the free press

NIGHTMARE Before ELECTION DAY

november 2012

The

art & covers by Hudson

In this issue:
horror stories political perspectives harsh truths sick art poetry tricks & treats mischeif madness binders full of women general anti-fuckery

An Election Horror Story

By Jack Straw
This is a story. This is my story. I want to take the time to make sure its not your story, too. It was election night, November 6, 2012. I drove myself and 3 buddies to the polls to cast our ballots. This is a story. This is my story. I want to take the time to make car, its not your Winston It was with Wait, stop the sure Rob! yelled story, too.strickenelection night, November the side I the road. You almost panic. Theres a cat on 6, 2012. ofdrove myself and 3 buddies killed it! to the polls to cast our ballots. Wait, stop the I replied gratefully. Oh man, and a Good eye, Win, car, Rob! yelled Winston stricken with panic. too! Wouldnt want that thing to road. our black cat,Theres a cat on the side of the cross You pa almost killed was about to say it, wouldnt you know it? but just as I it! It darted right out in front of us. Good eye, Win, I replied gratefully. Oh man, and a black cat, too! Wouldnt want that thing to cross our The four of us exchanged nervous glances around the car. Wepa butthat the I was about to say it, wouldnt you could feel just as end was near. know it? It darted right out in front of us. Well, nothing we can do about it now, right? Lets just get The four of us exchanged nervous glances to the polls, chimed Bill from the back seat. around the car. We could feel that the end was near. That seemed like the right thing to do, tonight being an Well, nothing we can do about it the right? Lets the election and all. When we got there, now,line was out just get door. to the polls, chimed Bill from the back seat. That seemed like the be fun, said Winston in his naWell, now this is gonnaright thing to do, tonight being an election sarcasm. tive tongue of and all. When we got there, the line was out the door. But its not only our great privilege and right as citizens of Well, now thiscountry, its our duty! So lets walk inthis amazing is gonna be fun, said Winston in his native on that admittedly side, get tongue of sarcasm. long line, and tell America what we think! But its not only our great privilege and right as citizens all his amazing announced Well, I think its Charlie, in of this cynicism,country, its our duty! So lets all walk inside, get onThe country is run by line, and tell bullshit anyways! that admittedly long filthy fat cats America what we think! that just get richer and richer while most everyone else struggles to get by and put food on the table! And the Charlie, in all all is that they pretend like we I think biggest joke of ithis cynicism, announced Well, can have its all bullshit anyways! this? Sure Charlie, he mocksome fucking SAY in all of The country is run by filthy fat cats that just get richer and richer while most everyingly said to himself in his best politician impression, one there and cast your vote. There are on 300 milget upelse struggles to get by and put foodonlythe table! And the in this joke of all one vote is sure to matlion peoplebiggest country.itYouris that they pretend like we can have some fucking SAY ter! Go, have your voice heard! in all of this? Sure Charlie, he mockingly said to himself in his best politician are you getting up there and cast your vote. So whatimpression, get at Charlie? I asked. You think itsThere are only 300 million people here, man? all bullshit? So why are you even in this country. Your one vote is sure to matter! Go, have your voice heard! Good fucking question. Im outta here. And with that he So what are you getting the sheep wagging his merry left, but not without Winstonat Charlie? I asked. You think and following behind him. little tail its all bullshit? So why are you even here, man? Good fucking question. Im outta here. And Wow, can you believe those two? I asked Bill. with that he left, but not without Winston the sheep wagging his I cant say I totally blame them, but Im gonna vote bemerry little hell, who knows? said Bill. cause I mean, tail and following behind him. Wow, can you believe those two? I asked Bill.

AN ELECTIONH
So we walked inside. It was creepy in there, Ill admit. The air was dense, and the smiles from that morning just four years prior, full of hope and pride, seemed to have long faded. An ominous I cant present throughout the entire vibe wassay I totally blame them, but Im gonna vote because I race hell, who knows? said place. Thismean,was too close for com- Bill. fort, and here we all were, at the final So we walked inside. It was creepy in there, Ill admit. stretch. The air was dense, and the smiles from that morning just about an hour full a hope and pride, seemed After four years prior, and of half of waitto have and I finally got the chance to ing, Bill long faded. An ominous vibe was present throughout the When we got home, was cast our ballots.entire place. This racewe too close for comfort, and Winston staring found Charlieand here we all were, at the final stretch. television. They seemed a little uneasy, After about an hour and a half of waiting, but not wanting to admit any wrongdo- Bill and I finally got the chance sly whenever we ing, they played it off to cast our ballots. When we got home, we found Charlie and Winston staring at the asked them about it. television. They seemed a little uneasy, but not wanting to admit any wrongdoing, they played Later that night, despite Charlies refusal it off sly whenever we asked them about come in to want to even watch the results it. since we all knew who was going to win Later that night, despite Charlies refusal anyways, and have all along, we turned to want to even watch the coverage and watched on the election results come in since we all knew who was going to in. anyways, and have the numbers pile win And to everyones all along, we turned race was way closer than anyshock, this on the election coverage and watched the numbers have And to everyones had one couldpile in. imagined. Obama shock, this race was electoral votes anyone could had 264 way closer than while Romneyhave imagined. Obama had states but Florida while Romney had just just 236. All 264 electoral votesand Con236. All states but Florida and Connecticut were in. necticut were in. The tension in the room The tension it seemed ran for Obama ran high, butin the room hardhigh, but it seemed hard for Obama to lose. to lose. Oh no, but wait minute! Whats this? Oh Oh no, but wait aa minute! Whats this? Oh God, please dont let it dont let God, pleasebe true! it be true! Ladies and Ladies and gentlemen, we have just learned that Florihave just learned that Floridas results are in, we heard the anchor announce. das results are in, we heard the CNN CNN anchor announce. that Mitt Romney has won the swing state! It appears It appears that Mitt Romney has won the All swing state! All 29 electoral votes now go is 265-264 29 electoral votes now go to him! The raceto him! The in race is 265-264 in Romneys favor! only state to remain Romneys favor! Connecticut is the Connecticut is the only balance. Its all up to the voters in that state, now. in thestate to remain in the balance. Its all up to the voters in that state, now. I looked over at Winston and Charlie who hung their heads I disgust and horror at what they had doneor hadnt inlooked over at Winston and Charlie who hung their heads in disgust dun dun. done, that is. Dunand horror at what they had done or hadnt done, that is. Dun dun dun. Do you guys realize what this could mean? There are 7 Do you votes at stake in this state, and There are electoral guys realize what this could mean?whoever gets 7 electoral the prize! Bill threw on his them, takesvotes at stake in this state, and whoever gets them, takes the prize! Bill threw on It childish voice, Our voice doesnt matter!hiswont mean childish voice, Our voice doesnt guys, WAY.TO.GO. anything, he mocked. Way to go matter! It wont mean anything, he mocked. Way until guys, WAY. Every moment the tension built higher, to go the numbers TO.GO. were in. Connecticut, a blue state, a state that no one

