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MY OWN AFFAIRS

PRINCESS LOITISE OF KKLGIUM

MY OWN AFFAIRS

THE PRINCESS LOUISE
OF BELGIUM

TRANSLATED BY

Maude M. C. ffoulkes

ILLUSTRATED

NEW ^^SJr YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY

^^%

COPYBIGHT, 1921,
BT OEORGE II. DORAN COMPANY

MAR 30 i922

PKIlfTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

g)C!.A659396

I DEDICATE

THIS BOOK TO

The Great Man, to the Great King, Who Was
MY FATHER

CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGB

I WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK . . . 13

II MY BELOVED BELGIUM; MY FAMILY AND MYSELF;

MYSELF AS I KNOW MYSELF ,: 19

in THE QUEEN ............ SO

IV THE KING . ..! ;., [.-. , 41

V MY COUNTRY AND DAYS OF MY YOUTH .... 51

Yl MY MARRIAGE AND THE AUSTRIAN COURT THE DAY

AFTER MY MARRIAGE . 69

VII MARRIED 78

VIII MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG THE EMPEROR FRANCIS

JOSEPH AND THE EMPRESS ELIZABETH .... 98

IX MY SISTER STEPHANIE MARRIES THE ARCHDUKE

RUDOLPH, WHO DIED AT MEYERLING . . . . 117

X FERDINAND OF COBURG AND THE COURT OF SOFIA . 134

XI WILLIAM II AND THE COURT OF BERLIN THE EM-
PEROR OF ILLUSION . 150

XII THE HOLSTEINS .......... 160

XIII THE COURTS OF MUNICH AND OLD GERMANY . . . 172

XIV QUEEN VICTORIA 183

XV THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY, AND MY LIFE AS A

PRISONER THE COMMENCEMENT OF TORTURE . 189

XVI LINDENHOF 208

XVII HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY AND AT THE SAME TIME

WAS DECLARED SANE 216

vii

viii CONTENTS

CHAPTER p^nj.

XVIII THE DEATH OF THE KING INTRIGUES AND LEGAL

PROCEEDINGS 230

XIX MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 251

XX IN THE HOPE OF REST ...,,,.;,,.. 265

INDEX ,, r, ,,, ,„ ;,; ,,, „, ^ [„ L.] r.i !.: [., 275

ILLUSTRATIONS

THE PRINCESS LOUISE OF BELGIUM . . . . . Froutispiece

PACING
PAGE

QUEEN MARIE HENRIETTA OF BELGIUM 32

KING LEOPOLD II OF BELGIUM 4)8

THE COUNTESS LONYAY (PRINCESS STEPHANIE OF BELGIUM) 64

PRINCE PHILIP OF SAXE-COBURG 80

PRINCESS VICTOR NAPOLEON (pRINCESS CLEMENTINE OF

BELGIUM) 112

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 128

DUKE GUNTHER OF SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN 168

THE DUCHESS GUNTHER OF SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN . . . 256

MY OWN AFFAIRS

CHAPTER I

Why I Write This Book

As the eldest daughter of a great man and a great
King, whose magnificent intelligence has enriched
his people, I owe nothing but misfortune to my royal
origin. Ever since I was born I have suffered and
been deceived. I have idealized Life too much.

In the evening of my days I do not wish to remain
under the cloud of the false impression which is now
prevalent concerning me.

Without desiring to allude too much to the past,
and to retrace the road of my Calvary, I should like
at least to borrow a few pages from my memories
and reflections, inspired by events which have de-
stroyed thrones in whose proximity I once lived.
The Emperor of Austria, the German Emperor, the
Tsar of Bulgaria were all familiar figures to me.

Driven to Munich by the war, then to Budapest,

taken prisoner for a brief space by Hungarian

Bolshevists, I have survived the European tempest,

and I have seen all those who disowned and crushed

me, beaten and punished.

14 MY OWN AFFAIRS

And I trembled every day for my poor Belgium,
so strong in her courage and her travail, but so un-
just to me — oh, no, not the people — ^the good people
are naturally heroic and indefatigable. I refer to
certain of their leaders, who have been misled on my
account, and who are also, perhaps, too fond of
money. Unjust themselves, they all equally violated
justice by illicit interests which had the appearance
of legality, as well as by the false attitude which
appeared merely to be forgetfulness, but which was
actually ingratitude.

My father has not yet had a monument erected
to him in the country which he esteemed so highly;
his Government has remembered the follies of his
old age rather than its privileges, and his memory
has suffered accordingly.

But what is past is past. My memory remains
faithfully and affectionately attached to my native
land ; my sole thought is to love and honour her.

It is of Belgium that I wish to speak before pass-
ing on to the Courts of Vienna, Berlin, Munich and
Sofia, and to the many doings which these names
recall, certain of which deserve better knowledge and
consideration.

I have never entertained any feehngs for Belgium
other than those of imperishable affection. The
most painful of my reflections during the horrible
war was that she was more to be pitied than I was.

On the day when I was being searched by Hun-
garian Bolshevists at Budapest I heard one of them

WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK 15

say to another — having proved for himself the sim-
plicity to which I was reduced: "Here is a king's
daughter who is poorer than I am." I have thought
of the unhappy women of Ypres, of Dixmude, of
France, Poland, Servia, and elsewhere — unfortunate
creatures without fire or bread through the crime of
war, and I have wept for them and not for myself.

More than one of them, perhaps, envied my posi-
tion before 1914; little did they realize that I should
have preferred theirs!

Married at seventeen, I expected to find in mar-
riage the joys that a husband and children can give.
I have had bitter proof to the contrary.

Rupture was inevitable where my own intimate
feelings were concerned and those who surrounded
me. I was too independent to make use of what was
offensive to me.

Honours are often without honour, however high
they may seem to be. Save for rare exceptions, for-
tune and power only develop in us the appetite for
pleasure and urge us to depravity. Those whom
La Bruyere calls "the Great" easily lose the knowl-
edge of human conditions. Life is to them no longer
the mysterious proof of the existence of a soul which
will be eventually rewarded or punished according to
its deserts. Religion seems to them only a mask or
an instrument.

Led to judge their fellow-creatures through the
flatteries, calculations, ambitions and treacheries by
which they are surrounded, they arrive, through mis-

16 MY OWN AFFAIRS

trust of human nature, at a state of indiiFerence to
God, and they accommodate His laws to their needs
in the assurance of adjusting themselves with the
Creator as they adjust their doings with their
ministers.

When I review the past, and when I am reminded
of the various phases of my unhappy existence, I
never despair of ultimately finding a justice which I
have not yet come across in this world ; I have always
believed that it exists somewhere. If it were not so,
things would be inconceivable.

I owe this spirit of confidence to the lessons I
learnt in my infancy, chiefly from those taught me by
the Queen, my mother. "Always endeavour to be
a Christian," she used to say. I could not understand
the import of these words when I was a child, but the
misfortunes of my life have helped to explain them.

Stirred into revolt by humanity in so many ways,
I have now submitted myself to a Superior Will,
and I know the happiness of not hating my enemies.
Pardon has always followed my rebellion.

I have never doubted that those who wronged me
would be punished sooner or later on earth or else-
where, and I have been sorry for my persecutors.

I have pitied them for their disHke of my frank-
ness, because I am an enemy of all family and Court
hypocrisy — I have pitied them for having censured
my fidelity to one affection, and, above all, I have
pitied their exaggeration of my disregard for that
ancient idol — money!

WHY I WRITE THIS BOOK 17

Convinced as I was, and not without foundation,
that immense wealth was to come, not only to myself
but to my sisters, I maintained that our duty was to
make full use of our resources. Was it not better to
circulate money and assist trade? This opinion, how-
ever, was not shared either by a husband who was
inclined to hoard or by a family who were afraid of
any fresh ideas or customs, and who only saw in
the aspirations of the masses an inevitable and hor-
rible catastrophe against which they ought to protect
themselves by saving as much as possible.

At the same time, when I have been engaged in
a struggle I have never met with anything save cruel
treatment on the part of my enemies (first and fore-
most by the slanders intended to ruin me in the eyes
of the world) , but I have hurled myself at the onset
against all the obstacles which violence and enmity
have conceived against me.

Being unable to live and act normally, and com-
pelled by force and privations to treat what I held
as despicable with obedience and respect, I lacked
the means of existence to which I was entitled. The
trouble I took in order to assure myself of my liberty
on my native soil, in the order and dignity for which
I had hoped, was nullified by those who were them-
selves morally responsible for it. I was compelled to
become a prisoner or a fugitive, taken away and kept
away from my rightful position by difficulties of
every description. By these methods my enemies

18 MY OWN AFFAIRS

imagined that I should be more easily deprived of all
to which I had clung.

What would have become of me had I not found
a man who devoted himself to saving me from all
kinds of snares and dangers, and who found devoted
beings to second him — ^many of whom have sprung
from the humbler ranks of life — I am unable to con-
jecture.

If I have known the wickedness of an aristocracy
devoid of nobility, I have also benefited by the most
chivalrous delicacy which has been extended to me
by the populace, and my recognition of this is chiefly
what I wish to write about to-day.

But deep in my heart I have the impelhng desire
not to allow the legend which has been created around
me and my name to exist any longer.

CHAPTER II

My Beloved Belgium; My Family and Myself;
Myself — ^as I Know Myself

If in an official procession the principal personage
comes last, then Belgium should come last in my
pages, for it is about myself that I must begin.

I decide to do so not without apprehension, for I
remember the descriptions of themselves which cele-
brated writers of autobiography — Saint Simon, for
instance — ^have given at the commencement of their
memoirs.

Far be it from me to wish to paint myself in glow-
ing colours. That would be a pretension from which
the great writers who possessed the talent necessary
to describe themselves preserve me. I only hope, if
possible, to describe myself as I believe myself to be.

I often examine my heart. The older I grow the
stronger this tendency to self-analysis becomes.
Formerly I used to like to know my fellow-creatures ;
now I have discovered that one should always know
oneself before attempting to decipher other human
enigmas.

The ancient precept of Delphes, which the King,

my father, used to quote, comes back to my memory,

but I will not give it here. I do not understand

20 MY OWN AFFAIRS

modern Greek, unlike Queen Sophie, that charming
woman, who was so misguided as to learn it; she lost
her throne, so they say, through trying to outwit the
subtlety of Ulysses!

My predominant quality is a horror of all that
is insincere, inaccurate, formal and commonplace.
My taste for simplicity in thought and actions
branded me long ago as a revolutionary in the eyes
of my family. This was when I rebelled in Vienna
against the routine and what they called the esprit
of the Court.

My passion for sincerity has brought me unity of
thought. I am a woman faithful to one vow which
my heart admits freely.

I have known and loved few individuals well
enough to allow myself to approach them and know
them thoroughly, but when once my confidence and
liking have been given and found to be justified,
I have become deeply attached to those on whom they
were bestowed.

Many people would have liked to have seen me
deprived of happiness, but I possess at least this one
jewel — faithfulness, and I have known the sweetness
thereof; not only the banal and material fidelity —
always more or less a passing phase as one generally
understands it — but the pure and noble fidelity which
accompanies a vigilant and chivalrous mind ; the ideal
of noble hearts, which is revolted by injustice and
attracted by misfortune. Diverse fidelities, although
sisters, are marvellous treasures in which one must

MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 21

be rich oneself to be enabled further to enrich the
future with precious gifts.

Firm in upholding my rights, and true to my con-
victions when I believe them to be in accordance with
honour and truth — which spring from a divine es-
sence— and are not inspired by hypocritical conven-
tions, I am afraid of nothing, and nothing can con-
vince me against my will.

I have inherited these traits from my father and
my mother ; from my mother I get the spiritual side,
and from my father I get the material side of my
character. It is useless, therefore, to believe that I
should ever act against the dictates of my conscience.

If I am compelled to give way for a moment, I
do so as one would yield at the point of the bayonet.

Wickedness and compulsion do not create equity,
they only create its reservations, and redress to jus-
tice is from God alone and not from man.

This strength of resistance against evil and con-
tempt of etiquette are, so to speak, the salient charac-
teristics of my life.

But in spite of my decided opinions I show
marked nervousness in the presence of strangers.
When they are introduced to me I can hardly speak
to them, even though their personality appeals to
me.

My beloved compatriots in Brussels, the friends
who are always present in my thoughts, used to say,
"Princess Louise is proud!" What a mistake! On
the contrary, I should have much liked to respond to

22 MY OWN AFFAIRS

the affection they offered me, and to have entered
those Belgian homes that I knew to be so hospitable.
Ah! what happiness not to have been born a king's
daughter! One could then speak freely to fellow-
creatures who merited sympathy; but a princess can-
not do as she pleases.

With my entourage I am sometimes as open and
expansive as I am silent and reserved with strangers.
I mistrust fresh faces, and in no circumstances do I
ever indulge in gossip. I much prefer the conversa-
tion of men who know something, to that of women
who know nothing.

I detest all that is unnatural in conversation; affec-
tation is insupportable to me. Idle remarks which
annoy me easily suggest some repartee or sarcastic
comment such as the King knew so well how to use,
which always touched to the quick the person to
whom it was addressed. But the influence of the
Queen's memory sometimes restrains me and keeps
me silent out of Christian charity.

Immovable in the convictions of my conscience and
outwardly reserved, I am, nevertheless, a woman of
contradictions. When I am forced to act I invariably
rush to extremes. Soul extremes always result from
contrasts, just as the thunder of heaven results from
the meeting of two storm clouds. In me the storm is
suppressed. I surprise people more than anything
else by my customary attitude of not being able to
foresee the decision which carries me away.

I do not regard existence from the ordinary stand-

MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 23

point; I regard it from a much higher one. This is
not due to any f eehng of pride. I am carried away by
something within me past certain barriers and certain
frontiers ; I hve in a world of my own in which I can
take refuge.

Many, many times during the implacable persecu-
tion which I have endured for so long, I have stood
in front of a mirror and tried to read the soul within
my eyes. I was a prisoner; I was "mad" for reasons
of State. I asked myself in cold blood, was I not
really becoming mad — ^was I still mistress of my rea-
son?

"Yes," replied an inner voice, "you are mistress of
your reason so long as you are mistress of yourself,
and you are mistress of yourself so long as you remain
faithful to your ideal of honour."

I will speak of this ideal later. Honest women will
understand. But my nature did not find in the con-
jugal abode the good, the pure and the true, which it
had dreamed of, hoped for, and desired. As the years
passed the atmosphere of my home changed, the grow-
ing children became less of a safeguard. Help came in
a day of chaos under an aspect which the world con-
demns. Nothing stopped me then, and, henceforth,
nothing shall separate me from my ideal. I have
done away with the gilded splendour which to me is
shameful. I live now with that which speaks to me in
a language I can understand, something which is
morally beautiful. This act of my inner self is now
realized. I have not repented. I never shall.

24 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Dramas, plots, intrigues, treason follow each other
— I struggle against them without triumphing. It is
the work of my outward self. I may appear to fail,
but my inner self turns away disgusted from the
mud.

I was not made to conquer in the fray of human
conflicts in a sphere which is, perhaps, that of crea-
tures predestined to show that the real condition of
man is not here below. The society that he extols, the
civilization that he admires, are but the poor and
fragile conceptions of his illusion of earthly sovereign-
ty, and they will only bring misfortune to him if he
lives for them alone.

God was always present in my thoughts even when
I believed myself forgotten by man.

I have had, like every creature who has been
crushed by false witness, my hours of doubt and de-
spair. The grievance against me at the Coburg Pal-
ace and in Vienna was that I would not conform to
the outward practice of religion after I had seen all
its double-facedness and mock devotion. I often re-
fused to go to the chapel and accept as fitting the out-
ward piety which to me was sacrilege. I went to
seek God and the Holy Virgin in some solitary and
humble church far from the Hofburg and my pal-
ace.

I have also known the time when at the bidding of
my rebellious soul I turned from Heaven. Suffering,
experience and meditation have led me back to the
Divine Master whose love was taught me by my be-

MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 25

loved mother. I believe I shall reach His presence

by a road which resembles Calvary. It is an uphill

road, but He raises me; and so rugged is it, that at

every turning I forget the world a little more and I

stretch out my arms towards the love and justice of

God.

'in * * * ¥lt

They have said that I was beautiful. I inherit from
my father my upright figure, and I have also some-
thing of his features and his expression.

I inherit from my mother a certain capacity for
dreaming, which enables me to take refuge in myself,
and when a conversation does not interest me, or if
anyone or anything troubles me, I instantly seek
sanctuary in the secret chamber of my soul.

But my eyes betray me, and the effort I make to
return to everyday life gives me the expression of a
fugitive — ^this is a great peculiarity of mine.

The colour of my eyes is a clear brown, which re-
flects those of the Queen and the King, but more par-
ticularly those of the King. Like him, I am able
to change my voice from softness to a certain hard
brilliance. The golden ears of corn are not more
golden than was once my golden hair; to-day it is
silver.

I speak like the King, but somewhat slower than
he did, in the two languages I chiefly employ — ^which
are equally famihar to me — French and German.

Like him I think in French or German, but when
I write, I prefer to do so in French.

26 MY OWN AFFAIRS

So enamoured am I of simplicity and truth in rela-
tion to every condition of life, that I think a woman,
wherever she may be, should always keep her position
as a woman. Of course there must be degrees in
everything, and the differences among men are the
outcome of their education and the rules of social life.

Although I am utterly indifferent to false courtesy
and hollow praise, and the methods of the crafty and
the claims of intriguers, I respect merit, and when it
is recognized and rewarded I esteem the honour which
is accorded to it.

Let us not look for outside honours but let us re-
spect our own personal honour. I do not forget, I
have never forgotten, even in my worst hours of mis-
fortune, what I owe to my birth, to my dear departed
ones and to the ideas which were born in me.

I love Art, and, like the Queen, I have a preference
for music. I also inherit her love of horses. Sport
seems to me a secondary thing in comparison with the
interest of horsemanship in all its varieties.

In Paris I was always to be seen in the Bois; in
Vienna I was an habituee of the Prater. I still take
great pleasure in picking out carriages that are car-
riages and horsemen who are horsemen ; they are both
rarer than one thinks.

I am a great reader and I make notes of my impres-
sions. I read with pleasure all the newspapers worth
reading, and all the reviews that make me think.

Politics never bore me, but to-day they astonish me

MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 27

and rend my heart ; the frightful upheaval in Europe,
the universal trouble, fill me with concern for the
future.

Hostile to any excess of monarchical power which
incites its favourites to depravity, I think, neverthe-
less, that democrats will find it difficult to conduct
matters and govern to the betterment of general in-
terests. The etiquette of Power, the name of Presi-
dent, Consul, Emperor or King signifies but one
thing, and besides this the principle of authority is al-
ways regulated by the influence of Woman.

This influence, supreme in the history of the world,
is only paramount in democracies when it exercises it-
self in secret, and it is generally unlucky. In mon-
archies it is beneficial to the development of aris-
tocracy, except in the classic case of a drunken or per-
verse favourite who by taking sensual possession of
the prince also talies possession of his authority.

In some instances it is not wise to lead men to good
fortune. Those of our epoch seem to be very far from
attaining it through hatred, ignorance and confu-
sion, which the ruin of ancient Europe can only ag-
gravate.

With regard to books, I re-read more than I read.
But I am attracted by anything new which I hear
spoken about — in which, by the way, I am so often
disappointed. I have read books on the war; I com-
miserate with the men who cut each others throats —
but I wish they would cease writing on this bar-
barous subject.

28 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Goethe is my favourite author; he is the friend
and companion whom I love at all times. I am famil-
iar with the great French authors, but none of them,
in my opinion, attains the mental serenity of Goethe
or gives me so much repose of mind.

I have a penchant for the works of Chateaubriand
which dates from my youth. The character of Rene
will always appeal to the hearts of women.

With regard to modern books. . . . But in speak-
ing of hterary men and artists it is always necessary
to exclude those who are living, so I will say noth-
ing about modern authors. I will only say that of all
theatrical plays (Shakespeare, like God in Heaven,
alone excepted) the French repertory, in my opinion,
is the most varied and the most interesting, and
through the facihties which I have had of hearing
plays in the principal European languages, I think I
am able to judge. I am speaking now of the dramatic
theatre. The works and the representations of the
lyric theatre appear generally more remarkable, and
the companies are more conscientious in Germany and
Austria and even in Italy, than in France.

Outside Paris and Monte Carlo it is difficult to
find, even in the most charming countries, what all
unimportant German towns possess — a comfortable
theatre, good music, good singers.

How strange are different temperaments: this one
is more musical, that one is more learned, this one is
more philosophical, that one is more imaginative; it
seems as though Providence, in creating diversities

MYSELF— AS I KNOW MYSELF 29

in races and characters, had wished to instil into men's
hearts the necessity of amalgamating their different
talents, in order to be happy in this world. But Prov-
idence, whilst endowing men with genius, has neglect-
ed to make them less foolish and less wicked.

CHAPTER III

The Queen

The Queen was the daughter of Joseph Antoine
Jean, Prince Royal of Hungary and Bohemia, Arch-
duke of Austria (the last Palatin, greatly venerated
by the Hungarians), and his third wife, Marie Doro-
thee Guillemine Carohne, Princess of Wurtemburg.

Affianced to Prince Leopold, Duke of Brabant,
heir to the throne of Belgium, Marie Henriette of
Austria married him by proxy at Schonbrunn on Au-
gust 10, 1853, and in person, according to the Alman-
ack de Gothaj in Brussels on the 22nd of the same
month.

By this marriage the Royal House of Belgium, al-
ready connected with those of France, Spain, Eng-
land and Prussia, became alhed to the reigning fami-
lies of Austria-Hungary, Bavaria, Wurtemburg, etc.

The young Queen was the daughter of a good and
simple mother, herself a model of virtue. Her broth-
ers were the Archduke Joseph, a gallant soldier who
had three horses killed under him at Sadowa, and the
Archduke Stephen, the idol of my childhood, who was
banished from the Court of Vienna because he was too
popular. He ended his days in exile at the Chateau of
Schaumbourg in Germany.

THE QUEEN 31

King Leopold the First, my grandfather, having
died on November 10, 1865, King Leopold II and
Queen Henriette ascended the throne.

I can still see the Queen as I saw her when I lay in
her arms as a child, so long has my adoration for her
survived, so long has my belief in another world re-
mained sacred to her memory.

The Queen was* of medium height and of slender
build. Her beauty and grace were unrivalled. The
purity of her lines and her shoulders, merited the ex-
pressian "royal." Her supple carriage was that of a
sportswoman. Her voice was of such pure timbre
that it awakened echoes in one's soul. Her eyes, a
darker brown than those of the King, were not so
keenly luminous, but they were far more tender; they
almost spoke.

But how much less her physical perfections counted
in comparison with her moral qualities. A true Chris-
tian, her idea of religion was to follow it rigorously in
every detail, without being in the least narrow-mind-
ed. She had a philosophical and an assured concep-
tion of God, and the mysteries of the Infinite. This
faith enlightened her doctrine and strengthened her
piety.

People who cannot, or who will not, study the prob-
lem of rehgion, easily persuade themselves that it is
absurd to subject themselves to the laws of confes-
sion and to its signs and ceremonies. The sincere
Christian is the woman who is par excellence a wife
and a mother, but to some bigots she is merely an in-

82 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ferior being, who has fallen into the hands of priests
— but they would doubtless be very pleased all the
same to have her as the guardian angel of their own
home.

Religion did not in the least deter the Queen from
her obligations to the State, or from her taste for Art,
or from indulging in her favourite pursuit of sport.

She received her guests, she presided over her cir-
cle, she attended fetes with a natural charm peculiar
to her, which I passionately admired from the mo-
ment when I was old enough to follow in her wake.

The Queen dressed with an inborn art which was
always in harmony with her surroundings. A woman
in her position has to set out to please and win the
hearts of people, and she is therefore obliged more
than anyone else to study her toilette. The Queen
excelled in this to such perfection that she was al-
ways held up as an example by the arbiters of Pari-
sian fashion.

At any time fashion is peculiar, or at least it seems
to be; if it were not so there would be no fashion;
but la mode is not so varied as one thinks. Con-
sidered as novelties, her innovations are nothing more
or less than little discoveries and arrangements with
which the serpent, if not Eve, was already familiar
in the Garden of Eden.

The Queen followed la mode without innovating
fashions — that is the affair of other queens — queens
of fashion, for which they have reasons, not dictated
by Reason. But the Queen adopted and perfected

QUEEN" MARIE HEXHIETTE OF BELGIUM

THE QUEEN 83

fashions. It was miraculous to see how she wore the
fairy-hke lace which is the glory and charm of Bel-
gium. I have always remembered one of her gowns,
a certain cerise-coloured silk, the corsage draped with
a fichu of Chantilly — one of the most beautiful things
I have ever seen in my life.

The Queen would often adorn the gowns worn by
her at her receptions with garlands of fresh flowers.
She knew how to wear them, and what a delight it was
to my sisters and myself when we were told to go into
the conservatories and prepare the garlands of roses,
dahlias, or asters which our beloved sovereign was go-
ing to wear!

A perfect musician, the Queen was equally brilliant
in her execution of a Czarda, an Italian melody or an
air from an Opera, which she interpreted in a soprano
voice, the possession of which many a professional
singer would have envied her.

One of her great pleasures was to sing duets with
Faure, the illustrious baritone, a well-bred artist who
never presumed on his position. The Queen and
Faure were wonderful in the famous duets from Ham-
let and Rigoletto. ... I think of her singing even
now with emotion. But all this belongs to the past;
it is far away.

The Queen received the best artistic society on the
same footing as the best Belgian society at her private
receptions. She closely followed all the doings at the
Theatre de la Monnaie and the Theatre du Pare.
She interested herself in deserving talent. She was not

34 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ignorant of the anxieties and difficulties of a career
of which four hours, so to speak, are lived in the realms
of illusion, and the remaining twenty face to face with
reality. She frequently showed her sohcitude for
artists in the most delicate and opportune manner.
The memory of her kindness lives in many hearts. In
the theatrical world gratitude is less rare than else-
where. One can never speak too highly of the good
that exists in the souls of these people, who appear
so frivolous and easy-going on the surface. Comeille
always had a good word for them.

The Queen loved horses with the appreciation of a
born horsewoman ; she liked to drive high-spirited ani-
mals, and I have inherited her taste. She knew how
to control the wild Hungarian horses which were only
safe with her. Refreshed with champagne, or bread
dipped in red wine, they flew like the wind ; one might
have said that she guided them by a thread, but in
reality she made them obedient to the sound of her
voice.

She groomed her horses herself and taught them
wonderful circus tricks. I have seen one of them as-
cend the grand staircase of Laeken, enter the Queen's
room and come down again as though nothing had
happened. What amused her most was to drive two
or four different animals at once who had never been
harnessed, and who were so high-spirited that no one
dared to drive them. By dint of patience and the
magnetic charm of her voice the most restive animal
eventually became docile.

THE QUEEN 85

Her life was so ordered that she found time for
everything — maternal cares were first and foremost
with her; she looked upon these as sweet duties, of
which I was her first burden.

I was a year old when my brother Leopold was
born, who, alas! only hved a few years. I was six
years old when my sister Stephanie was born, and
when Clementine came into the world I was already
twelve years old. I was therefore the eldest bird in
the Queen's nest — the big sister who was taught to
assist her mother equally well on the steps of the
throne as in a cottage. It was I who was expected
to set a good example to the brothers and sisters who
might come after me; it was I who was expected to
benefit the most from maternal teachings. I certainly
had the priority, but I was not the favourite, though
owing to my age I was, in some ways, the most privi-
leged.

Our mother brought us up after the English fash-
ion ; our rooms were more like those in a convent than
the rooms of the princesses one reads about in the
novels of M. Bourget.

When I was no longer under the daily and nightly
supervision of a governess or nurse, I was expected to
look after myself, and when I got out of bed in the
morning I had to fetch the jug of cold water from
outside the door which was intended (in all seasons)
for my ablutions, for neither in the Palace at Brussels
nor at the Chateau of Laeken had the "last word" in
comfort attained perfection.

86 MY OWN AFFAIRS

The Queen taught me from my earliest youth how
to manage servants ; I learned from her very early in
life that it was possible to be on a throne one day and
the next to find one's self in the streets. How many
of my relations or friends can contradict this to-day?
But at that time my mother's cold reasoning would
have disgusted the Courts and the chancellors.

My mother made me think deeply. Thought was
my first revelation of a real existence. I began to
look further than the throne and a title for the means
of moral and intellectual superiority, I became a defi-
nite personality; I wished to form my own ideas so
that in after life I could always be myself.

The Queen helped to mould my character by abun-
dant reading, chiefly in French and English — ^princi-
pally memoirs. I was never, or very rarely, allowed
to read a novel. The Queen read deliciously, giving
the smallest phrase its full value ; the manner in which
she read aloud was not only that of a woman who
knew how to read, but it also displayed a penetrating
intelligence — in fact, it was more like speaking than
reading, and it seemed to come from a heart which
understood everything.

The Queen was gay and entrancingly charming
with her intimate friends. She was always like this, in
her excursions in the country, at croquet parties, at
her own receptions, and in her box at the theatre. Her
good humour was in accordance with the promptings
of a generous and expansive nature.

On my birthday, August 25, 1894, which I cele-

THE QUEEN 37

brated with her at Spa, she wished to mark the aus-
picious occasion by improvising a small dance after
dejeuner^ which she had specially ordered to be served,
not in her villa, but in a room reserved for her in an
hotel, thus making dejeuner a more agreeable and
homely affair. There were present myself and my
sisters, Stephanie's daughter, and my own, and all of
us wore our smartest gowns.

