It’s Not That Easy

Why Am I So Angry Inside?

 Ephesians 4:29-32
26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do
not let the sun go down on your
wrath,
27 nor give place to the devil.
28 Let him who stole steal no
longer, but rather let him labor,
working with his hands what is
good, that he may have
something to give him who has
need.
29 Let no corrupt word proceed out
of your mouth, but what is good
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit
of God, by whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger,
clamor, and evil speaking be put
away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, just as God in Christ
forgave you.
 Anger is
Comprehensive
• Physical Process: BP, pulse, adrenaline
• Relational
• Emotion
• Action: express or repress, withdraw or
rage
• Cognitions: involves our beliefs & values
• History: the baggage of our past
• Environment
• Spiritual
 Anger
Different Kinds of It
Vs. 31 “Let all bitterness, wrath,
anger, clamor, and evil
speaking be put away from
you, with all malice.”
 Bitterness
• Sharp, pungent, venomous
• Bitterness resides in our spirits
• Bitterness is revealed in our speech
• “The Grump” – “Uses angry, griping
pessimism as a shield against
further pain”
 Wrath
• To burn
• Passionate anger, rage
• Exasperation that boils up and soon
subsides
• Angry exploders… like an active
volcano, there is always the threat
of eruption
• Proverbs 29:22 “An angry man stirs
up strife, And a furious man
abounds in transgression.”
 Anger

• Lasting animosity and resentment

• Unwillingness to forgive
• Settled determination in one’s
soul to make them pay
 Clamor

• Harsh, abusive, insulting words

• Quarrelling
• Shouting, yelling, screaming
• Word where we get “blasphemy”
 Evil Speaking

• Words chosen for the purpose of

wounding others
• Insinuations
• Calling a person’s motives into
question
• “Be it ever so mild and soft a tone
or with ever such professions of
kindness” – John Wesley
 Malice

• A spiteful desire to injure another

• Unashamed meanness
• Motto: “I don’t get mad, I get
even”
Where Does It Come
From?
Anger Inside
 Why We are Susceptible to
Anger

1. Unresolved hurts (real or

imagined)
2. World View
3. Learned patterns
 1. Past Hurts

• Situations, words can remind us of

past hurts
• We can lash out to prevent future
hurt
• We can learn the wrong lessons
from past experiences
 2. World View: Our Belief
Structure
• Life: Supposed to be fair, but isn’t
to me
• People: Out to get me
• Self: I dislike yourself and will take
it out on you
• God: It does not occur to me that
God has a plan and is providentially
overseeing my life… it seems like
chaos to me
 3. Learned Patterns

• Proverbs 22:24-25 “Make no

friendship with an angry man, And
with a furious man do not go, Lest
you learn his ways And set a snare
for your soul.”
• We can grow up with anger and think
it’s normal
• We can train ourselves to use anger
to manipulate people and get our way
 Anger is a Response to
Threats to One of Two
Desires
• To feel that life is under control
• Self-esteem
• “Anger is a experience that occurs
when a goal, value, or expectation
that I have chosen has been
blocked or when my sense of
personal worth is threatened.” --
Glenn Taylor & Rod Wilson
 Responding to Threats

• When the response is directed

inward: Fear
• When the response is directed
outward: Anger
• Both fear and anger are
accountable emotions.
• We choose how we respond to
threats
Ways We Express Anger
Three Case Studies
 Ways We Express
Anger
1. Isolating: Withdrawing,
pouting
2. Dominating: Throwing our
weight around
3. Retaliating: Getting revenge
in active or passive ways
 1. Isolating
• Case Study: The Elder Brother
Luke 15
• Luke 15:28 “But he was angry and would
not go in. Therefore his father came out
and pleaded with him.”
• Vs. 29 “So he answered and said to his
father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been
serving you; I never transgressed your
commandment at any time; and yet you
never gave me a young goat, that I might
make merry with my friends.’”
 1. Isolating
• Case Study: The Elder Brother
Luke 15
• Luke 15:28 “But he was angry and would
not go in. Therefore his father came out
and pleaded with him.”
• Vs. 29 “So he answered and said to his
father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been
serving you; I never transgressed your
commandment at any time; and yet you
never gave me a young goat, that I might
make merry with my friends.’”
 2. Dominating

• Case Study: Nabal 1st Samuel 25

• 1st Samuel 25:10-11 “Then Nabal
answered David’s servants, and said,
‘Who is David, and who is the son of
Jesse? There are many servants
nowadays who break away each one
from his master. Shall I then take my
bread and my water and my meat that I
have killed for my shearers, and give it
to men when I do not know where they
are from?’”
• Vs. 21 “Now David had said, ‘Surely in
vain I have protected all that this fellow
has in the wilderness, so that nothing
was missed of all that belongs to him.
And he has repaid me evil for good.’”
• Vs. 37-38 “So it was, in the morning,
when the wine had gone from Nabal,
and his wife had told him these things,
that his heart died within him, and he
became like a stone. Then it came
about, after about ten days, that the
LORD struck Nabal, and he died.”
 Vulnerable to Dominating
Anger
• Those who are task & goal
oriented
• Those who are highly competitive
• Those who are more self-centered
than average
• Type A personalities
 3. Retaliating

• Case Study: Cain Genesis 4

• Genesis 4:4-6 “Abel also brought of the
firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And
the LORD respected Abel and his offering,
but He did not respect Cain and his
offering. And Cain was very angry, and his
countenance fell. So the LORD said to
Cain, ‘Why are you angry? And why has
your countenance fallen? If you do well,
will you not be accepted? And if you do not
do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire
is for you, but you should rule over it."
• Vs. 8 Now Cain talked with Abel his
brother; and it came to pass, when they
were in the field, that Cain rose up
against Abel his brother and killed him.
 Anger
How to Deal with It
• Admit that you are angry
• Call your anger by name
• Ask yourself, “Why am I really angry?”
• Use your strong emotions to work
toward a solution (instead of
dissolution)
• Distinguish between anger and
aggression
• Vs. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”
• Commit to managing your anger
instead of letting it manage you
– Proverbs 16:32 “He who is slow to anger
is better than the mighty, And he who
rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”
• Managed anger asks, “How can I
make the situation better?”
• Mismanaged anger asks, “Who is to
blame?” or “How can I make them
pay?”
 Mismanaged Anger
Traps Us in Our Past
• It chains us to our offenders
• It forces us to relive our hurts
repeatedly without release & healing
• It means that we embrace our identity
as a powerless victim
• Hebrews 10:15 “Looking carefully lest
anyone fall short of the grace of God;
lest any root of bitterness springing up
cause trouble, and by this many
become defiled”
 An Alternative to the
Anger Lifestyle
• Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to
one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God
in Christ forgave you.”
• Kind,
Kind not bitter or malicious
• Tenderhearted,
Tenderhearted not full of wrath
• Forgiving,
Forgiving not retaliating
• Forgiven-aware,
Forgiven-aware not self-righteous