A New Bookmark from Big Monkey

A Banner Day!

The oomphy new banners I ordered for inside at Big Monkey have arrived; huzzah!

A Different Kind of Free Comic Book Day

Sure, it was a bad hair day yesterday, but I still managed to drop off $700 worth of comics each to Children's Hospital and the local USO. Most of the comics aren't pictured; they aren't that expensive yet!

This donation was made possible by the kind folks who participated in the Big Monkey Benefit Party, either by buying things at the party or making a contribution from afar.

At both facilities our contacts were delighted by the contribution, assuring us that such donations are of great value to the kids and soldiers. In fact, at the Children's Hospital we were shown that some of the waiting rooms are decorated with large images of comic book heroes, and that they are used to inspired the children to be brave while visiting.

Both CH and the USO are happy to serve as hubs for distributing our contributions to the various hospitals and clinics they operate in the metro-area. They are eager for as much as we can give them, so Big Monkey is hoping to have another benefit party soon, which we hope you can attend.

P.S. I got my haircut last night.

Benefit Party for Kids and Soldiers in Hospital

Next Wednesday, April 22, Big Monkey is having a benefit party to raise money for donating comic books to the ailing children and soldiers in two local D.C. hospitals.


For every dollar raised (either through purchases or direct donations), Big Monkey will match with an equivalent amount of merchandise sent to Children's Hospital and Walter Reed Army Hospital. Help give hundreds of comics and toys -- and hours of needed enjoyment -- to those in need.

Meet new characters, both real and fictional! And the Big Monkey staff will be on hand to find you comics and graphic novels you'll love. Catering by Harryfeatures, music by Big Monkey Radio. The party is from 7PM to 10PM at Big Monkey (1722 14th St. NW Washington DC; that's on 14th between R & S, near the U St. metro station).

IF YOU CAN'T ATTEND BUT STILL WANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CAUSE, you can PayPal a donation to scipio@bigmonkeycomics.com with a message saying that it's for the benefit... we'll add it to the tally!


The Evite to the Party.
The Facebook Page for the Party.

Our Discussion Board!

Sorry, I've been rather busy getting ready for two away shows, three home concerts, and a competition!!! Meanwhile, I'd be delighted if my readers would consider becoming fans of my comic book store, Big Monkey Comics, on Facebook.

I've set up a Discussion Board there, with topics for many regular comic book series. Perhaps there are topics we've brought up here at the Absorbascon that you'd like to discuss further, but the post that started them gets shoved down by new posts. No problem! We can create topics for those on the Big Monkey Discussion Board. Just let me know there!

Put Away that Hot Dog Cart!

The Big Monkey Bystander Token Postcards have arrived!



If you'd like one, just PayPal me $1.50 to scipio.garling@verizon.net, with your mailing address, and I'll put one in the mail to you!

Steve Niles at Big Monkey!

Steve Niles, author of such horror titles as

• 30 Days of Night,
• Criminal Macabre,
• Wake the Dead,
• Batman: Gotham County Line, and
• Batman: Gotham After Midnight

is doing a signing with us at Big Monkey this Wednesday evening.

Steve's a local boy, and we're happy to welcome him back to his old stomping grounds here in the District. Join us, won't you!

The Big Monkey Heroclix Token Postcard

Ah, now this one I'm proud of. It's not just decorative, it's functional (that is, if you play Heroclix).

This is an oversized Big Monkey postcard, with 15 tokens you can cut out and use in your Heroclix games! They are designed to go with my new full-size Heroclix map of the Big Monkey store in the District (you'll see that later, I promise, once it's available to buy from Xion Games).

All these tokens are people and things you might find at Big Monkey.

The Light Objects (in yellow) include:

• Spinner racks, with some loose comics nearby that you just might recognize;
• a Heroclix table, with my own "Iceberg Lounge" map on it;
• our famous sale table, where fortunes have been won and lost;
• and our beloved Civilian Bench, where the comic book pilgrims deposit their significant others while they pay their respects at the Big Monkey. It's the Wailing Wall of comic books, and if you look closely you can see a girlfriend lying on it unconscious, overwhelmed by the rarefied atmosphere of high-level comic book discussion at Big Monkey.

The Heavy Objects (in red) include:

• Bookcases, spilling over with quality trades and hardcovers;
• A file cabinet, container of sub files; "the perfect container, the container of all our hopes for the future";
• The picnic table (it goes outside on the rooftop deck behind the store);
• and the safe, where fortunes are stored and hopefully not lost.

