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Silk Stockings
Music: Cole Porter
Lyrics: Cole Porter
Book: Abe Burrows + George S. Kaufman + Leueen MacGrath
Premiere: Thursday, February 24, 1955
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1.TOO BAD
2.PARIS LOVES LOVERS
3.STEREOPHONIC SOUND
4.IT'S A CHEMICAL REACTION, THAT'S ALL
5.ALL OF YOU
6.SATIN AND SILK
7.WITHOUT LOVE
8.HAIL BIBINSKI
9.AS ON THROUGH THE SEASONS WE SAIL
10.JOSEPHINE
11.SIBERIA
12.SILK STOCKINGS
13.THE RED BLUES
14.ART
15.THERE'S A HOLLYWOOD THAT'S GOOD
16.GIVE ME THE LAND
17.IF EVER WE GET OUT OF JAIL
18.LET'S MAKE IT A NIGHT
19.THE PERFUME OF LOVE
20.UNDER THE DRESS
21.WHAT A BALL
22.WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU?
23.BЙBЙ OF GAY PAREE
24.FATED TO BE MATED (Only in the Film Version 1957)
25.THE RITZ ROLL AND ROCK(Only in the Film Version 1957)

1.TOO BAD
1st Russian:
Here's to our duty, to do one's duty is just

2nd and 3rd Russians:

When brother, for the Motherland!

1st Russian:
We'll rough it in Paris
If rough it in Paris we must,
All:
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
No wonder we frown,
Too bad we've got to consent
To say in this decadent town, ai! Yai! Yai!
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
Lenin, pity us, do!

1st Russian:
Instead of countin' chickens
On each farm ev'rywhere,

2nd Russian:
In case a party member
Has a chicken to spare,

Russian:
You'll see us countin' chickens
At the Folies Bergиres,

All:
Too bad, ai!
Too bad, ai!
Too good to be true, hai! Hai! Hai!

All:
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
No wonder we frown,
Too bad we have to be stashed
Away in this brain-unwashed town, ai! Yai! Yai!
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
Lenin, pity us, do!

1st Russian:
Instead of singin' sacred songs
To Stalin divine,

2nd Russian:
(At home, unless you sing 'em,
You're sent off to a mine)

3rd Russian:
You'll hear at the Ritz Bar
Singin' "Sweet Adeline",
All:
Too bad, ai!
Too bad, ai!
Too good to be true, hai! Hai! Hai!

Girls:
Too bad zey can't go back to Moscow,
No wonder we frown,

3rd Russian:
Too bad they force us to see
This Duchess of Windsory town, ai! Yai! Yai!

Girls:
Too bad zey can't go back to Moscow,
Lenin, pity zem, do!

1st Russian:
We've got to do some night work
On the next Five-Year Plan,

2nd Russian:
At home, we did our night work
In the old Kremlin can,

3rd Russian:
But we'll do our night work
In the Bal Tabarin.

All:
Too bad, ai!
Too bad, ai!
Too good to be true, hai! Hai! Hai!

[JAIL VERSION]

All:
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
Too bad we can't stay.
Goodbye, you U.S.S.R.,
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
Lenin, pardon us, do.

Ninotchka:
I now can have big evenings
Gowns with big open backs,
Markovitch:
And I can have big blondes
In all my big Cadillacs.

3rd Russian:
You'll also have an item called
A big income tax;

All:
Too bad, ai!
Too bad, ai!
Too good to be true, hai! Hai! Hai!

[FINALE]

All:
Too bad we can't go back to Moscow,
Moscow, it's goodbye.
Down with the Emma. V.D.,
And down with the Effa. B.I.
Too bad we couldn't stay in Moscow,

Ninotchka:
Instead of being locked up
If we mention our cares,

Markovitch:
Or sent to far Siberia
To become bait for bears.

3rd Russian:
You'll all be sent to Wall Street
To become billionaires.

All:
Too bad, ai!
Too bad, ai!
Too good to be true!

2.PARIS LOVES LOVERS

Gaze on those glist'ning lights
Below and above,
Oh, what night of nights
For people in love.
No city but this, my friend,
No city I know
Gives romance
Such a chance
To grow and grow.

Paris loves lovers,

For lovers it's heaven above.
Paris tell lovers,
"Love is supreme,
Wake up your dream
And make love!"
Only in Paris one discovers,
The urge to merge
With the spurge
Of the spring.
Paris loves lovers,
For lovers know that
Love is
Ev'ry-
Thing.

