ESPRIT DE CORPSE by Andrew Moore

Andrew Moore andrewmoore_@hotmail.com 818 522-7903

1. Static fills the frame. Quickly, black vertical bars develop and begin rolling up, getting thicker with each pass. Theres a stir of static and WHITE NOISE. CUT IN: INT. DENTAL OFFICE - MORNING DOCTOR FAULK is videotaping his reflection in the mirror. Hes using an old, antiquated video camera/video tape recorder combo. FAULK is in his fifties with salt and pepper hair and a solid build. Perhaps he played sports as a younger man, but hasnt worked out in decades. He addresses the camera. FAULK Okay. Hello. Um. This is Doctor Faulk, Faulk Dentistry. It is October twentyseven, nineteen eighty-three, at about (he checks his watch) ten forty-five-ish. The sun is shining and . . . There is a distant CAR HORN. FAULK (CONT.) . . . oh. Theyre here! Alright! team building day! ZOOM IN on the reflection. CUT TO: EXT. DENTAL OFFICE - MORNING A HANDHELD TRAVELING SHOT from the front doors of the practice out to a group of people standing around a van with duffel bags, overnight cases, etc. The camera first approaches TAMMY, a girl in her twenties, dressed very much like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. FAULK (O.C.) Flashdance! (singing:) What a feeling! Yeah! Makes you feel it! (MORE)

Its

2. FAULK (O.C.) (CONT.) Yeah! Cause Im dancing around and welding stuff in my leg warmers! TAMMY Those arent the words. FAULK (O.C.) Tammy, this is a bit casual for a workrelated activity, dont you think? TAMMY Its the weekend, Greg. HANDHELD PAN to DAVE CARTWRIGHT, 50s, a black man in a Hawaiian shirt. Hes loading the suitcases, etc. into the back of the van. FAULK (O.C.) Dave Cartwright ... my man! skin! CARTWRIGHT How about I dont. FAULK (O.C.) Whats that? CARTWRIGHT How bout you put down your toy and help out? FAULK (O.C.) Nah, I have to record all this. CARTWRIGHT (to himself) Lazy-ass honkey. HANDHELD PAN to MARIAN, 30s. She is a prim, buttoned-down woman who would probably dress up to do her laundry. FAULK (O.C.) Whoah! Hey Tammy . . . You should take some fashion tips from Marian!

Give me some

3. TAMMY (O.C.) Screw you, Greg. FAULK (O.C.) What you reading? MARIAN Its called The Anatomy Lesson. FAULK (O.C.) (suggestive) Whoa-ho-ho! What kind of anatomy? anatomy? Like boobs?

Sexy

MARIAN Its not that kind of book, Greg. Its about how Ethel and Julias Rosenberg were wrongly executed by the United States government for espionage. They were coldwar scapegoats who . . . FAULK (O.C.) Okay, boring! HANDHELD PAN to DAVE LEMMON, 20s, a jolly white guy in Bermuda shorts and an Im with stupid t-shirt. FAULK (O.C.) Dave Lemmon! Whats happening? LEMMON Just waiting to go, Doc. FAULK (O.C.) Slide me some skin, brother man! LEMMON (doing so) Okay. FAULK (O.C.) Dy-no-mite!

4. LEMMON Im sorry, what are you doing? an impression? Is this

DAVE CARTWRIGHT enters frame to take DAVE LEMMONs duffel bag. CARTWRIGHT Hes doing that thing where he pretends to confuse us because were both named Dave. LEMMON laughs. CARTWRIGHT exits frame with the duffel bag and a sneer for FAULK. LEMMON Good one, Doc! CARTWRIGHT (O.C.) Were all packed. SWISH PAN to CARTWRIGHT. FAULK (O.C.) What? CARTWRIGHT Were ready to go. FAULK Lets hit the road!

Alright! CUT TO: INT. VAN - NOON

A shot of the world outside, flying past. CARTWRIGHT, whos driving.

