Chapter ???

Looking at the clock that hangs on the far wall and I notice that it’s eight forty. I’m dressed and ready to

go, while Avery is in the bathroom, still. Funny thing is that you would think that I’d be late and he’d be

the one waiting on me, but that’s never the case, ever. I tap my feet and hear Avery in the bathroom,

listening and singing along to music that’s some genre along the lines of ‘alley cat, street metal punk.’

I’m sure he doesn’t realize the time or the fact that I’m sitting here already dressed and waiting on him.

What I knew in the beginning was that he was a boy with many mirrors. These mirrors shadowed

his various stages of vanity and insecurity, always hiding what he truly was beneath the surface. At first I

was blind to all of faces of Avery, so I nourished and babied our relationship. Then, like a tornado

destroying everything in its path, Gwen happened. We broke up and didn’t talk for three years, it hurt at

first but I found release in my friends and a few flings.

One night, in the middle of April, I got a call from him telling me that Gwen was gone and he

needed company. I told him to fuck off and hung up. Two weeks later, he calls again and asks if I’ll come

get a drink with him, I oblige and tell him I’ll go. I arrived at the pub, the one just down the street from

my house and walk in and there he is, fiddling with the sugar packets and taking intermittent sips of beer.

As I walked up to him, he looks up and smiles and that’s when we decided to become friends again and

friends became more than friends and so forth.

I didn’t know what I got myself into with dating Avery again, but I soon found out. Avery began

to become paranoid of shadows and people in the dark, often closing every curtain in the house just so he

couldn’t see the outside world. This is when I began to see the other faces of Avery, the ones that truly

terrified me, but I still stuck with him out of fear that I would be alone again. I began to feel like a mother
to his other faces, making sure they were all well taken care of and kept happy but it began to be too

much. His alcoholism and chain-smoking were just the beginning of the many faults that Avery had

acquired during our three year hiatus, which then became about pleasing every woman within arm’s

reach. I began to notice that my fairly expensive hair products kept running out and that he was starting

to smell like me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the way I smell but I don’t want to smell it on my boyfriend.

I sit there reading a magazine and

We walk into the bar and sit in the back corner, per usual. Valerie, one of the weekend waitress’,

walks up and takes our drink order and as she walks away Avery’s eyes follow. I grab his chin and he

looks at me, shocked. “Maggie, What? I was looking at the television.” I turn away from him and pick up

the menu and read over it. Spinach and Mushroom calzone, my stomach responds in hunger [7/19/2010]

Gwen walks into the bar and right up to our table. I look at Avery, expecting him to tell her that

he’s here with me and only me but he just sits there uncomfortably while I get up and excuse myself to

the restroom. I walk toward the restroom and am blindsided by another body slamming into me. The jolt

sends me backwards and into the strong arms of the passerby. When I open my eyes, I am staring into the

eyes of my dream. Sloane. My imagined counterpart. perfect in every way but never attainable.

“Hey Maggie, I didn’t see you there. How are you? How’s work at the paper?”
When I open my eyes and I realize that I’m not in my own bed nor in my own house, I look around to

familiarize myself with my surroundings. Looking down, I see blue sheets, white comforter, lots of

pillows. I’m in a Rolling Stones shirt and my underwear. The door is cracked open and I can hear a

frying pan and smell the faint scent of bacon. As if on cue, a knock raps on the door. I hide myself inside

the sheets and whisper to myself “It’s just my imagination...It’s just my imagination.” It’s then, I hear his

voice. The soft sonorous voice that I’ve grown used to in the past 3 months, it’s lightness that has kept me

slightly happy. “Maggie, breakfast is ready. I’ve got the perfect hangover cure,” saying this without

walking into the door. I long to see his face and kiss it, but he shuts the door and walks back to the

kitchen. I slink out of the bed and pick up my clean clothes, I hold the shirt to my nose and sniff and smell

the smell of Mountain Spring. A feeling of guilt passes through my stomach and I feel sick. Sloane