Stevie Canfield:
Paris

Ninotchka:
Capitalistic

Stevie Canfield:
Loves lovers,

Ninotchka:
Characteristic,

Stevie Canfield:
For lovers

Ninotchka:
Sensualistic,

Stevie Canfield:
It's heaven above.

Ninotchka:
They should be atheistic.
Stevie Canfield:
Paris

Ninotchka:
Imperialistic,

Stevie Canfield:
Tells lovers,

Ninotchka:
I'm pessimistic,

Stevie Canfield:
"Love is supreme,
Wake up your dream
And make love!"

Ninotchka:
That's anti-communistic.

Stevie Canfield:
Only Paris

Ninotchka:
Militaristic,

Stevie Canfield:
One discovers

Ninotchka:
You're optimistic.

Stevie Canfield:
The urge to merge
With the spurge
Of the spring.

Ninotchka:
Bourgeois propaganda!

Stevie Canfield:
Paris

Ninotchka:
Unrealistic,
Stevie Canfield:
Loves lovers,
For lovers know that
Love

Ninotchka:
Is individualistic.

Stevie Canfield:
Is ev'-

Ninotchka:
And not at all collectivistic.

Stevie Canfield:
Ry thing.

Ninotchka:
But a low totalitarianistic thing!

3.STEREOPHONIC SOUND
Stevie Canfield and Peggy Dayton:
Today to get the public to attend a picture show,
It's not enough to advertise a famous star they know.
If you want to get the crowds to come around
You've gotta have glorious Technicolor,
Breathtaking Cinemascope and
Stereophonic sound.

If Zanuck's latest picture were the good old-fashioned kind,

There'd be no one in front to look at Marilyn's behind.
If you want to hear applauding hands resound
You've gotta have glorious Technicolor,
Breathtaking Cinemascope and
Stereophonic sound.

The customers don't like to see

The groom embrace the bride
Unless her lips are scarlet
And her bosom's five feet wide.
You've gotta have glorious Technicolor,
Breathtaking Cinemascope or
Cinerama, Vista Vision, Superscope or
Todd-A-O and
Stereophonic sound,
And Stereophonic sound.

You all remember Lessie,

That beloved canine star.
To see her wag her tail
The crowds would come from near and far,
But at present she'd be just another hound
Unless she had glorious Technicolor,
Breathtaking Cinemascope and
Stereophonic sound.

I lately did a picture at the bottom of the sea-

I rasseled with an octopus and licked an achovee,
But the public wouldn't care if I had drowned
Unless I had glorious Technicolor,
Breathtaking Cinemascope and
Stereophonic sound.

If Ava Gardner played Godiva

Riding on a mare
The people wouldn't pay a cent
To see her in the bare
Unless she had glorious Technicolor,
Cinecolor or
Warnercolor or
Pathйcolor or
Eastmancolor or
Kodacolor or
Any color and
Stereophonic sound,
And Stereophonic,
As an extra tonic,
Stereophonic sound.

4.IT'S A CHEMICAL REACTION, THAT'S ALL

Stevie Canfield and Ninotchka:
When the electromagnetic of the he-male
Meets the electromagnetic of the female,
If right away she should say, "This is the male!"
It's a chemical reaction, that's all.

And though your Fascists may answer with hisses,

The same applies when your misters and misses
Hey-diddle-diddle with middle-class kisses,
It's a chemical reaction, that's all.
Say in love with you I fall,
Though the uninstructed faction
Calls it mutual attraction,
It's a chemical reaction, that's all.

As in the case of invertebrates Cambrian,

As in case of fishes Devonian,
As in case of amphibians Permian,
As in case of reptiles, Triassic or Jurassic,
Merely read in the book by Kamichev
Which has now become classic.

When the electromagnetic of the he-male

Meets the electromagnetic of the female,
If right away she should say, "This is the male!"
It's a chemical reaction, that's all.

5.ALL OF YOU
Stevie Canfield and Ninotchka:
After watching your appeal from ev'ry angle,
There's a big romantic deal I've got to wangle,
For I've fallen for a certain luscious lass
And it's not a passing fancy or fancy pass.

I love the looks of you, the lure of you,

I'd love to make a tour of you,
The eyes, the arms, the mouth of you
The east, west, north, and the south of you,

I'd love to gain complete control of you,

And handle even the heart and soul of you,
Love at least a small percent of me, do,
For I love all of you.

