I AM A WASHING MACHINE OF THOUGHT.

Every day in the early morning I worry about my weight. Like in the poignant, winning film about Anorexia, "Close to the Bone" with Lily Collins, I measure my wrists with my fingers, my bosoms, and my legs, both in the mirror and one of my dresses called the "weighing machine" dress. However, I do not consider that I have an eating disorder rather I think I am vain.
At the same time believe it or not I weigh up the benefits of left and right wing governments, the pro's and cons that dominate most conversations at the moment, whether to be Conservative or Labour, Republican and Democrat alike, each have created large divides in our society. The real problem is the Left wingers, in my opinion,  they want to dominate the moral high ground leaving no views of a conservative important nature to be discussed. There are important differences which people should try and understand.  At the same time, I wish to find some amphetamine which is I believe illegal to get skinny and so the VivaMayr in Althausee has to do.
At the back of my mind I always remember love stories, and as I get older I think of everything simultaneously. At dinners and lunches my brain splits, half in the room and half not. I am able to day dream very easily and so my mind wanders off to wonderful love stories I have had in lifts, planes, trains, and boats.
I always wish to be appreciated, like everybody else. I want people to be egalitarian but know this is virtually impossible.  I realize that I always wanted an exciting life, and dull was not for me. Dull is, however, safer and as I get older I realize that I took a risk in wanting to live life my own way.
I always like to be brought up to date, with flowing ideas on gender and the importance to be free to choose what sex we want to be I am still confused by the knowledge a man cannot have children, therefore on a practical level, there will always be two sexes, despite the many differences between our species and ideas, however with make up and a smile you can be anything.
All of these ideas on holiday are like a washing machine going round and round.
I am now in love with the Unicorn she is hi jacking my thoughts, am I one? THE UNICORN A girl that you cannot catch. She is perfect and truly a blessing from God. Bumping into her is a good day. A conversation with her makes you dream. Anything beyond that is luck. It takes time, effort, and a whole lot of persistence. Never give up; unicorns are said to be "uncatchable," but nothing is impossible. 
Yes, that seems to fit the bill nicely.

A PENIS OR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE SOLID?

As my birthday arrives,  I think my goodness, I had better work at being pure, perhaps go into religion?.  I received a birthday card saying "I think we need to get you a new hobby that doesn't involve penises" It is thought provoking and I was thinking, in a more delicate way, just the same thing.  I have thought about boys since seven years old so it could be tricky to change? Sex and the aging body is a combination  I dislike, I am a perfectionist.  I would rather make love in a candle lit room and not face harsh light of reality. The walk of shame this morning, despite being fun, has somehow lost its allure but at least I have a sense of humour as I crept out of my lovers house with just a pair of high healed shoes and my make up case at 7am. I wish now at this grand age that I had qualified as a Judge, a politician or a theatre director.  look in the mirror and see my fourteen year old self and often see the old wise woman.
Politicians have no qualifications ypee.
I talk about sex in secret nowadays, one of my best friends said to me "Nobody makes love after being with somebody for ten years. The conversation between friends is about the necessity of Magnesium and Vitamin D, Botox and an Eye lift, or whether to arrange a second facelift. I am constantly bathing to avoid the old age smell, using a product called "Mirai" to eradicate everything I dislike especially Nonenal the smell of old age.

My friends relationships look solid enough but when anybody leaves their husband after 55 they looked at with pity followed by whispers  "perhaps they need to 'see' somebody"  I am still living the divorcee life of a 45 year old with all its complications. Despite having two sons,  I seem to accumulate at least one more daughter a year. The girl behind me says"That is not true you only have me" I say well I have Lish and Lara and she turns and says"They are your cousins"
I am surrounded with youth and it is fabulous. I am lucky.
Am I too old for Fashion?  Never, I will always wear a mini skirt and red lipstick, I will always diet and I promise you one thing you never see a shabby year of the rat. Despite criticism I do not care.

