JNROnline Journal Journal of Natural Remedies

ISSN: 2320-3358 (e) Vol. 21, No. 8(1), (2020)

ISSN: 0972-5547(p)

TRANS LIFE IN INDIA: A STUDY OF THREE AUTOBIOGRAPHIES

Rimjim Boruah
Assistant Professor, Department of English
Mahapurusha Srimanta Sankaradeva Viswavidyalaya, Nagaon Assam
ABSTRACT
In traditional societies gender emerge as the defining aspect of individual identity. It appears to have
profound influence in one’s life from the time one is born. Gender obtains its social and cultural
meaning at every level from intrapsychic to legal and political. A binary viewing of gender is
undoubtedly still socially prevalent, although the last three decades have witnessed a definitive shift
towards recognizing both the constructiveness of the gender binary and the existence of gender
identities beyond this narrow remit. . In 1990, Judith Butler has made the largest contribution to the
idea that gender is a social construct not connected to but socially determined by the biological
difference in sex and enforced through social protocol with the publication of her text Gender
Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. The existence of third gender and their
identification has been greatly neglected in India. Especially, in India an individual being either a male
or a female is considered as normal and who is other than that two bold identities are considered
abnormal or subhuman, and that ‘other’ one or the third gender is considered as one of inferior level,
who is always neglected and more over marginalized and insulted. In India it is a very common sight
to see trans genders begging at railway stations and at traffic signals where they are often insulated and
avoided as well. It is common belief that their touch pollutes and their curses come true. This paper
will reflect the emotional trauma and physical pain the trans genders undergo by presenting instances
from the first transgender autobiography of India by I am Vidya by Living Smile Vidya, biography of
India’s First Transgender Principal Manobi Bandyopadhyay A Gift of Goddess Lakshmi and also
study the process and effect of heteronormative gender colonization that the hijra community of India
has been witnessing for so long, by taking into account the autobiography of another transgender
named A. Revathi and her experiences through her book The Truth about Me: A Hijra Life Story.
Keywords: transgenders, hijra, gender, society, discrimination.

Introduction
Intraditional societies gender emerge as the defining aspect ofindividual identity. It appears to have
profound influence in one’s lives from the time one is born. And gender obtains its social and cultural
meaning at every level from intrapsychic to legal and political. The integrated self-leanis brought up
in a way that forces it to tend toward the behaviors others encourage and away from behaviors that
others discourage. From birth itself children are treated differently because of their differences in
genitalia. Male and female babies are even dressed differently owing to their biological differences.
Society responds differently to male and female infants and people describe identical behavior on the
part of infants differently if they know whether the infant is a boy or girl. But there emerged no place
of recognition or the possibility of a type of infant who may not suffice to the social or even biological
identification of either male or female made by the society.
A binary viewing of gender is undoubtedly still socially prevalent, although the last three
decades have witnessed a definitive shift towards recognizing both the constructiveness of the gender
binary and the existence of gender identities beyond this narrow remit. Most of the countries have
recently given legal recognition tocitizens who identify themselves as a third gender, i.e. neither male
nor female. Some countries including UK has formally recognize the use of non-binary markers such
as gender-neutral pronouns for official purposes. In 1990, Judith Butler has made the largest
contribution to the idea that gender is a social construct unconnected to but socially determined by
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the biological difference in sex and enforced through social protocol with the publication of her text
Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity.
The existence of third gender and their identification has been greatly neglected in India.
Especially, in India an individual being either a male or a female is considered as normal and anyone
who is other than that two bold identities are considered abnormal or subhuman, and the ‘other’ one
or the third gender is considered as one of inferior level, who is always neglected and more over
marginalized and insulted. Social construction of gender identities as well as the sexual differences of
a single person is very much a part of the process of Gender Identity. It really takes a lot of audacity
and courage in an Indian society to merely acknowledge the third gender and to identify oneself as
being the third gender. In India it is a very common sight to see transgenders begging at railway
stations and at traffic signals where they are often insulated and avoided as well. It is common belief
that their touch pollutes and their curses come true.
In India, transgenders are called with different names. They are known as hijras, eunuchs, tirunangais,
khoja, aravani, aruvani, jagappa, chhakka, kinnar or kinner etc and they had been part of Indian society
for centuries. Their existence are identified and presented evenin the mythological texts of the land
Ramayana and Mahabharata. There are historical evidence of recognition of “third-sex” or persons
not confirm to male or female gender in writings of ancient India. The concept and the narration of
“tritiyrakriti” or “napumsaka” and their existence had been an integral part of the Hindu mythology,
folklore, epic and early Vedic and Puranic literature. It is found from history that transgenders were
well treated in the courts of Mughals. Hijras were considered clever, trustworthy and fiercely loyal and
they had free access to all spaces and sections of the population, there by playing a crucial role in the
politics of empire building in the Mughal era.It was very popular then that they bring luck and can
provide special fertility power. For age long centuries they have been performing the function of
“badhai”, or blessings at weddings and births of the people.
