. Screams something.) Japanese. He senses this.
JASON What's he saying? JASON Uh-oh.
KIPPY He's asking if they've ever seen Akira Kurosawa's KAWABATA Kodoku na mondaze. Make tsuzukeru nowa.
timeless masterpiece Throne of Blood? Hanashi aite nante ineh shi, kazoku mo tohku
(KAWABATA screams at them again. They go off.) hanarete iru. Wakarukai, Kippy-san yo? Auta dake wa
JASON What are they?? wakatte kureru yohna ki ga surunda.
KIPPY They didn't care for it. JASON What's he-
JASON You speak Japanese, too? KIPPY He's saying he's lonely.
KIPPY I don't speak Japanese, but I understand it. KAWABATA America...
Nogo pogo togo gogo: I don't speak Japanese, but I
KIPPY He's lonely here in America.
understand it. KAWABATA Ore no sobo mo mukashi koko ni sundeta.
JASON Howzat go? Sensoh ga hajimaruto kyohsei shuyohjo ni irerareta.
KIPPY Nogo pogo togo gogo.
Zaisan wa bosshu.
JASON Nogo gogo? KIPPY His grandmother lived in this country-when
KIPPY Nogo pogo-
the war came, she was interned? she was put in a
JASON Nogo pogo ... ?
camp-
KIPPY Togo?
JASON Whazzat?
JASON Togo ...?
KIPPY Read a book.
(Looks to KIPPY for help. KIPPY gestures with his hands,
JASON Nope.

5? RICHARD GREENBERO
TAKE ME OUT
KAWABATA Hiroshima to Nagasaki nimo ohkuno JASON This fucking-this country, man?it tears me up.
shinseki ga ita. (He claps his hand onto KAWABATA's shoulder.) I know
KIPPY He had relatives bombed to bits in both Hiroshima this isn't much, man, but?I feel your pain-and I
and Nagasaki-(anticipating JASON) Japanese cities we apologize for my white people. (hugs him)
bombed in World War Two- KAWABATA (shakes him off)
KAWABATA Ore no ie wa yurusu koto o shiranai Faggot.
mechakucha na senzo ni toritsukareta te ita. KIPPY He says thank you very much.
KIPPY He says he grew up in a house full of wrecked (JASON exits.)
ancestors who never forgave anything. (Lights.)
KAWABATA Dairigu de nageru tameni America e kita (SHANE, solo.)
toki, oremo yurusarenu mono no hitotsu ni SHANE I'm just a dumb kid...
natchimatta. KIPPY (to us) You know about this part: The Letter.
KIPPY When he came here to play in the Major League, he The famous letter that changed everything?you've
became another thing not to forgive- read it in your paper, seen it read on television?these
KAWABATA Yakyu o metafah dato yu hito mo iruga- are just excerpts.
KIPPY He says for many, baseball is a metaphor? SHANE I didn't know mosta those words meant bad stuff, I
KAWABATA Ore niwa yakyu igai ni nanimo nehndayo. just been hearin' them all my life.
KIPPY But for him, it's all, it's everything? The onliest thing I can do is throw?
KAWABATA Katsu kotoga inochi de ari, makeru koto wa -onliest thing I ever could do.
shinu yohna monda. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, an' I accept full
KIPPY When he wins, he lives; when he loses, he dies. responsibility for my speakings.
KAWABATA Sutoraiku wan, sutoraiku tsuu, sanshin. I should be punished.
KIPPY Strike one, strike two, strike three. KIPPY There was something sort of heartrending about it.
KAWABATA Kyoh, ore wa maketa. Kyoh, ore wa shinda The spelling was so horrible-it was authentic,
nosa. somehow-
KIPPY "Tonight I lost. Tonight I am a dead man." SHANE Only please- I'm beggin'-
(Pause.) KIPPY And then, of course, the story of his past started
(JASON sobs.) leaking out?

59
58 RICHARD OREENBERO TAKE ME OUT
SHANE Lemme back sometime? SKIPPER And handsomely.
KIPPY That orphan business-the murder-suicide DARREN ... Yeah.
"attempt" ? SKIPPER What's on your mind?

SHANE 'Cause I don't got any other place t'go. DARREN There's this rumor goin' round?
KIPPY And sympathy shifted ... just a bit. SKIPPER Pay no attention to that.

SHANE Thank you. DARREN Then it's not true?

(Out on SHANE.) SKIPPER I didn't say that. Frankly, I don't know what
KIPPY Here was one of life's castoffs. One of the people rumor you're talking about, there are so many. Don't pay
nobody ever took care of. attention to any of them.
And it's possible that our love of punishment is DARREN About Mungitt comin' back.
exceeded only by our passion to forgive. SKIPPER Pay no attention to that.
And what were a few words? DARREN Now, ya see, Skip, I don't know if you're tellin'
Especially when the words didn't match up with what me that because it's not true, or if you're just enunciatin'
was in his ... would you call it mind? a general principle-
Heart. SKIPPER Either way, same thing.
And baseball, which is flexible, started to reconsider. DARREN Well, no, it's not... sir.
And nearly everybody was almost okay with that. Because if he's comin' back, I have to say I'd have a
(Lights.) real problem with that.
(SKIPPER's office.) SKIPPER ... You know I have no say in this decision,
(SKIPPER is seated. DARREN enters.) Darren. That's up to the commissioner.
DARREN Uh, Skip, is it all right if we talk a minute? DARREN But even if the commissioner says it's okay, the
SKIPPER Oh sure, Darren, come on in. Empires don't have to take him back-they can release
DARREN Thanks. him or send him down-
SKIPPER This was another brutal loss, but you played SKIPPER That's up to the owner.
well. I appreciate that, Darren. I appreciate that you can DARREN Yeah, Skip, but all due respect, the guy I've got to
still function while the other guys are all stinkin' up the talk to is you.
place. Now, I think I'm a pretty important member of this
DARREN That's what I'm paid to do. team, and-

60 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 61

SKIPPER You're vital- (Beat.)
DARREN (quietly) Oh.
DARREN ?and I think my feelings should be listened to.
SKIPPER I'm listening. (Beat.)
DARREN Okay. So- What he? they were-the things he said... they

SKIPPER 'Course, I can't do squat about this situation? weren't in the spirit of a team. Guys, all sortsa guys,

DARREN ... Then he is comin' back? they're really offended, and they shouldn't have to put up

SKIPPER I don't know that. I mean, I can't say. with that in their workplace. I'm not speaking about me.

DARREN The thing is, he can't. It's guys like Martinez and, uh ...

It'd disrupt the team morale. SKIPPER Rodriguez-

SKIPPER There's something you know about. DARREN (slight overlap) Rodriguez. Kawabata.