The older generation seem to have slipped away from society hiding their flabby arms. I am now happiest on a cruise or at the Mayr Clinic. I am not quite ready for  'The Sunny Vale' as a friend addresses old peoples homes, but I do like an institution. They are truly addictive.

THE WRONG KIND OF PRICK.

Rejuvenation of your pussy? Let me explain there is a new procedure done by my good old friend Dr Sister and I am sure my even better friend Dr Sebagh is busy with it too. It works the same way  the Vampire facelift  works. You take out some blood, spin it in a special machine and re inject it.
However
Imagine the scenario, I am lying in bed covered with lycra with easy access holes, incase I get lucky hopefully with the love of my life, when he suddenly grabs me, and I think "ypee tonights the night". I have to rush to the bathroom and grab a syringe to prick into my shrivelled membranes in order to make them a little more juicy?  It is like the pink embalming fluid that goes into dead bodies to make them look like they are not dead but just resting. I like the old fashioned approach  to lovemaking and that includes the kiss of life, and you will see open sesame.
 Come on Dr Sister I know you quite well, do I book a group for ten sessions, will it hurt, how long does it last, whats the down time, do you have to do it when I am going to get lucky later on?. What happens if you are stood up? I remember going out with a certain doctor and seeing a certain prostitute having her outer membranes pumped up.
I can imagine as I run to the bathroom, putting on some rubber gloves to grab a needle, put some numbing cream on, wondering if I will be able to feel anything and will I feel anything else too? And the man rushing to his bathroom and doing the same, while swallowing a viagra and tying a bootlace around his swollen outer member? Once this did happen. I can imagine a rather vulgar friend of mine who with a gin and tonic in one hand and a fag in another saying "A bit more on the left please, put plenty in, its going to be a heavy week end"
 Come on its coarse and rather sad?
It's not very flattering for a man to know that you go to a doctor to feel moist enough to meet him, and if he realises that he has nothing to do with your soft wet centre, he could be more than a little disappointed?..
It is not an illness, it can be easily resolved with the oil by Cowshed called Horny Cow.
Get a grip read a book...
The world is going noisily mad and I don't give a damn. There are enough people who care and nobody is going to worry about me dropping off the radar. Tomorrow I might care and okay I might grab a syringe?

Sometimes it is good to worry about turning the lights off.
Why do we have to give ourselves a heart attack every day about what is going on in the world? Sometimes it is just good to worry about writing  "2 bottles of milk today" hoping they won't get stolen.
P.S
Whilst editing this article five minutes ago at ten in the morning, I  re read it and now think, this is a splendid idea, and am busy dialling Dr Sister's number, which sadly is permanently engaged. You see in a matter of minutes my enthusiasm returns,  I love a new adventure and as yet, I have not had my blood spun. That is only the start of rejuvenating myself.

A THOROUGH BEASTING

I am at The Tony Robbins course in The Canary Islands, but instead of shimming up a pole, I would rather climb cupid's summit, despite the fact I might not win a yellow badge saying "I jumped it".  This morning I had their food police at my door to check whether the forbidden eggs and bacon were for me or my friend. I said they were for my friend, and they suggested I should be policed by my son, incidentally my son is a miracle born from god and definitely perfect in every way and better suited to the emotional gymnastics that the soya bean brigade offer.
My temple is my body, and my body is very often worshipped.
I promise you I nourish it regularly with green wheat grass  with frequent trips to the Mayr clinic I manage to keep the menopause at a distance and luckily it is at least five years away.
Let's talk about love, more interesting than anything else. Love is for me how to "make the other person feel about me without investing too much of myself". I tried it the other way round and it did not work. I remember when I was a little girl my Aunt said to me all the time "Remember fall in love where money is, never marry for it" I don't worship money but at the same time I am unlikely to slum it.
Does love exist or is it a neurotic obsession with someone else? The obsession part is what keeps you in love, and neurosis is a fabulous drug which most people are addicted to and lose their supplier.  Because of it, they keep searching for the agony.  They get a little hit there and a little hit here, and a few weird trips they wish they had not gone on.  People interested should read a book called "Who moved my cheese"