HANDHELD PAN over to

CARTWRIGHT Hey, Candid Camera. You should be driving, not me. You rented this stupid thing. FAULK (O.C.) I trust you.

5. CARTWRIGHT Shouldve taken our own cars. HANDHELD PAN around at the other passengers, who are ignoring each other. Theres some obvious tension in the air. FAULK (O.C.) Hey! Anyone want to sing a travel song? Like, in the round or something? (singing) Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall . . . (talking) Come on! TAMMY No. MARIAN Im trying to read. FAULK How about you Dave? kill-joys! LEMMON Sure! (singing) Ninety-nine bottles of beer! down, pass it around . . . Take one

Cmon -- forget these

FAULK joins him in song, trailing off as we TILT DOWN SLIGHTLY, as if FAULK isnt paying attention to the camera. LEMMON continues. FAULK (O.C.) Stop the van!

Oh!

Oh!

SWISH PAN to CARTWRIGHT FAULK (O.C.) (CONT.) Stop the van! The van is stopped abruptly, eliciting complaints from the group.

6. CUT TO: EXT. ROAD - NOON A JERKY HANDHELD shot, climbing out of the passengers seat, rounding the front of the van, and crossing the road, nearly getting hit by a pick-up truck in the process. The camera settles for a moment on a chainlink fence. Sound of VAN DOORS OPENING off-camera. PAN LEFT and RIGHT, looking for something. SLOW TILT UP to a warning sign attached to the fence. The warning sign reads: DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE. 25,000 VOLTS. OBSERVE ALL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS. The camera JERKS BACK as if FAULK is in fear, exposing a second sign above the first. TILT UP and ZOOM IN on sign, which has a pictograph of a walking skeleton reaching out its arms and pursuing a running man. This sign reads WARNING! AMBULANT DECEASED SANCTUARY. ABSOLUTELY NO ADMITTANCE.) LEMMON (O.C.) Doc . . . Camera is jostled. FAULK (O.C.) (scared scream) Oh god! SWISH PAN around to reveal the group standing behind him. is crying. MARIAN What is this? CARTWRIGHT Zombie reservation. LEMMON Those arent real. Thats all an urban legend. CARTWRIGHT Youre what . . . twenty-four years old? TAMMY

7. LEMMON Twenty-three. CARTWRIGHT You were just a kid when it happened. FAULK (O.C.) Yeah. You were just a kid. I remember. We had to shut down the office for three weeks. I lost a couple of long-term patients! You remember them, Dave? The Klopeks? CARTWRIGHT I remember. I remember too . . . Sort of a

Yeah.

There is a sound, a HOLLOW AND THROATY VOCALIZATION. moan and a low-howl. SWISH PAN to the woods. FAULK (O.C.) What was that? The SOUND is heard again. Its pretty close.

CARTWRIGHT Lets keep going. LEMMON Yeah. FAULK (O.C.) I think I see something . . . ZOOM into the woods. Its blurry, but there is something moving. A man-size figure, swaying in the brush. MARIAN (O.C.) Greg! FAULK (O.C.) Yeah.

8. CUT TO: INT. VAN - DAY MARIAN is passing out sandwiches and sodas. TAMMY stares out the window, not eating. LEMMON is pressing himself forward, talking with CARTWRIGHT. LEMMON . . . but that was all a joke. A prank. Like those U-F-O pictures where its just a pie pan. CARTWRIGHT Prank my ass. Listen, it happened. Its one of those things people like to put out of mind, but it happened. LEMMON Zombies. CARTWRIGHT They damn near took over. FAULK (O.C.) I dont know about that, Dave. military . . .

The U-S

CARTWRIGHT The U-S military didnt know how to fight an enemy that was already dead. We won, but at what cost? I had family in the military. Cousins. The ones that made it through aint been the same. LEMMON But why a sanctuary? Theres a pause. shakes his head. CARTWRIGHT looks in the rearview mirror and PAN to TAMMY.

TAMMY For our family members. My mom. She was infected by my step-dad. The Army killed him, but I kept her locked in the basement.