The Queen insisted on Clementine, who was an ac-
complished musician, playing the piano, and having
sent for Gerard, her mcdtre d'hotel^ who had accom-
panied us to supervise the service (he was one of those
servants who believed in their duty towards their em-
ployers, and who knew the meaning of the name of
servant), the Queen said to him:

"Gerard, in honour of the princess's birthday you
are going to waltz with us."

"Oh, your Majesty!"

"Yes, yes, you are going to waltz once with me,
and once with the princess."

"Oh, your Majesty!"

"What? Do you not know how to waltz?"

"Yes, your Majesty, a little."

"Eh bien, Gerard, waltz! Now, Clementine, play
a waltz."

The faithful Gerard could but obey, blushing and
shy and hardly daring to glance at his royal partner.
The Queen then said laughingly:

"Don't be afraid, Gerard, I am not a sylphide."

38 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Gerard then waltzed with my mother and also with
me, and he waltzed well!

The next day he was once more the model servant —
such as are loved and esteemed by their masters, whom
they love and esteem in return, if those they serve only
know how to merit their devotion.

The Queen took no part in politics except to dis-
charge her duties as a sovereign. On a man like the
King, feminine influence could not be exercised by
a wife and mother.

It was impossible for the Queen to find in her hus-
band the perfect union of thought, the intimacy of
action and the entire confidence which, in no matter
what household, are the only possible conditions for
happiness, and the first deception which she experi-
enced was followed by others which became more
and more cruel.

The trial which caused the Queen to be inconsol-
able and which had such painful consequences, was
the death of her son Leopold.

My mother could never be comforted for the loss of
the heir to the Throne, this child of so much promise,
who had been given and retaken by Heaven. This
was the sorrow of her life. She even alluded to it in
her admirable will.

From the day of his death, her health, always so
robust, gradually changed little by little. Her soul
began to break away from earthly things and lose it-
self more and more in prayer and contemplation. She

THE QUEEN 39

lived only in the ardent hope of meeting her son in
Heaven.

The Queen was always a saint — and she soon be-
came a martyr. She suffered immensely through the
aloof greatness of the King, who existed solely for
his Royal duties, although he would occasionally sud-
denly indulge in some unbridled pleasure after his
arduous work. His was a nature of extremes which
a tender soul could not understand, and hence arose
misunderstandings and their tragic consequences.
Against such a fate, which could only become more
and more unhappy, there was nothing to be done.
Earthly life is doomed to know implacable disillu-
sions.

But however much the Queen suif ered she never
diminished her Heaven-inspired kindness. She
would sometimes give way to her sorrow and allow the
cries of her wounded soul to be heard. She would
even attempt to defend herself by some action of
which the public was cognizant but which it failed to
understand. But she always returned to the feet
of Christ the Consoler.

It is there that I shall find her, and there I shall
offer my veneration and love to this sublime mother
who instilled in me the passion to fulfil my duties, as
I define them,

My idea of duty, face to face with myself, is, firstly,
a rightful and complete liberty of action; that is to
say, freedom of body and soul; from this comes the
seeking after God here below and the ascension to

40 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Him through human errors and human weaknesses.
Oh I well-beloved mother, I have passed through
life without at all understanding the mysteries which
surround us, but, following your simple faith, I have
believed, / now believe, in the presence of a Creator.

CHAPTER IV
The King

My father was not only a great king — ^he was a
great man.

A king may achieve greatness through possessing
the art of surrounding himself with the right entour-
age, and thus taking advantage of the importance
which it is then so easy for him to gain. He must be
superior, at least at heart, to have a taste for su-
periority.

When he came into power Leopold II did not aim
at gathering round him those wonderful intellects
who would have inspired him to greatness. He had
not the same chances as Louis XIV, neither had he
those men whom his own example later developed.
Belgium was still an adolescent State, the govern-
ment of which required very careful and exclusive
handling. She had sprung into being from twin coun-
tries, widely diif erent in character, but united by the
same laws. Her national policy is like a web whose
mission it is to hold them together, but such a form
of Constitution is not without its inconvenience?

For a long time the King's secret conviction was,
that in order to be able to endure and strengthen her-
self, Belgium had urgent need of some great scheme

42 MY OWN AFFAIRS

which would produce in her an amalgamation of ef-
fort and intelligence, and allow her to take one of
the highest places among the nations of the world.

He had carefully studied the map of the world, and
his observations resulted in the unheard-of project of
endowing his little kingdom with immense colonial
possessions. He had at the time neither the money
nor the army; he only had the idea, but the idea
obsessed him and he lived for it alone.

The man whom I recall to my mind in thinking of
the King is one whose silence always frightened me
when I was a child. Here is an instance of his taci-
turn character.

The Queen is seated, holding in her hand a book
which she is no longer reading. She is folding me
close to her heart, whilst her eyes follow the King.
The doors of the drawing-room leading to the other
rooms are open, and the Sovereign paces backwards
and forwards, his hands behind his back, almost like
an automaton, without glancing at us and without
breaking his interminable train of thought. Silence
lies over the palace ; nobody dares enter, for the King
has forbidden access to the Royal apartments. The
Queen and I are involuntary prisoners of this prison-
er of his own thoughts.

The King was a fine and strong figure. His im-
posing personaHty and his characteristic physiognomy
are familiar even to the new generation, who have
only seen the popular pictures of him; but photo-
graphs never did justice to his expression of sceptical

THE KING 43

shrewdness. His eyes, as I have already said, were
light brown; at the least opposition they assumed a
fixed expression, and when it rested on my sisters and
myself when we were in fault, the King's glance
terrified us more than any reproaches or punishment.

The King's voice was deep and somewhat muffled
in timhre, sometimes it grew nasal; when he was
angry it became, like his eyes, as hard as a stone, but
if he wished to please it became soft and emotional.
People still speak of the manner in which he delivered
his speech from the Throne after the death of Leo-
pold I, and his touching opening words: "Gentlemen,
Belgium, like myself, has lost a father."

When he was in a happy mood he became animated,
although his humour, when he was pleased to show it,
was always bitter and satirical — and he possessed it
in abundance. I have never forgotten certain of his
opinions touching his Ministers and contemporaries.
Some of those who are still living would be very flat-
tered to know them. Others would not!

The King paid little attention to me or my sis-
ters; his fatherly caresses were rare and brief. We
were always awed in his presence; he was ever to us
more the King than the father.

With regard to his attitude towards the Queen, as
far back as I can remember I always see him as the
same self-centred and taciturn man in his relations
with her.

He was constantly away from home, so we little
ones were rarely with both our parents. I alone, on

44 MY OWN AFFAIRS

account of my age and the advantage which it gave
me over my sisters, enjoyed a little family life with
my father and my mother before the differences be-
tween them arose. But I cannot recall a single act of
kindness or tenderness on his part towards my mother
that I especially noticed in my youth.

I only know that at a certain epoch, when I was
about eleven years old, the King, who like my mother
adored flowers, never missed bringing her some every
week which he had gathered himself in the Royal gar-
dens. He would arrive in my mother's apartment
laden with his fragrant harvest and would say to
her abruptly, "Here you are, my good wife."

Stephanie and I would at once begin to refill the
vases — I especially, for I had been taught by the
Queen to love and arrange flowers, those discreet com-
panions of our thoughts, which bring into the home
perfume, colours, caresses and rest, and which are
verily the quintessence of earth and Heaven !

One day at Laeken my father off"ered me a gar-
denia. I was simply stupefied. I was then about
thirteen. I hoped for a long time for a repetition of
this paternal graciousness, but in vain!

This prince of genius, whose political conceptions
and manner of conducting negotiations useful to Bel-
gium won the admiration, if not of those to whom they
were advantageous, of at least the high intelligences
of other countries, was singularly thorough in small
things. He clung to his ideas and his personal con-
cerns in a most obstinate manner. I have seen him

THE KING 45

look into the management of the gardens at Laeken
with the greatest attention to every detail.

Large, juicy peaches grew on the walls of the gar-
i dens, and the King was very proud of them. I had
a passion for peaches, and one day I dared eat one
which was hidden away among the leaves. And that
year peaches were plentiful. But the following day
the King discovered the theft — what a dramatic mo-
ment! At once suspected, I confessed my crime and
I was promptly punished. I did not realize that the
King counted his peaches!

This great realist had a realistic mind, and material-
ism carried him on to idealism. I will not allow my-
self for a moment to suppose that he did not believe
in God, but certainly he had a different conception
of the Creator from that of the Queen. She suffered
greatly through this attitude of her husband, but he
persisted in his way of thinking.

On Sundays he used to attend Mass ; he considered
it was an example which he owed to the Court and
the people. Sometimes he escorted the Queen to
Divine Service taking with him "Squib," a tiny terrier
of which the Queen was very fond and which the King
always spoke of as one refers to a person. He called
it "The Squib."

It was a sight to see the big man holding the tiny
dog under his arm — the little animal too terrified to
move. Thus, one supporting the other, they both
heard Mass seated beside the Queen, who assuredly did
not think this a very religious procedure. When Mass

46 MY OWN AFFAIRS

was over, the King, still carrying Squib, would cross
the reception rooms until he reached the dining-room,
when he would gravely deposit the little dog^ on the
Queen's knee.

With regard to the King's policy, I only knew and
understood that related to the Congo. I knew the
alternate hopes and fears which passed through the
mind of the author of this gigantic enterprise. It was
the one topic of conversation around me, and it was
always mentioned with bated breath; but the things
which are spoken of in this way are, I think, those
one hears of most.

I know that the Royal fortune and that of my aunt,
the Empress Charlotte, which was administered by
the King, were employed at one time, not without
some risk, in the acquisition and organization of the
possessions that the Great Powers afterwards dis-
puted with Belgium. Those were anxious days for
the King. He manoefuvred cleverly between the
Powers. History knows the value of his work; she
realizes what a profound politician he was. Offi-
cial Belgium does not remember, but the people have
never forgotten. I have confidence in the soul of Bel-
gium, the Belgium who has shown her greatness in
the years 1914-1918. King Leopold II will one
day receive the recognition he merits in the country
which he enriched, and which he always wished to for-
tify against the dangers of war.

The private failings of the man only harmed him-
self and his family; his people never suffered by

THE KING 47

reason of them. They have even benefited by the im-
mense wealth which it pleased the King to assign to his
country, regardless of the justice of reserving that
portion which belonged to his daughters, who were
excluded by him from the Belgian family.

Here we touch on a side of the King's character
which is looked upon by psychologists as unnatural,
and is similar to the legislation of which the Belgian
Government availed itself in simliar circumstances,
a legislation contrary to the moral laws of justice
and equity.

Belgiimi's excuse — ^if there can be an excuse for
this illegahty — ^was that the King himself had ex-
ceeded his rights.

I have read, over the signature of a journalist, that
even before his marriage the King declared that he
would never accept any benefit from the Royal purse,
and that his income, from whatever source it was de-
rived, should not accrue for the benefit of his descend-
ants.

This is an astounding story and is a pure inven-
tion. A king is a man like other men; the value of
his position rests upon his qualifications. The King
could have either ruined or enriched himself. He was
a genius, and for this reason his daughters were able
to be — and indeed were — deprived of a fortune which
was partly theirs by right, and which was used for the
development of a commercial enterprise by the colos-
sal audacity of their father!

But why should the King have wished to disinherit

48 MY OWN AFFAIRS

his daughters and deprive them of his immense accu-
mulation of wealth? The reason must be definitelj^
stated.

The King had long wished that our fortunes (those
of my sisters and myself) should be reduced to the
minimum of what he considered convenient to assign
to us, that is to say, much less than our needs re-
quired, because, after the death of our brother Leo-
pold, he only saw in us impediments to his own am-
bition and he was tortured by the fact that he had no
male descendant.

I alone noticed, during the years that followed the
death of his son, that the King on various occasions
behaved in a different manner towards the Queen ; he
was more amiable and was more frequently in her
company. Having now become a woman I can under-
stand the real reason for this!

Clementine came into the world ; her birth was pre-
ceded by many vain hopes, but when the longed-for
child arrived it was once more a girl!

The King was furious and thenceforth refused to
have anything to do with his admirable wife to whom
God had refused a son. What a mystery of human
tribulation!

As for the daughters born of the Royal union, they
were merely accepted and tolerated, but the King's
heart never softened towards them. At the same time
we were not altogether excluded from his thoughts.
The feelings of our father, so far as we were con-
cerned, varied according to circumstances, and, no-

KING LEOPOLD II OF BELGIUM

THE KING 49

tably in my own case, according to the various calum-
nies and intrigues. My sister Stephanie also suiFered
in this way.

Both of us were married at an early age and, living
as we did at a distance, we were deprived of the op-
portunity of constantly seeing the King, so naturally
we could not pretend to be the subject of his con-
stant remembrance. We therefore ran the risk of be-
ing easily maligned by the unscrupulous courtesans
who had influence with the King and were in the pay
of our enemies.

Clementine was in a far better position. She re-
ceived all the tenderness the King was inclined to be-
stow on the only one of his children who remained
with him, one who showered on him a daughter's af-
fection and who also upheld the traditions of the
Royal House, a duty which, in the absence of the
Queen, the daughter of such a mother was alone able
to fulfil.

CHAPTER V

My Country and the Days of my Youth

It is more than forty-five years that, since my mar-
riage, Fate has exiled me from my native country.
I have never revisited Belgium, except in passing
through it, and then often under very painful circum-
stances.

Well ! I will close my eyes and return in imagina-
tion to the Chateau of Laeken, and to a certain path-
way in the park; I will go, in like manner, to one par-
ticular footpath in the forest of Soignies; there are
trees, stones and roofs there, which seem to me to
be those which I once knew.

An oak tree was planted at Laeken to commemo-
rate the birth of my brother and the birth of each of
my sisters and myself. I had not seen these trees
thus dedicated to us for a long time, until I happened
to be in Belgium for a few days after the King's
death. Accompanied by that old friend of my child-
hood, my brother's tutor, General Donny, I made an
excursion to Laeken, and I saw once more, with what
bitter-sweet memories, the little garden formerly
tended by my brother and myself, which had been
piously preserved in its original state. Was this a
mute evidence of the King's remembrance, or the

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 51

fidelity of some old servants? In my grief I did not
question to whom the little garden owed its preserva-
tion. My tears alone spoke.

When I stood before our "birthday" oak trees I
only saw three!

I was told that by some extraordinary coincidence
the one which marked the birth of my brother had
died, like him, when it was quite young. Of the oth-
ers, mine was strong and vigorous; Stephanie's had
had the misfortune to grow a little crooked, but the
one belonging to Clementine was quite normal. I
venture to say that the three oak trees are emblems
of our destiny so far as our inner lives are concerned,
which have been ignored and misunderstood by men,
but which like Nature remained confident in God.
These three oak trees, and the fourth which is now
dead, have always troubled me since the day when I
beheld them again.

Whatever they may be now I envy them! They
have grown, they have lived, they still flourish on the
soil sacred to my lost ones, except one, whose absence
is so expressive. I should love to see them again and
to live, if not near them, at least under the shadow of
other oak trees growing in my beloved country.

Would that I could end my days there, and once
more find my adored mother and my vivid youth in
the forests, the countryside, or the villages through
which we passed so often together. She it was who
taught me the secrets of Nature, and it was thus that
the life of Nature and the hfe of Belgium, the won-

52 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ders of the universe, and the life of society were re-
vealed to me. The Queen loved and taught me to
love our heroic country, whose defence of her liberty
in past ages constitutes one of the most touching epi-
sodes in history.

And I have inherited an ardent wish that my coun-
try should never become enslaved.

I know that the good people of Belgium have re-
proached me, as if it had been my fault, for deserting
our country. Those who knew me in my youth have
believed that I was transplanted to a strange and
brilliant world where I forgot my native land. Then
the dramas and scandals into which I was dragged
on the hurdle of misunderstanding and calumny have
for some transformed me into a sinner, for whom it
was not enough punishment to forbid her to see her
dying mother by keeping her as a sane prisoner in a
madhouse. Such a woman deserved to be wiped off
the face of the earth !

Ah, poor miserable humanity, so full of evil your-
self that you see nothing but evil in others, what was
my crime ?

I would not, I could not live under the conjugal
roof. I endured my life, sacrificed myself, as long
as I could, because I knew that I owed a duty to-
wards my children, but after they grew up the horror
of my life increased every day. My crime has consis-
ted in listening to a unique man, the ideal knight
who kept me from committing errors which I resolved
to forget, and to do as many others have done.

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 53

In my palace, or elsewhere, I could have been the
heroine of discreet and multiple adventures. This be-
haviour would have conformed to the code of high pro-
priety, and God knows that opportunities abounded.
But I was not a hypocrite and very soon I found my-
self up against hypocrites — innumerable legions of
them. I was also the recipient of their irritating and
deceitful confidences.

Thus slander did its detestable work. An impla-
cable persecution, masking itself behind the simulated
indignation of a false morality, began to assail me.

To me one of the most cruel acts was the violent
attack made by my detractors on the King and
Queen, and on public opinion in Belgium.

Could such a thing be possible? I found myself an
exile from my country, imprisoned and branded as
mad, for everyone was determined that I should be-
come so.

It is to you, my mother, martyr and saint, and to
some sublime moral strength that I owe my resist-
ance. You armed me for the struggle by never let-
ting me forget the essential duties of life which you
had taught me. I have remained faithful to them.
But I have suffered horribly since the day when even
you could not understand my rebellion. I was sup-
pressed by the world. Cleverly exploited, all appear-
ances were against me. My enemies told you: "She is
lost; she is mad; the doctors have said so."

What doctors, mon Dieu? The truth about these
doctors came out afterwards.

54 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Ah! some people envy princesses. They should
rather pity them. I know of one for whom there has
been no justice in this world. Ordinary rights were
denied her. The law of the world was not a law for
her, except when it could be used against her.

Yes, a victim of an abominable plot of such sur-
passing cruelty that reason can scarcely conceive pos-
sible ; I was not allowed to return to my beloved Bel-
gium at the moment when I learnt, in spite of my per-
secutors, that my mother was dying at Spa; I could
not receive her last blessing, I was not even allowed
to follow her coffin ... to the tomb !

If I did not become mad in my asylum it was be-
cause I was not meant to do so; I could not become
mad. But I still tremble when I think of it.

Later, when the King was dying, I recovered my
liberty, and my freedom was brought about by my
friend — a friend without equal, who, having on one
occasion saved me from myself, now saved me from
prison and madness, after having nearly succumbed
himself beneath the blows of hate and persecution.

But my freedom constituted a new crime ; my fidel-
ity to an incarnate ideal in a whole-hearted devotion
constituted an additional sin.

When I attended my father's funeral I was kept
under constant observation. I was restricted to a cer-
tain area of my native country. The eldest daugh-
ter of the great King whom Belgium had just lost
was received with polite formality by a police official
in Court attire!

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 55

Ah, no! I incriminate no one — not even the serv-
ants whose civility I had once known. I am aware
how tempting and profitable it is to mislead princes,
and what power exists in wicked advice when it is
given with an air of devotion. I am only explaining
how it came about that I did not remain in my much-
loved country.

At last the frightful war broke out, following
the debates regarding the King's inheritance, and I
was at once even more definitely suppressed by the
Belgian nation because, to my other abominations,
I had added the unpardonable sin of believing that
justice existed in Belgium.

I was a prisoner in Munich, where I could do noth-
ing. I was surprised in Bavaria by hostilities and
treated like a Belgian princess — ^that is to say, very
badly, as will be seen later.

In Brussels I became an enemy princess, and from
the date of the Armistice I was proclaimed a foreigner
in my native country in the interests of which I had
been sacrificed at the age of seventeen, and I also
saw myself deprived of the inheritance which would
have become mine at the death of my aunt, the Em-
press Charlotte of Mexico.

But it is a matter of history that my marriage with
the Prince of Coburg was annulled in 1907 by the
decision of the special tribunal of Gotha, judging
according to the "Rights of Princes," and that this
annulment was transmitted to the Court of Vienna.
The divorce was ratified by all the minute forms of

56 MY OWN AFFAIRS

the law of Courts and the ancient statutes of Austria.
The King officially gave me back my title of Princess
of Belgium.

That meant nothing; in Brussels no notice was
taken of it.

It is a fact that the law of Hungary does not rec-
ognize the "Rights of Princes" and the procedure of
Gotha; in consequence of the possessions of the Co-
burg family in Hungary I am still a Princess of Co-
burg.

I lose myself in this web in which I have been en-
tangled, but common sense tells me that the disap-
pearance of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and
the separation of Austria from Hungary has put an
end to the "mixed state" and the position of "mixed
subject" which was that of the Prince of Coburg.

Through his ancestors, this "Austrian" Prince,
Duke Philip of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, is of Fran-
co-German and not of Hungarian origin. The
princely union cancelled, the civil union dissolved, I
feel I have been delivered, and that I have regained
my Belgian nationality, thanks to the good will of the
King himself.

They have wished to ignore this at Brussels. They
have branded me as a Hungarian because the Prince
of Coburg has entailed estates in Hungary. Could they
not just as well have proclaimed me a Turk or a Chi-
nese had he possessed estates in Turkey or China?

I question this; I make no reproaches whatever,
especially against the principle of superior authority,

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 57

for the good reason that this happened in a state whose
king and queen had retreated before the invader in
order to defend their country (one knows with what
courage and self-denial) from the extreme frontier
left them by a conquering enemy. They returned in
triumph, flushed with the joy of victory. They had
only time to deal with general and momentous ques-
tions. I should like to think that the attitude adopted
towards myself has been merely the outcome of a des-
tiny which wills that I should become a stranger in my
own country.

I wept over this country, so dear to my heart, in
1914. I believe that her errors towards me have
added to her misfortunes. I know that the judgment
of Brussels in denying me my share of my father's
property aroused bitter indignation in Berlin. My
son-in-law, the Duke of Schleswig-Holstein, brother-
in-law of the Emperor William II, relied on succeed-
ing to the inheritance of his wife's grandfather. I
can only say that the anger of the German Sovereign
against the resistance of Belgium was increased by
the remembrance of the deception of one of his rela-
tions, on whom he was rather severe, and this may
have decided him to crush the little nation which dared
oppose the violation of its neutrality.

But this did not help to recall the irritable Wil-
liam II back to reason and humanity, because this
miserable man, whom I have known since my child-
hood, was absolutely convinced of his role as the ap-

58 MY OWN AFFAIRS

pointed scourge of God and the invincible redresser
of Justice on the field of battle.

Let us for a moment forget these miseries and suf-
ferings and talk of the time when I was happy in my
happy country — the days when I went for excursions
with the Queen and "discovered" my parents' king-
dom.

What joy when I could drive like my mother! I
was then barely fourteen and I was her pupil. We
frequently went for excursions through our dear Bel-
gium from early morning till late in the evening. Two
or three of the Royal carriages followed. The first
was driven by the Queen, the second by myself, and
the third by an officer, one of the ladies-in-waiting,
or, later, by my sister Clementine. Dr. Wiem-
mer, a compatriot and a devoted friend of the Queen
who accompanied her to the Belgian court, often went
with us, also good General Donny and General Van
den Smissin, and certain maids-of -honour and other
trusted members of our entourage. We halted as
fancy dictated. The forest of Soignies, the environs
of Spa, and the Ardennes have many a time witnessed
the sight of the Queen sitting on the grass in some
delightful glade, munching one of the famous pisto-
lets for which Brussels is famous, and which came out
of the Royal bakeries (what delicious cakes were
made there ! I can taste them even yet) . How beau-
tiful Belgium was then, and what pure air refreshed
us. How eagerly I awaited the future.

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 59

On these long excursions the Queen carried a map
and made out the itinerary herself with the skill of a
staff officer; she also taught me and my sisters how
to take our bearings.

At this time the automobile had not yet ravaged
the world. I have come across this stupefying remark
of a Frenchman, "Speed is the aristocracy of move-
ment." One might as well say, "Thoughtlessness is
the aristocracy of thought." The automobile is doubt-
less of occasional individual benefit, but I look upon
it as a general scourge. Side by side with the satis-
faction which it procures, it upsets existence by pre-
cipitating it.

At the time when horse-drawn vehicles were in con-
stant use, we had different impressions of a day's ex-
cursion than those which we have after the end of
three weeks' feverish motoring — ^when we halt at vari-
ous palaces, drive between interminable rows of pop-
lars, interspersed with fleeting visions of fields, houses
and poultry-yards, and when we are tortured by the
dread of being made untidy by the wind and splashed
by the mud.

It is nearly half a century since the horse was the
ornament and comfort of the best European society.
The example of the Queen of Belgium then counted
for something.

In France, the Orleans family — ^which is related to
ours — and the Due and Duchesse de Chartres led the
fashion not only in Cannes, but in Normandy and in
the delicious region of Chantilly. The duchess al-

60 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ways rode in an admirable riding habit. I well re-
member her black eyes, her pure features and her
dazzling personality which were a mixture of natural
charm and inborn distinction.

The Prince de Joinville, so artistic, so witty, was
endowed with the most exquisite and gallant spirit.
He paid me marked attention, as did his brother the
Due de Montpensier. We were a very gay trio, and
the graver members of the family were wont to cast
severe glances in our direction.

The mention of the Orleans family recalls to me
the most indulgent, the greatest nobleman of all — ^the
Due d'Aumale, a faithful friend of Belgium and often
our host. Oh! what a loyal and noble character the
French Repubhc refused to recognize in him. His
revenge was to overwhelm his ungrateful country
with kindness. I have lived under his roof and I
think of him with the greatest tenderness. I still see
myself in a room on the ground floor overlooking the
moat at Chantilly, where this princely host surround-
ed himself with everything that counted for anything
in France, and where he held wonderful receptions,
frequently numbering among his guests the magnifi-
cent-looking Prince de Conde, whom he honoured
and had almost brought back to life.

The Queen and the Due d'Aumale were greatly
attached to one another. When the bitterness of a
difficult situation rendered her life first difficult and
then impossible, owing to the King's forgetfulness of
what was due from the man to the prince, the Due

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 61

d'Aumale was one of those invaluable friends whose
delicate understanding and faithful thougjhts con-
soled her helplessness.

Although devoted to the Due d'Aumale, I also
knew the Comtesse de Paris intimately, with whom I
have stayed at the Chateau d'Eu. She was an eccen-
tric woman, rather odd-looking in appearance, but
she possessed a joyous and lively disposition.

Another lady of the Orleans family who became
famiHar to me in early life was the Princess Clemen-
tine of respected memory, a daughter of King Louis
Philippe, and the wife of Prince Auguste of Coburg.
I became her daughter-in-law by my marriage with
her eldest son, and my ardent hope was that she
would be a second mother to me. It did not occur to
either of us that her age and my youth could not
agree.

Gratitude also recalls to my mind my near rela-
tions the Comte and Comtesse de Flandre, and their
many kindnesses which I have not forgotten. Their
noble lives have known the awful sadness of the de-
struction of a tenderly nurtured future. But God
has granted them reserves of hope and affection.

I was nearly forgetting one of the chief recollec-
tions of my earliest childhood — ^Queen Marie Amelie,
the widow of King Louis Philippe.

This Royal lady, who bore her loss and her exile
with so much dignity, was my great-grandmother and
my godmother. She lived in retirement at Clare-
mont, near Esher.

62 MY OWN AFFAIRS

When the Queen received the news of my birth her
first question was: "Has she small ears?" She ex-
pressed the wish for me to be named Louise Marie, in
memory of her daughter, my venerated grandmother,
the first Queen of the Belgians.

I can still picture my sweet old relation, with her
white curls showing underneath a wide-brimmed lace
cap. I can again see the early breakfast placed at
the side of the deep arm-chair, and I remember the
"pain a la Grecque" which she gave me when I had
been good.

Then the pony was brought round, and my cousin
Blanche de Nemours and myself were installed in the
double panniers, and taken for our daily ride in the
shady avenues of the great park.

The Queen had as reader Miss Miiser, a German,
who was the faithful friend and constant companion
of her old age. I was very young at this time, certain-
ly not more than four, but I have religiously treasured
in my remembrance the face, the voice, and the ten-
derness of my great-grandmother, Marie Amehe,
Queen of France.

As everyone knows, my two sisters, whom I always
remember in those happy times when we still ignored
what is called life, are both married. Stephanie, like
myself, married very early, and Clementine much
later in life.

Stephanie as a child, a young girl and a young
woman was the more beautiful. Clementine, who was
also beautiful, possessed the most charm. Destiny

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 63

has smiled upon her. Her hfe with the King gave
her the insight and guidance which we never enjoyed.
Every life has its favours and its chances in the hu-
man lottery.

Clementine married Prince Victor Napoleon and
the widely varied possibilities attached to such a name.

Stephanie's marriage seemed brilliant, not with
eventualities but with certainties. I refer to her first
husband, for she married twice. The first time she
had the good luck to marry an intelligent, handsome
and chivalrous man, who was perhaps the most re-
markable personality of his time. He shared with her
the crown of Charles-Quint and the thrones of Aus-
tria-Hungary . . . crown and thrones have disap-
peared, as though banished by the wand of some infer-
nal magician, and my sister remains known to history
as the widow of the Archduke Rudolph. She was
only twenty-five years of age when he died.

I have said nothing about the mise en scene in the
midst of which the various personages moved who
appealed to my intelligence and to my heart at an
age when my heart and mind were alike expanding.
There is nothing to tell but what is already well
known.