DARREN ... Pardon? SKIPPER I've spoken to those guys. I spoke to them
SKIPPER No. Go on. right after Mungitt's interview, in fact. I spoke to alla
DARREN Ya can't expect guys to be able to play with a guy the guys. They're fine. They just want to play baseball.
that said stuff like that about 'em. They just want to be part of this organization. They're

Every day it'd just be there. willing to do what it takes, if it comes to that.
That's not right-that's bad for the team? You don't have to worry about them being

SKIPPER A lotta things aren't "right," Darren- offended.

DARREN I know that, Skip. (Pause.)

SKIPPER All sorts of things aren't right? DARREN .. I'm offended. Isn't that enough?

DARREN I know? (quietly)

SKIPPER Is it right, for instance, for somebody to land one I don't ask for things ...
of the fattest contracts in baseball history and only then (defiantly)
reveal his interesting little personal quirk? Is that "right"? I don't ask for things!
I ask you. I'm offended. Isn't that enough?
(Beat.) (Beat. No response.)
DARREN Those things didn't have anything to do with each I'm speaking as an African-American, of course.
other. (Beat.)

SKIPPER I didn't say they did. I'm just asking. Not as a cocksucker.

62 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

SKIPPER Aw, shit, Darren-don't use ?I don't think of you if I'm wearing white shoes, were waiting for the elevator.
that way. They were walking their horrible exotic little dog-a
DARREN You don't visualize me that way. shiatsu, a jujitsu, I don't know-it's not even a dog,
SKIPPER Cut this crap. I have loved you like a son, really, it's a dogette. Now, two months earlier, Darren
Darren. Lemming would have meant nothing to them, but now
DARREN ... What tense was that? their conversation was infested with, oh, the infield fly
(Beat.) rule and "they need more pop in their lineup" ?so I said:

SKIPPER What happens, happens. It's out of my hands. (loudly)

You're very important to us. I hope you can adjust. Darren? Is that you?

You've always been able to adjust. Even to situations DARREN Yeah.

that weren't of your own making. You're a great player. MASON Why, Mr. Lemming, what a pleasant surprise!
Nobody doesn't appreciate that. Truly, Darren: nobody (to us) And Darren said:

doesn't. DARREN Are those two gay guys in the hall again?

(SKIPPER exits.) MASON ... No.

(DARREN alone.) DARREN Yeah, they are.

(Lights.) MASON Um?

(MASON, solo.) DARREN Quit it, all right.

MASON So, one night at about ten o'clock, I got a call. I'm in a bad mood.

(DARREN appears.) MASON I'm sorry ..

DARREN Mason, it's Darren, pick up. DARREN No, I am.

MASON (to us) I screen. Listen, stop with the talking loud, one day I'll come to

I picked up. your place, we'll ride in the elevator with those guys, I'll
Darren? kiss you on the mouth; deal?
MASON Ha.
DARREN I gotta talk to you.
MASON Of course, of course. DARREN Listen, Mars, I need to see you. Soon.
(to us) But here was the situation: MASON(to us) Mars?

Right outside my apartment, my two homosexual DARREN There's some serious stuff I gotta talk to you

neighbors from down the hall, who always look at me as about. Wouldja meet me after the game tomorrow?

RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 65

84
MASON Oh-okay. Where? baseball, and the stadium was full of scholars-
DARREN Why don'tcha finally come to a game? I'll give 'em historians- and soon enough, I found myself engaged in
your name. You can meet me in the clubhouse after. learned debate with all these ... strangers, these.
MASON Oh no. guys.
I don't think so. As for the last several weeks, I'd been conversing with
DARREN Why not? all sorts of people I'd never been able to speak to before:
MASON Not the clubhouse. I'd be ... overwhelmed cab drivers.
DARREN Just hang out, then. I'll meet you where you're My five brothers.
sitting. Then, with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, the
MASON Where will I be? miracle happened.
DARREN Don't worry. There'll be waiter service, Mars. (And we see some version of this.)
MASON Mars? We got a hit.
DARREN Ya need a nickname. Then another.
MASON ... I'm not worthy. Then another
DARREN You're worthy. And another and another and?
MASON What's yours? Think: Mets versus Braves, June thirtieth, 2000-
DARREN No. where the Mets went into the eighth losing eight to one
I don't need a nickname. and scored ten runs in a single inning to take the game
(Out on DARREN.) eleven-eight.
MASON And the next night, I was at the game. And we took this game.
And maybe I've had a ridiculous life, but this was one And when the winning run crossed home plate, the
of its best nights. fans who had stayed rose in this single surge and let out

(And we see: baseball.) a shout like the "Hallelujah" chorus.

(Some sort of stylized but not too dancey evocation of it.) And it was the first crowd I had ever agreed with.
The seats, as promised, were excellent. The game, at ... Security had been alerted that I'd be waiting, so
first, profoundly demoralizing. they let me be.

By the third inning, we were trailing seven-nothing. And for several minutes, I had an entire stadium
The crowd was vocal. Because the subject here was entirely to myself. And that was thrilling.

RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT

6 6
(DARREN enters.) MASON Yes!
You nodded to me. And in my life, it's never been early, so you can
DARREN Whazzat? imagine...
MASON I saw you do it. DARREN ... Yeah, okay?
DARREN Yeah, well, I know you. MASON Yes-oh, um-so: this "stuff" you want to talk to
MASON But... you nodded. me about?
DARREN What's the big deal? DARREN How'm I fixed for retirement?
MASON It is ... it is a big deal. (Beat.)
What a game! MASON You're a very wealthy man.
What an amazing thing! DARREN Wealthy for life?
Thank you for it. (Beat.)
DARREN Yeah... well... whatever. MASON Certainly.
Listen, there's some stuff I wanna ask you about? And with the ten or fifteen years of baseball that are
MASON And that ninth inning! surely left in you, there's no telling-
DARREN Yeah, it was good? DARREN What if I retired sooner?
MASON It was more than "good." It was ... moving, it MASON I'm sure that..
w a s ? How much sooner?
DARREN Right, right- (Beat.)
MASON A lesson?it taught me something? DARREN Tomorrow morning.
DARREN You're not gonna start interpreting again, are ya? (Beat.)
MASON I know, I know, I say to myself: the bat's of wood, (MASON laughs as if it was a joke.)
the players number nine, the ball was manufactured in (DARREN isn't laughing.)
Costa Rica, and that's all there is to it. (MASON stops laughing.)
But I can't stop there. Baseball is ... unrelentingly MASoN. No...
meaningful. DARREN So I'd run out of money.
Tonight- eight runs in the ninth inning to win what (Beat.)
looked like a shutout?it taught me that? MASON Yes.
DARREN ?it's never too late. DARREN Bullshit.