knocks on the door again and I finally look up with a face full of guilt. Sloane sits on the bed next to me

and I furrow a little more under the covers. I look at him from my hiding spot and procrastinate in asking

the constant question that I’m thinking but it slips out, “What happened?” Joshua smiles and in hesitation

seems as if his words are frozen but finally he utters the answer I’ve needed answered. “Maggie, if you’re

wondering if we had sex, we didn’t. I wanted to so badly but I couldn’t take advantage of you, you were

so sad and more than passed smashed.” My eyes shift back and forth in my embarrassment as my face

flusters a bright shade of pink. My embarrassment never felt so right, faded images of the night before

pass through my mind like an unwanted nightmare. The image of me refusing to let Sloane into the

restroom at Perry’s and my smeared mascara painted on my cheeks. I remember trying to wash it off but

the residue of what “should be” waterproof MAC mascara stained my face. I stubbornly had my back to

the stalls doors in the restroom, Sloane banged on the door and pleaded with me to come out. My reason

for this is still lost to me, but Sloane’s expression holds the reason for my actions. Right as I begin to ask

the question, his words stop me.

“Maggie, I know that you’re wondering how you ended up here, I saw you at Perry’s with Avery. Avery

tried to fight me after I came to tell you hey. Things got mixed up and I got hit twice but I got him back
when I nailed him in the eye. Sloane thought I was running too far into his territory and I calmly

explained to him that you and I were just friends but he still proceeded to yell at me, you started crying

and that’s when you barricaded yourself in the restroom. Avery left you there but I wanted to get you

home and to sleep. It took me an hour to get the key from the bartender but I got it due to the fact that I

had to claim I was your fiancé and that I pissed you off. Finally when I unlocked the door, you were

asleep on the floor. You just looked so sad, asleep on the floor with your cheeks wet with tears. I cleaned

up your face because your mascara had run, then I carried you out to the car so they could close the bar

down. You woke up during the ride asking me where we were and who I was. I tried to tell you but you

fell back asleep. I decided to bring you hear because Avery was at your place and I didn’t want to start

something with him about his behavior. So I brought you here to my house and put you to bed. You were

a mess, your dress was messed up from the bathroom stint so I propped you up in a chair and took off

your dress and put one of my shirts on you. Trust me, I saw those welts on your thighs and I’m not too

happy about them. But Maggie, nothing happened as I said before. I slept on the couch and Ellie is in

Boston with her friends. There’s no reason to tell her about this.”

Right as the last word fell from his lips; my eyes welled up with tears. All of \my weaknesses were

sprawled out in front of me like playing cards. The fact that he mentioned Ellie just made me cry harder.

Sloane just looked at me with this face full of pain, the kind of pain that I’d never seen before on a man. It

exposed some kind of feeling he felt for me but couldn’t act on. Right then, I knew something was wrong

with this picture. Avery has never sat with me while I had a breakdown; instead he always went out and

got drunk with Gwen. This always happened when I went to Lucy’s during a breakdown to actually get

comfort from someone. Avery would bring Gwen back to my house and fuck her while I was crying

myself to sleep at my best friends. I would come home and see her bra tucked into my couch, and the tell

tale sign was that Bones was growling at the bedroom door. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve allowed

him back into my life and wiped away his tears while mine were still drying on my cheeks. I would

always tell him “It’s okay, people make mistakes,” but now seeing someone truly care about me and how
I feel made me regret ever taking Avery back each and every time. Now, those words feel phantom to me

and that’s when I know I need to get out of Sloane’s apartment before I break anything else worth having

in my life. That’s when I know the hardest question I’ve ever had to utter to Sloane was “I’ll be back in

an hour, will you be here?” A quizzical look is planted upon his face but he nods and allows me to get

dressed. I borrow a pair of his shorts and one of Ellie’s tank tops, one that’s snug on my stomach. I look

in the mirror and realize that I look like a skater but I don’t care, I have to end it with Avery and come

back to Sloane and his comfort. I leave without saying goodbye and venture off to my house. As I walk

outside, the sun is being covered by rain clouds and I know that today won’t be easy for me I walk the

three miles to Mercy street to pick up a pack of cigarettes, the little bodega was always convenient for

when I would walkout to get air when Avery and I would fight. I would walkout for fresh air only to get

a pack of Parliaments and a diet Mountain Dew. However the bodega is unusually slow and Mr. Regain is

reading the paper on his wooden stool worn by the years. You can tell he’s about to nod off when the bell

chimes as I walk in. Like always, he knows I want a large coffee and a pack of Parliament Ultra Lights.

