Cycle Of Violence

The cycle of abuse or cycle of violence is a concept that was first documented in the 1970s by
psychologist Lenore E. Walker.
Through extensive observation and interview processes with women who'd experienced abuse
and domestic violence, Walker identified a few stages that tend to repeat in an abusive
relationship
The stages of the cycle of abuse are:
Stage 1: tension building
Stage 2: incident of violence
Stage 3: reconciliation
Stage 4: calm
Stage 1: Tension Building
This is when the abuser starts to get angry. The potential victim may try to calm their partner
down.
In the tension-building stage of abuse, the abusive partner starts showing signs of anger and
frustration that get worse over time. This can be due to stress from things like money problems,
issues at work, or health concerns.
Their behaviors might include:
-Emotional outbursts
- Imitability
- Impatience
- A short temper
As they feel more out of control in other parts of their life, they may try to control their partner
more. As the tension becomes noticeable, the non-abusive partner may start to feel very anxious.
They might try to keep the peace and avoid making the situation worse by being extra careful
around the abusive partner, like "walking on eggshells," in an effort to prevent any abuse from
happening.
For Example. Consider a situation where one partner is stressed about money and begins to snap
at their partner over small things. The other partner, feeling nervous and wanting to avoid a fight,
starts to do everything perfectly, like cooking their favorite meals and keeping the house spotless,
hoping this will keep the stressed partner calm and prevent any angry outbursts.
Stage 2: Incident of Violence
This is the moment when an abusive event happens. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual.
After the tension builds up, it eventually leads to an abusive incident. This is when the abusive
partner tries to take control in a clear and aggressive way.
An abusive incident may look different every time or from relationship to relationship. It could
include:
intimidation
threats of violence
breaking of things in the home
insults, name-calling, and other verbal violence
physical violence
sexual violence
shaming and blaming
manipulation tactics like the silent treatment or gaslighting
humiliation
social isolation
financial abuse
emotional abandonment
Each time this stage happens, the abuse might get worse. For example, it might start with yelling
and name-calling and later include hitting.
Stage 3:
Reconciliation (Honeymoon phase)
During the reconciliation stage after an abusive incident, the abusive partner may act very sorry
and try to make up for their behavior. They might apologize a lot, show you lots of affection, and
promise that they will never do it again.
They might seem genuinely ashamed and committed to changing their ways. Because you care
about them, you might be tempted to believe them and give them another chance.
During this time, the abusive partner may do things that appear romantic, supportive, and loving,
like giving you gifts, being extra kind, or making special plans to show they care.
Stage 4: Calm
During the calm phase, your partner might still be kind and attentive, but you'll notice a change.
Instead of being sorry, they start making excuses for their behavior.
Shifts responsibility for the abuse ("I'm sorry but it's all because of so-and-so.")
Justifies their behavior ("If the garbage man didn't do that, I wouldn't get so angry.")
Gaslights you ("It really wasn't that big of a deal.")
This phase can be confusing because, even though your partner seemed to want to make things
right, there's now a subtle dismissiveness you can't quite understand. Over time, you might feel
tension building again, signaling the start of the abuse cycle once more.
For Example
Imagine your partner gets angry and yells at you for something minor, like not washing the
dishes. Later, during the calm phase, they might say, "I'm sorry I yelled, but it's because I had a
bad day at work." They're shifting the blame to their bad day rather than taking full responsibility
for their yelling. Or they might say, "If you had done the dishes on time, I wouldn't have had to
yell," justifying their behavior by blaming you. This can leave you feeling confused because they
seemed sorry before, but now they're making excuses for their actions.
Psychological Causes of Voilence
While many people assume that mental illness is the leading cause of violent behavior, that's not
the case. The brain circuitry that regulates violence is impacted by a variety of factors, including:
Substance Abuse
Using alcohol or drugs can make people act violently, even if they don't have a mental illness.
These substances can mess with a person's judgment and emotions. When someone is drunk or
high, they might not think clearly and could become angry, hostile, or paranoid, leading them to
act aggressively or violently.
Age and gender
Age and gender play a notable role in the prevalence of violence. Men are much more likely to
aut violently than women. In fact, 90% of homicides are committed by men. Likewise, younger
people are more likely to act violently than their older counterparts.
Family history
Children who come from a family background of violence are also more susceptible to using it
themselves. Kids often model their behavior after their parents. The trauma of witnessing
domestic violence or experiencing child abuse can also influence their emotional development.
Fortunately, therapeutic interventions, as taught in marriage and family therapy graduate
programs. can reduce the impact of exposure to family violence in childhood.
Situational Stessor
Situational stressors refer to difficult life circumstances that can push people towards violence.
For instance, living in poverty or being homeless might make people feel they have no other
option but to use violence. Stress from losing a job, going through a divorce, or being attacked
can also make people more likely to act violently because their emotions are so intense
Specific Mental illness
The relationship between mental illness and violent behavior is complex and not straightforward.
Research shows that factors like gender, socioeconomic status, and substance use are much
stronger indicators of violent behavior than mental illness alone. However, certain mental health
symptoms can increase the risk of violence.
For example, people who experience paranoid delusions (irrational thoughts of being persecuted
or harmed), psychotic thoughts (loss of contact with reality), or command hallucinations (hearing
voices that instruct them to do something) might be more likely to act violently. This doesn't
mean that everyone with these symptoms will be violent, but these specific symptoms can mise
the likelihood.
Psychological Causes of non-violence
The psychological causes of non-violence often revolve around certain principles, traits, and
conditions that influence individuals and groups to adopt peaceful behaviors.
1. Empathy:
The ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Empathetic individuals are more likely
to avoid causing harm and seek peaceful resolutions.
2. Moral Development:
According to theories like Kohlberg's stages of moral development, individuals who reach higher
levels of moral reasoning are more likely to value justice, equality, and non-violence.
3. Social Learning:
Learning from role models who demonstrate non-violent behavior. Influential figures such as
Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. have inspired many to adopt non-violent principles.
4. Conflict Resolution Skills:
Proficiency in negotiation, mediation, and problem-solving can lead individuals to seek
nonviolent solutions to conflicts.
5.Cultural and Religious Beliefs:
Cultural norms and religious teachings that emphasize compassion, forgiveness, and the sanctity
of life can promote non-violent behavior.
6. Attachment and Relationship:
Secure attachment in early childhood can foster healthy relationships and reduce aggression,
leading to a preference for non-violence,
Conclusion
The cycle of abuse, as described by Lenore E. Walker, is a pattern that often repeats in abusive
relationships. It typically starts with tension building, leading to an incident of violence, followed
by a phase of reconciliation, and then a period of calm before the cycle begins again. This
repetitive pattern can create a cycle that is difficult to break without intervention and support. In
conclusion, understanding the stages of the cycle of abuse is crucial in recognizing and
addressing abusive behaviors, promoting intervention, and providing help to break this harmful
cycle for individuals experiencing abuse.
Moreever, understanding the psychological causes of both violence and non-violence provides
valuable insights into human behavior and the factors that influence actions and reactions, While
substance abuse, age, gender, family history, situational stressors, and specific mental illnesses
can contribute to violent behavior, factors such as empathy, moral development, social learning,
conflict resolution skills, cultural and religious beliefs, attachment, and relationships play
significant roles in promoting non-violent behaviors. By addressing these psychological factors
and promoting positive attributes that deter violence, individuals and communities can work
towards creating safer and more compassionate environments for all.