Practical Guides: Negotiation, Limits, Scene Planning, and

Emergency Prep
Now that we’ve covered concepts and safety, let’s get practical. This section provides concrete
tools and templates to help you negotiate and plan your BDSM activities effectively. Think of it
as your kink toolkit for success and safety. We’ll walk through creating a Negotiation
Worksheet, filling out a Limits Checklist, planning the beats of a scene, making an Aftercare
Plan, and even preparing an Emergency Card/Plan in case things go wrong. These guides help
ensure nothing important is overlooked when you’re caught up in excitement. Feel free to
adapt them to your needs – they are flexible frameworks.

Negotiation Worksheet
Before engaging in play, especially with a new partner or doing a new activity, it helps to
organize your thoughts and discussion points in a negotiation worksheet. This can be a literal
paper you fill out or just a mental checklist. Here’s an example outline of what to cover:
 Participants & Roles: Who will be involved in the scene? (Just you two, or a third
person, etc.) Who is Topping and who is bottoming? Any switch of roles expected during
play?
 Date/Time/Location: When and where will this happen? (Important for planning
privacy, equipment, etc.)
 Objectives/Desires: What do each of you want from this scene? This can be general (“I
want to feel helpless and cared for”; “I want to sadistically make you moan”) and
specific (“I’d love if you used that leather flogger on me” or “I want you to call me dirty
names”). Stating intentions helps align expectations.
 Hard Limits: Each person should list things that are absolutely off the table. This could
be specific acts (e.g. no face slapping, no anal, no needles), or categorial (no verbal
degradation about my weight, no catholic religious roleplay, etc.), or physical (do not
touch a certain old injury scar). Hard limits are non-negotiable – they will not happen,
period.
 Soft Limits/Maybes: These are things you’re unsure about or will only do under certain
conditions. For instance, “Light biting is okay but no breaking skin,” or “I’m new to
caning, we can try a few strokes but go easy and I’ll Yellow if it’s too much.” Or “I might
be okay being called a ‘slut’, but not other insults.” This category is all about context and
caution – you might allow more once trust is built. List them so your partner knows to
be careful or check in.
 Health Issues: As discussed in Safety: note any medical or psychological conditions, even
minor ones, that are relevant. Allergies (e.g. allergic to latex – so no latex gloves!).
Physical constraints (bad knee – so no kneeling for a long time; low blood sugar – keep
juice handy). Mental triggers (claustrophobic – so maybe avoid hoods). Also mention
recent things: e.g. if you’re extremely stressed or haven’t slept, maybe heavy play
should wait – don’t push your body when it’s run down.
 Safeword/Safe Signals: Confirm what words or signals you’ll use for stop (Red) and slow
(Yellow). If gagged, confirm the non-verbal safeword (e.g. hand squeeze or bell drop).
 Intensity Level & Tolerance: Discuss how intense you want to go. Pain tolerance, for
example: do you want a light, medium, or heavy intensity scene? Using a 1-10 scale can
help: “I’d like caning at about a 3/10 intensity for me.” This is subjective, but gives a
gauge. For emotional intensity, similarly, e.g. “If doing degradation, keep it mild –
maybe a 4/10 – and definitely nothing that would genuinely hurt me psychologically.”
 Specific Activities and Order: Outline what activities are in play and roughly in what
order or context. Is there bondage? What kind (rope, cuffs)? Is there impact (hand
spanking, flogger, paddle)? Any sexual contact (oral, penetrative sex)? Sensation play
(wax, ice, Wartenberg pinwheel)? Role-play elements (who are you each pretending to
be, any scenario or dirty talk style)? It helps to sort out who will bring what gear. Also
mention any special conditions (“I want to be blindfolded” or “I prefer to keep my
underwear on”).
 Duration: How long do you intend the scene to last? Some things, like rope suspension,
can only be done for short periods safely. Impact can be exhausting after a while. You
don’t need an exact time, but a ballpark (“maybe an hour or so of active play”). Also
consider logistics like – if you’re doing wax, do you need time after for wax removal; if
doing complex rope, time to untie.