I love the looks of you, the lure of you,

I'd love to make quite sure of you,
The eyes, the arms, the mouth of you
The east, west, north, and the south of you,

I'd love to gain complete control of you,

And handle even the heart and soul of you,
Love at least a small percent of me, do,
For I love all of you.
6.SATIN AND SILK
Peggy Dayton:
Since my trips have been extensive ev'rywhere
I've become a much wiser gal,
For I've noticed that expensive underwear
Can improve a gal's morale.

It is strange how lovely lingerie

Can affect a gal's false modesty
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.

Though she knows that boys are evil imps

Yet she yearns to give those boys a glimpse
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.

You cannot expect a lady to exert that certain pull

If she's wearing cotton stockings
And her bloomers are made of wool,
But a woman's woes are at an end
And she's all prepared to make a friend
If she's wearing silk and satin,
She's for pettin' and for pattin'
If she's wearing silk and satin, satin and silk.

It is strange what undergarments do

To convert a maiden's point of view
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.
She will never say her pride was hurt
Should a breeze blow by and lift her skirt
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.

You cannot expect a debutante

To show she's full o' pep
If her slip is made of cotton
And her panties are made of rep,
But she feels much more self-confident
And will dine alone with any gent
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Give her broccoli au gratin,
If she's wearing silk and satin, satin and silk.
Though a gal may have been born a prude
She can quite reverse her attitude
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.

With attractive trimmin's 'neath her dress,

She can shake like hell and spell success
If she's wearing silk and satin,
Satin and silk.

You cannot expect a burlesque queen

To cherish further hope
If her bra is made of buckram
And her G-string is made of rope,
But she knows 'cause she has traveled miles
She can always lay 'em in the aisles
If she's wearing silk and satin,
She can flatten Lord Mountbatten,
If she's wearing silk and satin, satin and silk.

7.WITHOUT LOVE
How little I knew
Until very lately
You altered so greatly
My point of view,
You opened my eyes
To joys which had missed me
And since you kissed me
To my surprise,
Yes, since you kissed me
I realize,
I realize-

Without love, what is a woman?

A pleasure unemployed.
Without love, what is a woman?
A zero in the void.
But with love, what is a woman?
Serene contentment, the perfect wife,
For a woman to a man is just a woman,
But a men to a woman is her life.

[2ND ENDING]
But a man to a woman,
Yes, a man to a woman is her life.
8.HAIL BIBINSKI
Used only in the show
Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
Our brilliant star!
Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
The greatest hero of the U.S.S.R.!

Crowds parading,
Serenading
You, Bibinski, you, Bibinski!
When you're nearing,
All are cheering
You, Bibinski, you, you!
Swords are clanking,
Tanks are tanking,
Drums are thumping,
Trumpets trumping,
Planes are zooming,
Guns are booming,
Bells are ringing,
Ev'rybody singing:

Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
Our brilliant star!
Hail Bibinski,
Hail Bibinski,
The greatest hero of the U.S.S.R.!

Cars you're given,

Chauffeur-driven,
You, Bibinski, you, Bibinski!
Hands you're shaking,
Speeches making,
You, Bibinski, you!
Children petting,
Medals getting,
You're our grandest
Propagandist,
You're a god-ka,
Full of vodka,
You are reckoned
Karl Marx the Second!

Hail-Bibinski,
Hail-our brilliant star!
Hail-Bibinski,
The greatest hero of the U.S.-
S.R.!
You are,
You are,
You are,
You are!
You are, you are, you are, you are, you are!
Bibinski!

9.AS ON THROUGH THE SEASONS WE SAIL

Used only in the show

He:
Love me, darling?

She:
Love you, darling,
With all my soul I guarantee.

He:
Will you, darling,
Marry me, darling?

She:
I'll marry you so willingly!

He:
Baby-

I love you, oh, I do,

And this I'll prove to you
As on through the seasons we sail.
Remote from crazy crowds,
We'll float above the clouds
As on through the seasons we sail.
When we are man and wife,
I swear to make our life
A revolutionary fairy tale.
How happy we will be
Once we are one, two or three
As on through the seasons we sail.

[ADDITIONAL VERSE]
How sweet our song will be
Once we're in close harmony
As on though the seasons we sail.
As on though the seasons
As on though the seasons we sail.

10.JOSEPHINE
Josephine:
Jo-o-o-o-osephine,
Commonly called Jo,

Singers:
Josephine

Josephine:
Was a throbbin' robin, poor but chic,
Born in ultry-sultry Martinique,
Yet she rose to reach the highest peak,

Singers:
And why so?
'Cause she had

Josephine:
Agitating eyes,
Titillating thighs,
Lubricating lips,
Undulating hips,
A figure simply swell,
Plus other good points as well.