His voice is barely audible in my head; I register it as white noise instead of a welcoming question. I hand

him eight dollars and walk out the door without my seventeen cents in change. My stride picks up even

those I’m hesitant to approach what’s about to happen. Finally I arrive at my house; I walk to the side

door and walk in to hear music pouring out of my small house. Bones skitters out of the house and rubs

up against me in fear. That’s when I know that Avery is there. I walk in quietly and put my purse on the

hook on the laundry room door. I walk into the living room and see that it’s trashed with Avery’s

alcoholism. I see that his usual two packs of Red Dog are multiplied by two. Out of the corner of my eye I

see a slutty pink thong, which I would never buy, lying on “MY” sofa. Anger fills my body , my hands

begin to shake and I run to my bedroom door, I fling it open it to see Avery six inches deep in Gwen on

”MY” bed. Avery doesn’t hear me open the door but I yank the power cord to the stereo out of the plug,

this silences the music but all you can hear is the pitiful thrusting. Sloane turns around in shock and pulls

his cum covered cock out of the diseased pussy, the one that caused me to get Chlamydia, of what used to

be a friend of mine. Avery in his usual fashion is speechless while Gwen puts on a pouty face. Both are
stunned at my presence but before I can scream at the top of my lungs, Gwen’s usually presumptuous

voice escapes her guilt free face. “Avery, what the fuck? I thought you said she was out of town!” These

words fill my head with rage and I unleash it on this poor excuse of a skank, “WHAT THE HELL ARE

YOU DOING HERE GWEN? HE DOESN’T LIVE HERE, REMEMBER? HE’S SO FUCKING POOR

THAT HE SQUATS AT HIS “GIRLFRIEND’S” HOUSE WHERE HE FUCKS HIS SKANK WHORE.

I LIVE HERE, I PAY THE RENT AND I BOUGHT EVERYTHING HERE. SO GET YOUR CUM

SUCKING ASS OUT OF HERE, BEFORE I CALL THE FUCKING COPS AND RECTIFY YOUR

CHARGES FOR THAT LITTLE INCIDENT DOWNTOWN.” Gwen’s face turns an angry shade of red,

“YOU TOLD HER? AVERY WHAT THE FUCK! AND YOU!” she says this as she turns in my

direction, “FUCK YOU BITCH, WHY DO YOU THINK HE ALWAYS COMES BACK TO ME?”

Gwen points to her retched naked body and obviously doesn’t know that I can break her in two without

moving a finger. Avery sits on my bed, speechless, but you can see a hint of arousal in his eyes from this

debacle. Right as Gwen turns her head back towards him, I approach her with an open fist and Avery

jumps off the bed when I grab onto her greasy sex hair and even though she screams, I pull harder. As I

look at her, I yell back in response to her tangent “Like I said before Gwen, get your ass out of here and if

I see you here again I will definitely do a lot more damage than just pulling your hair.” I pull her head

until she nods in agreement, I let go and she runs to pick up her clothes, I consider kicking her out in the

buff but I’m too mad to even try. I wipe my hands on the sheets, and Gwen dresses and looks at Avery

who’s sitting naked on the floor. However, Avery hesitates to look up. Gwen runs out of the house

screaming “Fucking Bitch” like everyone’s going to hear her. As I hear he r huff off down the sidewalk, I

pull off my sheets and throw them at Avery. My words well up in my throat like wildfire, but all that

comes out is “Wash your own shame. Foot the bill and get the fuck out of here.” Avery, like usual, sits

and pouts like a neglected puppy and hopes I’ll cool down. Avery doesn’t know that this is the final

straw, “Avery, I really am serious. I’m going to leave and when I come back, every trace of your

existence will be gone. Every inch of your infidelity will be out of here. I can’t take anymore of this.”
Right as the last word escapes my lips, Avery’s mouth turns into a sour pucker. “You can’t take this? I

pick you up from the ground all the time. I’M SICK OF IT.”

