I’m writing this letter to you from the lighthouse, where, for me, was our last heartfelt

kiss we shared. That was a

pivotal moment in our relationship because it was after that that we acknowledged for the first time openly that we
had lost each other. Super cheesy I know but I needed to be here to remind myself of all the chaos, the tears and the
pain we shared. I also wanted to remind myself of why I loved you with all that was in me. With all that I could
possibly give another being. And so here it goes…

I am not sure where in the last two years I had lost perspective of my well-being; certainly after losing Kula and
certainly after losing you. Somehow I stopped living and all I did was we merely exist. And with that existing I had
fallen numb to so many emotions and desires. Passionate seemed like such a far thing and when I realized this, I
wanted to change that.

The hardest pill I had to swallow in the past two years… was to just let things be. Let people go. Don’t fight for
closure. Don’t chase answers and don’t expect an explanation. I’m not really mature enough to deny myself a lot of
those things which would taken years and years to accomplish. But the truth is, we don’t mature with years. We
mature with damage. Those damages can be triggers for us.

I sometimes reframe being triggered as a disconnect. A disconnect between my values and yours; your boundaries
and mine… My growth as well as yours…

It can help put that label on the physicality of the experience and remind me to pause. To acknowledge my inward
experience before jumping in to react. It helps when I consciously choose to maintain a relationship with someone I
have surpassed in healing.

It helps me remember the space between you and I. Between your journey with yourself and my own. Between
accepting you and where you are without letting you take my worth.

Sometimes we love and want to remain in relationships with people we have outgrown. Sometimes the only way to
do this is to meet our triggers a little differently. It is to acknowledge that you represent the disconnect that I am
consciously aware of. The disconnect that I have weighed against a complete cut off.

And so we get to decide, again and again of course, what honors us… and breathe worth back into the space that
was triggered.

Unfortunately we were never able to this and I know now this is not how it really works in life for everyone. I
realize that you don’t get to keep everyone in your life forever. There are some people who are meant to be a sunrise
for you; a light to pull you out of the darkness. There are friends, lovers and relationships that are seasonal. No
matter how deep of a conversation you had with that person at 2am, no matter how much you shared your heart.
Even if you can still draw the lines of their smile like the map of an all too familiar road in the back of your mind;
there almost always comes a time to move on. A Time to let go.. And regardless of the letting go, I just wanted you
to know that you’re always going to feel a little like home to me. No matter how temporary, it is still beautiful that I
got to call your heart my home.

Your chapter in my book is over Omar however It will always be one of my favorites. But I cannot keep rereading it
hoping for a different ending. And so this is my gift to you. I give you the gift of closure. You may not have needed
to hear any of this due your lack of comfort with anything that forces you to face your emotions head-on but I
wanted, no, I needed to do this for me and to let you know that I’m well into my journey of self-healing and I wish
you all the best on yours.

There is nothing I can do other than to leave you and to tell you that I am so sorry that I hurt you and that I have
loved you and still love you deeply and I sincerely wish you all the best and I thank you for everything you have
given me. I realize I need to go now and really wish I could circumvent this raw pain and the sad reality that
heartbreak is heartbreak but I cannot and I can only hope that if we never speak again, one day you’ll look back on
me fondly as someone who didn’t fear the future with you by your side. I’d like to think that you’ll remember me as
somebody who loved you the best I could even if it wasn’t always what you wanted or needed. I’d like to think
you’ll remember me as somebody you could have spent your life with, if only the timing had been right.. if only we
worked for it a little bit harder…

One could try to heal things like our past. That is hard. That requires patience. You can break a person in two
seconds… but it can take forever to fix it. So ask yourself, do you have any idea how love works after us? Lucky for
you I clearly have all the answers so listen up. When you love someone, you love them through all their moods and
changes over time. Their worst qualities peak at nuisance. Their flaws become but tiny scars on their body and you
learn to appreciate those nuances because in reality, it’s what shaped them to be who they are and how you fell in
love with them in the first place...

I really wanted it to be you Omar… So badly.

Until I understood that you didn’t want it to be me.

Goodbye

- MP