Vibe vs. Geo-Force

Today, number of fans of Vibe on Facebook?

50.

Number of people in the Geo-Force fan group?

2

Really. And yet Geo-Force continues to get things like Final Crisis tie-in one-shots, while Vibe lies, waiting, in that glass container at the Secret Sanctuary...

Ollie. Hal. Barry. Arthur. And, now it's time to bring back the final missing member of the Iconic Justice League: Paco.

Modern DeMedici

Mostly I talk about the writing in comics, not the art. But that doesn't mean I don't care about or like art; I used to work in an art museum, in fact.

So, to help increase the attractiveness of my blog to art-lovers and increase my hit count and acquire a new source of "lazy posts"--

er---

I mean...

"to help bring some much-needed artistic flair to the Absorbascon and to offer it as a showcase for budding pencillers"

I am willing to post any fan art you send me on this blog!

Of course, there's a catch. The subject matter must relate to one of our favorites (or anti-favorites) here at the Absorbascon. Examples of acceptable topics include:

• Vibe
• The Cast of the Big Monkey Podcast
• Hal Jordan getting hit in the head (no head-hitting, no post-ee)
• Orca the Whalewoman
• Dr. Domino
• Much-hated Halo
• The Rolling Head of Pantha (pictures of Pantha's head while still connected to her body will be disqualified)
• The Awesome Human Flying Fish
• Dale Gunn, Love God
  
• Jean Loring in any state of madness or evil
• Koryak
• The original Starman or any of his villains
  
• Purple-robed pansies armed with corndogs
  
• Major Victory from Who Want to Be a Superhero
• Vibe
• The All-New Atom
  
• Congo Bill (no, NOT Congorilla)
• Evil kryptonian cats from the Phantom Zone
  
• Geo-Force getting the crap beaten out of him
• Oysterwoman beating the crap out of someone
• Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer
• The Sea Devils (or just Judy Walton, Queen of the Sea)
  
• Masterman
• And, of course, Vibe

Send submissions to:
scipio@bigmonkeycomics.com

JLA 13: Unlimited License

Along with fixing the problems of the previous writer, Dwayne McDuffie has begun his run on Justice League of America by moving it squarely in the direction of Justice League Unlimited, the animated series he used to write for.

Thank GOD. More power to him.

The Justice League is an amazing concept. But its first 9 years? Crap. I know; I own the Archive Volumes that cover those years. Remember the Super-Duper? I do.

Then the Silver Age JLA ended at the hands of the Joker, who struck at the weakness at its core, the detested Snapper Carr.

The next 14 years were also painfully bad, just in a different, Bronze-y way. I bought lots of those stories when they were first published. Remember Starbreaker? Remember when Young Gerry Conway had Two-Face become the mediary for a trio of statues of Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson that had been animated by the alien Dronndarians? I do.

Then there were the Justice League Detroit and Justice League International. They had their dubious virtues (Vibe and the Martian Manhunter, respectively), but we all knew they were impostor groups. Morrison's JLA had the players, but plot-wise it was muddled gibberish (it was the usual Morrison: all concept, with haphazard execution). Then we spent the next few years watching the JLA be eroded from within to suit the demands of universal crossover, only to be followed the Meltzer run, which was a decompressed Avengers novella written on Superfriends stationery.

In short, the Justice League has pretty much ALWAYS been bad, and gotten away with it because the Justice Leaguers themselves are so popular. Basically, the only time the Justice League has ever been a good story was on Justice League Unlimited, where some people had the crazy idea that DC's best characters deserved good stories. It was literally the best thing to happen to the Justice League in 30 years, and helped point the way toward a new, revived DCU.

So if McDuffie wants to bring it closer to the only bright spot in Justice League history over the last thirty years, I say more power to him, and, frankly, any who says otherwise might just be an idiot.

A Partial List of JLUifications in JLA No. 13 (Can you spot any others?)

1. Replacing Hal Jordan with John Stewart.
Fine on its face: GLs are pretty darned interchangeable. John's a better team player than Hal, anyway.

