Photo: Shoko

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Formerly from The Denver Post, The Rocky Mountain News,

The Phoenix Gazette Republic, The San Francisco Chronicle
and the San Jose Mercury News, since early childhood,
Jamaican born Stefhen Bryan was thought obsessed, plagued
by depression, suicidal ideation, learning problems and sex
addiction. High school drop out both in his native Jamaica and
the United States, after 8 years of sheer perseverance and a
near nervous breakdown he earned a Bachelor of Arts in
Economics from UCLA at 30. At 35 Bryan proved victorious
over his depression and suicidal thoughts, but was still
governed by sex addiction and an extreme preference for
yellow, which propelled him in April 2001 to liquidate all his
belongings in California and relocate to Japan. Seven years in
Asia, Bryan returned to the United States cured of his
addiction, self-actualized and ready for marriage.
US$24.95 CA$28.95 UK15.25

www.blackpassenger.com
www.myspace.com/blackpassenger
Accolades for
Black Passenger Yellow Cabs
This is an exploration of deviant cultures in an exotic land that teeters on the edge of
academic reflexive ethnography, edgy sex research that would have made Kinsey proud. A
Henry Miller-esque porn-memoir. This inquiry treads where most qualitative researchers
fear to gaze.
Michael Hemmingson,
Author: Zona Norte: An Auto/ethnography of Desire and Addiction.
Screenwriter: Watermelons

As the litany of sex scandals to befall political and religious leaders reminds us, there
remains a major gulf between how sexual desire is socially regulated and how it animates
individual fantasies and practices. Bryan is one of the few who is prepared to both act on
his strongest sexual inclinations while having the courage to lay those impulses bare for
others to interrogate. Whether titillated or revulsed, all readers must agree that such an
exercise is a major contribution to a more honest and reflexive relationship to sexual desire
in general.
Jamie Paquin
PhD Candidate, Global Studies
Sophia University
Tokyo

Guns, sex and racial suicide. And thats just chapter one.
Alon Ziv, Author: Breeding Between the Lines.

This work is important, revealing and took a lot of courage to write.

Lawrence J. Goss, Amazon Kindle reader.

This book is worth reading if one would like to understand the psyche of the third
world. Maybe one has to have seen where the likes of Bryan grew up and understand the
incredible, sheer luck it took to crawl out of such a hole and be able to write a memoir of his
experiences. That this author could still access his feelings, write about them and eventually
overcome his sex addiction is laudable. As an example of overcoming obstacles in a way
that most people in the first world cant even begin to comprehend, it is a shining hope for
others. The sexual experiences in the book are simply examples of his addiction, but if one
read through that to the sensitivity he shows in understanding the abuses the women went
through to be so available to him and other western men, thats what makes it interesting.
Much more of the world has these underlying abuses as part of their culture. The first
world would be smart to pay more attention to what is being said in this book and others
like it, which unwrap the brain and emotions of foreign cultures. Then maybe there would
be a little understanding and less bumbling in their foreign relations. Dont read this book
for the sexual content, read it for the sensitivity it exhibits to two cultures not your own, but
cultures that are valid nonetheless and reflect a large part of the population of the globe.
Carolyn Barrett, Amazon Kindle reader

Revolutionary!
Cabel: Myspace reader



 BLACK Passenger
YELLOW Cabs:
Of Exile and Excess in Japan

Stefhen fd Bryan


 KIMAMAPRESS KIMAMAPRESS

FIRST KIMAMA PRESS EDITION, JANUARY 2009

Copyright 2007 by Stefhen fd Bryan

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in any form, in whole
or in part (beyond copying permitted by U.S. Copyright Law, Section 107,
fair use in teaching or research, Section 108, certain library copying,
or in published media by reviewers in limited excerpts), without written
permission from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Kimama Press. Originally published on

the Amazon Kindle in the United States, August 2008.

This is a work of NON-fiction. All persons names and those of some

locations have been changed for obvious reasons.

ISBN 978-0-615-26810-1


There is something awe-inspiring in one who has
lost all inhibitions, and who exhibits first rate
intelligence in the ability to hold two opposing ideas
in the mind at the same time and still retain the
ability to function. f. scott fitzgerald

To Xyon Yasunami


TABLE OF CONTENTS

Making of a Rice King..................9 Henni..........................................97

Simone Chang.............................17 Karin......................................... 103
Prelude to Japan..........................20 Kaori Conclusion......................107
Japan: Year One...........................23 Karin Continued.......................109
Mother and Ai............................27 Pressure Cooker Society............111
Mothers Arrival..........................34 Baby Making Machines............126
Megu...........................................36 Karin: Head Games Continue...130
Mayumi.......................................37 Natsuko.....................................134
Womens Social Conditions.........39 Sexless In Japan.........................138
Mayumi: The Party Continues....45 Fu ...........................................142
Corean Christmas.......................46 No Country for Children..........150
Retreat to Kansai.........................53 Prelude to Hanshin...................153
Tomoko.......................................57 Abortion in Japan......................155
Chikako.......................................67 Hanshin.....................................157
Island of Neglected Women........69 Meet the Parents.......................159
Farewell Rice Paddies..................73 Nao ...........................................163
Kaori............................................76 Chika at Bigot...........................165
Kyoung........................................76 Karin: The Adventure Ends......171
Reiko...........................................82 Hisako.......................................177
Kaori Continued.........................88 Anita Returns............................180
Anita McKenzie..........................92 Irie ...........................................184
Kyoung Continued......................94 Miho..........................................188


Kazumi...................................... 189 The Inevitable Comparison.......297
Akiyo......................................... 191 Henni Comes to Pass................301
Janelle........................................ 195 Lean Times in Japan.................303
Shoko........................................ 202 Just As I Had Expected.............307
Japanese Depression Sex in Historical Japan..............316
Mirroring My Own............ 208
End of A Dilemma....................320
Traumatised Women................. 214
Shoko Conclusion.....................323
Parricide in Japan...................... 218
Etsuko.......................................324
Shoko Continued...................... 221
Sayo...........................................327
Collective Arrested Emotional
Development...................... 223 Yukari........................................328

Shokos Dinner.......................... 233 Etsuko Continued.....................333

Azusa......................................... 241 Akari..........................................347

Rapunzel and Surrogate Sex in Japan...............348

Year Three in Japan............ 253 Masako......................................350
Jamaica March 2005.................. 258 Manami.....................................352
Hooked on the Crucifix............. 267 Masako Continued....................356
Intervention............................... 270 Sex Outsourcing........................357
Jamaica Continued.................... 273 The Inescapable.........................358
My Contribution Japans Dashed Opportunity......361
to the Statistic................... 275
Epilogue....................................363
My Jamaica................................ 279
Bibligraphy................................367
Back on Japan Soil..................... 289
Acknowledgements...................371
Kansai Reunited........................ 294


PREFACE

The body of work now known as Black Passenger Yellow Cabs began simply as musings
about Japan. Immediately upon my arrival here I was flabbergasted by the paradoxes of
the society, and the discrepancy between the Wests perception and the actual Japan was
blatantly obvious to me. Just two months into my residency on the island my friend Bahar
sent me a New York Times article about parasite singles in Japan: the social phenomenon
of unmarried women who continue living with their parents, some well into their 40s.
Whats up with this? she titled her e-mail. And indeed such was my initial response upon
observing that the overwhelming majority of unmarried women I had encountered in those
initial 2 months, were still living with their parents. So after obtaining a used PC some 2
years later, I simply began documenting my observations. However, when I began writing
about my own hedonistic experiences and those of my friends, I found it curious that I had
not read about the sexual state of affairs which I was experiencing. That was the point at
which my musings adopted an erotic tone.

After sending the first 25 pages to a friend in Australia, she strongly advised that I could
not possibly write about my sexual predacious behavior in Japan without informing the
reader about my history and socialization. Hence the work took on memoir characteristics.
Responding to the first 100 pages, another dear friend of mine, a Professor of English at
the University of Denver, impressed by the work thus far informed me that I was writing an
ethnography with sex. Prior to her ravings about the pages she had read, I was not familiar
with the term ethnography. And behold a new genre: the erotic ethnographic memoir was
created.

Before sending those pages to my friend at the University of Denver, I had made the
first 50 pages available to my mentor, an internationally renowned Author, Japanologist,
Futurist and Policy Consultant, just for his personal perusal. It was horrifying to learn that
he had forwarded it to his Agent in New York. However to my pleasant surprise a Junior
Agent responded positively but shared my mentors concern that erotica, ethnography
and a memoir could not peacefully co-exist in the same body of literature, and suggested
that I wrote 3 separate books. ADHD adult that I am, I accepted the compliments but
resisted the suggestion to make the genres exclusive of each other, as I thought all three
were perfectly harmonious in my work. Thats how I conceived it, thats how it flowed
organically and thats how I documented it.

Stefhen Fitzgerald DeCorcia Bryan, Kobe Japan 2008


MAKING OF A RICE KING

Way back in 1989 my then girlfriend was reading Paul Therouxs My

Secret History, a novel about a man who engaged in unbridled sex with
teenaged natives for a few years during his time as a Peace Corps volunteer
in various African villages. Oh my God! You should SO read this book,
she screamed. Youre so much like this guy!

What you are about to read is my own predacious history, a history which
is by no means a secret, since I wear my secrets like I do my skeletons: on
my sleeves. Kathy knew of my childhood fantasies and the daydreams of
unending sexual rampage that consumed my boyhood, and as she told me
of the characters exploits my envy of him swelled. That is exactly what I
want to do, I fantasized.

At the tender age of 8, my little teapot, as it was often referred to in my

native Jamaica, would stand at full attention at the sight of those beautiful
bare-breasted African women, who periodically adorned the covers of
National Geographic magazines. Most unfathomable to me even at that
age was the calmness with which the men appeared to interact with
them, the women and their breasts, as though the breasts were invisible.
No one was even slightly aroused and the tribesmen all seemed so capable
of restraint from attacking those perfectly shaped mammaries 24 hours a
day. Its not normal for 8-year-olds to harbor such thoughts, and indeed a
normal 8-year-old I was not, as my first sexual experience had been only a
year earlier. Technically it was molestation, but not until initiating therapy
at 23 was I made to interpret it as such. Such experiences were the norm in
the East Kingston Dunkirk ghetto, and all my friends had been initiated
from their eyes were at knee level. This was simply breaking in the boy
child, an encouraged implicit rite of passage into manhood, which in uber-
homophobic/machismo Jamaica, at least proved I wasnt gay.

The perpetrators of what many today would consider child sexual abuse
were 16 and 17-year-old girls whom I had been fondling as far back as
I could recall. Putting my hands up theirs and other girls and womens
skirts was my greeting, a constant embarrassment to both my mother and


the unwitting victims. The two girls, the daughter and granddaughter of
church sisters, grew tired of my constant sexual harassment since I was
about five or six and eventually acquiesced. Upon seeing me bursting
through my pants, they were shocked at my unusual size for a 7-year-
old and wanted to further investigate what strange equipment this pickney
(little child) was packing.

After negotiating with them, we came to an agreement.

Mi wi show oonu it if oonu show mi fi oonu own fus, (Ill show you if you
both show me yours first.) I said in an aggressive whisper.
But there was only one problem: the constant presence of adults.

One afternoon we found ourselves in my mothers one room dwelling

atop the church on the commune where we resided. There the younger
of the two lifted her skirt, exposed her torn baby blue panties as the other
watched out for the big people. My 7-year-old anatomy lost control and
her 16-year-old eyes widened in disbelief. As I reached to touch her pubic
area, she dropped her skirt, slapping my hand away.
Weh your own deh? (Where is yours?) she insisted.
So I dropped my pants, exposing my white y-fronts. Just then, the girl
on look-out whispered, smaddy a come. Quickly pulling up my pants, I
began to pretend they were helping me with schoolwork, as they sometimes
did. It was a false alarm and when we resumed I renegotiated with her to
not only lift her skirt, but to also drop her panties before I fulfilled my end
of the deal.

She started by pulling down her underwear, then lifted her skirt as I
proceeded to pull down my shorts and fruit of the looms. Their jaws hit
the floor as my early childhood teapot enlarged. Touching her transferred
her pungent womans smell onto my little fingers.
Jezas chrise! A weh a likkle pickney lacka yu get dat deh supm deh
from?
Mi wouldn wau meet you when you tun big man, a kill you aggu kill
ooman wid dat deh weapon deh. ( Jesus Christ! Where did a little child
like you get that thing from? I wouldnt want to meet you when you become
an adult, you will be killing women with that weapon.)
But I was not oblivious to my apparent anomaly, for as far back as I could
recall, around 3 or 4 years old, my mother often lamented on my size as
she bathed me.
I dont know how you are going to find a wife with this teapot, she often
worried. Where did you get this?

10
After that day, I stepped up my harassment of both girls and soon they
began allowing me further exploration for extended periods, even directing
my actions. As I explored their bodies with my little hands, from the looks
on their faces, it put them in a whole new universe, as if they were having
out of body experiences. It was then that I became utterly fascinated by the
act of giving pleasure to women. For days I would refrain from washing my
hands, as I savoured that fragrador, finding it simultaneously pleasant and
repulsive. To this day I still savour the scent of a woman on my fingers.
Hence, if ever I am spotted on the train with my fingers in my nostrils, rest
assured Im not digging for gold.

After sustained pestering, I and Madge, the younger of the two, ventured
under the house where we would do the thing, she had been promising me
wed do.

The houses in our East Kingston ghetto were raised and the space between
the floor and the dirt was dark, usually harboring many treacherous insects
and sharp debris. Normally, the cellar - home to scorpions and centipedes
- was a most terrifying environment, but as the blood rushed from the
young upper head to the lower, fear was no longer an issue. I was just too
aroused to be scared.

It was there in the dark cellar, upon my baptism in that sea of warm Jell-O,
that an addict was born.

It was a most unforgettable and infinitely euphoric experience, especially

because prior to that moment my very short existence was consumed with
severe daily depression and an overpowering desire to end my life from as
early as four years old. Depression and suicidal urges persisted well into
adulthood and so did my newfound addiction.

Soon after my debut, I began to lust after my friends mothers and couldnt
stop commenting to my friends, how sexy their mothers were and what
Id like to do with them. But to my surprise, they were interested in my
mother a sure sign that they too had been initiated - which I found utterly
repulsive. Invasive thoughts of sex with my own mother would bring me
close to vomiting. Typical of our dire socioeconomic conditions, we shared
a bed til just past my tenth birthday, and when those deviant thoughts
invaded my mind, I was repulsed. My mother had no other children, but
I always wanted a sister, who I thought would have been my sex toy. And
why my friends werent giving their sisters a regular rogering was a mystery

11
to me. As a young child, I was of course unaware of the possible biological
and or sociocultural mechanisms which prevents one from being sexually
attracted to immediate family members, thus could not understand why
they didnt want to ravage their sisters, when I so desperately did.

After my sexual inauguration my cravings knew no bounds nor end,

which drove me at eight years old to make an attempt with a cat. However,
tabby was having none of it and clawed her way out of my grasp.

Marjorie and I had infrequent meetings under the cellar, which started
what would turn into a love for sex in risky places. Frightened in ecstasy, we
were only too aware of the consequence if caught by the adults: a beating to
within seconds of our lives. Among my most memorable sexual experiences
was one many years later in a boardroom of an internationally renowned
company, on the twenty-sixth floor of their San Francisco headquarters.
She, a young Asian-American with her palms against the big glass window
overlooking the San Francisco bay, her skirt hiked above her posterior,
panty and nylons at her ankles as she pushed her round bottom outward in
reception. I can still see my life making fluids dripping from her onto the
carpet. Instant termination, a permanently charred reputation and perhaps
even minor criminal charges would have been the consequences had we
been caught.

My Jamaica was not the Jamaica that beckoned from travel brochures
around the world, enticing you to frolic on horseback along heavenly
white sand beaches. It was not a place to come back to, as one of the ad
campaigns by the Jamaica Tourist Board inveigled. Instead for me, from
my earliest memories at three years old, it was a wretched environment
from which to flee, a place of incomprehensible barbarianism, senseless
murders and grinding wretched poverty.

The hundred and eighty degree opposite of its tropical nirvana image, my
Jamaica was and still is anarchic, peaceless and hopelessly mired in ruthless
violence, much of which make the international news only during election
time when the violence takes on an added brutality.

The bombarding, omnipresent signs of neglect and decay - burnt out

buildings, splintered rooves - wreaked havoc on my delicate sensibilities
since I was a toddler. In MY Jamaica it was normal for raw sewage to
stagnate or flow through the streets, daily life was a perpetual struggle
and just simply getting out of bed was a perilous act, accompanied by a

12
high risk of a fatal encounter with a bullet. Death and symbols thereof
decorated the neighborhood. From the frequent funeral excursions, which
were among my few enjoyable events, the nightly hails of gunfire, the black
heart men who preyed on children, to the daily maggot infested road kills
from speeding cars, I had seen more death in the first ten years of my life
than I would witness in the next thirty. In this dark, dilapidated, crime-
plagued hood, brutal murders, wife beatings and police shootings were
regular occurrences, generating in me at an early age, a strong fascination
with death. In my neighborhood, the stench of dog carcasses and, tyres set
alight to incinerate them were the neighborhood air fresheners. Yet even
so, unlike the shanties of West Kingston, my eastern slum was the Beverly
Hills of ghettos.

Among my most vivid memories was one night at 9 years old being
accosted at gunpoint with a request to
Identify yuself ! Woo a yu bloodclaut madda?!(Whos your fucking
mother?)
Yeow, Yeow Yeow, someone shouted from across the street.
A sista Andisn yout. (Thats sister Andersons kid.)
Awoah! Bloodcleet, a sista Adisn yout dis? (Au fuck, this is sister
Andersons kid?) Turning to me he advised,
likkle yout, yu fi identify yuself quick y nuh, cau it dread out ya. (You
should identify yourself faster, because its dangerous out here.)

Another indelible memory is that of my friends and I being accompanied

to Franklin Town Primary School by Jamaica Defense Force amphibian
tanks. By ten years old I had witnessed countless beatings, killings, acid
attacks, wife beatings with machetes and two fatal torchings: one simply
because he was a supporter of the wrong political party in the wrong
neighbourhood, the other because he was alleged to be gay.

Contributing to the already curious state of affairs, my formative years

were spent on an all-women church commune, some 50 or 60 of them
with whom I shared living quarters, undoing their bras for them and
peeping through tiny holes to watch them in the nude. As a boy, one of
only two males and the only male child socialized in this otherwise female
environment, I grew to become a lesbian happily trapped in a mans body
and from my first sexual experience until recently, sex was the first thing I
thought of upon meeting every woman.

13
In an attempt to protect me from the perils of my surroundings, venturing
even to the gate for a glimpse of the outside world was strictly forbidden
with severe penal consequences. Isolated from the community at large
and left only to entertain myself with my obsessions in thought, I was
far less assertive and street smart than the other boys. Resultantly, I was
often the football for the neighborhood bullies, young murderers in the
making, who were armed with mini ratchet knives, roaming the streets
on their noisy home made wooden skates (scooters) with ball bearings for
wheels. Their other pass times included rolling old tyres with sticks and
guiding wheels made from garden hoses with hooked, wire clothes hangers.
Especially on rainy days, their favourite by far was the game of buode aus
(wooden horse), in which pieces of carved fudge sticks were placed in the
sewage infested gutters, to simulate horse racing. In my childhood, news
to my mother that I was even a spectator of these activities, would have
her sending me to the tamarind tree to select the most suitable branches,
which she would then promptly introduce to my bare naked bottom.

The first school I attended, the First Holiness Basic School was also on the
commune, just 30 seconds walk from the matchbox mother and I shared.
However, my second school, Elletson All Age School, where I skipped the
first and second grade, on account of being an advance reader, was located
a fifteen minute walk away. Again, in the interest of protecting me from
my surroundings, one of the quickest ways to ensure a meeting between
the tamarind tree switches and my bare black bumbo, was to exceed the
allotted 20 minutes for my return home from school.

Also beginning quite early was my yellow preference. In that impoverished

and homicide ravaged cesspool of a neighborhood, there were three
Chinese shops which sowed the seeds of my yellow fever, earlier than my
first sexual experience. One at the corner of Windward Road and Brays
Street, another next door to my tenement and the Hos shop on Telephone
St and Elletson Road. Ho is not a pseudonym, it was their actual name.
They drove a brown 1973 Buick Skylark, one of four American cars in
my neighborhood. The others, one a 1973 Chevrolet Chevelle which
belonged to the bishop who presided over my mothers church and the
other two were 69 Pontiac Bonnevilles, both belonging to the near white
pastor of an adjacent Pentecostal church.

The Chinese, not even those who lived atop their shops, never ever
associated with anyone in the neighborhood. For sure they had good
reasons not to. With their straight jet-black hair and upward slanted,

14
hardly opened eyes, they were enigmatic and I frequently anticipated being
sent on errands in order to admire and lust after the women. Absent was
that round, big bottom and big shapely legs which I was socialized to find
sexy. However, developing a love for their long waists and short legs, I
began to entertain a strong desire to introduce them to my boyhood. But
that wouldve been impossible. Never had I even seen one walking in our
decrepit neighborhood, let alone talking to a person of African decent,
other than their employees during work hours.

How did they many of whom who had only marginal command of English -
get here, to this neighborhood from China? I often pondered. Those who did
not live atop their shops, perhaps resided in some faraway gated, uptown
community, to which they fled at the end of the workday. They did not
hang around. To this day, while making the beast with two backs with
yellow women, I sometimes imagine myself with one of the shopkeepers
daughters. Apart from wanting to give their daughters a proper introduction
at that tender age, the Chinese shop owners quickly became my economic
role models.

My enigmatic personality as a child manifested itself in ways other than

sexually, and so the pronounced disparity between the races were quite
clear to me from as early as five years old. But no one, not the least my
mother, who didnt even make it beyond the ninth grade, could provide me
with an explanation as to why these outsiders were so economically well
endowed. Most people of African decent in Jamaica, including my own
family, subsisted then and now in abject poverty, daily praising the Lord, for
what I was never sure. It was simply beyond my comprehension, why it
was necessary to incessantly praise the Lord for sparing us another day
in that living hell. Meanwhile the yellows were shop owners, driving big
American cars and all without ever setting foot in a church.

With no one to answer my early questions on race and those curious

socioeconomic arrangements, I was left on my own to develop massive
inferiority complexes, believing that African people indeed were cursed,
exactly as indoctrination from bible stories about the so called descendants
of Cain had taught. That along with my yellow obsession resulted in total
and absolute resolve to abandon any idea of perpetuating my race, while
at the same time making me resolute and definite about procreating only
with yellows. This decision, made by a young child, was later given its
proper label of racial suicide by Michael Pariser, my best therapist ever.

15
Parallel to the aforementioned decision was my observation that children
of black/yellow or any mixed race combination seemed to show a higher
frequency of attractiveness than their pure race counterparts and in my
childish view during the early days of my self-hatred, they were especially
more attractive than their Negroe parents. Later in my adulthood I
discovered that scientist had labeled my early childhood observation as
the hybrid vigor phenomenon. And though years of therapy, education
and travel have evicted my self-hate, the drive to act on the hybrid vigor
phenomenon still persists.

16
SIMONE CHANG

Eleven-year-old Simone Chang was my closest encounter with my

yennings at nine. An anomaly in my neighborhood, she suddenly began to
appear on my street, walking past my tenement once in the morning, on
her way to school and again in the evening. Petite with a wide long braid
down the middle of her back to her buttocks, she wore a white skirt, white
blouse and a red and white plaid tie, the uniform of the downtown school
Holy Trinity.

But what would this Chinese girl be doing in my cesspit of a neighborhood,

attending a public junior secondary school?
Did her Beverly Hills or Cherry Gardens parents go bankrupt and if so,
why would she end up here in Dunkirk, in the ghetto?

Everyday at around three o clock, countenance of trauma, fear and

wretched despondence, eyes fixated on the pothole infested road beneath
her, braving an onslaught of harassment from the local ragamuffins from
number 4 Wild Street, she meandered past my yard. And everyday,
whenever I could, I ran to my wall to watch the girl of my fantasies go by.
Ugly, was among the many renowned neighborhood terrorists from the
aforementioned thug house diagonally across from me. A troglodyte with
tribal mark-like telephone slashes adorning his face, his was a character
crass and uncouth enough to curdle stone. Scarcely was there a day when
Simone could walk by on her way home without the assault of his rough,
coarse drawl.

Pssssssttt, aaay Chinie girl, Ms Chin, come ear nuh.

To which Ms Icy, pot black, loud, lewd and quarrelsome would intervene
on Simones behalf.
Weh yu nu lef di likkle girl alone? Yu nuh si se shi a likkle pickney a guh
a school? Yu tink shi cyan tek big man hood? (Why dont you leave the
little girl be? Cant you see shes a child going to school?)
To which Ugly would respond expressing intentions, not quite suitable for
print.
MI SE FI LEF HAR! (I SAID TO LEAVE HER BE.)

17
Subsisting among the rats and cockroaches, my and my mothers hand
me down shoes - which we were lucky to have - were in constant need of
repairs. On one occasion my mother instructed me to go to the cobbler up
the street, as opposed to our usual cobbler around Bryden street, as there
had been some fatal shootings in the aqueduct near there. Upon entering
the new cobblers yard, lo and behold, there was my fantasy girl hanging
her laundry on the line.
Is in ere suh yu live, (So this is where you live.) I said to her, as though
solving the puzzle of a lifetime.
Why? she asked, with the same melancholic face, focused on the bed
spread she was hanging on the line.
Jus choo mi always si yu a walk dung a Wild Street, ( Just because I always
saw you walking down Wild Street.) I responded with the confidence of an
amoeba. On my return home, floating several feet off the ground, I lighted
up on a scheme to run errands to the cobbler for all the church sisters on
the commune.

As it turned out, Simone was only half-Chinese, which answered my

question about why she had ended up amongst us in the war zone. Whichever
way I tried to imagine it, in my conclusion her ending up on Wild Street
could have been attributed only to her cursed half. No full-blooded Chinese
would be living in this hell hole without some connection to business. In
the ensuing months we got to know each other and discovered our shared
commonalities. Like me, she was ruled by a punitive, Christian zealot
for a guardian, difference being mine was my mother whereas hers, her
aunt wasnt even related to her. After being abandoned by her Taiwanese
father, her mother sent her and her younger sister from the countryside
to live with Aunt, an over bearing Seventh-day Adventist. We were both
miserable and depressed about our plight in that wretched environment,
but as if that werent enough, she later revealed to me during our adult
years that among her routine chores, were unspeakable manual labor to her
fathers brother since she was about nine years old.

Once while talking to her on her verandah, on a rare occasion with no

adults around, the chance to play doctor arose. Reminiscing about that day
some fifteen years later, she tried to describe the euphoria of that utterly
novel experience when she was 12 and I 10 years old.
I had never ever felt anything like that, she said.
I just cant explain how good it felt, it was like heaven. I remembered that
more than my first sexual experience.

18
That rare chance to make mischief never again availed itself, as we were
constantly surrounded by adults and she was always under house arrest.
But nine years later, four years after I had emigrated from the island, I
returned for a visit and accidentally ran into her as she turned from Wild
Street to Little Telephone Street, wearing oversized curlers in her hair and
a gleaming ear to ear smile. Two days later, like wild animals on Wild
Street, we shredded the fitted sheet on what was my bed in my mothers
two room dwelling. With ten years of pent up desire, I unleashed in her
miles and litres in an orgas-ma-fest, hoping to leave her pregnant, so that I
could have gained respect among my peers upon returning to the States, by
claiming to have sired a child. Only four years removed from Jamaica, I
had not been rid of the socialization which taught me that real men made
children and abandoned them, while weak men took care of the children
that real men made. But as probability would have it, no sperm met her
egg, at least not until she later emigrated to America, after I embarked
upon a business arrangement to get her there. Unfortunately in the end
she was only half Chinese, not enough to satisfy my preference and our
relationship became mired in ensuing baby mama drama.

19
PRELUDE TO JAPAN

After a heart wrenching separation from Korean-American Anne Moo

Young, I arrived in Japan in April of 2001 for a fresh new start, a rebirth
of unimaginable proportions. Anne and I had been dating for about a
year, three months of which were spent in cohabitation. Overdosed on
sex appeal, she was a sexual inferno, with freak oozing from every pore.
Inseparable, we did almost every thing in tandem, even commuted to and
from work together. Anne, a short, nubile 24-year-old with a captivatingly
pretty face had breasts that were abnormally sized for a woman of her
height, and race. They were like two watermelons on a slight downhill
race. Upon meeting her for the first time in a shopping mall in Orange
County, I stood at full attention throughout our entire conversation and
fortunately upon my first visit to her apartment, she was quite permissive.
Had she not been, I would have been rotting in a penitentiary as we speak,
as I pounced on her like a desperate crack fiend the minute she opened the
door. Throughout our relationship she would always refer to the pouncing
in jest. From the first hit it was clear that addiction was inevitable. Hence,
with inexplicable, out of this world chemistry, I fell hard and we moved in
together shortly after meeting.

Fruit fairy living with a gay roommate, with whom she partied heavily
in West Hollywood, Anne loved ecstasy and cocaine. Hailing from the
typically oppressive Korean-American family, she was unceasingly insecure
about her physical appearance and extremely uncomfortable around
straight men, a clear signal of fire in the hole. All indicators pointed to
a high probability of some sexual trauma during her childhood. On the
surface she appeared to relish in her ability to bring men to their knees, but
in private, twice the victim of date rape drugs at parties at her alma mater
USC, Anne confided in me that she hated that the only thing men saw in,
on, around or about her was sex.

Im short, pretty and all tits. The only thing men wanna do is fuck me.
I hate that, she said, sometimes tears streaming down her burgundy
cheeks.

20
The cocaine and ecstasy consumption, the heavy drinking and partying,
shes masking something, I thought. Fruit fairy, no straight male friends,
short, self-perceived overweight with humongous breasts, especially for
a Korean woman, she hates herself, I concluded. Something definitely
happened to her in her childhood, she might even be borderline, I analyzed.
After all, I knew her type very well. They are the most exciting women on
the planet. Those borderline personality disordered women are without
question the pinnacle of sexual nirvana. Normal women fail to deliver the
kind of sexual excitement that borderline women can, who until recently,
were the only women to whom I was attracted.

Getting to know her, she revealed to me that indeed - like all freaks, all
the sex addicts with whom I have been - she too had been constantly
molested by a family friend since five. Since that revelation I had begun to
encourage her to seek therapy and after convincing her of my unconditional
and unending support, she had finally heeded my advice. But for the first
time, Anne and I would have to separate. Charged with domestic abuse
and vandalism for destroying (Simone Changs) my daughters mothers
cell phone in post OJ Simpson California, I was sentenced to participate in
a month long work furlough program in San Francisco. In her emotional
amnesia Anne freaked out, convinced that I had abandoned her. Though
only thirty days, the separation was unbearable for her and during that
time she met someone else at the supermarket, abruptly ended the
relationship and I became an instant enemy. It was as though we had never
even known each other, let alone made plans for a future together. Our
previous Siamese-like state, attached especially at the lips and genitalia,
was a fugitive from her memory.

You just up and left me, she kept repeating. What was I supposed to
do?

In the first week of our separation I shed ten pounds, wept like Jesus for
three months, and was forced to visit the cardiologist for crippling and
debilitating chest pains. Making matters worse, it was the Christmas
season and I was a mess. I made the bold move of unloading even on total
strangers, sometimes comically. And thanks to their support and that of a
few friends, the pain became manageable.

Aware that my yellow desire was now carved in diamond and that it would
be impossible for me to become interested in anyone non yellow, I packed
up and moved to Japan, where I could act on my extreme preference and

21
get over my lost love, especially our plans to get married and move to
Monterey. I couldnt have made a better move. This complete change of
environment and what was to follow, was the perfect prescription.

22
JAPAN: YEAR ONE

Wednesday, April 18th 2001. Unlike many of my Western contemporaries

in Japan, I conducted no research about my future home prior to my arrival
and engaged in no preparations. However, upon arrival, I soon discovered
that nothing could have prepared me for this Fantasy Island. Immediately
besotted by its physical beauty, Japan struck me as an infinitely more
beautiful version of my native Jamaica, meets England where I had spent
some time.

My introduction to the lay of the land occurred in a very small rural town
in the Kansai region, about a hundred miles from Osaka. Immediately I
was surrounded by the women of my extreme preference, surreal to say
the least. That unforgettable Wednesday of my arrival coincided with a
weekly house party held by one of the teachers from the school where I
was to commence teaching. In attendance were many of the local students,
mostly women who numbered about fifteen, in the presence of about five
or six men. I was the first person of African decent to descend on this small
town and the very first that many of the natives were beholding in the
flesh. Months later one of the girls told me in glee, she was beside herself
when I walked in the room, as she had been a hip hop fan in this Hicksville
for many years, constantly wondering what it would be like to meet an
African-American. She later became my first stalker in Japan.

Ayumi was what I later came to label an untouchable in Japan; 26, about
a hundred and twenty pounds, overweight by Japanese standards and
divorced with two children. Though we had not been intimate, not even a
kiss, many mornings found her in her car, dictionary in hand waiting for
me to emerge from my apartment in order to negotiate with me to be her
boyfriend, occasionally even soliciting the assistance of perhaps her only
friend with marginal English skills.

Before long I realized that being African-American or Jamaican in these

parts was akin to being some kind of film star, and having been born in
Jamaica and lived in America, I had a double advantage, which I milked
to the hilt. For the Japanese girls who idolized and fetishized Beenie Man

23
and Bob Marley, I was Jamaican and for those who worshipped JZ, I was
an African-American, though the latter sometimes created discomfort as
hip hopper I was not. And when told by Japanese girls that I bore a strong
resemblance to Jo, they were dismayed at my ignorance about the artist.
The only Jo(e) I knew was my favourite uncle Joe who died when I was
ten.

Present at the party was one of the managers of the language school which
had sponsored me to Japan. With her otherworldly beauty, barely opened
upturned eyes, small dainty concave nose and creamy tofu skin, she was
unerringly my type. It was love and lust at first sight and unbeknownst
to silly me, the feeling was mutual. I came to learn that my specialized
attraction is to Manchurian women. Small concave noses with a low nose
bridge, small upturned eyes with the epicanthic fold and milky skin. That
really rang my bell, ever since I was a child. Her general responsibilities
were to ensure my smooth transition to this small town, so we spent much
time together as she introduced me to Japanese culture.

In addition to her Louis Vuitton handbag and other name brand items,
she wore me like jewelry, flaunting me to everyone. Though 23 years old,
Miyuki bubbled with the innocence of a juvenile, a trait which, having
been new to Japan, I found quite sexy and arousing. Little did I know that
in a few short years, I would become sickened by that general characteristic
among Japanese women. Within two weeks we were all over each other,
necking and fondling her baldness in her Honda Life and when she finally
visited my apartment, her milky shaven beauty was a sight to behold. Her
shoulders were ever so slightly wider than her hips but, her petite frame
and shaven heaven mesmerized me. As to her shaven venus mound, that
I found a bit uncomfortable, as it reminded me of my prepubescent days
when I would try it on with little prepubescent girls. Their baldness and
absence of breasts disgusted me and since my introduction to sex at seven,
until my mid-twenties, I had always preferred older women. However
things changed and I found myself, not only being attracted to younger
women, but also attracting them the older I got.

Miyuki reminded me of school girls, the kinds I frequently saw riding

their bicycles in their ultra-mini uniforms upon my arrival in Japan. And
as I tasted her and fondled her small but perfectly shaped breasts, my
imagination would momentarily place her on a bicycle in school uniform.

I dont want to have sex as yet. I want to get to know you first, she said,

24
to which I was respectful. After releasing my tension all over her pearly
skin, she would shower me with profuse apologies for having caused me
to resort to what she thought was such a shameful act. Instantly madly
in love, I refrained from consummating the relationship and suspended
my usual predatory tendencies, which I later lived to regret. This sudden
immersion in Eden was unbelievable, making out and receiving fellatio
from my superior, the manager of the school where I would be teaching
was nothing short of fantasy. But my roommate who had arrived a year
earlier, assured me, You aint seen nothing yet, in Japan, nothing is off
limits.

Shortly after, another manager from a different location was introduced

to me, butt ugly with apple catchers for teeth, which were the norm in
the countryside. However, hers was a curvaceous physique of amazement
and within only a month after my arrival she introduced me to the love
hotel scene and gave me my first piece along with my first venereal disease
in Japan: the ubiquitous Chlamydia. One thing I quickly realized in that
rural town, was that my limitation to women who spoke only English,
was a fairly small pool, but no hindrance to regular action. However, more
disturbing than that was my observation that it was the less attractive
women who spoke English. The super babes, my type, couldnt even recite
the alphabet. Especially in the countryside, there was an inverse relation
between their English abilities and their level of unattractiveness.

This second manager was near fluent, with teeth of varying shades of
yellow-brown, which seemed like rusted barbed wire protruding from her
crooked, asymmetrical face. But man, that bod! Later I discovered that
she had given my roommate, other teachers and at least one American
manager the same welcoming treatment, minus the Chlamydia because
they went in strapped. Three or four times a week as soon as the last
student vacated, she and I transformed the school she managed into our
own love ho, going buck wild leaving body fluids everywhere, like dogs
urinating to mark territory. I couldnt help but pity her, as it was clear her
self-confidence was on the soles of her feet, a trait of promiscuous women
in the West and indeed a common trait of many Japanese women.
I was born in a car, she revealed. My mother was on the way to the
hospital, solving the mystery to why her face was so asymmetrical and
twisted.

Shortly after my arrival, the weekly school party was relocated to my

apartment owing to the departure of the previous host, and every Wednesday

25
night an onslaught of beautiful, eligible female students descended on my
living room.

Rapidly the collection of sex partners grew and soon it became impossible
to conceal my whoring character in this small town. Inevitably, the first
manager discovered this and decided that she wanted nothing more to
do with me intimately, a painful decision magnified by conflicting forces
within. On one hand I loved her though on the other, I was a sex addict
with uncontrollable yellow cravings in yellow candy land with a bottomless
supply of yellow pleasure. Especially difficult was the fact that we had to
continue working together for a year, which required daily preparedness
for pain.

Though my whoring soared to new heights, she was one who got away,
the one I really wanted. My fragile male ego was trampled and I to this
day regret not introducing her to the dark side. She wouldve been hooked,
unable to let go, like the mass of fans which were accumulating. They
say once you go black, you never go back. But more accurately, once you
go black, you always, go back..for more. But I was new to Japan, not
knowing then what I now know about the psyche of Japanese women.
Word got around fast in that small town and pretty soon it was clear that I
had to expand beyond the immediate community. The community harem
was growing and within three months, I had a steady rotation of seven
women, a predictable attrition rate, most of them my students, each with
their allotted time. I was living my fantasy, I was living everymans fantasy,
at least every sex addicted, yellow fever afflicted mans fantasy, totally
immersed in a limitless sea of yellow women.

26
MOTHER AND AI

Among my roomies many private students, were a royally attractive 50-

year-old woman and her 22-year-old daughter, who graced our apartment
twice a week for one-hour lessons. Planning a trip to Kyushu he requested
my substitution, which I initially resisted, possessing no interest in teaching
outside of the language school. My personal time was for rampant sex and
naught else. But the mother was a very nubile and beautiful woman, for
whom I had been lusting at the gym since my arrival. I had been drooling
at her in her swim suit some four times a week, befuddled at how delicious
she looked, especially for fifty. Frequently she invited me to join her in
the pool which I always declined, as there would have been no way to
conceal my leftward pointing excitement. Intent on focusing my attention
on her daughter, to whom I had no attraction, I agreed to teach them.
But to my dismay, upon Peters return from his trip they decided that they
had no desire to return to him and insisted that I continued being their
teacher. Again I protested, but upon making the acquaintance of her older
daughter, my protest was transformed to retarded, slobbering, speechless
babble.

Ai was stunning, a younger version of her mother, nubile, wide child-

bearing hips, small waist and extremely steatopygic. Spontaneously I stood
at full attention upon seeing her, especially in my favourite bob hairstyle.
Upturned and unusually big, her almond eyes glistened and unlike many
girls in the countryside, her snow-white teeth were perfectly aligned.
Though she spoke as much English as a dolphin, we quickly became
acquainted using whatever means of communication possible, including
her amazing drawing skills which came in handy, as she expressed most
of her ideas in detailed pictures. During her debut at my apartment, I
attempted to cook for her, but she insisted on helping and I acquiesced so
that I could lust after her while she stood in front of the stove. Giggling
in shyness, she tried to turn my head away from staring at her, as never
before had she been admired or more accurately, visually defrocked in such
a manner. With my tongue on the saliva drenched floor, I strolled over to
her and held her from behind, turned her around and began kissing her,
sometimes polishing her pearl white teeth with my tongue. I begged her

27
to remove her pants and after moments of shy resistance, she allowed me.
Then I requested that she simply stand away from me so I could engage
in a visual feast. But again, in her chronic shyness she wanted to dim the
lights, but I pleaded with her to keep them on as I removed my stretched,
starched limb, stroking it as I admired her.

This was her first experience with a foreigner. She wanted to touch it,
but I refused her and insisted that she stand in position, as I watered the
floor. Almost instantly I blew off and she was taken aback by the large
quantity, as she dashed for some tissues. Even after arrival, I remained in
active mode with no refractory period. So I lead her into my room and
immediately removed her bikini. Her overgrowth, through which I waded,
concealed surprisingly black lips which I began to devour whilst playing
with her breasts. For a full hour I feasted on her. Though her overgrowth
was well deserving of a trim, I was preoccupied with introducing her to
the foreign object for an entirely new cultural experience, even if it meant
ingesting a few strands of hair. After driving her crazy with my mouth,
I entered and as with most Japanese women thus far it was like a camel
passing through a needles eye.

Mecha dekaii, (very big,) she responded. But she was a trooper, receiving
me with minimum protest. I asked her in my prehistoric Japanese and sign
language what she liked in bed and what would stimulate her arrival, but to
my disappointment, at 26 years old, she had never experienced an orgasm
but said she liked everything, especially if I were enjoying it. My hardened
negritude was up to her belly button where she pointed, indicating thats
where it felt like it was. Turning her around exposing her dark lips further
heightened my arousal, but again like most Japanese women, she was
unable to engage in proper dorsal reception. So I retreated and relieved
myself, while planting my lips on her jet black lower lips.

Weeks later, Ais mother proposed the unthinkable; that I marry Ai and
give her three grandchildren. I was beside myself and found her request
impossible to grasp. After many years living in the States, a far more
liberal society, it was unfathomable that some white woman in Walnut
Creek, California would literally offer me her lily-white daughter and
request three mulatto (I know its politically incorrect) grandchildren. But
here I was in Japan, in xenophobic, conservative and racist Japan, where a
mother is encouraging me, not just to marry her daughter, but to produce
children with her. Japan is all of the aforementioned, and a country of
astounding paradoxes. Not just normal oxymorons, but contradictions
which will cause one to do triple and quadruple takes.
28
In Japan, one is bombarded everyday with hyper-etiquette, but in contrast,
especially recently it seems that every week or so, one hears about heinous
crimes committed on 7-year-olds, sometimes by 11-year-olds. Reports
of matricide frequent the newspapers in this tranquil country. Nippon is
the land of the bullet train, but no central heating in ones home. Here in
Kobe, an international port city which was hit by a devastating earthquake
in 1995, I heat my modern apartment with kerosene heaters, which
every winter pins me between two choices: death from hypothermia or
asphyxiation. There are hi-tech 3G cell phones with global positioning
navigation systems, but classrooms in elementary schools use the same
nauseating kerosene heaters I use in my apartment and there were no
heaters or air conditioners in the junior high and high schools where I
taught. And these are but a few of the numerous paradoxes.

As marriage was on my mind upon initially arriving, Ai quickly became a

potential candidate. My objective was for her to attend a university, a move
discouraged by her parents before my arrival, as even in these modern
times in Japan, though many women are indeed attending universities,
it is more likely that parents will encourage their sons to obtain a tertiary
education, while encouraging their daughters to stop at two years. Such
is the case especially in the countryside. She had already attended a two-
year college and was now working in retail but - even whore that I am
- a paradox in my character is that Im also a feminist. And as such I
firmly believe women should be educated to the highest possible level,
especially one who I would make a life partner. However, neither Ai nor
her mother could understand my alien ideology. Her mother thought me
loftily ambitious and that I should not worry about money, as they had had
enough, just as long as we produced her three grandchildren.

While waiting for Ai at her home one afternoon, the strangest thing
occurred. She had gone to work unexpectedly but was due home in a couple
hours. Having no intention of waiting for her I began to bid my good-
byes, but her mother in typical Japanese hospitality insisted on preparing
me a meal at least. While we sat at the kotatsu - a small low table with an
electric heater mounted on the underside - she placed her hand on me.
Okii desu ne? (Its big isnt it?)
Well, I thought, if it werent big before, its definitely big now.
But I couldnt say that in Japanese. Instead, I immediately unzipped my
pants and allowed her to touch it as it grew before her very eyes.
Its too big, she said.
Then I placed my palms to her breasts, caressing them beneath her blouse,

29
while kissing her lips. Nervous, lips quivering, she reciprocated awkwardly
by slightly opening her mouth, then as she started trembling, I expertly
undid her bra and raised her blouse to reveal her still perfect, beautifully
shaped mount Fujis, hardly a wrinkle in sight. Like many Japanese women
her age, she was well preserved and when I placed my mouth on her nipple
she gasped, grew more nervous and began to tell me in her skeletal English
that, she had not had sex in twenty years. Hadnt even been touched, not
even a hug since 1982.

In the West, no sex is grounds for divorce and the only time I had heard
any such tale of a sexless marriage, was from a 53-year-old African-
American woman in Southern California. Sexy and vivacious like Ais
mother, Dorothy looked about forty, with a most beautiful crown of silver
hair. Difference being, her husband had been ill for fifteen years, but we
met and on a few occasions fulfilled her needs. However, shortly thereafter,
having been a Christian and very active in the church, she was eventually
consumed by guilt and overpowered by the shame she thought would have
followed had her 30-year-old daughter discovered her affair, especially
with a man her daughters age.

In Dorothys case, sexless for fifteen years but maintaining the marriage
was quite understandable. But in Ais mothers case no sex for twenty years
while still married to a physically functional man was beyond my grasp
especially with her being so show stoppingly libidinous. New to Japan,
I had not yet learned of the tendency in marriages here to be sexless,
an incredible state of affairs that sets in usually after the obligation of
producing the first or second offspring had been fulfilled.

Ais mother told me her husband for the last umpteen years returned home
drunk in the wee hours of the morning from work, only to be up at six
to do it all over again. Indeed this experience was echoed by most of my
married female students. Japanese society, consequently most Japanese men
unfortunately, still subscribe to the notion that the corporation is family,
benevolent in nature and therefore of greater significance than real family.
The motto might as well be: Until death do we work. The Japanese, whose
workforce consists overwhelmingly of men, toil inefficiently long hours.
Thirteen hours a day, six days a week is the norm and 16-hour days, seven
days a week is not uncommon. In addition, the amount of unpaid overtime
is criminal. So prevalent is death from overwork in Japan, karoshi is a
dedicated word in the language to describe death through that medium.
Until recently, Japanese was the only language with a word specifically for

30
dieing of overwork. However, the Koreans, with a workforce even more
inefficient and grueling than that of the Japanese, have since adopted
the word to their vernacular. A group of attorneys organized in 1990
to monitor karoshi in Japan, concluded that up to 2004, karoshi annually
takes the lives of over ten thousand people, many literally at their desks
clutching their keyboards.

Among those startling statistics is a former student of mine who worked

for a firm where I taught. Only 27 years old at expiration, he had started
his death career as company slave at 22, where since his debut there, he had
worked 16-hour days until his exit by heart attack. A prime example of
Japans many paradoxes is a 2004 Office of Economic Development report
that Japan had the eleventh most efficient workforce in the world, behind
Thailand and Italy. Italy! Who could have a more inefficient workforce
than Italy? In Italy, if you mailed a letter to your neighbour just one floor
below you, it may take two weeks to arrive, maybe even longer if its being
mailed to an upstairs neighbor. More recently, according to a 2006 Japan
productivity centres report, after adjustments for price differences, among
the 30 member OECD countries, Japan ranked 19th in labor productivity
in 2004. Contrary to the Wests perception of Japan as a high-tech haven,
is the fact that Japans IT investment grew only 90% between 1995 and
2004, in comparison to over 300% respectively in Britain and the United
States during the same period.

In stark opposition to the Wests image of Japan, corporations the likes

of Toyota and Canon represent a precious small percentage of Japanese
firms which are operated efficiently. Westerners arriving here are easily
bedazzled by advanced cell phones and heated toilets with built-in bidets,
and presume that all of Japan is more technologically advanced than the
West. However the fact is much of Japans application of technology
appears to be for gadgetry as opposed to creating significant improvements
in quality of life, or bringing efficiency to the workplace. In the words
of Darren Huston, president of Microsoft Japan, There is a tremendous
opportunity to increase worker productivity in Japan with Information
Technology. Huston noted in July 2007 that many Japanese companies
rely on piecemeal collections of personal computers and often have only
one or no central server. Weeks later the Japanese government was moved
to launch a task force to boost labor productivity, focusing on efficiency
through Information Technology.

Which begs the question, why do the Japanese work themselves to the
grave, or more accurately, to the crematorium? The answer lies in their
31
socialization. Whereas organisms, especially humans and especially
Western humans seek to maximize pleasure and minimize pain, the
Japanese from thousands of years of programming seek to do the opposite,
cultural tendencies on which businesses and political leaders capitalize.

During the Manchurian war in the 1930s, the government embarked on a

campaign to gain the support of the masses, purporting benevolent family
status. Corporations seized on this ideology after the war and the absurd
idea of lifetime employment was born. Japanese leaders after World War
II, set annual GDP goals and implored the nationals to persevere at all
costs to meet these goals. Among the many casualties of this policy was
sex within matrimony.

A study by the United Nations in 2002 found that Japanese couples had sex
an average of 36 times per year, while the American average was a hundred
and ten times per year. More recently, the 2005 Durex Sexual Wellbeing
Global survey revealed that the Japanese were the worlds least amorous,
coming, pun intended, dead last at an average 45 times a year. Greece
was the busiest, at 138 times a year. And when they do get busy, a June
2008 Durex survey which questioned 26,000 participants in 26 countries,
revealed that the average Japanese was among the least likely to achieve
orgasm. When it comes to the ultra-euphoric act of arrival, only 27% of
Japanese experience such fortune. This compared dismally to 66% of the
Spanish, Mexicans and South Africans, who were most likely to climax
during every sexual act. Only the Chinese and Hong Kongese both at
24% - had a lower propensity for orgasms than the Japanese. The survey
continues, while 43% of Japans males almost always achieve orgasm, only
11% of females do.

Japan is an island of sexually frustrated women, especially those in middle-

age, waiting to be pleasured by foreigners the likes of present company.
Fact is that the institution of marriage equals gross neglect for women in
general in Japan, whether young, old or middle-aged. Common knowledge
in the West is that women are in their sexual peak toward middle-age,
as opposed to men, who peak in our late teens to twenties. However,
in Japan, sex starved middle-aged women are neglected in vast numbers,
the wealthier the more neglected, as their husbands are more dedicated to
their companies. The Japanese male is defenseless against his companys
demands to separate him from his family, by relocating him domesticly or
overseas.

32
Tanshinfuni, the practice of companies relocating the husband from his
family, though unimaginable in the West is a Japanese norm. In many
cases such arrangement can continue for years or indefinitely, though in
less painful cases the man returns home only on weekends but stays in the
company dormitory during the week. Which of course leaves their wives
wide open pardon the pun - to foreign men. Again, present company
included. On many occasions the socially castrated Japanese husband
knows his wife is getting pleasured by an outsider, but chooses to ignore it,
in some cases supporting it. In the West this would be perceived as ceding
ones manhood, but here in Japan many of the perceptions of manhood
and masculinity run counter to the Western notion of what it is to be a
man.

Western men equate manliness with the ability to please ones wife and
indeed, Western women expect to be pleasured. In fact, less than stellar
performance on the mans part, especially if he is Jamaican or African-
American would result in ridicule and serious bad mouthing within the
community. On the other hand, it seems manliness is defined in Japan
by the ability to neglect ones wife, which leaves a staggering amount
of women starving for attention. According to an article entitled, The
Spawning Grounds Of The Japanese Rapists Of Nanking, written by
Stanley Rosenman, which appeared in the Journal Of Psychohistory,
among all civilized countries, Japan has the highest rate of mother son
incest, a further testament to the widespread and sheer sexual frustration
of many married Japanese women.

During their sons periods of stress, especially during Japans examination

hell, it is documented that some mothers are even known to stimulate their
sons to orgasm, or engage in sexual activities with them under the pretense
of easing their sons tension. As a result, mazacom or mother complex,
where a man is excessively attached to his mother - even during marriage
- is a staple in the Japanese vernacular. This is one of the many gross
dysfunctions in Japanese society packaged under the auspices of culture.
Of course, being the equal-opportunity-yellow-worshipping sex addict
that I was, I was only too happy to do my duty and come to the rescue of
as many of these young and middle-aged women as I could.

33
MOTHERS ARRIVAL

I had quickly brought Ais mother to orgasm twice with my fingers and
it seemed she came in litres, releasing twenty years of pent up frustration.
But her shrubbery, like that of a great majority of Japanese women with
whom Ive been, was unkept and over grown. Requesting the scissors, I
assumed the position of forest ranger, clearing the jungle till I could see the
valley in which I would descend. Japanese women, at least the ones with
whom Ive had biblical encounters, just simply allow the hedge to grow
uncontrollably, which never failed to force my hand at gardening. After
trimming her, she remained in the bathroom to wash off the clippings and
I returned to the living room waiting for her to emerge. Sparsely clad in
white high-waist panties with red flower prints, the same kind the church
sisters wore during my childhood, a minimal amount of cellulite dimpled
her otherwise firm athletic thighs. Some cellulite arouses me, no doubt the
result of peeking at the church sisters in the nude. My growth mesmerized
her and she explored my anatomy in disbelief.

Muri it wont fit, she exclaimed, so I invited her instead to insert me

orally. After some coaxing, she succeeded in accepting this completely
new and frightening experience, a rebirth of sorts at fifty. Sucking on her
index finger, I began to demonstrate to her how I wanted it done, but she
choked on her first attempt with only half the foreign object in her mouth
hitting her throat. Raising her head, I interrupted her. I dont like fellatio
anyway, much prefer cunnilingus and once I partook of her southern
cuisine while fondling her at the same time, her levies broke again almost
immediately.

Viscous in lipless beauty, though lubricious, entrance required gentleness

and numerous attempts, at times feeling as though my foreskin was being
pulled back to my belly button. As she grimaced and spoke in unrecognizable
Japanese, I expanded and liberated her for full accommodation.
Itakimochii. (Hurts but it feels good.)
Inside dame desu, dont come inside.

34
And for a moment I imagined the catastrophe of this woman in this small
rural town, whose daughter with whom I am intimately involved, being
pregnant with my child. As usual, before arrival, I withdrew the vehicle,
stimulated it manually to release its contents on her. Not trusting myself
to withdraw in time, that was a common practice of mine. Her chest
and face covered with me, It looks like natto, she responded, a popular
Japanese health food of fermented soy beans, with the appearance of
crunchy peanut butter, slimy and with the odor of dirty socks. After seven
years in Japan, I have yet to muster the courage required to even bring it
within a mile of my face, let alone ingest it.

Suddenly aware of the insanity with which she was just afflicted, she sprang
from her momentary lapse of reason and hastened me to get dress, as Ai
would be returning soon. Though initially her movements were restricted,
in the ensuing months she gradually learned to relax and enjoy her new
found freedom, by far surpassing her daughters pleasure giving. Twice
Ais age, she was immeasurably more enjoyable, especially being orgasmic,
both internally and externally, which lead to our continued covert intimate
escapades even after I had moved from the countryside, where upon
periodic returns to visit Ai, I had to also perform my expected duties to
her mother.

35
MEGU

Megu a farmers wife, was my second married woman in Japan. Baring a

strong resemblance to Meg Ryan, mother of two she was already neglected
at the tender age of 32. I relished in the fact that she was the first managers
best friend, the same manager who had sworn left and right that her friend
Meg had no interest in me, as she was not the kind of girl to cheat on her
husband. So I turned her out not only for my own enjoyment, but also to
make a point to the first manager that, it matters not what kind of girl you
are if your needs are not being met at home, then they will be met abroad.
Miyuki was devastated and my objective was met, which gave me relief in
some sick immature fashion.

A regular at our weekly parties, one Wednesday night Megu vacated the
premises with everyone, but soon called me to ask if everyone had left and
if she could return. Upon returning, she made it clear that she couldnt stay
for long, as her husband would get angry if she returned home too late.
So we went to my room for a quick introduction. She was a smoker which
ensured brevity in our encounter. Upon removing her jeans, the crotch
of her panties was already soaked in anticipation. I wanted to wrap my
mouth around her breasts but she just wanted my invasion, so rolling on
the magnum 500 I proceeded without further hesitation. With every inch,
she gasped with mouth wide open, but she managed a full reception as I
gyrated, sometimes imagining she was her friend the manager, as that was
the closest I would get to the one that slipped away. Blast off was delayed
on account of my being strapped, so I positioned her on top so she could
ride to her destination. Gently I caressed her nipples but she demanded
harsher, rougher treatment, as she rode into a trance. For a moment I
thought her nipples would fall off in my hands, as she gyrated violently
attempting to sever me inside her.

Iku, iku! Japanese women say they are going instead of coming, cultural
difference I guess. In that small town, Meg and I never had seconds and
she grieved every time we saw each other, lamenting over being married
with two children and unable to pursue anything further with me.

36
MAYUMI

Miki Ando look-alike, Mayumis dilemma was typical among many

Japanese women: Having been in a fruitless seven-year relationship from
23 years old, she was devastated by the heart wrenching separation at 30.
For women in the West, that is nothing over which to lose sleep. However,
for Japanese women, such an event is a catastrophe. In fact, three years
later Mayumi had a nervous breakdown obsessing over the reality of being
unmarried without prospects at 33 and was admitted to hospital for six
months. Our meeting was accidental. Her teacher for her dyadic class, for
which I substituted, was ill and though it was a class setting, it was pretty
much a preliminary interview before a first date. Being very sensitive to
sexual harassment issues and not wanting to overstep any boundaries, I
made no advances to her after the class and showed no interest. After all,
I was coming from America where at least trying to procure sexual favours
from students and especially on the premises of the school, could land you
a prime position in the unemployment line and maybe even in court. But
while we were bidding our good-byes, the manager loudly suggested that
we should go out on a date. And so Mayuchan was introduced to the dark
side.

Mayumi was beautiful with perfect curvature and proportions, though

had she not inherited her fathers slightly convex nose, which made
her face less ravaging than her mothers, we would most certainly have
been married. Like her mother, Mayu was covered with the porcelain
complexion I fetishize. Like many Japanese women she too was a walking
department store mannequin, wearing every name brand possible and like
most women in that small town and all throughout Japan - her teeth were
a repulsive sight to behold. One of the very first things I brought to her
attention was the paradox between wearing every piece of garment from
Vogue magazine, while having a crocodile smile. My Western mind could
not grasp the incompatibility of a Prada handbag accessorized by rusted
barbed wire teeth. And much to my surprise, she quickly withdrew 600,000
yen ($5,500) from the bank and embarked on a journey to improved dental
care through orthodontics.

37
Initially there was protest from her friends and parents, telling her there
was no need and that its a waste of money. However, after two years and
beautifully aligned teeth, they understood the objective. Just three weeks
after we met, perhaps feeling the pressure of being unmarried at 30, Mayu
took me house hunting and hinted that her parents would be happy to
make the purchase if we got married. She wanted to lock me down, put
some definitions on our relationship, as she was becoming attached, given
our frequent jaunts and overnight stays in her parents penthouse condo by
the beach. Mayu was the first unmarried woman I met in Japan who did
not live with her parents, at least not directly. Instead she lived alone in
their beach front high-rise, which afforded me unlimited visitations and
overnight stays. Before her, all the unmarried women I had met, even the
ones in their thirties had a parental curfew, usually at ten o clock, which I
found most odd. Adult women having curfews is normal practice in Japan,
especially in the countryside where women must return home sometimes
by nine at night. Frequently, their mothers would call whilst we were in
the midst of the act.
Ima kuji han yo. Ima doko? (Its now nine thirty. Where are you?)

38
WOMENS SOCIAL CONDITIONS

Most women in Japan live at home until they are married, in some cases
forever. And after divorce, many, especially in rural areas must return to their
parents, unable to support themselves and their children. Close to 90% of
Japanese women in their late 20s and 60% in their late 30s exist at home
as parasite singles. In a Health Ministrys estimate, 2.5 million women
between 25 and 39 years old live with their parents. This constitutes
nearly 20% of all women in that age group. With low enforcement of child
support payments, dismally low wages for women, and insufficient social
services, many divorced women with children have no alternative but to
return to their parents home. In response to attempts at implanting some
much needed teeth into child support collections, sexist male lawmakers -
the chauvinistic gatekeepers - claimed that making men responsible to pay
for the welfare of their children after a divorce would run counter to so-
called Japanese traditions, misogynistic, oppressive traditions which work
so well in favour of men. It must be noted that Japanese men are relieved
of their child support responsibilities, once their ex-wives remarry.

According to a published Japanese government survey in 2005, In fiscal

2003, the Number of fatherless families had reached an astonishing 1.22
million, representing the largest number documented and a whopping 28
percent increase from a survey in 1998. Further highlighted was that, a
significant majority of children in these households subsisted well below
the poverty level. Given the stretched work hours of men, Japan was already
a de facto society of absent fathers. But at least in the Japanese rendition
of paternal absenteeism, fathers in general, contribute financially to their
childrens welfare. In a stark change in contemporary Japanese society,
single mother families now comprise the majority of its poor, a dramatic
shift from the elderly households of yesteryears. Much to the bullet train
nations chagrin, in February 2005 a 27-year-old mother and her 3-year-
old son were found dead of starvation in their Saitama apartment near
Tokyo. Police stated that there was no food in the apartment and only 80
yen, less than a dollar was found in the womans purse.

39
Further cementing their place in poverty, the ruling Liberal Democratic
Party is reducing public assistance to single moms. In addition to welfare
payments unemployed single mothers now receive a mother-child
supplement, or a boshi kasan. However, the Health Labor and Welfare
Ministry began reducing the supplement in 2005 and in 2007 plans to
terminate payments to mothers with children over 15 years old, with an
eye on eventually axing the supplement completely. Single mothers also
cannot escape the wrath of the tax man. The Japanese tax code includes a
widow deduction established in 1951 for war widows, but is now inclusive
of single mothers. The widow deduction consists of four categories where
deductions are reduced in the following order; widow, divorcee, single
father and never married mother.

A widow can deduct up to 350,000 yen from her annual income for her
entire life, even if she is childless, while a never-married mother gets no
deductions unless her income is dismally low. The tax code provides a
larger deduction for single fathers a rarity in Japan - than it does for
never-married mothers. As the Finance Ministry explains it, the tax code
is based on the principle of legal wedlock, which means that a never-
married mother qualifies for less government assistance than a divorced
or widowed parent. The state finds little or no importance in securing the
welfare of single mothers children, which shines a floodlight on why only
1-2% of Japans children are born out of wedlock.

These deplorable conditions are the result of ultra-low wages for women,
hostile social and working environments and equally impacting, spineless
child support payment enforcement. In male chauvinist Japan, after
divorce a woman must wait six months before re-marrying and if she falls
pregnant within 300 days of her divorce, her ex-husband, whether he likes
it or not, will be the legal father of the child even if DNA tests prove
otherwise. According to government figures, only about 20 percent of
divorced single mothers receive child support from their ex-husbands. The
late great, Godfather of soul, James Brown once acknowledged, its a mans
world, but it means diddly without a woman or a little girl. But In Japan
its a mans world, full stop, period. And its been that way, with marginal
signs of abatement since the shoguns took over in the 1100s. Japanese
women are among those who suffer the lowest economic and political
status around the world. According to a May 2005 World Economic
Forum study of 58 developed, developing and underdeveloped countries,
Japanese women were placed 52nd in economic empowerment and 54th
in political empowerment.

40
But a more current report in November 2007 by the same organization
validated my conclusion from two years earlier that, indeed, Japans gender
gap is the worst among the Group of 8 major industrialized nations. In this
new report of 128 countries, Japan placed 91st in gender equality - an 11
point descent from only a year prior and 97th in economic participation
and opportunity for women.

In the 2005 World Economic Forum survey, 1/3 of working women in

Japan were in part-time dead end jobs, but according to a more recent
March 2006 Internal Affairs and Communications Ministry report, in
2005, 52.5% of Japans 21.4 million female workforce labored part-time.
This was compared to 17.7 percent of the nations 28.6 million working
men. The Internal Affairs and Communications Ministry reported that
in 2006 women accounted for 42 percent of the workforce, 40 percent
of whom labored in part-time jobs of less than 35 hours a week. On
the other side of the coin, only 10 percent of working men are part-time
employees.

Japan is without question, the most male chauvinistic of all industrialized

countries and among the most sexist, female unfriendly societies in the
world. These are characteristics of which the men are quite proud and
having internalized their status, the women simply gaman or endure.
Though the geriatric patriarchs refuse to admit it, this system, second to
industrialization, may well be the most profound contributor to Japans
plummeting birth rate. In this day and age when brainpower is more
important than arm power, Japans misogyny deprives itself en masse of
the superior cognitive skills of women, refusing to recognize their benefits
to society in any capacity beyond that of sperm receptors. Political leaders
openly and candidly express their convictions in this regard. Observing
these social conditions, its quite clear why Japanese women walk on their
self-esteem.

In one of several examples, Lower House LDP lawmaker Seiichi Ota at

a panel discussion in June 2003 addressing a gang rape of young women
by male Waseda University students, said he could see no problem with
the train. Asserting his approval, he stated that it simply demonstrated the
virility of the men. Though many found his statements shocking, indeed
they were quite apt in a nation where gang rape was not even recognized
as a crime. Fact is, it was only since January 1, 2005, following a revision
to the criminal law, that gang rape became a criminal offense. Around the
same time as Mr. Otas comments, former Prime Minister Yoshiro Mori

41
commented during a debate, Its peculiar that any woman whos never
given birth to even a single child, but enjoys her freedom and has fun,
should demand taxpayer support when she gets old.

The Japanese patriarchy creates a hostile and unattractive environment

for women in the institution of marriage. There is a well known saying in
Japanese: Kekon wa jinsei no hakko (marriage is lifes grave.) and many
women in contemporary Japan who observe through the media and
travel, the liberties of women in the West and especially in the United
States, are opting to remain unmarried. Hence, given the current state of
connubial affairs in this country, women faced with the choice between
living at home and holding all that disposable income, traveling overseas,
clad in every name brand item known to people kind or, subsisting in the
proverbial grave, opt for remaining unmarried and existing parasitically on
their parents. The decision to delay marriage inadvertently puts many in
the unmarriageable category, as the immature men in the patriarchy, have a
penchant for extremely young women. Make no mistake, men around the
world have a tendency toward younger women, recently myself included.
But given Japans pronounced male dominance and the unempowered
status of women, in Japan those tendencies are even more pronounced and
indeed more accepted.

Among my neighbors is a divorced, pudgy, beer bellied, balding, unattractive,

54-year-old, white-Canadian English teacher and fake pastor. Taking full
advantage of these dynamics, he is married to a strikingly beautiful 26-
year-old woman. The tendency of men to desire women no older than 25,
results in many of these women becoming victims of the Christmas cake
phenomenon, from which Mayu was suffering and from which foreigners
like me benefit tremendously.

The poster child victim of Japans primitive patriarchy is poor Princess

Masako. Her frustrating existence in the imperial palace highlights the
general plight of women in Japan even if they are educated. For here is a
woman who graduated from Harvard and Oxford universities, not Todai
or Kyodai, whose names Id never heard before moving to Japan. And
what is she doing? Probably what amounts to gardening in the imperial
palace, deprived of a stimulating existence and the ability to engage in
fulfilling activities. Having grown up in an international environment, she
anticipated a life representing Japan diplomatically, perhaps even picking
up where Princess Diana left off. So it was only natural that she has
developed adjustment personality disorder and other psychological illnesses.

42
When lions and tigers are encaged they pace around aimlessly in circles
under the weight of insanity and caged parrots mutilate themselves by
plucking their own feathers as they lose it. So then its only natural that an
advanced mind, the likes of Princess Masakos, whose sole role is limited
to just perpetuating imperial bloodlines - as was articulated by one of
those old geezers who control the Imperial household - would be suffering
mental illnesses.

Had the Japanese been astute, they most certainly would have seized on
the opportunity to use brain as she was referred to by her peers to bring
about the recognition in world affairs which they so desperately crave.
Worsening matters and further highlighting the sheer stupidity of the
Japanese patriarchy is the pressure levied on her to deliver a boy child who
would be heir to the throne. Werent the members of the imperial palace
in the equivalent to my Miss Thompsons seventh grade general science
class in third world Jamaica, when she taught us that it is the sperm, not
the egg, stupid, which determines the sex of the child? Lets see, seventh
grade, I was 11 my first year in high school. If I knew from the tender age
of eleven, that its the man who determines the sex of the baby, then why
dont those octogenarians in the imperial palace?

43
MAYUMI: THE PARTY CONTINUES

Mayumis independence from her parents, at least not living with them or
having a curfew, afforded us limitless nights together in cultural exchange.
Initially she couldnt handle full penetration, always going to the doctor
for bladder infections. But in eventual expansion, she quickly grew to
appreciate the ride. Her favourite was the mounting position, where she
drenched me in litres, earning her the nickname Biwachan, after Biwa,
Japans largest lake. Perfect could not adequately describe Biwachans body.
From the size and shape of her porcelain breasts and phallus-hardening
cello-esque dimensions, to her circular rump from which her almost too
long legs jettisoned, she was faultless. Her pigeon toed walk, so ubiquitous
among Japanese women, kept the scud in a constantly activated state. For
some odd reason, this deformity the result of sitting in the seiza position
since toddler hood - always brought on the uncontrollable urge to bend
them forward and make a full delivery, until I emerged through other
orifices. This is exactly what I attempted outside the Westside Mall in
Osaka.

My condition had become unbearable, for not only Biwa was taunting
the anaconda, but all those other pigeon toed honeys were wreaking
havoc on my manhood. Unable to exert further restraint, I grabbed her
under a bridge, hoisted the back of her long brown pleated skirt, tore off
her lacy panties and rammed her violently against me from behind. Still
irriguous from my thrice fondling her to orgasm during the drive to the
mall - a regular practice on our road trips in her small Honda Life - I
slid in with ease. By passers sneaking a peek through the corners of their
eyes, pretended to be oblivious to our suspicious dance. Yellow-fevered
sex addict that I was, condoms were the least of my concern. Strung out
sex junkie, unprotected sex was my hobby and the only consequence which
concerned me was paying for an abortion, which in Japan is at least a
thousand dollars.

Unfortunately, I transmitted to Mayumi the school managers Chlamydia,

which I thought, coming from the West, would have been the end of

44
our relationship. However, to my surprise she expressed no anger and I
accompanied her to the ladies clinic, as its so endearingly called in Japan.
There were no consequences whatsoever, no anger, fighting, rage, name
calling, or any other show of emotions. And we simply continued our fiesta
after her medication was completed. Mayu was the first woman of whom
I began to take erotic pictures in Japan, but we were unable to develop the
more pornographic ones - the ones with her smoking the cigar, or with
it embedded in her tofu - because in conservative Japan such photos are
confiscated. However, thanks to phone cams, digicams and camcorders, we
circumvented that problem and began to make quadruple X rated movies
shortly thereafter. Although very shy initially, like all my subsequent
Nippon conquests with the exception of one, she really got into it and
started opening up on camera, and letting me record us in full action,
performances to which I still pleasure myself.

45
COREAN CHRISTMA S

My first Christmas on Fantasy Island was not spent there after all, but
instead in Itaewon South Korea, a very sleazy city with uninhabitable hotels.
It was a spontaneous low budget trip where, to my grave disappointment,
foreigners especially Negroes were not given deity status as in Japan. It was
a white mans paradise, which gutted me because, compared to Japanese
women, I found Koreans to be hyper-super-babes, thicker, more curvaceous,
prettier and possessing a more international fashion sense. So inhospitable
was Korea, I was blatantly prohibited entrance to night clubs.

You cant come in, no brack people, like a chapter from fifties Americana,
though it was December 2001. Whiplashed and frustrated from viewing all
the unattainable candy, for the first time ever, the decision to buy pleasure
began to occupy my thoughts. But even that met with rejection. No brack
man, dick too big, was often the response. Later that evening I beheld a
hostess, exactly my type, outside a brothel and approached her. Nubile,
thick with big legs, a round protruding posterior and my Manchurian face,
she lead me inside for a drink.

I dont drink, I just want you.

No English. You army?
No, I live in Japan.
Nihongo wa? (Do you speak Japanese?) And it was then that I realized
that my Japanese language skills had evolved to the point where, upon
returning to Japan, I could step to any woman I wanted to.
Sake nomanai. anata dake hoshi. (I dont drink, I only want you.)
But Im just the hostess, I dont do that, she protested in basic Japanese.
After insisting, she acquiesced, ridding me of ten thousand yen and led me
to an apartment. Far from being a chopstick, up until then she may well
had been the thickest yellow woman I had undressed. Only 22 years old,
she owned a derriere as erect and circular as that of any African womans.
But I was nervous, it was my first time with a prostitute and all I could
think about was the incurable AIDS, as I didnt have my own condoms and
damn sure was not about to use the condomettes she provided.

46
Such was the magnitude of my nervousness my anatomy failed, creating
a potentially embarrassing situation, until it dawned on me that the best
way to recover from this and save face, was just to be a nice, caring human
being. This led to my holding her in bed for an hour, making deep and
personal inquiries. Showing compassion and affection I wanted to know
everything, her entire biography, why she was hooking. Moved to tears by
my kindness, she began to express guilt for my having paid the equivalent
of a hundred dollars just to listen to her woes. Later when I relayed the
incident to my friend, he thought I was the dumbest man on the planet,
but at the end of the hour, she had given me her phone number and we
spent the remainder of my holiday together when she was not working.

Seven days of sexless bliss were spent with her preparing me delicious
meals and treating me to the best massages. We took long showers together
and I would allow her to leave the shower before me so I could acquaint
myself with, well, myself. Repeatedly, oftimes in tears, she begged for us
to have sex, and without my mentioning reasons for my hesitations, she
would insist,
Im clean! Why dont you believe me? I just went to the hospital last week
and everything was ok.

I just want to hold you and get to know you, a partly true statement,
as I was falling in love and so was she. At the end of my stay, it was a
difficult and emotionally teary departure for both of us and in my knight
in shining armor sickness, I even proposed that she moved to Japan the
following April so we could live together. But she had owed her pimp
some $5,000 and homie, though kind hearted, wasnt willing to carry that
piece of baggage. Initially it seemed unwise to pay for services that I didnt
receive, but the hundred bucks I lost, saved me 600 in hotel costs.

Upon arriving in Korea, it was clear that there would be no red carpet
welcome like there was in Japan and I was immediately greeted with hostility
and general unfriendliness. Korea, an extremely foreigner unfriendly
society, is even more blatantly and overtly unwelcoming to Africans, or
to be specific and use a most politically incorrect term: Negroes. It is and
always has been my preference to use this supposedly outdated, offensive
and politically incorrect term, as it defines clearly the phenotype of the
individuals to whom I am referring. There are no ambiguities in Negroe.
But on the other hand, there are people in India who are black but not
Negroes. Like the Jamaican philosopher Mutabaruka, I despise being
referred to by one of my phenotypical characteristics, completely ignoring

47
that I have an origin. The biggest piss take of all is that those of European
decent in South Africa are referred to as Afrikaners whereas the authentic
Africans are diminutively referred to as blacks. Besides, black does not
require capitalization in print, to which I take great offense.

Speaking to the many African immigrants residing there, confirmed what

I had suspected. Korea is hostile and exploitative to Negroes, especially
those from the continent. This was an astoundingly painful hostility,
especially because, in contrast, hip hop and R&B music are salient in
Korean pop culture, where young people were seemingly always in hip
hop attire, emulating African-American culture. Then it all started to
come back to me, the schism between Koreans and African-Americans
throughout the United States and especially in Los Angeles where I had
lived for a decade

Since the eighties, a great divide had emerged between the two groups
and there had been accusations of mistreatment on both sides. African-
Americans often claimed the Korean shopkeepers were condescending
and disrespectful, unable to communicate in English, often watching them
suspiciously, ignoring their inquiries and insultingly tossing their change at
them. On their part, the Koreans claimed the African-Americans too were
disrespectful, loud, vulgar, often using foul language, proned to shoplifting
and too unapologetic.

AfriKo relations took a precipitous nosedive after the fatal shooting of

Latisha Harlins, who on March 16th in 1991, entered a Korean owned
shop to purchase a bottle of orange juice. According to reports and video
footage, the 15-year-old African-American girl put the bottle of juice in
her backpack while approaching the Korean shopkeeper with the $1.79
she owed for the drink. However, the shopkeeper, a Korean-American
accused her of trying to steal the beverage. The shopkeeper grabbed
Latishas backpack and she responded with two punches to Soons face.
Upon turning to exit the store, Soon Ja Du shot her fatally in the back of
the head. But what really riled African-Americans was, though Latishas
killer was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter, she was given only a
suspended sentence, placed on five years probation and given 400 hours of
community service.

Within that same year, another African-American was gunned down by

another Korean shopkeeper, further destroying any potential for peace, and
the Rodney King uprising a year and a month later was the stake in the

48
coffin. African-Americans and Latinos targeted Korean owned businesses
for a looting and burning spree, to the tune of an estimated $400 million.

This violent state of affairs was fodder for hair-raising and passionate
debate between my then Korean-American girlfriend and me. Anne
would repeat all the perceptions that I thought Koreans held of Africans in
America, arguing emotionally that we are lazy, stuck on welfare and crack
and that the general negative socioeconomic plight of African-Americans
should by no means be of any concern to Koreans. Koreans are simply
doing a job. Her arguments would confirm to me what I had known all
along; Koreans were oblivious, unempathetic and unsympathetic to the
social dynamics in the environment where they chose to do business and
arrived in America with negative preconceived ideas about Africans and
Africans in America. I firmly believed that many Koreans and indeed other
Asians and Europeans, arrived in the land of opportunity with unsavoury
images of African-Americans as lazy, criminals, alcoholics, drug addict and
irresponsible fathers on welfare. In fact, even I, a Negroe, and many others
from the African Diaspora, held those perceptions of African-Americans
upon first arriving in the United States.

The Koreans especially, arrive in the States with archaic Confucian values,
attaching ones social ranking to ones educational background, hence their
condescension toward African-Americans. Moreover, most Koreans went
to the United States after the civil rights movement in the sixties and
thus were completely unaware of the racial discrimination that African-
Americans had endured at the hands of white America. They were also
ignorant about African-Americans struggle for freedom and equality of
which they the Koreans are beneficiaries, only too eager to exploit their
racial and social advantage.

Anne and I frequently engaged in volcanic exchanges which often

culminated in my ripping off her clothes, tearing off her G-string, (T-
back in Japan, thong in Australia) thrusting my tongue down her throat
and ramming my hardened timber inside her as she screamed. Anne was
always ready or she got ready very quickly.
What do you think your father would say if he knew his beautiful little
girl was taking it like this? Then I would hoist and curl her onto me while
standing up.
He would be so pissed off, shed groan, biting her bottom lip in ecstasy.
Do you wanna call him and tell him that his daughter is about to have the
black elephant flood inside her? Our volcanic arguments about African-

49
American/Korean relations always ended with bonobus like sex, as I
sometimes imagined she was one of the Chinese-Jamaicans shopkeepers
daughters, about whom I had avid and vivid fantasies as a child.