Fifty shades of grey has one problem that it was not as sophisticated as some fledgling prostitutes.
The only real love affairs for women are the ones that you feel you will lose at any given moment. My ex boyfriend used to say that I needed to be kept in the earthquake zone in order to behave. This was fine until I met a man on a train who became more attractive because he was unavailable. He belonged to someone else. Thats not say I did not try him on a few times, and I did not feel guilty because we pretended his wife did not exist. I did not feel guilty as it was not my wife and it was his job to make his marriage work and not mine. I can't help it if I am so damned attractive.
I wish they were teaching me here about how to NLP a man to think it was his idea to chase me, however Tony Robbins Life Mastery class is obsessed with cleaning out my colon which is not conducive to nights of pleasure, instead its cucumber juices at one end and incase it doesn't come out the other end, yards of two way rubber tubing with  gloves, of course,  are applied. Gas mask optional. If I wanted a colonic I go to The Mayr Clinic or the Margie Finchell clinic.

I am dying for  the teachings of subnormality's, anchoring of excellence, swishing. I really don't need the first of 120 pages to tell me that I am a heap of rotting compost. By the time we go to a course like this in Europe we have done the rounds. I have said "om" for thirty years. I spent weeks standing on one leg on a hilltop with the likes of the excellent Godfrey Devereux. I am not educationally subnormal and need to cheer on an absent Tony Robbins. It feel more like the Tony Robbins appreciation society. I am though here for me, and not for him. I do not need to scream his name with  a Marie Osmond smile every five minutes.  I have read the book and got the T shirt. Sadly despite the money making operation, he is not here.  Instead I have to put up with the plump, white nailed women running the course, complaining about a thirty hour flight instead of massaging their spleens and rubbing their ears suggested in their book. I wanted to immediately enrol in the Platinum option as everything else looked ordinary. I was told if you join you might be lucky enough to meet Warren Buffett. Unfortunately for them and fortunately for me I remember him in Davos at The World Economic Forum, two years ago.  I enjoyed a very elaborate dinner with him.
I am confused as to which toxic chemicals are allowed as it seems you can wear acrylic nails with toluene but they suggest you avoid "right guard" and I don't go anywhere unless I have a touch of Mitchem. I wish they would teach me how to click my fingers and as if by magic "hey presto". I am going to learn how to hold the pole like a cigarette like the girl taught me from the Raymond Review Bar when I launched my book Cloak and Dagger Butterfly in their club.

POLYANNA TO POLYAMAROUS AND BACK AGAIN EVENTUALLY .

I spoke to my son tonight who said in quite a matter of fact voice, that I am, his mother,  and I am polyamorous. I had not really thought about it before, but tonight as he was talking, I realised he is perfectly correct in thinking that. I immediately defended myself, of course,  by saying "I am not sleeping with everybody, I am not a slut". He said "Of course you are not, just you are having many different relationships with all sorts of people". He said quite calmly "You are not a promiscuous, just you don't lie" I said out loud "I am pleased about that" He then explained that most people are not open with the truth, they hide and shuffle deceit around their lives, but I, his mother, happily lived her truths, in a reasonably happy and discreet way. Again I said out loud "I am pleased about that"

The fact is that I have many different relationships, one man for the movies, one to correct my spelling, one, where my mind and body meets, one, which is like my father, one who I would like to be faithful to me and who definitely is not, and so on.  The point is to live my truth I have had to have guts, and I have dealt with my loneliness so nobody can try and make me feel there is a deficit if they remove themselves from my life.  