All:
Man, she was real cool and low!

Josephine:
Jo-o-o-o-osephine
Commonly called Jo,

Singers:
Josephine

Josephine:
Tripped away one day to Paris, France,
In her ye olde Creole fancy pants,
Where she rocked Napoleon at a dance

Singers:
And why so?
'Cause she had

Josephine:
Agitating eyes,

Singers:
What eyes,

Josephine:
Titillating thighs,

Singers:
What thighs,

Josephine:
Lubricating lips,

Singers:
What lips,

Josephine:
Undulating hips,

Singers:
What hips,

Josephine:
A figure simply swell
Plus other good points as well.

Singers:
Man, she was real cool and low!

Josephine:
Why did the great Napoleon fall
For her hot gavotte?
What did the doll have on the ball
Other dolls had not?
Why did the mighty man succumb
To this curvy wench?
Why did he make this little bum

Singers:
Empress of the French?
'Cause she had

Josephine:
Agitating eyes,

Singers:
Agitating eyes,

Josephine:
Titillating thighs,

Singers:
Titillating thighs,

Josephine:
Lubricating lips,

Singers:
Lubricating lips,

Josephine:
Undulating hips,

Singers:
Undulating hips,

Josephine:
A figure simply swell,

Singers:
A figure simply swell,

Josephine:
Plus other good points as well.

Singers:
Man, she was real cool and low!
Singers:
Why did the great Napoleon fall
For her hot gavotte,
What did the doll have on the ball
Other dolls had not?
Why did the mighty man succumb,
To this curvy wench,
Why did he make this little bum,
Empress of the French?
'Cause she had

Josephine:
Agitating eyes,

Singers:
Agitating eyes,

Josephine:
Titillating thighs,

Singers:
Titillating thighs,

Josephine:
Undulating hips,

Singers:
Undulating hips,

Josephine:
A figure simply swell,

Singers:
Figure simply swell,

Josephine:
Plus other good points as well.

All:
Man, she was real cool, yes,
Real cool, yes, real cool,
Real cool, and low!

"War and Peace" Version

Jo-o-o-o-osephine,
Lost in the deep snow,
As the winter wind blows on and on
And by wolves I may be set upon,
I'm an empress rather woebegone,
And why so?
'Cause there is snow ev'rywhere,
Snow in my hair,
Snow in my clo'es
And snow up my nose.
Poor Josephine,
Lost in the snow!

11.SIBERIA
Brankov, Ivanov and Bibinski:
When we're sent to dear Siberia,
To Siberi-eri-a,
When it's cocktail time 'twill be so nice
Just to know you'll not have to phone for ice.

When we meet in sweet Siberia,

Far from Bolshevik hysteria,
We'll go on a tear,
For our buddies all are there
In cheery Siberi-a.

When we're sent to dear Siberia,

To Siberi-eri-a,
Where they say all day the sun shines bright,
And they also say that it shines all night,
The aurora borealis is
Not as heated as a palace is.
If on heat you dote
You can shoot a sable coat
In cheery Siberi-a.

When we're sent to dear Siberia,

To Siberi-eri-a,
Where the labor laws are all so fair
That you never have unemployment there,
When we meet in sweet Siberia
To protect us from diphtheria,
We can toast our toes
On the lady Eskimos
In cheery Siberi-a.
When we're sent to dear Siberia,
To Siberi-eri-a,
Since the big salt mines will be so near,
We can all have salt to put in our beer,
When we meet in sweet Siberia,
Where the snow is so 'superia'
You can bet, all right
That your Christmas will be white
In cheery Siberi-a.

ATLTERNATIVE LYRICS
When we're sent to dear Siberia,
To Siberi-eri-a,
There's a most delicious bill of fare,
You must try out filet of polar bear.
When we meet in sweet Siberia
To protect us from diphtheria,
We can toast our toes
On the lady Eskimos
In cheery Siberi-a.

When we're sent to dear Siberia,

To Siberi-eri-a,
When the salt air makes us feel so fine,
In the fresh salt air from our own salt mine,
When we meet in sweet Siberia,
Where the snow is so 'superia'
You can bet, all right
That your Christmas will be white
In cheery Siberi-a.

12.SILK STOCKINGS
Stevie Canfield:
So the dream was doomed to die,
So it's over, dear,
And you sent a sweet goodbye
With a souvenir,
What a heart-warming souvenir,
For again you are there
On the smiling night
When to my delight,
I first saw you dare
Wear
Silk stockings,
I touch them and find
The joys that remind
Me of you.
Silk stockings
That gives me again
You shy laughter when
They were new.