Though I had firm convictions about Korean-Americans animosity toward

us, perhaps because of my relationship with Anne, I was inclined to give
them the benefit of the doubt. But deep inside I knew that the Koreans
bore the brunt of responsibility for the problem. Shopkeepers of other
ethnicities or nationalities; Indians, Syrians, Iranians, to name a few, had
been present in African-American ghettos, not without drama, but not
to the Korean extent. My trip to Korea was motivated by sex, but what
I found instead was the absolute and resounding answer to my longtime
burning question. African-Americans will be happy to know that they are
absolved of most, if not all the blame for fierce Korean, African-American
relations in America.

In one week in Korea, more people refused to sit by me or moved from

beside me on the trains, than has been the case to date in Japan. In
Itaewon, groups of Korean men attacked foreign men for even thinking
about approaching Korean women. In blatant offense to Negroes, in 2003
the immensely popular Bubble Sisters, a hip hop R & B group consisting
of four girls, performed in black face and donned hair curlers, in what
they thought was a tribute to African-Americans. Contemporary Korea
is a society awash in advertising featuring caricatures of loin cloth clad
Africans, bone in nose and spear in hand. As suspected, the images of
Negroes as pimps, hustlers drug dealers and murderers abound in the
Korean media and given their homogenous nature and the absence of
analyses, they readily accept these images as facts. Reinforcing this was a
personal experience after impregnating and planning to marry one of my
students who was third generation Korean in Japan.

A curious social observer, I set out to inquire about the current state
of affairs, to any Korean who would speak about it and who had some
command of English. Why do Koreans hate Africans and African-
Americans with such vehemence, I asked two elderly English speaking
men. To my surprise the two war veterans began to profess their adoration
for African-Americans.
They fought on the frontline with us, they saved our lives. But a group of
young female university students cited interesting contributing factors.
Here in Korea we are all homogenous. We learned in school from day
one that racial purity is the most important thing. As a result they said,

50
inter-racial unions involving Koreans were extremely rare, especially 50
years ago. An exception to this, were the prostitutes and they occupied the
lowest rung on the social ladder in Korea. Therefore upon seeing a biracial
child, or tugi as they are derogatorily referred to, Koreans would first
conclude that the mother of the child was a hooker and especially of the
most stigmatized and lowest class of whores: the yan kal bo or, hookers
for Westerners.

The tugis or half-breeds are often ostracized with yellow-white

children carrying a lesser stigma, perhaps because they stood a better
chance of assimilating in society, given the closeness of Caucasoid and
Mongoloid phenotypes, relative to those of Negroid and Mongoloid and
or, because the white man is held in higher esteem than the black man.
For whatever reason, yellow-black children bore the brunt of immense
social ostracism. She continued by saying that a larger percentage of white
American soldiers either stayed with the children they created or took
them and the mothers back to the States. Black American soldiers on the
other hand, had neglected with greater frequency, the offsprings they had
created with prostitutes in Korea. This I found credible. It is possible that
given the higher socioeconomic status that white soldiers enjoyed, they
would definitely be more able to support and or return home with their
children. And as a Jamaican native, I am only too aware of the proclivity of
us descendants of slaves to neglect our off-springs.

There is no official data on the number of mixed raced people fathered by

American servicemen, as their existence is rarely acknowledged let alone
debated by a nationalist government far more interested in indoctrinating
the masses with pure-blood dogma. What is known is, except for the
few who excel as singers and athletes, most exist in sheer misery and
despondency, being members of the most disparaged group in Korea. And
up until 2005 mixed race people were banned from the military, ineligible
for government jobs and benefits. According to a 2006 survey by Pearl
S. Buck International Korea, an organization supporting mixed heritage
youths, more than one in four Amerasian youths abandoned by their
American fathers, are drop outs before or during middle school.

The young ladies also pointed out that, for many Koreans, these mixed
raced people are a strong reminder of the war. However, in a stark display
of hypocrisy, after Hines Ward of the Pittsburgh Steelers was named the
Super Bowls most valuable player in 2006, South Korea embarked upon
a fervent public embrace of this tugi. Ward who is half Korean and

51
half African-American, scored the touch down which took the Steelers
to victory in the super bowl of that year. Photos of his touchdown pass
were emblazoned on the front page of every newspaper in South Korea
and bloggers began to express pride in his achievements, even demanding
honorary citizenship and a parade if he were to visit.

Not since the national outpouring of pride for the now notoriously
discredited scientist Hwang Woo Suk had South Koreans been so proud
of someone, even referring to Ward, a member of the most denigrated
class in South Korea, as one of us. Indeed Hines Ward and his former
nightclub waitress mother were among the lucky ones, having been taken
by his father - an American soldier - to the States when he was 2. Upon
continuing our discussion, the students also cited the 1992 Los Angeles
riots as an exacerbant to the schism, noting that news of African-Americans
looting Korean owned stores created even more disdain for Negroes in
South Korea.

Whatever the reasons, Koreas extreme inhospitability to Africans was a

great disappointment. Moreover, being 25% Christian, the society places
a high value on virginity, a factor making it less receptive to promiscuity
than Japan. So important is virginity in Korea, hymen replacement surgery,
like cosmetic surgery to toddlers, is widely administered. After just one
week there I was only too eager to return home to my hedonistic lifestyle
in Japan.

52
RETREAT TO KANSAI

Back home in Japan, Chef, a recent arrival from Jamaica had been working
for a company, whose Japanese owner, Toshige had been communicating
online with a woman from Chiba. After learning that she had chocolate eyes,
especially for Jamaicans, Toshige told her he was a Yaudie, (slang for native
Jamaican) born and raised. This hurled Chef into the position of Yaudie
Persona Consultant, advising him what to say to her, which singers and
DJs to mention, and where in Jamaica he should tell her hes from.

Tell her your favourite artistes are Elephant Man and Vibes Cartel, he
advised.
Really?! Theyre my favourites too, she typed in response. As expected, in
every sentence, she began to reveal to him her excited condition and when
he hinted at his resemblance to Beenie man and what he would do to her
upon meeting, the inevitable dilemmacame to pass. So they embarked
on a plan whereby Chef would be his surrogate and report his activities
back to Toshige along with graphic cell phone images. Indeed, these are
the things that friends do for friends. Thats what friends are for. And
actually, this was almost like the Japanese tradition of two friends bedding
the same woman, though not in a threesome, symbolizing the closeness of
their friendship.

Tosh gave her Chef s cell phone e-mail address and they made plans to
meet in Kobe. He was armed and ready with protection. There was no way
he wouldve entertained the thought of riding saddleless with some reggae
groupie, from cyberspace, who had spent a great deal of time backstage
with various reggae artists. On the day of their scheduled meeting, at the
designated location in front of the Sogo department store in Sannomiya,
he arrived about twenty minutes early for a preliminary look see. There he
observed a young girl rubbing her palms together in the crisp Kobe cold.
The first thing which struck him was her juvenile features, far from the 25-
year-old he was expecting, a clear case of internet misrepresentation.

Why di raus people cyau jus be onness? (why the fuck cant people just be
honest?) he said he thought. But she was cute and reminded him of those

53
high schoolgirls in their micro-minis on their bicycles, after whom he too
had been salivating since his arrival in Japan. They had big strong athletic
legs from riding their bikes everyday and it was a favourite past time of
ours to conspicuously peer between them as they rode. We saw no reason
to be covert and discreet about our voyeuristic tendencies. After all, it was
they who converted their otherwise below-knee length skirts after school.
What could they possibly be seeking if not erotic attention? But thats as
far as we went, we looked and fantasized.

Cyber-girl was about 52 and though he couldnt conduct a thorough

assessment, she was more on the thick side. Beholding the impression of
an onion protruding from her tight, long coat, especially relieved him.

Youre waiting for me right? he interrupted. To which she greeted him

with the typical shy Japanese grin, unlike, he relayed, a girl who was used
to getting hosed down by reggae super stars. Her personality then was
180 degrees different from her cyber-personality, not as extroverted as had
been expected and she seemed to know her way around Kobe very well,
leading him to a love hotel. Their conversation was sparse on the way
and though she was shy, she appeared to be on a mission: to enter the
dark side. Upon arrival at the hotel she whipped out her cartoon character
infested purse and inserted a 5,000 yen note in the slot, standing with her
legs spread slightly apart and her toes turned inward. Immediately upon
entering, he attached his lips to hers and commenced peeling away her
layers until she stood only in her panties.

In Chef words, the sight of her tofu complected, perfectly proportioned,

five foot two frame sent the fire hose into a frenzy. I was right about the
bumpa, which he said, appeared to have been carved with a compass.
Her legs were the schoolgirl legs after which he had been yearning since
arriving on the island: perfectly toned.

Are these peach johns? he asked, pulling her panties down to her ankles,
revealing her beautiful hairless and lipless majesty, a vertical line with a pin
head sized clitoris peeking out. Why do you know about Peach John? No
I didnt wear PJ today.

Whoever designed her glory mustve laboured on it painstakingly, he thought,

as he picked her up, legs wrapped around him and placed her on the bed.
Yearning to stare and admire this creation, he lay on his back and asked
her to stand over his face, which provided this unbelievable sensation.

54
Brejrin, mi cyau explain it. (I cant explain it bro) I understood, it must
have been tantamount to the feeling you get at the edge of the Grand
Canyon. Looking at her was almost more rewarding than going in, he
said, and slowly he began to pull her down, until she was resting it on his
mouth. Understandably his long standing rule was never to go south on a
first encounter and definitely not on a cyber-babe, but amnesia kicked in,
he forgot about the rule and his tongue began to explore her as if it were
seismic equipment checking for oil. She was odorless and tasted like spring
water from the Blue Mountains. He couldnt stop drinking or eating, as she
crept up to the top of the bed and whined in that high pitch voice in which
most Japanese girls whined on reception. In a momentary lapse of reason,
he attempted to enter unstrapped, but his senses returned prompting him
to roll on a raincoat before her introduction to darkness.

On the verge of emptying his vas deferens, he accelerated his ride and
prayed to the condom god for no failures.
Come? she asked.
Oh yeh, withdrawing and holding the rubber on to his pulsating
instrument.
Kimochiokata. (it felt good.) Chef s next move was to the bathroom,
where whilst there he received an e-mail.
Whats taking you so long? It read.
Chotto matte ne. soo come.
Couldnt you wait? he joked, after reuniting with her in bed. But she had
no clue as to what he was referring.
Your e-mail while I was in the bathroom.
My e-mail? I dont have a phone.

Chef said he couldnt believe what he had heard but immediately understood
what had just transpired. Brain racing at light speed, he began to get
dressed as neither of them had enough command of each others language
to iron out this case of mistaken cyber-identity. Best case scenario, in this
police state Japan, as a foreigner, he most certainly would have done time
for statutory rape, then get deported. Worse case, rape, as it wouldve been
easy to tell the police that she didnt know who he was, which was true.
They didnt even know each others names. Panic set in.

Where are you? Its cold out here, read the second e-mail, in response to
which he abruptly got dressed and fled the room.
Chotto matte ne, (Wait here a bit.) he requested of cyber-girl one. Ill
be right back. Cyber-girl two was almost exactly what he had expected;

55
dyed blond hair, overdone make up and gaudy nails. A yanki as theyre
called here, who are to Japan what white trash is to America. So it seemed
that he had literally abandoned Grade A Kobe beef, or veal, to be more
exact, to engage in some charity copulatory activities with a girl from the
Special Olympics. Chef was not happy, but she had traveled three hours by
train. During the mercy lay, Chef said his mind wandered frequently to the
young dame he had just abandoned. Who was she and what was her name?
Who was she awaiting? We both imagined their e-mail conversation to go
something like:
What happened? Why the fuck did you make me wait for three hours?
What are you talking about? It was you who made me wait at the hotel.
You said you wouldve been right back.
What?! What hotel? What do you mean I made you wait at the hotel?
I was waiting for you on the street, near Sogo like we agreed. We both
wouldve loved to have been a fly on the wall, the moment they realized
what actually transpired.

Only in Japan.

56
TOMOKO

New years eve 2001 caught me at Murphys, a smoke engulfed, Irish pub
in Osaka, where upon emerging from the lavatory I made eye contact with
a petite, more attractive Rosie Perez, making her way to the ladies room.
Are you going to buy me a drink? She jokingly demanded.
If your ass is big enough, I thought to myself, offended by her presumptuous
attitude and turning her around to assess her buttocks.

She knew what time it was. After spending seven years in England, she
knew that the posterior was of utmost importance to the Negroe male.
Dont worry, youll love my ass, she retorted, disappearing to powder
her nose. Finding the pollution unbearable, my friends and I stepped and
landed at Bar Isnt It in Shinsaibashi. Bar was a well known gaijin spot
and as the night was still early, it was relatively smoke free and sparsely
populated.

Are you stalking me? Shouted a familiar voice over driving house music.
You definitely have to buy me a drink now.

It is said that freaks come in small packages and as I would later discover,
Tomoko was no exception. Since she was so readily available, this being
one of my rare nights out in Osaka, I stayed with the bird in hand. Typical
Japanese beauty she was not, her features were more rounded and gave
her the appearance of a Southeast Asian, more Negroid with beautiful
upturned eyes. Her English was near perfect, but contrary to my theory,
she was quite an attractive, sexy, petite 34-year-old with enticing dimples
below the edges of her mouth and like most Japanese women, she looked
ten years younger than her age, especially standing at five feet tall.

Tomi, as she liked to be called, was experiencing the double edged effects
of spending so much time in the West and returning to Japan. On one
hand, seven years in England were very good for her English, however it
exposed her to the freedom of foreign men, which rendered her incapable
of any readjustment to the primitive and oppressive mentality of Japanese
men. Especially those like her father, who perpetually beat her and her

57
mother into several galaxies. So upon returning to Japan some three years
prior, she dated white Western men exclusively. However, as a significant
percentage of Western men in Japan are fully aware of our erotic capital
and the high frequency of gullible Japanese women, this posed a dilemma
in her quest for love. Predictably she always fell prey to them, giving it up
immediately upon meeting them, while naively expecting a relationship of
substance. Aggravating her state of affairs was her age. Having been nine
years past her sell by date, according to the standards of Japanese men, she
was a victim of the Christmas cake phenomenon. Hence, since her return
from England she had been desperately seeking love but instead, always
predictably being turned out in love hotels by gaijins. Such is the quagmire
in which many Japanese women dwell.

Within a few hours she was plastered and our tongues began to do the tango
on the dark dance floor, with my fingers exploring her. It was impossible to
ignore my left pointing, boulder rubbing against her, which she grabbed.
Why dont you reach inside and hold it? I invited.
After unzipping my pants, I felt her small palm around me.
This is not Japanese, she responded humorously.
Of course not, Im Jamaican, continuing to devour each others face.

Toward the end of the night as she became more inebriated and less
attractive, the predator in me hesitantly suggested that we find a place for
the night. However, to my surprise and relief, even in her drunken stupor,
she objected. It was a new year and she was ardent about her resolution
to cease her loose behaviour of opening her legs in sleazy love hotels, to
foreign men she met the same night. Her rejection was a relief.

There is nothing more repulsive to me than a drunken woman and or, the
smell of alcohol on a woman. While many men, in persistent insecurity,
strive to intoxicate women in order to take advantage of them sexually,
women who drink like lushes repulse me. They are anti-Viagra. Besides,
a biblical encounter with me is a life changing experience, an obsessive,
addiction which I have been honing since seven. Providing pleasure to
women is an art form about which I do not jest, hence she must be wide
awake, with unimpaired faculties during the ride.

At about 5:00 AM, Tomoko and I kissed our good-byes at the JR Umeda
station and arranged to meet at two o clock the same day at JR Sannomiyas
central exit, the same time and place where I was scheduled to meet Ai,
who was traveling from her home in the countryside. In my aversion to

58
details and inferior executive functioning, my plans to meet Ai at the same
time and location had completely slipped my mind as I boarded the train,
fingers up my nose savouring Tomokos smell.

At a quarter past two that afternoon, my friends home phone jarred me

from deep slumber, with Tomoko on the line.
Youre late!
Ill be there in three minutes, nervously, heart racing at the quandary
awaiting me at the station, I dragged on some clothes, covered it with a
coat and scurried out the door, wiping the sleep from my eyes. Upon my
arrival, she was easily noticeable, wearing a pink sweater and a jacket with a
fur edged hood and was more beautiful than the night before. Immediately
I took her by the hand and began to hastily escort her away from the
station, back to my friends apartment. Why are you late?
Can we talk about this at Rambos place? Im freezing, as we hurriedly
made our way up to Yamamoto Dori.
Im sorry babe, I overslept, entering the safety of the apartment.

What followed was a fairly exciting date around Kobe, including a 1

1/2hour voyage to and from the Akashi bridge, but nothing compared
to the icing on the date. Only a block away from where Chef had been
with mistaken cyber-girl, this hotel room had a toilet theme, the bed was
shaped like a toilette bowl with the lid down and the head of the bed
shaped like the tank. On the tank there was a lever simulating the flush
lever, which controlled the lights in the room and all the walls and ceiling
were covered with mirrors. I had already sprung to attention. In fact, I was
at attention since the night before, sleeping with my right hand near my
nostrils. I began to kiss her full Southeast Asian-like lips as I unhooked
her skirt, which fell to her feet revealing her black tights hugging the lower
half of her guitar figure, her curvy buttocks and her short, shapely legs.

She undid my pants, eager for a glimpse of the limb, which would soon be
planted inside her. Unlocking her bra I then removed her sweater. This was
her debut on the dark side and she was flabbergasted by my size.
I wont be able to take all of this, she exclaimed.
Yes you can. On her chest was a pair of perfectly formed 36 Bs with dark
nipples, on which I feasted before saddling up, throwing her on the bed
and ravishing her, slowly sinking inside her. Ambrosia greeted nirvana,
as I docked in her bay with euphoric precision. In the mirrors on the
walls, I could see the bulbous posterior of this black beast, gyrating to and
fro, sometimes arching his back as he buried himself deep inside a little

59
yellow girl. If she felt this good strapped up, I thought, I cant even begin
to comprehend how she would feel if I were riding sadleless. In less than two
minutes she began to contort her face as though she were in excruciating
pain, her eyes squeezed shut and in slow motion, a fierce grimace engulfed
her.

Tomi metamorphisized into the ugliest woman I had ever seen, as I held
her tightly, restraining her, slowly grinding on her with nowhere to go.
Uglier and uglier, mouth twisted, lips crooked, in what seemed like an
eternal orgasm, she exploded at 3 to 5 minute intervals until she was laying
in supersaturated bedding of her own body fluids. By her 12th orgasm
I had lost traction, withdrew, removed the rubber and jumped back in
barefooted.

Given Japanese womens unempowered social status, they rarely protested

when I desired to enter without protection. In this profoundly male
dominated society, women are not even in control of their reproductive
rights. As condoms are the most popular form of birth control, it is the
men who always determine when the women will get pregnant. Abortion,
the fourth most popular form of birth control in Japan, after withdrawal
and the rhythm method, is a multi-trillion yen industry also controlled by
men. Even as we speak, in 2007, women are still being misinformed about
oral contraceptives in order to protect the extremely lucrative abortion
industry.

I had all intentions of keeping on the magnum 500, but you know the
saying about great intentions. Tomi became my hell and in her fiery cave, I
became her cave dweller. I tried to hold out until the last nanosecond before
withdrawing, but failed miserably and soon the Jamaican fire brigade was
dousing her infernal cave with litres of high viscosity flame retardant.
You came inside me? she yelled.

Yeh, I answered nonchalantly. Like many descendants of slaves from

similar socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, I too possessed the
proclivity to unabashedly and irresponsibly sire countless children. Within
me raged an incessant battle between reason and the forces of addiction,
awareness and the effects of maladaptive socialization, glorifying stud
psychology. A war which escalated in vehemence ten fold in Japan, where
society keeps women on sperm receptor status, wide open beaver for men
like me. And there are many, I meet them everyday. But unlike many of
my contemporaries, I had harboured fantasies since five or six years old of

60
being the outstanding father, unlike my own. I took no pride in, and found
nothing to be proud of, actually siring countless offsprings for whom I
wouldnt care.

Such was my argument for the abortions I funded, some 13 or 14 of them.

In my dissocial state, I lacked the ability to empathize or sympathize with
the physical and emotional trauma those women experienced, as I was more
concerned with feeding my addiction and terminating the consequences
when they arose. But on the other hand, I was well aware of the need to
be a good father to my children. And given awareness of my own paternal
unpreparedness, I thought it better to abort than to sire some 14 children.
In my thinking, quality of life is of far greater importance than absolute
life.

I cant get pregnant anyway, a proclamation I had heard at least eight

times before, each time succeeded by a pregnancy. So I began to prepare
psychologically and in Japan, financially.
No really, Ive never been pregnant. I think theres something wrong with
me. Well I dont fire blanks. And on that note we fell into a coma-like
slumber in the spoon position, with her petite body fitting perfectly in my
arms. Though just a week prior in Korea I was in love, cupid had struck
again and I was head over heels.

Immediately I had begun to consider her for a life partner, as she possessed
many of the qualities I sought; We were close in age, she was an adult,
beautiful, well traveled, entrepreneurial and most importantly, off the charts
sexual compatibility. The next morning when we woke, upon switching on
my phone, there were countless voice and e-mails from AIs sister Rie,
saying that Ai had waited for three hours after the three-hour train ride to
Kobe and in acquiescence, took the three hour journey back home.

This calls for serious damage control, I thought. Had I done this to a woman
in the West, she would have most certainly relieved me of my testicles.
Tomoko and I agreed that she would visit me in the countryside every
two weeks, and after brunch at the Jamaican restaurant in Sannomiya,
we bade our good-byes. Initially, I protested the long intervals between
visits, but before long I began to appreciate them, as it became clear that
our arrangement was without question to my benefit. Unlike women to
whom I was accustomed in the West, Japanese women for the most part,
are far less independently mobile, relying mostly on public transportation.
In fact most people in Japan rely much more on its hyper-efficient public
transportation system than on cars.
61
During my time in San Francisco, I frequently dated women who lived as
far as San Jose, a distance of 80 kilometers, equal to the distance between
Osaka and this rural town. And in those relationships it wasnt uncommon
for us to meet at least every other day, as sometimes she would drive
down or I would take the one-hour drive up. In Japan such frequent visits
are impossible even if both parties have access to private transportation.
The exorbitant highway tolls make it cost prohibitive and the train fare
is similar in cost to the tolls. From Osaka where Tomoko lived to my
apartment among the rice fields and expansive terraced landscapes requires
the equivalent of twenty dollars in tolls round trip and the same price in
train fares. So seeing each other daily would cost almost $300 a week. As
a result, prevalent in Japan are very long distance relationships where the
parties see each other once or twice a month. This I found ludicrous and
was more than eager to exploit the opportunities the situation availed me.

Rie, what happened to Ai yesterday? I asked Ais sister on the phone.

She waited at the west exit for about two hours, exactly where I had
instructed her to. Jack Frost had exceptionally jagged, razor-sharp canines
that day and I was overcome by a great sense of ill worth, at the thought
that Ai waited in Siberian temperatures for three hours while I pranced
off with another woman. Reduced to nano dimensions, I felt as though I
could have sat on a dime and swing my legs.
She came back crying yo.

Let me talk to her. Aichan, gomenne. Im so so so so sorry. I waited at

wrong exit, I lied in vocal intonations used when speaking to 2-year-
olds.
Watashi wa waruii desu, its my fault. I made a mistake. machigaimashita
finally finding the word for mistake in Japanese. Before returning, in
appeasement I bought her a hundred dollar fossil watch. But what started
as a superficial gesture of empty apology for a cold-hearted act, ended up
being sincere, as I saw the delight on her face while she opened her gift.
Phew, that was close.

As probability would have it, Tomokos first visit was met with yet another
close encounter with Ai. Had I subscribed to the concept of destiny, I
would have thought that those two women were destined to meet.

As Tomokos train screeched to a measured halt, I sat waiting in the

company car outside the station, only to have a surprise greeting by Ai

62
and her sister entering a cab. Stechaaaan Ai screamed, waving her palms
frantically like Japanese people do.

Udetokei arigatou she yelled from the back of the cab, left rear door ajar,
as the train expelled a rush of air locking the brakes.
She said thanks for the watch, her sister translated. What are you
doing?
Oh Im just waiting on a friend I said, stealing a line from the Rolling
Stones. To my left, from the corner of my eye I could see Tomoko emerging
through the wickets and a warm sensation appeared in my underwear.
Hes coming from Osaka, I continued.
We have to go, okaasan no tanjoubi (moms birthday) they yelled,
frenetically wagging their palms good-bye.

As the cab door closed and the car drove away, Tomoko exited the station,
hair bouncing as though she were in a television commercial for Pert
shampoo. Her fashion was big city and she strode as if on a Paris runway,
flashing her cosmopolitan smile.
Whats wrong?! she enquired in concern, entering the Daihatsu Mira. It
was obvious I was having a near death experience.
Ate some bad salmon, I retorted.

After recovery from my food poisoning, she and I embarked upon a weekend
of wild, unfettered hedonism. Tomoko was the most orgasmic woman
I have met to date. When her levies broke, her river flowed down the
insides of her legs and we frequently needed towels between her and the
futon. Before the weekend was over, her face appeared permanently stuck
in the ugly position, especially after her record 26 orgasms in one hour.
That Sunday saw me venture on my maiden drive outside the countryside,
taking her home to Osaka. By the time we arrived in Osaka, I had turned
her into the ugly duckling six times and it was during that hour and a
half drive that my post countryside plans were formulated and solidified:
I would move to Kobe where we would live together in hyper-copulatory
bliss.

After that virgin long distance drive, Tomo and I took many trips by car
where we measured distance not in kilometers but in the frequency of her
orgasms before arriving at our destination. From my home to Shirahama,
about 200 kilometers, was ten; to Kobe, 100 kilometers, was a five or six
and Osaka to Kobe, 24 kilometers, a three. Our bliss began to unravel
when Tomo started to sometimes bleed during intercourse, at times just

63
spotting and at other times in hemorrhages, dyeing my sheets crimson.
Adding to the disappointment, I began experiencing some discomfort in
the tool, upon which we both went to the doctor where we discovered that
she had shot me with another dose of Chlamydia. Just 2 months after my
arrival, my first visit to the doctor, where I was prescribed a 30 day dosage
of new quinolones for the school managers infection, had clued me in on
the state of medical delivery on the island. What about Azythromiacin?
I inquired to the doctor. We need only one dosage of 1000 milligrams, I
informed him. But he had never heard of that medication and insisted that
I take his prescribed tablets, three times a day for thirty days.

This new contraction posed a dilemma, having to inform Biwachan for a

second time of transmitting the same disease to her and having to relay
the same news to Ai, with her sister as interpreter. In retrospect, luckily
Ais mother was spared, as our encounters were post diseases. In some
disturbed way probability had finally gotten its wish to connect Ai and
Tomoko. A few days after going to the hospital with Tomoko, Ais sister
Rie summoned me for a talk and of course, I was only too aware of the topic
of this future conversation. Already accepting guilt, I began to apologize to
Rie on the phone, but she had no idea why I was expressing such remorse
and to my bewilderment, she began to apologize on behalf of Ai.

What are you doing now? Can you come to our house? I speculated
on the possibilities of the crisis, recognizing that once again there was a
chance that probability might just be siding with me. After a long period
of silence around their dining table, equipped with an electronic dictionary,
pen and paper for drawing, Rie started on the task of relaying to me that
her sister may have given me some hechi no byouki, sexual sickness she
had recently contracted. However, the illness with which we were both
concerned respectively was different.

My concern was transmitting Chlamydia to her and from her explanation,

Ai was worried about having giving me the crabs. She apologized profusely
for her phantom disease while I begged her forgiveness for my real disease
and made arrangements to accompany her to the ladies clinic and we were
even. Not being one to harbor double standards in male female sexual
behavior, her admission was a relief, as now we were both aware of other
sex partners in the equation. Sex junkie that I was, for me that was to be
expected and once again, just as before, when I had stood her up for three
hours for the woman from whom she indirectly contracted the disease,
things were resolved perfectly. As to Mayu, thanks to Asano San - a student

64
of mine who was a doctor - I secured a dosage of new quinolones and
explained to her that it was possible all the bacteria had not been killed,
being that we never went in for a follow up but should, after completing
this new dose of antibiotics.

After extinguishing those fires, it was back to the business of grand pleasure
and discovering new experiences in and outdoors with Tomoko, Mayu, Ai
and occasionally her mom. Deep In the woods of a local natural park, I
bent Mayu over by a stream for some quick outdoor exploration, her first
experience out in the open. Being in nature, the hypnosis of a flowing river
and birds singing in the crisp, fresh air was a backdrop for what seemed
like a National Geographic special, where we went at it like animals in the
wild. As I withdrew to unload on the ground, from atop the hill came a
cheerful family of three with a little boy of about five, taking what they
thought was a pleasant, wholesome stroll in a breathtakingly beautiful
park on a perfect day. The parents eyes pulped and their mouth gaped in
fright and distress to see what perhaps appeared to be this Jamaican beast
punishing an innocent Japanese woman.

Immediately they covered their little boys eyes and whipped a U-turn,
almost dislocating his arm and neck.
Now, that is an image indelibly etched in that little tykes memory, I thought.
He may well need therapy. The next week I took Ai to a picnic at the same
park, where I sat on a log beneath a tree, rocket pointing skyward, inviting
her to ride in the pouring rain. As she mounted me, mouth open to take
in raindrops falling among the leaves, I raised my pelvis for maximum
penetration, as we got soaked to the bones. By then, Ai was able to take
me with less pain, bouncing on her toy until I stopped her, indicating to
quickly dismount lest I release inside her.

Tomoko and I had a penchant for public mens rooms. Or more accurately,
I had a penchant for dragging Tomoko into mens toilets. We sneaked
in male lavatories for her regular uglification and took delight in seeing
mens expressions as we emerged from the small hole in the ground benki
room together. One of Japans vastly underutilized treasures is the ever
vacant, spacious toilets for the handicap. They seemed larger than most
Japanese apartments and we visited them as though we were just going to
Starbucks, but in actuality, like jonesing heroine addicts, we were sneaking
in these public love hotels for a fix. It was as though they had made those
bright and spacious areas especially for us. Those three women became
the core of my collection in the countryside, with a string of revolving

65
peripherals, satellite honeys as I called them, whom I had met at various
places in Osaka and Kobe.

66
CHIKAKO

Satellite honeys were not granted more than three or four encounters.
Not because of a lack of desire to, but they were too numerous and time
consuming. So abundant were they that usually by the fourth encounter I
had met their replacements, or in some cases perhaps, they had met mine.
The only satellite honey with semi core status was a 28- year-old store
clerk, who lived and worked in the area.

Since my arrival there, Chikako had caught my attention from the nearby
jewelry store where she worked. Not the normally petite Japanese woman,
her facial features were more like those of a Gonzales instead of a Tanaka
and her body type was like that of a more curvaceous Carmela Soprano,
which meant she was much too big for Japanese men. This also meant that
she was without question single and perhaps had been single and sexless
for ages, waiting for the first Negroe ever to grace the town. After all,
only a yaudie would appreciate her big legs and round posterior bursting
through her tight black pants, and Japanese men would be clueless about
what to do with those C cups. Whats more, I was confident her non-
Japanese, Latina face would most certainly be a repellent to them.

I was right. It had been five years since her last boyfriend or intimate
experience. Chikako spoke absolutely Japanese only and that literally
was the extent of her English. We spoke only the language of sex. Upon
gradually stripping her I revealed a beautiful healthy, curvaceous body, thick
and toned even in the absence of much exercise. Her big legs reminded
me of the heat which greeted my tiny hands when I precociously stuck
them between the legs of women her size, during my childhood. Bursting
through my pants, I fervently anticipated that heat as I placed my hand in
her furnace to pull aside the crotch of her panties in order to get her on my
fingers. Having been neglected for so long, she melted to the couch like
an ice cube in a volcano and her lava engulfed my fingers as I wrapped my
mouth around her dime sized nipples. I was anticipating easy entry, but
unlike the skinnier women, she squealed in pain. I never could understand
why it was so much easier for thinner women to receive me. After a very

67
slow dive, I was able to penetrate deep insider her and she gasped in ecstasy,
predictably uttering, okii desu ne.

With 12-hour work days and only two days off a month, Chikakos schedule
ensured that her demands on my time would have been limited. Like
other untouchables in Japan: divorced, single parents, thick, late twenties
and up, or all of the aforementioned, she was only too eager to settle for
the one or two days of pleasure I made available to her every month. It was
better than nothing, which was what she had grown accustomed to during
the preceding five years of drought.

68
ISLAND OF NEGLECTED WOMEN

Japan, the island of perpetual or prolonged singleness, is littered with these

lonely souls many having to resort to dance lessons with their dogs - only
too eager to be penned in my schedule and that of my Western friends
for a day or two a month. Western men place ads with great success,
specifically targeting these women and opening any popular local English
magazine will reveal ads placed by these desperate women for discrete
relationships with Western men. Within eight months in Japan, feeding
my addiction had become the only stressor, as I manipulated my schedule
to accommodate the harem. Another source of anxiety was the worry
about an abortion, for it wasnt a matter of if, but when. My existence was
tantamount to that of a crack fiend locked up in a crack house, an alcoholic
living in a brewery with endless supplies of free crack and booze.

Far from what I had imagined prior to my arrival, it was like fishing with a
wok in a Japanese bathtub. And this was only the introduction. Yes, there
were rejections. Not all Japanese women are attracted to foreign men and
not all Japanese women who like foreign men like Negroe men. In fact, as
is the social norm internationally, most Japanese women are with Japanese
men. Simply put, most people will choose to be with someone of their
own race, ethnicity, religion or any other social demographic. Such is the
socialization of humans that only three to five percent of us will choose
someone dissimilar to ourselves. But so few and far between were rebuffs,
they served as respite from the onslaught of acceptances. Absolutely
implausible were the state of affairs. By no means did I attribute my
successes to anything special about my person, as this phenomenon was not
limited to my own experiences. Upon meeting fellow African-Americans,
Africans and Jamaicans and other Western foreigners in general, our first
topic of discussion was always the effortlessness required to bed the native
women.

Contrarily, foreign women do not enjoy similar status and generally their
experiences are the exact opposite, especially for women of African descent.
Some, like a dark skinned Jamaican-Canadian acquaintance of mine have
reported frequent acts of contempt by the Japanese, including being spat

69
on twice in Osaka. Almost immediately after arriving here, it became my
passion to unravel the mysteries shielding the apparent ease with which
Japanese women put out to Western men.

I wanted to know what was behind this yellow cab phenomenon as never
before, not even in my days of whoring at university which was the zenith
of my promiscuity prior to being in Japan had I been able to score so
frequently and easily, many times not even knowing their names. Among
the contributing factors to this phenomenon are; curiosity, fetishism,
inferiority complexes, lack of female empowerment, male dominance, a
socialization as pleasure givers, the gross ineptitude of Japanese men, in
general absent fathers and a society devoid of sexually restrictive Christian
doctrine, all of which I will later explore.

Among Japanese women who date inter-racially, there are those who prefer
black or white men exclusively and others who swing either way. Some even
migrate from black to white, or vice versa. Inferiority complexes are behind
their blond blue eyes passion, as Japan is a society twisted by collective
inferiority complexes, placing the white man among the clouds while
berating themselves in intense self-hate. This self-deprecation became even
more pronounced after their stunning defeat by the white man during the
Second World War. The Japanese thought they were Gods, but upon this
startling injection of reality, they relinquished their God-like status and
transferred it to white Americans. Hence, for Japanese women who are
inclined to engage in intimate inter-racial relations, the white male is most
desirable. However, thanks to the media, with the advent of hip hop and
reggae, black men are fetishized and objectified, resulting in magazines-
yes this is true - dedicated to teaching those Japanese women so inclined,
how to simulate being black. Articles include instructions on hair weave
extensions, skin dye and the latest hip hop fashion imitating Lil Kim.
Recently I was asked whether or not I took offense to this objectification
of Negroes, especially African-Americans in Japan.

How odd a question, I thought. It was my own fetishism and objectification

of yellow women, which brought me thousands of miles across the
Pacific in the first place and moreover, objectification in Japan is by far
a more palatable option to racial profiling in Europe and America. The
overwhelming contributing factor to the yellow cab phenomenon is a
male chauvinist society, which produces blatant and unequivocal sexual
retardation in Japanese men, while socializing women to be givers of
pleasure. Japans male dominance is severe, a society where men treat their

70
dogs better than they do their wives. This being the year of the dog will
only further ensure that the animals meet with better care than female
spouses.

Recently I observed a woman waiting in a car at the train station in my

suburban neighborhood, which was not an uncommon occurrence, as many
women delivered and collected their husbands to and from the station on
a daily basis. Patiently she sat waiting in the drivers seat, when suddenly
her face gleamed as the object of her patience emerged in view. Shortly
thereafter, a man appeared and entered the vehicle through the rear door,
as many Japanese husbands do and to my surprise, blissfully greeted a
dog with a hug and kiss as the woman longingly looked on, envious of
the canine. Moments later her countenance changed in acquiescence as if
coming to her senses, realizing she yearned for the impossible. She quickly
engaged the car and departed the curb.

Upon relaying this to many of my female students, especially an astute

socially aware nurse in her mid forties, they assured me that such was the
norm among Japanese men. In another incident, I observed an exquisitely
dressed woman standing in the rain beneath an umbrella outside a Family
Mart convenience store. Moments later a poorly attired man in his mid
thirties emerged, took the umbrella for himself as they walked along each
other, with her out in the rain hanging on his upper arm.

In the spirit of bushido, Japanese men are oblivious to womens needs, and
for them it is most unmanly to strive to give pleasure to their partners.
No true samurai would be concerned about whether he brought his
wife to orgasm. The entire society is structured around women humbly
serving men and not surprisingly, the bedroom is no exception. Enter
exhibit A: Japanese porn, where the man fondles the clitoris mechanically
for a predetermined amount of strokes, twists the womans nipples as if
trying to find his favourite radio station, then inserting, thereafter quickly
releasing. A significant majority of Japanese women to whom Ive posed
the question and or, whom Ive known biblically, have not had a satisfying
sexual experience with a Japanese man and a hundred percent of them who
had had no prior experiences with foreigners, exclaimed that they had no
idea that sex could be as enjoyable as our sex.

As only a small percentage of Japanese women date inter-racially or

inter-nationally, this island of extremely sexually frustrated and neglected
women, is paradise for the Western sex addict, especially one with a yellow

71
preference. Further evidence of this deprivation is the presence of host
clubs for women. These are clubs patronized by women, beautiful, young
and middle-aged, in order to receive attention and engage in conversation
and intimacy all for a price. Only in Japan! In an interview with one of
the hosts in Tokyo, he admitted that such clubs could exist only in Japan,
because the men here are so excruciatingly unkind to women.

Excessive imbibitions are cultural rites for Japanese men. In a society of

institutionalized alcoholics and heavy smokers, there is a marked increase
in the erectile dysfunction probability, ensuring non-performance among
a great many men. According to an annual nationwide survey conducted
in May 2007 by Japan Tobacco Inc. - a company in which the Finance
Ministry has a near 50% interest, and indeed Japans largest tobacco maker
the smoking rate among Japanese men had declined to 40.2%, still
among the highest in the world. The survey by mail questioned 32,000
adults from twenty years old and was responded to by 19,205 people.

Japans male chauvinist society, the most pronounced in the industrial

world and among the most female oppressive in the industrialized world,
is directly responsible for socializing the most diffident and unempowered
women in the developed and some of the developing world. Brow beaten
for hundreds of years, they are generally nave, unaware of their potential
and possess negative self-worth, instilled in them by their fathers and
societys expectations of them, only to be baby-making machines, as
stated by one of the countrys top politicians in early 2007. His comments
caused an uproar among women, who maybe are slowly starting to revolt
against their subservient role in society.

With precious little expectations from Japanese men, many Japanese

women find being used by Western men to which they are sometimes
unmindful a far more fulfilling experience. This I found quite troubling
albeit an open invitation to wantonly plough through them. Also present
is what I call, the trophy effect. Many of my Japanese encounters wore
me like the latest accessory in this internationally acknowledged brand
name-obsessed land, rebelliously thumbing their noses at their society as
if to say,
hey, look at me, I broke away from your oppression and Im free. See?
I can even kiss my kokujin (black) boyfriend right here on this train.
Not minding accessorization, I was only too eager to oblige, completely
relishing in it. After all, it was Pareto efficiency for both parties, she got
her accessory and I received pleasure from her and from providing her
pleasure.
72
FAREWELL RICE FIELDS

Finally a year passed and my planned departure from the countryside was
met with a barrage of love letters, extending gratitude for the experiences
and some imploring me to stay. But that was impossible. Fueled by stories
from veteran foreign residents, and the possibility of close proximity to a
vibrant nightlife, I eagerly anticipated prospects in the big city.

By then Tomokos bleeding had increased which became the source of

enormous frustration on my part and I began to seriously reconsider
my plans to cohabitate, marry and eventually start a family with her in
Kobe. After visiting the doctor, we learned that her bleeding was related
to several years of untreated Chlamydia, which may have caused damage
to her reproductive system and could result in an ectopic pregnancy. This
in my mind, was the nail in the coffin and dashed any hopes of a long
term relationship between us, as I was not willing to risk the possibility
of marrying someone infertile, especially if this infertility was the result of
carelessness with her own health.

Callous as it sounds, it was not my problem that Japanese women in general

were still in the dark ages and didnt make it a common practice to get an
annual pap smear. It was not my problem that women, people in general
are uninformed in this backward traditional society and are unaware that
Chlamydia is asymptomatic in 80% of women.

Though she was quite disappointed, in my transition from the countryside

she seized the opportunity to be supportive, introducing me to her parents,
telling her mother we had met in England, sometimes even allowing me to
stay at their home, harboring hopes of my changing my mind and reverting
to plans of our sharing a life. However, though I appreciated her endeavor,
staying with her and her family solidified my decision indelibly, after being
exposed to her less than healthy family dynamics. Tomokos mother was
one of the many elderly women in Japan, who end up abusing their bed-
ridden husbands in retribution for abuse those husbands had inflicted on
the family when they ran the show.

73
A former construction company executive and daily imbiber, he would
repeatedly open several cans of whoop ass on her, her sister and her mother
from as far back as she could recall. Now immobile from a stroke some five
years prior, her mother being the only caregiver, felt angst and bitterness
at having to care for her former abuser. Adding to her aguish was the fact
that his illness had been rapidly depleting the familys funds, driving them
hastily to bankruptcy. Shortly after, I began to read with frequency about
this phenomenon throughout Japan and as barbaric as it was, I clearly
understood the womens motivations and could not help commending
them on their acts of vengeance.

For these women, years of enduring in quiet desperation finally came to a

hilt. Pay back is a bitch. Indeed, as Japan becomes the most aged society
in the world, according to the National Police Agency, in 2005, over ten
percent of crimes committed in Japan, excluding traffic violations, were by
the elderly. In the same year, 141 seniors were arrested for murder, which
was 3.1 times the 1990 level. In many cases the victims were spouses. The
agency also states that in the year 2005, 17.9 percent of all murders were
of spouses, compared with 31.9 percent among the elderly. I envisioned
Tomokos mothers future among those statistics. However, its rather ironic
how the guards and enforcers of the patriarchy during their silver years are
reduced to having to hold onto their wives for support when while during
their youth, the wives were relegated to trailing humbly behind them,
taking the utmost care not to step in their shadows.

Historically in Japan, it was customary for women to walk behind their

husbands and it was forbidden for her to even step in his shadow, as that
was a sign of gross disrespect. Still today at some weddings, that tradition
is observed as the woman trails the man.

This is diametrically opposite to my practice, where if we are not walking

hand in hand, I insist on her taking the lead so that I can savour the view
from behind, which is why its important that there BE a view from behind.
Nevertheless, Tomis mother treated me with great hospitality, especially
after presuming her daughter, who was well beyond the Christmas cake
age, had finally found a marriage candidate, never mind that he was not
Japanese.

On the way back from our final trip to Kobe Kaisei hospital, regarding
her bleeding, in a caf at Rokkomichi, a tearful Tomoko presented me
a touching letter and dived into what appeared to be a well thought out

74
marriage plea. But given her affliction and my addiction, there would be no
connubial arrangements between us. Still, in the ensuing weeks, she helped
me to find an apartment in a Kobe suburb and our meetings withered to
rare booty calls, as she began dating online.

My back up plan was to groom Ai for marriage and in so doing, tried

to instill in her the value of higher education. Given her artistic talent,
I tried to get her to continue her education in graphic art or design at a
university in Osaka, but neither she nor her mother saw the importance
of an education. To them, it was much better for her, like a significant
percentage of Japanese women, to continue working at some dead end
retail job. But homie wasnt having any of it. In the event I returned to the
States, which was most likely, I was not open to my wife slaving away at K-
mart and moreover, in my omnipresent daydreams during my childhood,
my imagined wife was more educated than I was. After realizing that Ai
and her parents could not appreciate my values, Ai, like the others in the
countryside, was demoted to a satellite honey, guaranteeing me pleasure
whenever I visited.

75
KAORI

Kobe Sannomiya, the city with the most genitalia baring public art was
a starkly different place from the countryside in my rearview mirror. On
almost every corner one would be assaulted by sculptural montes veneris
or phalli. The women, waxed, over-polished apples, were clad, or more
accurately unclad in sexualizing attire: knee-high boots, fishnets, micro-
minis even in the dead of winter and adorned in every name brand fashion
and accessory. It was an effortless thrill to sneak a peak at their panties,
a favourite past time of mine since my childhood. Women in Sannomiya
were dressed for action. Similar to my first impression of Japan, they were
too beautiful and I instantly recalled the first rule of economics, taught
to me in my weeder econ 101 class: If it looks and sounds too good to be
true, it probably is too good to be true. Though they all appeared to have
stepped from the same pages of CanCam magazine the fashion bible
for Japanese women - nonetheless, they were most delectable and I stood
whiplashed in awe at the sea of choices.

Kaori had cakes the likes of a sister. At first I spotted her from behind
walking in the muggy Kobe summer, onion quaking north and south on
gyrating hips, cloaked in skintight back pocketless jeans. Her small waist
accentuated the curvature of her stunningly beautiful childbearing hips.
Not much on the anterior, but that was ok.

Breasts are for white guys, prematurely weaned after six months of breast
feeding, I opined.

I on the other hand, suckled my mother until I was five years old and
can even remember my grandmother offering her bosom to pacify me
at the ripe old age of eight. So for me, breasts are over-rated. My only
requirements are; they must be teardrop shaped, big enough to fit in my
grasp and be live not Memorex. Homie simply cannot live in silicone valley.
Posterior, cakes, glutes, onions, on the other hand, to which any normal,
sane Negroe man can attest, is indispensable and the sight of a wicked
rump on a woman makes me hyperventilate. Kaori had one of those, her
cheeks were illegal, shuddering like two leaves caught in a gentle breeze

76
as she walked. I just wanted to just, reach out, grab them, sink my teeth
in them and bury my face deep between her cheeks. For several blocks I
stalked her in hypnotized concupiscence, my tongue cleaning the Kobe
sidewalks. Her stride was powerful and resolute, with her feet cradled in
black square-toed heels, as opposed to those pointy toed, roach killers that
other Japanese girls wore. She had no choice but to walk in such a bold
manner, her load was weighty and though she was not well endowed in the
anterior, so determined was her ambulation that her little mounds jumped
like the fishes in the summer time song.

Collapsing madly in love, all before even seeing her magnificent face and
lighthouse smile, I knew I was a goner, because my usual confidence did a
disappearing act, with verbal paralysis emerging in its stead. Judging from
her disposition, she was not the typical diffident Japanese woman and I
was fully aware of the monumental social taboo of nampa, or picking or
chatting up Japanese women, especially on the streets in public.

To a great extent, human relations here are based on the Buddhist/

Confucianist approach, which makes things unnecessarily difficult
and complex and usurps fluidity from otherwise normal human social
interaction. The Buddfucianist system generated many requirements
in order for relationships to be established, hence from the traditional
Japanese perspective, a relationship cannot be initiated because there
was no relationship before it. Therefore a middle person is necessary in
bringing parties together. Keeping with the rigid over stylizations of their
society, they still rely on structured, organized arrangements for people of
the opposite sex to meet, so strangers speaking to each other at random
- as is common in the West - is out of the question. Instead, the kompa, - a
variant of the English word companion - where an intermediary organizes
a meeting between an equal number of men and women, in most cases
over drinks, is widely utilized.

An ironic exception to this stylization is the netto shinjou, or internet

suicide phenomenon, which emerged in October 2001. In this trend, the
suicide minded can efficiently meet on the web, decide on a time, location
and an automobile in which to conduct their group exit. A lit charcoal
burning stove is placed inside the vehicle, followed by their peaceful
farewell as a group. To date the largest group has been nine members.

The kompa, or omiai parties are big business in Japan, with men being
charged around 4,500 yen, about $US45 and women, around $25 to

77
enter. There are even special kompas for women whose sights are set for
example, on doctors and lawyers. Exposing the darker side of these parties,
the National Consumer Affairs Center of Japan recently reported that
there were 3,197 complaints from patrons of these events in fiscal 2005,
three times the amount a decade ago. In August 2006 a 42-year-old man
from Osaka was arrested for confining, starving and beating a 24-year-
old woman whom he had met at an omiai party and according to the
police, he had targeted these parties, abusing several women he had met
at the events, including a woman found collapsed and emaciated at his
apartment in 2004.

Marginally recovering from my regression to elementary school days, I

managed to muster some courage, as time was of the essence. I could have
stalked her only for so long without being discovered.
You look like you speak English, an opener with a high success rate in the
big city. They all wanted to be cosmopolitan and that line complimented
them on their alleged international appearance, without clueing them in on
my real objectives. Yeh, a little, flashing her white picket fences. And my
cocky arrogant confidence from my Jamaican socialization resuscitated with
furor. Ching ching! It was in the bag. In no time I had her phone number
and as I watched her disappear in the crowd to meet her friends, I decided
yes, there is a God. My new found deity was Kaoris glutusmaximus and
she became my first stated, officially acknowledged girlfriend in Japan.

Love was blissful and I relished in nightly insomniac obsession about her,
sometimes even calling her as early as five oclock in the morning, only to
hang up before the phone started ringing. On one particular morning, after
a night of complete sleep deprivation, I inline skated down to Harborland
to kill time before calling her at seven oclock sharp, when I knew she
would be up.
Are you up? I asked like an elementary school pupil. Im sorry to call
so early, but Ive been thinking about you. And like a 12-year-old, at the
ripe old age of thirty-seven I mustered up the courage to propose to this
24-year-old.

I think I want you to be my girlfriend. Her response was not exactly what
I wanted to hear.
I will have to think about it. I couldnt believe I was having this juvenile
exchange at my age.
Take your time, whenever youre ready. Its OK. And after many dates,
including one paragliding in Kanabe it just gradually happened. On our

78
first kiss, in the stairwell of her parents government subsidized apartment
building a nice name for the projects - she was awkward and trembling.
And at 24, a grown adult, such behavior implied trauma, I thought. Like
many other women and especially in Japan, after much coaxing she
recounted to me her molestation at five years old, by two high schoolboys,
in that very stairwell. Tears rolling down her cheeks, this was her first time
to reveal to anyone how they pulled her pants down, held her against the
wall and began to probe her genitalia. As usual upon hearing stories like
this, I immediately began to fantasize about finding them and bashing
their heads erratically and incessantly against the ground. Again like most
women, she had internalized this for all this time, before her revelation to
me after much probing and persuasion.

Socially primitive Japan is void of any support mechanism for victims of

child molestation and in this archaic, folk society, no one even dares to
talk about these experiences, but they are rampant. Such is the retarded
patriarchy that, often whenever a teacher molests a student, the authorities
are far more concerned about the reputation of the school, than the rights
of the students. In their warped sense of reason, or a lack thereof, the
teacher is not dismissed because he has a family to feed and we simply
cant allow this incident to tarnish our image, so it must be concealed. In
this day and age, this the year of the dog, such is still the dark thinking of
the Japanese.

Kaori was adventurous, played saxophone and loved jazz, but up until
then, had been exposed only to mediocre or flat out bad Japanese jazz.
Hence it was my duty as a Negroe male to school her on the music of my
people, which the Japanese so frequently butchered. An introduction to
John Coltrane was a must, but like many other Japanese who claimed to
be into jazz, Coltrane was too fukuzatsu (complicated). They all seemed
to think that jazz was Kenny Gs elevator music or some song by Frank
Sinatra. Indeed, the Japanese, owing to their low emotional quotient and
perpetually childish socialization, have a strong aversion to the complicated.
They have a low threshold for difficulties and bothersome issues, and an
extremely high tolerance for the monotonous.

Kaori soon began to appreciate the exposure to the real deal and I grew
more attracted to her avante garde personality. The pusillanimous
demeanor which was the embodiment of the average Japanese woman,
was nowhere to be found in her and like I did with the manager with
whom I was in love in the countryside, I suspended my predatory behavior,

79
delaying her introduction to the beast, though I wanted to ravage her daily.
But, there was always Tomoko, the women in the countryside and many
more I would meet in the big city, including Kyoung, who I had met at the
Kobe International Community Center.

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KYOUNG

Kyoung was a Korean immigrant, who had left home about four months
prior to our meeting. An Asian Audrey Hepburn, she was drop dead
gorgeous and classy. No Japanese woman then matched her warmth, spunk
and outgoing personality. But there was one major flaw: her shoulders were
wider than her hips. Though a major turn off for me, the imbalance was
not so much as to be a complete repellent. I couldve lived with it, given
her train stopping beauty and could hardly wait to be on display with her
in public. What rendered her proportions unacceptable was my suspicion
that the mounds on her chest were Memorex and not live. Ten years in
Hollywood had honed my skills in detecting silicone implants even if
hidden under a nuclear bunker. It would be easier for me to be aroused
by a utility pole in fishnets than for breast implants to stimulate me. And
as such, I pursued only a friendship with her savouring the radiance of
her presence. This backfired as she fell madly in love, thinking I was a
nice guy, as no other man had been around her without crumbling to his
knees in lust, wanting to connive his way into her panties. Such was her
experience since forever, always the object of every mans desire back in
Korea. But little did she know, as stated earlier, silicone valley is not even
on my list of places to visit. Theres nothing more horrendous than the
taste of plastic covered wood.

81
REIKO

After three long months of homelessness and a few nights sleeping in the
outdoors on a bench at Harborland, I joined the ranks of the employed,
teaching at an Osaka based firm, where Reiko was a student. A veteran
employee of 25 years, she was 45, divorced fifteen years before we met and
the single parent of a 23-year-old daughter. Except for slightly drooping
cheeks and being a bit on the svelte side having been a vegetarian, she
was breathtakingly beautiful and well preserved. An older Tia Carrerra,
her fashion was extremely feminine, but more girlie with lots of pinks,
light greens and frills. Nothing about her said she was 45 except for the
smell of fermenting gums which is common among people, especially her
age in Japan. The dental hygiene of the Japanese is worse than that of the
British in the 1980s. But I am happy to report that, in my 7 years here it
has improved.

Susceptible to gum disease, I make it a routine to visit the dentist four

times a year for scaling and polishing, but whenever I visit the dentist here,
theyd tell me that the plaque on my teeth is not enough about which to be
concerned and that my teeth are still beautiful even with the small amount
of tartar. To that I would respond by imploring them to clean my teeth
anyway and on two occasions, I was forced to give them a mini lesson on
scaling and relaying to them the importance of scaling all teeth. Though
the Japanese are advance in dental research, paradoxically, preventive dental
care is foreign to most Japanese.

Given Reikos current state of affairs, she was prime target for a take over,
as not only was she among the demographics of neglected women in Japan,
but she was also among what I call the untouchables: divorced with a child.
Small wonder her sex life had been a desert for some fifteen years. But
help was on the way, I would soon be her oasis. As the divorce rate rises in
Japan, so does the number of these women.

About three weeks after the beginning of the semester, Reiko invited me
to a performance of the companys choir and symphony, where I seized
the opportunity to exchange phone numbers and e-mail addresses. In fact,

82
that was my sole motive for accepting her offer, as for me any Japanese
reproduction of Western music was likely to be excruciatingly intolerable.
And as I had anticipated, the experience was tantamount to being stuck
on an elevator with muzak torturing my tympanic membrane. Among the
repertoire was the song The Happy Wanderer, a song I tired of in the
fourth grade. But the two-hour persecution was a means to an end and my
mission was accomplished.

It was through our telephone conversations that I learned of her divorce,

the fifteen year celibacy - albeit not self-imposed - and her love for the
gym, something we shared in common. This resulted in my proposing to
train her after class on Thursdays, which would give me a chance to see
her in gym attire and assess her physique. Thinking this could be another
mother daughter arrangement, I wanted to meet her daughter, but was
terribly disappointed and relieved at the same time, to find that Reiko was
more beautiful than her offspring.

So how do you live without sex for fifteen years? I asked on the phone.
Muzukashi, its difficult she sighed.
I try not to think about it.
And from those responses, it was clear that she was game.
Then we should just go to a love hotel after class I suggested jokingly,
but serious as my erection. And I could hear the rapids of Niagara falls in
her panties. Really?
Yeh, Itll be our secret. I dont wanna get fired.

The next Thursday after class, Reiko bade me good-bye and boarded the
Keihan train with her friends as usual and I waited in the plaza at Kyobashi
between the JR and Keihan lines as planned. About thirty minutes later
she emerged from the station with a mile wide grin, like a kid who had
been promised a trip to Disneyland and lead me to a nearby hotel. There
I began to defrock this grinning 45-year-old little girl, as the beast rose.
Leisurely I removed her jacket, then unhooked her skirt allowing it to
fall to her ankles as she stood there like a blissful fruit being peeled. I
unbuttoned her blouse to reveal her frilly, lacy bra and began to gently bite
on her cups before unhooking it. Her breathing became heavy as I stuck
my hand inside her nylons, expecting to meet a forest, but to my surprise
she was well groomed.

Did you shave because we were meeting today?

No, I always do. And with that I peeled off her nylons and panties, all the
while throbbing in my pants.
83
Touch my cock, I requested.
What is cock?
I unbuckled my pants, stepped out of them to show her the bulge through
my undies.
Chotto doki doki. I am a little nervous.
I know, I said comfortingly. Its been a long time for you.
Speechlessly she placed her hand on me and I began sucking on her
teardrop shaped breast as I eased her on the bed. Avoiding her mouth, I
went straight to tenderly feasting in the southern hemisphere, which sent
her head flying backward and caused her to release loud grunts. My lips
met with an avalanche of pent up fluids and I feasted on her for about
twenty minutes, torturing her with pleasure. Then I stopped to remove my
shirt and freed myself from the confines of my underwear as she removed
her slip and bra.

Upon seeing the patriot with her name carved on it, she blurted out the
predictable
okii desu ne. Ita so.
It wont hurt, I tried to assure her. And if it does, itll only be in the
beginning. Having been fifteen years since her last act of intimacy, the
sight of any phallus wouldve spell bounded her, let alone a charcoal one.
She watched me roll on the magnum 500.
I cant imagine that inside me, she whispered, as I spread her legs and
slowly eased inside her invulnerable pseudo virginity.
Dame, dame dame!
Im almost in, as she squealed and inched her way up the bed before I
was parked deep inside.

Sugoii! Kakuii! Youre so muscular, exploring my body with her hands

as I re-devirginised her. Soon her squeals turned to groans, as I watched
myself in the oversized mirror at the head of the bed. Once again, the devil
was coming to the rescue of some poor Japanese soul, bringing her lifes
pleasures, of which she had been deprived for so long. After a few minutes
she began grunting like an animal in the wild and this once passive and
gentle lady was transformed to a breathless, railing ape as she climaxed.
Iku, iku, iku, iiiiiikuuu, eyes pressed shut, squeezing every drop from her
orgasm.
Kimochii, Kimochiokatta, trying to catch her breath.
Sugoii, sensei.

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Today is the first in a long weekly series of dinglish classes for you, I thought
to myself, turning her around to face the mirror at the head of the bed.
I wanted her to see herself being pounded by her English teacher from
behind. Fondling her while pounding her doggie style drove her crazy and
in no time flat, the ape was back and her once neatly styled hair was now
all over the place. After her fourth orgasm she was exhausted.
Shindoii, mo dekinai. Sensei ikanai? Nande? (Im tired, I cant go
anymore. Teacher, arent you going to come? Why not?)
Because I want you to come and enjoy yourself.
Sugoii, you have good technique.
Here, put it in your mouth.
Im hetta desu yo, Im no good.
Thats ok, lets do a level check. Removing the condom, she accompanied
me to the bathroom to wash the latex off, and even after a mini bath in
the face basin, I was still as hard as steel, desperately wanting to release,
preferably in her mouth. This desire was not driven by chauvinism and
having power over women, but by the need to ejaculate in an orifice, any
orifice.

As she knelt and placed me in her mouth in the bathroom, it was clear
she was right. She was no expert. So I instructed her to hold her mouth in
position around me as I pleasured myself to release the rapids. In no time
it was high tide as I grabbed her by her ruffled locks and pulled her head
toward me. My white syrup, enough to populate the universe, or certainly
Japan, filled her mouth as she looked up at me, then rose to her feet to spit
in the face basin.
Ipaii. Sugoii desu ne? Hajimete kono keiken. I never experience like
this before. I almost didnt take your class.

Why was that? I queried.

Kowaii kara. I was afraid, kokujin kowaii. (Negroes are scary) I never
saw a black person before, telebi to, eiga dake. (Only on TV and in movies.)
Sometimes around Osaka, but we never had kokujin sensei before, so I
almost cancel.
So, are black people still scary?
No, no. subarashii (wonderful).

This was not the first time that I had assumed the role of ambassador for my
race in Japan. Since my arrival I had changed for the better, many Japanese
peoples perception of Negroes, at least the male of the race anyway. It was
not a responsibility of which I made light. Even when I was getting busy,

85
I thought myself an ambassador for Negroes in this country and while
teaching I was always a teacher with great impact on students, whether in
the class or bedroom. Teaching was my passion and it came in all forms.

No, Im glad I didnt cancel.

Our weekly dinglish classes continued for nine months, even after
introducing her to my girlfriend Kaori and when she experienced
withdrawals, she would take the long drive to my apartment for a fix. As
I predicted, she became exceedingly attached, desperately requesting love
and companionship from me, of which I could give her neither. All that
was available from me were multiple orgasms and English classes until
the following spring. But of course I was not so harsh to reveal this to
her. Instead I told her of my desire to start and raise a big family and
without telling her directly, she understood that her age was a deterrent.
Especially since my then girlfriend shared the same age and name - as
her daughter. Every week in class I got a rush maintaining our little secret
and remembering the wild ape to which I could transform her. Sometimes
memories of me deep inside her, or of the charcoal in her mouth excited
me in front of the class, which I had to conceal by placing my hand in my
pocket.
Youre a good actor, she always said. Nobody can know about us, from
how you act in class.

In the end her rotting gums and more so, incurable naivet and infantilism
lead me to abandon her. Like all Japanese women Id met thus far, except
Kaori, Riekos emotional development lagged far behind her chronological
age. She might have been 45, but emotionally, my then 14-year-old daughter
in California was her emotional senior. This created deep frustration toward
Japanese women and to Japanese society at large. Indeed, many Western
men, after extensive residency here find themselves becoming angry for
reasons unexplainable to them. However, from my far from professional
analysis, the constant existence in Disneyland, the sheer childishness of
this society is a major contributing factor to that phenomenon.

Curing Reikos gingivitis or periodontitis was a simple matter of introducing

her to the idea of biannual dental visits, but at 45, curing her toddler-
like behaviour - the constant giggling and unstimulating conversations -
would prove impossible. So I introduced her to a Jamaican friend of mine
in Kobe. Having been turned out by a foreigner and now addicted, she
wanted to expand her circle of foreign friends, especially when I informed

86
her that most Western men wouldnt care that she is a divorced single
parent. Foreign men and especially black men the very men of whom
she was afraid only some months prior offered some semblance of hope
to quench her human desires. Reiko thought it a simple introduction, but
little did she know I was passing her on, like hand me downs from relatives
when I was child. Coincidentally, some two years later Reiko bought a
condo five minutes away from my apartment and invited me to participate
in a threesome with her and a Canadian man she had met and bedded the
same day in Kyoto. However, recalling those festering gums, I declined.

87
KAORI CONTINUED

Kaori was the second woman after Tomoko, who visited my apartment,
where instead of consuming the concoction I had intended serving her,
she prepared me a tasty treat of rolled cabbage stuffed with beef. Little did
I know that what I started with her, inviting her over to engage in some
culinary experiments, cooking the only meal I could prepare chicken
would come to be the sex ritual. In all cases, having been accustomed to
so little from Japanese men, the women were excited at being waited on,
even if the food was insufferably bad.

After ingesting my culinary experiments, theyd insist on doing their

programmed womanly duties, washing the dishes and cleaning up, but I
would insist on doing it myself, a situation they had never before beheld,
reinforcing their perception of the kind foreigner.

Before we could clear the dishes from the floor of my tableless kitchen,
Kaoris lips and mine were glued, as I pried her out of her skintight jeans.
Her round cheeks hung out of her pink lacy low cut panties and Charlie
was like an out of control fire hose upon seeing the object of his lust in the
nude. After two months of salivating in anticipation, that afternoon I grew
to an unusual size and knew I wouldnt have lasted more than two seconds
after entry, magnum 500 covered and all. Immediately I did what I had
been fantasizing about for the past two month: knelt down slowly in front
of my deity to lick then suck and massage her cakes, while nibbling at her
lilac-fragranced crotch through her panties. Wanting desperately to gawk
at her, I removed her top and bra, revealing her champagne glass sized
breasts and made her stand only in her panties, in the middle of my bare
tatami room. Looking more Latina than Japanese, her skin was a mocha
brown and I began to conclude that my fetishized face with upturned slitty
eyes, a concave nose and tofu skin, did not come with a posterior of such
curvature. That was until I met Shoko some seven months later.

Though Kaori was not what my extreme preference required, her beauty
was astonishing, and that rump, it inflicted pain throughout my body.

88
While looking at her, imagining she was an inaccessible magazine girl, I
began to pleasure myself, predictably firing off on my tatami in two seconds
flat. Kaori was conservative, one of those serious types and this was her
first gaijin experience. My fascination with her rump was befuddling to
her, as she held a massive complex about her atypically Japanese bumpa.
Also astounding to her was my uninhibited self-pleasure in front of her,
which to her had been a whole new experience.
Hazukashikunai? (Arent you self-conscious?)
Hell no!
Why did you do that? she asked. And with that I removed her panties,
waded through her bush and began to dine. Self-pleasure before entrance
was a good move, as unlike other Japanese girls up until then, she required
work in order to climax.

Within the succeeding three months interpersonal problems arose and the
marathons she required for just one orgasm soon became torturous. This
is purely anecdotal, but there seems to be a high correlation between hypo-
orgasmic tendencies and a protruding rump, just as theres an apparent
correlation with hyper-orgasm and a protruding pubic mound. It may well
be that steatopygia and a protruding pubic mound are mutually exclusive.
Stamina on my part was no problem, Im a cardio freak. But as an attention
deficit hyperactive adult, it simply became boring and I soon derived more
pleasure in reciting in my head during our sex, the names of the train
stations between Osaka and Kobe on the JR line.

Although sporting this new kakoii kokujin (cool Negroe) boyfriend was
very impressive to her friends, she found it most frustrating having to
communicate, her feelings.

I didnt have to do that with my ex-boyfriends, she frequently complained.

They always knew what I was thinking.
Thats because they were Japanese! I am not.

The Japanese are proud of the apparent missing need to communicate

verbally in their intimate and other relations. They claim to just know
about each others thoughts and needs without words. However, this is less
attributable to some innate ability and more to do with their over-stylised,
homogeneous socialization. Given a certain context, the Japanese have
been all programmed to think and act in the same way.

89
There is a Japanese way for everything including a prescribed way to pack
the kids obento (lunch) for school. Parents rely on books to explain to
them in great details, how to pack their childrens lunch. Any deviation
may result in bullying and or teasing, and the impression that the mothers
dont love their children. As a result, the victim may stay home and become
a hikikomori (recluse) sometimes never again setting foot in school. Many
schools prohibit the purchase of lunches at convenience stores, as that
would supposedly cause the child to feel unloved. Daily existence for the
Japanese is steeped in a dazzling myriad of rituals. From the proper degree
of a bow (15 to 45 degrees depending on the occasion) to how a lady
eats a rice cracker (a handkerchief should be placed on her lap and the
cracker must be broken by hand into bite sized pieces), these over-stylised
practices are the main source of stress for the Japanese.

On the subject of chopstick use, there are over 30 faux paus maneuvers.
Collectively, the Japanese are androids with the same operating system,
coded to respond to various situations and stimuli in the exact fashion.
This conditioning begins in infancy and has continued for hundreds, if not
thousands of years. It covers every aspect of their lives, from how to hand
someone a business card to what to say before and after a meal or upon
entering a house, even if the house is empty. Whereas this communication
style, or lack thereof, might be effective if all the parties involved are
Japanese, it usually proves disastrous in intimate relations between a
Japanese and a foreigner, especially a Westerner.

In fact, as any thinking person can conclude, this non-communication

pattern has only a limited positive effect. It may have worked for the
Japanese for many hundreds of years, but in these modern times it only
highlights the communicational retardation in which the Japanese are
socialized. Among contemporary Japanese, employing this non-verbal
communication usually exacerbates the problems and leads to extensive
periods of silence and misery between spouses. Many of the married
women with whom I have been intimately involved, have expressed to me
the absence of verbal communication with their husbands, except to talk
about the days meal, sometimes lasting up to fifteen years.

Our second problem was Kaouris housing projects-dwelling-uneducated-

redneck parents who, previously not having interacted with any foreigners,
displayed immeasurable ignorance. Her mother, who may have never left
Hyogo Prefecture, thought it would have been an embarrassment to her if
her friends knew her daughter was dating a Negroe and adamantly opposed

90
Kaoris continuing her education from the equivalent of community
college. Her sentiments made me livid and I decided immediately upon
hearing them, to have no part of her family. After all, this is Japan and Im
a novelty in this big sea of choice, which I was devouring, unbeknownst to
her and her mother.

91
ANITA MCKENZIE

Among my choices was Anita McKenzie, an unusually, strikingly stunning

young woman of 19 years old. Half-Canadian and half-Japanese, she
was the poster child for the advantages of hybrid vigor, the result of
heterozygousity, or race or species mixing, bearing a strong resemblance
to an infinitely more attractive Gina Davis. She was all that and much
more and having been raised partly in the West, she was fully aware of it,
standing near the cinema at Hankyu Sannomiya train station waiting for
her friend.

You definitely aint Japanese, to which she responded like I was the
biggest piece of excrement she had ever smelled.
Im half, snarling scornfully.
Yo, it aint gotta be like dat, Im just happy to see someone who look like
they can speak English. Whats the other half?
My dads Canadian, she said with much attitude. Only thing missing was
her head moving back and forth on her neck like an African-American
woman, or a dancing Indian woman, or even one of those figurines with
a spring for a neck. Now, most women are beautiful, but Anita fell under
the extreme far right of the bell curve, the hyper-babe area, and experience
taught me that hyper-beauts required an even more indirect approach, as
they are always being bombarded and accosted by unwanted advances,
especially by what they considered to be undesirable men.

One of my hyper-beaut exes, told me she was shocked I had the confidence
to speak to her, as she was always being approached by unsavoury
characters who had nothing to lose by chatting her up. My sensitivity to
womens issues never failed to get me laid and this was no devious scheme
I concocted to get them in bed. In fact, having been socialized by some
60 women on a church commune until I was 14, I am fully in tuned with
womens psyche and am genuinely concerned about womens issues. Still
to this day, I am far more comfortable in the presence of women. Indeed
a perfect description of myself, as I once told a woman in Los Angeles,
and as Ive stated earlier, is that of a lesbian happily stuck in a mans body.
Having such early sexualization in this all female environment, made me

92
 as one Japanese woman told me a womans worst nightmare and up
until my recent recovery, nothing could be closer to the truth. Another
lesson I had learned from my experiences is that, hyper-babes appear to
have more and bigger emotional suitcases than the DSMR-5 could list.
Unscientific research from my personal encounters showed a high rate of
childhood sexual abuse, warping or destroying their perception of self. It
was overly clear to me that Anitas attitude was a defense mechanism to
protect herself, having possibly encountered some trauma.

Why the hell would you, as beautiful as you are, having spent ten years in
Canada and nine years in Japan, a native speaker of Japanese and English,
why would you wanna come back to Japan? Id think that for a person like
you, thered be more opportunities in the West. Except if you wanna be an
office lady or a hostess.

And with that question and statement, I broke down the wall, softened her
attitude and revealed a major vulnerability: her identity crisis being biracial
and living in both countries for almost the same duration.
Yeh, I totally hear you on that one, but I don know. Sometimes I feel like
Canada is home and sometimes I feel like Japan is. However, knowing
what I knew about the social retardation of Japan, I still found it extremely
curious that her family returned here after living in Canada for ten years.

Shortly there after her friend arrived, sporting an even nastier attitude than
Anitas, but the reason behind her funky disposition was easier to recognize.
Hers was the angst of the less attractive friend, or more accurately, the
unattractive friend, always in Anitas shadow and getting far less attention.
Anita then introduced me to the Japanese wannabe flygirl, who thought a
bit much of herself.
Hiiiiiiii! Anita lets go.
And on that note they started to leave. Hey wait, you aint even gonna
leave me with an e-mail address, or supm? A request for an e-mail address
is less imposing for hyperbabes and women in general in Japan. Daaaam,
feel like Im in Siberia, its so cold, bringing a smile to her face as she
rattled off her AOL address.
Im going back to Canada indefinitely next month.
Ill e-mail you, I responded, hiding my gargantuan disappointment as I
rode off on my mountain bike to meet Kyoung, whom I had kept waiting
for about an hour.

h
93
KYOUNG CONTINUED

Kyoung and I had been locking lips for several months at my shared
apartment in Motomachi. While Kaori slaved away at two jobs, Kyoung and
I were getting to know each other very well, during which time I confirm
my suspicions sucking on her wooden textured breasts. One evening during
one of our sessions I asked directly and perhaps insensitively,
uso no mune, itsu kara desu ka? (how long have you had those fake
breasts?) Sona koto nai yo, uso ja nai, (Thats not the case, theyre not
fake.) denying it even after I questioned her about the scar beneath her
right breast. She said she had some kind of heart related surgery. Yeh
right! I was born on a night, but not last night, I thought to myself. And
we continued our necking with the instrument only at half mast. Soon
thereafter she ventured to my new apartment for our first night together
and to test my level of repulsion for breast implants. Immediately upon
entering my empty apartment she abruptly asked,
Nande shiteru? Darimo shiranai. Nande shiteru? (How did you
know? Nobody knows. How did you know?) I explained to her that my
ten years in Hollywood had perfected my silicone radar.
Is that why you cant be with me? she asked with tears welling. That and
your shoulders being wider than your hips, I thought to myself.

There are many guys who like them, I tried to reassure her. I au, I just
dont. Her countenance was consumed by disenchantment and regret and
I empathized. Heres a woman who only four months prior, underwent
surgery for what she thought would have enhanced her attractiveness
and to some it did - but has discovered that this expensive surgery was
working against her as a repellent to the man of her desire. But even if
I couldve gotten past the taste of plastic covered wood, the emotional
drama of which implants are indicative is beyond my level of tolerance.

Kedo watashi tachi naka yoku yo, (we get along so well) tears streaming
down her face. This dilemma was one of my most painful ever. Kyoung and
I with perfectly matched personalities got on like a house on fire, even with
our language difficulties. Everywhere we went there were daily compliments
on our compatibility. She was striking, educated with an Audrey Hepburn

94
kind of sophistication, traveled and of the least importance, from a very
well to do family.

Being that she was a Korean woman and considering their propensity
for cosmetic surgery, I enquired of other enhanced body parts. I began to
suspect her perfectly beautiful nose, even began to suspect that the woman
sitting in front of me crying, may at one time been a man. But that thought
was fleeting, some womens shoulders are naturally wider than their hips,
especially among Asians, and I had been around enough transsexuals
to detect the nuances even if the outward appearance was perfect. Over
eagerly, she tried to assure me that her nose was in its natural state and
nowhere else on her body had gone under the knife.
Mune dake. (Only my breasts) Unable to find some flexibility in my
preferences, I sat there staring at the ceiling in silence.
Anata no kangai kata kaeru koto ga dekinai no? (Cant you change
your thinking?) Unfortunately, that was something on which I could not
compromise after which she suggested the unthinkable.
Ja, toru. (Ill remove them). This sat very uncomfortably with me.

If theres one thing I have learned from the many years of torture I
have inflicted on countless women in my past is, its not good to try to
or participate in changing physical features of ones partner. One must
always accept the other person as he or she is: fat, slim, zaftig, flat-chested,
protruding pubic mound, inadequately endowed, you name it.

So I objected to her proposal, expressing my appreciation, but objecting

on the grounds that there are men who like fake breast and I was not
worth her going through that pain. But we can become good friends,
I continued, knowing full well that after this rejection, that would be
impossible for her.
Kaeru. (Im leaving.) And with that she picked up her handbag and
headed for the door. Before putting on her shoes she turned to me and
asked,
Yate miru? (Can you try?)
I cant change my thinking, gomme ne (Im sorry)
I dont mean that, she responded. Hechi. (sex).

I thought myself odd, putting this stunningly beautiful woman in a

position where she saw it necessary to ask me if I could try to have sex
with her. So I gently pulled down her jeans with her panties, bent her
against the wall, with her handbag still around her arm, eased inside and

95
unloaded irresponsibly inside her in seconds flat. This mercy lay was a
cheerless sight as she pulled up her underwear sobbing, with my semen
dripping from her.

Dont worry about baby, she said. Dai jyobu. (Its ok). The brief ten
minute walk together to Koyoen station from my apartment seemed
endless as we perambulated in silence. As she boarded the burgundy
Disneylandesque Hankyu train, the imaginary violins played. It was a
heartbreaking moment, especially because I was too inflexible to keep her
fake breast from eroding our otherwise wonderful friendship. Not even as
a satellite honey could I have kept her around, less because I hate silicone
but more out of respecting her too much. And she couldnt have kept me
around as a friend because her attraction for me was too strong. So as the
violins played, the train departed and we waved solemnly to each other
until out of sight.

For more than a year thereafter, Kyoung and I had random uncomfortable
encounters on the streets of Kobe, where after the third such encounter, we
endeavored to maintain contact by phone. But over the next year or so, the
awkwardness got the better of us and our contact faded.

With Kyoung out the way, I could now focus on my futile relationship with
Kaori, who had been telling me about her consultations with her Buddhist
priest, for advice about our relationship. His advice was for her to bail.
Gaijins and Japanese are a mismatch, they cant understand each other,
he recommended. And from the looks of things, she had begun to heed his
guidance. One good thing was, her independent minded personality, more
so than most Japanese women I met. As a result, I was able to convince
her that at 24, it was high time to move away from her oppressive redneck
parents and into a place of her own. A month later, against her parents
protest she found a quaint studio apartment in Kitano.

96
HENNI

That summer of 2002 I spotted the profile of bleach blond locks on the
platform at JR Sannomiya station. Her hypnotic derriere was visible from
miles away but her chest protruded even more.
Where are you from? I inquired, walking up to her, getting my mack on,
as she looked me over with big, piercing, blue grey Betty Boop eyes.
Romania.
You know where is Romania? pores drooling attitude.
Since my departure from the West, I had not paid attention to white
women but, she, was, fine. In fact the only white women who attracted me,
even before my arrival here, were Eastern, Central European and Nordic
women, specifically Danish women.

Like most Eastern and Central European women I met here and in Korea,
Henrietta was a hostess, in great demand by Japanese men, especially
with her peroxide hair. She made bank from middle-aged Japanese men
who paid her large sums to pour their drinks and stroke their egos along
with the added privilege of conversing with her. Humility was not in her
vocabulary and even as she rejected me, as though she was flicking a bug
off her arm, it was somewhat refreshing to finally meet a woman with an
edge and an air of confidence.

I would love to take you back to California with me, I jested.

Is that what you tell all the Japanese girls? You tink Im yellow cab?
Anyway, Im getting married, showing me her rock. So youre late.
Is he from Romania too?
NO, of course not! I live in Japan, hes Japanese.
Hes a very lucky guy, I amused, seething with envy.
No Japanese dude can handle that! thinking to myself. And with a cockiness
alien to Japanese women she blurted,
I know hes lucky and Im gonna make him know too.
Does he treat you well?
He is very kind and considerate. He is soooooo different from other
Japanese men.
Well just gimme your number anyway and well go to Starbucks or supm.

