25 Point Checklist:
1) Fidgety movements and tight shoulders and taking yourself too seriously
or being too
businesslike or "sophisticated (not laughing or being relaxed) = very visible
subconscious (or
conscious) self-doubt, overcompensating through non-relaxed state, where
you're prepared to deal
with anything that could happen. Ever met someone who doesn't blink when
you talk to them?
2) Talking too fast = worried that people will stop listening to you unless you
get out something that will interest them before they leave
3) Laughing at your own jokes = covering up that others didn't laugh, and
social nervousness
4) Saying "right" or "you know" after statements = seeking validation that
what you said was true
5) Standing with legs not half a meter apart at least = worried that you'll
infringe on other people's
personal space
6) Talking too softly or loud = fear that you'll impose yourself on people and
their personal
space(i.e. beta). Alpha males aren't afraid to project their voice. Yet, talking
obviously too loud can also be seen as overcompensating. Just like guys who
wear generic clothes are trying to fit in, or guys who wear outrageous clothes
are trying too hard to overcompensate. Some guys don't talk some talk too
much etc... Find appropriate balance through trial and error, which is
determined
through social observation
7) Moving your hands around while you talk = trying to keep the attention of
the group (sometimes
can be cool, but most often it's a form of qualifying yourself)
8) Leaning in or 'pecking' = too eager to talk. Never lean in no matter how
loud the environment is. Make her lean in or just leave, but never lean in or
"peck" as it's also called
9) Facing body/feet towards her before she earned it = trying to gain rapport
with her too eagerly
10) Chasing when she walks away = hoping she'll listen. If a chick moves
away from you, move
your body language MORE away from her, so she'll be drawn back... don't
chase her...
11) Not withdrawing (backturns, etc) when she does something that you
wouldn't tolerate from an
ugly girl or a guy = trying too hard to pick her up
12) Answering questions too quickly/early = too much interest in the
conversation
13) Turning your head (or "snapping") when you're addressed = too eager to
be in conversation. So if your head is facing the other direction, and a girl
says something to you, turn it SLOWLY to her, don't snap it out of eagerness
to hear her
14) Going back to a prior thread that was interrupted at the first chance that
you get = trying too hard to impress them. I.e. when a thread gets broken off
in the convo, and you go back to it at the
FIRST chance when the other topic ends, you look like you were waiting to get
back to it. Why are you so eager to get back on it, unless you don't feel
comfortable around the person and you need to qualify yourself to them?
Wait until they say "what was that you were saying before?", and then go
back to it. If it doesn't happen, *drop it*, even if it was good
15) Not appearing more into your wingman then the chick = trying too hard
to pick her up. You've known your wingman longer than her. Why do you pay
more attention to her than your wing?
16) Too eager to pay attention - saying "what?" if you can't hear her, prior to
being in rapport = too much interest in what she's saying. If she mumbles,
just stack openers into an entirely different topic, rather than saying "what?"
This is fucking KEY. If you say "what?" you'll lose her unless you're already
past attraction and into rapport. If this happens, just run a new opener and
change the topic: 1) you don't look too eager; 2) you look alpha for being
disinterested in what she's talking about which helps anyway
17) Replying with overly thought-out logical answers or with overly
clear/formal pronunciation =
being concerned that you won't be accepted unless you convince really well
(e.g. HB: "Why did you ask me that?" Right response: "I'm talking." (sit and
stare) Wrong response: "Because I really need to know since I've been
thinking about this for a while." The first one conveys that you won't qualify
yourself to her)
18) Taking too many sentences to state an idea that could be stated in less
space = qualifying
yourself. A friend of mine emailed me a few months ago: "Remember TD,
don't write what you can say, don't say what you can wink, don't wink what
you can smile." Tight. The shorter you can
explain something in, the more PROFOUND you'll appear. Why? You're not
qualifying yourself
(ironically I'm massively guilty of this, due to the fact that I post when I'm
really tired, see #21 to
spot what was wrong with this last sentence)
19) Being bold instead of confident = you know that you can't pick her up, so
you compensate with self-defeating actions so that the snub can be on "your
terms". Saying "I'm sexy, right?" or "Baby, I want some of that" or even just
approaching when the logistics are totally unrealistic is too eager, because a
CONFIDENT person wouldn't feel the need to say these kinds of things. These
things are symptoms of overcompensation for insecurities. This leads to...
20) Overcompensating insecurities = fear of not being accepted. Have you
ever met a janitor, who
the first thing he says is "Money is over-rated.. I would never get caught up in
the corporate
world..." If they'd have just said "I'm a janitor" and left it at that, we wouldn't
have even thought
that anything was wrong with it. But because they instantly start explaining
themselves, it comes off as overcompensating or qualifying. It's the same if
they bring it up too early: "Hey, I'm Steve... I'm a janitor and I love it." They're
trying to be cocky but it comes off as compensating. Be comfortable with
yourself. If you're bald, don't say "Would you love a bald man?" as a pick-up
line. It's not cocky... it's bold. If you're bad looking, don't say "Don't you think
I'm sexy?". Just be comfortable with yourself, and don't bring up the issue at
all.