68 RICHARD GREENBERO
TAKE ME OUT
 MASON I'm- spared. Of course, that all makes this an agonizing time
What are you ... for you?
What is this? Some sort of game you're torturing me DARREN No, Mars- uh-uh.
with? It's been sorta a flat time.
DARREN I'm thinkin' of makin' an announcement. MASON. Don't say that-
MASON ... DARREN I'm just sorta tired of it.
Well, that's preposterous. MASON You can't do this. It's too important?
Well, that just can't be. DARREN Fuck the gay community-
DARREN I just want you to assure me that? MASON I would, but they don't want to, but that's not the
MASON Well, I won't, I refuse to. point. That's not what I'm talking about.
DARREN Well, fuck you, then. DARREN Then what are you talkin' about?

(Beat.) (Beat.)
MASON You can't retire-tomorrow. You?

DARREN I think I might. (Pause.)

MASON You're playing against Davey Battle tomorrow. MASON Yes.
That's your favorite thing to do. You said so in S.I.- (Pause.)
May twelfth, 19- I have been watching baseball nonstop since the day I
DARREN Well, I haven't spoken to him in a while was told you were coming to me.
MASON But it's your favorite- And at first it was a chore. I understood nothing.
DARREN Maybe not any more. I couldn't tell one player from another.
(Beat.) And then I could.
MASON This is all about that piece of white trash coming And it wasn't a chore any longer, it was ... this..
back tomorrow, isn't it? astonishment!
DARREN Nah, it's- This... abundance.
MASON They're bringing him back without even So much to learn, so much to memorize.
consulting you, and that's a blow to your pride. He .. When you're not playing now, I watch whoever is;
insulted you and humiliated you, and you've never when there's no one playing, I watch tapes from twenty
experienced that, because four people a century are years ago; when I'm out of tapes, I read books.

70 RICHARD OREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

 I've been crying for two months. (He makes a gesture with his whole body. It's a bit clunky
That's a ridiculous, that's a disgusting, thing to say. but spiritually graceful.)
I hate people who tell you how they're crying. "Oh, (DARREN laughs. MASON realizes it's not a mocking laugh

I'm so deep-it's so meaningful-I cried." and laughs himself.)

Bullshit. (Pause.)
I'm telling you because it's ludicrous ?1 know it's MASON Promise me you won't retire.
ludicrous. DARREN Mars-
But Darren, I never cry about anything. I only ever MASON Promise me you won't retire tomorrow morning.
have about two feelings a year; and all of a sudden ... DARREN ... Mars?
(He spreads his arms, speechless.) MASON For me.

I'm having memories. I'm your business manager.

Playing catch with Dad. Going to games over summer (Beat.)
vacation. DARREN I won't retire tomorrow morning.
They're not even my memories, but I'm having them. MASON... Thank you, Darren.

I don't get it. I don't get any of it. DARREN Day after, maybe.
I don't know why I feel exalted when we win. MASON (to us) Which would already have been too late.
I don't know why I feel diminished when we lose. (Lights.)
I don't know why I'm saying "we". . . ! (KIPPY, solo.)

Life is so ... tiny, so daily. This.. you... take me KIPPY Then the day came, and we were playing Davey
out of it... Battle and his lousy team.
I know... things are hard for you now?.. I know its And Shane Mungitt was making his long-derided
a difficult time ... but don't tell me you're flat. Be in return. And who knew those two facts would mean
agony, but don't be indifferent. anything to each other? This was the first time Darren
Look where we are! Smell the air! and Davey had spoken since the "thing." Davey came
DARREN This is kinda sentimental. into our clubhouse which is totally illegal even for
MASON I want to be sentimental! superstars. He took Darren aside, and they talked.
I want to be ... And I saw Davey on the way out.

72
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 73
 DAVEY You're very
(DAVEY enters.)
. . .
Hey ... Davey...
DAVEY Mr. Sunderstrom, how are you, my man? fond of Darren, aren't you?
KIPPY Umm... yes?
(Elaborate handshake thing.)
KIPPY I'm not bad, not bad, my man. I'm not sure in what sense you mean the word, but yes.
Immensely fond.
DAVEY And your wife and your three, my man?
KIPPY Who ever sees them? Okay, I guess, my man. (Hesitation.)
And how's Linda? DAVEY I wish you a good game, my man.
KIPPY You as well, my man.
DAVEY Excellent, excellent...
KIPPY And Ta-whosis and Ta-whatsis and little Davey Junior? DAVEY We're gonna whup your ass.

DAVEY ... Profoundly well, thank you. KIPPY We're gonna kill you.
(Lights.)
(Beat.)
KIPPY So, what are you doing in our clubhouse, Davey? KIPPY (to Us) Did I tell you about Shane Mungit's
That violates a really sacred rule. cleanliness thing?

DAVEY Well, some violations are necessary, aren't they, my Shane Mungitt had a cleanliness thing.

man? He had a ritual of three showers before the game, two

KIPPY Okay, sure. showers after.
(Beat.) In the Emp clubhouse, the showers are located off the
So you and Darren ... talked? main room and down a fairly lengthy hallway.

DAVEY Oh, yes.

So I didn't know?and wouldn't learn for months
KIPPY And that went...? that, as I was talking with Davey Battle, Shane was
DAVEY ... It certainly did. performing his third pregame-ritual shower-
KIPPY ... well? (Lights on SHANE, showering.)
DAVEY Of course it went well. And he wasn't alone.
All things go well when two people speak their truth. (Fade on KIPPY.)
KIPPY (to us) I know I'm not supposed to say this, but he (DARREN enters shower, hangs up towel. SHANE at first is

was a very bombastic guy ... not aware of him.)

74 RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 75

DARREN... Hey! SHANE You wunt who I's talkin' about.
(SHANE looks at him.) You wunt the faggot.
SHANE . . . H e y . . . DARREN Oh no?
DARREN Welcome. Who was?
Welcome back. SHANE ..?
(Beat.)
Some other coupla guys...
SHANE U-u-u-u-h-h... DARREN Name them.
DARREN You've been missed (Beat.)
SHANE ... Thanks. SHANE Whyn't ya leave me alone?

(turns away, keeps showering) DARREN Aw, Shane, listen... you're not gettin' me.
DARREN So, you take a lotta showers... don'tcha? I know.
SHANE... Yeah. SHANE ?. Huh?
DARREN An' now I'm here beside you. DARREN I understand.
Ya know what that means, don'tcha? An' it's okay.
(SHANE looks at him.) SHANE ? Huh?
Cleanliness is next to godliness, HA! DARREN People?.. when they lash out like that ... for no
SHANE reason like that?.. they're lashin' out at what they fear.
Whyn't ya leave me alone? At what they fear they are.
DARREN So, I'm wonderin', Shane? SHANE . Huh?
These ablutions...? DARREN You're colored, aren't ya, Shane?
SHANE ?.. I don't know that word... SHANE
DARREN All these showers ya take. You just tryin' to scrub U-u-h-h
away the skin? You tryin' to get through all these layers No.
of tissue an' organs 'n' stuff to get to where the real dirt DARREN You're a colored guy.
lies? SHANE Nah.
SHANE ... You wunt who I meant. (Beat.)
DARREN Whazzat? DARREN Aw, I was just goofin' on ya.