The Special Objects (in blue) include the Absolute Edition and the Rare Issue. Either may be picked up by any figure in the game.

The Absolute Edition grants whoever carries it Deflection, because it's thick enough to deflect mere bullets and blasts of ill-defined energy. If an attack against the holder of the Absolute Edition succeeds, the Absolute Edition absorbs one click of the damage and is removed from play.

The Rare Issue grants whoever carries it immunity from long-range attacks, because no comic book character would risk harming a rare issue. If a close combat attack against the holder of the Rare Issue succeeds, the attacker takes the Rare Issue as his own. The Rare Issue cannot be destroyed; it's been bagged and boarded, you see.

The Big Monkey Bystanders (in brown) include:

• The Customer, as portrayed by the charming Lauren Martella, head of the Big Monkey Women's Discussion Group;
• The Player, as portrayed by the avuncular Tom Price, Wizkids Envoy and host of the on-going Big Monkey Heroclix tournament series;
• The Staff, as portrayed by the angelic James Rambo, host of our fortnightly Crime Alley Cinema night.

All these bystanders have the Big Monkey Team Ability: no figure may attack them if they have the opportunity to attack some other figure instead. This should keep them on the board a good deal longer than your average meatshield.

It'll be a while before I get them back from the printer, but when I do, maybe I can mail you one (for a modest PayPal fee to cover expenses).

Another Big Monkey Postcard: Crime Alley Cinema

Some of Big Monkey's Postcards

Modern DeMedici

Mostly I talk about the writing in comics, not the art. But that doesn't mean I don't care about or like art; I used to work in an art museum, in fact.

So, to help increase the attractiveness of my blog to art-lovers and increase my hit count and acquire a new source of "lazy posts"--

er---

I mean...

"to help bring some much-needed artistic flair to the Absorbascon and to offer it as a showcase for budding pencillers"

I am willing to post any fan art you send me on this blog!

Of course, there's a catch. The subject matter must relate to one of our favorites (or anti-favorites) here at the Absorbascon. Examples of acceptable topics include:

• Vibe
• The Cast of the Big Monkey Podcast
• Hal Jordan getting hit in the head (no head-hitting, no post-ee)
• Orca the Whalewoman
• Dr. Domino
• Much-hated Halo
• The Rolling Head of Pantha (pictures of Pantha's head while still connected to her body will be disqualified)
• The Awesome Human Flying Fish
• Dale Gunn, Love God
  
• Jean Loring in any state of madness or evil
• Koryak
• The original Starman or any of his villains
  
• Purple-robed pansies armed with corndogs
  
• Major Victory from Who Want to Be a Superhero
• Vibe
• The All-New Atom
  
• Congo Bill (no, NOT Congorilla)
• Evil kryptonian cats from the Phantom Zone
  
• Geo-Force getting the crap beaten out of him
• Oysterwoman beating the crap out of someone
• Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer
• The Sea Devils (or just Judy Walton, Queen of the Sea)
  
• Masterman
• And, of course, Vibe

Send submissions to:
scipio@bigmonkeycomics.com

"Face it, Tiger...!"

I'll probably post again later today (a bit busy, you know), but for now please listen to the latest

BIG MONKEY PODCAST

wherein we discuss Blue Beetle and Iron Fist, Firelord orders pizza, and Blockade Boy does MJ Watson.

Pogapalooza!

Yesterday at Big Monkey, we had the third of the five legs of the Starro tournament series. Starro; five legs. I love that.

Anyway, there were sixteen players and Rambo took pictures of some of them so that I could "convert" them into goon pogs.

The Punk Kid is Big Mike Pellegrino, who beat me today by 8 points. Not that I'm bitter, mind you. I only picked him for the Punk Kid because of his baby face and his pose. Not because he beat me. By 8 points. Which is four times what his pog is now worth.

The weaselly Gunsel is, of course, Dr. Ben Hatton, host of the Big Monkey Podcast. Note the Stealth (the dial's based on the superstitious and cowardly Joe Chill).

Can't you just picture Ben, cowering behind potted plants, with a little pearl-handed 22 in his trembling hands? Ah, well; the customers have gotten used to it... .

