Risen

This is earlier than I usually would review but I just wanted to say that I enjoy the writing style. The editing is publication ready or close to it, that is to say, far above most stories on here. The story itself seems good so far. I read many stories and even though it is early I have found nothing complaint worthy yet, which is unusual.

The story tries too hard and I don't even know at what exactly, it confuses you both on purpose and unintentionally and it streches itself too much while still being too small to be a coherent whole. Sometimes leaving random chunks to reread and rethink again trying to understand more, not because there is hidden meanings and value in them, but because the structure and the pacing are a mess and you can't make sense of it.

The best part of everything was the prologue, and it was really good... yet that's saying enough by itself. I was ready to drop it by the end of chapter 2.

The good: On a fundamental technical level, the quality's certainly there, and he does a decent job of portraying this man as a man driven insane by his circumstances. The prologue was also decent, though not exceptionally powerful in my opinion.

The bad: This story has perhaps some of the worst, most convoluted prose RoyalRoad has ever seen, and even outside of that he doesn't execute his character's premise in a way I found convincing.

The writer wants this man to be a terribly grief-stricken individual, but he never really takes the time to process his pains in a way I found particularly relatable. I really would've liked if he'd taken the time to really describe the protagonist's chain of thoughts as he tries to process his own grief. Instead, what we get is a man who seems to feel some sort of pain at what's befallen him, but because he never focuses on it very much we never really get an instance of showing instead of telling. In short, it feels too sanitized to really get to the meat of how raw those emotions could be.

I keep reading (In other reviews) that the main character is characterized as a "traumatized lunatic", but he seems oddly rational and collected for a "lunatic". This threads back to what I said earlier about the description of his emotions and thoughts being too sanitized to feel real, but there really isn't much good selling of the idea that he's actually snapped and gone insane. There's a little bit of this in chapter 3/4, but it's a far cry from what it could've been.

Next up, the prose, oh god, the horrible prose. Chapter 1 is perhaps the biggest offender in my mind, but there are other examples once you go past the prologue. The prose, indeed, is the gambit I speak of in the title-it could've been really cool, but right now it either doesn't make sense or once you figure it out it comes out as kind of boring because you had to actually break your own immersion to read it more closely like you're a goddamned detective, utterly eviscerating any sense of flow or pacing it could've had. I honestly believe that at some points the prose was almost deliberately trying to obfuscate the substance of the events it was describing.

Granted, the character might actually be way better than I say here, but with how much the writer's prose ruined my immersion-not just killed it, but dunked the body in gasoline and set it on fire for good measure-I'm left with something loosely resembling a headache and feeling like someone just wasted my time for the sake of wasting my time. Ironically enough, my experience reading this is an excellent analogy for the main character's ability to drain the life out of everyone around him, because god damn did I feel drained after reading this.

If you liked the story so far, don't listen to a goddamn thing I say; clearly this abomination got to where it was on RoyalRoad for a reason, even if I staunchly refuse to believe it actually deserves that position. If you came here because you found the reading experience past the prologue to be akin to trying to run through a mud-filled trench, you're absolutely justified in feeling that way and you shouldn't feel compelled to do it any longer if you don't want to.

Bottom Line: A character study that will waste time with obtuse prose that would turn an otherwise probably decent experience into a tedious puzzle instead of actually studying or providing depth to a character. 

Excellent grammar, and characters have WEIGHT. 

The story, however, is severely flawed. A disjointed series of truncated events doesn't make it artsy, especially without a medium to represent the abstract (wow, Bob, wow!)

If you can spend nearly one chapter describing how the protagonist looks without managing to clarify if he has one body or two, you are doing something wrong. 

If the question asked is not why, how, when, but an all encompassing "WHAT." then something is wrong.

If someone that liked "fire walks with me" suggests that you need more structure you probably should give it a tad of weight.

One thing is chasing the ephemeral, another is crushing it into paste and mold it into a suppository.

An interesting start to the a story about a man, Eran, who is cursed with an uncontrollable power to steal the life of anyone who walks within several miles of him - and each person he kills increases the range. Feared as a walking apocalypse, and realizing he was going to literally end the world if his range kept growing, figured out how to make himself stay dead after commiting suicide.. he thought. Hundreds of years later, after the world has become unrecognizable due to the actions of people with superpowers, someone visits his grave in an ill-advised attempt to accomplish.. something, and is consumed by him, waking him once more.