2. Make a connection between John Stewart and Hawkgirl.
Hey, it did wonders fleshing them out as characters on TV, and face it, they could both use it right now. The Hawkgirl/Hawkman thing is tedious and goes nowhere, our collective barf buckets are still unemptied from the horrid Red Arrow/Hawkgirl thing. I give my personal blessing to John and Kendra.

3. Clobbering Geo-Force out of the picture and off panel.
Really, shouldn't that alone inspire you with confidence in McDuffie, even if you've never seen a JLU episode? For the record, an enormous number of DC heroes, many of them quite obscure, were shown to be part of the JLU; Geo-Force wasn't one of them.

4. Assembling an Injustice League under Lex Luthor.
For all those people bitching, "It's been done before"-- yeah, ya think? Heroes fight villains. Groups of heroes fight groups of villains. That's kind of how that works. If you have a problem with that, maybe you should be reading Blankets instead.

5. Actual fight scenes.
Not just a big splash page that's a picture of whole bunch of heroes & villains in mid-fight. You can get away with that in a "timeless" medium like comics, but on tv you need to see a sequence of events. So I mean a battle like you used to see on JLU (and in the tradition of the original JLA stories), where one person attacks using his power, and then another one counterattacks with his powers, and there's a clear winner. More on that tomorrow. MUCH MUCH more on that tomorrow...

JLA 13: Black Canary, still not the leader of the JLA

One of the complaints readers had about Brad Meltzer's run on Justice League was that he wasn't able to show effectively why Black Canary was chosen as leader of the team, or show her leading it effectively afterwards.

But, you know what? McDuffie has been fixing many of Meltzer's gaffs, one by one, but this one has gotten even worse. In JLA 13, it seems almost that McDuffie has gone out of his way to show that Black Canary isn't leading, or certain not leading well.

1. While Black Canary is still recovering from kissing off Ollie, Green Lantern has already begun the meeting and briefed everyone on the situation.

2. Superman, Black Lightning, and Green Lantern debate Hawkgirl's fitness for duty. Black Canary has no say in the matter.

3. Black Canary mentions that one team has been out of contact for a while, Superman and Green Lantern decide what that means and that something needs to be done.

4. When Red Tornado asks for a battle plan, Black Canary does come up with one. But "Split into two groups and retrace their steps, okay?" isn't the single greatest example of clear and decisive leadership I've ever read. Can you imagine Hawkman, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, or Aquaman saying, "Split into two groups and retrace their steps, okay?" They would say, "You, you, and you, do this; you, you, and you, do that. Let's go, troops; stay close to one another and be careful."

5. Then Superman decides he's leading one of the subteams, and decides who he's taking. THEN, when they let Canary pretend she's picking the other team (it's everyone who's left, natch!), Green Lantern questions, then countermands the decision, points out a huge flaw in the decision, and changes the team. Far as I can tell, Green Lantern is leading the JLA.

6. Black Canary is utterly unaware that anything is amiss with Vixen's powers. Superman has to figure it out and confront Vixen. Then, neither of them say anything to Canary about it. Can you imagine him not telling Batman, Wonder Woman, or Aquaman? Can you imagine them not knowing already?

7. Then, when the villains show up, Black Canary shows that she's not a very good leader or, for that matter, Heroclix player. Canary; you're a Secondary Attacker. Use your Primary Attacker, Superman, first. Then, once they are softened up, your own attacks will be more effective. If you'd attacked with Superman and/or Vixen first, then you would have been free to tie up Parasite.

8. Black Canary shows that, not only is she a bad leader, she's a bad team member, and a crappy Heroclix player. When faced with three villains all of whom would be sensitive to her superpower, she decides instead to kick one in the face. Why? Mostly because she's indulging a delayed emotional reaction to something he did, oh, maybe 7 years ago. Yes, I can forgive BC for being emotional about rape in general, and the rape of her friend in particular. But if she can't do her job because of it, then she shouldn't be leading the JLA, or even in it. Can you imagine Aquaman or Wonder Woman doing what she did? I can't.