The Scrapper is that pugnacious Irishman, Jon Carey, who writes (and spends his Friday nights) Facedown in the Gutters.

Note that John has Leap/Climb so he can run away from whomever he insulted most recently on the Big Monkey Podcast. Or when someone whom I insulted decides to attack Jon instead.

If you think Chris Peleo-Lazar, the Enforcer, looks mobbed up, that's because he is. His roommate sells cement overshoes for a living, if you catch my drift.

The Hoodlum is supposedly Joe Kroc, but I've always suspected that's some sort of anagramatic assumed named, forced on him after he turned State's Evidence.

Gabe is the smooth Con Man (whose stats I borrowed from Space Phantom). His glib tongue can convince you not to attack him (Shape Change) and his fast-talking can keep you fixated on him (Elasticity).

PJ Rusk is the Accomplice, sinking deeper and deeper in the depravity of underground heroclix clubs. I find it so sad. Profitable, but sad.

Steve is the Bruiser, and bruise me he did during our first game yesterday. But I would have won, if the judge had let me cheat. Darn it. That's okay. Now the judge doesn't get a pog. But I'm not bitter.

The Tough Guy, with the Toughness to go with the title, is none other than Jonnie Hex of Jon Hex Lives and the Big Monkey Podcast. Jonnie always looks as if he's about to shank you or buy you a Courvoisier; nothing in between.

The Innocent Dupe is Mick, a.k.a. Superman's Pal. But in that picture, he looks like just the kind of person a deformed psychopath could convince to help break into the Gotham Gold Depository.

And Yonaton plays the role of Fodder, those indispensably dispensable goons you throw at Batman and Robin while you make good your escape. Have you noticed that Fodder are always male? Do they have female counterparts who work for supervillainesses, and are they called Mudder?

In case you didn't recognize him in the cap, Judo Guy is our local judo student, Brandon Hallmark III. When your name is Brandon Hallmark III, I guess you kind of have to study judo just to stay alive.

Judo Kid is actually "Judo" Kiet. Like Judo Guy, he's got Combat Reflexes, so if you're going to try to hit him, better do so from a distance.

Of course, the worst goon of all -- almost a full-fledged villain in his own right-- is the devious, insidious Pusher.

He acts swiftly to get you hooked on plastic crack. He knows he's got Willpower, but you don't... .

"Sure, kid; you can have a booster. The first one's free...!"

Monkey Business

The Washington Post has a lovely little article on the Big Monkey Comics Women's Group today, courtesy of our friend, Jen Girdish. If I had my way, every comic book store would have a women's group. Of course, if I had my way, every comic book store would be a Big Monkey... !

The Women's Group, by the way, meets this Wednesday night at Big Monkey. Through absolutely no coincidence at all, that is also the Biago chocolate tasting at Big Monkey, with free samples offered and explained by our friends at our local chocolate shoppe, Biago Chocolate. Yes, folks; dark chocolate, shiny comics, and bright fans of both!

Come on in Wednesday night and enjoy a bar or two!

If you can't wait until Wednesday to visit us, you're in luck. Tomorrow evening Big Monkey is hosting the Monthly Monday Mixer for Washington's Mid-City Business Association. If you'd like you can show up, schmooze with all the business owners in Mid-City, and tell them how fabulous we are. it will be catered by our wonderful friends from Rice. You'll even be able to meet Lance the Blogger there in person!

Last Saturday, there were 13 participants in the second leg of our "Starro Attacks!" Heroclix tournament series. And that's without counting Ben "Whiten THIS!" Hatton, Devon "I'm not turtling, I'm holding my forces in reserve" Sanders, and Tom "Tell Santa what you'd like for Clixmas" Price.

The tournament series has five legs (duh... it's a starfish, people!), with participation prizes for each contestant in each leg. On the first week, the prize was a Starro-Slave Aquaman (with glorious special powers like "King of the Sea"); last week it was the Starro-Slave Flash (the first clix of Barry Allen!).

Join us this coming Saturday (either to play or just kibbitz) at 1PM, where the participation prize will be the awesome Green Arrow with a Starrophyte Covering His Stupid Face! Rumor has it the entire World Association of Green Arrow Fans may show up to participate, which would break our attendance records if both of them decide to come!

Things That Made Me Happy...

in comics this week.

