Santa goes to heaven Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his

friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singhs frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santas family. e reali!ed that he was wearing the same jacket that hed worn the day Santa died. "#ou know,$ he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. % havent read it, but knowing Santa, %m sure theres a word of inspiration there for us all.$ e unfolded the note and read aloud, "#oure standing on my o&ygen tube'$

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. %t read "(adne waala gadha.$)one who reads it is an ass.* Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,$+ikhne waala gadha.$),ne who wrote it is an ass*. -rs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. ,ne day she hung up after ./ minutes.$0hat is the matter today1 asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.$ "% got a wrong number,$ replied -rs. Banta Singh. Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,$said Banta Singh.$ %t said , "2%34 2,5 (A56%37 454.$ A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The industan Times to place an advertisement announcing his fathers death. "The rate is 5s. 89: per single col. cm,$ the clerk told him. "-ain to lut jaoonga ; % <ll be ruined,$ e&claimed the haryanavi. "-y father was =>. cms tall.$ Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach ? Sardarji = ?(raaji , %se <beach kyo kaheete hai 1 Sardarji . ? Tumhe nahe pata 1 Sardarji = ? 3ahe pata. Sardarji . ? 0oh to Aasmaan aur @ameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai . 5ajsi complained to his friend about his wife < -y wife never agrees with anything % say. And we have been married for si& years . -rs 5ajsi intervened, < 3ot si& we have been married for seven years ' A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office ? <7ood bye Ahar Bacchon ki -aa . ,ne day his wife fed up of this answered ? < Bye Bye, Boo Bacchon 6e Baap. That ended the husbands witticisms. Avtar C 6artar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the 7round floor C 6artar on the ./thfloor. ,ne day when the lift was not working, 6artar invited Avtar for a Binner. Avtar trudged up to ./th floor to find 6artars flat closed from outside and had a note which read ? < ow did you enjoy your dinner 1 < 3ot to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, <Sorry , % could not make it . <Take me to the =:th floor, said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. 0hen the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, <The =:th floor, beta. <0hy did you call me beta1 demanded Banta Singh. B% am not your son. % called you beta because % brought you up, replied the liftman. The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. <3ever mind, reassured the collector, < % will take your word that you

bought your ticket. <That is very kind of you, replied Banta Singh,but if % dont find it, % want to know where to get off. Santa Singh ? <+ook Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. ow can you fill lassi in it 1 Banta Singh ? <#es, thats funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open1 Sardarji ) to doctor * ? Boctor, % have a problem. Boctor ? 0hats your problem1 Sardarji ? % keep forgetting things. Boctor ? Since when do you have this problem1 Sardarji ? 0hat problem1

Letter from Bantas Mom Dear Banta Vahe Guru ! I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. Im writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. e dont li!e where we did when you left home. "our dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen #$ miles from home, so we mo!ed #$ miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last %ardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not ha!e to change their address. &opefully by ne't week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too. (his place is really nice. It e!en has a washing machine, situated right abo!e the commode. Im not sure it works. )ast week I put in * shirts, pulled the chain and ha!ent seen them since. (he weather here isnt too bad. It rained only twice last week. (he first time it rained for * days and second time for + days. (he coat you wanted me to send you, your ,unt said it would be a little too hea!y to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. "our father has another -ob. &e has .$$ men under him. &e is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our clubs poolside. (he manager is really badmash. &e told her that two/piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. e were confused as to which piece should we remo!e0 "our sister had a baby this morning. I ha!ent found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I dont know whether you are an ,unt or 1ncle. "our uncle, 2etinder fell in a nearby well. %ome men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bra!ely and drowned. e cremated him and he burned for three days.

"our best friend, Balwinder, is no more. &e died trying to fulfill his fathers last wishes. &is father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. ,nd your friend died while in the process of digging a gra!e for his father. (here isnt much more news this time. 3othing much has happened. 4.%5 Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I reali6ed, I had already sealed off this letter.
Great Sardarjee =. A Sardar took an answering machine home and fi&ed it home somewhere in 5ajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai$ ) "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home$ * .. This sardarji goes to the see Durassic (ark and when the Binosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai1 Bar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai$ Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata " 8. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho1$ Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun$ Two horses Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.3ow the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.0hile doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, ne&t thing santa keeps on cutting his horses right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with bantas horse.At last Santas horse had no legs left and bantas horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut bantas horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , ow to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind ; Santa said ; ,.6 #ou keep the black one and i will keep the white . I Spy A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each other on a plane. %t was a long flight to %ndia so the gora said?$+ets play a game.$ The dipper said sure. The gora said lets play % spy. The dipper said sure. The gora started. e said % spy with my little eye something black. The dipper said suitcase1 e was right. Then he said % spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter B. The gora looked hard for about ten minutes. Then finally he gave up . e said what was it. The dipper said look stupid gora "bindow$' The tunnel joke 4verybody knows the famous under creekEsea tunnel joining 4ngland and 2rance. Before its construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. ,n the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singhs tender at its very lowest. ,ther tenders were Fuoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just =:::: pounds. 3ow , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,$look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.% will call him here. 0e will take two shovels. % will start diging from 4nglish bank and Santa Singh will start digging from 2rench bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel.$ The dumbstruck officer asked with courage,$ and if you dont meet1$ Banta Singh replied,$ then you will get two tunnels in same cost.$ The Chutney Joke Banta? 6ee 7al hai Sante. 6alle 6alle samosey kha reyan