By Jack

HORROR STORY
thought could go any other way, went the other way. Mitt Romney took Connecticut, and took the presidency right with it. Ladies and gentlemen, the anchor continued, Mitt Romney will be the president of the United States of America. God help us all. I played the whole scene from the polls in my head over and over again. I let it happen. I couldve spoken up, shouldve spoken up. No Charlie, youre wrong! Your voice does matter! But nooo, I just kept quiet and let those guys walk out on one of their few responsibilities in life and as Americans. And now, here we are. Willard Mittens Romney is the president of the United States. Ah to you, fat cats, rest easy and rest well, knowing that thyne pockets shall be growing fatter by the morrow! But what about the rest of us? Desolation, poverty, sickness run rampant in the streets. Our new Mr. President somehow believes that the economy functions best when it slowly drips like urine down a poorly engineered gutter system, from the top, down. Please, the president begged of us, Just allow my friends to earn more money. This way they will hire you to work for them. More than that, they will tip their waiters and waitresses much better, and be able to buy and build new homes for themselves. Again, thats more jobs for the American people!Unfortunately, this didnt work so well at all. Romney lowered corporate taxes as promised, however most companies showed little interest in building new domestic factories, especially with the near slave wages that workers earn in some of those countries, like China and India! I mean hell, American workers may be crazy enough to demand fair pay and good working conditions, but that doesnt mean we should expect the business owners to be crazy enough to want to give them to us! Mitt cut most federal dollars that were being spent on wind and solar energy to focus on domestic coal production. But dont worry thoughits CLEAN coal! And through this massive revamped clean coal industry his brilliant policies have created another important industry that has been responsible for the creation of hundreds of thousands of manufacturing jobs across the country. Many, many people are now employed in factories creating smog-reducing masks, pollution-combative goggles, and at-home respirators due to the brand new pollution! Yay, President Romney! The jobs you promised! But, Hey! you say to me, It cant all be the bad, right? At least we can educate the people. And we can use that knowledge to take the power back! And to you I say well thats true. Except that federal funding for education was dramatically reduced, leaving individual cities and states to solve their education problems. To be sure, this worked out great for some well-off cities and counties. Unfortunately for the poor inner city and rural schools that lack the resources to improve educational qualities like some other, wealthier areas can, we left many of our fellow Americans behind like we have so often in the past. Now, let me guess. You were probably pretty nervous about the fact that our military budget comprises a mere 58% of the top 10 military budgets worldwide combined, right? Well then fret no longer, because Mitt has signed an executive order to transfer those wasteful Planned Parenthood, PBS and sustainable energy dollars straight to defense spending! Hey, gotta pay for that war with Iran somehow, right! WoohooTaking over the world! Now, dear friends, at this time Id like to offer you a bit of good news! This has been nothing more than a Halloween horror story about what COULD happen. And hell, I bet you could tell an equally scary story about Obama being elected! (Maybe someone did?) Its hard times for a lot of people, and no one really knows for a fact what the right course of action happens to be. If they did, differing schools of thought would not exist. But you owe it to yourself, and to your fellow Americans, to know where you stand, or at least where you stand today. Perhaps tomorrow youll stand elsewhere, and thats okay. But once you do know where you stand, let your voice be heard. Get out and vote. Dont let this or any other horror story happen to us. Only by being aware of the possibilities, can we even begin to prevent them from becoming a reality.

