1. I have fallen in love. 2. I heard you once say that you dont know much.

I asked you Why dont you know? Why cant you understand? How come you dont remember? But there is nothing to remember. The mind remembers only those which are extreme. Life and death. Happiness and loneliness. Misery and triumph. Love and apathy. You answered me with such sympathetic gaze. As if I needed to be cuddled at that moment. Your look is the look of pity. There was a pang in my heart when you said those words. I dont know if I want this. 3. I went out to search for an altar, A real altar An altar of violence and sacrifices, The one that keeps the secrets of the gods A real altar Even the violence in the altar resorted into something Flesh torn apart and blood splattered everywhere they meant something I went out searching for an altar, But all roads lead to you.

4. Youre a cosmic joke I dont find funny anymore Ive become the joke of the cosmos Particles floating endlessly into nothingness And then, boom! Big Bang It expands and expands and then collapses from within What can one do? I was the victim of that explosion. I should have known I shouldnt have let that particle materialize I gazed into the stars They remind me so much of your eyes Infinite and innumerable I stare at them They stare back at me I felt peace. I found comfort. I smiled. You just keep on staring And then, boom! I saw how I meant little to you Another Big Bang. 5. Only in memory can I touch you Your strong, reassuring hands Your warm skin Your consoling lips Our love only dwells in memory,

Or dreams. They are never real. They exist only inside our heads. 6. Sometimes to be seen is the same as being saved. I dont want you to save me. Thats what I want. He smiles. But why? Of course. There is eagerness in his voice. He pauses. I give a questioning look. Did he really understand? Even then, he doesnt seem to visualize me. I gaze goes farther into the abyss. There is nothing staring back at me. 7. Why in fact should one tell the truth? And why do we consider telling the truth a virtue? I pride myself for being a straightforward man Too straightforward, even. You lied. You lie still. I, you see, must lie, if I dont want to take madmen seriously and become one of them myself. 8. I tell you youre a fish. A lobbed-fin creature crawling out of the swamp Sometimes youre a reptile. A giant lizard. Sometimes with claws, sometimes with horns. A giant lizard. I wish the meteor would strike and obliterate you.

9. I broke the thing I loved the most. He can see that. He knows that. It is him that I break. He weeps. There are no words. No sound is made. Only silence echoes in this room. Only silence reigns supreme. Tears roll down. The sea hugs the land, over and over again. And then he breaks. I didnt dare pick him up. It is him that I want broken. It is him that I break. 10. A longing. A gash. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved I walk across the room. I crouch behind the tattered sofa. In secret, between the shadow and the soul I close my eyes. My arms are cold. Now, my feet. I look at what is the looming in the dark. A figure. An apparition. It is coming closer. Closer and closer. It sits beside me. I was relieved to see that it is you. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where I love straightforwardly without complexities or pride; Can I sit beside you?

I am not here. You are not there. Only the cold floor is there The hour is over. I stand up. Towards the stairs. I buried myself amidst pillows and soft fabrics. So I love you because I know no other way than this: where I do not exist, nor you, So close that your hand on my chest is your hand, So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. I buried myself. I fall asleep.

11. Id like to give you a lecture, if you dont mind. You wouldnt approve. None would nod. I give it anyway. 12. Introit Stealth and speed. A gathering. Confiteor Your last resort. A confession. Ask for forgiveness. Credo Every word you say is the truth. I believe. I would compel my faithfulness. Fractio The bread breaks. The crumbs fall. The blood is served. The body is given away. Benedictus Exuberant and forthright. A flight. We dont even say goodbye.

God will raise you up on eagles wings. 13. All it takes is a drop. I consumed half a bottle. You drink the other half. Crystal clear. Distilled and spirited. The elixir of courage. We take alternating sips until the night is pregnant with darkness We take alternating sips until we are free and uninhibited We take alternating sips until we forget We take alternating sips until our eyes are heavy It rains. My head on your shoulder. Your arms around me. Finally, I can fall asleep. It continues to rain. As if cleansing the sins of the world. 14. The bough breaks from its heaviness. The winds are gossiping. The leaves are dancing. Our forgetfulness, I smell in the air. It smelled of the sea It was a serene morning Our last serene morning 15. There is a sequence that moves over pain. One memory leading to another. A single row of wheat falls under the thresher, Then the next. This is how we discover ourselves. In ruins. Only certain parts can survive. We only keep the ones that can feed us.

Everything that lives must move. Heraclitus steps on the river, twice Two different rivers, twice. It is a terrible predicament to die in the same where you were born. We must move. Bits and pieces. 16. Fear does what it can. It is accurate. It looks upon people and commits what it sees to memory. I am haunted by people Eternally, in my memory. Nietzsche died of fear. He lost his genius due to such haunting. No one would like to die because their memories are haunted. 17. You stopped trying. I banish you. 18. And in this way you leave behind our world in the condition that you expect it to be. Because, even as a child, you refuse to live where cruelty outnumbers kindness. As an adult, I demand moral order. I create it if it cannot be found. In my world, I win. I win. Always. Ive lost you. You are there, untouched You are dead. I will continue to live. What is the price? Pride.

19. I like sunrise, have I told you that? It reminds me of youth and renewals. The glare from the rising sun illuminates everything it touches upon Reminding us of how much has passed An odd, troubling reminder of the past. I would write letters every now and then I love you. I hate you. How are you? But I never send them. I construe you wouldnt want to read them Signed, A friend Every now and then I would seek for your face In pictures, inside my head I immerse myself in make-believe In it, we were still together We dance like theres no tomorrow Laughing, because we understand We never budge. We remember apart. Our paths cross. You, looking down. I try to give you a smile. I still find you amusing. You amuse yourself by hurting other people. We sit together, in quiet. An odd, troubling reminder of the past. 20. There will be no contrition without memory. Under the Aspect of the Eternal

Cogito, ergo, sum Je-ne-sais-quoi Esse is Precipi Whatever lies beyond the sphere of the phenomena is empty. 21. An empty love is violent. Like an altar after its sacrifice Blood spattered everywhere Broken bones Flesh torn apart Souls fed to the holy Any love is noble. Like a sacrifice offering itself to the altar Pure and ephemeral A brave heart The ultimate act of faith Souls content in a one-sided fellowship 22. I have fallen in love. I just cannot remember how. 19-March-2011