 Role of Sex & Orgasms: Clarify if this scene will involve sexual stimulation or not. BDSM
is not always tied to sex – some scenes are strictly sensation/power without any genital
contact. Make sure expectations align: e.g. a submissive might assume intercourse is
coming as the finale, but the Dominant might have intended not to do any sex that day.
Also, discuss orgasm control: Is the sub allowed to climax? Does the Dom want to be the
one to permit it? Or maybe it’s explicitly not about orgasm at all. If you’re fluid-bonded
or using condoms, have those ready. Also mention if either of you typically experiences
a mood drop right after orgasm (because if so, you might time orgasm at the end of the
scene).
 Aftercare Preferences: Very important – ask each other what kind of aftercare you
would like. Does the sub want to be held quietly? Need some Gatorade and a stuffy?
Does the Dom maybe want a back rub or just chill together? Decide if you’ll need any
supplies (blanket, favorite snack, cigarettes, whatever helps). Also mention if you have a
time constraint after – for instance, “I have to leave by 11pm”. If that’s the case, you
might plan the scene to end by 10:30 to allow at least 30 min of aftercare, for example.
Rushing out immediately after a heavy scene isn’t ideal, so plan accordingly.
 Contingencies: Discuss “what ifs.” For example, if you’re doing knife play and
accidentally there’s a cut, what’s the plan? (Have first aid kit ready.) If the doorbell rings
or an interruption happens, how will you handle it? If one of you safewords, do you
want to fully stop and then do aftercare, or perhaps just change the activity? Some
negotiate that a safeword might mean switch to a different type of play if the bottom is
okay with that, versus full stop – but generally Red is stop everything. Yellow might be
used to say “not that implement, try something else.” Set expectations.
  Privacy and Confidentiality: If one of you is very private about kink, mention if there are
any notes on what you are comfortable telling others. E.g. if you got bruises, is it okay if
you show them to a friend? Or perhaps not. If you might take any photos (some people
like to capture their rope harness or marks after), get clear consent on that and what
will be done with the photos (best practice: assume any sexy photos are for personal
use only, not to be shared publicly unless explicitly agreed). Also, if playing in semi-
public (like at a dungeon), confirm you’re both okay with onlookers or if you prefer a
more secluded spot.
This might seem like a lot to discuss, but in practice, once you’ve done it a few times, it flows
naturally and can be done fairly quickly. Writing it down once in a worksheet can help you
internalize it for future negotiations. It’s especially important when you don’t know the partner
well – never assume they have the same definitions or expectations as you. One person’s
“spanking” might mean light fun swats, another’s might mean a bruising beating – so you can
see where miscommunication can really cause trouble. Negotiation is prevention.
Some people use ready-made scene negotiation forms (you can find templates in books or
online). You can also check out resources like the “Getting into the BDSM Community” PDF by
local groups (for example, the Pittsburgh Bridge group offers downloadable guides for
newcomers including negotiation and FAQs). These can inspire you on what to ask.
Remember, negotiation is ongoing. It’s okay to renegotiate or adjust things on the fly if both
agree (like mid-scene, perhaps something feels so good you want more of it, or you decide
you’re comfortable doing an act you initially put as “maybe” – you can voice that: “Hey, I’d
actually like to try X now, is that okay?”). Consent can also be withdrawn – e.g. maybe you said
you’re fine with cane strokes, but after a few you realize “Nope, actually this is a hard limit
now” – you communicate that change (“Red on the caning”). The worksheet isn’t a binding
contract; it’s a roadmap to best mutual understanding. But the journey can still have detours or
pit stops by mutual consent.

Limits Checklist (Hard/Soft/Curious)

A Limits Checklist is closely related to negotiation, but it’s often a more comprehensive list of
activities to categorize as your personal hard no / soft no / yes. It can be a private thing you fill
out and then share with a partner, or something you do together. The idea is to go through a
list of potential kinks and mark your comfort level: - Yes/Enthusiastic (Green): Definitely into it
or at least willing and excited to try. - Maybe/Conditional (Yellow): Possibly, under the right
circumstances or with caution. (This is often what we call soft limits. You might require more
trust, or certain safety measures, or limited intensity.) - No (Red): Not into it, do not want to do
this (hard limit).