k Straw

THE INDEPENDENT PERSPECTIVE

by titus Ezekiel Abad(ass)
For those of you who are thinking of voting in the elections this coming November (which hopefully will be all of you), your options may seem limited between Republicans and Democrats. With only two major candidates for our entire country, it seems that we are basically choosing between the lesser of two evils. Questions people may be asking themselves this election season are things like: Who the hell am I going to vote for? Which president will run this country with an iron fist, or a gentle push? Which president will secure my rights and liberties, and which president will take them away? Why the hell should I even vote, like whats the point? WELL the point is that YOU matter; your ideas, your opinions, and your feelings about whatever crazy shit may be going on in the country or in this world right now, are important and deserve recognition. Also, Im sure that as much as one may think a specific political party or candidate is solely responsible for our countrys problems, the truth is that no politician or party is perfect; their debates are an art form, their scheming is a science. The institution of American politics taints any actual moral standing on liberty and justice they may say they have. So, let me enlighten you to an idea: recognize that your opinion always fucking matters, and that it is possible to make a well-rounded, politically aware decision you feel happy about. Keeping an open mind in politics is very important to do, so you can understand multiple perspectives; different issues, different plans, and different backgrounds. The purpose of leadership is to establish unity, and smoothly bring us all together. No one can stand the person at a party who gets drunk as fuck, and yells in an argument about politics. You know who Im talking about: that person who thinks they know it all about who is right and who is wrong for the job. Face it people, politics is probably the number one topic in this country that pisses everyone off; there are countless variables in politics to digest, and many people are at different levels of understanding. Thus ambiguity arises and inflicts frustration like a pin to our forehead- ENOUGH! -Too much bullshit to deal with at once. So in answering these questions about politics and working to establish a decision on your vote, Im going to suggest you try and keep an open mind to observe, question, and reflect, in order to build your own respectful opinion, independent from obnoxious external influences. Think independently, dont side with one party or another all the time, even if your parents like one or the other, even if your friends may be more conservative than you, or liberal than you, let them do their thing, but this is your vote, so you get to choose. You have an independent decision, and you deserve to make that decision as best you can with your own opinion. If you subscribe / register as a Democrat or Republican right away, you are actively associating with the steamy BULLSHIT of the two party system in this country, that clefts the peoples opinions of this country in two, when there is immense subjectivity in America that merely two political parties cannot handle. The American Political system is frightening; one could probably pull off a scary Halloween costume to embody the shittiness I speak of. You are your own individual; you have your own opinion and decision, and therefore I humbly recommend that you be yourself; an independent voter of this country. Vote for whichever candidate truly represents you, regardless of party. Being an independent voter rather than a Republican or Democrat voter, is a good way to demonstrate awareness of and respect the variety of politicians, political parties, and opinions that exist. Political campaigners and candidates take this in mind. They recognize the ideology of an independent, non-party affiliated voter, and will work towards getting your vote, coming closer to your position, rather than the positions of either two elite political parties. Its important for an independent voter to express their views on what they think is right or wrong, what will work or what wont. An independent vote is important not only in that it supports the voters position, but because as an independent, open-minded, aware voter, your vote may resonate with others in similar to you. With independent ideals, less people get shat on all the time from the bi-partisan system. The political system of this country likes to shit on people. Every day, shit, shit, shitty, people get shit on by the system, and it sucks. This is completely unacceptable. So be an independent voter, be open-minded, be respectful, and be aware. Everyone deserves the right to vote, but there is so much more to voting than just the act of making a vote, there is a process; of learning who you can vote for and why vote for them, of being openminded to other peoples opinions, of being aware of contrasting ideas and the need for respect, but also being aware to your own ideas so that you can make a vote based off of that and not just what a political party gives you. As an independent voter that gives a fuck, a good thing to do is pay attention to your local government (such as the funky BaNANarchist movement right here in UCONN watch for friendly dancing banana activists on campus). To leave off on this ideology of an independent voter, Ill provide some options for you that you may have been unaware of. The first is: SAM TRACY FOR UNITED STATES PRESIDENT, (no this is not a Halloween scare) he ran UCONNs Undergraduate Student Government pretty well last year as president, the United States of America could really use one of UCONNs finest to get their shit together. Additionally, other political parties besides the two elites are out there too, and you may find a politician that really suits your ideas and position. A particular example is Gary Johnson, previous Republican Governor of New Mexico and experienced judge, who supports marriage equality and sensible drug reform policy, as well as environmentally sound, affordable energy, and has a plan for all that. Gary Johnson is not a part of the two main parties of Republicans or Democrats in this country, but is a member of the Libertarian party. He is a perfect example of a presidential candidate that an independent voter might recognize, who isnt swept up in the elite crucible of Democrats or Republicans. He may just be an example of a politician that could open up your eyes, just as being an independent voter can open up the eyes of other voters. This process of independent voting is without a doubt, absolutely well-rounded and conducive to the subjectivity of American political opinions, that overall focuses on a quality individual as a leader, rather than a political celebrity as a leader. Get out there! VOTE! America needs your Independent Perspective.

By Joey O'Shea

Voter IDENTIFICATION

preventing fraud or suppressing voters?