But the advent of British has changed the fate and fortune of transgenders in India. They are one of
the major victims of colonization. They were looted from all the beneficiaries they had enjoyed till
then and were neglected from then onwards. The British couldn’t stand the hijras and the importance
given to them by the Indian kings of the time and they started vigorously to criminalize the hijra
community and denied them of all the civil rights. The colonization brought a different attitude
towards the transgender people. People began to treat them differently and started receiving constant
ridiculing of their physique and habits. Society started passing various abusive remarks towards them
and even the family began to criticize them. The very common sight in Indian railways and at many
traffic signals of metropolitan cities or towns is of transgenders, or hijras, clad in traditional sarees or
salwar kameez, aggressively begging from the people clapping their hands and blessing those who
offer them money and cursing those who deny them and it shows the existing deteriorating condition
of them. Although the hijras are the ill ones yet ironically, their blessings are considered to have a high
value and in many places and it is also a custom among many people to bring hijras home to bless the
newly wedded couple or a newly born. But yet they are kept at a safe distance and are not allowed to
mingle with family members of the home to which they are invited. This shows that in a way they are
treated as untouchables. And many hijras or transgenders are either forced or volunteered into
prostitution as they don’t have any other livelihood other than prostitution and begging. Rural
transgender or hijra sections are not just marginalized because of flouting gender norms, odd
behaviors and habits, but are also oppressed by caste and class hierarchies, which intersect with
gendered oppression to compound their disempowerment within social structures. People mostly see
the transgenders from the viewpoint of aggressive beggars and ill-behaved prostitutes and very little
attention is paid to their dismal lives.
It is clearly seen that the advent of Westernization and Globalization has changed the lifestyle of the
people all over the world and due to this culture and tradition have also taken on a new
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dimension.People’s mindsets are broadening. Peopleare seen coloring their hair and maintaining diet
to size zero, they change their own selves in order to imitate their favorite stars. They even change
their names, jobs, religions, political parties and even nationalities. People even like to make
conversations with strangers through social media. Yet people are not ready to accept the third gender,
the transgenders who are nature’s creation especially in Indian context. They undergo intense
traumatic experiences in the various stages of their lives for secluding them from the mainstream
society. Though Queer studies and LGBT literature has become very common amongst all, yet none
are willing to acclaim those who fall under this category with an open heart.
Aims and Objectives
i) This paper will reflect the emotional trauma and physical pain the transgenders undergo by
presenting instances from the first transgender autobiography of India by Living Smile Vidya,,I am
Vidya,, and biography of India’s First Transgender Principal Manobi Bandyopadhyay A Gift of
Goddess Lakshmiand also study the process and effect of heteronormative gender colonization that
the hijra community of India has been witnessing for so long, by taking into accountalso the
autobiography of another transgender named A. Revathi and her experiences through her bookThe
Truth about Me: A Hijra Life Story.
ii) It will highlight the various incidents where they put in their courage to stand up for themselves in
the face of stiff oppositionshown both by their own dear ones and the society and how they try go
forward in their quest for self-completion apart from focusing on the dark and bleak lives of the
transgenders.
iii) The objective of this paper is solely to make the awareness regarding the real life conditions of a
transgender and how they undergo mental trauma in dealing with the complex situations forwarded
to them by the society and its norms. The society and its conventions invented by men in order to
uplift the people living in it till now has not been able to recognize a transgender as one among them
although education has reached its higher levels in the country.
Methods and methodology
This study is based on online resources, especially the articles published on research journals.
A sort of deeper reading is done of some of the important parts of the three autobiographical texts.
The articles which presents the scenes of transgenders experiences and sufferings in India is also read
to relate with the main topic of the paper.
Analysis with instances from the three referred books
Born on 23 September, 1964, as Somnath Bandyopadhyay, later named as Manobi became India’s first
transgender principal at Krishnanagar Women’s College in Naida district in West Bengal. She has been
selected for the post purely on merit. She holds a PhD degree in Bengali literature and has worked
previously as an associate professor of Bengali literature. In 1995 she started and initiated the first
Bengali transgender magazine Abomanob(meaning subhuman). She has written two books to her
credit-Ontohin Ontor in Prositovortika (Endless Bondage) and theThird Gender in Bengali
Literature.A Gift of Goddess Lakshmiis a candid biography of Manobi written by Jhimli Mukherjee
Pandey who is a journalist and to her Manobi tellsthe story of her metamorphosis from a man into a
woman with unyielding candidness and profound sensitivity. It begins with the birth of Somnath and
his long expedition to become Manobi and the hurdlesshe faced throughout the passage and how she
went on to pursue academics in spite of many turbulences. The journey is an exceptionally courageous
one by a gender non-conforming person to carve a space of one’s own, establish her own identity as
Manobi erasing the socially formed identity of Somnath and also to set new standards of achievement.
The entire biography is Manobi’s struggle for her gender identity, struggle and fight with the society,
with her family and with herself to establish an identity of her own. In a binary society like India’s
where only two genders are recognised as normal and anything other than these two are seen as
unnatural or queer, it is extremely difficult and hard for a transgender woman to attain such an
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academic brilliance. But Manobihas demonstrated it to be possible with head held high. The biography
depicts all the events of her life without any hyperbole and tells the reader how difficult it is to be
gender queer in a heteronormative society.
Unlike many other trans persons,Manobi seems lucky enough to have her parents who never
abandoned her for being of the so called other gender and hence she could pursue her education and
get a job to earn enough for Sex Reassignment Surgery. Her biographical work provides a lot of
information about the psychological and physical conflicts and struggles of herself and other
transgenders, helping one to understandtheir life and sufferings which are otherwise totally ignored.