I don’t hesitate to respond. “What are you sick of? Fucking her in my bed while I’m asleep on a bar

bathroom floor? Crashing on my couch, drunk every night?”

Avery laughs sardonically like I’m the one to blame for walking in on him fucking a former friend of

mine. My face goes from pissed off to livid as I approach him with a power that I never thought I had,

“Avery I don’t have to justify myself. I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.” This is the

moment I know where the atomic bomb explodes and Avery looks at me expecting me to back down.

But I don’t. His mouth finally opens in retort “Why am I the bad guy here? What happened with you and

Sir Lance a lot last night? You never came home. That’s why I fucked her, to get even.” I start to laugh

and look at him and realize what a sad excuse he really is. “Get even? For somebody taking me home and

making sure I am taken care of instead of left on a bar bathroom floor? Sloane had to fight for the key to

get me out of there and took me home to avoid your drunkenness. I didn’t fuck him. I passed out in the

car and he took care of me, something you NEVER do. So your petty revenge failed you again, baby

doll.” Avery’s regret surfaces on his face, but I know it’s not genuine. Avery has always had false

intentions, obviously. I pace toward the bathroom to brush my teeth and Avery blocks my path. I attempt

to shake his grip but he won’t let up, I spit at him in the eye and he pulls harder. My arm twists out from

his grip, while my knee rises into his exposed and erect penis. Avery bows over in pain, while I continue

to step over him. Avery’s attempted words fail to escape his pained face. I look back at him and say

“Avery, Groveling isn’t a pretty picture on you.” I look at him with distaste as he lies on the floor in pain,

“Bitch” is uttered from under his breath and I know the anger he’s exposing is purely theatrical that

contains nothing more than an excuse for his stupidity. Avery has never stepped up to the plate in his

thinking and always blames the victim for his rape of their dignity. As Avery regains his composure, I

continue to grab anything of his and lay them by the door. I’m tempted to smash his guitar but I stop

myself. Avery always was attached to it and I can’t afford to replace it. I finish gathering his stuff and he
enters the living room wearing his clothes from the night before. I’ve never seen him look like this,

looking like a shamed puppy. My empathy never felt so foreign from me. I know I’m not giving in to this

again even though he continues to plead for my forgiveness, “Maggie, Why can’t we work this out?” I

know he wants to be the good guy but I’m done. “Avery I’m just finished with you. I have no reason to

explain myself,” I say to him and his face changes from regret to pain and I know I’ve hit home finally.

“Maggie, I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry Maggie; please understand she means nothing to me.” My

response doesn’t brew for long and I turn my head and look at him, “Well Avery, I want to lose you. You

treat me like a rag doll and fuck a girl I can’t stand in my bed while I was ditched by you the night

before.” By then I know that I want him gone and out of my life but he won’t stop. “Maggie, please

understand” he says as he gets on his knees pleading. “I already do, you’re a scumbag idiot that I don’t

want to clean up after anymore.” My words sting his, like fire; he knows I mean it this time. All that he

says in response is “Ok, fine.” I walk out of the door and say “Leave the key under the garbage can

outside,” and shut the door.