A citizens right to vote is a fundamental cornerstone of democracy. The basic tenet of democracy is that if people are given the opportunity to vote and elect their representatives in government, the government will be a reflection of the principles, desires, and goals of the people. Of course we all know this is never entirely true in practice, but it is what all democratic society should be striving for. But what happens when most of the population does not vote? The government of an entire nation is then chosen by a minority of its populace instead of a majority. A democratic government cannot best represent the will of its citizens if they are not all able to vote during elections. Throughout the nation several states have recently passed so called Voter ID laws. These laws require voters to show an approved form of photo identification before they are allowed to vote. The supposed reason for these laws is to prevent in-person voter fraud during our elections. At first, this may actually seem like a great idea, but looking at it closely reveals that it may not be healthy for our democracy at all. There are several concerns brought up by voter ID legislation. Simply put, not all people have photo IDs. Sure most people have a drivers license, but not everyone does. More importantly, having a drivers license is not compulsory. Some people will argue that ID is required to buy alcohol or driver a car, but these things are choices and privileges they are not fundamental rights. Voting is a fundamental right of all American citizens. Why should an elderly woman who doesnt drive be force to get an ID just to vote? Furthermore, there are a variety of circumstances which can prevent an eligible voter from obtaining proper ID, especially with many of these laws being implemented months before the election. For example, someone could lose their birth certificate in a house fire. A new copy can be obtained, but that requires time and money which is something many lower to middle class citizens do not have a lot of to spare. The constitutionality of these laws has been brought into question by many and in fact many of the new voter ID laws are currently being challenged in court. A judge recently ordered to have Pennsylvanias voter ID law put on hold until after the election. The main argument is that most forms of ID issued by the state cost money to obtain, and thus an ID requirement to vote is essentially a poll tax (which is a violation of the 24th amendment). Perhaps the biggest red flag about these voter ID laws is that the thing they are supposed to prevent, namely in-person voter fraud, is not a problem in the United States. In fact, it is almost none existent. For example, analysis of the Ohio election in 2004 found a miniscule 0.00004% rate of voter fraud. I think it is safe to say this is not a big issue in this country, and it certainly does not seem to be impacting the outcome of our elections. Reduced voter turnout due to these new laws however, could certainly impact the outcome of this election and any elections in the future. This is especially true if it turns out these laws disproportionately affect citizens planning to vote for one party over another. There is some evidence to believe this is the case. Generally speaking, those without photo IDs tend to be living in cities (thus they have no need to drive) or are poor. Historically, these are both demographics which tend to vote heavily in favor of Democratic parties. This is even more worrisome if you consider the fact that the vast majority of the new voter ID laws passed this year were passed by state legislatures with Republican majorities. Furthermore, most of these new laws are being implemented in swing states. The right to vote is a critical component to a healthy democracy and any threat to this right is a threat to a democratic nation. Both voter fraud and voter suppression are among these potential threats. The debate on voter ID is quite divisive, with some saying it is common sense and others worried it will do more harm than good. While Im sure all of us can agree that voter fraud is something we want to prevent, I believe the crucial question of this issue is: will the number of legitimate voters prevented from voting due to voter ID laws be greater than the number of fraudulent votes it will prevent? The data suggest this is quite possibly the case, but I will leave it up to you to decide for yourself. However, if the answer is yes, then I believe voter ID legislation will be serious detriment to our democratic process and to our nations government.

If you would like to learn more about this issue on your own, the Brennan Center for Justice (www.brennancenter.org) is a good place to start. See the sources for particularly informative summaries of the laws and the rates of voter fraud in the United States.

THE SCARY TRUTH

Brenna McMenamey

Where Does the Money REALLY Come From?

art by Hudson

Contrary to the Dunkin Donuts slogan, America runs primarily on one thing: money. It is a part of our daily lives. It should come to us as no surprise that political campaigns are similarly dependent on money. How else would politicians get their names out to the public? However, in recent years, the dollar has become more and more influential in elections. Just to give you an idea of how much so, in both 2004 and 2008, the presidential candidate who spent the most money on their campaign won. The power of money will be especially apparent in the upcoming election. In previous years, Political Action Committees (PACs), which are major fundraisers for campaigns, were required to follow strict guidelines. For this election, however, the game has entirely changed. This year will be the first presidential election since the creation of Super PACs. What is a Political Action Committee? A PAC raises money to contribute to a candidate or political party. They were created in order to get around the 1947 Taft-Hartley Act, which prohibited labor unions from contributing money to federal elections. In response, the FECA (Federal Election Campaign Act) was created to combat this loophole. It created the Federal Election Commission for enforcement, requires disclosure of all funds to the FEC, and limits the amount of money that can be contributed to a political party or politician running for office. This was meant to prevent the corruption that inordinately large donations to politicians would inevitably cause. In 2010, the Citizens United vs. Federal Election Commission case came before the Supreme Court. Citizens United had advertised Hillary: The Movie, an extremely critical documentary about Hillary Clinton, within 30 days of a primary. Any political advertising such as this was prohibited within 30 days of an election by the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act. Based on these facts, the Federal Election Commission should have wrapped up the case easily enough. Unfortunately, the arguments posed by Citizens United could not be ignored. In a landmark majority decision, the Supreme Court stated that the prohibiting corporations and unions from making independent expenditures violated the first amendment. Based on this decision, Citizens United had committed no crime. At first glance, this decision seems fair and democratic. How can the government control what a business does with their money? The results, however, were not so democratic. Essentially, corporations and Unions had received the OK to spend as much money as they wanted for advertising for a candidate, as long as it was done independently of the candidate and his party. The floodgates had been opened, presenting anyone wishing to take advantage of the system with new opportunities.