The Gift of Goddess Lakshmishows the birth of Manobi as Somnath as mollycoddled by the
familywith pride as the valuable possession depicting the common Indian mindset of having a male
child as an achievement. Manobi was the only son of her parents and her arrival was much celebrated
by her father and the entire family. In her biography she says: “My father ChittaranjanBandyopadhyay,
was a proud man that day. Finally, after two daughters, he had been able to sire a boy! ... He had a
trophy to show off to his family that had ridiculed him all this while for not being able to father a son.
He thought I was Shiva’s gift to him, and named me Somnath. I was a privileged member of the
household. Of the three children” (Pandey, 1).
Manobiremembers that she felt a change within her at a very early age of about six or seven. And that
it started with the growing Somnath’s interest for her sisters printed frocks, skirts and costumes rather
than being drawn towards manly activities and clothes. She had a deep desire to become a complete
woman and so hated her genitals. She used to put on her sister’s cloths while being alone and use to
dance to the tune of film songs. She loved to watch films and the influence of the heroines was too
much on her. She used to act like the heroines at school and at her free time and get a good ovation
for her imitating skills. But deep inside, she was aware that she is not acting like them but being the
real self in doing so. She wanted to reveal that she is a woman beneath the skin and hated to be
considered as a boy. She had a love for arts and literature and used to work with dance groups. And
while performing dance, or acting performances she choose female characters in preference so that
she can visibly feel herfemale side without any worry of being noticed and to gratify the craving
forexpressing her true self to all. As she says: “Actually, I was pretending to imitate a girl for fun, and
they liked my ‘acting’ – but deep inside I was not really acting: I was expressing my inner urges. Being
a boy, if Somnath can pick up a girl’s steps so well, can’t you all do that?’ I just smiled shyly and
enjoyed the adulation. I yearned to tell them that I was not trying to be a girl, I was actually one!”
(Pandey,1).
She always tried to hold her femininity in check before others so that she receives no taunt and
expressedherself in reclusiveness. She was admonished by many to whom she shared her situation,
not to go for Sex Reassignment Surgery, considering it to be a risky task as well as socially deviant
one.But, the urge for Manobi to establish her sexuality is so intense that she paid no hint to the risk
involved in the surgery. Fearing the society of intoleranceand disapproval, and the fear of families’
displeasure has although put a lot of stress on her and lead to severe internal trauma yet she underwent
the sex reassignment surgery to escape from the double ride of her life. At times she wasconfused and
troubled with the notion of her own sexuality, but the femininity in her broke all manacles and she
was even ready to face death in her quest to establish her individual sexuality. “I felt like tearing away
and escaping from the man’s body in which I was born. . . I came to the conclusion that I was a
woman and that I had to come out of my shell at any cost . . . I was firm. If I had to face death in an
effort to establish my true sexual identity, so be it. I would do whatever it took to prove to the world
that I was a woman” (Pandey, 5).
Joining the college was another traumatic experience in Manobi’s lifeas she became a laughingstock in
college. Her appearance, body language and orientations were always reviled and stood as a subject of
mockery by others. “I found college to be yet another place where I would have to fight for my identity
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and respect”. This show how educational institutions like colleges and schools are even not
exceptional and away from ill-treating the transgenders. “I realized that I was again become the center
of attention and ridicule despite being a good student. I could not be called a man or woman and that
was far more important than the fact that I had read more Bengali literature than anyone else . . .
Clearly, my reputation had preceded me”. Students simply stood and gazed at her going to the Bengali
Department. Word had got out that a hijra had joined the college. Many had gathered in the college
ground to see her. They started clapping their hands in glee when they saw her, some just whistled
and catcalled and soon taunts filled the air. In that village she was a complete oddity and there was
both excitement and awe reflected on the face of the community members in seeing her. People
abused her mentally by saying whether she was a man or a woman. On her way to college from bus
stop she and her father had to facemany derision, making her feel like running away. However, her
conviction to stand up on her own as well as to earn enough money for her sex change operation held
her not to bother for such silly experiences. But more threat waited in the college for Manobi when
her fellow lecturers very much upset her by threatening to ruin her career if she does not leave the
college since they believed that no hijra had the right to become a professor. “No one as lowly as a
hijra should be allowed to teach in a college, share the same staffroom, toilet and facilities”. But when
they understood that Manobi wouldn’t surrender so easily they started offending her very often. They
would wait in corners and pull her hair and clothes, saying they wanted to see if her hair was real or if
she was wearing a wig. Once, two of them pinned her to the wall and groped her, trying to find out
what was beneath my clothes. . . ‘Keep shut, you hijra, don’t act smart. . . One day they caught hold
of me and started hitting me in the chest with a paper weight till I was so badly bruised that I fell
unconscious from the pain”. Such was the piteous condition of Manobi in her career as a lecturer for
being a hijra and her merit achieved no praise for being the unusual one in the usual society. And
Manobi said that gender non-conforming persons in general face these situations on a regular basis
throughout their lives wherever they stay. Such is the violence against them in the society. However,
Manobi faced all these with a brave heart, emerging victorious ultimately.