As I walk to my car, I start to cry as I open the door. The rain is coming down hard and the tears

never felt so right for the occasion. I cry all the way to back to Sloane’s apartment and I know that he

won’t distinguish the tears from the rain. As I arrive in a heap of hopelessness to his apartment on Garban

Grove road, I buzz his apartment and hope he’s still there. Sloane’s voice comes out the receiver,

“Maggie? Is that you?” and I murmur a yes. I hear the door unlock as he buzzes me in. I dread the climb

to his apartment on the fourth floor but I am content to go ahead and climb the steps one at a time. As I

reach the second floor, he’s running down the stairs in a towel. I notice his bulging muscles and wish that

I wasn’t so disheveled.

I didn’t know if you remembered what floor, so I decided to meet you downstairs. Sloane looks at

me with such sadness, examining the red eyes and running nose. “Hey Maggie, are you okay? Have you

been crying?” Damn it, he can tell. I try to wipe away the tears, while he wraps an arm around my waist,

where I wish it would stay. Sloane helps me up the stairs and into his apartment. I look at Sloane again in
this towel, and I still can’t help but notice his arms. Those arms look like they could make me forget

everything just by being wrapped up in them. As Sloane helps me to the couch, I start to cry again. I look

around and see my recently cleaned dress on a hanger on the chair by the window. I try to adjust to this

situation, one very different from the one I had been in less than twenty minutes before.

Sloane excuses himself and goes to the kitchen to make hot tea. The apartment looks different

than it had when I left, the rain stopped outside but the light in the room is still dim, but warm. I lay

down on the couch, careful not to drip everywhere. I scan the room and see pictures of various countries

Sloane had visited, from China to Ireland, all along the walls. My eyes settle on the picture of a girl

looking slyly into the camera and I know that it is Ellie, Sloane’s live-in fiancée. As soon as I focus into

her sad eyes, Sloane brings me back to reality. He sits down two cups of green tea and goes to get

dressed.

As he walks back into the room in faded jeans and a worn t-shirt, he notices my concentration on

Ellie in the picture and sighs. I notice that Sloane doesn’t know what to say, so I look at him and ask him

if it’s her. Sloane responds in a hesitant voice. “Yes, it is. It was taken five years ago when we went to

Maine to see her sister. We’d traveled ten hours and stopped at a gas station. When I came out of the

station she was sitting on the trunk of the car looking down. That’s when I snapped the picture. It’s the

only picture that truly shows her vulnerable side.” Again, I glance once more at the sad picture of his

fiancée then focus on him again. He’s greenish brown eyes are full of something unnamable; even I can’t

register the feeling that is crossing his mind. With Avery, I never witnessed such a look, a look full of

such emotion that stung your heart from just one look. Avery always evoked false emotion to manipulate

me. As I look at Sloane, I know that men can be sincere. After all this thinking, I realize that Sloane has

been talking to me. As I come back to the conversation, I notice his look has changed and he asks me

“What is it?”
I look down at my feet and drink some of the tea. I reply “Nothing, I’ve never seen such honesty in

someone as I do in you.” With this, Sloane turns away and I know I’ve said the wrong thing. “Maggie, I

just want you to be okay. I want you to be sure of yourself. I don’t want to complicate that,” he says this

after a long silence waded between us. “What do you mean?” is all I can say.

“Well it just seems as if you’re looking for yourself, only to escape in other people,” his words sting my

heart like acid on an open wound. I’ve never considered my reasons for feeling so lost and empty until

now. Why does it have to be so hard to be yourself? When all that’s around you morphs you into its own

shape, making me shape shift into the ideal image of that person and what that person wants you to be.

Sloane then gets up to wash his empty cup and I notice that I’ve barely touched my own. I reach down to

it and take a sip of the lukewarm tea. I must’ve been in my own head with my thoughts while Sloane sat

beside quietly.

“I’m sorry. I’m really just at a lost with everything, even myself,” I say as I hear the cupboard

shut quietly. Sloane walks into the room, he looks exhausted from my stay and looks at me “I’m lost too

Maggie. You have no idea. When I met you that night, I didn’t expect it to go this far.” As his words are

spoken, I know that he’s being genuine. But all I can do is sit there, in my own silence. I wonder if he’s

saying all this for my benefit or if it’s truly how he feels.