9. Once the villains have retreated, who retrenches and starts to make plans for their next move? Superman and Black Lightning.

Now, you could make the case that this portrayal of Black Canary is sexist. In fact, I'll wager there are about 147 blogs, livejournals, and podcasts that already have done so this week. And maybe it is. But there's another possibility:

Maybe McDuffie isn't to blame here.
Maybe this isn't the way Black Canary is being written.
Maybe it's the way she is.

Now, a good number of you will immediately dismiss me as insane or sexist for writing that. But I've come to believe these characters, having been around a long time, develop quite a lot of "inertia of characterization". Big ships turn neither quickly nor sharply. It's hard for anyone (at least, anyone who knows enough about them to become their writer), to change dramatically who they are, or even to write them too far out of character (except for, you know, Frank Miller).

For example: Geo-Force is a pompous, callous, ass. Recent attempts to refresh him in the public eye have led to a re-evaluation of the character in a new era, with new writers, and new readers, who seem to have reached a new consensus: Geo-Force is a pompous, callous, ass. I happen to think that's simply because... he is. The frog should not blame the scorpion for stinging, folks.

Blame it on Julius Schwartz, for inculcating me with the tenet that everything the writers here on "Earth Prime" write is merely a "reverberation" in their brains of what's happening on the "other Earths". Blame it on collective fandom memory, for whom each story of a character is merely an instantiation of the unalterable Platonic idea of that character. Blame it on me, for being a pompous, callous ass. But don't necessarily blame it all on McDuffie.

Some may object that Black Canary proved her leadership under a different writer (the glorious Gail Simone), who is the principal architect of the modern day grooviness of Black Canary. Perhaps. But (1) Black Canary was more of an MVP in Birds of Prey; Oracle was, and is, the leader. (2) Birds of Prey was, and is, a great team. But they are a great B Team, and Black Canary was the big fish in that smaller (but still rather large!) pond. The JLA is the A Team, folks, and Black Canary is surrounded by fish that are larger than she. And it's showing.

Don't get me wrong; I like Black Canary. I like her now more than I ever have. But, I like lots of characters, without thinking they are the appropriate ones to be leading the JLA. I don't think it's just because she's a woman or isn't the strongest member. After all, two of the greatest leaders in comic team history were Saturn Girl and Dream Girl of the Legion, neither of whom is exactly a powerhouse. I wouldn't buy Superman as the leader of the JLA, either; no matter how many times writers try to foist leadership onto Superman (usually in crossovers) it's always extremely ill-fitting. Superman is a fullback, not a quarterback. Aquaman is a quarterback; John Stewart is a running back; Flash, a wide receiver. Black Canary? Tight end.

It's exactly because I like Black Canary that I don't like seeing her lead the JLA; frankly, it's making her look bad. Brad Meltzer "promoted" her out of some misguided sense of Affirmative Action when the previous characterization to support it hadn't yet been built. Now JLA reads like a theater group where a weak director is being gently back-led by her company of strong actors.

When do Aquaman and Martian Manhunter get back?