Think about it like this. If a big corporation decides that they want to spend millions of dollars to support a presidential candidate, they can do so as long as they do it independently of the candidate. If this candidate is elected, the opinions of this corporation should hold no sway over the candidate. But how is it possible for this candidate to remain completely unaffected by the views of a corporation that played a major part in the victory? More importantly, if that president-elect doesnt adhere to the wishes of the PAC, they may lose future funding issues. This is a moral dilemma every newly inaugurated president will have to deal with. Now, entire committees, called Super PACs, are created for the sole purpose of fundraising and advertising for candidates. They do this completely independently of the candidate, and therefore have no limit to the amount that they can collect and spend. There are also very few limitations about what they can say. Have you noticed the recent surge of negative advertisements in campaigns? This is largely due to the invention of the Super PAC. Instead of merely supporting one candidate, they spend money on smearing the name of the opposing candidate. They have no laws preventing them from bashing the opposition, so why not? If this isnt enough fuckery to turn your stomach, consider this. When Mitt Romney first embraced the support of the Super PAC, Restore Our Future, Barack Obama spoke out against the decision. He said that the money could be [from] the oil industry, it could be the insurance industry, it could even be foreign-owned corporations. You dont know because they dont have to disclose. Now thats not just a threat to Democrats, thats a threat to our democracy. As the race heated up, however, Obama embraced the support of Priorities USA Action, his own Super PAC. The campaigns have become a fundraising race, and both candidates seem to believe that whichever Super PAC raises the most money will decide the outcome of the election. And who is held culpable when these ads go wrong? Certainly not the politician. When Priorities USA Action released a vicious ad that was proved to be full of false statements, Jen Psaki, a spokesman for Obama, stated that, [W]e have about as much to do with the Priorities ad the super PACs ad as we do with Michael Phelps winning gold medals last week; I cant speak to the ad. Essentially, these Super PACs are utterly without limits. Based on Jen Psakis statement, no blame can be attributed to the politician, in this case Obama, because it wasnt part of his campaign. The money being dumped into these election campaigns is drowning out the voices of the American public. Our democratic values are being obliterated by these new, limitless Super PACs. Their swift termination is the only sure solution to this pressing issue.

HAPPY HALLOWE
your candy
Halloween is the time of year that we celebrate a number of pagan traditions and girls prancing around in revealing clothing, stuffing our faces with an incredible amount of candy (and alcohol) my personal favorite being the 3 Musketeers bar (and Mikes Hard Raspberry Lemonade). But, how good does that sweet chocolate taste when you know a child slave made it for you? Not so good. The eight largest cocoa-producing countries are Cte dIvoire (also known as the Ivory Coast), Ghana, Indonesia, Cameroon, Nigeria, Brazil, Ecuador, and Malaysia altogether, they are responsible for ninety percent of the worlds chocolate. Cte dIvoire, however, is the largest cocoa producer, supplying the world with roughly sixty percent of its cocoa. Coincidentally, Cte dIvoire also has about 109,000 children working under the worst forms of child labor, not to mention the fact that about 10,000 of those children are enslaved by the industry. Every day, children of this West African country are being taken from their homes, perhaps even at this moment, to be thrust into what are perhaps the harshest working conditions on the face of the earth. The child laborers work in the sweltering heat for hours upon hours, gathering cocoa for Hershey bars. Harvesting cocoa, they face exposure to toxic levels of pesticides and risk dismemberment as they work with extremely dangerous tools. In addition, those children who are enslaved by the industry also face beatings and other forms of cruel punishments, such as cutting their feet with razor blades or starvation. The children are not only denied their freedom, but also their basic education. The cocoa industry is a contributing factor when calculating the countrys reprehensible literacy rate (male: 65.2%; female: 46.6 %; average: 56.2 %.). And in the past ten years, the chocolate industry has made a one trillion dollar profit from these exploits. In 2001, several chocolate giants, including Nestle, M&M/Mars, Hersheys, and Worlds Finest, signed a voluntary commitment titled the Cocoa Industry Protocol, promising to certify that their cocoa was child labor free by 2005 among five other commitments. The time for change came and went with little change and, in an effort to continue to mask the thinly-veiled greed that fuels this industry, the companies came together to extend the deadline to 2008 (and later, to 2010), while promising that now only 50% of their cocoa will be child labor free and that 100% of their growing areas would be remediated. As of 2011, none of the six commitments promised by these industry leaders have been fulfilled, as verified by Tulanes Payson Center for International Development. Though it is a complete atrocity, many people are not aware of horrors these hundreds of thousands of children face every day, toiling away their precious lives for a stupid candy bar. Chocolate companies (and their lawyers) are clever enough to hide the information from the public, hoping to keep their lack of integrity under wraps. Take responsibility and spread awareness make chocolate sweet again. For more information about this issue, including what you can do to help, please visit http://www. laborrights.org/stop-child-labor/cocoa-campaign. For a list of companies that do not use child labor to harvest cocoa, please visit http://vision.ucsd. edu/~kbranson/stopchocolateslavery/main. html#TableDescription.

EEN,

was made by slaves

art & article by C.Thomas

presidential monsters
By: Joey OShea Zombie Education Supports teaching of evolution and sex education. Believes in the right to free public education from pre-k through college. Believes standardized tests are misused and hurt students. Slender Man Believes school choice will improve public schools. Supports teaching of citizenship. Believes competition should be encouraged. Werewolf Believes parents should have choice of schools. Supports abstinence education. Supports No Child Left Behind Act. Believes students should be put before teachers unions. Mummy Supports abolishing the Department of Education. Opposes student loans, believes they cause higher tuition.