The most interesting place of all others to me in
my childhood was the Chateau of Laeken. I have
no agreeable memories of the Palace at Brussels, al-
though I have not forgotten the gallery and the re-
ception rooms, where the many beautiful pictures
always interested me, above all that of Charles I, by

64 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Van Dyck, dressed in black, in whose pale and noble
face I seemed to read the melancholy fate which over-
shadows some doomed monarchs.

I have seen many princely and many royal abodes.
They all resemble museums, and they are equally
fatiguing. Better to have a cottage and a small Te-
niers than own ten salons and five hundred linen table-
cloths which belong to everybody.

I was happy at Laeken because work became less
absorbing. We had more liberty, more space. I
never hesitated to run or jump in the gardens and
the park from the earliest age, and I always took the
lead instead of my brother, who seemed to be the girl.
I was strong, lively and full of devilment.

I was eager and willing to learn. My habit of ask-
ing questions gave me the name of "Madame Pour-
quoi." I always loved truth and logic. My instinc-
tive passion for truth made me attack my governess
tooth and nail one day because she wished to punish
me undeservedly. I was in such a state of mind that
Dr. Wiemmer, who was called in, decided to get to the
bottom of the cause of my fury. He concluded that I
was right in fact, if not in action, and he saw that
my character was one that could only be led by kind-
ness, frankness and justice. The governess was sent
away.

The Queen recalled this incident and the doctor's
words many times.

This medical man who was so devoted to my fam-
ily, and who disappeared all too soon, once saved my

THE COTTKTESS rOKYAX

(Princess Stephanie of Belgium. Her first hus-
band was the Archduke Rudolph of Austria)

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 65

sister Stephanie's life when she was stricken with ty-
phoid, and when she was better the King and Queen
took us to Biarritz — a change of air being necessary
for our convalescent. My sister and I shared the
same room facing the sea at the Villa Eugenie. I was
thirteen years old, Stephanie was seven. I was en-
trusted with the care of her, and to see that she did
not catch cold. One night a tempestuous wind arose
which, incidentally, produced a terrible waterspout.
Waking up, I rushed to the window, which was open,
in my nightgown. The system of closing the window
would not act, or perhaps I was clumsy; anyhow, I
could not manage to shut the window. The wind now
rose to such fury that every moment I was blown
back into the room. I began to tremble as I feared
for Stephanie. But I still continued to struggle
against the force of the storm. How long this lasted
I do not know. I only remember that they found me
frozen, soaked and shivering, and that I was put into
a warm bed.

My eyes closed. I heard Dr. Wiemmer say to the
Queen: "What a child! Any other would have called
out or rung the bell! She did not wish for help to
protect her sister, and the storm did not frighten her.
She only listened to the voice of duty, and she did not
flinch."

Alas! each of us is made according to his or her
destiny.

The first blow which made me realize the cruel
severity of Fate was the death of my brother Leopold.

66 MY OWN AFFAIRS

I had for him the feelings of a devoted and "mother-
ly" sister.

He was my property, my chattel, my child. We
grew up together. I had considerable authority over
him as I was twelve months older than he was, and he
always obeyed me.

Leopold, Duke of Brabant and Comte de Hainaut,
loved to play with dolls. I much preferred playing
with him. Nevertheless my uncle, the Archduke
Etienne, my mother's brother, one of the best and
most distinguished men that the earth has produced,
gave us two Hungarian dolls. These were works of
art of their kind. Mine was christened "Figaro," a
souvenir of Beaumarchais, the enemy of Courts, who
thus named it ; why, and wherefore, I cannot say. My
brother's doll received the much more modest and ro-
mantic name of "Irma."

There came a time when Figaro and Irma enliv-
ened the Chateau of Laeken. They even made the
King laugh. I organized performances with Leo-
pold, Irma and Figaro which would have made Bar-
tholo jealous.

My brother and I were happy and light-hearted —
as happy as it is possible to be at our age. Then came
death, which lacerated my whole being, and the pass-
ing of my beloved brother in his ninth year. I re-
member then that I dared curse God and disown
Him. . . .

Leopold, handsome, sweet, sincere, tender and in-
telligent, embodied for me, after our mother, all that

THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH 67

was most precious in the world — I could no more con-
ceive existence without him than the day without
light. But he could not stay . . . and I still weep for
him, although it is more than fifty years since he left
me.

If he had lived how different things would have
been I

Our house, thus struck down in the male descent of
its eldest branch, never recovered from this misfor-
tune. Belgium will remember in the great works ac-
complished by her, that my grandfather and my
father made her what she is.

She will not forget that angel on earth, my grand-
mother, the immortal Queen Louise. Many, many
tears were shed at her death, and have still left their
traces in Belgium.

Of my grandfather, I will repeat what M. Dele-
haye, President of the Chamber of Representatives,
said in his address to the King during the magnificent
fetes of July 21-23, 1856, to celebrate the twenty-fifth
anniversary of his succession to the throne.

"On July 21, 1831, confidence and joy burst forth
at your Coronation, and Sire, although you were then
alone on your throne with your eminent qualities and
the prospect of splendid political alliances, you are
not alone to-day. You present yourself to the coun-
try supported by your two sons and remembrance of
the Queen beloved and regretted as a mother, you are
surrounded by the Royal family, by illustrious alli-
ances, by confidence and sympathy, you are supported

68 MY OWN AFFAIRS

by foreign Governments, your fame has grown great-
er, and you possess the love of Belgium which has
grown still greater than any fame. Sire, we can have
confidence in the future. . . ."

Cannot I, must I not, also, have faith in the fu-
ture?

I appeal to my illustrious ancestors ; I appeal to the
memory of the Queen ; I appeal to the memory of the
King, by whom, alas ! I was too often denied and be-
trayed. I appeal to that world where everything is
illuminated for the soul liberated from earth, which
will alone see clearly for me.

CHAPTER VI

My Maeriage and the Austrian Court — The
Day After my Marriage

I WAS barely fifteen when it was first decided that I
was to be married. On March 25, 1874, I was offi-
cially betrothed to Prince Philip of Saxe-Coburg;
on February 18 I entered my sixteenth year.

My fiance certainly showed perseverance. He had
already made two proposals for me. His first was re-
peated after an interval of two years. The King re-
plied to it by advising him to travel. The prince then
made a tour round the world; this completed he re-
newed his request. Again he was asked to wait.

To marry me had become a fixed idea with PhiKp
of Coburg. What sort of love inspired him? Was he
attracted by the elusive charm of my virginal youth,
or did the definite knowledge of the King's position
and the belief in the future of his enterprises fan the
flame in the heart of a man who was absolutely
engrossed with material things?

The engagement being arranged, the two families
interested (mine especially), the Queen on the one
hand, and the Princess Clementine on the other, de-
cided that my marriage was not to be celebrated until
twelve months later. I was so young!

70 MY OWN AFFAIRS

My fiance was fourteen years older than I. Four-
teen years' difference is not perhaps of much ac-
count between a young woman of twenty-five and a
man of thirty-nine; it is a great deal, however, be-
tween an innocent girl of seventeen and a lover of
thirty-one.

I had only occasional glimpses of my fiance during
his rapid visits to Brussels. Our conversations were
of no account; they were merely such as a man of
his age would hold with a girl of mine. But I thought
I knew him well. We were cousins. This constituted
the first difficulty, as the sanction of the Church of
Rome was necessary to the marriage. It was asked
for and obtained. This is the custom in such cases.

My fiance left me to complete the studies neces-
sary for my successful debut in a strange world. And
what a world ! The most courtly of Courts in the uni-
verse. A Court haunted by the shades of Charles V
and Maria Theresa! A Court in which Spanish eti-
quette was allied to German discipline. An emperor
whose greatness had been increased rather than dimin-
ished by his military reverses, so well did he bear his
misfortunes. An empress who was a Queen of
Queens owing to her undisputed perfections. And
around them a host of archdukes and archduchesses,
princes, dukes and gentlemen bearing the highest
titles in the land.

All this was very impressive for a Belgian princess
who did not regret her short dresses, because one
never regrets them when it is the fashion to wear

THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 71

long gowns, but who was nevertheless very astonished
to find herself dressed like a grown-up girl.

However, I was not embarrassed, nor was I nerv-
ous; I looked at everything with the eyes of a girl
who is only interested in her engagement and her
lover.

I would have married the prince, had I been asked
to do so, on the same day that I received his first ring.
I would have gone before the burgomaster and the
cardinal with just the same eagerness as I did a year
later.

Healthy in body and pure in spirit, brought up in
an atmosphere of sincerity and morality under the
care of an incomparable mother, but deprived, owing
to my rank, of more or less enhghtened friends who
would have reposed certain womanly confidences in
me, I gave my whole soul to my approaching mar-
riage without troubling myself what marriage might
mean. I was no longer a creature of this earth. I
created a star where my fiance and I would live to-
gether in a divine atmosphere of happiness. The man
who was to be my companion on the enchanted road
of life seemed to me the embodiment of all that was
beautiful, loyal, generous, and I deemed him as inno-
cent as myself.

My hours of martyrdom and the distressing quar-
rels were to come later when the inmost recesses of my
heart were disclosed by the barbarians of the police
court, who made scandalous use of my letters writ-
ten after my engagement. These letters expressed

72 MY OWN AFFAIRS

my love. I had written to the man who was my par-
ents' choice as I would have written to an archangel
destined to marry me. I adorned him with the beau-
ty of my most beautiful desires. I transfigured him.

The savages had the effrontery to deduce from
these expressions of affection that I was an unstable
and deceitful creature.

I put this question to women. Between love as we
conceive it and love as we experience it, is there not
very often an abyss?

I have been culpable, criminal and infamous to fall
into this abyss. Such is the real truth.

Why did my mother — who was so good — and why
did the King — ^who was so experienced in human na-
ture— wish for this marriage, in spite of the dispro-
portion of our ages, and the few claims to universal
admiration which my intended husband possessed,
apart from his claims to worldly position?

In the first place his mother, who, rightly, loved
and respected him, pleaded for him. She credited him
with possessing some of her own good qualities.

In the second place, Prince Frederick of Hohen-
zollern had expressed a wish to ask me in marriage.
The King and Queen, who were told of this, did not
want, for various reasons, to become closer allied to
the house of Berlin. Other suitors, more or less de-
sirable, might also appear on the scene. Therefore,
to put an end to this particular scheme and any fu-
ture uncertainties, I was plighted to Philip of Co-
burg.

THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 73

In addition to this the Queen congratulated herself
on sending her eldest daughter to the Viennese Court
where she herself had shone. She still possessed in-
fluence there, and she thought that I would benefit
from it. She was still more satisfied to think that ow-
ing to the entailed estates of the Coburgs in Hungary,
I should possess material advantages in the country
dear to her memory, and where she could often re-
join me, perhaps where she might even retire herself,
since she foresaw a future which was gradually to be-
come more and more difiicult.

My fiance again appeared on my horizon. A year
passes quickly. The date of my marriage was ap-
proaching. I knew all the flowers of rhetoric and the
hot-house flowers of a daily courtship. But I asked
myself, why did the Queen never leave the archangel
and me alone?

My fiance told me about his travels. He had, he
said, brought back some wonderful collections of sou-
venirs. But I only knew how wonderful these were
later. He also told me about his plans for the future,
the numerous properties of the Coburgs, etc. I gave
myself up to delightful hopes, and described the mag-
nificence of my trousseau, which was enriched with
fairy-like gifts of Belgian lace and intricate embroi-
deries.

Finally I tried on the symbolical white robe, under
a heavenly veil, a chef dfceuvre of Brussels lace, and I
was acknowledged fit to manage my long train and to

74 MY OWN AFFAIRS

make my curtsies equally as well as the most grace-
ful of the famous young ladies of Saint Cyr.

Loaded with jewels, I soared higher and higher,
flattered by homage, congratulations and good wishes,
without perceiving that, although my fiance was so
much older than myself, I had now become a certain
personality in his dreams and in his thoughts.

I was praised on all sides in verse and in prose, with
or without music, and it seemed that I was a "flower
of radiant beauty." I was quite taken with this
phrase.

As for my husband — ^his bearing, his nobility and
his prestige were also praised. I remember that he
wore his Hungarian military uniform when we re-
ceived the burgomaster of Brussels, the celebrated M.
Ausbach, who came on February 4, 1873, to marry us
by the civil code. Then with great pomp we appeared
before the Cardinal Primate of Belgium.

An altar was erected in the large drawing-room
next the ballroom. I will say nothing about the deco-
rations. The chants and the prayers carried me to
Heaven, although I by no means forgot the ritual of
my marriage and that I was the cynosure of all eyes.
It was not a public of kings, but of princes. In the
place of sovereigns, whose greatness kept them away,
their next of kin were present; the Prince of Wales,
the Crown Prince Frederick, the Archduke Joseph,
the Due d'Aumale, the Duke of Saxe-Coburg, and,
finally, a large crowd of those notables who figure in
the pages of the Almanach de Gotha,

THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 75

If I once began to describe the details of a cere-
mony of this magnitude I should never finish. Per-
sonally I was not much attracted by it. I am always
surprised when, on opening a modem novel, I notice
the pains which clever people take to describe the
sumptuous ritual of modern marriage. I only know
one appropriate description of this nature : that of the
"Sleeping Beauty." Fortunate Beauty, whose Court
and herself were put to sleep just at the crucial mo-
ment of a marriage which might not have been a
happy one.

But where are the fairies now and where are the
beasts who know how to talk?

Alas ! the fairies have vanished and the beasts speak
no more, except the hidden beasts in our souls, and
they do not relate pretty fables and stories. They
indulge rather in unpleasant realities.

I have taken a long time in coming to the point,
but no matter at what cost, it is necessary for me to
speak about things which have as yet never been told,
but which will explain how the foundations were laid
for the drama of my life.

There were hints as to this drama in former days,
but I will not refer to the vague tittle-tattle which
amused rather than saddened Brussels and its Court.

I am not, I am sure, the first woman who, after hav-
ing lived in the clouds during her engagement, has
been as suddenly hurled to the ground on her mar-
riage night, and who, bruised and mangled in her soul,
has fled from humanity in tears.

76 MY OWN AFFAIRS

I am not the first woman who has been the victim
of false modesty and excessive reserve, attributable
perhaps to the hope that the delicacy of a husband,
combined with natural instincts, would arrange all
for her, but who was told nothing by her mother of
what happens when the lover's hour has struck.

However, the fact remains that on the evening of
my marriage at the Chateau of Laeken, whilst all
Brussels was dancing amid a blaze of lights and illu-
minations, I fell from my heaven of love to what was
for me a bed of rock and a mattress of thorns. Psyche,
who was more to blame, was better treated than my-
self.

The day was scarcely breaking when, taking ad-
vantage of a moment when I was alone in the nuptial
chamber, I fled across the park with my bare feet
thrust into slippers, and, wrapped in a cloak thrown
over my nightgown, I went — ^to hide my shame in the
Orangery. I found sanctuary in the midst of the
camellias, and I whispered my grief, my despair, and
my torture, to their whiteness, their freshness, their
perfume and their purity, to all that they represented
of sweetness and affection, as they flowered in the
greenhouse, and lit up the winter's dawn with a
warmth, silence and beauty which gave me back a
little of my lost Paradise.

A sentry had noticed a grey form scurrying past
him in the direction of the Orangery. He approached,
and listening, recognized my voice. He hastened to
the chateau. No one knew what had become of me.

THE DAY AFTER MY MARRIAGE 77

Already the alarm had been discreetly raised. A raes-
senger galloped to Brussels. The telephone was not
then invented.

The Queen came to me without any delay. My
God ! what a state I was in when I regained my apart-
ment ; I would not let anyone approach me except my
maids. I was more dead than alive.

My mother stayed with me for a long time ; she was
as motherly as she alone could be. There was no
grief which her arms and voice could not assuage. I
listened to her scolding me, coaxing me and telling
me of duties which it was imperative for me to under-
stand. I dared not object to these on the ground
that they were totally different from those which I
had been led to expect.

I finished by promising to try and conquer my
fears, to be wiser and less childish.

I was scarcely seventeen years old ; my husband had
completed his thirty-first year. I had become of his
"goods and chattels." One can see, alas! how he has
treated me.

CHAPTER VII

Married

On the morrow of such a painful episode in the life
of two newly married people I witnessed with bitter
grief the preparations for my departure to Austria.
Never was Belgium so dear to me ; never had she ap-
peared more beautiful.

Concealing my tears, I said good-bye to all those
who had known me as a child and a young girl, and
who had loved and served me, and to all the familiar
objects in the Chateau of Laeken, where everything
appealed to my affection. Little did I foresee that I
should be looked upon one day as a stranger there.
What do I say — a stranger? No, as an "enemy,"
rather !

We departed, according to the expression sacred to
custom, on our honeymoon. But there are honey-
moons and honeymoons.

I should have liked to have taken certain personal
maids with me. I was not allowed even to dream of
such a thing. The Coburg Palace had its own serv-
ants. It was explained to me that the introduction
of a strange element would break the domestic har-
mony of this high-toned abode. I had therefore to
content myself with a Hungarian maid, quite a pro-

MARRIED 79

ficient person, but who was not like one of my own
faithful servants.

And everything was the same. My tastes, my pref-
erences only passed muster after having been ap-
proved by a family council.

Unfortunately the austerity which prevailed in this
family council chamber did not reign in the palace
at all hours and in all the rooms. This I soon dis-
covered.

But before arriving at the Coburg Palace we
stayed at Gotha, where Duke Ernest of Saxe-Co-
burg, the Prince Regent, and his wife. Princess Alex-
andrine, gave their niece a warm welcome.

The duke was a true gentleman, one of the person-
alities of his time, who became one of my favourite
uncles. He spoke, with affection, of his friend Count
Bismarck, and then touched on less serious topics, as I
was curious to know about the people and things be-
longing to this Germany to which I found myself so
closely related by marriage.

I have already said that it was as natural for me to
speak German as it was for me to speak French,
since it was the general rule to do so at the Court of
Brussels. Has not Belgium everything to gain by
being bi-lingual and by serving as an intermediary
between the Latin and the German countries? Less
than Alsace and Luxembourg but nevertheless a little
like them, should she not benefit by the two diverse
cultures ?

On leaving Gotha we went to Dresden, thence to

80 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Prague, and finally to Budapest and glowing Vienna.

Let us pass, however, from these princely visits and
the sameness of their receptions to more intimate
things. The interest in speaking of these consists in
the necessity for me to lay bare my slandered life, and
to relate how, having fallen from Heaven, I rose to a
belief in better things.

But years and years were destined to pass before
my existence was again embellished by a glimpse of
the ideal, apart from the joys of maternity.

My first recollection of something amiss in my role
of Princess of Coburg is, that every evening at our
formal banquets my husband took care that I should
be served abundantly with good wines. I ultimately
became capable of distinguishing a Volney from a
Chambertin, a Voslaver from a Villanyi, and one
champagne from another.

The body thus trained to the practice of something
more or less akin to gluttony, the soul of necessity fol-
lowed its example. I extended my range of litera-
ture, and I became familiar with books which the
Queen and the Princess Clementine would not have
believed could have been given me by the person by
whom they were put into my hands.

In the days of my open rebellion people were scan-
dalized by certain liberties of speech and manner
which 1 wilfully exaggerated. But who first taught
me them? And, once again, where should I have
gone and what would have become of me if God had
not put in my way the incomparable man who alone

PBIXCK PHILIP OF SAXE-COBUaG

MARRIED 81

had the courage to say to me: "Madame, you are a
King's daughter. You are about to go astray. A
Christian woman revenges herself on infamy by rising
above it and not by descending to its level."

And so, stunned and intoxicated in every way, I re-
viewed the family of Coburg and their various palaces
and castles. Finally I found the palace in Vienna
which was destined to be my principal residence.

I positively turned cold on entering it. The palace
certainly looks imposing from the outside, but the in-
terior is most gloomy, especially the staircase. I only
like the salon in "point de Beauvais" originally in-
tended for Marie Antoinette and her ladies-in-wait-
ing.

My room made me shudder. What? Was this
really the setting which had been prepared to receive
the freshness of my seventeen years? A student of
Bonn, where the prince had graduated, might have
liked it, but a girl, who had only recently become a
young woman! . . . Impossible. Try, then, to im-
agine a fairly large room, the walls fitted half-way up
with small cupboards of dark wood with glass doors,
and blue curtains behind which I never wished to
look! Certain pieces of furniture were Gothic in
style. In the centre of this paradise stood an im-
mense glass case full of souvenirs of the prince's
travels; stuffed birds with long beaks, armour,
bronzes, ivories, Buddhas and pagodas; my heart sick-
ened at the sight. And, worse than all, there was no
private entrance or annexe, only a narrow dark cor-

82 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ridor, which was used by the servants. To get to my
room I had to pass through that of the prince, which
was approached through a kind of salon ; all the rooms
communicated and showed not a vestige of taste.
Massive old furniture upholstered in rep a century
old was offered to the eyes of youth! All was old,
ordinary, sombre. Hardly a flower, nothing com-
fortable, nothing matching. As to a bathroom, there
was not a sign of one. There were only two baths in
the whole palace; they were far away from each
other, and of positively archaic construction. And, as
for the rest — ^it is better left unsaid I

My first active objection was to this anti-hygienic
organization, and the lack of necessities for my imme-
diate use. This state of things almost broke my heart.
I was told, however, that the illustrious grandparents
were quite content with what had been given me.

One knows that use is a second nature. Princess
Clementine did not notice the things which troubled
me, and even the glass case with the stuffed birds
charmed her. She admired her son's collection, for-
tunately without knowing or understanding all that
it contained, as in our palace of Budapest I saw some
very unique pieces; souvenirs of Yoshivara which a
young woman could not look at without blushing,
even after an expert hand had lifted the veil from her
inexperienced eyes.

What a school! However, thanks to the Bacchic
regime organized by my husband, things went on

MARRIED 83

indifferently well after the storm of our debut in
domesticity.

Our fundamental incompatibility first appeared at
the Coburg Palace in the presence of the Princess
Clementine, over a cup of caf e-au-lait. On our honey-
moon the prince had told me that a well-born person
should never drink black coffee. Such is the Ger-
man conviction. Germany can no more imagine cof-
fee without milk than she can imagine the sun without
the moon. However, ever since I ceased to take Na-
ture's nourishment I have never been able to drink
milk, I have never drunk it, and I never do. My hus-
band took it into his head that he would make me
drink milk, especially in coffee, as, if he failed, the
traditions, the constitutions, and the foundations of all
that was German would be shattered.

The discussion took place before the Princess Clem-
entine, who always drank milk in her coffee. But her
affectionate kindness could not overcome the stub-
bornness of my stomach. I could see that I was of-
fending her. Her son became furious to the extent
of saying most painful and unpleasant things, and I
answered him in like manner. The princess, although
deaf, felt that something was the matter, and we re-
strained ourselves on her account, but the blow had
fallen; henceforth we both had caf e-au-lait on the
brain I

I relate little episodes like this because life is a mo-
saic of small things which cement great desires or
high sentiments, and which of themselves express the

84 MY OWN AFFAIRS

daily necessities to which we are slaves. Human
existence is a tragedy or a comedy in two acts which
take place in the drawing-room and the bedroom.
The rest is only accessory.

What a bungle nearly all people of exalted rank
make in fulfilling the obligations of appearing to
live! We forget the words of Frankhn: "Time is the
material of which life is made."

I reproach myself bitterly to-day for having led
such an empty life, for having lived such an existence
of anguish of mind. I have not sufficiently known
the true life, which is that of the soul ; if I had realized
this, with what distinguished personages I might have
associated, with what authors, scholars and artists
have surrounded myself!

But could I really have done so?

My highest desires were criticized, contradicted'
and repulsed.

The prince, my husband, from the standpoint of
his superior age, instructed me in everything.

People were afterwards astonished at my expendi-
ture— at my numerous gowns. . c .

Oh, God! I nearly became mad through the force
of this continual restraint. One fine day I burst my
bonds !

Oh! this palace of Coburg, this residence where
the slightest frivolous fancy, the smallest evidence of
Parisian taste imported from Brussels, provoked
harsh words; this soup9on of a decolletage which
caused jealousy; this desire to live a little for myself,

MARRIED 85

without being submissive to the rigorous routine of a
barracks which aroused such storms. Mon Dieu!
when I think of all this — the stuffed birds, the un-
healthy books, the dirty jokes, and the daily miseries
of my life — I am at a loss to know how I endured it.
I ask myself how I could have resisted so long? It
was worse in the long run than being shut up in the
madhouse. The crime is sometimes less horrible than
the criminal. There are moral deformities which con-
stitute an oiFence at every turn, and in the end one
becomes exasperated with them. I do not know to
what extremes I should have gone if this life had con-
tinued. I have always looked upon the strength which
permitted me, at the age of twenty, to break away
from my princely cage as a direct help from Heaven.
Even had I been able to foresee to what excess hatred
and fury would reach, I would still have broken away.
A palace can become a hell, and the worst hell is
that where one suffocates behind gilded windows.
Titles count for nothing — a bad household is a bad
household. Two people are united, the same chain
holds them irrevocably together. Certain couples
manage to get on, others cannot. It is a question
of temper and conditions. Neither the prince nor I
could accustom ourselves to the differences which
separated us. This permanent conflict, which was at
first latent and which afterwards became open war,
daily widened the abyss between us into which so
much finally disappeared.

But amidst all this bitterness my days had their

86 MY OWN AFFAIRS

golden hours. Everything was not disagreeable.
Storms sometimes have a ray of sunshine. But those
I experienced were of the most devastating nature !

I have said that I respected Princess Clementine
and that I was attracted to her, but her deafness,
which sadly aggravated her natural dignity, and her
spirit of another age which made her always appear
to be living in state and etiquette, often repulsed my
natural outbursts of affection. Every time when the
prince and I arrived at irreparable diiferences, and
my mother-in-law, because of her great age, submitted
to the influence of her son, I still could not help feel-
ing towards her the same sentiment of gratitude which
I had for her former kindness and her superiority of
mind.

Besides my husband, Princess Clementine had two
sons and two daughters. One of her sons, Auguste
of Saxe-Coburg, was to me what Rudolph of Habs-
burg would have been, a brother-in-law who was a
brother. Until his death, which took place, if I re-
member rightly, in 1908 at Paris, where, under the
name of Count Helpa, he lived a life of pleasure and
mixed in the best society, he retained the same affec-
tion for me that I had for him.

The three other Coburgs, Philip, Auguste and Fer-
dinand, did not resemble one another either physi-
cally or morally. Auguste was like the Orleans fam-
ily. In him the blood of France triumphed over the
blood of Germany. In the veins of Ferdinand, who
became the adventurous Tsar of Bulgaria, I do not

MARRIED 87

know what blood flowed. Let us pass on quickly. T
shall have occasion to return to him and his throne of
surprises when I speak of the Court of Sofia.

Of the two daughters, Clotilde and Amelie, the
latter lives always in my memory. A gentle victim of
love for an excellent husband, she died after losing
him. United to Maximilian of Bavaria, the cousin of
Louis II, Amelie was a lily of France that strayed
into Germany. She had the good luck to meet a being
worthy of herself in the patriarchal Court of Munich,
which Prussian folly has rendered so unhappy. They
loved each other and they lived for love, concealing
their happiness as much as possible. Maximilian died
suddenly — ^thrown from his horse whilst riding.
Amehe was inconsolable and did not long survive him.

The idea never struck her brother Philip, her broth-
er Ferdinand, or above all her sister Clotilde, that
one could die — or live — for love!

Our double connexion with the house of France
brought me a happy diversion from my troubles at the
Coburg Palace, as well as in the country, in the shape
of visits of members of the Royal family whom I had
more or less known in my youth. The springtime of
my life was full of their marks of affection.

I have seen the birth of the hopes of my niece
Dorothee, the daughter of the Archduchess Clotilde,
my sister-in-law, when she became engaged to Duke
Philip of Orleans.

I confess I had no faith in the future, being scep-
tical as to Royalist France, and doubtless it was an

88 MY OWN AFFAIRS

effect of the general surroundings, but I fancied that
the gold lilies embroidered on the robe of the beau-
tiful bride would have vanished from her train long
before she reached the Elysee, the Tuileries or the
Louvre. I could not, however, see without emotion
the closed crown which adorned the "queen" on the
day of her wedding.

Ah! this dream of a crown; how many heads it
turns, or rather how many heads it has turned! For
now one is obliged to reflect on things in general, and
although I am a stranger to French politics I owe as
much recognition as consideration to the Republic,
where I have found, together with the security of just
laws, the respect due to misfortune, and the courtesy
which Republicans know how to extend, even to prin-
cesses. Still I cannot help following the career of the
"King, in anticipation" — my nephew the Prince of
Orleans, with some degree of curiosity.

For him everything happens on the banks of the
Seine, the Garonne, the Rhone, and the other water-
courses of the most beautiful country on the face of
the earth ; but the worst that I wish Philip of Orleans
is that he should never have to exchange his yachting
cap, which becomes him so well, for the crown of
Saint Louis. He is certainly handicapped in life.
More than ever to-day when it is advisable for a king
to have a queen. But Fate has willed that the great
marriage of Philip of Orleans and Marie Dorothee
of Habsburg, which was one of the joys of the Coburg
Palace, and the occasion of the most gorgeous recep-

MARRIED 89

tions, should turn out contrary to what it promised.

On one occasion I counted the Royal or princely
houses wherein the wind of discontent already whis-
pered. I arritved at a startling total. Taking it all
round in every kind of society, the average number
of happily married people is not very high. But the
nearer one gets to the people, and to their good sense
and work, the better does famity life become, because
they tolerate each other's failings much more wisely
and agree to help each other, until they finish by
knowing a kind of happiness, which is only achieved
by the knowledge of common imperfections.

