Kerrie

Chapter 1

I think we should see other people. The words came out of nowhere and Kerrie almost rolled directly out of bed she rolled over so fast. See other people, see other people or make this an open relationship? Either way sounded pretty horrible to her but if it meant keeping Jayson she might be able to go for the latter. I dont think I can do this anymore. Jesus Christ, you were wearing pajamas with lollipops on them, Kerrie. Youre a grown woman for Godsake, act like it. Fuck you, Jay. She rolled out of bed for emphasis, keeping her thong covered ass in his focus for entirely too long. If he wanted to ridicule her wardrobe hed have to accept that he was never going to see her again, in or out of it. Plus, her ass looked fabulous after she completed the squat challenge her best friends had said shed never finish. She was certain that pic shed taken for him in her lollipop and icecream cone pajamas was now going to be her avatar on any and all social media. He started to mumble an apology but shed heard it enough, she didnt need to hear it again. Youre still wearing the condom. Couldnt you have picked a more tactful time to break up with me? She threw a textbook at his head, hoping her terrible aim had somehow improved over the last three hours. Shed spent her whole Sunday in bed with her nearly decade-older boyfriend when she should have been cramming for finals. Live and learn, she guessed. Theyd been through this before, many times before. The truth was Jayson broke up with Kerrie every time he thought something better might come along, essentially every Saturday night that he went out with his brothers. If Jeremy and Joshua were in town, Jayson thought it best to be single, in case a possibility came along. It never did. Jeremy could pull chicks and if he couldnt keep them interested Joshuas widower stories could certainly do the trick. He needed a shtick like his brothers but hed never be able to top professional baseball player. Too bad Jeremy had gotten all the athletic genes in the family. Kerrie was in her prime. College life was about drinking, doing drugs and having as much sex as one person could cram into eight semesters of their life. Now that it was coming to a close she had to scrounge up every last second she could to get to work on the last two, the first one she indulged in

nearly every waking moment of the last four years. The Marrakesh seating area shed fashioned in her apartment was littered with empty beer cans (his) and lime rinds (hers). You know what? Im onto your little game. Take your pencil dick and your fanny pack and get out. Lose my number while youre at it. She felt 15 but it was true. She tossed the luxury leather-good across the room and watched as the contents spilled to the floor. Who cares if its Fendi, its still a god damn fanny pack and those went out around the same time as jorts and porno moustaches. What about my weed? He asked cautiously, already knowing the answer. That was hers. For pain and suffering. She didnt really consider it to be a drug and there were many more interesting ones she could have been getting into but this was a start. No way. Go home to your dog and stay the eff out of my life. Yeah, she said it. Shed really been in college for too long when one letter had become an appropriate curse word. When she found herself saying FML or OMG in regular conversation, she might just have to end her miserable life. The door swung open just as Cooper happened to walk by with two of his equally gorgeous friends. So much for privacy in this tiny, run-down piece of shit. At least mint green was her color. It didnt hurt that she was in just a bra and thong, that would always get attention though she got more from the one she always thought was a little bit gay. Never hurt to get the gays on your side, he better mention her slammin abs to Coop or Kerrie would go ballistic on his ass too. No wonder your last name is Heitmen. You should be a fucking lesbo. That got a snicker out of the peanut gallery. I only hate men who deserve it. And lets just say theres a reason your name isnt Richard. Ill make sure to tell all your buddies how you couldnt get it up this morning despite seven hours of sleep and two Viagra. That should make a good story to catch your next baby-mama. Fuck you. No, fuck you. She said it the way one would say thank you and caught Cooper grinning from his stoop. The building was set up like a motel with entrances to all apartments on the front. Coopers sat across a small strip of parking from hers so that and their patio furniture faced each other. He had a direct view into her studio if she didnt carefully close the blinds. She rarely did. Mr. Winters in 3C had probably seen enough of her to make her into one of those weird clay figurines hed sculpted and placed all over his entrance area, nude of course, they were always nude with their boobs flopping down to their knees and penises gently lounging on unmuscular thighs. She wouldnt mind a lifesize statue of Cooper Garrity, in fact, she might just commission one now that she was officially S-I-N-G-L-E.