9. TAMMY starts crying again. PAN back to CARTWRIGHT.

CARTWRIGHT Families of the . . . ambulant deceased they called them . . . petitioned Congress. They set up these reserves all over the country. LEMMON Wow. FAULK (O.C.) Wow. I just . . . I dont . . . what the hell do they feed them? MARIAN (O.C.) Lamb. PAN to MARIAN MARIAN I read an article. Lamb, rabbit, and filler, mixed together with human amino acids and proteins so that it tastes more like . . . you know. FAULK (O.C.) Yuck. Sounds almost as bad as these sandwiches you made! CARTWRIGHT (O.C.) (faintly) When theres no more room in hell . . . CUT TO: EXT. ENTRANCE TO RETREAT - DAY A TRAVELING SHOT from the passengers seat of a sign that reads WELCOME TO ESPRIT DE CORPS GROUP RETREAT.

10. CUT TO: EXT. MAIN HALL - DAY BRAD, an enthusiastic team consultant, meets the group at the door of the main hall. He wears a polo and shorts, and speaks in an annoying sing-song voice. BRAD Hello! Welcome to Esprit De Corps! name is Brad! FAULK (O.C.) Sorry were late. BRAD Thats fine! This is everybody? CARTWRIGHT Were everybody.

My

Yes.

BRAD Let me show you to your cabin! CUT TO: EXT. TRAIL - DAY The group walks down a trail towards a LOG CABIN. BRAD is flirting with LEMMON, whos oblivious. CARTWRIGHT is arguing with MARIAN about whats worse, racism or sexism. FAULK talks to TAMMY. FAULK (O.C.) So you were pretty upset back there. TAMMY Yeah. FAULK (O.C.) You remember our little talk? TAMMY Yeah.

11. FAULK (O.C.) So listen, if you were crying about what happened between us . . . TAMMY Is that stupid thing on? FAULK (O.C.) (laughing) Oh geez . . . I forgot I had this on! PAN to the rest of the group, who are congregating at the front door to the cabin. BRAD Okay, team! This is your cabin! Go ahead and drop off your things, make yourselves comfortable. Your first team session starts in one half hour back at the Main Hall! BRAD opens the door. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - DAY Its cozy enough, but very barren. Theres a boombox radio, simple wooden furniture, and a nicely stocked kitchen. The sleeping arrangements are cramped, with only two bedrooms. MARIAN There are only two rooms. CARTWRIGHT Shit. MARIAN Where are we supposed to sleep? LEMMON This is so rustic!

Wow!

TAMMY puts her hand on the back of a chair, and pulls it back in pain.

12. TAMMY A fucking splinter! FAULK (O.C.) Language! TAMMY (sucking on her finger) Sorry. FAULK (O.C.) Well, you heard Brad. Lets unpack. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - DAY Its a bit later. HANDHELD TRACKING shot through the cabin. TAMMY and LEMMON are making a bed, arguing which is the better movie, Return of the Jedi or Flashdance. CARTWRIGHT is in the living room, tuning the radio to a local station playing classic rock. MARIAN is struggling with a closet door. FAULK (O.C.) (startling her) Whats shakin bacon? MARIAN This door is stuck. FAULK (O.C.) Whats inside? MARIAN I dont know. Thats why I want to open it. FAULK (O.C.) Let me try. The camera TILTS UP to the ceiling and is jarred a bit as FAULK yanks open the door. There is a CLATTERING. The camera TILTS DOWN to see some tools - a couple of axes, a sledgehammer, a crowbar, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary for a cabin in the woods. There is also a tool box, and a big bag of nails.

Tammy!