Some lists also include a column for “Curious” or “fantasy only”, meaning you don’t want it in
reality but enjoy thinking about it – that can be good to communicate too so a partner doesn’t
act on an offhand “that sounds hot” if you meant “only in my imagination.”
You can find extensive BDSM checklists online – some have hundreds of line items (from “foot
worship” to “vacuum bed” to “gun play”). It’s okay to not have an opinion on everything when
you’re new. Typically: - Mark anything you know you have a strong reaction to (yes or no). - For
unknown things, maybe leave them blank or mark “curious” if it intrigued you in description.
Over time, update your list. Limits can change (both expand or contract) as you explore. Revisit
with partners periodically, especially in a long-term dynamic.
For quick reference, here’s a short sample of what might appear on a checklist:
Bondage & Discipline: Rope bondage; Metal handcuffs; Leather restraints; Gags (ball gag, cloth
gag, etc.); Blindfolds; Spanking (hand); Paddling; Caning; Flogging; Crops; Tickling; Sensory
deprivation (hoods, earplugs).
Dominance/Submission: Protocol & rules (outside scenes); Serving as furniture/object;
Begging/commands; Honorifics (calling someone Master/Mistress, etc.); Verbal humiliation
(mild name-calling vs. intense degradation); Worship (foot worship, boot-licking); Domestic
service (cleaning, chores in a D/s way).
Sado-Masochism & Sensation: Biting; Scratching; Hot wax; Ice/cold; Electrical play (TENS unit,
violet wand); Knife play (no cutting, just sensation); Cutting (actual shallow cutting); Needles
(piercing play); Breath play (choking, smothering); Water (e.g. dunking head in water,
waterboarding simulation – extreme!); Fire play (flames on skin briefly); Fisting; Clamps (nipple
clamps, clothespins on skin); Genital torture (CBT for penis/testicles, or labia clamps).
Sexual activities: Oral sex (giving/receiving); Vaginal intercourse; Anal intercourse; Use of sex
toys (dildos, vibrators, etc.); Group sex (3+ participants); Switching (willing to swap roles);
Chastity devices; Orgasm control/denial; Latex fetish clothing; Cross-dressing; Age-play
(roleplaying different ages); Pet-play (puppy/kitten roleplay); Voyeurism (being watched);
Exhibitionism (performing sexual acts in front of others consensually).
Other fetishes: (these can be myriad) Foot fetish; Medical scenes (doctor/nurse exam roleplay);
Enemas; Pregnancy fetish; Dollification; Sissification; Cuckolding (seeing partner with someone
else); etc.
And “Recording/Photos” – are you comfortable with being recorded during play? Some have
that kink, some are a hard NO due to privacy.
As you fill this, identify which are Hard Limits clearly. Those are the ones to absolutely
communicate to any potential partner before you play. You may even put “hard limit” in writing
in a contract or your profile bio to deter those who seek it. For instance, many people’s profiles
say something like “Hard limits: no race play, no scat, no permanent marks, no minors/animals
(of course).”
Soft limits are more like “not now, maybe later” or “only in certain contexts.” For example,
“Anal sex is a soft limit – I’m not comfortable with it generally, but maybe if we become very
close I’d consider it” or “I’ll accept a single-tail whip but only if you’re very experienced and it’s
a light session; otherwise no.” Communicating soft limits is good because it tells the Dom “we
need caution here” and perhaps can work toward it with care.
Curious items: If you mark something curious or “I think I might like it but never tried,” that’s a
great conversation starter: “Oh, you said maybe to electro-play – want me to tell you what it’s
like from my experience?” or “We could experiment lightly with a violet wand at the next party
if you’re curious.” You might find new mutual interests this way.
