Wordy Sentences
Wordy sentences contain many unnecessary words� These sentences feel “watered
down,” like you have to do a lot of work to gain a little information� Good writing is
dense and concise; the words in the sentence work hard. Consider the following revisions.
Wordy: A few inches of snow on the ground is all that is necessary in order for a
person to be able to go sledding. (bolded words could be cut)
Better: Sledding requires only a few inches of snow. (all hard-working words)
Wordy: All of the students who are new to this school are required to attend
a meeting that has been scheduled for Friday the 22nd of September� (bolded
words could be cut)
Better: New students are required to attend a meeting on Friday, September 22.
The problem with wordiness is not about the quantity of words; there is nothing wrong
with a sentence having 25 or even 75 words as long as those words add information and
detail. When reducing wordiness, be careful not to kill the richness and expressiveness
of your writing.
Not wordy: A bird with crimson wings glided from the jungle canopy and land-
ed gracefully on a nearby rock.
Not better: A bird flew from the trees to a rock.
Phrases and Constructions to Avoid
Wordy: It was George Washington who once said, “Happiness and moral duty
are inseparably connected.”
Better: George Washington said “Happiness and moral duty are inseparably con-
nected.”
Wordy: Due to the fact that class is cancelled, we will postpone the quiz.
Wordy Sentences │ 127
Better: Because class is cancelled, we will postpone the quiz.
Wordy: In spite of the fact that I am failing, I have enjoyed the class.
Better: Although I am failing, I have enjoyed the class.
Wordy: I bought a dog for the purpose of providing me with companionship.
.
Better: In my opinion, torture is always wrong�
Also: Torture is always wrong�
Note: Sometimes wordiness results from a desire to cheaply meet the minimum word
requirement of a writing assignment. Most instructors prefer concisely worded writing
even if it comes up a little short.
Wordy Sentences–Exercise A
.
1� It was just the other day when I got a new typewriter�
2� I know that computers are a lot more efficient, but I love it.
3� The typewriter is one of those classic models that they used to have back in
.
128 │ Wordy Sentences
9. I don’t really have an idea of what I’ll end up doing after that.
10. I seriously have no idea how I would be able to change an ink cartridge on
one of these things!
Wordy Sentences–Exercise B
Identify the wordy sentences in the following student sample, and then reword them
accordingly. Not all sentences are wordy.
1. I just have to say that I have the coolest husband in the entire world.
2. It was just the other day when he had a Hogwarts acceptance letter dropped
off for me at my work.
3. The next morning after that, over breakfast, he had me go online so that I
could take this Sorting Hat quiz thing.
4. Because of all that, I decided to wear Ravenclaw colors that day because that’s
the group I was sorted into.
5. Then, before I left for work, he used a huge sheet of white plastic to turn the
front door into a wall.
6. It was very obvious to me and to everyone else that it was most definitely
Platform 9 ¾.
7. To top it off, he gave me a box of Bertie Bots Every Flavored Beans for the
road—since I missed the cart lady.
8. What happened next is he gave me a sort of schedule that basically turned all
of my college classes into magic classes because he used ideas from the book.
9. For instance, I had “Major Authors of the Muggle World” and “Potions.” You
can imagine how that livened things up.
10. I guess what I am trying to say overall is that he’s a real catch, even though
this whole scenario inadvertently says that he has a witch for a wife.
Wordy Sentences │ 129
Wordy Sentences–Exercise C
Rewrite the paragraph below to reduce wordiness without losing information or detail.
The essay that I chose to read for this assignment is called “Shooting an Elephant”
and it was written by George Orwell. The essay is basically about how the author
had to shoot an elephant that had gone on a rampage and killed a man. A lot of
things happen in the story but the main point is that the author didn’t really want
to shoot the elephant, but he felt like he had to so that he wouldn’t look foolish or
cowardly in front of all the other people. The main thing that is interesting about
this particular essay is how Orwell says that even though as a British police officer
he was supposedly the one with the power, it was actually the crowd of people
who were the ones that were controlling him. (135 words)
Answer Key: Wordy Sentences–Exercise A
Answers may vary.
1� I got a new typewriter the other day�
2� I know that computers are a lot more efficient, but I love it. (not wordy)
3� It’s one of those old-fashioned typewriters�
4� I keep feeding all my spare scraps of paper through it�
5� It doesn’t matter what I type�
6� I could type anything, and it would still be satisfying�
7� The problem is that the ink has started to imprint lighter and lighter� (not
wordy)
8. It’s clearly running out of ink.
9. I don’t know what I’ll do after that.
10. I have no idea how to change an ink cartridge on one of these things!
130 │ Wordy Sentences
Answer Key: Wordy Sentences–Exercise B
Answers may vary.
1. I have the coolest husband in the world.
2. Just the other day, he had a Hogwarts acceptance letter dropped off at my
work.
.
4. Consequently, I wore Ravenclaw colors that day.
5. Then, before I left for work, he used a huge sheet of white plastic to turn the
front door into a wall. (not wordy)
6. It was most definitely Platform 9 ¾.
7. To top it off, he gave me a box of Bertie Bots Every Flavored Beans for the
road—since I missed the cart lady� (not wordy)
8. Next, he gave me a schedule that renamed all my classes using ideas from the
book.
9. For instance, I had Major Authors of the Muggle World and Potions. You can
imagine how that livened things up. (not wordy)
10. He’s a real catch, even though this suggests he has a witch for a wife.
Answer Key: Wordy Sentences–Exercise C
Answers may vary.
In the essay “Shooting an Elephant,” George Orwell relates a story in which he
shoots an elephant that had killed a man during a rampage. Throughout the essay,
Orwell admits that he didn’t want to shoot the elephant but did it to avoid looking
foolish or cowardly. Orwell, who was a British police officer at the time of the in-
cident, writes that although he was the one with power, he felt compelled to carry
out the expectations of the crowd. (80 words)
Just the Basics of English Grammar - (c)2014 www.amazon.com
