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CHAPTER16

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SURVIVING, THRIVING,
AND RISING ABOVE

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16
Joy Lawson Davis
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Key Challenges: lack of academic challenge, rural school, teen
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pregnancy, faith, family

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I grew up in Newark, New Jersey in the 1950s and 60s, the youngest of six
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children. My mother and father were laborers. They lived in nearby commu-
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nities, fell in love and found themselves getting married at the tender age
of 16, before they graduated high school. But even without a high school
education, they were two of the most brilliant people I have ever known.
My mom worked as a domestic. She cleaned the homes of Jewish families

that lived on the outskirts of Newark and my father worked at foundries and
other metal fabrication plants. They worked hard to provide for our family.
My parents had six children, all born by the time they were 25.
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In the early 1950s, my parents moved to Newark, New Jersey. Like so

many other African Americans during this time period, they were looking
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for better jobs, better economic opportunities, and better schools for their
children. This period was known as the great migration. All but one of my

Gumbo for the Soul, pages 9197

Copyright 2016 by Information Age Publishing
All rights of reproduction in any form reserved. 91
 92 J. L. DAVIS

mothers siblings (and there were seven others) moved to Newark. My fa-
thers brothers had earlier come north to live in Brooklyn and Philadelphia
(one brother died early while he was in the military and another chose to
remain in Virginia). There were six children in my family, four girls and two
boys. I was the youngest of the brood. With the challenges of raising six chil-

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dren on limited income, we never missed a meal, we always had a nice apart-
ment that was clean and organized, and we always had warm clothing, which
was important in the brutal harsh winters in New Jersey. Having family close

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by in Newark and Brooklyn, made it easy to visit and establish strong bonds

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with extended family throughout our stay in New Jersey. Each summer, we

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took a trip to Virginia to visit my grandmother, aunt and other family mem-
bers. It was during these times that my father took his 53 green Chrysler out
of the garage he rented around the corner from our tenement apartment
building. This car was our indication that despite our day to day challenges

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we could still travel with our family for vacations each year and see a part of

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the country that most of our friends knew nothing about. Going to Virginia
every summer gave us a sense of family and heritage that I value to this
very day. Occasionally, on weekends, we would also take trips to Brooklyn,

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Plainfield, Westfield or Philadelphia to visit other family members. I was well
taken care of and protected by my five older siblings and my parents.
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I loved school. I loved to read, write, and draw. My mother took time
after work every day to read to and draw pictures with me as I sat on her
lap.Those are some of my most cherished childhood memories. My oldest
sister, Ellen would take me to the public library in our community when I
was very young. There, I was able to borrow books with my very own library
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card. To me, the library was such a fascinating place and I was there for
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every extra opportunity presented by school. Attending Robert Treat El-

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ementary School was the most important experience I had as a young child.
School for me at that time was a safe haven. We had large classes, but the
instruction was challenging, exciting, and many opportunities for enrich-
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ment in theatre, music and art were provided. I absolutely loved school!!
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In the second grade, my teachers spoke to my mother about skipping

me to the third grade. I was always ahead of my classmates and my teach-
ers noticed that I was deeply in love with learning. After meeting with my
mother, the school administrators and my second grade teacher decided

to send me to the third grade class every afternoon for math. It was a long
walk up that hall and the flight of stairs to the third grade, but I went each
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day...so very excited about the new things I was going to learn...and all
through elementary school and into junior high, school was an exciting,
enriching experience for me.
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At the cusp of the civil rights movement, in 1967, my parents moved

back to Virginia. My dad had saved money over the years to build a new
home for us. So, I started ninth grade in a small rural school in central
 Surviving, Thriving, and Rising Above 93

Virginia. Talk about a culture shock! Coming from a large, urban area with
hundreds of neighbors within a few city blocks, to living on a road with
only ten houses within a five-mile radius was tough. We didnt even have a
street address, so I could not even tell my friends back in Newark where I
lived. Everyone in the school was African American, even the Principal. In