• The most relaxing Big Monkey Podcast of all.
• Jordana Gardner. Who'd thunk it?
• Poor Catwoman. But really, it's inevitable, and thank you, Will Pfeiffer, for realizing it.
• Bouncing Boy versus Starro.
• I really have no idea why a badger is attacking Phobia, but I love it anyway.
• Pomegranate magaritas?
• I actually enjoyed the Flash this week!
• Nice G'norrt cameo in Legion.
• The entire history of the relationship between Green Arrow and Black Canary in three pages.
• See? I told you Klarion's a bad guy. Don't believe otherwise.
• Lois brings mace and brass knuckles to a wedding? Good old Lo-lo!
• Good lord, it's Serling Roquette; I'd almost forgotten her.
• Those are gardening gloves the Spectre wears, aren't they?
• "The U.S. Navy?!!" Heh; nice one.
• Well, THAT's an interesting origin for Eclipso, and probably the most sensible one so far. Even if it turns out to be a lie.
• See? Everybody knows he's an idiot.
• Good lord, I'd almost forgotten the origin of the cold-gun.
• Impressive recap of the Fate helmet's recent history.
• That the four men wearing suits to a bachelor party are Clark Kent, Alan Scott, Jay Garrick, and Plastic Man.
• Two successive panels in Robin completely encapsulated the spectrum of Batman's personality.
• Wait... is that Power Girl spanking a stripper...?
• Soup into a colander? That's ingenious.
• Connor Hawke can perform weddings; monks are cool.
• The Return of Mister Terrible.
• Tad Williams, who realizes that Aquaman can crush a gun, that Vandal Savage is just a caveman, that Lorena would take the time to paint an "A" on her armor, and that Aquaman has the power to defeat Krusivax and save the world.
• "I came for the fight."
• I love the realistic mundanity of Kent Nelson's fall from grace.
• Plastic Man versus Clayface.
• Kyle becomes a penciller; take that, Dr. Wertham!
• Hey, Eclipso; please remember he used to be Public Enemy No. 1!
• Most surprising honeymoon ever!!!! And leave it to Ben Hatton to put all the pieces together...
• I think BOP 110 just taught me to love the Huntress.
• Zatarra's even hotter than Tim Drake, if that's possible.
• Glad to see that Acuna realizes how freaking huge Central City/Keystone is.

"The Jungle" and other heroclix maps you can buy!

As you may have guessed from reading this blog, Heroclix is a big thing at the Big Monkey Comics stores. In addition to teaching the game and providing a forum for tournies and games, we try to do other fun stuff, like making special pogs, facilitating group orders on custom pogs, and designing special maps for our customers to play on.

Now, you too can share in some of the joy of being a Big Monkey Monkey customer who plays Heroclix, all in the comfort of your own home. Big Monkey Comics is proud to announce that our new line of custom Heroclix maps is now available through Xion Games!

The first three are water or "underwater" maps for all my fellow fans of Aquaman, and I think I've mentioned them on here before. Someday I hope to gather Will Pfeiffer, Kurt Busiek, Tad Williams and me around such a map, enjoying an all-aqua-game, watching the real Aquaman kayo Black Manta, who's just clobbered the Sword of Atlantis. And Ramona Fradon would be there, just sort of having tea and smiling at the little boys playing "Aquaman".

But the next two maps are ones you haven't seen and they are regular land-based maps.


Mercy Reef
Get out your "aquatic" clix! This all-underwater map has a coral reef separating opposing forces, and special rules for navigating its terrain. Take the plunge and visit Mercy Reef!

Sea Levels
For battles at and under the sea, you need "Sea Levels", which represents one segment of the sea at four different depths (The Surface, the Diving Zone, Deep Water, and Sea Bottom), each with its own special rules for movement and terrain. Take your aquatic gameplay to a new level!

Sunburn Beach
Want a nice open map on which aquatic forces can invade the land (or vice versa)? Pit landlubbers against ocean-dwellers at Sunburn Beach!

The Old Cemetery
A graveyard is a spooky place for a battle ... and a tricky one! Special headstone and tomb terrain make for lots of strategy. Will your figures survive "hide and seek" or wind up remaining in ... the Old Cemetery?!

The Jungle
"The Jungle" is a dangerous place, and now your Heroclix games can take place there! With lots of undergrowth (hindering terrain) and trees (blocking terrain), plus the river and the pond (water terrain), the Jungle is a challenge to get around in, let alone fight the enemy. Oh, look out for the crocodiles, gorillas, tigers, boas, vipers that occupy Danger Terrain. And did we mention the quicksand...?