My life at Coburg would have been still more pain-
ful if from time to time it had not been varied by
changes of residence and travel.

In order not to digress from the family circle, I
will only say a few words about three towns where
I had relations, and where I stayed with them, or
near them, as Princess of Coburg — Cannes, Bologna
and Budapest.

First, I will mention Budapest, which was one of
the most attractive cities of the world, and will be
again when the reign of Bolshevism is over. In the
old Buda the ancient East has left its traces; in Pest,
the modernity of the West has become apparent. I
knew something of it in 1918.

I loved Budapest, and I preferred the small Co-
burg Palace in the Hungarian capital and its charm-
ing receptions to our home and our entertainments in
the capital of Austria. The atmosphere was different

90 MY OWN AFFAIRS

from that of Vienna, and I was pleased to find myself
in the neighbourhood of the good Archduke Joseph,
my mother's brother, who was so warm-hearted and
so dear to me. His palace was at Buda, and his
chateau was some hours' distance from the town.
They had no disadvantages except as dwellings of
my aunt and my sister-in-law Princess Clotilde, who
were very different from the affectionate and sin-
cere Amelie.

The archduke was a kind man who did not mis-
judge or censure my extravagant fancies.

In the first year of our marriage my husband and
I spent the anniversary of my birthday, February
18, with the archduke at Alauth. There had been a
heavy fall of snow the day before, and I said, "I do
not want any presents, but please let me drive a sledge
to-morrow; I have such a wild wish to drive one; it
will be my first experience!"

The Archduchess Clotilde was usually an open-
hearted person, but she was nevertheless endowed
with certain straight-laced characteristics, and she
frowned severely.

It was no use to beg or to implore. The prince
forbade the sledge drive. They metaphorically rele-
gated me to a dark cupboard with dry bread to eat;
they kept me under such close observation that I
could not go out at all, either on foot, on horseback,
or in a sledge.

The archduke arrived on the scene. I was still
furious. . . . Oh! certainly, it is evident that I did

MARRIED 91

not look on the bright side of things; my character
has always been one which resented foolishness and
wickedness.

The archduke questioned me. I told him the whole
story. "Louise," he cried, "you are right a hundred
times; first of all because at your age and when one
is pretty, as you are, one is always right. We will go
out at once for a drive in the snow."

He rang, and ordered two Hungarian horses to be
harnessed to a large sledge fit for the* chariot of
Apollo, in which he seated me, wrapped in my furs.
He took the reins and we drove off at great speed,
accompanied by a confidential servant. I felt myself
akin to the angels. My puritanical sister-in-law and
my puritanical husband dared not say a word.

Society at Budapest was less submissive to Court
ceremonial than that of Vienna, and it was in conse-
quence natural and more audacious. I remember a
certain ball on the He Marguerite, the pearl of the
casket of the Danube, when the prince was angry and
did not wish me to waltz. I was inundated with invi-
tations, to which my husband replied by saying that
at the Court of Brussels I had only learned to dance
the quadrille and the minuet!

The quadrille! The minuet! People were quite
worried. They understood what it means to waltz
in Hungary, and a waltz on the banks of the Danube
to the strains of gipsy violins is a thing which can-
not be surpassed. And now — ^now — they import
from America dreary stuff, dull and epileptic in

92 MY OWN AFFAIRS

movement, and they call it by all sorts of names after
trotting or galloping animals out of Noah's Ark.
The waltz will always remain as the incomparable
queen of dances to those who know how to dance.

One of those who asked me to dance was bolder
than the rest, and, taking no notice of the prince's
excuse, he said: "But surely Her Highness knows
how to waltz," and at these words I was swept away
from the domain of authority by my audacious part-
ner, a Magyar, who thus hurled me into the whirlpool
of the dance. I confess I never stopped dancing for
the remainder of the night. The prince was furious,
but as he was overwhelmed with compliments on my
beauty and my success, he was obliged, nolens volenSj
to smile!

I recall the scene which took place at our depar-
ture. Fortunately we were asked to embark on a
wonderfully illuminated boat which took us along
the beautiful river to the nearest point to our palace,
and this delightful journey was made to the sounds
of the music, sometimes wild and sometimes languor-
ous, which can only be heard to perfection in this
country.

Had it the effect of Orpheus's lute? I was not
condemned to die at sunrise like poor Scheherazade.
But why did she not dance instead of relating stories?
At Bologna and Cannes I saw a section of society
which has now disappeared. This was to be met with
at the residence of the Duchesse de Chartres, and at
the Due de Montpensier's at the Caprara Palace. In

MARRIED 93

Italy certain of the greatest Italian aristocrats were
surrounded by the noblest names of France; on the
Cote d'Azur it was more of a butterfly world, in
which shone some of the most resplendent Parisian
beauties.

Where should I be if I allowed myself to evoke
the shades of many of those whom I have known
during my Hfetime? Already all is silent, already
forgetfulness has begun. Oh, vanity of vanities!
But at least I will say how much I was enchanted by
Cannes, and by the refined taste of French elegance.
The war has transformed this town, once sought after
by the elite of society. I have read that, overrun and
noisy, it has lost the discreet cachet which was once
its particular character and charm. What a pity!

There is everything and yet nothing to say about
the life of worldly people who are merely worldly
people and nothing more. True, I could fill a library
were I to describe in detail the fashionable records
of my past. But of what interest would that be?
I should but pander to the social curiosity that is sat-
isfied by the reports of the doings of society, which,
knowing the necessity of polishing its lustre daily in
order to retain its brightness, provides the newspapers
with the names of the people it receives, and the de-
tails of the receptions it gives — ^merely to satisfy that
commonplace curiosity which is, unhappily, the foun-
dation of human nature, and its desires and self-
esteem.

It will be better perhaps for me to terminate this

94 MY OWN AFFAIRS

rough sketch of my hfe as Princess of Coburg, be-
fore coming to the events which led to the final
denouement, by a few facts concerning my children.
I have been, I believe, a good mother. I have wished
to be, and I have, at least, the feeling that I was a
good mother for a very long time. I lavished much
care and tenderness upon my children.

This will only appear natural to women whom
maternity makes true women, and to whom it repre-
sents honour and glory. They must, however, allow
me to say that maternity is sometimes more difficult
than one thinks, when one has to consider the difficul-
ties which are often raised by the father of the child
— ^there are situations when being a mother is a con-
stant trial.

Happy are those whom a peaceful and normal life
allows leisure to watch beside a cradle. Neverthe-
less, I knew happiness with my first-born son Leo-
pold, who saw the light in 1878 at our Chateau of
Saint Antoine, in Hungary.

The Queen was present, very delighted at being a
grandmother. The arrival of this child, a boy, heir
to the titles, appendages and functions of the family,
temporarily appeased the quarrels between the prince
and myself. There was a lull in the storm, which
lasted for some little time. The influence of the
Queen had its effect upon my husband. I myself,
absorbed by my maternal duties, made great resolu-
tiMis to be patient and wise in the future.

I dreamt wonderful dreams beside the cradle of

MARRIED 95

my son. . , . Oh, cruel Fate, against which I was des-
tined to be powerless. When he grew up, and as the
influence of environment exerted itself, Leopold be-
came less and less my child. I wished him to be loyal
and courageous. Was he not to carry a sword?
What a knightly soul did I not wish to forge in him!
But his father claimed the right to guide him. Very
soon he belonged to me no longer.

Leopold reached the age of reason just when I
had thrown off the shackles of an existence which had
become atrocious. He believed that, having refused
to continue to be the Princess of Coburg, I had
thereby appropriated the hundreds of millions which
pne day should have come to him from his grand-
father, and which I should throw to the winds by my
folly. So I have known the hatred which Nature can-
not conceive — the hatred of a son for his mother. I
have shed the tears which are shed by mothers who
are struck down by their own flesh and blood. But
God knows that each time my children, infatuated
with the greed for money, which is indeed the root of
all evils, have made me suffer, I have always for-
given them.

When Leopold died in such a frightful way that I
cannot even mention it, he had not belonged, in my
belief, for a long time to this world ; but it was not I
who was afl'ected by this terrible punishment which
terminated the lineage of the eldest scion of the house
of Saxe-Coburg. He who was stricken was the

96 MY OWN AFFAIRS

father who had formed this misguided son in his own
likeness !

I think he has survived in order that he may have
time for repentance.

When my daughter Dora was about to be born in
1881, I had such a dread of the presence of her
father that I did all I could to hide the imminent hour
of my deliverance. I did not wish the prince to be
near me at this painful moment; I wanted him to go
out, in ignorance that I was in the throes of travail.
It happened in this way. The birth took place in our
palace at Vienna, and I quite succeeded in astonish-
ing my world. I evaded, during the time of my suf-
fering, a presence which could only have aggravated
it. The midwife who was with me had not even time
to go and fetch the Royal Accoucheur, who arrived
after it was all over.

Dora was my second and my last child. She prom-
ised to be a pretty girl; she was taller than myself,
very fair and rather shortsighted. She had the mis-
fortune to marry Duke Gunther of Schleswig-
Holstein, brother of the Empress Augusta, the wife
of William II. "Misfortune?" my readers will say;
"that is the usual opinion of a mother-in-law." They
will see later that the word misfortune is conformable
to the facts which touch contemporary history. I
will say nothing more.

My daughter has no children. If she had, they
would have been told that their grandmother was the
most wicked of women, if not the maddest, because

MARRIED 97

she often said to her son-in-law, as well as to the
Prince of Coburg and certain dignitaries of Vienna
and elsewhere, who were the accomplices and agents
of the persecution by which she was overwhelmed:

"You have only one end in view, and that is to
take away all that remains to me — my liberty. But
there is justice and you will be punished!"

They have been.

Ah! if instead of making me suffer martyrdom,
or allowing me to be made a martyr, some of my
own relations had dared come to me, openly or in
secret ! . . . I am a woman, I am a mother. I do not
affirm that I was not guilty of wrong. I only affirm
this: they always lied to me. They always talked
to me of the honour and virtue of the family, but,
above it all, I heard the cry of "Money! money!
money!"

CHAPTER VIII

My Hosts at the Hofburg — the Emperor

Francis Joseph and the Empress

Elizabeth

Since defeat has overthrown in one day thrones
which were the foundation of the world of Germany,
I sometimes pass from the Ring towards the Graben
by the Hofburg, the ancient Imperial Palace of this
city of Vienna where I am now writing. I can see
from the Fransenplatz (the large inner court) the
windows of the rooms which formerly saw me received
by the guards and chamberlains with the honours due
to my rank. These windows are now closed, empty
and silent. In Vienna everything seems dead. The
old Hofburg has ceased to exist. The new Hofburg,
an outward symbol of vanished hopes, is an unfinished
building. It bears witness to the downfall of an
Empire.

Of all the princesses and archduchesses belonging
to the vanished Court, I am the only one remaining
in Vienna, loved, I believe, by the people, and re-
spected by those in authority.

There is one city in the world in which I have
lived for a long time. It has been the scene of my
"crimes." This city, after it abandoned all pretence

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 99

of honour, truth and virtue, has now reserved for me
my right to speak, and, whilst aboHshing titles, has
left me mine. I stand alone in the ruins of a Power
which was cruel to me.

I have known the "justice" of the Court and that
of the Emperor Francis Joseph. I have learned that
a princess has not the same legal rights as the rest of
the world. For her, secret arrangements exist which
are applied without the judges having anything to
say, or, if they do, they only carry out certain orders.
They disguise these with all kinds of pretexts. In
my case the excuse was that of madness.

It would be impossible to-day to tax a rebellious
conscience with insanity. It would be impossible to
accuse a victim of causing impossible scandals if she
dared appeal for help. No one can be thrown by
force into a madhouse, where the superintendent says
that you are not mad and yet is obliged to keep a
guard over you. He had his orders! They called
these "une affaire de courf'

I do not think it would require many criminal at-
tempts of this nature to obtain a sentence from a
Divine justice which no hypocrisy of words or deeds
and no machinery of human power can deceive.

But why should not those who were guilty of an
immoral and cowardly pohcy be the only ones to
expiate their faults? A whole nation is at this mo-
ment expiating the decadence and the downfall of
the Court of Vienna. Yes, the poor people, who are
so good, so duped, so resigned, so industrious and so

100 MY OWN AFFAIRS

much to be pitied, are now expiating the crimes of
their rulers!

When I arrived at the Austrian Court in 1875
Francis Joseph was forty-five years old.

He was always distinguishable at a distance by
his gallant bearing in uniform. At close quarters he
gave one the impression of possessing a certain
amount of good humour, which was contradicted by
the severity of his glance. He was a narrow-minded
man, full of false and preconceived ideas, but he pos-
sessed from his upbringing and from the traditions
of Austrian politics certain formulas and manner-
isms, which enabled him to keep afloat for a long
time before he was finally engulfed in the sea of blood
in which the Imperial galley ultimately foundered.
But, stripped of his rank and ceremonial, devoid of
routine or receptions, audiences and speeches, he was
nothing but a fool. At his birth. Nature deprived
him of a heart. He was an emperor but he was not a
man. He is best described as an automaton dressed
as a soldier.

The Emperor at first made a great impression on
me when my husband presented me to him as the new
Princess of Coburg. I listened to his amiable and
polished phrases, which I found difficult to answer be-
comingly. They were usually so banal that almost
before leaving his presence I had already forgotten
what he had said. It was ahnost always like this,
except on one memorable occasion which I will de-
scribe later.

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 101

I do not know anyone who remembers a single
word uttered by Francis Joseph that was worth re-
peating. His conversation in the Imperial circle was
disconcertingly cold and poor. He never became ani-
mated except when talking scandal, but that was
generally in the apartment of Madame Schratt, who
constituted alike his refuge and his relaxation, where
he was really "at home" and where he was simply
"Franz" or "Joseph."

I have seen Madame Schratt at the Burg Theatre.
Her influence ( if she ever had any, other than that of
permitting the Emperor to escape from the insuffi-
ciencies which constituted the fatalities of his life)
was not injurious to any living soul.

An actress at the Comedie Franc^aise of Vienna,
pretty, and honest by nature, Katti Schratt was a
"Brohan," and her gaiety of heart at least pleased
the Sovereign. He first gave her a peaceful and an
assured position, and then one fine evening he quietly
introduced her to the Court, where the Empress re-
signed herself admirably to this Imperial audacity.
She was quite satisfied in knowing that Francis
Joseph was now methodical in his passions, had cur-
tailed his excesses and had chosen a confidante who
did not pretend to be anything more than a recrea-
tion for him. There was a great difference between
Madame Schratt and Madame de Maintenon. There
was a still greater difference between Francis Joseph
and Louis XIV.

But so far as actual looks went, the Emperor

102 MY OWN AFFAIRS

might easily have been taken for his maitre d'hotel
had it not been for his uniform and his surroundings.
Seen at close quarters he was a very ordinary person.
Two bad habits, however, were noticeable in him:
at the least perplexity he pulled and massaged his
side-whiskers, and at dinner he frequently looked at
his reflection in the blade of his knife. As for the rest
of his actions, he ate, he drank, he slept, he walked, he
hunted, he spoke according to the accepted ritual laid
down by the circumstances of the hour, the day, and
the calendar. These mannerisms were hardly dis-
turbed by revolutions, wars or misfortunes. He
greeted his calamities with the same expression with
which he noticed if it were raining when he was about
to leave for Ischl.

When his son killed himself, when his wife was
assassinated, he did not lose one ounce of flesh; his
step was as firm as ever, and his hair just as fault-
lessly dressed.

The funeral ceremonies over, nothing changed in
Austria. Francis Joseph still continued to speak in
just the same tones of the love of his people towards
himself, and of his love for them.

And that same evening he was with Madame
Schratt. To this man, devoid of brilliance, without
courage, and without justice, I owe the misfortunes
of my life.

At the time when he should have filled his place
as Sovereign and head of the house where I was con-
cerned, he did not do so because he was afraid.

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 103

On two occasions only he behaved differently a
propos of what concerned me; these circumstances
were not, however, decisive. A man is not judged
by the way he helps you out of a carriage, but by his
behaviour in a big fire ; he does not draw back before
the flames in his effort to save you !

Francis Joseph was incapable of throwing himself
into the fire in order to save anyone. He could not
be depended upon for any help in danger. He would
have been afraid of spoiling his uniform, or of dis-
arranging his whiskers!

Ah ! I can easily understand the despair of his son
and his wife, whose only thought in Hfe was to escape
from this nonentity.

The Emperor's brother, the Archduke Louis Vic-
tor, was the instigator of the hatred of which I was
the victim. This man was later to know the tortures
of a dishonourable exile, and he died dishonoured.
God has punished him. I have seen His might strike
this guilty man, who started the persecutions from
which I had to suffer.

For many years he laid his devotion at my feet.
All Vienna knew it; the Emperor included, and he
better than most people, because scandal was his
daily bread. To him it was almost an affair of State
to know whether the Archduke Louis Victor would
succeed in vanquishing the citadel of my virtue.

Nevertheless, the prince could be pleasing when
he chose; his was an ardent nature, the excessive in-

104 MY OWN AFFAIRS

quisitiveness of which dragged him eventually into the
scandal of public punishment.

I resigned myself to receive his compliments and
his flowers with patience. We all know the exigencies
of the world. I had to endure the assiduity of an
archduke, the brother of the Emperor, with a smile.
But the smile has been especially given by Nature to
woman in order to enable her occasionally to conceal
her thoughts !

Unfortunately Louis Victor, jealous of the worthy
sentiments with which another, who was not a
"prince," had inspired me, lost his patience, and from
being the object of his love I became the object of his
hatred. I own that I had a taste for satirical repar-
tee which I had inherited from the King and which
made me many enemies. Was the archduke offended
at a little plain speaking? Wounded vanity is prompt
to avenge itself. I had henceforth in him an open
enemy. He swore that he would force me to leave
the Court.

I had inspired jealousy. What woman has not?
My rivals ensconced themselves around my former
admirer. The usual intrigues began. My freedom
of life was attacked by some charitable souls whose
only thought was to destroy it, aided by a rejected
Don Juan. The archduke was not long in arranging
the necessary details. People commenced to talk of
the notice which I took of that honourable man, the
only person who has filled my life. I have always
given him my whole confidence and esteem.

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 105

Tlie Archduke Louis Victor went to his brother
and told him that he had seen me with his own eyes
in a popular restaurant at night, tete-a-tete with a
Uhlan officer.

Carried away by indignation at such f orgetfulness
of my rank, three noble Furies, whom I will not men-
tion, and who possessed exclusive rights to represent
virtue on earth, made it known to His Majesty that
if I were allowed to attend the coming State ball they
would turn their backs upon me in the presence of the
Imperial circle.

My sister, who was told of this uproar, questioned
me and warned me. I had no difficulty in discovering
whence the plot emanated, and I protested my inno-
cence to Stephanie. On the evening when the Arch-
duke Louis Victor had told his brother he had seen
me at the restaurant, I had not quitted the palace. I
may add that I have never, never, never sat in a res-
taurant tete-a-tete with anyone. When I have had
occasion to appear at a dinner or supper in public I
have always been accompanied by one or more per-
sons of my entourage.

And what was more, at the identical hour men-
tioned by my calumniator I was with the prince, my
husband, and we were having one of those discussions
which constituted the daily storms of our existence.
The prince was there to witness this, besides which,
the servants could attest that I had not given any
orders for my carriage and that I had not left the
palace. So nothing would have been easier than to

106 MY OWN AFFAIRS

have contradicted the archduke and his virtuous
friends.

My sister was quite convinced, but, not wishing to
place herself between the devil and the deep sea, she
said that she thought it would be as well if I appealed
to the Emperor in person. The cabal, however, acted
quickly. Francis Joseph forestalled my request by
summoning me. I saw him in Stephanie's room. I
was in such a state of righteous rage that, alas ! I was
unable to control myself in the presence of this in-
famous man.

First of all I thanked the Sovereign for his audi-
ence, and I said (mastering my temper with diffi-
culty) that he ought to defend me and take my part;
that I was the butt of the attacks of a miserable cabal,
and he ought to put an end to it by punishing the slan-
derer. I asked him to make an inquiry, as I had a
perfect right to one. The rest of my words may be
left to the imagination. As the Emperor knew what
defence I should probably put forward, he had pre-
pared his answer according to the formula of one of
the heads of the Imperial Chancellery who had
trained him in his youth. This is what he said:
"Madam, all that has nothing to do with me; you
have a husband; it is his affair. I think, however,
that for the present you had better take a trip some-
where, and not appear at the next State ball."

"But, Sire, I am a victim; you make me out a
criminal."

"Madam, I have listened to my brother, and when

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 107

Victor has spoken. ..." He finished with a sign
which was Imperial and definite.

I was not the kind of a woman to suffer such
iniquity in silence. But I managed to conceal my con-
tempt, and replied:

"The future will reveal, Sire, which of us has lied,
the Archduke or I." I then made my regulation
curtsy, and the Emperor left the room.

On my return to the Coburg Palace I went to my
husband and told him that I trusted to his honour to
destroy the abominable plot in which I was involved,
and that he must send his seconds to the Archduke
Victor.

The Prince of Coburg coldly answered that if I
had lost the Imperial favour he had no wish to lose
it by fighting a duel with an archduke who was the
brother of the Sovereign.

After the chivalrous Emperor I had indeed encoun-
tered another Galahad ; I was furious, but I could do
nothing. My fury, however, brought about unlooked-
for results. The prince did not wish to remember that
I was at the palace on this particular evening. He
declared that he would not contradict the assertion
made by my slanderer. This was the last straw.
From that hour my mind was made up. I would not
remain any longer with a husband who had aban-
doned me in this disgraceful manner. I would listen
to the voice that said: "Madam, you are lost in the
world where you live; it is cowardly and perverse."
But my family feeling proved stronger than my

108 MY OWN AFFAIRS

anger. I said to the prince : "We must separate and
regain our liberty. But we have children. Let us
avoid a scene. Let us travel for a year, and if at the
end of that time we have not found a better way of
living together we will part; you must go your way
and I will go mine."

To the mind of a man such as the Prince of Coburg
these words were the most awful imaginable. The
prospect of a separation or a divorce would be known
to millions of people, to the King and others, and not
only to the father of my children; such a thing was
impossible. He said I should hear more about this.
And I did.

Since I am telling the whole story from the begin-
ning I must give the other reasons for Francis Jo-
seph's inconceivable attitude towards me. These
were more or less political, and I do not wish to dwell
on politics, and still less on any affecting him. But
at the same time I am writing for the purpose of add-
ing a few fresh facts to the history of this time, as
well as for the purpose of defending myself from
false accusations.

Francis Joseph refused to help me, and he aban-
doned me from the first moment because he was
obliged to be cautious; he therefore left my husband
complete liberty to do as he pleased. The Prince of
Coburg knew the secret of Meyerling and the termi-
nation of Rudolph's despair. Moreover, the prince
had a brother Ferdinand who was quartered at the
outpost of Nach Oste in Bulgaria. The Coburgs

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 109

were a power in themselves. Francis Joseph bowed
down to them. He chose the lesser of two evils and
sacrificed me.

I only knew him to adopt a chivalrous attitude on
two occasions. Once when I asked him to change a
gentleman-in-waiting attached to my person and that
of my husband who made common cause with the
Archduke Victor, he immediately granted me my re-
quest. Again, when I had entered upon a new life,
and was hving up to a higher ideal and disregarding
the most sinister proofs of an atrocious calumny, it
happened that the Prince of Coburg found himself
face to face with a man of honour who was ready to
give him satisfaction. My husband put on an air of
supreme disdain. The Emperor then reminded him
that the uniform of a soldier was intended for more
than purposes of show. He advised the Prince of
Coburg to fight ; he fought.

I believe this was the only military victor}^ that
Francis Joseph gained over anyone; and as for the
prince, an Austrian general, it was the only battle in
which he was personally engaged.

*afc, ^ ^ j|i

*t* 1» "T* "T*

I often think that Providence was very merciful
to the Empress in not letting her attain old age, riv-
eted as she was to the chain which dragged the Em-
pire into the abyss of human foolishness and ferocity.

Shall I say that my thoughts go out to her in
prayer? She, too, was a martyr; she is only second to
the Queen in my daily meditations. The difference

110 MY OWN AFFAIRS

in my age and rank kept me, to my great grief, far-
ther apart from her than I should have liked. At the
time when I could have drawn nearer to her, I was
torn between my yearning for the ideal, and the vani-
ties of the world. If she was a serene empress I was a
distressed princess! But I had, however, something
in common with her; the love of Nature and freedom
and the taste for Heinrich Heine.

Without putting this writer on the same pedestal
as Goethe, the mind by which I have tried to vivify
my own, I have enjoyed many happy hours reading
Heine, and the older I have grown the more I have
learned to know and admire the poet who was both
an inspired humourist and a philosopher. He was the
De Musset of Prussia and Judea, the wit par excel-
lence of Europe — Heine had taken from France and
given her a unity of gifts, the blending of which prom-
ises a race of men, freed from race barriers, moved
by the same love of eternal beauty. An indication of
the reconciliation which the future will perhaps see.

It is possible that he was a Jew ; the Apostles were
also Jews. But I understand and appreciate the sen-
timents of the Empress in going to see him at Ham-
burg, continuing to be on friendly relations with his
sister after his death, and lastly in erecting a monu-
ment to him at Corfu. Rudolph once said of his
mother: "She is a philosopher on a throne." She had
truly a great mind.

The day on which I had the honour of being re-
ceived privately by the Empress was an exciting one

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 111

for me. I knew that she only wore black, white, grey
or violet, so I arranged my toilette without invoking
the help of a dressmaker, and if I am to believe the
flattery of the Kue de la Paix, I knew how to dress
myself; but I confess that, confident as I had now
become in matters of dress, I took my time in deciding
what to wear on this occasion. In the end I chose a
violet gown most tastefully trimmed with grebe and
a little velvet toque. I can say without boasting that
my toilette was remarked upon and generally ad-
mired.

The Empress was delightful. She spoke of the
Queen in well-chosen, simple terms, as of a friend
dear to her. This was her way of speaking about
almost everything. Her conversation was of a high
order, but at the same time it was absolutely natural.
She scarcely ever spoke harshly, and always in low
and pure tones. She possessed a soulful voice —
muffled crystal, but crystal all the same. I have never
seen a smile like hers; it was like a smile from
Heaven; it enchanted me and it aff*ected me, it was
at the same time both sweet and grave. She was
beautiful, a celestial beauty with something ethereal
in the purity of her features and the lines of her fig-
ure. No one walked like Elizabeth of Austria; the
movement of her limbs was imperceptible, she glided ;
she seemed to float on the ground. I have often read
that some celebrated and adored woman was endowed
with "inimitable grace." The Empress Elizabeth
truly possessed this inimitable grace. And her large

112 MY OWN AFFAIRS

eyes seemed to speak and express a noble language
peculiarly their own, which embodied the three vir-
tues, Faith, Hope and Charity.

Bavaria, her birthplace, has retained throughout
the ages the essential elements of the Celtic race es-
tablished as far as the Danube. South Germany also
has this ancient European blood in abundance. The
Empress represented the most refined characteristics
of Celtic beauty. She was not a German type — at
least not a type of Central Germany — she expressed
to perfection, both morally and physically, all that
separated and will continue to separate Munich and
Vienna from Berlin.

*****

Recollections crowd upon me when I return in
thought to the Hofburg. I must record some of the
most striking.

Thus, I will think of the Archduke John, who was
afterwards known as John Orth, the name of one
of Maria Theresa's castles on the Danube, the spot
preferred of all others by this strange being.

Like Rudolph, with whom he was on terms of
great friendship and certain understanding, the Arch-
duke John could not breathe the air of Courts. He
once said to me: "You and I, Louise, in many re-
spects are not made to live here."

He interested me, but I did not like his sarcastic
spirit. He had none of Rudolph's high ideals.
When he disappeared I believed him to be living
somewhere in secret, and that there was a possibility

PRINCESS VICTOR NAPOT.EON

(Princess Clfimentine of Belgium)

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 113

of his reappearance. I read in the papers not long
ago that a person who might easily have been the
Archduke John had just died in Rome, where he had
lived for twenty years in seclusion. Rome attracts
the solitary and disillusioned souls of the world. If
this unknown man was really John Orth, he was
indeed able to meditate on the grandeur and deca-
dence of empires.

I will leave this mysterious shadow and speak of
two others who have passed, whose existence touches
us more closely and constitutes a problem of State to
minds interested in this subject.

I see in imagination the ball where Francis Fer-
dinand d'Este showed by his attachment to the
Countess Chotek what would eventually come to pass
between them. He loved her and she loved him;
they were married. This was a great event. The
countess was clever and intelligent, and she was not
personally displeasing to the Emperor. She knew
better than to offend this narrow-minded being. But
her role in the political events of Central Europe,
from the day when the death of Rudolph allowed her
to dream of a throne (even though it was only that
of Hungary), was more important than one im-
agined.

It has occurred to me more than once, that if
France had known and would have put up with an
Austrian policy, she would have found that the
Countess Chotek, raised to the rank of Duchess of
Hohenberg, had far diiFerent ideas from those of

114 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Berlin. Unfortunately France committed the fault
(and she will forgive me for daring to say so, en
passant) of separating politics from religion, and of
forgetting that religion is the first of all politics.
She bound her own hands, bandaged her own eyes,
and advanced on Europe. There was very little
chance for her to reach the Danube, the most impor-
tant of all the European routes.

