Love Has 5 Stages
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ScribdTranslationsLovehas5phases,butcouplesgiveuphalfway.
In phase 3, couples think that love is over, but in fact, it is just the beginning of a deeper relationship.
real and lasting, according to the expert
Just like us, thelovealso transforms over time. It is what the
Psychologist Jed Diamond defined, in an article for the MenAlive website, the five phases of love.
the problem is that, according to the expert, most people give up during the third
stage of the relationship.
Learn what these phases are and how they work:
1st phase - Passion
This is the most engaging part of therelationship. It's so wonderful because we stay
flooded with 'love hormones' like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and
"estrogen," Diamond reports. These substances are responsible for causing a great sensation
of well-being in the couple.
2nd phase - Commitment
At this moment, the relationship gains a sense of solidity and calmness. The ties become
they strengthen, you start to form your own family in some cases. "We feel
insurance, we care for and appreciate one another. We become close and protect each other. We think
he explains that this is the final stage of love and we hope it lasts forever.
3rd phase - Disillusion
There comes a moment when most relationships come to an end. It can arise in a way
abruptly or gradually, but it turns small problems into big irritations, taking up space
the happiness that used to take over the couple's routine. "It's the phase in which our body, mind and
soul but they get sick. We wonder where the person we once loved has gone.
We wish for the love we once had, but we do not know where it went or how to recover it.
tell the psychologist.
On the other hand, other couples take this moment to learn to appreciate even more.
but the person next to them, free from projections and unrealistic expectations of the ideal partner.
4th phase-Immoral
Already in this period, after overcoming great difficulties in the previous phase, the relationship gains
more strength. The couple realizes that the love they feel is much greater than they imagined. The
complicity becomes even stronger. "As we better understand and accept our partner,
we can learn to love ourselves more deeply each time,
5th phase - Transformation
Finally, the couple enters a state of fulfillment, leaving no room for
concerns. They know that united they can go further. They understand that everything they have lived for
if we can apply it to the transformation of the world in which we live.
learning to overcome our differences and find a real and lasting love in our
relationships, maybe we can work together to find real and lasting love in
world," emphasizes Diamond.
Psychological study identifies what makes a marriage last
An American study analyzed the behavior of 130 couples and investigated what they did.
those who stayed married and happy even after decades
What is the difference between lasting marriages, with couples living happily for decades, and
those who fall into crisis hardly appear at the first difficulties? This question has motivated countless
researchers and although it is difficult to determine exactly what the factors are that determine a
happy marriage, it is already possible to point out some answers.
After almost three decades of research, the American psychologist John Gottman believes
to have reached the key point that differentiates happy marriages from those that fail. To reach the result,
Gottman and other researchers began to investigate the behavior of couples by assessing how they
they answered questions related to how they had met, positive memories, and conflicts
lived, monitoring basic vital functions such as heart rate, blood pressure, and sweat.
After six years, the couples were contacted again and the researchers found that part
they continued married and happy, but another part had already separated or was experiencing a marriage
unhappy. Researchers identified that couples with problems were precisely those who had
presented more active physiological responses during the tests six years ago.
Tranquility
This showed that the more stressful it was for the couple to stand side by side and talk about the
relationship, even when it was about positive things, the more chances they had to have
misunderstandings. As for those who continued to be happy, they had shown low levels of arousal in the test, the
which resulted in a calmer and more confident behavior from the husband and wife.
In another study, 130 newlywed couples were invited to spend a day in a
laboratory that recreated typical home environments. In the laboratory, the couples had to do what
they would normally do at their own homes, like cooking, chatting, cleaning. Throughout the day, each
spouse made small comments trying to get the attention of the husband or wife. Some responded to the
comments with intimacy, showing interest and support for the spouse, but others simply
they ignored or responded by criticizing their partner.
After a few years, the couples who had shown greater complicity in the test continued
together and happy, while those who showed disinterest in responding to their spouses were
separated or with the marriage in crisis.
Errors
Based on this data, Gottman concluded that among the factors that make a marriage last
there is kindness and generosity between the spouses.
Couples that fail, explains Gottman, tend to focus more on each other's mistakes.
partner, what materializes in attitudes of criticism, indifference, distrust, and contempt
by the spouse. It's as if everything the other person is ends up being reduced to their mistakes and flaws.
In happy marriages, husband and wife are generous with each other, which is not
means a passive or blind attitude toward potential mistakes, but rather that the criticisms are
always guided by respect and the desire for the other to improve. In addition, there is interest and
desire for gratitude for the other.
Kindness
When one spouse is not interested in the other - for example, by ignoring them or giving
too cold responses - it is paving the way for one of the biggest factors that leads marriage to a crisis,
says Gottman.
For the researcher, the stability of a marriage is directly linked to the ability to
each spouse feels loved and cared for by the other. And for that, it is necessary for the husband or wife to have a
attitude of continuous kindness, manifested through respect, affection, attention, interest, and goodwill in
relationship with the partner.
He explains that although some may see kindness as a fixed trait of temperament
a person can also be understood as a muscle, capable of being exercised and developed
continuously. And that's what couples should do: exercise kindness towards each other daily.
partners.