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• "Drusilla"? Nice. Very nice.
• Yes, Gar, we're all mortified by J'onn's giant head.
• Best "Using a live yeti's intestines as a bungie cord" scene ever!
• So, who is that sitting beside Scarecrow?
• "Your enemies, the Accordians."
• Her brother? Duh; of course he is (half-brother, really)! Why didn't I think of that?
• "Lethal force authorized".
• The Joker defines comedy.
• If there's anything cooler than shattering a jeep with one kick, it's shattering a jeep with one kick in heels. What the heck are her boots made out of, anyway?!
• Amazing Boy.
• Okay, I haven't laughed out loud that hard at a mummy since... well, the last time one showed up in Countdown. Mummies are the new zombies.
• Decapitation by stick?! Maybe I need to start reading Wildstorm!
• Guy Gardner having to tell someone he's straight.
• Batman hiring strippers.
• Freddie Freeman's soul patch makes him hot. Me, too.
• "I was just trying to raise money for film school!"
• The new anti-Trinity of the Joker, Luthor, and Cheetah
• Only Booster Gold would have figured out that way of 'defeating' Sinestro; sheer genius.
• Please tell me that's Geo-Force's corpse. Because that would be just too fitting.
• Wildcat beating the snot out of Wildcat.
• John Stewart's a lot beefier than Hal Jordan.
• That Kyle and Jason instinctively hated each other immediately.
• Whatever happened to ... Goth?
• No matter what McDuffie claims, that's a parody of Meltzer's JLA, not an homage, and it is a wicked one. Good for you, Dwayne.
• Black Adam's magic word-association game.
• Using speedsters as bread crumbs.
• The cameo by Dr. Thirteen & Co.
• That's T.O. Morrow in the corner. Uh-oh.
• The JSA riding a fire engine. That is the JSA, people.
• "No man escapes me!" He's still the funniest character in comics today.
• "Of course I've had maple syrup, Maxine... but on pancakes?!"
• The original Black Condor .... at a BACHELOR PARTY?!?!?!?
• "Get your hands off my husband!"
• So ... Booster Gold inspired the Sinestro Corps?
• The JLA Wedding Special is darned funny. At first.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Well. That's one way to shut Brainy up.
• I now officially understand why Black Canary is marrying Green Arrow.
• The Amazon signifer.
• NOW we know why they sunk San Diego. Nice one, Tad.
  
• Okay, if there's ever been a more tantalizing page than the final one of Booster Gold 1, then I can't think of what it would be.
• It's nice to see that, after 50 years, Krypto and Titano still can't stand each other.
• Booster's sacrifice... and his price.
• Grace, your weakness disgusts me. Just as I knew it would.
  
• Well. Jefferson Pierce is not as smart as he thinks he is.
• Clark Kent has a Merit Badge in sewing? Of course he does.
• Catwoman continues to impress both as a character and a series.
• Did we just see the departure for Zerox... from the Nanoverse?! 'Cuz that little girl sure looked familiar to me.
• Okay, the only thing missing in that final panel of Holly and Harley is some D batteries.
• I bet every single one of those ridiculous Rannian weapons appears in the Adam Strange Showcase I just bought, including the hilariously horrifying Aqua-Ray.
• Batman versus Circe.
• The Zatannacave. It's not at all how Dale Gunn described it!
  
• Enter, the Clownfish. Don't expect to laugh.
• "With the Absorbascon, victory was inevitable." It's just nice to have that in print, you know.
• Supergirl's reading assignment.
• Yow! I needed to see that even LESS than Red Tornado did.
• Jimmy's new pal.
• Well, at least we'll never see that harmonica again after this issue.
• Hassan chop!
• I never thought I be happy to see that particular group of jumpsuited goobers; but I was.
• The Flashcave.
• "Long live the real king." See; Rip Hunter knows Aquaman's not dead.
• 31st Century perfume ads.
• Ah, so the Kryptonite Man does have a weakness, courtesy of Stan Lee.
• Robin versus the Robin Revenge Squad.
• I expected to hate Flash 231; I loved it.
• Now, that's taking tongue-piercing a bit too far.
• Megistus, just in case you need to know, is the scientific name of the Kissing Bug; it's from the Amazon... or it that "Zamaron"...?
• Young Superman as a cheftestant on Top Chef.
• Really? Don't you think you should start with your own sister, first...?
• My god, Daniel Acuna managed to make Wally West sexy!
• "This isn't the greatest the League will ever be." See; Rip Hunter knows Geo-Force sucks.
• Sure he's a good actor; but Batman's not fooled.
• Well. That's an interesting pair of narrators! Does Brad know something about "Junior" that we don't?
  
• Nice homage to the Last Superman Story, Kurt!
• No matter how many struggling women J'onn J'onnz restrains, I'm sure it's never enough.
• Pantha smiles; I counted one head squished, one exploded, and unnumbered decapitations on the Beltway.
• The Pozner Suit? The Pozner Suit?! Very interesting.
• Well. Now we know why Krypto usually just goes 'yip'.
• Never, in all the hundreds of horror and Vertigo titles I have ever read, have I seen anything half as horrible as what Brad Meltzer had Roy do to his daughter.