I knew how much the King of the Belgians de-
plored the blindness of France, and what he said on
this subject to more than one distinguished French-
man. It was to the effect that the disadvantage of
democratic governments was that they were obliged to
provide numerous schools of thought before they pos-
sessed the small number of principles which constitute
the foundation and the whole secret of government.
The religious principle is not the least of these.

In a country in which statesmen formerly abound-
ed, and which has ended politically through corrupt
foolishness, that destroyer of characters and convic-
tions. Countess Chotek, the woman of solid beliefs,
came into prominence through the possession of a poli-
tical brain.

She made Ferdinand d'Este a man capable of ac-
tion and energy. Her chief fault and that of her
husband was that through fear of showing weakness,
they did not know how to show kindness. The hered-
itary archduke and his wife were strict in maintain-
ing their landed possessions, and they taxed the peo-
ple with great severity.

MY HOSTS AT THE HOFBURG 115

It needed little to aggravate the latent hatred
against the heir to the thrones in a state divided
against itself, and, added to this rivalry, jealousy and
general restlessness existed, and certain trifling mat-
ters due to the severity of Francis Ferdinand and the
Duchess of Hohenberg were perfidiously exploited
against them. The day of their death was decided,
the way was prepared, and the instruments selected.
But I must pass over the terrible events of yesterday,
the result of which does not justify me to speak.

The hereditary archduke and his wife had a power-
ful camarilla against them. They were not in need
of partisans and they could have opposed cabal after
cabal, but their adversaries, who were nearly all hid-
den, had plans outside the Monarchy.

This is not the place or the moment to discuss the
conflict of influences of which Vienna was the battle-
field. It will be the work of some penetrating and
impartial genius who will perhaps be in a position
to enlighten the world as to the general worthlessness
of the Court of Austria during the ten or fifteen years
before 1914. He will then make known to the world
the history of one of the most formidable conflicts of
self-interest and vanity which the world has ever
known.

At the Court of Vienna there was a camarilla con-
sisting of a group of men, more or less filled with
ambition, who gathered around the Sovereign,
guarding every approach to him, and they exploited
the prince to the best of their hatred and avidity. As

116 MY OWN AFFAIRS

the Emperor became more and more of a figure-head
the old favourites saw themselves confronted with the
coming power. This power, for the less important
reasons which are known, and for others greater than
these, recognized the morganatic marriage of Francis
Ferdinand, and the ardent Catholicism of the Duch-
ess of Hohenberg, who, owing to her character and
her ambitious dreams for her children, possessed both
interior and exterior enemies. There resulted, there-
fore, a third camarilla, the most secret and the most
redoubtable, for the simple reason that, in a Court
where individuals fight amongst themselves, they
indirectly fight the whole world. They do not betray
merely this one and that one — ^they betray their whole
country.

CHAPTER IX

My Sister Stephanie Marries the Archduke
Rudolph, who Died at Meyerling

My younger sister spent a happy girlhood at
Brussels. At the age of nineteen she was a radiant
beauty. Without knowing whom she was eventually
to marry, she had been encouraged to look forward to
making a more advantageous marriage than her eld-
est sister.

The King had never been very enthusiastic over my
marriage with the Prince of Coburg. He had higher
ambitions for me. My mother, however, desired the
marriage. I have already given her reasons.

To avenge himself for his disappointed hopes, the
King intended Stephanie to marry an heir to a
throne. He had thought of Rudolph of Habsburg as
a possible husband for her, and the Queen agreed
with him. What a daring idea! For however hon-
ourable the Royal House of Belgium might be, it did
not rank so high as that of Austria.

I was not in ignorance, as I shall shortly relate, of

the project of this marriage which began under the

most dazzling auspices, and terminated in the most

appalling tragedy.

History has been more interested in the final

117

118 MY OWN AFFAIRS

catastrophe than in the story of the early days of the
married life of Rudolph of Habsburg and Stephanie
of Belgium. I, too, will discuss the finale and de-
scribe Rudolph as I knew him on the eve of his death.

Rudolph was then thirty years old. He might
easily have called himself "the beloved of the gods."
A great Court was at his feet; the most beautiful
town in the world, after Paris, was an abode where all
might have belonged to him. The people of the
Monarchy placed their hopes of the future in him.
He had a wife whom everyone envied; a daughter
whom he overwhelmed with caresses; a noble and
good mother whom he worshipped; and lastly, a
father whose great Empire would revert to him; but
Rudolph, the ill-fated and unhappy, preferred to die.

Let us, once for all, finish with the legends of
Meyerling, and as far as it is possible have done with
the lies connected with it. Rudolph of Habsburg
committed suicide !

It is said that there is no proof of this. This is
wrong; the proof exists. I am able to give it.

The history of the liaison which led Rudolph of
Habsburg and Mary Vetsera to the grave has often
been told. I will therefore confine myself to relating
a few points which are but little known.

There was in the love of the hereditary archduke
for Mary Vetsera either a lurid fatality or a sinister
influence. . . .

When I was in Vienna shortly before I decided to
write these pages, I was sorting some private papers

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 119

which recalled me to the period when I was the con-
fidante and friend of Rudolph. Having finished my
task, I went for a drive.

At the turning of a crowded street my attention
was attracted by the sight of a melancholy looking
old woman dressed in a dark costume. My carriage
was going slowly at the time, so I could not fail to
notice that she seemed crushed by numerous calami-
ties, bent to the ground under the weight of a heavy
burden, and she walked close to the buildings, almost
touching the walls as she passed. Her face showed
utter dejection and horror, and it was seared with
innumerable tragic wrinkles. In this funereal appa-
rition I recognized the mother of Mary Vetsera.

What had happened to the smart woman of the
world whom I had been accustomed to meet chaper-
oning her daughter, then in the full bloom of her
bewitching youth?

I have only to close my eyes in order to see Mary
Vetsera — superb and glowing as she appeared at an
evening entertainment given by the Prince of Reuss,
the German Ambassador — ^the last sensational ap-
pearance in Viennese society of the girl who was
about to become the heroine of the "bloody enigma"
of Meyerling.

But the enigma is very simple.

Nevertheless, one must be behind the scenes in
order to see all and know all. And this will always
be difi^cult for journalists, who concoct distorted ver-
sions of "facts" which are the enemies of "history."

120 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Every journalist continues to rely on his imagination
or on his observations, which vary according to his
point of view. If the truth, therefore, is long in com-
ing to light it is not very extraordinary. The aston-
ishing thing about the Press is not so much that it
abounds in lies as that it sometimes states the truth.

I had just arrived at the Embassy. The Prince
of Reuss left me in order to precede my sister and
her husband who were making an official entry.

Rudolph noticed me, and leaving Stephanie came
straight up to me. "She is there," he said without
any preamble; "ah, if somebody would only deliver
me from her!"

"She" was Mary Vetsera, his mistress of the ardent
face. I, too, glanced at the seductress. Two bril-
liant eyes met mine. One word will describe her:
Mary was an imperial sultana, one who feared no
other favourite, so sure was she of the power of her
full and triumphant beauty, her deep black eyes, her
cameo-like profile, her throat of a goddess, and her
arresting sensual grace.

She had altogether taken possession of Rudolph,
and she longed for him to be able to marry her. Their
liaison had lasted for three years.

Mary Vetsera was a member of a bourgeois family
of Greek origin with some pretensions to nobility.
The family, which was numerous and impoverished,
hoped much from the favour of the Heir Apparent.
Perhaps the only one who did not concern herself in
worldly matters was a sister of the idol who, unlr-ce

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 121

her, had not the gift of beauty. Her merit was of a
less perishable order. When the drama of Meyerling
engulfed Rudolph and his love, this sister of the dead
Mary disappeared in a convent.

At the soiree I was struck by my brother-in-law's
state of nervous exhaustion (this soiree took place,
I may mention, during the second fortnight of Janu-
ary, 1889) , but I thought it well to try and calm him
by saying a word or two about Mary which would
please him, so I remarked quite simply:

"She is very beautiful." Then I looked at my per-
fectly gowned sister, beautiful, too, in another way,
who was making a tour of the room. . . . My heart
contracted. All three, Stephanie, Rudolph and Mary
were unfortunate.

Rudolph left me without replying. An instant
later he returned and murmured: "I simply cannot
tear myself away from her."

"Leave Vienna," I said; "go to Egypt, to India,
to Australia. Travel. If you are lovesick that will
cure you."

He shrugged his shoulders imperceptibly and
spoke no more during the evening.

It was not a pleasant soiree. An atmosphere of
uneasiness hung over the brilliant assembly. For
my own part, I was so depressed that on my return
home I could not sleep.

I had followed, so to speak, all the gradual develop-
ments of Rudolph's passion.

Upon my arrival at the Court of Vienna I instantly

122 MY OWN AFFAIRS

liked the archduke, and he gave me his friendship.
We were ahnost the same age. I venture to say that
we resembled each other in many points. Our ideas
on certain matters were identical. Rudolph con-
fided in me, and I soon placed my confidence in him.

It often happened that after my arrival in Vienna
I was not always on my guard. God knows, then,
that it was praiseworthy of me to say to the prince,
in the intimate manner adopted by those Royal and
princely families who had imbibed the patriarchal
German spirit:

"Get married. I have a sister who is like me.
Marry her." He at once changed the subject by
replying: "I like Middzi better." Middzi was a
pretty girl, a perfect Viennese type, a Parisian of
Eastern Europe. He had two children by her.

But at last wisdom prevailed with me, perhaps my
will also, and the finding in maternity the courage to
support many things which later grew worse and
were no longer bearable. I was not then either "mad,
extravagant," or "capable of every kind of deceit,"
as my persecutors said later.

On the contrary. For a long time my good quali-
ties and virtues were praised by people who later
covered me with opprobrium.

At this period my younger sister was said to be a
charming happy replica of myself, and therefore
Rudolph took the train for Brussels. Stephanie thus
became the second highest personage in Austria-

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 123

Hungary — ^the future empress of the Dual Mon-
archy.

The archduke had no trouble in finding favour in
her eyes. He was more than handsome ; he was fas-
cinating. He had a slight figure, but it was well
proportioned. Notwithstanding his delicate appear-
ance, he possessed a strong constitution. He always
made me think of a thoroughbred; he had the shape,
the light build and the temper of one. His nervous
force equalled his sensitiveness. His pale face re-
flected his thoughts. His eye, the iris of which was
brown and brilliant, assumed varying shades and
changed in shape with his expression. He passed
rapidly from love to anger, and from anger to love.
He was a disconcerting individual, with a captivating,
changeful and refined soul.

Rudolph's smile perhaps made a still greater
impression. It was the smile of an angelic sphinx,
a smile pecuhar to the Empress; he had also her man-
ner of speaking; and these traits, added to his win-
ning and mysterious personality, charmed all with
whom Rudolph came in contact.

Well read and always ready to welcome new
ideas, he sought the society of artists and savants.
He was happy in the company of such men as the
distinguished painters Canon and Angeli, and Bill-
roth, the eminent professor.

My readers must not expect a pen portrait of my
sister. It would be difficult for me to write about her
in laudatory phrases since I have said that she re-

124 MY OWN AFFAIRS

sembled me. I will only say that she was better-
looking.

Rudolph and Stephanie made a well-matched pair.
A daughter was born to them — Elizabeth — now
Princess of Windisgretz. She owes her material
independence to the fortune which she inherited from
her grandfather, the Emperor Francis Joseph, and
this fact added to her independence of soul has made
her a very noticeable personality.

After the birth of her daughter, my sister, almost
on the day following her churching, decided to travel.
She said that she wanted to go to the seaside and
recover from the effects of her confinement. She
therefore went to Jersey, where she stayed some
considerable time.

Rudolph was opposed to her going away. He
negatived the idea by saying that she ought to stay
with him, as he was unable to accompany her owing
to his duties as Heir Apparent.

But we are a family who, having once decided
upon doing anything, are very difficult to persuade
to the contrary.

Stephanie was obstinate. She never thought that
a young wife's duty was to remain as long as possible
near her husband, especially when he happened to
be the man most exposed to the temptations of the
Court of Vienna.

Rudolph was greatly vexed at the length of an
absence which really could only have been excused on

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 125

the grounds that it was not so long as it might have
been.

The Crown Princess fell ill. When she escaped
from the hands of the doctors who had lavished their
attentions upon her, Rudolph was told that he would
have little chance in the future of again becoming
the father of legitimate children.

The blow was severe. From that day he tried to
forget his troubles. He strove to banish them by
drink, by hunting and other kinds of amusements.
This desire for forgetfulness increased.

At this critical moment he met Mary Vetsera.
The first time that her beauty was brought to my
notice I nearly betrayed myself, having been placed
in an unexpected and awkward position, which served
to show me the height which passion can attain in a
nature such as Rudolph's.

One evening we gave a dinner at the Coburg
Palace. The Crown Prince, according to his rank,
sat on my right, and my sister sat opposite me.

There was naturally much gossip current in
Vienna about the liaison which existed between
Rudolph and Mary Vetsera. Stephanie, thanks to
her dignity of character, was silent, but I know that
she suffered. I was not afraid of mentioning this
delicate subject to Rudolph, and I had expressed my
hopes that the gossip was exaggerated. I wished to
beheve that he was merely the victim of a passing
caprice. Yet at my own table, with the servants
present, the guests watching (especially my sister's

126 MY OWN AFFAIRS

and her husband's) our slightest movements, Rudolph
took it into his head to show me, sheltered by the
tablecloth and the usual table decorations, the minia-
ture of a woman, hidden in something which appeared
to be a cigarette-case. "This is Mary," said he;
"what do you think of her?"

The only thing I could do was to pretend neither
to see nor to hear him, and I began to talk to my
sister across the table. But after this, of what follies
would Rudolph not be guilty? We were not long in
finding out!

My brother-in-law died on January 30, 1889, be-
tween 6 A.M. and 7 a.m. Three or four days pre-
viously my sister came to see me one morning — a rare
thing for her to do. I was still in bed, as I was tired.
Stephanie seemed anxious and disturbed.

"Rudolph," said she, "is going to Meyerling, and
intends staying there some days. He will not he
alone. What can we do?"

I raised myself on my pillows. I felt a strange
and sinister foreboding. I remembered Rudolph's
words at the Prince of Reuss's soiree. "For the love
of God," I cried, "go with him!"

But was this possible? Alas! no. I next saw my
sister when she was a widow and my brother-in-law
was dead, lying in state, with his bloodless face
swathed in a white bandage. . . .

On the afternoon of January 28 I was driving in
the Prater accompanied by a lady-in-waiting. It was
a fine winter's day, and the sunshine was still linger-

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 127

ing over Vienna. The horses were proceeding at a
walking pace in order that I could enjoy the beauty
of the day, and enable me to notice the carriages and
the equestrians and acknowledge their salutes.

In the Hauptallee I noticed with astonishment
Rudolph, unattended and on foot, chatting in a lively
manner with Countess L., who has been so much
talked about and who has pubhshed so much, but
whose role in connexion with Rudolph was such that
it was not agreeable for me to know her.

The archduke saw my carriage. He made a sign
to me to stop, and came up to me. He was then
speaking to me for the last time.

I have often asked myself why his trivial words
caused me such indefinable anxiety. I still remem-
ber the sound of his voice, and I have not forgotten
the peculiar look which accompanied his words.
Rudolph was pale and feverish; he seemed on the
verge of a nervous breakdown.

"I am going to Meyerling this afternoon," he
announced. "Tell 'Fatty' not to come to-night, but
the day after to-morrow."

"Fatty," to speak with all due respect, was my
husband. The Prince of Coburg was always included
amongst the boon companions of Rudolph's hunting
and other pleasure parties.

I tried to keep my brother-in-law by my side for a
moment or two longer, and induce him to say some-
thing more. I asked him: "When will you come and
see me? It is a long time since you have been."

128 MY OWN AFFAIRS

He replied, looking at me most strangely:

"What would be the use of coming to see you?"
*****

Rudolph stayed at Meyerling from the evening of
January 28 until the morning of the 30th, alone with
his mistress. When his guests arrived for the hunt,
the gathering was exactly like one of those pagan
feasts in the days of Nero and Tiberius, when Death
was bidden to the banquet. But the guest condemned
to die was the prince himself, and he dragged with
him into the abyss the imperious mistress who had
first brought him to its brink.

They were found dead in their bedroom. It was
a frightful sight, and it was first witnessed by Count
Hoyoz, and then by the Prince of Coburg.

If Mary Vetsera was indeed the dominating force,
and as Venus would not relinquish her prize, Rudolph,
in an access of despair and rage, did not forgive her
for placing him in an impossible position ; but neither
did he pardon himself.

On the morning after a nerve-racking orgy both
lovers perished. It all happened with lightning-like
rapidity.

It was impossible for Rudolph to continue keeping
two households. Impetuous but enslaved, he could
not endure a liaison which paralysed his energies, but
which he lacked the strength to break, so great was
the hold which Mary had obtained over him.

Novelists have often depicted the frightful situa-
tion of the thraldom of the body, and the desperate

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH ,.

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 129

protests of the spirit which can only escape by death.

Rudolph at thirty years of age was utterly out of
love with life. He was worn out from living in the
atmosphere of a Court which suffocated him. His
death by his own hand was due to several causes, of
which the following are the principal:

First, his bitter regret of a marriage which did not
give him what he expected, after his disappointment
in knowing he could not have a son; the impossibility
of realizing the wish to dissolve it — an impious wish
in the eyes of his relatives, the Holy See and the
Catholic Church ; and, finally, the certainty he had as
to the chances of the longevity of the Emperor, that
heartless being, that living mummy, who had em-
balmed himself with selfish and petty cares.

Rudolph often remarked: "I shall never reign;
he will not allow me to reign."

And if he had reigned?

Ah, if he had reigned! I knew all his plans and
his ideas. Of these, I will only say, modernity did
not frighten him. The most daring modern idea
would have been acceptable to him. He had already
destroyed, in imagination, the worn-out machinery
of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. But, like pieces
of invisible armour held together by expanding links,
the constraints, the formulas, the archaic ideas, the
ignorance and the disillusions from which he was
always wishing to escape, closed in on him. His life
was a perpetual struggle against a feeble, worn-out,
blind and corrupt Court, the routine of which en-

130 MY OWN AFFAIRS

slaved his body without shackhng his intelligence.
He was compelled either to go under or to reign for
a time and then to conquer, and throw off the burning
garment of Nessus, open the windows, overthrow
the Great Wall of China and chase away the
camarilla.

But the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy would
perish rather than change. It went to its death with
a courier in advance!

The sad news of Rudolph's death reached Vienna
on the morning of January 30. General consterna-
tion prevailed. In the afternoon one of the Emper-
or's aides-de-camp came to see if he could obtain
more news from me.

I was scarcely able to speak. I had been told that
the Prince of Coburg had assassinated my brother-
in-law !

There were some charitable souls in Vienna and
at Court who did not admit that Rudolph's affection
for me was merely fraternal.

Ah, if one only realized to what jealousy and
wickedness the highest are exposed!

After the death of the Crown Prince all kinds of
stories and scandalous gossip were rife!

I told the aide-de-camp that I knew nothing be-
yond the tragic news of the death of Rudolph and
Mary Vetsera, and that my husband, who had left
that very morning at six o'clock to shoot at Meyer-
ling, had not returned.

In the meantime I had seen one of Stephanie's

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 131

ladies-in-waiting, who had told me about the catas-
trophe. Mastering my emotions, I went to see my
sister at the Ho f burg.

I found her pale and silent, holding in her hand
a letter whose secret must now be given to history.

This letter, which had just been discovered ad-
dressed to Stephanie in Rudolph's private desk,
announced his death. He had already resolved on
this course when he spoke to me in the Prater. The
letter commenced as follows :

"I take leave of life." It was too much for me to
•read that. The words were blurred by my tears.
"Be happy in your own way," he said to his wife.
And his last thought was of his child. "Take great
care of your daughter. She is most dear to me. I
leave you this duty." Unhappy child, who has had
no father. I have often pitied her, and I pity her
more than ever. She does not know what she has
lost.

The Prince of Coburg did not return to the palace
until the night of the 31st, after having passed many
hours alone with the Emperor. He came at once
to my room. His disturbed condition and his wild
words showed how distraught he was. I pressed him
to give me some of the details of the tragedy. "It is
horrible, horrible," he said. "But I cannot, I must
not say anything except that they are both dead."
He had sworn to the Emperor to keep silent, as had
Rudolph's other friends who had gone to shoot at
Meyerling. The secret was well kept. The servants

132 MY OWN AFFAIRS

who might have spoken have, for very good reasons,
disclosed nothing.

When I went to see the Empress, at her request,
I found myself in the presence of a marble statue
covered with a black veil.

I was so agitated that I could hardly stand.

I passionately kissed the hand she extended, and
in a voice broken like that of the mother at Calvary
she murmured:

"You weep with me! Yes, I know that you too
loved him."

Oh, unfortunate mother! She adored her son.
He helped her to bear that life smothered in ashes
which his malicious father led beside one who was so
noble. After Rudolph had been snatched from her
and from his Imperial future, the Empress fled from
this Court which henceforth held nothing for her, and
she met death alone. It is known by what a sudden
and cruel blow she died — the innocent victim of the
penalty of her rank.

I saw, I see in the successive dramas of the House
of Austria a punishment sent by Heaven. A chain
of bloody fatalities which recalls the tragedies of
Sophocles or Euripides is not simply a game of
chance. The justice of the gods is always that of
God. The Court of Vienna was destined to perish
horribly. It had betrayed everything; first of all its
traditions, for nothing noble remained — even its in-
trigues were base. It was only a servants' hall for
the valets from Berlin. And after Francis Joseph

THE ARCHDUKE RUDOLPH 133

appeared at the famous Eucharistic Congress on the
eve of the war, and stood before the altar as Prince
of the Faith, he went to finish the dull day at the
house of Madame Schratt, and Hstened to the back-
stairs gossip of Vienna and the unsavoury reports of
the police news!

Rudolph died of sheer disgust !

CHAPTER X

Ferdinand of Coburg and the Court of Sofia

The glory of the Coburg family reached its zenith
at the time of Leopold I and the Prince Consort.

They gave to the world a series of princes who were
veritably made to rule. Their direct influence on
Belgium, and indirectly on England, created a period
of peace and an "Entente," of which the beneficial
results are so well known.

Later, when my father continued the brilliant work
bequeathed to him by King Leopold, Duke Ernest,
Prince Regent of the Duchy of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha,
proved himself no less inferior to his cousin at Brus-
sels. In Vienna Prince Auguste, who was so good
and with whom unfortunately I had very little to do
as a father-in-law, also proved that he was a man of
valour.

Of the various Coburgs, those of Vienna who were
my husband's brothers represented with him the male
descendants left to carry on the name of the race.

I will chiefly mention Ferdinand, the ex-Tsar of
Bulgaria. I will not expatiate again on the branch
of my family to which he belonged. Its role in con-
temporary history is sufficiently well known.

Ferdinand of Coburg, who is still alive as I write

134

FERDINAND OF COBURG 135

this, is one of the most curious beings it is possible
to imagine. To describe him adequately needs the
pen of a Barbey d'Aurevilly or a Balzac.

The clearer my mind becomes as I get older, and
the more I try to understand this strange person, the
less I comprehend him when I consider him from the
ordinary point of view of human psychology.

I have read that woman is an enigma. I believe
there are men who are more puzzling enigmas than
any woman. One can only wonder whether this man
has not created for himself, even more so than
William II, an artificial world of his own in which
he wished to live. I will presently say which world
I think appealed to Ferdinand of Coburg. I realize
that any princely education which tends to encourage
the self-esteem of princes by outward respect and
flattery must of necessity accentuate their peculiari-
ties, unless some wholesome influence restrains the
promptings of worldly vanity.

A really superior mother was unable to regulate
the undisputed mental gifts of Ferdinand. He was
born in the autumn of Princess Clementine's days.
He was her Benjamin. She was weak as water where
he was concerned. This strength, greater than all
strengths — ^namely, a mother's love — has also its
weaknesses. Bad sons abuse these, and, according
to the laws of that justice whose workings are often
unseen, but whose judgments and punishments are
sometimes visible, this son deserves a severe sentence.

He was sixteen years old when I arrived at the

136 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Palace of Coburg. He was slight and elegant; his
countenance, lit up by azure eyes, possessed all the
beauty of youth allied to something of the Bourbon
type. The fire of intelhgence and the wish to read the
book of life animated him.

He promised to be different in every way from
his eldest brother. In his moral character he ap-
peared to possess the good qualities of his second
brother, the charming Auguste of Coburg, but they
were only useful in helping to form the distinguished
bearing which later became natural to him, and which
concealed beneath a brilliant appearance a complex
and stormy nature.

I was a year older than he. We were the life and
soul of the old palace, and at times I was able to
forget its dullness and my own troubles. I was the
confidante of Ferdinand, and I did not hesitate to
make him mine.

Although Ferdinand later displayed hostility
towards me, he devoted himself at this period to
pleasing his sister-in-law and surrounded her with
flowers, attentions and kindness. But it so chanced
(and it remained so for a long period) that the eldest
and the youngest of the Coburg brothers were at
enmity on my account, although this feeling was not
outwardly apparent. I must relate these incidents,
otherwise it would be difficult to explain the presence
of the many enemies who one day overwhelmed me.
This enmity proceeded from the same miserable cause
which will eternally be at the bottom of so many

FERDINAND OF COBURG 137

human dramas — namely, man's jealousy and his
lustful appetites thwarted by rules of morality.

Ferdinand of Coburg, idolized by his mother,
accepted as a spoiled child by society, initiated early
in the most refined pleasures, allowed himself to be
transported by his exalted imagination into a world
of his own. I have seen, I still see in him a kind
of modern necromancer, a fin de siecle magician. He
was a cabalist in the same way that M. Peladan was
a wise man of the East, and from these adventures
always proceeds something which influences destiny.

If at first I only saw him making what appeared
to me to be strange gestures, without explaining
what these signified, I have now arrived, through my
experience of men and things, at understanding why
he was then so incomprehensible. He must have been
possessed by a power beyond this earth. But he did
not believe in God; he believed in the Devil. I am
only going to relate that of which I am sure. I am
only going to say what I have seen. I do not wish
to be more superstitious about certain things, or more
troubled in soul than Ferdinand of Coburg. I ask
myself to what fantastical sect, to what Satanic
brotherhood he belonged in his early days, doubtless
with the idea of furthering his ambitions and his
extraordinary dreams of the future.

I remember that in our palace at Vienna, Ferdi-
nand would sometimes ask me to play to him when
we were alone in the evening. He insisted upon the
room being only dimly lit. He would then come near

138 MY OWN AFFAIRS

to the piano and listen in silence. At midnight he
would stand up solemnly, his features drawn and con-
tracted. He then looked at the clock and listened
for the first of the twelve strokes, and when they were
nearing the end he would say:

"Play the march from A'idaJ" Then, withdrawing
to the middle of the room, he would strike a cere-
monial attitude, and repeat incomprehensible words
which frightened me.

Ferdinand used to articulate cabalistic formulas,
stretching out his arms with his body bent and his
head thrown backwards. Amongst the mysterious
phrases a word which sounded like Koptor, Kofte
or Cophte was often repeated. One day I asked him
to write it down. He traced letters of which I could
make nothing, excepting that I seemed to recognize
some kind of Greek characters.

After these seances I questioned him, because while
they were proceeding I had to be silent and play the
march from A'ida. He invariably answered: "The
Devil exists. I call on him and he comes!"

I did not believe this ; I mean to say I did not be-
lieve in the Devil's actual visit, but I was neverthe-
less a little frightened, and when my brother-in-law
once again began his incantations I would look round
to see if there was anything extraordinary in the
room. But there was nothing unusual excepting
Ferdinand and my own curiosity — and, perhaps, the
unrevealed vision of both our futures!

Full of eccentricities, he would bury gloves and

FERDINAND OF COBURG 139

ties which he had worn. There was quite a ceremonial
attached to this, at which I was sometimes obhged to
assist. Ferdinand dug the hole himself, and repeated
strange sentences with a mysterious air.

His mouth would then assume that bitter expres-
sion which age has accentuated. Did he indeed juggle
with the Prince of Evil, and did he acquire thereby
the dominating spirit which became so strong in him?

Did he seek some kind of brain stimulant in these
practices, under the action of which, I believe, auto-
suggestion becomes dangerous?

I leave it to physicians, to occultists and to casuists
to diagnose this case. I am simply a witness, noth-
ing more.

Ferdinand was not yet Prince of Bulgaria. He
was only known as a charming lieutenant in the
Austrian Chasseurs, who had exchanged from the
hussars because he was not in sympathy with the ani-
mal from which it is possible to fall, and which is
generally supposed to be the most noble conquest of
man. I wish to say plainly that Ferdinand of Coburg
was a wretched horseman. Who would have thought
that this officer of noble descent who had exchanged
into an infantry regiment would later possess a
throne, and would dream of becoming Emperor of
Byzantium?

He designed his crown and arranged his State
entry and his coronation, just as did the miserable
Emperor William who wished to crown himself
Welt Kaiser in Notre Dame de Paris, and I do not

140 MY OWN AFFAIRS

hesitate to say that he dreamed of a ceremony to
which the Pope would come, wilHng or unwilHng, and
that all confessions should be reconcilable in his
Imperial, august and sacred person.

It is really impossible to-day for a man to be a
king according to the ancient formula of absolute
power. This kind of wine is too strong; it goes to the
head.