In India, where these minorities are not even deemed to exist, their harrowing plight also remains
unknown to the heterosexual majority who in any case, remainnot just indifferent but even relentlessly
hostile to them. Members of this sexual minority communities like gays, lesbians, bisexuals and hijras
or the third gender,for the fear of being scorned and much worse to stand up and be publicly
identified, leave aside the struggle for their rights and thus gives way to the injustices and prejudices
that they are haunted with throughout their lives. Gender-rights activists and some human rights
groups have only recently begun turning their attention to these communities, who till then did not
recognized their existence only. Thus the situation of the transgenders is slowly deteriorating where a
kind of transphobia is developingin the society. She says: “Even kids didn’t spare me. Once they
followed me when I was on field duty and sang raucous film songs at me. Who taught them to do
this? Where did they learn such domineering behavior? If you see a tirunangai, attack her,
insult her, make her cry; chase her away whimpering, screaming – that seemed to be the rule, regardless
of race, religion or creed” (Vidya, 135).
Thus from these accounts so far it can be declared that transgender youths are exposed to trauma in
many ways. Many of them experience physical and emotional assaults for coming out, or fear being
found out on a daily basis. Others many a time engage with the common confusion of this order about
their sexual identity. Many of these transgender children and teens want to share their trauma but
finding a safe and trusted relationship is a great challenge for them because the very acknowledgment
of same sex attractions and desires may put them at further risk. As Vidya,, declares: “I was girl.
Unfortunately, the world saw me as a boy. Inwardly I wanted to be a girl, but I made every effort
possible to hide my feminity from the outside world. I took particular trouble to remain inconspicuous

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at college, the unpleasant memories of my bitter experience at school still fresh in my mind. I lead a
false life of strenuous attempts to swagger like a man and speak like one” (Vidya,33).
The trauma of this "double bind" underscores the need for confidentiality and safety from a trusted
helper that is the society. But instead of recognition they face social exclusion.Transgenders are
restricted from their proper access to education, employment and also excluded from family life. They
are not given proper protection against violence which is incurred to them by the society. Living Smile
Vidya’sautobiography I am Vidya, represents all the traumatic incidents which a transgender faces in
his/her life. It is a narrative about a woman trapped within a man’s body, like that of Manobi, and
this story shows extraordinary courage and perseverance. Through this book she carves the entire
existence of a person who undergoes physical and mental transformation. This story describes the
long traumatic journey of declaration, of claiming of an identity and the agony faced by the soul which
is trapped in a body to which it does not identify or belong to. Vidya’s work clearly explains about the
struggles a trirunangai faces like the previous one. She starts to narrate the incidents of her life from
the phase of her transition, called as nirvana that is becoming a proper transgender. Vidya claims:
“Thank you for removing my maleness from my body; thank you for making my body a female body.
My life is fulfilled. If I die now, I will lose nothing. I can sleep in peace” (Vidya, 8). The beginning of
her narration makes it quite clear that Vidya likewise has to undergone a terrific trauma in order to
make people around her understand that she is a woman. The title of all the 15 chapters of her book
like “Appa, A time for farewell”,“Accept me!,Chatla”, “I Want to live with Pride” etc. by itself explains
and portrays the trauma she has undergone throughout her life. The very thought that the aravani or
transgender belongs to a family makes the family feel below their social status. The words which
Vidya,, uses to explain her Mama’s plight because of her stay in his house is a sample of what the
family members of a transgender feel, “Mama castigates me out of sheer frustration…why do you act
like a woman here? Aren‘t we human, too? Aren’t there people around us? How many questions I
have to answer about you! What insults, what humiliation!” (Vidya,119).
Family members are not ready to accept or tend not to realize the transformation which the soul
undergoes because the society doesn’t identify with it. Vidya’s childhood struggles to maintain her
feminity was even worse. Her father who was a strong dictator gave no room for simple joys and
freedom of childhood. Home was a virtual prison, because of the rigid order his father laid. He thrust
his dreams on Vidya and wanted to make him an IAS officer. “God knows what fears and anxieties
troubled him, but he never allowed me a normal childhood” (Vidya, 16). Vidya at the age of six started
to realize the feminity within her like that of Manobi. She used to enjoy masquerading herself with her
sisters dress and in solitude used to dance to music. She was not interested to be identified as a boy
and did not wish to have the privilege given to her for being a boy. The trauma of not able to come
out from her shell of the male body was haunting her. She started to question, “What’s wrong with
my preference? Why should a boy only wear shirts and trousers? I like skirts and blouses why can’t I
wear them? Why do people find something odd in what comes to me naturally?”(Vidya, 22). The
trauma which the family has created has a great impact in the minds of the transgenders and this is
what Vidya feels. When they are cornered by the society, family becomes their only resort. When that
too becomes a question mark they are left as destitute and this is the situation that troubled Vidya a
lot. “You can bear most of the troubles of life, but to feel orphaned is to feel a huge loss – self-pity is
a strong drug, a venom” (Vidya, 97). They always long for the mental support from their family
members.Vidya after she underwent her nirvana exclaims
“Amma, Amma, I have become a woman. I am not Saravanan any more, I am Vidya,, – a complete
Vidya,,. A whole woman.Where are you, Amma? Can’t you come to me by some miracle, at least for
a moment? Please hold my hand, Amma. My heart seems to be breaking into smithereens. Radha
please Radha, I am no longer your brother, Radha I am your sister now, your sister. Come to me
Radha, Chithi, Maju, Prabha, Appa… Look at me Appa – Look at my dissected body. This is a mere
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body. Can you see that I can bear all this pain? I can take any amount of pain, Appa. Look at me,
Appa Look at me as a woman, accept me as a girl, Appa” (Vidya,9).