Silk stockings,
What bliss (days) they recall
When love promised all
Forevermore.
A pair of silk stockings,
So soft and so sheer,
The dear silk stockings
You wore.

13.THE RED BLUES

SECfION 1
Ensemble:

1ST GROUP:
We got the red blues,
We got the red blues,
We got the red blues,
We got the red blues,
We got the red blues.
We got the red blues,
We got the red, red,
Red, that's what we said,
Red blues.

2ND GROUP:
Why not the white blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!

2ND GROUP:
Why not the black blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!
2ND GROUP:
Why not the gray blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!

2ND GROUP:
Why not the brown blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!

2ND GROUP:
Why not the green blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!

2ND GROUP:
Why not the blue blues?

1ST GROUP:
No!
We got the red, red,
Red, that's what we said,
Red blues.

2ND GROUP:
They got the red, red,
Red, that's what we said,
Red blues.

1ST GROUP:
Forget the white blues,

2ND GROUP:
And the yellow blues,

1ST GROUP:
Forget the black blues,

2ND GROUP:
And the purple blues,

1ST GROUP:
Forget the gray blues,
2ND GROUP:
And the silver blues,

1ST GROUP:
Forget the brown blues,

2ND GROUP:
And the copper blues,

1ST GROUP:
Forget the green blues,

2ND GROUP:
And the olive blues,

1ST GROUP:
Forget the blue blues,

2ND GROUP:
And the baby blues,

All:
We got the red, red,
Red, that's what we said,
Red blues.

All:
Red blues,
Red blues,
Red blues,
Red blues,
Red blues,
Red blues,
We all got those

Not so
Hot, that's what we said,
Red blues!
Red blues!
Red blues!
Red blues!

14.ART
Dropped during the pre-Broadway tryout
Markovitch:
Art must only please the masses.

Boys:
Masses.

Markovitch:
Why are other classes asses?

Boys:
Asses.

Markovitch:
I don't know, though judging art is my biz.
Art, whatever the hell that is!

Boys:
That is, that is, that is.

Markovitch:
Is George Gershwin Epicurean

Boys:
Curean.

Markovitch:
More than hotcha Khachaturian?

Boys:
Turian.

Markovitch:
I don't know, though I'm a cultural whiz.
Art, whatever the hell that is!

Boys:
That is, that is, that is.

Markovitch:
We don't allow degenerate Western pictures.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
Degenerate Western pictures give me strictures.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
Degenerate Western art must take a beating.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
So we don't even allow the art
Of degenerate Western eating!

Boys:
Why?

Markovitch:
I don't know, though I'm supposed to be smart.
Art,
Whatever the hell is art?

Boys:
Whatever the hell is an?

Markovitch:
Art is only for the party.

Boys:
Party.

Markovitch:
When is party art too arty?

Boys:
Arty.

Markovitch:
I don't know, though judging art is my biz.

Boys:
That is, that is, that is.

Markovitch:
Why is not "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"
Boys:
Chariot.

Markovitch:
For the Russian proletariat?

Boys:
Tariat.

Markovitch:
I don't know, though I'm a cultural whiz.
Art, whatever the hell that is!

Boys:
That is, that is, that is.

Markovitch:
We don't allow degenerate Western writing.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
Degenerate Western writing's too exciting.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
Degenerate Western art we're all for wrecking.

Boys:
Ah-oh-

Markovitch:
So we don't even allow the art
Of degenerate Western necking!

Boys:
Why?

Markovitch:
I don't know, though I'm supposed to be smart.
Art,
Boys:
Whatever the hell,

Markovitch:
Art,

Boys:
Whatever the hell,

Markovitch:
Art, whatever the hell,
Whatever the hell,

Boys:
Whatever the hell,

Markovitch:
Is art?

Boys:
Ain't art?

Markovitch:
Is art?

Boys:
Ain't art?

All:
Is art?

15.THERE'S A HOLLYWOOD THAT'S GOOD

Dropped during the pre-Broadway tryout

You ask me about Hollywood,

I shall not lie.
You ask me about Hollywood,
And I reply:

There's a Hollywood that's good,

There's a Hollywood that's bad.
As in any other town,
There's the up and the down,
The hyper-happy and the super-sad.
But if one becomes a queen*
Of the ever-wider screen,*
One can say sincerely that*
When you clear per year a million flat,
"There's a Hollywood that's good,
Darn
Good."
*ALTERNATE LINES
But if one can share the throne
With Columbia's Harry Cohn,
One can say like Rita that

There's a Hollywood that's good,

There's a Hollywood that's bad.
As in any burg perhaps
There are all breeds of chaps,
The sanely sober and the mainly mad.
But if one becomes much richer
As does Bogie with each "pitcher,"
One can say aboard one's yawl,
"Since I deduct this and Miss Bacall,
There's a Hollywood that's good,
Darn
Good."