Formerly, a prince, even an autocrat, did not see
or understand that a small number of faithful persons
guarded and restrained him equally as much as they
served him. He was usually at war for three-quarters
of his reign, and he shared the rough life and priva-
tions of a soldier. Now he listens to a thousand
voices, a thousand people and the calls of a thousand
duties. He no longer fights in person, and there are,
besides, long periods of peace. Comfort surrounds
and enervates him; wonderful inventions and discov-
eries have changed everything around him. But
although the values and aspects of society and indi-
viduals are totally modified, everything is still at his
feet.

There is something in losing the knowledge of
realities as the unfortunate Tsar Nicholas lost it, as
William II lost it, and as Ferdinand of Bulgaria
lost it. For Ferdinand grasped power and guarded
it like an autocrat, and I am convinced that he will
be grateful to me for not enlarging on his policy and
the methods which his policy employed.

He had obtained the throne through the help of

FERDINAND OF COBURG 141

Princess Clementine, who was ambitious for her
beloved son. What a pity she did not live longer!
The more so because, in his passion for authority,
Ferdinand tried to overrule his mother, to whom he
would sometimes say, in his domineering manner,
words that fortunately owing to her deafness she
did not hear. If she could have remained on earth
to advise him, he might have led a better life.
Whether or no he would have listened to her is an-
other matter.

At the same time, it was she who procured the
Crown of Sofia for him, and she maintained him dur-
ing his perilous debut of sovereignty. She gave mil-
lions to the prince's establishment and the princi-
pality.

The accession of Ferdinand as a prince was first
opposed, and afterwards recognized; finally he
adopted the title of Tsar. He might have said like
Fouquet: "Quo non ascendam?" Everything suc-
ceeded with him. Soon he became so self-confident
that he was actually seen on horseback. I can truth-
fully affirm this, as I chose one of his favourite
mounts; this especial one came from our stables in
Hungary, and was a tall, steady and strong-backed
bay mare. Ferdinand was a big, powerful man, who
needed a stolid-tempered animal that would not shy
at guns, cheering, or military music. I tried the
mare myself on the Prater in the presence of the
prince's envoy. We had really found the very thing
for Ferdinand, but I would have been more than

142 MY OWN AFFAIRS

sorry to have had it myself as it was altogether too
dull, no noise startled it; and it was sent to Sofia,
where Ferdinand showed off, mounted on this fine
animal, on which he probably dreamt of entering
Constantinople. His war against the Turks is not
forgotten. He thought himself already at the gates
of Byzantium. . . . But I do not wish to relate what
everyone knows. I prefer to show in a new light the
secret drama which his diabolical contempt for God
and the moral laws of Christian civilization provoked,
when he baptized and brought up his sons in the
"orthodox" religion whence Bolshevism originated — •
just as the European war has sprung from Luther-
ism, and just as the more terrible trials of England
will arise from her religious disputes.

Ferdinand of Bulgaria, born in the Catholic faith,
first married Marie Louise of Parma, daughter of
the Duke of Parma, the faithful servant of the
Roman and Apostolic faith. This marriage, cele-
brated when he was Prince of Bulgaria, had not been
agreed upon without the express condition that the
children should be baptized and brought up in the
religion of their mother and their ancestors. This
constituted a formal article of the contract. Ferdi-
nand solemnly consented to it. But when he thought
that the support of Russia might be useful to him in
his plans regarding Constantinople, he did not hesi-
tate to break his vows; he gave his two sons to
Russian schism. Marie Louise of Parma, mother of
the souls of her children, betrayed, repulsed and

FERDINAND OF COBURG 143

broken in her belief in her husband, immediately fled
from the Konak of Sofia, and came to Vienna to hide
her sorrow and her fear in the sympathetic arms of
her mother-in-law, who was equally tortured by the
blasphemy of her son.

People who have some ideas on the question of
conscience, especially when it touches religious con-
victions, will easily understand the intensity of this
drama.

I was then at the Coburg Palace. I saw the Prin-
cess of Bulgaria arrive there after having fled from
the palace, where, in the opinion of this pious mother,
her innocent children had lost their hope of salva-
tion. It was no doubt much to endure. God is far
greater than we imagine Him to be. Our interpreta-
tions of His justice, although inspired by revelation,
will always underestimate His compassion, for we
have not the words to express, still less to explain, the
survival of souls.

The poor princess was naturally extremely un-
happy. I well remember her agonized, pale face, her
indignation and her desire to annul her marriage at
the Court of Rome.

Fearing that Ferdinand would come and take her
back to Sofia by force, she insisted upon remaining
near Princess Clementine, who had a camp bed put
in a little room adjoining her own. The Princess of
Bulgaria did not feel safe except in this refuge.

Reasons of State and the impossibility of living
without seeing her children, who were retained as

144 MY OWN AFFAIRS

prisoners of their father's throne, proved after all
stronger than the princess's rebellion and despair.
Some months later she consented to return to Sofia.

The House of Parma was, like herself, astounded.
The Holy See had excommunicated Ferdinand.
This malediction threw the entire family of Parma
into mourning ; they had been so trustful and so proud
of Ferdinand's love, in which they had shown their
confidence by giving him one of their daughters.

I next saw the poor Princess of Bulgaria at Sofia.
She had heroically returned to her conjugal duties;
she had just recovered from her confinement.

Who knows — who will ever know — what actually
passed in her mind? Consumed by inward griefs,
she perhaps died as a result. She was one of those
sensitive souls who actually die of a broken heart.

I have often thought of her. She was a martyr
to the love of her children. One visit to Sofia in 1898
remains indelibly impressed in my mind.

My husband accompanied me, but there was always
something indefinable and indefinite between himself
and his brother, probably the subconscious enmity
which I have previously mentioned. We could not,
however, have been welcomed more warmly. The life
of the Sovereign was wonderfully well organized in
this country which was still primitive. Nothing was
wanting at the palace. There East and West were
happily united.

Ferdinand gave me as a personal guard an honest
brigand of sorts, picturesquely garbed after an

FERDINAND OF COBURG 145

Oriental fashion. From the time that this man was
ordered to watch over me and only to obey my or-
ders, he took up his stand before my door, and day
and night he never moved therefrom. My husband
himself could not have come in without my permis-
sion. I have never understood how this ferocious
sentinel managed to be always on the spot.

My brother-in-law showed me a most delicate and
refined attention. He constituted me the queen of
these days of festivity. I was overwhelmed by the
homage of his entourage. Each meal was a decora-
tive and culinary marvel. Sybarites would have ap-
preciated the cuisine at the Palace of Sofia.

I have always appreciated meals which are meals.
It costs no more to eat a good dinner than to eat a
bad one; it is a weakness of the body and mind, a
crime against the Creator, to disdain food when it
is prepared with care. If we have been given the gift
of taste, and if good things exist on earth, they are
equally for one as for another. Ferdinand at any
rate held this epicurean belief.

Every night after supper there was a dance at the
palace. The Bulgarian officers were most enterpris-
ing dancers. Educated at Vienna or Paris, they
understood the art of conversation. They were dis-
tinguished by an instinctive air of nobility, as are all
the sons of a virile and essentially agricultural race
with a wholesome and wide outlook.

During the day the prince did the honours of his
capital and his kingdom. We recalled the memories

146 MY OWN AFFAIRS

of the Coburg Palace, and our former excursions and
parties. We returned in spirit to that Forest of
Elenthal so dear to our youth. We drove, accom-
panied by an escort which I have never ceased to ad-
mire. I am unaware whether the Bulgarian roads
have improved, but at the time of which I write they
were few, and they were maintained at the expense
of Providence. A short distance from the capital
they became tracks. But the escort followed without
flinching, utterly indifferent to obstacles of every
description which encumbered an already too narrow
road. I have rarely seen the equal of either man or
beast in crossing ridges, walls and ditches. It was
witchcraft on horseback.

Ferdinand was superbly indifferent to everything
unconnected with his sister-in-law. I gazed at him,
and I thought of the devil-worship of our youth. He
was always strange. I saw now, as I had seen long
ago, the amulet in his buttonliole, disguised as a deco-
ration, a button fashioned in the shape of a yellow
marguerite beautifully executed in metal of the same
shade as that of the heart of the flower. Each time
I asked him about this "gri-gri" he assumed a serious
manner, and gave me to understand that it was some-
thing which he could not discuss.

He had earnestly begged us to spend a short time
with him. Had he the same idea which he had once
explained to me openly at dinner, and which he
emphasized privately in another way? I cannot
believe it.

FERDINAND OF COBURG 147

I think that, carried away by his thoughts, he was
no longer master of himself. I do not know whether
I was ever mad, as his elder brother so much wished
to believe, but I am absolutely sure that Ferdinand of
Coburg was not always in possession of his senses.

Yes, this spiritual scholar, this lover of art, this
lover of flowers, this delightful friend of the birds in
his aviary to whom he told nursery tales and charmed
like a professional bird-charmer, this accomplished
man of the world, this son of Princess Clementine,
and this grandson of Queen Marie often assumed a
kind of demoniacal personality and gave himself up
to the evil delights of sorcery.

At one dinner, which I remember as if it were yes-
terday, he said in low tones so that my husband could
not hear (my husband being opposite to me in the
seat of the princess, who was absent owing to indis-
position) :

"You see everything here. Ah, well! All is my
kingdom; I lay it, myself included, at your feet."

I could only welcome this romantic declaration as
fantastic gallantry rather than a literal statement.
I tried to reply as if I treated the remark as a joke.
But apart from his expression, which gave the lie to
the level tone of his voice, I had more than one reason
to distrust Ferdinand, now that his imagination was
mastered by desire.

In fact, the same evening he came to me, and
taking me away from the dancers, led me to another
room where a French window was open to the Ori-

148 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ental night and the stillness of the little park, and
inquired if I had understood what he had said.

His tone was harsh and his look stern. There
was something imperious and fascinating about him.
I was much disturbed. He insisted brusquely:

"It is the last time that I shall offer what I have
offered. Do you understand?"

My eyes wandered to the salon. I saw beside me
the Prince of Bulgaria so different from his brother,
still young, handsome and full of power. But the
image of Princess Marie Louise passed before my
eyes, and also the vision of the Queen. ... I shook
my head, and murmured a frightened "No."

I must have looked as pale as wax. Ferdinand's
countenance changed. His features took on a sinis-
ter expression; he, too, turned pale, and in a hoarse
voice he threatened me, saying sneeringly:

"Take care. You will repent this. By 'Kophte' ( ?) ."

He added those incomprehensible words which he
always used when he asked me to play the march
from Aida in the darkened salon at midnight.

That evening I felt something dangerous was in
store for me. It was so; from that moment Ferdi-
nand of Coburg joined his brother in his enmity
towards me. And his enmity was no small matter.

I am quite aware that these facts will appear in-
credible to most people. They seem more like an old
romance by Anne Radcliffe! But everything, both
in the public and private life of Ferdinand of Coburg,
was incredible. I do not wish to refer to the judg-

FERDINAND OF COBURG 149

ment already meted out to him by history. My de-
sire is not to gloat over his downfall, but to show in
what inconceivable surroundings I lived. I was a
member of a family where everything was perfect
and at the same time execrable. Unfortunately I
was not then in a position to love good and shun evil.
It took me twenty years to escape.

Ferdinand of Coburg has commenced his punish-
ment on earth. Knowing him as I do, I am certain
that he suffers intensely, even though he may some-
times receive consolation from the Devil!

I think he believes himself a superman. That fool
Nietzsche — ^in reviving a theory as old as the hills,
when supermen called themselves cavaliers, warriors,
heroes and demi-gods — has turned a considerable
number of heads in German countries. He did them
the more harm in that their super humanity, infested
by the morbid materialism of the century, became sep-
arated from the ideal which once animated these
mighty persons, and elevated them to honour instead
of luring them to crime. It is certain that despicable
motives and methods can only end in a terrible mate-
rial and moral defeat. Ferdinand of Coburg, who has
been ambitious from his youth upwards, was a student
of Nietzsche at the time when his theories achieved
notoriety. So Nietzsche obtained as his disciple a
being who is now one of the most notable victims of
Zarathustra.

CHAPTER XI

William II and the Court of Berlin — The
Emperor of Illusion

I WISH to speak of William II as of one dead. He
does not belong to this world ; he belongs to another.

I must be excused if I am sparing of anecdotes.
It would be painful to me to recall to life and move-
ment one who has passed. My desire is to limit my-
self to explaining effects of which I know the cause.

It was puerile to wish under high-sounding vain
words such a petty thing as the arrest and trial of a
Government sunk in shame.

Society cannot recognize any Divine law in crimes
against civilization, since they place man below the
level of the beast.

William II fell from the throne and was arrested
by a more powerful hand than that of earthly justice.
He has known the severest prison of all — exile; the
most frightful regime — fear; the most terrible sen-
tence— that of conscience. Who will know the secret
of the nights of this fugitive traitor to his people whom
he fed with deceptions and lies, and whom he has led
to ruin, civil war and dishonour? For not only did
he dishonour himself, but he dishonoured Germany

in dishonouring her arms.

150

THE COURT OF BERLIN 151

Where is the honest German who has recovered
from the intoxication of war who can hear the name
of Louvain, of the Lusitania, of poison gas and other
horrors without shuddering? But the responsibihty
of all these crimes must rest on William II.

The passing of centuries will be necessary to wipe
out the stain of his murderous folly. This constitutes
the shadow over the unfortunate Empire which
makes it appear monstrous to the nations of the
Entente.

But I wish to say at once, because I am certain
of it, Germany is what Imperial Prussia has made
her, and would again make of her.

The victim of her confidence and candour, she
accepted as gospel all that her Sovereign, the heir
of victorious ancestors, declared, professed and taught
her.

It is harder to inherit a kingdom than people
think, and I say this without irony. William II was
not human like his grandfather, who cried out when
he saw the sacrifice of the cuirassiers of Reisdroffen:
"Ah, my brave men!" William II possessed nothing
of his father, who earned the name of Frederick the
Noble, and who died of two maladies, that of his
throat and that of his feverish impatience to reign.

William II was charming as a boy. As a child he
was an amiable playfellow. We have plundered the
strawberry beds of Laeken together — a sacrilege
which was pardoned solely on his account.

I have followed his career as far as it was possible.

152 MY OWN AFFAIRS

I believed him to be great. I have heard much of his
power not only from his own people, but from all
people. He had a wonderful part to play. He did
not know how to play it; he could not; he lacked the
means to do so, and perhaps, first of all, a clever and
good wife. He had no depth of soul. A different
wife might perhaps have supplied him with this
quality.

Francis Joseph at the beginning of his active career
as an Emperor was almost brilliant; he certainly
appeared distinguished. Thirty years after, his face
assumed an expression of vulgarity of which his first
portraits gave no forecast, although at a distance
he still gave the impression of being "somebody."
But the high morale of the Empress was somewhat
reflected in him.

Less blessed in a wife, the longer William II has
lived the worse his looks, his speech and his bearing
have become. Two men — the late King Edward
VII and my father, the King of the Belgians — ^took
his exact measure and augured nothing good for his
future.

The intimate opinion of him expressed by my
father has often recurred to me, but this would entail
a separate chapter and it would lead us too far. I will
confine myself to stating that the King had always
foreseen that Germany, intoxicated with the warlike
perorations of William II, who was a preacher of
the old Prussian regime, would end by throwing her-

THE COURT OF BERLIN 153

self upon Belgium, upon France and upon the whole
world.

The defences of the Meuse were a convincing indi-
cation of the King's forethought. But we shall never
know all that the King said, what he did, and what he
desired to do in this matter.

Unfortunately certain parties and certain influ-
ential men in Belgium wrongly countered his plans
instead of acting upon them. The country has suf-
fered cruelly for this mistake.

By what means did William II arrive at those
false conclusions which swept away the thrones of
Central Europe and which have caused so many
calamities? It was not, as has been thought by the
Entente, the result of a fatal environment created
alike by the ambitions of Germany and her barbaric
instincts. The German Emperor wielded immense
power. He was in truth an absolute monarch, and
in consequence the Reichstag, the Bundesrath, or the
various State Parliaments never interfered with him.
The Emperor's Cabinet ruled the army, which in its
turn ruled the nation. Thus everything was centred
in the person of the Emperor, this magnificent fruit
of Prussian discipline and force.

But in this fruit which made such an impression
when seen on its wall, there was a hidden worm.
William II was a liar; he lied to others and to him-
self without knowing that he was a liar. He lived
continually in a world of fiction. In short, he was an
actor.

154 MY OWN AFFAIRS

But he was the worst of actors; he was the ama-
teur, the man of the world who plays comedy — and
drama — who is so taken up with his own small talent
that he becomes more of an actor than an actor, and in
consequence is always acting in everything and every-
where.

This passion for the theatre is alike William II's
excuse and his condemnation. It is his excuse because
he entered so well into the "skin" of the various char-
acters which he played, that in each of them he was
sincere. It is his condemnation, because a king and
an emperor should be a Reality, a Will, a Wisdom;
but he was none of these.

Personally he was hollow and sonorous. He did
not know much. He did not at close quarters, like
Francis Joseph, give one the impression of being the
concierge at an embassy, but he always gave one the
impression that is best illustrated by a saying which
I remember having seen in the Figaro: "Have you
seen me in the part of Charlemagne, or as a Lutheran
bishop?" — (for he was summus episcopus) — "or as an
admiral, or as the leader of an orchestra?" His many
talents have been recounted. They may all be re-
duced to one — the art of self-deception in order to
deceive others. Under this veneer of self-deception
there existed an empty soul, without a standard of
honour, without poise, at the mercy of any kind of
flattery, impressions, or circumstances. No sooner
did he hear a speech than he gave his opinion, and

THE COURT OF BERLIN 155

assumed an attitude according to the role of the
character to be represented.

He may be described as the best son in the world,
for he was not wicked; he was worse — he was weak.
It was Chamfort, if my memory serve me rightly,
who wrote: "The weak are the advance guard of the
army of the wicked." William II was the scout of
the advance guard; his Staff was the army. He
who was so afraid of thunder usurped the place of
Jupiter, the Thunderer, but this amateur soldier was
far too nervous to endure even the noise of battle.
When his officers for their own advancement per-
suaded him that he possessed military and naval tal-
ent, he dreamt of the role of "Welt Kaiser," and
prepared for the conquest of the earth.

Caught in their own trap, his faithful adherents
were intoxicated by the intoxication which they had
provoked. The Emperor's Cabinet was the theatre
of a continuous orgy of gigantic schemes. At Vienna
men's imaginations were inflamed. The Berlin-
Bagdad Railway of Central Europe revived the
earlier Near-East scheme. And a whole camarilla
interested in the advantages to be derived from these
splendid enterprises praised them extravagantly.

If in 1914 the Emperor Francis Joseph had pos-
sessed any glimmer of reason and good sense, he
would have taken notice of the formidable uncertain-
ties of the Berlin problems, and maintained peace
while refusing to die at the cries of the victims of a
war.

156 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Left to himself, William II let loose the worst and
most barbarous powers on the nations who were
dragged into the horrors of war.

I have said that he lacked depth. He was in
reality inconsistent. Although playing a thousand
parts, he had no personality.

A man is only ''someone" by reason of his per-
sonahty. Many fools and dishonest men reach their
goals in life through intrigue, chance, favouritism
and human folly. But they are none the less foolish
and dishonest for all that, and this is why the world
is so evil.

William II assumed chivalrous airs, but he still
remained coarse in his outlook. This was often ap-
parent in his jokes with the officers of the Guards.
He had no tact or judgment. His lack of tact was
due to his bad Prussian education; to his student
days at Bonn, which were given up to drinking bouts;
and as a young man, to his taste for frequenting the
Berlin casinos. As for his lack of judgment, this
was the result of inherent vanity, which everything
tended to develop to his own injury and that of
Germany. The vain man is the being who is deceived
by everyone, because he has begun by deceiving him-
self. And he is usually a hopeless idiot.

William II once said to me, under the impression
that he was paying me a compliment: "You would
make a fine Prussian grenadier." The compliment
seemed to me "Pomeranian."

If William II had possessed tact and judgment

THE COURT OF BERLIN 157

he would have known how to adopt a policy other
than threats and violence, and a diplomacy utterly
opposed to the trickery with which Germany was so
aif ected during his reign.

Incapable of judging the times in which he lived,
weighed down by Prussian tradition, and full of zeal
as titular chief of the House of Prussia, descended
from a Suabian family which had emigrated to
Brandenburg, he persuaded the upper classes of
Germany that he had consolidated his prestige. The
Middle Ages have had a disastrous effect on him and,
through him, on all Germany.

In addition to battlemented railway stations and
post offices fortified by machicolated galleries, the
influence of medisevalism led the Emperor-King and
his people back to the old hates, the old struggles and
the old ideas, just as if the world had not changed
with the passing of centuries. The result was that
science, inventions, and discoveries were first made
to serve the industry of war, the continuation of con-
quests, the mailed fist, and all the follies which sol-
diers, writers and military journalists applied them-
selves to serve, finding therein their daily bread.

However, those nations brought into closer contact
by means of intercommunication and by exchange of
ideas have commenced to find solutions of difficulties
in pacific ways — solutions which until now have only
been dragged from the path of war. By this I mean
the preservation and the development of the human

158 MY OWN AFFAIRS

species, its better distribution on the earth, and its
rights to greater happiness and justice.

Wilham II lacked depth (I again mention the
fact) because he lacked moral strength. Not that he
was immoral. Without being a saint, he admirably-
fulfilled the role of husband and father. He was in
everything a zealous amateur. Yet he lacked moral
strength because his Lutheran attitude, which allowed
him to play the part of a Protestant preacher, was
not a religious role. His sermons as Head of the
Church did not teach him to be humble, charitable
and just before God.

Contrary to what is generally believed, especially
if the religious problem has not been studied, neither
Lutheranism nor Calvinism is a religion. The beau-
tiful souls one meets who have held, and who hold
these religious beliefs would be beautiful no matter
what belief they held, or even in the absence of any be-
lief. They possess an innate beauty which touches the
Divine. But a phase of religious belief cannot be a
religion. Schisms are the accidents of the life of the
Church. A tear in a costume is not a costume — on
the contrary! Lutheranism was not originally a
form of worship; it was a revolt, and this species of
revolt will always make more rebels than believers.
A revolt against Rome — Los von Rome! Impious
cry! This is not only a case of "Deliver us from
Rome," it is also a case of "Deliver us from the Chris-
tian religion, from the unity of the Catholic Church,
otherwise called the Universal Church, which is our

THE COURT OF BERLIN 159

only chance of peace on earth." It is a denial of
Latinity and of Hellenism; it is the retrogression of
Central Europe to the Scandinavian Valhalla; it is
not a world which expands, it is a world which con-
fines. It does not represent the free harmony of the
actions and the thoughts of men; it is the enforced
uniformity of the parade step, and the silence on
parade in the ranks of the Prussian Guard.

If William II, who is responsible for the violation
of the neutrality of Belgium, the burning of Louvain,
the massacres of Dinant and so many other atrocities,
were not, so far as I am concerned, dead, and if I
were to see him again, I would say to him :

"You miserable man ! Have you read Goethe? Can
you imagine what he who wrote 'Man is only greai;
according to the Heaven which is within himself
would think of you? You do not possess Heaven.
You have driven away God with the Luther of hate
and negation which was your God; you are a mere
nullity."

CHAPTER XII

The Holsteins

I FIRST knew Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein
shortly after her marriage with Prince Wilham of
Prussia. I saw her later as German Empress at the
Court of Berlin.

It was not easy to find favour in her sight ; not that
she was a malicious woman, but her narrowness of
mind and her pretensions to the perfections of Ger-
man virtues made her no friendly judge of women.

A pessimist and a martinet, she was wholly given
up to her domestic duties and her worship of the God
of Luther, whom she served with a zeal inimical to
other gods, and with such piety that she edified Ger-
many. But she had no conception of the immense
pity and the infinite splendour of the true God. Al-
ways a sentimental country, Germany thoroughly ad-
mired this wife and mother, her husband and their
children, who, when seen at a distance, really con-
stituted a magnificent family.

But let us judge the tree by its fruits. There were

in this Royal menage no intimate dramas, no moral

conflicts; everything seemed to proceed decently and

in order. But none of the children born of the union

of William II and Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein

1 60

THE HOLSTEINS 161

has deserved any consideration at the hands of men.
And in pity for them I will say no more.

I was famihar with the old Court of Berlin, that
of William I. I have often seen the old and infirm
Empress Augusta, who always appeared to be very
tightly corseted, installed on a sofa in the Imperial
Salon close to a curtain which was di-awn aside, and
the Court circle then formed round her. She was in-
variably kind to me, and spoke to me in excellent
French. The Emperor, Wilham I, wandered sim-
ply and affably from one person to another.

The Crown Prince Frederick gave me the impres-
sion of being good, well read, noble and spiritual, and
his wife, the daughter of Queen Victoria, was attrac-
tive owing to her candid and pleasant demeanour and
her remarkable intelligence.

Count von Bismarck and Marshal von Moltke were
the two lions of this unceremonial Court. Being
young, I examined both curiously. Count Bismarck
was noisy; he spoke loudly, and often indulged in a
certain coarse gaiety. Marshal von Moltke said noth-
ing; he seemed embarrassed with it all. But his pierc-
ing eyes made up for his lack of words, and for my
part I had no desire to offend this sphinx-like per-
son.

With the accession of William II, the patriarchal
Court of William I and the Anglo-German but
ephemeral Court of Frederick the Noble gave place to
a Court of another kind. The ceremonial of official
presentations was increased and became more fre-

162 MY OWN AFFAIRS

quent. The new Emperor wished to surround him-
self with warhke pomp, but the presence of Augusta
of Schleswig-Holstein always reduced the most sol-
emn ceremonies of the last Court of Berlin to com-
monplace gi'andeur. At this period the Empress had
much trouble to gown herself and to dress her hair
with taste. Her presence on the throne sufficed to
transform it into a bourgeois sofa. Later, her taste
in chiffons improved.

When William II came to Vienna he was received
with the honours due to his rank. I took especial
pains with my toilette in order to do him honour.

Accustomed as I was to his ponderous sallies, I
did not expect to hear him say to me in French, which
he spoke excellently, even in its boldest gallicisms:
"Do you get the style of your coiffure and your
gowns in Paris?"

"Sometimes in Paris, but generally in Vienna," I
answered. "I represent the fashion, and I design my
own dresses."

"You ought to choose Augusta's hats and help
her with her gowns. The poor dear always looks
shabby."

So this is the reason why the German Empress
patronized the same shops which I patronized, and
bought dresses which I helped design. The question
of hats bristled with difficulties, because she had one
of those big heads which are so hard to suit. But I
succeeded, it appears, in fulfilling the wish of her hus-
band by rendering this small service to his wife. He

THE HOLSTEINS 163

thanked me amiably, although he was one of those
who never forgive us for benefits received.

The Holsteins, from whom the Empress was de-
scended, had, as one knows, lost their Duchy, which
was in former times Danish, and which had fallen into
the hands of the Prussians. As a wife for the prince
who one day would be Wilham II, Count von Bis-
marck suggested Augusta of Schleswig-Holstein, who
possessed an equable temperament, and whom he
judged would balance the flights of fancy peculiar to
a young and ardent husband.

This marriage had the merit of uniting the Hol-
steins to the House of Berlin by other means than by
the sword. It regularized, in the eyes of Europe,
the somewhat brusque method by which Prussia had
annexed the Duchy. The political value of this mar-
riage was well worth the dowry which Augusta cer-
tainly lacked.

The tall and fair future Empress was neither
pretty nor ugly, but pretty rather than ugly. Her
piety was well advertised, but there are pieties which
had better be dispensed with if they spring from a
false foundation. This was the case as regards the
rehgious zeal of Augusta of Holstein, who when she
became Empress began to regard her husband as the
Head of the Protestant Church — a man who, lacking
eclecticism, talked nonsense about the Boman Church,
the Christian religion and Latinity. But he should
have been restrained and made to observe the out-

164 MY OWN AFFAIRS

come of his Lutheran ramblings, which were mixed
with invocations to Wotan and the god Thor.

Another point no less grave was that the Holsteins,
who were ruined or nearly so, were obliged to try and
replenish their fortunes. Augusta was forced to think
of this, and primarily to establish her brother Gun-
ther, who led the life of a German officer of a noble
family without having the means to do so. William
II arranged matters from time to time, but he did
not display much enthusiasm. In no case does money
play a greater part than with people who are at-
tached to a Court. Without money nothing is of
value, because this class of people are only measured
by the money which they spend.

This was not the case with Gunther of Schleswig-
Holstein. He possessed intelligence and culture. It
has also been said that he was well posted in business
matters. He has taken the chair at congresses in the
capacity of a man of knowledge, and if during the war
he did not particularly distinguish himself as a soldier,
he has nevertheless shone as a financier. As a young
officer these practical qualities were not apparent. It
was necessary for him to make a good marriage. He
failed in many attempts at matrimony. Presentable
enough as a young man, he did not improve with
age. When I saw him at various shooting parties in
Thuringia, at the beginning of his career at Court,
he was not bad-looking. When Gunther of Schles-
wig-Holstein asked for my daughter Dora in mar-

THE HOLSTEINS 165

riage, and we had given our consent, he asked me to
fix the date. I could not help saying:

"What! . . . Do you seriously contemplate lead-
ing my daughter to the altar without having that
dreadful nose of yours attended to?"

As a matter of fact he had a red nose of a many-
sided, uncertain shape. Everyone is not like the
Prince of Conde or Cyrano. A misshapen nose is
certainly inconvenient.