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Newark, I attended integrated schools, with teachers from many different
ethnic groups, including Jewish, Italian, and Eastern European. In Virginia,
all of our neighbors were Black. For me, being in a monocultural school
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was very different. I knew that the students didnt accept us at first because

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we spoke different and because I was academically advanced. Some thought

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that we were arrogant and believed ourselves to be better than others. We
did not, but it was hard fitting in for quite some time. The school was very
small; and there was no art class, no gymnasium, and no opportunities for
enrichment outside of the music program. The community was also lack-

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ing, as there were no theatres, museums, and libraries. Thank goodness

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I loved to sing. So, for my creative release, I enrolled in choir and home
economics (where I learned to design and make clothing). At school, I also
took advantage of every opportunity to become involved with leadership

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clubs and organizations.
Before long, my name was well known as someone who was gifted, out-
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spoken, and brave. When anyone had a disagreement or problem with au-
thority or the lack of resources, they would come to me to help organize
and speak up on behalf of the student body. When I was a junior, I led a
student body on a protest during the school day. We marched out of the
school during it and demanded that the school district build a gymnasium.
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We deserved to have a gymnasium like other schools had, and our march
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was successful. Later that year, money was placed in the budget and during
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the following school year, a new gymnasium was erected.

As Ive just shared, there were many great experiences in school. However,
my being bored in school led to the development of some very bad habits.
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Viewing myself as being smart or at least thinking that I was smarter than
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others, including the adults, resulted in me being disrespectful to the teach-

ers. Soon, I was spending more time in the counselors office than in the
classroom. Nonetheless, Mr. Williams, our counselor, saw the potential in me
and encouraged me to use my gifts in a positive rather than a negative way.

It took a while for Mr. Williams advice to sink in. So, for a period of time,
I spent less time on schoolwork and more time on other things, namely boys.
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Like many girls my age, especially in the country, my extra-curricular choic-

es were limited to church activities, menial household chores, homework,
or boys. So, even though I spent a great deal of my time in church-related
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activities (my mother and grandmother demanded that), for an intense, en-
ergetic, creative girl like me, it was not enough. I longed for the intellectual
challenge of school, the way a person longed for a dear friend who left them
 94 J. L. DAVIS

behind. In time, my thoughts about school shifted to a growing relationship

with a new boyfriend. And my attention to school decreased.
I developed bad habits. I began focusing on boys and became less fo-
cused on academics. These bad habits eventually led to me becoming preg-
nant the spring of my junior year in high school. The same girl who led the

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student march earlier in the year began to experience what would be the
worst year of my entire schooling experience. I considered this even worse
than the year my parents left New Jersey to move to Virginia.

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The year I found out that I was expecting, I was also slated to enter my

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senior year as a model student. I was the Student Government Association

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(SGA) president. Leadership opportunities like the SGA were enriching
and enabled me to develop and utilize my oratory skills. I was always told
by teachers and church leaders that I had a gift for speaking and persua-
sion. People around me spoke about my charisma and my capacity to put

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words together in unique and convincing ways. I knew it was a gift and it was

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something I valued. It was one of many gifts that I possessed and I believed
myself to be a very fortunate person. All of my dreams and hopes for the
future crashed like a nightmare the day I found out that I was going to be

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a young mother!
The pressure and stress from all of this was intense and overwhelming.
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College opportunities were ahead of me, and my family was proud. The
pressure was on me to select and complete college. Even though my old-
er brother, who I considered to be more gifted than I, attended college
on a basketball scholarship in Colorado and had attended college earlier
making the entire community proud. To my fathers disappointment, my
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brother came home after one year on academic probation and chose not
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to return. My father was very hurt about his decision. So, you can imagine
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the hope and optimism in my family as I was preparing to complete school

and go off to college. They patiently waited for me to select a college. I was
their last hope. I was the youngest and I would be the first of my siblings to
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actually enter and complete a four-year program and earn a college degree.
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My mother and I had to think about how to tell my father that I was preg-
nant. That was a painful time for us because my father had a very hard time
with the news. As the youngest daughter, and the last one he had a chance
to groom to go to college, he was a deeply disappointed.