97
Maybe you can invite me to the wedding. Ive never been to a Japanese
wedding before.

Reluctantly she gave up the digits, not knowing that I had sussed her out
and accurately presaged her future in my bed with her lips, southern and
northern sets, caressing me. In my prediction her insecure Japanese husband
would insist that she ceases all hostessing activities and employment for
that matter and become fully dependent on him. After which he would
neglect her, opting for fifteen hour work days over fulfilling her needs. He
would then impregnate her, escalating his neglect after the birth of the child
and definitely leaving her saddled with all the child care and household
duties. All this of course would take some time, maybe a couple of years
but, not wanting to be the fox crying sour grapes, I kept my prophecies to
myself. Moreover, as my days of dating white women were now behind me,
I was afflicted with acute and incurable yellow fever which rendered me
otherwise occupied, so I couldve waited. Time was on my side.

Henni perhaps had not heard of the common Japanese saying relating to
men, particularly Japanese men: Tsuta sakana ni wa esa o yaranai (You
never feed a fish youve already caught.) It is often reported by many
Western women who marry Japanese men, that once they are married,
the exceptional, kind, loving open minded Japanese males they once knew,
cease to exist and regress to the average uncaring, cold and inconsiderate
economic animal which is the archetype of the Japanese male.

From online chat rooms to interviews I have conducted with strangers,

most Western women who were married to Japanese men, reported stark
frustration with their husbands after marriage. Japanese men with a
preference for foreign women are fully aware that Western women would
not tolerate their chauvinism, at least not initially. Resultantly, they modify
their personalities to attract the apples of their eyes. In fact this is by no
means limited to Japanese men, as men in general use all manner of devices
to attract women and Japanese men also utilize these tactics to attract
Japanese women.

However, this phenomenon appears to be more prevalent among Japanese

men than among men in the West. And if it is not so, most certainly,
more women Japanese and otherwise voice their discontent about this
actuality in Japan than do women in the West. Among the couples who met
in the West, the women recalled how compassionate and egalitarian their
Japanese men were, but all that changed drastically when they moved to

98
Japan and the males were reintroduced to their society of origin. They were
blind to the pressure that their husbands or boyfriends would experience,
to reconform to their social norms and, incognizant of the impact it would
have on their relationships, many times ending in divorce. Certainly there
are happy unions between Japanese men and Western women, but among
most such women to whom I spoke, four out of five expressed unhappiness
and frustration.

In all fairness, this frustration is by no means limited to the Japanese male

Western female union, as frustrations abound in unions between Japanese
women and Western men. It is widely known that differences in culture,
religion and intellect between two parties can be deleterious to marital
longevity. It is also commonly known that Japan is a society averse to
critical thinking, where interpersonal problems are solved predominantly
through underdeveloped emotions, as opposed to through effective
discussions. But more impacting than actual cultural differences of the
parties involved, is the types of culture from which the parties originate.

Intercultural relationships are less problematic if both parties hail from

cultures which place a high value on tradition and conformity, or are both
from non-traditional cultures. Japan, a country the size of California, is an
antediluvian, feudal, folk society, hidden under the faade of modernism.
Still in this day and age intellectual thought (rikutsupoi) is near sinful
and conformity is venerated. Therefore intimate unions between Japanese
and Westerners from traditionally nonconformist societies, contain innate
elements of hardship, even before the parties meet. In the West it is
widely known that similarities in educational levels are key determinants
of longevity in intimate relationships. If one party holds a tertiary
education, while the other only a high school education, the relationship is
more likely to fail. This disequilibrium in education between parties and
the consequential likelihood of failure is tantamount to the intellectual
imbalance in relationships between feudal, traditional, conformist Japanese
parties and nontraditional Westerners.

Peace in this union requires that either the nonconformist party conforms,
or vice versa. If both parties live in Japan, transformation pressure bares
greater on the nontraditional party to at least appreciate popular village
psyche though inversely, adjustment to folk society is far more difficult for
the nontraditionalist than the other way around. From my unscientific
finding, most white Western men express discontent with their Japanese
wives, especially after the birth of their children. Citing her 180 degree

99
change after childbirth, rants about wives withholding sex are especially
rampant. However, a common religion serves to ameliorate the innate
potential discord in the NippoWestern union and functions well as an
intercultural lubricant. Evidence of this was found among the Western
Christian men I have met in Japan, many of whom arrived as missionaries
and none of whom had any complaints about their Japanese spouses, who
were also followers of Christ.

Starbucks in Sannomiya was where Henni and I first agreed to meet,

where I hustled in cold, pouring rain to make it at 11, fully anticipating
her flaking. At Starbucks I waited 45 minutes before giving up to wander
in the library for a browse through the classifieds for a second job. As
probability would have it, I found an ad requesting a teacher for junior
high schools throughout Kobe and Osaka, which had to be filled in two
days. After rapidly firing off a resume to them, I dashed home to change
into my suit and flashed back to Sannomiya where I rang the company
from their lobby, to verify the receipt of my resume.
When are you available for an interview, queried the voice at the other
end. What floor are you on? I investigated.
We are on the second floor.
I can be there in thirty seconds.
During the interview, after a very quick analysis of the company, I told
them of fabricated plans to get married and raise children in Japan, because
I knew thats what they had wanted to hear. It gave the impression of
stability, certainly masking my whoring tendencies. It worked and three
days later I began employment.

Henrietta was by no means apologetic for standing me up in the rain and

or not calling.
Hey, it was raining, she reasoned, justifying her dis. But that was okay,
I had found the perfect job teaching at junior high schools. Specifically I
sought to avoid high schools as I knew it wouldnt have been long before I
ended up like my buddy Big T, a dried out player from the 5 boroughs who
had come to Japan in the good old bubble days. T impregnated one of his
high school students during his tenure as an Assistant Language Teacher.
Indeed, it was the potential for exactly that kind of drama which kept me
away from Japanese high schools. Sex junkie that I was, that would have
unquestionably been my destiny. However, escaping a life of drama in the
States, I had decided that drama should be limited to the stage or in front
of a movie camera, but certainly not in my life. And to that end, I chose
to teach at junior high schools. With the students being 12 to 15 years

100
old, I saw my daughter who was then 14 when I left her in the States
- in many of my female students and found nothing sexual about them.
Moreover, the trains, in particularly Japan Rail, provided an endless supply
of beautiful and available women on tap.

Months passed when Henni and I bumped into each other, she on her
way from school, I on my way to work. After all, to her surprise, I was now
working for the school she attended. The shock on her face when she first
saw me, the absolute last person shed wanted to behold.
What are you doing here?! she screamed.
You did me a favour. Remember when you stood me up in the rain? I
found a job where youre studying Japanese.
See, arent you glad you met me? You cant be mad at me anymore.
Relieved that something positive accidentally resulted from her standing
me up in the freezing rain.

Frequent random encounters became the norm and on every occasion I

mentioned Starbucks in sarcasm.
Im so busy, but I am gonna make it up to you.
After a year I began to notice a bulge in her clothes, which became more
visible, along with a marked change in countenance as months passed.
The once boisterous and cocky Romanian had wilted to a depressed Bo
Peep, seeming to be in a deep funk every time we met. The more her
belly protruded, the fatter she thought she was and the more her husband
neglected her.
Hows married life? I asked her once.
I hate him! Do you see what he did to me? Pointing to her rotund
abdomen.
He doesnt even look at me now.

Some months later I saw Henni pushing a stroller with her son, by then
reporting that she was completely neglected by her husband and now
existing in the typical sexless Japanese marriage. Her son was then nine
months old with her existing in a sexless marriage since shortly after the
child was conceived. It was then that we finally made it to Starbucks as we
had planned some eons back. During our conversations, or more accurately,
her venting, I struggled not to say, I told you so, and in the pursuing year
I supported her in friendship as best as I could, mostly facilitating her
venting about her inconsiderate husband and how he no longer returns
home until the wee hours of the morning. In her native Romania she was
a law student who had experienced severe physical abuse at the hands of

101
her alcoholic father, who finally left when she was a teenager. Her mother
followed suit, abandoning her to her grandmother.

I made the biggest mistake of my fucking life.

No you havent, he is going to change. Knowing full well that yes, she
had made a grave mistake and no, he wasnt going to change.
If I had known you were so kind, I wouldve married you instead.
And moved to California, I interrupted, though that wouldve never
happened. I would not have been returning to Cali with any color other
than yellow.
So desu ne. (Thats right, isnt it?)
And this would have been your son, looking at me as though she had
missed the chance of several lifetimes.
Hey dont worry, I comforted.
He can still be my son and though youre already married, I can still be
your husband.

After a few more dates accompanied by her son at Starbucks in Sannomiya,

I informed her of my plans to travel to Jamaica for an extended period,
struggling with the reality that we could do nothing about my two and
a half year old desire to at least bury my head in her voluptuous bosom
before I left.
Dont forget about me and your son in Jamaica, okay.
Dont worry, I wont. Ill e-mail you.

102
KARIN

Among other fringe benefits, the dispatching language school offered

steeply discounted Japanese language classes, of which I took full advantage.
By then it was my birthday in mid November and Kaori, in the twilight of
our relationship, had arranged a birthday dinner for me at Jamaicana, the
Jamaican restaurant in Sannomiaya. Present were a few of her friends and
my new Japanese language teacher, Hirota sensei. Karin Hirota could have
been Bjorks beautiful sister. Her feline face was the epitome of the face I
idolized and her hardly opened upwardly angled eyes disappeared to two
lines when she flashed her heart melting, but sinister smile. Her perfectly
concave nose - the nose the late honourable Michael Jackson tried so
arduously and with great futility to achieve - pointed slightly skyward at
the ideal angle.

She had skin of porcelain and a tiny mole strategically placed on the
outside of her upper left eyelid. Her face, though young in appearance,
to me spoke of unspeakable trauma and freakiness, evil meets sexy and
standing at 161 centimeters, her 59 kilograms was definitely over-weight
by Japanese standards. Random old women frequently stopped her, telling
her of the evil that she exuded and at least once every few months, she
was the victim of stalkers - some mysteriously phoning her apartment - a
phenomenon I loathed and enjoyed at the same time.

Even my grandmother in Jamaica commented on her sick appearance.

A weh yu get dat de gyal de fram? Yu nuh si se supm du har? (Whered
you get this girl? Cant you see theres something wrong with her?) She
confided to me during a trip to Jamaica with Karin. The evil those elderly
ladies observed was perhaps some kind of Autistic Spectrum Disorder
and further signs of fire in the hole was her Jaja Binks like gait, slightly
slouching as she perambulated tiptoed, always seeming to be on the verge
of falling on her face. These characteristics could have easily been invisible
to most, but to me they were quite salient. It was as though she never quite
recovered from the weight of her oppressive parents and the backpacks
that she and other Japanese children were made to lug around in their
elementary school years.

103
In deed among my earliest observations in Japan was its seemingly high rate
of Autistic Spectrum Disorder, only to be validated by scientific data stating
that Japan has the highest frequency of autism in the developed world.
According to a March 2005 report by Hideo Honda of the Yokohama
Rehabilitation Centre, even after Japan banned Measles Mumps Rubella
(MMR) vaccines in 1993, autism shot up from 48-86 cases per 10,000 to
97-161 cases per 10,000. This is in comparison to a Center for Disease
Control report in the same year, of 40 people per 10,000 in the United
States. Experts disagree on the causes of the increased frequency in Japan,
with some attributing it to contaminants in the environment and others,
to changing diagnostic criteria and rising profile of the disorder. Those
subscribing to the latter, claim that Japan is more thorough in its analysis
of the disease and includes conditions ignored by experts in the United
States.

However, as a person acutely aware of this disorder since my childhood

in my native Jamaica, the Autistic Spectrum Disordered were far more
visible in Japan during my first few months, than they were during my
20 years in the United States, which has over two and a half times Japans
population. Individuals with this illness in Japan were surprisingly quite
visible, though not as much so as the afflicted in Jamaica with a rate of
1000 per 10,000 people.

Environmental and genetic factors seem to be the most viable explanation

for the higher frequency in Japan. One theory is, since a significant portion
of the Japanese diet consists of fish, consumers are affected by traces of
mercury therein. Add to that the fact that in this vastly homogenous
society, a significant majority hail from the same homozygous gene pool,
which increases their genetic propensity for the disease. Upon setting foot
on this island, I often lamented the frequent sightings on trains of people
- sometimes well suited men with attach cases - engaging in extended
intrusive exploration of their ears and nostrils, playing with their findings
before ingesting them. Coincidentally, Japan and Jamaica share some
common factors relevant to the prevelance of the disorder in their respective
countries. Unlike Japan, Jamaica, an underdeveloped economy implements
substandard ecological conservation measures, hence pollutants may well
be a contributing factor to the ASD rate and almost like Japan, Jamaica
is a near monoracial society. Some 95% of Jamaicans are of Negroe Sub-
Saharan African decent.

At times Karins arms seemed suspended motionless by her side as she

walked, and other times they pendulumed ever so subtly out of sync with
104
the rest of her body. Ever since nine or ten years old, I had observed a
correlation between arm movements like hers, and some emotional or
psychological disorder. Again, her abstract symptoms might have been
invisible to the average person, but commingling with her exotic beauty,
they were clearly discernible to me. As to her generally manly fashion
sense, a corduroy blazer with masculine trousers gathered at the waist was
her uniform. Uniquely attractive, along with elderly ladies who reproached
her about her devilish aura, other random women showered her with
compliments, and commended me on my taste. Bilingual, educated,
well traveled, hailing from a well to do, notwithstanding, high pressure
invalidating family, ten days after my birthday dinner, on November 25,
she made her debut at my apartment for dinner.

On that Wednesday evening my Japanese language teacher arrived

promptly, revealing a whole new Hirota Sensei right on my kitchen floor.
After the meal and stimulating conversation on a wide variety of topics, I
gambled and kissed her lips.
Whyd you do that?
Because I couldnt resist.
But Im your teacher.
Which makes me wanna kiss you even more, kissing her a second time,
locking our mouths together. In no time I was at full attention just at
the thought of invading my teacher, gradually stripping her down to her
boring, anti-Viagra, slightly over-sized skin-toned panties. A former
swimmer, her legs were thick and I began to cup her overly protruding
mons veneris and explore her bush.
Dame, we shouldnt be doing this, Im your teacher, as she jerked abruptly
to my touch and collapsed on the kitchen floor. With my hand still in her
panties playing with her, I followed her to the ground where she wiggled,
panted and began to flail and kick aggressively on the floor.
IKU IKU IKU IKU IIIIIIKU!
Impossible, I thought, as I had been touching her for less than two
minutes. Was that fake? I investigated to myself as she tried to catch her
breath post touchdown.

As stated earlier, from my experiences I discovered a correlation between a

protruding pubic mound and the ease with which women achieve orgasm.
Though I have not read anything scientific on the matter, all the women
whom I had known biblically and who possessed this anomaly, climaxed
with great ease. This condition in women for me made for a most unpleasant
sexual experience, as they were often too large and at an odd angle with the
protruding bone always painfully hitting against my pubic area. However,
105
I surmise it may well be conducive to effortless delivery during childbirth.
Karin had the most protruding mons pubis I had ever encountered.

Shortly after, I began to lead her to my bedroom.

No, no dame, I should go. I shouldnt be doing this. But it was too late,
her Achilles heel was already revealed and with that I merged my lips
with hers again in perfect union and ventured between her creamy sallow
thighs. Almost immediately she lost control and once again collapsed on
the floor between my bedroom and the kitchen as my fingers worked their
magic.
I know you have to go, but I want you to come for me one more time
before you go.

DAME! DAME! IKU! DAME!

Dont fight it, I said calmly. Its ok, just let it out and enjoy it. Theres
nothing to feel bad about, I whispered to her, sensing that she may
have had some kind of complex about her ultra-frequent and violently
animated orgasms. Again, she began to flail, rail and kick, but with far
greater intensity than before. She became increasingly belligerent and
destructively animated, even hitting her limbs and head against the wall,
as if being tickled to death. Amazed at her goliath strength, I straddled her
while fondling her, taking care not to rest my weight on her as she lay on
her back. Bucking like a bronco, she yelled at the top of her voice,

SHINU! SHINU! (Im dying, Im dying.)DAME! (STOP!) IKU! IKU

IKU, ita, ita. (I came, I came.) Hyperventilating, I thought I was gonna
die. Picking her up off the ground again, I finally lead her to my bedroom
where I stripped, rolled on protection in preparation for the descent.
Though she was like a well deep and wide, penetration was unpleasant for
her, something to do with the angle of her heaven. She hated penetration.
So I withdrew and settled for torturing her orgasmicly with my fingers and
mouth. Before leaving my apartment 45 minutes later, I had released twice
on her pearl skin and she had achieved some 17 orgasms.

I could get addicted to this, I thought. Pleasuring a woman so effortlessly

would work wonders for my already inflated ego. But I caught myself in mid
thought and recalled that the ease with which she arrives, had more to do
with her anatomy and less to do with me. The hope also crossed my mind
that if we did this on a regular basis, in no time with the release of large
amounts of oxytocin she too would become hopelessly attached to me.
However, contrarily the hunter was captured by the prey, developing an
irreversible addiction to her, even to the point where I became one of her
many stalkers.
106
KAORI CONCLUSION

Later that night my girlfriend Kaori came over and after telling me about
how well she was getting on with the guy at her temple, I depth charged
inside her in jealousy, released the life cream after her climax, and went to
bed. The next day, while walking her to the station, in a preemptive move
to being dumped, I suggested to her that maybe, we should just break up
so you can be with him. You guys are both Japanese and you understand
each other, wouldnt have to do all this communicating. Maybe thats the
best way. I didnt say I wanted to be with him.

But with the rejection of her redneck, uneducated parents in mind and my
Japanese language teacher on the scene, I insisted, really, youd be better
off with him. And with those words she waved good-bye boarding the
train - the same train which Kyoung had boarded - with unspoken plans
to finalize our separation at a later date. On Christmas day, Japans most
romantic holiday, we met at the Sannomiya subway station under the
peering eyes of the public, to talk about our end. Under the influence of
my blood thirsty rod, I suggested that we should stay together.

No, you said it was better for us to break up, so thats what were doing.
I didnt want to do that, I was just telling you about him because hes my
friend and we grew up together.
Ok, maybe I was wrong, I interrupted. Why dont we talk about this at
your place? Were loud and people are staring.
I dont want to go home, Im meeting him here soon.
Ouch, that hurt. But with a bit of begging and beseeching she acquiesced
and we bussed it to her matchbox studio apartment in Kitano.

Still under the influence, I begged her to stay, knowing full well that this
was just my ego and the little head talking, the fragile male ego that doesnt
like to be left or rejected.
NO! She insisted. Hes already my boyfriend.
That was fast. Then can we just do it one last time?
I began to kiss her on the cheeks as I grabbed her round cakes and in
no time evacuated her out of her skin-tight denim. Lowering her to the

107
futon I awkwardly and hurriedly unbuckled my pants freeing my jealousy
enraged member. Pulling aside the crotch of her panties, I slipped inside
her with my pants at my knees. DAAAM! Palming her cakes.
Imo have ta give this up?

The thought crossed my mind to squeeze off inside her irresponsibly, but I
regained my senses and withdrew in time. After all, she didnt seem happy
to be doing this, she was just mercy laying me, which showed in her tears
on her dark, somber countenance. Given her disposition, and my paranoia,
I thought she couldve even gone to the police to report a rape and being a
foreigner in this country, I was only too aware of the consequences.

Are you done? Lets go, I have to go meet Yusuke.

Yeh, I gotta meet Karin too.
Youre taking Japanese class on Christmas day?
Of course not, shes my girlfriend, I blurted in childish vindication hoping
for some kind of jealous reaction. But as was typical for a Japanese woman,
though she may have been burning up inside, there were no external signs,
only a long silence on the bus back to Sannomiya. After introducing me
to Yusuke, she handed me the keys to my apartment before entering his
Accord.
Keyotsukete ne, (take care) flashing that trillion yen smile. And with a
slight hint of jealousy, Nihongo no benkyou ganbatte ne. (Good luck
studying Japanese.) Walking into JR Sannomiya to board the train, it was
perfectly clear to me that, propelled by the unstoppable force of fetishism I
had just traded in a well adjusted, perhaps the most well adjusted girl I had
met in Japan, for one who was dramatic, unstable, damaged and obviously
unwell.

108
KARIN CONTINUED

Like Tomoko before her, Karin had been extensively exposed to the world
and men outside Japan. Traveling since her early years at a prestigious all
girl school in Kansai, she even spent three years on a Japanese government
program teaching Japanese at high schools in Illinois. The last thing
she wanted to do was return to oppressive Japan, she said. But it was
impossible to remain in the States with the love of her life an African-
American Architect as it was forbidden under the restrictions of the
program, which stipulated that no participant therein could have his or her
visa status modified to permanent resident without first returning to Japan
for some years. Bitter and heartbroken, after experiencing the freedom of
the United States, she, like countless other Japanese women in her shoes
reluctantly returned home to confront the daunting feat of readjusting to
her strangulating society and trying to find a suitable man as her thirties
encroached. Like Tomoko, she was in her early mid thirties and intolerant
of Japanese men, but was fully aware of the ease with which many Japanese
women hurled themselves at Western men and the tendencies for these
men to eagerly oblige. The all too familiar catch 22 for these women
exposed to the world outside Japan.

I hate Japanese men, but you guys are such whores. Doshio? (What
should I do?) Along with Japanese men, she had a profound disdain for,
in her words, those baka (stupid) Japanese women who open their legs to
every Western man. Mukatsuku! (FUCK!) Oblivious to her was the fact
that going to my apartment and opening up her legs to me had placed her
in the same category.
What are you talking about? You raped me.
I raped you?
Yes, I told you to stop. I went to your apartment for dinner, you are my
student and you invited me to dinner.
Youre perfectly right, I am your student and I did invite you to my
apartment for dinner but I didnt rape you.
You did!
Why didnt you call the police and why did you come back to my

109
apartment and why did you continue to be my Japanese teacher if I were
your rapist?
You were a private student and I couldnt change because it would look
bad.
So, I raped you, but you were more concerned with how things would look
if you stopped being my teacher or reported me? Thats a dumb argument,
thats just stupid. If I raped you, if I violated you Im very sorry, but why
are you here now, in my bed, did you fall in love with your rapist?

Maybe Im lonely, she sheepishly replied after giving some thought to

my queries.
Yeh, you and most Japanese women.
Well, maybe you were lonely then too.
Had I not extensive experience with her kind in the West, those borderline
types, Karin and Japanese society in general would have posed a mystery.
But it was through her that I observed that the enigma and perplexing
behaviour which surrounds the Japanese, bares some resemblance to those
surrounding people with personality disorders in the West. After all, hers
was a typical Japanese existence, from a typical invalidating and oppressive
Japanese family, with the typical pressure cooker upbringing. And then like
a bullet train it hit me: Understanding the Japanese requires a firm grasp of
abnormal and child psychology. Truth be told, a thorough understanding
of abnormal child psychology would be more applicable.

110
PRESURE COOKER SOCIETY

After over two decades of wanderlust I have come to understand that no

society is perfect. Instead, each displays varying levels of imperfection and
dysfunctions. In order to garner a clear understanding of Japanese women
and the Japanese in general, it is necessary to comprehend the environment
in which they are socialized. Not just kimonos, tea ceremonies and Shrines,
but the negative externalities and dysfunctions resulting from their over-
stylized society. The Japanese socialization generates profound sociogenic
psychological disorders in its subjects, all under the auspices of culture. In
fact, Japanese society is in part a collection of psychological pathology.

Think of contemporary Japan as one big Jackson family, and the leaders
thereof as Mr. And Mrs. Jackson, especially Mr. Jackson. Japanese society
is lead by the likes of the Jackson patriarch with striking similarities. Just
as Mr. Jacksons objective was to create famous pop star offsprings by
hook or crook, Japans leaders were hell bent on transforming the country
from a nation of economic cave dwellers after the Second World War, to
the privileged league of industrialized nations, by any means necessary.
Perhaps Mr. Jackson himself wanted to be a pop star but instead was stuck
in a factory unable to realize his dream and decided to live vicariously
through his children. Japan on the other hand, propelled by collective
inferiority complexes, by which it is still plagued, set annual targets to
increase GNP after the Second World War, targets which were met even if
it meant having to die trying. But Japans Jacksonization began well before
the end of the Second World War, hundreds of years ago when harsh and
rigid Confucian ideologies were brought here from China.

Therefore, like the Jackson children, Japan underwent a heavily regimented

and abusive molding process to achieve its end. There is a high probability,
given human nature, that no Jackson child emerged unscathed, but it was
Michael, whether for genetic and or probability reasons, who bore the
most salient symptoms of abuse from his oppressive parents. Similarly,
its possible that all Japanese are emotionally scarred by their collective
oppressive socialization, but not all develop personality disorders, leading

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them to act out. However, Japanese culture is in part defined by this
resultant behaviour.

If twelve percent of the United States population has some kind of

personality disorder, then given Japans choking social structure, the number
of such people here must be double or triple that of the US. In each case
the objective was met: the Jackson family produced several internationally
famous pop stars and Japan, second largest economy in the world, became
an economic pop star, albeit at a high cost to the individual, as the natives
suffered and are still suffering dearly. But we dare not mention the mental
state of Japan, as they are economic rock stars with grand international
economic influence. Besides, that would be most politically incorrect.

Likewise as with Michael, any acknowledgement of his warped mental

state would be blasphemous. However, the harsh reality is, the existence
of such a highly structured society is impossible without at least some
frequency of socially induced pathology, conditions hinted at by Japanese
psychiatrist Rieko Shiba, in a report in the Asahi Shinbun.

We Japanese are brought up in ways that leaves us with very low self-
esteem, stated the psychiatrist, in a gross understatement. But what she
failed to address in her vagueness, I will expand on in detail. According to
a 2002 survey by the Ministry of Health Labor and Welfare, one in fifteen
Japanese suffer debilitating depression, much like I suffered from birth
to my mid thirties. However, those figures were challenged by another
renowned Japanese psychiatrist, Dr. Kazuo Sakai, who states that a 1:5
ratio more accurately portrays chronic depression among the Japanese.
Dr. Shiba thinks that the Japanese are especially susceptible to depression
owing to their diligent nature. But contrarily, the Japanese diligence is
derived less from any self proclaimed innate factors and more from a brow
beaten socialization process, itself conducive to immobilizing depression.

Beginning from the days of feudal Japan, there were designated ways for
performing every action in life. There was a designated way for speaking
depending on your rung on the social ladder, an exact way of entering and
leaving a room, when to change from spring to summer wear and back,
just to cite a few examples. These social mores were heavily and stringently
enforced by the samurais, the Mr. Jacksons of the day, for hundreds of
years. The samurais didnt play. Any minor infractions, and as Richard
Pryor said, you could cancel Christmas. In fact, this is a major contributing
factor to Japans emergence as a hyper-polite society, as back in the day

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the consequence of disrespecting the wrong person was fatal. Hell, the
samurais were even known to just randomly test their swords on people.
Feudal Japan was no joke. If the samurai didnt whack you, you had to off
yourself, and there was even a prescribed form to commit suicide, that too
contingent upon ones social status.

Among the many aspects of her culture about which Karin complained, was
the absurd concept of giri, or the incessant unending obligation to which
the Japanese are bound from birth. They are obligated to their parents,
teachers, siblings, doctors and in particular to anyone who provided a
favour. Obligations extend to returning favours and presents, hence the
Valentines Day, white day phenomenon. On Valentines Day in Japan,
thanks to the brainchild of genius marketers, women give chocolates, not
just to guys in whom they have a romantic interest, but also to their bosses,
co-workers and other men in their periphery, as a token of their kindness
and consideration. These obligatory chocolates, or giri choko, as they are
loathingly referred to, are permanent fixtures in the seasonal consumption
landscape. Again, extending a similar gratitude to these same marketeers,
the opportunity to prey on Japans obligatory mandates was seized upon
when one or more of the big three chocolate makers designated March
14th White Day the day for men to obligatorily reciprocate confectioneries,
and confectionery makers laugh their way to the bank to the tune of 30
billion yen annually.

Karin constantly bemoaned her parents constant indebtedness to the

neighbors for enduring just a few months of commotion when their
Ashiya house was being remodeled. My mom was always thanking them
and taking them gifts even twenty years later.

Western ideology is anti-giri, we loathe the idea of anything obligatory. Yeh,

we think it would be great to reciprocate directly, but if we cant we are quite
content with doing good for someone else. Another of their many sources
of pathology is the concept of tatemae and honne. Tatemae, tate meaning
building or creating and mae meaning in front, is in essence culturally
sanctioned hypocrisy. In the interest of maintaining wa or harmony, the
most important tenet of Japanese society. The Japanese are socialized
to refrain from expressing any ill feelings during their interactions with
each other, even in the presence of abuse, always maintaining a facade of
good naturedness. Imagine having to internalize ones feelings, especially
ill feelings for all ones life, a feat Karin often protested. Honne on the

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other hand, are the true feelings of the individual and are most likely to be
expressed only when inebriated.

Codependent behaviour in the form of amae, is an intricate part of the

Japanese social fabric. Where as in the West we promote independence
and self-sufficiency, a constant state of dependence and the inhibition of
personal growth are virtues in Japan. Identity integration, separating ones
identity and becoming independent from ones parents, are alien concepts
to the Japanese, as they exist in a perpetual state of arrested childhood, quite
frequently even in their forties. Amae, the concept of absolute dependence
and trust in all human interactions permeates all aspects of this society,
contributing to their obliviousness to their surroundings, in some cases
darting out in on coming traffic, amaeing on approaching traffic to yield.
Employees amae on their employers to find them marriage partners. In
theory the idea of amaeing, repressing selfish tendencies and putting the
welfare of others before ones own, should work very well. But while this
process is learned, its opposite, self-preservation is innate, hence amae, like
the tenets of many popular religions to which Japanese society bares a
striking resemblance discounts and suppresses normal human tendencies.
As a result, having to rely completely on others for their happiness, the
Japanese are forever being disappointed, eternally crying woe is me.

According to the media and government surveys, 60% of contemporary

Japanese, experience abnormally high stress on a daily basis, kindergartners
included. Sushi and stress are inalienable elements of Japanese society.
Beginning in elementary school, students are required to absorb a startling
amount of kanji and must lug around heavy school materials, contained
in three or four bags. In the winter boys are compelled to wear micro-
mini shorts in order to toughen them up. Many junior high and high
school students do not have the luxury of heaters in their classrooms and
when they do, they are usually inadequate, nausea and headache inducing
kerosene heaters. The mercury in the classroom descends to arctic levels in
the winter and reaches volcanic temperatures in the summer with not even
a fan in some schools.

In the winter of 2005, the coldest and longest since my arrival in Japan,
classroom temperatures dipped to minus two celsius in the Kobe area,
with my students too cold to even think about learning English. The
Japanese are simply unaware that in order for learning to take place, basic
human needs, like heat in the dead of winter must be met. It is these harsh

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conditions for students and lack of students rights in general which vastly
contribute to the hikikumori phenomenon.

In over 400,000 families nationwide, students including the brother of

one of my marriage candidates and the sister of one my subjects, refuse
to even leave their rooms, sometimes for several years. Aided and abetted
by overindulgent Japanese parenting, coupled with an unsupportive
educational system ignoring students needs especially as it relates to
bullying, many do not even leave their rooms for meals. For adults the
stressors are the demands of working excruciatingly long hours, living
under Lilliputian and densely populated conditions, while paying dearly
for the lowest standard of living of all G8 countries. A person earning
US$50,000 a year in Jamaica enjoys a standard of living much higher than
that of someone on a similar salary in Japan, albeit with a higher probability
of getting murdered.

According to a March 4, 2004 Bloomberg News article, financial

socialism, a mind bogglingly, hyper-inefficient multi-layered distribution
system and mammoth ongoing efforts to protect domestic producers from
foreign competition make this country exceedingly more expensive than
it should be. As an example, the average miles per year driven in Japan
is approximately 7,000, compared to 15,000 per annum in the US, but
the cost to operate a car here is triple that of the US, creating an inverse
relation between cost and utility.

Highway tolls, averaging a dollar a mile, are inescapable even if just

traveling to the next exit. From my home in Kobe to Tokyo by car, a distance
roughly equal to that between Los Angeles and San Francisco requires the
yen equivalent of a hundred and twenty dollars in tolls, one way, which
is equivalent to the cost by train to the same destination from the same
point of origin. The same maintenance free Japanese cars driven in North
America for up to 200,000 miles and beyond, are subject to unnecessary
and costly inspections every two or three years depending on the age of
the car, and at an average of 4,000 kilometers per year, a 3-year-old vehicle
is still relatively new when it must undergo its first inspection at 200,000
yen, or about $1,800.

In Japan, a drivers license, which many do not utilize after obtaining -

often deprecatingly referring to themselves as paper drivers - cost 300,000
yen, half the cost of obtaining a private pilots license in North America.
There is simply only one way to obtain driving privileges in Japan: through

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nose bleedingly high cost driving schools. Drivers ed in the twelfth grade?
Forget it and neither can your big brother or a good neighbor teach you
to drive. Not that driving here is anymore difficult than anywhere else.
Except for the confusing traffic signals which show a solid red but green
arrows pointing up, left and right, driving here is quite uneventful. The
drivers license issuing agencies, along with vehicle inspection are vibrant
industries like the industry providing abortions. A pregnancy termination
is 120,000 yen (about $1,200) and during the bubble era was 250,000
yen.

The overwhelming majority of stress experienced by the Japanese is a

result of the exhausting demands of their social rituals and traditions, and
given the lethal enforcement of these mores in feudal times, over centuries
the Japanese have been socialized with a compulsive attention to detail in
every aspect of their existence. This is a key factor in their dominance in
the international marketplace, in some, especially the automotive sector.

Not even pets can escape the high stress of daily life in Japan. A series of
attacks on children by small dogs has prompted the authorities to caution
pet owners to ensure that their pets are kept stress free. In April 2006, a
Fukuokan 3 month old was mauled to death by three miniature dachshunds,
as the parents slept. The parents awoke to the horror of bits of their babys
bones and flesh strewn around the apartment. Bites to the childs head
had even pierced the brain. In the same city a few months earlier, another
dachshund chewed off a childs testicle. According to experts, these
cuddly creatures become vicious if confined to a small apartment everyday
without proper exercise. If stress can convert these huggable creatures into
murderers, imagine its effects on people.

Failing or coming second is unacceptable in Japan, conditioned from feudal

times when even slight mistakes would be an invitation for ones neck to
form an intimate relationship with samurai Jacksons sword. Under these
conditions its only natural that imbibing is the most common pastime for
the Japanese. From a Western standpoint, Japan is a society of functioning
alcoholics, where alcoholism, like depression, is institutionalized, again,
all under the auspices of culture. Similar to the social scene on college
and university campuses throughout the United States, much of Japans
social activity is centered on consuming large quantities of alcohol. As
an anxiety reducer, alcohol demands no social skills, which are already in
short supply in Japan.

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So embedded is alcoholism in the society, one of my students at a large
electronics firm where I taught, assured me that alcohol tolerance was one
criterion for choosing his wife. If she could hold her alcohol he reasoned,
there would be an increased chance that their children would have a high
tolerance for liquor. In another example of institutionalized alcoholism,
a friend who had reluctantly returned from spending her high school
and university years in the States, upon applying for a job in Kyoto, was
shocked and insulted by a question on the application regarding her alcohol
tolerance level. Unbeknownst to the Japanese, this culturally sanctioned
chugalug may well be, according to research, a pathway to Japans tradition
of depression.

Centuries of fear of decapitation has ensured the absence of critical thinking

and independent action from the Japanese individual. To demonstrate this
frustrating void, I always take my visiting Western friends to Mr. Donuts,
where I would order a honey-glazed and milk with ice to go. At various
Mr. Donuts the response is the same: the honey-glazed can be had to go,
but the milk, DAME DESU. You cant have the milk to go.
Observe carefully, I would tell my friends.
What are those paper cups for? I would enquire to the clerk. Why cant
you just put the ice in the paper cup and pour the milk in the cup? Taihen
moushiwakegozaimasen kedo, sore wa dame desu. (Im so very sorry but
thats strictly forbidden). When I asked why, I was always told that while
the donuts can be ordered for a take out, the milk cant, company policy.
One hundred percent of the time, neither the clerks nor the managers
could explain the reason for that policy, but being the foreigner that I am,
I would insist in some flexibility, which always resulted in a 30 minute
summit, not unlike six party talks to denuclearize North Korea, or to
discuss global warming. Employees and managers would be huddled and
telephone calls would be made to other authorities enquiring about the
feasibility of pouring some milk in a paper cup, all the while with my
encouraging and coaxing them.

Daijoubu, ikeru, dekiru. (Its ok, you can do it) Usually after some thirty or
forty minutes of deliberation, my honey-glazed with milk is presented to
me. If it takes 40 minutes to pour some milk in a small paper cup, imagine
how long it will take for Japan to, for example, fully integrate women in
its society.

Up until 2006, the only way to get an extra packet of ketchup at Kentucky
Fried Chicken was to purchase a separate meal.

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Like all other societies either occupied or colonized by Anglo-Saxons,
collectively the Japanese possess deep seated inferiority complexes and
self-hate. Though some fifty years have elapsed since the stunning defeat
in the Second World War and even after a flabbergasting ascent to the
position of worlds second largest economy next to the United States,
Japan is wrought with insecurities and diffidence. Its ever clear, regardless
of how fast their trains are, or however much Toyota is poised to take over
the world market for automobiles, they havent quite recovered from the
impact of that stunning defeat.

While the white male is looked upon as an ideal candidate for a life
partner, the black male is perceived as a transitional partner, someone with
whom to floss and prance around, but not with whom to create a child or
to take home to the parents. A quick glance through the dating section
in the Metropolis, a popular English language magazine in Tokyo, will
reveal a disproportionate number of Japanese women seeking white men,
versus those seeking black men. Of course, our reputation for abandoning
our offsprings only reinforces their sentiments. Among single Japanese
mothers I have met, who were parents of mixed children, a significant
majority of the childrens fathers were of African extraction. In fact, in my
seven years of being in Japan I have met only one Japanese single mother
of a half-white child, and there are far more white men than black in
Japan.

Further evidence of their complexes is common in the media where

for example, in the majority of ads featuring foreigners, whites are
ubiquitous as the principals. This is especially prevalent in advertisements
for automobiles, where the foreign actors are almost always Europeans.
Indians, whose presence here has spanned some three generations, are
absent from commercial advertisements and the African face is almost
always relegated to poverty alleviation campaigns or events relating to
entertainment, sports in particular.

October 2005 saw the launch of a national print campaign promoting

the census, with posters reminding us that, everyone must be counted.
Featured on these omnipresent prints were a middle-aged yellow male
perhaps in his fifties, a young yellow female appearing to be in her twenties
and a white male in his forties, all clad in traditional Japanese attire. The
statement was unquestionably clear. It was a pathetic and patronizing
attempt at portraying the image of an inclusionary society, which instead
illuminated their ideal of - in Mr. Ishiharas words - the good foreigner

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and the fact that Japanese society, hence Japanese men, still perceive their
counterparts as disposable toys and ephemeral accessories of beauty.

For if they wanted to convey some semblance of everyoneness then at least

one more woman - ideally an elderly woman, given that Japan is the most
aged society in the world and another ethnic minority would have been
featured. Ravaged by inferiority complexes, the Japanese depend on the
validation of whites when marketing their products, especially big ticket
items associated with status and class. Its just not a cool car unless the ads
feature a European at the wheel. On a somewhat amusing note, recently
print ads for erectile dysfunction have been popping up on the trains.
Featuring drawings of Caucasian looking men, with Japanese dialogue
bubbles, it could be interpreted that the Japanese are so embarrassed they
couldnt stand their own image being associated with erectile dysfunction
or, Caucasian are afflicted too, so its okay to talk about it, or both.

At least one Japanese male in his drunken stupor, unaware of my command

of the language, in my presence confided in one of my Australian friends
that, we Japanese think that you white people are above us, we cannot
measure up. But we are definitely above black people. Abandoning tatemae,
that culturally sanctioned hypocrisy so integral to Japanese society, he was
able to speak honestly in his inebriated state. And it is without a doubt,
that given the homogeneity and uniformed character of the Japanese, Im
confident his statements would be echoed by the society in general.

A quick scan of Japanese manga will reveal that all the Japanese characters
therein are drawn with oversized eyes. Sometimes green or blue, but
always disproportionately oversized, further evidence of their complexes, a
projection of how they see themselves and of the features they covet. This
is especially patent in the emerging fad of xenophobic manga, where the
Japanese characters are drawn with big eyes, blond hair and Caucasian
features, while the inferior characters, the Koreans and Chinese are depicted
with black hair, narrow upwardly slanted eyes and Mongoloid phenotype.
It can be said quite accurately that the Japanese perceive themselves as the
white people, the Caucasians of Asia, mired in longstanding inferiority
toward the West but engaging in scapegoatist superiority complexes
toward their fellow Asian brethrens.

High self-monitoring is a staple in the Japanese psyche. They are bound by

the circular insanity of severe self-consciousness and obsession with their
perceptions of other peoples perceptions of them. The all-pervading hi-

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tech toilettes in Japan, the ones equipped with power windows, two-way
electric moon roofs, dish washing capabilities, a cuisanart function and of
course heated seats, are also outfitted with a flushing sound effect in order
to mask the sound of women passing their urine, or God forbid, the sound
of their splashing turds.

Long ago, suffering similar conditions of unremitting inferiority complexes,

diffidence, extreme shyness and pathological self-consciousness, I would
induce a cough to coincide with my feces hitting the water below. However,
frequent mini-vacations at county jails for traffic violations as a teenager in
Colorado and as an adult in California, purged me of such self-obsessions
and paved the way for my exhibitionist and voyeuristic penchant. Those
incarcerations, which made the weekends longer than usual whenever I was
arrested on a Friday, forced me to either die holding my bowel movements,
or lose my inhibitions and just pass my feces in a tiny room with a few
other inmates.

Retrospectively, those experiences were therapeutic, freeing me of the

bondage of high self-monitoring and taught me to accept the human
being and bodily functions for what they are: a necessary part of the
human existence which required no shame. By no means am I advocating
delinquency in paying for traffic violations or ensnarement in baby mama
or daddy drama in order to obtain therapy, but its my understanding
that as we progress in age and grow toward Maslows self-actualization,
we should be able to free ourselves from the shackles of being overly
self-conscious. Not so in Japan, where the perpetually juvenile state is
considered virtuous.

The tradition of womens obsession with perfect attire can be viewed

both from a historical and contemporary perspective. In feudal Japan, the
Shogunate dictated what clothes to wear based on ones social standing, an
arrangement designed to prevent incorrect etiquette to members of different
social classes. Taking it an extra mile, the government later established
dates on which people were obligated to change from winter to summer
wear and visa versa. Observed in context, it is clear how contemporary
Japanese women plagued by deep seated collective inferiority complexes,
were so easily manipulated and molded into fanatic fashionistas. Painfully
lost and consumed by a mad, frantic and futile dash to discover their
identities, product image is an indispensable crutch for the masses of
insecure Japanese women.

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In the words of the late Japanese psychiatrist and author Masao Miyamoto,
validating my conclusion months after my arrival here, comforting as a
childs security blanket, high status brands like Gucci and Vuitton serve
as soporifics to ease and calm a vacuous national psyche. And the more
insecure the Japanese feel in their volatile and unstable world, the more
theyll seek such fetishlike goods to make themselves feel better. This
profound Japanese hunger to attain some superficial forms of status, some
display of self-worth, also suggests collective inferiority, since the purveyor,
not the customer, establishes the fashion, designs the look, and gets to
decide ones worth. He continued by saying, people think that by buying
up designer purses they are somehow asserting their own style, but if you
slavishly buy a brand product, you can deny your personality and take on
someone elses. Eventually its not any reflection of your own personality,
but of the brands.

This brand fanaticism, kin to my mothers God-freak behavior, was

observed in September 2002 at a Vuitton stores grand opening in
Omotesando, Tokyo where a growing mob camped out on sidewalks for
up to three days, waiting for the doors to open. Overseeing the cattle, Yves
Carcelle, Vuittons then chief executive opined, conspicuous consumption
is supposed to signal the extravagance of the very wealthy and subtly
advertise their status. But no French heiress or Italian baroness would
deign to stand in the street for hours just to buy an expensive handbag. It
would be downright undignified. This kind of scene could only happen in
Japan.

Indeed I had observed a similar dynamic of conspicuous consumption,

among the rich but lonely Beverly Hills types, during my ten years in
Los Angeles. Some who like many Japanese dressed their Chihuahuas
to the teeth, even applying nail polish to the canines claws. While this
abnormality was regional and limited to the rich, most would consider it
decadent, pitiful rich people having nothing better to do with their time
and money. However, in Japan this human vacancy is widespread, as even
the lower middle class masses, on marginal incomes, emulate their wealthy
counterparts in the West in consumption of these high-end brands. One
Vuitton handbag could cost the entire monthly salary of the average Office
Lady. And in an even more horribly prevalent trend in Japan, young high
school and junior high school girls sell sexual services to middle-aged
salarymen, in order to afford these over priced accoutrements.

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More than a few Western women, especially those on the heavy side have
expressed to me their envy of these Japanese Barbies, some even lamented
on the inferiority complexes they themselves have developed since arriving
in Japan.
They just always look so fucking perfect, exclaimed an Aussie friend of
mine. Making matters worse, Japanese mens inattention or lack of positive
attention causes many white women to feel invisible or nauseous. By no
means is this inattention attributable to a lack of desire on the part of some
Japanese men to explore intimate relations with a foreign woman. But if
Japanese men are too diffident and insecure to approach their own women,
then they are absolutely terrified of Caucasian or Negroe women. After
all, what would they do with those breasts? And indeed, as reported to me
by many white women here, it is their breasts which are major sources of
perverted attention.

On the other hand - though this does not create chances for heterosexual
white women to engage in intimate relations many Japanese women look
upon Blonde blue-eyed women in envy and as someone to whose likeness
they aspire. Though ironically, blondes and other white women who were
the center of attention in their home countries, arrive here only to discover
that Japanese men are simply too socially inept and or intimidated to
approach them, except to grope their breasts and masturbate in front of
them in public, a disturbingly common encounter.

One such victim was my friend and downstairs neighbor, a buxom Canadian
blonde. On her way home to our upper middle class neighborhood one
evening, sitting directly across from her was a suited salaryman, appearing
to be in his fifties, holding a briefcase in front of his crotch, discreetly
getting off while looking at her. Well prepared with tissue in hand, he
wiped himself after climax and replaced his penis in his pants. Infrequently
but often enough, these socially retarded males even resort to murdering
the unattainable apples of their eyes.

As Japanese men are too intimidated to approach them and Western men
are here for yellow, many Western women, black and white, return home
after nun-like celibacy, missing the crass cat calls of men on construction
sites in the West. But what these Western women fail to realize - not
that it would make them feel any better - is that, these otherwise spotless
fashionista victims exist beneath a faade of name brands, masking deep
seated, crippling and disabling insecurities, inhibiting them from even
venturing to the toilette without perfect make up. Invariably, like many

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aspects of Japanese society, the beautifully manicured exterior conceals
puss and infestation, just beneath the surface.

In this misogynistic society, where women and little girls are perpetually
sexualized, females only values are their physical beauty, sex appeal and
childbearing capabilities. Though in exaggerated form, the award winning
film Babel demonstrated this clearly. It is to their peril that women in
Japan exert intelligence. Collectively, women are not seen as persons
capable of independence and any decision making process, but instead for
mens sexual use or abuse in many cases.

In 2005 the Japanese government approved some 48,000 entertainment

visas for Filipinas to work in the water trade a euphemism for prostitution
- but failed to grant visas to the few hundred who sought to enter as nurses,
which are in short supply in Japan. Sexualization of girls and women is
endemic in the West, especially in the United States. However, in Japan,
female sexualization is socially and nationally sanctioned with women
having internalized this objectification for nearly a thousand years, again
all under the auspices of culture.

Sexualization occurs when ones value is derived from ones sexual appeal
or behavior, much to the exclusion of other characteristics. Other criteria
include, sexual objectification, inappropriate imposition of sexuality,
especially on children and finally, holding a person to a narrowly defined
standard equating physical attractiveness with being sexy. The existence
of only one of the four criteria is necessary for sexualization. However, here
in Japan all four coexist in wa, embedded deep in the national psyche.

Cognitive and emotional consequences of hyper-sexualization run

rampant among Japanese women, who as it is, hail from a high self-
monitoring society. This marriage between high self-monitoring and
hyper-sexualization ensure en masse, undermined confidence, discomfort
with their bodies resulting in shame, self-disgust, eating disorders, low
self-esteem, depression or depressed mood and profound appearance
anxiety. Women in contemporary Japan, having long since learned to
think of and treat their bodies as objects for mens desire, unwittingly
sexualize themselves as they parade in sexually available attire perennially.

In studies, self-objectification has repeatedly demonstrated erosive effects

on cognitive functions and the ability to concentrate and focus ones
attention, thus leading to impaired performance on mental activities such

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as mathematical computations or logical reasoning. This fragmenting was
vividly demonstrated by a study (Fredrickson et al) in 1998. While alone
in a dressing room, college students were asked to try on and evaluate
either a swimsuit or a sweater. While they waited for 10 minutes wearing
the garment, they completed a math test. The results revealed that young
women in swimsuits performed significantly worse on the math problems
than did those wearing sweaters. No differences were found for young men.
Thinking about the body and comparing it to sexualized cultural ideals,
the study reports, disrupted mental capacity. This may well explain why
seven years in Japan, among the deluge of eye candy, I could encounter
only a precious few specimens of brain candy.

Like many of Japans other social ills, sexualization of women is institutional,

as self-sexualized mothers engage in transfer objectification, by dressing their
little girls in sexually provocative attire, from early childhood. Schools
contribute by turning a blind eye to students who, by rolling up the waists,
elevate the hemlines of their otherwise below knee length skirts. In my
five years of teaching elementary through high school in Japan, never have
I witnessed any substantial reprimanding of students who engaged in this
practice on campus. Occasionally, in a whiny high pitched 8-year-old
voice, a teacher would tell a student, your skirt is too short yo, which
almost always fell on deaf ears. Japanese culture dictates that women
should never be seen outside without the full armor of make-up, as that
would be most disrespectful to the public. Most Japanese mothers are
incognizant of transfer or self-objectifications detriment to women,
men, girls and society in general. They are unaware for example, of their
contribution to the increase in demand for child pornography. Mothers
support of their daughters T-back junior idol careers shines a flood light
on the parents naivet.

Japans institutionalized objectification of women is among the contributing

factors to the national enjo kosai phenomenon. Euphemistically translated
as compensated dating, enjo kosai is the practice of female students selling
sex to middle-aged men, in order to obtain the name brand objects required
for sustained self-sexualization. Though most of the victims are junior
high and high schoolgirls, it is by no means unheard of for elementary
school girls to prostitute themselves. Recently, one of my company class
students, told me of a group of 11-year-olds from his daughters elementary
school, who sold sexual services in order to acquire Nintendo DS gear.

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From the Japaneses perspective, this schoolgirl prostitution is nothing
over which to raise a furor, and many Japanese sociologists purport that its
simply a right of passage from adolescence to adulthood. By interacting
with older men, it is reasoned that enjo kosai supposedly teaches girls
proper behavior with the opposite sex and protocol for engaging in mature
relationships, lessons which should have been taught by generally absent
fathers. Since the interaction between Japanese girls and boys are limited
to school or club activities, it is believed that enjo kosai provides a medium
through which girls can view themselves in a romantic situation, in essence
reinforcing the fruits of self-objectification. More often than not, the
media and society place blame squarely on these errant teenagers and
preteens, while absolving the adult paedophiles - sometimes thrice their
age - of any moral responsibilities. But such is male chauvinist Japan,
where the mostly absent fathers fail to see the importance of engaging and
empowering their daughters.

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BABY MAKING MACHINES

Womens only other values outside the realm of pleasure and social
adornment, are their childbearing attributes. This was reconfirmed as
recently as January 27th 2007, by Health Minister Hakuo Yanagisawa.
Addressing prefectural assembly members of the Liberal Democratic Party,
Yanagisawa expressed how he and other members of the gerontocracy
truly felt about women. The number of women aged between 15 and 50
is fixed. Because the number of birth-giving machines and devices is fixed,
all we can ask for is for them to do their best per head. A month later on
Feb 24, Kochi City assembly member Toshiyuki Shimazaki of the ruling
Liberal Democratic Party, referred to women as rusted machines, after
Social Democratic Party leader Mizuho Fukushima and other women
politicians had criticized Yanagisawa, demanding his resignation after his
uncouth and insensitive remarks.

The SDPs (Social Democratic Party) Ms. Fukushima and those old
women whose machines are rusted are making a fuss, septuagenarian
Shimazaki was reported as saying at a party of three hundred. Showcasing
the errant ineptitude and insensitivity of the misogyny, Shimazaki was
happy to state that, at a previous gathering, he had passed a similar remark,
which drew protests from women in the audience but, applause from
men.

Though currently and rightfully on reproductive go-slow, or womb strike,

most women continue to internalize the aesthetic expectation from
centuries past. Consequently, in this nation of acutely insecure women, it
is impossible for them to even venture to collect the mail without make
up and their armor of Gucci, Prada, Salvatore Ferragamo, or other name
brands about which I knew nothing before arriving in Japan. Collectively
timorous and self-effacing, Japanese women rely on these brands as a
source of identity. In fact wearing make up and being well dressed is an
obligatory display of courtesy to strangers, a cultural tenet which all but
ensures abiding self-hate and the inability for them to accept themselves
for who they are. Among those who go to the gym, especially in the

126
countryside, many women do so in full regalia, and some, again especially
in the country side, even wear nylons to do aerobics, for reasons still a
mystery to me.

Hence, Japanese society sees it as a womans duty to look as beautiful as

possible at all times, while continually concealing any speckle of intelligence.
Women are objects to be exhibited, which explains why on any given day
in Sannomiya one will often see an impeccably clad woman on the arms of
a shabby hoodlum attired man. The spotlessly dressed fashion models can
be observed on a daily basis on the trains, peering at themselves in hand
held mirrors in their ritual primping and preening, applying full make-up,
even using eyelash curlers, engaged in what seems to be an endless futile
battle to secure that unruly lock in place. Like prepubescent or teenage
girls in the West, they suffer chronic appearance anxiety, constantly relying
on the mirror for reassurance, checking every few minutes in utter disbelief
at the discrepancy between their real and ideal perception of self.

Further reinforcing this behaviour is the fact that praises and compliments
are not customary in the cultural terrain. In fact, Japan customarily relies
more on negative than on positive reinforcement, so that it is the norm
to be derided by family members, in hopes that one will become thicker
skinned, stronger and a better person. But in achieving just the opposite
effect, many of the chided and derided grow up with a strong hate for self
and the inability to accept themselves for whom and how they are. One
of my girlfriends, Azusa, among the most beautiful women I have met
ever, who grew up in an extended family, was always told since childhood
that she looked too Asian, especially her eyes. So at nineteen she went
under the knife to remove her epicanthic fold, in the hopes of making her
eyes more Western looking. Fortunately the operation was somewhat of a
failure and after spending some $2,000, to my delight her epicanthic fold
was still present.

I am all too familiar with such insecurities. As a child, I too checked the
mirror obsessively in hopes for a metamorphosis of my then perceived ugly
black face. Akin to repeatedly opening the door of ones bare refrigerator,
hoping that some food would mysteriously appear between viewing
intervals, I too was compelled to constantly comb my hair, hoping that
the kinks would straighten. Like many empty women in the West, the
Japanese females tenebrously low self-esteem propels rabid consumerism in
desperate attempts to fill the void created by their oppressive socialization.
Japanese men too can be observed in this public preening ritual, tirelessly

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fixing their hair and on occasion the string in their eyelids to give their eyes
that Western look.

As a voyeur the unhealthily high level of self-consciousness and insecurities

possessed by Japanese women were exceptionally frustrating. Frequently
they wanted to have sex in the dark, while I wanted the flood lights on. But
a few showers together did the trick of deleting their inhibitions and self-
obsessions. In fact no Japanese woman without prior contact with foreign
men, with whom I have had dinner had ever been bathed by a man except
her father in her childhood. Programmed to be givers of pleasure, they
had never experienced the ecstasy of a lover giving them a bath, which I
always did, in complete role reversal. Possessing a full understanding of
the power of the sheer heavenly nature of receiving a bath, it was my ritual
to impart this watery pleasure to all my Japanese dinner guests. For if there
is one thing at which I excel, that is giving a woman the most sensuous
and sapid ablution of her life. My memories of my mother washing me in
that yellow plastic tub are as vivid as if they were this morning. Her fifteen
minute washes were brief escapes from my wretched environment and I
would cry, plead and beg her to continue when she was done. In giving
those affection deprived Japanese women the unspeakable pleasure of a
proper cleansing, I always applied my mothers technique.

If they didnt return for the sex in cases where it was too painful - they
would most certainly return for the shower, about which many said theyd
often read in Japanese romance novels, but never actually experienced.

Soon thereafter, they all lost their pre-occupation with their bodies and
began to allow me to shoot cell phone photos and videos. In no time
these insecure overly self-obsessed women became porn stars in my
apartment. Having shedded the burden of unhealthy self-consciousness,
they gained self-confidence and lost their make up dependence, which
had been plaguing them for years. Many expressed to me that my having
complimented and approved of them even without make up, gave them the
confidence to accept themselves. By no means am I some kind of Amish or
member of some other fundamentalist group who, like my mother, thinks
that wearing make up ensures a one-way ticket on the bullet train straight
to hell. On the contrary, I quite like make up. What I hate is make up
dependence, an affliction of most Japanese women and of many insecure
women in the West.

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Unlike in the West - especially in the United States - the pursuit of
individual happiness is not a right and is a relatively recent foreign concept
in the Japanese psyche. During feudal times the masses held no rights,
only obligations, an arrangement still present in contemporary Japan,
though hidden under the pretense of a democracy. However, in February
2007, the education minister Mr. Bummei Ibuki gave us a glimpse of
Japans elites sentiments regarding basic human rights, when he stated
that too much respect for human rights would give Japan human rights
metabolic syndrome. In a comment igniting fierce attacks from Amnesty
International, Ibuki in a statement comparing human rights to butter said,
No matter how nutritious it is, if one ate only butter every single day,
one would get metabolic syndrome. Human rights are important, but if
we respect them too much, Japanese society will end up having Human
Rights Metabolic Syndrome.

In this hierarchal Confucian society, human rights abuse is the norm.

Workers have the right to paid overtime, but a hundred hours per week
of unpaid overtime is common in Japan. Running counter to natural
human thinking, the Japanese appear in general to minimize pleasure
and maximize pain. All of life is an unending, character building shugyou
(endurance course) to develop ones strength, one of the reasons promoting
the absence of central heating in Japanese homes. Only after arriving in
Japan did I become cognizant of how much I had taken for granted the
constitutional right in the United States, to the pursuit of happiness, a
pursuit which in Japan is likely to invite the term wagamama (selfish). It
is this socialization to view life as mostly painful, which causes them to
cling so desperately to their hobbies, that one thing in which they bury
themselves obsessively. The hobby is of utmost importance to the Japanese
and when I tell them that my hobby is life itself, their faces are usually
consumed by a discombobulated countenance.

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KARIN: THE HEAD GAME CONTINUES

Karin was constantly aloof with no display of affection, private or public

and though I didnt know her father, she reminded me of him, who she said
was the typical Japanese male. In public she was especially cold, according
to her, out of fear of our being discovered by our co-workers. Months
after we had been intimate, I still had not been to her place, the result of
some traumatic experiences a few months before we met which added
to her girl school derived paranoia of men. Three months before we had
met, a Japanese ex-boyfriend of hers had severed a dogs head and placed
it in front of her apartment door. Initially, passing judgment on the guy, I
thought he was crazy, and indeed, he had to have been. But placed in proper
perspective, I understood why he resorted to such a heinous act. Perhaps
his Japanese socialization had deprived him of necessary communication
skills and in his anger, resorted to this unspeakable act of cruelty. On the
other hand, I pondered deeply, what she could have done to evoke even a
fraction of rage, which would cause someone to behave in such horror. I
would soon find out.

For three days from New Years Eve 2002, Karin and I spent 72 hours
cemented in bed in orgasmic bliss, connected like Siamese twins at the
lips and at the genitalia, and other times genitalia to lips. We separated
only for toilet breaks and when we were not conjoined, we peered deep in
each others eyes incessantly. Eating only whenever we remembered to, we
simply engaged in an orgasm - a - thon. Surprisingly, even though like all
Japanese she was anal about time and appointments, during her sojourn
on my futon, she ignored telephone calls from friends wanting to know
where she was and why she hadnt shown up for their engagements. This
I interpreted as sure attachment on her part and it seemed like my plans
for roping her in were coming to fruition. But all this backfired as her
arctic personality only intensified, converting me to a stalker, whipped and
obsessed. After those three days of paradise she disappeared, ignoring my
countless e-mails and phone calls.

By then my schedule had changed and was unable to accommodate Japanese

lessons, but as we worked for the same company, I ventured upstairs to the

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teachers offices to find out what was up and why she was dissin me like
that. The other teachers knew me as an employee of the company and her
former student, and as such, were unsuspecting of our relationship.
Oh hiiiiiiii, greeting me with pretend sincerity as she stepped outside
the office and in a harsh angry whisper she blurted, What are you doing
here?
I work here. Remember? What, is, up? Why are you ignoring me? Its
been three weeks since you left my apartment.
Im busy.
Oh and you cant e-mail me at least to tell me youre busy?
I wanna see you, I commanded.
Cant, Im teaching in ten minutes.
Sensing the fragility and the potential catastrophic scene outside her office,
she agreed to go to my apartment that night. Matta ne (see you later) and
thanks for visiting, waving mendaciously, flashing that perfidious smile.

Karin and I embarked upon a volatile, tumultuous relationship, with her

ripping my heart from my chest, hurling it in an Osterizer, whipping it up
and feeding it to me. Possessed and helpless like a rag doll in the jaws of
the fiercest Pitbull, after a discombobulating two days of dissociation, I
began plans to abandon Japan, for a retreat back to California. No plethora
of sex could help me recover from that state and it then became crystal
clear, how someone would be motivated to sever a dogs head and place
it in her doorway. For six months we separated almost every Saturday,
succeeded by my trudging up to her office on successive Tuesdays to beg
for reconciliation. Frequently she flipped and went into volcanic rages,
quarrelling about things of little or no significance.

Our first such experience came after one of our frequent episodes of pure
animal sex. We had started a conversation where I stated that if I were to
be caught driving without a license by the Japanese police, I would fake
an inability to understand Japanese. YOU WOULD DO THAT? She
yelled. I cant believe I am with someone who would do that. And in
no time it escalated to her shouting, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
APARTMENT, threatening to call the police and immigration, which of
course led to one of the many separations. Sometime later she lamented
about paying too much taxes and needing to find ways to deceive the
taxman.
Wait a minute, I interrupted. You kicked me out of your apartment
because I would deceive a cop about not understanding Japanese, but you
think its ok to cheat on your taxes?

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Yes, she answered. You were going to lie to a person. I am not lying
to anyone? Sensing the futility of arguing and knowing full well that it
would have lead only to another rupture, a crash from our intermittently
euphoric relationship, I acquiesced. For it was then that I was introduced
firsthand to the red herrings of Japanese reasoning, a form of inference
generally awash in illogical constructs and extremely loose associations.

Outdoor smoking ban has been spreading slowly, very slowly throughout
Japan, enforced by a 2,000 yen fine and posted signs informing us of the
reasons for the ban; cigarettes are held at the level of a childs eyes, the
butts generate litter and last but not least, we should be mindful of those
with respiratory infections. However, given the overmuch of information
on the dangers of second hand smoke including research in June 2002 by
an Osaka medical institution that second hand smoke can affect the heart
in just thirty minutes authorities are lethargic about limiting second
hand smoke indoors.

In a perfect example of red herring reasoning similar to that of Karins,

popular author Masako Bando in August 2006, addressing Japans problem
of over-populous stray cats, advocated murdering kittens over spaying
and neutering cats. Bando wrote that as soon as her cats gave birth, she
murdered them by tossing them off a cliff near her house. Sterilizing cats for
human convenience is no better than killing newborn kittens, she reasoned.
Opting to allow her cats to live to the full, in her words, despite the huge
pain and grief in doing so, I kill their kittens as my social responsibility. In
other words, it was wrong to take away the cats reproductive rights, but its
right to take the life of the cats offsprings. This famous author must have
been a close relative of Karins, putting a morbid twist on Jean Piagets
object permanence. Perhaps it could be called pain permanence: if the cats
are in her presence and are adults, the pain of spaying and neutering them
is unbearable for her. But if they are kittens, its alright to toss them over
a cliff, because after all, they are no longer in her sight so they cant be in
pain. And besides, its ok to kill kittens, they are not adult cats. It is my
strong belief that Masako Bando should have been arrested for cruelty to
animals.

In other ass backward logic, it used to be that milk was not sold with happy
meals to go at McDonalds, but coffee was. Thanks to Karin, the mystery
surrounding that and why Mr. Donuts doesnt serve milk to go was cleared
up. According to her big time lawyer dad, this was out of concern that
people, retards and incompetents that we all are, may consume the milk
after the expiration date.
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After her explanation why one form of deception was acceptable and the
other not, I looked at her as though she had lost her mind. But it was a
rhetorical look, if there is such a thing, because in fact, she had lost her
mind long before we had met.

Around 7 years old, under the pressure of archetypically overbearing

Japanese parents, and perhaps genetically predisposed, she began to
experience illusions. On the train while traveling with her family, she
reported seeing hands emerging from rivers.
I always tried to show my mom the hands as the train passed the rivers,
but she couldnt see them.
I wonder why she couldnt? I thought sarcastically. People around her
- parents included - labeled her talent, sixth sense. I on the other hand,
having spent most of my life in a non-folk society, thought sick sense was
more appropriate. Karins parents, mother especially, hammered and
berated her for anything less than stellar performance in everything. The
constant recounting of her mothers torture was enough to cause me to
develop a strong disdain for the woman, having never even met her.

Obsessed with familial honor and saving face, her mother was always
showing her off to the neighbours and comparing her with her peers.
You are so worthless, her mother would say, sometimes in tears.
You have shamed me, youve let our neighbors child take home a better
score than yours. After all we do for you!

As I concluded, given the high self-monitoring tendencies of the Japanese,

Karin was extremely self-conscious about her hyper-orgasmic condition,
especially with Japanese men.
I just couldnt allow myself to come so much with Japanese men, cause
they would think Im some kind of slut. So when I was with Japanese guys I
always had to pretend I wasnt enjoying it too much. But with foreigners, I
dont have to hide. In fact she frequently complained about not being able
to be herself to her parents or to anyone, bounded by the custom of tatemae
and was always expected to be this goody two shoes. But in reality she was
a licensed buck wild freak. And it only made sense. Japan is equivalent to
one enormous Catholic School and to exacerbate things, she had attended
an all-girl Catholic School.

h
133
NATSUKO

While strolling through my local supermarket one afternoon, I came across

Natsuko in the meat section.
Is this beef or pork? I asked, not caring whether or not she understood.
Oh thats pork, as though she had been anticipating this moment her
whole life. Then she quickly seized the opportunity to display her English
skills by taking me on this drawn out journey about her blood type, family,
(My husband is a heart surgeon,) her English school and her ski trip to
Breckenridge, Colorado in a week. Like a CD box set from the Carpenters,
she went on and on, blah blah blah blah blah! And as if that did not suffice,
she broke out her cell phone to display photos.
This is my cat, my dog, my two daughters and oh, this is the car my
husband bought me for my birthday last month.
Well enjoy your trip to Colorado and heres my number. Call me when
you get back.

Two weeks passed and Natsuko called the day after her return, to arrange
a date within a couple of days. Clad in the most hideous, bright pink dress,
a pink feather scarf, a multi-coloured coat only Joseph would wear, some
baby blue K-mart shoes and gaudy jewelry from a Cracker Jack box, she
appeared at my door, gleaming from ear to ear, bearing gifts from Colorado.
It was as though she had consumed every fashion advice from Tammy Fae
Baker and Cza Cza Gabore. Had I been the fashion police she wouldve
been arrested and given the electric chair.

Lets go find something to eat. And I shuddered to think I could be seen

in public, walking with this mascot.
It would have to be local, I thought.
Definitely not in Osaka or Sannomiya, heaven forbid, one of my homies would
see me traipsing with this spectacle, I scolded myself.
In our Palo Alto, California-like suburb just three minutes drive from
my apartment, there was a bar, Steelers, owned by an American. It was
there that I suggested we take cover, but to my disheartenment she insisted
on walking - a cringe inducing proposal. Along the way she insisted on
holding hands and snuggling up against me while I tried to conceal my

134
disdain for her actions. But recognizing her meal ticket to getting her pent
up needs met, she took charge and continued by breaking it down to me in
Japanese English and a whiny elementary school voice, as if laying out the
terms for a hostile take over.

I want you to be my boyfliend. I want us to go movies, dinner and to

symphony. I like music, I like go to concerts. And oh, I really like to
dancing. I want you to take me to dancing. You dont have car, so you can
drive me in my car. Im not safety driver anyway and if you drive, Ill really
feel like Im in date.
What about your husband?
He hates all those things, he just likes work.

Shiiiiii, if a nigga go get paid, I entertained myself in caricature African-

American pimp vernacular.
I damn sho wouldn go, perambulatin with Tami Fae fo free. The performance
on my futon would also be a determining factor. If Tammi Fae wuddn go kick
down no chedda, she bedda be packin some good heaven between her legs. After
all, she aint dat bad. She jus needs a little consultation, you know, a work in
progress, a neglected diamond in the rough, but doable. She just needs a little
TLC, I was no Versace, but the second thing after her performance
assessment would be to get her to buy herself some new clothes and get
the hell out of those granny glasses.

At 39 years old, Natsuko epitomized the desperate subsistence of a great

many, if not the overwhelming majority of married, especially middle-
aged women in Japan. Theirs is a perdurable existence completely devoid
of love, affection, orgasm, sex or most other elements listed in Maslows
hierarchy of needs. Many self-opiated with magic mushrooms, legal in
Japan up until 2003, but most endure in quiet desperation, developing or
exacerbating personality disorders and or psychoses, while others substitute
hobbies for fulfillment of vital needs and or, begrudgingly live vicariously
through Korean dramas of love on television.

A low percentage, among which Natsuko was included, develop the

courage to get pleasured by foreign men. Like most her peers trudging
through a loveless arranged marriage of 25 years, she idolized Bae Yong-
Joon, the male lead in Winter Sonata, the most popular television
romance series from Korea. For her and those other pitiful women like
her, he was exemplary of the soft, gentle, sensitive, caring, kind, attentive
and affectionate man they wish they had for a life partner. But instead,

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are cursed with the chauvinistic, mechanical, frigid, cold, workaholic,
android economic animal of a specimen, which is the Japanese male. Also,
the relationships portrayed in his television series exemplified nurturing,
supportive and compromising unions, which for them were unattainable
fantasies, far beyond the dark realities of their oppressive and sexless
dyads.

During his public appearances in Japan, Mr. Sama, as I like to call him,
would be ambushed by an onslaught of pathetic, emotionally challenged,
obstreperous women, ranging from their mid-thirties to well into their
sixties. They braced the elements, weeping and wailing, just to get a glimpse
of their idol, some even sustaining injuries when his car, attempting to flee
the chaos, crushed their feet. Nachan was one of those kawai sou (pitiful)
women existing vicariously through her 17 and 18-year-old daughters,
often boasting about adopting their musical tastes and wearing their
clothes. With Britney Spears, Back Street Boys and Ninety-Six Degrees
in permanent rotation in her Benz and her singing along to every song,
time spent out with her was a teeth-extractingly painful undertaking.

Huddled over lumber flavored French fries and concerned by the possibility
of being spotted by an acquaintance on the way back to my apartment, I
ate hastily as we engaged in perfunctory conversation. Returning to my
apartment, I wasted no more time to rid her of her Tammy Fae fascia. Once
at the genkan - the doorway inside my apartment - I began by unwrapping
the unsightly pink bird from around her neck, then undid the hook at
the back of her dress. With the shyness of an elementary schoolgirl, she
squealed and franticly attempted to cover her perky-round-bra enclosed
mammaries, as her dress fell to her ankles.
No, no, hazukashii, Im shy.
But as I cupped her globose C cups, she melted like butter touched by a
hot knife.

It had been five years for her and though she had just returned from a
family vacation in Breckenridge, Colorado where she made several
advances at her husband, he didnt even as much as look her way. But it
was by no means because she was undesirable. Daily swimming made her
toned, nothing hung out of place. With all my might I tried to devour her
36Cs, through her lacy bra. Savagely I removed the shoulder straps to get
a proper mouthful, and as I tried my utmost to swallow her melons, I was
transformed into a snake on the discovery channel trying to swallow a tiger

136
whole. She had perfect gravity defiant mountains and was shocked by my
instant affinity toward them.

You like them?! My husband hates them.

Put them away! She said he chided deploringly.
And cover yourself, referring to her phallus petrifying cleavage. He was
especially embarrassed around his friends and found her frequent request
for sex taxing and taihen, (distressing) so he sanctioned her extra-marital
affairs.

To say she was sexually frustrated would have been an understatement.

My husband doesnt even give me ude makura (arm pillow).
Sometimes I just ask him to let me rest my head on his arm, and he cant
even allow me to do that.
The first thing that came to my mind was that he was gay, but concealing
it in heterosexual marriage. Some kind of Brokeback Syndrome.
No, thats just Japanese men. All my friends husbands are like that.
But hes a very good provider, a mantra recited by all middle-aged married
women and many other married women I had bedded in Japan.

What red blooded male, with a functioning penis would reject his come
hither wife for so long? I asked myself, prying off her girdle. The girdle,
the same kind my grandmother wears, is a common accessory among some
Japanese women obsessed with being, or appearing to be thin. Even 21-
year-old women here sport them.

But in answering my own question, I recalled, this is Japan, where according

to a 2005 Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare survey, fully one third
of married couples under age 50 are sexless.

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SEXLESS IN JAPAN

The Ministry defines sexless as having sex less that once a month. The
result also revealed that a fifth of all couples surveyed had no sex in the
past year and a third of the respondents found sex tiresome, some even
citing timidity as a major contributor to asexual behaviour. Natsuko and
many of my other subjects in Japan were among those statistics.

On the other side of the Atlantic, psychiatrist believe that a sixth of all
American couples are sexless, but it is without question that timidity is
not one of the contributing factors. American sexlessness can be attributed
more to stress, overwork especially with both parents working an
overflowing family schedule and sleep deprivation. In Japan on the other
hand, there are two prominent causes of sexlessness among married couples;
the ubiquitous mother complex, known here as the mazaakon and, what I
have coined the baby mama complex. Perhaps in Japanese that term would
be something like, bebimazaakon or bebimamakon.

The mazaakon is a commonly reported psychological phenomenon where

the man sees his wife more as a mother figure and loses all sexual interest
in her. These men hail from overbearing and overindulgent mothers - the
norm in Japan - some reportedly manually stimulating them to ejaculation
and others even engaging in full blown sex during their upbringing. It
is reported that Japan has the highest rate of mother son incest in the
industrialized world. These officious mothers multiplied after the Second
World War, as Japanese women the de facto head of household were
relentless in their actions to leave their mark on Japans economic growth,
by directing their families.

It is necessary to point out that this power that the Japanese woman
wields in the home is not the result of some mutual agreement between
her and her husband, but like many social movements here, is reactionary.
In this case a default arrangement to men working fifteen hours or more
a day. In the grand scheme of things, Japanese womens domestic power is
academic and does not transfer to the society in general. Also pervasive is
successive sexlessness or, baby mama complex. This occurs when a couple

138
who once enjoyed a healthy sex life, desists from sexual activities after the
birth of their children. Again the main culprit is usually the man, who
after childbirth no longer sees his wife as a woman, but like his mazaakon
peer, sees her only as a mother. In their eyes, mother and lover status
are mutually exclusive. In some cases it is the women who neglect their
husbands, directing all their attention and energy to the children and it
must be stated that the tendency of Japanese parents to share their futons
with their children, sometimes to elementary school age, doesnt exactly
promote a rabbit-like sex life.

There are four main types of sexlessness in Japan; Sometimes partners are
mutually content with their asexual behaviour and require a great deal of
space from each other. Hence sleeping in different beds, oftentimes even
in different rooms, in essence existing as flat mates. In a recent 2006 survey
of childless couples, only a third of the couples slept together, while the
remainder slept separately. Then there is the scenario of couples agreeing
to keep sex away from the home, supposedly in the best interest of the kids,
and as a result find some outside location, like a love hotel, to get busy.
Also often in this arrangement, are affairs and brothel patronage.

To the euphoria of the Western male, these extra-marital activities are usually
consented to, provided they are done discretely. Such is the arrangement
of a significant number of my white Western acquaintances married to
Japanese women. In the third type, one party simply cannot perform
physically and given the high rate of alcohol and tobacco consumption
among Japanese men two things renowned to cause erectile dysfunction
the blame lies again more frequently on the men. In the fourth case, one
partner wanting a physical relationship is simply refused by the other. Like
many of Japans social ills, sexlessness is wedded to a hyper-conservative
social structure lethargic in its change and being fully cognizant of these
social dynamics, I and many other Westerners, my Australian friend Roger
McQueen included, see it as our natural duty and obligation to rescue
excitement deprived Japanese women, one orgasm at a time.

I sank my hands inside Natsukos panties and waded through the predictably
unmanicured Japanese forestry.
There should be a law against such over growth, I thought, sinking my finger
into her soaked virgin-like well, leading her to my futon, with my finger in
her from behind, as she tried bashfully to cover her chest. Though not the
max, I was aroused enough to rock her into a different time zone. Natsuko
was Ainu looking, not the Manchurian type of my preference. She had

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Caucasian features, a slightly convex nose, which I despise and atypically
big eyes for a Japanese woman. Hers was a slender cello-shaped body, with
no evidence of having given birth once, let alone twice. But her hands,
course from household detergents, showed signs of housework.

Except for the hands and the gingivitis, she was a sexy middle-aged woman
of above average beauty, who would have been well sought after in the
West. I just had to avoid kissing her. The few times I mustered the courage
to try, it was like kissing an inflatable doll. Rigid and stiff, she had no idea
what to do with her mouth. On my futon, I dined on her breast while
slowly occupying her and as expected, she commented on my size, as I was
her debut on the dark side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, been hearing that since four years old, just shut up and take
it, I said to her imaginarily. After a few painful moments she loosened
up and flung her long legs in the air, receiving all of me. I fed it to her,
gyrating until I was at her belly button. In her thirty nine years she had
never had an orgasm and I didnt care enough to try to give her one, she
was happy enough just simply being occupied.

The thought crossed my mind to release irresponsibly inside her

because, like all Japanese women I had been with thus far, defeated and
unempowered, she never requested my wearing a condom. In the West a
woman, at least a sensible one will tell you, no glove, no love. However,
Japanese women, having long since lost control of even their own fertility,
submit to patriarchal abuse without resistance. In essence, in Japan, the
male subtext of those dynamics is, I dont wanna use a condom, just get
an abortion. The womens only response is, dont come inside me ok? I
am absolutely guilty of taking full advantage of these dynamics, to feed my
addiction. But in Natsukos case I reconsidered and gave some thought to
the tailspin, the drama in which her upper middle class suburban existence
would descend, if I impregnated her.

