"The day they put teeth in your mouth they ruined a perfectly good a**hole!

" You SIR, have the hygiene of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favorite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumor that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the death of not a few dung beetles and a charmingly morose flamingo. But at least a flamingo has knees, and not just a continuation of the most unsightly part of one's ankle all the way up to those frighteningly childbearing hips you happen to have. Your favorite French translator has a unhealthy fascination with crankshafts and your favorite novelist was last seen doing something trite, shallow, and vastly popular. I don't think I speak out of turn when I mention your gait reminds me of a palsied giraffe in his death throes being beaten about by a troop of erotically charged baboons. You remind me of a stork with a lacerated colon. If you don't mind me saying your face has the repugnant sensibilities of one who, quite mistakenly, stopped short of suicide at a young age and, to the consternation of all that is just in the world, failed to fall to childhood consumption as well. Your rather oddly proportioned body reminds me of a humorously crafted sausage that has since gone stale and is only kept on as a curiosity at the local pawn shop. And though it pains me to point out, your ears have all the charm of a wayward pigeon masticated by a gaggle of ravenous seabirds. I imagine it takes a rather shocking amount of fortitude, ignorance or bravery to look in the mirror every morning. I'm sure your credit is quite fine, something steady and respectable only earned by a man of no taste, little imagination, and a family pedigree about as long as my cuticle. Which I suppose counteracts your preference in short, stout women whose resemblance to sheared horrifically disfigured farm animals is more than passing, and have all the intelligence of an out-of-season pinecone. And not to put too fine a point on it, old chum, but your consistent choice in conversation topics has made me consider avoiding you altogether and say, chatting up a rather long insurance quote for a 17th century shipyard. Has it been very long that a family of schizophrenic racoons have burrowed up your nose and eaten all that is left of your brain? Are you just running that thick and dimmed skull of yours on racoon droppings and a displaced sense of duty to keep up appearances; because if you must know, there aren't many to keep up You utter Buffoon / Poltroon .summoning up the picture of a torrid coupling under a greatcoat in a ditch at the side of a medieval highway. ...sniffed haughtily at such corporeal wallowings and gross affinities and, sneering through its tortoise-shell lorgnette, termed the loathsome product a ??

Face like a Tobyjug Face like the bald arse of a donkey Canard is the French word for duck as well as its other meanings like hoax or false story. Its roots are Old French verb caner to quack + -ard as operative suffix, hence le canard is the quacker. Clochard French word for beggar used by Hemingway from clocher French to limp. You arsepipe... "It is the duty of a gentleman to know how to ride, to shoot, to fence, to box, to swim, to row and to dance. He should be graceful. If attacked by ruffians, a man should be able to defend himself, and also to defend women from their insults" Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture. 1886 You remind me of a cantankerous old man with a fetish for black knit stockings and fish themed restaurants. Darn it! Pipped to the post! THIEF! CAD! BOUNDER! Someone stop that man! I PUT a horse down earlier today. I told it that it was fat, useless, and completely devoid of any redeemable qualities. I AM fed up of this insufferable bastard / old oaf "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -> Winston Churchill Sodomite Cad,Bounder,Rascal, Jovial Cove, Erudite Chap You sir are sadly lacking in panache Repartees, Badinage, Banter,Shenanigans, Bon Mots, Persiflage

He wouldn't know his anal cavity from blunt terrestrial erosion. Engage yourself in egoistic carnal knowledge. (Go **** yourself) Obviously you are the result of a degradation in your gene pool don't feel bad, a lot of people have no talent you're a living proof that man can live without brain the inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family. (means that you're born from incest= your parents are brother and sis, or close cousins) don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be left alone It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. You fill a much-needed gap. A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster. -- Earl Long Preposterous / Grotesque Abstract art? A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. End of season sale at the cerebral department. Failure has gone to his head. -- Wilson Mizner Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. -- Neil Simon He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty. He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair. He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. He'd make a lovely corpse. -- Charles Dickens

Her only flair is in her nostrils. -- Pauline Kael His ears make him look like a taxicab with both doors open. -- Howard Hughes ( about Clark Gable) His features resemble a fossilized wash rag His ignorance is encyclopedic His style has the desperate jauntiness of an orchestra fiddling away for dear life on a sinking ship. I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. S/he has much in common with Hitler, only no mustache. She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater. She looks like something that would eat its young. She is a large woman who seems not so much dressed as upholstered. That person (he/she) is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. I see, in your case the gods too are fond of a joke. He looks like a half-melted rubber bulldog. Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever. You have all the wit and grace of a baboons colon. Arse-Biscuits! You blithering cock-pipe! By Satans Scarlet Scrotal Sack!