There's a Hollywood that's good,

There's a Hollywood that's bad.
In their real synthetic pearls,
There are all kinds of girls,
The over-dressy and the under-clad.
But if one can work for Darryl*
In a show in no apparel,*
One can say like Miss Monroe,*
Since she struck out Joe DiMaggio,*
"There's a Hollywood that's good,
Darn
Good."
*ALTERNATE LINES
But if one can be a gem
In the crown of M-G-M,
One can say like Cyd Charisse,
Who is Tony Martin's pet release,

There's a Hollywood that's good,

There's a Hollywood that's bad.
As in any town of size,
There are all sorts of guys,
The can-be-frigid and the can-be-had.
But if one becomes a star
With a chauffeurized Jaguar,
One can say like Old King Clark,
Who can bench a wench in any park,
"There's a Hollywood that's good,
Good,
Darn
Good."

16.GIVE ME THE LAND

Replaced by a reprise of "Too Bad"

I admit that France is big-time,

I admit that Spain is grand,
And I had a swell week
On a shaky but chic peak in Switzerland.
I adored the Ritz in London
And the catacombs in Rome,
But I'm just an American hick,
Sick for home, sweet home.

Give me the land

Of malted milk and honey,

Give me the land

Where life is still a joke.
Give me the land
Where ev'ryone makes money,
Give me the land
Where ev'ryone is broke.
Give me her prairies,
Give me her valleys,
Give me her mountains
And her little ole soda fountains.
Give me the land
Where ev'rything's okay,
Give me
My pet country,
Give me the U.S.A.

Give me the land

Of dough and B.O. Plenty,
Give me the land
Of Lux and Listerine.
Give me the land
Where no one's over twenty,
Give me the land
Of bop and Bishop Sheen.
Give me Jack Benny,
Give me Bob Hope,
Give me Fred Allen
And that little ole Kil-kilgallen.
Give me the land
Where ev'rything's okay,
Give me
Publicity,
Give me the U.S.A.

Give me the land

Of chili-burgers juicy,
Give me the land
Of frozen orange juice.
Give me the land
Where people all love Lucy,
Give me the land
Where Time and Life love Luce.
Give me my clambake,
Give me my fishball,
Give me my chowder,
And my little old room called "powder."
Give me the land
Where ev'rything's okay
Give me
Acidity,
Give me the U.S.A.

Give me the land

Where rooms are overheated,
Give me the land
Where influenza grows.
Give me the land
Where men are not conceited,
Give me the land
Of lovely Billy Rose.
Give me Chicago,
Give me El Paso,
Give me Savannah
And some little ole marijuana.
Give me the land
Where ev'rything's okay.
Give me
Delinquency,
Give me the U.S.A.

Give me the land

Where singers get big sal'ries,
Give me the land
Of Ezio and Bing.
Give me the land
Where people count their cal'ries,
Give me the land
Of chicken а la king.
Give me her forests,
Soothing and silent,
Where robins nestle
Far from little ole Georgie Jessel.
Give me the land
Where ev'rything's okay,
Give me
Variety,
Give me the U.S.A.

17.IF EVER WE GET OUT OF JAIL

Unused
He:
Love me, darling?

She:
Love you, darling,
With all my soul, I guarantee.

He:
Worried, darling?

She:
Terribly, darling.

He:
Then you must put your trust in me,
Baby-

He:
I love you, oh, 1 do,
And this I'll prove to you
Both:
If ever we get out of jail.

He:
Remote from crazy crowds,
We'll float above the clouds

Both:
If ever we get out of jail.

He:
When we are man and wife,
I swear to make our life
A revolutionary fairy tale.
How happy we will be
When we are one, two or three

Both:
If ever we get out of jail.

He:
When we are man and wife,
A revolutionary fairy tale.
How happy we will be
When we are one,

She:
Two or three

Both:
If ever we get out,

He:
If ever we're let out

Both:
Of jail.

18.LET'S MAKE IT A NIGHT

Unused

All:
Let's make it a night,
Let's make it a night,
Mother:
Let's go out
And snoop about
For ev'ry forbidden sight.

