Rumbling with Vulnerability:
SHAME SHIELDS
See page 161 in Dare to Lead.
Length: 30-45 minutes
Our Why:
We will learn about strategies of disconnection, also called shame shields, so that we can learn to
build our own awareness and ability to recognize when we feel shame. Being able to recognize shame
will allow us to build shame resilience.
Vocabulary:
Shame – the feeling that washes over us and makes us feel so flawed that we question whether
we’re worthy of love, belonging, and connection
Shame Shields – strategies for disconnection (ways we can react when we are feeling shame)
Moving Away – secret keeping, hiding, isolating
Moving Against – coming out swinging; we fight shame with shame
Moving Toward – people pleasing, kissing up
Authenticity – to be genuine and real
Mantra – a statement or a slogan
Materials:
Shame Shields Worksheet | Shame Shields Sorting Activity
Starting with the Learning Teacher Notes:
Connection for engagement: This lesson will make the most
• If you have taught the lesson on Shame, refer to the lesson sense if it is taught after the
and jog the students’ memories on learning about what Shame lesson, as it will be helpful
shame is, the physiology of shame, and the difference for students to understand what
between shame and guilt. shame is prior to learning about
• Ask students to think of a moment when they experienced the shame shields.
shame. Let students know they will not have to share this
Extension Activity: Shame
out loud.
Shields Sorting
• Have students raise their hands and share how they
reacted when they felt shame. Write the list of reactions • Cut up the sorting cards and
on the board and acknowledge all of the different ways have students sort into 3
students react to shame. categories
Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms
Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.
1/2
Mini-Lesson: i. Moving Away
• Share with students that when we deal with shame, scarcity, ii. Moving Toward
and/or comparison, there are specific ways we often behave. iii. Moving Against
We call these Shame Shields, which are strategies we use to • Have students round-robin
disconnect from the pain of shame. share one card and the
• Also share that the problem with Shame Shields is that category they picked then show
while they feel like protection in the immediate moment, agreement with a show of hands.
they stop us from being authentic (or genuine and real). When there are discrepancies,
These strategies not only disconnect us from shame, they discuss which category is the
also disconnect us from other people. best fit.
• Review and discuss the Shame Shields:
◦◦ Moving Away - secret keeping, hiding, isolating
◦◦ Moving Toward - people pleasing, kissing up
◦◦ Moving Against - coming out swinging; we fight
shame with shame
• Exercise
◦◦ Shame Shield Worksheet
◦◦ Have students answer the following questions
about each strategy:
◦◦ Who am I most likely to use this Shame
Shield with?
◦◦ What are specific situations that would make me
use this shield?
Lesson Closing:
• Review the ways that we deal with shame, scarcity, and
comparison.
◦◦ Shame Shields or strategies of disconnection
◦◦ We use these to disconnect from the pain of the shame
◦◦ The problem is that these stop us from being authentic
and can damage our relationships with others
• Review and discuss each of the Shame Shields
Moving from Knowledge to Daily Practice
The first step in being able to work through shame is to recognize when it’s happening to us.
When students experience shame, help them to recognize and identify the ways they use different
shame shields. Guide students toward identifying the people they trust and who they can talk to
about shame. They might want to think back on the Marble Jar exercise to identify people in their
lives who have earned lots of marbles in the jar.
LOOKING FORWARD: There are lessons on Empathy and Square Squad. The lesson on
empathy will teach students what the different attributes of empathy are. The lesson on Square
Squad will allow students to determine who their square squad is so they know who to reach out
to when they experience shame.
Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms
Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.
2/2
Shame Shields Sorting Worksheet
Moving Away – Moving Toward – Moving Against –
secret keeping, hiding, isolating people pleasing, kissing up coming out swinging; we fight
shame with shame
Who am I most likely to use this Who am I most likely to use this Who am I most likely to use this
shame shield with? shame shield with? shame shield with?
What are specific situations that What are specific situations that What are specific situations that
would make me use this shield? would make me use this shield? would make me use this shield?
Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms
Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.
1/2
Shame Shields Sorting Activity
Moving Away Moving Toward Moving Against
Complimenting in a way that is
Numbing Using shame to fight shame
not authentic
Disappearing into our own lives Perfectionism Coming out swinging
Hiding Kissing up Sarcasm
Secret keeping Performing Blaming
Addictive patterns Gift giving Anger
Ignoring Controlling the way others see us Throwing things
Dodging questions People pleasing Road rage
Isolating Apologizing when not really sorry One-upping
Avoiding Fitting in Judging
Lashing out and saying something
Changing the subject Saying yes when we want to say no
you really regret
Denial Not holding someone accountable for
Slamming the door
fear that they will be mad
Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms
Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.
2/2