Initial Impressions

You know what says, "I'm a goober" more effectively than anything else in comic books?

Having two initials on the front of your costume.



Like Cat-Man, Elongated Man, Shakedown, and Dumb Bunny.


Wait. Wait.

Who am I missing...?

Interlactose Intolerant

Don't pick on the Legionnaires for talking funny. Don't you realize they don't speak English?

Yes, they speak freaky wacky Interlac, the Interstellar Language of the Future. Actually, DCU aliens in the present also know Interlac, but somehow "The Interstellar Language of the Present" doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


If you didn't already know Interlac, I'm sure you've had plenty of opportunity to ponder, peruse, and even decode it, while waiting for something to happen in the Lightning Saga (such as the death of Geo-Force).

Now, for convenience sake, Interlac is presented as a transliteration of English. But Interlac is different from English. Deeply, perversely different, as any attempt to translate it shows.

How do I know this? Grife, just listen to people in Legion stories talk! Almost every sprokking word balloon sounds something like this:

"Oh, how I despise Sun Boy for dooming us this way!"

"For displaying such weakness, we are imprisoning you here for all time lest you betray us again!"

Not even I talk that way. It's like reading a strict translation of Livy (in this particular case, his synopsis of the Peace Treaty from the Second Punic War).

"Ha! Ha ha! All your base are belong to us!"

Panels like this have allowed me deduce that Jim Shooter was, in fact,
a Japanese teenage girl.

Starman would have loved Interlac.

You remember Alaktor, inventor of the transdimensional adult diaper-tard? I assume the "thing he's after" is a changing station, which would explain his walk. Anyway, try to picture yourself saying, "I'm getting near the thing I'm after!" Now picture that you're wearing that outfit when you say it.

Sometimes I think Interlac is kind of like Mohican or maybe Chippewa.


And sometimes it's like...
okay, I give up on this one. It sounds like when I tried to speak Hausa in high school and all I could ever spit out was stuff along the lines of "Your pigs are eating my yam field".


Anyway, don't blame the Legionnaires if they sound "funny" to you. English simply isn't well suited to translating the genius of Interlac.

The Legion

Because the Legion of SuperHeroes (LSH) is one of the topics on this week's Big Monkey Comics Podcast (which we are recording Wednesday evening at the DC store, if anyone wants to watch), I've been thinking about them. I'm probably the biggest Legion-fan on the panel, so I expect to do a lot of "defending" (particularly against certain people)!

As the story goes, the Legion was inspired by Superman/Superboy and the other current-day superheroes (i.e., the JLA). But, you know what? I think it's the other way around.

Writers and readers often refer to the JSA in the Golden Age as a model for the creation of the JLA in the Silver Age. But, regardless of what was intended, it isn't. In fact, the JLA is in some ways the very opposite of the JSA.

The Justice Society of America (JSA) wasn't a collocation of DC's "big guns" like the JLA is (except for, you know, Geo-Force); quite the contrary. By definition, the JSA was composed of characters who couldn't hold their own titles. It was a testing ground for potential characters; the ones who seemed to be most popular might get a shot at their own series. And, when they did, they left the JSA (as Jay Garrick did). That's why "honorary" members (Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) almost never appeared and when they did took no part in the action; they would overshadow the real members of the JSA.

If you've actually read Golden Age JSA stories, you know that, unlike the JLA,the JSA almost never acted as a team, per se. They were, well, a society. Almost invariably, they were presented with a common problem at one of their meetings, then they split up, each member dealing with a different aspect of the problem. They coordinated their activities with one another, but, unlike the JLA, they weren't really a unified fighting force. Usually, they just got together at the end of their separate adventures to compare notes and laugh at what an idiot Johnny Thunder was.

You know what bridged the gap between the JSA and the JLA?

Yup. The Legion.