Naka ni dasanaide ne! (dont come inside me) And with that I yanked out
at the final second and splattered all over the futon. Natsuko showed up for
regular servicing for a year, many times discreetly leaving her house while
preparing the family meal, after telling her husband shes just running
down to the supermarket. Things got a bit out of hand when she began
to live on my door bell sometimes at three in the morning when my futon
was otherwise occupied. On occasions, if I had no work the next morning
and or, my futon was unoccupied, I would let her in for a quickie, for which
she was always grateful. But her beggarly demands did my head in. She

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didnt know what time it was, always demanding girlfriend status and that
I held her hands, drive her around in the E class her husband gave her
and, take her out dancing and to the movies. All this and, get this, I had
to pay. On two occasions where she met Karin at local festivals to which
she had invited us, Natsuko had the effrontery to speak ill of me to Karin,
attempting to discourage her from moving in with me.
Hes a bad person, you shouldnt live with him, she advised in Japanese,
unaware that I understood every word.

Once I accompanied her to the Ashiya mall to select some new glasses.
Upon arriving at the cash register to pay for the specs I chose, she stood
in position looking at me, under the misguided impression that I, on
an English teachers salary, was going to pay the equivalent of $400 for
some new glasses for her, the kept wife of a medical professor. Genuinely
disappointed, she embarrassingly explained to the cashier that she would
not be getting the glasses at that time. Thats when I had to break it down
to her in the car.

Natsuko, I said fuming, Youre are married, Youre married to a surgeon.

You need a boyfriend. I dont need a girlfriend, I got enough. I am a black
male in Japan. You should be buying shit for me. If you want to date me
because of some fantasy and because you missed out on being courted
as a result of your arranged marriage, if anyones gonna pay, its gonna
be you. Not me! It was gut wrenchingly sad to watch this poor woman
hanker and yearn for chivalry, romance, affection, humanness and sexual
fulfillment, which were all starkly absent in her loveless, sexless omiai
(arranged marriage) of so long.

Im not gonna date you, I reiterated, but you can come over sometimes
if I have the time.

Well, I want more than that, I want boyfliend who is loving and kind, who
treats me like lady and.. A fantasy she had developed from extensive
travels and interaction with the West and Western couples. But the
harsh reality was that, she, like legions of Japanese wives in her shoes,
was hopelessly bound to a marriage as stimulating as watching sand in
an hourglass. My explanation of protocol was futile and she just could not
understand why she was at a disadvantage.
Natsuko and I continued for years, after which I stopped responding to
her e-mails and telephone calls and to her incessant bangings on my door,
especially at odd hours in the mornings.

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Now 43 years old, periodically wed bump into each other in the
neighborhood at which time she was always available for a quickie. On
our final encounter in January 2008, to my surprise she had heeded my
advice from years earlier and made a 180 degree change in her appearance.
Her wardrobe was now regal, contemporary and stylish and she had begun
visiting the dentist on a trimonthly basis.
I learned many things from you and now, I have many men, young men
in their 20s after me.

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FU

January 2003 heralded the beginning of a new semester teaching at this

Osaka based company, where the first thing I did upon entering each of
my four classes, was to survey the terrain for prey. All male classes were
always an inexplicable disappointment, especially when they wanted to
bond over alcohol or other typical male activities. On the first day of one
my classes in Kyobashi, one student caught my interest in electromagnetic
style. There was radiance and spunk about her, atypical of Japanese women
and her brown slacks were like Saran Wrap around her thick athletic legs
and bulbous posterior. Unlike other Japanese women, she was vocal and
expressive, never covering her mouth during her hearty laughter. Even her
face was different. She shared the same pearl white complexion as many
other Japanese, but her other features were not archetypically Japanese.
Though not as beautiful as many others, she was well above average and
the S curves on her body, her moxie and her outstanding intelligence, surely
compensated for the minor shortfall on her facial beauty.

Yeh, I thought, I could definitely live with that.

Its impossible to have it all; super-fine, super-intelligent with a super-
sexy physique, somethings gotta give. Super-fine women arent usually
socialized to exert their intelligence, but instead to rely on their beauty,
which works quite well for them. Highly academic and scientific women
arent usually drop-dead gorgeous, as they didnt have the beauty to rely
on. Fu was a 27-year-old scientist at this company and her position there
made me even more attracted to her, as I have always found brainy women
and women in power suits - Hillary Clinton types - extremely arousing.
Like her peers, Fu slaved diligently for the good of the company, working
long 14 hour days five or six days a week, with bags beneath her eyes as
proof.

Since shortly after the beginning of the semester, she had been rejecting
my advances and innuendos to play tennis or to be shown around her
hometown Kyoto, which at least in the US could have been interpreted as
sexual harassment.
Cmon, you can show your teacher around Kyoto. I want to see the

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temples, my eyes watering from staring at her onion and knowing full
well that I had not even a gram of interest in temples.
I dont have time. Im very very busy on weekends.

Fortunately at this corporation, one class within the first month was held
outside as an icebreaker, with the location and activity democratically
decided. Annoyingly, most times the students elected to patronize drinking
establishments and even though I am not an imbiber, always I was obligated
to share the cost. This time I deprived them of their democratic process and
informed them of plans to go dancing. Most of these economic animals
had never even heard the word dancing, let alone to venture to a nightclub.
However, Fu on the other hand, a sax player and lover of jazz, frequented
nightclubs during her university years. So I wanted to assess her behaviour
in a social environment and get the digits discreetly.

Secondarily and of less urgency, I also wanted to break the others out
of their rigid existences, have them feel the pounding and thumping of
deep driving house music in their veins, as they had never before had such
experiences. At the Underlounge in Shinsaibashi I gyrated and pranced
erotically with my students, taking care not to give any special attention to
Fu, who was limber and flexible like a human rubber band on the dance
floor. While the other students, men and women moved awkwardly, some
under the influence, her movements were fluid, like that of an Alvin Haley
dancer. It was as though I had provided an environment for which she had
been yearning, an environment where she could be free to express herself
outside the confines of her cubicle or lab, and at the end of the night we
exchanged e-mail addresses and telephone numbers.

Mission accomplished. Though I detest nightclubs in Japan, given my

strong allergies to smoke, I survived by actually spending most of the time
outside the club and upon my returns inside, I had to constantly remind
myself of the objective: her telephone number. Fu, short for tofu - a name
I gave her after we became intimate. She in turn called me Choco, short
for chocolate told me of her boyfriend with whom she had been for
the past two years. Upon hearing this expected news, my heart sank to
my toes in disappointment, but when she revealed that he lived in Tokyo
and worse, that their visits were limited to only once a month, my heart
returned to its proper place of joy.

Like so many women in Japan, Fu was involved in one of those senseless,

unfulfilling long distance relationships, getting only a minute fraction of

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her needs met. Given the choice, women here will always choose to be in
these vacuous relationships, over being single. This is perhaps attributable
to the rigidity derived from the Confucian influenced interaction between
the sexes. In the West, we are fully aware that humans are social animals and
we are able to meet each other anywhere and develop intimate relations.

While living in the States, it was not unusual to meet women while we
both waited in our cars for the signal to change. Usually by the third
or fourth signal we were exchanging numbers, which sometimes led to
intimacy and or friendship. It is true that in the US, especially California
and especially Los Angeles, the car is an integral part of ones identity
and people are usually judged by the kinds of cars they drive. Therefore
the nicer your car, the higher the probability for success at say, meeting
women at traffic signals. But in my social experiments, Ive even rolled up
on beautiful women, while on my Honda 150 scooter, which resulted in
a fair success rate of intimacy and or friendship and besides, my cars were
normal nondescript cars; Golf, Audi 100, Peugeot 405mi16, to name a
few.

I refer to these experiences not to brag about my prowess, but to illustrate

the fluidity, ceteris paribus, with which humans can initiate relationships
wherever we are, the ease with which boy meets girl. Even under high
pressure circumstances such as at a traffic signal, where a man has only
seconds to make a good first impression to cause a woman to lower her
window, engage in conversation, anticipate meeting at the next signal and
eventually giving him a means to contact her. In one vivid case during my
university days, a woman and I flirted on the interstate 5 for about fifteen
miles before I signaled for her to pull over. Lisa and I remained friends
until we lost contact after I moved to Japan.

Laden with Confucian rigidities, the human as social animal is an alien

concept to the Japanese, hence its better to trudge through a grossly
unsatisfying relationship, as in their perception it is infinitely more difficult
to initiate a new one. Of course, working 14 hours a day, sometimes six days
a week ensured diminished possibilities of her finding a new boyfriend. In
fact, most of my students at this titanic corporation were in their twenties,
prime age for reproduction. However, they complained incessantly about
not having any leisure time to socialize and having to work up to 100 hours
or more in over-time without pay. As I have previously mentioned, it was
at this mammoth company that one of my students died after working 16
hours a day 6-7 days a week, from age 22 until his expiration at 27.

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Exacerbating Fus dilemma and making her even more of an untouchable,
was the fact that she was a career woman. On occasions she attended the
aforementioned kompas, sometimes arranged by her company, where all the
men presumed she was simply an Office Lady at this renowned company.
Fu told me that when she revealed her position and gave them examples of
products in the marketplace she had either invented or designed, in their
gross intimidation, they would have no further conversations with her. As a
result, she began to conceal her duties from men at future kompas, leading
them to believe that yes, like most women in the Japanese workforce, she
too was a lowly Office Lady. And as if matters werent bad enough for her,
Fu revealed she was third generation Korean Japanese, which explained
her enigmatic character among Japanese women, a feature which was a
liability for Japanese men, who think that Korean women are atsusugiru
(too heated and passionate), but in fact, its the Japanese men who are just
too lily-livered and caitiff for Korean women. Like me, though she and
her grandparents were born in Japan, she held a resident alien card, which
meant she was ineligible for a Japanese passport.

Among other things, Fus long distance relationship illuminated clearly

the crumbs that Japanese women are socialized to expect and accept
from Japanese men. Recently I initiated an infrequent encounter with
a chocolate eyed Japanese woman, whom I had met a week earlier, who
found it exciting that I had taken her to the supermarket with me on the
way to my apartment. The reality was that I had needed some soy milk for
breakfast the next morning.

Lets run to the supermarket real quick, I suggested.

The following week during a conversation on the phone, she told me how
delighted she was that we went to the supermarket together before heading
for my apartment, as it convinced her that I wasnt just after sex.

Having a firm understanding of Fus situation and of the social dynamics

affecting her, I presaged that soon I, her English teacher will be fulfilling
her intimate needs, showing her what she was missing, which would result
in her putting an end to her fruitless long distance relationship. A woman
as advanced, artistic and passionate as she surely could not have been
satisfied with a sorry excuse for a boyfriend, whom she met once a month.
In the ensuing weeks we spent every Thursday after class in stimulating
conversation over dinner, getting to know each other and it so happened
that one of her sisters resided one stop away from me on the JR line.

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The next time I visit my sister and her family, do you wanna go?

At her sisters house I was an instant hit especially with her 4-year-old
nephew and 2-year-old niece and as the day progressed, her sister and
brother-in-law encouraged us to go to the movies, forcing the bird in the
lions mouth, so to speak. As the evening was still early, I convinced her to
accompany me to my apartment.
I live very close to here. Let me show you where I live before we go to
the cinema. And after a few more hours at her sisters we set out to my
apartment. The moment I had been anticipating for some five months had
finally arrived. After countless dinners after class, our lips had finally met
during a trip to Nagoya and since then my fantasy of inviting her for dinner
had heightened.

From the time we set foot on the train, my expansion began and upon
our arrival at my place I was fully engorged. Fus exceptionally hard Alps
were sturdy but delicate, requiring extra-ordinary gentleness, which I
found frustrating. In my eagerness, I just wanted to swallow them whole
as I ventured down south with my fingers. Grabbing her bikini trapped,
athletic rump with one hand, I licked her from my fingers on the other.
Voraciously ridding her of her last garment, my timber hardened to a level
seen only by women of her china complexion. There is something infinitely
erotic about my midnight hued negritude invading and enveloping their
ivory. Fus southern hemisphere was the most ravishing of all I had seen.
Lipless and smooth, it appeared to have been cast with great precision and
she became my diet for the ensuing thirty minutes. My tongue glided all
over her glossy hairless dessert, causing her to rail in ecstasy and when I
finally began the slow and gentle decent, main vein bursting, she gasped
breathlessly, mouth agape, its too big, stop. Once again, a strong athletic
woman the likes of Fu, received me with protest but slim, svelte women
had no problems. Finally after gaining complete entry she struggled to
make guttural utterances,
Itakimochii (it hurts but it feels so good.) Iku.

In the muggy Japanese summers night, Fu and I continued in a sweaty

orgas-ma-thon, futon drenched in mucilage, until well into the night. To
my delight she had missed her last train, hence leaving us no choice but
to continue the climax-a-thon on my soggy futon. The next morning she
could hardly walk and experienced some southern bleeding, as well as from
her nipples.
Sugoii, I never knew sex could be like this, I over-heard her telling her

147
sister on the phone. Shortly after she began sojourning regularly at my
apartment and mornings would see her setting off to work with the widest
grin on her face.

Co-workers found her new found morning chirpiness quite curious.

Recently youve been in such a good mood in the mornings, what
happened? they inquired. And we joked about how lucky she was, as most
Japanese women never experience the luxury of a few orgasms before work.
In a cry for help, I told her of my demons, hoping she could have saved
me from myself.
But if you moved in with me, Id be able to stop, I reasoned, absolutely
convinced, or at least trying to convince myself that I had wanted to stop
my infinite philandering, which Japan made so effortless.
I dont know, Id have to think about it, my parents wa dame kamo. (I
dont think my parents would agree.) Disappointment and relief became
one emotion. Disappointed that we couldnt cohabitate and relieved that
I could still continue my whoring of which she was now fully aware, all a
part of my buyer beware policy.

Fu and I made full use of Japans spacious toilettes for the handicapped.
Frequently in Kyoto, when her athletic legs jettisoned and taunted me
from her miniskirts, Id pull her into the nearest hotelette or toihotel, remove
her panties and curl her onto the warhead for a quickie.

In the late summer 2003, while returning home from a trip to Shirahama
with Anita, I received an e-mail from Fu.
Where are you? It read. Our five oclock plans to meet by the water
fountain at JR Umeda had completely slipped my memory.
Ive been at the fountain now for an hour, read her second e-mail.
Oh my God! Im so sorry babe, I went to visit some friends in Fukushima,
I typed as Anita slept in my arms on the train.
I cant wait another hour, I have to go home. I really wanted to meet you
today yo Chocotan. I went to the doctor today for my polyps and found
out Im pregnant.
A sudden darkness engulfed me as I saw her tears in her words. I had failed
her at the worst time.
But how the hell could that be? I pondered. I was always sure to withdraw
the warhead before releasing the lifemakers, but the highly improbable had
occurred. Anita awoke to find me in deep narcosis, as if I had just been hit
by a train driven by a ghost.
Dou shitan no? Whats wrong?

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Just thinking about work stuff.

Fus pregnancy was not my first, second, third or even fourth, but it would
be the first ever that I wanted to keep. It was the first time ever that I
was fearless, or at least exerted some control over the fear, by focusing
on acceptance of my new role of fatherhood. This would be fatherhood,
as opposed to absentee fatherhood. We began talk about getting married
and moving back to California where our wages, especially hers would be
higher. Given the slavery in Japan, as an engineer at this large firm her
monthly salary was significantly less than mine. And even with a biannual
bonus of some 400,000 yen, my annual income was still greater than hers
though I worked less than half the hours she did. Furthermore I argued,
we could further our education in the States, where her patents would
belong to her, as opposed to being owned by the company. Overall, the
task of raising the child just seemed less daunting in the States, given easy
access to childcare and the general openness of the society. After all, the
harsh reality was that Japan is inconducive to raising children.

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NO COUNTRY FOR CHILDREN

According to a Cabinet Office survey conducted from October to December

of 2003 in five countries, more than half of Japanese and South Koreans
are reluctant to procreate, citing exorbitantly high costs and unsuitable
conditions contemptible to child raring in their respective countries. Other
participating countries included France, Sweden and the United States,
where attitudes were in sharp contrast with those in Japan and South Korea.
One thousand people between the ages of 20 and 49 were interviewed from
each country. Among Japanese who wanted to have more children, 53.1%
said that they wouldnt, while more than half of South Korean respondents
had a similar response. In Sweden and the United States a large number of
respondents said they planned on having as many children as they wanted.
When the question was posed about the suitability of their respective
countries to child raring, 50.3% of Japanese respondents completely or
somewhat disagreed and 79.8% of South Koreans said that their country
was unsuitable for raising children. On the other hand, 97.7% of Swedes
said their country was suitable, followed by 78.2% in the US and 68% in
France. Fertility rates in these five countries reflect the sentiments of the
survey. While Japans fertility rate at 1.25 is not as low as South Koreas
1.16, it pales in comparison to Americas 2.04.

A pregnant womans death in August 2006 sent even greater jitters to

would be parents, as it revealed gross inadequacies in health care in Japan.
After the 32-year-old woman lost consciousness from convulsions during
delivery, doctors at a hospital in Nara contacted 18 other hospitals, as they
were ill-equipped to treat the patient. Unfortunately, all 18 hospitals refused
her on account that their beds were full. Finally after being accepted by a
hospital in Osaka where birth was successful through cesarean section she
died during child birth. According to the Nara Prefectural government,
about 30% of pregnant women who need emergency or high-quality
treatment must be transferred to hospitals outside the prefecture.

More recently in a 2007 survey of the nations 47 prefectures, 192 cases

were revealed where five or more hospitals refused to admit a pregnant

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woman transported by ambulance, between 2004 and 2006. From 2004 to
2007 the number of such cases stood at 2,939.

Research from Osaka Pediatrician Masatetsu Fujimura confirmed my

suspicions of Japans hostility to children. Obtaining records from the
Health Labor and Welfare Ministry, Fujimura San revealed in August
2008 that among the worlds 13 most developed countries, Japan held the
second highest mortality rate for children aged 1-4-years-old. At 33.03
deaths per 10,000 in that age group, Japan was surpassed only by the United
States 34.71 per 10,000. Swedens 14.32 deaths per 10,000, was the lowest
among the 13 countries, followed by Italy (18.9), Austria (22.65), France
(24.72) and Canada (25.33).

There were three reported causes of death among the aforementioned

age group; accident, not surprising given my observation of Japanese
parents propensity to allow their toddlers to dash about unattended -
among other dangerous places - on the platform of Sannomiya station.
Recently while at Starbucks near the Kansai International Community
Center (KICC), I observed a toddler gallivanting around the caf as his
mother eight months pregnant - chatted with her friends, oblivious to
her sons mistaking the caf for a thoroughfare. Predictably, at least to me,
he activated the sensors to the automatic sliding doors and after pausing
in awe at this sudden chance to explore the deadly intersection ahead,
he, again predictably, wobbled out into the street, predictably ignored by
passersby. After the sound of screeching tires, realizing the absence of her
son, the mother rushed outside to greet a stranger holding her child. Only
in Japan, I thought. Only in Japan would adults on the street ignore a
wandering toddler.

Accidents were succeeded by various illnesses, followed by foul play, a

euphemism for escalating heinous child abuse in Japan. As to various
illnesses, of the 636 small children in the report, 399 or 60% died within
six hours of falling prey to the cause in question. Mr. Fujimura states that,
sadly many of the children were not taken to the hospital in time and or
did not receive adequate care upon arrival, for which he blamed a gross
shortage of pediatricians and hospitals with pediatric intensive care units
or PICUs. Low birthrate and hellish working conditions are repellents
to potential pediatricians, and PICUs are present only in a handful of
hospitals throughout the nation. Of Japans 42 prefectures, PICUs can be
found only in Tokyo, Nagoya, Kanagawa, Fukuoka and Hyogo. Whats
more, according to the Yomiuri Weekly, because children are administered

151
smaller drug doses, treating them is not as remunerative as treating adults.
Kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies are a significant portion of
doctors salaries in Japan.

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PRELUDE TO HANSHIN

Our pregnancy was untimely for Fu, who had just received a promotion
a month earlier, one that accompanied stellar recommendations from her
superiors. Hence a pregnancy, especially one out of wedlock, wouldve
been a monumental embarrassment and after discussing the matter with
her two sisters, the decision was to save face and terminate.
I would be disappointing the people who recommended me for this
promotion. We will always have another chance, the timing is bad
Chocotan.
Though I disagreed with her decision, I supported her.
But youre gonna pay half, I acquiesced.
Why?! Im going through it, so you should pay the whole thing.
But I dont want you to do this. Why should I pay for something I dont
want?
Choco, I told you. Its bad timing. We will have another chance.

In an odd reversal, Fu had assumed the role which I had had with my over
ten or so pregnancies prior to hers. She was more matter-of-fact about the
process than I was. It was as though I had become the emotional female
and she the rational male. Perhaps thats why she was the scientist and I
the adult ADHD wanderlust. But it was indeed a relief to learn of my new
found ability to become emotionally attached in such situations, a sign that
my dissocial personality disorder was finally waning in midlife. I also took
comfort in knowing that I was not firing blanks, still firing live rounds.

Well, we should definitely move in together after the abortion, and get
married at the end of the year. And to that she agreed.

On that fateful morning I made the most painful withdrawal from my

account, at an ATM near Hankyu Okamoto station: One hundred
thousand yen, the equivalent of a thousand dollars. After which we made
our way by taxi to the clinic, where I had signed consent to perform the
operation. In Japan the husbands signature is required if the woman is
married, the partners signature is required if she is unmarried and the
parents signature is required if she is under 20 years old. We spent two

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mostly silent hours in the morning, on the second floor of a dark nearby
diner, where Fu grudgingly watched me eat breakfast while she starved
from having eaten nothing for twelve hours. Soon the bell tolled the hour
of reckoning and we set out on the long five minute trek back to the clinic,
where after twenty minutes wait we were lead to the fourth floor, where
she disappeared into the chamber.

As a testament to the grossly insensitive, callous and uncaring Japanese

patriarchy, the layout of the clinic was of such that, on their way to and
from the abortion chamber, women must walk by a display of beautiful,
smiling newborn babies. This arrangement epitomizes the cluelessness of
the Japanese male and was observed at a different clinic at my second
termination in Japan.

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ABORTION IN JAPAN

Abortion in Japan is an industry, which like all industries here is run

by men. According to the Health Labor and Welfare Ministry 289,127
abortions were performed in 2005, the lowest since compiling data began
in 1955. This number represents a first for pregnancy terminations to fall
below the 300,000 mark since 1955. However, experts agree that the actual
number may even be three times that amount, given structural incentives
for doctors to under-report. Abortion and contraceptives are not covered by
insurance, hence doctors are at liberty to set the price. As most including
three for which I paid are paid for in cash, doctors are able to manipulate
the numbers in order to dodge taxes and whats more, the penalty for total
under-reporting is less than the cost of one abortion. Since my arrival here
in 2001, there have been at least two reports of authorities finding illegally
and improperly discarded fetuses in dumpsters near abortion clinics.

Japan dwells in the dark ages in countless respects and the subject of
contraceptives is one such area. Though birth control pills have been made
available since 1999, after condoms, the withdrawal and rhythm methods,
abortion is the fourth most popular form of birth control in a society where
women are oblivious to their rights to control their own reproduction.
Several factors hinder the pill from gaining wide spread acceptance in
Japan, among them; hesitation for women to seek gynecological care, which
is required to obtain the pill. Unlike in the West, except during pregnancy,
women here are loathed to pay an annual visit to the gynecologist for a
pap smear. This inaction, I am convinced, is a major contributing factor to
the spread of Chlamydia in epidemic proportions among young women
on the island. Inadvertently, it even contributes to the low fertility rate of
Japanese women, as Chlamydia is asymptomatic in 80% of women, who
may well become infertile as a result of carrying the disease untreated. Two
of my students, both OB_GYNs at a hospital where I taught, validated my
convictions.

If Japan as a society is outright hateful to women, then it stands to reason

that OB_GYN, male dominated like most of Japan, is not exactly women-
friendly. I have read and heard several reports of female patients complaining

155
about doctors making lewd and crude remarks about their genitalia. In
fact, during visits to the OB_GYN, two of my partners reported to me that
the doctors commented on their apparently frequent sexual activities, on
account of the darkness on their labia.

Cost is another contributor to the gross unpopularity of the pill. Before

prescription, gynecological exams, blood and STD tests are required, all at
a cost of the equivalent of $27-$100, as prices vary among doctors. None
of these services is covered by insurance and subsequent STD tests are
required every six months, with the cost to fill the prescription around
3500 yen ($32).

But the number one reason why the pill is still lagging behind after being
approved since 1999, is the grand effort to maintain the vibrancy of the
$400 million a year abortion industry. In the event I am beginning to
sound as though I am against abortions, let me make it absolutely and
unequivocally clear that I am a pro-abortionist. Japan was the first country
to make it available as a form of birth control after the Second World
War and for that I fully commend them. One of the most refreshing
aspects of Japanese society is the near absence of Christianity (0.08% of
the population) and the absence of the ludicrous abortion controversy so
interminable in the West, especially in the United States. Here there are
no protesters brutally murdering doctors outside abortion clinics in order
to get their point across. Japan as religion is plenty oppressive without the
presence of other dogmatic organized religions. My objection lies in the
industry status of abortion provision. Aerospace and industry are words
that match very well, so are electronics and industry. But abortion as an
industry? Somehow that makes me queasy.

156
HANSHIN

During the three-hour wait, I passed the time reading in the waiting area
and at times venturing outside where I found amusement in observing a
Chihuahua left inside a Brabbus S600 Mercedes, with the engine running
to keep the air conditioner operating, for some four hours. Though this
was a common sight in Japan, I couldnt help pondering, which moron,
would leave a car like this or any car, for that matter - running for three hours
for a dog, especially one which looks like a cross between a rat and a bat?
Im sure he paid more attention to the ratbat than he did his wife or
girlfriend.

Upon re-entering the clinic, I was summoned to the abortion chamber

by a doctor. She wants to see you, which started me ambulating toward
the room, passing a group of newborns on my left. Fus legs were still
suspended at her ankles, by stirrups pendent from the ceiling and the
freshly used utensils were still in the aluminum tray above her right leg.
As I have stated earlier, I was no rookie to abortions. Truth be told, since
the age of 19 this was my fourteenth, but the first I truly felt, the first in
which I was a participant, her legs in the stirrup were also mine and for the
first time I could be empathetic about the agony of the process. Not that
I have become sentimental about pregnancy terminations, for I havent.
However, in this case, for the first time I became intimate with the process
and tears flooded my face in that bleary room, as I stood next to her.

Fu, this strong, athletic, vibrant and spunky woman that I had met only
six months prior, had been hit by a roller traveling at bullet train speeds.
She had been reduced to a listless, lethargic and barely coherent cadaver,
lying with eyes shut as I caressed her haggard ashen face. Shortly after,
the doctor reappeared to instruct me to wait outside the room while she
recuperated.

The ten minute taxi ride to her sisters home was eternally surreal, seeming
as though that Friday was not a day of the week but some existence in a
sphere never before experienced. Buildings, bridges and trees meandered

157
by as the taxi traveled into outer space before arriving at her sisters, where
we slept spooning for some twelve hours.
In the succeeding days, we made extensive plans to move in together. It
would have been easier to console each other under the same roof and we
would marry in December of that year. There was no reason for me to
believe that, given the fact that she was an adult of 27 years old and that
we as two adults had just made one of the biggest decisions in our lives,
that she would not be able to leave her familys home for us to begin our
lives together. In fact, she assured me that her family would have been no
problem. I am an adult, she stressed.

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MEET THE PARENTS

And so it came to pass that after an exquisite day together at Karuma,

taking in speechlessly beautiful scenery in the bliss of each others arms,
it was time to meet the parents. During her childhood, Fus father was a
successful businessman, trading in goods from Korea. But at the time we
met he had been driven to insolvency, thanks to his deceased brother for
whose debts he had been a guarantor. Still he was confident in his attempts
to launch various ventures even in his sixties, as Fu, I found out, was
saddled with the responsibility of sole provider for her parents. Missing
from her parents personality was the self-deprecating and perpetually
apologetic characteristics of the Japanese of Japanese ancestry. Instead her
father exuded the kind of arrogance akin to that of Jamaicans, an arrogance
I knew quite well and with which I was much more at home. And her
mother, an extension of her father, while less loquacious, it was obvious she
had her husbands back all the way. It was most refreshing to meet people
who werent constantly berating themselves.

Her father was most direct in his speech, none of this beating around the
bush like other Japanese.
Nande watashi no musume to kekonshitai no? (Why do you want to
marry my daughter?)
Shes a beautiful, intelligent, confident woman, I responded in Japanese.
Of course, thats how I raised all my daughters, to be confident.
I really like this guy, he is well chill, I thought. He then went on to explain
to me how initially he was extremely worried when Fu told him she was
dating a Negroe. Not having ever laid eyes on someone like me, he thought
we were all thieves, pimps, murderers and other villains, like the characters
we over represented in programs he had consumed regularly in the media.
On the other hand, my teaching at this well reputed company was a source
of great relief for him. I wasnt that bad after all, he might have thought. As
we got to know each other, he expressed empathy and drew some parallels
between my being a Negroe in the US and his being Korean in Japan.
This dude is way chill, he gets it. And I was suddenly overcome by the urge
to hug him and to let him know that yo, I feel your pain. Yo by the way,

159
is part of Japanese vernacular and used in the same context as in African-
American vernacular.

As Fu helped her mom prepare a feast, her dad and I rapped easily with
occasional interjections by her mom. It wasnt long before the barriers
began to fade and I was made to feel completely welcomed in the family,
partaking in the Korean cuisine which mom had painstakingly made for
the occasion.

However, with weather-like abruptness, dark clouds rolled into the

apartment after Fus dad shot us down point blank upon hearing our
plans.

No! You have to date for one more year and then get married, he ordered.
This was even after she explained to him that it was her deep desire and
that our cohabitating would bring her great joy.
Dont you want me to be happy? She asked her dad.
Whats more, they insisted on my parents flying to meet them before any
connubial arrangements. But my mother had died six months earlier and
my father? Who knows where THAT Negroe is. And there was no way
that my surrogate parents in California wouldve taken that twelve hour
flight, simply to be approved of by a family in Japan. Immediately it was
game over. Though I understood their concerns; not knowing anything
about me, my background or my family, I cursed him in my mind.

Do you know what the FUCK your daughter and I went through thirty days
ago?
Do you have any clue?
Its not like youre some royal fucking family or some shit like that. Its not even
like you got cash.
I could totally understand if you had assets to protect, but youre fucking bankrupt,
and I was even willing to share the burden of supporting your ass.

But showing great restraint, I contained my true feelings, displaying some

tatemae for the duration of my visit and departed on respectful terms.

In my Western thinking I was not willing to appreciate the over-attachment

to her family, especially in light of what she and I had endured just a
month prior and particularly because I wasnt requesting the hand of an
underage 16-year-old. She was almost 30. Such curtailment of freedom
is anathema to me and having rebelled against the control of my own

160
family since 15-years-old, I harbored no intention of bowing to someone
elses. As I understood it, Fu and I were two adults planning our lives, two
adults capable of deciding to abort our pregnancy so we could plan our
lives together and do things right in the future.

But my understanding couldnt have been further from the truth. She
misled me, though I think unintentionally, into believing that there was
autonomy between her and her family, when the fact was that she, of her
two sisters, bore the full burden of her parents welfare. The way I saw it, I
had three choices; continue dating, ask her to oppose her family or end the
relationship. Had we continued dating for a year, my apartment would not
have ceased being the most illuminant red light district in Kobe, of which
I was already becoming quite bored, though it was not until some 2 years
later that I drastically curtailed my whoring.

Requesting opposition to her family was out of the question. If she rebelled
on her own, yeh, that would have been great. But I respected her and her
family too much to make such a request. I have no family, so I do not
intend to drive wedges through the families of others, especially that of my
future wife. Since she did not see the need to object to what I interpreted
as her parents over-control, then I wasnt going to introduce the idea,
least because I was fully aware of my advantage in finding a partner in
this market and appreciated that such extensive parental control was an
example of cultural differences to which I couldnt be party.

Korean family ties are much more indelible than those of Japanese families,
so it was either I accepted the situation as is or leave. Not one to subscribe
to the whole nonsense of soul mates, I knew that given the advantages of
my erotic capital in Japan, finding a wife would be easy, though I had to
accept the glaring fact that finding a wife with her level of intellect, spunk,
maturity and confidence would be selfsame as trying to find a grain of
sugar among the sands of Negril. In Japan, aka Disneyland, eye candy is
ubiquitous but brain candy is frustratingly sparse. In my stable of women,
she had no competition except in the aesthetics arena. Surely there were
other women who were much prettier, but none with her wisdom, maturity
and confidence. None laughed as heartily as she, none with as powerful a
stride and none as intellectually stimulating.

Before departing from my first and only meeting with my ex-future-

parents-in-law, angry and hurt I decided that love asphyxiation would be
my choice if Fu did not oppose her parents, which I knew she wouldnt

161
have done. We continued for another thirty days with regular discussions,
but her overnight stays were reduced to one or two nights a week even
though her job was only 30 minutes from my place, as opposed to an hour
and a half from her parents home.

I cant do this anymore, trying to be as honest and direct as possible. In

fact I even entertained the thought of informing her of my tryst with her
co-worker just the semester before, to further illuminate the extent of my
sickness and the disadvantage to her of our not living together. But upon
reconsidering, I thought sleeping dogs should lie, as that would have been
too much information.
So because of your ego, youre going to leave?
Yeh, I prefer freedom over love. Your parents can control you. Thats ok,
theyre YOUR parents. But by controlling you, they are controlling me too,
and I dont like that.
But they just want us to date one more year before we get married, they
didnt say we couldnt get married?
I know this is a cultural difference, I know. But I dont want parents telling
me when to marry their almost thirty-year-old daughter, especially after
she and I just aborted our pregnancy.

Fu understood my anger and I understood her cultural obligations, but

the twain could not be reconciled. Neither could she oppose her parents
nor could I overcome my venom, so one night in late August was our last
together. I ebbed and flowed insider her as tears streamed down the sides
of her face.
I never thought wed have a last time.
We can still meet sometimes, I comforted.

In the crevices of my mind I was hoping that some time later shed oppose
her parents, and perhaps she too harbored hopes that I would change my
values, but neither materialized. The next morning, rising from a futon
drenched in tears, sweat and other body fluids, Fu disappeared from sight
as I watched her from my third floor balcony. Returning to bed, I crawled
beneath my duvet in unspeakable gloom. Its one thing to break up, but its
an entirely different kettle of fish to initiate a separation from someone you
love. We remained in contact deeply connected, even visiting love hotels
in condomless passion once or twice a month, until it became emotionally
impossible for both of us. Having stopped the love ho visits, we continued to
see each other platonically, which over the years was reduced to occasional
phone calls and then sparse e-mails.

162
NAO

On the last train home from Sannomiya in March of 2003, packed

with boisterous, inebriated passengers, Nao was returning home from
her hostess job as my friends and I conducted a booty survey. Like all
hostesses in Japan, she was immaculately clad and well put together. Hers
was a posterior of the highest standard, round and distending from her
garments. Twenty-eight year-old mother of a three-year-old son, Nao was
married to a salaryman who like most, preferred the company of his co-
workers to that of his beautiful wife. My friends and I gave her a flirtatious
thumbs-up.

Thank you. Where are you from? She blurted.

After a quick evaluation I concluded that she may well be a chocolate lover,
one of those none Negroe women who are into Negroe men.
With an ass like that, she gats to have chocolate eyes. She seemed like the
R&B species as opposed to the Dancehall type.
Im from California and these guys are from Texas.
Ii naaaa! (Thats great!)

On our first meeting thereafter, she took me to an Italian restaurant in

Tachibana, but I wanted to be spared the formalities and just get straight
to the point. At the restaurant her chocolate eyes affliction was validated
when she revealed how much she loved hip hop and R&B and that she
was having an affair with a sax player, a brother from San Diego who
visits Japan every six months. Those three strikes; chocolate lover, English
speaker and hostess told me that our relationship would be very short-
lived and though since I began to acquire the language, I vowed to refrain
from all charity encounters, as she was quite attractive, I continued to listen
to her and inquired about her relationship with her husband.
We had dekichatta kekkon. (Shotgun Wedding) I dont know how to say
that in English.
We havent had sex in a year, we are more like roommates. I dont even
want to touch him and I dont want him touching me. But hes a good
provider.
So what are you gonna do, just continue like that?
Shoganai. (It cant be helped) Theres nothing I can do, another mantra

163
of the Japanese. Even the most correctable problem in Japan is met with
shoganai. Naos plight followed the pattern of so many married Japanese
women and it didnt require the mind of a rocket scientist to know where
her mouth would soon be.

After our meal she dropped me home for what to me was uneventful
penetration, but orgasmic for her, and after our third time some three
weeks later, when she placed her spent sanitary napkin in my transparent
trash bag, which Fu had discovered, she was gradually released.

164
CHIKA AT BIGOT

Seven minutes walk from my apartment, Chika was sitting by herself at

Bigot patisserie, enjoying some pastry while looking for a job in Town
Work magazine. Beautiful with short cropped hair, she did look as though
she could speak English. In fact, judging from her fashion she looked as
though she might have been fluent, as hers was not the attire of the typical
Japanese young woman. No multiple layers and mismatched colors with
clashing stripes and polka dots. Possessing a Western flair to her, she
was well coordinated and simple in her dress, appearing grounded and
comfortable with herself. Looking for a job, I interrupted. Yes, I just
came back from Australia three weeks ago, with a slight Aussie accent,
crap brown teeth disrupting her otherwise rapturous face. And what a
disappointment that was. Howd you know I speak English? Thats pretty
strange, you just spoke to me in English, howd you know? Chika had
spent the last two years in Sydney after a painful five-year marriage, and
was now in culture shock upon her return home. She quickly saw me, a
Westerner, as a symbol of the freedom she had tasted in Australia but
unbeknownst to her, she would just be one of my many subjects.

In a weeks time I invited her to dinner and after a round of fairly uneventful
sex, we ventured on to the subject of her ex-husband. Though she was an
extremely beautiful woman, our less than stellar first sex, her history of
orgasmic dysfunction and ironing board anterior were precursors for the
early mortality of our sexual relationship. I know I stated earlier that Im
not really keen on breasts, but that by no means should be interpreted as
my possessing an ability to be aroused by the absence of mammary glands,
which was the case with Chika. For though she had a sexy bottom half
with a very acceptable waist to hip ratio, her chest was negative.

In fact mine could have easily been twice hers. Her intellect and analytical
personality filled our sexual void and Chika was one of the few Japanese
women with whom I could discuss any subject. Do you know borderline
personality disorder? My husband was borderline. A diagnosis made by
her sister who was a psychotherapist.
I am a borderline expert, I assured her, especially after discovering

165
Marsha Linehans writings some seven years ago, during my ordeal with
Anne. Back in the days of my own litany of personality disorders, the
only women I sought for romance were borderlines and upon arriving
here, I initially thought that Japan was a hotbed for culturally sanctioned
borderline personalities.

According to Linehans theory, borderlines are born with an innate

biological propensity for a more intense response to lower levels of stress
than others and to take longer to return to baseline. Their emotional peaks
are much higher on far less provocation and take longer to calm down. In
addition, they were raised in traumatic and abusive environments in which
their beliefs about themselves and their environments were continually
devalued and invalidated. Perfect descriptions of Karin. These factors
combine to create adults who are uncertain of the truth of their own
feelings. Such invalidating, devalued, traumatic and abusive environments
may well describe the typical Japanese family and the society in general,
where negative reinforcement is the norm. Compliments are completely
anathema to the way of Bushido, which teaches that one must endure
unnecessary hardships for self-conditioning. Junior high school students
must remain in track and field even if they hate it and would excel at, say
tennis. One must gaman (endure) in a despised dead end job as opposed to
pursuing a job one really enjoys. Praising is uncommon in Japanese society,
as it is thought that compliments would bring about over-confidence and
that berating is more effective in getting one to master a skill.

Generally overindulging, Japanese parenting techniques place little or no

emphasis on building and nurturing childrens self-esteem. Instead, children
must gaman through an onslaught of perpetual borderline inducing
processes. Obsessed with face saving, many like Karins parents simply
want to show off their children, while chastising them for anything less
than stellar performance. Children in Japan are saddled with the burden
of preserving family honor, as parents constantly engage in performance
comparisons among each others kids. Most kids survive though not
unscathed, even becoming contributors to society, while others become
hikikomoris, a phenomenon unique to Japan. As mentioned previously, it
is conservatively estimated that a hikkikomori is present in over 400,000
families nationwide, a direct result of overindulgent Japanese parents
enabling this maladaptive behavior by taking their children their meals in
their rooms. It is categorically inconceivable that I could have dictated to
my single mother that I was going to isolate myself in my locked room and
not attend school, even if there were bullies at school waiting to behead and

166
castrate me, which there were. Her response would have been something
along the lines of, bwaii, dont mek mi chauge fi murda in ya tiddeh!
(dont cause me to be charged for murder today!) Besides, we shared a
single roomette anyway, so staying locked up in my room would have been
physically impossible.

Still many poison, roast, bludgeon, behead or slash their parents or a

parent to death in Japan, while others engage in random public slashings
and or heinous public acts such as: pushing strangers from platforms in
the path of oncoming trains, or resorting to massacres. Most perpetrators
of these acts, parricide included, cite as their motive, parental pressure
to perform academically. Still others even opt for exiting. Two thousand
three National Police Agency data confirm that suicide by elementary and
middle school students is a grave social problem, which saw an increase
over 2002, by a whopping 57.6%, representing a total of 93 lost lives, 34
more than in 2002. Among high school students 225 opted out of life,
a sharp increase of 29.3% over the previous year. The number of college
students exiting also increased in 2003, which produced a 22% rise among
those 19 or younger committing suicide. And in 2005, seven elementary
school students decided to rid themselves of their lives. Most people cant
fathom the idea of elementary school students committing suicide, but
as one who harbored suicidal ideations since the tender age of four, it is
all too familiar to me. It is my belief that such children are genetically
predisposed to a lower threshold of stress, possessing an acute and gifted
early awareness of and sensitivity to their surroundings.

According to psychiatric authorities, two to three times more women than

men are diagnosed as borderline and in some reports, 75-80% of those
afflicted with the illness are females. This could possibly be attributable
to genetic or hormonal influences, but an overwhelming contributing
factor is the greater frequency with which women, as children, experience
incestuous relations and sexual abuse, a major determinant for BPD. Some
statistics state that girls are ten times more likely than boys, to experience
sexual abuse and other data conclude that a quarter of all women have been
sexually victimized. Recently I came across data purporting that, as high
as 60% of girls and 30% of boys are sexually violated and that the figures
for BPD in the general US population are as high as 14%. Given Japans
misogynistic patriarchy, its militarily structured society, masochistic and
invalidating parent child relations, and according to the government, a
crisis in teachers sexually abusing girls in schools, it stands to reason that
those numbers may well be double in Nippon.

167
In the dawn of my whoring in Japan, it did not occur to me that I was
conducting some kind of social experiment, hence I did not inquire of
my subjects about childhood sexual molestation until the twilight of my
addiction. Simply put, I was just too strung out to see the potential for a
book and the possible high frequency of sexual molestation among the
women I bedded in Japan. When I finally began to inquire about such
personal details, of 32 women, five had been sexually violated or had
experienced inappropriate touching as children; Yukari was devirginised
and for two years, repeatedly sexually assaulted by her high school
basketball coach, who later committed suicide. Shoko was molested in a
parking lot at eight, by two high schoolboys, and was groped by her junior
high school drama club teacher, who also attempted to neck her. Kaori was
fondled at age seven by two teenage boys in the stairwell of her apartment
building, Anita was fondled by her father, beginning at age eight, followed
by penetration from age12, Makiko was fondled and abused by her father
at ten and experienced an attempted rape at 19 and was a virgin until 33-
years-old when we met.

At six years old the show jumper, who I will later introduce, was grabbed by
an old man, who took her to a secluded area to fondle her. Had I thought
to investigate this matter from the beginning of my sexual escapades, the
numbers may have doubled. It is my unscientific opinion that the ubiquitous
incidences of mothers brutally slaying theirs and other children in Japan, is
strongly related to the possible frequency of borderline personality disorder.
Again, this is unscientific and only my opinion, as I am but a mere high
school dropout, but I can only surmise that borderline personality disorder
impairs the secretion of oxytocin from the pituitary gland, inhibiting or
retarding the process of bonding between mother and child.

Chika had other traumatic aspects to her history. At 12 years old her
father had committed suicide and a year later, one night returning from
the supermarket, her mother accidentally plunged in a river several meters
to her demise while on her bicycle.

See this railing? They put this up after my mother died, she pointed out
one day as we stood at the scene of her mothers demise.

It was surreal. I could almost see her mother with the evening groceries in
the front of her bicycle as she rode over the river bank, and for a moment
I was consumed by overwhelming sadness, tears welling, imagining the
sheer and profound pain endured by a 13-year-old girl after losing both her

168
parents. Having experienced such adversity, she became a rock of a woman
and unbelievably optimistic. She took crap from no one and was direct and
outspoken, often hated, she said by other Japanese who thought she was a
disgrace to Japanese people. Over four months we bonded emotionally, but
sexually it was a desert. We often went to the gym together and lamented
her dismal prospects as a divorced, 28-year-old, uneducated, flat-chested
returnee to Japan. Even she herself found humor in her absence of breasts.
Odds were stacked against her and she eventually settled for a temporary
Office Lady position, like one third of working women in Japan.

On our last date together at a sayonara party for Paul, a Polish American,
who had replaced me a year earlier at the school in the countryside, present
and also from the small rice paddy town was Miho, a stacked 510, Zena
Warrior princess built, whiplash inducer. She had high upwardly slanting
cheekbones, which matched the angle of her big Betty Boop eyes. Equine
came to mind when observing her walk from behind in her stilettos,
strutting as if on a catwalk. Her phenotype was atypically Japanese. In fact
I would have thought she was Southeast Asian, perhaps Thai. But she was
a striking, healthy Japanese country girl, a cross between a mermaid and a
mare. Toward the end of the gathering Paul pulled me aside.

Look, you have to call that girl, she loves foreigners and shes fucking
crazy. Get this, shes into fisting.
WHAAAAT?!
No bullshit, she likes it when your whole hand is insider her.
But I wasnt into any of that. Im just a straight addict, so all those extra-
curricular sex acts; fisting, bondage, S&M, homie wasnt interested. And
just as I had passed on one of my students to my friend in Kobe the year
before, Paul had passed on Miho to me.

Dont worry dude, Ill take care of her, trust me on that one. Im all over
that. Heres her number, I told her youre gonna call.
Before the engagement was over, Miho engaged in light and cautious
conversation with Chika and me, as she naturally assumed we were an
item. The urge to abandon Chika and viciously attack Miho was strong,
but I restrained myself as Chika and I bade our good-byes.

A few weeks later, to my relief, Chika initiated separation, after I

nonchalantly and irresponsibly fired off inside her during an unprotected
episode.
DID YOU COME INSIDE ME, she screamed.

169
Yeh, if you get pregnant, well, well just get married.
How the fuck do you know thats what I want. You have no respect for
women! Do you think you can just get me pregnant and I should marry
you even if I dont want to. I dont like that, youre just as sick as my fucking
ex-husband. And with that she got up, got dressed, disappeared from
my life and changed her phone number. But I admired that, she was an
empowered woman. Her strong character was exactly what I sought in a
partner, but unfortunately, our sexual compatibility was minus zero.

170
KARIN: THE ADVENTURE ENDS

Several months earlier with Chikas help, I had overcome my obsession

with Karin and regained self-control. Having been whipped, reduced to
stalking her, waiting in the cold only for her to return home to slam her
lobby door in my face, my new found confidence was most welcomed.
Such was my miraculous recovery that after sex, I was able to leave her
apartment without begging like a wuss, or even inquiring about our next
encounter and In fact, soon began telling her of my pending marriage to
Fu. Observing my new found strength and learning that she no longer
could pull strings to my emotions, she made a whopping, night and day
about face, a metamorphosis tantamount to Lucifer becoming Gabriel.
Suddenly, this callous, frigid woman who frequently blocked my telephone
calls and e-mails and regularly exploded in threats to call the police and
immigration, was now showering me with affection and professing her
newly found love, tears long crocodile tears streaming down her face.
I made a big mistake. She would sob. I didnt realize how important you
were to me and now youre marrying someone else.
Yeh yeh yeh, classic borderline drama, I thought to myself.
Youre gonna marry her, arent you?
In a couple months.

Over the next few weeks, though not divulging the details of my pending
separation from Fu, Karin begged, pleaded and beseeched me to marry
her instead, and knowing full well that she was indeed unstable, I made a
decision for the second time to leave the functional for the dysfunctional.
However, this time sinister motives were included: I wanted revenge. It
had been my childhood fantasy to have the tide turn in my experiences of
unrequited love. Of course our earth shattering sex was perhaps the main
motivating factor to reconcile, followed by my desire to produce children
with her, but my need for revenge was undeniable.

Having been madly in love with her in the past, I was sure those sentiments
could have been rekindled, but before agreeing to marriage, she was placed
on probation and we would marry three months later in December only
after my conditions were met. First, she would accompany me to the gym

171
five days a week, two hours a day for a complete body sculpting regimen.
She would also start taking birth control pills until we actively decided to
have children, even though back in the drama days I was actively trying to
impregnate her, but failed to on account of some secret illness, for which she
was taking some mystery medicine. There would also be no more hysterical
behavior, no more threats to call the police, no more kicking me out of
her apartment in the wee hours of the morning during our arguments. In
other words, there would be no more drama. Instead, we would endeavour
to resolve our arguments through communication and never go to bed
angry at each other. To the average Westerner these requirements would
seem quite normal but to her, the bar was exceptionally high, most difficult
being the gym. Exercise was anathema to her and I was sure she couldve
fulfilled every condition except the gym. But I remained reticent in my
demands, determined for her to reclaim her once athletic figure.

Less than a month after our decision Karin announced the news to her
parents and arranged for us to meet, all the while diligently enduring my
physical training. In fact this rigorous program bordering physical abuse,
caused her on one occasion to faint at Okamoto station after a session in my
absence. But after the transformation in her physique, reducing her body fat
percentage from 29 to 21, ridding her of the Jaja Binks slouch, generating
more frequent stalking from strangers and continuous compliments from
her friends who requested to join us at the gym, she eagerly continued.
This new found Karin was a complete make over from the person of old.
Inundating me with daily phone calls and e-mails, solicitude replaced her
usually arctic personality, while public displays of resentment were now
supplanted by displays of affection. No longer concerned with the chance
meeting of our coworkers, she initiated hand holding and even began
kissing in public. However, she still hated to be inconvenienced by leaving
the comfort of her apartment to spend the night at mine. Considering
her dramatic change for the better, this was a minor problem, though it
required the compromise of sharing her Lilliputian bed.

Karin Hirota morphed into a whole new person from the one I had met
earlier, to someone I hadnt known before, a woman reborn.
I finally got over my ex-boyfriend in America, she reasoned.

But though I relished in this new found woman, the woman I had wished
she was upon first meeting her, a part of me simmered in angst and
resentment. How dare she rip out my heart, hack it to pieces with a chain saw,
whip it in an Osterizer then feed it to me, only to act as though nothing had

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happened? How dare she think she could just change, as though she had done
nothing and expect no consequences? No way! She must pay and pay dearly, I
monologued. Love and passion battled with the strong desire for vengeance
and appeared to be winning, though not very deep in my subconscious
revenge hovered waiting for justifiable moments to raise its head.

Among the many reasons Karin hated going to my apartment was the
omnipresent strands of hair. Too much to remove, Shoko unintentionally
left her long strands of straight jet-black locks throughout my apartment
and all over my bed.
When are you going to stop seeing her? Karin complained. When are
you gonna stop seeing all these women?
When I get over all the pain you caused me for six months, thats when.
I know, youre getting back at me. Wakateru. I know. Youll never forgive
me for that.
Im sure I will, I responded in false assurance.
Maiya! (Whatever) One of her most common expressions especially after
her metamorphosis. It might have been possible to change my philandering
ways, but would have been difficult to give up Shoko, a young, bewitching
and curvaceous fair maiden to whom I had given a partial introduction to
the dark side during the tail end of my relationship with Fu. Moreover,
in just two short months, a turn of events would ensure no change in my
whore mongering.

A month after reuniting and two before our planned December broom
jumping and Jamaican honeymoon, I met my future In-laws at an upscale
Chinese restaurant in Osaka. Exactly as she had briefed me, they treated
me with utmost respect and genuinely welcomed me into the family. Her
mother, typical Japanese obaachan (grandmother figure), shared a striking
resemblance and similar reptilian disposition, looking like someone who
had experienced more than a few nervous breakdowns, which she had, as
Karin later revealed. She appeared likeable and nurturing, regardless of
the image I had conjured of her based on Karins regular complaints about
their masochistic relations, a perpetual futile quest to please her mother.
In truth, so oppressive were her familial relations that it resulted in her
younger brothers complete estrangement from the family for the previous
ten years. Her father or more accurately, mostly absent father was the
Japanese ojeechan (grandfather) archetype. Though chauvinistic and stoic,
as to be expected of a high profile corporate lawyer in Japan, I thoroughly
enjoyed his omniscience, as we conversed in my primitive Japanese and
his near non-existent English, on an array of topics from my alma mater

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to Cleopatra. Meanwhile Karin and her mom gabbed away in Japanese,
displaying no evidence of the chasm between them. Undoubtedly, her
parents, especially her mother, were elated to meet me. It was evident in
her smiles and the way she glanced at her daughter after looking at me that
finally their worries were over, as their slightly off-kiltered daughter had
found someone off-centred enough to marry her.

Meeting Karins parents was a surprisingly, enjoyable experience, which

overpowered me with guilt for planning catastrophic vengeance on their
offspring. And it was then that I endeavoured to change, bury the hatchet
so to speak and move forward. One month before our planned wedding,
one of my live rounds hit the target and Karin was carrying our child.
Though she, like most Japanese women had rejected the pill, we were not
actively trying to avoid a pregnancy, other than her half-hearted requests
to withdraw before launching. A request which I always ignored as in my
thinking we were getting married and thats what married couples do: start
families.

In a decision which would drive a stake in our new treaty Karin decided,
against my pleas, to terminate the pregnancy, for reasons incomprehensible
to the Westerners and certainly mine - mind: she was attending her
friends December wedding in Hawaii and wanted to be able to fit in her
dress. Serious as colon cancer, that was her explanation. She saw nothing
out of the ordinary with the reason for her decision, but upon voicing my
dissent with its absurdity, she found a new explanation to terminate.

My parents would be disappointed that I got pregnant before marriage,

she rebutted, digging herself deeper in a hole. Two weeks later, she added
my many women to her reasons for wanting a termination, but what struck
me as incongruous was her desire to continue with our planned wedding
after the operation. For in my reasoning, if my many women drove her to
such strong feelings as to wanting to abort our pregnancy, then it stands to
reason that she would also seek to terminate our relationship.

Having known Karin for a year, nothing she uttered was a surprise. After
all, this was a woman who adamantly stated that if we had a son, she
would never want him to be as confident as I. Yielding to her insanity,
I contributed my half of the termination cost, accompanying her to the
hospital near Sannomiya on November 7th. Whereas a month earlier I
was planning complete behavior modification, including plans to let
Shoko down easy, today I was hell bent on a phlegmatic, torturous end to

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our relationship. I would wage on her an all out emotional jihad until we
separated or, she hurled herself in front of the special rapid train.

Unexpectedly, the following six months were relishable more often than
not, as we traveled to Jamaica and throughout Japan, most times forgetting
about the inevitable end. Returning from Jamaica where we bickered almost
daily, agreeing to separate once and for all, I arrived in my freezing, dark
apartment. Having forgotten to pay the bill before our trip, the electricity
was disconnected, to which my solution was to share Karins kids size
bed. A week later, both in mourning we sought counseling, as Karin, post
abortion was a train wreck and I, a volcanic mountain of rage. Chisato
Yamamoto who had spent some seven years studying in the UK was the
most inept counselor I had seen second only to the one I saw in London
over 20 years prior. Immediately after departing from her office, both in
unspeakable pain, we decided to go our separate ways, a decision which
lasted a whopping five days.

As our relationship hobbled to its demise, I had grown considerably attached

to Shoko, whom, after eight months of frustration, I had finally fully
introduced to the dark side while Karin was away at her friends wedding.
Furthermore, new on the scene was Azusa, a stupefyingly beauteous 21-
year-old, whose name I had called repeatedly in slumber with Karin.

Whos Azusa? She queried one morning. Is she new? You must really
like her because you were calling her name in your sleep two nights in a
row.

In a last ditch effort to save our rotting, dying relationship, Karin agreed
to move into my apartment, but refused to give up her own one-room
flat. Things came to a head one night when she suffered hour-long
hallucinations, crying, cowering and screaming hysterically at my women
whose faces were pouring from the light fixture in the ceiling, much like
the hands she saw emerging from walls and rivers as a child.

Cant you see them? she screamed pointing to the light. Theyre coming
to attack me, many of them.
Whatr their names? I inquired.
I dont know. There are many of them.
Maybe that abortion was a good thing, I thought and after a month of
having her unpacked boxes in my bedroom, we arrived at the penultimate
decision that she would vacate the premises after our break up trip to

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Takachiho, Kyushu on June 25th 2004. In the end Karin apologized and
extended profuse thanks.
I know I cant be with anyone, she said, tears streaming down her florid
cheeks. Im not well, I always knew it and you are the first person to tell
me, the first person who cared enough to try after what I did to you. I cant
marry anyone. I had been vindicated.

According to her possibly manipulative report, after being utterly

disappointed by our failure to marry in December 2004 as announced,
her mother suffered a heart attack and was admitted to the hospital upon
hearing the news of our separation.

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HISAKO

In June of 2002 the then manager of my apartment building collected me at

Shukugawa station to look at prospective apartments. As I sat next to her,
immediately I became fixated on her short, thick, shapely legs imprinted
through her thin, draping, floral summer dress and when she exited the car,
standing at about 55, I beheld her low and narrow waistline with a proper
rump calling out to me. The yellow Asian womans low waist has driven
me crazy since my childhood and as I walked behind her up the steps, with
her sizeable buttocks, small waist and adequately spread hips swaying to
and fro, her panty lines mesmerized me, causing me to place my hands in
my pockets to hide the effects of her powers. Having lived in Boston for
some years, Hisako, 35, divorced with a 6-year-old son, was a near native
English speaker with an amiable personality and average face. Not exactly
the kind of face to which I was overly attracted, but her body rocked.

Coincidentally, I chose an apartment on the top floor of the building where

she worked, with only marginal intentions of pursuing her as I thought,
after seeing the constant inflow of my harem, there was no way she would
want to be among them.
Its just too close to home. But this was when I was still somewhat nave
about the sexual dynamics of Japanese women. Over the course of a
year we became very friendly and I gradually understood that like most
untouchables in Japan - divorced with a child she too was getting no
action, existing in quiet sexless and affectionless desperation. She made the
monthly trip downstairs to pay my rent, one of hardened arousal as I always
anticipated lusting after her hourglass curves. Like many Japanese women
endowed with her glutes, they had been a source of a major complex since
her childhood. Hence most of the time, to my disappointment she wore
loose fitting clothes.

My butt is not like a normal Japanese butt, she complained.

Dont worry, its perfect, I assured her, turning her around to get a good
view.
You like it?
Oh yes. Ass is very important to us black men.

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So desu ne? (Thats right isnt it?) When I was in Boston, so many black
men would approach me and my sister always told me it was because of
my butt.
Your sister is right, its nice.

During our conversations, we sometimes talked about my whoring.

So whos the new girl? She regularly enquired.
And sometimes they accompanied me downstairs to pay the rent, where I
would introduce them to her, thinking that there was no way shed even let
me near her given her full awareness of my blatant, in her face philandering.
But finally I popped the question during one of our flirtatious episodes.

So when are you gonna invite me to see where you live?

I have to see when my sister can keep my son.
Two Fridays later, after one of those volcanic events with Karin, where she
as usual, threatened to call the police and immigration, Hisako instructed
me to walk down the street and around the corner about 500 meters, where
she would meet me after work. Understandably, her concern was her boss
and our neighbors, at least the immediate ones. She didnt want them to
see me leaving with her in her company car after work. Instead it would
have been better if I appeared to have been walking on my own, when she
showed up coincidentally and offered me a ride.
Hey, where are you going? pulling up beside me.
Im just going down to the station. Gonna give me a ride?
And just like I did at Shukugawa station a year earlier, I hopped in beside
her, only this time I immediately hoisted her dress to fondle her legs and
caress her heat.
Dame dame dame! Slapping away my hand.
Abunai kara, (Its dangerous) I cant concentrate to drive.
But I persisted, to which she responded by forcefully moving my right
hand with her left.
Hai, wakatta, (I get it) I complied.
Ill wait til we get to your apartment.

Immediately after arriving, I pulled up her dress to palm her cakes

while gently stroking her tongue with mine, picked her up, mouths still
intertwined and carried her to her bare dining table where without any
further foreplay I removed her knickers and sank my year-old crystallized
desire deep inside her.
Remember when you were walking up the steps in front of me to show
me that apartment? Tipping on my toes, slowly gyrating inside her.

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This is what I wanted to do to you.
Really? Barely getting out her speech as though I was touching her
tonsils.
Chotto itai. (It hurts a little)
Motto yukuri, (more slowly)
It seems Hisako too had a year of pent up desire, as in no time she was
clenching the edge of the table, pressing her eyes shut in shivers.
Ikkkkkkkku, sounding guttural and barely able to speak.
After her arrival I turn her around arcing her over the table. The instant I
slow dived from behind, bulbous cream cakes in view, I had to rapidly repel
so as not to release litres of life sauce inside her. Thereafter, paying my rent
would even be a more anticipated experience, as I would sometimes take
her to the back quarters of the office where Id remove her underwear and
pleasure us on any available furniture.

Our adventures came to a halt after Hisako became involved with a newly
hired assistant some ten years her junior, which lead to another unplanned
pregnancy, leading to her second dekichatta kekkon. After she quit, he
forbade her from contacting me, but two years later during a surprise
encounter, she confided in me that she was currently distraught, facing her
second divorce.

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ANITA RETURNS

Early spring of 2003 gave me the shock of my life, when one day on my
way to the Jamaican restaurant in Sannomiya, lo and behold, in front of
my very eyes was Anita McKenzie, in the exact place I had met her a year
before. I had sent her several e-mails to no avail and having written her
off, seeing her again was even more of a shock. We hugged in greeting and
she appeared genuinely elated to see me, screaming and smiling from east
to west.
Oh my God! In the same place, this must be a sign.
How come you didnt respond to my e-mails? I queried.
I am so so so sorry, things were so hectic and I was going through a lot.
I didnt buy it for a second.
Yeh, yeh, yeh. You just didnt wanna communicate with me, I understand.
Im a big boy, I can handle the rejection, its ok.
No, trust me, its not like that.
Shortly after, like a dj vu, her same sour faced friend appeared, but before
they disappeared, she released the digits.
We can talk, Im back for good.

We met twice a week on average, and I easily gained her trust, by showing
no interest in intimacy, instead listening a lot and at most hugging her. In
fact, though she had the perfect face and physique, in my extreme yellow
preference, she aroused me only marginally, as she was only half-yellow.
I derived more pleasure from admiring her stunning beauty and being
in public with her was a gas for my ego. But a large part of me wanted
desperately to be attracted to her more. Her beauty was show stopping.
But sensing drama, I kept my emotional distance. Sometimes her days
without make up revealed infrequent acne, but even then, her beauty was
unspeakable and her blemishes just seemed like a constellation of beauty
spots.

As I got to know Anita, it struck me as odd how a young woman 20 years

old with such bullet train stopping beauty, a more beautiful Angelina Jolie
meets a more beautiful Gina Davis if thats imaginable a native speaker
of English and Japanese, could be so insecure, floundering directionless and

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aimless in life, battling depression and existing well below her potential.
This re-affirmed my conclusion from a year prior that there had to be much
trauma. Unspeakable trauma, I thought. Especially having spent half her life
in the West, where women are far more confident than their counterparts
in Japan, she should have been operating at full throttle. Something just
wasnt right. Yes I understood very well her identity crisis, being a double
and having spent equal time in Japan and Canada. Her concern of not
knowing whether she belonged here or in Canada made sense to me and
I empathized and advised as best as I could. However, in the absence of
trauma, a woman in her shoes with such potential, completely aware that
there are infinitely more opportunities for women in Canada than in Japan,
would have chosen the West. Anita struggled through various menial retail
and hostess jobs in the ensuing months, completely unaware of her super-
star potential.

Eventually I gained her trust and she began to initiate affection with lots
of cuddling, touching and hugging, transforming from the cold heartless
person I had met a year prior. On a park bench one evening in Settsu
Mottoyama, not far from Sannomiya, with her in my arms, sitting on my
lap like a child, in my most compassionate and caring voice I investigated,
when you were little, what happened to you?
Howd you know anything happened?
Thats the thing, I dont know.
Did anything happen?
And in the most matter of fact voice, as though she had relayed this event
countless times, my father started to fondle me when I was eight, then he
began penetrating me at 12, gave me my first orgasm at 14.
I knew it!

Immediately I became flushed with anger and nausea at this fucking anal
sphincter who could do this to his own child. But strangely enough, it
was somewhat arousing at the same time, kin to the paradoxical emotions
rape evokes in me. On one hand I would love to castrate all rapists, but
on the other hand, I am especially aroused by rape scenes in films. My
conflicting feelings were followed by a strange desire to immediately reject
her, perhaps because I knew from experience and from information Id
read and studied, that the victims of sexual abuse whose perpetrators were
primary care givers fathers or mothers are especially incurable, plagued
with high drama and are rendered permanently damaged. But I resisted
the urge and held her tighter, as she continued to confide in me how, as
the Canadian authorities were moving in on her father, her mother, in her

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typical Japanese thinking, abruptly relocated the entire family to Japan to
protect her husband.

I hate that bitch! I hate my dad too, but I hate that bitch more, because
she knew and didnt do shit.

I hated the bitch too and continued showing my support for several months
to come, meeting almost daily and sometimes traveling domestically. Soon
thereafter we became a pseudo-couple, with my advising her on her life
choices, almost similar to how an uncle would advise a niece. But I became
frustrated with the direction of the relationship: it was going nowhere,
as she was only twenty and I was almost twice her age. The only hope
was to make a full commitment to her and return with her to the West,
preferably to California, where she would be able to pursue her passion in
entertainment. However, she was just too young with lots of growing to
do, and though for egotistical reasons I wanted her to carry my progeny,
I couldnt bring myself to committing the selfish act of impregnating her
after she had gained my trust. So I settled for satisfying my ego by using
her as eye candy, sporting her at every chance. Part of me desperately
wanted to help her, but in the end, like the scorpion which stung the frog
as it carried him across the river, my nature overpowered me and I invited
Anita over for dinner.

Upon removing her clothes, Anita revealed a perfect, flawless and

unblemished body which would cause water to flow uphill. Flawless that
is, except for unsightly feet disfigured from many hours of dance lessons
and performances since childhood. Her chocolate-chip-nippled, latte-
colored breasts were exquisitely shaped, as if sculpted by a master breast
maker. With a small waist to hip ratio which made me want to fill her with
semen to make my own football team, I began to gently massage her 36Bs
as I lowered her to my futon. Disturbingly, though before me was a woman
whose physicality was the embodiment of perfection, the missile rose only
half mast. The reality was I had no burning desire for intimacy with her,
just some juvenile drive to conquer, especially given her ego bruising snub
a year earlier. In addition, if ever it was unclear before, my half limp phallus
demonstrated the virulence of my yellow fever. The missile is specialized
and can only be launched at the sight of 100% yellow.

For upon paying Karin a visit the next day, though far from Anitas perfection,
the rod sprung to full attention for the usual wax-a-thon. Fortunately, my
semi erect war head was enough to do the job with Anita. So after going

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south and staying there for a while, I slowly inserted and began to grow
to somewhat full proportions. Initially there was apprehension all over her
face, as though she wanted to say, should we be doing this? But shortly
thereafter she began to gyrate and fondle her clitoris as I fed it to her and
in no time she was touching down trembling spastically. After her arrival,
not trusting myself to withdraw in time, I eased out and had her stand
over me as I relieved myself manually. Temptation was too great to at least
try to impregnate her, so I unloaded in the air, all over my hands and the
futon. After both our arrivals I held her in silence for what seemed like an
eternity, as we lay there starkly aware that we had done the wrong thing.

Is that the only way you can come, touching yourself? I asked, breaking
the silence.
Yeh, my dad used to touch me like that when he was inside me.

The next morning it would have taken a chain saw to cut through the
deafening silence as she got dressed.

I gotta go to work, see you later ne, Anita and I were never the same, we
were not like we used to be after that night together. She frequently made
excuses to avoid me and the only times we met thereafter were during
random encounters in the streets of Sannomiya, where she stared in my
eyes in silent pain.
Why, why did you do that? She appeared to be querying. Knowing full well
that I had violated her, after gaining her trust, just like her father did, I
made several futile attempts at apologizing and rekindling our friendship.

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IRIE ( Y- RI-EH)

Shortly after my surprise encounter with Anita that spring, after leaving a
junior high school in Akashi where I was teaching, I met Irie on a bus on
the way to JR Akashi station. Irie, a former hostess during her University
years at 19, was fly and I damn near stripped her visually of every garment,
as we rode the bus together. I didnt want to know her name or anything
about her for that matter. I just wanted to throw her on the floor, rip her
Kobe fly girl clothes off and defile her, right there on the floor of the
bus. We constantly made eye contact and smiled with each other, while I
made my predacious motives perfectly clear, sending her overt but discreet
messages that I wanted her for my next meal. Like Tomoko before her, Irie
was petite, not more than five feet and accurately proportioned. She had the
appearance of a doll and all I could imagine was curling her onto me. Ever
since my childhood, I had always had a penchant for petite women, as so
much more can be done with them and spooning with them is heavenly.

As probability would have it, upon our arrival at JR Akashi station we

were both headed toward Osaka and noticing her on the same platform,
I discreetly strolled over in her direction and stood by her. Konichiwa, I
opened.
Wa! Nihongo shaberu!? (Wow! You speak Japanese!?) Doko kara
kimashitaka?
Jamaica desu.
Haaaaaay! Hunto?! Reggae dai suki. (Really!? I love reggae.)

Our second meeting was two weeks later at Harbour Land in Kobe, to
which she wore the tightest jeans making public her member petrifying
curves and derriere. It is said that amazing things come in small packages
and Irie, like Tomoko, validated that saying. With her ten a day habit,
she was among the rising 16 % of women who smoke in Japan, but as a
testament to her enormous rod hardening sex appeal, I waived my disdain
for cigarettes along with the accompanying breath and decided to endure
the pounding headaches that would result in kissing her. Considering
her half a pack a day habit, her grill was in acceptable shape, scarcely
miscoloured with only a left upper canine malocclusion.

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Within forty minutes I was hugging her and after the first kiss, I had to
break it to her that, homie just could not handle kissing Jody Camel.
Ja, tabako wa, yameta hoga ii yo, (I think you should quit smoking.)
Aaa, she shrieked self-consciously. Kusaii? (Does it smell bad?)
Aji mo. (It tastes bad too.)
Gome, gome, gome. Yameru, zetai yameru. Gome. (Im sorry, sorry. Im
gonna stop, Im definitely gonna stop.)
Tabako to Irichan no kao wa awanai, Irichan wa kireii kara awanai.
(Cigarettes dont match your face because youre beautiful.)
Yameru, yameru, zetai yameru. Taskete (Help me.)
And I assured her of my support, after which she began chewing some
gum. After an hour of sitting and talking by the ocean, I convinced her to
accompany me to my apartment citing our difficulties in communicating.
She spoke no English and though my Japanese was adequate I pretended
the opposite and sold her on the need for a dictionary, which I of course
had at my apartment.

Irie, or Irichan - who constantly boasted of a caring, affectionate

relationship with her dad - wore absolutely no signs of trauma, just radiant
smiles even when she was exhausted, as she usually was. A 23-year-old
psychology graduate, like so many Japanese women she was overworked
and overstressed, slaving away in retail some 14 hours a day, with only
two or three days off per month. Twice a month she traveled to Korea on
buying trips for the boutique, or more accurately, the plantation where
she slaved. Immediately upon entering the freak pad, I stooped down to
remove her brown knee-high boots then picked her up, all 45 kilograms of
her, placed her back against the wall and proceeded to devour her breast in
her clothes. Chotto matte, (Hold on a second) I said.

Ha migakishite, (Brush your teeth) gently lowering her. As she brushed

her teeth, I began to pry her out of her skin tight jeans, lowering them to
her thighs so I could wade through her bush from behind. As expected,
from what was trying to burst out, the roundest glutes invited me to bend
her over my bathroom sink. But as I waded through the woods, she lost all
motor coordination and was unable to continue brushing her teeth.
Matte, matte, hamigaki deki nai yo. ( Wait, wait, I cant brush my teeth.)

After laying the naked miniature guitar on my futon, I began to wrap

my mouth around her bulbous perfectly proportioned breasts, but to my
surprise, she had no interest in foreplay, it was taking too long.
Irette, irette, hoshi. (Put it in, put it in, I want it.) And when I tried to
roll on the mag 5,
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Sono mama irette, kondomu kirai. (Put it in without the condom, I hate
condoms.)

Spreading her firm short legs to occupy her, I slowly slid in as she wailed,
never before experiencing such full and complete occupancy. She was short
and so was her heaven, hence a full third of me was out in the cold, as my
corona, foreskin retracting with every advance, seemed to pound against a
wall. I thought she would have needed an airlift to the emergency room,
but instead she kept yelling,

motto, motto, iku. (more, more, Im coming.) My leftward crooked

girth monopolized her den as she screamed breathlessly, riddled with
ecstasy as the levies broke. After she came, I picked her up again and began
curling her like a dumb bell, sliding her up and down the axle until her
flood gates opened again at which time I abruptly withdrew, microseconds
before gushing inside her.

Irie damn near lost her mind, flooding my tatami. It was then that I
suggested to her to get on the pill, since neither of us liked condoms. But
my suggestion was met with skepticism and resistance.
Daijobu, pill ga karada ni warukunaru kara. (Its ok. The pill is not good
for your body anyway.)

Thereafter, Irie and I were never seen in public again, she came over only
for servicing. Other than drinking, our fortnightly meetings were her only
release from her uberstressful existence and she anticipated them like a child
waiting for the ice cream truck. We continued for four months until Karin
decided that she finally wanted us to be together, after which I abruptly
ceased all contact with Irie, ignoring all her calls and e-mails. It took two
months before she got the hint and stopped calling. In September of
2004, a year and three months after Karin and I permanently separated, I
rang Irie and it was as though she had been sitting by her phone, life on
hold, waiting for my phone call. Not once did she inquire as to why I had
ignored her and failed to be in contact. Instead, by the end of our brief
conversation, she had agreed to come over in three days.

We quickly continued where we had left off and on the first night of our
reunion, as usual, she wanted me to go in unstrapped. Having not seen her
coca cola bottle shape in so long, upon mounting and planting the nozzle, I
quickly lost control and like an aircraft dumping excess fuel over the ocean,
I emptied my vas deferens deep inside her. Surely I had dumped enough

186
fuel in her ocean to impregnate her even if her ovulation period was two
months away.
It was just too late to withdraw, the horse had already gone through the gate so
might as well enjoy it to the last drop, I thought.
Irie and I continued on her subsequent days off, taking x rated pictures
and making our own porn videos, until some months later she stopped
returning my calls and ceased all responses to my e-mails. When she finally
did, she visited me on her earliest day off and produced a sonogram from
the Kubo Mizuki ladies clinic.
Kore wa nani? I inquired. (Whats this?)
Watashi tashi no akachan. (Our baby)
Nan gatsu? (How many months?)
Chuzetsushita. (I had an abortion)
Engulfed by inscrutable saturninity, we sat on my Le France bed in silence,
before I held her petite body in my arms.

Even after the operation she was still resistant to the idea of the pill and
we continued as before. Our only changes were,
Naka ni dasanaide ne. (Dont come inside me, OK?)
Within a few months I was off to Jamaica where she e-mailed me after
three months.

Kaetara, mo awanai. Chuzetsushitakunai. (I dont want to meet anymore

when you return to Japan, because I dont want anymore abortions.)
Seeking desperately to reduce inventory and concentrate on my two
marriage candidates, her decision was welcomed music to my ears.

Three years past and after discovering her number on an old cellphone
in March 08, within 48 hours of contact, two months before my final
departure from Japan Irie was again on the scene.

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MIHO

Two weeks after we met I made the journey to my Japanese hometown

to visit Miho. After meeting me at the station in her lowered, yankified
Honda T-max, she took me to a bar, proudly displaying me to her friends.
Overpowered by the smoky environment, I urged her to leave, though I
had no idea where we would go, or where I would be staying for the night.
Wasting no more time, she drove us directly to a love hotel where she
stripped of everything but her knee-high boots, following my request. Hers
was a faultless body, from curves to protrusions, which sent my anatomy
into shock. I begged her to stand to the side, to drool at the sight of her
statuesque physique. Her English was sparse and once at the hotel she
cared little for conversation, so we simply got down to business. Foreplay
was brief and as she spread her long legs upon reception, the soles of her
boots appeared to touch the ceiling. Momentarily I stopped to control my
arrival, to give her first priority and after her quick climax I lost all logic.
Overpowered by the primal instinct to breed, I emancipated an avalanche,
which according to her, flowed from her for days.

Given her tendencies toward extreme possessiveness, Mihos presence on

the list was short lived, prompted by her insistence on exclusivity almost
immediately after our first encounter. She wanted to move in with me
in Kobe, where shed find a job. No doubt, having discovered that I was
planning a long term stay in Japan, she sought to place me under lockdown.
But as fine as she was and especially since her father was a member of the
infamous yakuza, homie was just not going to venture in to that arena. So
after only two months, she faded into oblivion.

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KAZUMI

Working as a receptionist at the school which dispatched me to various

junior high schools, 21-year-old Kazumi was another mini encounter.
In fact, our short lived relationship was simply because she was one of
the few well adjusted young women I had met in Japan, who terminated
contact with me. Since the start of my employment at this company, I had
been admiring her from a distance in the office, being careful to curtail my
drooling and conceal my desire when conversing with her. As long as she
was always at her post in the office, there would have been no way to step
to her. But one day my luck changed. As I entered the building she was
ascending the stairs, on her way back to the office. Stepping up the pace I
quickly approached her from behind.
Your boyfriend is a very lucky guy.
You think so? But I dont have one.
Ill find you one, so give me your phone number and Ill call you when I
find him.
Before rounding the bend to the office, she reeled off the digits as I dialed
them on my cell phone for storage.

Kazu was among the few women who, wearing no detectable trace of
trauma, boasted of a loving, caring and supportive relationship with her
parents, in particular her father.
I love love love my father. He is the kindest man in the world.
My father is the only man my mother knew, he taught her everything and
made her the successful business person she is today. They are so happy
with each other. Thats the kind of relationship that I want.

From my experiences in Japan, those were indeed rare words about

Japanese parents, especially coming from a woman about her father. In
early May 2003, the night of May 5th to be exact, after my second date
with Shoko, Kazu and I met in Sumiyoshi where an annual festival was
being held. After hanging out for an hour, she accepted my invitation to
my apartment, initiating her briefly into the satellite club. Upon arriving
at my apartment there was no dinner as I had prepared for the others, just
getting straight to the point of physical enjoyment.

189
Kazu was the only Japanese woman who insisted on my strapping up,
prepared even to hold out and flat out refuse had I not don a condom.
Encircling her dark nipples with my mouth immediately revealed the
source of her adamancy: she was still lactating from a recently aborted
pregnancy.

Was he a foreigner? I queried.

No, Japanese.
But that did not deter her from multiple climaxes. A testament to her well
adjusted personality - a rarity among the numerous Japanese women with
whom I had been - after two months she abruptly halted our trysts.

I dont want to go to your apartment anymore, she declared. I was just

curious about you since you were so popular among the junior high school
students and teachers. The last thing I need is someone like you. And
right she was.

I know about foreigners like you, she continued. You just come here and
take advantage of Japanese girls because Japanese girls are easy.

Again, her statement was correct. Though I had known nothing of

Japanese women before landing on the island, upon becoming familiar
with the terrain, I most certainly took full advantage. As attractive as she
was, her decision was most welcomed, as in Japan, given the high erotic
capital of Western men, infrequent rejection was a source of regular, well
needed attrition. Sparing herself a great deal of pain, unbeknownst to her,
she had also granted me a favour.