13. FAULK (O.C.) Cool. Maybe we can cut firewood for the fireplace later. BRAD (O.C.) Okay team . . . SWISH PAN to Brad BRAD (Cont.) Lets work on your esprit de corps! CUT TO: INT. MAIN HALL - DAY The group is in the middle of a trust exercise. LEMMON is in the middle of the group, blindfolded. His arms are crossed across his chest, and he is falling forward, backward, etc. His teammates pass him around, not letting him fall. Until its FAULKs turn to pass him over. FAULK (who is still videotaping) steps out of the way, and LEMMON falls. The group berates him, ad lib. FAULK (O.C.) That was close! He almost broke the camera! CUT TO: INT. MAIN HALL - DAY The group sits in chairs in a circle. CARTWRIGHT . . . and sometimes it occurs to me that Ive been around long enough I could be running my own dental practice, instead of just being a hygienist. BRAD Fascinating.

14. MARIAN (sarcastic) Yeah. Life is so tough on you. BRAD Now now, Marian. Dont project your own personal frustrations on others. Instead, use these feelings to open up and expose yourself to us. FAULK snickers O.C. CARTWRIGHT Life is tough, Marian. Tough all over. MARIAN At least youre being paid what youre worth! CARTWRIGHT Oh you think so? TAMMY Shes right. MARIAN I dont need your help, thank you, Tammy. BRAD Okay, team. Lets refocus our hostilities and work on building bridges, not erecting walls. FAULK snickers O.C. TAMMY (to Marian) Why dont you like me? really liked me. LEMMON raises his hand. BRAD Yes, Dave L?

Youve never

15. LEMMON (to Tammy) Its because youre pretty and shes not. BRAD Lets not toss off our evaluations onto others. FAULK snickers O.C. FAULK (O.C.) That wouldve been funny if you said ejaculations instead of evaluations. BRAD Doctor Faulk, please turn that camera off. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - EVENING The team is sitting around, distant from each other, and not speaking. FAULK (O.C.) Lets play a game!

Okay, team!

No.

TAMMY Lets go home.

LEMMON Im with Tammy. MARIAN Of course you are. CARTWRIGHT Whens supper? FAULK (O.C.) Brad said theyd bring supper to us tonight. So we have, like, an hour to kill. Come on!

16. LEMMON I saw a board game in the bedroom! FAULK (O.C.) Get it!

Perfect!

LEMMON leaves the room. MARIAN Im not playing any games with you people. FAULK (O.C.) Sure you are! Hey, play the game or youre fired. (he laughs) Come on, Im kidding! LEMMON returns with the game. LEMMON Oh man, this is funny. ZOOM IN on board game. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - EVENING. The game is set up, and the team is grudgingly taking up their pieces. The game is very simple, like Sorry or Snakes and Ladders. There are game pieces, dice, and cards. MARIAN reads the instructions. MARIAN (reading) The object of the game is survival. Each player picks a weapon card and a game piece. Place the game piece on the coordinated start square. Highest roll goes first, continue counterclockwise around the board. If you land on a space that says zombie attack simply follow the instructions on the card. The first player to reach the boarded-up safe house wins the game. It is Zombie Attack!

17. CARTWRIGHT This is stupid. And a complete mockery of a tragic event. LEMMON I got an axe!

Cool!

FAULK (O.C.) I rolled a six! I go first! TAMMY Whatever. Lemmon - give me the green piece. FAULK (O.C.) Oh man! Landed on zombie attack. Bad luck. Lemmon, grab me a card and read it. Ive got the . . . (tilts camera up and down) . . . thing here. LEMMON (doing so, reading) Youve been attacked by an aggressive, biting zombie. You have been turned into a zombie, and now may pursue the other players. If you land on a square occupied by a fellow player, you must roll the dice. If you roll a four or above, you have bitten them. If you roll a three or below, they have dealt you a head blow. TAMMY (upset) Im not playing this game. CARTWRIGHT Me either. MARIAN Fire me, Greg. FAULK (O.C.) Who knows . . . maybe well learn

Yeah.

Come on! something!

18. TAMMY starts crying and leaves the room. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - NIGHT The team sits coldly around a table finishing off a fried chicken dinner. The radio is PLAYING CLASSIC ROCK IN THE BACKGROUND. There are three lit candles on the table. FAULK (O.C.) Thats some good fried chicken, huh, Dave? CARTWRIGHT Man, get that camera off me! FAULK (O.C.) How about you, Marian?