First Appearances
JSA: 1940
Legion: 1958
JLA: 1960
X-Men: 1963

I added that last one in there for those few benighted folk who think, "the Legion is kind of like the X-Men." No; it isn't. The X-Men are kind of like the Legion. Marvel didn't invent groups of snotty mono-powered teenagers with complex relationships being nasty to one another; DC did. And, if you subtract the superpowers, Archie Comics did.

Like the JSA, the LSH was/is composed of heroes who don't stand on their own (as in, have their own titles or solo adventures apart from their membership in the organization). Like the JSA, most of the members are pretty much "one-trick ponies", as opposed to the JLAers, who each have a variety of abilities or ways of applying their abilities (except for, you know, Geo-Force). Like the JSA, they basically got together because it seemed like it would be fun or interesting to work together; they are, at heart, a "club", just as the JSA was a "society". So, in those senses, the Legion is more like the JSA than the JLA is.

But then there are aspects of the LSH that presaged the way JLA works. Like JLAers, Legionnaires sometimes work on solo missions, but more commonly work in small groups with other members. Like the JLA, when occasions warrant, they fight en masse, and are experienced in teamwork, coordinating their attacks, using the powers in tandem, and covering one another's back. The Legion, like the League, is paramilitary.

In the Golden Age, the JSAers all had pretty much the same personality, just different powers. Yes, even the Spectre. The Legionnaires, over time, developed personalities (in the broadest sense) of their own: Brainy was impatient, Saturn Girl was a bit frosty, Lightning Lad was a jerk, Colossal Boy was none too bright, Bouncing Boy was upbeat, etc. While the JLAers started out like the JSA, stamped with the same personality, they followed the Legion's pattern of evolving the members as individuals.

Even more, the Legion pioneered the idea of particular relationships between individual members, i.e., some members got along with each other better than others. This is a pattern that JLA would also follow (e.g., Hawkman and the Atom were pals; Hawkman and Green Arrow were not). The JSA was never like that; they never disagreed about anything. Their toughest decisions were about who would go tackle dissatisfaction among the chewing gum workers at the Cleveland factory ("That Cleveland job's my baby!") and who would deal with fifth columnists infiltrating the paper clip consortium in Kansas ("It's Kansas for me, boy!").

So, although the Legion says they take inspiration from the JLA, from my perspective, it's the other way around! It was the Legion that paved the conceptual path for the JLA to be so different from the JSA, and, as the guardian of that transition, it has elements common to both groups.

____________

P.S. Another note on JSA and the Legion.

How many times have I heard:

"Oh, Legion is so confusing and has too many characters!"


Okay, you got me there. If you have trouble remembering who Bouncing Boy, Lightning Lad, Shrinking Violet, Chameleon, Invisible Kid, Element Lad, Colossal Boy, Shadow Lass, Triplicate Girl, and Brainiac 5 are and what they can do, then, yes, you probably lack the attention span required to read a 22 page comic book. For Mort's sake, people! For most of the Legionnaires you just need to hear the names; you don't even need to see them to get the essence of what you need to know.

If you'll check Wikipedia, you'll see 37 Legionnaires, past and present (well, it's all future, but you know what I mean). If you do the same thing for the JSA, guess how many members you'll find: 37.

And the JSA doesn't have codenames that are nearly as mnemonic (Boxing Man! Cat Person and Bird Woman! Lightning-Fast Oldster! Medicine Man! Exploding Kid! Dream Man! Know-It-All 2!)

The Legion gets a "bad rep" because it's one comic into which an entire universe gets stuffed. Imagine that the entire present day DCU had to be represented in one comic book; it would seem pretty complicated!