76
RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 77
SHANE Whyn't ya leave me alone?
The next three strike out and we don't score again for
DARREN You're not colored.
the whole game.
SHANE U-u-u-h-h... Which, strangely, is okay.
(SHANE turns around, his back to DARREN.) Because Kawabata is perfect through eight.
(DARREN rushes him, embraces him from behind.) Which meant that, in the bottom of the eighth,
DARREN It's right?I know it. conditions in the dugout were excruciating.
SHANE HEY! HEY! HEY!
(In the dugout.)
DARREN I feel it, too. (RODRIGUEZ and MARTINEZ sit together, eating and spitting
I have since the beginning...
out sunflower seeds.)
SHANE HEY! HEY! HEY! (JASON is near them.)
DARREN We don't have to tell the others? (SKIPPER stands.)
SHANE HEY! HEY! HEY! (KAWABATA sits away from everybody.)
(SHANE's fighting him off, DARREN kisses him. SHANE
(TODDY paces.)
thrashes his way out of DARREN's embrace.) TODDY Don't talk to the fucker, don't talk to the fucker,
FUCKER! fucker's got a perfect game going, don't talk to the
U-u-h-h fucker.
FUCKER! Do ya hear me?
U-u-h-h Don't talk to the fucker, don't talk to the fucker,
FUCKER! whatever you do, don't talk to the
DARREN Our little secret. SKIPPER Toddy!
(SHANE is mortified.) TODDY Yeah, Skip?
You dumb cracker fuck. SKIPPER Nobody ever talks to the fucker, the fucker
(Lights.) doesn't speak English.
(KIPPY, solo.) KIPPY (to us) Finally, it's the top of the ninth.
KIPPY So then we had a ballgame. (KAWABATA up and pitching.)
And it was bizarre right from the beginning. And, like that, there are two outs.
Bottom of the first, no score. Kawabata is one out away from a perfect game.
The first three Empires hit home runs. One out away from no bullpen, no collapse

78 RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 79

 No Shane Mungitt.
quiet and solitary the whole game. And he looked like he
Kawabata set up.
could murder somebody.
(He does.) (FoCUS On DARREN, scarily still.)
He delivered And Shane faced his first batter.
(He does.) Who was Davey Battle.
And?! And Darren had that weird look I'd never seen before.
(Sound effect: the hitter getting all of it.) (DavEY is poised to swing.)
Home run. And Shane looked strange even for him.
(KAWABATA watches it leave the park.) And he threw his first pitch.
Which was followed by a single, which was followed (SHANE throws.)
by a triple. And suddenly we're ahead by only one run, And it hit Davey.
with the go-ahead run at the plate. And Davey went down.
(SKIPPER goes to the mound, collects the ball, pats KAWABATA (DAVEY crumples.)
on the back. KAWABATA leaves, tips hat to crowd.) And he never got up.
To a roar of approval and frustration and gratitude
and sorrow, Kawabata left the game.
And for the first time since his suspension, Shane
came in.
(SHANE enters.)
And the crowd cheered him, too-whatever that
meant.
And Shane seemed intense on the mound-even for
him.
He had this internal monologue going; it was so fierce,
it seemed like you could hear what he was thinking.
SHANE Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck.
KIPPY And I looked over to Darren, who'd been really

80 RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 81

 ACT THREE
KAWABATA, solo.

KAWABATA This is a very hard, a very lonely, time.

All day long, wherever you go, on every screen, you
see it replayed:
A single act.
At several speeds, from various angles.
Slow motion. Catcher-cam.
"Massive Trauma to the Head."
Too much-one must look away.
In the clubhouse, there is steady noise, a constant low
hum of conversation.
But I am very fortunate;
My first act in the Major League was to dismiss my
translator.
It's served me well.
I know all the English necessary to me:
Sutoraiku wan. Sutoraiku tsuu. Sanshin.
Shall I be saying to myself, "If only that pitch had been
less fat, if only I had gotten that third out"?
No.

Why must things have meanings?

TAKE ME OUT 83
 This is how I try to be an American: I make my mind a MASON ...
I'm very sorry, Darren.
prairie.
DARREN There were all these ballplayers in these
I think nothing. I think of great flat stretches of
beautiful black suits.
nothing.
(KAWABATA winds up, delivers.) The guys from his team sat way up close, an' later,
they were pallbearers, some'a them.
It soothes me.
(Lights.) An' our guys were sorta hushed an' way back, an' it
was like we were gonna have a truce 'cause it was a
(DARREN paces.)
sacred thing, this thing that was goin' on.
(A phone rings.)
(Beat.)
(Lights on MASON.)
An' this one time I locked eyes with Linda, with
MASON Hello?
DARREN It's me? Davey's wife, an' it was like she was tryin' to tell me
something.
MASON -Oh!?
If only you hadn'a done this ... if only you hadn'a
DARREN It's Darren?
MASON I-yes, I know? done that...
(loudly) (Beat.)
Well, what do you know? Darren Lemming! Why are I keep thinkin'.
you calling- If only I hadn'a done this or that?.. if only I hadn'a
DARREN Are the gay guys just gettin' back from a club or done this an' that?
somethin'? (Beat.)
MASON ... Um. You were up, right?
Yes. MASON Yes.
DARREN Oh. DARREN I figured you were up.
I figured. I don't know many people who're up this time'a
? . . night.
MASON. (Beat.)
It was today, wasn't it? I don't know many people.
DARREN Yeah, uh-huh. MASON Neither do I.

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84 RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
DARREN I don't really have friends. All day I'm telling them: the ball is good; the ball is not
MASON That's not true. evil. Daddy plays a game; Daddy is not at war.
I wish I drank.
DARREN No, it is.
Somethin' I realized the other day. DARREN I wish I drank.
I've sorta.... I haven't been on a level enough playing (Beat.)
field, ya know? KIPPY Darren...
I'm sorry I didn't like Davey enough.
(Pause.)
MASON Darren? DARREN He had some stuff-
DARREN IT'S HIS OWN FUCKIN' FAULT. IF HE KIPPY I don't think it was about him, I think it was about
HADN'A...! you.
(He calms down.) He was always your best friend, you know, and I was
So what's up with you? just your best friend on the team.
MASON Well... Mine had an asterisk.
DARREN Somebody talk to me about you for a change.. I think I was probably jealous
MASON Wellll ... DARREN That's okay, Kippy.
I- KIPPY Darren...
(There's a beep tone.) You know I love you, right?
DARREN Wait a second, I got another call.

Yeah? I know that's fraught, given the circumstances, but

(Lights on KIPPY.) you know I mean it in the unfraught sort of way, don't
KIPPY It's Kippy. you?
DARREN Hey. DARREN Yeah, sure, Kippy, I get it.
KIPPY I'm not waking you, am I? I don't know why you wanna bring it up right now.
DARREN 'Course not. KIPPY I want to say something.
KIPPY What a fuck of a day, huh? . . .
DARREN Yeah. People have to talk.

