A PENIS OR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE SOLID?

As my birthday arrives,  I think my goodness, I had better work at being pure, perhaps go into religion?.  I received a birthday card saying "I think we need to get you a new hobby that doesn't involve penises" It is thought provoking and I was thinking, in a more delicate way, just the same thing.  I have thought about boys since seven years old so it could be tricky to change? Sex and the aging body is a combination  I dislike, I am a perfectionist.  I would rather make love in a candle lit room and not face harsh light of reality. The walk of shame this morning, despite being fun, has somehow lost its allure but at least I have a sense of humour as I crept out of my lovers house with just a pair of high healed shoes and my make up case at 7am. I wish now at this grand age that I had qualified as a Judge, a politician or a theatre director.  look in the mirror and see my fourteen year old self and often see the old wise woman.
Politicians have no qualifications ypee.
I talk about sex in secret nowadays, one of my best friends said to me "Nobody makes love after being with somebody for ten years. The conversation between friends is about the necessity of Magnesium and Vitamin D, Botox and an Eye lift, or whether to arrange a second facelift. I am constantly bathing to avoid the old age smell, using a product called "Mirai" to eradicate everything I dislike especially Nonenal the smell of old age.

My friends relationships look solid enough but when anybody leaves their husband after 55 they looked at with pity followed by whispers  "perhaps they need to 'see' somebody"  I am still living the divorcee life of a 45 year old with all its complications. Despite having two sons,  I seem to accumulate at least one more daughter a year. The girl behind me says"That is not true you only have me" I say well I have Lish and Lara and she turns and says"They are your cousins"
I am surrounded with youth and it is fabulous. I am lucky.
Am I too old for Fashion?  Never, I will always wear a mini skirt and red lipstick, I will always diet and I promise you one thing you never see a shabby year of the rat. Despite criticism I do not care.

The older generation seem to have slipped away from society hiding their flabby arms. I am now happiest on a cruise or at the Mayr Clinic. I am not quite ready for  'The Sunny Vale' as a friend addresses old peoples homes, but I do like an institution. They are truly addictive.

FINISHED WITH THE DEMIMONDE AND BACK TO THE MANY "CHARMS" of the BANKER? Tips and Tricks for any future MALE contenders who wish to enter my orbit. Wash it and rinse it under the tap now and again.

1.  Never touch my computer equipment or my belongings especially the handbag.

2.  Stop boasting and talking like a Philadelphia lawyer.

3.  Wear deodorant smell nice, clean your teeth nobody wants to smell booze and fags ,death breath, trench mouth. No girl wants to kiss an ash tray.

4.  Wash and shave

5.  Don't let the girl pay for anything

better to go for a coffee or  a sandwich that you can afford or a pie and a pint

6.  Any internal orgasms can usually be found with girls on websites called Cherrygirls.com who are high end prostitutes

7.  Read a book not only the pamphlet and no, yellow pages don't qualify.

8.  Never talk about another girl especially in a derogatory fashion, I know that it will be me next, and usually to the girl who you have been kvetching about.

9.  Always buy flowers, a simple thing can keep any woman happy even if you have to steal them.

Don't expect every woman to open her legs for a bunch, they may just go in the vase, and understand that if they are ordinary, somebody might spell that out.

10. Don't talk about money as if it was a trans Atlantic telephone number.

11. Don't mention other  girls names in my presence or afford me gynaecological descriptions of their journeys to their perceived sexual delights. I don't mind listening to all of the above if there is a fee involved and a phd after my name, but there isn't.

12.  If a man manages to get through this assault course and the bootcamp I provide, then he might be in with a tiny chance of a date. I realise I might have lost half my audience and that is my entire intention. Those of you still reading should sharpen your pencils once again, if you have lead in it.

13,  Don't send photographs of yourself which are appropriate for tinder  before you  have taken me to dinner.

I do not expect all the men to do work but I do expect that they have a go and try.

If you don't intend to listen to advise then its fast track to a punch on the nose.

I have just woken from a nightmare and taken two more sleeping pills.

If a man tries to blackmail you,  tell him "Go for it but he better have a place at the priory to go to"

I can tell you after my last escapade I am finished with the demimonde and semi artist,and I am back to seeing the "charm" of the banker. One bit of advice listen carefully why the man was free in the first place.