The longing that everyone possess including the transgenders to be a part of the family is evident
through Vidya’s screams which comes out of her mind because of her pain and anxiety of being
separated from family and obtaining such a great change within her all alone. Breaking apart,
separation are hard for all, especially when they are isolated from their dear ones. The trauma which
they undergo during Sex Reassignment Surgery,which is legalized in many countries but out of sight
in India, is many folded. There are a very few hospitals which conducts this castration surgery without
approval for a huge amount but without expert doctors. For a tirunangai to undergo this surgery is
very important because they feel that their existing identity either male or female is just an accident.
They want to become one either be it woman or man. If SRS is properly conducted with government
approval and support, the burden of the transgenders would subside to some means. Vidya shares the
way she underwent this surgery, a very scaring experience and it was a life and death moment for her.
There are no safety measures or precautionary steps to help these suffering transgenders. The trauma
which the impact of the surgery gave her was boundless. The castration is conducted by injecting local
anesthesia where no follow up occurs. She was made to lie on a steel cot on which a newspaper was
spread and after the surgery was completed the blood was wiped off and the next patient was called.“I
was not even given a proper bed – just a steel cot with a newspaper spread on it. The surgeon gave
no guaranteed, no counselling… They castrate you while you are watching. Suture in the next few
minutes, clean you with cotton and pack you off to recover ―Next, they call out… The operation is
no different from a procedure performed at the butcher’s shop” (Vidya,, 100).
Her spirit to change her body was her only motivation which made her to bear the pain through the
surgery. “We crave the surgical procedure that will give us bodily likeness of that female identity”
(Vidya, 100).The senior hijra’s are the only nurse who would take care of the people who undergo this
castration. This surgery had a traumatic impact in Vidya making her to fear to undergo any operation
through her life and this is evident from the incident whenVidya hesitates to undergo her appendicitis
operation. “I was so scared of surgery” (Vidya,117). But she was happy in this ordeal of SRS surgery
because the discharge certificate carried the following line “Male to Female operation done in Pune”
(Vidya, 118) the only record which recognized her gender change. Education was a big boon to Vidya
as her father was very keen in educating his son Saravanan. Vidya was also interested in pursuing her
studies, but this did not last long. She who was undergoing a kind of transition within herself and it
was at this time her interest in studies slowly started to erode as she herself declares the reason being
“My innermost thoughts and nature filled with anxiety and fears, I was finding it increasingly difficult
to focus on my studies” (Vidya, 29). Unable to bear the pressure given by her father, she rebelled and
she gained courage at the moment and yelled, “Stop it, Appa! …So far, everything that happened had
been as expected, according to the script Appa had perfected …for years I had suffered Appa’s
violence without a word of protest on that occasion, for the first time, I fought back: I shouted at him
and pushed him hard”(Vidya, 30).
Similar to Manobi, Vidya also had a tendency towards literature and theatre. May be she choose
theater so that she can enjoy her drag queen attitude. She pursued her masters in linguistics and was
very eager to pursue her PhD. In fact she resorted to studies after her traumatic experience in Pune,
because of begging when she joined the hijra community there. When arrangements were made for
her higher studies by her guru, she refused to accept it and instead asked favor to join the theater so
that she can enjoy her female experiences also living within a male shell. The thought that there would
be no one to support her financial needs made her to give up her idea to pursue her higher studies.
She was able to forecast the troubles she would face in her ordeal to win her aim. Many of her friends
and her teacher advised her not to change her identity. They highlighted the plight of the transgender
in the country. They said after gaining her masters where is the need for her to resort in begging or
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sex work. They made her understand that even to identify as one of their friends would spoil
hergrowth. They said that she will be into lot of ridicule, teasing and harassment by the fellow human
beings.
It’s all very well for you to go there regularly... but make sure people don’t find out you are a female...
don’t go there too often…. But most of them are uneducated. When they go out, they exhibit their
femininity quite openly. If you get too close to them people will tease you too (Vidya, 46).
There are many instances in her autobiography where Vidya brings out the perils behind the begging
experience she had in Pune. Vidya who bid farewell and flew to Pune to gather money had just these
options left before her, one is to beg and the other to be sex worker. She was taken care by a senior
Nani who often reminded her that linguistics or theater experience would not help to eke out a living
and insisted that she goes out to beg. The trauma, which all the triunangai’s face, when they are asked
to beg, cannot be expressed as declared by Vidya, “Shame, fear, ego, my education, memories of
awards and rewards and God knows what else made me pull back every time I tried to put my hand
out for alms” (Vidya,92). The impact of such horrible life shattered her hopes and thoughts that she
belonged to this society. The transgenders have a negative idea about the society they live in, as they
are not recognized to lead their life. Their vengeance against the society is obvious from the bitter
truth spitted out by Vidya “...the object of everyone’s ridicule for so long, I came to regard all of
society as something ridiculous – I came to believe that the world was full of mad men, within which
I had to live with my body, my pain, my sorrows”(Vidya, 93). Transgender’s feel that it is because of
the treatment which the society bestows on them that they resort to begging. There is no social
recognition of their identity and the chances for their employability is also very meager.