Energy

Believes we cannot wait to address climate change. Supports a national ban on fracking. Opposes nuclear power.

Believes oil is crucial for our country. Supports increased oil drilling. Supports increased natural gas production.

Believes there is no consensus on global warming and human activitys impact on it. Supports nuclear power. Supports reducing dependence on all oil, not just foreign oil. Believes it is unacceptable for Iran to have nuclear capabilities. Believes America does not need European-style solutions.

Supports alternative energy. Opposes ethanol subsidies. Supports nuclear power. Accepts global warming, opposes cap and trade. Supports federal tax incentives for energy with state decisions. Believes we cannot afford to spend billions on foreign aid. Opposes foreign aid spending unless it protects US interests.

Foreign Policy

Believes America should not act as the worlds police. Supports ending the trade embargo and travel ban on Cuba. Believes all parties should be held accountable in the Israel/Palestine conflict. Believes stimulus plan was not big enough. Believes it is un-American that the top 1% own 90% of wealth. Supports 90% tax on bonuses for bailed out bankers.

Believes China is our enemy. Believes we should be tougher on China. Believes we should support Russia, but with strings attached.

Economy

Supports a one-time 14.25% tax on wealth to erase national debt. Believes eliminating national debt will cause a 35% boost to economy.

Opposes economic stimulus program. Believes bailout program wasted money and companies should be allowed to go bankrupt. Supports cuts to government programs to reduce spending and deficit.

Opposes bank bailout and economic stimulus. Opposes farm subsidies. Supports cutting federal budget by 43%. Believes national debt is the biggest threat to the country.

Health Care

Supports single-payer universal health care.

Opposes Obamacare. Supports allowing insurance companies to compete across state lines.

Opposes Obamacare. Supports subsidies for people who cannot afford insurance. Believes state should have more control over health care. Supports states creating private market insurance regulated at the state level. Opposes legalization of recreational or medical marijuana. Supports mandatory sentence and higher penalties for repeat drunk driving offenders.

Supports increased federal funding for rural health services. Supports repeal of Obamacare. Opposes 2003 Rx Drug Bill.

Drug Policy

Supports legalization of marijuana. Supports legal marijuana sales under a legal framework of regulations.

Supports legalization of drugs and use of drug tax revenue to fund drug education.

Supports legalization of marijuana. Believes the war on drugs is a failure. Believes current drug war parallels alcohol prohibition in the 1920s Supports medical marijuana and needle exchanges.

Frankenstein Supports hiring more math and science teachers. Supports cutting banks out of student loans and adding $4.5 billion to college loans. Supports charter schools and private investment in schools. Supports increased natural gas production in the U.S. Believes offshore drilling is good but only as part of a comprehensive approach to energy. Supports clean coal. Supports investments in green energy. Believes America is the one indispensable nation in world affairs. Supports loosening restrictions on Cuba with emphasis on US interests. Supports strong US-Israel relationship.

Demon Believes the curriculum should be nationally standardized but locally flexible. Thinks we should re-prioritize on education to keep up with the rest of the world. Is not in favor of teacher led prayer in school. Supports investing in renewable energy, replacing coal and oil with alternatives. Sees those who push coal as the enemy. Helped reduce greenhouse gas emissions from his town by 31% in 2006, though his goal was 21% by 2012. Believes the US should always listen to other countries before pursuing its own interests.

Vampire Supports abolishing the Dept of Education. Voted against a $10.2 billion tax increase for Dept of Education and Health and Human Services as well as $84 million in grants for Black and Hispanic colleges. Voted against No Child Left Behind. Voted against Kyoto Protocol, against tax incentives for renewable energy and production. Voted against getting ride of oil and gas subsidies. Was in favor however of constructing new oil refineries in America. Voted in support of for placing an international weapons embargo on any country that trades weapons with China. Voted against transferring $156 million from foreign military to the IMF for 3rd world debt reduction. Supports tax relief for wealthy. Voted against closing offshore business loopholes. Voted for making the Bush tax cuts permanent. Opposed 2008 bank bailouts.

Ghost Supports full funding of highquality education from age 3 through graduate school. Total revamping of the current educational system. Will bring back importance of arts, music, language programs, etc. Supports of nationalizing the energy sector.

Cut federal military funds by 50% and end military intervention in the Middle East. End US participation in NATO. Demilitarize US embassies around the world and close all US military bases. Steeply graduated tax system for personal income, taxation on capital gains and estates. Supports taxations on all Wall Street transactions and a corporate tax structure free of loopholes.

Supports economic stimulus program. Believes cuts across the board will not stimulate economy. Supports accountability and oversight of financial markets. Prefers budget cuts to tax increases. Believes in persistent fiscal responsibility to balance the budget. Opposes 2003 Rx Drug Bill. Supports Obamacare. Opposes refusing patients due to pre-existing conditions. Supports subsidies for people who cannot afford insurance.

Strongly supportive of progressive taxation and views tax favors to the most wealthy in our country as an obscenity.

Believes that the lack of affordable health care has decimated the middle class. Therefore believes we should have universal health care like every other industrialized nation, and of course then more federal funding for health coverage. Does not support the consideration of drug use as immoral. Believes in treating drug abuse as a health matter, not a criminal matter.

Supports abolishing Medicare and leaving health care up to free markets.

Believes we should expand Medicare.

Supports expansion of drug courts and helping prisoners with substance abuse. Opposes lowering the drinking age to 18.