Russians:
Let's make it a night

Mother:
To end all nights,

All:
Let's, let's, let's, let's!
Let's go out and see
Things we never saw,

Mother:
Let's try not
To miss one spot
That's strictly against the law.

Russians:
Let's make it a night

Mother:
To end all nights,

All:
Let's, let's, let's, let's!

Russians:
We know a joint where [whisper]

Mother:
No!

Russians:
We know a joint where [whisper]

Mother:
No!
I know a joint where [whisper]

Russians:
So?
Mother:
[whisper]

Russians:
So?
So?
Can't wait to go there!

All:
Let's make it a night,
A fabulous night,

Mother:
Let's make it a night, tonight,

All:
To end all nights,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's make it a night!

All:
Let's make it a night,
A major event,

Mother:
Let's contrive
To dig some dive
That ladies do not frequent.

Russians:
Let's make it a night

Mother:
TO end all nights,

All:
Let's, let's, let's, let's!
Let's drink in low bars
Where tragedy starts,

Mother:
Let's go bugs
And meet nice thugs
Who cut out their sweethearts' hearts.
Russians:
Let's make it a night

Mother:
To end all nights,

All:
Let's, let's, let's, let's!

Russians:
We know a dump where [whisper]

Mother:
No!

Russians:
We know a dump where [whisper]

Mother:
No!
I know a dump where [whisper]

Russians:
So?

Mother:
[whisper]

Russians:
So?
So?
Can't wait to go there!

All:
Let's make it a night,
A fabulous night,

Mother:
Let's make it a night tonight,

All:
To end all nights,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's, let's, let's, let's,
Let's make it a night!

19.THE PERFUME OF LOVE

Unused. Replaced by "Satin and Silk"

Do you know the perfume they label "Beware"?

Do you know the "Joy" of a "Private Affair"?
Would you mind, "Beloved," were I "Indiscreet"?
Would this be "Tabu" and a "Scandal" my sweet?
Would you call me "Shocking" if I should begin
To spray "Aphrodisia" and give you "My Sin"?
Will you share the "Fragrane" that I'm fondest of?
It's known as the perfume of love.

20.UNDER THE DRESS

Unused. Replaced first by "Perfume of Love" and finally by "Satin and Silk"

In her garden, Mother Eve

Wore a fig leaf, we believe,
But as this was no success
She went out and bought a dress.
Then, the weather turning cold,
Mother Eve, so we are told,
To resist the wintry air
Bought herself some underwear.
From then on, the gals their pretty bodies bolstered
Till a lady wasn't dressed, she was upholstered.

In the olden days, a gal, Lord love'er,

Wore a corset and a corset-cover
And of petticoats quite a few
And a pair of panties too,
For not yet had gals arranged it to wear less
Under the dress.
Later on, though, petticoats they wore 'em
And they still wore panties for decorum,
Any corset became taboo,
Yes, the corset it was through
For the gals had now arranged it to wear less
Under the dress.
Very soon even staid maiden aunties
Had discarded their panties for scanties,
So today when scanties have departed
If the gals all seem a bit downhearted,
Can you wonder that this be true?
They have nothing left to do,
For no more can they arrange it to wear less
Under the dress,
Under the dress,
Under the dress.

21.WHAT A BALL
Unused. Replaced by "The Red Blues"

Ninitchka and Russians:

Oh, remember that waltz,
So delightfully schmaltz!
What a night to recall
When we whirled at the high society ball.

Ninitchka:
With my love
I was there,

Russians:
There were half-naked girls ev'rywhere,

Ninitchka:
With the one
I adore,

Russians:
There was champagne and champagne galore,

Ninitchka:
How we danced
And romanced!

Russians:
How we drank
Till we stank!

Ninitchka and Russians:

We had no troubles at all
When we whirled at the high society ball,
What a ball, what a ball, what a ball!
Oh, remember that waltz,
So delightfully schmaltz!
What a night to recall
When we whirled at the high society ball.

Ninitchka:
Oh, my Steve,
I implore,

Russians:
Never drank so much brandy before!

Ninitchka:
Can't we meet
Once again?

Russians:
Vive l'amour а la Parisienne!

Ninitchka:
Oh, the bliss
Of your kiss!

Russians:
Were we oiled?
We were boiled!

Ninitchka and Russians:

We had no troubles at all
When we whirled at the high society ball,
What a ball, what a ball, what a ball!
We had no troubles at all
When we whirled at the high society ball.

Ninitchka and Girl Singers:

Ah, Paree, far Paree!