Keep it Updated & Share: If you have a written checklist, consider giving a copy to your partner
and get a copy of theirs. This can serve almost like a map of overlapping yeses to focus on, and
clearly demarcated no’s to avoid. It’s not uncommon at big events or when dating online to
share a checklist early on – it saves time if, for instance, one person’s main kink is the other’s
absolute Hell No. (E.g. if someone is a dedicated sadist and the other hates pain across the
board, they may not be compatible; better to know early.)
Lastly, respect the limits you’re given. If your partner’s list says “no degradation, no anal,” then
even in the heat of the moment do not go there. Pushing a soft limit slightly with prior
discussion (“You marked caning as maybe – would you be up for trying 2 light cane strokes
tonight and you can yellow if it’s too much?”) can be acceptable if they agree in advance. But
ignoring a hard limit is a consent violation. Limits can sometimes evolve, but only the person
whose limit it is can decide to change it, and they should never be pressured. In essence: Your
partner’s no’s are gospel. And likewise, they should treat yours the same.

Scene Planning Tool

A Scene Planning Tool is about choreographing the encounter – structuring it so it flows well
and hits the beats you want. While spontaneity is fine, a little planning can improve a scene’s
quality, especially if it’s complex or your first time doing something. Here’s how to map out a
scene:
 Setup: Think through the environment and materials. What atmosphere do you want?
Dim lights, some music (maybe sensual or dark ambient sounds to set mood)? Do you
need to pre-position furniture (a sturdy chair for over-the-knee spanking, or hardpoints
for rope bondage)? Lay out the toys you’ll use on a table for easy reach. Maybe have a
bucket for used toys or messy items. Also consider temperature – if someone will be
naked and immobilized for a while, make sure the room is warm enough or you have a
heater, etc.
 Start (Beginning of Scene): Many scenes have a ritual or clear start to signal “we’re
beginning the power exchange now.” For example, the Dom might say, “Kneel, and
present your collar to me.” Or the Top simply asks, “Ready?” and on yes, begins tying
the rope. Decide how you want to enter headspace. Some people like to start with eye
contact and perhaps reciting a phrase (sub: “I am here to serve you, Mistress”). Others
just jump in physically (a make-out that turns into rougher play).
 Warm-Up: Just like exercise, a warm-up in BDSM is wise. If it’s an impact scene, start
with lighter strokes to get the skin warmed and endorphins flowing rather than hitting
full-force initially. If it’s a D/s scene, maybe start with some gentle commands or light
 bondage to ease the sub into submission mindset. This phase can be arousing and
anticipatory – teasing, slowly building intensity. It also gives both of you a chance to
gauge comfort: you’ll notice early if something is off (like equipment issue or maybe the
sub isn’t as into something, they can communicate before it gets heavy).
 Climax (Peak of Scene): Not necessarily a sexual climax (though it could coincide), but
the point of highest intensity of your planned activities. For a flogging scene, maybe it’s
when the hardest strokes are delivered. For a humiliation scene, perhaps the moment
the sub is groveling and emotionally raw. For rope, perhaps when the person is fully
suspended, the pain or strain is at their max they can handle. You don’t have to script it
moment-by-moment, but have a sense of building towards a peak. It can be one peak or
multiple waves. Keep communication in mind here – watch body language, breathing,
and use those safe words if needed to calibrate this peak intensity.
 Transitions: Scenes often involve moving from one activity to another (e.g. from
spanking on a cross to moving the sub onto a table for wax play). Plan how to transition
smoothly. This might include temporarily pausing to reposition or re-tie ropes. It’s fine
to break role to ensure physical safety (“I’m lifting you down now, hold on to me”), then
resume roles. Having the next implement or item ready to go helps avoid long awkward
gaps that break immersion. If you do need a short break (for a bathroom run or water),
that’s okay too; just make it part of the flow – maybe incorporate it as a Dom’s order:
“I’m going to give you a minute on your knees here while I go fetch some ice…” – then
the sub doesn’t feel abandoned, it’s part of the plan.