I was a Daddys girl. When he was doing shift work, I used to get up early
in the mornings and sit with him as he ate breakfast and drank his coffee.
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He taught me how to read the newspaper and even shared his coffee with
me. He truly tried to protect us. For months after the announcement, my
father could not look at me nor talk to me. He did not utter one word or even
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glance my way. I hurt him in a way that I couldnt understand at that time.
My mother and I decided that I would have my baby in New Jersey where
I could be taken care of by my sisters and my aunt Cora. It was just easier
 Surviving, Thriving, and Rising Above 95

that way and we felt that I would be more comfortable. My oldest sister was
my best friend; she had a nice home and gladly took me in and took care of
me during the summer until it was time for me to deliver my child. My next
oldest sister lived nearby, so going back to New Jersey was a good place for
me to be during this challenging period. We also agreed that my parents

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would take care of my child so that I could finish high school and go on to
college. My boyfriend (who soon became my ex-boyfriend) graduated from
high school that year and left to join the military. My father insisted that our
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family would take care of me and I had no need for financial support from

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my boyfriend or his family at all. It was my fathers way of helping me cut

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the ties and move on. In my heart, I didnt agree, but I didnt dare disobey
my father and hurt him again. So, our family took the entire responsibility
of taking care of me and my baby. Years later, I told my daughter about her
father and took her to visit him. Over time, she established a relationship

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with his family and had an on and off again relationship with him. She did

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her best to make it a good relationship, but for many complicated reasons,
it was tenuous at best.
When summer break came, I went to New Jersey and stayed with my

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sister and her family. My sister was so good to me, she made sure that I was
healthy and that I kept my prenatal appointments. I had time to spend
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with my other sister, Mildred, and her family and also my brother James
who also lived in the area, as well as my aunt Cora. Even with all the family
around me, I was still lonely because I missed my mother. It was difficult,
but because Ellen took such good care of me, the summer went by quickly.
Before long, I was ready to deliver. I had my baby and returned to school.
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Thankfully, God allowed me to restore and renew the special relationship I

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had with my father. What a blessing! I had the utmost respect and love for
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my parents, because even though I disappointed them, they continued to

love me, encourage me and insisted that I continue my education and go
to the college.
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I survived that deep, dark time in my life. I survived for a reason. I always
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knew in my heart that my life was purposeful. That I was born, survived chal-
lenges and was enabled to thrive so that I could help others, encourage those
who needed help and guidance at becoming their very best. I learned early
in life that there were no bad experiences, and that things happened for a

reason. I learned it was my responsibility to learn from my mistakes, choices,

and challenges. I learned that all experiences were opportunities to learn
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something new, apply our new knowledge and use it to help us continue to
grow and, at some point, be able to share our experiences with others.
Because of my family, I was able to get through a period that could have
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caused me so much shame that I would have found it difficult to walk with my
head up high. But I persevered! On September 15, 1970, my beautiful baby
girl Alexis was born. Alexis was 8lbs, 11 oz.perfect and so beautiful. She
 96 J. L. DAVIS

had the biggest smile and skin the color of caramel. I made a promise to my
bundle of joy that I would take care of her and see her through life. I prom-
ised her that what I allowed to happen to me would not happen to her. Hav-
ing a child at 16 was difficult; to be honest, it was extremely hard. I lost a lot
of my so-called friends. I went back to school and was very isolated from my

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classmates. It was difficult to restore relationships with even those who were
closest to me prior to my leaving to have Alexis. Eventually, a few girls slowly
began talking with me again and made an effort to help me feel comfortable.