I remember when I was 14, I was talking about sex with my best friend, and I said that I would be having sex until I was 80.  A neighbour overheard the conversation and reported it to my mother. My mother in turn was furious and slammed the door on the woman's face, after the neighbour repeated my rather torrid forbidden school girl conversation. My mother said in a strident very grand voice, that she could mind her own business. She let me be free to think and work things out but,

after that I remember  being not allowed to read Nietzsche, actually I only tried to read it, and lots I did not understand.  I remember I agreed with him that what you are doing is, what you are doing. So if you are not doing something, but want to, then you are lying.   I would rather do it, enjoy it, love the person than tell myself a whole lot of fibs, and other people too. No I have to be straight, I agree, that I am straight in a rather unusual way.

Is this wrong? Clearly in my mind murdering and theft are both wrong, but if somebody ran over my my dog wow they would be in trouble.
Is infidelity? Well I disagree with most people on this. I think infidelity is wrong, but lying to yourself is wrong. So if you are sleeping with somebody whom you do not love, then that is wrong. If you make love to somebody that you don't  love then that is wrong. If you are having sex with someone you do not love then thats okay you are just having sex. Not everybody you love, you have sex with. 

Most people love people that love them, and they don't tend to love that person until that person disappears.

A woman is jealous when a man fucks another person, but the man is jealous when the woman loves another person. So there is no equality. It is a lopsided balance. It you try to make it acceptable you will be very lonely. Most importantly you need to be good friends and understand each other.

On another note...
If you do something for somebody, as an act of kindness then that can be love and it can be a pleasure. However  if you help that person but never tell them, then that is integrity. Integrity is selfless. Everything we have in life is temporary, until we die.
Just enjoy every second without hurting someone else's feelings. 

THE FORLORN WATCH PORN

I went to a youth convention this week end.  I was there to discuss  my photography.  In the corner, I overheard a conversation about porn on the internet.  The boys were saying that porn was better and cheaper than taking a girl out for dinner. They were often given a huge head ache by the women in their lives. They feel shame about wanting sex. In any case they said they had to pay for everything, and at the end of it, not so much as a cuddle.  They were all about 25, good looking and all complaining.  Men are as we know programmed to have sex with as many partners as possible, to procreate. The advice I was given, was to watch sites on line which were easier and as good as making love.
I am an appalling romantic. When I was very young there was nothing better than walking the streets of London holding hands, sharing a coffee, laughing over a film, and falling into bed kissing. I asked them about the sites without looking too interested, they were sniggering, but one boy was helpful. I told him I was going to do an article about it and he showed me the sites on his I phone. I felt I was completely out of  touch. I knew it existed, but its only when you watch it that you  really understand how big the world is.
I got back home and turned on the screen to a couple of sites. I immediately understood, if I were a man I would probably do the same. The girls were live, pretty, perfect, porn stars, looking as if they were in the comfort of their bedroom. The photographs explicit, very real and with a nothing left to the imagination.  Men could imagine making out with her and probably prefer it to taking out someone they know. For very little cost you could see a more pornographic show in the privacy of your bedroom, more exotic than Thailand. The girls can chat with you.  You can become friends with them. All alive in a brash, crazy way. Rather like a pornographic Facebook.
Lonely men  and women could imagine being in love with them. In fact the sites were for both sexes and there are as many women as men watching them.
However there is a downside of course,  Internet porn is killing mens libido causing erectile dysfunction so a report on you tube  by Gary Wilson says. 
They do not teach people to communicate normally . In some cases men are finding it difficult to make love with real women because they find the net less complicated, the real girls in the their life not as attractive and nothing excites them. Men naturally want to have sex with many women as possible and women want men to be faithful. Women go out of their way to be as manipulative as possible while reading self help books. They know what a man needs is an uncomplicated physical seeing to, but they want marriage and children. We are programmed differently.
If you want to see more of me, I hate to bore you but I do not have that kind of website, you will have to hold my hand and bring me a rose.  I shall keep to the past and hold hands with my real life heroes and look forward to naturally being attracted to someone in a normal way. So boys if you wish to be turned on, turn off the porn and feel the real. 