Get off my property at once, Sir or I shall feel obliged to release the hounds. What in the name of Beelzebubs blistering ball-bag is that unholy din? SHUT UP OR I SHALL ENSCONCE MY FOOT FIRMLY IN YOUR BALLBAG. Oh, bravo, sir. BRAVO, I have not seen such a diverting show since I last visited the zoological gardens. Like an owl with no beak; very decorative but essentially useless. I am going to ruddy bash your teeth down your scrawny throat, Oh, youd better be ready, sir, for I shall bring forth the pain! By God, you truly do have a face like a horses/baboon's arse, you know. Although that damned ambassador seemed to take umbrage with me when I asked his wife to demonstrate all the positions from the Karma Sutra upon my person. Quite a humourless cove, that one. get a peek at my tally whacker she was a most becoming filly *You filthy brute! Tits - cupid's kettle drums Testicles - Whirlygigs, ballocks, bawbles, trinkets, gingambobs, thingambobs, tallywags, twiddlediddles Woman's private parts Mimsy, Cock - Nebuchadnezzar, plug-tail, tackle, whore-pipe, tallywacker Rutting like spaniels

Lady who's a bit of a romp - wagtail, bobtail, bangtail, cleaver, Having a buttered bun - engaging in the carnal act with a woman who's just finished lying with someone else ATHANASIAN WENCH, or QUICUNQUE VULT. A forward girl, ready to oblige every man that shall ask her. BACK GAMMON PLAYER. A sodomite. BUNTER. A low dirty prostitute, half whore and half beggar. What! Speak up man!, you're not some mumbling Frisian I hope! Do you you walk around in wooden shoes? No I didn't think so! Do you spend your evenings getting baked, then calling directory enquiries, asking for the number to directory enquiries? No I didn't think so. You're BRITISH man! My God, speak up for the love of all that is Pompous! -Lady Humphrington- what an enchanting evening dress, what colour is your pubic hair? I take umbrage. Affront; a verb which means "insult". "...should they affront me grossly. Cogitations; unpleasant thought. After being assigned to an unpleasant fatigue, "However, I kept my cogitations to myself." I await with great trepidation. Splendid. I'm quite simply aflutter at the prospect.

I say old beans, I don't mean to be a bore

Tally-ho! Chocks away, Ginger...

"The day is upon us, my dear..." Good Heavens, what an outrage I say. The very image of this heinous creation has not only caused me to wretch and vomit but also induced a rectal prolapse. By jingo; what on earth is this sartorial abomination Your dreams of rehabilitation may be in vain: the whole confounded mess has no redeeming features at all. , you say? I applaud I fear, ... They are the sartorial equivalent of a lepers bell. ludicrous contraptions There should be laws against this sort of thing. I am incandescent with rage Darling; fetch my guns.. Five hundred guineas that would keep me in gin for a week! amiable bunch of coves Good Lord, this sartorial monstrosity gives me the vapors beware the clumsy oaf . Quick, where are my smelling salts? I feel a fainting spell coming on at the sight of such atrocity!

I am greatly perturbed.... Bally-nincompoop I got a chair by the fire so I shant move I had my collar felt by the local constabulary How rude... Quackery!! My what a high class term for such a low class mouth Poltroon Bad egg "What utter Tommy-rot" "Your Sir, are an antediluvian miscreant" The incognate dregs of a thunder-mug, shite-armoured warrior of ignorance; a foul gobbet of dromedary expectorant. A fever-fouled pox of pustulent pestilence, an elephantine expression of excrement; descendant of decadence. The accursed and crusted creation of boot-scrapings; the victor of all vice's virtues. Billowing burst bag of brainless braggart ballast. "Not only are you not a gentleman, sir, but none of your fathers were either!" "I have less use for him than I would an empty eggshell" "It's a wonder he doesn't break his nose each time he sits down." What you're speaking is not only the height of humbug, but furthermore it is balderdash, claptrap, hokum, drivel, buncombe, imposture, and simply sheer quackery. Laced mutton - prostitute Judy - prostitute

Limp wristed - gay Star-gazer - prostitute Nancy boy - gay Strumpet - prostitute tea-tottler - someone who abstains strong drink parlor soldier - garrison soldiers Haymarket Hussar Your brain case is smaller than that of an australopithecus afarensis, and y'aint got no opposable thumbs! "You Sir...your nasal feature could be likened to pox riddled, pus sweating bullock's pizzle!. Good day" Obnoxious drunk in pub. "What you looking at?" Erudite, witty gent. "Oh, so it's the difficult questions first, is it? You are as clever as a stick in a bucket of pig swill "I warn you lest I give you a cauliflower ear!" Unhand me at once, I say! I shan't part with one coin to supply your folly, you wastrel! You'll do well to to emit your foul, fecund, swamp-gas breath AWAY from the area of my person. * You Sir are a 10 pound bag of manure in a 5pound bag Clochard French word for beggar Unhand me at once, you rotten scoundrel Basterly Gullion a bastards bastard. Muck-Spout one who is at once very loquacious and very foul-mouthed.