190
AKIYO

Stepping off the Hankyu train one day in the late spring of 2003, I observed
a pair of inviting cakes clad in tight black pants. Quickening my pace I
moved in to evaluate her face, which in retrospect was a waste of time as
I had already decided that, even with the face of a bull terrier, with such
a round and protruding posterior, I wanted her on my futon. Akiyos acne
scarred, 33-year-old face showed signs of extensive trauma and her missing
upper right bicuspid told me she wasnt exactly wealthy. With a body like
hers; thick, curvaceous with big legs extending beneath a round rump, had
she not been a lover of chocolate, she without question would have been a
prime candidate. Her English was near native, having returned from four
years in Canada, where she had endured years of torturous matrimony to
a physically abusive coked out Jamaican. Nonetheless, her face was a little
above average and in fact in the West, she would have been well sought
after.

So where are you from?

Jamaica
Oh GOD! Rolling her eyes in disgulief ( disgust and disbelief ).
But you dont sound Jamaican. I used to be married to a Jamaican.
I left when I was a kid, lived in America and England, I amended, sensing
a traumatic experience with one of my countrymen, given our penchant for
causing pain.
He was pretty bad, huh?
Jesus! I cant even begin to tell you. He was drama 24/7.
Yep, thats us. Not me though, I left that kinda drama a long time ago.
But yo, Jamaicans arent the only ones who are crazy. I got a crazy Japanese
girlfriend.

Akiyo was one of those seeking to escape the oppression of her family and
the choking restriction of Japanese society, by marrying a Jamaican who
was on a professional basketball team in Japan. But escaping the frying
pan, she landed head first into an inferno of daily whoop ass, baby mama
drama and drug addiction, after which she escaped, found the Lord and
returned to the frying pan. Now at 33 and back in the pot on the stove,

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she was saddled with a curfew, working for her fathers container repair
company and in her words, worshipping the Lord.

Yes, trauma always takes people to the Lord, but I can give you what the Lord
cant, thinking to myself. During the short walk from the station, we
exchanged numbers and in two weeks she was at my apartment where we
engaged in stimulating, sometimes heated conversation about everything,
from the similarities of Japanese and Jamaican society to her inviting me
to church. But all the while, I was just imagining her against the wall
naked. Once during our conversation, I began to stare at her with laser eyes
burning off her clothes.

Why you lookin at me like that?

Im imagining what you look like out of those jeans, gently pulling her
next to me and touching her lips to mine.

You got a gir And before she could get the rest of the word out, our
tongues were locked and I was hastily undoing her pants. Her rosy cheeks
peered from black bikinis and I dug my hand into her forest. Like a junior
high schoolboy taking advantage of a girl whose parents werent home,
I hastily unhooked her bra to liberate her perfectly shaped breasts and
pulled both top and bra over her head. Standing her naked against my wall,
I removed the limb from my pants and began to relieve myself as I stared
at her. She was a thick African woman with a Japanese face.

Why the hell are you Jamaicans all like that? My husband used to do the
same thing.
Good, so youre used to it, as I continued to stroke the trunk.
What are you doing?
Chushite. (Kiss it), I requested.
And she knelt as if to pray but instead wrapped her lips around me.
What ever happened to all that talk about getting to know a man and wanting
him to respect you before you have sex? Thinking to myself. Akiyo like so many
other born again women whom I had known biblically, was in a constant
tug-o-war with normal, natural human desire for sex and adhering to the
absurd tenets of their religion. And as with all the other Christian women
with whom I came in biblical contact, the flesh was victorious.

Moments later with my corona hitting her pallet, I desecrated her oral
cavity with protein as I held the back of her head in detonating rapture.
Since exposure to fellatio, I had not been a fan. Perhaps because Im

192
uncircumcised, its usually uncomfortable and irritating, but Akiyo was
amazing and one of the few women who could bring me to climax during
that act. Living within ten minutes walk from each other, there were
frequent booty calls at odd hours of the night, but eventually she became
more demanding.

How come you never take me out? Im always coming over here in the
middle of the night and you have never taken me out. I wanna be treated
with respect, Im not coming over here again, which seemed to be her
mantra. But there were to be no sightings of us together outside, that was
just not going to happen. Having lived in the West, she had the right idea,
but she had it all backward expecting respect and to be taken out, after
giving it up with no such prerequisites.
Why would I take you out when I am getting what I want without doing so?

Despite her bitter protests, she continued to come over on call, even
bringing over candles and other decorative items, apparent territory
markers. Periodically she would stop visiting.
I have a boyfriend now, I cant come over anymore.
And I would be genuinely happy for her. But those moments were short
lived and her midnight trips would be reinstated until I left Japan for a six
month moratorium in Jamaica some two years later.

A year later, before my Jamaica hiatus, Azusa and I met Akiyo on the train,
where I introduced the two.
This is my fianc Azusa.
Azusa, this is Akiyo.
Wow shes cute. What the hell is she doing with you?
What can I say? I think shes blind, sensing some venom.

Speaking in Japanese, they exchanged information about each others

family names, domiciles and the possibility of hanging out together.
Is your apartment still messy? she asked turning to me.

Immediately I knew what that question was all about: to create drama, to
let Azusa know that she, Akiyo and I were intimate at one point. Azusa
detected it too, but fortunately before introducing them to each other, I
had preemptively told Azusa about her upon first spotting her on the train.
Given Akiyos acerbity, she was the prime suspect regarding a spooky,
anonymous letter received by Azusas parents, stating that the sender is a
friend of mine and Azusas. The sender continued to express concern that,

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since Azusa and I were getting married, Azusas parents may want to know
that I had been spotted on the train with a foreign woman - who turned
out to be Janelle, half Dutch and half Japanese bad mouthing Azusa
while trying to get Janelle to accompany me home.

After several futile internet encounters, Akiyo met some brother from
California, who within a few months arrived in Japan for them to
cohabitate. However, from my observation and from my friends accounts,
such arrangement has a high probability of failure. Many Japanese women,
who import Western white or black men, or who return to Japan with
the men they met in the West, are fully aware of the demand for these
men in Japan. As a result, they can be extremely possessive and sometimes
obsessively restricting, prohibiting the men from socializing. They are
quite aware of the high probability that, within a month or so these men
would begin spending their new found erotic currency.

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JANELLE

Returning home on the same train where I had met Akiyo some months
earlier, I spotted a Caucasian woman, or what I thought was a Caucasian
woman, thumbing away at supersonic speed on her cell phone. More
shocking was her blasting away in Japanese.

Wow, your Japanese is pretty good, I interrupted.

Im Japanese, she responded defensively as though offended.

Her curt response immediately clued me in to HER source of trauma,

displayed in her jowls, like many other Japanese in my daily observation on
the trains. Though Janelle had a Japanese father and was born and raised in
Japan for some 24 years, her phenotype was like that of her Dutch mother.
There was simply no hint of Japanese blood in her except for maybe her
stature of five feet.
Ever since I was a child, Ive been trying to convince people that Im
Japanese.

Hello, in this society where you were born, youre not Japanese, you cant
be Japanese, your mother is from Holland and you dont look Japanese,
you look like a foreigner, you look like a white woman, thats the reality.
So, until you stop fighting that reality, you are gonna have to live with your
identity crisis.

Aside from her sad countenance, she was fairly attractive and quite shapely.
But as I suffered from yellow fever, fortunately for her, she would not have
been a target of my pursuit, at least not immediately. But having nothing
else to do I accompanied her on her twenty minute walk home from the
station.
Jesus, you walk up these hills everyday? Why dont you just get a scooter
or something?
Its good exercise.
A few meters before arriving at her home, we stopped at a park overlooking
Kobe, where she divulged the news of her virginity at the adult age of 24.
Straightaway she became more attractive to me and my interest in her

195
increased. I wanted to be her first for none other than egotistical reasons.
But I was in no hurry, my plate was already full.

During my teenage years it was a big ego boost to introduce a maiden to

the world of sex, a notch on the belt so to speak. However, as I got older
and my addiction became more pronounced, I began to despise them and
developed a policy requiring women to come to the table or the bed
- with their tools, ready to do work, as opposed to arriving with books
ready to learn. I grew tired of teaching. Recently I was reacquainted with
an extra-ordinarily beautiful Norwegian lady whom I had met some seven
years ago in 1999 at a club in Los Angeles. Almost immediately after
our conversation started, she began to remind me of my brutal rejection
because she was a virgin. Barely recalling my actions at the time, I was
awestruck by my dismissal of such a perfectly, breathtakingly attractive
20-year-old woman, on account of her virginity. But all that changed after
touching Nippon soil.

The virgin, that nearly extinct species in the West, especially after the
teenage years, is a dime a dozen in Japan. In the West, especially in the
US and Jamaica where most of my life experiences lay pardon the pun
adult virgin women combined with the possibility of having experienced
some trauma, are usually Christians adhering to the strict doctrines of
their religion. However, in Japan adult virgin women are simply the result
of a social dynamic which breeds a profound inability for the two sexes to
communicate effectively.

Male female relations here are based on archaic Confucian ideologies and
while this ancient Chinese way of thinking may have some virtues, healthy
relations between the sexes are by no means among them. If in absence of
Confucian thought in the West, men are from Mars and women are from
Venus, then in Japan men are Marsian fish and women are lemurs from
Venus. Confucianism, from which a significant part of Japanese ideology
is derived, holds women in contempt and maintains that the socialization
of the sexes should be separate and unequal.
The woman with no talent is the one who has merit.
Womans greatest duty is to produce a son.
We should not be too familiar with the lower orders or with women.
These are but a random few of the many Confucian tenets regarding
women and to which contemporary Japan clings.

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Ironically, China, the origin of this thinking, has loosened somewhat its
Confucian choke hold on women, but Japan still clutches it as an integral
part of its existence, as it does to outdated laws borrowed from old Europe.
The Europeans have since modified those laws many times over, but Japan
still maintains and adheres to many of them, outdated and useless in their
original form. The Chinese are an overwhelming majority at schools
where Ive taken Japanese language classes and upon questioning them,
the women all spoke of awe after observing the dismal plight of Japanese
women.

I couldnt believe it when I first came here. The women have to do

everything for their husbands, even make their bath. They are like, like, I
dont know in English, dorei. (slave)
When I cook dinner, another chimed in, my ( Japanese) husband has to
wash the dishes. For example, today is his day off, so he stays with the baby
while I come to Japanese class.

Those words could hardly hail from the mouth of the average Japanese
woman. This oppressive social arrangement is in and of itself traumatic to
women en masse in Japan and is even perpetuated by their own fathers,
who themselves are torchbearers and gatekeepers of the danson jyohi
shakai. (male-chauvinist society). These men who are generally inept in
communicating, are especially so with their daughters. If father daughter
relations are strained in the West, then the tendency is several times greater
in Japan.

A few blocks from my apartment near the Kansu supermarket, there is a

toddlers park where I frequently observe parents interacting with their
children. Though overall there have been massive improvements since
2001 when I first arrived, observing Japanese fathers interact with their
children is still a painfully awkward sight and even more cringe inducing
when interacting with their daughters. Distant and non-interactive, they
seem to no sooner enjoy electrolysis on their testicles than interacting
with their children. Their behavior is akin to those of people in the West
who take their dogs to a dog park, just standing back and letting the dogs
run around. In fact, from my observation, the Japanese male is far more
interactive and tactile with his dog than he is with his children, at least
in public. Interacting with his daughter is even more of a teeth extracting
activity. While he is likely to touch and sometimes hug his sons, daughters
pine for their fathers touch to no avail.

197
Why dont you touch your daughters? I asked some fathers, including
some of my students.
So desu ne. (Thats a good question), inhaling through their teeth,
lamenting the answer to my apparently mind boggling question.
Seku hara, (Sexual harassment) one student responded.
How bizarre, I thought, failing to see the connection between sexual
harassment and affectionately touching ones child. But my students
response hinted at the intractable and deep seated discomfort Japanese
men harbor in interacting with members of the opposite sex, even if its
their own baby girl.

Add to the aforementioned schism the trauma of overt and salient abuse,
such as molestation, a common experience among women - both here
and the world over, though generally unaddressed here - and the result is
women with strong aversions to men or more accurately, Japanese men.
My conclusion of some five years ago was validated in a June 2006 article,
where Mr. Kunio Kitamura of the Japan Family Planning Association
stated, generally speaking, in Japan the ability of men and women to
communicate smoothly is very low, a condition which works very well
to the advantage of male Westerners, socialized in an environment free of
Confucian chains.

The article also included the results of a study conducted in May of the
same year titled, Male and Female Life and Awareness, which made public
the reality that over 10% of Japanese men between the ages of 40 and 45
are still virgins. And in another report 30% of unmarried men in their 40s
had never had sex. While the Forty-Year-Old Virgin was only a film in the
West, here its a reality for a great many who passionately participate in air
sex competitions. In other data compiled from a 2002 survey by Shigesato
Takahashi, chief demographer for the National Institute of Population and
Social Security Research, over half of all unmarried men between 18 and
34 have had no sexual, friendly or casual relationships with a woman. And
among unmarried women of the same age group, 40% reported that they
have had no casual or intimate relations with men. In other words, still
virgins. Moreover, 30% of men between the ages of 25 and 29 and 35% of
Japanese women in that same age group have never had sex.

Among my four virgins was an Office Lady, company class student of mine,
who still had her calcified annular hymen firmly in tact. At 36- years-old
Wakako, my oldest virgin, hemorrhaged litres all over my tatami. To the
average newcomer to Japan, an attractive, curvaceous, 156 centimeter 36-

198
year-old virgin woman would have been incredulous. But having resided
here for six years, I had anticipated her stories of severe trauma, stories
of double parental loss in her youth and a frightening attempt at sex at
twenty. Further securing her purity until nearly 40 years old, was her
attendance at an all-girls high school and university, depriving her of badly
needed interpersonal skills necessary to communicate with members of
the opposite sex. Wakako reported that after graduation from university,
she simply buried herself in work in order to cope with the loss of her
parents.

After two months of cell phone e-mails, Janelle was scheduled to visit
my apartment, where I gave her the usual treatment; cooked her dinner,
showed her some affection, and introduced her to the world of orgasms.
She insisted on a no entry policy, as I was not prepared to commit to her
and I respected that. In fact, it was quite a relief, as I harbored no further
intentions had she not approved drilling rights. On the day of her debut
visit, she waited outside my apartment for an hour as I overstayed my visit
with Fu. After providing her with her first climax ever, I taught her how
to pleasure herself, advising her,

You dont have to give up your virginity if you dont want to, but Im gonna
teach you how to make yourself happy when youre at home. Returning
home, she e-mailed me with a glee that radiated from my telephone screen.
I just did it three more times, thanks for teaching me.

Like most of the others, Janelle and I never dated. Being spotted in public
together was only during our accidental meetings on the train, at which
time I would spontaneously invite her over for her orgas-ma-fest. Usually
she was helpless against my invitations. Many times she made attempts at
reception, but would quickly give up on account of the pain, which usually
prompted her to reassert her no boyfriend or love, no entry policy.

Janelle, like many others, existed within the confines of a miserable family
headed by a cold, unaffectionate, non-communicative Japanese father.
I dont even remember my last conversation with him.
Her mother, a former stalwart from the Netherlands, had been reduced to
a pusillanimous maid, lonely in her marriage, and her two other sisters
left home at the earliest opportunity, fleeing to Europe. However Janelle
remained, I surmised for reasons of diffidence. A year later during one
of our many outdoor encounters at a nearby lake, with my hand in her
underwear, Jan looked up at me.

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You wanna have sex with me, right?
Yeh, of course I do.
Then why cant you tell me you love me?
Because I dont.
But you could lie. Why cant you lie?
Such desperation at such a young age, how very sad.
Perhaps because I was now older, wiser and more considerate, but having
devirginised Shoko just a few months back I had become sentimental and
started to appreciate the sacredness of a womans virginity. Subsequently,
though that was my original motive a year earlier, I had no intentions of
deceiving Janelle in order to be her first.

Gradually our rendezvous were reduced to even less frequent chance

brushes on the train, when I would invite her to my apartment for pleasure
from my digits and futile entry attempts. This continued for a year and a
half until a January e-mail from her with a change of tone.
My parents are on holiday in Amsterdam, it read.
Can you come over?
I cant be there until the 20th.
Ok, I will meet you at the station after work at nine.
Finally acquiescing to the reality that there would be no love or exclusivity
agreement, after holding out for over a year, she was ready.
Her parents house in the hills overlooking Kobe, was a sprawling institute
of grey concrete, with the warmth and comfort of a medieval dungeon. Just
being there partly explained the reason for her droopy face. Most county
jail cells in which I had spent countless weekends in California were
more appealing. I am utterly convinced the Japanese would be so much
happier with central heating in their homes. For a moment I thought I had
stepped into a frigid classroom at one of the junior high schools in Osaka
or Akashi where Id been teaching, but this was the supposed castle of an
extremely wealthy trading company owner in the Beverly Hills of Japan.
Bracing against the elements, we prepared to take a hot bath together in
her tenement looking bathroom, one which replicated the shower area at
Santa Clarita minimum security facilities in California.

Too preoccupied with the after bath, the bitter cold which awaited me
upon setting foot outside the tub, I was unable to fully enjoy the experience
and after rising from the tub I quickly abandoned her, sprinting faster than
Usain Bolt to her room. It had taken Janelle over a year to psych herself up
for the occasion, and indeed she was a trooper even as her flesh slowly gave
way, transforming her sheets into a Matadors cloth.

200
Two months later I went to Jamaica and upon re-entry from my six month
absence, we continued where we left off until our encounters returned to
chance meetings on the train. After some three years she finally came to
her senses and found the strength to resist my invitations when our paths
crossed arbitrarily.

I made the worse mistake of my life. I wanted to give my virginity to

someone who loved me. You are such a terrible person.
Well, at least I didnt lie to you, I rebutted. You would have felt much
worse had you found out that I had lied to you just to get you into bed.
The fact of the matter was, I had changed. No longer did I possess the
desire to persuade her to join me in my apartment. I was making the
transition out of the game, settling down, actively dating and preparing to
marry two women.

In 2007 Janelle finally heeded my preaching and moved to Europe where

she would further her education and put her multi-lingual skills to good
use.

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SHOKO

On April 15th 2003 about two months after meeting Chika, I beheld
a young breathtakingly beautiful, doll faced queen as I descended the
escalator at Sannomiya station. Exuding elegance, she was attired in a
sweater and a plaid, pleated burgundy and ash Burberry miniskirt. Though
scandalously short, it was classy, exposing her delicious, vanilla porcelain
thighs. With earphones firmly planted in her ears, her demeanor screamed,
dont even think about talking to me. To the average person her trauma
might not have been visible, however with my traumadar (trauma radar),
my keen awareness of the pervasive state of depression which haunts many
Japanese, I interpreted her countenance as a cry for help, beckoning to me
in a quest for human affection. In any event, with that pulchritudinous
face and resplendent attire, had she been wearing subwoofers and 15 inch
Cerwin Vegas over her ears, homie still would have been severe about
stepping to her. After seeing her for only a few seconds as we passed each
other on the escalators, I rushed down to board the upward bound escalator
in full pursuit, praying that my prey looked half as good from behind as
she did from in front. Boarding the ascending escalator and taking in the
view leapt my nature out of control, as not only was she orbiculate, but her
micro-mini revealed the firmament and all its heavenly bodies, sun, moon
and many stars. Hastily I hiked up the moving steps to catch up with her.

Do you speak English? invading her personal space and interrupting her
isolative countenance.
No I dont, slowly waving her hand in front of her face. But like so many
other Japanese, her command of English exceeded her confidence. After
some ten minutes of butchering each others language, it was time to close
the deal, otherwise I would have been late for work, or more accurately,
more tardy for work.
You should give me your e-mail, Ill write to you so you can practice your
English and I can practice my Japanese.
Whipping out her cellular to show me her e-mail address, surprisingly
revealed none other than the singer Maxwell on her wallpaper. This was
a sign both good and bad: Bad if she had chocolate eyes and had been

202
exploring the chocolate community, but good if she simply had an interest
but not yet initiated. Fortunately, the latter was the case. Besides, with a
rump like hers it was only natural that she would attract chocolate.

In contrast to her parents, especially her mothers loathe for foreigners,

Shoko had been a closeted admirer of foreign culture since her junior high
school days, but like most Japanese, diffidence far superseded her interests.
Al Green, a singer I despised in my childhood but began appreciating
in my late twenties, was among her favourites, which made me quite
embarrassed for despising the reverend for all those years. For here was a
typical Japanese woman of 23 years old who, as I later discovered, knew all
of Al Greens songs and even sparked my interest in Maxwell. Never could
I have imagined that this royal looking dame, with such repellant beauty
would be into rhythm and blues. From her elementary school days, Shokos
parents had been drilling in her psyche, their abhorrence for foreigners and
strictly forbade her from even thinking about dating one.
You would really disappoint us if you ever dated a foreigner, her mother
constantly reprimanded. Obviously they had never heard of psychological
reactance theory. Shoko reminded me of my favourite flowers: Gerber
daisies. Except that she, like many of her peers, was wilted and trampled
by depression.

By no means was she alone in her suffering. Based on a 2002 survey, some
60% of female employees and 50% of males in small and medium sized
companies suffered from depression, while 16% of females and 11% of
males reported that they suffered moderate to severe depression. According
to another survey, doubling the rate recorded in 1993, some 64,000 people
per day in Japan either consulted specialists or were hospitalized for
mood disorders in 1999. Satoru Shima, professor of clinical psychology
at Kyoto Bunkyo University, headed a survey commissioned in January
2007 by the Ministry of Health Labor and Welfare, which revealed that
2.2% of the workforce in small to medium sized companies in Tokyos
Ota and Chiyoda wards had attempted suicide in the past year. This was
an alarming increase from the results of previous surveys, which showed
that only 0.1% of employees had attempted suicide in the same period. In
a 2007 white paper report, the number of people suffering from mental
disorders in Japan hit a record high of 3.03 million in 2005, marking an
increase of 450,000 from 2002. One third, the largest proportion, suffered
emotional disorders such as bipolar disorder. The report continues that
about 2.68 million people were out patients, an increase of 440,000 from
2002, while about 350,000 were institutionalized, marking an increase

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of 10,000 from three years prior and the highest amount of hospitalized
mentally ill patients in the world. At 406 days, Japan also has the longest
average stay for the mentally ill.
A 2007 report from The Ministry of Education revealed that of the 7,655
teachers at public elementary, junior high and senior high schools who
took sick leave in the 2006 academic year, 4,675, or 61% suffered mental
illness including depression. The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports,
Science and Technology states that both figures are record highs, as the
number of teachers taking days off due to mental illness, increased for the
14th consecutive year.

Japans jaw dropping beauty runs counter to the collective unhappiness

and dismally crippling emotional conditions of its populace. A global
poll on values conducted by the Pew Foundation revealed that among
wealthy nations, the Japanese are the most pessimistic. Only 9% of
Japanese surveyed were satisfied with their society. In 2006, Researchers
at Englands University of Leicester, utilizing data compiled from 178
countries, created a happiness index on which Japan was 90th, the US
23rd, Canada and the Bahamas in the top ten and Denmark number one.
And in the aforementioned June 2008 Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing
survey of 26,000 people in 26 countries, in contrast to 50% of the British
and 74% of the French, only 19% of the Japanese the lowest in the world
- are happy with their psychological health.

Children are by no means spared in Japans masochistic society. Researchers

at Hokkaido University discovered that one in four junior high school
students is depressed, far more than their counterparts in the United
States and Europe, and to which an increase in suicides among elementary
and junior high students speaks volumes. Data from the World Health
Organization estimates that with a population of 126 million, Japan is
second only to the United States in the number of depressed individuals,
though the American population at 300 million is more than double that
of Japans. Two thousand one was the year Paxil was introduced to Japan,
which generated $96.5 million in sales in the first full year. Two years
later sales skyrocketed to $298 million, almost matching the per capita
sales of the drug in America. Adding misery to the crisis, according to the
WHO, there are only ten thousand psychiatrists for the millions suffering
depression in Japan, which along with demonstrating the primitive state
of psychiatry in the country, also exposes general inadequacies in medical
care.

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Also in acute shortage are obstetricians and gynecologists, the very doctors
necessary in the event Japan were to experience a remotely unlikely
miraculous increase in its nose-diving fertility rate. Deterred by among
other factors, the highest malpractice rates among medical professionals,
med students avoid OB_GYN, like I avoid natto, that sticky, foul smelling
delicacy of fermented beans. As a result, this aversion creates an inhumane
workload for doctors currently in the field, which only deters more students
from entering. Why choose OB_GYN? asked one of my students, an
extremely bright but damaged 33 year-old surgeon, for whom I had utmost
respect and admiration.
The hours are long, the pay is relatively low and theres a high probability
of getting sued, even jailed.

It pained me to hear of the unfathomable, repetitive rejection Tomoya had

been experiencing from her childhood at the hands of her father, who had
wanted a son but was cursed with two daughters of which she was the elder;
one a surgeon and the other a baby mama, Not in Education Employment
or Training (NEET). During our first lesson in free conversation English,
she embarked on a rant about her disdain for her medical researcher father
who abandoned her in a Yokohama park at 6 years old, and returned home
in Tokyo to her mother and sister. They had been out together collecting
insects, but when she feared removing a cicada from a tree, he simply
marched off angry and frustrated, leaving his six year old behind to fend
for herself. And that was only the beginning of his neglect.

Much to her fathers chagrin, she rejected research to become a gifted

surgeon. But this talented doctor too, frustrated with the deficiencies of
the medical field in Japan, has since abandoned her own shores for greener
pastures in the United States.

Michael Moores documentary SICKO may have illuminated the

disturbing truth about health care in the United States. But should Mr.
Moore be moved to produce a sequel to his 2007 expos, SICKO II would
do well to focus on the dismal plight of medicine in Japan, which like
most dysfunctions here, maintains a problem-free facade. A July 2007
Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD)
report divulged disturbing shortcomings in the medical system, particularly
underscoring Japans underdeveloped system of preventive medical care.
In 2004, Japans ratio of physicians to the population was an embarrassing
2/1000, meaning, for every 1,000 people there were only two physicians.
This performance ranked Japan 27th among the 30 OECD industrial

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countries and below the OECD average of three doctors per thousand.
These states of affairs result in doctors compelled to see more patients than
do their counterparts in other developed countries. At 8,400 patients
per year, doctors in Japan see 3.5 times the OECDs annual average of
2,200 patients. Under the harsh working conditions common in Japanese
hospitals, it is common for doctors to work uninterrupted 36 hour shifts.
In the words of Hyogo Brain and Heart Center director Teishi Kajiya,
its become the norm for doctors to work 36 hours straight, which is
emotionally and physically exhausting. We never know when one of us
might collapse.

Japans plummeting birthrate has decreased the number of possible doctors

and patients for which they would care. Since many if not most hospitals
are privatized, lack of patients translates to slashes in revenue, mounting
prefectural debt, hospital closures and a freeze in doctors salaries. Stagnant
salaries serve as another repellent to potential medical students, which
results in a shortage, hence normalizing the 36-hour shifts for current
doctors. Naturally, observing these dynamics, students are choosing less
stressful and taxing careers, while some doctors, especially women like
Tomoya the transplant surgeon, Akari, a new doctor in internal medicine,
and Nozomi, my cardiologist at a Kobe hospital, have chosen to abandon
their homeland.

On an NHK program telecasted in early 2008, Koseikai Kurihashi

Hospitals Vice President Dr. Hiroshi Honda grieved, because the
number of doctors is not enough, one doctor should play multiple roles
as surgeon, chemo-therapist, palliative therapist, emergency doctor and
others. This causes serious negative effects on the quality and safety of
medical services.

Resultantly, cognizant of litigation threats, doctors are hesitant to assist the

sick in disciplines in which they possess little training, and have embarked
upon an onslaught of rejection of incoming emergency patients.

Among the countless rejections, in 2007 an 89-year-old Osaka woman

died on December 26 after her ambulance was refused admission at 30
hospitals. In August of the same year, nine hospitals refused a woman who
later miscarried after the ambulance crashed. In August 2006 a pregnant
woman died after rejection from 20 hospitals. The Fire and Disaster
Management Agency reported that, in 2006 a total of 667 expectant
mothers transported by ambulance, were rejected by at least 3 hospitals

206
Adding fuel to the fire is the high frequency with which the Japanese visit
the doctor. At 13.8 times, the number of visits per capita was the highest
among 28 OECD countries, which makes such data available. In its horse
backward policies, Japan places greater emphasis on treatment than it does
on prevention. The report concluded by bringing to light Japans below
average ranking in health spending per capita in 2004. During the same
year, the OECDs health spending average was $2,759, while Japans was
$2,358, 19th among the 30 OECD countries and the lowest among G7
countries.

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JAPANESE DEPRESSION MIRRORING MY OWN

As a former victim of severe and chronic debilitating depression since 4

years old, detecting depression among the Japanese is something at which
I excel. The face, gait and posture of depression are all blatantly obvious to
me. Growing up in a masochistic mother son environment similar to the
hell through which Japanese parents put their children, I too was tightly
clenched in the jaws of depression. One of my most vivid memories is at
four, informing my mother of my desire to roll off the bed and die. The
succeeding chastisement on my posterior, in an effort to chase the devil out
of me is also indelibly etched in my psyche. Though now a devout atheist, it
was in fact the fear of my mothers Gods wrath which kept me from taking
my life as a child. According to the tenets of her fundamentalist Christian
dogma, hell would certainly have been my destination had I done so. And
others in the community believed that I would reincarnate as the same
person to undergo the same perils and trials, after committing this sin. So I
suffered in silence, daydreaming at every chance and incessantly engaging
in para-suicidal behavior, frequently darting out in front of moving traffic,
but only being struck once by a motorcycle at ten years old. In retrospect,
the teachings of heaven and hell might have been a load of rubbish, but in
deed they were the main deterrent to suicide in my childhood.

As an adult I discovered that both my mothers parents had at least visited

the Bellevue Hospital in their youth and my grandmother had suffered
dissociative episodes. This revelation resolved my long-standing curiosity
as to why my mothers immediate family, many of whose members were
nothing short of geniuses, were so wrought, marred and mired in colossal
underachievement in America the land of endless opportunities. My
fathers immediate family on the other hand, was obsessed with success,
especially in the medical field.

Emigrating to the United States at fifteen brought about some reduction

in my suicidal ideations but the darkness persisted, even forcing me to
set firm departure dates on occasions. June 16th 1982 was one such date,
but fear and diffidence kept me alive. Since my childhood until my early
twenties, had breathing not been an automatic body function, I would not

208
have had the confidence to perform even such a basic act. Para-suicidal
behavior escalated after obtaining my drivers license at fifteen and my
first car a year later. Armed with an automobile, a hundred miles an hour,
especially on narrow roads was my permanent speed limit and regular
major accidents along with routine suspensions of my driving privileges,
were no deterrent to my wreckless goal. One such accident on my 18th
birthday, where I was broadsided by a delivery truck as I blasted through
a red signal, coincided with my mothers visit to Denver from Jamaica.
Beholding the white, mangled Z twisted debris from which I escaped with
only a massive headache, she fell to her knees and wept in prayer to her
God.

A mi prayas a keep yu, (Its my prayers that are keeping you.) she charged,
wagging her index finger in my face.
If mi nevva goo dung pan mi knee every maunin noon an night, yu woulda
dead arready. (Had I not been getting on my knees every morning noon
and night, you would have already been dead.)

From age 15 to 22 there were seven major accidents, including one

rollover and another where my head formed an intimate relationship
with the windscreen, but thaumaturgicly I always walked away unscathed.
Buckle up, seatbelts do work. Later in my adult life, I discovered that anti-
freeze, an agent with which I was in almost daily contact throughout my
teenage years, could have easily done the job. Most recently as of April
2008, the new suicidal trend in Japan utilizes hydrogen sulfide, which can
be produced by simply mixing household detergents and bath lotions to
create a concoction emitting deadly fumes. Had I been aware of these
methods back then, you the reader would be spending your precious time
more constructively.

Theres a saying in Jamaica, cats and dogs dont have the same luck,
and if I were a cat, then my cousin Andrew was a dog. For though we
had similar driving habits, his young life was snuffed from him just days
before his 18th birthday and only a few years after arriving in America
from Jamaica. Influenced by my hazardous driving he lost control at 80
mph on oak-lined Monoco Boulevard, a 30mph zone, resulting in his car
launching some six feet into a tree. The tree sustained minor damage but
after assuring his mother that there was no hope, doctors switched off his
life support system.

Moving to England at 21 took me face to face with suicidal attempts. For

six months, it took unexplainable will not to hurl myself in front of the
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Gatwick express from the platform at Clapham Junction station. In fact,
I had traveled to the station thrice for exactly that purpose but could not
muster the balls to follow through, opting instead to seek therapy for the
first time. The therapist, an inept, graying white man in his sixties, told me
I was just fine.

Youll be alright, he quipped flippantly, completely discounting my

distress.
I think youll get over it.
Back in 1985 psychotherapy in the UK, likewise dental hygiene was
in a markedly more primitive stage than they are contemporarily, so in
retrospect his incompetence is understandable.

Paris Syndrome, an affliction limited to some Japanese visiting Paris,

bears a stark resemblance to my own London syndrome on my first trip
to Britain at 21. First detailed in 2004 in the French Psychiatric Journal
Nurvure, Paris Syndrome is a condition in which Japanese tourists find
themselves, after discovering the disparity between the real Paris and
their romanticized expectations of the city. According to an October 2006
article in the International Herald Tribune, about 12 Japanese tourists
annually are in need of psychological treatment after visiting Paris, the
result of shattered expectations. A third of the patients recover, another
third relapses and the rest experience full blown psychoses, said Yousef
Mahmoudia a psychologist at the Hotel-Dieu Hospital, next to Notre
Dame Cathedral.

For us, Paris is a dream city, stated a Japanese woman. All the French are
beautiful and elegant. And then, when they arrive, the Japanese find the
French character opposite to their own.

It may well be that the prevalence of depression in Japan, increases the

probability that many Japanese traveling abroad would be depressed before
arriving at their destination. In other words, simply put, there is a high
possibility that they had arrived in Paris already emotionally disturbed. Add
to that their general naivet, underdeveloped emotions, their Eifel tower
expectations of Paris and the stress of being in an unfamiliar environment,
and viola, Psych ward here we come. Like the Japaneses adoration of
and great expectations of Paris, growing up in a former British colony, I
aggrandized the motherland as a place where all my problems would have
been solved. England beckoned with a massive electromagnetic force, a
must see place. And just as its likely that those Japanese traveling to their
perceived motherland were suffering from depression, I too was under the
210
spell of crippling depression, hoping to escape my plight and find happiness
in England. But nothing could have been further from the truth. Arriving
in London in November 1985 was followed by my first plan to attempt
suicide and just like those Japanese suffering from Paris syndrome, I too
had to seek psychological counseling.

Returning to the United States after unspeakable darkness in the United

Kingdom, I continued therapy at the community college where I had begun
studying. However, soon thereafter at 23 years old I became a father, a role
for which I was completely and utterly unprepared on all fronts. For the
first time since returning to the States, I began to firmly plan not only my
own certain demise, but emulating an almost weekly occurrence in Japan:
suicide preceded by the murder of my then infant daughter.

As the fog eerily tumbled across the Golden Gate, I drove with an
unwitting infant only months old, safely strapped in her car seat, during
what were the most aphotic moments in my life. No one would have
suspected my intentions. On this surreal afternoon, I would have been
just some anonymous Negroe strolling reposefully on the bridge with an
innocent life in his hands. However, as I reached toward the back seat to
free her, she, one of the most beautiful babies I had ever beheld, greeted me
with the most angelic smile of bare gums, sabotaging my macabre scheme.
Earlier in an anthropology class, I had learned that the reason babies of
mammals are so cute and cuddly, was to generate nurturing feelings from
both parents and strangers. On that fateful Saturday that theory was tested
and proven.

Therapy continued and gradually progress was made, including my ability

to display an overly extrovert personality in public, which lead to positive
responses among my peers and the Vice Presidency and Presidency of
Student Government at my community college. By then it would have
been a major dent in my pride posthumously to commit suicide, as I had
entangled myself in a web of deceptive extroversion thus gaining the
admiration of many. Disappointing my peers by initiating my own exit,
became a major concern, especially since they all saw me as this person
on a mission with dreams and vision, when in truth my existence was
purposeless. After all, who but Stefhen Bryan would regularly take his year
and a half old baby daughter to class and senate meetings with him?

My peers acceptance of my fatherhood dramatically reduced my anxiety

and that which I thought initially shameful - I, an ill-equipped father

211
showing up at college with my baby in arms - turned out to be as rewarding
with women as driving a Ferrari. But after five years at community college,
my first mini vacation from reality occurred almost immediate after
transferring to UCLA, which landed me on the psychiatrists couch, joining
the millions of Americans on the wonder drug Prozac. Unfortunately in my
case, the depression worsened and the thoughts of suicide returned with
a vengeance. With the meds withdrawn after a month, again I suffered
in silence, collecting countless letters of academic probation, but finally
managing to scrape through and graduate in 1994. The entire ordeal from
College of San Mateo to UCLA had spanned eight years, with the three
at the latter institution pushing me to a nervous breakdown. Four years
later while living parasitically off my then Thai-American girlfriend, with
the advent of new drugs I made a second visit to a psychiatrist, where a
cocktail of pills was prescribed with similar results as before; increased
depression and suicidal thoughts, nausea, headaches, but sparing me the
diminished libido.

This is just fucking hopeless, I thought, by then 34 years old.

It was then that I hashed out a final plan to disappear to Asia in order
to engage in a dramaless exit, once and for all in anonymity. It was my
conviction that an unprepared trip to Asia, a most unfamiliar environment,
would result in immeasurable anguish, similar to the trauma I suffered
during my unprepared maiden trip to England. Only this time, a full-
fledged atheist, I was confident there was no hell fire or even an afterlife
awaiting me. I had arrived at the unwavering conclusion that life, in and
of itself, is absolutely meaningless and that the only meaning therein, are
those which we are socialized to attached to it, which in my case was
naught but darkness and despair. The secret of life was finally revealed: it
was simply a perpetual game of self-delusions, which I had been unable to
master, whether for clinical or social reasons and now I was finally free to
leave. But just as emigration had intervened at 15 years old, an unwitting
face saving act would fling a wrench in my plans.

Saga Boy was the quintessential alpha male. Muscular, ex-military man
with some 70 kills under his belt in Angola, he was an intellectual ladies
man whom I had met at an audition, for my first paying gig on television:
a villain on Americas Most Wanted. A graduate from the American
Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco, his thespian skills made me
look like a kindergarten performer, the kind often appearing on Japanese
television. Saga was seeking a workout partner, and in the interest of
upholding the hard ragamuffin image of my Jamaican ethnicity, I agreed
212
to accompany him to the gym. Up until then I had shunned that hyper-
masculine, testosterone infested place, like I had shunned getting my
eyebrows plucked. Teeth extractions were far more appealing. But with
the prospects of drooling at skimpily clad women and possibly meeting
some of them, I gave in and ventured into a 24hr Nautilus in West Los
Angeles.

What followed was an ironman regiment fit for any Olympiad, a regiment
which consisted of 30 minutes of cardiovascular training, an hour and a
half of weights, then 15 minutes more cardio, five days a weeks. Death
had been an entertained desire since the tender age of 4 and it seemed,
after 31 years my dream was finally materializing. But instead the hitherto
unimaginable occurred: after just one month of this rigorous Kamikaze
training, the world changed to Technicolor, the doors to the penitentiary
which had detained me for 31 years flung wide open, eructating me into
life from my straight jacket, like a fighter pilot being ejected from a doomed
aircraft. This gave birth to my second addiction, which fed my first, as
more exercise resulted in higher testosterone levels, which increased my
already insatiable appetite for sex.

Now at the age of 42, I have only two regrets; that in my diffidence I
didnt learn to fly at 17 when I could have for only a thousand dollars. And
two, that I did not heed the advice of all my psychologists - especially the
psychiatrists - to start a regular exercise routine. They all marveled at the
fact that I had never tried to opiate my condition with alcohol or illicit
drugs, which they thought anomalous, as most people in my condition
would be mired in alcohol and or drug addition. Instead I simply gamaned,
I simply endured, daydreaming as much as possible, well into adulthood
and of course using sex as my drug of choice.

Two years later after my introduction to the gym, Japan became my home
where in the first year a long time acquaintance from Los Angeles, an
accomplished and successful screenwriter/producer, paid me a visit in my
Kobe apartment. Immediately upon seeing my sparse and simple abode, he
launched into a tirade about my minimalist lifestyle. Yo, what kinda life
you livin, man? You came all the way to Japan to live like this? Im buying
a Hummer when I get back to LA, he bragged. And you over here livin
like a monk.

Little did he know it had been only two short years since I had actually
begun living, period, and was quite content, in fact ecstatic just to be alive
without the desire to die.
213
TRAUMATISED WOMEN

My intimate relations with Japanese women 40 in the first three years

and twenty after my retirement from playing the field clearly revealed that
trauma from all major social institutions; family, education, employment,
inescapable trauma, was a common denominator among all but a few.
Though understated, the results of a recent survey indubitably validated
my own observations. The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry found that
fully 15% of Japanese women, one in seven between ages 20 and 24 - a
demographic with which I had frequent biblical interactions inflicted
injuries to themselves, such as cutting their wrists. In the euphemistic words
of Kunio Kitamura, head of the survey and the Japan Family Planning
Association Clinic, we cannot deny the possibility that pessimism has
become a prevalent mood among young women particularly and that bitter
feelings about society have caused them to harm themselves, However,
what he had neglected to acknowledge was that, this self-mutilation
was a sure fire sign of Borderline Personality Disorder, which is sharply
increasing among women in Japan.

Conducted in November of 2006, the survey included some 1400 men

and women between 16 and 49 years old, which revealed that of the total
respondents, 6% of women inflicted injuries on themselves, in comparison
to only 2% of men. Among women, 20 to 24 twenty-five percent reported
that they had entertained thoughts of self-injury, while 11% stated they had
inflicted injuries on themselves repeatedly. In my five years of teaching
in junior high and high schools in Japan, self-mutilating girls were quite
salient, but even more disturbing was the ignorance of the teachers. No
teacher knew the causes of the scars decorating the girls arms. She said
she had an accident with some glass, some teachers responded, oblivious
to the underlying emotional disturbance.

Paternal absenteeism, again similar to, but better than that of the African-
American and Jamaican Diaspora, is the norm in Japan. Here the father
lives at home and provides financially for his family, but there is often no
emotional connection, or physical bonding. In that way, he is an absentee
father.

214
According to government studies conducted in 2006 and reported in The
Yomiuri Shinbun in November 2008, among fathers with children aged
9-14 years old, 23.3% had no contact or interaction with their children on
weekdays. Fifteen minutes of daily weekday contact was made by 14.7% of
fathers, 21.9% had 30 minutes and 24.1% had about an hour. No weekend
contact was mentioned in the survey, but given the plantation-like work
conditions in Japan, fathers spending their entire weekends in slumber, is
by no means a stretch of the imagination.

At least in the West, children experiencing abuse in families can find

respite in school, and educational institutions along with the police can
be relied upon for intervention. Anecdotally speaking, school was my only
safe haven from social and familial trauma, but not so in Japan, where
school can be a motivating factor for taking ones life and where the very
teachers promote abuses.

For a period of six weeks from October 6th 2006, Japan experienced a
rash of bullying induced teen suicides, where some 14 teenagers took their
own lives. In one such case in Chikuzen, Fukuoka Prefecture, the schools
principal stated that a junior high school teacher was the chief fire starter
in bullying, tormenting the 13-year-old victim to the point of hanging
himself. The boys main teacher had labeled him a liar and revealed personal
information about him which led to a nickname the boy had hated. Upon
questioning, the teacher responded that he bullied the boy so relentlessly
because he was easy to make fun of.

Though most teachers are normally adjusted, dedicated professionals, a

growing number of unprofessional behavior by some points to a widespread
problem. In December 2006, a 33-year-old elementary schoolteacher
with unusual extra-curricular activities was arrested when his Club Kids
site was discovered on the web, where he specialized in photos of dead
children, some unclad. What is more, it was also discovered that several of
his professional colleagues, shared his perversion. Having fondled several
of his girl students, he was quoted as saying, I just wanted them to feel
closer and more comfortable with me. January 2007, a 44-year-old junior
high school teacher was alleged to have fondled three male students,
after which he paid them 500-2000 yen to keep it a secret. The next
month in Ishikawa Prefecture, Education Board officials revealed that an
elementary school principal in his 50s had molested three female students
by inserting his hand in their underwear while playing sumo and tag with
them. Fortunately the students were bold enough to report it to a teacher,

215
who reported it to the Vice Principal, which resulted in the Principals
suspension five days later. Curiously, the Board of Education, not the
police, is pending a decision on his punishment.

One conscientious, perverted former elementary school teacher, now an

erotic novelist, could only be interviewed anonymously. Ive always, he
says, had a taste for very young girls. But as a teacher I couldnt do anything.
I mean, these were my own students. It was terrible. I had to constantly
suppress my desires. Thats why I quit teaching. A paedophile with a
conscience. Parents can breathe a sigh of relief that Mr. M was able to
control his urges and changed jobs, but that is definitely an exception as
opposed to the rule, as evidenced by informal surveys by Spa! Magazine
and Weekly Playboy, whose reporters in early 2007, set out to interview
elementary and junior high schoolgirls nationwide, regarding how they felt
about their teachers. Based on their findings, the dysfunctional teachers
constituted three main categories; those lacking in common sense, the
unruly ones and the erotic, or ero-teachers, among them a former porn
actor.

In the article, according to Yukiko, a third-year junior high school student

in Chiba, in health class he (the former porn star) passed out pornographic
books to all of us and said, this, children is how babies are born. Once
he called me into the teachers lounge. When I went, he called up erotic
images on his computer and whispered in my ear, Youll be my own girl,
wont you, Yukiko?

When I was in grade five, states Minako, now a third year junior high
school student, the gym teacher would make only the girls run. Many of
us werent even wearing bras yet, and the teacher would be openly staring
at our breasts. And hed make the girls with bigger breasts run the most.

Unlike students in the US who go to the locker room to change for gym,
students in Japan do so right there in the classroom. Sixth grader Manami
recalls, Once when I was in second grade I was late for class, the teacher
was angry. Later, when we were getting ready for gym, he said to me, You
can change by yourself on the verandah. I thought, What? But I did --
and saw him looking at me through a window, grinning. I was terrified.

It was during art class in elementary school, says Maiko, currently a first
year senior high school student, I went to the teachers desk to get some
clay. I opened the drawer and found it full of pornography -- books with
pictures of girls no older than we were.
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My 4th grade teacher was arrested, said 6th grader Satomi. He was
caught paying a junior high schoolgirl for sex. The principal called an
assembly and said, Just forget that teacher was ever here.

Speaking in anonymity, a 57-year-old junior high school principal admits

the problem. Mirroring the constabularys dilemma, the quality of teachers
is declining, he lamented. Teachers are being hired en masse to replace
the retiring baby boomers. The result is that we are seeing more teachers
who lack dedication and a sense of responsibility.

Working as an Assistant Language Teacher (ALT) for four years, positioned

me in front row view of extensive physical abuse of students by teachers.
In one case a hated English teacher, living at home with his parents and
perhaps still a virgin at 37 years old, flung a female student to the ground
then apologized to me. In another memorable incident, in my presence
along with that of the principal, the same teacher had his hand firmly
planted around a students neck, to which the principal responded, Take
that in my office, theres a foreigner here. One teacher asked if I had
thought a second year student was sexy, a question which, coming from the
West, put me at extreme unease. If questioned, many Assistant Language
Teachers, even those on the Japan Exchange Teachers ( JET) program, will
have similar stories of such sightings. In the incidences of sexual abuse,
concealing teachers sexual misconduct is not an anomaly in Japan. The
teacher has a family to feed and shouldnt be reprimanded, justified one
principal. And in far too many cases, protecting the image of the school
outweighs the rights of the students.

Being typical Japanese, Shokos experience was no different. Having been

violated at eight years old by high schoolboys, who inserted their hands in
her underwear and fondled her in a car park, followed at 13 years old by a
junior high school teacher who groped her breasts while trying to shove his
tongue down her throat, at 23 she was a card carrying man hater, or more
accurately, a hater of Japanese men. All this she internalized until meeting
me. Masochistic relations with her parents especially her cantankerous
mother - typical of contemporary Japanese parent child relations - fueled
her depression.

Thankfully, unlike many of her peers she resisted the urge to bludgeon,
roast, hack, poison or behead her mother, a phenomenon which saw a
boom in 2006.
h
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PARRICIDE IN JAPAN

National Police Agency (NPA) statistics illustrates a marked increase in

children offing their parents or making attempts to do so. According to the
NPA, in 2005 there were 10 such cases followed by 17 in 2006 with two
cases recorded in August and September. Previously there had been only
3 10 in any given year since police began compiling such data. In April
2006, a 12-year-old boy in Yamamoto, Kanagawa Prefecture slashed his
mothers throat, after being stressed out because, I was told to study and
clean up my room. His mothers haranguing had escalated after he had
begun junior high school, he reported to the police.

Two months later in Nara a 16-year-old first year senior high school
student transformed his familys home into an inferno, extinguishing his
step-mother, young half-brother and his half-sister. The son of a medical
doctor, the boy was on the receiving end of severe and unrelenting pressure
from his father, to study hard, in order to gain entrance to a prestigious
medical school. The NPA has further reported that in the overwhelming
majority of these cases, the impetus was parents deluging their children
with pressure to perform academically. In the Nara incident, the student
set his house ablaze on the very day his school was to inform parents on
midterm grades. Having not lived up to his fathers lofty and perhaps
unrealistic expectations, he resorted to drastic preemptive actions.

Two thousand seven began very colorfully with a 53-year-old man in Tokyo,
murdering his 83-year-old mother. Minoru Tsukumo got angry, shoved
socks down his mothers throat then strangled her with his bare hands,
all because she told him to - brace yourselves for this one get a job. I
got mad when my mother told me I had no job and that I am just wasting
my time doing nothing, he reportedly told the police. But the mother
of all parricides is the unspeakably gruesome and disturbing matricide
which occurred on May 15, 2007, when a 17-year-old high school senior
in Fukushima turned up at the Aizuwakamatsu police station with a bag
whose sole content was his mothers head.

The teen was described as cheerful and well mannered during his junior
high school years, and had been a perfectly adjusted well above average

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student, excelling both academically and athletically, especially in ski
jumping. But all that transmogrified when his parents, most likely his
mother, embarked on the grand idea of ripping him from the family, in
the interest of attending a prestigious high school. The family rented
an apartment where the boy was made to stay, some fifty kilometers away
from their home, but close to their targeted supposedly prestigious high
school.

In this gakureki shakai (a society where educational background is most

important) where affection, nurture and human relations in general, take
a distant back seat to entering the right kindergarten, elementary, junior
high, high school and university, in order to get that elusive and limited
right job, the teenagers parents resorted to what amounted to neglect.
Suddenly, this child was torn asunder from his happy environment, cast
in isolation from his family, limited to weekend visits by his mother to do
his laundry. Whats more, along with isolation from the family, adding
to his stress, he was also thrust in the role of caregiver, responsible for his
younger brother with whom he shared the apartment.

Suddenly neglected and cast aside, the teenager began to develop

psychological problems and sawed off his mothers head and arm on her
47th birthday, painting her amputated arm white and planting it in a flower
pot. The Japanese lamented this sheer grotesque and macabre scenery,
unable to fathom its occurrence, but as one who harbored matricidal
ideations, I could most certainly relate.

Parricide offenders, usually adolescents, hail from severely abusive parents. A

small minority is extremely mentally ill, or disturbingly antisocial. However
the vast majority, over 90% of those who kill a parent, experienced what
they perceived as intolerable abuse by said parent. It is unfathomable to
the Japanese that their education obsessed parenting constitutes profound
psychological abuse. And in deed, most would concur that, it was in the
childs best interest to abandon him in the name of education. After
all, parricides are not the norm, so most interpret them as the actions of
evil children, when in fact for every parricidal child there are millions of
children who suffer their parents abuse in helpless and hopeless desperation
usually making it to adulthood, most likely perpetuating abuse to their
own children.

It would be easy to conclude that the Fukushima teenager was among the
extremely low frequency mentally ill parricide offenders. But observing
the fact that he had been a perfectly adjusted boy in his junior high years,

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it is clear the psychopathological impetus was his parents pressure and
neglect. It is shuddery to imagine that Korean society is even more
educationally obsessed.

Like Japans high suicide rate, matricide is a phenomenon with which I

am also very intimate. At nine years old, I didnt just threaten to take out
my own mother, I promised her, as serious as cancer, kitchen (bitch) knife
in hand, that I would cut her into little pieces as soon as I turned twelve.
And I meant it. At nine years old, twelve was a distant age, a magical age
where I thought I would have had enough meat and muscle on my bones
to overpower her. Like many Japanese mothers, mine was immeasurably
oppressive and overbearing. But unlike Japanese mothers, her concern was
not my academic performance, or more accurately, lack thereof. For not once
was I ever scolded about my dismally low marks, especially after starting
high school at 11 years old. Moms obsession was with church, as far back as
I can recall until I began to stand firm in my opposition at thirteen. There
was absolutely positively nothing of greater import, than the Lord and
his mercies. Our one-compartment squalor was literally above the church
and attendance three times a day on Sundays, once Mondays, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays and Thursday nights, was mandatory since babyhood. Friday
nights and Saturday nights were reserved for cleaning the entire church,
only to repeat the torture on Sunday mornings.

This hell continued until I was thirteen, at which point I decided to take
violent nightly floggings instead of participation in the despised church
activities. In my calculation, she could not have continued the beltings
indefinitely, and I was right. Three weeks later broken by my resistance,
she grew tired, acquiesced and left me in the hands of the Lord. All
that multiple daily prayer, twice daily drawing the Lords promises, small
flash cards of scriptures from the bible from the promise box and her
dedicating my life to the Lord since I was born, went up in smoke. In her
fanaticism, secular music was strictly forbidden and any minor infraction,
even perceived ones, would be met with severe physical abuse, justified
by the book of proverbs spare not the rod and spoil the child. So I
understand all too well the spate of matricides sweeping Japan, I too was
socialized in a Japan of a different sort. However, unlike Japanese children
oppressed by their parents, I had intervention, the chance to flee, thanks
to my own absent father.

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SHOKO CONTINUED

Shoko, the beautiful and younger of two girls, existed in the shadows of
her over-achieving sister, the apple of her parents eye. Constant sibling
feuding, fueled by her sisters envy of her stark beauty - a result of some kind
of genetic throw back - and Shokos envy of her sisters academic prowess
and parental approval, began early and included an incident where her
sister at six years old, attacked her with a knife when she was three. Shoko
is grateful for her parents intervention, otherwise the incident might have
been fatal. From the beginning it was clear that she would require some
work, this was simply just not going to be another dinner guest.

But thats OK, I thought, she possessed the perfect combination of features
I worshipped, natural pheromones which attracted me and a Viagral waist-
to-hip ratio on her 156 cm, 108 pound frame. With glutes so protrusive,
the hem of her micro-mini violently whipped to and fro, in a synchronized
dance to her struts. There were organic elements to my attraction. Her
damaged state made her cautious and skittish, and some three years later
she disclosed to me that my dark hue and arrogant Jamaican swagger,
commented on by adults even in my childhood, instilled so much fear in
her that on our first date to see the film Chicago, anxious and terrified,
she alerted her sister of her whereabouts just in case. During the film I
gently took her hand just to test the waters and though she didnt expose it
at the time, years later she told me how shocked she was of my bold move
which sent her heart racing.

No Japanese man would have done that.

To my wonderment, this nubile hyper-beaut had never been touched

biblically or otherwise, having had only a few pseudo-boyfriends with
whom she had ventured to love hotels a few times, but nothing went
beyond first base. Moreover, as she was a highly sought after young woman,
in insecure male bravado these men, sometimes her co-workers, would
frequently lie about their conquest, causing her great embarrassment and
deepening her contempt for men. Her reported history of boyfriends who
were already otherwise attached, hinted at promiscuous expectations of

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men. All the better for me, as that meant my other women would pose
no problem. Unlike Western women, most Japanese women with whom
I had intimate relations did not demand exclusivity and if they did, soon
acquiesced. Not that I had tried to hide my philandering from any of them,
for if I didnt make my behavior verbally clear, it would be blatantly obvious
from the plethora of feminine objects, sometimes even underwear strewn
about my apartment to greet each of them. However, several months later
Shokos only request was that I rid my apartment of such evidence before
her arrival, to which I happily complied.

Though my physical ideal, Shokos juvenile - sometimes infantile -

behavior was a source of endless frustration. But fortunately our meetings
were restricted to once a week, which itself was also a source of massive
frustration. On one hand, I was in a constant state of arousal. I wanted
to meet her daily, but her childlike manner and strict 9pm curfew were
intolerable. Other women in the collection helped to diffuse my frustration,
but it was never entirely eliminated, as my cravings for her mounted. This
juvenile behavior was by no means limited to just her.

Immediately upon my arrival in Japan I could not help but notice the
profound arrested emotional development pervasive throughout the
society. My initial impression was that Japan was a society of 9-year-olds,
only to read a year later where McArthur some 60 years back, stated that
Japan was a society of 12-year-olds. Back in California my 23-year-old
girlfriends were already professionals in decision making positions, enjoying
their lives independent of their parents. One, a Southeast Asian-American
was earning six figures as a Financial Analyst in a renowned investment
banking firm. Another, an East Asian-American was a high performing
IT Recruiter and yet another, a South Asian-American, already held a
masters degree, stationed in South Asia working for the United Nations.
After living in the United States, especially California for some 20 years,
I began to take womens relatively high social status and ambitions for
granted, until my discovery of the jolting reality of Japanese womens
dismal social conditions.

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COLLECTIVE ARRESTED
EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

My observations and numerous conversations revealed that many Western

white men, especially American men, insecure and unable to cope with the
empowered Oprahfied, American woman, are bated by the demure, feeble
and unempowered Japanese woman, perilously oblivious to the detriments
of said females emotional retardation, until upon divorce she absconds
with their children, never to be heard from again. This is but only one of
the many manifestations of Japanese societys low emotional quotient. In
the West it is common knowledge that a divorce is especially taxing on
children and that every action should be taken to ensure minimal trauma
on them. While an amicable divorce is still traumatic, it is likely to be
less so, if even only marginally, than a knock down dragged out divorce
where the parents are emotional retards, ignoring their childrens needs.
Acknowledged in the West as the actions of immature adults, harmful
to children and society, such baby mama drama, are socially and culturally
normative in infantile Japan. The status quo here is that after divorce
the mother will be granted custody and there will be no further contact
between the children and their father, all because the adults are feuding.
Arrangements for parental visitation are unfathomable to the Japanese,
because their inadequate socialization is void of effective communication,
critical thinking and conflict resolution skills. Instead, an over-reliance
on emotions, underdeveloped as they are, is very frequently the means of
resolving conflict.

Before arriving in Japan, after having evolved, thanks to numerous years of

therapy including anger management therapy, I was finally able to appreciate
the destructive impact on my child, of the perpetual warmongering
between her parents and was ready to make peace. Initiating mediation,
I entertained hopes of civility with her mother, in the interest of our then
14-year-old daughters emotional health. We began the session with my
thanking her for participating. I hate you, I continued. And you hate
me more. And I hate you even more than that, and your hate for me is
infinitely more than mine for you. In fact, our hate, disdain, animosity and
abhorrence for each other were sempiternal. Nonetheless, the reason why

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I requested your presence today is so we can lay down our arms and begin
the process of erasing or coming to terms with the hatred between us, as
this is in the best interest of our child.

My plea was met with resounding objection.

I dont care for whose benefit, she responded. I am not interested in

making peace with you. To which the mediator, a salt and pepper haired
African-American intellectual in her early fifties pensively responded, wo,
then mediation, which requires two people, simply cannot continue.

What originally was a scheduled one-hour session came to an abrupt

halt in 15 minutes. After mediation, in her continued anger and hate,
she imposed a personal injunction barring our child from visiting me or
any of my relatives, - my mother and grandmother included - who were
the only relatives my daughter had in the States. That in my view was
an example of emotionally retarded behavior, for our daughter suffered
needlessly and continues to, some six years later. These dynamics common
in the West, tend to be more prevalent among the poor, less educated and
communicatively inept, often exacerbated by the presence of personality
disorders and are definitely not the social norm.

However, baby mama and daddy drama, where feuding adults systematically
ignore childrens needs, is the way in folk society Japan. Six years here and
conversations with at least 200 divorced women have yielded only two
who attested to having an emotionally mature relationship with their ex-
husbands. In the words of one of the women, we are very civil to each
other and are better friends now that we are divorced and the kids spend
weekends and holidays with him. This was the complete opposite of the
norm whereby children have zero contact with their fathers after divorce,
and shared custody is as common as a shark in a tuxedo. In contrast, in the
United States some separating couples battle for shared custody of even
the family dog.

For the most part, traits of arrested emotional development are blatantly
obvious in this Never-Never land, whose inhabitants suffer from a form
of Michael Jackson Syndrome (MJS). Here in this California sized
amusement park, its the norm to hear Its A Small World After All
blaring in supermarkets and stores. At Akashi station, an electronic version
of Ive Been Working On The Railroad, warns of approaching freight
trains. The Japanese in general, clutching their transitional objects akin to
babies and their blankies, are obsessed with infant-like cuteness and hold
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deep reverence for puerility and dependence. These transitional objects
- mostly stuffed animals, figurines and effigies of cartoon characters -
suspend ubiquitously from cell phones, handbags, rear view mirros and
are owned by males, females young and old alike, many with multiple
effigies.

Toddler friendly graphics in advertising is preponderant, created for

maximum appeal to the tyke-like mind. Television commercials, though
of the utmost in production value are usually revoltingly puerile and even
signs invoking social obedience are often juvenile in format, featuring
cartoon characters and or caricatures of animals. Tom & Jerry implore us to
relinquish to the elderly, handicapped, or those with children, the designated
seats on public transportation, or to be mindful of our earphone volume.
Near my apartment building there are two signs reminding us to clean up
after our dogs. The sign in Japanese features triangular personifications of
dog excrements, arms flailing in the air, appealing to be picked up, as they
emerge from a dogs anus. The English version requesting compliance has
no graphics. It simply reads, Clean up after your dog, its the law, with
the ordinance code stated at the bottom of the sign.

In the United States, the only place I saw the Aflac duck was in television
or print ads. However since May 2003 Chibi-duck as its affectionately
known in Japan has been among the many dangling transitional
accoutrements on daily display. Veritably speaking, in this Peter Pan society,
these cute corporate characters work wonders for a companys bottom line.
Food flavorings maker Ajinomoto, the inventor of monosodium glutamate
(MSG) and whose amino acid beverages were made available in the United
States as of late 2006, has enjoyed a 2.7 times rise in sales since painting
its Ajipanda character on its 75gram seasoning bottles. Even American
household products giant Procter & Gambles jumped on the bandwagon,
creating Pampa the baby elephant especially for the Japanese market.
Many of these cute corporate cartoon characters become icons, such as
NTT DoCoMo Incs ghastly mushroom character, the now defunct Nova
Language Schools rabbit character and Daikin Industries Ltds Pichon-
kun, which is a droplet of water with a super skinny body, legs and arms.

Hiroyuki Aihara, head of toy maker Bandai Co.s Character Research

Institute, claims that experts still hotly debate the reason for the Japaneses
glorification of cartoon characters. The reason for the hot debate escapes
me. Aihara made the answer crystal clear in his euphemism theorizing
that compared to the West, Japanese society draws a less distinct line
between adults and children, a gross understatement for a disturbingly low
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emotional quotient country where adulthood is postponed indefinitely. If
knowledge is power in the West, cute is power in Japan.

The police, a symbol of authority in most countries is represented to the

public through a mascot, a cartoon of a big bird with an oversize beak. On
the evening of September 29th 1999, 42-year-old Yasuaki Uwabe drove
a rented car in Shimonoseki station in Yamaguchi Prefecture, mowing
down pedestrians on the sidewalk and inside the station. He then emerged
from the car, kitchen knife in hand and embarked upon a stabbing spree,
leaving five dead and ten injured. One police officer tossed his helmet
in his direction, but refused to shoot him. By no means am I advocating
LAPD style policing where in the same year for example, a 72-year-old
woman brandishing a screwdriver was felled by police bullets. But this is
a clear case where at least one round maiming the psychopath would have
been justified, possibly saving a life.

In the summer of 2004, a man in Saitama after being pursued by a raging

gang, did what any citizen in any normal country would have done: took
refuge in a police station. His pursuers entered the Koban and proceeded
to beat him as three police officers on duty cowered in fear, after which the
assailants then dragged the man outside and continued to properly whoop
his butt. In defense of gross neglect of their civic duties, the police argued
that the matter was between gang members and that they were afraid.

In January of 2007, an 18-year-old officer crashed his car through a railway

pedestrian crossing then fled the scene. And in another disturbing incident,
an Akita Prefecture officer was caught spending his entire shifts, gambling
at pachinko parlors. I just dont have the confidence to go to work, his
colleagues quoted him as saying. Indeed, reports of incompetence among
members of the police force have been on the increase and these are but
only two cases of police committing the very crimes against which they are
meant to protect. Kanazawa Prefecture, May 2007 Tomoyuki Mukaide, a
44-year-old police inspector, inflicted stab wounds to his abdomen because,
he couldnt bear the thought of going to work. Mukaide had initially
told investigators he had been stabbed upon opening his door in response
to the doorbell, but later recanted and admitted to injuring himself to
avoid work.

March 2008 was the month of an epic display of unparalleled police

ineptitude, when a dragnet of 8 police officers was posted without radios,
in and around JR Arakawaoki station in Ibaraki Prefecture. The eight

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plainclothes officers were on the lookout for murder suspect Masahiro
Kanagawa, who went on a fatal stabbing spree in the station, literally
beneath their noses. Having no radios, the constabulary members were
unable to coordinate their actions even as one of their men was critically
stabbed. A civilian phone call provided initial information of the attacks
to the Prefectural Police, who then informed 4 of the 8 officers via their
cell phones. The suspect had contacted police earlier to tell them of his
planned whereabouts, after which a total of 170 officers were mobilized to
the area.

Many experts agree that the status of the nation constabulary force is in
grave inevitable decline, as todays police officers are often lazy, greedy
and incompetent. As Japans agedness shifts into overdrive, baby boomer
cops hemorrhage from the force in retirement, leaving a disappearing
pool of young people from which to recruit. Inversely, as the crime rate
rises, so does the rate of recruiting, which means that recruiters must
diminish their standards to hitherto unacceptable levels. According to
Noboru Iigawa, editor of Juken Journal, a publication specializing in civil
service recruitment, in fiscal 2005, about 142,000 applicants sat the police
qualifying exam, but only 15,700 were successful, a 1:9 ratio. However, for
fiscal 2006 the pass rate was about one in four or five. Can anything better
be expected from a constabulary force, in essence mail carriers with guns,
representing itself to the public as an oversized chicken?

Like the Japanese constabulary, Japans Self-Defense Forces employ a

cartoon character as its representative to the world. In official Defense
Ministry literature, Prince Pickles, a cute perky cartoon character with
round oversized eyes, miniature boot clad feet and big dimples, rappels
from helicopters, poses in front of tanks and shakes hands with Iraqis. In
the words of Ministry of Defense official Shotaro Yanagi, Prince Pickles
is our image character because hes endearing, which is what Japans
military stands for, hoping to soften, or more accurately further tenderize
the SDFs already spineless image overseas. But critics like Rika Kayama,
author and psychiatrist, doubt that childish cartoon characters will prove
effective in the adult world outside Japan which is defined by its obsession
with infantile innocence, even among grown-ups. Echoing my sentiments
exactly, this could only happen in a country that is so open to immaturity,
she stated euphemistically. Further adding that, authorities here feel its
easier and less threatening to use characters to get the public to accept
them, rather than explain the facts, which meant that even authorities are
fully aware of the juvenile state of the masses.

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Doraemon is the ubiquitous main character in a weekly TV animation series
and an annual feature film among the most popular in Japan. Traveling
backward through time from the 22nd century, this earless cat assists a
schoolboy with gadgets such as an anywhere door, allowing anyone to travel
to any imagineable destination. However, as of March 2008, thanks to the
Foreign Ministry, this toddler friendly feline became a new Ambassador
from Japan. At a March 19th ceremony the character or at least someone
dressed as the earless blue and white cat with a propeller protruding from
the top of its head, is scheduled to receive its official assignement letter. By
appointing Doraemon, we hope people in other countries will understand
Japanese anime better and deepen their interest in Japanese culture, said
Yuko Hotta, a foreign ministry official.

Japan the land of the eternal bye-bye, is a nation where farewell wishers
wag their hands violently until they fall off or, the train carrying their
loved ones is out of sight. At Kansai International Airports Sky Caf,
adults wave bye-bye to departing airplanes until they have completely
vanished. That was among my favourite pastimes at the Norman Manley
International Airport when I was 8. Among the few enjoyable moments
of my childhood, were the bitter sweet trips to the airport to see a family
member off to some unimaginably far away land. Sweet because it meant
leaving the hood and going for a drive, bitter because, well, I was bidding
good-bye to a loved one, usually my jet setting grandmother to whom I
was quite attached. As the aircraft ascended I, in fine Japanese style, would
flail my arm vigorously, gradually slowing as the craft disappeared in the
distance. However, that behavior came to a halt by the time I was ten.

This societal childishness manifests itself even in big business and

international affairs. Those in power though geriatric for the most part,
whine and throw temper tantrums whenever they perceive themselves
as victims, but like egocentric children, when the tide is turned and they
themselves are the victimizers, are usually oblivious to their violations and
are pedomorphically lacking in continuity.

In 2001 a stock trader in the Tokyo office of the Swiss bank UBS
erroneously typed a sale order, an error which cost UBS as much as $100
million. But both the Tokyo Stock Exchange and Japanese regulators
were unsympathetic, forcing UBS to eat the loss. In a similar incident on
December 8th 2005, Mizuho Securities, the brokerage arm of Japans then
second largest bank, mistakenly placed a sell order for 610,000 shares of
J-Com - a small Japanese job placement company for one yen, less than

228
a cent each. The transaction was meant to be a sell order of one share at
600,000 yen or $5,242. Unable to abort the botched transaction owing to
the Tokyo Stock Exchanges antique trading systems, Mizuho Securities
suffered a los of 40.5 billion yen or $347 million.

Foreign companies were the largest beneficiaries of Mizuhos error, with

UBS leading the pack earning 11.8 billion yen, almost as much as the 16.2
billion yen it had lost in a similar error four years earlier. But what succeeded
was an onslaught of indignance which could have been generated only by
toddlers in the terrible twos stage. Politicians and the media embarked on
a demonizing campaign to shame the banks into returning the millions
they rightfully made on Mizuhos blunder. In blatantly implike naivet, the
nation of adult children was whipped into an astronomical frenzy, feeling
slighted that foreign companies had profited from a Japanese companys
misfortune. Its not a pretty thing to hear that they knowingly exploited
the mistake to acquire the shares for their own accounts, Financial Services
Minister, Kaoru Yosano was quoted as saying, conveniently forgetting that
Japanese companies benefited handsomely just four years earlier, from a
similar mistake made by UBS.

The fiasco calls to mind similar incidences of nave discontent during my

prepubescent years in my maladaptive childhood. Though I loved marbles,
it was by no means a game at which I excelled. In fact, I sucked. While
other boys won their marbles fair and square, I on the other hand was
forced to purchase mine, which meant an annual acquisition of a mere
three or four, as my mother and I existed in abject poverty. Most of my
marble collection consisted of chipped, old marbles which I had found,
which no opponent wanted me to use during our games. On my precious
few victorious occasions, after collecting my spoils, I pranced and danced
in great exuberance. However, when the shoe was on the other foot and
I lost my marbles pun intended which constituted the majority of the
time, I railed in protest, citing previous imaginary fouls by my opponent.

Ironically, 2005 was a year when foreigners were the most aggressive
purchasers of Japanese stock, pushing the Nikkei 225 stock average to an
almost 40% gain by December that year. Yet still, the Japanese authorities
saw it fit to scapegoat foreign companies for a goof which was clearly the
result of prehistoric hardware at the TSE and like a parent yielding to an
obstreperous child, UBS agreed to relinquish its share of the profits.

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Regarding North Koreas abduction of Japanese nationals, Japan educes
sympathy and empathy from the international community, as is quite
normal. We should all be concerned and sympathetic to the abducted. But
on the flipside of the coin, again in infantine amnesia, authorities in the
land of the rising sun, turn a deaf ear to the umpteen Western parents in
their pleas to be reunited with their children abducted and taken to Japan
by their Japanese national ex-spouses. The Hague Convention Treaty
on the Civil Aspects of International Parental Abduction stipulates that
children must be returned to the countries in which they were living when
kidnapped. However Japan is the only G8 nation which refuses to ratify
this treaty. In fact, Japan and only one other country, Mozambique, refuse
to sign the agreement. Over the last 16 years, North Korea abducted 30
Japanese nationals, but hundreds of foreign children are stolen by Japanese
nationals annually.

Existing perpetually in social infantilism, Japan will never be able to grasp

the similarity between North Koreans abducting Japanese nationals and
Japanese nationals abducting foreign children, as that would require some
ability to engage in deductive reasoning, a rare concept in Japan. In their
eyes its better to rely on childlike emotions, as deductive reasoning is much
too cold. Having not signed the treaty in the Hague Nippon is a haven
for child abduction, even in the face of arrest warrants for the abducting
parents by INTERPOL. Aiding and abetting the perpetrators, Japanese
police simply ignores the International Police Agency.

The pre-kindergarten mentality populous is a contributing factor to the

rapid increase in child abuse in Japan, as depressed, emotionally unprepared
adult children themselves beget children. At 23 years old back in 1987, I
too was one such father, with urges, strong urges, gale force urges to hurl my
infant daughter to the ground at the sound of her angelic cries. But therapy
helped me to manage those compulsions, until they disappeared. Most
child abusers in Japan arent that lucky, as counseling is simply not readily
accessible. Jun Saimura from the Child and Family Research Institute
stated that there were only a thousand reported cases of child abuse per
year in 1990 when the government began compiling statistics. In 2002 he
added, the number had soared to 24,000 and climbed to 35,000 by 2006.
However, he readily admitted that 35,000 is probably an understatement.
Based on statistics by the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare,
after the enactment of the toothless child abuse prevention law in 2000,
child abuse continued to escalate. Three years after enactment, saw the
death of 127 children from abuse and in 2004, according to the National

230
Police Agency, a further 51 children were abused to death and a total of
251 have been massacred between 2000 and 2005.

The baby just wouldnt stop crying, is a common mantra for abusers when
questioned about their murderous deeds. Shuddery acts, in the absence
of illicit drugs so common in the West, are clearly the result of some
kind of psychosis, personality disorder or, emotion regulation problem,
characteristic among children. No one knows that more than I, who have
walked through that inferno, not being psychotic but definitely personality
disordered and with infantile emotion regulation ineptitude at the time of
my daughters birth.

Senseless, unfathomable child murders are voluminous in Japan and

they all leave one awestruck, gob smacked with jaws touching the ground.
Westerners unfamiliar with Japans dysfunctional social dynamics would
ask the question, How could that be in safety Japan? One particular
murder is indelible. In late 1999, a 35-year-old mother of two murdered
her neighbors 2-year-old daughter, who had gained entrance to a
prestigious kindergarten, to which her own daughter had been denied.
Affiliated to prestigious universities in Tokyo, this coveted kindergarten
all but guarantees entrance to the right elementary, junior high and high
school, which are prerequisites to entering the few dream universities with
which the kindergarten was associated. Mitsuko Yamada, a former nurse
denied that jealousy was the motive for the killing but instead blamed the
ostracizing and snobbish behaviour of the childs mother toward her. By
killing Haruna, I would no longer have to socialize with her mother again,
the killer argued. Overkill, this massive disparity between the problem and
the chosen solution and or misdirected aggressions are consistent among
a great many murderers in Japan and at least speaks to childish, under-
developed problem solving skills, and at most some kind of psychopathy.

In 2004 a man engulfed by wrath, drowned his flat mates three children.
Though both in their 20s, the original tenant of the apartment was the
others junior by a year in junior high school and also his junior in a
motorcycle gang to which they both belonged. The junior member obliged
his senior and three children to stay with him temporarily, but the senior
soon began abusing his status in the hierarchy as is common in Japan -
hogging the only air-conditioned room in the apartment, not contributing
to the rent and eating the junior out of house and land. Unable to confront
his senior, or perhaps having done so in vain, the junior took matters a bit
too far and hauled the seniors three kids to a nearby river and drowned

231
them. His chosen solution to the comparatively minor problem will never
cease to amaze me. Had that been in the West, perhaps there wouldve
been some kind of exchange along the lines of, hey yo, I cant do this
no more dude. You and bebes kids gatta go. Forget this. To which the
parasite would respond, who kids you callin bebe kids? Motha fff.
Fists would become airborne, worse case scenario killing each other, but
sparing the innocent children. Misdirected aggression though unjustified
is conceivable, but misplacing aggression to children 2 7 years old is
indicative of at the very least, acute arrested emotional development.

On February 17 2006 a woman in Nagahama fatally stabbed two 5-year-

old friends of her daughters, who were entrusted to her for transportation
to their kindergarten. After pulling the car over, she unleashed 20 stab
wounds on each child, right in front of her own daughters eyes. Reports
have it that as a Chinese immigrant, she was having language difficulties
and problems associating with the other mothers at the kindergarten.

As previously cited, no sooner had the sun risen on the year of the boar
January 3rd to be exact - did 53-year-old Minoru Tsukumo kill his 83-
year-old mom because she told him to get a job. Teenage matricide is
morbid but understandable, if for no other reason but the crude nature of
the brain at that stage. However, here was a 53 year old man who couldnt
control his emotions of anger toward his octogenarian mother. Again in
Tokyo the next day on January 4, 2007, twenty-one year old Yuki Muto
bludgeoned his 20-year-old sister with a sword handle, dragged her to the
bathroom and mutilated her corpse in 15 pieces. His motive? She accused
him of having no dream. Muto San, whose parents and grandfather were
all dentists had sat the dental school exam thrice unsuccessfully and was
in preparation to resit it in April. No doubt Mr. Muto was among those
elementary schoolboys forced to wear balls-high shorts in the dead of winter,
in order to toughen him up. But in its misguided focus, his society neglected
to nurture healthy development of his emotions. To further illustrate his
embryonic problem solving skills, after placing the dismembered cadaver
in 4 plastic bags, he then put them in a closet beneath an empty fish tank,
after which he forewarned his father that there may be a foul smell, as a
shark which he had received from a friend had died.

Four days later in Yokohama on the eighth, a 70-year-old man bludgeoned

his 68-year-old wife. And what was HIS motive? I thought she had
changed my bank account without my consent. Turned out he had been
mistaken.

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SHOKOS DINNER

Shokos invitation to dinner was preceded by a few dates and frequent brief
meetings outside where everyone, men, women, foreigners and Japanese
alike, exalted her astounding beauty and I, usually behind her, walked in a
perpetual state of fortified arousal. On several occasions, upon meeting her
as planned at JR Sannomiya station, even after knowing her for over a year,
I was forced to retreat to the mens room to relieve myself before setting
out on the date. The attention, though thrilling was mostly uncomfortable,
especially given our sixteen-year age difference. Recently emigrating from
the West, I still felt uneasy with this age gap, but eventually adjusted to
the fact that the disparity between our ages is nothing to balk at in this
society.

In male chauvinistic Japan, a historically polygamous society where women

are relatively powerless, such wide age differences are not an issue. Shoko
was a graduate in law, who had been slaving away at her part-time job at
a patisserie, while studying diligently for exams required to become a civil
servant. Unlike her sister, having failed the Japanese BAR exam much to
her parents discomfiture, Shoko had settled for her second choice: to spend
the remainder of her life uneventfully in acquiescent civil service. Its not
what I want to do, but its a good job forever and its safe, she reasoned
in self-sacrificing defeat. But to her good fortune failure was also the fate
of her government job exam, which required some $3,000 in preparation
courses and six months of arduous studying. In industrialized countries
like the United States, life as a civil servant requires a simple high school
diploma, but here in Japan it is necessary to have passed an exam almost
tantamount in difficulty to the Japanese BAR.