Jaysons car rattled to a start and she laughed at her own stupidity. His ironic El Camino should have been her first tip off. She stood there and watched it pull away, unconscious of the fact that she was still in just a bra and thong panties until she turned to make her re-entry into her humble abode. Add that to the list of humiliating things shed been through; giving Cooper and his friends a full rearview of her physique. If she had any shame she would be embarrassed, instead, she threw on a dress, still in full view of the door, and sashayed over to his apartment, barefoot and confident. I showed you mine, now you show me yours, she said to the now-obviously gay one. If she was on the fence before she was certain now that she spotted his Gucci loafers. No respectable straight man would be caught dead in purple crocodile. Guys, you remember Kerrie. Of course they did but she, for the life of her, could not remember meeting them. She couldnt tell if Cooper knew this and was just screwing with her and she hated it. Anyone know of any good parties tonight? Im single! She wasnt phishing for a compliment but a little hes an idiot for leaving you or youre too pretty to be single would have gone a long way. When no one responded she continued. Okay, one of you must know a good dealer. Their focus wasnt on her; they were watching the parking lot intently. She turned to follow their gaze just as she heard a car screech into the lot. It couldnt have been more than two seconds after coming to a complete stop and something was hurled their way, a flaming brown bag. Her first instinct was to plug her nose for the obvious dog shit smell but it never came. Whatever was inside was considerably more plastic than animal feces. She only caught the back of the drivers head as he sped off but she couldnt mistake that bald-spot. Jayson, get back here, she yelled, running after him in a lace dress, her funeral dress if any of her stripper friends ever passed away. It was no use. The hunk of shit he normally drove was replaced with a sporty Mustang that she guessed belonged to one of his brothers, it must have been parked around the corner at his place. Hey, no one ever accused her of being choosy about her lovers; convenience had always been a factor. Why they would trust him with a fifty-thousand dollar automobile was beyond her though. The straight one came after her as Cooper looked on. It wasnt that he was bad looking but next to Cooper, his friend looked a little like Vince Vaughn standing next to Channing Tatum. On his own he was at least a Tom Hardy.

Here, he held his hand out for her to take as she rubbed her bleeding toes. Joe, the landlord, really needed to deal with the litter in the driveway, a stray bottle cap had nearly severed her little toe, and that was her cutest one. Im Trick. You dont remember meeting me, do you? Kerrie shook her head, still holding Tricks hand as she examined her cut. We made out at a party last year, Coopers Uncles wake, I think. She vaguely recalled crashing a party at her neighbors where all the guests wore black; shed just thought it was a bash akin to Diddys white party. Probably with a little less Jameson, she would have had enough class not to make out in a dimly lit corner with Celtic music playing as background noise. Now she couldnt hear a Celtic harp without getting a tingly sensation down below and Leprechauns faintly turned her on. Trick was a good kisser but she knew her standards, she never would have made out with a guy with such a ridiculous name. There had to be an explanation. Trick, huh? Kenneth, actually, but my friends call me Trick. Kenny, right, she said aloud, and I kept calling you Kerrie. He smiled at her recollection. She knew what it meant. Bro-code was in effect. No wonder Cooper had stopped coming around for their weekend nightcap, Kenny-boy wanted her bad and shed given him a free show. It didnt matter if they were single or attached, every couple of weeks Cooper would show up on her doorstep with a bottle of some fancy liquor he procured from his job as a bartender and the two of them would toast to life and all its ups and downs. It was always the same toast and always the same sentiment after. She always wanted to kiss him and he always spoiled it with stories of his latest conquests. If she didnt know better shed think he was trying to make her jealous. Kenneth stared at her with the wide-eyed grin of a toddler. Hed said something but shed missed it in her fantasy of Coop. She should apologize for crashing his poor dead Uncles wake. And offer to make it up to him with a drink Thursday night. Finals ran through the week but she couldnt make it until Friday to make good use of her single status. She should really send Jayson a thank you card, hed done her a big favor by being such a douchebag. She sauntered over to him, ignoring the babbling from Kenny behind her. She refused to so much as think of him as Trick and she certainly didnt want to know how hed gotten the nickname. Cooper held out a beer to her as she got within range, a Corona with a lime, the only way shed actually drink a beer. In his other hand was a charred mess that he was unsure he should show her.