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Fabian Nicieza's story in Action. I can't recall reading a story where Superman (or any other hero) had to deal with quite this situation with a "faith-based" hero. I find the subtle exploration of the pros and cons of religion enjoyable. Plus, it's a got fun usage of Superman's vision powers, and the art gives Superman a look he rarely has: really hot.
• Peter Milligan's "Kid Amazo" is so zany in premise that it's actually working for me, particularly the idea that the Kid wants to rebel against his father by becoming a good guy. Still, judging by Milligan's writing of Martian Manhunter and the Flash, he's never read a JLA comic before; wherever they are, it's not New Earth. See what happens, Brad, when you put Geo-Force in the League?
• The Spectre story (an eight-part "Orient Express") is finally over! If that doesn't make you happy, I can't imagine what would. I decided today that the story is actually an ingenious experiment in metaliterary theory: through it, the Spectre is punishing US with seemingly endless ironic torment. "THANKS TO THE DEMANDS OF YOUR BLOODTHIRSTINESS AND THE ROLLING HEAD OF PANTHA, GENERATIONS OF MINOR MISCREANTS HAVE DIED HORRIBLY BY MY HAND! YOU WANTED GORE AND IRONIC PUNISHMENT; NOW YOU SHALL HAVE MORE THAN YOUR FILL!" I don't blame writer David Lapham; I blame Geo-Force. When in doubt, blame Geo-Force.
• And, of course, beloved Dr. 13, who saves the day with his lack of faith. Any story where characters collectively quote "Windmills of Your Mind" and fight the empty costumes of Justice Leaguers is okay by me.
• The "wardrobe" joke and the visual that accompanies it.
• Darkseid playing Heroclix! But who's the blonde lady in the scarf? Did he have her customized?
• The ad for Countdown that appears in Countdown 51 made me laugh out loud; I wasn't expecting that button. So, since Ralph Dibny (in 52) left Jean Loring trapped or frozen or whatever, and since all the ads for Countdown have avoided showing Eclipso's face ... is it possible that there will be a NEW Eclipso other than Crazy Jean? Who could it be?
• Monitor-on-monitor violence! Blockade Boy must be in heaven with all these muttonchops.
• Monitors travel in giant soap bubbles just like Glinda the Good Witch? That's adorable!
• The solution to the great disaster? Priceless!

In other news...

A shout out to my friend and Big Monkey stalwart, sassy ass-kicking Sherin Nicole, for her on-line Washington Post interview. She's a credit to orange people everywhere.

Congrats to Jonnie B on his new Jon Hex Lives banner, which is much better than Devon's.

The Martian Manhunter is mad: I blame Geo-Force.

Big Monkey is going to run a comic book quizbowl, which should be a hoot. I used to coach college bowl (shocking, huh?) so I'm tasked with coming up with the questions. While the contestants practice their geek fu, I'm trying to arrange for Ulysses Campbell to film the event so we can post it on line. Congrats to Ulysses, by the way, on the first airing of his cable show "Fantastic Forum" on DCTV.

Speaking of airing ... what would you pay to listen to Scipio Garling of the Absorbascon (that's me), Devon Sanders of Seven Hells, Jon Carey of Facedown in the Gutters, Ben Hatton of Those Wednesdays, and Jonnie Brooks of Jon Hex Lives discuss and debate the latest comic book issues and stories in their usual witty way? Absolutely nothing, you say? Perfect, since that's exactly what it will cost you to listen to the BIG MONKEY PODCAST. Tech Guru Ben will gather us on Wednesday May 23 to record our first roundtable; we'll let you know as soon as it's up and available for download!

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Flying penguin missiles. Really, if you aren't reading Blue Beetle, you deserve to. It's not only a great read, the art's beautiful.
• Alan Scott versus Grandfather Clock.
• Guy Gardner versus the Ultra-Humanite.
• Firestorm's ingenious defeat of Kalibak and then the Parademons. I wish more of you had read Firestorm!
• Mr. Mind's makeover.
• Finding out the answer to "52 what?" And the answer! bring them on!
  
• Oh, by the way-- I TOLD YOU SO; Skeets is innocent. Or was, I guess.
• Well! Hippolyta sure wakes up crabby, doesn't she?
• Robin's ongoing man-crush on Superbo-- Kon-El, the Hero Whose Named Must Not Be Spoken.
• Hal Jordan's brilliant tactics in Justice. Yeah, you heard me.
• Batman & Friends fighting "the nightmares of the Arkhamites".
• The Rolling Head of Abraham Lincoln!
• The EXTREMELY interesting set of statues in the Fortress of Solitude (including the fabulous Sensor Girl) and Superman's speech explaining them.
  