Believes drug abuse is harmful to society, believes the War on Drugs abuses the Bill of Rights, which allows that this issue should be left up to the states.

Legalize marijuana and free all people in jail for drug offenses. In favor of decriminalizing all drugs.

key on back page

Artwork by Brian Gilson

Halloween Haikus Marissa Stanton

Snickers and PayDay Milky Way and Twix bars too. Soon, I will be fat. Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains ZOMBIE Halloween is fun. I like to eat lots of cand ZOMBIES ARE COMING!! Cauldrons boil and brew, I shall keep on haunting you, And make you a toad. Creepy things at night, This night gives me a big fright. JK, free candy!!!

Porcelain Breaking

by Nyanka

She was warm but her warmth was rapidly leaving her. She laid a true beauty. She was naked - no make up. Make up would only be an insult to her beauty. It would only hide the delectable shade her cheeks turned in panic or in moments where she applied excessive force. Her red hair lay spread, an ocean I would dip into without hesitation. Stroking it slowly, she was mine. She was mine. That was the first thing I remembered when I woke up this morning. It was the thought I fixate on now. I sat in my normal corner; hands on a hot chocolate. Rubbing up and down as I imagined the warm and smooth cup under my hand was the small of her back as I pulled her close. She was there laughing with her brunette friend and her red hair up in a ponytail that tickled the nape of her neck, sensually teasing me. Asking to be pulled hard. It looked like the perfect length and thickness for dragging. I could drag her easily across the room with that ponytail wrapped twice around my hands. I watched her green eyes. Eyes I had imagined late at night in the comfort of my own bed staring up at me pleading for mercy. They did not plead now. They tantalized. Glittered. Asking what I was waiting for. Hadnt I imagined enough scenarios? Hadnt I decided today would be the day? Hadnt I decided yesterday would be the day? The day I maybe grasped her by the neck feeling the porcelain skin crack a little under the pressure of my hungry hands. Her friend stood up but she remained seated. They smiled and traded hugs but she did not move. She sat- eyes a little less glittery - turned towards the table searching for a source of entertainment as she sipped from her cup. I imagined I was that cup and she had her hands on me; not in enjoyment, but in protest that I was a little too close; that I was a little too heavy; that I was little too hot - suffocating. She tipped her head back and emptied her cup, sucking the last dregs out of it. She got up and began to walk out the door. I got up

slowly. I had followed her before. I knew her walk. I knew her name. I even knew her address. I just hadnt gotten the guts to corner her. The guts to lay my hands on her, gently putting pressure on that gentle porcelain and maybe squeezing so tight it shattered into red welts. The sun was setting outside. It was purple and orange and beautiful. I stood staring pressing hard against the cold wall of a store across from the Fresh Fruit & Veggies that she had entered. She walked out a bag in each hand and purse on her shoulder. Hey miss, would you like some help? I smiled as politely as I could. No thats all right, she smiled back Im almost home. No shit. I could see her building approaching rapidly. I could also see the alleyway just a few steps away. Time seemed to move in slow motion. I could feel my knife in my pocket slamming against my ribcage with each step I took. Hey miss, I said grabbing her shoulder Are you sure? She tensed; a primal response. She knew something was wrong. Her guts were probably clenched. Throat tightening to scream but no one would hear her. Not if I had anything to do with it. Before she even had a chance to respond I clasped my hand over her mouth, glad for an empty neighborhood, and finally wrapped my hand through that teasing red hair. Pulling her head back as we descended down the stairs into the garbage alleyway. My fingers pressed tightly against her cherubim lips surprisingly softer than I had expected. I liked the way her back arched away from me as if trying to separate itself from the monster it already presumed I would be. How dare she presume to know me! I would enjoy carving my true self into her. Take pleasure in seeing if her blood was porcelain.

art by Matt facebook.com/mattcomeauart

Polls that Matter

by B.Caws

Margin of error= +/-3 fucks when asked, UConn students would probably say the following... What the women of UConn will be doing on Halloween weekendWhat the men of UConn will be dressed as on Halloween weekend-

95% 1% 1% 3%

will go out dressed in a revealing costume will go out not dressed in a revealing costume wont go out oh god, thats a dude

13% 9% 6% 5% 67%

a character from Mario brothers Waldo a banana Bane from The Dark Knight Rises a drunken asshole

Best part of Halloween-

What would humanize candidates more-

20% 35% 45%

dressing up getting free candy from neighbors getting a chance to sleep with my favorite disney princess

20% 11% 9% 60%

government transparency a look at their family life birth certificates and tax returns Thunderdome type debate

Why people are voting for Romney-

Favorite Biden quotes-

54% 26% 10% 10%

are old and white. agree with his positions on key issues dont want Obama for another term feel bad that he is going to lose really bad so they want him to feel better by making him lose by just a little less

28% 20% 1% 9% 16% 40%

hey you kids! get off my lawn! i love me some grilled cheese believe in the government who stole my puppies? man, we fucked up that term fuck math!