My iPod, she shrieked, dropping to the ground dramatically, skinning her knees on the pavement. Shed always had a flare for the dramatic and this time was no different. Shes spent big money on that, back before you could buy them at every discount store out there. It was her prized possession and her entire life was on that thing, every song shed ever heard that had sent a tingle up her spine. While the others looked away Cooper looked her right in the eye, not flinching as she made an idiot of herself and let the tears stream down her cheeks. She didnt care what they thought, she was entitled to her emotions and this one was not unwarranted. To her it was the equivalent of chopping off one of their testicles and destroying it beyond recognition, the exact way she hoped to get back at her now ex-boyfriend, the man-child. Every other boyfriend shed ever had at least had the decency to extort sex from her in exchange for getting her things back. One had even gone so far as to threaten to release her sexts to the world en masse if she didnt come get her unicorn figurine and her Atari from his mothers basement. Ok, that was when she was 14 and he was her next door neighbor. She had an unusual attachment to that teal green piece of metal and plastic, it had survived the last four years of post-adolescent hell with her, she may have owed it her life. Well get you a new one, theres a whole stash in the lost and found at Equinox. Ive got a couple iTunes giftcards, too. Fuck your iTunes giftcards, she spat at him. She didnt like it when he was sweet. Cooper was supposed to be rough around the edges and mysterious. She didnt like this side of him. Fuck you, Heitmen, he laughed. He knew how to deal with women and as much as she strived to be, Kerrie was no different than most of them. He walked her back to her apartment door and waited until she was locked inside before he left, vaguely aware that she was watching his exit from her front window. Even without looking he could sense the exact second she flopped onto her unmade bed and started sobbing uncontrollably. He probably should have asked for his shot glasses back before the emotional breakdown. He feared he might never see them again.

Chapter 2

Kerrie fell asleep to the sounds of shotguns on beer can towers with her marketing book resting gently on her chest and didnt wake until her alarm rang at 7:30. Signs two through five that Jayson was never right for her; he was a member of the NRA, a registered Republican and a Budweiser drinker. He

was batting a thousand. She wondered what his neighbors must think when his brothers were in town. Charlene and Danny were good people, always offering to dogsit Jaysons terrier when he went out of town for business. Little did they know his business only included procuring weed from across state lines. She sure was going to miss little Roscoe, he was the best benefit to their relationship, all the pleasures of having a puppy without any of the responsibility. Thoughts of Cooper bounced through her head as she showered and dressed. Hed be getting up for work soon and she was dying to see his morning look. Would a little sleepover kill him? She was single, he wasnt attached, they needed to make it happen. She practically sprinted to the classroom and found her regular seat, eyes scanning the last chapter she hadnt gotten around to reading. Lucky for her she had a photographic memory and every word Professor Jansen had ever said was firmly stuck in her brain, at least until post-final margaritas with Layla and Beckah. The cute guy across the aisle was neck deep in study prep and didnt even look up when she practically brushed her ass in his face. At least they matched, him in his fatigues, her in her support the troops camo top. She wanted to give him at least one more chance to notice her and she figured shed give him Iraqi flashbacks and hed either be terrified or elated every time he looked at her. She guessed that it hadnt worked one way or another. Beckahs text came like clockwork. She knew exactly when Kerries tests were and her overly peppy words of encouragement lit up her cells screen. This time it was accompanied by a picture of a squirrel in a graduation cap. At least send a half-naked guy, she thought she at least deserved that. The tests went out unceremoniously. It was a little strange not to have her iPod sitting on the corner of her desk, earbuds ready to be popped in the second she handed in her final. She felt incomplete without it. To think, it would have almost matched her outfit. She finished in record time, probably the first one done although she mostly ignored all the others in the room. If they werent 62 or taller they werent getting her attention, and neither was that Amazon with the 24 inch waist and the 33 inch biceps, that girl was a freak. Her iced coffee barely had time to melt before she was out the door, hoping Layla had been anywhere near as quick as she was. There was only one way her best friend was quick and that was to get in the sack. Shed be better off hoping that she could have some man candy to keep her entertained for the next 75 minutes. On this campus, that was asking a lot.