“When I go out and beg – on the street, in trains, at shops-I consider it my revenge, my claim of
compensation from each and every member of the prevailing society. No longer humiliated, I set out
on my shop-begging campaign with happiness” (Vidya, 93).
The amount of ridicule the transgenders face in their venture to beg has in store lot of fatal accidents
which they had to face with a heavy heart which remains unknown to public who very often laughs at
them and try to shun them. They insult them and at times even hit them “…wasn’t I going through
all this trauma for money?”(Vidya,95).Society has traumatized the entire transgender community.
Vidya, and her friend Prateeksha were not interested in begging as reflected in the autobiography. So
they took up a business. They started to sell petty things in the train. Although they gave way to their
dream to start their own shop but very soon it came down within days. “The problem was obviously
our gender, not the goods we sold. We couldn’t understand the prejudice. What did it matter who sold
the goods, so long as the goods were of acceptable quality and price” (Vidya, 110). The society was
not ready to help them find their own livelihood. This had a great impact on Vidya, and she planned
to return back to her home town. The transgender community is not caste biased and they always
welcome people with an open heart. In the initial stages it would be difficult for the new tirunangai to
accommodate with the rest. The senior tirunangais would always have an upper hand on the new
entrants “... victims turn tormentors overnight. These people who have been marginalized by the
society, insulted, humiliated, even cursed find a semblance of release from their torments by
occasionally taunting others” (Vidya, 70). The senior ones would have overall control of the money
and the whereabouts of the newcomer. The new comer would take up all this with a happy mind as
it’s a great relief for them who are otherwise excluded from their own society and neglected by their
family. After the castration it is these old nanis who take great care of these transgenders. Their
community conduct a welcome function called as Chatla in which a haldi, mehendi is applied on the
new comer as a ritual announcement for the rest of the crowd. It will be conducted and on the same
day a jug of milk will be given to the person and people will accompany the new transgender till the
sea, where the milk will be poured into the sea. Once an aravani joins the group of elderly nani it is
very difficult for them to come out of it, because the senior group often try to benefit from the
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earnings of the newcomers and so they try not to lose them. Vidya, who was not happy with the sales
experience in the train ended up in stepping out of Pune and planned to return to her hometown.
Stepping out was a great deal because the nanis would not permit. The trauma which she underwent
along with fellow transgender was very huge. When a tirunangai went missing, a search party
invariably landed at the railway station. If caught one had to face their raging elders.The enquiry that
followed was quite a harrowing experience. People who were loving all along could turn quite
cruel“and if Nani saw my attempt to leave as an act of betrayal it would spell disaster for me”
(Vidya,114).
Vidya is very much indebted to one of her friend Ilango, with whom she used to enjoy talking
about girls. Being then a boy she dares to attribute her liking for him and even dreams that one day
she might win his love.“Ilango was the man who kindled in me the kind of changes that occur in a
woman at different stages of her development. Ilango was the man who made me feel whole as a
woman” (Vidya, 28). Words like “terror striken”, “scream”, “pain”, “tears”, “complete mess”, “no
strength”, “refuge”, “wet my shorts in fear and shock”, “irritating”, “hand and legs were trembling”,
“self”, “pity”, “scared of being spotted by old acquaintances”, “overcoming fears caused by earlier
experience”, makes the reader clear about the impact of trauma which prevails within a transgender
apart from Manobi and Vidya.The trauma which the protagonist Vidya undergoes when she hears
people calling her as ―Ennada also is true to other people of that order but she writes it so that the
practice comes to an end. The last chapter “I need to live with Pride” highlights the one and half year
of time taken in the mission to change her name in the government records. Through her traumatic
narration one can find her struggle to find a legally enforceable social status for all the tirunangais.
Though there are many NGO’s to take care of them, though the Tamil Nadu government has given
them ration cards, voter id’s, given them seats in elections, accommodated them with proper shelter
the bigger question arises of identifying them and giving them a respectable place within the society.
To what extent the legal procedures are fruitful and effective is still in question. For the transgenders
to get out of this traumatic survival the family and society should act as a great support. Every
individual in this society should welcome the third gender. It should remove the social stigma on the
tirunangai that tirunangai’s are disease-afflicted sex workers. “Hunger: but for that, no tirunangai
would beg on the streets, trains, or market places. They submerge pride and dignity and put their
hands out in supplication, seeking alms, only because all windows of opportunity are closed to them.
It is our tragedy that the world does not understand this simple truth”(Vidya, 137).
It is everyone’s initiative to open the doors of recognition for the transgenders, one should not wait
for the other. Though the present government has recognized them as the third gender yet the
transgenders fear that it is all in papers only and has no real life existence. Vidya through this book
carves the entire existence of a person who undergoes physical and mental transformation and claims
thattransgender women require support of the government, health care professionals, general public
as well as their family members. One need to understand and accept the fact that all humans are
diverse. People have the right to be what they are and what they want to be. For transgender people,
the same holds true. The words of Hartley Coleridge from his poem No Life Vain, would make one
realize the importance of life and its existence in this universe, either it be male, female or a
transgender.