 Ending/Cool-Down: A scene shouldn’t just stop abruptly without closure (unless of
course a safeword had to end it, in which case you switch to aftercare mode). Plan an
end signal or moment. Some Doms like to push the sub to an orchestrated climax (literal
orgasm or metaphorical emotional catharsis) and use that as the conclusion. Others
have a ritual like removing the collar and saying, “Good job, we’re done now.” A gradual
wind-down is nice: if you had heavy impact, maybe end with very soft caresses on the
area, then gently untie/unrestrain the person, help them come back to reality by
speaking softly or giving reassuring contact. You might have a final phrase like “It’s over,
you did so well.” Think about what you need as well – maybe you as Top like to end by
hugging them and having them thank you or vice versa. It could even end in humor –
some couples have a silly codeword to snap out of role (like one says “Banana
pancakes” and you both laugh, scene over). The key is to not leave one person hanging
in a vulnerable state unsure if things are concluded.
 Clean-Up: Often overlooked in planning – but when you’re basking in afterglow or
exhaustion, the last thing you want is to realize you have a huge mess or complicated
rope knots to undo. Try to minimize mid-scene mess (have a trash can or towel ready
for wax drippings, etc.). After the scene, once you’re both feeling a bit recovered
(maybe after initial aftercare cuddles), take time to clean up together if possible. It can
even be a nice part of aftercare – coiling rope, wiping down toys with disinfectant, etc.,
can be grounding. If one is too drained to help, the other can do basics and leave the
rest for later – but at least ensure anything that could stain or cause an issue (like
 melted wax on the rug or uncleanable fluids on toys) is dealt with. Have a plan for any
first aid needed (bandage that one scratch, etc.).
Role-play and Dialogue: If you are incorporating scripted elements or roleplay (say a scene
where one is teacher/student, or a consensual non-consent play where the sub pretends to
resist), it’s actually a good idea to discuss or loosely script a few lines or key moments. Nothing
kills a hot scene like misreading the role-play. For example, if doing a CNC ravishment scene,
perhaps the sub would like to hear certain threatening phrases but absolutely cannot handle
others (e.g. “Don’t you fight me” might be sexy to them, but “I’m going to kill you” might trigger
real panic). So if there are lines or tone you want, mention it while planning. You can even have
a cue that signals the “non-consent” play is starting, like the sub says “Oh no, please don’t” in a
certain tone you both recognize as role-play, not real distress. This goes back to negotiation,
but in scene planning you integrate it: “At this point, I’ll start the role-play where I act like I
‘caught’ you breaking the rules, and you can protest. Remember, I’ll take anything you say in
role (no, stop, etc.) with a grain of salt unless I hear the safeword.”
Emergencies: We will cover in the next sub-section, but as part of scene planning, identify what
could go wrong and have answers ready. If you’re doing bondage, have safety shears on your
person (not across the room) so you can cut rope in seconds if needed. If doing fire, have an
extinguisher or wet towel. If doing breathplay (again, extremely risky), do you know CPR? If not,
perhaps don’t do it. For medical scenes, keep disinfectant and a phone nearby in case.
Mental check mid-scene: Plan to incorporate quick check-ins if the scene is long or intense. It
doesn’t break mood too much for a Dom to quickly whisper, “Color?” and the sub to reply
“Green” (meaning all good). Or you can gauge non-verbals, but in a new relationship, explicit
check is safer. A more subtle approach is asking a commanded question: “Who do you belong
to?” – if the sub can still answer clearly, they’re likely okay; if they’re disoriented or
unresponsive, might need a pause.
Example Plan: Let’s illustrate a simple scene plan: A spanking scene with light humiliation.
 Setup: Bedroom, playing some low music. Laid out: leather paddle, blindfold, gag, bottle
of water, and lotion for afterward. Safe word is Red, safe signal is “snap fingers” (since
gag will be used briefly).