With her face buried in an interesting blowjob technique article in the latest Cosmo, she hadn't even realized anyone had sat on the bench beside her. Judging by the cologne-scent it wasnt Layla, unless shed had an incredible sleepover the night before. Whatcha reading? Again, her lack of shame worked to her advantage. Any other girl would be as crimson as her favorite Nars lipstick but Kerrie didnt even blush. Her dark Native American skin was as tawny as it had ever been, her Guerlain bronzer made sure of it. It was as if she sent off a vibe that was contradictory to what she felt. She did not want to be approached by strange men. Shed always been the aggressor and didnt care how hot the guy was, she didnt like being chatted up. It made her feel defensive right off the bat and if you knew her, youd know that she was defensive enough without provocation. Im trying to read, she said, looking down to the article, not even pretending that she was going to stop for some fool in a Lakers hat with the straighter than straight brim. When had that become a thing? It wasnt even remotely attractive, especially on an albino monkey like the one trying to get in her La Perlas. She wouldnt be caught dead talking to him, it would diminish what little good reputation she had left. I hope thats studying for a lab cause Id volunteer to be YOUR subject. Okay, so clearly hed seen what the article was about. Damn you Cosmo, why couldnt it have been an article about douching or Kegel exercises, hell shed even take a when your period goes MIA series over this. It left too many ways in which Mr. Monkey thought he could get her to laugh. She was as far from laughing as she could get with any shred of patience left in her body. Instead of waiting for him to stumble his way to a retraction she got up and left. So what if she was supposed to meet Layla outside her test, shed text her with the change of plans. How funny would it be if her Im sexy and I know it text ringtone went off during a completely silent chem exam? She found a bench on the other side of the building, watching closely to make sure Mr. Monkey didnt approach from around the corner. It wasnt like her to be so nice. Normally in a situation like that she would have either embarrassed the shit out of him by yelling something about his erectile dysfunction or she would have given him the impression she was going to take him up on his offer and left him somewhere without his underwear with an erection as big as his little soldier could muster. She must have been feeling generous because she did neither. Kerrie looked up from her text just as a car passed. She recognized it immediately, the little black Focus Cooper kept immaculately clean even though she knew for a fact hed never hooked up in

the backseat. There was only one reason her backseat wasnt littered with dirty clothes, empty soda bottles and half eaten bagels, she hoped to have an excuse to give Cooper a ride and didnt want to lose her chance because she was a slob. She only let him see her apartment that way after a weekend escapade and that was because she wanted him to picture the wild sex she was having. In truth Jayson was more of a bed-only kind of guy and it never sat well with her. What kind of man only wanted it on the bed when there were so many other places to do it? Maybe it had been his age because men her age never seemed to have a problem getting it on in even the smelliest of portable toilets or dirtiest parks in town. Coopers eyes skimmed her without recognition before he turned back to stare as best as he could while driving. That was the reaction she wanted and she sent a wave in his direction when he stopped at the stop sign. He looked amazing in a suit, just as she always pictured, just the right shade of dark gray, a bright blue shirt lighting up his equally aqua eyes. His fauxlex flashed in the sun when he reached his arm out to wave her over, turning on his blinker to signal that he was pulling to the side of the road. Almost as if she heard Celtic harps coming from his surely above factory grade speakers, her loins tingled with excitement. I thought you worked the Denver Ave corner, he deadpanned. She wouldnt admit it to anyone but it took Kerrie a second too long to realize what he meant. Ha ha. Very funny. Besides, I dont think Id get much in this outfit. Ahh, you never know. She was hoping for a little something more but there wasnt much she could do about it. Cutting through the college campus was a townie rite of passage and she knew for a fact hed lived there all his life. It was quicker than going the roundabout way but still, shed never seen him there before. Headed to work? she asked, immediately regretting being so stupid. Looking sexy, she added, knowing his simple man-mind would immediately forget her stupid question with a flirty compliment. Shed purposely said sexy instead of something more benign like good or childish like cute. Cute, was something you said about your two year old nephew when he pooped in the potty. Not so bad yourself, he winked, motioning behind her as she heard Layla click-clacking her way over in some pair of ridiculous heels. She always wore those things, and always complained when they started giving her blisters, shed never learn. Shed also never learn to stay away when Kerrie was talking to guy and they either thought solely about Laylas rack or they fantasized about Kerrie nuzzling her best friends sizeable cleavage. It never failed.