I’m over thinking again, I need to stop thinking in my head so much. I just wish that all men in

my life weren’t so complicated. Dad surely set the standard years ago. I look back at Sloane and ask him

what he means and he looks at me and his face reveals a storm of confusion and I just know what I’m

about to hear isn’t good. “Like I said, ever since we met, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. All my

thoughts are consumed by you. I find myself lying awake at night, thinking about what you’re doing.

Maggie, before I met you I was sure as hell that I was going to get married to Ellie but now I’m not sure if

that’s what I really want anymore.”

that I now feel knows me better than anyone has ever. All I can say is “What?” and I know it’s not what

he expects and as that last syllable rolls off my tongue Sloane grabs my face and holds it there, staring

into eyes and seeing my vulnerability. Sloane whispers “You’re the one who haunts my thoughts every

minute of every day,” and then that’s when he kissed me. I’m shocked and amazed, but instead of pulling

back, I sink into his arms and kiss him. As we kiss, tears drift down my hot cheeks and my fingers are

curled around his hair. For once my head is empty, and I slip deeper into Sloane’s embrace and when I

start to feel euphoria, he pulls away. Sloane looks at me with an indistinguishable expression.

“Maggie, I can’t do this to you. You’re too wonderful to taint with my baggage.”

“Sloane, I’m okay. I promise.” I attempt to curl my fingers in his hair but he pulls further away. Sloane’s

body indicates a change of heart and my heart sinks deeper into my chest. His eyes rest upon mine and I

can see the brown cloud the green, making his eyes a lighter shade of brown. I reach out to him again and

he holds me, allowing me to rest upon his chest. My tears fall faster and dampen his hot face, he

instinctively wipes the tears off and with this gesture he whispers, “Maggie, you’re the only girl I want, if

Ellie wasn’t in my life, I would dive head first into your life. But I can’t do that to her, not right now.”

“Why not right now, Sloane?”

Sloane looks me straight in my red teary eyes and proclaims “Because if it were you that I was doing this

to, I would feel like a sorry bastard.”

“Will it be different for us now?” I reply in heavy, shaky sobs while trying to pull myself away from

Sloane.

“Maggie, I can’t promise you it will and I can’t promise you it won’t. It’s something I need to figure out

myself. Before you I was so determine to marry Ellie, because she was what I considered my

puzzle piece and now I’m not so sure. Her puzzle piece doesn’t fit as snug as you. This is my
 problem that I never wanted you to have to deal with. But just know I really want to hear from

you soon.”

I can’t figure out what to say. I believe I am the only one with a deep regret of what I had just done but I

can help but think that I am the one for him, as he is the one for me. So I look at him again, I

wipe my face, and say “When you know your answer Sloane, just tell me. Give yourself time to

process all of this. I’ll still be here when you make a decision.” Sloane looks at me and attempts

to smile.

“Just please don’t get your hopes up. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”

“I won’t I promise,” as the words escape my mouth, I know they’re a lie. It will be tough but just

knowing that there’s a little hope soothes my worries. I just wish that everything in my life weren’t so

filled with drama. Ending everything with Avery and now I’m waiting for someone who may or may not

come back into my arms, it’s just overwhelming and too much for one girl to handle. I get off the couch,

grab my shoes on the floor, “I’m gonna go home and take a bath, I really want a bath.” Sloane looks at

me and tell me its okay to take a bath there, because it’s the least he could do.

Chapter???

I sit there in tub and feel the steam evaporate most of my thoughts. I can hear Sloane fixing something in

the kitchen while talking to Ellie on the phone. I feel horrible for putting myself in a situation such as this,

being the other woman in a once happy relationship. I know that in the back of my mind something might

of this but I wish it wouldn’t hurt Ellie. I tell myself to think positive thoughts, instead all I can think

about is the man I just booted out the door and the one I wish would come in.