Russians and Boy Singers:

And that party where brandy and
Champagne were free!

Ninitchka and Girl Singers:

What a joy to be there!

Russians and Boy Singers:

With those beautiful half naked girls ev'rywhere!

Ninitchka and Girl Singers:

What a chance for romance!
Russians and Boy Singers:
For those communist ants in your pants, what a dance!

All:
We (You) had no troubles at all
When we (you) whirled at the high society ball,
What a ball, what a ball, what a ball, what a ball,
What a ball, what a ball, what a ball, what a ball,
What a ball, what a ball, what a ball, what a ball,
What a ball!

22.WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU?

Unused. Replaced by "Siberia"

Russian 1:
I cannot trust darling Mama,
I cannot trust darling Papa,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 2:
I cannot trust Olga, my aunt,
And my uncle Boris I can't,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 3:
Though I do trust dear cousin Serge,
Since the Soviet gave him a purge,
Yet I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russians 2 & 3:
But, comrade, comrade, comrade,
We must stick together like glue.

Russian 1:
Well, if you'll trust me,
However tough it may 'be,
Then I'll trust you.

Russian 2 to 3:
He's a crook.
Russian 3:
Very true.

Russian 3 to 1:
He's a crook

Russian 1:
And you are too.

All:
But if you'll trust me,
However tough it may be,
Then I'll, comrade, trust, comrade, you.

Russian 2:
I cannot trust Nina, my niece,
Since she told my past to the police,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 3:
I cannot trust Misha, my son,
Since the party gave him a gun,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 1:
Though I do trust Nadya, my nurse,
Since they sent her home in a hearse,
Yet I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russians 3 & 1:
But comrade, comrade, comrade,
We must stick together like glue.

Russian 2:
Well, if you'll trust me,
However tough it may be,
Then I'll trust you.

Russians 3 & 1:
He's a rat.

Russian 1:
Very true.
Russians 1 to 2:
He's a rat.

Russian 2:
And you are too.

All:
But if you'll trust me,
However tough it may be,
Then I'll, comrade, trust, comrade, you.

Russian 3:
I cannot trust Sonya, my sis,
Since Malenkov slipped her a kiss,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 1:
I cannot trust small brother Pete,
Since he gave me ars'nic to eat,
So I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russian 2:
Though I do trust Laska, my pup,
Since my grandpapa ate her up,
Yet I ask you this, entre nous,
Why should I trust you?

Russians 1 & 2:
But, comrade, comrade, comrade,
We must stick together like glue.

Russian 3:
Well, if you'll trust me,
However tough it may be,
Then I'll trust you.

Russian 1 to 2:
He's a louse.

Russian 2:
Very true.

Russian 2 to 3:
He's a louse.

Russian 3:
And you ere too.

All:
But if you'll trust me,
However tough it may be,
Then I'll, comrade, trust, comrade, you.

23.BЙBЙ OF GAY PAREE

Unused
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
I love men and they love me,
When across the street I trot
There's a traffic jam and why not?
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
I hate women and they hate me,
When I enter chez Maxim
How I gloat when all of them scream.
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
I hate men and they hate me,
So if you are not above being pixilated by love,
I'm Bйbй‚ of Gay Paree,
In this citй de joie,
C'est moi, c'est moi, it's me,
Bйbй, Bйbй of little ole Gay Paree.

24.FATED TO BE MATED
Used only in the Film Version 1957
Steve Canfield:
We were fated to be mated,
We were slated to be tied-
Me as the burning bridegroom,
You as the yearning bride.
We were spotted to be knotted
And allotted a glorious life-
Me as the wonder husband,
You as the wonderful wife.
So why not have a fling with a wedding ring,
Trusting ev'rything to the gods above?
For we were fated to be mated
And forever and ever in love.

25.THE RITZ ROLL AND ROCK(Only in the Film Version 1957)

Used only in the Film Version 1957
Steve Canfield:
The rock and roll is dead and gone,
For since the smart set took it on,
Because they found it much too tame,
They jazzed it up and changed its name.
And all they do around the clock
Is the ritz, roll and rock.
You see big bucks togged out in tails,
Wingdingin' with expensive quails,
While dowagers and diplomats
Behave like bally alley cats.

And all they do around the clock

Is the ritz, roll and rock.
These fancy fops and fillies
Throw swell affairs,
And make those hick hillbillies
Look like squares.
It's been at least a year, they say,
Since any of them hit the hay.
And all they do around the clock
Is the ritz, roll and rock.