Hey, Coop, she giggled like an idiot. What are you doing here? Trolling for some underage lovin, Kerrie immediately found herself saying. She always went ballbuster when there was competition around and she knew that Laylas DDs were double the competition. It didnt help that Layla always insisted on showing off at least one other part of her body, this time her flat stomach and the belly button ring she held onto long after she should have retired it as a high school fad. If Kerrie had a jealous bone in her body she would have been jealous of Layla. Better than dating a geezer. He laughed like he thought he was funny but no one besides him thought so. Even Layla kept her annoying giggle to herself. Im not dating him anymore, and you know that, she slammed him on the arm but a little giddy flash of excitement must have passed her face when she felt his rock hard bicep. Had he been working out? You broke up with Jayson? Layla asked. She didnt get her hopes up because she knew how often the two broke things off. Were his brothers in town again? They were but that has nothing to do with it. Were done for good this time. He broke my iPod. Out of nowhere Cooper got out of the car, parked just far enough from the stop sign to be acceptable. Kerrie would have pointed it out otherwise because Cooper had absolutely no way of getting out of a ticket. Unless it was a female cop, he was out of luck. Kerrie could charm a cop into parting with his .9mm. He was digging through his inside jacket pocket and Kerrie had flashbacks to her last neighborhood and her boyfriend, Benedicto. Beneo would have been reaching for his gat but she doubted Cooper was doing the same. I got this for you. Found it at the bar a couple months ago. She took it from his outstretched hand. Its shit brown. After a moment of silence Layla butted her big tits into the conversation. What she means his thank you. Yeah, thanks, Kerrie mumbled. It had the best music on it, he shrugged, and it holds the most. She could tell shed pissed him off but really, who wanted an iPod the color of deer feces, she could only think that he took it into the woods behind the house and rubbed in in a big steaming pile before giving it to her. Of course, he probably wouldnt have left it naked in his breast pocket.

As far as she knew Cooper never worked Sunday nights, he must have gone out of his way to get it for her and Layla realized that even if Kerrie didnt. Awww, its awesome. There was the giggle again; she never went long without doing it. Nobody ever knew if it was real or if she was just a man-attracting genius. It worked every time whether she really needed it to or not. Sometimes her boobs werent enough but that little chortle always sent them over the edge and falling into her lap. Heres this too. It was the iTunes card hed promised her. I was going to re-download all your Justin Beiber but then the cops would be on to me, I couldnt troll the NECC (xxxx from undeclared) campus for 17 year olds anymore. Its Kennys favorite pastime. You mean Trick? He rolled his eyes. I keep trying to tell him that Trick sounds like a jiggalo name. Just call him Kenneth; it drives him crazy, like if I call you DONT say it, Kerrie interrupted. Ever since the time he stumbled upon Kerrie and her dad having a heart to heart on her patio, Cooper had felt the need to remind her that hed overheard her Papa call her family nickname, the one bestowed upon her after her 15th birthday. Her uncle had been Soaring Sparrow and shed been given the unfortunate moniker of Sinking Sparrow after the near drowning incident of 2002. It was embarrassing enough that anyone remembered her hitting her head on a rock as she dove to impress a boy, but it was even more humiliating that the news had spread outside her familys pseudo-reservation on Lake Campasocee. When her Papa had insisted on explaining the origin of her name, his daughter excused herself to down shots of Jose Cuervo just out of her fathers sight. Even Layla didnt know of her secret shame. It had all been in vain, Knox Williceres, turned out to be the biggest homo in this history of Lake Campasocee. Cooper glanced at his watch, knowing that hed wasted at least ten minutes trying to do something nice for a girl who would rather lick rotting cabbage than accept his help. If he didnt leave right then hed probably never have a use for a suit again, as hed be fired from his sixth finance job and be blackballed from working ever again. He wasnt sure if he cared but it was worth making a decision before it happened TO him. Besides, Kerrie hadnt been able to muster more than a begrudged thank you for his thoughtfulness. Hed even gone in on his night off, and spent entirely too much time being flirted with by his regulars. He felt obligated to flirt back while on the clock but Equinox didnt generally attract the type of women hed flirt with when not working for tips. He held out his hands for a hug and Layla was the first to lean in. Hed always had the impression that she was at least slightly in love with him but he never quite new for sure. Kerrie