Unable to endure her torture, I invited her to dinner, where instead of

waning, my torture and frustration escalated to new peaks. After the usual
culinary concoction with which she was most impressed, stripping the fruit
of my desire, to my disenchantment, our first kiss affirmed a greenness not
seen since my prepubescent days trying it on with prepubescent girls. She
simply left her mouth open, clueless about what to do with her lips and
tongue.

233
My kiss is terrible, please teach me, she admitted sheepishly. But that was
the first sign of a young innocent Gerber daisy willing to learn everything.
Disembarrassing her of her garments, including the girdle she donned
in a futile attempt to flatten her Africoid posterior, I began her kissing
lessons, to which she was quite receptive. Dou? Am I getting better? she
constantly queried. Youre a good student, I encouraged so as not to get
her disheartened, when in fact she was dreadful. It was more a battle of the
teeth than kissing, as my arousal hardened in mounting frustration.

Like many Japanese women with her body type; curvaceous with a bulbous
posterior, Shoko harbored mammoth insecurities about her physique.
Unlike her straight, rail thin, unattractive sister, she was convinced she saw
obesity in the mirror and since her childhood could not understand from
whence she received her unJapanese rump, which she constantly tried to
compress with a girdle. Hence she was in complete awe and disbelief at
my hypnosis by her body. EEEEE! No way, she resisted, trying to cover
her nudity with my duvet. Iya Iya, zetai Iya.! (No way, No way, definitely
no way) She responded when I tried to unwrap the comforter from around
her, wooden frustration hitting the ceiling. After much coaxing and
convincing her of my deep admiration and appreciation for her physique,
including her champagne glass sized breasts, she gave up, stood against the
wall in my tatami room, just to let me gawk at her.

A rarity among Japanese women, Shoko was well manicured and I wasted
no time before engaging in a southward plunge head first. Delirious in
ecstasy, she rained a small pond as I caressed her baby mounds and feasted
on her until it was just too much to bear. Itai itai itai stop stop stop stop
stoooop! she shouted, reeling in pain. Hajimete? (Is this your first
time?) Yes, she replied apologetically. Shoko was constantly apologizing.
Profuse were her apologies, even for matters and events completely out of
her control, a cultural characteristic which added fuel to my elephantine
frustration. Judging from her trembling fear and excruciating pain, she
would be an extended term project, I thought, or I would have to abandon
her as my frustration became immeasurable.

One of her fears was that she would fall uncontrollably in love with me
after sex. And judging from her profile of trauma and pronounced distrust
of and animosity toward men, once I gained her trust to let me in, it was
clear that like a newly hatched bird beholding its first object, I would be
imprinted in her psyche. But speaking with the little head, I discounted
her concerns. That can never happen, lying through my teeth. Youre
23 years old, youre an adult. That only happens to teenagers. Given her
234
undefiled state, I was prompted to undergo a complete battery of venereal
disease screening, including my first AIDS test in Japan. Back in the States
my AIDS tests were as frequent as twice a year but not longer than once
every two years, with my last test being on the month I left three years
prior.

Main vein bursting, I begged her just to stand in place as I explored her
globular buttocks and manually brought myself joy. Again she apologized
for being unable to satisfy me and causing me to resort to such an abominable
act. It may well have been that, having felt inadequate, Shoko tried to make
up for her short comings by allowing me to take pictures and videos of her
and indulging me in my voyeurism and erotic role play games outside. She
found pleasure in allowing me to glare up her micro-minis as she climbed
the stairs at the station, sometimes even reminding me. Im going upstairs
now. Dont you want to watch? My favourite, my absolute favourite was
our role play games on the trains. Before boarding, we pretended to be
strangers always sitting directly opposite each other, where Id be able to
see between her legs. Then I would e-mail her, instructing her to discreetly
open her legs, as I proceeded to take pictures. This launched the rocket
and mystified the surrounding passengers, but being Japanese, they were
always frozen in unreactionary shock. Upon arriving at my apartment wed
embark upon a foreplay frenzy, which for the first 8 months ended with
futile attempts at entrance and my reacquaintance with Miss Palmer.

As if my frustrations were not enough, Shoko was not just your ordinary
maiden, but at 23 years old, having never even as much as ridden a bicycle,
her hymen, which might as well had been a steel fortress, was still firmly
intact. It took some four months of regular unendurably agonizing attempts
just to breach it, but one fateful day, with only minimum penetration, she
endured, teeth gritting, eyes clenched shut, screaming, trying to follow my
instructions to breathe, as her flesh ruptured sending a hematic stream on
my futon. Stop stop stop! She yelled, pushing me off her, tears streaming
down the sides of her face. Shin no hudo no keiken. (That was a near
death experience.)

This unwelcomed sexual delay resulted in my getting to know Shoko, which

revealed that, though directionless, she was uniquely socially aware among
Japanese women and possessed enormous ambition with an aversion to
the male dominant status quo in her society. Prepared from an early age
to forego marriage and children over marrying a chauvinistic Japanese
man, she was adamant about finding a career as opposed to becoming
a housewife. Though her fashion was elegantly conservative, unlike her
235
peers there was no obsession with name brands, no Prada handbags or
Fendi umbrellas.

Having failed the BAR once and watching her alternative dissipate before
her eyes, aimless and distressed, she was prepared to do what most Japanese
in her predicament would: repeat the BAR exam well into her 30s or until
she had succeeded. In consequence, out of sheer annoyance by her whiney
juvenile character coupled with her distress, I began to administer sincere,
sound advice, but in a harsh, coarse, impatient military styled delivery,
aimed somewhat at repelling her. Look, I know youre Japanese and you
know only one way to do things, but think! Kangaete! Instead of wasting
your youth and energy trying to pass the Japanese BAR, you should put
that effort into going to the United States, studying English as a second
language at Community College, taking an LSAT preparation course,
attending law school, and then pass the American BAR.

At the time she sat the exam in 2003, the pass rate for the Japanese BAR
stood at a whopping thousand per year, less than 3%, in comparison to
the 80% or higher in the US, depending on the state. Thus, as a fan of
probability, I thought spending her time studying law in the States would
maximize her benefits, as opposed to doing things the inefficient, head
bashing, shugyou way of the samurai. For the same amount of energy she
would be assured the greater reward of being an International Lawyer, plus
unlike many Japanese, shed gain fluency in English. Even after Japanese
jurisprudence education was modified adding 68 American style law
schools in 2004, the pass rate for the new BAR introduced in 2006 was
only 45-50%, well below their targeted 75-80%.

For encouragement, I told her of my cousin in Jamaica who had obtained a

scholarship to study medicine in the former Soviet Union though he knew
no Russian. Upon arriving in Kiev, he was given intensive Russian studies
for one year only, after which the entire med school curriculum was in
Russian. After seven years he graduated top of his class. You already speak
English, I chided. And law is much less taxing than medicine. Thats a
good idea but I dont have confidence to do that, she lamented. A typical
feature of the average Japanese woman. Well stay in Japan wearing that
stupid brown uniform at Henri Charpentier, or become an Office Lady.
Its your choice. As frustration from Shoko was a regular experience when
we met, so was my mantra to her about her plague of diffidence.

Shokos part-time job, curfew and studies limited her visits to my apartment
to three times a month, but we met regularly at the JR station nearest
236
her home, if only for a few minutes. Three months after our sanguine
breakthrough, at the pinnacle of my frustration, I decided it was time for
full and complete entry. Seven months had elapsed, when on November
30, while Karin was in Hawaii for her friends wedding, the same wedding
for which she had aborted our child in order to fit in the dress she had
planned to wear to the wedding, Shoko paid me a visit.

Welcoming her with hardened enthusiasm, slowly I began defrocking

her in preparation for a long, hot, relaxing bath together. Hitherto, I had
shunned baths in Japan, but for the sake of getting her completely relaxed,
I endured the conditions of the infant sized tub. Her kisses had improved
greatly since her first lesson and we embarked on an hour of oral and tactile
exploration as she loosened and moistened. Emerging from the bath, with
water from her milky, porcelain body dripping onto my bathroom floor,
I wrapped her in a towel before taking her to my tatami room to enjoy
her southern cuisine. And after generous sensuous applications - to
myself and her - of heavy-duty, industrial strength Astroglide, I eased in
gently, determined to make her a woman. Screaming in the throes of my
occupation, with eyes wide open, she tried to catch her breath, inching up
my futon, zembu haita? (is it all in?) Madda, atto mo chotto. (Not
yet, just a little left.) Zembu irete, (Put it all in) as she endured an agony
close to that of child birth. And with complete occupation I exploded deep
inside her, the day after the lady in red had returned home.

For an entire month, Shokos ambulatory skills were impaired and for
the next year, every time it would seem as though she was a virgin all
over again. As presaged, almost immediately thereafter, the prey had
developed a deep and fathomless attachment to her predator, but what
was not predicted was the lions incurable attachment to the dove. In a
sentimental transformation, for the first time I had interpreted some kind
of sacredness in a womans virginity. But then again, that was the first
time I had spent so much time with a woman, getting to know her before
defiling her of her innocence. Before it was always a condition which I
had resented, seeking only to rid the woman of it, so I could get down to
the business of enjoying sex. However, this time was much different. The
young daisy I had come to know over the previous seven months was one
of the most selfless, self-sacrificing, maternal and giving women I had ever
met, extending emotional support even during Karins termination. Plans
to abandon and discard her like day old newspaper, would have been a
cardinal crime against humanity and rejection would have most certainly
solidified her despise for men, especially Negroe men.

237
In no time it was obvious that she had become irrevocably attached to me,
as though she had literally come from my loins, even enduring my be all
that you can be army style boot camp. Though she appeared meek and
passive, in her personal time, she may well have been pondering my harsh
words to her about her dismal future as a young woman in Japan, if she
didnt cultivate the confidence required to take life in her own hands and
pursue that which brought her happiness. But all of that was mostly out of
hoping that she would develop, spread her wings, move on to bigger and
better things, leaving me to my vices.

However, her love, the kind about which songwriters and poets muse, the
kind so heavy, not as in burdensome but that which could be felt in all
her actions, voice and e-mails, just kept mounting. By her 24th birthday,
Shoko had blossomed into an adult still not quite knowing how she was
going to achieve her goals but, possessing much greater confidence than
she had the year prior. So much so, she obtained a passport and took her
first trip overseas to Thailand. Though the majority of our rendezvous
were brief, sometimes just going for a walk at nearby shrines or by the
beach, they were all special and I anticipated them like a child waiting for
the return of his parents. Desecrating her parents car outside her house
was among our favourite pastime. Soon, out of all the women whom I had
been seeing, including my girlfriend Karin, my preference was to spend
time in Shokos arms and presence.

In fact, a year after meeting Shoko, Karin for the umpteenth time - in one
of her many episodes of crockery hurling - asked when I would finally stop
seeing Shoko. Reflecting on the previous two years, which included six
months of pure torture from her and most recently her aborting our child
a month before our planned wedding, I told her I cant, leaving her and
all her craziness behind. I finally decided to give up drama for drama-free.
I wanna stop seeing you.

A year after meeting Shoko, I had met and began actively dating Azusa,
a hyper-beautiful 21-year-old. Precisely as I had prophesied to myself
some months back, meeting Azusa hurled a wrench in my relationship
with Shoko, for whom I had left Karin and it wasnt long before I had to
acknowledge to myself and to them that somehow I had found myself in
the midst of a love triangle, a stressful situation, though the envy of many
a men. Though my love and attachment to Shoko was unmovable, within
a few short months Azusa and I had spent more time together than Shoko
and I did all year. On average, excluding over night stays, Azusa visited me
some six times a month in comparison to Shoko, who was able to come by
238
only once or twice a month. While Shoko and I had multiple mini-visits,
Azusa frequently had multiple overnight stays, eventually spending more
time at my apartment than with her parents.

Initially, Azusa knew of Shoko, but Shoko had no awareness of Azusas

existence. As far as Shoko was concerned, she was my new girlfriend. And
she was. But thanks to the freedom of Azusas family, she was so available
that the frequency with which we saw each other created an attachment
almost as strong as my bond with Shoko. In deed, the unintentional early
meeting of Azusas parents immediately resulted in the same respect and
gradual attachment as the unintentional delay in sex with Shoko. In
concern for her feelings, I decided to reveal the state of affairs to Shoko
in a special meeting, but little did I know she too had some news to break
to me.

Sitting cuddled on a bench by the Daimaru department store in

Mottomachi, I began to lay it all out on the table. Though partly out of
respect for Shoko, another reason for unveiling Azusas presence on the
scene was simply to avoid the stress of concealing the relationship. Buyer
beware is my mantra and besides, so complete was Shokos attachment
that in my calculation she would never have left.

I feel so stupid, I thought you left Karin for me, tears streaming down
her watermelon coloured cheeks.
We cant meet because of your parents, but Azusa and I meet everyday,
I said, escalating her disdain for her autocratic parents. They had been
the topic of many emotional conversations, during which I had made my
sentiments perfectly clear regarding parents like hers, which frequently
ended with her weeping, wishing she had different parents. Having been
constantly rejected by parents of Asian and European-American women I
had dated in the States, no longer was I inclined to beg the acceptance of
anyones parents, especially since I was now a grown 40-year-old man. I
assured her that given her parents prejudice, she and I would have had no
future together, as I by no means wanted her to have to choose between
me and them.

Yeh, Karin might have been crazy, but her parents loved me, I reminded
her. And so far since Ive been in Japan, in my experience, parents like
yours are in the minority. Understanding her vulnerabilities, citing her
parents rejection was also my trump card to quell any possible protest
against my maniac philandering and more immediately against Azusas
presence. Pain flowing down her cheeks, she understood.
239
Shoganai, (It cant be avoided) she must have thought, the common
Japanese response to almost everything, and agreed for us to continue
seeing each other whenever we could.

After extended silence, hurt still coursing down her cheeks, Shoko began
to tell of the tardy lady in red: the crimson goddess, previously as punctual
as Japan Railways, was now twelve days late. Immediately I was drenched
in a cold sweat.
Not this sweet innocent young dame, who by happenstance was simply just
walking up an escalator, minding her own business a year prior, I thought
guiltily. Only six months earlier, Shoko had waited to meet me outside the
hospital where Karin was undergoing her termination. I had accompanied
her to the hospital but after she disappeared for the procedure, I left to
join Shoko, who insisted on being supportive through the ordeal. Such
an abomination was Karin to me I could have hardly waited to flee the
hospital to join Shoko, whom I vowed never to put through that hell. I
had developed a hitherto unknown respect for and attachment to Shochan,
but not enough to take effective contraceptive action, and thoughts of her
in the abortion chamber, pulled at my heart. She wanted to get married, an
idea which I found unsettling. After all I was still not quite emotionally
healthy enough to be marriage material and she was still somewhat,
though less so, annoyingly immature. However, even more unsettling was
the thought of this innocent young woman, who had only recently lost her
virginity, undergoing an abortion.

Why couldnt you marry me? She queried.

Because Im crazy and I would make a terrible husband and father, I thought
to myself.

Three days later in an SMS text message, Shoko informed me of the

arrival of the red baroness and a colossal burden was lifted from both our
shoulders, though unbeknownst to her, I had decided to step up to the
plate and marry her had she been pregnant. Immediately I advised her to
join the whopping 2% of Japanese women who used oral contraceptives,
and post haste she complied. In fact, Shoko was the only woman in Japan,
who without hesitation took my advice regarding birth control pills.

h
240
AZUSA

On the night of Monday May 10th 2004, after finishing my class at the
very large electronics manufacturer, I sat at the end of a seat on a JR Todai
train from Kyobashi to Nishi Akashi, where directly across from me sat
a woman who was no less than a heavenly body. Azusa was angel meets
mermaid, some kind of being from a fairytale. Svelte at a mere 49 kilos and
161cm, she was the type I frequently saw on the arms of white men in the
States and wished to whom I could be gestaltly and comfortably attracted,
beyond just being enamored by their stupefying beauty and wanting them
to bear my progeny. She was the type of beauty who, once on Western soil
would be scooped up by men who would swarm her like flies, the second
she deplaned. But in Japan, she was ignored, as public acknowledgement
of a womans beauty is taboo.

Since childhood my attraction had been compartmentalized and like many

men, the women who aroused me the most sexually were not necessarily the
women with whom I wanted to procreate or marry. And likewise, women
with whom I wanted to procreate aroused me only marginally. These
divisions almost always have been mutually exclusive and the dilemma
was, finding a compromise if ever I were to marry, otherwise I would find
myself in the Hugh Grant syndrome. Most people, especially women are
unable to grasp why Hugh, though dating the stunning Elizabeth Hurley
at the time, had to seek out Browns Divine services on Sunset Boulevard.
But I understand it all too well. The trouble with those model types is
that they lack the primal visual cues, the nubility to which I respond with
heightened sexual arousal. That hip-to-waist ratio just isnt there. Instead,
perhaps by social conditioning, they are seen as status symbols, ideal for
creating beautiful progeny, which to me is of utmost importance. Long ago
I had decided to give up pursuing extremely beautiful women to whom
I wasnt completely attracted and instead be comfortable with my tastes
and accept the fact that, long chopstick legs, that tall waif look, though
quite an ego boost, do very little for me sexually. The boost in ego was
always fleeting and inside I tired of the need to show the world that I too
could have a hyper-beaut on my arms, while suffering through painfully
uneventful sex in private. This I refer to as Hugh Grant Syndrome.

241
Azusa fell dead smack in the procreate compartment. Immediately upon
laying eyes on her I wanted her eggs, wanted to impregnate her right there
on the train, I wanted my genes combined with hers, I wanted her to
be the bearer of my progeny, though sex with her was furthest from my
mind. I knew she would have been only marginally arousing. As I sat there
awestruck by her face, trying not to make my hypnosis blaringly obvious,
for the second time since arriving in Japan, my Jamaican confidence was
temporarily misplaced, thinking, Naw, shes too fine, Im 40, maybe twice her
age. Aw hell naw! No way shed go for me.

Then to my relief and disappointment, but more to my relief, she rose to

disembark at Amagasaki station. My dilemma had been resolved, a burden
lifted from my shoulders because now, I didnt have a chance to mack,
given my complete awareness of a hopeless future with her. But on the
other hand, she was hella fine, in the words of my boy JP upon meeting
her, stoopid fine and I wanted to at least get rejected by her.
Yeh, I scared her, I thought.
FUCK! Maybe I shoulda been more subtle. Gaddaaam shes FOINE.
The thought crossed my mind to escape from the train in pursuit but,
I simply let it go and accepted the situation as it was. After all, I was
quite happy with the prospects of finally separating from Karin, to settle
permanently with Shoko. And moreover, as an ADHD adult, I would have
soon forgotten about the Tozai line beauty.
She wouldve thrown a spanner in the works with me and Shoko, I pacified
myself.

In a sudden change of events the angel returned to the train, but in a

different car where she sat by the dividing glass doors, legs and umbrella
extended.
Oh, I definitely scared her, shes not interested.
Gradually rising from my seat I moved toward the dividing doors to discreetly
monitor her feet and Fendi umbrella for any signs of disembarkment. Her
navy pumps with thin red and white trimmings at the top are still vividly
etched in my memory.
Where ever those pumps goeth, there goeth I, even if its at the end of the line
some two hours away and even if there is no train back and it meant spending
the night outdoors.
As the train approached Kobe station, I observed some movement before
she rose to her feet, gait exuding cocksure confidence as she engaged in
a most stately stride toward the door. As it turned out, though she was
slim, her proportions were at the absolute borderline for my liking. Any

242
taller and or slimmer, even with her gobsmacking face, it would have been
mission aborted. By then regaining my confidence in her absence, I exited
the train to intercept her atop the escalator at Kobe station.

You were on that train? Fronting surprise and presuming she spoke
English.
I thought you got off at Amagasaki.
I wanted to get on the super express but the platform was too far.
Do you live in Kobe?
Yes, my mother is picking me up at the station. Where in Kobe do you
live?
Who me, I dont live in Kobe. Au, Im just, visiting a friend in, I forgot the
name of his place. Near Harbour Land.
After more small talk we exchanged numbers, with my inputting her
information with the memo AZUSA MOST BEAUTIFUL!
My mom is there waiting.
And on that note I bade her good-night and waved to her mother.
Immediately after returning to the train, I shot off an e-mail to her telling
her how wonderful it was to have met her, but embarrassingly, my mail was
sent out with the heading AZUSA MOST BEAUTIFUL! which was
meant only for my own personal files. However, to my shocking delight her
response arrived with the heading MOST HANDSOME STEFHEN.
Houston, the eagle has landed.

As it turned out, we were mutual admirers of each other on the train and
like me, she worried about overstaring, as she thought her admiration
would anger me. Azusa did not possess the milk skin which I fetishized
but, hers were upturned eyes like the ones I worshipped. She later revealed
to me her operation at 19 to remove her epicanthic fold to make her eyes
more Western, but as earlier stated the procedure was somewhat of a
failure, as they still looked very archetypically East Asian. Coming from
the West, especially having lived in Los Angeles, where women like her
were profoundly aware of their aesthetic currency, it was unfathomable that
she could be an easy lay, so I prepared myself for hard work. On our first
date on May 31 we attended an annual beach party in Osaka. Donning her
Christian Dior one piece, she was a hit as I fielded inquiries after inquiries
about her.

Yo, who da FUCK is she?

I just met her on the train two weeks ago.
GAT DAAAM!.

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In fact, for the first eight months or so, it was most uncomfortable being
with her in public, due mostly to my own insecurities, unable to fathom
what some super fine 21-year-old woman would want with a broke ass
40-year-old man. But this was Japan where the erotic capital of black and
white men alike is off the charts. It is this high erotic capital coupled with
the low empowerment and self worth of Japanese women which afford
men like my aforementioned neighbor, the balding, unattractive, pot
bellied, white male of 54 years, the privilege of sporting a 26-year-old wife,
the likes of Azusa. Having met her when she, like Azusa was 21, in his own
words, he knocked her up ASAP to remove her from the market.
What a dick, I thought. Back in his native Canada he wouldnt even have
been able to pay a dog to urinate on his ankle.

Of the forty Japanese women in three years, Azusa was the first to bring out
the venom in Japanese men when we paraded out together. They looked at
her with scorn and at me with anger and envy.
On one occasion during conversation, one guy whipped out his cell phone
to showcase his beautiful wife.
Anata no kanajo wa? (What about YOUR girlfriend?)
But when I fired back with a cell picture of Azusa, he responded in rage.
Nande anata no kanojo no hoga kirei? Boku wa nihonjin da kedo, konna
ni kirei na koibito ima made deki nai. (Why is your girlfriend more
beautiful? Im Japanese but I have never been able to find a girlfriend this
beautiful.)
Thats just it, I thought. Im not Japanese.

Azusa told me of her possessive, 21-year-old boyfriend, with whom she

constantly feuded for her freedom and who kicked her in the chest upon
reading one of my e-mails on her phone. I empathized with his insecurities,
as I too was of such possessive character at his age, lacking in confidence
especially when dating women like her, who were constantly driven away
by my behaviour. Reciprocating, I told her of Karin, who had recently
moved into my apartment after my begging for two years. However, after
well over a month she still had not unpacked her numerous boxes in my
bedroom.

We are gonna break up soon, which actually occurred after our separation
trip to Kyushu six weeks after meeting Azusa. After a month and a half of
regular meetings, I had arrived at the same point with Azusa, which took
several months with Anita: the point where I had finally accepted that
there was no future between us, so I should just get a piece and move on.

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Our eighteen-year age difference was unsettling to me, as I was fully aware
of the dismally low level of maturity among Japanese women in general,
but especially among those in their early twenties. I had suffered such
frustrations a year earlier after meeting Shoko then 23, but who was less
emotionally and intellectually mature than my daughter at 14.

Yeh, she fine, I thought, but I dont wanna do anymore babysitting.

And thats when I just broke it down to her.
Lets go to a love hotel, I suggested on the phone.
Love hotel? Iya! I dont want to go to a love hotel.
Ok, come over to my apartment and Ill cook you dinner.
And to that she agreed. By then it must have been obvious to her that I
was not inviting her over to hang wallpaper. Having invited her to a love
hotel first, my objectives were perfectly clear and after dinner I pounced
on her, like a cat on a mouse. Having to work that evening, time was
of the essence. Gradually stripping her designer clothes revealed forty-
nine kilos of an almost too slim but proportionately sexy, curvaceous body,
adorned with perfect champagne glass sized breasts with long dark nipples
on which I began to suckle. Gradually rising to the occasion, I grew not to
my max, but enough to leave her breathless upon my unprotected entrance
to her liquid, forest covered cave.

Picking her up, I began to curl her on my somewhat aroused anatomy.

Then, with my Toshiba washing machine in spin cycle, I mounted her
on top and emptied myself inside, fantasies of impregnating her swirling
around in my head. Just as I had anticipated, the encounter was most
uneventful and it was crystal clear that there was no hope between us,
especially since at 21, she was even more infantile than Shoko at 23. After
raising Shoko, I was not prepared to repeat that tooth and nail extracting
process. But Azusas beauty could not have been ignored. Getting dressed
for work, I began to feel guilty for my selfish performance. After all, I
was her debut on foreign soil and was ashamed of my less than stellar
execution.

What do you like? What makes you come? Fixing my tie in the mirror.
I like top.
I can handle that, I thought.
She aroused me enough, so Id be able to just lay there as she did all the
work.
Wagamama hechi gomen ne, (Sorry for my selfish sex) next time Ill
pleasure you.

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In a few days she returned to display her advanced fellatio and equestrian
skills, and given her slightly protruding Venus mound, her proclivity to
abundant, hyper-frequent arrivals. Exactly as I had foreseen, her svelte
physique, was anathema to my propensity for more nubile women. She
was the greater beneficiary of our intimacy, as my arousal was a little above
marginal. Had there been one woman with whom I could not have been
monogamous, Azusa would have been her. But her beauty was other
worldly. Fully aware of my sentiments toward her, especially my far less
than uncontrollable sexual urge toward her, I decided to be her pleasure
toy, while using her as eye candy until she outgrew me and left. But an
especially unforeseen event directed things in a completely different path.

Atypically Japanese, Azusas parents were the most permissive I had met
in Japan, condoning her frequent visits and overnight sojourns in my bed.
At 21 and a senior at one of Japans most prestigious Universities, she had
no curfew and was allowed unprecedented freedom by her family. Before
meeting her, the progressive idea of Japanese parents allowing their 17-
year-old daughter to have sex in their house, to me was unfathomable.
After our debut, Azusa and I saw each other with effortless frequency,
with her sometimes attending class in the mornings from my apartment.
On the eve of her fifth visit to my apartment, she was scheduled to meet
her parents at the Sogo department store in Sannomiya, for which she was
late, of course owing to her new found hobby as a jockey. Already she had
been an hour late having not even left my apartment.
Do you want to meet my parents? She asked half joking.

I had met her mom, a kind, soft-spoken woman of average beauty, on

the many occasions on which I escorted Azusa to the Kobe station,
where mother waited patiently to collect her daughter at the end of our
almost daily courting. However, I had no interest in meeting her dad and
especially didnt want to meet her parents together. As a predator, meeting
the parents, especially the dad is by no means something I wished to do,
as doing so would humanize my prey, and result in unspoken pressure
to respect her. Moreover, coming from the West, it was inconceivable
that I, 40-year-old international slacker, would be well received by the
parents, again especially the father, of some uber-beautiful 21-year-old
babe. Lets face it, if I had a stunningly beautiful 21-year-old daughter
who introduced me to a middle-aged pauper as someone with whom
she was having intimate affairs, he would be promptly introduced to my
shotgun, had I one. And had I not been in possession of one, he would
most certainly be incentive to take a trip to Bills gun shop. But a part of

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me wanted to meet these uniquely open minded and permissive parents,
an anomaly among the Japanese.

If you dont want to meet them its ok, with a grin of subtle
disappointment.
No, I do want to meet them, its just that, we just had sex, trying to hide
the fact that I really didnt wish to meet them.
So what? She retorted. I used to have sex with my ex-boyfriend in their
house. They even walked in on us once.

Arriving in Sannomiya together, nervously anticipating rejection, I presented

a package of Blue Mountain coffee beans which I had brought from my
trip to Jamaica with Karin six months earlier. It was a hit. Throughout our
meeting, I kept anticipating the emergence of the shotgun as after all, I
was only six years her mothers junior and ten years her fathers. But at no
time did Mr. and Mrs. Ogawa show any resentment. In fact, they too were
nervous, as she blushed to shrimp red and he, strapping judo master and
police detective awkwardly accepted my offering, hands trembling slightly.
Even with the heavy bags beneath his eyes from slaving away on sometimes
72 hour shifts, Azusas father was a dashingly handsome and gentle man.
It was he who was the source of her faint-inducing beauty and her mother,
still svelte at 46 years old, provided the gene for her slenderness.

After this unexpected but refreshing meeting of the parents, they frequently
requested my presence for dinner at their home and at restaurants. No
longer could I view Azusa as some random yellow cab of which I had
planned to take advantage. Instead, developing the desire to protect, direct
and cherish her, I began to exercise patience and tolerance with her childish
behaviour, all the while reminding myself, that once she matures into
adulthood she would be a powerhouse of a woman. Allowing her access
to the psyche of dissocial personality disordered men like me, I began to
reveal my dark side to her, alerting her of the need to protect herself, as I
had advised my own daughter.
You cant just make yourself sexually available to men you have just met
and allow them to have sex with you, especially without a condom, I
advised, the manner in which her father should have. Apart from possibly
contracting STDs, you, not men, are vulnerable to pregnancy, you must
protect yourself.

Upon informing her that I had emptied myself in her during our initial
and second encounter, tears welled up in her eyes.

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Hidoii, (Youre terrible) she responded.

Oh yes, I am. I already know that, thats why Im qualified to warn you,
especially since I know your family. Youre hearing it straight from Mr.
Terrible. It must have hurt, but she was getting it straight from the horses
mouth. For whom better to tell her of such matters than I, the very man
against whom I was warning her? Whats more, in the West where I was
encouraging her to go on a working holiday, there are many such men, so
its best that she was prepared.

In the West, men - even sex addicts like me - dont respect women who
make themselves so readily available sexually, but I started respecting you
after meeting your parents. Besides, I added, you are an abnormally
attractive woman. You shouldnt be giving it up that easily. Both here in
Japan and in the West men will fall over themselves just to be in your
presence, but you will lose credibility and respect if you just open your legs
to them immediately after meeting them.
Azusa explained that she had been quite attracted to me and my love hotel
proposal hurt and disappointed her. But I didnt want to lose you, thats
why I decided to have sex with you, she justified.

Though possessing off the charts beauty, like most Japanese women I had
met, she was oblivious to her self-worth. She had agreed to come to my
apartment instead of a love ho, as sex at my apartment made her feel less
cheap, given that I had made my intentions perfectly clear, by proposing a
hotel initially.

My having met Azusas father illuminates the dire necessity for all men
with daughters of dating age, to insist on meeting the men with whom
their daughters are intimate. Contrary to the common practice of fathers
flying off the handle in rage, when their young daughters begin dating,
meeting the boys, or men, is far more effective. Meeting fathers can even
dissuade the likes of me, a walking text book dissocial personality disorder,
from mistreating their daughters. Far less important was the fact that her
father was a detective in the Japanese Constabulary, but more impacting
was that I had met him; we made contact, shook hands and looked into
each others eyes. Suddenly, his daughter was now a human with feelings,
as opposed to just the days catch. Conversely, meeting mothers is devoid
of such impact, as unlike fathers, they are usually perceived as sex objects.

My words to Azusa may have been common sense to young women in

the West, but in Japan where women are collectively nave, still equating
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sex with love, kept unempowered on a short social, political and economic
leash, such Western ideology is an alien concept. All this was news to her.
Never before had she heard this subject matter directed at her so bluntly
and directly. After all, in Japan, communication, especially on this topic, if
at all mentioned, is usually indirect and fathers never hold these kinds of
discussions with their daughters.

Separate from her child-like behavior, Azusa possessed almost all of the
qualities I sought in a partner, qualities starkly absent in most Japanese
women. First and foremost, she was trauma-free, with confidence
percolating from every pore. With amazing drive and ambition, she sought
empowerment and wanted to escape the confines of Japan. At such a
young age, she possessed none of the inhibitions which crippled her peers
and according to her parents, since her childhood, she had always strived
for independence and sought to find her own path, doing things her way,
even in the face of ridicule. Like me, she had been obsessed with thought
since her childhood.

I always wanted a boyfriend like you, shed say. Someone strong but
kind who can advise me.
But like most Japanese women, her relationship with her work-aholic
father would ensure her search for a father figure.

The elder of two children, Azusa told me of her brother - a hikkikomori

three years her junior - who had hardly left his room in six years. In a
population of 126 million, according to Ministry of Education data in
August 2005, Akihiro was among the 2% of those enrolled in high school,
but permanently absent from class. Like most other hikkikomoris, he was
also the victim of bullying. In elementary school his extreme handsomeness
and intelligence, elicited the envy of other students. Indeed the inability
to conform to Japans one size fit all society is a common feature observed
among hikkikomoris I have met. Akihiro, a strikingly beautiful young
man was, like his sister, of movie star ilk. Upon hearing that his sister was
involved with a foreigner, he warned her of the dangers and advised her to
be careful. But little did he know that the very gaijin whom he had feared
would be his life saver, first getting him out of the house and then some
two years later into a gym and on to university.

Hunch backed and disfigured from years of slouching in front of his

computer, his curiosity about me lured him from his room to karaoke,
a favourite Japanese past time. Karaoke and manga were among his few

249
pleasures and his stench, not unlike that of the cesspool in which I fell at 5
years old, permeated the small room as he sang with his mother, sister and
me for some two hours. At 17 years old his tall, lanky Lurch-like posture
was in complete disaccord with his Adonis face, whose mouth produced no
more than five words throughout the entire time. Particularly rewarding
to him was our mutual enthusiasm for the bands Spitz and Pornographiti,
two groups introduced to me by Mayu in the countryside.
We havent seen him like that in a long time, Azusa told me a few days
later. He really likes you, youve changed him.

It then became the norm for him to accompany us when his family treated
me to dinner and months later, after sporadic attendance he graduated
from high school. One year later, in a grand display of genius, Akihiro
studied by himself and was successful in his university entrance exams,
though he had avoided school, for most of six years since 11 years old.

My influence on Akihiro served to further solidify my acceptance by the

family. After futile years of attempts at sociability, his parents may well
have thought I was his Messiah. My deeper acceptance in the family
resulted in covert pressure to embrace and shield their precious daughter.
All ill intentions to use and discard her had to be dashed, as my attachment
to her increased in proportion to the love and support showered on me by
her parents. Patience and mushrooming respect replaced intolerance, and
soon I began to put her through the same empowerment boot camp -
albeit with a different motivation - with which I had been torturing Shoko
for over a year. My empowerment homilies to Shoko were partly out of
repelling her.

As Shoko was the typical diffident Japanese, though never complaining,

I was 100% sure she would have crumbled, deciding to leave under my
constant hammering for her to pursue her dreams. Azusa on the other
hand, was confident and had always been waiting for someone like me to
motivate her hence she and her parents, especially her mother, welcomed
my encouragement.
Youve found a good man, her mother told her. Stay with him, hell
make you a success.
It was almost as though she understood her daughters need for a father
figure.

In December 2004 Azusa and I set out to Jamaica, on our first trip together
overseas. As her mother drove us to Kansai airport, Azusa was still sniffling,

250
tears streaming onto her lap, from my having hurt her feelings earlier, by
admitting that Shoko, not she, was my first choice for companionship to
the island. In deed, it was only after Shokos shah-like parents refusal to
permit her departure, that I requested Azusas company. Shoko understood,
as she lacked the confidence, even at 23 years old to oppose her parents
wishes. After Azusa explained this to her mother, moms advice was to
stop the crying, lest she chased me off with her immaturity.

You should enjoy your trip to Jamaica.

For me this was further evidence of their, or at least her mothers
unconditional acceptance, as I interpreted her parental advice as validation
and support of my actively dating another woman along with her daughter.
This came as a relief. After all, they had been treating me like their own
son hence I was frequently consumed by guilt for actively dating Shoko
also.

At The Seacliff Hotel in panoramic Montego Bay, Azusa and I frolicked

and basked in three weeks of unspeakable bliss. One year earlier in the
exact suite, Karin and I had engaged in fierce daily battles for almost 30
days, her continuous bleeding was a vivid reminder of her senseless abortion
a month earlier. But diametrically opposite to what amounted to torturous
camping with Karin, at no time did Azusa and I leave each others arms.
Sex on the beach was no longer just a cocktail, but an almost daily activity
in the golden red sunset.

I know youre gonna marry her, she said, coming to grips with my
undying attachment to Shoko, but I want to at least have your child. I
liked what I heard, as I had strongly wanted her DNA to combine with
mine. Furthermore, at that time I had not planned to marry two women,
but given my dramatic background, a child with one while married to the
other was quite feasible, providing they were both in agreement.

Azusa met my entire family at a Christmas gathering, which further

complicated things as they spontaneously presumed there were wedding
bells in the atmosphere. After all, I had taken her home for Christmas, which,
though meaningless to me, meant a great deal to them. So we must have
been getting married, theyd have thought. Beyond question, acceptance
by her entire family and her complete acceptance by mine, brought about
indubitable unspoken pressure to tie the knot, or jump the broom, giving
her yet another advantage over Shoko, who had circumstantial factors
stacked against her. While Shokos parents were like prison guards, Azusas

251
were permissive. Shokos parents were adamantly opposed to interracial or
international unions, but Azusas whole family embraced me categorically.
While I had met both Azusas parents, both sets of grandparents, uncles
and aunts on both her mother and fathers side, Shokos sister was the only
person I had met on a regular basis and only briefly did I meet her father.
During my only visit to her home, her mother refused to meet me.

Returning to Japan in January 2005, Azusas parents, over dinner in the

presence of my future brother-in-law, thanked me profusely for traveling
with and ensuring the safety of their daughter.

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RAPUNZEL & YEAR THREE IN JAPAN

Year three in Japan brought about clear signs of over-ejaculation;

photosensitive vision with floaters flying around in my field of view, semi
flaccid erections, no semen upon ejaculation and even impotence, especially
at the sight of a condom, which became a regular occurrence. Other than
being a strung-out, yellow-fevered sex junkie, condom erectile dysfunction
was another contributing factor to my practice of unprotected sex in Japan.
First experienced at 29 years old during my senior year at university, sudden
malfunction of the tool was a distressing jolt to the psyche.

Rapunzel was a heart-stomping nuclear meets atom bombshell whom I

had met in Campbell Hall. Eighteen, from a Swedish father and German
mother, Norma Jean would aspire to be her in her next life. With authentic
mane of gold streaming down to her nubianesque aerobics-carved posterior,
she bounced and bubbled, flashing her flawless, auroral smile, sex appeal
dripping from every pore even shabbily clad in sweat pants and a T-shirt.
On our first date she proclaimed to me that her first orgasm was at the
tender age of eight, in a manner that only she could have thought of. At
that age, she confessed, she applied peanut butter to her pleasure zone only
to have her cat remove it with his rough tongue.

How clever for an 8-year-old, I thought, genuinely impressed and happy to

hear of our early childhood feline experiences in common. Rapunzel, was
the desire of men black, white, young, old, rich and poor, but evident from
her vernacular, Little Miss Golidie Locks was a die-hard chocoholic, blacker
than BET. Possessing a supreme combination of the four Bs; beauty, booty,
bust and brain, she was my indefectible fantasy girl in the flesh. To date,
no other woman I have met has held so paradisiacally and owned that
amalgam with such confidence or air thereof.

No one could be that cocksure, she must have some kind of emotional Achilles
heel, I reassured myself, trying hard not to make her see me sweat. Former
head of her cheer leading squad and high school Valedictorian, fantasy girl
chose UCLA over Ivy League universities because, I didnt wanna leave
my mom, who raised her and two brothers in the absence of their fathers.

253
The chance to analyze her never availed itself, as soon we were whipped
up in a passionate tornado, desperately holding on for our lives trying to
catch our breath. Her exhibitionism held me captive, especially when she
wore my favourite skin-toned crocheted dress, minus undies. With pink
nipples and immaculately manicured blond botany trying to catch air,
the silhouette of her defect free bust and the slightly visible breach of her
circular protruding derriere, she was greeted by honking cars as spectators
heads turned in whiplash.

Man eater extraordinaire, she was regularly showered with gifts from
jewelry to big ticket items, from men just wanting to be in her presence. In
one case when she was 15, a staff member at her high school, after buying
her a new sports car, divorced his wife of twenty years, under the misguided
impression that they were going be together. For years she strung him on,
jerking him around like a rag doll, even while we were together.

Starving senior year student, I too was plummeting in this abyss, or

ascending in the frenzy of passion, but she would accompany me on my
journey. At her mothers apartment on our first night together, after an
extended hedonistic shower followed by hours of foreplay until three in
the morning, I grew to dimensions never before seen. But reaching for the
Trojans, it was as though magician David Copperfield had performed one
of his tricks and my scud was reduced to a strand of overcooked spaghetti.
Manhood dismembered, shredded and obliterated, ego massacred, my
immediate response was to activate damage control by pretending, I didnt
wanna be with her anyway, or come clean and confess my condition.

An awful panic set in. For there I was 29 years old, welcome to Jamaican,
enjoy your stay in bold typeface emblazoned on the equipment, but
soon I would be on Oprah. Meet Stefhen Bryan a young Jamaican in
his twenties, who, is, impotent. Images flashed through my mind of Bob
Doles public service announcement on erectile dysfunction. A disgrace
to my race and nationality, from that moment on, I thought, I would take
offense to the casual greeting, hows it hanging? I imagined her ridicule.
After all Rapunzel was pretty much a white Lil Kim, who had mastered
African-American mannerisms, speech and attitudes. Though white on
the outside, to the chagrin of her KKK wannabe father, Rapunzel was
all black within. Sexual underperformance among Jamaican and African-
American men is brutally ridiculed by women of the same nationality
and ethnicity. Hence, Rapunzel being African-American, I could almost
hear her conversation with her friends. Who? Dat nigga? His shit died!

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Dreading the approach of dawn, I began to think of places to go into exile,
where we would never be able lay eyes on each other again, because, unlike
Japanese men I and a great many Negroe men, derived a significant part of
our manhood from the sexual pleasure we are able to provide women.

Recalling Richard Priors openness and frankness about the human

condition,
I dont know what happened, but my dick just died, were my exact words.
And what emerged from her lips was the shock of many reincarnations.
Is it me? Is it something I did?
And it was then that I discovered that like all humans, my fantasy girl also
has insecurities. For why else would the most arousing woman with whom
Id been to date, inquire about her possible deficiencies? Not knowing how
to proceed from there, I rang my roommate and best friend Sebastian and
explained the situation.

Its 4 oclock in the bleedin morning! was his response. In my attempts to

cope with this new crisis, as if chronic depression werent crippling enough,
I decided to tell everyone, strangers included. In fact transforming my
tragedy with a comedic twist I began using it when initiating conversation
with beautiful women on campus.
Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? I would interrupt. When you look
at me, what do you see? I opened. To which theyd respond with a list of
adjectives.
You dont see IMPOTENCE, now do you? Which got them exploding
in laughter.
Its true, you may think its funny, but I think its tragic.
Then I assured them thats it was perfectly fine to give up the digits, as
given my state, they could be sure that I wouldnt just be after sex.

Interestingly, all of my female friends to whom I lamented about my

condition reassured me that I was indeed more than my phallus, and that I
should get over it already. But all my male friends extended their support
by offering to drive me to the Golden Gate bridge.

The following day I visited the doctor on campus, who tried to reassure
me that such events were normal and I may well have been over aroused.
After a terrifying 48 hours, normalcy was regained and Rapunzel and
I were hurled in a rapturous, Mack truck of a relationship, only seen in
films. Instead of 9 Weeks, our movie would have been 9 Months, One
Miscarriage and Two Abortions - Coming soon to theatres near you.

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For almost one year, nowhere was spared, not the garage at our apartment
complex where Id hoist her crocheted dress and bend her over the bonnette
of her RX7, to the playground of the elementary school on campus, to the
Catholic House where I stayed for a few months. A fine of a thousand
dollars each would have been levied had we been caught. For days at a time
it was impossible to pry ourselves from each others arms, except to relieve
ourselves. And even then the process was in tandem, as I had mastered
the act of urinating between her legs while she sat. Academic probation
letters mounted in our mailboxes, as we blew off several midterms and
final exams. Shortly thereafter, I was relieved of my-on campus job. Terror
smitten but electrified by the emotional avalanches of raw, primitive lust,
love, need and lecherous cupidity, neither of us could fathom an existence
within more than an inch of each other. Her entire mouth was like food,
with her lips, lower section of her upper lip slightly elevated in the middle,
being dessert. Like the cat in her childhood, head firmly planted between
her thighs, I often feasted on her for hours, swelling her lips and bringing
her to multiple orgasms.

Completely out of control, on the third pregnancy in nine months, just

weeks after the second was terminated, in an attempt at responsible
behavior, and accepting our perfervid emotions for each other, we decided
to marry. Things were out of hand and two pregnancies in eight weeks?
That was too crazy. However, fear got the better of us and we opted to
abort, which put a stop to our marriage plans. Finding no other viable
means of wresting control from this drug, immediately after graduation
I fled, not just the state, but the entire North American continent. And
it is to this day that Little Blonde Riding Hood is the zenith of my sexual
experience.

The tendency to lose my erection at the sight of a condom, resurfaced

only after being strung out in Japan and upon finally acknowledging my
condition, a break from the crackhouse was the only prescription. Again
as with my months with Rapunzel, things got well out of hand. However,
instead of just one sex partner, there were up to 17 at one time. My
childhood fantasy had materialized, bringing with it stress which bordered
that of my university life. My apartment in this upper-middle class, Palo
Alto-esque Kobe suburb was a revolving door of pleasure mates, from 18 to
46, single, married, divorced, single mother, house wives, virgins, medical
resident, office ladies and women whose names I didnt even know. Among
the nameless and faceless, was a woman I took home 30 minutes after
meeting her at a nearby Family Mart convenience store. With the lady in

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red deterring us from getting busy that night, she apologized profusely for
the inconvenience, gave me fellatio, thanked me for the opportunity and
guaranteed me shed return after the ladys departure. Four days later she
reappeared at my door. Another was a 27-year-old professor of English
whom I had met at the JR Nishinomiya Station, who after two sexual
encounters threatened to call the department of immigration if I didnt
marry her. Recognizing the futility of her threats, she solicited the help of
a male friend who telephoned me with news of her alleged suicide, since I
had refused to make her my bride.

From the looks of things I by no means was alone in the crackhouse.

Many African-Americans, especially those in music, were also struggling,
overwhelmed with this sex on tap.

I have to ask the Lord for help, one brother joked, dead serious.

On the other hand, not having a Lord to turn to, I had to take matters
in my own hands, which drove me to a convenience store in pursuit of
a porn magazine. In the West, it is quite common for men to purchase
pornographic magazines in the absence of a sex partner, but here I was
in Japan, consuming porn because I had too many sex partners and
desperately sought attrition. In the mornings before setting out to work, I
would pleasure myself to reduce my sex drive, so that on the train I would
simply bury my head in my International Herald Tribune/Daily Yomiuri
newspaper, not making eye contact with anyone. For a short while this
proved effective, but the reality was, in an effort to detoxify, there was no
choice but to flee the environment.

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JAMAIC A MARCH

Jamaica, where the women of my preference hardly existed, would be

perfect for detoxification. Many of my friends thought I was jumping from
the frying pan into the fire, but little did they know of my hyper-specialized
attraction. By then it was virtually impossible to become aroused by any
other than yellow women. Moreover, even if I could have overcome my
Mongoloid flu, having lived in soapland where I fished with a large bowl
in a bath tub, it would have been impossible to readjust to the patience
required when fishing with a line in the real world. I had grown accustomed
to sex on tap in Japan. In any event I was not going to Jamaica for sex, but
to escape it. In addition, having been previously embroiled in baby mama
drama, or almshouse business, as we Jamaicans refer to it, intimacy with
the natives was out of the question. Attrition was also another benefit of
escaping to Jamaica. In my mind, absence away from both my prospective
wives would bound to cause one, or both to leave. For though I had given
in to the reality that I was well on my way to bigamy, time away from them
both would at least reveal who was completely committed and who would
have defected. Or so I thought.

As it turned out, probability which had been working in my favour since

my arrival in Japan, again was on my side when I was made redundant
from my cushy junior high school job which I had secured when Henni
stood me up in the rain some three years back. It had also availed me with
the opportunity to begin a partnership shipping salvaged cars from Japan
to Jamaica, even though it would be in a part of the island I had most
despised since childhood. Resultantly, in March 2005 I arrived in Santa
Cruz, a small town in the very rural Parish of St. Elizabeth, where for
five months I entertained and pleasured myself daily, many times twice a
day, with a collection of pictures and videos of both wives to be and other
women, on two cell phones I had taken with me.

While in Jamaica, Shoko, now best friends with her digital camera
provided me daily enticement. She had become increasingly skilled at
taking pornographic photos of herself in all manner of beckoning positions
and angles, especially exposing her rump, which she knew was my deity.

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Demure, prissy and extraordinarily sentimental much more so than
Azusa - she sent me off on my trip with good luck charms and her usual
heartbreaking, tear jerking letters of love and deathless, illimitable devotion,
whose composition required endless hours of slaving with a dictionary.

And anyone, anything will not able to stop me from loving you, she penned
in her farewell card. As a compromise since I had been spending far more
time with her, Azusa, in consideration for Shokos feelings understood
my request to be seen off by Shoko at Kansai Airport, especially since
it was already established that she, Azusa would visit me in the summer.
Fully aware of Azusas advantage yet again, Shoko sent a daily barrage of
photos, doing her best to ensure that she would be at the forefront of my
thoughts.

In what was among the most under-developed parishes on the island, with
frequent interruptions in water and electricity, having never seen me with
a woman, hazardous rumors began spreading among the locals that there
was a homosexual in their midst and on one occasion, a proposition was
even extended. The danger of this gossip was by no means owing to any
homophobia on my part, for having emigrated from the island 24 years
prior, I had long since lost such primeval inscience.

After moving to San Francisco at 21 in 1985, I had still retained this

primitivism from my socialization, though not strong enough to support
gay killings, but enough to support them being beaten. The catalyst came
while dating Marissa, an alarmingly beautiful woman of half Iranian, a
quarter Italian and a quarter Irish decent, whose parents were adamantly
opposed to our union. In fact, her step-fathers father had been active in
the Klu Klux Klan and was deeply disturbed by her choice, which also
further strained relations between her and her Iranian father. Vy nigger?
She joked, mimicking her fathers disgust. Her mothers parents, Italian
mother (Noni) and Irish father (Papa) were the only supporters, frequently
validating us and advising us to ignore ignorance.
You twos love each other, thats all that matters.

During one of our frequent stimulating discussions, Marissa inquired

about my response to our hypothetically gay son.
He wouldnt be my son, he would have to leave. No fucking way, I would
disown him. He could never set foot in my house, I rebuked.
Exactly how you would feel about our son being gay is exactly how my
parents and the parents of other white women youve dated feel about you
now.
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It was an epiphany, and after a few rebuttals of lame defensive denial, I was
forced to acknowledge her truth and modify my thinking.

It may not have been known internationally but since my childhood I

was fully aware that Jamaica, this barbaric land of my birth, is the most
vehemently and religiously homophobic place on earth, where one can
be hacked to death just on rumors of being gay. Losing my life was not
among the reasons I had traveled there. In Hated to Death, Rebecca
Schleifer of the American-based Human Rights Watch confirms this in
her biting and accurate report on the islands entrenched homophobia. In
the year prior to my arrival, on June 5th 2004, Brian Williamson, a noted
Jamaican gay rights activist, the islands Martin Luther King Jr. of gay
rights, was slaughtered in the most barbarous fashion. Williamson, co-
founder of the Jamaican Forum for Lesbians and Gays ( J-FLAG), a man
known for personally providing refuge for homosexuals on the island and
actively tracking down gays who had suffered discrimination, was savaged
by machete and suffered some seventy, as in 7-0 not 17 wounds to
the neck and face. Though a crowd even celebrated over Williamsons
mutilated body, Police downplayed the solomassacre as motivated by robbery
as opposed to homophobia or hatred of Williamsons lifelong work.

Also in June of the same year, internationally known dancehall artist

Buju Banton, along with some other hooligans, charged into a gay mans
house, pummeled him and five others with kicks and blows with planks,
relieving the targeted homosexual of an eye. Banton, whose most popular
song Boom by by, a call to arms to murder gays, was charged only after
pressure from international human-rights groups, but in January of 2006
the case was dismissed for lack of evidence. Boom by by, incidentally
is an onomatopoeia for gun fire, which Banton implores us to direct at
homosexuals heads.

Continuing in 2004, a man after learning of his teenage sons sinful ways,
invited a mob to lynch him at school and later that year, with the support
and encouragement of the police, a reprobate mob stabbed and stoned a
gay man to death in Montego Bay. Three months after my September
departure from that years per capita murder capital of the world, Lenford
Harvey who ran Jamaica AIDS Support for Life, was gunned down on
the eve of World AIDS Day. Harveys organization provides support
to gay men and sex workers and upon breaking into his home, gunmen
confronted him and his two roommates regarding their sexuality. The
roommates denied being gay and were only gagged and bounded, while

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Harvey having remained silent, was forced into his company vehicle and
kidnapped, only to be found dead two hours later.

January 2006, Nokia Cowan was pursued by a bloodthirsty posse shouting

batty boy, the equivalent of faggot. In a desperate attempt to flee from the
beasts, Cowan leapt into Kingston Harbour unable to swim and perished
in the vile waters thereof. In Cowans case, it was only alleged that he was
gay. Cowans experience replicated scenes I had personally witnessed at 9
years old in the slums of Dunkirk. Valentines Day 2007, a mob attacked
two gay men in Half Way Tree, who luckily took refuge in a department
store until police arrived. Even whilst being escorted in police custody,
barbarians were still hurling blows and attacking the police for carrying
out their duties. Twice in April 2007 in the rural town of Falmouth cave
dwellers descended on two gays. On one occasion, the police intervened
taking the victim to hospital, where the vicious mob was awaiting the
victims release, in order to resume the beatings. Such is the magnitude of
homophobia in this alleged island paradise, many gays are forced to seek
asylum abroad. In fact, its reported that the first Jamaican man to win
asylum based on sexual orientation did so in 1998 in New York.

Respite from my manual intercourse came with Azusas visit three months
later, whose arrival with her glamorous movie star looks, parading on my
arms in hot pants or daisy dukes, quelled any rumors about my sexuality.
Along with the pleasantries and hospitality of most Jamaicans, she, like all
other women who had accompanied me to Jamaica, was often greeted by
crass and lewd remarks in the islands vernacular, indiscernible to her.

A weh mek fi har pussy suh fat? in reference to her slightly protruding
pubic mound, was a common remark among women.
Fat pussy chinie gyal, beg yu a fuck nuh, bellowed some uncivilized men,
which by no means surprised me. This uncouth behavior was the norm in
my childhood and most embarrassing during visits to the island with other
foreign women.

Enquiring minds wanted to know who Azusa was and I relished in their
shock when I informed them that she was one of two marriage candidates,
who were very aware of each other. Most men wanted to know where we
met, how they could get to Japan, or if she had any friends to whom they
could be introduced. Desperately seeking a way out, like I was as a child,
many beseeched with her to intercede with her friends on their behalf,
upon her return home. Azusas month long visit was the only time the

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celibacy was broken and it was during that time we made plans to tie the
knot, after reinforcing to her that it would be impossible to leave Shoko,
since I had promised her marriage a year before Azusa and I had met.
Initially uncomfortable with the idea when it was first proposed, in her
liberal expansive thinking - one of her many characteristics which I exalted
though recognizing the difficulty, she accepted this double marriage,
especially since we spent more time together than Shoko and I. I cant
leave either of you, I explained, just as I had done to Shoko. I love both
of you.

Earlier, friends had suggested leaving them both, but that too was
indubitably out of the question.
But if either or both of you are, or become, unhappy and want to leave,
that would be completely understandable.

Leaving either of these women would be tantamount to severing one of

my arms, for though Im right handed, I am by no means willing to part
with my left. In her open-mindedness she endeavored to make it work.
Like Shoko, who was also initially uncomfortable with the plan, Azusa
thought it better to share me than to be without me.

Among the bounteous memorable experiences of our month together in

Jamaica, was our day pass at Hedonism III, a resort on the north coast
of the island where anything goes. Those subscribing to the teachings of
the bible, firmly believe that when their Lord returns to earth, he most
certainly will make an appearance at this resort, not as a guest mind you,
but to rain down fire and brimstone on the premises. It was here among
the liberated others that Azusa and I frolicked along the beach, natural as
the day we were born, baring her perfectly proportioned, naturally tanned
physique to a naked audience. Unable to control my nature - the result
of viewing all the activities - the muscle rose to full mast as we strolled
together to take refuge on a pool side chair. On my back, timber pointing
skyward, Azusa mounted and proceeded to ride as if her life depended on
it. Moments later as her untamed mane thrashed to and fro, her otherwise
dainty nostrils began to flair. Head flung backward, she released her usual
high-pitched squeals followed by a protracted grunt. Gradually opening
her eyes after her enraptured gallop, I signaled her to dismount, as I was
dropping anchor. And tilting her head to the right, she smiled, bashful and
self-conscious, upon realizing that we had applauding spectators, some of
whom were masturbating to our performance.

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Man, that was awesome, shouted one voice.
Yeah! Exclaimed others.
A portly, balding man who had been our closest voyeur approached,
hardened phallus in hand.
I love the way your wife moves. Could we have a threesome?
Were not really into the threesome thing, we are just exhibitionists.
But thanks anyway. I replied, as she drew closer to me, oblivious to his
request.
Nan te? (What did he say?)
San pi hoshikatta. (He wanted to have a threesome.)
Had he been significantly more appealing, I would have loved to watch
them together.
No problem, he replied. Man, you guys were great, as we thanked our
fans and bade our good-byes. That event lead to our decision to hold a
nude wedding at Hedonism, but to our dismay they were discontinued on
account of protests from the overwhelming religious conservatives on the
island

Saddened by Azusas departure and homesick for Japan, my stay took on

a torturous complexion, leading me to redirect my energies to survey my
native land for evidence of change as I waited to leave. Not only was this
an attempt to occupy my time before departure but, at 40 I wanted to
explore the environment in which I grew up and experience it as an adult.
Was it really that bad? I wondered. Could it have caused me so much long
suffering and enervating depression from such a young age? The answers
were stark, as in the two and a half decades since my fifteenth birthday,
there were only marginal improvements on the status quo from 1980.

Deplaning at the Montego Bay airport immediately launched me face to

face with the stark increase in the probability of dieing. Perhaps it was
because at forty, having in essence started to enjoy life only five years prior,
and or because my country of reference was now the unspeakably safe
Japan as opposed to the United States, the fifty mile journey to Santa Cruz
was a heart stopping exercise of death taunting proportions, as the driver,
one of my business partners showcased his aeronautic, acrobatic driving
skills.

Everyting cool brejrin, mi ave it aunda control, he reassured me in

response to my prediction that everyday the bucket goes to the well, one
day the bottom will fall out, and I dont wish for it to fall out with me in it.

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But his words did not stop the constant images of my life flashing in front
of me, which continued on a regular basis for the remaining six months.

Outside of the white-sand, blue water havens of the developed tourist areas
and mansions of the affluent communities, death, from which most of the
natives seemed habituated, hovered in the atmosphere. I too was among
the acclimatized, but having left for so long and especially after a pleasure
filled, trauma free life in Japan, bereavement in Jamaica was ubiquitous.
It is with uncanny and prodigious accuracy that Junior Gongs hit of
the same year Welcome to Jamrock described the state of the nation.
Immediately upon arrival, unable to catch my breath in a town smoldering
from massive forest fires, I soon developed life threatening respiratory
problems requiring medical attention. No more than two weeks after my
arrival, on a quiet stroll into town one Sunday afternoon, I was jolted by a
woman screaming at the top of her lungs, carrying her discolored, lifeless
toddler from a small private clinic.
Him dead! Jesus Christ, mi baby dead! She hollered in hysteria, trailed by
her shouting mother.
A obeah dem obeah mi gran pickney. (Someone put a curse on my
grandchild.)

Far from the killing fields of Killsome, as Kingston was referred to by the
natives, my most frequent confrontation with the grim reaper was on the
roads, in overcrowded route taxis from Santa Cruz to Mandeville in the
adjacent parish of Manchester. Just two weeks earlier, my daily routine
consisted of a relaxing fifteen minute bicycle ride to the train station, where
I would board the tranquil special rapid, begin firing off e-mails on my 3G
cell phone to my friends around the world, read the newspaper, chat up
local women, or otherwise catch up on my sleep. But now here I was in
sardine packed taxis - older Toyota Corollas, designed for five passengers
but routinely carrying eight or nine - blazing down breathtakingly beautiful
Spur Tree Hill what may well be the most dangerous roads in Jamaica
at 120kph. Having walked away from countless major traffic accidents
in my teenage years, it was most unnerving to sit passively participating in
experiments taunting the hands of probability. Older and wiser, I knew it
wasnt if, but a matter of when I would have been a helpless passenger in
one of those mangled cars I frequently passed on Spur Tree.

There was a ubiquitous sentiment that life was cheap, as there was nothing
for which to exist when subsisting in abject poverty, and having been there,
having worn those same shoes, or no shoes at all, I could sympathize and

264
empathize. Literally fearing for my life, I began to interview my prospective
taxi drivers, about their driving habits and assured them that at anytime
during the journey, if my life was threatened by their driving, I would
request a stop and disembark without payment. Of course, this was not
expressed in English, but in the Jamaican Patois, as English would have
been far too pious a means of communication for these circumstances.

Upon approval of their driving, I would take their telephone numbers and
contact them directly for their transportation services, often times waiting
for their arrival. In my four months in Santa Cruz, there were at least four
fatal accidents along the Mandeville to Santa Cruz route, one involving a
driver with whom I had vowed never to travel again. Critically injured he
survived, but a woman in the front passenger seat on her way to delivery at
the Mandeville hospital, perished along with her unborn child, though her
critically injured 5-year-old daughter in the rear seat somehow survived.
Two months after my departure from the island, as I had predicted, the
bottom of the bucket fell out when my former business partner wrote off
his car but managed to escape with his life. But by the end of 2005 some
three hundred people including former classmate and star footballer Peter
Cargill, were not so lucky, succumbing to the high probability of road
fatalities in Jamaica.

Had it been possible to overcome my anxiety over their driving habits, the
murder rate would prove impossible to ignore. Jamaica with a population of
2.7million, in that year for at least the second time in my lifetime, reclaimed
the world record for murders per capita. One thousand six hundred and
seventy-one people were felled, an increase of 200 over the previous year.
Over 100 childrens lives were extinguished, including two girls ages seven
and eight found in a cane field in the parish of my visit. But the most
stunning of the child murders was that of a 6-year-old girl in Kingston,
who had been raped by her condom wearing assailant prior to the murder.
Immediately I saw arrant parallels between the gruesome child murders
in Jamaica and those I had left in Japan, for though the two countries
are diametric opposites in some sense, they are also alarmingly similar.
Among the murdered that year, was a senior member of the Azan family
and his Chinese son-in-law. Of Middle Eastern decent, the Azans are
among Jamaicas richest and most influential families, the murder of whose
senior prompted the Private Sector of Jamaica to initiate a nationwide
closure of businesses, apparently in protest of the killing spree gripping the
island. However, the achievements of such remonstrance was unclear other
than reinforcing what impoverished Jamaicans of African descent had

265
already suspected: that the lives of the influential non-African minority
are far more important than those of the poverty stricken African masses.
For had it not been so, a 6-year-old being raped and murdered would have
caused an island wide shut down for decades. It is the height of irony that
the nation with the highest murder rate per capita, also sports the most
churches per square mile.

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HOOKED ON THE CRUCIFIX

The writings of Maximilian Weber 1864 -1920, one of the founding fathers
of modern sociology, provided definitive answers to this paradox and an
explanation to why Jamaica possesses such an unquenchable penchant for
permanent and steeped entrenchment in antidevelopment. In Webers
analysis, it was religion which was the incubator for economic development
as Protestants broke away from the Catholic Church and deemed nothing
sinful about earning profits and improving their economics. Weber
identified two currents; one which favours the poor and the other which
prefers the rich and successful. He labeled the former, (Roman Catholics)
Publican and the latter (Protestants) Pharisaic and notes that any society
where the Publican form is dominant, will be resistant to development, as
the poor will see their plight as justified and the rich, even subconsciously,
will view themselves as sinners.

But Webers theory was turned on its head in Jamaica where over 60%
are Protestants, only 4% Catholic, while more than 34% are of other sects
including spiritualist cults. In Jamaica, its the Protestants who take on
Publican traits, handicapping the masses while Catholicism is the sect of the
elite. In order to maintain full control over slaves, Protestant missionaries
who transplanted Africans to Jamaica refrained from extolling the virtues
of self-empowerment, erstwhile a cornerstone of the Protestant movement.
In its stead they emphasized patience for rewards in the afterlife. With
over 60% worshipping in oppressive Publican sects and more than 34% in
superstitious cults, the minds of over 95% of Jamaicans are entangled in
deity worship deleterious to economic development.

My mother a seamstress of the highest order and a devout member of the

Church of God, possessing no more than a 9th grade education and no
vocational training, in the absence of a pattern could replicate a Versace
suit just from a magazine picture. However, instead of utilizing her talents
for economic upliftment, she chose to remain in squalid deprivation, doing
the Lords work, making her church sisters clothes free of charge.

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What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
The meek shall inherit the earth and, Its easier for a camel to pass
through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom
of heaven, she constantly chanted, upon listening to my many childish
inquiries about her then asinine decisions.

In retrospect, she too may well have been suffering from debilitating
depression which she opiated with the crucifix. By no means was she
isolated in her crucifixion addiction, this was and still is one of the many,
albeit less destructive opiates on the island, a legacy of days gone by when
Protestant Christian missionaries introduced enslaved Africans to the
island for economic gain. Those like me, lacking the ability of self-delusion
a skill necessary for proper mental health perilously hurled themselves
in the ocean. Generations later in contemporary Jamaica, the religion that
tricks them into survival is the same religion which keeps them passively
trapped in survival mode, awaiting their expiration, or for the return of
their Lord to deliver them to the land of milk and honey.

Spending the first fifteen years of my life in a God-obsessed cesspool of

an environment, my preparation to enter Uncle Sams pearly gates or the
real world in general, was at best inadequate. Though most of the cesspit
years were spent opposing my defeatist socialization, some parts of it
managed to seep through and many of those said handicapping ideologies
were internalized. Among the rubbish I was taught as a child was that
prayer was the only way to achieve and if one did not pray enough, or ones
achievements were not the will of God, they will not materialize. Such
learned handicap, coupled with disabling and endless severe depression
contributed to the acute absence of successes in my life then. I hated
prayer. I simply just did not believe. But I was brave enough to reject
those doctrines and a great deal of my socialization, even in the face of no
alternatives.

Landing on American soil and experiencing the epiphany of having to

do things for myself was jarring beyond belief. Most discombobulating,
decades before my introduction to Max Webers writings, was the
epiphanous discovery that the same God who frowned on financial wealth
in Jamaica, promoted it in the United States. It was a massive shock to
learn that the Billy Graham to whom my poverty stricken mother would
donate money, at the expense of my going without lunch, was an extremely
wealthy man. Also visible was a dynamic where Americans of European
descent were Pharisaic, while those of African descent - similar to my

268
Jamaican contemporaries - were Publican. At popular entertainment
awards, upon accepting trophies or other objects of recognition presented
to them, African-Americans usually first thank their God, while European-
Americans thank their parents first.

269
INTERVENTION

Wednesday, February 2nd 1980 may well have been the most impacting
date of my entire existence. Thanks to my then step-mother - who for 10
years pressured my absent father into sponsoring his sons green card - my
escape from Jamaica at 15 years old has been to date the only gift from
my father. My arrival in the States coincided with an era when African-
Americans, before they referred to themselves as such, were painfully
inhospitable to Africans from other parts of the Diaspora, or to their own
African heritage. Bob Marley among other reggae entertainers frequently
lamented the absence of African-American faces at his concerts. Ironically
back then, the most afrocentric audience members throughout the United
States were whites.
All I always si is a sea a white people, I heard Bob once comment in an
interview.

Except for the enlightened few, African-Americans then steeped in

inferiority complexes sought to distance themselves from anything
African. I too suffered those inferiority complexes so Im able to identify
them. However, having been born and raised in Jamaica, regardless of my
own self-hate then, given the ubiquity of an Africa centered socialization
and the back to Africa fantasy purported in reggae music and by the
Rastafarians, I had no doubt that my ancestors were Africans.

Indeed it would not be until the mid to late eighties that African-
Americans began to embrace their African ancestry en masse. First
manifesting in the short lived fad of the leather African medallion in 1986,
the movement gathered momentum after the marriage between reggae
and hip hop, thanks to pioneering crossover artists the likes of Shabba
Ranks and Shinehead. Further gratitude was due to a growing presence
of Jamaican artists in mainstream hip hop, such as Heavy D and Busta
Rhymes. Steely and Cleevys We Are the Champion was a breakthrough
in the reghop amalgamation. The end of the eighties saw many African-
Americans scraping to claim some great great Jamaican grand parent in
order to affirm some connection with the island. In just ten years I had
gone from being asked by African-Americans, questions such as, wheres

270
the bone in your nose? Or, how are you getting used to wearing clothes
in America? to being en vogue.

Adding insult to my dismay, African-Americans I had encountered initially

were quite the opposite to those I had envied on the pages of Jet, Right On
and Ebony magazines. A great many were poor, much poorer than whites.
In fact, at that time over 50% or more of African-Americans were at or
below the poverty level, a percentage which has seen dramatic improvement
in 26 years. According to 2005 statistics, 25% are considered poor. Before
emigrating to America, in my naivet I simply thought that like Jamaica,
Africans were the majority. Hence arriving in America and observing such
widespread poverty among Negroes, all but confirmed that yes, the people
of my race, this race to which I was attached for life, were doomed it seem
internationally. Once again after examining my surroundings, I was left
holding a bag of questions to which no one had answers.

Immediately upon my first day of high school, I was struck by an epiphany:

things in America were either black or white, as were ones actions and
behaviour. Activities which hitherto were colorless, were now color coded.
Homework was white, truancy was black. A strong desire for international
travel was white, hanging out at the crib getting high was black. Driving a
new car was white, driving a rust bucket was black. Attending university
after high school was white, while handling baggage, or working in the
flight kitchen at Stapleton International airport - my first job at 16 - was
black. Ever since seeing the intro of ABCs wild world of sports as a child,
where as the voice-over states and the agony of defeat, a skier tumbles
down the slopes, I had harbored a deep rooted fantasy to ski. However,
upon arrival in Colorado, I learned that skiing was white, a massive portable
hi-fi at ones ear was black. At 15 in 1980, had it not been clear to other
teenagers of African descent - again with no one to answer my questions
- the message was explicit and lucent to me: Success was white, failure
was black. I had no intentions of associating with failure, which given my
self-hate at the time, on the surface justified my dissociation from African-
Americans. But the fact of the matter was, failure had no intentions of
associating with me, so I and other Africans from the Diaspora were
outcasts, constantly referred to as Uncle Toms.

In December of 1980, a whopping 3 months after my 10th grade debut, I

made the bold move to withdraw from high school to sit the equivalency
exam after learning that the primary education system in Jamaica was two
grades superior to that of the United States. Though having repeated the

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9th grade and placed 39th in a class of 40 students, TJ - white Boulderite,
but more Jamaican than I - assured me I would have had no problems
with the exams. You come from Jamrock mon, in his excruciatingly bad
Jamaican accent. You will mash up dat test. He was right.

With no legal guardian at 16 years old, observing (white) Americans,

bustling to and fro, well groomed, suited and armed with attach cases in
downtown Denver, I desperately sought answers. Mustering the courage
to approach them at random, pretending to be on a school assignment, I
inquired about their professions and how they got there. They were Directors
of Marketing, Investment Bankers, Reporters for the Denver Post, and held
other titles most of which I had never heard. Upon inquiring about the
processes through which they obtained their positions, not one mentioned
the mercies of God, or the goodness of the Lord. In fact, to my shock and awe,
church, blessings, or Jesus were absent from all their responses. Instead,
they all mentioned their pursuits after university and while their pursuits
varied, university was constant among them all. This was in antipodal
contrast with my indoctrination, where only God could determine ones
success, if it were in HIS will. Observing this I was hell bent on becoming
white. Along with wearing my seatbelt at sixteen long before it was even
mandated by law, though knowing nothing about universities, I had to find
the means of attending one, in order to emulate white Americans, even if
it meant being buried in debt. For it was better I concluded, to be educated
and in debt than to be debt free and uneducated.

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JAMAIC A CONTINUED

Skyscraping levels of sexual charge contribute to Jamaicas abundant

afflictions. No doubt another opiate of the masses, sexual stimuli ooze from
every crevice of the society. From lyrics in the music and the accompanying
videos to the ever present batty rider (daisy dukes), to the infinite display
of cleavage. Hot Fuck, simulating rough sex, is a popular dance craze on
the island. The World Health Organization defines regular sexual relations
as those lasting more than a year and in Jamaica, multiple regular sexual
relations the likes of which I practiced in Japan - are the norm, practiced
by 54% of men and 30% of women. While women cited economic support
for their families, as the primary reason for engaging in this practice, for
men it was simply a matter of sexual adventure and variety, proving their
virility, and gaining status in the community, particularly among their
male peers. During my childhood, boys aspired to be cocksmen, collecting
as many sex partners and baby mothers as possible.

We Jamaicans become sexualized very early in life. In one study, 69% of men
and 48% of women had their first sexual experiences before 16 years old.
High schoolteachers in Mandeville bemoaned to me, the frequency with
which students were caught in unabashed copulation at school. But such
social hyper-sexuality in a threesome with capacious exiguity and another
infrequently addressed social scourge, make for terrible bed partners.
Colossal would be a euphemism to describe the paternal abandonment rate
of children in Jamaica. Over 50% of all children there are born to absent
fathers. It may well be that nowhere near 50% of Jamaican fathers abandon
their children, for I would very much like to think that most fathers on
the island, especially in the rural areas, behave responsibly toward their
offsprings. However, the high fertility rate of the minority of fathers, with
their multiple byaby madda, perpetuate this despicable legacy of slavery.

Historically in West Africa, where most Jamaicans originated, a mans

masculinity and status were elevated by high fertility. This model was
perfectly compatible with the institution of slavery and its insatiable need
for live bodies, as it illegitimized the role of father and husband among
slaves. Historians believe that over two-thirds of adult men who were

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fathers, did not cohabitate and often did not even live on the same farm
with their partners and offsprings. Two hundred and fifty years after the
beginning of slavery, enjoined from social status in general and denied their
rights to their children and partners, in order to assert some semblance
of male pride, men compensated by re-avowing the transplanted West
African model of virility and high fertility.

Unsecured paternity is another negative externality of slavery, as Massa

assumed responsibility to provide for the children of slaves while
encouraging the men to multiply the land as much as possible without
responsibilities. During my childhood and to this day, it is a common
tenet among men of the uneducated masses that real men dont take care
of their children. Thats for wimps. A real mans responsibility is to simply
provide the sperm. Male pride is defined among many formerly present
company included in terms of impregnation of women. Massas double
standard role model of sexual predator also shaped the thinking of his slaves.
More recently, the elimination of racial barriers in popular athletics has
resulted in the ascension of young African-American mega-star athletes,
most hailing from disadvantaged backgrounds. The number of these larger
than life characters may be microscopic in comparison to poverty stricken
Africans in the Diaspora, but their influence as role models is planetary,
reinforcing ideas of predatory sexuality and unsecured paternity.

A contemporary ingredient to the milieu is the unstoppable rise of hip

hop culture, notably gangsta rap, bringing with it exalting glorification
of sexual predation and paternal abandonment. It is common knowledge
that America holds vast inescapable cultural influences over the world and
in so doing, African-America along with its dominant influence in pop
culture internationally, is especially emulated by Africans throughout the
Diaspora. Hence, as hip hop and popular sports have normalized these
destructive social models among poor inner-city African-American young
men, seeking to emulate their brethrens overseas, ghetto youths in Jamaica
so too have normalized the dysfunction.

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MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE STATISTIC

Just as I had been conceived in this sexually predatory and paternally

unsecured kinesics, in honoring the social model, so was my daughter.
After reneging on wedding plans with Simone Chang, she had a nervous
breakdown at 21 and I was engulfed in guilt. At 19 years old, high school
dropout in the tentacles of depression, I had absolutely no idea what I
wanted to pursue. In fact, I had no idea if I would have been alive from day
to day, as I had set several dates for my exit, but lacked the courage to carry
out the plans. Existing in a dark and dismal cocoon, though I had no idea
what I wanted in life, except for death, it was perfectly clear what I did not
want: to be stuck working in newspaper assembly, in essence factory work,
married and saddled with the responsibilities of children. In my crystal
ball then, I saw myself as a future mass murderer, solving my problems in
Japanese fashion, offing my wife and children and then, most definitely
myself. Recognizing this, I canceled our wedding plans by phone.

Back then in my naivet I equated alleviation of guilt with spending large

wads of cash and though our marriage would have been her only reason
for emigrating to the States, I convinced her that emigrating would be in
her best interest, even though there was no hope that we would marry. She
adamantly objected.
I dont want to go to America if were not getting married, she grumbled.
But already I had solicited the services of a friend, an American citizen
who would travel to Jamaica, marry her and return with her to the States,
all for a whopping $5000 in 1984, just so I could shed the guilt.

Immediately upon her arrival, it was clear that I had spent good money
on an asinine idea. Her arrival coincided with the embryonic stages of my
developing confidence and a positive self-image, thanks to the influence of
an extremely extroverted cousin in Colorado. And I found her introverted,
damaged, painfully shy personality excruciating and unbearable. In
retrospect, Simones characteristics bore strong similarities to those of the
typical Japanese woman; frustratingly shy, demure, damaged by childhood
sexual molestation and chronically socially inept, the nice quiet girl many
Jamaican men in my childhood thought was the perfect catch and indeed

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the personality to which girls were instructed to aspire in Jamaica.
Nonetheless, as I became enlightened and expanded beyond the limited
Jamaican thinking, my preferences changed and I no longer found that
weak, pusillanimous personality in women attractive. Good hair was no
longer maintained as a standard of beauty.

Given their own inferiority complexes, African-American women rejected

me in droves, even as other women - notably European-Americans -
showered me with acceptance. This embrace by white women validated my
rejection of African-American women, in my own inferiority complexes,
and by 20 bestowed upon me a newfound confidence propelling me across
the racial line, never to look back. But alas, I was still too diffident to
pursue Asian or Latina women I saw in Denver, who made themselves far
less available than European-Americans.

Unlike two women before her, Simone refused to abort, as she had
nothing at stake. Tracy, my first abortion at 19 was a 17-year-old high
school student who wanted to at least finish high school before having a
baby. Twenty-one-year-old Noreen, a striking beauty from Trinidad, to
whom I was engaged, had received a scholarship to attend Northwestern
University before we discovered her pregnancy. Termination was a
foregone solution and having been averse to relocating to the Midwest, our
agonizing separation catapulted me into even deeper depression. Noreens
departure coincided with the arrival of Simone, with whom sex served as
an opiate in times of darkness and or between girlfriends. Our frequent
and careless unprotected sex was off the charts, leading to the inevitable
two years later.

In love and desperately seeking love in return, Simone wanted a baby to

fill the vacuous hole in her life. Akin to the dynamics commonly observed
among pregnant teenagers, she wanted to be needed and even admitted
that she had entertained the grossly misguided idea that I would have
married her, given her pregnancy.

Thats ok, Ill raise the kid by myself, Ill just tell him that his father
is dead, she stated in defiance, inciting rage and anger within me, of a
magnitude never before experienced.
Why would you want to have my child? Why would you want to have
a child for someone who hates you? Cant you see that I was just fucking
you? Dont you have any self-esteem?