 Start: Dom leads sub into room by hand, begins in normal voice confirming “Ready,
baby?” Sub says yes. Dom then switches to stern persona, tells sub to strip and stand in
corner for a minute (build anticipation).
 Warm-up: Dom takes sub over knee on the bed, starts hand spanking over underwear
lightly, gradually increasing force. Some light scolding role-play (“You’ve been very
naughty, haven’t you?” and sub responds).
 Transition: Pull down underwear, rub butt soothingly, then put blindfold on sub and
have them lie face-down on pillows.
 Mid-scene/Climax: Use paddle for harder smacks, intermix with degrading phrases
(negotiated as okay: calling sub “my little slut”, etc.). Sub starts whimpering but also
 saying “green” or otherwise clearly still in good zone. Perhaps sub is allowed to
masturbate while being spanked toward the end, leading to orgasm – which is the apex.
 End: After orgasm or when marks are sufficiently raised, the Dom slows down, last few
very soft pats. Removes blindfold. Both are breathing heavy; Dom says “It’s over, good
girl.” They hug on the bed.
 Aftercare begins: Dom already has water handy, gives sub a sip, and wraps a blanket
around them. Gentle cuddles, maybe applies lotion to rubbed skin. They relax together
and share how they feel.
This took planning but flows naturally when done.
Of course, you don’t have to micro-plan everything – but thinking it through reduces
awkwardness (“uh what now?” moments) and safety risks. With time, you may internalize a lot
of this and improvise beautifully. But especially for new players, planning is your friend. It also
builds confidence – you can go into the scene feeling prepared, which reduces anxiety and frees
you to enjoy.

Aftercare Planning Template

We discussed aftercare in Roles & Dynamics, but let’s formalize how to plan it. An Aftercare
Plan ensures that right after a scene, you have what you need to recover well. Here’s a
template of factors to consider when making an aftercare plan with your partner:
 Immediate Physical Needs:
 Comfort Items: e.g. blanket, robe, fuzzy socks if the sub gets cold. Maybe a favorite
stuffed animal or pillow if that’s comforting.
 Drinks & Snacks: Water is a must. Sports drink or juice if prone to blood sugar dips.
Some people like chocolate or a small candy for the endorphin boost (keeping in mind if
the sub is gagged or has trouble swallowing right after crying, maybe wait a few
minutes). If a scene was long, maybe have a light snack ready like fruit or crackers.
 First Aid: If any cuts need cleaning or bandaging, have that ready. If likely to have
bruises, a cold pack or arnica gel can be applied. If rope was used, check skin for
abrasions – have antibiotic ointment if needed.
 Cleanup supplies: Tissues (for wiping tears or lube), wet wipes or a warm damp
washcloth to clean any bodily fluids (if sex was involved or sweating). If wax was used, a
scraper or oil to help remove it. Basically, whatever mess you anticipate, have a strategy
to handle it without leaving the person feeling gross for long.
 Emotional Needs:
 Preferred Soothing Activities: Discuss what each of you likes after. Some want to be
held close with soft praise. Others might want to lie quietly with space but hand-
holding. Maybe the sub likes the Dom to maintain a bit of role persona in a gentle way
(“There, there, little one, I’ve got you”), or maybe they prefer you drop all roles and just
talk normally now. Some like to watch a silly cartoon or listen to calm music as they
come down. Make a note of what tends to work for you. Example aftercare plan
snippet: “After scene, please just cuddle me and maybe play with my hair, and if I cry
 that’s okay, I just need you to be there and not talk until I start talking.” That’s a very
specific need someone could express.
 Environment: Ensure the space post-scene is conducive to relaxing. If you had harsh
lights for a medical scene, dim them after. If loud music, turn it low or off. Temperature
comfortable (the person might be sweaty and then chill, so cover them or adjust
thermostat). Maybe have a soft blanket or a stuffy. If at a dungeon, consider moving to a
quiet chill-out area if available.
