Chapter

10

Prof. Rosalinda Mercedes E. Castillo

MAPESCI Department
La Consolacion College Manila
At the end of this chapter, the student should be able to:
 Discuss an understanding of teenage relationships, including
the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions;
 Expresshis or her ways of showing attraction, love, and
commitment,
 Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship; and
 Appraise one’s relationships and make plans for building
responsible future relationships.
 Relationship – “the way in which two or more people,
groups, countries, etc. talk to, behave toward, and deal
with each other” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)
 Note: definition includes ... “two or more people”
 May include:
 Personal relationship
 Family relationship
 Friendly relationship
 Romantic relationship, etc.
 First meaningful relationship – mother and
child (you may also include the father)
 Nine (9) months of pregnancy is enhanced
by the birth of the child

In the Philippines, the family may

even be extended to include the
grandparents/in-laws
 John Bowlby (1982) – believed that mental health and
behavioral problems could be attributed to early childhood
 Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment suggests that children come
into the world biologically pre-programmed to form
attachments with others because this will help them to
survive.
 Secure attachment – when the primary caregiver is present
most of the time; available, responds to emotional needs of
the child; child will grow up to have more secure and stable
relationships.
 Avoidant attachment – primary caregiver is cold and detached,
unresponsive; child sensesdetach rejection, leads to
premature detachment and souself-reliance.
 Anxious – ambivalent attachment – primary caregiver is not
consistent in terms of presence and in meeting a child’s
emotional needs; child may develop separation anxieties with
a loved one.
 Secure attachment

Anxious-ambivalent Avoidant attachment

 Physical attraction – when attraction between two persons is
based on physical appearance; movie fans are attracted to
their “idols” primarily because of their physical attributes, i.e.
“pogi”, “sexy”
 Physiological – based on physiology or certain hormones that
persons pick up with their noses -- smell. This is also true in
lower forms of animals, i.e. male dogs smell the external
genitalia of the female to know if she is “in heat”
 Genetic – physical looks may mean good genes resulting in
attraction to each other. To some individuals, good looks would
mean good genes, and therefore, better-looking offsprings.
Stages in falling in love: (Helen Fisher)
 Lust
– driven by sex hormones; testosterone (males), estrogen
(females); may affect both sexes.
 Attraction– the lovestruck phase, involves neurotransmitters in
the brain such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin;
stage when a person loses sleep and appetite over someone,
swoons while daydreaming of this special person.
 Attachment – couple in love decides to continue with their
relationship; long-lasting commitments are exchanged; may
lead to raising a family. Special hormones oxytocin, released
at childbirth to help in breastfeeding, and vasopressin,
promotes long-term relationship.
1. Lust
2. Attraction
3. Attachment
 Pheromones – odorless chemical found in urine and sweat
can be detected by the nose; can be used in the assessment
of a future mate.
 Father
- image – women may be attracted to men who either
resemble their fathers or smell like their fathers.
 Mother
- image – same as above, but attraction in males to
women who resemble their mothers.
Theories Related to Attraction and Liking
1. Transference effect – association of a person with a
past experience, whether good or bad experience.
2. Propinquity effect – develop familiarity with people
who live close to us.
3. Similarity – same social class, religion, age,
education.
4. Reciprocity – we tend to like people who like us
back; express liking for others elicit a pleasant
behavior.
Theories Related to Attraction and Liking
5. Physical attractiveness – a major factor in liking
someone; connotes positive health and reproductive
fitness.
6. Personality characteristics and traits – two
characteristics lead to liking the other person:
empathic persons – exude warmth and sympathy;
socially competent – good communicators and
enjoy good conversations.
Different perspectives result in different definitions:
1. Kinship or close friendship – a strong feeling for
someone who is related to us; by blood or friend.
2. Sexual attraction – a feeling of affection and
concern for another person.
3. Devotion/Adoration toward God or a god;
4. Divine love – concern by God or a god toward
humans.
5. Sexual desire – mere physical attraction.
Theorized by Robert Sterberg’s “Triangular Theory of
Love:
1. Intimacy – “that lovely moment when someone
understands and validates us,” being open and
vulnerable to that persom whom we deeply trust.
2. Commitment – an act of deciding to consistently
fulfill and live by agreements made with another
person; guided by values of integrity and respect.
3. Passion – the intense state of being that drives and
consumes a person to pursue an interest/person.
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship –
considered the most important determinant of
satisfaction in a relationship.
2. Temptation of alternative partners – can rock the
relationship and destabilize relationship of a couple.
3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship
– important in maintaining commitment; may include
time spent together, common beliefs and practices,
mutual friends, bearing children.
1. Criticism – results when there is no unconditional
positive regard for each other; fault-finding will result
in resentment.
2. Denial of existence of conflict – one party eludes
conversation with partner, refuses to discuss it,
resulting in frustration on the side of the other party.
3. Contempt – present when someone looks down on
the other party; aggravates
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to
another person – be sensitive to other people’s
feelings.
2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not do
– Integrity is a main factor in relationship; coupled
with trust, this will develop strong relationships.
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually benificial –
important in maintaining commitment; may include
time spent together, common beliefs and practices,
mutual friends, bearing children.
4. Respect the other party or parties involved. –
mutual respest essential to any relationship; a
common responsibility of all people involved in a
relationship.
5. Be ready to provide support when needed –
providing support i.e. financially, emotionally,
spritually or physically; it is about “We’re in this
together” attitude in a relationship.