Avery is a pissant who always cheated on me

Ever since we met, Sloane has always listened to me

Avery never was there for me

Sloane kissed me, but he’s not mine

thoughts I had whenever I blacked out. I find myself looking over a fight that Avery and I had months

before Sloane came along, Avery’s pacing back and forth in the living room, looking at me with hatred.

“Maggie, get over yourself. I didn’t cheat on you with Gwen; she means nothing to me now. All that

Gwen is a friend of mine who’s going through a hard time. You just have to trust me,” he says to

me. After he says this, I jump up and get in his face and scream at him.

“Avery, I don’t want her around here. She’s bad news. To both you and me!” as I say this, I start crying

and look away from him. Like usual, Avery turns it all to himself, like it was my fault that she was always

around. He begins talking again and all I want to do is shut him out. “Agh. You don’t trust me, do you?”

Avery sits down on the floor, frustrated; I look at him with tears in my eyes and tell him the honest truth.

“Not really, after what you did to me on my birthday. I have a right not to trust you.” This is what sets off

Avery’s bomb. Avery jumps up, pushes me off the couch and down on the ground. He pins me against the

wall and tells me to back off. I knew he was lying to me, about this and everything else. All of the telltale

signs of cheating were there and always had been. I slink out of his grip and that’s when his hand hit my

face, hard and loud, and that’s when I blacked out. Hours later, I found myself on the floor in the same

spot with a pounding headache. The apartment was dark and Avery was nowhere to be found. The dream

ends there, with me lying on the floor with a face full of pain. That when there’s a knock at the door and I

jerk out of the dream and realize that I’ve been in the tub, asleep, for a while. I hear Sloane’s voice and

it’s then that I wish that I was at home. Sloane leans against the door and says “Maggie. I was worried

about you; you’ve been in here for an hour or so. Just wanted to check and see if you were okay.” I slink

down and look at the door, wishing he would just walk in and sweep me off my feet. Instead, I must settle

for this, so I tell him I’m alright. I hear him walk away from the door and I get out of the tub. Walking to

the mirror, I look for traces of Ellie. I see products strewn along the counter and realize that Ellie loves
Paul Mitchell products, has a thing for Amish hair brushes and does her nails in various shades of pink.

Great, she’s the exact opposite of me. All I do is take a bath, put smoothing cream in my hair and call it

done. I look at myself in the mirror and see a broken woman looking back at me. I lift up my leg and see

the welts from last week, still here when they shouldn’t be. They’re the result of Avery pushing me off

the couch because I wouldn’t give him any money. Money for his booze. God, I should’ve gone to the

hospital or at least filed a police report, or better yet just told someone.

I get dressed and walk into the living room in my clothes from last night. A dress newly washed, I feel

better than I did before. Sloane is lying on the couch, reading, and I wish he didn’t look so good doing it.

I walk to the door; Sloane gets up and reaches for me. I allow him to hold me there while I attempt not

crying. In a soft whisper he says “Maggie, I will call you when things settle down. I promise. Even if we

don’t happen, I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I hope you understand.” For the first time, I look at

him and have no tears so I nod my head in agreement and grab my keys and walk out the door.

Chapter???

After I leave Sloane’s apartment, I walk down the street and see Bren Addellson. Bren is the last person I

want to see, because she’s someone who always wanted to be me and would do anything to make that

happen. Whatever I did, she tried to do better, especially when I became the Editor of our High School

Newspaper. Not less than two weeks later she became Co-Editor, much to my distaste. During which, she

would always try to make me look bad to the staff. One of the ways she did this was by inserting typos

into the paper before it got sent off to press; it took me a while to catch on. But when I did catch Bren, she

denied everything and kept her position. This kept going on, especially when she got into the same

college as I did. Seeing her now is not what I need right now. But before I can turn away, her shrill voice

escapes her wide open trap. “Oh my god! Maggie! How are you?” Bren exclaims and I can tell she’s

faking every bit. I look at her and wish I could just walk on by but I can’t.
“Great, how are you Bren? Still sabotaging things for other people?” I say. Bren looks at me with a

shocked expression. “Maggie, that was eight years ago. I’m way different now. Did you know I’m