Touchy! chicken?

Good

MARIAN Ive told you and told you, Greg. vegetarian.

Im a

FAULK (O.C.) Is that why those sandwiches tasted like yuck? MARIAN They were cucumber sandwiches. TAMMY I liked them. MARIAN Butt out, Tammy. Suddenly, the lights go out. The radio continues playing.

LEMMON Hey, Doc -- good thing you lit those candles.

19. FAULK (O.C.) (giddy) Now its romantic.

Yes.

PAN to CARTWRIGHT. FAULK (O.C.) Sorry, Dave, but looks like youre the odd man out! CARTWRIGHT And whys that? FAULK (O.C.) Hey Dave . . . smile! FAULK laughs. TAMMY The radio is still on. CARTWRIGHT Must have batteries. MARIAN Do you guys hear something? Theyre all quiet. In the distance is A NOISE, like a bomb siren. Its barely audible. LEMMON What is that? CARTWRIGHT Its a siren. The MUSIC STOPS. RADIO ANNOUNCER(V.O.) This is Carl Phillips, broadcasting live from K-FAB radio. Were on our back-up generators here. Seems a large scale power-outage has affected our area. Were gonna keep playing the music you love and (MORE)

20. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT.) try to find out what the hells going on. Stay cool. The MUSIC RESUMES. TAMMY I dont like this. MARIAN Its probably nothing.

A blown transformer.

LEMMON Yeah. Probably just need to replace a fuse or something. MARIAN I think this is bigger than just a fuse, Dave. LEMMON Well, I dont know. TAMMY (in shock) Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

LEMMON I mean, maybe some wires got crossed. MARIAN Tammy? CARTWRIGHT Tammy. Listen to me. I know what youre thinking. We dont know whats happening yet. So dont be panicking on us, okay? LEMMON Whats happening? Hey, Tammy -- is this a put-on? Youre trying to scare us, right?

21. MARIAN Dave, shut-up. Tammy, just breathe. The MUSIC STOPS. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Carl Phillips back. I have Brigadier General Montgomery Smith on the line. General Smith -- please tell my listeners what you told me just minutes ago. SMITH (V.O.) First and foremost, there is no need to panic. Rest assured that protocols are in place and state militia troops are on the ground right now to contain this. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) General . . . the situation . . . SMITH (V.O.) A few minutes ago, there was activity at A-D sanctuary twelve, code name Grovers Mill. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Explain activity. SMITH (V.O.) A group of ambulant deceased congregated at the south fence. A small number broke off from the group and made contact with the fence, each receiving a full charge of twenty-five thousand volts. A short-circuit occurred at the local sub-station causing an overload of the electric mains. This has effected the power grid for this section of the state, and we are currently under a blackout. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) General, perhaps you should explain to our listeners why they are receiving this news from you, rather than a water and power employee.

22. SMITH (V.O.) Containment has been compromised Mill, and the perimeter has been At the moment, we are unsure how ambulant deceased are out there, assured we are on the case. at Grovers breached. many of the but rest

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Thank you, General. Listeners, this is pretty messed up. Most of you will be far enough away from this thing, you wont have to worry. This studio is about a five minute drive from the fence General Smith mentioned. And theres acres and acres of trees between me and the nearest town. CARTWRIGHT The state park. The campgrounds. MARIAN This place. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Im gonna put on some tunes and make sure my doors and windows are barricaded. I recommend anyone close to this thing like I am does the same. Stay cool. The MUSIC BEGINS AGAIN. The team just looks at each other. TAMMY is crying. Suddenly, she sucks it up and wipes her nose on the back of her arm. TAMMY Lets barricade this place.

Alright. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - NIGHT

The team is taking apart the simple wooden furniture, and boarding up the windows with the tools and nails from the closet. MARIAN has laid out the axes, sledgehammer and crowbar. TAMMY picks up the crow bar and swings it down onto a chair, cracking the back of it.