Did I say "regular"? Well, that's a lie, of course. Each of them has special terrain, designed to enliven and give a bit more variety to your Heroclix gameplay. The Old Cemetery has "headstone terrain"; you can occupy it like hindering terrain, but from outside it blocks line of sight. That way, your figures can creep around hiding behind headstones! But the elevated terrain on the tops of tombs serves as special vantage points for attacking (or being attacked!). There's more than you might expect going on in an Old Cemetery.

Our latest map, the Jungle, has "Danger Terrain" which 'attacks' anyone who lands on it and "Elastic Terrain", such as the quicksand that requires breakaway. Beware the boa constrictor because it's BOTH! In the Silver Age, big monkeys came from the jungle; nowadays, "The Jungle" comes from Big Monkey.

Just think how many characters need to be on this map! Adventurer Rex "Metamorpho" Mason. Archeologists Adam Strange, Carter Hall, and Kent Nelson the first. Ray "Sword of the Atom" Palmer. Animal Man, Vixen, Cat-Man, & Bronze Tiger! Changeling & Cheetah! Copperhead and Eclipso! Gorilla Grodd, M'sieur Mallah, and the Ultrahumanite! Killer Croc and Kobra! Green Arrow and Sargent Rock! Poison Ivy and Solomon Grundy! Heck, the whole Suicide Squad, since they seemed to spend lots of time in the jungle... .

Oh, for those who buy the Jungle map, I've made a few special pogs for it. Of course!

You can't see it easily, but Bomba has the Aquatic ability, so he can wade through the river for you. Both he and Congo Bill are legal by the way, because their stats are identical to existing tokens (Bomba is based on Mera, and Congo Bill, with extreme irony, is based on Ken Hale). I'll make some more tokens for jungle characters, if anyone wants them and comes up with good ideas for ones to use.

The little capuchin monkeys below are special tokens you can add to the game. Nobody owns them, they're just sort of 'moving terrain'.

There are three trees on the map that have monkeys pictured on them. A capuchin token is placed adjacent to each of those trees, serving as blocking terrain. You can choose to move one of the capuchins as one of your actions during your turn (although they cannot be "pushed").

Like any token, the capuchins tie up regular figures, so you can use a monkey to run up and base an opposing figure, which must either breakaway or kayo the monkey (but that's bad luck). Of course, they have leap/climb, so your opponent can make them run back at you! Pesky little monkeys!

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics book world this week.

• The new "I Read Like a Girl" tee shirts for sale!
  
• Mary Wollstonecraft smacking J-J Rousseau in the crotch with a wooden paddle.
• The most recent Big Monkey Podcast with its Dramatic Reading from Adam Strange.
  
• Scarecrow's deathtraps. Good for you, Scarecrow!
• Diogenes versus Alexander the Great.
• Damnation-vision is one of the best powers ever.
• "Unarmed photographer wanted. Must have patience and a thirst for vengeance. Apply to J. Hex."
• The Family Circus explains Foucault.
• Green Arrow is a black belt metrosexual? He was a billionaire playboy; of COURSE he is. DC's really pulling out all the stops to make me warm up to GA, aren't they?
• Aqualad and Francis Bacon.
• Luthor and Brainiac, together again, and defeated by the great fruit flavors of Airheads candy.
• Kirk and Spock playing football with hand grenades.
• Plastic Man and Lao Tzu.
• Jimmy Olsen's Giant Head.
• Hey! Somebody remembers what Jim Corrigan is supposed to be like!
• Scotty Beatty's unusually poetic origin of Lex Luthor.
• Now I want a sidekick named "Neutrino"!
• You have to admit turning Wonder Woman, the creature from clay, and the Martian Manhunter, the flammaphobe, into candles is some grim irony!

Aquaman has perfect pitch

On the most recent Big Monkey Podcast, the gang and I mourned the loss of comic book artist Mike Wieringo, who was beloved both for who he was and the work he did. Remembrances by his colleagues (like Mark Waid here at Newsarama) have brought to my attention the pitch that Waid and Wieringo did for Aquaman four years ago, which I include in its entirety below.

It's nice-- very nice-- to see that there are people who get Aquaman. Sadly, DC's editors weren't, and apparently, still aren't among them.