SEX LIES AND SELOTAPE

I am very sorry that men add me as a notch on their belt, when I have not seen the belt. Some of you may find this flattering, I am not so sure. I have shared many moments with lovely men, but not in the way you think.
I have one man who wants to give me everything, if only he could kick start it.

Another one likes to talk about it and not do it.  One I refused because he wanted to do it, but not talk about it. One wanted to speak to me while making love, unfortunately it meant there had to be a telephone handy. I have known men who wished they had,  and men that have wished they had not.
I was even offered a night once because a man thought I needed a favour. So far I have not found a man willing able and attractive all at the same time,  The men that I have refused, accuse me of being unfaithful the most. Some men have loved me too much and some not at all. I suggested to one man that he should be more spontaneous he started to spank me.
I am told I am having a wonderful time, it seems others speculate more than I do behind closed doors
Problem with these men is they think they are so shiny, but no man can be a shiny as I am. You see I am up with the larks polishing with my chammy leather.

A SLAP BRINGS HAPPINESS, SO THE PAIN MAKES ME ALIVE, and I SHALL WIN THE RACE

Life is a struggle

for everyone

the first thing you

get is a slap out

of the womb

Life should

not be happy

Sex is supposed to

be painful

it has to be tainted

with chance

people who take risks 

are more

attractive

with mortal danger

Men who take risks

are more interesting

Safe lives and anesthesia

can give us ordinary

emotions

but I like to be

stretched

and in pain

just  a little.

Life is meant to be

wretched

my emotions don't

need to be murdered

Just not being miserable

does not create happiness.

Being not ill

does not mean being healthy.

Men are not going to

be what we want except

in poetry and sonnets

Love has always been the 

same.

The easiest way to

be a sad bastard 

is to sit

with sad bastards.

I do not want to

be

wrapped up in cotton wool.

Watching the telephone

and wondering whether

your love will call

is much 

more

exciting

than saying yes

to the wrong man.

MY TEN TOP BEAUTY SECRETS

1.   Eyebrows  frame your face and hold the secrets to your soul.  The best eyebrow artist in the world is in my opinion, Tonya Crooks, The brow gal, she makes you look ravishing immediately

2.  There are many hairdressers around the world but I usually use two, Angela Kalinowski in Los Angeles and Snowden Hill in London.  You know that your hair is going to both styled in an  imaginative way and well taken care of.

3.  Eating green food totally changes the way I feel. I like cucumbers, lettuce, brocali, apple and celery.  I also like orange and lemon mixed together with some ginger to make me feel totally alive.

4.  Looking after your teeth is essential for looking your best, many girls look good but when they open their mouth it looks terrible.  You should visit the Dentist at least once every three months for a check up and a thorough cleanze.  Always use a whitener and some floss before going to bed, otherwise you will look like you could grow a garden. In Los Angeles I use a French dentist called Dr Fusier.

5.  Keep happy and cheerful with regular yoga classes, I use Eka in Los Angeles and Justine Glenton in London. Classes are very good too. I enjoyed Gumurkh's last night at the Golden Bridge in LA, it was singing yoga.  An hour and half of total bliss.

6. Nails are always noticed do not forget.  I have been doing Gels recently which last forever and I will probably always use them in future.  In London I use Sophy Robson and Zaida, and in Los Angeles I use a small shop off Sunset Boulevard.

7.  Keep educating yourself. Do not assume you know everything.  Keep alive, try new things out.  Read a book. Have good sex, you can always tell when women do not, they have dead eyes.

8. Plenty of sleep. Although we spend a long time in the coffin, I sleep better with an eye mask. The best ones I have ever used were from Myla, they are soft, pretty and manageable. Otherwise try sleeping with a silk scarf.

9. Do not eat after 6pm if you can help it.  I find this has kept my weight down. It is not perfect but also it is not bad either.

10.

    Before you go to sleep think of something that makes you happy and you find that you wake up in a better mood.