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The despised fatherless dynamic I had observed among many Jamaican
men and among countless other descendants of slaves, is the very social
scourge to which I would then become a contributor, and I cursed her
for dashing my dreams of being the father about which I had fantasized.
Though it had become the normative dysfunction among Africans in the
new world, I had always held in profound contempt and condescension the
idea of single parenting and the entire byaby madda, byaby fauda business.
A further source of umbrage was the possibility of repeating my fathers
abandonment.

Insecure and unprepared, having never had a father, I had no idea how
to be one. And had I even a clue, I was much too emotionally unwell
to be effective. All the father figures I had observed in my childhood
were abusive alcoholics, if ever they were present. But I had dreamt of
and planned on being a father like Mr. Ingles on Little house on the
Prairie, compassionate, supportive and kind, even if it meant several
abortions until I was well. Little House and Family, two of my favourite TV
series during my childhood, provided my only models of family as a child
and comparing those two white TV families to the familial fragments in
my reality, further reinforced my conclusion of hopelessness among my
people. Four years after arriving in the States I met a family in California
who adopted me at 19 and provided me a tangible working model of a
functional, non-fictional family.

Consumed by repugnance for the mother of my child, which most

definitely affected my interaction with my offspring, the war between my
insecurities fueled by my paternal inadequacies, and the intellectual desire
not to abandon my child, raged unabated in my head. For even if I didnt
renounce my seed, it would have been impossible to reconcile my malignity
for her mother, in order to interact positively with my child.

It was then that I embarked on the idea of intellectually motivated

interaction, in other words, doing the right thing with positively no
emotional attachment; faking it, deluding myself into thinking I was an
uncle instead of a father. Less was required of uncles and they were more
about fun and games, as opposed to the serious character development for
which fathers are supposed to be responsible. This was the only alternative
to complete abandonment and was actually quite effective. My daughter
being a child could not detect that I had no genuine attachment to her.
But though this process was quite effective, rancour for the mother of
my child proved more difficult to dilute, which resulted in my perpetual,
physical, mental and emotional abuse.
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Initially my anger was misplaced at Simone for wanting to keep the child,
hence ensuring our eternal connection. This misdirected wrath resulted in
many episodes where my fingers would spontaneously form an unbreakable
bond with her neck, in several fits of rage, attempting to snuff out her
life.

Daddy, daddy, dont kill mommy, our then 8-year-old daughter screamed
atop her lungs during one such episode.

On two occasions I was sojourn in county correctional facilities on account

of my violent behavior, but fortunately with therapy I became more
introspective and began to realize that my intertwined existence with her
was the result of my own maladaptive coping mechanisms. After all, it was
I who had actually paid money to get her to the United States, even as she
protested. Furthermore, regardless of my addiction and depression, it was
I who had been having sex with her, completely cognizant that she was
someone with whom I would never have wanted to share progeny. Yes, it
is true that I was once head over heels for her at 9 years old, but I had long
since grown, gained confidence and changed my tastes and requirements
in a partner. By the birth of the child I had started college, now confident
enough to date hyper-beautiful women, completely ashamed of public
appearances with my byaby madda.

Acknowledging my contribution to my own dilemma was one thing, but

refraining from skapegoating her was an entirely different kettle of fish,
which lead me to use more subtle long term psychological warfare, as
opposed to physical abuse, to assuage my anger towards her and unleash
vengeance undetectably.

OK, you wanna have this child? You will pay with every ounce of your
sanity.

And with that I set out to drive her completely over the edge with the only
thing I knew: sex. Every orgasm I furnished, made her more attached and
deluded her into thinking there was hope for us. Simone Chang was the
only person with whom I have had sex out of hate and for seven years, like
bonobus monkeys, we settled all our heated, sometimes physically violent
exchanges with what to her was earth shattering sex, which eventually
made me nauseous after the act. Seven years later, unable to cope with my
post coitus nausea, I withdrew from this act and all manner of baby mama
drama ensued.

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MY JAMAIC A

According to 2004 information from the detoxification unit, among 10-

18-year-olds, 100% were smoking ganja and another 2/3 were abusing
alcohol. In the 20-55 age range, 93% was using crack, 92% using alcohol and
90% smoking ganja. Can there be a semblance of anything but chaos in a
drugged out hotbed for oppositional personality disorder? My motherland
with the highest murder rate per capita the year of my visit, fueled by
retarded conflict resolution skills, poverty, drugs, an incomprehensibly
high paternal abandonment rate along with effortless accessibility to the
gun, is also a state where the inhabitants harbour deep seated mistrust of
each other.

We Jamaicans amuse ourselves with frequent banter and humor about

our spontaneous untrustworthiness toward each other, but are usually
oblivious to the fact that inter-personal trust is an indispensable criterion
for economic development. The icing on the antidevelopment cake is
Jamaicas place on Transparency Internationals Corruption Perception
Index. Of the 145 countries surveyed in 2005, Jamaica placed 64th on the
corruption scale, albeit a 10 point improvement over the previous year. A
higher number on the scale indicates greater corruption.

Reacquaintance with the dark realities of my birthplace left me no

choice but to re-affirm my childhood conclusion that, like so many other
Afritocracies, Jamaica is a culture of failure. In fact during my six months
there, not a day passed when the term failed state was not mentioned in
the media, regarding the dire state of affairs on the island. Fortunately for
the inhabitants, though engaging in passionate tango with and teetering
on the edge of failure, it still manages to just stay afloat. Jamaica remains
somewhat economically functional, a dreamland to many Haitians fleeing
THEIR failed state.

On another bright note, there is a light at the end of Jamaicas tunnel of

decrepitude: the blinding light of creativity. Even in the face of, worse case
scenario, all out failure or best case perpetual malaise, Jamaica the island of
my birth, is a hotbed of creativity.

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It is said that Japan is a setsumeisho shakai, an operation manual society
where the inhabitants thereof cannot think spontaneously and are terrified
of improvisation. As Ive mentioned earlier, until recently it was impossible
to obtain an extra packet of ketchup at Kentucky Fried Chicken in Japan,
even if one offered to pay millions of yen, because that was the rule. But
if Japan is a society where a manual is necessary, then Jamaica is one
where the manual is completely discarded, thriving on ad hoc impulsivity.
During my childhood it was quite common to hear the mantra, yu haffi
tun yu han and mek fashion, which translated to English means, one
must always improvise, an absolute necessity for survival, in the absence of
rudimentary resources. Japanese auto makers would be aghast to see what
they would think was a Mazda RX7, being powered by the engine from
a Toyota Crown and mated to the gearbox of a Nissan. Only in Jamaica
can people of little or no formal education, in some cases illiterate, devise
such imaginative solutions to all manner of problems encountered in daily
life. Jamaicas bobsled team, epitomizes the nothing can stop us attitude of
its people.

It is this fountain of creativity which puts Jamaica in the forefront of

peoples minds around the globe. Rap and hip hop, dominant genres in
international pop culture, owe their existences to the tiny island. Marcus
Mosiah Garvey opened the gates for the likes of Martin Luther King
and Malcolm X. Colin Powell, formerly the most powerful mixed-race
black man in the world and quite possibly the first person of color with a
significant chance to become president of the United States, hails from
Jamaican origin. This island roughly the size of Connecticut, produces
Rhodes scholars like it produces bauxite: in abundance. Never in my
decades of international wanderlust have I met someone who had not
heard of the island. They might not have known its location exactly, but
they had most certainly heard of it. The black, yellow and green X of the
Jamaican flag is more recognizable around the world than those of some
G8 countries and according to some reports, if Jamaica were a name brand,
it would be the sixth most recognizable.

Unfortunately as much as this so called island paradise is awash in

creativity, countering the mammoth cultural and social dynamics which
keep it enmeshed in poverty has proven elusive. Creative individualism so
embedded in the Jamaican psyche, is a deterrent to consensus, necessary
to materialize basic beneficial interpersonal, social and economic schemes.
In stark contrast to each other, the Japanese absolutely cannot function
outside a group setting, which slows the decision making process to a

280
grinding phlegmatic pace, whereas cooperating in a group, to Jamaicans
may well be tantamount to pulling teeth. Unable to fully capitalize on its
goodwill as a universal trade mark, the island fails to optimize revenues on
its international image. Instead, Jamaica is a net exporter of creative minds,
which developed countries are eager to utilize and properly compensate.
It is this socialization forged by the determination to overcome, which all
but ensures Jamaicans success in their chosen fields, upon emigrating to
greener pastures such as the United States or Canada.

By then four months on the island, unable to engage in my first world

rigorous gym routine, the depression of my childhood began steadily
encroaching. Adding to the stew was the collapse of the venture I had
begun with two other Jamaicans, which in retrospect was predictable.
Impecunious and destitute, I was afforded much time to sit with my
grandmother on her verandah and accompany her on her early morning
walks down Mountain View Avenue, albeit not too far down, lest we were
shot.

Ever since my arrival on the island, I had promised grandma that I would
spend quality time with her, a debt I owed her having not attended my
mothers funeral. In fact, my promises were not just hot air intent on
pacifying the old lady, but genuine and anticipated plans, as I was older and
had acquired the listening skills and patience, oh yes, patience, required to
endure her sermons of pain and neglect. These were recitations of hurt
and emotional abuse which I had been hearing since my childhood, but
at 40 I was finally able to appreciate the sheer stalwart character which
my grandmother possessed, having born nine children and married to
my grandfather for nearly seven decades since 16 years old. Unlike the
Japanese, Jamaicans are open and direct in their communication, and my
grandmother could sink frigates with her direct speech. She was never one
to mince words, regardless of how offensive they might be. Her stories of
poverty and homelessness with nine children could coax enough tears to
fill dams.

I had to give away two of my own children like I was giving away puppies
from a litter, all because of your grandfather squandering his money on
women.

Your fauda, dat no good wretch, rape auf mi daughta, still seething with
venom some 40 years later, and though I was the product of that violation,
I too possessed an odd feeling of rage toward my father.

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While grandma was on her first trip to Nassau as a domestic worker, my
father, then unemployed seized the opportunity to overpower my mother
in her absence. Eighty-year-old grandma, still livid about the incident
which took place in 1964, broke the news to me in my thirties. In her
words, after her return from the Bahamas my father approached her in
repentance.

Bwaii, Ms. D, mi du a bad ting while yu gaun a Nassau, y nuh. (Boy Ms.
D, I did a terrible thing while you were in Nassau.)

Being from a deprived family of eleven, including her parents, living

quarters were cramped and unaccommodating to my mothers new baby.
So she bounced around, relying on the kindness of strangers until I was
two, when she found refuge at my grandmothers church in Dunkirk. My
parents had been dating, but she was holding out until they were married.
However, seeing the kind of man my father was, she decided to cancel
their wedding plans. Three months after my birth, upon taking me to
my fathers place to show him his son, a second rape occurred, which lead
to permanent severing of ties between the two. Traumatized, my mother
relegated herself to a life of religious fanaticism and deplorable poverty, a
poverty that made Mother Theresa look like Bill Gates, never even to date
again. Mummy she hated mamma, it was too braulin, rawchaw and low
class- was a startlingly beautiful woman.

In fact, during my adulthood, after overcoming my inferiority complexes,

looking at photos of her at nineteen gave me butterflies, an unexplainable
feeling of lust without sexual motivation. It was clear why my father or any
man for that matter wanted her. She was an incredibly attractive woman.
After kicking the complexes in early adulthood, the grandest epiphany
occurred: I hail from a family of extremely aesthetically pleasing people,
both on my mothers and fathers side, but cannot comprehend how that
gene had evaded me. One of my fathers sisters even held the Ms. Jamaica
title the year I was born.

An even larger eye opener followed, upon realizing that in general, there
are some astoundingly beautiful Africans and people of African decent.
Not the Halle Berry/Obama types, who benefit from the hybrid vigor
phenomenon, but people of 100% Negroe decent, such as Kenyans and
Ghanaians to cite two nationalities. However, nothing could top the
grandiose and shocking discovery which came at 18 years old. While living
in Colorado and England, like a wrecking ball it hit me that Europeans

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and people of European descent, whom I had held in God-like esteem,
they too can be extremely unattractive.

Prior to those awakenings, I equated physical beauty with anything non-

African and found it unfathomable that non-Negroes, especially white
people, could be unattractive. Such are the complexes which plague many
post colonized people of African descent and other post colonized people
of color in general. Such are the complexes I have observed in Japan.
Of course now, it is perfectly clear to me that all races are represented by
the ugly and the beautiful alike, but it seems that a higher frequency of
perceived dissonant phenotype is present among the so called racially pure,
perhaps something to do with closeness of gene pool, British and Japanese
royalty being perfect examples.

From as early as three years old, it was explicitly and unequivocally obvious
to me that I had taken the wrong exit in birth, leading to the wrong
fallopian tubes, down the wrong birth canal, which lead to an obsession
until my thirties, with exiting life.

As earlier stated, my masochistic existence from babyhood in this prison

mandated daily church service attendances, with pressure to participate
in Wednesday night testimonials about the goodness of the Lord. And
though I had absolutely nothing for which to thank their Lord I strongly
wanted to mimic and please the adults. They all recited similar stories of
traveling down this crooked road, stuck in a miry claim before being rescued
by or having met Jesus. It wasnt long before it dawned on me that all
these women, including my mother, had suffered some insurmountable
loss, some great trauma, for which they had lacked the necessary adaptive
skills to overcome.

A big break came at five years old, and I finally had something about which
to testify after Brother Claire literally pulled me from a twenty-foot deep
cesspool full to the brim of waste from everyone in the yard. The one and
a half foot square shaped opening was just a few feet from my steps and
that morning workmen had removed the cemented lid, replaced it with
rusted corrugated zinc in anticipation of the cesspool emptier, a process
undertaken every five years or so when the cesspool is full. If there was
ever a time when being a skinny, scrawny and malnourished child came in
handy, it was then. Had I weighed even an ounce more, I would have sunk
to my death in that fecal grave.

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Instead initially I sat in the semi-solid waste with my legs submerged from
the knees, wailing and screaming at the top of my lungs, slowly sinking as
I wiggled around.

TEK MI OUT! OONU TEK MI OUT! SOMEBADY TEK MI

OOOOOUT! Upon falling in, my unexpected presence disturbed a
massive colony of cockroaches. Not just regular cockroaches, but drummer
cockroaches. If a regular cockroach is a canoe, then a drummer is an aircraft
carrier. I have only seen them in Jamaica, so they may well be the national
insect. Twice the size of regular cockroaches, they make that reddish tone
of their regular cousins appear to be exquisite works of art. Just the blitz
of those monstrous creatures, ignoring the stench and the agony of slowly
submerging in human excrement, was enough to give a 5-year-old a heart
attack.

Looking up as I wailed and screamed, in full view was the square opening
through which I fell. The sky was exceptionally blue, as dark hands
extended to help me. But their attempts were futile, as our hands couldnt
meet. Pandemonium appeared to be the order of the world outside as
people scrambled around for solutions. After what seemed like hours,
Brother Claire the husband of a family who had housed my mother and
I when I was 2 years old - arrived with pieces of cloth that he had tied
together. Chest deep in filth, it seemed my wish to leave this earth after
only a short five-year visit would really materialize.

Stop di cryin! he barked, laying on his belly. Di more yu cry, is di more

yu move, an di more yu move is di more YU SINK! YU EAR MI? And
that was my first lesson in remaining calm and maintaining composure
under immense pressure. Immediately I held it in, reduced my bawling to
sobs and reached for the descending lifeline.

OLE AUN TIGHT! (HOLD ON TIGHTLY!) Were his next orders

and I re-entered the outside world, embarrassed and covered in clumps
of feces from the chest down, greeted by an unkind reception of scolding
adults and jeering children.
Yu si ow yu almos dead? (See how you almost died?) Said one woman.
If you a did fi mi pickney, a woulda buss yu aus. (Had you been my child,
I would a whooped your ass.)

My mother had the same idea, because after hosing me down from a
distance, with every disinfectant know to man, she opened up a can of

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whoop ass for A: disobeying her order not to go outside and B: for doing
something to cause her worry. To this day I have a massive phobia for
fecal matter and cockroaches. Confrontations with wild hungry lions and
tigers would pose no problems, but the sight of a dead cockroach is enough
to send me jumping out of a plane without a parachute. This early near
death experience provided much desired fodder for my Wednesday night
testimonials and for several weeks I stood on the church bench to testify
how I too had been saved from the doo du pit by the Lord. However, that
new found appreciation to the Lord soon faded under the weight of my
depression and I began to think, had I not been so scared it would have
been better to have died.

Just about the only source of happiness in my cripplingly depressing

childhood was music, but unfortunately, secular music was strictly
forbidden. Feet tapping to secular music reported by snitching children,
was dealt with severely. Reggae, the music of hooligans and the devil, was
definitely out of the question. In this tyrannical environment, forbidden to
have friends for fear they would have contaminated my mind, I developed
a most revolting hate for my mother,

After just one music class, unable to afford to continue lessons, my musical
genius of a mother taught herself to read music and play the organ. As
with my daughter and I, a firery passion for music burned in my mother.
In fact, music and God may well have been her only passions. So much was
her passion for music, that on a pittance of 15 Jamaican dollars per week,
she saved for two years to buy a small hundred and fifty dollar pedal organ.
By the arrival of this early stone-aged instrument, I had been introduced
to Mozart by an aunt who took an LP to Jamaica from Colorado and I
had begun to primitively attempt to recreate his music on the organ. At the
same time, my mother began to administer music lessons, but after playing
each piece once or twice, having relative pitch, I had easily committed
them to memory. Like many music teachers she insisted on my reading
and deprived me of perhaps what was my only predictably fun activity
as a child. Soon thereafter, in spiteful rebellion - I ceased all playing and
studying. This was a painful blow to her, but she continued teaching herself,
eventually becoming the organist in her church.

Three years after my daughters birth I recognized her fathers, grandmothers

and great grandmothers ardor for music and vowed not to repeat my
mothers mistake. At three she loved nothing more than banging on her
Casio keyboard which her mother had bought. She recognized dissonant

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and consonant chords and was able to do perfect pitch changes repeatedly.
Her first piano teacher, like my mother, was a stickler for posture and
finger exercises and all the other activities which deplete many childrens
zeal for music. My daughter complained after each lesson how boring it
was, so her mother found her a new teacher who gave her the freedom to
enjoy playing, made enjoyment her number one goal when playing music
and insisted on her learning to read music only when she was ready. Before
my mother died I explained this to her, and listening to the symphony that
her multi-instrumentalist granddaughter was creating at eight years old,
she understood clearly where she went wrong and apologized profusely,
wishing to reverse the hands of time.

Church, a place where I honed my maladaptive, escapist daydreaming skills

was a cacophony of scare mongering, an incessant barrage about brimstone
and hell fire and how dere was nutting down ere on eart for us. And
indeed, for the majority of the poverty infested in my community and
Jamaicans at large, it appeared to me from childhood that there really was
and still is nothing for which to live. Some Jamaicans cope through the
punaunie fix, or the rum or weed fix, but most coped through the crucifix.
And there are others who utilize all of the aforementioned.

During alter calls there was always much weeping and wailing and
speaking in so called tongues. Doola soola soooooooola maddoola, was
Sister Divineys staple utterances, along with some snake like hisses. These
strange tongues were contagious among the congregation and they seemed
to respond to and were egged on by each other, like animals calling in the
wild. Violently tossing themselves around on the ground like rag dolls and
fluttering like fishes on land they appeared to be in competition for the
title of most absurd utterances. Missing the God gene, I was sure that they
- every last one of them - were stark raving mad.

My mother was my grandmothers firstborn, dear to her heart. Mom

had helped her raise the others in my grandfathers neglect, so it was
only natural that she experienced bouts of disassociation for about a year
after my mothers death. But she finally understood my absence from my
mothers funeral. Given our masochistic relationship, I just could not have
drummed up the motivation to take that 30 hour journey from Japan.
However, I assured her with all sincerity that I would walk barefooted
from the moon, on flaming shards of glass to attend her funeral.

286
Being penniless in Jamaica during my 6-month of detox afforded me
the time to explore my childhood Dunkirk neighborhood to see how
my perception had changed, particularly since my mothers death. Many
warned that I would have been flooded with emotions, but they simply
could not fathom the detachment I held for my mother.

But maybe they are right, I thought. Bring on the Niagara of tears, I
challenged myself. Arriving in my old neighborhood, the skyrocketing
murder rate had brought on an eerie atmosphere of calm in the community,
as this once vibrant though violent ghetto had become even more violent.
So much so, it was now like a ghost town.

Dem yout ya nowadays naw joke ynuh, (These young men nowadays
dont play) warned Tyaila, a slim dark skinned man whom I had known
since my days in nappies. His face badly disfigured having miraculously
survived a vicious machete hacking by local hoodlums fifteen years earlier.
No one could have imagined his survival.

Dem yout ya nuh know yu, dem nuh know seh yu used to live ya suh.
Yu madda dead now. Dem only si yu as farrinna, suh dough mek night
ketch yu ya. (These young men dont know that you used to live here. Your
moms dead now. They see you only as a foreigner, so dont let the night
catch you here.)

Tyaila explained that the violence had escalated to the point where people
were reluctant to leave the relative safety of their yards to hang out on
the streets, as they did when I was a child. Those who were not lucky
enough to emigrate were dead and in fact, many of the ones lucky enough
to touch American soil were also dead or incarcerated. Ugly, whose face
was decorated with ear to ear telephone slashes, along with others whose
names I cant recall, were shot in police shoot outs. The Michael Manley
market, pristine upon inauguration in 1973, was reduced to a dilapidated,
decrepit piece of real estate infested by malnourished nomadic mongrel
bitches with oversized extended teats.

Visiting my old neighborhood resulted not in an avalanche of darkness

over my moms death but further intensified my depression and brought
about the same overpowering sense of hopelessness which I had felt as
a child. Though not as desperate as others on Wild Street that day, the
reality was that I was just as broke with no source of income and no funds

287
in reserve anywhere. But unlike them, I was the possessor of a United
States passport, if only I could find the cash for a plane fare out.

In the end, thirty minutes were all I could bare of my old neighborhood,
which just two days later was featured on television news. In McIntyre Villa,
an infamous housing scheme built in the 70s, the very place where I was
accosted at gunpoint as a child, a man and his pregnant girlfriend had been
smoked in reprisal killings as they slept. Thirty years later, my childhood
conclusion about the country of my birth, was all but confirmed.

On this hyper-sexual island paradise, povertys intimate affair with rapacious

sexuality results in daunting social consequences and oversubscription to
oppressive religious sects espousing the mercies of God over the need for
higher education, cripple the masses. And if those factors were insufficiently
deleterious, both political parties are umbilically tethered to the murder for
votes barter, the brainchild of the US Central Intelligence Agency in 1976.
After observing and fearing the brotherly relations fostered by the late
socialist Prime Minister Michael Manley and Fidel Castro, the CIA began
supplying guns and anti-Peoples National Party propaganda to gangs
affiliated with the conservative Jamaica Labour Party. The CIAs plot was
most effective as the murder rate skyrocketed, Michael Manleys socialist
party was blamed and they lost the next election to the Jamaica Labor
Party. Three decades later the practice is still upheld my both parties on
the island.

On September 7 2005, thanks to the generousity of Shoko, who wired me

some 300,000 yen for my departure, once again I escaped Jamaica. Two
days prior there had been a state of emergency in response to violence
which had erupted over bus fare increases, and anxiety consumed me over
the possibility of not being able to leave. The government had ordered
citizens to remain indoors, especially along lower Mountain View Avenue,
where gunmen engaged in reverse drive-bys shooting at passing city
buses. But as the engines roared and the nose of the aircraft pointed
skyward, I exhaled a sigh of relief and fell into a deep slumber for the first
time in six months.

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BACK ON JAPAN SOIL

Upon my reacquaintance with Japanese soil, Shoko, the most reliable and
dependable human being I have ever met, was there at Narita airport to
greet me. Wearing my favourite pleated, plaid, burgundy and ash Burberry
micro mini, she flung her arms around me as I swept her off the ground
in rotation until we both were dizzy. One could never believe that this
was the same woman, who two years prior could not as much as show
affection privately, let alone in public. Since my departure from her six
months back, having no reason to endure her unbearable parents in the
Kansai region, she opted to stay with her sister Michiko and her husband
in Tokyo, until my return. However, newlyweds of less than a year, they
soon began experiencing marital problems, which carved a deeper gash
in the relationship between the two sisters. Shoko, typically Japanese, was
quick to accept blame and felt overtly responsible for her sisters premature
marital demise. Numerous attempts to assure her that her contribution
was marginal at most, were in vain.

A year before upon meeting the newly weds, it was starkly obvious to me
that theirs was a marriage headed straight for the benki (toilette). Michiko
and Yasuhiro were typical among many newly weds in contemporary Japan,
where the decisions to marry are based not on love, but on meeting the
requirements of family, educational background, financial status, earning
potential and various other obligations. Contrary to historical tendencies,
these are not omiaes, or arranged marriages, but connubial arrangements
where couples strangled by familial and social pressure to wed, agree to
marry having met each others technical requirements, assuming that love
will follow. In essence, they are 21st century arranged marriages, exactly
the type in which Shokos sister was involved.

At 29 years old, Michiko in a rare feat had passed the BAR after sitting the
exam once at 25 years old, and was under asphyxiating pressure from her
zealous mother to marry. Yasuhiro, on the other hand, had only recently
succeeded at the BAR, after his tenth try at 35. In lightning speed, just
three months after meeting, they decided to exchange vows in a five
million yen extravaganza. But through their film of simulated bliss, I had

289
observed their stark, frigid interaction. A vapidity so painful to watch, I
was sure that I had seen dogs and masters interact with far more affection.
Michikos face was always one of longing and envy upon watching her
sister give and receive affection.

Yusu could never do that, she sometimes expressed defeatedly.

Astonishingly curious was the fact that as newlyweds of only a few months,
and in their early and mid thirties respectively, they slept in separate beds, in
separate rooms, and had not been sexually active. I had come to understand
this as a common practice among Japanese couples, but presumed that
such arrangement was an eventuality arrived at after decades of marriage.
Certainly, from my Western point of view, two months were just too early
for a wedded couple to begin existing like flat mates.

I give your sisters marriage one year, I predicted.

However, my crystal ball was off by thirty days, as they called it quits
after 11 months. This meant that staying at Michikos and Yasuhiros
apartment, subjecting her sister to our constant love bird behavior as we
did on previous visits, was out of the question.

That would be unfair to her, said Shoko, sympathetic and overcome by

guilt.

Weeks before my arrival, she had rented a hotel room in Tebukuro for us
to chill for a few days, before embarking on a week long trip to Mount
Fuji, for which she had already paid. It had been six long and torturous
months since we had last met and it was nothing short of heavenly being
in her arms. Azusas just didnt compare. In fact, I preferred her on my
arms, but much preferred Shoko in them. Though she had furnished
me daily with breathtaking and rock-hardening pictures of herself, I had
forgotten how awe-inspiring and innocent her beauty was and how her
extended, curved posterior thrashed to and fro hypnotizingly as she strode.
Our travels around Mount Fuji, staying at a local Japanese style inn was
nothing short of rapturous, though sometimes interrupted by thoughts of
the reality of homelessness, unemployment and embarrassment awaiting
me in Kobe. It would have been far easier to remain in Tokyo, a city with
greater employment opportunities than Osaka or Kobe, but like New
York City and Los Angeles, the grit and grime of Tokyo was much too
intolerable for my delicate constitution. Even though Shoko and I would
have been together, it would have been cripplingly depressing.
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Shoko on the other hand, having discovered this new found freedom from
her nagging parents, dreaded returning to Kobe, even if it would afford us
more frequent visits to each other. Also jobs were much harder to come by
in Kansai, as was proven during her months-long hunt for employment in
law related companies before my departure for Jamaica. Shoko, like Azusa,
was ambitious though with less drive and infinitely less confidence. In fact
Shoko epitomized the typical Japanese woman: In cases where they are
ambitious, they are simply too defeated and diffident to pursue their dreams.
Azusa in contrast, was the antithesis of the standard Japanese woman. She
proudly owned a fearless quest for achievement, which I deeply admired
and wanted to further enable and support. Shoko, back against the wall
facing further deteriorations in relations between her and her divorced
sister, had become dissatisfied with her dead end customer service job, but
was averse to the idea of returning to her Ayatollah parents. Shunning the
status quo of becoming an Office Lady or house wife, tirelessly shuttling
babies on a mama chari (bicycle used to shuttle kids), she finally faced the
reality which I had been proselytizing: that young women, especially those
with ambition face a hopeless future in Japan.

There are only four life paths for Japanese women; the career path, the
path of the little princess, the desperate housewife path and that of the
bad girl, all unfulfilling in their own right. The road to a career requires
joyless toiling, to graduate from an elite university in order to secure an
enviable post and climb the same 15 hour a day corporate ladder as men do.
This more often than not, leaves them unhappily unmarried without any
prospects at 30-years-old, in some cases even with their hymen still intact.
The road of the little Princess requires no time wasted on studying, instead
these women are engrossed in their girly femininity, obsessed with cute.
Usually parasite singles living at home with their parents, holding large
disposable incomes affording them the ability to splurge on everything
Louis Vuitton. To them CanCam and Classy are not just fashion magazines,
but sacred style bibles dictating their lives, while dreaming of marrying a
rich man by 27. Such were many of Azusas friends.

Desperate housewives perhaps constitute the path taken by the majority of

Japanese women. Their average performance in grades and below average
in style usually leads to technical school, marriage to any man whod marry
them before it was too late and or low paying part-time jobs, such as the
loud and abrading announcers in sound cars during election campaigns.
Finally, for bad girls - the category in which Minako and most other
GhettoJapulous, chocolate eyed girls fell studies were irrelevant, replaced

291
by passion which usually lead to a pregnancy crisis and abandonment by
the childrens fathers. These women are usually well represented among
employees in Japans pleonastically ubiquitous hostess clubs. Shokos
acknowledgement of her bleak reality meant that my boot camp was finally
bearing fruit, leading to her courageous procurement of a student visa to
the US.

Truth be told, it was all in the master plan of having both women in my
life. Whether Id marry them both at the same time or engage in serial
marriages, the initial phase was to get Shoko to the States. Remarkably,
though nationalist to the hilt, paradoxically her dictator mother was most
receptive to her plans to study abroad, albeit ironically, she regrets being the
working mother role model during Shokos childhood. In her reasoning,
that caused her daughter to be too independent and career minded, unable
to find a good Japanese husband. However, she appeared to understand
the benefit of her daughters pursuit of education overseas, despite the
reality that most Japanese women who return from such endeavors, are
still denigrated to tea making as part of their work duties, as companies fail
to appreciate, value and utilize their experiences abroad. In essence they
venture overseas to study rocket science, but return home to do gardening,
or in the case of the poster child/woman for this scenario Princess Masako,
a woman who attended both Harvard and Oxford - to have a nervous
breakdown from adjustment personality disorder.

Shokos mother agreed on the condition that she promised never to date a
foreigner. In fact, a month after her arrival in the States, in typical asinine
Japanese anti-logic, she demanded proof from Shoko that she had never
dated and was not currently dating a foreigner, otherwise, we wont send
you anymore money. Shoko had been fully aware of my incalculable
abhorrence for people with her mothers ideology and of the fact that her
mothers ignorance had placed her, Shoko, at a gross disadvantage over
Azusa, whose parents had elevated me to deity status. Since my days with
Karin, Shoko seethed with hate for her own parents, hearing about how
well Karins parents accepted and accommodated me. Beseechingly she
would attempt to convince me that if given the choice, she would most
definitely choose me over her parents wishes. However, I had not been
keen on putting her in a position where such a decision would have been
an option. Weeping and sobbing, she apologized profusely - which she
had been doing ever since we met - for this their most recent bedlamite
request.

292
But since her mother had actually agreed to support her studies abroad, I
adjusted my perception of my future mother-in-law and assumed a more
pragmatic perspective.

Its OK, I said, consoling her. She can be nationalists, racists, whatever.
I dont care anymore.

And as long as she was forking out $120,000 for Shokos tuition in the
States, I honestly didnt care. She could have been the grand dragon or
grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, burning crosses in front of my door, for
all I cared. It was my insistence that both my future wives be empowered
by furthering their education in the States, but Azusas parents would not
have been able to afford such undertaking, with the looming expense of her
younger brothers education. Hence we would have had to shoulder the
expenses. Shokos parents generosity was most welcomed, as unbeknownst
to them they were doing the love triangle a favour. To pacify her mother,
I advised her to take a picture with an East Asian student in any of her
ESL classes, e-mail it to her parents informing them that he was her
boyfriend.

Maybe you could even pay him fifty bucks for his services, I advised. It
worked and the funds continued to flow trans-pacific. The plan to marry
both women was skeletal, but one thing was certain, I had already planned
to convert to Islam if necessary. However, nothing could proceed before,
not just getting my future wives to meet, but to meet and get along.

293
KANSAI REUNITED

Returning to Osaka, I was greeted at Kansai airport by my second wife to

be, svelte and glamorous, as though she had just stepped from the pages
of Vogue. Probability, which had by then become my best friend, had
arranged it so that my apartment, the whore house which I had given
up six months earlier was still vacant. However, arriving in September, as
opposed to closer to April, there were few teaching jobs available. Loitering
at the entrance of Garage Paradise, a once trendy nightclub in Sannomiya,
I chatted up a stupendously alluring woman at the door, who was seeking
a job as a hostess and or a singer. Though I had returned to Japan with the
beast tamed, I could have easily slipped into my old predatory habits with
Minako, that was until she alerted me of her status as single mother of
three. Seeking to escape her pressure cooker society, Minako - or Minnie
as she prefers to be called fled for nowhere other than Jamaica at 17 years
old, where naturally she was soon ensnared in drama, impregnated and
abandoned twice by the same man.

Returning to Japan two children in tow, she hooked up with an Egyptian,

had a third child and was thrice abandoned, fending with her children
in project housing in Himeji. Napping at the wheel and crashing while
driving home from her night club jobs seemed a favourite past time of
hers, though luckily sustaining only minor injuries, even after writing off
two cars. One such write off occurred just two weeks after we met on her
return home from a night of partying together. After delivering me home,
some fifteen miles out of her way, only one block from her apartment she
was awakened by her deployed airbag, when the front of her car embraced
a concrete utility pole. Minako burnt the candle at both ends and in the
middle and, as I warned her, it was only a matter of time before probability
would have been her enemy. The last thing she needed was intimate
relations with the likes of me, which may well have resulted in another
pregnancy, and the last thing I needed was her drama. Hence I opted for a
platonic supportive relationship with her, leading her to foster the illusion
that I was the nicest man on earth.

294
Moments after entering the club together, Minako and I were approached
by a gentleman appearing to be in his early thirties assuming I was a singer.
After all, I am a Negroe and in the eyes of the Japanese, all Negroes,
especially Americans, are entertainers.

Well, that depends, I responded. What do you need?

He explained that he urgently needed a singer for a wedding in Tokushima,

an island approximately two hours by bus from Kobe, and wanted to know
how much I would charge.

Yeh, I can do that, knowing full well that the only singing I had done
before was in my car on interstate 405 and more recently in the shower.

You only need to do one song, in hopes of convincing me to consider

the gig.
One song?! Tokushima is far and I may have another wedding that day,
I bluffed.

Then he informed me that travel expenses and accommodation would be

compensated, implying that there would be an overnight stay.

I cant do that for any less than 100,000 yen, I blurted, the equivalent of
one thousand dollars.

Demand for the Western wedding, where fake pastors and gospel singers
are hired, far outpaces that of traditional Japanese ceremonies. Pastors,
white men supplementing their English teaching income, are required
only to obtain a certificate, which can be easily downloaded. These fake
Christian weddings adhere to rigid race roles where pastors are white and
black gospel singers are a must. I too embarked on this weekend vocation,
simply to rock the status quo boat and revel in the irony of an atheist
conducting a Christian wedding ceremony. But the choice was short lived
as it was immediately clear that I was fighting an unnecessary and most of
all, futile battle. White pastors are required to do work for twenty minutes,
for a mere $200 a wedding. All that laboring in Japanese for twenty minutes
was tantamount to slavery, in comparison to the duties of the black gospel
singers. A delivery of three cheesy songs would line homies pockets with
five Benjamins.

295
My first gig - a month before my departure to Jamaica - had earned me
$300 for a few bars of the Rose and now this, my second gig, an even
bigger joke: a grand plus hotel accommodations and transportation from
Kobe to Tokushima, all for a cheesy rendition of All You Need is Love
in a vomit inducing recreation of a scene from the film Love Actually.
Actually, it wasnt that bad really. The bride was moved to tears, which
coaxed tears from my eyes, adding genuine sentimentality to what would
have been a cheese ball performance. Being a country where mediocre
replication of Western pop culture, music in particular, reigns king, their
only concern was that I, the singer was black.

After the wedding, the gentleman asked if I would be available for another
wedding a week later.

Id have to check my schedule, I think I am already booked for another

wedding but I will let you know in two days. And so it was, thanks to
my newfound irregular profession as a cheesy wedding singer, just on
account of being a Negroe in Japan, the deposit on my old apartment was
paid. Retrieving my scant belongings from my friends I re-entered the
love shack where almost immediately Azusa and I commenced de facto
cohabitation.

296
THE INEVITABLE COMPARISON

From the beginning it was impossible to avoid comparisons between

my two loves, who in some cases were perfect complements to each
other. Unlike Shoko, Azusa, aka Barbie, the first of two children, was
the center of her familys universe, constantly doted on by her parents,
grandparents, aunts and uncles, who over-indulged her in all her requests
and desires. She had absolutely no domestic responsibilities and was free
to do whatever she wanted to, whenever she wanted to. Shoko on the
other hand, the younger, less academic and more attractive of two girls,
was often assigned the responsibility of preparing the family meals, as her
mother was burdened with the task of caring for her mother-in-law. Both
women hailed from extended families, with an ailing grandparent; Shoko
a cancer infirmed grandmother and Azusa a senile grandfather. However,
unlike Azusa, Shoko was responsible for assisting her mother in caring
for her grandmother, bodily functions included, which no doubt helped
to instill Mother Theresa-like compassion in her character. Those who
met or saw photos of Shoko spoke of warmth and nurturing along with
her astonishing beauty. While Shoko referred to herself as a queen, Azusa
thought herself a little princess.

In Azusas family everyone, literally every member was of jaw dropping

attractiveness, the men more so than the women. Her grandfather, a
former World War II medical doctor, was still a dapper, handsome senior
at 83 years old, likewise her 50-year-old father, from whom she inherited
her face. Akihiro her 18-year-old brother was a Japanese Pierce Brosnan.
In contrast, Shoko, among her parents, sister, aunts and uncles, was the
only attractive member, appearing to be the beneficiary of some kind of
genetic throwback: she bore a striking resemblance to her fathers father,
whose photo hung above the butsudan (Buddhist altar) in her home. A few
months after we met she had invited me over, not as a love interest mind
you, but as a random foreigner to whom she was extending hospitality.
During my visit, her typical Japanese parents were painfully shy, so much
so her mother chose not to leave her room during my overnight visit.

297
Shoko was compact, nubile and curvaceous, while Azusa was slim and taller
with less curves. My sexual arousal for Shoko was immeasurable, whereas
Azusa hardly aroused me. While with Azusa watching the Pixar film
The Incredibles at a cinema in Osaka, I found myself boiling in anger and
frustration upon discovering that Mrs. Incredible, an animation character,
could calcify the organ easier than could the woman who was my date.
Shoko was selfless and giving to a fault, Azusa was a taker and annoyingly
selfish. While Shoko would immediately attempt to organize and clean my
apartment upon entrance, Azusa, who wasnt even responsible for cleaning
her own room, would step out of her garments, leaving them strewn across
my already slovenly apartment.

Though Shokos attempts to disinfect and coordinate my hog pen were

always met with resistance, I appreciated the gesture and would be moved
to either help her in the process or clean my apartment in anticipation of her
arrival. But Azusas presumptuous addition to my litter, her impertinence
of leaving her dirty drawers in my kitchen was infuriating. Azusas major
advantage was her familys unconditional acceptance. They welcomed me
with adoration, while Shokos family abhorred the idea of their daughter
dating a foreigner. Azusa was glamorously and commercially beautiful,
perhaps in the 5 percentile of beauty, where as Shoko was in the 15 or 20
percentile group, girl next door kind of beauty.

My first choice was Shoko, as I was always willing to compromise on

extreme facial beauty given a physique with train stopping curves. The
opposite arrangement: off the charts facial beauty on a marginally arousing
body, satisfying only my progenitive, egotistical motivations and a need to
be seen with eye candy, had always proven disastrous. However, the open
acceptance of Azusas family made the equation infinitely more complex.

In illustrating my dilemma, I will use the comparative analogy of the Ferrari

Modena and the Bentley Arnage, both awe inspiring cars in their own right.
If Shoko were the Bentley, then Azusa would be the Ferrari. My preference
is the Bentley, as I have always, since my childhood despised sports cars in
favour of four door saloons, clearly a result of my socialization. My earliest
impressions of sports cars were that they were odd looking, sometimes
ugly, requiring some getting used to, unlike the common four door sedan I
had seen everyday. Perhaps this was the result of having not been brought
up to appreciate the finer things in life. As a young adult, that preference
was suppressed, and though they were uncomfortable, claustrophobic and
impractical, I acquired sports cars and coupes, in the interest of impressing
others.
298
So there I was with a Bentley, heaven on wheels, a car about which I
was passionate, when along comes a Ferrari in my driveway. Though it
gave me great driving pleasure, the Bentley came with a restriction of 10
miles a month, but the Ferrari, for me half as much fun to drive, offered
unlimited driving. Twice while driving the Ferrari from behind, I had
to view pictures of the Bentley on my cell phone, to maintain interest.
Compensating for my driving displeasure, the service at the Ferrari
dealership was unsurpassed. All repairs and maintenance were free of
charge, with a coupon for dinner at my favourite restaurant. All that while
the Bentley dealership hated me and provided me with no service, hence
even if I could have driven the Bentley more frequently, I dared not do so
too often, as that would have increased the probability of required service
or repairs. Making matters worse, upon my return to Kobe, the Bentley
was parked some 500 miles away in Tokyo, while the Ferrari was parked
in my bed next to me. Circumstantially, I was then stuck with the Ferrari,
longing for the Bentley, whose driving pleasure I could experience most
frequently only through cyberspace. As a result, the inevitable occurred:
my attachment to Azusa grew to near equal that of Shokos.

Eight months earlier, back in March 2005, I in her fathers stead, along
with her mother, aunt and other family members, had attended Azusas
graduation which led to a job slaving away 14 hours a days, seven days
a week administering facials and peddling skin care products. Only in
Japan can a woman graduate from a prestigious university only to be hired
in a job that high school dropouts perform in the United States. Shoko
before her, though having graduated with a degree in law, was a clerk at
a patisserie. In hindsight, it seemed that Shoko in the ultimate act of
selflessness, had gotten me from Jamaica so Azusa, not she, could enjoy my
company. In no time Azusas belongings were at my apartment, though
the more time spent with her, the more I yearned for Shoko, especially as
she, Azusa, unveiled her obnoxiously selfish personality.

Unlike Shoko who slept ensconced with precision in my spooning embrace

throughout most of the night Azusa dominated the bed, in the birthing
position on her back, knees elevated with the soles of her feet flat on the
bed, arms asunder. As if that werent enough, the cacophony of her bruxism
ensured hours of insomnia. Thrice nightly, I would awaken at the fringes
of my own bed, only to wake her, each time more aggressively.

Azusa! Youre taking up the whole bed again! And stop grinding your
teeth!

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Irate and subsequently sleepless in my own bed, I would stare at her, arrested
by her indescribable beauty, sometimes taking pictures of her as she slept.
It was impossible to remain angry. Her face paralyzed my vexation as she
snored in slumber. Eventually I tired of waking her and resorted to simply
gently heaving her over to the other side of the bed and rotating her to
her side. However, gradually her self-centered hako iri musume (daughter
in a box) personality grounded on my very last nerves, and even with her
striking face and her parents hospitality, I soon began to count down the
days before her one year working holiday in Canada.

As with Shoko, I encouraged Azusa to travel and live abroad at least

temporarily, as a prerequisite to our marriage and for her own enlightenment
and maturity. Her first job post-university had been nothing short of
insulting.

You need to see the world and continue your education, I opined.

But unbeknownst to them, encouraging time in the West bore ulterior

motives: a final test for attrition. Deeply emotionally attached to the
Ferrari, though I had completely adjusted to my future as a bigamist -
planning to marry Azusa at Hedonism III in December of 2006, then
Shoko in California - I was still open to and expecting defection, in
particular Azusas departure. Life in the West would expose both beautiful
and utterly desirable women to their full erotic potential never before
experienced in Japan, as unlike men in Japan, Western men would most
certainly pursue them in the same fashion which I did in Japan. Having
romped with various men, exploring their sexuality and erotic power, if in
fact they wanted to continue with the love triangle, then I would be assured
of their sincerity. Shoko then 26, who was a virgin until we met three
years prior, had formed an indefatigable appendage like attachment to me,
whereas Azusa then 24, eighteen years my junior, had lost her virginity
at 17. In my assessment, there was a far greater probability for Azusa to
defect, as I anticipated her sexual exploration. After all, if I could pick
her up on the train, then invite her to my apartment to mount her on my
washing machine, I was not under the delusion that no other man could.

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HENNI COMES TO PA SS

Henni, whose son was now old enough to attend daycare, was the second
woman I contacted upon returning to Kansai. Meeting at the same
Starbucks without baby Saddam in tow, soon our tongues were doing
the tango under the watchful eyes of cameras in the stairwell of Sogo
department store. Henni was and still is of astonishing pulchritude. Her
exceptionally large grey eyes had lashes, real lashes so long you could paint
with them. I began to hoist her miniskirt to grope her onion as shoppers
passed by in the middle of the day.

Camera aru yo! (There are cameras here)

Youre right and besides, youre married. Why dont we just go to my
apartment?
I have to go pick up our son. Next Thursday.
Wear this same miniskirt for me.

The following Thursday, three years after our first encounter on the JR
Sannomiya platform, Henni showed up at my door and before she could
remove her boots, my tongue had returned to its familiar location from the
week before.
Today I have to pick up our son at noon.
I buried my head between her C cups as she grabbed my curved projectile
bulging from my jeans.
No marks, she sighed breathlessly. Then I pulled the crotch of her bikini
aside to graze on her shaven fruit of my desire, rod bursting at attention as
she wiggled in pleasure. Undoing her bra, I freed her breasts which barely
showed signs of childbirth and I began to sup, sometime nibbling her tiny
nipples, driving her mad. She hastily undid my jeans, freeing the beast as I
reached for some protection from under the bed.

What is this are you putting in me? In her usual sarcastic tone.
Shinkansen? (The bullet train?)
But she endured, mouth agape until I was docked deep inside. It was my
intention to ride with a helmet on for the entire journey, since she was
married and fairly newly wed. But great intentions pave the way to hell,

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and after her first two orgasms, we both agreed to ride bareback to feel the
full effect.

Just dont come inside, please.

At the end of our session drenched in winter sweat, Henni was four times
in orgasmic bliss, as I fed it to her and feasted on her in intervals.
I can never have sex with my husband again.

I had waited three years and three months, but my predictions unfolded
exactly as I thought they would have and now Henni was turned out,
sprung. Finally in an attempt to recover from her dilemma of hopelessly
economically Siamesed to her husband, she had begun studying cosmetology,
in order to assert some financial independence from her spouse. But that
would all become a pipe dream with a second child in June 2007.

I gave up, sighing acquiescingly. He still treats me the same, doesnt

come home, and now I have two kids to take care of. What can I do?
Shoganai.

The Henni today is browbeaten and diffident, the diametric opposite of

the Henni I had met in September 2002.

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LEAN TIMES IN JAPAN

Though it provided me with the funds to return to my old apartment,

income from wedding singing was sporadic, at least because I was
disgusted by renditions of cheesy songs from Disney animation films,
which were staple requests. As my re-entry to Japan in October was
most inopportune, the only teaching positions were at elementary schools,
which until then, I had avoided like the plague. Not even the prospects of
desperate, sex starved housewives and there were loads could entice
me to endure such torture. With Japan a paedomorphic society, though
I love and want many children, working with them on a daily basis, while
living here would have been puerility overkill. But in the end, there was
no choice, as the only employment opportunities which availed themselves
then were at elementary schools. And so it was that I took a job teaching
in four schools in the Sanda Elementary School District.

Initially most disturbing were the ubiquitary micro-minis on little girls

throughout the schools, but more unnerving was the faculties condoning
attitudes. The same scandalously short skirts which made my eyes pop
upon arrival in Kobe three years back, were the same ones barely covering
little 8-year-old girls. Public elementary schools can require uniforms at
their discretion in Japan and the Sanda elementary school district was one
district in which uniforms were not stipulated, consequently the miniskirt
became the de facto uniform. Mass daily unmitigated crotch flashing by
little girls was a disturbing aspect of my job to which I had to adjust.

In discussions with the principals of all four schools, I was told that nothing
could be done to correct the problem, as parents are free to dress their
children in whatever fashion they wished. Among developed countries,
child sexualization is by no means limited to Japan, but at least in other
nations such as the United States, there is discourse about the detriments
of sexualizing an 8-year-old. Contrarily in Japan, such acts appear to be
socially sanctioned.

Japan is a world leader in odd ball products and quirky ideas, at times
downright revolting, with the latest in that category being the trend of

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preteens posing suggestively in slinky swim suits. The T back (G string
in America, thong in Australia) Junior Idol craze began in 2005 - the year
I first taught elementary school when 12-year-old Asuka Izumi (not
a pseudonym), then modeling for a DVD, donned a string bikini at the
directors request. In the two years since her T back Junior Idol debut, she
has appeared G string clad in four photo books and in countless DVDs,
and in just the last year, 2006, over three million copies of those books have
flown off shelves. Though containing no full nudity, be ye not mistaken
that such publications are some teen magazine targeting teen and preteen
girls. For T back Junior Idol photo books are positioned immediately
adjacent to hardcore porn and feature sparsely attired children seductively
photographed blowing a flute or licking an ice cream cone. Since Azuka
began the trend, the girls ages have plummeted. Introducing 9-year-old
Rei Asamizu (also not a pseudonym), who appeared in April 2007s Melty
Pudding, a photo book showcasing her wet, on a bed in a G string.

This begs the question, do these girls have parents? And yes they do, self-
sexualized mothers oblivious to the dangers of sexualizing their children.
In fact, sexualization is far from these parents interpretation, its just kawaii
(cute). Anecdotally, of my adult students in company classes only two out
of twenty four, one woman and a man objected to their elementary school
aged daughter wearing a miniskirt. A student in a class at a chemical
company in Osaka, Yuzos peers responded to him as though he had lost
his mind when he told them he would never allow his little girl to wear a
miniskirt.

AAAAA!? Why, why why? They asked.

Because shes a little girl, the miniskirt is for adults. My wife should wear
a miniskirt, not my little daughter.
An earlier response by a 65-year-old doctor echoed the response of several
adults to whom I had posed a question about miniskirts on children.
Miniskirts on little girls are charming, but on adults they are offensive.

This I interpreted as the societys discomfort with that which is overtly

sexually arousing. Their sentiments speak to the relationship of cognitive
dissonance in which Japan is inundated with sexual cues and immodesty
in a society where modesty is virtuous. Most are shocked to hear that the
miniskirt is an adult garment made popular in the West in the 60s.
AAAA! I thought they were for kids, was the common response.

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Judeo-Christian societies disgust for nudity and contemporary Japans
shame for the miniskirt on young adult women share some similarities.
The miniskirt and other sexy attire are for children, teenagers and women
in their early twenties, but contrarily hardly a woman over thirty, especially
in the Kansai region, and in particular, women who are mothers, would
dare to bare their thighs to the public. In contemporary, paradoxically
sexually repressed but liberated Japan, where women are self and socially
sexualized and objectified, mens public admiration and acknowledgement
of a womans beauty is taboo. Hence the miniskirt became acceptable
childrens wear, as technically, a little girl in such attire should not stir sexual
arousal. In their navet, sexualizing a child in skimpy attire is considered
innocent. Transferring their arousal discomfort onto children may on the
surface ease the arousal anxiety experienced from the daily barrage of sexy
adult women. But unbeknownst to them, sexualizing 6 or 7-year-olds
- in recent cases three year olds - creates an even greater conundrum for
children and men as well as for society at large. This is a phenomenon
which Japan as a society is incapable of grasping.

Ironically, though admiring a woman in public is anathema to Japanese

men, it is perfectly admissible to consume hardcore pornography whilst
sitting next to her on the train. Public arousal by a woman is unacceptable,
while public arousal from pornography, while sitting next to a woman
is perfectly admissible. Had Japanese men not been socialized in this
inefficiency with such handicapped communication skills, they would have
been more than capable of simply initiating conversation with the women
next to them during their commute. After all, they are already, literally in
physical contact.

I dont have a problem with my daughter wearing a thong at her age, said
Azukas mother, a former model. She continued by naively describing her
daughters body as having a neutral, sexless beauty that only a premature
girl can possess. Having discovered her daughters photo books on display
among hardcore porn in Tokyos Kabukicho district, she was not the least
perplexed.

I feel that people who buy Asukas work has the right to do whatever they
want to do with it.
Kotomi Izumi does not feel as though shes taking commercial advantage
of her daughter, just simply helping the 14-year-old to be successful in
what she wants to do.

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According to Koji Maruta, author and lecturer in the international
communications department at Okinawa University, unlike the West,
Japan has tended to be more open about sex and sex culture and has
slowly been implementing legal measures against child pornography,
but the ambience, culture and religion of the country makes people less
uncomfortable about such issues compared with Western societies.
Though his assertions are valid, Maruta neglected a crucial contributing
factor to Japans irresponsible approach to child pornography. As a
society, Japan discourages intellectual thought and reasoning among its
citizens, but instead spends far more energy on maintaining its child-
like charm. As a result, Japan may not possess the ability or will to fully
comprehend the April 2007 American Psychological Associations report
on the catastrophic interpersonal, intrapersonal and intrascocial effects of
socializing little girls and women in general. After all, women in this society
are restricted to social pompons, pleasure givers or baby making machines,
having internalized their status for hundreds of years, transferring sexual
objectification onto their daughters in the interest of kawaii.

Meanwhile, back at one of the elementary schools, 33 year old Tomoya,

married, sex deprived mother of two small boys had begun driving me to
my apartment on a weekly basis.

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JUST AS I HAD EXPECTED.

Saturday February 25th 2006, returning home on the Hanshin train,

from a podcast recording session for madgruve.com, I had put my cell
phone on silent mode, in adherence to proper cell phone etiquette on the
train. In so doing I had not detected a call at 11:25pm and began to
listen to what I presumed was a voice mail left by Azusa, whose phone
had accidentally dialed mine. In fact, this had occurred twice before, as
her new Sony Erickson was a recent replacement for a Mitsubishi slide
phone which had fallen in a benki, a Japanese style toilet. Unlike most
cell phones in Japan, the Sony Erickson 909i was of flip-less design, prone
to inadvertently making random calls as it was jostled around in her Louis
Vuitton handbags. On one occasion walking hand in hand in Sannomiya,
Azusas phone positioned in her back pocket, dialed mine.
Youre calling me again babe, opening my phone to accept the call. I
think you should figure out how to lock your keypad, I advised.

Listening to the voice-mail, it was immediately recognizable that the call

was unintentional. Clearly the phone was positioned in her back pocket,
as with every stride, the rhythmic abrasions of her jeans against the phones
microphone could be heard. Her pumps, the same navy high heels she
wore when we first met, were audible along with her playful giggles.

Do you wanna go to the same hotel as before? Asked a white American

sounding voice in the voice-mail.
I dont mind, its close by, or we could try a different place. Its up to you,
Azusa responded.
Its pretty close, responded the California sounding voice.
For two minutes, the entire capacity of the voice mail recorder, the laughter
and dialogue continued until the call was abruptly discontinued. What
were the odds? What was the probability of her telephone mistakenly dialing
mine at the very moment she was on her way to a hotel for a fling?

Repeatedly I savoured and reviled the voice-mail, blood percolating,

phallus hardening in a jealous ecstatic rage as I imagined her in her
favourite position, head flung back, draping mane, riding him, attempting

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to sever his member, uttering that high-pitched orgasmic squeal, as she
did with me.

I fired off an e-mail to her from my cell phone.

Is that your girlfriend at whose house you were going to spend the night?
I wrote. And are you going to fuck him?

My e-mail continued with detailed and graphic description of my intentions

once she returned home. Azusa was prone to bladder infections, and it
was with perfect surety that upon her return home, as hardened as I was
in jealousy, after a copulatory marathon, several bladder infections would
have been the least of her affliction. I would have agonized her into a
coma.

As a voyeur, I have always entertained fantasies of watching my girlfriends

with other men, but in particular having only been slightly above marginally
sexually attracted to Azusa, I had always entertained fantasies of watching
her with someone else. This was the only way my sexual attraction for her
could match that for Shoko. Hence, catching her in the act, euphorically
agonizing, rapturously torturous, threw me into a marathon of self-
pleasure, anticipating her return home. Like a katana sweeping through
my bowels during multiple orgasms, It hurt badly, but felt so damn good.
Azusa didnt respond to my e-mail until the next morning, said she hadnt
recognized it.
Where did you see us? she e-mailed.
After which I telephoned her.
Never mind where I saw you. Did you fuck him?
Where did you see us? Where were you?
DID YOU FUCK HIM? I screamed into her ear on the phone.
Yes.
And was it good? Did he make you come? Again imagining her in the
throes of his ecstasy. Hesitant and nervously, she answered,
Yes, he made me come.
Well when you come home, I want you to show me exactly how you
fucked him.

On Sunday night, 24 hours after hearing her voice mail, Azusa finally
returned home. She simply continued with her plans to hang out with her
friends throughout the day on Sunday, leaving me to seethe in jealousy, hard,
in pleasurable pain for the entire day. This I interpreted as a definitive act
of irreverence, angering me far more than her actual fling. For in my mind,

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had I been in her shoes, I would have sought to conduct some immediate
damage control by returning home as soon as possible, at least bearing
flowers. Prior to that incident, in fact since we had met two years prior,
I had been anticipating our wedding with one eye, while with the other,
expecting to capitalize on the chance for her attrition upon her arrival in
Canada. But her derision would skew the battlefield in favour of attrition.
I still planned to marry her, only if my efforts at attrition failed.

I had planned to engage in marathon rogering the minute she set foot
through my doorway, but by the time I heard her turn the key, I had already
masturbated some six times for the day and was completely spent, able to
do nothing more than talk.
Tell me about him, tell me everything, I demanded. I know hes white
and hes from the West coast.
Yes, hes from Oregon.
What else? What did you guys do? Tell me everything from the beginning.
Howd you meet?
Why do you want to know? Its just gonna hurt you.
And right she was, but masochist that I was, I reveled in the pain.

Oregon San, as I called him, was a white American she had met at a night
club two weeks earlier. Four days later, they made their debut at a love hotel
in Sannomiya. By no means was I surprised, as I am of the belief that if a
woman allows me to enter her effortlessly after first meeting her, then she
is quite likely to behave in such a manner with any other man. The macho
military man, he immediately began displaying his possessiveness fueled
by his insecurities. Just as I burned imagining some white guy driving my
Ferrari, Oregon San burned to know that the apple of his eye was loyal to a
Negroe and in an immature effort to exalt himself and denigrate me, began
to pass derogatory remarks, deriding her choice of allegiance.

Why would you want half-black children? he questioned. Half-white,

half-Japanese kids are much better looking.
Your boyfriend looks gay, responding to my photo on her phones
wallpaper.
Hes pretty muscular. Black men have to be muscular because they come
from violent neighborhoods, so they have to be able to fight.
I will never go to Jamaica, they got AIDS.

According to Azusa, he had taken control of her phone and read the e-mail
I had sent to her, graphically describing the many miles of my petrified

309
member, which she would have received upon her return home.
If you were a white woman, he cautioned, he wouldnt have sent you this
kind of e-mail. He doesnt respect you.
How pitiful I thought. When will the macho types learn, that women,
especially extremely beautiful women are not impressed by insecurity?
During my club hopping youth, in San Francisco, London and Los
Angeles, I had often been in his shoes, having gotten lucky with astonishingly
beautiful women who where otherwise attached. But unlike Mr. Oregon,
rather than deride, dis and hate on their boyfriends, quite the opposite
was most effective. I showered their boyfriends with compliments and
commended the women on their choices.
Hes a very lucky guy, I often recited. I wish I were he.

In fact, during their complaints of their partners shortcomings, I defended

the men.
Im sure he didnt mean to hurt you, I sympathized. You should give
him another chance.
Since I held no interest in committed relationships, in most cases my
behavior resulted in extensive, long term affairs, unbeknownst to their
boyfriends. However, Mr. Oregon, brainless jar head, could have never
grasped such advanced psychology.

That night, Azusa came clean and revealed that Mr. Oregon was not her
first, since we had been together. She was also active with her German
friend whom she had frequently mentioned since we first met, and often
informed me before hand of their plans to hang out. During my six
months in Jamaica, there was also a man from San Mateo, California.
Being atypically unpossessive, I had no reason to suspect her, and if I
had, by no means would I have investigated. After all, though at the
twilight of my philandering, there was no bigger whore than I, who truly
believed that in this case, whats good for the goose, is also good for the
gander. If I could play, then most certainly could she. More importantly,
Azusa, driven, competitive, less emotional, more rational and a bit more
masculine in thought than most women, was the first woman I had met
who concurred that fidelity and monogamy were mutually exclusive. The
German tried in futility to get her to abandon our relationship.

But she was the kind of woman who only a secure man could handle, one
who possessive men wanted under lockdown. She wanted to experience
men of different races and harbored the fantasy of having a child by a man
of every race. Azusa was exactly the kind of woman I had wanted, holding

310
the perfect level of masculine traits, which made her more logical and less
emotional than many other women. Unfortunately, my sexual attraction
to her was marginal. Had she not been so available for the past two
years, had her parents not opened their hearts and home to me and had I
not want to use her for an ego boost, she would not have lasted. Azusa
enjoyed the freedom to do whatever she wanted, because at the end of the
day or night, no matter how late or early in the morning, or even a day
later, she always returned home. I relished and savoured the knowledge of
men falling over themselves to be with her. And even if they had sex, I
enjoyed the fantasy of watching them.

Did you give him head?

Yes, nodding sheepishly. I knew she did, she excelled at fellatio.
Show me, pretend I am Oregon San, role play on which I insisted every
time there after that we had sex. I relished in the pain and angst of my
jealousy, as I imagined him on top of her making the beast with two backs,
which frequently sent me into a manic furor and her to the hospital for
bladder infections.

Upon inquiring about her motive for her flings, as I predicted she attributed
her behavior to Shokos presence.
Because of Shoko I felt inadequate, she justified. No matter how much
time we spent together, shes still more important. You love me only because
of my family, but you love her for her.
I understood her reasoning. For here was a breathtakingly beautiful woman,
who had always been the center of attention, since her childhood, but now
had found herself in an intimate relationship in which she was second
place, feeling expendable.

In her youth and naivet, Azusa did not quite understand the racial dynamic
which was at play in Oregon Sans comments and insisted on continuing
their relationship. Again, even more than the actual act of her continuing
an intimate relationship with him, her lack of understanding was a painful
implication of disloyalty and it was then that I became more intellectually
determined to find a way of terminating our relationship.

Two days later, while in bed together, she agreed to send him an e-mail
terminating the relationship.
Thats cold, read his response. Youre just gonna end it like that?
Anyway, I hope I didnt get anything from you.
Though a graduate in English from a prestigious university, like many

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other such graduates in Japan, Azusas command of the language was far
from advanced, hence his statement, hope I didnt get anything from you,
was incomprehensible to her.
It means he hopes he didnt get any venereal diseases from you. Thought
you said you used a condom?
It tore.

Thats when it hit me like a bolt of lightening, that the triad was in utmost
unfairness to Shoko, who had known only one sex partner. It was by no
fault of hers that she had fallen hopelessly in love with a potentially disease
ridden philanderer, who gallivanted unprotected throughout Japan. But
from my calculation, though the incidences of AIDS are on the increase
on the island, the probability of my contracting the virus was still quite
low, especially having encountered so many virgins. In comparison to all
other countries, the infection rates per capita in the 15-49 age range was
less than 0.1% in 2006. This in comparison to Italys 0.4% and the United
States 0.3%. If Azusa, I reasoned, were cavorting with men from areas
with higher infection rates per capita than Japan, then that would increase
the probability of my and Shokos contraction of the virus.

As expected, cohabitating with Azusa encroached on and began to erode

Shokos advantage. In all honesty, it would have been only a matter of
time before my attachment to Azusa would have eventually surpassed my
super glue-like connection to Shoko. After all, Azusa was completely
accepted by my family and I by hers, while Shoko was available only solo,
an arrangement from which would have been easier to separate. Azusa
was scheduled to spend a year in Canada, after which shed return to
Japan where we would have continued co-habitating. Shoko on the other
hand had gotten a five-year visa to study in the States. Azusa and I were
planning to wed in ten months. Shoko and I would have wedded much
later, if ever.

So again, even though I had originally met and planned to marry Shoko
first, she was yet again at a circumstantial disadvantage. However, the
interception on that fateful Saturday night, placed in the forefront of my
thoughts, the need to implement some kind of affirmative action on Shokos
behalf to reward her, to even the playing field, allotting her more points
given her circumstantial handicap and my organic attraction to her. The
incident reinforced the hard cold fact that my preference was the Bentley
and that I had stuck with the Ferrari for the past two years, only because
it was so readily available with unspeakably lavish dealership support. But

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the fact was, though inevitably I had grown attached to Azusa, there were
elements of her character which I found repulsive, even if I could not wean
myself from her show stopping beauty.

Certainly, my catching her in the act was itself not a motive for separation.
Though extremely gut wrenching, her sexual liberty was one of the many
things I adored about her. Moreover, she was young and I had been
encouraging her to explore and discover her womanhood, as long as she was
safe. But as open minded as I thought I was, the February interception
unleashed a fury and jealousy like never before. Perhaps we men just
cant handle the thought of our partners with other men. The possibility
of a woman we are with, perpetuating another mans DNA, might just be
more than we can handle. For even though I was not fully attracted to
her, the fact that she was such a hot commodity for every other man, made
me more attached to the idea of being attracted to her. I had been there
before. For five years in my twenties, I had tormented myself and my then
svelte model like girl friend, not really happy being with her, but unable
to let her go. In the end I had destroyed her self-esteem, criticizing her
fashion model physique, transforming her into an angry man hater.

Never will I repeat such actions with another woman, I vowed to myself,
and endeavored not to date women simply because theyre beautiful, even
if I am not completely attracted to them. I had kept my promise to myself
for several years until meeting Azusa.

After Azusa disclosed Mr. Oregons condom failure, I began to focus on

the issue of safe sex, not for myself, but for Shoko, who was otherwise
naively sexually inactive. Including myself in the equation regarding safe
sex was ineffective. In my whoring in Japan, I had never cared about the
risks of diseases, I simply lived by the pleasure principle in the reservoir
of available and attractive women. It was at that point, contemplating
the triangles unfairness to Shoko, when I decided to devise a scheme to
surgically amputate Azusa, from my life. I would have to engage in the
equivalent of parking the Ferrari at a busy intersection in New York City,
with the engine running, knowing full well that it would soon be taken.

Discovery of Azusas extra-curricular activities did not deter us from our

wedding plans and shortly there after we invited my future ex-parents-in-
law to formally announce the news. Among the specialties on the menu,
was Shokos spoon licking cream of pumpkin soup, whose recipe she had
given to Azusa during their initial contact by phone some weeks earlier.

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The time had finally arrived when I had convinced them, especially Shoko,
that given that we are officially in a love triangle, not only would it have
been best for the two women to meet, but also to be civil and get along.
Azusa, the younger but less emotional of the two, did not require much
coaxing, she understood clearly. Shoko on the other hand, agreed after
weeks of pondering and concluded that resistance would put her at an
even greater disadvantage. For two hours the women chatted, cackling in
constant laughter like two long lost sisters.

Maketa, (I lost) I overheard Shoko say toward the end of the

conversation.
Sonna koto nai yo, (thats not true) responded Azusa. He loves you so
much. Even though we spend all this time together, he still loves you more
than he does me.
You havent lost, I recall reassuring Shoko in my head. I just need to
devise a way to get rid of her, which in fact was intellectually true. Their
conversation ended with arrangements to meet in Canada in the summer
of 2006.

Dinner with my then future in laws was an emotional event, where it

became impossible to restrain tears as I extended sincere appreciation for
their unconditional acceptance. Soon it became a cry-a-thon, bringing
even Azusas strapping judo master father, to the brink of tears. He was
especially relieved to hear of the change in plans where his daughter would
be accommodated by my relatives in Toronto, as opposed to strangers in
Vancouver. But little did they know that a significant reason for this new
arrangement was to enable me to separate from their daughter once and
for all.

Originally, Azusa had decided to travel to Vancouver. However, after

the Oregon San incident, I suggested going to Toronto instead, where the
hospitality of my relatives, I reasoned insincerely, would reduce her anxiety.
Oblivious to my ulterior motives, she agreed. In order to leave Azusa,
she would have had to engage in what I would have interpreted as gross,
blatant, disrespectful and dishonorable behavior. Hence after the incident,
taking advantage of her own voiced concerns about HIV and following her
predeparture AIDS test, under the auspices of safety, I proposed that she
require an AIDS test from potential sex partners in Canada. By no means
was I opposed to her being sexually active during our separation as in fact,
I had even suggested separating for the year so she could explore and gain
various sexual experiences, free of guilt or obligation. But, this proposal

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was met with resistance.
I dont want us to break up, she yelled constantly, sobbing on my bathroom
floor.
Well you gotta have them get an AIDS test, because you are responsible
not just for yourself, but for me and Shoko.
I definitely will, I dont want to get AIDS, she assured me.

I had purposely set the bar in the agreement exceptionally high, where
knowing her as I did, she was bound to fail, at which point I would
interpret it as gross disrespect. Whats more by staying with my relatives,
I had presaged that she would be sexually active during their hospitality,
which I would also interpret as profound dishonor.

Two weeks after arriving in Toronto, my cousin reported that Azusa would
sometimes burst in spontaneous weeping as they drove together.
I had to take her to the doctor for a bladder infection, she reported
during casual conversation. I knew what that meant. Besides, her e-mails
had become curt in the short time since her arrival in Toronto.

Wheres the guy from? I questioned during a conversation on skype.

What guy?
The guy you slept with of course.
And after an extended silence followed by equally long wailing, Azusa
revealed that after only one week in Canada, she had agreed to go to
the apartment of a Ghanaian, who had picked her up on the streets of
Toronto.
Did he get an AIDS test?
No, but hes clean, sobbing and sniffling.
How do you know?
He said so.

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SEX IN HISTORIC AL JAPAN

Defecting from the States to Japan in early 2001 brought about numerous
queries from friends prowling the club scene from London to Los
Angeles.
What is the deal with Japanese girls? Asked a friend from Hollywood.
Theres just a greater chance of taking home a Japanese girl I meet at a
club. What is the deal with them? As if I should have the answer, by
nature of residing here.

Indeed, had he not been familiar with the easy reputation of Japanese
women, the Ghanaian may have been quite surprised to bed so effortlessly,
a woman who appeared to have stepped from the set of a Hollywood film.
After all, it was men in New York back in the eighties, who coined the
term yellow cab upon observing the effortlessness required to bed Japanese
women. I too was taken aback by this phenomenon and wanted to explore
the origins of these dynamics, factors which are ignored in East Asian
Studies on campuses in the West.

As I have suspected Japan and the West hold fundamentally, diametrically

opposing views on sex, though in fine Japanese paradox, contemporary
Japan is among the most sexually liberated but repressive societies. From
the very origin of Japan, sex, like alcohol was sacred and associated with
the Gods. It is believed in Judeo-Christian mythology that an asexual
male God, from nothing, created all which we know.
Let there be light, he is believed to have said, and there was light. In the
beginning, according to Judeo-Christian myth, there was God.

Not so in Japanese mythology, where in the beginning there was sex.

Japans many Gods did not create heaven and earth, but instead the sexual
convergence of heaven and earth, creating the first Gods. Among them;
Izanagi the male and Izanami the female, both inviting by nature.

According to the eighth-century Nihon Shoki (Chronicles of Japan)

Izanagi and Izanami stood on the floating bridge of Heaven, and held
counsel together, saying: Is there not a country beneath? Thereupon they

316
thrust down the jewel-spear of Heaven, and, groping about, therewith
found the ocean. The brine which dripped from the point of the spear
coagulated and became an island which received the name Ono-goro-
jima. This is the island we now know as Japan.

The two deities, it continued, thereupon descended and dwelt on this

island. Accordingly they wished to become husband and wife together, and
to produce countries. The God and Goddess courted, eventually shyly
discovering each others sex organs, after which Izanagi announced: I
wish to unite this source-place of my body to the source-place of thy body,
which produced islands as their first offspring, then a plethora of Gods and
Goddesses. Prostitution professional musical and sexual entertainers
- has been embedded in Japanese history where in fact, these Shamans
and their trade were highly revered. This was in complete contrast to
medieval Europe, where relations with prostitutes were unsanctioned by
the church, which promoted monogamy in holy matrimony as the sole
approved environment for sexual relations.

In the Heian Period (794-1185), patronage to sexual professionals by

members of the aristocracy, was a natural extension of their polygamous
marital arrangements, since marriage was not a rigidly defined institution
ordained by God, as it was in the West.

According to Anne Goodwin, author of Selling Songs and Smiles, by

the end of the 10th century, these women, spiritual descendants of the
Dread Female of Heaven, had developed their distinctive practice of using
small boats to stage entertainments for men at ports [near present-day
Osaka] on the Yodo River. A fresh twist to the modern Japanese sex-trade
euphemism mizu shoubai, or water trade.

Their voices halt the clouds and their tones drift with the wind blowing
over the water. Passersby cannot help but forget their families, wrote the
12th-century courtier-poet Oe Masafusa. In the late 10th century, Oe
Yukitoki wrote of the Asobis or prostitutes, who had become a fixture in
Japanese culture from centuries past. The younger women melt mens
hearts with rouge, powder, songs and smiles, while the older women give
themselves the jobs of carrying the parasols and poling the boats. If there
are husbands, they censure their wives because their lovers are too few.
If there are parents, they wish only that their daughters were fortunate
enough to be summoned by many customers. This has become the custom,

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although no human feeling is involved. Ah! A tryst in a boat on the waves
equals a lifetime of delightful encounters.

During the Kamakura Period (1192-1333), which followed the Heian

Period (794-1185), the venue for sexual commerce was moved from boats
to inns on land, where strict regulations of the trade were enforced by the
government. Such punctilious governance was propelled in part by the
homicidal indignations of cuckolded husbands, whose behavior was quite
opposite to their Heian predecessors. Whereas in Heian times, slighted
husbands would brood and weep in vexation, the Kamakura Period,
which saw the introduction of foreign doctrines, transformed husbands
passivity. The introduction of Indian Buddhism and especially Chinese
Confucianism, created a chasm between the Japanese and their native
Gods, permanently obliterating the natural equality of men and women.
Confucian hierarchy dictated that men were heavenly while women were
lowly earth beings, who should obey their men. And according to a
Buddhist Sutra, women were messengers from hell. It was during this
period that sexual pleasure vanished from the marriage bed, into erotic
zones licensed by the government, and it was also then that cuckolded
husbands began to off their wives clients, a potential disruption to the
social order, prompting government regulation to the industry.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi, the ruling warlord of the period, in 1589 ordered the
construction of the Shimabara in Kyoto, the first licensed red light district,
which was the predecessor to the politically sanctioned institutional
segregation of non-reproductive sex. During the Edo Period (1603-1867),
The Tokugawa shoguns designated 24 such red light districts throughout
the country, and though licensed prostitutes peaked at 54,049 in 1916,
regulated prostitution was maintained in Japan until 1946. Love hotels,
and fuzokus, the network of erotic host and hostess clubs, imekuras, image
clubs, terekuras, telephone clubs, kyabakuras, cabaret clubs, delivery health
call girl services, lovelands, soaplands, Internet virtual sex sites, Internet
deaikeis, encounter sites, etcetera, etcetera etcetera, are all descendants of
the Dread Female of Heaven, adding some 2.3 trillion yen to the nations
gross national product.

Simply put, the Judeo-Christian West idealizes virginity, as evidenced in the

biblical myth about the Virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus, while in contrast,
Japan idealizes sex. After all, how else could an island the size of California
end up with 126,000,000 people, had they not been sex obsessed? In stark
dissimilitude to Japan, Korea with its over 25% Christian population, like

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the West, idealizes virginity, hence the popularity of hymen replacement
surgery before marriage. Making the copulatory grass exceptionally green
for Western men in Japan is Japanese mens chauvinism. As sex, like most
things in Japan, is for the satisfaction of men, Japanese men, uncomfortable
with the intimacy aspect of sex, cannot fathom the concept of sex with the
objective of pleasing women, and the art of pleasuring women, sexually or
otherwise is alien to them. They are oblivious to the power of furnishing
women with multiple orgasms.

On a more contemporary note, though I have not encountered any

literature in support of this, from the dawn of my philandering I have
observed a high correlation between easily bedded women and those with
no or fractured relations with their fathers. Male chauvinist Japan ensured
splintered or non-existent relations between fathers and daughters, while
culturally and socially sanctioned, paternal absenteeism magnifies the chasm
between the two. The father daughter relationship is the first relationship
for a woman, whereby she experiences platonic love and affection from a
member of the opposite sex. In my experiences and observations, schisms
in this relationship contribute to the destruction of womens self-esteem,
leaving them with a subconscious yearning for a father figure, propelling
them to making themselves easily sexually available in order to gain mens
approval.

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END OF A DILEMMA

Sensing the end, Azusa wept and even proposed returning to Japan for
damage control. But that wouldnt have been necessary, I assured her.
You should have thought about the consequences before hand. Initially
terribly remorseful, she proposed a return to our original agreement when
we had met two years earlier. I know I was terrible, its my fault, Im
selfish, my ex-boyfriend used to tell me that too, but dont leave. Its ok,
she continued. You can marry Shoko as long as we can have a baby, just
like we planned originally.

Though the events had unfolded exactly as presaged, albeit much earlier
than I had imagined, it became increasingly clear that my bond to Azusa
had been deeper than I had wanted to admit to myself. And rightfully so,
since we had been spending some 90% of the past 730 days in each others
arms, in some 80% bliss. Looking back, I cannot recall our discords, only
our elations, even in her nightly bed hogging. It must be admitted that I
was officially deeply in love with two women and Azusas actions, though
expected, less than 14 days after arriving in Canada, drove a jackhammer
through my chest. For the first time I understood the emotions behind
honor killings and though she pleaded to be spared, her action was a severe
blow to the ego and my emotions, which could have been rectified through
no other means but through surgical honor disunion.

One month later, her remorse changed to finger pointing. Its your fault!
shed scream on skype, which we were now utilizing with a camera. You
did this to me, I wasnt like this before I met you, I never did this before I
met you. Did what? I enquired. Have sex with people so easily. He
reminded me of you. You dont understand the stress I felt when I first
came here, rivers flowing from her eyes and nostrils. Yeh, I understand,
but I didnt say you shouldnt have sex with anyone, we had an agreement
that your sex partners would get an AIDS test, at least to protect yourself.
If you didnt do this to me, she continued, I would have been able to
control myself. Though her accusation was quite flattering, I was by no
means going to be responsible for her actions and would not have been
able to live with myself had I not finally separated from her.

320
Breaking the news to my angelic parents-in-law in the making, provided
the greatest challenge. For it was only a few short months prior, to their
glee, that we had made an emotional announcement of our wedding
plans. Moreover, since Azusas departure, her mother and I had begun
communicating by phone almost daily, and in the interest of bonding, I had
begun giving my future parents English lessons at my apartment on the
two Saturdays a month which were her fathers days off. Next to Korean
dramas, her mother said, English lessons were most exciting. Like most
other Japanese women neglected by their husbands, Azusas mother was
an avid consumer of Korean dramas. They enraptured her in fantasy
and escape from the self-sacrifice women endure in the typical Japanese
marriage. I like Korean dramas because the men have big hearts, she
stated in the presence of her husband, who even with large carry-on
luggage beneath his eyes, eagerly attended my lessons. Our fortnightly
bond brought them in indirect contact with their daughter, and me with
my future wife, who we had missed dearly.