Vidyawho is an MA linguist had to leave everything and travel to Pune to beg and earn as a hijra to
do her Sex Reassignment Surgery as she has got no support from the family. But Manobi was blessed
to have her parents who never disowned her and hence she never had to leave her education and had
to beg. Both these works give a lot of information about the internal and external turmoil and struggle
of transgenders. There are a lot of similarities in the lives ofVidya and Manobi and also with Revathi.
Being a boy they were pampered with pride as the valuable possession of the family. In her
autobiography Vidya says her father was hoping the next baby would be a boy, to make up for two
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girls and the loss of his firstborn son, landing finally at the Vayalur Murugan Temple in Tiruchi, he
vowed to name his next child after Murugan if it was a boy. He would also shave his head in a pious
offering of his locks to the lord.
Vidya shares how she used to be treated specially in the house as she was born as a boy. Her father
never allowed him to do any work and always say that he should just study as he was the male heir of
their family. She was a privileged member of the household like the other two. Of the three children,
she was the one person who didn’t have to do any work at home. That was the unwritten law, she was
the male heir of the family and that was reason enough to exempt her from work of any kind in the
household. She was the sole beneficiary of all the love and affection at home by virtue of a boy.
Likewise, Manobi was also the only son of her parents and her arrival was much celebrated by her
father. Even Manobi’s sisters were so scared of their father just like Vidya’s sisters. Manobi was never
scared of her father as he was never strict with her. She says “was it because I was a boy? You know
how they indulge boys in Indian families”.
The autobiography of A. Revathi begins with a preface, where she clearly mentions the intention
behind writing the book:
As a hijra I get pushed to the fringes of society. Yet I have dared to share my innermost life with you-
-- about being a hijra and also doing sex work [...] My aim is to introduce to the readers the lives of
hijras, their distinct culture, and their dreams and desires [...] I hope now that by publishing my life
story, larger changes can be achieved. I hope this book of mine will make people see that hijras are
capable of more than just begging and sex work. I do not seek sympathy from society or the
government. I seek to show that we hijras do have the rights to live in this society (v-vi).
Born as the youngest sibling in the family of three brothers and a sister, A. Revathi was initially
baptized and named as Doraisamy. Now, while referring to Revathi’s earlier childhood phase as
Doraisamy, one gets perplexed when it comes to the choice of pronouns— whether to use he or she,
his or her, because in the binary system of language there are only these two pronouns available to
point a person, and there is no pronoun such to cater to the need of the so called third gender or the
transgender. This absence of pronoun signifies the fact that the transgender have only an
epistemological existence without any ontological existence. And this absence of ontological existence
is one of the main reasons of their being other and colonized by the heteronormative society.
All of these threetransgenders shares that their change started at a very early age and that their change
started with their love for their sisters printed frocks and skirts rather than drawn towards male
identical things and possessions. They had a deep yearning to be a complete woman and hated their
genitals a lot. They used to wear their sisters’ clothes in secrecy and dance to the tunes of songs. They
loved to watch cinema and the influence of the heroines weremore on them. They used to imitate the
heroines at school and get a good, applaud for their imitating skills. But both of them knew that they
were not imitating but being their self in doing so. They wanted to shout out that they were women
deep inside and hated to be addressed as boys. They also had very deep interests in arts and literature.
Vidya used to work with drama groups and Manobi with dance groups. Even today Vidya is a famous
theatre artist. When they used to act or dance, they preferably chose female characters so that they
can show of their feminity without any fear of being recognized and to satisfy the urge of exhibiting
their true self to all.Revathi in her autobiography narrates multiple incidences to show how
passionately Doraisamy wanted to dress like a woman and how he/she enjoyed playing the role of
female characters on stage during the school annual day celebration or how he/she enjoyed putting
on the “Female disguise” (Revathi 16) during the celebration of the Mariamman festival in their village:
As soon as I got home from school, I would wear my sister’s long skirt and blouse, twist a long towel
around my head and let it trail down my back like a braid. I would then walk as if I was a shy bride,
my eyes to the ground [...]” (Revathi 4). Other quotes which reflect these instances of being drawn
towards a tendency to act like a girl are: “In class, I would sit staring at the girls, taking note of the
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way their braids fell, the intricate knot of their colourful ribbons, the jasmine and kanakambaram they
wore in their hair, and their skirts and blouses. I longed to be like them and suffered that I could not
dress so” (Revathi 6); “I played Chandramathi in Harishchandra. I think I did this exceptionally well,
because everyone praised me saying that I looked and acted like a real woman. This pleased me very
much” (Revathi 9); “In my kurathi’s garb, I could express all those female feelings that I usually have
to suppress and so felt happy... I had not worn a disguise I said to myself; Ihad given form to my real
feelings” (Revathi 14-16). Thus, “dress” being one of the major and perhaps the most important
marker of heteronormative gender distinction, “cross dressing” is regarded as the primary source of
desire fulfilment by the transgender community.

Conclusion and Findings

There are a lot of similarities in Vidya,Manobi and Revathi’s lives. Manobi somewherein her text
opines that “dancing comes naturally to a transgender person”.She thinks dancing and make-up as the
two fields in which transgendered people excel a lot.They always felt happy being recognized as female
but could never take the teasing or harsh comments on their feminity while being within the male
shell. They were very bright in studies and had very bitter experiences in their schools. At different
stages in their lives they had picked up unisex clothes as they hated the male clothing and also “realized
that wearing obviously feminine clothes was a problem” for the society. For them their university days
were the happiest and best as no one minded their sexuality and never taunted them for their feminity.