Santa ? 3ahin yaarr, Ahutney Be 3aal. Girls are Hot 0hy do sometimes women carry -oney in their Bosom1 Because they want to bank their wealth where it will draw the most interest Blonde Lesbian Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black +abel Dohnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said " ey dont worry about her, She is lesbian' ". Banta singh "+esbian or no lesbian, % get all of them$ Then leaping forward in a very se&y voice he said "0here e&actly in +esbia, you from1$ Bus ride Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double;decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. e met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. e says, "Are Banta Singh ' 0hat the hecks goin on1 0hy are you so scared 1 % was enjoying my ride down there 1 Scared Banta replies. "#eah, but youve got a driver.$ Air travel ,ne sardu was going to Ahandigarh from pune by a air;india plane. e was alloted the middle seat of one of the 8;seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and reFuested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told?$% want to see the view from the window and shall not leave$. The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and reFuested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. e also came and reFuested,but in vain.2inally the Aaptain came. e whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Aapt. told ?$nothing.%just told him that only the middle seats will go to Ahandigarh.All others will go to Dalandhar.$ No or!alities 4li!abeth Taylor once boarded a plane. 4verybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting ne&t to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool se&y voice, " i, % am 4li!abeth TaylorG +i! to you.$ Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, " i % am Balwinder .. Balls to you.$ Santa"s errari Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singhs (lace in a Brand 3ew ; 5ed 2erarri. Banta? 0ow Banta, ke gaddi hai )0hat a car*6ithon laiye )where did you get it from* Santa?-ain highway te lift mung reha se G 7ori -em aaee te meine kende "want a ride -r. Singh$ % hopped in, and she took me to the woods. ,nce in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "-r Singh. take anything$ Banta is Fuite e&cited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa " Santa? -ian gaddi lai layee. )% took the car* Banta? Ahanga keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se )good showyou wouldnt have fit into her clothes* Side A #Side B ,nce Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta $ #aar just to pass Time 0hy dont you sing some song$ Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "#aar Bantya, #ou sung four songs sitting in upright position and ne&t four songs you sat upside down, 0hy did you do that1$ Banta told $ #aar 2irst

four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B$ SH$%#&#SHA'A%I D%S 64 B%+ -4%3 BA5B A% 0, B%+BAA5 A%. D%S 64 B%+ -4%3 BA5B A% 0, B%+BAA5 A%. D%S 64 SA5 -4%3 BA5B A% 0, SA5BAA5 A%. 0A 0A 0A GG. Sweet %even(e Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should % marry Banta who is your enemy no =H enFuired his wife. Santa Fuipped, ",h Barling, this is the only way % can take my revenge from that useless fellow. a' a' a'' )ele ka Chilka Santa Singh was walking down the street when he saw a banana peel on the roadside. e e&claimed in disgust.$saala''' aaj phir girna padega'''' )damn''' i have to fall again today''* *ovie Banta singh was telling his friend, "yesterday my wife and i had a terrible Fuarrel. % wanted to go to the club C she wanted to go to the movies$. 0hich movie did you see1 asked his friend. $!ploy!ent ,ur sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. e promptly filled the columns titled 3A-4, A74, ABB54SS etc. Then he came to the column Salary 4&pected? e was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote? #es Lo(i+ @ailsingh decided to write the -BA e&am. e could understand every thing e&cept for the +,7%A part. ,ne day when he was reading, 5ajiv came home. 5ajiv? @ailsinghji ow is your -BA preparation1 @ail Singh? 4very thing is fine, but % could not understand +ogic. 5ajiv? +ogic is very easy. @ailsingh? Aan you give me an e&ample, so that % can understand. 5ajiv? ,6. Bo you have fish pot in your house1 @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? +ogically, there will be water in it. @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? +ogically, there will be fish in it. @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? +ogically, someone will be feeding the fish. @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? % take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish. @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? so, logically, your are married. @ail? #4S. 5ajiv? So, that means I are a heterose&ual. @ailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. 3e&t day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for -BA. @ail? ow is your -BA preparation1 Buta? 4verything is fine e&cept for the logic. @ail? ,h, logic is easy. Buta? (lease, give me an e&ample. @ail? Bo you have a fish pot in your house1 Buta? 3,, % dont. @ail? Saala ,-,'''