KIPPY My kids are all messed up. DARREN Do they?

88 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 87

 (Pause.) DARREN (overlap)
KIPPY I think they do. He was comin' out of the
I still think they do. MASON Yeah-did you not hear this?
Good night, Darren. (TODDY, JASON, MARTINEZ, RODRIGUEZ, and KAWABATA appear
(KIPPY hangs up.) in suits.)
(Pause. DARREN clicks off.) After the funeral, some of the guys felt moved or
DARREN Shit. guilty or something, and they spoke to the press.
MASON Hello? TODDY It's not like ya ever listened to Shane Mungitt.
DARREN Oh, Mason! I forgot about ya. JASON Mostly we tried not to listen to Shane Mungitt.
MASON I invented a wonderful new pasta dish!
TODDY But he was pretty stressed, comin' outta the
DARREN . . . shower?
So?
JASON Even for him?
MASON You wanted... to talk about me. TODDY The thing is, we thought that was encouraging,
DARREN Oh! 'cause he's one'a those guys who, when he's angry?
Oh, right. JASON It's good when he's angry?
Well ... maybe I don't. TODDY He can spot when he's angry-
MASON ... JASON When he isn't angry, he can't locate his pitches so
Are they going to arrest him? good?
DARREN What? TODDY But, so, anyway, he passed us, comin' out of the
MASON Shane?
shower; an' he said?
DARREN What?
JASON "I hate you all" ?
MASON Shane Mungitt.
TODDY To all of us-
They say there's reason to believe-I heard-he made
JASON To everybody-
vague ... threats.
TODDY He just said-
DARREN . . . W h e n . . . d i d _
JASON "I hate you all."
MASON Before the game?he was coming out of the TODDY ?. Anyway, we thought that was encouraging
shower, and some guys overheard him? JASON We thought, okay, today he's gonna have control-

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RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
MARTINEZ Pendejo- Did I get your messages?

RODRIGUEZ Pendejo- Not your "message," not singular?no, you ask:

JASON But then he said? Did I get your messages?

TODDY He said? And I can only answer: some of them.

JASON "You watch me when I get out there-I'm Some I failed to get.
gonna kill somebody-I'm gonna take somebody Some, it seems, were never sent.

out." DARREN Shit, Davey, it was just a question-

TODDY .. Anyway, we thought that was encouraging. DAVEY Don't touch me!
JASONYeah, we did. DARREN I'm ten feet away from ya, Davey-
(They disappear.) DAVEY And we should keep that distance. We should
MASON And at the time, they thought it was just maintain that distance from which things can be seen in
sportsmanlike, but ? after. it seemed their entirety.
... It was on CNN... DARREN ... Okay.
Darren? DAVEY This is a day of reckoning.
DARREN They should arrest him. DARREN (makes a lightly scoffing sound)
. . . DAVEY Are you fleering at me, Darren?
They should arrest everybody. DARREN I wouldn't know it if I was.
MASON Darren? Fleering!
DARREN They should arrest me. Why do you talk like you were born a hundred years
(KIPPY, solo.) ago?
KIPPY Darren's last encounter with Davey Battle. DAVEY And what if I do?
(Lights.) DARREN I dunno.
(DARREN and DAVEY.) It's just a little uncontemporary.
DARREN I... uh ... we haven't talked ... DAVEY And is that a bad thing, Darren?
DAVEY No, Darren, we haven't... Do we value the present over all other epochs?
DARREN ... You get my messages, Davey? Do we think everything has evolved in the direction of
DAVEY Now, that's very interesting, Darren. the good? Or has some of it-most of it-been a sliding
That's a very interesting way to put it. back? A devolution?

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RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
 DARREN Aw, shit, you're not gonna start disclaimin' DAVEY Shit, man, we all have demons.
dinosaurs on me and stuff, are ya? Some of us less disgusting ones than yours- but we
DAVEY I'm just saying, Darren, that it is more often than shut up about them! Take them into little rooms, wrestle
not a small mind that considers itself enlightened. That with them there? present a good face to the world -till
enlightenment is most often an inability to see the our demons are slain and we become what we claim we
darkness that surrounds you. are.
(Beat.) What kind of sordidness is this you've got going on?
DARREN This isn't gonna go well, is it? Why did you feel the need to splash your ugliness all

DAVEY Oh, I think it is. over everything?

I think it is going to go well, Darren. DARREN You told me to.
How can things go badly when two people speak their DAVEY ... Oh, so now you feel some need to add slander
truth? to the mischief?
(Beat.) DARREN I thought you were givin' me a sorta permission,
DARREN Fleer. Davey, I thought you were bein'...
DAVEY Are you making mock of me? kind.
DARREN Only a little, Davey-the way you like- DAVEY You twist everything.
DAVEY That's over. DARREN You told me to reveal my true nature.
DARREN ... Okay. You said I could only do this through love.
DAVEY Who the fuck are you, man? What the fuck do you DAVEY That's before I knew you were a pervert.
think you're doing here? (Beat.)
DARREN I- DARREN Oh.
DAVEY What kind of mess do you find it fit to make? (Beat.)
What kind of nonsense are you putting out in the You said you knew me to be good.
world? I... loved you very much for that, Davey?
DARREN I- DAVEY Have you just been wanting to fuck me for eight
DAVEY "I!" "I!" Stop saying "I"-you don't know the years, Darren?
meaning of the word- DARREN No.
DARREN But I do, Davey- DAVEY Have I been your beard?

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RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
 DARREN My ...? DARREN And then I took a shower and then we played a

DAVEY Oh, everybody knows Davey Battle's good, Davey game.

Battle's a religious man, a continent man ?nobody going (Light shift.)
around with Davey Battle's going to be whoring, nobody KIPPY So now we start the Kafkaesque portion of the

going around with Davey Battle's going to be chasing evening.

tail?was that the whole thing, Darren? Well, Kafka lite, anyway .. Dekaf-ka.
DARREN I don't-think so? After Shane killed Davey with the pitch, the question
DAVEY Then what? arose: under whose jurisdiction does this event fall?
DARREN I liked you. Major League Baseball immediately suspended him

(Beat.) from the game.

DAVEY You lie. And we know how final that is.

DARREN Fuck you? But with this other evidence, there was some sense

DAVEY You lie in your heart? that this was not wildness, this was murder.
DARREN Fuck you, Davey, fuck you? Shane was detained for questioning.
(SHANE appears.)
DAVEY And until you correct yourself-
DARREN Fuck yourself, man?fuck yourself? And he said ... nothing.
He just sort of alternated silence and babble.
DAVEY You will welter in profanity and vulgarity and every
kind of ugliness. At last, more out of frustration than anything, and
DARREN You're right. probably rhetorically, they asked:
Yes, you're right. "Is there anyone you'll talk to?
I need to clean up my language. Will you talk to anyone, Shane?"
I need to make my language family-appropriate while, And he said:
at the same time, conveyin' the truth of my heart, so let SHANE Kippy.
me just put it this way, Davey: KIPPY He said:
Drop dead. SHANE I wanna talk to Kippy.
(Lights.) KIPPY I didn't have to go, it was made clear to me. And
(Lights on: DARREN, solo.) there were so many reasons not to. I decided I wouldn't.

