ÉCRIVAINE MUSIC AND WRITER HOOD WRITING CONTEST

RATING SHEET

Entry Clarity and Originality Theme Emotional Language Total Comments

no. Coherence and and Genre Depth and Style
(25%) Creativity Alignment (20%) (20%)
(20%) (15%)

1 22 17 13 16 17

I loved how you

used the song
"upuan" which is
very familiar for us
Filipinos. You just
didn't use it for
nothing — but to
compare and
contrast the
situation of
different situations
of people na " na
sa baba at na sa
itaas". And your
piece didn’t stray
from the theme. I
loved how you
used the chair or
“upuan” to show
who holds power
and who gets
ignored. You write
it well, but you can
maybe make it
improve if you
won't apply the
sudden shift. For
example, this
phrase “Sa gitna
ng ulan, tanaw ko
ang sitwasyon ng
Pilipinas. Ganitong
ganito ang
Pilipinas. Walang
pinagkaiba...” I can
 notice that the
shift is powerful,
but it was applied
too suddenly. You
can maybe go
smoother like
adding a reflective
line or two earlier
while describing
the crowd or
discomfort. If
you'll apply this,
the reader doesn't
feel like they were
pulled in a
different direction
too abruptly. And
it can give readers
85 the time to
understand the
context more.

I just noticed some

errors.
First, instead of
“ngumit” sa
pangungusap na
“kala ko
magsisimula na
ngumit
mukhang…” the
right word is
“ngunit”. Second ,
napalitan ng
salitang “lara” ang
“para” sa bahagi
ng “isa’t isa lara
ibigay". I also
noticed the
repetition of the
usage of these
“sakanila” at
“saatin” which is
dapat hiwalay sa
baybay
“sa kanila” at “sa
atin.” which makes
 it informal.

2 23 19 14 18 18 92 The story clearly

shows the theme
“Langit at Lupa:
Paraiso ng
mayaman,
impyerno ng
mahihirap.” I love
how you used
strong images to
show the big gap
between the rich
and the poor like
"from Eladio’s
dirty feet on the
muddy ground,
to the shining
lights at the top
of the tower, and
finally to the
earth opening up
and taking
him."The
symbols are
clear, making
readers help to
understand your
piece.
Some parts of
the story change
too quickly. For
example ,when
Eladio is thinking
to himself and
suddenly the
ghostly child
appears, the shift
feels too fast.
Adding a few
lines in between
could help make
the scene feel
more natural and
easier to follow. I
also loved how
you show the
protagonist's
trauma in your
piece, it touches
 me emotionally.
Minor error.
“Dyanitor” should
be spelled
“janitor.” If you
use "dyanitor" it's
not formal. If you
wanna use
janitor in the
Filipino word, it's
much better to
put " tagalinis"

3 19 17 13 16 15 80 19
17
13
16
15

Your piece
follows a
structure, with a
beginning,
middle, and end.
But, some lines
are hard to
understand due
to grammar
issues and word
choice, which
sometimes
confuses
readers. But
despite that, your
piece still relate
with the them we
gave to you. It
contrast between
rich and poor,
and how power
can be used to
hurt the helpless.
The horror
setting matches
the story's
message.The
tone fits the
theme, but
grammar
mistakes,
 spelling issues.
For example the
“nakakakot”
should be
“nakakatakot”

“pinagtataponan
ng pansin” not
the correct
expression. Use
“pinapansin” or
“pinagtutuunan
ng pansin”

“nang” vs. “ng”

these two are
used incorrectly
in several places.
“bangungot nang
nakaraan” should
be “bangungot
ng nakaraan”
“nagbalot kayo”
should
be“nagbalatkayo”
“tininignan” the
correct spelling is
“tinitingnan”

4 19 17 13 16 15 80 The piece you

wrote is intense,
poetic, and very
imaginative. It
tells the story of
someone who
believes they are
a hero—but in
truth, they are
hiding a dark
past. Your writing
style is dramatic
which can let the
reader feel each
word you wrote,
more like
touching
emotionally. The
message of your
piece shows that
those who build
 their success on
the suffering of
others can never
escape their
guilt.
The piece adheres
to the theme also

5 Your piece tells

a very clear story
of struggle,
frustration, and
anger. It’s good,
yet because of
some a few
sentences, the
same thoughts
move quickly and
there are maybe
some word you
can remove.
Like, some
sentences are
but long and
repeat the same
thoughts and
ideas. If you do
this, you can
keep the emotion
the reader felt
while reading
your piece. The
piece fits the
theme we gave
as well. Your
piece shows the
contrast between
poor and rich
and the injustice
of the system,
and the pain of
being at the
bottom. “Langit
at Lupa” is not
just mentioned—
it’s felt in every
paragraph.
There’s also a
missing
punctuation
 mark. And lastly,
you jump from
one character to
the next (Magda
→ Lian → Tonio)
happen quickly. I
suggest you
consider adding
short linking
sentences to
make the switch
smoother, it can
avoid confusion.