How delightful, how different Aquaman's recent history would have been, had the Waid/Wieringo pitch been accepted. Aquaman would have been leading DC's charge toward brighter, more inspiring heroes, rather than trailing far behind.

Tad Williams would have this guy at right to work with, rather than having been given the superhuman task of writing Aquaman without Aquaman in it, of making bricks without straw. Tad has, in fact, done a superhuman job of pulling together the various pieces of Aquaman's broken history, adding new and interesting elements, and weaving them into a narrative quilt that's made DC's underwater world seem larger and more fascinating than ever before. For that, he gets my highest praise. But DC, in forbidding him to bring back the real Aquaman, has essentially doomed his ingenious series and might as well rename it Aquaman: Meatless Lasagna.

I take some comfort in knowing that the type of Aquaman described below will be coming back. DC's new Superfriends comic (and its concurrent toy line) will, of course, include the Classic version of Aquaman, because, although Editorial doesn't also know what sells, Marketing does. Surely DC won't let pass that opportunity to reassert Classic Aquaman in a manner similar to what Waid and Wieringo laid out below.

Why, that would be like wasting the unprecedented level of public recognition that JLU brought the Martian Manhunter by not having him in the JLA or by dramatically altering his visual and character design!

The Waid/Wieringo pitch

"I am so sick of people making fun of Aquaman that I’m beginning to take it personally. For the last ten years or so, the way we’ve been scrambling to combat Aquaman’s “Dork of the Sea” image--and I’ve been guilty of trying this, too--is by making Aquaman increasingly darker, grittier, and tougher, the brooding, angry king beset with trouble. Each incarnation of the character seems grimmer than the last, to the point where all that’s left for us to do is give him two hooks. And a peg-leg.

OR--here’s ANOTHER thought. Yes, the seas can be turbulent and stormy, but y’know what? Far more often, the ocean is a universal symbol for peace and contentment. It’s a calming influence. If it weren’t, Bermuda would be deserted and Hawaii would be an industrial trade port. It is most people’s “happy place.” Yes, the ocean is the set piece for “A Perfect Storm,” but it’s also the world of “Finding Nemo” and “The Little Mermaid.” I have never yet met anyone of any age who didn’t come away from Sea World envying the guides who swim with the whales and porpoises. I propose we turn this “grim Aquaman” paradigm around for a one-shot and see what happens. “Test the waters,” if you will. I know, I slay me. Anyway....

Our POV character in this story is a female marine biologist--and since Aquaman’s turf covers the world, there’s no need to make her American. (In fact, Russian is preferable--I’ve been doing a lot of reading about the culture of Russian courtship, and that could really play in nicely.) At any rate, our biologist--let’s call her Yelena for now--may have heard the name “Aquaman” here and there, but to her, he’s about as real and significant as, say, German football stars are to you and me.

Yelena’s work is done with grungy old equipment and spit-and-bailing-wire technology, the best she has to work with. Her whole world has a gritty feel to it--

--so when this bright, blond, shining knight of a man pops out of the water and into her life, she’s addled simply by the contrast.

Their paths cross, she’s drawn into an adventure, and to Yelena, this “Aquaman” is, yes, mysterious like the sea--but in a warm, enticing way. To Yelena, he is otherworldly, like a fairy tale character come to life. He rarely speaks (though when he does, he’s staggeringly charming), he lives in the water, and he smiles. Constantly. In fact, at first, Yelena has a nearly impossible time taking him seriously. He’s like a walking cartoon.

And yet...the more she gets to know him, the further she’s drawn out of her world and into his, she’ll come to realize that there’s something going on behind those wide eyes of his. Looking in them, she sees peace and confidence; looking through them, she’s gradually introduced to an underwater world of absolute wonder, a place that is far more colorful and in tune with nature than is her own gritty lifestyle. Once she surrenders to the implausibility of it all, she’s rewarded a thousandfold, and so are we. Aquaman’s joy becomes her joy becomes OUR joy.

There will be no mocking. NO jokes about how “dumb” talking to fish is. Anyone with a keyboard can make cynical jokes. That’s easy. What’s harder is reminding you why, when you were a kid, you thought the idea of living underwater or commanding the creatures of the sea WAS cool. We can do that. We can remind you, and Yelena’s awed voice will be there to back us up."

Be My Thug!