 Words or Silence: Find out if the person wants verbal reassurance or just physical
presence initially. A lot of subs want to hear that the Dom isn’t secretly upset or
disappointed. Phrases like “You did so well, I’m proud of you” or “Thank you for trusting
me, it was amazing” can be golden. If the sub is very spacey and can’t talk, the Dom can
just quietly remind “You’re safe, I’m here.” Conversely, some might not want to be
bombarded with words and questions right away. So tailor to them.
 Check for Negative Emotions: Sometimes unexpected feelings surface – guilt, shame,
anger, extreme sadness. If you plan for aftercare, note: “I sometimes drop hard and feel
depressed after – when that happens, I need extra hugs and to hear positive
affirmations.” Or if someone knows they might feel ashamed about what they did/said
in role, the other can proactively reassure, “Hey, everything you said and did was
consensual and I loved it – nothing to be ashamed of.”
 Who gives what to whom: Usually both partners care for each other, but one may have
more acute needs. E.g., often the sub might need more physical tending (they might
have been exerted more). But maybe the Dom needs to sit because their back hurts
from swinging a flogger. Plan to accommodate all. If one of you has to temporarily step
away (to pee or get a wet cloth), communicate “I’ll be right back in 1 minute, just
grabbing water.” Ideally, don’t leave a possibly subspaced person alone for more than a
brief moment. If you’re both exhausted, at least stay together for a while – don’t just
wander off to another room without making sure the other is truly okay.
 Follow-up Aftercare: Not all aftercare is immediate. Your plan can include the next day.
For example, “Tomorrow, can you text me to check in? I sometimes feel drop in the
morning.” Or plan a relaxed activity later – “Let’s decompress with a movie later
tonight.” This is especially important if you cannot be physically together long after the
scene (like at a party, you may play then each go home). Make a commitment: “I’ll call
you before bed to see how you’re doing.” The NCSF actually recommends a brief follow-
up within 24 hours after intense scenes as best practice.
 Emergency Info: Aftercare isn’t emergency, but in planning, also note if any health
issues might arise later – e.g. if you did a heavy caning, maybe instruct the sub how to
care for the welts (keep clean, etc.) and signs of infection to watch (if skin broke). If
either is on medication or might need something (maybe an inhaler if asthmatic), ensure
it’s accessible in aftercare bag.
It can be helpful to literally pack an aftercare kit when going to a club or partner’s house: e.g. a
small bag with a soft hoodie, a favorite snack, a bottle of water, painkillers (in case of headache
after), any personal comfort items. Tops might have a kit with first aid and aftercare stuff for
any bottom they play with, plus what they themselves might want (some Tops, for instance, get
a slight headache after intense focus – so maybe they want a Gatorade and 5 minutes of quiet).
Discussing aftercare openly also reinforces that both parties care about each other beyond just
the kinky activity – it fosters trust. A sample dialogue: “After a hard scene, I often shiver and
feel a bit dizzy. So if you could hold me close and maybe give me chocolate, I’d appreciate it.
What about you? Anything you particularly like?” Partner: “I usually just need to sit down and
have water, and I’d love a hug and to hear you’re okay.” Boom, plan sorted.

Emergency Plan Card

Despite our best precautions, emergencies can happen: from minor accidents (a rope causing
numbness in a limb) to major ones (someone loses consciousness, a fire, a medical crisis like a
seizure, etc.). It’s essential not to panic and have a clear plan. An Emergency Plan Card is a
concept where you write down on a small card or paper the critical info and steps for an
emergency, so that if brains are frazzled during kink, you can quickly reference or hand it to
someone helping.