His sister pressed for his marriage with my daugh-
ter. The same idea had struck her at Berlin as that
which twenty years earlier had brought the Prince of
Coburg to Brussels. The immense fortune of the
King of the Belgians was by now undisputed. Cal-
culations were made as to his income, and people
talked of a thousand million francs to be divided one
day between three heiresses. This aroused ardent
speculative ideas, because even in those days one thou-
sand million francs counted as something.

The Duke of Holstein, having improved the ap-
pearance of his nose, again spoke of his marriage with
my daughter.

Dora was still young. At this time my husband
and I had reached the tragic point of an almost defi-
nite rupture. I hoped that it would take place quiet-
ly. It was not I who let loose all the scandals. It so
happened that we had decided to stay away from
Vienna for a year. We therefore left for the Riviera.
Gunther of Holstein went with us. Thence we went
to Paris, where I brought my household. This was

166 MY OWN AFFAIRS

looked upon as a crime. People seemed to forget that
my husband formed part of my household.

His company, rare as it was, was only irksome to
me, and doubtless mine was no more agreeable to him.
When difficulties arose between us I found constant
consolation in the society of my daughter. Her
mother was everything to her; my child was every-
thing to me. At least Dora was mine. Her brother
had long left me, so I kept my hold on her. I pro-
tected her; I made as much of her as I could. But
having now reached the point of the story of my
daughter's marriage with a relation of the Hohen-
zollerns, and the influence which the Court of Berlin
was destined to have on Dora's future and on my
own, I cannot deny myself the pleasure of portray-
ing in these pages the ideal man of my devotion,
who, having secured my moral safety, also gave me a
new lease of life.

I will not deny it. According to the ordinary laws
of the world, his presence at that time on the Riviera
and afterwards in Paris offended all the traditions of
ordinary respectable conventions.

Certain situations can only be judged in a manner
suitable to them. If it is true that owing to my en-
treaties— the entreaties of a desperate woman who
found herself isolated, and at the mercy of the man
who was still her husband — the Count of Geza Mat-
tachich was at the Cote d'Azur at the same time as my-
self, and mixed with my entourage on the footing of
a man of honour (as is the custom in the households

THE HOLSTEINS 167

of princesses), then I beg my readers to agree that
my future son-in-law had no fault to find. This state-
ment I think suffices.

Gunther of Holstein showed the count both respect
and friendship, and further to prove this he asked him
to act as his second in an affair of honour which he
was able to arrange. But what was still more unfor-
tunate, Dora, who had apparently some kind of in-
stinct as to the troublesome times in store for her at
Berlin, returned her ring to her fiance and released
him from his engagement.

Gunther of Holstein begged Count Mattachich to
intercede with me to prevent the rupture, and I con-
sented.

For this kindness I was destined to be basely re-
paid.

I did not wish to be separated from my daughter
before her marriage, and especially to leave her in
Vienna at the Coburg Palace. When we were leaving
for the Riviera, I had told the assembled servants with
tears in my eyes that I should never return there
again, and the prince had listened without saying a
word to contradict my assertion. I was afraid of the
influence of Vienna, where my unfortunate son finally
perished, and where owing to his misconduct he was
destined to end his days in a horrible manner. A fear-
ful punishment for his faults, and the moral parri-
cide which he committed in disowning his mother.
No! at all costs Dora must remain with me.

However, the Duke of Holstein insisted that Dora

168 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ought to be introduced to his family and to the Hoh-
enzollerns. He gave me his word of honour to bring
her back if I would allow her to go to Berlin for a few
days accompanied by her governess. I made this sol-
dier of Berlin swear this, but "vanquished is he who
pushes the wheel of the conqueror's chariot," and I let
her go.

She did not return. She was kept far away from
me. This was the open avowal of the plot of which
the melancholy vicissitudes were about to be precipi-
tated.

I only learnt of the marriage of my daughter to
Gunther of Schleswig-Holstein from the newspapers,
when I was incarcerated in the Doebling Asylum at
Vienna. I had just been taken there.

This plot — have I mentioned it? — was one of the
vilest of plots — it was a plot which concerned money.

I was not mad, but my enemies thought that I
should most certainly become mad in the midst of
lunatics. Madness is contagious. My destruction
had been determined. For as insane, or passing as
such, I should be incapable of managing my own af-
fairs. I should possess no civil rights, and my repre-
sentatives could do as they pleased with my property.
The King was old, and doubtless it would not be long
before he "passed over." It was then certain that
each of his children would inherit about three thou-
sand millions. Was I to be allowed to inherit such
a fortune, which I was sure to surrender into inimi-
cal hands, and which would then be squandered?

nUKE GUXTHEH OP SCHtESWItl-HOtSTEIN

THE HOLSTEINS 169

It is not to be wondered that my son, my daugh-
ter's husband, perhaps even my daughter herself, who
was then a prisoner where WilKam II and his wife
ruled, agreed with the wishes of the Prince of Co-
burg, who was anxious to revenge himself for the
bitter feelings which he had inspired in my heart.

Besides, his vengeance would not fall on me alone.
It would overtake and crush the count, whom he hated
for his presumed influence over me. And this influ-
ence, how could they possibly understand it? People
see only what they want to see. It is beyond their
miserable comprehension to understand superior be-
ings with lofty souls and aspirations, and they de-
scribe as infamy what in reality is sacrifice.

I will pass rapidly over the shame and the sor-
row, and I will only relate as much as is necessary to
make known to the world the high and pure charac-
ter of the count, who, a Bayard without fear and with-
out reproach, dauntlessly confronted a military tri-
bunal.

I will confine myself to stating that in the unprece-
dented drama of incessant persecutions which I was
forced to endure from the year 1897 until the victory
of the Entente, the Imperial Houses of Berlin and
Vienna were the prop and support of the diff'erent at-
tacks, pressure, outrages, defamations and calumnies
which would assuredly have overwhelmed me if public
opinion had not instinctively revolted thereat.

And the public knew nothing of the rights and
wrongs of the case.

170 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Strengthened by public sympathy, I have been able
to resist oppression. Justice is slow but sure.

The principal Austrian mental specialists refused
to certify me as insane, and an asylum in Germany
was found where I was destined to serve a life sen-
tence. I then said to William II:

"As an accomplice of this crime, you will be even-
tually punished."

I reflected at this time that the man who was a
party to the crime of thrusting a sane being into the
abyss of madness was capable of other abominations. I
did not believe that God would permit him to go un-
punished.

He has been punished.

The same blow has struck the companion of his
life, the wife who was so intolerant of the faults of
others, so uncompromising from the height of her
unchristian-like virtue. As the enemy of her neigh-
bour, her influence would have been enough to bring
about the war, since the worst of warlike tendencies
is the spirit of intolerance.

It is not sufficiently well known, but it is a fact, that
the awful conflict of 1914-1918 was simply the result
of the pitiless and inhuman hate of Lutheran Prussia,
which was devoured by the wish to dominate, to gov-
ern and to oppress.

Disbelief caused the war. Belief only will bring
about lasting peace.

Belgium and France must understand that, al-

THE HOLSTEINS 171

though Prussia held and enriched Germany, Germany
never liked Prussia.

Germany can only be won by confidence and by
affection.

The Catholic section, who are no less generous than
the Socialists, who although the greater part are sin-
cere, are indifferent to Divine will, should show an
example of reconciliation. The bishops would then
have a great role to perform. Religious conferences
and pilgrimages might afford occasions of meeting on
a better footing, and before I die I should like to see
Germans, Belgians and French united in the presence
of the God of Love, in the same faith and in the same
hope, and through the Love of His Law they would
then exchange the kiss of peace.

CHAPTER XIII

The Courts of Munich and Old Germany

Each time I have stayed at the Court of Vienna I
have regretted that I did not know Louis II per-
sonally. When I first saw him he had already taken
refuge in his dreams and his dreamlike castles.

Like Rudolph, he had been seized with a great mis-
trust, not of humanity, but of those who directed hu-
man affairs. He did not, like Rudolph, find a way of
escape in suicide. Louis II created for himself a
paradise of art and beauty, where he endeavoured to
lose himself, away from his people, whom he loved,
and by whom he was loved in return.

I once caught sight of him in the park at Munich
sitting alone in his state carriage, escorted by rather
theatrical outriders. Behind the bevelled plate-glass
windows framed in gold, he sat imposing and motion-
less.

He was an astonishing apparition, one which the
crowd saluted without his seeming to take any no-
tice.

After his extravagances the Court, forced to econo-
mize, easily adopted a more or less bourgeois exis-
tence.

I rejoiced to see the patriarchal customs of the Re-
gent, Prince Luitpold. I had not then much experi-

172

THE COURTS OF MUNICH 173

ence of politics, and only saw the surface of things.
The impatient insubordination of Bavaria to Prus-
sia, from which a more intelligent and less divided
Europe might have derived so much advantage, es-
caped me. I only saw in the Regent a character out
of one of Topfer's stories.

He devoted the greater part of his time, even in his
old age, to physical exercises. Shooting and swim-
ming were his favorite pastimes. He bathed every
day all the year round in one of the large ponds on
his estate in Nymphenburg. And when he was not
shooting he was walking. His outward appearance
gave no indication of his rank. I met him one autumn
day in Vienna in one of the little streets off the Prater
behind the Lusthaus; he was in his shirt sleeves; his
coat and top hat were hanging on the point of the
walking-stick which he carried over his shoulder. He
seemed happier than a king.

His inseparable companion, a poodle no less
shaggy and hairy than his master, accompanied him.
They looked exactly like one another. At a distance
a near-sighted person might easily have mistaken the
dog for the Regent and the Regent for the dog.

Louis III, his son and successor, inherited his fath-
er's simple tastes, which he believed he could simplify
still more. But excess in anything is a mistake. His
abuse of simphcity was practically his only way of
making a mark in contemporaneous history. History
will not preserve the memory of this mediocre King of
Bavaria, but it will remember his unfashionable

174 MY OWN AFFAIRS

clothes, his concertina trousers, his square boots with
rubber heels and his wrinkled socks, by which he
wished to demonstrate his democratic tastes. He
would have done better to have recollected that the
duty of a king is to raise the man in the street to the
level of the throne, and not to let the king descend
to the level of the man in the street.

He was not popular, owing to his bad taste. In
vain he paraded his love of beer, coarse jokes, sau-
sages and skittles. The Bavarians remembered Louis
II as a good king, and at the same time as a grandly
spectacular king.

People are flattered when a king who is a king
unbends to them, but if he looks like a carter they ex-
perience no pride in seeing him drive the chariot of
State as if it were a cart.

The Court of Bavaria, which had slightly retrieved
its former position before 1914, fell between Scylla
and Charybdis when the Crown Prince of Bavaria
and the Man of Berlin played with the thunderbolts
of war. The Wittelsbachs vanished like smoke in the
defeat of Prussian ambitions.

They might still have been at Munich if they had
furthered legitimate Bavarian ambitions, and judged
them from the exclusive point of view of the political
and religious needs of their country.

It must be recollected, however, that the German
thrones were threatened. Neither the rigid discipline
of Berlin, the go-as-you-please rule of Munich, nor
the mixed systems which existed between these two

THE COURTS OF MUNICH 175

extremes could have kept up the anachronism of
worn-out forms which the people instinctively re-
jected by paying more attention year by year to So-
cialism and Republicanism.

The German kings have vanished. It is not impos-
sible that they may return; if not the same, others,
perhaps better qualified to rule. Nations are re-
stricted in their choice as to the methods of govern-
ment. Monarchy is the form which pleases them, or
rather which they tolerate, more often than any other.
Monarchy originates from the family principle, which
is an eternal principle. The true king is a father.
Monarchy may be reborn in Germany and elsewhere,
but its powers will be modified and restricted by
the times. As it existed in Germany it has been con-
demned to extinction by reason of its archaism.

The Church alone has the privilege of not becoming
obsolete, by the constant return of mankind to an im-
mutable doctrine. Monarchies become obsolete owing
to men of the same blood, the same name and the
same race who aspire to exist uninfluenced by the con-
stant changes of the conditions of life. When they
fall exhausted, then comes the time of the Republic.
But because the family principle is the foundation
of social existence, and because a Republic favours
the individual rather than the family, the Republic
in its turn disappears and Monarchy reappears. Such
is the way of the world.

Germany would be the first to admit this if she
possessed any philosophical sense whatever. It is a

176 MY OWN AFFAIRS

popular legend that Germany possesses the philosoph-
ical spirit, and nothing is more invincible than a leg-
end. But, as a matter of fact, there is no nation on
earth at once more metaphysical and less philosophi-
cal than the German nation. Metaphysics alone help
her people to dream and to accept these dreams for
realities. In no way does it lead them to a condition
of wise clear-sightedness.

The German nation has fallen into the pit dug
for it by Imperial Prussia. Every Court, important
or otherwise, was convinced that Berlin and the Hoh-
enzollerns would be masters of the hour.

Certain showy Monarchies, feeling the pressure
of a rather frock-coated Socialism, have tried to ac-
commodate themselves to Social Democracy as Social
Democracy adapts itself to them.

Nevertheless, one saw some maintaining their tradi-
tional ceremonial undisturbed.

Such a Monarchy was the little Court of Thurn
and Taxis at Regensburg, the most picturesque and
most amusing Court which I have known.

I have often played skittles at Regensburg; but
what a spectacle we presented! We played skittles
wearing our tiaras and our long-trained gowns. There
was etiquette in handling and bowling a large ball.
More than one tiara became insecure, and more than
one player groaned in her jewels, silks and embroi-
deries, not to mention her corsets. Luckily clothes
were then capable of more resistance. If this had oc-
curred nowadays, when women dress in transparen-

THE COURTS OF MUNICH 177

cies which are as scanty as possible, what would not
one have seen?

It must not be thought that this was a chance game
of skittles which I played dressed in full Court toi-
lette. It was the fashion. You did everything at Reg-
ensburg in a procession, preceded by a Master of the
Ceremonies. And because and for all that, as Vic-
tor Hugo says somewhere, it was very droll.

Life at Regensburg was agreeable. The prince and
princess entertained magnificently. The palace lent
itself admirably to entertaining, as it was a superb
residence, royally furnished and surrounded by gar-
dens which were tended with love. The cooking
equalled that of the cuisine dear to the heart of Ferdi-
nand of Bulgaria. The charming part about it was
that the antiquated ceremonial was so well ordered
that certain exaggerations were quickly forgotten in
the beauty of rhythm and arrangement, which recalled
the dignity of bygone days.

We went to the races in splendid state barouches,
preceded by equally well turned out outriders. The
Count of StanfFerberg, Master of the Horse, an old
Austrian officer, rode at the side of the prince's car-
riage, and the gentlemen-in-waiting were so attentive
that, had there been no step to the carriage, every one
of them would have supplied the place with their per-
sons.

If we went to the theatre we went in full dress, pre-
ceded by torch-bearers to the princely box.

An etiquette of this description compelled one to

178 MY OWN AFFAIRS

maintain the dignity of one's station. But the prince
and his wife liked this ceremonial; they only lived to
prolong the pomp of past centuries.

It had been said that Princess Marguerite of Thurn
and Taxis somewhat resembled Marie Antoinette.
The prince, who believed in the said resemblance,
wished to give his wife a set of diamonds which had
once belonged to the unfortunate Queen of France.
He bought them and the princess wore them. I was
afraid that there might be some fatality in this, but
there were no superstitions at the Court of Thurn and
Taxis. The future was seen through rose-coloured
glasses, and in order to make the appearance of the
princess suit the historical diamonds the famous Len-
theric was once sent for from Paris on the occasion
of a Court ball, to arrange the princess's hair "a la
frigate," and transform her into a quasi Marie An-
toinette, whom one would have been very sorry to
have seen starting for the scaffold.

When the wind of revolution swept over Germany
the dethroned princes were spared this punishment.
They departed for foreign countries, and not for the
scaffold. Germany, left to herself and no longer in-
toxicated by Berlin, has not massacred a single one
of her sovereigns of yesterday. And this fact alone
should rightly afford food for reflection to all those
who speak of Germany without really knowing her.

^ ^ ^ ¥^ ^

In the httle Duchy of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha life
was quite different from that at the Court of Thurn

THE COURTS OF MUNICH 179

and Taxis. Here nature and art joined hands. There
were no showy processions, no studied etiquette ; only
a charming and distinguished simpKcity which exem-
plified the taste of this German prince of high and
human culture — ^my uncle, the reigning Duke Er-
nest II, whose kindness to me I have already men-
tioned.

He never tired of spoiling me, and he wished me to
feel that whenever I was at the palace I was a queen.
His affection never changed. In his society and that
of my aunt the duchess, who was also very affection-
ate and kind to me, I have often forgotten the misery
of my marriage.

His stag-hunts in the beautiful country of Thur-
ingia, through forests of firs and beeches, were for me
an intoxicating pleasure.

I followed the duke's lead; he was a good shot and
a good horseman ; his years did not trouble him. Often,
in the mountains, I rode a white mule, and the duke
remarked on the touch of colour which my mount and
I made in that rustic countryside.

In the evening, when the weather was fine, we
dined under the big trees, which were lit up by well-
arranged lanterns. I usually wore a light dress to
please the duke, who also liked me to adorn myself
with a garland of flowers which he himself made up
every day, as an act of delicate homage from the
most courteous of uncles.

When I stayed with the Duchess Marie at Rose-
nau, I also passed many happy hours. Her daugh-

180 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ters were lovely girls. What a radiant apparition
was Princess Marie, now Queen of Rumania! Once
seen — she was never forgotten!

Coburg, the cradle of a family which has given to
Europe so many kings and queens, princes and
princesses, Royal and Imperial, has witnessed nu-
merous gatherings of the present generation. A mar-
riage, an engagement, or a holiday invariably brought
the members of the Coburg family to their native
country. Young and old were happy to return and
forget some of the duties which their position de-
manded; others were glad to forget the burden of
their studies. Each tried to be himself and to be-
have as an ordinary human being.

The delights of a normal existence are very attrac-
tive to those who are deprived thereof by their posi-
tion and their duties. The general public has a false
idea of royalty. It believes them to be different
from what they are, while, as a matter of fact, they
really wish to be the same as anyone else.

'No doubt princes, like William II, are to be met
with who think that they are composed of a different
clay from the rest of mankind. They have lost their
heads by posing before the looking-glass and by in-
haling the incense of flattery. They are merely acci-
dents. Any man who suffered similarly would be
just as bad, no matter to what class he belonged. It
is true that the disease would not then have the same
social consequences. Again, Monarchism has become
more and more under control and is practically lim-

THE COURTS OF MUNICH 181

ited to a symbolic function, since it depended more
on one man than another. It could have been both
efficacious and influential if the prince had possessed
personality; but if he possessed mediocre qualities
without serious influence of any sort he was merely a
nonentity. After him would perhaps come a better
ruler. But everything is a lottery, and universal
suff*rage and the elections of Parliaments are no less
blind than Fate.

At Coburg I was brought into close association
with the Empress Frederick, who died with her ambi-
tions unfulfilled, great in her isolation. She saw with
an eye which knew no illusions the Royal and Impe-
rial crown of Prussia and Germany pass swiftly from
her husband to her son. The egotism and the vanity
of the "Personage" aroused in her more fear than
hope. And with what an expression of pity did her
eyes rest on the mediocrity of her daughter-in-law!

The Romanoff's and their relations also remained
faithful to Coburg. The grand dukes the brothers
of the Duchess Marie, her sisters-in-law the Grand
Duchesses Vladimir and Serge, who were both beau-
tiful in a different style, brought with them echoes of
the stately and complex Court of Russia, that Asiatic
Court which I always felt was a thousand miles and
a thousand years beyond the comprehension of the
present century.

Amongst other memorable ceremonies which I have
witnessed at the cradle of the family, I have retained
the remembrance of the marriage of the Grand Duke

182 MY OWN AFFAIRS

of Hesse with Princess Melita, who became later the
Grand Duchess Cyril. Happiness seemed to preside
at the fete. Love had been invited — a rare guest at
princely unions.

I will not say much about the betrothal of poor
"Nick" with Alice of Hesse, which was also cele-
brated at Hesse.

He who was to become the Tsar Nicholas II, ap-
peared a sad, timid, nervous and insignificant man,
at any rate from a worldly point of view. His
fiancee was distant in manner, absorbed and self-
centred. Already her entourage was concerned
about her visionary and rather eccentric tendencies.

She had replaced Princess Beatrice (who had mar-
ried Henry of Battenberg) as Queen Victoria's
reader and favourite companion. The Queen desired
the throne of Russia for her granddaughter, and she
brought about the marriage of which I witnessed the
betrothal ceremonies. The old Queen presided. But
everything lacked gaiety. If joy appeared to reign
for a moment it seemed nevertheless to be forced.
One felt depressed by the weight of some unknown
calamity. Perhaps Destiny wished to warn Alice
of Hesse and Nicholas of Russia of their impending
fate.

CHAPTER XIV

Queen Victoria

Is it possible for me to mention the name of Queen
Victoria without remembering that the Prince of
Coburg and myself were often the guests of our aunt
and cousin? One of the most hospitable of women,
she revelled in the joys of domesticity, and liked noth-
ing better than to gather her relatives around her,
preferably the Coburgs, the family of which the
Prince Consort was a member.

Although the Queen was extremely short, afflicted
with a corpulency that was almost a deformity, and
an excessively red face, she nevertheless possessed an
air of great distinction when she entered the room,
supported by one of the magnificent Indian servants
who were her personal attendants. She usually car-
ried a white handkerchief so arranged that the lace
border showed, and she favoured a black silk gown
with a small train, the corsage cut in V shape. She
wore round her neck a locket containing a miniature
of Prince Albert, her never-to-be-forgotten husband,
on her head a widow's cap of white crepe; she very
rarely wore gloves. On special occasions the Koh-i-
noor, that wonderful diamond, the treasure of treas-

183

184 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ures of India, sparkled with a thousand fires in the
folds of the crepe cap.

The Queen did not leave much impression of her
personality, although she was most impressive in her
movements, her tones and her look. Her nose had a
curious way of trembhng, which was almost an index
of her thoughts. And how shall I describe that
amazingly cold glance which she was wont to cast over
the family circle? The slightest error in dress, the
slightest breach of etiquette was instantly noticed. A
hint or a reprimand followed in a voice that brooked
no rej)ly. Then her nose wrinkled, her lips became
compressed, her face flushed a deeper scarlet, and the
whole of the Royal Person appeared to be swept by
the storm of anger.

But once the storm had passed, the Queen smiled
her charming smile, as if she wished to efface the
memory of her previous ill-humour.

In arriving or departing she always bowed to those
around her with a curious httle protective movement.

On one occasion I had the misfortune to displease
her.

The Queen detested the curled fringes which hid
the forehead and were then fashionable. This rather
unbecoming mode is within the recollection of many.
I admit I adopted it. Fashion is fashion. This style
of coiffure greatly annoyed the Queen, who said to
me one day: "You must dress your hair differently,
and in a manner more suitable to a princess."

She was right. Unfortunately the Prince of

QUEEN VICTORIA 185

Coburg, who equally disliked this curled coiffure, was
present when our aunt made this remark. If she had
given him the Koh-i-noor he could not have been bet-
ter pleased. I was therefore treated to a sound
scolding from my husband, which resulted in making
me decide not to take any notice of the Queen's cen-
sure. My hair still remained in curls on my fore-
head.

At Windsor, as in the Isle of Wight, the Queen
drove out every evening about 6 o'clock — no matter
what the weather might be. We were usually hon-
oured by accompanying her. Occasionally we were
obliged to wait quite a long time for the Queen to
make her appearance. At last, preceding the Queen,
a plaid on his arm, a flask of whisky slung over his
shoulder, came John Brown, the faithful Scotsman
whose doings occupied such a prominent position in
the Court Circular, and who, like many others of his
kind, represents an unpublished feuilleton in the his-
tory of Courts.

He led the way, ensconced himself in the brake
drawn by tvro grey horses, and the drive — ^which
lasted about two hours — began.

Evening fell. John Brown moved about in his
seat. He frequently turned his head, hopeful to re-
ceive the Queen's orders to return. Was this anxiety
on account of his fear of rheumatism, or of some chill,
which, notwithstanding the comforting properties of
whisky, would have affected his health and prevented
him fulfilling his duties to the Queen? I really can-

186 MY OWN AFFAIRS

not say. All I know is that John Brown detested
twilight drives on a damp evening. They always
affected his temper, and he did not attempt to conceal
his feelings — but, for that matter, he never attempted
to do anything contrary to his inclination.

Even the Queen's children experienced John
Brown's autocracy.

It happened that the Prince of Wales, afterwards
the great King Edward VII, once wanted to see his
mother on urgent and unexpected business. But
John Brown opened the door of the Queen's room and
said decisively: "You cannot see the Queen, Sir."

If in the intimacy of her daily life Queen Victoria
allowed herself some moments of relaxation, she was,
nevertheless, a great Sovereign and an imposing
figure. Her Jubilee, celebrated with a splendour
which my contemporaries will easily remember,
showed her real status in the world. The procession
through London in the midst of a delirious and cheer-
ing populace, the cavalcade of kings, princes, rajahs,
and other representatives of the Dominions, resplen-
dent in their magnificent uniforms and blazing with
precious stones, was a spectacle worthy of the
"Arabian Nights."

We shall never look upon the like again. Men
will never honour temporal power as they did when
they thus exalted a woman who so nobly represented
the Past, the Present and the Future of the United
Kingdom, the Empire of India, and the Colonies.

Do not say "vanity of vanities." Pomp and Cir-

QUEEN VICTORIA 187

cumstance have their reasons for existence. A society
which does not possess a theocracy, an aristocracy and
a pomp in proportion to its institutions is a moribund
society. It will always be necessary to return to the
equivalents of Sovereignty, the Court and Divinity,
without which the discrowned social edifice will be a
barn or a ruin.

It was on the occasion of one of the great Jubilee
entertainments that, owing to my annoying and incor-
rigible habit of unpunctuality, I arrived late to take
my place in the Royal cortege. I will admit that I
was often purposely late, because I knew that this
enraged the Prince of Coburg beyond anything else,
and he always began the day by saying that he knew
beforehand I should not be punctual.

Women who read this book will understand how
difficult it is to be quite punctual for an engagement
when one is wearing a special gown for the first time.
Men will never understand these feminine difficulties !

I frankly acknowledge that on this occasion I ought
to have arranged matters differently; I did not wish
to be in fault. State ceremonial exacted that nobody
should be absent at the formation of the cortege.
And, as owing to my marriage, my rank and position
relegated me towards the end, quite a number of
kings and queens had been obliged to wait until I
made my appearance.

When I entered I was, naturally, in a state of
extreme confusion. But at this period I was in the
heyday of my beauty. I knew that I was beautiful

188 MY OWN AFFAIRS

and admired. I saw most eyes turned unsympatheti-
cally in my direction. The women looked cross, but
happily the men, who at first seemed severe, were not
long in softening towards me. I was dazzled by the
light of these earthly suns!

But to hesitate was to be lost! It behoved me to
derive instant advantage from the situation. Silence
and impassiveness greeted the apparition of the cul-
prit who had dared hold up the progress of the Queen
of England and her illustrious suite. I realized that
my entrance must be of the kind which succeeds only
once in a lifetime.

I took my time — and I put all the grace imaginable
into my curtsy to the Queen, and my bow to the
assembled Court.

I approached to kiss my mother's hand, who, over-
joyed to hear the flattering murmur which followed
my method of asking pardon, drew me towards her,
saying as she did so : "You were made to be a queen."

Even now a tear rises from my heart to my eyes.
What a strange nature we possess! But when one
has been metaphorically born on the steps of a throne,
one feels the need for success, homage and ovations.
One not only preserves their memory, but one also
retains the wish for them and the regret when they
no longer exist.

CHAPTER XV

The Drama of my Captivity and my Life as a
Prisoner — The Commencement of Torture

My misfortunes, alas! are known to the public all
over the world. But it is not on me that they weigh
most heavily.

If calumny and persecution, assisted by the most
powerful influences, have continually added blow
upon blow, one truth, at least, is patent : I was not —
I am not — mad, and those who endeavoured to affirm
that I was insane, did so to their shame, and, I also
hope, to their sorrow.

"Nevertheless," it was said, "the princess is pecu-
liar." Others, better informed, declared emphat-
ically, "She is weak-minded."

Not that, thank Heaven!

My "expenditure," my "prodigality," my "debts,"
and "my relinquishing my interests and my will to
my entourage" have all been objected to.

Let us briefly discuss these "peculiarities" and
these "weaknesses."

It is perfectly true that at times I have been
extravagant. I have said, and I still repeat, that

this extravagance was a way of revenging myself for

189

190 MY OWN AFFAIRS

the constraints and pettiness of an oppressive
avarice.

It is true, as I have also admitted, that, as in the
natural order of events I thought I should inherit
a considerable fortune, I have been weak in some
things and I have not resisted certain temptations.

People talk of the fantastic sums of money which
I have spent. I calculate that I have not disbursed
ten minions of francs since 1897, the year when I
made a bid for freedom. Higher figures have been
given, but these are represented by the exaggerations
of speculators and usurers sent by my enemies to
help their case, and to bear witness of "follies" after
having palmed off their worthless securities on me.

Everyone knows the edifying story of the German
creditor who appeared before the Court at Brussels
deputed to pay my debts out of the funds accruing
to me from the inheritance of the King, and put in a
claim for seven million marks, which was reduced to
nothing after due inquiry and verification of what he
had really advanced and received.

If I were to lower myself to write the story of the
various manoeuvres against my independence, all with
one object of placing me in such a position that I
could neither live nor act, my readers would say:
"It is impossible, she is romancing."

But the most unlikely romances are not those
which are published. Life alone reveals them.