23. Hey! FAULK (O.C.) I paid a security deposit, you know! MARIAN (aghast, to FAULK) Hello! The MUSIC STOPS, and the RADIO ANNOUNCER returns - frantically. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (sheer terror) Oh god! They found a way in! Theyre here! Im on the roof of our building . . . This may be the last broadcast. Ill stay here till the end. A FAINT CRASHING NOISE from the radio. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (Cont.) Oh fuck. Something's wriggling out of the doorway. Looks like a gray snake. Now it's another one. Arms. This is really it for me . . . The SOUND OF A ZOMBIE GROANING AND HOWLING from the radio. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (Cont.) (hes crying, voice trembling) I can see the thing's body now. It's large, skin glistens like wet leather. But that face, it . . . Ladies and gentlemen, it's indescribable. LEMMON (petrified) Turn it off. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) The eyes are black and gleam like a snakes. The teeth . . . I can't find words . . . I have to move . . . God, Sarah, if youre listening to this, I love you . . .

24. LEMMON (yelling) Turn it off! Turn the goddamn thing off! ON THE RADIO, SOUNDS OF ZOMBIE, ANNOUNCER SCREAMING, AND A STRUGGLE. LEMMON is screaming, MARIAN crying. CARTWRIGHT is screaming back at LEMMON, restraining him from destroying the radio with a sledge hammer. THE SCREAMS ON THE RADIO END ABRUPTLY. There is a moment of silence. The cabin is brimming with adrenaline. LEMMON drops the sledge hammer to the floor and sobs. CARTWRIGHT walks away from LEMMON and punches a wall. FROM THE RADIO, SOUNDS OF SNIFFING, CLOSE TO THE MIC. MOANS INTO THE MIC. THE ZOMBIE

LEMMON reacts swiftly. He picks up the sledgehammer and smashes the radio before CARTWRIGHT can stop him. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - NIGHT The team sits in the living room, except for CARTWRIGHT, whos keeping watch at a window. The cabin is illuminated with candles. LEMMON I hope youre enjoying your romantic lighting, Doc. FAULK (O.C.) Dont take this out on me. MARIAN Why not? This was your stupid idea. I passed up a weekend with my fiance to be here. TAMMY Youre engaged?

25. MARIAN Yeah. TAMMY I didnt know. Whats his name? MARIAN Guy. Hes safe. On the other side of the state at a conference. In a hotel room with a hot tub in it. LEMMON Hey, Dave . . . see anything? CARTWRIGHT Maybe they wont make it this far. TAMMY smiles.

Nah. A pause.

MARIAN shows TAMMY her engagement ring. FAULK (O.C.) Anyone want to play the board game now? LEMMON No.

Another pause. CARTWRIGHT pulls back the curtain. spills across his face. CARTWRIGHT Im just glad theres a full moon out.

Moonlight

There is a SLAMMING SOUND at the front door. Everyone jumps. The SOUND STOPS, and a LOW MOAN can be heard. CARTWRIGHT drops the curtain and steps away from the window. FAULK (O.C.) Why are you abandoning your post, Dave? CARTWRIGHT Fuck you, thats why. Everyone just stay in the middle of the room and try to breathe normal. Ive been through this before. SLAMMING SOUNDS continue, all around the outside of the cabin.

26. TAMMY Me too. My mom sacrificed herself to save me. She helped me up into the attic. My step-dad came in, and she kicked the ladder away. Kept him away from me. I watched him maul her, eat away part of her face. She kicked him off and ran to the basement. Thats were she died. And came back. I was five. The SLAMS get MORE INTENSE. MARIAN I cant imagine growing up without a mother. LEMMON They told me it was all a fairy tale. I had nightmares, and they told me it was all a fairy tale. Sound of GLASS BREAKING from one of the bedrooms. CARTWRIGHT Greg - did you finish boarding up that bedroom? FAULK (O.C.) I . . . what bedroom? CARTWRIGHT Fuck. A MOANING in the room! SWISH PAN to a zombie, teetering, trying to get his bearings. Hes closest to TAMMY, who leaps to her feet and brings an axe down on the zombies head. The zombie drops, revealing three more zombies! MARIAN and LEMMON join the fray. CARTWRIGHT is occupied with a zombie who is attempting to break through the barricades on the window he was looking out of only moments ago. FAULK pans wildly around the room, catching the action. Hes laughing. CARTWRIGHT Turn that damn thing off and help

Greg! me!

