Topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian
men and women in different age groups who did regular
physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by
selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
Overall Band Score:
3.5
Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.
Grammar Mistakes:
36
Vocabulary Repetition:
active: 5
female: 4
tennagers: 4
excercise: 3
----Corrected Writing----
Original Corrected
The bar chart illustrates about the The bar chart illustrates the percentage
percentage of Australian men and of Australian men and women in various
women in various age groups who did age groups who did regular physical
regular plysical excercise in 2011. exercise in 2011.
Overall, I can see that the lowest number Overall, I can see that the lowest number
was for male at the age of (35 to 44) and was for males at the age of (35 to 44),
they did the lowest percent excercise. and they did the lowest percentage of
One the other hand, the age of (45 to 54) exercise. On the other hand, females
of female did the highest physical aged (45 to 54) did the highest amount
excercise from the given chart. of physical exercise, according to the
given chart.
First of all, I can see that male are too
active when their age was (15 to 24) but First of all, I can see that males were
gradually it decreased from 52.8 to 39.5 very active when they were aged (15 to
percent at the age of (35 to 44). But it 24), but gradually, this decreased from
was increased again to 46.7 (age 65 and 52.8 to 39.5 percent at the age of (35 to
over). The tennagers and older male 44). But it increased again to 46.7
were drastically active but the younger percent (age 65 and over). Teenagers
male were not active as like the other and older males were drastically more
group of male. active, but younger males were not as
active as the other groups of males.
From the given time frame, female
tennagers were not active as like male From the given time frame, female
tennagers. From the bar chat, we can teenagers were not as active as male
also see that young female were to teenagers. From the bar chart, we can
active than group of female like also see that young females were more
tennagers and older . active than groups of females such as
teenagers and older women.
Word Count: 172
Word Count: 173
----Feedback----
Task Response Coherence & Lexical Resource Grammatical
Cohesion Range &
Accuracy
4 3 4 3
The report only The report's The range of The report contains
partially addresses message is vocabulary is numerous
the task by somewhat difficult limited, and some grammatical errors
summarizing some to follow due to words are used that significantly
of the main grammatical errors inappropriately or affect coherence
features but not and unclear inaccurately. More and accuracy. A
making sufficient organization. precise and wider range of
comparisons. Paragraphing could sophisticated grammatical
There are also be improved to language is structures and
some inaccuracies enhance clarity and needed. improved accuracy
in the data flow. are required.
reported.