What might be on such a card or plan: - Addresses/Location Info: If playing at home, know your
address (sounds silly but in panic, people forget – have it visible to read to 911). If at a club,
know the venue’s address or nearest hospital. - Phone numbers: 911 (or local emergency)
obviously, but also if not immediate life/death, maybe the number of a kink-aware doctor or an
experienced friend you can call for advice. But 911 for anything serious is default. - Key Medical
Info: Blood type (if known), allergies, any conditions. If the bottom has a pacemaker, or is
diabetic, etc., put that. If one of you takes medications, list them (EMTs find that useful). -
Consent to inform: If you have an emergency contact (friend or relative) who should be
notified, note how to reach them. - Basic First Aid steps: For example, in rope play, an
emergency plan bullet might be: “If numbness or sharp pain: STOP, remove rope immediately
(cut if needed), assess circulation.” Or for someone fainting: “If signs of fainting (dizzy, pale):
guide to floor safely, elevate legs, check breathing.” Even simpler: “Unresponsive = call
ambulance.” - Evacuation plan: If a fire starts from candle play, know where the extinguisher is
(have one nearby) or how to exit quickly. If playing in complicated bondage that would take
long to untie, have cutting tools ready because in a building fire you can’t spend 5 minutes
untying knots – you cut and run. - Safe Word for Emergency (outside scene): Some have a code
word that means “seriously, drop character, something’s wrong.” But you can just say “Red” in
a non-scene emergency too. Also if you, as a bottom, sense a health issue (like chest pain or an
asthma attack) and you can’t speak it clearly, any gesture or collapse will obviously signal to
stop – the Top should be alert to sudden unusual behavior. - Who does what: If you have
multiple people (like at a party or in poly group), assign roles: e.g. “Alice call 911, Bob unlock
the front door for EMTs, Carol apply pressure to wound,” etc. If just two of you, think ahead: if
the Top is the one incapacitated (heart attack, e.g.), the bottom should know to call for help
and not be hindered by guilt or secrecy. Kink context or nudity is secondary to saving life –
throw a blanket over them and call medics. NCSF is working on educating emergency
personnel; don’t worry about judgement, focus on health.
For common issues: - Panic attack/Emotional overload: If partner starts hyperventilating or
sobbing uncontrollably (beyond a healthy release), you might have previously noted “In case of
panic: undo any restraints to alleviate claustrophobia, speak calmly: ‘You’re safe, breathe with
me,’ maybe get them fresh air.” - Injury during play: E.g. cut too deep – “Have clean towels in
kit; apply pressure, elevate if possible. If bleeding doesn’t stop in a few minutes or is spurting,
call 911.” Bruise or swelling from impact – “apply ice pack wrapped in cloth for 10 min
intervals.” - Loss of consciousness (like in extreme breathplay gone wrong): “Call 911
immediately, begin CPR if no pulse/breathing. Remove any gag or constriction.” (This is one
reason breathplay is so dangerous – by the time you realize you need CPR it might be too late,
but still, better to try). - Allergic reaction: If using latex and partner is allergic, they might show
hives or trouble breathing – “Use epinephrine auto-injector if available, call emergency.”
It sounds heavy, but having thought through it is empowering. Likely, you’ll never need the
drastic steps, but even minor things will be handled smoother with a plan. Write it in simple
bullet form. Keep it with your gear or on your phone.
Consent and aftermath: If emergency services do get involved, be honest about what’s needed
medically, but you don’t have to overshare. You can say “We were doing a consensual activity
and an accident happened.” If any legal worry: know that in many places, consensual BDSM
injuries can technically be seen as assault (see Law section) – but in an emergency, health
comes first. That said, if it’s not life-threatening and you can get to a kink-aware doctor later,
some people choose that path to avoid hospital drama. Use judgement, but don’t delay needed
care for fear of judgement.
Finally, debrief after an emergency. If something went wrong (even a small safety hiccup), talk
about it once calm: “How do we prevent that next time? Do we need to adjust our limits or
learn more?” Mistakes can happen – what defines you is how you handle and learn from them.

In summary, these practical tools – negotiation outlines, limits lists, scene plans, aftercare
arrangements, and emergency prep – are all about one thing: making your BDSM experiences
smooth, consensual, and positive. They may seem detailed, but they become second nature
and actually increase the fun by removing a lot of anxiety. When you know you’ve got all bases
covered, you can surrender to the moment much easier, whether you’re the one tied up or the
one holding the rope. So invest this prep time; your future self (in the heat of a scene or blissful
in aftercare) will thank you for it!