21) Overcompensating failure or shortcomings = fear of being judged. If you
do poorly on a
presentation, or on a sarge in front of a wingman, or on a test, do not say
dumb shit like "I'm really tired". Even if you're actually really tired, the mere
act of saying "I'm tired" comes off as qualifying yourself to the person. Just
don't bring it up. If you have shitty clothes on, don't say "I have nicer clothes
at home." Just don't bring it up. If you meet a girl when you're dressed bad,
don't say "I have the coolest club clothes at home" . Just don't bring it up.
22) Going backwards in the pickup on her schedule = too eager to lay her. If
you've already gone
through the whole "let's ballbust and shit test eachother" attraction phase of
the pickup, and she
tries to ballbust you at this point, then just withdraw attention. Do not
ballbust back. It seems
counter intuitive, but once you've gone through that whole little attract
phase, and you're now being nice to each-other, DO NOT let her rewind the
sarge by answering with ballbusts of your own. Just withdraw attention, to
show that you're not interested in going backwards in the interaction.
23) Waiting for her, if she leaves for any reason (If she says "I'm going to the
washroom, wait here") = too eager to get back into the conversation. If she
goes to the washroom, make sure you're into another set by the time she
gets back.
24) Overly remembering details about past conversations = the interaction
means too much to you, because the person has unusual value to you (i.e. a
hot chick). Of course, I'm not advocating to be a total dick, but the general
rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't have remembered a fat chick or a guy
saying it, then don't remember the HB9 saying it. If some random dude said it
and you would have remembered, then fine. If you were in an unusually
intimate conversation, that's also fine. But otherwise fake forgetting, even if
she's a model and you remember every word. Even forget her name. If you
see a random chick from your class or work, but you never talked to her,
open like you don't know her. Don't give into the temptation to say "We work
together". Just open like she's a random chick, and maybe if you get
snubbed, then pull out that card to save face, but only as a last resort.
25) Offering too much about yourself too early = too eager to make them like
you. Subcategories of this are:
A) Verbally: if you say to a chick "Yeah, I just got back from NYC (or any
cool place that would impress)" or "Yeah, I just got my Rolex fixed", or
"Yeah, my stripper ex-girlfriend told me..." then she picks up on the
fact that you're trying too hard to impress her... Same with name
dropping. Don't give girls your resume too early. When you convey
your personality, you should do it covertly, so it looks like the story is
just so cool that it's worth telling on it's own accord, and it just
happens to have some good things about you in it. When offering good
things about yourself, don't offer boring details. Say it with less detail,
and it seems less eager. Insinuate that which you are tempted to
elucidate (holy shit, I just made up that last catchy sentence, but I've
gotta say that I'm the shit...
right?)
B) Entertaining: if you have stuff like patterns, or the cube, or magic, or
photos, or palm reading, and you do this early, it comes off as try-hard.
Personally I don't use any of these things, but a lot of guys do, and
when they bust them out prior to the chick earning it, it comes off tryhard. Use the stuff later, but not right away.
C) Wanting rapport with someone who didn't earn it: I swear, almost
every PUA I meet live in field does this shit, and it's super lame. Going
up to a chick and saying "Nice necklace" or "What's your name" or
"Where did you get that?" is super lame. Why the fuck do you care
about this stuff from a r-a-n-d-o-m person? The counter argument to
this is that you're not hiding your desires and that she's a hot girl and
she should be happy that you're approaching, but this is internet
rhetoric... and this approach is still hiding your desires behind the guise
that you're nice, so even if the rhetoric was true, it would still be
ineffective. in the internet armchair game this stuff is fine, but in the
real field game this screws you over before you've even started
gaming. It's BS, and nobody who isn't very goodlooking or socially
proofed (or whatever high value) prior to going in, can make this kind
of approach work consistently on HB8.5+ chicks. Trying for rapport too
early is qualifying yourself to her because she has not earned it.
D) Talking without feedback: When you're talking to someone, and they
don't give feedback, and you're talking and talking, this is beta. It's a
downward spiral, where you start talking too much, and you sense that
you're qualifying yourself, so you overcompensate even more by
talking and talking more and more... Then you feel more and more
deflated because you qualified yourself, and you're left treading water,
grabbing at anything that will impress the person, so you keep talking
in hopes of saying that one thing that will impress them. Avoid this by
not talking too much unless they give
some feedback. In the field you do this by pausing and forcing them to
fill in the awkward gaps.