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I had to commit myself to being an adult earlier than most teens. I had

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to keep my promise to my parents to get my college degree...and to come

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back and take care of Alexis. I met and surpassed all of these goals. Alexis
was and is still a very special daughter. At 21, after finishing college, I got
married and have since had two other children, Adrienne and Brandon. All
of my children are wonderful people. Today, they are all married, have chil-

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dren of their own, and are doing well in their lives. Each of them knows that

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they are blessed and live generously so that they can be a blessing to others.
Alexis taught me more than any other lesson that I had experienced that
there are no bad experiences. Years later, when I was diagnosed with end

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stage renal disease, I had to make a decision, to either be prepared to be on
dialysis for the remainder of my life or to begin the process of becoming a
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transplant recipient. My entire family was in shock, but they circled around
me with the supernatural kind of love that gave me peace in the midst of a
very challenging moment. Alexis and Adrienne were both tested to become
a donor. Other family members and friends also offered to donate. As it
turned out, Alexis became my donor and gave me one of her kidneys. My
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daughter from my bad experience, my mistake had saved my life.

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As time has gone on, I learned that my life is not my own. My life is a life
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of a servant. Like the great Muhammad Ali noted: Serving others is the rent
we pay for living here on earth. I truly believe this. I live to share my gifts
with others and to speak up for them. Personally and professionally, I have
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had numerous opportunities to help others. As a classroom teacher, a pas-

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tor, school principal, administrator, and now working in higher education,

I live to share my gifts and help others to develop theirs. I have always com-
mitted myself to being a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. I
take this charge very seriously.

Just writing this makes me shiver, it is so amazing how life happens and
when you are in the midst of the most challenging circumstances of your life
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and you think you have to give up and that nothing will ever be the same
againa small voice whispers to you and says remember Joy, there are no
bad experiences...this is going to be alright. I saved you before and Ill save
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you again. Alexis, it appears, was meant to be in my life to literally save my life.
I learned a great lesson from that experience. The illness strengthened
me in a way that I couldnt really define at the moment. I only knew that
 Surviving, Thriving, and Rising Above 97

I would face challenges in my life and if I could recover and survive the
challenge of having a child at such a young age, then I could probably
overcome almost anything. From each challenge comes new learning and
new opportunities to grow and help others. I encourage everyone read-
ing this story to believe in yourself, listen to that voice when it speaks and

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encourages you to seek out those who love you and those with whom you
can share your most private thoughts. Allow the protection of the Almighty
to surround you during your times of utmost need. Youll come through,
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youll survive, and youll thrive. And one day, youll be able to share your
experience to help someone else along the way.

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You were born for a reason, a purpose. If you falter along the way, as most
of us do, dont let your mistakes dictate your future, use them to help you
grow stronger, develop more wisdom and consider how you can use your
challenges to help others. For many years, it was difficult sharing this part of
my life story. I felt shame and embarrassment. But as I grew older and wiser,

I
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I came to understand that it was this part of my life that truly shaped the
woman I am today. Surviving this challenge created a strength in me that
has been a frame for the rest of my life. It is because of my challenge, not in
spite of my challenge, that I came to trust in God with strength that defied
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all the odds against me and not only did I survive and thrive I rose above to
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become the woman I am today. As you read my story, I hope that you will
allow it to give life to your dreams and know that no matter what challenges
you may face, you too have the capacity to survive, thrive and rise above to
be the woman you were born to be.
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Joy Lawson Davis, EdD holds two degrees in gifted education from The
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College of William & Mary in Virginia. Dr. Davis has held numerous P12
positions in school districts and served as the first African American State
Specialist for K12 Gifted programs in Virginia. Davis first higher educa-
tion appointment was as Assistant Professor of Education at the University of
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Louisiana, Lafayette. She is author of the award winning, Bright, Talented &
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Black: A Guide for Families of African American Gifted Learners and several other
book chapters and articles. For over 25 years, she has consulted with school
districts across the nation and been internationally addressing the needs of
gifted children of color. Her expertise is examining under-representation in
gifted education; culturally responsive pedagogy; and the impact of family

engagement on student achievement. Dr. Davis is serving her second term on

the Board of Directors of the National Association for Gifted Children and is
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currently an Associate Professor of Education and chair of the Department of

Teacher Education at Virginia Union University, where she also serves on the
Executive Committee for the Center for the Study of the Urban Child.
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