• Wait, wait ... did he just throw up Batman's utility belt...?!
• I really can't imagine Wonder Woman calling anyone "Mom"; but it did make me laugh!
• At least Geoff Johns knows how to write Geo-Force as the pompous undeserving jackass he is.
• The Rolling Head of Detective Lenahan! Really, why aren't more of you reading Catwoman?
• Well, based on Black Lightning's comments to the president (and some other info), I guess the Hall of Justice is on the site where (here on "our earth") sits the Holocaust Museum. Not exactly, where I would have picture it, but at least its in DC where it belongs.

Heroclix Theme Team: People Who Don't Belong!

People Who Don't Belong in the JLA (11 figures at 300 points)

ID	Name	Points
cd075	cd075: Veteran Outsiders Geo-Force	136
cdF005	cdF005: Feat Movethrough	8
le040	le040: Rookie (Titans) Speedy	28
icF004	icF004: Feat Sidekick	10
cd070	cd070: Rookie Red Tornado	42
leF005	leF005: Feat Large Object	9
cd008	cd008: Experienced (Suicide Squad) Vixen	38
oF006	oF006: Feat Pounce	15
leBF005	leBF005: "BF Condition" Poor Teamwork	0
icB004	icb004: Token Snapper Carr	4
leF001	leF001: Feat Armor Piercing	10

For a 400 point team, subtract "Movethrough" and add Superman Blue (cd067, 105 pts.).


On a rainy Saturday, play them against any random group of JLA figures of the same build size and watch this team earn its name!

Geo-Force?!

I mean ... really, now!

Top Five Crisis Makeovers: Batman?!

3. Batman.

Yes. Batman. Oh, it wasn't flashy like the Dr. Light and Firehawk makeovers. And it didn't happen in Crisis on Infinite Earths on panel, but it happened nonetheless.

Let's see what Batman was like during Crisis.



A wide-eyed goober, superpowerless from the waist down AND the waist up.

Sorry, gang. I'd love to blame Wolfman for this, but I can't. That's really how the Bronze Age Batman was.

In the Bronze Age JLA, even Aquaman could hit hard. But useless (Hi, Marv!) Batman mostly got stuck just piloting some Batvehicle. He spent all his time hanging out with -- how do I put this in a loving and supportive way? -- third-rate schmoes. Elongated Man,Metamorpho, the Metal Men, Katana, Halo, GeoForce. Is it any wonder the only constructive thing the Bronze Age Batman could do in Crisis was knock out Calendar Man. Heck, I could knock out Calendar Man. Marsha Mallow could knock out Calendar Man.

DC made a huge deal out of re-starting Superman and Wonder Woman, post-Crisis. Clever bit of misdirection, that. Yeah, Clark and Diana shed lots of their excess backstory in a big hypertime yard sale (I was there, and let me tell you, Alex Ross and Phil Jimenez are vicious little shoppers ....!). But, when you come right down to it, their personalities and costumes stayed nearly identical to their pre-Crisis versions.

But Batman? Well, this is Batman post-Crisis:


And that's before Jason got killed and he started to turn really scary.

The modern age Batman can star simultaneously in 11 different titles, guest-star in 3 others, appear in the second issue of every new series, and alienate the superhero community and the GCPD, while cobbling together a world-threatening omniscient artificial intelligence in his spare time. The post-Crisis Batman is more like the Golden Age one; he can defeat the arsenal of a terrorist country using only a paper clip and a Q-tip, increase voter turn-out through sheer force of will, and automatically cause anyone within a twenty-foot radius to have 34 percent fewer cavities. The modern Batman doesn't stand around uselessly during a Crisis ... he causes it. You show 'em, B-man!

Fooey on all those of you who think you want back the pre-Crisis Batman because this one "is a jerk"; I say you've forgotten what he was like. The post-Crisis Batman was the REAL Sensational Character Makeover of 1986, and don't you forget it!

"I'll get you for this, Scipio! Halo, help me!"