TAKE ME OUT
RICHARD GREENBERG
 Then that I would KIPPY Well, Shane, Darren came here with me
Then that I wouldn't. because?
Then, suddenly, I had a weird revelation: SHANE I didn't ask ta see that one, Kippy, I asked ta see
I wanted to go. you-
(DARREN appears.) DARREN
And when Darren asked me: SHANE Whut you doin' bringin' ?
DARREN Why? KIPPY We're here, Shane, because everybody feels terrible
KIPPY I could only tell him what, up till then, I had always about everything that happened.
believed: And we want to talk about it and clear it all up ... so
People have to talk. we can move on.
DARREN Do you think that fuck's gonna talk? (SHANE starts to protest.)
Do you think he's gonna tell you things? We're here because we want to help you, Shane.
KIPPY He might, I told him. (Beat. SHANE looks back and forth between them,

It's possible he will. suspicious, grumbles something. Tentatively, he decides

And then, amazingly, Darren announced: to accept it, sits. KIPPY sits then; DARREN either does or

DARREN I'm comin' with you. doesn't.)

KIPPY And he did. (An awkwardness.)
Did we both somehow suspect what would be found SHANE Some pitch, huh?
out there? KIPPY Yes, it was. It certainly was .. some kind of
And did we want it found out for some reason? pitch.
I still don't know. I can't say. SHANE Both'a ya?
All I know is there was a room. And there was hardly KIPPY ... Pardon?
anything in it. Except for Darren. SHANE Wanna help me?

And me. Both'a ya do?

And Shane. (Beat.)
(And the room has taken form: a table, some chairs; the DARREN (quietly) Yeah.
three of them.) SHANE 'Cause I'd like ta be helped.
SHANE What's that one doin' here? KIPPY That's good, Shane.

RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 87

SHANE That's why I wannid ta talk ta ya in the first I think I should be more desired.
place- I think?now?I can be more u-u-h-h
KIPPY I'm glad. effective than ever.
SHANE 'Cause it's still not too late. KIPPY No, Shane, you can't.
KIPPY Well, that's what we're thinking, too, Shane. SHANE Nobody's gonna be hoggin' the plate on me now, Kippy.
SHANE I can still contribute- I own the plate.
KIPPY You can ... take your place in society and? Other guys? they gotta, they gotta get it ev'y time they
SHANE 'Cause there are still, like, forty games left, an'fI go out there? but not me, not now.
could get back in a week, I could- I can really perform now. I can execute.
KIPPY Shane (Beat.)
SHANE ?contribute-'cause Even if it's three an' a half weeks?
KIPPY Shane? KIPPY It's not gonna be three and a half weeks
You killed a guy. You threw a pitch and it killed a SHANE Well, longer'n that an' it'll be meanin'less, so
guy. KIPPY You are never going to pitch again, Shane.

SHANE ... Yeah, okay, that's true. On the other hand? (Beat. SHANE looks at KIPPY blankly.)
KIPPY You threw a pitch; a man is dead. (SHANE bursts into racking sobs. They build, then subside.)

SHANE... Okay, like, if you're gonna harp on that? I'm sorry.

KIPPY A man is dead because you threw a ball. SHANE Why'd ya hafta say shit like that for?
(Pause.) KIPPY I'm-
SHANE Okay, so, even if it takes three weeks, I could still SHANE Ya think I'm not depressed enough already?
contribute, 'cause KIPPY I'm-
KIPPY That won't happen. SHANE Fuck. Fuck.
SHANE ?. Why not? KIPPY ... Forgive me.
KIPPY Shane: you are no longer desired in baseball. (Beat.)
SHANE ?. Well SHANE (points to DARREN)
u-u-u-h-h WHY'S HE KEEP LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT?
that's wrong. (to DARREN)

That's just not?that's wrong. WHY'D YA KEEP LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT?

+8 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT

DARREN (blandly) You're the scenery.
SHANE There's nothin' wrong with 'at-at's'ceptable
SHANE THAT'S NOT NICE!
They call themselves that?
DARREN You're outta your fuckin' ?
KIPPY They don't call themselves "colored people," they
KIPPY Darren is not not being nice. Darren is a little call themselves "people of color"_
outflanked by the situation. As we all are?
SHANE Whut's the difference?
SHANE I never did nothin' to him?
(Beat.)
KIPPY Well, that may be a case of selective memory, but- KIPPY We just have to take it on faith that there is one.
SHANE He's'a one who tried to do stuff to me-
SHANE I don't got any'a that, Kippy.
(Beat.)
Faith.
Fuckin' faggot.
You know that.
(DARREN lunges over the table; KIPPY intervenes.) KIPPY Why did you throw that pitch, Shane?
KIPPY Darren!
(SHANE laughs in that unhinged way.)
SHANE Oh, whut? You gonna 'tack me again? You think Shane.
that's helpful? SHANE Well, 'at's a dumb question, Kippy.
(DARREN is stopped by this; moves away.) I'm a pitcher-whut's I s'pose t'do?
You got a violen' nature, ya know that? KIPPY But why did you throw that pitch, Shane?
KIPPY Darren does not have a- SHANE I only got one pitch, Kippy.
SHANE I'm jus' tryin' t'get a handle on things, ya know. That's why I'm in short relief.
I keep bein' in these sitch'ations, I dunno. KIPPY Were you trying to take him out?
U-u-h-h ... (Beat.)
Th'own inta these sitch'ations. (SHANE nods.)
With all these ... colored people and whatnot- SHANE Of the inning.
DARREN Fuck-! That's my job.
KIPPY Why do you say stuff like that, Shane? Why'd I hafta sit here and get
SHANE Whut? u-u-u-h-h all
DARREN FUCK! questions 'bout doin' my job?
KIPPY We are trying to help you-why do you have to say That's not nice.
things like "colored people" - (Beat.)