happened to be looking right at him as her friend held on for at least a few seconds too long and he couldnt help but mess with her. She was so easy to fuck with that it was comical. Kerrie couldnt believe what she saw when Coopers eyes rolled back in his head and he mimed motorboating Laylas massive chest. He did not just do that! Any hopes he had for a hug were long gone before shed even decided if he was worthy. Hed lost his privileges. As soon as Layla was out of his grip she shot another thank you over her shoulder and dragged her best friend away. That had gone as well as expected. It was probably the single most successful interaction the two of them had ever had. Kerrie shook her ass a little more obviously as she walked, hoping hed glance in his rearview and see her rear view as he drove off. Hed have to make do with that image because she was certain shed never talk to him again hed infuriated her so much. If only she could keep such promises.

Chapter 3

Beckah met them at the door of the salon, her best friends hot day drink of choice in both of her outstretched hands. If Kerrie didnt reap the benefits she would think that her friends actions were too sickeningly sweet for life. But Beckah always took care of her friends. It didnt hurt that her daddy paid for all of it. If shes actually talked to Beckah since her iPods unfortunate demise, she was certain her friend would have gone out and bought her a brand new one. It was so disgusting that Kerrie refused to participate in it, always refusing gifts on her birthday and all holidays, pretending to be too broke to reciprocate. If there was anything Beckah loved more than her friends it was presents, there was no way shed bestow them on anyone without expecting one in return. Her generosity still overtook everything they did and Layla and Kerrie had long ago given up refusing to let her pay when they went out. It was no exception today even though they were getting their nails done at the very salon Layla worked at every evening and weekend. They could have gotten a deep discount but Beckah never got anything on sale, it was against her religion like sex before marriage and drinking wine that cost less than $200 per bottle. Laylas fingernails were perfectly manicured, her hair immaculately highlighted until her Latina roots were almost non-existent, if it werent for her Mexican roots she wouldnt need any services but she had to wax her upper lip at least once a week or shed resemble Yosemite Sam. Her brows could use a little touchup too. Marjorie was working, she was the best brow threader in Northern California, the only person Layla would let near her arches. Someday she would strap Kerrie down and force her to

thread those caterpillars over her eyes. She was jealous that her friend could pull them off when she, herself, could not. She may not need or want a thread or a wax but she was certain that she needed some acrylics on those bloody bitten stumps she called nails. One could always tell how stressed Kerrie was by how gnarly her nails looked, and finals week was asking for a nasty nail infection. Beckah spent so much time and money in the salon no one was sure what she would spend her money on today. Her bronde hair was just the right shade in between brown and blonde, her brows were perfection and she didnt make it a day without an early morning polish change for both tips and toes. What was there left to do? Guys, I met someone, she declared and suddenly it was all clear, her year-round ban on painful waxing was over. Even if she hasnt going to sleep with the guy she needed her lady bits as perfectly pruned and landscaped as could be. She wasnt above flashing them the goods before declaring her re-virginized state. Of course, she had become a re-virgin at least four times since shed met Kerrie and Layla year and a half ago. Lets see how long she could last this time.