They worked for press. They always tried to suppress their feminity before others and express
themselves in solitude. They were advised by many, to whom they shared their situation, not to go for
sex reassignment surgery, which is the surgery done by all of these three. But, their urge to establish
their sexuality was of more importance than anything else. As one of them said “the biggest aim of
my life was to establish my sexual identity”. The psychological turmoil they underwent was really
dreadful.
Fearing the society of discrimination and disapproval, and the fear of families’ discontent has put a lot
of stress on them and led them to severe internal trauma. Until they underwent the surgery their life
was a double ride. At points they were confused and troubled with the idea of their own sexuality, but
the feminity in them broke all the doubts and chains and craved to come out of it. They were even
ready to face death in their quest to establish their sexuality. Vidyahad no other option other than
going and joining the transgender community in Pune and begged in the streets and trains to earn the
money for her sex reassignment surgery. Throughout their life as a tirunangai, the trauma that comes
on their way is the result of the discrimination and marginalization received from the society. In the
beginning she had to pawn her self-esteem and education to clap and beg. As she vowed never to be
a sex worker, begging was her only option. “I had butterflies in my stomach. Me, beg at next shop?
...even as my brain told my hand to reach out, the hand refused to obey! Tears were welling up in my
eyes. At that very instant I remembered my MA in linguistics, of all things. I stood there, nervous,
hesitant”. Even her sex reassignment surgery was not a sanctioned procedure or even hygienic and
Vidya says that the operation was a mere butchering of the male genitals. “But it was no operation
theatre, I realized as soon as I entered the tiny room – it was a slaughterhouse.” She says that the walls
of the room allotted for transgenders in the hospital was full with the scribbling of their names on the
wall and it was because that they feared they would die on the operation table. This shows the most
dangerous circumstances transgenders in India go through in an attempt to establish their sexuality to
which the government and the learned dignitaries who can shape the society should give heed to.
Likewise when Doraiswamy for the first time came to know about the existence of people like
him/her, the first and the foremost emphasis was on the fact that they “wore saris” and then the focus
was on the fact that they had “an operation” (Revathi 18). So during the initial years of his/her life, it
is found from reading of the three transgenders experiences that the transgender people cannot help
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but oscillate between the male and female dressing pattern and thereby unavoidably conforms
themselves within either of the two socially approved gender category. And it is this forceful
unavoidable submission of the third gender to the heteronormative dress code and their confusion
involved.
Like Vidya and Manobi, Revathi also met with the hijra community and she also found that the elders
of the hijra community when accepts a newcomer like Doraiswamy for the first time as a chela, it is a
compulsion “that a feminine man offers respect to the sari-clad and earns their goodwill (Revathi 21)”.
So, the “sari-clad” women within the hijra community enjoy a special status of respect. Revathi while
narrating in details the customs and rules of the hijra community also refers to the importance of
dressng to earn respect in that community:
If born a pottai, and when living amongst pottais, it is important that a person pierces her ears and
nose, grows her hair. If you merely wear press-button earrings and a wig, no one really respects you.
Likewise, if you happen to see a man crossing your path, you are expected to make way for him, bend
your head bashfully and make sure that your chest is covered. (Revathi 47).
But life was not better even after their sex reassignment surgery. The society still saw them as an
aberration and taunted them with sneers and comments. Even their families are not left with peace,
but were harassed by the neighbors for having such a child. They had to fight hard with the
governments to change their names and sex in the records. Vidya had to put up a lot of fight to change
her name from Sarvanan to Vidya and Manobi to change her name from Somnath to Manobi and
Doraisamy to Revathi. Added to lingual and sartorial colonization, the transgender community is
miserably colonized economically. In India, the most common sight of a hijra is to see them either
begging in a market place or in a railway station or to see them in groups going for “doli-baddai”.
Now, one would very easily get tempted to accuse and blame the hijra community for choosing the
life of a beggar, but one does never acknowledge the truth that a hijra is never allowed to enter the
main stream economy in whatever form it may be. Such is the social stigma that a hijra can never be
accommodated within an economic circle which would promote their economic independence. It is
not that they are inefficient to carry out jobs other than begging and sex work, but is due to the process
of otherization is which relates to the fact of their being the third gender. Heteronormative society is
tactful enough in perpetuating its hegemonic gender discourse over the third gender community in
the country. And by dealing with these autobiographical texts of the three Indian transgenders, I would
like to draw the attention to the real fact that the experiences that these transgendered figures has
undergone while living in the society and trying to establish an identity of their own is terrific. One is
to realize that transgenders are as normal as any other man and woman. And it should be left to
completely their choice whether they would like to transform themselves to either of the two sex
through surgeries or live to their own natural self of duality. And in this present era of so much of
development all the people of the country should also give one try in letting the third gender people
or the other ones live their life comfortably without taunting them and also bringing the legal rights
and opportunities available to them a real picture apart from being penned down in documents only.
Such a step undertaken in realizing them to enjoy their due rights will be really a heartwarming step.

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