PARENT–CHILD NOV 3 2023

GEE 11
RELATIONSHIPS DR. SABLE
 From earliest childhood, convictional faith is shaped
within caregiving relationships. With childrearing
come parental decisions about spiritual upbringing.
Over time, open discussions and further decision
making are needed as children mature, as faith
PARENT– preferences change, or as spiritual questions arise.
Sometimes children draw parents back to their
CHILD religious roots. Grandparents may strongly voice
their faith convictions for the spiritual development of
RELATION their grandchildren. Those who previously accepted
their child’s nontraditional, interfaith, or same-sex
SHIPS commitment may shift to concern for their
grandchildren. As one Christian grandmother
expressed, “I thought I was OK with it all, but when I
hold my grandbaby and see how precious and
vulnerable she is, I worry that if something terrible
happened to her, she wouldn’t go to heaven.”
Studies of highly religious families find a beneficial role of faith in parent–
child interactions (Mahoney, 2010). Underscoring the importance of the
“lived experience” of religion and spirituality, what matters most in
childrearing is that parents practice what they preach (Marks, 2004). When
parents are congruent in transmitting and following their spiritual values in
parenting their children, and when they engage in meaningful spiritual
practices together, children are more likely to internalize similar beliefs and
practices, to find them to be a resource, and to feel more positive about their
relationships. Children and adolescents most value spiritual practices that are
shared and integrated into family life, as in family prayer, special rituals and
holidays, community service, and family attendance at worship services
(Bartkowski, Xu, & Levin, 2008). Youth across faiths and cultures express
strong interest in discussing life’s meaning and how to make moral decisions
(Coles, 1997; Gallup & Lindsay, 2000), underscoring the importance of open
communication and exploration of spiritual matters between parents and
youth (Brelsford & Mahoney, 2008; Dollahite & Thatcher, 2008).
FAMILY RELATIONS IN
ADULTHOOD AND LATER LIFE
Young adults— particularly college students—often distance themselves from their
religious upbringing. Some simply drift away, while others more actively question
their family’s traditions. Many who are searching for greater meaning and
commitment in their lives explore other spiritual pathways. Some who choose to
convert or marry outside their faith may be seeking to differentiate from their family
of origin or to distance from their ethnic or religious background. Parents may
perceive such a choice as a rejection of themselves and all they value, which may not
be the case. However, in some instances, such choices may express a rebellion
against religious or parental authority that was experienced as harsh and oppressive.
Such issues should be sensitively explored in clinical practice. Therapists can
facilitate greater mutual understanding and acceptance of differences.
Middle to later life is a time of growing saliency of spirituality, as older adults and midlife
family members increasingly face the illness and death of loved ones, and confront their
own vulnerabilities and mortality. Whether or not they are religious, most grapple with
questions about the meaning of life and reflect on their own personal and relational conduct
and legacies (Walsh, 2011). In later life, there is a developmental striving toward meaning,
connection, and continuity within older adults’ multigenerational family system—those who
came before and those who will come after them. Efforts to reconcile relational grievances
(Fishbane, 2009) and gain a sense of family integrity (King & Wynne, 2004) generate a
deep and abiding sense of peace and satisfaction with past, present, and future family
relationships.
 FACING DEATH AND LOSS
When families face end-of-life challenges, spiritual concerns can weigh heavily on life-and-
death decisions (Walsh, 2009c). Now that medical advance and life support technology call
into question just what is a “natural death,”families face morally anguishing dilemmas and
may grapple with religious prohibitions about hastening or assisting death. Those who
believe in an afterlife may also be profoundly concerned about the fate of a loved one who
has sinned or left the family’s faith. Coming to terms with death and loss involves multiple
losses: the person; the spousal or family role; each unique relationship; and shattered hopes
and dreams for the future (Walsh & McGoldrick, 2004).
Death ends a life but not relationships, which are transformed from physical presence to
ongoing spiritual connections, sustained through memory, dreams, rituals, conversations,
stories, and legacies (Walsh, 2009c). Many believe that the spirits of ancestors may haunt or
cause harm; however, if honored appropriately, they will confer their blessings and
protection. How families handle loss can facilitate or hinder the adaptation of all members
and their relationships. Spiritual beliefs, practices, and support of a faith community can
facilitate coping, adaptation, and resilience (Greef & Joubert, 2007).
CONTINUITY AND CHANGE
Across the family life cycle, spirituality in many families involves a lifelong, faithful
adherence to a shared religious tradition. Yet, increasingly, spiritual expression
assumes varied forms and substance as family members forge meaning and
connection in life pursuits and significant relationships. Therefore, it is important to
explore both continuities and changes over time, and help families respect
differences and attempt to blend them.