English lessons were sometimes followed by a movie on DVD, but always

by dinner at the nearby Kobeya Bakery restaurant. Long before Azusas
departure, I had developed recondite admiration and respect for her
parents, propelling me to endeavor to do right by her and to protect her on
their behalf. Sympathizing with the inhumane demands of the renowned
inefficient labourforce, especially the police force in Japan, I thought the
least I could do was to respect and protect a fathers daughter. So deep was
my respect, that invasive thoughts of sex with her mother, evoked shame
instead of the usual arousal. My future father-in-law, who usually worked a
72 hour shift on the constabulary force, had begun making arrangements to
secure time off for our wedding, which had been impossible even to attend
his daughters university graduation. Even my bond with my brother-in-
law, the Japanese Pierce Brosnan, intensified as I began training him at the
gym to combat his depression.

In November of 2006, Azusa returned to Japan to attend a friends wedding.

Months earlier I had said my final words to her by skype, this time without
the camera, which was followed days later by a final e-mail. Hence she
had hoped that we could have talked in person during her two week visit.
That wont be necessary, I wrote in an e-mail, maintaining the surgical
nature of our separation. Just please tell your parents to return the key to
my apartment and collect your belongings. Please dont accompany them,
lets just move on.

321
Breaking the news in my Tatami room, the very room in which we
had announced our wedding plans several months earlier, brought the
strapping, black-belt kung fu master to near tears. Her mother, dainty
and impeccably attired as usual, hung her head in silence as I tearfully and
sincerely extended my gratitude for their kindness during the preceding
two years. Where is Azusas stuff? Her father interrupted frequently, as
if wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible. But they understood.
She can be a little self-centered, her father said. We have known that
all along. And with that, dejected and deflated, the Ogawas walked
through my doorway, along the balcony, down the steps and disappeared
in their new Toyota Wish, for one last time.

In retrospect, Azusa like me, may well have sought intellectually, to end
the relationship, which influenced her actions immediately upon arrival
in Toronto. Had I been in my twenties, of the two women I would have
most certainly chosen her, the more glamorous of the two. However, at
42 having developed the ability to be true to myself, I was able to engage
in the gut wrenching act of giving up the Ferrari, even if it sent me into
months, almost a year of melancholic abyss.

322
SHOKO CONCLUSION

Back in Tokyo, relations between the two sisters reaching Antarctic

conditions, oblivious to the occurrences between me and her rival, Shoko
had begun preparing for departure to the States. Surprisingly, she had
stepped to the plate, embracing the daunting challenge of attending
community college in preparation for law school in America. Japanese
students studying law in English speaking countries, are most likely to
have attended an international university in their home country, where the
curriculum is presented in English. But here was a woman, who three
years prior was too diffident to apply for a passport, but now planning on
studying law in the United States, though she would have to start from
ESL classes. After a farewell visit to me and her parents, two months
after Azusas departure, Shoko began studying in the States in the summer
of 2006.

323
ETSUKO

Among my neighbours in this upper middle class suburb, was Mr. Yamada,
a gentleman in his mid-sixties with intermediate command of English,
to whom I spoke usually in passing. Frequently our conversations were
limited to his then 14-year-old 1992 BMW 325i with an astonishing
10,000 kilometers on the clock.

I have a favour I want to ask, he intercepted me one day. And proceeded

to tell me of a lady friend of his who sought to emigrate to Canada, but
knew no one there.
Do you know anyone in Canada? She only needs a place with her
daughter for about one month.

Though I had several friends and relatives in the greater Toronto

area, I assured him I would have had to meet her before making any
recommendations, so I gave him my cell phone e-mail address for him to
send me her details. Arriving home I began to conjure unpleasant images
of this woman and became anxious about the hassle of contacting her. My
days of being the good samaritan were behind me and even the prospect of
sex offered no enticement, least because she had a child and I had vowed,
after Veronica in London back in 95, never to be involved with another
woman with children, unless the relationship would lead to marriage.

Separating from a woman with children is exceptionally difficult, especially

on the youngsters. Having recently surgically severed ties with Azusa, with
whom I was still deeply in love, I fell deep in emotional darkness and
wanted no new people in my life, as I focused my energies on Shoko.
Besides, she was divorced with a 5-year-old who was perhaps obstreperous
and undisciplined as many children are in Japan, I thought. And given my
expert knowledge on Japanese women after five years here, she was bound
to have been suffering some kind of trauma, I concluded. If not from her
typical distressing Japanese familial dynamics, then most certainly from
her divorce and the monumental stress of being a single parent anywhere,
let alone in Japan.

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After Mr. Yamadas e-mail, as probability would have it, our chance
meetings increased in frequency.

Did you call Etsuko? Was always his greeting. You should call her, shes
a very good person, shes like my daughter. I really want to help her, but I
dont know anyone in Canada. Call her, he beseeched.

After a few weeks of phone tag Etsuko and I finally made arrangements to
meet, but unfortunately having forgotten her name, erased Mr. Yamadas
e-mail and not properly filed her number in my phone, I was unable to
contact her to inform her of my two-hour delay on our scheduled first
meeting. But she rang me after an hour of my tardiness. Emerging from
the JR Sumiyoshi station, I observed an attractive, polished and elegantly
dressed woman in a conservatively long, flowing skirt, exiting a Family
Mart convenience store across the street. Appearing to be in her twenties,
holding a little girls hand, her fashion sense was adult and foreign
influenced, with coordinated colors.

She is a babe! I thought to myself, waiting to meet Etsuko, who would be

meeting me by the clock in front of the station. As I dialed her number to
ask where she was, the princess across the street walking to her car, reached
into her handbag to answer her phone.

Im behind you, turn around, I instructed her, as I crossed the street.

Etsuko and her daughter were diametric opposites of what I had imagined.
Well above average in attractiveness, but faintly melancholic, Etsukos face
was make-up free, a rare sign of confidence among Japanese women. A
divorce during pregnancy at 22 and subsequent single motherhood, had
thrust her into adulthood.
I dont have time for make up, she later told me. I do everything for my
daughter alone.

During our introduction before we entered her car, her daughter interrupted
us with what to me, was a shocking declaration.

I speak English, my name is Shion, Im five years old. And it was then
and there, that an inexplicable father daughter chemistry immediately
burst into ignition.

325
Shions declaration was shocking not the least because of the content of
her speech, but because of the language and the confidence she displayed
in commanding it at such an early age. Never before in my then five years
in Japan, had I met a Japanese child who voluntarily spoke in English.
Apologizing incessantly for my inconsiderate tardiness, I decided that
dinner would be on me, at a nearby Jolly Pasta, where I bonded more with
my new daughter than with her mother. Shions personality was a mirror
image of my daughters at that age and it was clear, having never had a
father but needing one, she instantly detected paternal instincts in me,
regardless of our differences in race, and attached her arms around me for
the duration of our time at the restaurant. Bidding good-bye took a whole
thirty minutes, as she pleaded with her mother for them to spend the night
at my apartment or to have me at theirs, either of which was impossible.
It was only after guaranteeing her a visit in two Fridays, that her tantrum
subsided.

Zettai kuru? (Are you definitely coming?) In her heart melting 5-year-
old voice.
Zettai, Zettai, Zettai, I assured her.

This peculiar attachment dumbfounded Etsuko, who had never before

witnessed this behaviour in her daughter.
This is strange, she really likes you. She never did this before. And with
tears streaming down her tiny cheeks, Shion wagged her hands bye-bye
until I disappeared from sight.

326
SAYO

Five months prior back in April I had begun teaching at a hospital in

Osaka, where shortly there after my Friday routine was, being accompanied
home by Sayo, a nurse in the class. Of the five students, which included
three women, white pants hugging her figure eight, a gleaming smile and
porcelain skin, Sayo was the only one to catch my eye. Although of average
beauty, her toned hour glass physique certainly did compensate. Harboring
no intentions of pursuit relieved me of distractions, however on that very
first day, as the students began to participate in an introduction game,
where they delivered a two minute speech about themselves and of each
other, they all began to point to her as the only single student in class.

Shes single, no boyfriend. You should go to date with her, they all
insisted, thrusting innocent prey on the hunters stake. Sayo had recently
separated from her boyfriend of three years, a co-worker with whom she
engaged in a secret relationship. A secret they managed to maintain even
after the break up, continuing to work together. This I interpreted as a
clear indication that she was open to a surreptitious relationship with her
teacher and in less than a month, our tryst began. Like most Japanese
women with whom I had been intimate, Sayo was painfully immature,
stuck at 15 though 29 years old and obsessed with J-pop group Smap.
An only child still living at home with her parents, to my annoyance her
fingers were always in my ears and nostrils in attempts at humor and she
giggled incessantly. Rarely did our mind numbing conversations venture
beyond the subject of food, or house keeping. Occasionally, this Friday
routine was interrupted by Yukari who usually made her appearances on
Thursdays, but sometimes would request Fridays when her days off from
work were changed.

327
YUKARI

Much has been written about the incalculable beauty of springtime in Japan
and indeed, though profoundly sentimental I am not, the sheer beauty of
the Japanese spring, leaves me in worship every year as cherry blossoms
transform the banks of Shukugawa into botanical fireworks. Another kind
of cherry blossom, which is hardly mentioned in literature about Japan,
has pronounced impact on some mens mental health, present company
included. Every spring as the hordes of candy shed their unnecessary
wrappings, exposing delectable thighs in micro-minis, my friends and I
concur that we literally go mad.
Spring 2003 was my first experience with this phenomenon after going
to the cinema with Karin. Emerging from the theatre at Hep five, the
cherry blossom sweets appeared to occupy every millimeter of space and I
gradually became numb, questioning my existence, as I walked in a daze.

Doshitan no? (Whats wrong?) She inquired concerned.

Daijobu? (Are you ok?)

After arriving home, still in a daze, I crashed on my futon where I awoke

the next morning in a stupor staring at the ceiling for the entire day.

Spring of 2006 was exceptionally stupefying as the preceding winter

had been unusually long and frigid, which resulted in a visibly nubile
transformation among Japanese women. Similar to my observation in
1985, just in my fifth year of living in the United States when I began to
notice white women growing larger and rounder posteriors, so it was in my
fifth year of living in Japan, that winter rid the terrain of chopsticks and
brought to the fore more healthy, adult looking women. And just when I
thought I was out, they pulled me back in. Yukari was among those brand
nubilized princesses.

Preparing to board the JR Tozai train at Kyobashi, where I had met Azusa
two springs earlier, I spotted Yukaris luscious pichi pichi (young) porcelain
skin, outlining her hazardous curves. Having only recently emerged from
months of winter her egg white skin exuded youth and vibrancy as she toed

328
the yellow line in black pointy-toed strapped pumps. By then my fifth year
in Disneyland and now well over forty women, I had come to understand
that trauma may well be the most prevalent personality and character
shaping factor among Japanese women and in extension Japanese society.
Triple dose trauma; sexual, familial, scholastic are common denominators
among the women, who in most cases were unable to escape all three.

As my age increased, so did the age gap between me and my conquests

in Japan. Yukari, only two years older than my daughter, was fully 20
years my junior. Though only 21, she was immaculately clad in unusually
adult, stately, almost regal attire. Her coordination and accessories bore
hints of Western influences and pitch black locks starkly contrasted her
resplendent, snow-white skin, the color of her perfectly aligned teeth.
Before encroachment I circled my prey for a full physique assessment,
especially of the rump - which met with my approval - and observed that
her shoulders were feebly wider than her hips, but definitely not enough to
abort pursuit. Below her attractive face, were erect mounds, larger than those
of the average Japanese woman. What manner of trauma is she harboring, I
pondered, checking out her rounder than usual, bashful, slightly sagari me
(down turned eyes.) Though there is no causational relationship between
trauma and down turned eyes, they do exude an air of melancholy, but
hers was faint. My fetish is agari me (upturned cat eyes) and observing her
timid eyes, my first reaction in disappointment was to readjust my focus
and cancel all plans of approaching. However, she was well above average
in beauty, an 8.5 out of ten, hence I continued with the original plan.

You look like you speak English, moving in with my usual opener.
No, no no no no, no no no no, she responded in machine gun succession,
smiling and waving her hand side ways rapidly in front of her face, as if
fanning off a foul smell.
Daijyobu, fuanshinaide kudasai (Its ok, please dont be anxious.) I said.
Boku no nihongo wa pera pera yo. (Im fluent in Japanese). To which she
exploded in contained laughter, covering her mouth. Yukari laughed easily,
a positive sign which in most cases meant, mission already accomplished.

Hidooooi! (You are terrible!) continuing in laughter, hand over her

mouth. Perhaps nothing makes the Japanese more anxious than a foreigner,
especially a stranger, mind you, suddenly addressing them in English on
the street. Boarding our train, we sat together where we continued our
conversation and she continued laughing hysterically, at one point hitting
my left upper arm in laughter. This tactile behaviour was extremely rare

329
among Japanese women. Never before had I experienced one touching me
in laughter, especially just five minutes after meeting.

As she cackled audibly on the otherwise noiseless train I tried to find her
source of trauma, which I detected in her second rarity: her living on
her own since nineteen, a move I suspected prompted by the trauma of
overzealous and overbearing parents. However giving her the benefit of
the doubt, I thought her environment could have been trauma free and
she could have been exceptionally adult and exerted her independence
at an early age. Ten minutes into our conversation, hints of her trauma
were revealed. When Yukari told me of her apartment of eight stray cats,
immediately I interpreted that as a first sign of impacting trauma. For, In
the absence of pain, which 21-year-old woman would be living with 8 cats,
had she not been grossly in need of some kind of affection? I reasoned. As time
unfolded, my traumadar was correct.

Rikon no ato wa okaasan to awanakatta, (I couldnt get along with my

mother after my parents divorce) which was after her fifth birthday. Months
later in the comfort of my arms, she disclosed for the first time to anyone,
her experiences at nine years old, when she was abducted by an old man
who pulled her in the mens room at a park and attempted to fondle her.
However, she was fortunate, as hearing approaching footsteps he released
her. But in high school where her physical education teacher de-virginised
and continued raping her for two years, she was not that lucky. According
to her report, after her graduation his actions were discovered leading to
his suicide a year before we met.

Yukari still dieing in laughter, we exchanged contact information in parting

and vowed a trip to the cinema soon. A few days later, having inherited a
home entertainment system from a friend who was returning to the States,
I invited her over to watch some DVDs, only to be rejected on account of
her discomfort with going to my apartment alone. But promising to make
her lunch soon alleviated her fears and in less than two weeks she appeared
at my door exquisitely attired with two video discs. After watching the
first film - some unbearably horrible sumo comedy - we ventured for a
stroll to the nearby supermarket for the ingredients for lunch, where before
returning to my apartment we were holding hands. Retreating to the
privacy of my apartment, I immediately began to devour her lips, peeling
away her designer garments. Bashful and desperately attempting to conceal
her rod petrifying physique, Yukaris trauma was severe.

330
Overly self-conscious, unable to even open her eyes, she tried corybanticly
to cloak herself with anything in sight. But sinking my hand in her T back,
to explore her over-sized, uniquely erect and protruding Venus button,
instantly rendered her helpless, as she buckled on my bed. Yuchans pink
crayola-tip-sized clitoris assured her of multiple arrivals even before I
unveiled her from my bed sheets. Gaining confidence, she allowed me
to gently unwrap her, which brought to light large, delicious, C cups, the
likes of which I had not seen in ages and though I am more appreciative
of womens posteriors that their anteriors, it was truly energizing to be
facing her milk colored, larger than usual Japanese bosom. My attempts
to partake down south, were met with strong protest, as though there was
some trauma associated with the act. Weeks later she admitted it brought
back memories of her teacher, who regularly partook before entrance. This
made little sense as fortunately, she bore no signs of trauma regarding
penetration. It may well had been that her larger than life Venus bump
was overly sensitive to oral stimulation. Unable to resist, diving into her
heavenly body was bitter sweet, as I lost myself deep inside her, only to
detect almost immediately that something was wrong.

In just a few short months and well over a hundred arrivals or departures,
far more than she had experience before her debut on the dark side, Yukari
was a changed woman. Where she was once overly self-monitoring and
plagued with appearance anxiety, she too had adjusted to her new role as
porn star, strutting about my apartment in the nude and now even able
to go to work make-up-free. Of such magnitude was her transformation
that in two months she canceled her wedding, scheduled to take place
the following March to a young salaryman who had been transferred to
Kyushu, where they were to live together after marriage. However, after
her new foreign epiphany, much to the fury and hatred of the ex-future-
groom and his family, she called a meeting and broke the news to them.

Im glad I met you, I really didnt want to get married and move with
him to Kyushu. But having very little confidence to pursue her dreams,
she thought she had little choice. It wasnt long before in her naivet she
began expressing her desire to bare my progeny, though fully aware of my
loyalties to Shoko.

I raise the child by myself, she reasoned, desperately wanting to love and
be loved.
After you return from studying dance overseas, when you get older and

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more mature, I assuaged her, though tempted by the idea of unsecured
and irresponsible paternity.
Having a baby and having eight cats are totally different, I assured her.
Mmm, so desu ne. (Thats right, isnt it.)

Shortly thereafter, frustrated by my unbending loyalty to Shoko, Yukari

thought it best to leave, but couldnt resist my invitations, even though she
had begun sleeping with a Japanese salaryman my age. However, alerting
her of the Chlamydia she had bequeathed me, which I had detected almost
immediately after our maiden voyage, she felt ashamed and could no longer
bring herself to face me
Mo hazukashii. Why do still want to see me? I gave you sick.
Wazato janakatta, de shou? (It wasnt intentional, right?)
But I fully understood. Face saving is of utmost importance to the
Japanese.

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ETSUKO CONTINUED

Recalling the countless times I had disappointed my own daughter by

failing to appear after promising her a visit, two weeks after meeting
Etsuko I canceled my Friday night routine and promptly made my way
to visit my new daughter. Arriving at her home, fifteen minutes from the
hospital where I taught, Shion, energetic and androgynous, joyfully flung
her arms around my neck as her mother stood by the door in amazement.

This is so strange I have never seen her like this before. She doesnt stop
talking about you.

My sole reason for visiting that night was to see Shion who brought to the
fore my nurturing paternal drive, which I was able to reveal only partially
to my own child. It was unexplainable. Suddenly from out of the blue
it seemed, came an onslaught of confusing, protective, caring, fatherly
sentiments.

Am I becoming a paedophile? I worried. After all, I had heard about a

convicted child molesting uncle on my fathers side. So could it have been
genetic? Ever since my traumatic childhood, I had always suffered from
extensive invasive thoughts. From spontaneous murder to suicide, sex with
animals, children, men, you name it and it has flashed through my mind.
For a great many years they had subsided, only to resurface in 2005 upon my
return from the traumatic six months in Jamaica. This abrupt attachment
to this 5-year-old girl demanded my deep introspective analysis. What
exactly is going on? I interrogated myself. But the answer was simple.

Fatherhood was a frequent theme of my childhood daydreams. Along

with the perpetual daydreams of living in the United States, I fantasized
constantly about being a superior father to mine who fled when I was two,
and since abandoning my passion of philandering, paternal instincts rose
to the surface. I was becoming well and more than anything now wanted
to be married, after which I would father, raise, nurture and empower my
progeny, daughters especially. Sons were and still are of no interests to me,
as my vision is to raise and empower strong daughters. Though I would

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most likely adjust, having initial socialization in a predominantly female
environment and thus partial to women, a male offspring is one of my
biggest fears. Shion symbolized the extroverted, intellectual, strong and
curious daughter I had wanted and had, but when my own child was her
age my youth, personality disorders, insecurities and angst hindered my
savouring the experience.

Certainly I had undergone a metamorphosis as previously, there was no

way I would have chosen to hang out with someones small child over sex.
Instantly she saw in me the father she had long desired and I in her, my
own daughter with whom I could not relax and display complete affection,
having been too inhibited and overly self-conscious when she was Shions
age.

Entering their apartment, I partook in a feast which Etsuko had

painstakingly prepared and laid out on the dining table and in the image
of a father returning home to his wife and child I ate with Shions arms
tightly coiled around my neck.
After eating she proceeded to show me her fashion designer drawings and
played me a few songs on her keyboard.
Tomaru.? (Are you staying tonight?)
Mmm, Sore wa, chotto, (Thats kinda impossible.) making eye contact
with her mom.
Onegai, onegai onegai, okaasan to ishyoni futon de neru yo. (Please,
please, please. You can sleep on the futon with me and my mom.)

Again I looked at her mom, uncomfortable with the proposal, but not
wanting to disappoint Shion. Even the babe in suckling hurleth her own
mother in the jaws of the beast.
Ii yo, its ok, her mother said, sensing my hesitation.
If its ok with you, you can stay.

My lack of interest in Shions mother by no means meant she was

undesirable, as on the contrary she was an appealing 29-year-old with all
the features which I had desired in a partner. But even more enticing,
she was truly an adult and quite marriageable. Hence it would be at least
awkward and difficult, if not impossible to slumber platonically on the
same futon. Besides, Mr. Yamada, who she later revealed was madly in
love with her and wanted to abandon his wife for her, had forewarned her
against any intimate involvement with me.

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He is playboy, she said he alerted her. And he would know. For the
previous five years, frequently our meetings were during my ferrying the
collection of women on the back of my mountain bike, as if they had been
the days catch from the nearby lake. Even if it were possible to sleep with
her without sleeping with her, or even touching her, she may well have
thought something the matter with me or perhaps more likely, with her.
After all, as she was apprised, I am playboy, so she may have questioned the
ability of this playboy to sleep on the same futon with her and not as much
as touch her, had there not been something grossly unappealing about her
person.

Etsuko and Sayo might have shared the same birth year, but their levels
of maturity were light years apart. Silent and introspective, with a vaguely
melancholic countenance, Etsuko was a student of the school of hard
knocks, a single mother divorced even before her daughters birth. But
even before her doomed marriage, her upbringing in the typical distressing
Japanese familial setting had sowed the seeds of darkness on her face. She
spoke of a father who, during Japans bubble era, was never home, always
working or on golf trips.

The only time I saw him was during Obon in August and our annual week
long ski trips in December. Her elder sister by six years, a hikkikomori
who stayed home from high school for three years, was hospitalized at
twelve for anorexia and depression.
My sister decided to stay home after some students began to shun her
from their groups. But she studied for the university entrance test by
herself and got in.
This shunning or freezing out is quite common in this society where group
acceptance is an obsession and even among adult co-workers freezing out is
frequently practiced, sometimes with fatal consequences. Now 35 years old,
Etsukos sister resides with her parents, overly attached, manga obsessed,
boyfriendless and still a virgin.

As a child observing her unfavourable familial dynamics, Etsuko

endevoured to leave the household at the earliest chance, which for her
came at 18 years old. However, jumping from the frying pan, she found
herself in the fire, married to a man addicted to gambling, who later sent
them bankrupt, prompting a divorce. After spending some months with
her child in the US and Australia, she accurately arrived at the conclusion
that, as a single divorced mother, life in Japan would be hopeless for both
her and her child and it would be impossible to find a life partner and
pursue her dream of being an entrepreneur.
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Most men I meet dont like Shion. They want to be with me, but always
they want me to leave her at my parents house. Sore wa iiya. (Thats
unacceptable) I dont choose a man over my child, as do many abusive
single mothers in Japan. The media is inundated with incidences of women
abusing, even murdering, or abetting their boyfriends in murdering their
own children to gain his approval.

Shion was delighted to be snuggled up next to her new father, as I

read her bedtime stories in Japanese, with her frequently correcting my
pronunciation. In no time she was in dreamland ensconced between
her mother and me, from where I lifted her to the opposite side of her
mother. Though Etsuko was clad in anti-Viagral sweat pants and a T-
shirt, as predicted it was difficult laying with her without consequence,
which soon saw blood vacate the upper head as I held her in the spoon
position, fondling her supple round breasts. Having had no such tactile
contact in a year, she gasped and squeezed my hand onto her chest, then
turned around to allow me full oral access. As I slid my hand inside her
panties, she grabbed my wrist, but already I had detected her reason for
arresting my hand.
Gome, (Im sorry) it just started yesterday. Lets go to sleep, apologizing
sheepishly.
But my condition defied sleep, forcing me to relieve myself in her bathroom,
before resuming the spoon position in slumber.

Feeling guilty for having taken advantage of her, in the morning I apologized
for being unable to resist the urge to fondle her the night before.
Its ok, she said. Im not prudish. I didnt expect you to stay in the same
futon and not touch me. You are a man, deshou? Anyway, I enjoyed it.
A week later saw the beginning of a new Friday routine. During my next
visit, an hour after entering Etsukos apartment and playing with her
daughter, Shion made a starling request.
Ishouni ofuro hairu?
She wants you to take a bath with her, Etsuko translated.

What?! Trying to conceal my shock.

In Japan, its customary for families to take baths together sometimes even
until the daughters are in their teens, thus appropriately, it may well have
been that having heard her friends talk about their baths with their fathers,
she simply wanted to experience such paternal bonding. But my Western
socialization ran counter to her innocent request, as Western, Christian

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civilization and its prudish and shameful take on nudity had made me
uncomfortable. Moreover, in the West it would simply be unheard of for
a woman to allow her 5-year-old daughter to bathe with a man whom she
had met only a month earlier. On one hand, it spoke volumes to the kind
of trust I evoke in people, of which I am quite proud, but on the other it
demonstrated a wide spread naivet and absence of critical thought, so
common in safety Japan. Furthermore, this would be a true test of the
motive for my attachment to this child. Already I had intellectualized the
reason as a strong need to father, nurture and care for a child. But what
if I were wrong? What if I indeed had perverted paedophilic tendencies?
This would most definitely be my chance to confront them.

Get over yourself! I monologued. The kid just wants to have a bath with her
dad, so just get over your Western, biblical culture, get over the shame associated
with nudity, your obsessive invasive thoughts, get over your baggage, get over
the whole thing, take your clothes off and take a bath with the kid, for Chrise
sake! Already I had interpreted Etsukos look as saying, Yeh, she wants
to take a bath with you because youre her new father figure, and thats what
fathers do, stupid! It means she really likes you. And not wanting to alert her
to my laughable, mostly culturally based discomfort with their proposal,
I proceeded to strip and remove Shions clothes, as if she were my own
daughter. Once in the shower together, I began to acknowledge and
embrace all my sentiments of discomfort, a process I had learned some ten
years ago in Rick Edelsteins acting classes.

Yes, I am very uncomfortable with this situation, I lectured myself.

Because I come from a background where nudity is associated with sex. But
there I was with a 5-year-old girl, whom I could not and did not sexualize,
and as I reconfirmed after repulsion from my then present, unwelcomed
cogitations, my obsessive invasive thoughts since my childhood derived not
from desire to commit said acts, but from the fact that the acts themselves
were so grossly devious. For looking at Shions tiny 5-year-old body
generated no sexual feelings, as it should not have, but further solidified
and reinforced my paternal attachment to her, becoming venomous at the
thought that there are men whod sexually molest this and other 5 year
olds. I wanted to empower her, as I did my own child, against ubiquitous
child predators and on my next visit, with her mothers help we gave her
the exact talk I gave my real daughter at seven, about anyone touching her
private area inappropriately and suggested that at six years old, it would be
a good time to enroll her in a martial arts class.

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Back in the shower having been liberated from the puritanical ideas about
nudity, Shion and I got down to the business of bonding in a father daughter
bath. Earlier upon removing my clothes, a shock consumed her face.

Nande karada no zembu hiyakeshita no? (Why is your whole body

sunburnt?)
Previously she had thought only my face, hands and feet were dark and
couldnt comprehend that the skin color on my entire body was different
from hers. She frantically summoned her mother.

OKAASAN, OTOSAN NO KARADA ZEMBU HIYAKESHITA.

MITE! She screamed, (MOM, DADS ENTIRE BODY IS SUNBURNT.
COME LOOK!)
as I lathered her tiny body, explaining to her that around the world there
are different kinds of people with different color skin and different kinds
of eyes, hair, nose and lips. The amazement on her face was a Kodak
moment.

So nan ya? (really?) Brows raised with hands akimbo.

Shortly there after her mother decided to join us, to which I objected,
advising her to wait until Shion had exited, as her presence would most
definitely have caused changes to my anatomy. Changes which would have
been inappropriate, I thought, for her daughter to behold.

With Shion asleep, Etsuko and I made our intimate debut that night, tears
streaming down the sides of her face.
Are you ok? Why are you crying?
Nothing, Im just overwhelmed, thats all. It feels good.
Before falling asleep, I had strongly urged her to begin taking birth control
pills, as that first time was most definitely not going to be our last.

Its too expensive, she said.

Considering her financial status of single parent living in government
housing and planning to emigrate shortly, I promised to foot the cost. But
a week later she decided against it.
My friend said it gave her headaches, she said.

No later than two months after we had met on my fifth visit to her
apartment, one night at the dinner table with Shion on my lap swinging
from my neck, I noticed ever so subtle changes in her mothers breasts, to
which she responded,

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We have a problem.
Another failure of the withdrawal method: a nightmare come true. For
here was a woman who was sent to me for help, who is now carrying my
child, pregnancy number four in Japan.

From every angle, though we both wanted to keep the pregnancy, the
logistics were impossible. She had plans to emigrate, I had plans to leave
Japan and marry Shoko and to top it off, we both were in an impecunious
state. But it was romantically appealing to give Shion a sibling and support
both my children.

On the morning of Monday November 20, 2006 Etsuko waved good-bye

at Senri Chuo station, on her way to the hospital where I was teaching, and
I went to work in Tennoji.
Dont worry about me, she said. Im strong.
Yeh, but this could have easily been avoided. However, like most women in
Japan, she had internalized her status as sacrificial lamb on the altar of the
Japanese abortion industry. It made much more sense to her to undergo
an abortion, than to take birth control pills. At days end, Etsuko and I
held each other in silence for what seemed like hours, as Shion entertained
herself, sometimes inquiring whats wrong.
Shhhh, okaasan ga choshi waruii. (Moms not feeling well.)

Shortly after the termination, though Shion whined and begged for my
presence, protecting her emotions, Etsuko abruptly severed all contact
between us. I have to protect myself, she wrote in a last e-mail before
blocking my phone number and e-mail address. Please understand.

339
AKARI

Just as I had concluded that there were no spontaneously intelligent

young women in Japan, or at least in the Kansai region, in March of 2006
while browsing the Kinokunya bookstore at Hankyu Umeda, I spotted
an exceptionally statuesque and womanly frame from behind. At 59 she
towered over other women, and proudly owned her atypically Japanese,
Carmela Soprano figure. There was nothing girly about her big-boned,
curvaceous physique. She was all woman, the type despised by Japanese
men. Approaching her slowly, savouring every arc and parabola of her body,
her rondure derriere seemed trapped in tight black pants. Upon walking
past her to discreetly examine her face, I observed that she was reading,
or at least held open in her hands, a copy of Scientific America magazine.
This along with her inflated lips and her avant-garde orange and green
spectacles stopped me dead in my tracks.

Wow, thats pretty impressive, I interrupted. You are reading Scientific

America.
Of course, its my favourite magazine.
Its one of mine too.
Akari, Japanese Condoleeza Rice, possessed a unique attractiveness about
her, the kind that one might expect of scientific brainiac women of her
prodigy. In fact, there was nothing regular about her, which was obvious
from her imposing stature and artsy glasses. At 26 years old, this devout
Dave Matthews fan, multi-instrumentalist, former punk band drummer
and triathlete had recently obtained her medical license and was in the
process of beginning her residency at a hospital in Tokyo. Meeting her
called to memory an Asian-American prodigy with whom I was involved
in common law marriage in California, whose first job after college, landed
her a six figure salary. For two years during our relationship, there was
an unending feud between my veneration for her brain and my need for
eye candy on my arm. In the end, though I was far more attracted to her
intellect and personality than to her physicality, the need for beauty was
victorious over my appreciation for grey matter.

340
Akari was of similar ilk; fairly attractive, captivatingly athletic and
unspeakably intellectually fit. I wanted to copulate with her brain. In fact I
wanted her to bear my children. Immediately upon meeting, we launched
into stimulating conversation on a variety of subjects from medicine,
society, politics, and education, until it was closing time at the bookstore.
After which we exchanged contact information, with her promising that
we would meet again on her next trip from her home in Kyushu to visit
her parents in Osaka. After five years of being in Japan, finally meeting a
woman like her was like finding an oasis in hell, and our stimulating and
invigorating exchanges continued even in regular phone e-mails before our
next meeting a month later.

Convincing her to show up at my apartment, as I was a bit under the

weather, she arrived with cold medicine, vitamins and orange juice, greeted
by my pictures of Azusa and me in my living room.
Is this your girlfriend?
Yeh, were getting married this year.
She is so beautiful.
Pictures of Azusa had an intimidating effect on women who came to my
apartment. On one hand they were jealous of her stunning beauty, but
on the other, seeing her beauty made them feel inadequate and caused
them to want me even more. Even though they too were beautiful, in their
minds I couldnt possibly want sex from them, as I had such a beautiful
fiance. Additionally, perhaps they were delighted that though she was so
beautiful, I still wanted them. It was discernible from Akaris expressions
that those sentiments were floating through her mind, but unlike the other
women, my attempts to get her to join me in bed were futile.

I know about foreigners like you, she asserted. You just think you can
do whatever you want with Japanese girls because we are easy. And you
live in Japan carefree without responsibilities, just having sex with many
different girls. I know, I used to be one of those stupid yellow cabs. I came
to your apartment because you were sick and you are interesting to talk to,
but Im not gonna have sex with you. So if thats why you invited me here,
its not going to happen and I wont come back. Next time we have to meet
outside.

Gob smacked, I lay on my back with her sitting beside me on the bed.
She was right, 100% right and there was nothing I could have said in
response.
Besides, I told you I have a boyfriend.

341
Indeed, she had informed me of her divorced, early forties, Irish-American,
single parent boyfriend. But her hints about his intimidation by her genius,
led me to conclude that theirs was a relationship whose end draweth nigh,
especially after her relocation to Tokyo for her residency.
Im sorry, I didnt invite you over for sex, I lied.

Having held her in the highest regard and not wanting to jeopardize
our friendship, I aborted the pursuit of intimate relations, choosing
contentment with our cyber-contact. Besides, I was in retirement, content
with plans to wed not one but two consenting and amazingly beautiful
women, both with whom I was madly in love. After all, for what more
could I have asked? And even so, still there were Henni and Sachiko,
another of my Japanese language teachers from the same school where
Karin taught. Thirty-four years old, I had devirginised her only a year
prior, before setting off to Jamaica. So Akari and I continued our e-mail
exchanges. Nevertheless, ever since she had left my apartment, I began to
harbor the notion that when the stressors of residency hit her, she would
call me for relief.

Seven months into her residency, after Azusa and Shoko had left for
Canada and the States respectively, I received an e-mail from Akari.
What are you doing this weekend? Can I come and see you? It read. But
I have to tell you, Im on my period.
What does your period have to do with anything? Pretending sincerity.
It would be good just to see you.
Originally I had thought her main purpose for traveling to Kansai was to
visit her parents, but she made it clear that she wanted to spend the entire
weekend with me. Arriving at my apartment she tried in vain to explain
her reason for adding the disclaimer about her period.
I thought that maybe youd expect something to happen between us and
I didnt want you to be disappointed.
I dont know what youre talking about. Why would I expect that?
Fronting cluelessness. You said you didnt want us to be intimate and I
respected that.

My notion of some months back was right on the mark, as Japanese women
had become all too predictable. Making her debut in Neurology, isolated
in a new environment as fighting escalated between her and her boyfriend,
the stress of her first tour drove her to board the bullet train for the 3 hour
journey to the refuge of my arms. For two days I waited on her, pampered
her and nursed her back to life.

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I feel so relaxed with you, a mantra I had heard from all but a few of
the women with whom I had been in Japan. Six weeks later she returned
for a weekend of marathon arrivals, some even self-induced. The only
Japanese woman I have met, liberated and uninhibited enough to possess
the ability to bring herself to orgasm, superwoman Akari could achieve
multiples internally or externally through manual or oral stimulation. She
was the only Japanese woman who articulated exactly how she wanted to
be pleasured.

Thats my spot, youre hitting my spot, She would scream, body and face
in contortions, appearing to have out of planetary experiences.
In a testament to the general navet and unempowered status of Japanese
women, or at least those in Kobe, at no point did this doctor - among
Japans finest minds - request the use of a condom, not even in concern
about diseases. And whats more, when I suggested birth control pills to
her, she protested, citing concern about having to see the doctors at the
hospital of her employment.

I dont want them to talk about me or know my business. I work at that

hospital, so I dont want them to know about my private life and there are
no other hospitals around. I cant get the pill anyway. Only if I had some
kind of problem, would they give me the pill. We can have sex without a
condom, but I wont take birth control pills.

So what if you get pregnant?

I know my body, I wont get pregnant.
Yes, but what if you do? I insisted. To which she paused.
I dont know. I guess I would have to get an operation.
You mean an abortion?
Yes, but maybe. I dont know.
It was indecipherable to me that her words originated from the mouth of a
medical doctor. This was a replay of the kind of strange logic and countless
red herrings I had heard from Karin, some four years earlier. Trauma based
reasoning I labeled it. And indeed, in the ensuing six months, this doctor
would reveal to me even more absurd reasoning.

Upon meeting Akari, though impressed by her outward appearance of

confidence, beneath her strong presence, given my knowledge of Japanese
society, I expected trauma. The second of three brainiac daughters, her
father was a renowned heart surgeon and her mother a nurse. Like most
Japanese women, dad was absent throughout her childhood, but she held

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him in high esteem and appreciated the demands which kept him away
from the family. However, unlike most Japanese women, her father did
instill in her a sense of empowerment. It may well have been that having
three daughters, he was feminized and had no choice but to empower his
girls, since his third child was not the boy for whom he might have hoped.
Three years earlier I had observed a similar dynamic in Fus family. She
too came from a family of three high achieving girls and I suspected in the
absence of sons, otherwise chauvinistic fathers are compelled to empower
their daughters.

Given the extreme pressure to conform in Japan, it would have been

absolutely impossible for Akari, atypically Japanese in so many ways, to
escape her societys hammering unscathed. She may have hailed from
one of the rare supportive and nurturing families in Japan, but entering
elementary school saw the beginning of suicidal thoughts. As I have
stated earlier, trauma is inescapable in the Japanese socialization. Having
been taller, bustier, and brainier than her peers, Akari spoke of perpetual,
unmitigated bullying, continual self-hate and daily haunting by suicidal
ideations since she was eight.
Im more confident about my abilities than most Japanese, she agreed.
But I hate my looks. I dont fit the Japanese standard of beauty, Im too
tall, my lips are too big. When I see all those Japanese girls, those idols in
magazines, I am so envious of them. It just makes me depressed.

This, her profound inferiority complex and life long trauma, all came to the
fore upon informing her of Etsukos Chlamydia which I had transmitted
to her, or so I had thought. To my shock she protested treatment, just as
she had protested using birth control pills.

It doesnt make any sense to get treated, Im just gonna get it again, she
blurted in sheer asininity.
Am I hearing what Im hearing? Are these the words of a doctor? I
pondered.

My almost two decades of therapy and near equal time as a John Bradshaw
fan, consuming his books and seminars on Public Television, told me that
within Akari, there was abject disparagement of self. But the bombshell
was yet to come.
Actually, I have been having symptoms, said Dr. Akari.
What kind of symptoms? I queried.
You know, discharge, smell.

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For how long? Since we started having sex?
For about three years now, responding nonchalantly.
Then why the FUCK didnt you get it checked? I yelled in the microphone
during our skype call, leading her to believe that she had transmitted the
bacteria to me. Perhaps out of shame, she shifted from the camera.
I CANT FUCKING SEE YOU! COME BACK IN FRONT OF THE
CAMERA! Screaming at the top of my lungs.
ARENT YOU A FUCKING DOCTOR? DONT YOU KNOW
WHAT UNTREATED CHLAMYDIA DOES TO YOUR
REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS? DONT YOU KNOW ECTOPIC
PREGNANCIES CAN BE FUCKING FATAL?

Akari was the third woman I had met in Japan who was resistant to my
advice to treat her Chlamydia. First there was 24-year-old Saori, my sexual
debut, who traveled untreated to Australia for a year, eight months after I
had alerted her of the disease. Five years later there was Etsuko 29, who
objected to seeing a doctor, on account of not experiencing any symptoms,
though I had informed her that 80% of women are asymptomatic. Indeed
Chlamydia, the silent killer is epidemic in Japan. A 2004 study testing
3,190 students between the ages of 16 and 18 at 13 high schools, revealed
an infection rate of 11.4%, with most students carrying the disease unaware
of their condition, while those who were cognizant, like Doctor Akari and
Etsuko, refrained from getting treatment.

In Europe and the United States, infection frequencies are 1 to 2% of the

population, nothing compared to Japan, which has the highest infection
rate among advanced countries. For this, the blame lies squarely on Japans
primitive and irresponsible reluctance to provide sex education in high
school. In typical Japanese cart before the horse fashion, some semblance
of sex education is taught in elementary school but absent in junior high
and high school, as the educators themselves are children, too shy to speak
about the adult subject of sex. Hence Chlamydia runs rampant among
Japanese teens. In another survey in 2005, it was reported that 7% of
women in the 20-24 age group, are carriers of the bacteria. However,
an abortionist in Osaka, the brother of one of my subjects, suggests that
percentage could be more than double.

I didnt think it was important to see a doctor.

Clearly there must have been a reason, and a damn good one, why a doctor, a
medical doctor fails for three years to be treated for symptoms of a venereal
disease. First her resistance to the pill and permissive unprotected sex

345
was curious, but now, an adult with above average intelligence, a medical
professional resisting treatment for a sexually transmitted disease, now
that took the cake.

Only in Japan, I thought.

It brought to mind my friend Saharas visit to the doctor in order to quit

smoking.
Youre OK, the doctor assured her. Youre smoking only five a day, so its
not that bad.
Determined to get to the root of Akaris behavior, I continued to delve into
her psyche.

Actually I dont care about my reproductive system. I know about the

dangers of Chlamydia but I dont care. I never cared, I want to have many
children, but I want to adopt, I dont want to deliver my own.

Akari thought her look so repugnant and ugly, that she never wanted to
have children, out of fear they would look like her. It all made perfect
sense. My entire being reached out in empathy for her inner torture, as
I too harbored those exact complexes, the Michael Jackson syndrome, in
my youth, obsessing that I would never produce offsprings, hence they be
cursed with my liver lips and skin of tar.

The Michael Jackson Complex afflicts a great many people of colour,

especially we Negroes. However, Michael - the most salient victim of
this disease - had enough cash to surgically modify his phenotype, even
perhaps going to the extreme of fertilizing his wifes egg with sperm
from a Caucasian man. I too contemplated lip reduction surgery and
skin bleaching, a common practise - even contemporarily - among many
dark skinned men and women in my native Jamaica. Had it not been for
therapy, education and traveling, I would have most certainly gone under
the knife. During my teenage years in the Park Hill neighborhood of
Denver, Colorado, it was common to hear African-American teenage boys,
declare, aint no way my kids go have no nappy ass hair. Something tells
me that a certain United States Chief Justice, whose name I will refrain
from mentioning, is among public figures suffering from this affliction.
It is safe to conclude, that where there was the presence of white colonizers,
or a philia for white European aesthetics, there will be Michael Jackson
Syndrome, Japan being no exception.

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Only after threatening to withdraw my respect and reverence for her,
did Akari seek treatment, after which we continued regularly scheduled
weekend orgas-ma-thons and video sessions until my last few days in
Japan.

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SURROGATE SEX IN JAPAN

In 2003, during the Karin era, while boarding the train at Sumiyoshi, I met
a lanky and handsome 33-year-old from the Ivory Coast. Immediately our
conversation turned to women in Japan.

Oh god! Its just crazy, snow-white smile peering through midnight lips,
as he began telling me of a childless, married 50-year-old business owner
in his collection.

She gives me a spending allowance of 200,000 yen per month, a clothing

allowance of 100,000 yen a month, rent of another 100,000 yen a month,
plus she even paid the deposit of 1,000,000 yen on my apartment. And we
have sex only once or twice a month.

Initially, I was convinced he was spinning a tall tale, but even if it werent
true, it was plausible. Such arrangements can be found internationally, but
his addition to the story hit me for six and threw me in a loop. Frequently,
he said in his thick African accent,
We all go out together. Me, she, her husband, and he knows about
everysing.
My jaws hit the floor of the JR train. Living in Japan, I had heard and
seen it all, but the idea of a husband being friendly with a man who was
pleasuring his wife was enough to put me in cardiac arrest.

Another friend of mine on the Japan Exchange Teachers program, a tall

blond from Nevada, told me of yet another eye popping experience. After
having dinner with an official and his wife at their home, the wife excused
herself from the table.
My wife wants to have sex with you, said the husband to Tyler, who tried
his utmost to maintain his composure. Shes going to take a bath, you
should go meet her. Tyler obliged, as in his words, dudes wife was hot.
Following their romp in the bath, the husbands only beef was that Tyler
had tainted the bath water with his semen.

348
After returning from Jamaica, Natasha, a friend from Hungary who had
been studying Buddhism in Japan, introduced me to her friend, a 38-year-
old spouse of a Shinto Priest. She had been on the prowl for a substitute
lover, as hers lived in Algeria and traveled to Japan infrequently. Hence
in an attempt to obtain a local standby boyfriend, she sought to negotiate
with me.

Oh, my husband doesnt care, she assured me. We havent had sex for
almost ten years, so he doesnt care about my boyfriends. He just wants
me to be happy. Markedly below my attractiveness requirements, any
liaison with her would have been a charity affair. During our conversation
at a Turkish restaurant in Osaka, severe trauma seeped from every facial
pore and after telling of my own childhood trauma, she was comfortable
enough to reciprocate with stories of severe depression, and of a mother
who had made several attempts at suicide.

Natashas friend brought me closer to believing those anecdotes about

husbands supporting, condoning, ignoring, even encouraging their wives
pleasure mates, but meeting Masako drove the point straight home.

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MA SAKO

Late August 2006 at Kyobashi station, where I had met Yukari and Azusa
five months and two and a half years earlier respectively, I was mesmerized
by a pair of pockets dancing on a rounded derriere climbing some stairs.
Though I was headed to the Tozai line, my state of hypnosis compelled
me to give chase on the loop line. However, as though she felt my laser
piercing stare, to my disappointment, she wrapped her sweater around her
waist, prompting me to move in for a face check. Masako was a beautiful,
regal, athletic 46-year-old. Her short layered haircut reeked of a non-
Japanese kind of confidence. Clone she was not. Her individuality was
as pronounced as her lime green patent leather shoes, which matched her
glasses of the same color.

Masako brought to mind those upper middle class housewives in Lafayette

or Hillsborough California, after whom I was perpetually concupiscent in
my twenties.
You look like you speak English, I interrupted in my tired but effective
opener.
Yes, a little, but I havent used English in a long time, so I am not very
good.

On her way to her wine tasting class just two stops away, meant that time
was of the essence and inveigling her contact information had to be quick.
But revealing her interest in show jumping, opened the chance to request
her name card, and resolved my pondering about her wonderfully toned
arms. I want to watch you ride, I assured her as she departed from the
train.

Two weeks later, I traveled to Shiga for lunch with her and her husband.
Immediately it was blatantly obvious they were a sexless couple. She
was athletic, vibrant, effulgent and extroverted, diametrically opposite to
his almost anorexic appearance. Eleven years her senior, his silver locks
thinned and his laughter - like that of Jim Careys character in The Mask,
- revealed a touch of Autistic Spectrum Disorder or perhaps Aspergers
Syndrome. Nevertheless, I admired Takeshi, a successful business man,

350
who had steered a 200-year-old family business to monumental national
success. In fact, it was most refreshing to meet both Masako and Takeshi
who were true individuals in the Western sense. They both despised the
status quo and were the butt of jokes and gossip in their neighborhood, on
account of their non-traditionally Japanese behavior.

But we dont care, Takeshi chimed with his awkward Jim Carey laugh.
Adding to his statement as though completing it, his wife interrupted,
we live life to the fullest, with passion, to be happy. People in our society
have no passion, so they think we are strange.

Lunch was on Takeshi, from which we returned on foot to their massive

abode, where Masako showed me their collection of twenty cars, then took
me for a spin without her husband. Masako was a kept woman, whose
husband derived pleasure in fulfilling all her wants, including the freedom
to find a surrogate to meet the needs he could not.
This Dino is my favourite car, instructing me to get in. During our
exhilarating drive up winding mountain roads, I began to stroke her upper
arm before holding her hand whenever possible. Shortly thereafter she
stopped at the summit of our journey overlooking the city.
Shall we kiss? She inquired. To which I was only too happy to oblige,
while keeping a sharp watch on the time so as not to be too late for my first
outing with Manami back in Osaka.

Returning to their multi-car warehouse, we continued our consumption

of each others lips, when the shutter descended far enough so our actions
could not be recognized. Mouth still locked, we hurriedly unbuckled each
others jeans, like teenagers trying to get busy before being caught. Her
jeans appeared to have been welded, form-fitted onto her curvy athletic
body and after much effort I pried them and her panties from her and
began curling her, 52 kilograms and 158 centimeters, onto my north
pointing member. It had been five years for her, so my invasion was the
source of great pain.
I have to cook my husbands dinner, she said, as I curled her up and
down. Already weve been gone too long. Lets meet next weekend again
and go to a hotel.

How was the drive? Takeshi catechized upon our return to their home.
Did you like the sightseeing?
Yes, your wife is a first class driver.

h
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MANAMI

Manami had been waiting at Osaka station for nearly 45 minutes and by
then, the film we had planned to watch was already 30 minutes underway.
Infuriated, she threatened to return home.
You were on another date werent you?
Why would you think that? I lied. Why would you start out our
interaction by accusing me? This is not good, I dont appreciate that.
She was quite right, fully aware of the kind of man I was from the very start.
Manamis baggage was highly visible; Samsonite, American Tourister and
a Jansport backpack, none of which could fit through the square opening
to determine if they were check-in or carry-on luggage. However, in her
case, this baggage served her well, making her atypically aggressive for a
Japanese woman and protective from predatory men like me.
Im sorry, youre right, she responded. I shouldnt have said that. Ive
had some bad experiences.
I can tell.

I had met Manami late summer 06 at Umedas Bagel Cafe, as she stood
in line immediately in front of me, owning a figure more striking and
Junoesque than Akari. From the looks of her cello-like childbearing
curvature, athletic steatopygia and statuesque 168 centimeters, I concluded
that, probability was high she was single, as hers by no means was the
elementary schoolgirl body favoured by Japanese men, but the thick,
buxom, womanly hourglass preferred by Jamaicans and other Diasporic
Africans. As Jamaicans would say, she was in full possession of the agony,
causing me to stand behind her in erectile torture. At 60 kilograms, she
was obese by Japanese standards, which I predicted would have been one
source of her trauma.
You look like you speak English, I interrupted, hoping her face would
match the splendor of the rearview.
Yes, I just came back after two years in Hawaii.
Though trauma was detectable in her cheeks and downturn eyes, she was
indeed a beautiful woman. Not like Shoko or Azusa, but beauteous, in
spite of her malocclusion. In fact, in Manamis case her slightly crooked
teeth were charming.

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Hawaii! Why did you come back?
So desu ne, face and body lilting south. I ran out of money, and its so
difficult to get a visa to live in America.

For many Japanese women, returning home after experiencing the freedom
of the West can itself be a major source of suffrage and adjustment trauma.
Making matters worse, nubile 35-year-olds like Manami, who would be
shown daily appreciation in the West as she reported are plentiful in
Japan, where they are routinely ignored. But my trauma radar, from her
reserved speech pattern, and adult face which did not match the youth
of her hands, detected severe damage. Assessing her physicality, it was
immediately obvious, that mad addiction to her was inevitable. From my
years of experience, the most dramatic, damaged women possessed the
most luring sexuality which caused complete loss of self-control. Manami
was one of those women, I knew it immediately. The longing look of
loneliness in her eyes told me she had been played like a fiddle and hurt
too many times and, that shed go off on the next man who attempted to
dog her. She would have to be lonely; after all, she was an untouchable
in Japan. My guess was, though she didnt overtly appear to be chocolate
eyed, or a Cadillac chaser, in Hawaii she perhaps discovered that she
disproportionately attracted African-American men, who like me, were
only interested in her agony. As it turned out, bingo, I was right.

After enduring five years of abuse and neglect in marriage, to overcome her
pain, Manami fled to Hawaii where she dated a few African-Americans,
including one whom she found on a date with another Japanese woman.
Two years later, at 35 years old she returned home bankrupt, still uneducated
with no choice but to reside with her parents in a dodgy part of Osaka,
while temping as an Office Lady. I had seen Manamis profile before.
Tomoko in 2002, also uneducated, had spent seven years in England only
to return to Japan in her mid thirties, to live frustrated and hopeless with
her parents. And like Manami, Hisako fled the country after her divorce,
returning after two years in Australia. Parents having died, her father
from suicide and mother accidentally, 28-year-old Hisako resided with her
aunt, while working as another uneducated Office Lady.

Finally arriving at the cash register, observing our friendly interaction, the
cashier presumed we were together and calculated our orders as such.
Chigaimasu, betsu betsu desu. Kare wa shiranai hito desu, (Thats not
so, the bill is separate. Hes a stranger.) protested Manami, to which the
young woman behind the counter responded embarrassingly with profuse

353
apologies. By then Manami had already paid the 700 yen for my salmon
bagel with capers, as it would have been quite a hassle to correct the
problem.
Dont worry, I comforted her. Next time, movie on me.
Yeh, youre just saying that.

Well, lets just rent a DVD and watch it at my apartment.

I dont wanna go to your apartment, she protested. I dont know you.
I understand, but I will make it up to you by fixing you dinner.

After some negotiation, she agreed, and the rest unfolded predictably
as usual. Exactly as I had presaged, hyper-orgasmic, highly addictive
Manami had the agony like only a selected few before her; Tomoko, Karin,
Anne and Rapunzel. Her possessive personality which she had revealed
on our first date, rapidly escalated and brought to mind Karin, who on one
occasion had covered my kitchen floor with kerosene and decorated it with
broken crockery, all because I suspected her of invading my privacy, which
she denied. In her explanation, attempting to find a piece of her garment,
she ventured into one of my drawers where she found some condoms with
several missing from the pack.
I wasnt searching through your things, she defended herself. I was just
looking for some underwear I misplaced, and found your condoms. I can
see youre still fucking around.

In my book, any breach of privacy calls for immediate separation, regardless

of how she tried to justify her behavior. All too often, I have heard
horror stories of my friends significant others exploring their cell phones,
discovering evidence of other women, a gross invasion of privacy for which
I have zero tolerance. Nothing Karin could have said couldve made me
believe her. And while her defense could have been true, mentioning her
discovery was in poor judgment. My disbelief sent her into one of her
many rages, the worse thus far, and after ignoring her hour long, stalker-
like phone calls from outside my apartment, she began kicking on the metal
door until well past midnight, when my neighbor Jacque intervened.
Excuse me miss, I heard him say. Some of us have to go to work in the
morning.

Manami had similar potential, but as I was older and wiser, I had learned
to heed the bells and flashing red lights. Almost immediately, on arrival
at my apartment, she began to position my photos with Shoko face down
and in less than a fortnight, insisted on viewing my pictures and videos on

354
my cell phone. She clearly new what time it was, what Westerners like me
were up to in Japan and as I was not about to conceal my activities from her
or any other woman, I gladly obliged. Buyer beware, is my ardent policy.

Here you go, knock yourself out, enjoy, handing her my cell phone.
Hentai! (pervert) she gasped, mouth agape on the train.
You are sick! I cant believe this, enthralled by the progressively graphic
photos. But soon, explicit pictures of her too would be added to the
collection. As she became more attached, Manami insisted on an exclusive
relationship, even imploring me to abandon my plans to marry Shoko.
I dont want to see her picture when I go to your apartment, she demanded.
Thats disrespectful to me.

Well then, dont visit my apartment anymore. But that was impossible.
Like many women before her, regular multiple orgasms had caused her
pituitary gland to release enough oxytocin, that she had become obsessively
attached. However, two months later, Manami was surgically abandoned
after playfully suggesting that she would bobbit me, as in sever my penis, if
I didnt stop my philandering. It may have been in jest, but from the look
in her eyes, she was at least 50% serious, and I had no interest in keeping
her around to find out.

355
MA SAKO CONTINUED

Two weeks after meeting Masako and her husband, we all met again at a
Thai restaurant in Hikone. However, as an appetizer to lunch, she took me
to a love hotel before joining her husband, who was waiting at the restaurant.
It became a frequent occurrence, to either visit the love ho, before or after
lunch or dinner with her and her husband, with her sometimes insisting
on a room in a hotel a few blocks away from their house. She enjoyed the
thrill of our affair right beneath her husbands nose. In fact before me, six
years prior, she had been intimate with one of her husbands employees,
10 years her junior, often frolicking in the car near their home. However,
overpowered by guilt, the employee terminated the affair. For me, a hotel
so close to their home was just too close for comfort.
From now on you have to come to my apartment, I insisted, to which
she complied.

After two months, like many married women reported by my friends, and
like Natsuko before her, Masako began to request exclusivity.
Masako, youre married. Think about what youre asking for. How can
you want me to stop seeing other women, when you are married and being
supported by your husband? What benefit do I get for being in an exclusive
relationship with you? Can I ask you to divorce your husband?
Yes, youre right Ill just have to share you. Its better than nothing.

356
SEX OUTSOURCING

The idea of men outsourcing to other men, their sexual responsibilities to

their wives, might be unheard of in Western Judeo-Christian societies, but
here in non-Christian Japan, many husbands, given the reality that they
fall short in fulfilling their wives sexual needs, and that they may well be
paying frequent patronage to the soaplands, turn a blind eye to their wives
affairs. In meeting the demand for sexual surrogates, a service has popped
up in Tokyo for women who find unbearable, their sexless existences in
matrimony. According to Kim Myong-Gan, the operator of this suburban
clinic, every year 200 women who have been sexless with their husbands,
some for up to 20 years like Ais mother- solicit his services. One woman
had been married for 15 years but had not consummated her relationship
with her husband.

The women who come to see me love their husbands and arent looking
for a divorce, hes quoted as saying. The problem is that their husbands
lose interest in sex or dont want sex from the start. Many men think
of their wives as substitute mothers, not as women with emotional and
sexual needs. The women are required to pay an initial counseling fee
of 20,000 yen, after which they are shown photographs of predominantly
professional men in their 40s, from which to choose for a date, paid for
by both parties. Dates are followed by regular visits to a hotel, whose cost
is also split between the men and women. Said Mr. Kim, The men love
their companies; they live for work. Men dont even think it is a problem
if they dont have sex with their wives. They have pornography and the sex
industry to take care of their needs, but their wives have nowhere to go.
They just suffer in silence.

357
THE INESC APABLE

In September 06, a year and nine months before my departure from Japan,
that which I had been dreading for five years: teaching at a high school,
came to pass, when my downstairs neighbor recommended me for a
teaching position at a private high school from which he was resigning. As
if a test of my will power, the students were not required to wear uniforms,
but the girls united on a uniform of their own: that of video ho. At this
international high school in East Osaka, beguiling, physically developed
teenage girls showed up daily in hip huggers with exposed midriffs and G
strings at the waist. Micro-mini dresses and skirts provided a calcifying
display of crotch, as they perpetually adjusted their make-up and curled
their hair during class. Addressing the principal with my concerns, he
assured me that nothing could be done about the girls attire. Weve
already told them that they could wear whatever they wanted to. It wasnt
abnormal for me to stand in front of class, attempting to conceal a certain
affected part of my anatomy.

Chiakis eyes sprung to attention the second I walked in class on my first

day. Seventeen years old, make-up an inch thick with cart wheels dangling
from her ears, ghetto japulous Chichan fit the under-achiever profile of a
chocolate loving Cadillac chaser. Her father, whom she adored, was an
over-indulging parent who allowed his daughter to live with her boyfriends,
all of whom were in their 20s, since she was 15 years old. Her current
boyfriend was 27 years old and among her friends was a 14-year-old who
was already a baby mama and another her age who had a dekichatta kekkon
(shotgun marriage). I love 2PAC and Bob Marley, she declared, bending
over in her micro-mini exposing her underwear, as she showed me her
MySpace pictures on one of several laptops in the classroom. That figures,
I thought. This is me with dreads, and this is me with braids. Kawaii
deshou? (Am I not cute?)

Positively, on account of her obsession with hip hop and reggae, her
command of English far exceeded that of her classmates and by the second
day of class, she requested my e-mail address. Coming from the West, I
was hesitant to give students access to my personal information, but to

358
my surprise, this practice was condoned by the faculty. Ok, let me get
this straight, I questioned another foreign teacher. First, the girls are
dressed like theyre on Santa Monica or Sunset Boulevard and second, we
can exchange personal information with them? Only in Japan, perfectly
allowed, assured Matt, who had been teaching there for two years and
confided in me that another foreign teacher had been receiving regular
fellatio in the mens room, from at least one female student.

During my childhood, I frequently heard a saying from my beloved

grandmother: If yu put butta pan pus mout, im wi lick it auf. (When
butter is rubbed on a cats mouth, he will most certainly lick it.) Shortly
thereafter, Chiaki and I began exchanging e-mails by phone. Im 17 now,
but my birthday will be in December, read one of her e-mails, accompanied
by a photo of her in the bath. After her 18th birthday, by then planning
to resign from my position, Chiaki and I increased contact. After all I
reasoned, if the schools leaders were irresponsible enough to condone and
encourage the sexualization of these physically ripe students, then predator
that I was, that was an open invitation to pounce.

By January, escorting her home to Hana Zono, I was fondling my

student to orgasm on the train. But by February I had resigned without
inviting her to my apartment as promised, gradually ceasing all contact.
My resignation or failure to make good on my promise to her was by
no means attributable to some moral conscience which I had acquired. I
simply hated the school and its underachieving students, who provided a
torturous teaching experience. And thanks to my Adult Attention Deficit
Hyperactive Disorder, my desire for Chiaki vanished at the end of my two
3-hour days at her school. Moreover, I was just done, I had had enough
already.

As if being tested by the universe, a month after quitting Chiakis school I

secured a teaching position with handsome remunerations at yet another
high school. This time at a private girls school also in Osaka, where I
was an instant hit. Once again the fox was handed a job in the chicken
coop. But the difference with this chicken coop was the chickens were in
uniforms below the knees, regulations with which most girls complied. A
small percentage of the girls elevated their hemlines to allow daily crotch
viewing in class, and were met with only superficial reprimand by faculty
members. One fulltime faculty member took the matter of these unruly
girls to the principal, who responded by instructing her to refrain from
scolding them about their crotch baring skirts in class.

359
Recently, Japanese educators have been experimenting with the idea of
individuality, but in their misdirected interpretation of this entirely alien
concept, they fail to comprehend the need for boundaries. Moreover, it is
possible that like most men on the faculty, the principal derived pleasure
from the view of his students barely clad legs. I most certainly did. And
though I would have much preferred to feast my eyes on those young girls,
much to their chagrin, I took it upon myself to establish inspections at
the beginning of my classes. While standing to greet me good morning,
my students were now fully aware that, for this gaijin senseis classes, all
skirts must be below their knees. My, how times have changed. The fox
now actually protects the chickens. But such are the multiple paradoxes
of Japan. It was in this childish society that I evolved into complete
adulthood, it was in this conformist society where I learned to embrace my
individuality. And it was in this environment of endless sexual availability
that I shook my sexual demons.

360
JAPANS DA SHED OPPORTUNITY

In 2006 former Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi was presented a grand

opportunity to transition women in Japan, at least symbolically to the
21st century, by modifying the Imperial House law. According to the
archaic regulation established in 1947 only male heirs with emperors on
their fathers side can ascend the imperial throne. However, in surprising
progressiveness, a government panel in 2005 recommended revisions to
the law, in order to allow womens ascent to the throne, given that a boy
had not been born to the worlds oldest hereditary monarchy in 41 years.
So averse was the monarchy to any change in the law, in November 2005,
renowned alcoholic Prince Tomohito proposed that Naruhito, Crown
Prince of Japan, should take on a concubine for the purpose of producing
a son. Others advocated divorce between the Crown Princess and Prince,
hence affording the Prince an opportunity to try for a son with another
partner.

With a majority of the publics support, Koizumi San - the man with the
butterfly hairdo - pursued legislative amendments which would bring the
monarchy into contemporary times. But it all was too good to be true,
when this monumental attempt to modernize the monarchy was abruptly
halted by rumors of Princess Kikos unexpected pregnancy. Suddenly,
fanfare for the new proposal, shifted to despair among 173 lawmakers, for
the hasty modifications to a tradition which deifies the male monarchy.
The national momentum which had gathered behind the proposed change
of law was reversed to a national wait and see event, as law makers and the
public held their breath waiting to hear the sex of the fetus. It was a boy,
whose birth drove a stake through any plans for female succession.

Incoming Prime Minister Shinzo Abe sealed the book shut on the matter,
in actions which echoed the 16th century Scottish theologian John Knoxs
view on the status of women. To promote a woman to bear rule, superiority,
dominion or empire above any realm, nation, or city, he wrote in 1558,
is repugnant to nature, contumely to God and the subversion of good
order. Unbeknownst to him, Knox may well have been a spokesman for
the Liberal Democratic Party. By shelving the female ascension issue, the

361
Liberal Democratic Party has all but secured Japanese womens position as
village bicycles for Western men and baby making machines for Japanese
men.

362
EPILOGUE

By June 2007 Shoko, diligent and determined, had completed her first
year at community college in preparation for the mammoth undertaking
of attending law school in the US. And by the same time, the novelty of
Disneyland had long expired. I had been on all the rides, consumed all the
cotton candy I could, and now it was time to leave. My arrival here had been
nothing less than a monumental rebirth, the kind which people describe
upon finding God. Landing on the serene shores of Japan provided me
the omni-present beauty for which I had been yearning since my torturous
childhood and especially a few years before my departure from the States,
where I had been entangled in a litany of byaby madda almshouse. It had
become somewhat of a routine to be interned in correctional facilities, where
after my first visit I was rendered unemployable. One such internment was
somewhat positive and fairly lucrative.

During my final quarter at UCLA in August of 1994, while napping in

Kirchhoff Hall on a break from my studies, I was jarred from slumber and
summoned outside by a UCLAPD officer.
Let me see your ID! he demanded.
Huh?
Let me see your student ID.
Why?

The day before I had been visiting my daughter in San Francisco where
I had literally bit the dust in a skateboarding accident down one of those
treacherous San Francisco hills. Danika then 7 years old found it incurably
hilarious to watch her dad eat pavement right before her eyes and would
remind me of the incident for years, often times spread out on the floor in
laughter. A gregarious and extroverted laugh-a-holic, she enjoyed nothing
more than her piano, romping and hearty laughter and on at least one
occasion my brush with death at least thats what I thought on the way to
that intimate encounter with the asphalt made her laugh until she peed.
As if run over by earth moving equipment, my entire outer right thigh was
shredded and so were my plaid Levys docker shorts and navy silk shirt.
The following day, except for flip-flops I wore the same tattered outfit to

363
school. In fact everyday for three weeks I donned the same mangled shorts,
as they were the only garments which couldve aired my wounds.

Show me your student ID! The officer demanded at the top of his voice
attracting an audience.
And just what is your probable cause and reasonable suspicion for
randomly requesting to see my ID, when as far as I know I am still in the
United States of America and not in South Africa? I responded, hoping
to PISS him off. Of course this was pre-George W, a long ago ere when
Americans were actually entitled to civil rights. It worked, he took the
bait. Immediately he slammed me against the wall on the steps outside
Kirchhoff Hall and all I saw were dollar signs circling around in my head.

Thats it, youre going to jail for battery of a police officer.

After 40 hours in Los Angeles county jail all charges were dropped and I
was abruptly released, after which I immediately procured the services of a
less than competent attorney. The officer in question was a rogue African-
American who had made it a career to terrorize students, especially those
of African decent. From conversations with him on the way to Los Angeles
county jail, it appeared as though he suffered inferiority complexes having
not obtained a tertiary education and was envious of Negroes studying.
In a few months UCLA settled out of court in an amount far south of
6 figures, but nonetheless a much appreciated graduation present. And
incidentally, ten years later in 2004 I was contacted in Japan to testify on
behalf of a student who had been shot by the same officer.

With child support payments in deep arrears, salaries from gainful

employment were garnished well beyond the point of sustainability. But
the proverbial straw occurred when the state of California raided my bank
account, leaving me with a zero balance. Homeless, penniless, unemployed
and unemployable in the land of opportunity, called for drastic measures.
But not the types requiring a handgun, for since my childhood I had held
a strong aversion to confinement.

Years earlier researching the process to teach English in Asia, it was

perfectly clear that holding a Jamaican passport would be a hindrance
not just to employment, but to travel in general. And it was then that
I had begun the process of applying for United States citizenship so I
could leave. Probability which heretofore had been an unrelenting enemy,
transformed to a staunch ally when citizenship was finally granted two
years after my application. Immediately after swearing in, on that very
day I applied for a United States passport, calculating that the information
gap between naturalization and obtaining a passport, would mask my
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ineligibility for a passport on account of the child support in arrears. I was
right and once again my new best friend probability, shone upon me in
the form of a telephone interview following my correspondence with only
three Language Schools in Japan. Two weeks later the school sent me a one
way ticket to Kansai. It must be known that on the eve of my departure to
Japan, I was slaving away in a work furlough program, retrieving rubbish
on Interstate 580.

Had I subscribed to the notion of a God, I would have interpreted this as

divine intervention. I had wanted to be in the world but not of it, isolated
yet integrated, and Japan was exactly what the proverbial doctor had
ordered. Ironically Nippon also provided an opportunity to be a child
again, yet mature into self-actualization. It was respite from perpetual
drama, baby mama and law enforcement drama, not uncommon to the
Negroe male in America. And having shaken my depression I had sought
a fresh new start for the new millennium. Besides, having voted for Al
Gore in the 2000 election I was more that happy to leave the United States
after observing the post-election fiasco.

But never in my wildest dreams did I, or could I have imagined fulfulling

my boyhood fantasies of unlimited, unfettered, unprotected, irresponsible
hedonistic sex with women of my exclusive preference. While most men
would live in dread of plummeting libido, especially at 40, I welcomed
with fanfare, the liberation from my sexual obsession since I was seven.
My sexual experiences in Japan brought to mind my childhood obsession
with sweetened condensed milk, which I would frequently drink from my
palms or straight from the can. This infuriated my mother, whose budget
afforded her the purchase of only one or two cans a month. Around my
9th birthday, to my surprise, mother brought me a can of Nestle sweetened
condensed milk, for my own personal consumption.

Its yours, she said. I bought it for you.

I thought she had lost the remainder of her mind. For how were we
suddenly able to afford such decadence, when the price of one can dented
her salary so severely? But little was I aware of my mothers secret
plan. Eagerly I drank, and drank, and then drank some more until I was
nauseous and even then, continued to drink. After consuming almost
three quarters of the can, I hurled for what seemed like days, but was
only minutes, never to touch sweetened condensed milk again. In similar
fashion my addiction was cured in Japan, where after the first three years
of sex on tap, it literally became cloying. But my departure would not be
for another four years.
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Judging from cell phone videos and photographs, among my friends,
my hedonistic experiences in Japan were tame. The opportunity cost
of documenting my thoughts observations and experiences, meant that
my philandering had to be at least curtailed for a year and ten months.
But in fact, the thrill was gone and it was no longer exciting to have this
revolving army of women flowing to and from my apartment. I had simply
outgrown the need, though not the urge, though it too had subsided to
normal levels.

Throughout my nearly three decades of wanderlust and slacker existence,

from Jamaica, to the US, then the UK, bumming around Europe, back to
the US then to Japan and travels around Asia, the lessons have been many.
But most profound, is the lesson that we are all entangled in this web
called culture, from which most humans cannot escape. My international
observation has taught me that all humans are products of nothing more
than our DNA and socialization. And though I spent most of my life until
recently in unspeakable misery, I overcame. Thanks initially to diffidence
and fear, then later to nave optimism, and finally to therapy, education
and international exploration, I did not remove myself from life and now
feel fortunate to have arrived in midlife self-actualized, ready for the next
chapter.

After reading the posted MySpace excerpts of this book, Morgan Hines,
a West Midlands Briton of Jamaican parents messaged me in January 08.
He had been afflicted with the same preference as I. Upon hearing of my
pending departure from Japan, Morgan wired me a deposit on my Kobe
apartment and its contents, rented out his house in the UK and sold his
belongings. Three months after our initial contact, I collected him at the
Kansai International airport and almost immediately, beginning on the
airport limousine en route to his new place of residence his avalanche had
begun.

January 08 also marked a year and a half since Shokos departure from
Japan. And after exposure to the freedom of the West, like most Japanese
women with similar experiences, returning to her native land wouldve
been nothing short of an execration. So after receiving the results of my
second AIDS test in Japan, and at least my tenth internationally since
1987, I repatriated to the States on May 4, 2008 where we jumped the
broom 19 days later.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Books
The Enigma of Japanese Power (Karel Van Wolferensen)
Culture Matters (Lawrence E. Harrison & Samuel P. Huntington)
The Japanese Have A Word For It (Boye Lafeyette De Mente)
Shutting Out the Sun (Michael Zielenziger)
Selling Songs And Smiles (Anne Goodwin)

Newspapers
The International Herald Tribune/Asahi Shinbun
Depression spreads in a struggling populace. September 20, 2003
Xenophobic manga: A worrying fad. November 21, 2005
Foreign banks vilified after Japan stock error.
December 17, 2005 (New York Times)
The blame game in Tokyo. December. 2005 (Bloomberg News)
The long and short of how the world works. December 28, 2005
Monstrous crimes have roots in sick society. January 18, 2006
Rallying cry: 173 lawmakers oppose the hasty move to allow female
monarchs. February, 2006
From ostracized class, a hero for Koreans. February 23, 2006
Stressed-out pets: Why your dog might turn on you. June, 2006
Boy, 16, admits arson that killed 3 in his family. June 23, 2006
Mother held in slaying of daughters schoolmates. February, 2006
Corporate character goods harness power of cute. February 17, 2006
Good wife said to be lonely, at times violent. February 27, 2006
Teen poisoner sent to juvenile institute. May 2, 2006
Teen arrested over fire that killed father. July 4, 2006
The big business of boy meets girl. August 18, 2006
Schools a drag for 10% of Tokyo kids. 2006
Japan unsuitable for child-rearing. 2006

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 Spiritual conventions fortunes on the rise. October 7, 2006
Mewling about kittens is slightly hypocritical. October 14, 2006
NPA: More cases of teens killing parents. October 16, 2006
Teacher incited bullying against boy. October 17, 2006
Cop stabbed himself to get out of work. May, 2007
Cheerful boy transforms into loner suspect in mothers beheading.
May 15, 2007.
Japan must take steps to tackle poverty. May 18, 2007
Worked up: Japans dismal labor productivity. June, 2007
10% of workers thought of suicide. July 13, 2007

The Daily Yomiuri

3 mil. had mental disorders in 05. June 2007

The Japan Times

Chlamydia rate for 16-18 crowd seen topping 10%. December 3, 2004
Unwrapping the nonsense of Valentines Day. February 14, 2006
The case for a baby princess. February 14, 2006
Paris syndrome leaves Japanese tourists in shock. October 23, 2006
(Reuters)
Everyone neglecting problem: experts (article regarding bullying)
November 24, 2006
No stopping preteens walking on wild side. November 26, 2006
Pervy teachers showing unhealthy interest in kids. December 17, 2006
Suspect tried to cover up dismemberment of sisters body, police say.
January 5, 2007
The decline and fall of the Japanese cop. February 4, 2007
The growing idiocy of teachers. February 20, 2007
SDF deploys perky mascot to boast cuddly image. March 1, 2007
Japanese working women still serve the tea. (Washington Post Foreign
Service) March 2, 2007
Rising child-abuse deaths draw national scrutiny. March 19, 2007
Japans love affairs with sex. April 29, 2007
Photos of preteen girls in thongs now big business. May 3, 2007
Baby hatch gives rise to empty moralizing. May 27, 2007
Shocking tales of Japans idiot parents. September 9,2007
Japan faces hunger pains as poor slip through net. October 2, 2007
Japans Keystone Cops lack the knack. September 16, 2007

The Jamaica Daily Gleaner

Social riddles rooted in cultural identity. May 15, 2005

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Magazines
Time
The wasted asset: Japans gender crisis. August 29, 2005
Asias over-scheduled kids. March 27, 2006
The most homophobic place on earth? April 12, 2006

The Kansai Scene

No sex please, were married. June, 2006
Medical Emergency. May, 2008

The Economist
Sexual equality. May 28, 2005

Internet
JapanToday.com
Child mortality rate in Japan 2nd highest in world. August 8, 2008
Cartoon guide to Foreign Ministry featuring Detective Conan issued.
April 6, 2007
Govt to drop plan to allow for female monarch. January 4, 2007
Man, 53, kills 83-year-old mother after being told to get a job.
January 5, 2007
Student held for killing sister cites college exam pressure.
January 6, 2007
Health minister Yanagisawa refers to women as birth-giving
machines. January 28, 2007
Assemblyman calls Fukushima, other women rusted machines.
Februray 27, 2007
Amnesty attacks Ibukis human rights remarks. February 28, 2007
Fifteen percent of women aged 20-24 have self-inflicted injuries.
March 13, 2007
Tokyo teacher fired for uploading dead childrens images.
March 20, 2007
Teen holding bag with severed head shows up at Fukushima police
station, saying he killed mother. May 15, 2007
Australia accuses Japan of dummy-spit over whales. June 4, 2007
OECD report indicates serious physician shortage in Japan.
July 25, 2007
192 cases found where 5 or more hospitals rejected pregnant women.
September 28, 2007

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 By age 40, 1 in 10 Japanese men still virgin. June 1, 2006
Animal cruelty rife in Japan. November 15, 2006

New York Times

Victims Say Japan Ignores Sex Crimes Committed by teachers.
June 29, 2003

Mainichi Shinbun
VD doctor openly sore over state of Japans genital health.
June 20, 2005

The Guardian
Japans virgin wives turn to sex volunteers. April 4, 2005
Whole lotta love needed if Japan birthrate to grow. March 16, 2007

The American Psychological Association

Report on the sexualization of girls and women. April 2007

PsychologyToday.com
Why kids kill parents

World Health Organization

AsiaTimes.com
Japan: Land of rising poverty. February 11, 2005

Legal Affairs Magazine:

Land of the rising Lawyer? Article by Annie Murphy Paul

Japan Childrens Rights Network crnjapan.com

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Ena, DeShawn and Cenea Jones

Ena: thanks for accepting me in your home and being a mother in my
troubled teenage years.

DeShawn
For being a brother and the greatest influence on my personality.

The Muzios
For adopting me at the ripe old age of twenty and showing me a working
model of family.

Grandma
For planting the wanderlust bug at such an early age. At nine years old,
beholding your US citizenship certificate and passport had a profound
effect.

The College of San Mateo

The most impacting of all my educational experience, Thanks for planting
the seed of self-confidence.

Tim Stringari
For initiating the path to recovery

Dr. Zelte Crawford

Youre Black, you once said to me. You cant afford to go to no San
Francisco State University, or Cal State Hayward. You gotta go to a
Stanford, or a UC Berkeley, or a UCLA!

Michael Pariser
An immeasurably gifted therapist.

Carolyn Ramsey & Kitty Brown

For your academic encouragement

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Mr. and Mrs. T
For encouraging me to write about my observations in Japan

KT
For friendship and inspiration

Rick Edelstein
For showing me how to be completely at ease with being vulnerable.

Dr. Beraclauf
Not once were you judgemental during my frequent episodes of STDs

Irie Lammi
For your everlasting friendship and for your guidance on the first twenty-
five pages.

Edited by Susette Burton and Nancy Rousseau

Cover design by Stefhen Bryan
Illustrated by Shuji Goshomura

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