However, this time things are different. This time, the person he consumed gave him an unintentional gift, that can allow him some measure of control over his own power so that it might not end the world if used right, and allow him to reconnect with humanity and make up for his unwanted mass-murder.

It's still VERY early, but what's there's very interesting.

The good: the main character is an evocatively written traumatized lunatic. They have been broken, and the reader feels it. The world has been broken by the superpowers that happened, and the setting shows it.

There is great potential for this story to be special. But...

The bad: The pacing is just as broken as the character.

The first several chapters are attempts at filling in backstory, but they are not well connected or motivated (there's an author's note saying they are required for setup and that the audience should bear with it, which is just admitting that the writing is bad). There are jarring POV changes, the first of which appears to have no connection to the rest of the story. The chapter length and narrative content is way too short for there to be disjointed world building paragraphs at the start of each chapter. The first real character interaction is in chapter 8 and... its not bad per se, but its also not good, because its not really an interaction because its an MC insane monologue (which fits, as the MC is nuts, but its still not actual character interaction).

As of yet the MC is just kind of wandering around being broken, which is fine in a character study kind of way, but while the character is evocative and sympathetic, he's not complex. It really should get on with things or throw some wrenches in. Character studies need progression too, just a different kind than adventure stories, and there hasn't been any of that yet.

had a bit of a hard time getting through the beginning of the story, had to reread the prologue and first two chapters a couple of times, but I'm glad that I did. 

this story is super dense and chewy, I have to read at half my usual speed to be able to properly process it, but it's totally worth it. it's refreshingly fast-paced, especially for RR standards. 

update: the denseness/chewiness ease out after the first few chapters, so just stick with it, trust me.

I was really drawn in by the premise of the story, the main character's sad-madness, and his power. I'm pretty happy so far that all the stuff that drew me in is still a persistent part of the story.

Sure the story has some basic problems. But nothing that I'd consider even close to bad enough to make me stop reading. Or really even enough to make me take notice. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's well written enough that it keeps enough momentum to carry you past it's mistakes, and to keep you interested anyways.

Like the title says, not perfect, but good!

Very beautifully done piece of art that I look forward to seeing grow. Risen has some edgy undercurrents, and is veeeeery confusing for the first 4 or so chapters, but the main character and other have a depth of emotions behind them that is exceedingly well done. This is a very unique read (for me) it takes super hero fantasy and gives it a depth and weight of emotion that make it feel real.

Style: The style is descriptive and flowing, although the author does like to be very wordy.

Story: Fantastic story and backstory, very confusing at the start, picks up at chapter 5. 

Grammar: I haven't noticed any gramatical flaws, and the author does their due diligence in fixing issues.

Character: I love the character work that this author does, it's very intense and emotional. The flaw being confusion, the only major flaw in this story is that the first chapters are not very great for fixing any confusion you have. Other than that, the character is very well done, emotional and odd (in a good way)

I highly suggest giving Risen by Zendran a try. Get through the confusing start and then it's a diamond in the rough.

So, this is literally my first review of a story. Ever. And The reason I'm choosing this story is because of the impact it continues to have on me. 

I've seen reviews that say things like "broken character, broken story". I don't agree. The fact it has such a "broken story" is what makes the character all the more convincing. I feel it. 

Normally, I don't like books that deal with too heavy topics. I don't like tragedies, because either they're booring, or I can't connect with the story. Other times, I can't deal with some stories that just make me hurt.

This though. Read it. Maybe you won't like it, but maybe you will. And if you do like it, you won't regret it. 

The beauty of the words woven together is breathtaking, you actually forget to breath. It's a poem, a story that leaves you feeling. Feeling the pain, the hurt.

The only reason I'm not giving this a full score, is because at times, it can be a little confusing, and I don't really know what's going on. Even so, I can bear this in the overwhelming favor of the rest of the story. 

My suggestion to you if you're hesitant to read this and commit yourself, simply try the first few chapters. If you like it, then you have the fortune of reading this awesome story. If not, then so be it. No big deal. I'm sorry.

Because this story breaks me and I love it