100 RICHARD GREENBERO TAKE ME OUT 101

 Why ya askin' me this SHANE ... No?
u-u-h-h Oh.
crap? I thought it was.
(Beat.) KIPPY Why did you throw that?
You my friend, Kippy? SHANE WHY DO YA KEEP ASKIN' ME THE SAME
KIPPY ... THING ALLA TIME? WHAT'S IT TO YA?
Sure. KIPPY Shane!
SHANE 'Cause you were the only one'd ever reach out A terrible thing has happened.
t'me. A terrible thing has happened, precipitated by you.
On the whole team. The terrible thing that has happened and that was
That one never did-'cept t'try t'rape me one time? precipitated by you is of an indeterminate nature.
that's not nice? We are trying to hone in on you-on your thoughts-
DARREN You fuck?I didn't try to? on the inner workings of your-on your motivations-in
SHANE Ya ever have a half-breed faggot come at ya in a order to make the indeterminate determinate.
shower, huh, Kippy? It can? That is our mission here, Shane.
KIPPY What are you talking a (Beat.)
(to DARREN) DARREN Well, I'm sure he got alla that one, Kippy.
What is he? SHANE Why?
(DARREN shakes his head, trying to dismiss it, but also KIPPY What?
guilty, and turns away from KIPPY. KIPPY registers this, SHANE Why'd ya wanna make the inde... de..?
then quickly decides to ignore it.) KIPPY Because known things are bearable in a way that
Don't say that stuff, Shane? unknown things are not.
SHANE Why's ev'rybody so upset about? (Beat.)
I'm just tellin' the truth. SHANE Oh.
I'm just sayin' whut's in my heart- (Beat.)
Innat whut I'm s'pose ta do? I dunno 'f'I agree.
Innat whut you always say, Kippy? Seems to me there's
KIPPY That's not what's in your heart, Shane. u-u-u-h-h
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TAKE ME OUT 108
RICHARD GREENBERO
 lotsa stuff I woulda rather not know. he was all "this this this this this" an' "that that that that
Seems to me I'd rather not know mosta the stuff there is.
that" an' "fuck you fuck you DROP DEAD!" Shit, why are
DARREN That's 'cause you're a fuckin' moron? ya askin' me what I wanted?he's the one who wisht it!
SHANE HEY! HEY! HEY! DON'T YOU CALL ME THOSE He gave the order, I just executed-
WORDS, THAT'S NOT NICE! (And DARREN is too paralyzed to lash out.)
KIPPY Shane, Darren doesn't mean what he says. Darren Shit, this is no fun at all! You come here this
is just very upset because the man you killed - whether visit-ya don't even bring food? ask alla these questions.
by accident or design ?was his best friend-you can Fuck, what's all this about?
imagine that? One more dead colored guy-who the fuck cares?
SHANE (overlap) Well, I dunno 'bout that? KIPPY Stop?
KIPPY (continuous) ?that leads to rather strong-what? SHANE That's what they're for-colored people-to get
SHANE "Best friend." dead?that's what they're put on earth for, anyway?
I dunno 'bout that. KIPPY Stop.
KIPPY Uh, that's not for you to decide. SHANE Shit, they're not even people, niggers- they're only
SHANE I don't say shit like that to my best friend. two-fifths of people-that's the law?
DARREN Shit like what? KIPPY Just stop-
SHANE All this "fuck you fuck you." SHANE That's the law on the books-ya know whut that
KIPPY What are you talking about? makes that one? Half'a him's two-fifthsa person, the
SHANE All this "drop dead." other half's all faggot, he should'n even be walkin'
I would'n say that to my best friend ?no sir?I would upright?
not? KIPPY SHUT UP!
KIPPY You seem-not to have too firm a grip on- SHANE Oh, so now I'm s'pose ta shut up?
SHANE That's whut he said, that's whut he said, you just I thought I's s'pose ta speak up!
ask him! DARREN You fuck! Why did you throw that ball?
DARREN You sonuva- SHANE WHUT WAS IN MY HEART?
SHANE Right before he came into the shower and tried to IS THAT WHUT YOU'RE ASKIN?
rape me? DARREN Yes!
I passed right by?right by him an' that dead guy?an' SHANE I DON'T KNOW!

104 TAKE ME OUT

RICHARD GREENBERG
 AN' NOW THEY WON' LET ME THROW!
Fuck!
WHY DOES EVYBODY KEEP ASKIN' THAT FUCKIN' NIGGERS! FUCKIN' QUEERS!
I WANNA SHUT UP!
QUESTION?
Ever since that stupid letter ?whut's Shane Mungitt I WANNA THROW!

thinkin'? Whut's Shane Mungitt feelin'? He starts hammering the table with his fists,
unbelievably hard.)
How'm I s'pose ta KNOW?
How'm I s'pose ta know whut's in my heart? I WANNA THROW! I WANNA THROW! I WANNA
Fuck, Kippy, whyn't YOU answer for me? Whutever's THROW!
in there, you put it there?not as if I wrote that fuckin' (A guard enters, grabs and subdues SHANE, and leads him
out of the room. As he goes)
letter myself?
SHANE I! WANNA! THR-O-O-O-0-0-0-0-W-W-W!!!!!!!!!!
DARREN (quickly) What?
(KIPPY freezes.)
(He's gone.)
SHANE Shit! I could hardly read that fuckin' letter! (Long silence.)
There was words in there I did'n even know? KIPPY I-I-I-I-I ...
"Onliest"? (Pause.)
DARREN You wrote that?
I...I...
SHANE Why'd ya make me talk? Why's ev'ybody wanna (Pause.)
make me talk? I thought ... I knew who he really was.
An' now ya want me to talk when ya want me to talk, . . .

an' ya want me to shut up when ya want me to shut up, . . .

an' THAT'S NOT NICE! I thought I was the only one who did.

DARREN Jesus, Kippy- (DARREN looks at him.)

SHANE WHYN'T YA BOTH JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? (He walks out of the room.)
WHY'D YA COME INTO THAT SHOWER? (KIPPY is alone.)
WHY'D YA WRITE THAT LETTER? (Lights.)
They woulda let me back-venchally?they woulda Oh, and yeah, we won the World Series.
just let me back?an' nobody woulda made me talk? I know you're supposed to build all sorts of tension
I'M NOT S'POSE TA TALK! I'M S'POSE TA THROW! around that event, but...

106 107
R I C H A R D G R E E N B E R G TAKE ME OUT
 We played like maniacs. (DARREN is alone in the empty ballpark. He's holding a
Guys didn't talk much; that seemed like the best ball, which he rotates absently, gracefully.)
policy. (After a moment KIPPY enters.)
We played like Kawabata. (Silence.)
We went at it and went at it and went at it and it didn't KIPPY I don't know; this always seems like the wrong
mean anything. weather.
And that was soothing. (Beat.)
(In the background, the guys empty out their lockers, take DARREN Huh?
off.) KIPPY This chilly business, this nip in the air. October. It's
What happened to Shane was .. nothing. the wrong weather for baseball, don't you think?
There wasn't really anything to go on; it was all too DARREN It's the right weather for October.
vague. KIPPY ... Mmm, I guess.
He was banished from professional baseball, for ... I don't really mean it, anyway. I'm just making
life this time. Though with pitching the way it is these chat.
days... Are you going to that party?
He returned home to Arkansas or Tennessee. DARREN ... Don't really have a choice.
And he bought himself a shotgun there. KIPPY Well yes, well yes, I guess not.
And one night he and his shotgun went on a tour of . .
the local convenience stores. What a fuck of a season.
And you know how they're putting milk in those glass DARREN ... Nn-hn.
bottles again? KIPPY Fuck of a season.
Well, Shane Mungitt shot the milk out of every bottle (Beat.)
within a ten-mile radius of his house. Did I ever tell you that I was not on a baseball
He's in jail for that now. scholarship at Stanford?
. . ? DARREN ... Don't think so. Nope.
Last Looks After the Last Game: KIPPY Well, I was not on a baseball scholarship at
(Lights.) Stanford. The truth is, I was on an academic scholarship.
(The field.) DARREN I thought you were this big dumb Swede.