Assistant Editor at the Daily?” I look at her, with pity, and see she’s lost thirty pounds and colored her

hair a shade similar to mine. “Well, I have to go. See you later.” I say as I try to walk away but she won’t

let up. “So what are you doing these days? Are you still writing for that one art magazine?” I turn around

and look at her with hate in my eyes. “No Bren, I’m not. I’m working with a private publisher right now. I

don’t have time to chit chat,” I kick up my heel to walk way when she says “Bye Maggie! Have a great

day and God Bless!” This is what sets me off, for good. I turn around and look at her once more and

scream, “Bren, how about you go FUCK YOURSELF and have a nice fucking day while you’re at it.”

I’m gratified that for once I leave this leech speechless and shocked.

Smiling as I get into my car, I realize why I’m so mad and it’s from running into Bren. I’m mad at myself

for being such an idiot. I kissed a taken man and allowed an asshole to control my life. That’s when I call

Lucy; I know that she’ll know what to say in a matter such as this. Lucy answers on the third ring, that’s

when I realize it’s a Sunday and she’s working at the Gallery.

“Mags, what’s up?” she says as I can hear a customer asks her a question.

“Nothing, when do you get off work? I need to talk to you,” I say this a little louder than usual but she

shushes me and tells me to hold on. I wait there for a few minutes on hold until I hear her rushed voice on

the line again.

“Sorry Mags! I had a huge sale on that Greshen painting; you know the one with the bright blue birds and

a green backdrop? Anyways, what did you say before I put you on hold? I didn’t catch any of it.” I sigh

and tell her about seeing Bren. Lucy talks to me for a few minutes and then excuses herself back to work.

We get off the line with plans to meet up at my house later that night.

After talking to Lucy, I feel a little better but dread going back to my empty house. I take different routes

to go home, prolonging the drive there. I pull up in my driveway and see that everything looks the same
as before. I open the door and see the couch overturned and all the picture frames broken. Great, I’m

dealing with a child. I begin to clean up the mess as my phone rings; I pick it up and realize it’s an

unknown number. I hear Avery’s drunken slurs escape through the receiver, “Maggie, how the fuck are

you? I’m drunk at Steve’s. You should come over, yeah come over Maggie.” I sigh heavily and tell him

not to call me again, but he doesn’t stop. “Maggggggggggie, I’m sorrrrrrrrry. I was such an asshole today.

How about I come over and make it up to you?” Today has been a never ending nightmare. I hang up the

phone, putting an end to whatever Avery is trying to do. I turn over the couch and an overwhelming

feeling of tiredness rushes over me. I lie down and fall asleep only to wake up to Lucy’s pounding on the

front door. I jump up from the couch and open the door. Lucy walks in with two brown paper bags, one

full of food and the other full of drinks. Lucy always knows when a girl’s night is in order.

“Maggie, what exactly happened last night and today?” I take a bite out of the gyro from (clever Greek

name for a restaurant) ,that Lucy picked up on her way to my house, and look at the floor in

embarrassment.

I walked away from the house, looking back to see the soon-to-be family moving in. I watch as movers

carry boxes full of their life into the future home for their family that’s about to begin. I feel a tinge of

sadness, looking at this house in a different way than before. I see promise and hope not unhappiness and

misery. As I slide into the car, I look at my phone and see the voicemail light blinking. I open it up and

listen to the voicemail. “Maggie, its Sloane. I just got home from Arizona. I hope to see you before you

move. Please give me a call at 402-583-3920; I want to talk to you.” Before my fingers can even dial the

number, the phone rings and out of lack of restraint I answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey Maggie, It’s Sloane”

“Hey, How are you?” I say with excitement, even though I haven’t heard or spoke to him in three months.

I wish I could keep my composure but this boy does this to me, he makes me feel different about men.

Like there’s some hope when it comes to male sex.

Sloane continues talking, my mind wanders off to times when things were simpler with us, when we

could just be around one another and not be anxious.