6 Your plot is
understandable
but hindered by
grammar,
spelling, and
structure issues.
Your piece
adheres with our
theme. I can
show the
emotion inside
your piece, yet i
seek for more
deep reflection
as well. You
delivered the
story but some
errors make it
confusing. The
following are the
errors I saw while
reading your
piece. Also I
noticed that
you're more
focused on
graphic details
more than
emotional
consequences,
much better to
consider it as
well.

Consider adding
internal reflection
or aftermath to
add
psychological
depth.

Spelling and
Word Usage
"ma bisto" -
should be
“mabisto” (one
word)
"ngayo[n]" / “nag
tatrabaho” /
“nagka mali” /
“mag sumbong” /
“magbibilang
nanaman” -
should be:
“ngayon,”
“nagtatrabaho,”
“nagkamali,”
“magsumbong,”
and “magbibilang
na naman”
"pisnge" - should
be “pisngi”
"tyaka" - should
be “tsaka”
"pag sagot ko" -
should be
“pagsagot ko”
"skwelahan" -
preferred form is
“paaralan” in
formal writing

Capitalization
and Punctuation
'‘takbo’— sabi ng
aking isip”
should be
-“‘Takbo,’ sabi ng
aking isip.”

“malalim na ang
gabi…”, “wala
akong kamalay-
malay…” -
capitalize at the
beginning of
 sentences.

Since the writing

contest is a
formal contest,
much better to
use the
appropriate
words.
Words like
“manyakol”,
“gago” (if used),
“panggapan”
may fit the voice.

7 Your piece
doesn’t give easy
answers—
because there
aren’t any. It
beautifully
captures conflict
of someone
stuck between
loyalty to family
and responsibility
to community.
And by ending in
emotional, your
piece it reflects
the very real
burdens of
conscience in a
corrupt world.
The way you put
the thought of
"betrayal for the
same of people"
shows the
message that "
we can't
celebrate justice
without
acknowledging
its cost. If we talk
about emotion, I
can see a
different one—
shame, anger,
guilt and also
 seeking for a
world with
fairness and
justice. But
expanding the
inner conflict
might as well
push the reader's
emotional weight
further. As I read
your piece, I
noticed

“masiyado”
(should be
“masyado”)
“pagba-bago”
(should be
“pagbabago”)
and “lukal”
(should be
“lokal”) it'll help
you use the
formal wordings
since wricon is a
formal one.
“nag simula,”
“nag mamasid”
should be
properly joined
it should be
“nagsimula,”
“nagmamasid

8 This story shows

how the poor
suffer while the
rich stay powerful
and safe.
(gasera) is a
strong symbol-it
gives light, but
it's weak and
almost running
out. Just like the
family's hope.
Each family
member goes
through pain, like
the mother is
abused, the
father is jailed
unfairly, the sister
is used, the
brother is killed,
and the speaker
is left to witness
it all. That plot
alone can send
the reader's to
experience
different emotion.
It can make us
angry and sad at
the same time.
It connects very
well with the
theme "Langit at
Lupa: Paraiso ng
mayaman,
impyerno ng
mahihirap."
While the rich
live like royalty,
the poor are left
to suffer, beg,
and die. This
story doesn't ask
for pity-it
demands justice.
You made good
imagery but you
forgot the proper
words, which can
cause some
errors. I'll just list
it down.“parin” →
should be “pa
rin”

“pedro” should
be “Pedro”

“ngako” should
be “pangako”

“malayamg” typo:
should be
“malayang”
 "Nasaan ba si
inay?” → should
be “Nasaan ba si
Inay?”

Don't forget the

proper use of the
punctuation mark
and
capitalization.

9 This piece is a
powerful cry for
justice. The
character keeps
knocking—
literally and
symbolically—
asking those in
power to listen to
the suffering of
the poor. But
instead of
compassion,
they receive
silence. It speaks
about being
ignored for so
long that you
start to lose your
own voice—until
you become part
of the same
system that once
rejected you. I
love the plot twist
where
the ending flips
the story—the
character, now
inside the
mansion, has
become the one
who doesn’t
respond to the cry
outside. It shows
how power can
change people,
and how suffering
becomes a cycle
 that repeats if no
one breaks it. The
line “Langit ng
mayaman, pader
lang ng impyerno
ng mahirap” is
especially strong—
it says that what
looks like paradise
for some is built
on the pain of
others. Your piece
isn't just a piece,
but a word that
touches human
emotion on a
different level.

10 This story is told

through the
innocent and
confused voice
of a child. At first,
it sounds like a
memory full of
longing and
childlike
questions, but as
it goes on, the
story reveals a
darker
The ending
suggests a
psychiatric
diagnosis
(“schizophrenia”),
but what lingers
more is the pain
of being
unheard,
dismissed, and
left to suffer
alone—even by
loved ones. The
powerful final
line, “Hindi
naman ako baliw,
hindi ba?” cuts
deeply.
 It perfectly
connects with the
theme “Langit at
Lupa: Paraiso ng
mayaman,
impyerno ng
mahihirap.” Here,
“langit” is not a
reward—it’s a
false promise
used to silence
suffering. Real
heaven and hell
are not in the
afterlife, but in
how people use
status and
survival to hide
painful truths. I
love that imagery
you made!
There are just
some error I
noticed

“ang puso ko’y

nanlalamig.” –
add a comma
before “ang” or
use a dash for
pause.

11

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