108 109
RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT
KIPPY That's just what I tell people. KIPPY ... Can we at least talk at the party?
No, I'm a smart guy. DARREN Ya can't talk at the party, Kippy-it's too loud to
DARREN Whaddya know? talk at the party.
KIPPY In fact, there was some consternation when I took
KIPPY Then can we move our lips at the party and each
the game up. pretend he understands what the other's saying?
You see, I was supposed to be an academic or a ...
DARREN Oh, we never had any trouble with that,
minister. Kippy ...
And I wasn't precocious in baseball-did you know that?
(MASON enters, delighted.)
DARREN No. I didn't know that. MASON Is it all right that I'm here?
KIPPY No, I wasn't an early star. DARREN Sure.
DARREN Then why didn't ya become this ... academic or MASON Security knows me now-they let me go right
whatever? on?what about this? A few months ago I'd never even
KIPPY (shrugs) seen a game on TV, and now I'm on the field.
... I dunno. KIPPY Hi.
I just liked everything too much. MASON Hi... oh, hi!
I wanted to celebrate. DARREN You two met?
So I chose baseball.
MASON No-I recognize you, of course-
... KIPPY (extends hand)
It seemed like a good idea at the time. Christopher Sunderstrom, nice to meet you?
(Beat.) MASON (shaking hands)
Will we ever be friends again? Mars Marzac-very nice to meet you?very nice
DARREN Were we ever before? indeed. What a game you had! What a Series! What a
KIPPY Yes. rush, huh? You must be feeling every sort of wonderful
I will doubt everything, but not that. right now, yes?
I refuse. KIPPY It's a little more complicated than that.
DARREN Well.
MASON Oh.
Maybe we will.
How gauche of me. Of course.

110
RICHARD GREENBERG TAKE ME OUT 111
 This has been a very difficult year. Of course I realize
(He giggles.)
that. I should stop talking. I'm talking too much. I'm DARREN Are you drunk?
bubbly! MASON I had a beer.
(Barely a hesitation.) DARREN You had a keg.
The year the Yankees won the Series for the third MASON No. Just one.
time, only their fathers kept dying? The great advantage of an extremely narrow life is the
Someone asked David Cone what the feeling was like slightest deviation produces staggering results.
in the clubhouse, and he tried to give an answer, but (He giggles.)
finally he said he really couldn't because it was "kind of Oh, I'm sorry if I'm silly.
tough to eloquate." Isn't that a glorious neologism? DARREN No, it's kinda cute. Kinda endearing..
Because it's exactly what one tries very hard to do with MASON Oh... well. yes, it is.
feelings that are ineffable-first locate and then speak DARREN ... So, Mason, I was wonderin'.
eloquently about them-and it's an idea that never had a MASON Yes?
word before, so I say: David Cone, I salute you, sir! DARREN If I retire now, will I-
It must be like that for you now?am I talking too MASON Oh no no no no no no?not the night you won the
much? World Series! My God, man, have you no sense of
KIPPY No?no. occasion?
We're just.. we're .. DARREN I just need to be alone for a while.
Well, it's kind of tough to eloquate-listen, I'm going I just need to get real quiet.
to that party. I'm not who I was when the season started
(to MASON) MASON Neither am I-isn't it great?
Very good to meet you. DARREN But ya see, unlike you, I liked who I...
MASON And you. But I guess I really wasn't that then, either.
KIPPY (turns to DARREN) MASON ?.. Darren, I truly, deeply feel I should be
I'll see you there later... my man. responding to your crise right now, but all I keep
(He exits.) thinking is, when do you get the ring?
MASON (singing) "Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never DARREN The
know..." MASON The championship-

112 TAKE ME OUT 113

RICHARD GREENBERG
DARREN Oh, next year. MASON Don't you have a date?
MASON Well, then you have to come back, you don't have DARREN No.

a choice- MASON How can you not have a date?

DARREN (flashing rings) DARREN I told you-I don't know people.
I already have two others. MASON But you didn't mean that.
MASON Oh! Is that what those are? DARREN But I did.
DARREN What didja think? (Beat.)
MASON I didn't know. I just thought you had terrible taste! Come on. We'll get photographed together, splashed
Wow! Look at them. over alla tabloids. Everybody'll think you're my long-

DARREN Yeah? awaited boyfriend. Those two gay guys down the hall
MASON Well, all you have to do is look at them, and you'll will drop dead. (A hitch as he hears this, brief, then:)
know. Then I won't hafta kiss you in the elevator like we've
DARREN Know what? both been dreading.
MASON Who you are. Your ontological quandary will be MASON ?.. Okay.
dispelled. Um. Yes!
DARREN They just mean I was on a winning team, that's But do I look ... all right?
all. DARREN You look okay.
MASON That's a better start than most of us get. Don't ... You could maybe use an accessory?
diminish it, it would be too ungrateful. MASON I don't-?have
DARREN (still sad) DARREN (pulling off one of his rings)
I s'pose. Hey-wear this.
(Beat.) MASON What?
I guess I have to go to this party. DARREN Yeah-it'll be a goof-come on. (He slips the
(Beat.) ring on MASON's finger.) That feels weird, doesn't it?
Do you wanna come? MASON Wow.
MASON Huh? (MASON spreads his fingers in front of him to inspect the
DARREN Wanna be my date? ring.)

114 TAKE ME OUT 115

RICHARD GREENBERG
DARREN Hey, Mars-it's gonna be a roomful of jocks.
(He folds his fingers into a fist, demonstrates looking at
the ring that way.)
MASON Oh ... oh.
DARREN So-whaddya say?
MASON Sure.
(He starts to leave with DARREN, pauses.)
Um?would it be all right if I met you there? If I
stayed here just a little bit longer?
DARREN You know where the place is?
MASON I do, in fact.
DARREN Sure. Enjoy yourself.
MASON Thank you.
DARREN Hey-Mars?
(MASON turns to DARREN. DARREN tosses him the ball. MASON
catches it, gasps.)
DARREN What a fuck of a season, huh?
MASON Yes. It was. A fuck of a season.
It was ... tragic.
(DARREN exits.)

(to himself, realizing it)

It was-tragic.
(A moment.)

(His glance falls on the ring. Then moves to the ball. Then
he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and opens his
eyes, and takes in the whole stadium.)
What will we do till spring?
(Fade out.)