27. CUT TO: INT. CABIN - EARLY MORNING The sun is beginning to stream through windows and broken barricades. The cabin is completely trashed. Zombie corpses lay about. LEMMON and TAMMY, wearing rubber gloves, are stacking them against the door. CARTWRIGHT and MARIAN stand alert and at the ready. A zombie crawls in towards MARIANs feet. CARTWRIGHT Six oclock!

Marian!

Without flinching, MARIAN spins and nails the zombie with the crowbar. MARIAN Thanks. TAMMY and LEMMON drop a body onto the pile theyve created, and turn to MARIAN and CARTWRIGHT. TAMMY (removing her gloves) Okay. Lets switch. MARIAN I have to tell you. Ive hated you ever since your pay raise. It seems so petty now. TAMMY trades her gloves for MARIANs crowbar. TAMMY Honey, Im sorry for doing what I did to get that pay raise. CARTWRIGHT hands LEMMON his axe, and stretches out his arms, snapping on rubber gloves. CARTWRIGHT and MARINA lift a zombie corpse and add it to the pile at the door. FAULK (O.C.) You guys are such a team.

Wow.

Wow.

28. LEMMON Itd help if you were a part of it, Greg. MARIAN Yeah. Maybe put down the fucking camera for the thirtieth time! TAMMY Maybe we should take it away. CARTWRIGHT And shove it up his ass. Suddenly, MUSIC fills the room. SOOTHING, SMOOTH JAZZ. FAMILIAR VOICE, THAT OF THE RADIO ANNOUNCER SPEAKS RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Hello, team members! Carl Phillips here. No, Im not dead and there has not been a breach of containment at the nearby A-D facility. Im sorry, but the bad news is, that was just a ruse. The good news is . . . Congratulations! You have successfully completed the Esprit de Corps Team Building Retreat. LEMMON What the hell? CARTWRIGHT Speakers in the ceiling. TILT UP to speakers. TILT DOWN to group. A

MARIAN I thought the power was out. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) By working together and confronting the evil we released upon you, you have shown yourselves to posses teamwork, cooperation, drive, determination, and above all esprit de corps! Carry the lessons you have learned home with you, (MORE)

29. RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (CONT.) and you will truly be an unstoppable force, whether battling stale invoices or stubborn clientele. The MUSIC FADES OUT. The team is stunned. the mouth of a zombie corpse. CARTWRIGHT No fucking teeth! CARTWRIGHT forces open

No teeth.

CARTWRIGHT snatches up a nearby weapon and savages the zombies body. CARTWRIGHT (CONT.) No fucking teeth! MARINA Dave! CARTWRIGHT (calming down) Im fine TAMMY (to Faulk) How could you do this to us? FAULK (V.O.) What? I made you a team! Were a team now!

Come on!

CARTWRIGHT turns and approaches FAULK. The team converges on FAULK. FAULK (V.O.) You dont have to thank me.

MARIAN picks up a weapon.

The team descends upon FAULK with their weapons, screaming at him. FAULK (V.O.) Team? Team?

Just as the weapons make contact with FAULK . . .

30. CUT TO: Static. Quickly, black vertical bars develop and begin rolling up, getting thicker with each pass. Theres a stir of static and WHITE NOISE. CUT TO: INT. DENTIST OFFICE - NIGHT FAULK has TAMMY bent over his desk and is awkwardly screwing her. TAMMY (seeing camera) Are you recording this? CUT TO BLACK. THE END