Who the students of UConn are planning on voting for-

Why people are watching the debatesthe candidate 7% to see where issues stand on important 93% to play that drinking game and get completely smashed

51% 42% 6% 1%

Obama Romney 3rd party candidate moon base

costume Society
by Nicole

art by Danielle

We all wear masks. Why limit your daily wardrobe to a t-shirt and jeans when you can pretend to be a superhero, cartoon character, historical figure, object or even your favorite fruit for a day? Costumes are not just for Halloween, but for everyday life. Reasons to wear a costume whenever: 1) Meet other costume wearers. Theres nothing a costume wearer loves more than seeing another one of his kind. Wherever you decide to strut your pseudo persona, youll undoubtedly get noticed by other folks in dress-up attire. Make an effort to mingle. Most costumers are highly intelligent individuals and understand the deep, underrated beauty of pretending to be something else for a day. 2) Disrupt the status quo. Whichever outfits you decide on, youre going to get looks from people. Dont feel uncomfortable; take proud responsibility for making someones day even just 1% less boring. Every day we walk around to the same places, seeing the same people, doing the same things. Monotony is inhuman. Wear a costume to a party, to the supermarket, in the middle of campus, even to lecture class and overcome the daily routine. 3) Make people laugh Who doesnt love a little boost of serotonin? Whatever you do in your costume youre bound to generate giggles. Going to a bar and singing horrible karaoke is normally embarrassing; wear a costume and its hilarious. Get into a fight any day and it can be dangerous; wear a costume and its hilarious. Public urination usually is illegal; wear a costume and its a hoot! Distract others from your normal, nonsensical actions simply because of your attire. 4) Start a revolution. Once your friends see how much positive attention youre getting in your new outfit it wont be long til they follow suit. Embrace the power in numbers. Connect with others and start a costume society! Walk around with your geared-up group anywhere and spread the magic to all! 5) Save time getting ready in the mornings. Why spend time looking in the mirror when youre just going to look like every other chap on campus? Roll out of bed, slip on a costume and shine like a diamond! You dont even need to shower. People will be so upheld by your good looks they wont even notice the gruesome stench flowing out your armpits. 6) Personal Benefits. Wear a banana suit to a concert- meet your favorite band. Attend a nighttime festival with a group of Teletubbies- get free stuff. Walk around the city in a green man suit- get featured on the news. Wear a clown suit to a bowling alley- get to stay after hours. Dont be afraid to test the waters. Most people will admire your bravery and instantly want to get to know you

AUDIO VANDALISM
SETH NUDDLE

Its autumn again-- the only season I actually enjoy walking to classes, instead of jumping on the red line like the lazy ass I really am. As the leaves transform to crisp harvest colors, our moods always seem to follow. With each step on my walk to class I try to catch the colorful landscapes ascending closer. The period of fall may be a time where trees are going to rest, fading darker into non-existence, but many other things are awaking in the music world. Songs have been creating a whole new meaning, bringing back the idea of the Dawn of the Dead. Music is creating something much larger than what is has previously been. For example, Ive always been a huge fan of Grammy award-winning American progressive folk artist Bon Iver. A man who spent three months in a cabin in Northwestern Wisconsin just to perfect his debut album entitled For Emma, Forever Ago independently in July 2007. The first single blossomed from this album titled, Skinny Love. It was selected to be iTunes (UK) single of the week, as well as being featured as National Public Radios track of the day. A few years later, DJ Das Kapital created a darker rerub of the song. He added bass and drums as music tastes began to progress in dubstep sampling culture. Bon Iver continued with his work, blossoming a second album this time last year, which was self-titled, in which he released a song titled Holocene. With the season change this fall, Ipso created a remix of Holoscene. Bringing the natural callow sound of Bon Iver flawlessly infused with the synthetic sound of a chillstep drop. Chillstep is a genre that has leafed into music scene, combining samples from as far back as the first day of music with the new age dubstep sounds loved by todays audiences, slowed down to create a more mellow vibe. GRiZ is a talented young producer from Michigan, and a former member of the electric band LEAK. He now travels all across the country playing at festivals such as Electric Forest and has done collaborations with other upcoming DJs such as Gramatik

signed under Pretty Lights Music. A year ago GRiZ has a rework of Aerosmiths classic song titled Dream On adding filters, drum kicks and helicopter drops. He recently just released his album entitled Mad Liberation which can be considered a milestone in the art of electronic chillstep, 3 songs that I would check out are titled Too Young for Tragedy, Where The Love? and Better Than Ive Ever Been sampling from the famous Kanye song. Gramatik also released a new record entitled #digitalfreedom, where he states that as an artist that based his entire career on the platform of free file sharing, he is dedicated in the fight against severe internet censorships. Gramatik was quoted saying this one goes out for spreading awareness! Reject them all, they will never stop the sharing, the Internet is our realm, Digital Freedom! Gramatik has sold over 100,000 tracks on Beatport.com, topping all kinds of different genres on the chart. He earned nominations for Best Chill Out Artist and Best Chill out Track at the 2010 and 2012 Beatport Music awards. After posting a brilliant remix of Led Zeppelins Stairway to Heaven he shot to the number 1 spot on HypeMachine in a matter of hours growing his name alongside of label mate Pretty Lights. As the seasons and the climate change, so does music evolve. Taking classic songs from artists such as Bon Iver, Aerosmith, and Led Zeppelin from the dawn of the dead and recreating them in a way to match our emotions. New songs bud and spring up from classics; given bass drops that fall faster than leaves from trees, leaving us nothing left to do but stand by, and seize the moment.

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presidential monsters key

zombie - jill stein slender man - donald trump werewolf - mitt romney mummy - gary johnson frankenstein - barack obama demon - rocky anderson vampire - virgil goode ghost - stewart alexander

art by Hudson