Sorry I'm not a lot of fun right now, but I'm still glowing with pain, which makes witty badinage about comic book panels and insightful analysis of structures within the medium unlikely. Or, perhaps I should say, unlikelier. (If you want some of that tune in to the new episode of the Big Monkey Podcast, and meet Black Manta's new pet.)

But I can craft. If you think I'm the kind of person who lies around watching the television, think again. I'm making some person tokens for Heroclix games: lots of little crooks and goons to help out the villains. The templates are all laid out, but I'm missing just one thing: pictures of crooks and goons.

Now, I could just use photos from movies and such, downloaded from the internet. But that doesn't seem quite fun enough...

This is where you come in. Send me a picture of YOURSELF looking particularly crooked or goonish and I will make YOU into a pog (much as I did for Officers Garling and Sanders). Then I will put the finished products up here on the blog for all to see and print out. Then you too can have the privilege of being kayoed by the Caped Crusaders or crippled by Green Arrow.

Oh, and these pogs are game-legal (well, except for the whole "retired figures" thing). Each one is based on an actual pre-existing Token in Heroclix, so they are playable.

The goon tokens you can submit your photo for are listed below. There are several "rules" for the photos. Please...

• Be appropriately attired for the token you want to portray.
• Don't smile, unless it's a nasty smile. You know, like a leer or a smirk.
• Brings your guns. Real guns. HUGE extra points for having a gun in the photo.
• Have a background that is colorwise very distinct and different from the part of photo that is you. Otherwise, it will be too hard for me to get rid of the background in Photoshop.
• Extra points if you send me a Photoshop file with the background already eliminated.
• Photos should be in color, if at all possible.
• Photos should be pretty much from the waist up. Just a head shot is too little and a full body shot is too much.
• If your photo is sufficiently fabulous, but doesn't quite match with one of the tokens below, I'll may make up one to go with it. You want to be "the Moll" or "the Patsy" or "the Underling" or "the Lunatic?? Sell me on it with your pic!
  

AVAILABLE GOON TOKENS
(ones with * should not have guns in the pic, because that token has no range)

1. The Scrapper* (he's fast in a fight)
2. The Gashouser* (he's bigger than the Scrapper, but still fast)
3. The Dirty Cop (extra points for raincoat or cheesy moustache)
4. The Gunsel (look weaselly; gunsels are always weaselly. The Gunsel has Stealth).
5. The Black Belt* (Ariel...?)
6. The Lieutenant (the boss's number one guy. Should not be hefty, because he'll have Leap/Climb)
7. "Two-Gun" (I don't care if you're a grandmother of four, if you can get two real pistols in your hands in the pic, then you are Two-Gun)
8. The Gunwoman (in a pantsuit, I should think)
9. The Gunman (what's the male equivalent of a pants suit?)
10. The Slugger* (maybe with a baseball bat...?)
11. The Gunslinger (he watches the Country/Western channel)
    
12. Yojimbo (Asian guy, black suit)
13. The Punk Kid* (if you're a bit long in the tooth, I'll just take off the 'kid' part)
14. The Hireling* (he's a little nervous but he needs the money)
15. The Running Dog (this guy is very good but very hyper, kind of wild-eyed)
    
16. The Hoodlum* (extra points for a hoodie or a 'newsie cap')
17. The Enforcer* (this guy looks ... unpleasant)
18. The Bruiser* (this guy is big but slow)
19. The Tough Guy* (this one has Toughness, so please look you could actually take a punch to the face without falling over)
20. Judo Guy* ("I paid Joon Rhee good money for those classes and now is my chance to show off for the boss!)
21. Judo Gal* ("I am totally going to show up that jackass, Judo Guy!")

SEND ALL PICS TO: SCIPIO@BIGMONKEYCOMICS.COM

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As you may know, a group of five bloggers (from The Absorbascon, Seven Hells, Those Wednesdays, Jon Hex Lives, and Facedown in the Gutters) are the regular panelists on the Big Monkey Podcast.

We enjoy our show and hope others do, too. So, we'd really like to increase its visibility, with your help. Please go to the I-Tunes (if you have that) and give us a thumbs up comment and join up at Digg and do the same for our show and individual episodes.

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P.S. Do not miss the next episode, wherein we discuss Jack Kirby at DC, Jack Kirby at Marvel, Mike Wieringo, and have a special visit from Victor Volcanum.