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Healthy Relationships Do Not Always Have Less Conflict, But They Know How To Avoid

The document discusses healthy and unhealthy ways of managing conflict in relationships. It notes that healthy relationships do not necessarily have less conflict, but they avoid escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations, and withdrawal. It also outlines tactics that produce distance/breakups versus satisfaction, such as the use of distributive versus integrative tactics. The Bible passage encourages resolving conflicts by keeping them honest, under control, positively focused, and forgiving.

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Seth Smith
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91 views11 pages

Healthy Relationships Do Not Always Have Less Conflict, But They Know How To Avoid

The document discusses healthy and unhealthy ways of managing conflict in relationships. It notes that healthy relationships do not necessarily have less conflict, but they avoid escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations, and withdrawal. It also outlines tactics that produce distance/breakups versus satisfaction, such as the use of distributive versus integrative tactics. The Bible passage encourages resolving conflicts by keeping them honest, under control, positively focused, and forgiving.

Uploaded by

Seth Smith
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PPT, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Healthy relationships do not always have less

conflict, but they know how to avoid….

 Escalation

 Invalidation

 Negative Interpretations

 Avoidance and Withdrawal


Conflict Management Tactics
Canary & Cupach, 1988
• Use of distributive tactics produce distance/breakup
– Climate of competitiveness
– Attempts to impose one’s goals on the other
– Use of threats, shouting, sarcasm
– Mild conflicts often follow a predictable pattern of communication; in serious
conflicts communication rules are often disregarded, and tend to be intense,
chaotic, less controllable, and confusing (Sillars & Weisberg)

• Use of integrative tactics produce satisfaction


– Looking for areas of common ground rather than points of disagreement
– Expressing trust & liking for the other person even in times of crisis/argument
– Looking out for interests of both rather than oneself alone
A Recipe for Resolving Conflict

“ Do not let any unwholesome talk


come out of your mouths, but only
what is helpful for building others
up according to their needs, that it
may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29
Biblical Perspectives on Conflict: Five Rules for a
Fair ‘Fight’ (Ephesians 4:25-32)

#1: Keep it honest (v.25)


 ‘Speak the truth in love…”
 Take ownership of problem
#2: Keep it under control (v. 26)
 ‘be angry, but do not sin’
 Attack the problem, not the person
 Describe rather than judge
Biblical Perspectives on Conflict: Five Rules for a
Fair ‘Fight’ Ephesians 4:25-32

#3: Make sure the timing is right (v. 26)


 Agree together that timing is right
 Agree on a time and don’t put it off
#4: Keep it positive and ‘other-sensitive’ (v.29)
 Offer solutions as well as criticisms
 Listen for feedback & understanding
Biblical Perspectives on Conflict: Five Rules for a
Fair ‘Fight’ Ephesians 4:25-32

#5: Exercise kindness & forgiveness (v.32)


 Learn to say “I’m sorry” and “I was
wrong”
 Learn to agree to disagree
What does it mean to
forgive?
The greatest enemy of grace? --

LEGALISM

“… they asked his disciples: ‘Why does he


eat with tax collectors and sinners’?”
Mark 2:16
When people are
more aware of how
we judge them than
they are of how we
care about them, we
are a modern day
Pharisee
When we forgive, we:

 Surrender our ‘right’ to get even

 Give back our offender’s ‘humanity’

 Get freedom to wish the other person well

 Are released from hurt and anger

 Offer grace
WISHING
OFFENDER WELL
OFFENDER FACTORS

C E RELEASING DESIRE
TO RETALIATE

A
•Severity

R
•Acknowledgement REFRAMING
FORGIVENESS

G
of wrong
•Intentionality

S NG INFORMATION

’ I
•Frequency GATHERING

O D A L
G HE
ANGER

OFFENDED FACTORS

& HURT •Commitment to


relationship
•Decision to forgive
•Personal history of giving
OFFENSIVE
& receiving forgiveness
EVENT

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