Reflect ; I had to choose between slavery, imprison-

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 191

merit in a madhouse, or flight and, in consequence, an
active defence of my personal rights.

I fled, and I have defended myself. But, in order
to capture and break me, my allowance was reduced
to a mere pittance, and, later, even the means of get-
ting my daily bread were cut ofl*.

I had lost the best of mothers ; the King, deceived
and irritated, but more politic than I in all that con-
cerned me, placed appearances above the obligations
of his conscience, and took no further interest in the
cruel fate of his eldest daughter.

From the time of my incarceration my sisters and
the rest of my family sided with the King. I saw
myself forgotten by my relatives, who for years never
came near me in the asylum.

I was either mad or I was not mad. To abandon
me thus showed that I was not.

The Press at last became indignant at this neglect.
Then my relatives came, but oh, very rarely ! It was
so painful, so embarrassing for them — but it was not
embarrassing for me.

When I escaped, their pretended pity gave way to
open anger. . . .

It was necessary, however, for me to live and to
make as much return as I could for services which
had been rendered me. At last I was compelled to go
to law — a new crime!

My crime did not consist in my rebellion against
a husband and a marriage of convenience that had
become impossible. . . . Have I been the first woman

192 MY OWN AFFAIRS

to be forced into matrimony? . . . My crime con-
sisted in showing that deplorable spirit which the
world rarely pardons — ^the fighting spirit, the spirit
of resistance.

The world dislikes a woman who defends herself,
and I admit the mystery of procedure and the devious
ways of the law have always been beyond me, but a
woman who defends herself resolutely, for the sake
of principle, honour and right, this woman is detest-
able. . . . She wishes to prove herself in the right
against established authority; she creates a scandal;
she cries: "I am not mad!" She cries: "I have been
robbed!" Why, such a woman is a public nuisance.

As a rule, well-bred people who are imprisoned
and robbed do not make much noise about it. But
in the case of the daughter of a king and the wife of
a prince who objects to being thought either demented
or a dupe, it is unforgivable of her to create a scan-
dal. Had she done the right thing she would not
have been talked about. She would still be in the
shadow of the lime trees of the Court; and, as she
wants to dabble in literature, she could have written
a book about the glory of human justice in Belgium
and elsewhere.

Many thanks! My conscience is still my own. I
will not yield it up. I will die misunderstood, slan-
dered and robbed, my last word will be a word of
protest. That for which I have been reproached
must be vindicated ; I will make good. I have nothing
to be ashamed of as regards my past "extravagances."

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 193

God be thanked that my "victims" have always
been paid in full, and always to their own advantage.

I should consider myself dishonoured had I caused
anyone to lose anything due to him, no matter how
small the sum. I would rather have settled with the
cheats than have disputed with them.

Having written so fully about my expenditure, let
me now turn to the so-called surrender of my fortune
and my will to my entourage. '

Let none be deceived! Touching this, slander has
always attacked one person alone, he to whom I have
consecrated my life as he has vowed his life to me.
His enemies have credited him with their own base
motives. They did not want to see, and they denied
that he was, by his greatness of soul, far above all
miserable calculations of self-interest.

In vain he threw into the abyss all that he had, all
that he was likely to possess. What sublime abnega-
tion, stifled by hate beneath its hideous inventions!

Oh, noble friend, what has not the howling and
monstrous beast of hatred said of you?

'No doubt you, like myself, were unable to struggle
against fraudulent financiers, deceitful men of law
and treacherous friends. But to dare to insinuate
that you have ever subjugated my will, misled my
steps, falsified my acts — ah! it is more absurd than
infamous.

I have, I always have had, a power of resistance
capable of sacrificing everything to an ideal of honour

194 MY OWN AFFAIRS

and liberty, otherwise I should have been a mere doll,
or a weather-cock responsive to every breath.

Full of consciousness as regards the essentials of
human dignity, I should then be unconsciousness
personified for things of secondary importance.

Is not that foolish?

But let us leave this topic and throw a new light
on the subject of the incredible attempts of a hatred
which nothing could disarm up to that day when
another justice, not that of man, overthrew thrones
so unworthily occupied and delivered me from the
persecutions of which I was the object.

On the eve of their fall the German and Austro-
Hungarian monarchs still believed they could do as
they liked with me. The wrongs I suffered are only
one example of what they dared do. What crimes
have they not committed which still lie hidden ! And
what corruption clings even to their memory!

The commencement of the intrigues which brought
about my fall is known to the world.

I was at Nice with my daughter. Dora, who rep-
resented alike my hope and my consolation, was
taken from me by her fiance, who was in league with
the Prince of Coburg, and who broke the solemn
promise he had given me.

The prince instinctively felt that I intended to
make my escape, and he knew that with me would also
vanish his hopes of possessing my inheritance from
the King of the Belgians.

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 195

"She might get a divorce," he thought to himself.
"She might marry again."

I had thought of divorce. This might weU have
to come much later. But if I could not help freeing
myself from a promise to a man who had destroyed
the reasons which were the basis of the spoken vow,
I hesitated about freeing myself from my vows to an
invisible and silent God, who does not corrupt, de-
ceive or persecute.

The indissolubility of marriage is one thing; the
severance of the ties of the flesh is another. The
longer I Hve the more I have become convinced that
divorce is a scourge. We must have courage to admit
that individual cases ought to be considered of no
account, the interest of the community must alone be
considered. The higher the value that is set on mar-
riage the better will society become. The marriage
tie has become something excessively fragile, and as
a result society possesses no solidity. The Church is
right. But who among us does not stumble, and
which of us does not disregard the fact that Divine
law is essentially a human law?

The count received at Nice the seconds of the
Prince of Coburg, to whom the Court of Francis
Joseph had relegated this duty. The duel brought
the two adversaries face to face in the Cavalry
Riding School at Vienna in February, 1898. The
lieutenant fired twice in the air, and twice the general
fired at the lieutenant. They were then handed
swords. The lieutenant continued to treat the gen-

196 MY OWN AFFAIRS

eral with respect and touched him lightly on the right
hand.

He thus added to the feelings of hatred which the
prince already had towards him. Three weeks later
he was implicated in that abominable story of the
forged bills of exchange which was entirely an inven-
tion, and to which, later, the Reichsrath accorded full
justice.

The impossible judgment which pretended to dis-
honour one of the most noble of men would never
have been pronounced if I had been called as a wit-
ness.

But my enemies hastened to have me incarcerated.
My evidence was suppressed and the count was
condemned.

A man still lives, silent and hidden, who, if I reckon
rightly, must be seventy-five years old. I write these
lines hoping that he will be able to read them before
he disappears finally from the world.

Now, when my memory invokes him, I see him
standing at the threshold of the madhouse into which
his hatred had caused me to be thrown, and I see him
at the gate of the prison where he had caused Count
Geza Mattachich to be confined. But I should like
him to know that his victims have pardoned him.
They could, to-day, demand satisfaction from Aus-
trian justice, now freed from the constraints of for-
mer years. His victims will spare him. Let Him
who will judge us all, judge this old man. I do not

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 197

even know who were the instruments of his ven-
geance.

Not long since in Vienna a poor creature three-
parts bhnd and with one foot in the grave was pointed
out to me, and I heard the name of the Jewish lawyer,
now repudiated by all that is estimable in Jewry in
Austria, who was the agent, the instigator, and the
counsellor of the implacable hatred which determined
on my destruction.

I looked back at him thinking that this same per-
sonage, so stubborn in his system of police severity,
and in his service of the abuse of power, had also
armed the hand of the woman who killed my son. . . .

And greatly moved, I asked myself:

"Have they understood?"

Yes, perhaps. Doubtless they are no longer what
they were. Life must also have changed them.

Can they, without pain, remember yesterday?

To speak candidly, we fled in order to escape these
enemies ; I did not stop to think, and I believed that
they could have ordered our arrest. I also believed
the word of emissaries in the pay of the prince. We
were then in France where I ran no risk. I wished
to leave for England and implore the help and pro-
tection of Queen Victoria who had given me so many
evidences of her affection.

My faithful lady-in-waiting, Comtesse Fugger,
shared my fears and accompanied me in my hasty
flight.

We had scarcely reached London when we received

198 MY OWN AFFAIRS

all sorts of mysterious hints from pretended friends.
We must go back at once or the count and I would
be lost. We therefore left London without any
attempt on my part to rejoin the Queen, whom we
had passed on our journey, as she had just left
England for the south of France.

We were not of the stuff of which criminals are
made. They are more callous. Hemmed in by our
own too-credulous imagination, we then thought of
taking refuge with the count's mother at the Chateau
de Lobor.

No one has ever understood why, and how, I
brought myself to go to Croatia, to the house of
Countess Keglevich.

Her second husband, the stepfather of Count Geza
Mattachich, was a member of the Chamber of the
Hungarian Magnates, a Deputy and friend of the
Vassals of Croatia. I felt convinced that nobody
would dare to carry me off" whilst under his roof.

Our adventure was by this time a public topic.
The papers of every country referred to it. The duel
was the culminating point of this terrible publicity.
And, since calumny and its manoeuvres had not, as
yet, had any effect, we were looked upon as romantic
persons whose sincerity disarmed criticism and called
forth feelings of sympathy.

When I think that since then I have been taxed
with duplicity, I cannot help smiling. Few cases
can be quoted of a more open existence than mine.
I have never concealed from mv friends what an

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 199

exaction my life with my husband was to me, and
when I was powerless, I never made any mystery
of the help which I found in a chivalrous deliverer
most providentially placed in my path.

But the world does not forgive those who will not
wear a mask of duplicity, and who refuse to conceal
the feelings of their heart.

So many people are compelled to hide their feel-
ings. But we, but I . . . truly, where is the crime?

I am quite prepared to die; I have no fear of the
justice of God.

Strong in our common loyalty we were foolishly
persuaded that in France, England, Germany and
elsewhere we should be in danger; we had been
warned that my husband's intention was to put me
in an asylum — Gunther of Holstein had told me
this, and had spoken of having me protected by his
all-powerful brother-in-law. . . . What an unforget-
table comedy! We arrived in Croatia feeling sure
that under the Keglevich roof I should be safe.

The count confided me to his relatives for so long
as it would take to obtain a separation from the
Prince of Coburg. The talk died down. Public
opinion was on my side, chiefly in Agi'am where the
count and his family were regarded with aiFection.
At Vienna even the inimical camarilla vv^as disarmed.
We were now only two creatures like so many others ;
the one bruised by her broken chains, the other willing
to assist her. And this devotion perhaps, one day,
would be sanctified by time.

200 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Oh dreams! Oh hopes! We are your playthings.
The awful reality rises up and rends us.

We had not foreseen the plot against us and what
odious accusations would be levelled at the count.

Suddenly his stepfather, who was well known at
Court and had influence in other directions, was sepa-
rated from us. Apparently he had been told, in con-
fidence, of the crime imputed to his stepson, and the
accusation did its work.

This explanation of his change of manner is the
most indulgent I can give.

The support of Count Keglevich thus failing us,
the countess, torn between love of her son and her
husband, was placed in a very delicate position, and
our enemies had therefore a free field at Agram.

However, there were two parties ; on our side were
the students and the peasants, and against us were
the police and the authorities.

Directly the count thought that we had the support
of the students and the covmtry people, he was afraid,
and delivered us up. The prince's lawyer — this man
whom I cannot name — was given full power. The
Emperor consented to let him act as he thought best,
and he had a pocket full of warrants.

I ought to say, on behalf of Francis Joseph, that
he had been assured that the count wished to kill me.
To which the Sovereign is said to have replied:

"I don't want a second Meyer ling. Do what is
necessary."

The prince and his hirelings were not lacking in

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 201

inventive skill. Their measures were well taken and
their plans well laid. A special train was kept in
readiness at the station at Agram for the woman
who was to be declared mad for reasons of State,
and a cell in the military prison was prepared for the
man who was to be made a criminal in the eyes of the
world.

All Austria knew this, as well as many other things.

A doctor (an official whom I had never seen) , with
my certificate of lunacy in readiness, was waiting for
me at Agram by order of the police, together with a
nurse from the Doebling Lunatic Asylum.

These people and a posse of detectives lay in wait
for a whole week. All depended on getting us to go
into the town. They would not have dared to have
arrested us at the Chateau of Lobor in the open coun-
try, where our defenders would have hastened to our
succour in the twinkling of an eye.

The military authorities ordered the count to pro-
ceed to Agram, and being an officer on leave he was
forced to obey.

We had a presentiment of some "coup." But our
situation at the chateau had become awkward owing
to the change of attitude of its owner, who had now
left, taking Countess Keglevich with him. It seemed
to us that nothing could be worse than this cruel es-
trangement. However, the count had to obey orders,
so I, too, resolved to go to Agram. It was impos-
sible for me to shun any danger that threatened him.

So we left. I went, with my devoted Countess

202 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Fugger, to the Hotel Pruckner. The count went to
the rooms retained for him, and I to mine. We ar-
rived late at night.

In the morning, towards nine o'clock, when I was
still in bed, the door of my room was forced open.
The prince's lawyer entered, followed by men dressed
and gloved in black — police officers in fHiU dress.
The doctor and the nurse from Doebling formed the
background.

The special train was waiting with steam up in
the station. Some hours later, without having a
chance to collect myself, I was suddenly snatched
from normal society and found myself in a cell at the
Doebling Asylum on the outskirts of Vienna. By
means of *a grating in the door I could be constantly
watched. The window was barred on the outside.
I heard shouts and howls in the distance.

They had placed me in the part of the asylum re-
served for those who were raving mad. I saw one
patient who had been released for an airing running
round a little sanded court, the walls of which were
padded with mattresses. He was jumping and
throwing himself about, uttering piercing shrieks.

I started back, horrified, covering my eyes and
ears. I threw myself on my narrow bed and, sob-
bing bitterly, I tried to hide my head under the pillow
and the bedclothes so as neither to hear nor see.

What might I not have become without the mem-
ory of the Queen and without the help of God? My

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 203

faith sustained me and gave me the courage of
martyrs.

Meanwhile at Agram, the count, also under arrest,
was being told that by virtue of the Austrian Military
Code of 1768 he was accused — ^by whom will soon
appear — of having negotiated bills bearing the sig-
natures of Princess Louise of Saxe-Coburg and the
Archduchess Stephanie.

I was to be declared mad, and he was to be pro-
claimed a forger!

The worst they did to me was nothing compared
with what they brought against him.

Ah! this justice of the Court which revolution has
since swept away! Ah! this code of an army, a slave
to a throne and not the guardian of the country!
What defiance of good sense at the dawn of the
twentieth century!

And then we are astonished when the people rise!

The count was put in prison on the accusation of
the same nameless individual who had interested him-
self as a police agent in my affairs. The Governor
of Agram was under his orders. He believed the
word — or appeared to do so — of this petty lawyer
who stated that Count Geza Mattachich had forged
my signature, and that of my sister Stephanie, on
bills which had already been nine months in the hands
of the bill discounters of Vienna, who had sud-
denly (!) discovered the signatures to be forgeries.

My signature was in my own writing. This was
why it was not advisable to allow me to speak.

204 MY OWN AFFAIRS

My sister's signature was a forgery and added
afterwards, but by whom and why?

It would have been most inadvisable to have
allowed me to ask this. The count knew nothing
about these bills and the use of the funds which they
represented.

It would have been most inadvisable for me to
have been on the scene. I was thoroughly well
guarded.

The count, according to Austrian military justice,
found himself in the presence of an auditor^ a magis-
trate who was accuser^ defender and judge combined.

All this may be deemed incredible. But there was
worse to come. On December 22, 1898, the count
was condemned to forfeit his rank and his title of
nobility, and to undergo six years' cellular detention
for having "swindled" about 600,000 florins from a
"third person."

But on the preceding June 15, when the forged
bills became due, the third person mentioned . . .
had been wholly reimbursed by the Prince of Coburg,
who was entitled to act for me from the day I arrived
at Doebling, and the count was lost. Yes, lost and
for ever — at least so thought his executioner. But,
although, thanks to zealous friends, the count had
been able to obtain a declaration signed by the bill
discounters attesting that they had no claims and
that no harm had been done them by Count Geza
Mattachich, this evidence was refused and held up
by the auditor. It was not even on the register.

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 205

And the abominable judgment pretended to make
the count, this gentleman amongst gentleman, a
forger and a thief, although he was innocent and
everyone knew his innocence.

But I am dwelhng on infamies which it is super-
fluous to recall. It is well known that the judgment
was quashed four years later by the Reichsrath,
thanks to the indignant Sociahst party.^ The count
has been avenged from the height of the parliamen-
tary tribunal, and the sort of justice that dishonoured
the Austrian Ai-my has ceased to exist, and has been
swallowed up in the ruins of a Monarchy and a Court
which was too long a criminal one.

^ Extract from the proceedings of the sitting of the Reichsrath, held on
April 17, 1902. Speech by the Deputy Daszynski:

"Gentlemen, the second judgment which has been pronounced following
the demand for the revision of the first trial has admitted that Monsieur
Mattachich has not forged any one of the signatures!

"This verdict of the superiar military tribunal is of great importance
in the whole of this affair. For, gentlemen, if the superior Military
Court had simply rejected the appeal we might still believe that Geza
Mattachich had forged the two signatures. But, since Mattachich has
wronged no one, since the usurers have recovered the money together
with a high rate of interest, totalling several hundreds of thousands
of florins, on the very day the bills fell due, since out of all this money
not a farthing has found its way into the pocket of Mattachich, a mat-
ter which, in fact, has not been raised against him, we have the right to
ask ourselves what interest Mattachich-Keglevich would have — apart
from admitting a singular taste for perversity on his part — to corrob-
orate by a forged signature the bills of the Prince of Coburg which
were recognized as good?

"And now, gentlemen, if we put the question qui prodest? We will
reply certainly not Mattachich-Keglevich, for that would have no other
result than that of sending him to the penitentiary of Moellersdorf —
but good for money-lenders. It was of the greatest advantage to them
that a forged signature should be added to a real one, for it is a fact
well known to usurers that a forged signature is worth more than
an authentic one, and I will tell you whj^

"With an authentic signature the husband who is obliged to honour
this sort of debt can say: 'I consent to pay the principal but not the
excessive interest.' It is thus that the Prince of Coburg has paid in
many instances. But this time the usurers replied: 'No; thanks to
the forgery, we are in a position to cause a scene — to threaten: we have

206 MY OWN AFFAIRS

in our hands a weapon directed against the Prince of Coburg and against
the Court circles.'

"Gentlemen, I have sufficiently proved to you that the second judgment
put the affair on a different footing, and threw quite a new light on the
subject. Taking advantage of this fact, Mattachich appealed to the
Court of Sovereign Appeal, and that tribunal has decided, that after
the examination of the procedure they had cause to confirm the second
judgment and to reject the appeal of the condemned man.

"At the same time, gentlemen, numerous facts have accumulated
which clearly prove the innocence of Mattachich. Notably, a letter has
been produced which was equally forged, and which indicated to the
judges the line to follow.

"This document was a letter written in German addressed to Leopold
II, King of the Belgians, It has been superabundantly proved to be
fictitious. It has not been written in the interests of Mattachich but
in those of the money-lenders. And those who had committed this forgery
were much more in the company of usurers than in that of Mattachich.

"For the question is not one, gentlemen, of simple moneylenders. Our
business is not with 'Directors of a house of Commission,' as they call
them in the judgments, but with artful business men who lend money
to various persons of the Court at a totally usurious rate of interest,
and to whom the signatures of these persons, notably of the widowed
Hereditary Princess Stephanie, are perfectly well known.

"Very well! I tell you, gentlemen, if I cannot put before you all the
elements of the proems, I rely here, not only on vague presumptions
but on the depositions of witnesses, on absolutely incontestable affirma-
tions which proved that Mattachich-Keglevich, who languished for four
years in a penitentiary, is an innocent man,

"Eight days before his arrest they consented to recognize, by notarial
deed, that they had given him every 'opportunity to flee' ('Hear, hear!')
on condition that he should abandon the Princess Louise.

"Gentlemen, one does not propose to assure a man like Mattachich-
Keglevich by notarial deed of his freedom to depart to a foreign land.
These people simply wished to rid themselves of him, they wished to
glut the vengeance of the husband prince, and it is on this account that
judicial military murder has been accomplished. And, if that did not
suffice, by order of the Count Thun, then President of the Council, Prin-
cess Louise was banished, like an unfortunate stranger, from the territory
of kingdoms and of countries represented in the Reichsrath, despite
the fact that she was the wife of an Austrian general. ('Hear, hear!')
Yes, gentlemen, we are now going to make this fact public; read to-
morrow in the report of the sitting, my interpellation on this subject,
and you will then find the dates and all the relative details. Yes, gentle-
men, in the interest of certain exalted personages who possess much wealth,
certain things take place that could never happen if we were a truly
Constitutional State. ('Very true!')

"And now, gentlemen, I ask you: who should be held responsible for
having thrown these persons into prison solely in order that the wealthy
Prince of Coburg might glut his vengeance? Were they, by chance,
officers? No, I tell you quite frankly, the officers were guiltless. They
would never have pronounced such a sentence if Mattachich and the wit-
nesses had appeared before them, and if the accused had been allowed to
question the witnesses, if the Press has been able to give a report of the
debates, if the gifted lieutenant had had liberty of speech in a public
audience, if he had been able to have a lawyer to represent him. Is it
not truly malignant to throw people into prison and cause them to be con-

THE DRAMA OF MY CAPTIVITY 207

demned by an auditor and by judges who know nothing of the aifair!
Gentlemen, I wish to accuse no one of forgery, I wish to charge no one.
My aim is not to denounce an institution which is the fatal source of all
faults and mistakes.

"And, seeing that we have here the occasion of debating on such doings
in open Parliament, I address myself to M. the Minister of National
Defence: Does he wish, he who is a man of honour, does he wish, not
only as an old man with white hair, but also as a soldier whose conscience
is pure and tranquil, to take on his shoulders the responsibility of the
anguish and tortures inflicted on an innocent person? Will he keep
silent, or will he speak?

"If he is not, perhaps, in a position to make a decision to-day, he has
no right to hesitate any longer to tlirow light on this mysterious affair."

CHAPTER XVI

LiNDENHOF

Can anyone adequately realize the sufferings of a
woman who sees herself erased from the world and
taken to a madhouse — the conscious prisoner of an
odious abuse of power?

At Doebling, and afterwards at Purkesdorf, my
tortures would have been beyond human endurance
if I alone had been obliged to suffer. But with the
hope of Divine justice, the knowledge that another
was submitting to a worse punishment solely on my
account gave me strength to endure. The loss of
honour is as terrible as the loss of reason. I could
not abandon myself to utter despair whilst the count
heroically resisted his persecutors with a dignity
which was afterwards admitted when the debates in
the Reichsrath threw a new light on my affairs.

But what terrible hours I have passed! What
nights of agony! ^Vhat horrible nightmares! What
tears, what sobs! I tried in vain to control myself.
Fortunately my attendants pitied me. That was
some consolation. I even felt that the doctors, em-
barrassed by the responsibility of my case, looked at
me kindly. With the exception of two or three miser-
able creatures, bought over by my enemies throu^

208

LINDENHOF 209

greed or stupidity, I have hardly found any physi-
cians who were not disgusted at the injustice meted
out to me, and who asked nothing better than to shift
the responsibility of keeping me in a madhouse on
to someone else's shoulders.

Public opinion in Austria being extremely hostile,
my executioner and his accomplices found it advisable
to transfer me to a quiet and charming asylum in
Saxony. I was therefore taken to Lindenhof, near
the little town of Koswig in the midst of the forests,
less than an hour's journey by rail from Dresden.

Lindenhof! The actual meaning signifies "The
Lime Trees of the Court." Calming lime trees!
Charming lime trees! The name recalled to me
"Unter den Linden" (Under the Lime Trees) at
Berlin, and the obligations which I owed to my son-
in-law and his family, who were now reassured by
the knowledge of my captivity in Saxony. The in-
heritance of the King would not fall into my wasteful
hands I

No member of my entourage dear to me was
allowed to remain with me. My good Countess
Fugger was forced to leave me from morning till
night to the care of my jailers. By way of compen-
sation those at Lindenhof were supposed to treat me
with all the deference due to my rank. Fear of pub-
lic opinion is the beginning of wisdom where princes
are concerned.

It was impossible for anyone now to say, as in the
case of my former experiences, that I was not treated

210 MY OWN AFFAIRS

as a princess and a king's daughter. I had a separate
house, a carriage, maids, and a companion! I was
allowed to go out when Dr. Pierson, the medical
superintendent, thought it advisable. But my house
was surrounded by the walls of a madhouse; the
coachman and footman were policemen; the com-
panion only occupied that position in order to keep
me a prisoner and make voluminous reports about all
that I said or did.

My cage was certainly gilded, and it possessed
various outlets on the country and the adjacent town.
But, all the same, it was a tomb, and I realized that
I was dead to all those who had once known me,
beginning with the members of my own family.

I have said that, ashamed of the crime to which
they had tacitly consented, my relations allowed years
to pass before they came to see the "invalid." It was
only when public opinion censured their heartless
behaviour that they decided to visit me.

The indignation against the wickedness of the
punishment meted out to Count Mattachich had be-
come stronger than the power that desired to crush
him. In mentioning him, the Press remembered my
existence. It was then that my daughter and my
aunt, the Comtesse de Flandre, came to see me, and
my sister Stephanie gave some sign of life.

I had lost my beloved mother without seeing her
again. Her letters — although at the same time good
and cruel — ^were my most cherished relics. But when-
ever I read them my heart was torn, as I felt that

LINDENHOF 211

my mother had been convinced that I was really
insane.

As for the King — alas! — ^he sent me no word.
Doubtless his mind, like that of the Queen, had been
poisoned — was he, too, not certain of the count's
guilt? What guile had not been employed in his
case ! In order to play my husband's and my son-in-
law's game it was necessary to make my father believe
absolutely in our "crimes."

What could I do, alone in my madhouse, deprived
of help and liberty?

But I guessed the plots which were hatched at
Brussels, and what support my enemies had obtained
in order to triumph over a poor tortured woman. I
saw my only chance of salvation by the side of the
unfortunate man who was enduring martyrdom in the
penitentiary of Moellersdorf, for having endeavoured
to save me from an earthly hell and its dishonouring
abysses.

Perhaps our mutual fidelity may astonish some
people. Few really understand that, for certain
natures, suffering constitutes a common bond. Our
joys had been ephemeral, our sorrows had been pro-
longed. We had been misunderstood, misjudged,
defamed and tortured. But we had reposed our
trust and our hope elsewhere than in men. Often
the best have neither the time nor the possibility of
knowing and understanding, and thus they condemn
the innocent on the strength of appearances, which

212 MY OWN AFFAIRS

hatred and duplicity know so well how to exploit to
their own advantage.

I had been certified "insane" for four years, when
the Court of Vienna, terrified by public outcry, was
obliged to abandon one of its victims. The count
was pardoned. No sooner did he regain his freedom
than, fearless of consequences, he began to plan my
deliverance! It was indeed a perilous enterprise, as
the Austrian and German police, in default of a jus-
tice which fear of the Press and Parliaments kept
somewhat in restraint, were nevertheless at the orders
of my enemies.

I have said, and I again repeat, that it seems in-
credible that we still live.

To begin with, my chivalrous defender found him-
self entangled in the meshes of the police net, and
could not take a single step without being followed
by spies of all descriptions. As for myself, I beheld
Koswig in a state of siege. Lindenhof was sur-
rounded by gendarmes; even the fir trees afforded
them a screen !

Fortified by prayer and hope, I had now become
if not accustomed to my chains at least able to sup-
port their weight. Always a lover of Nature, I rev-
elled in the sylvan solitudes where I was allowed to
walk with my sorrow, of course under the observation
of my suite of jailers of both sexes.

I had only one friend — my dog! Shall I ever see
that loyal fine face again, and those clear eyes, in

LINDENHOF 213

which alone in a world of corruption I have seen the
disinterested light of welcome?

However, I did not despair. What would hap-
pen to innocent prisoners if they were deprived of
the pleasures of Hope?

Ah, I well remember that autumn day when I first
saw the sun of liberty appear on my horizon, and with
its advent those chances of truth, reparation and hap-
piness which my imagination pictured all too
quickly!

It was delightful weather. The splendour of the
sun illumined the Saxon countryside. It touched
with gold the sombre forests that covered the hill near
which I loved to walk. This sandy desert planted
with fir trees was enlivened by a little hotel called
"The Mill on the Crest of the Hill," and it was one
of my favourite drives. On this particular day I
was driving myself, accompanied by my companion
and a groom. Suddenly a cyclist appeared coming in
the opposite direction, and who actually grazed the
wheels of my carriage as he passed. He looked at
me. I knew who he was — it was the count! ... I
had the presence of mind not to betray myself. He
was, then, free ! I believed that I, too, should regain
my liberty on the morrow.

Three years were destined to pass before I escaped.

The alarm had been raised in the enemy camp!
It was known that the count had left Vienna. A
search for him was at once instituted at Koswig.

My companion, who, influenced by some kindly

214 MY OWN AFFAIRS

feelings or by some hope of gain, had allowed the
count and myself to have two brief interviews in her
presence, securely hidden in the forest, was not long
in changing her mind and repenting her leniency.

The count was obliged to desist from any further
attempts to see me. The countryside swarmed with
police. I was not allowed to leave Lindenhof. My
saviour went some distance away in order not to pre-
vent my taking those drives which allowed me a few
hours' freedom and comparative happiness away from
the horrors of the madhouse.

There now remained only one way to free me.
This was first to proclaim, and then to establish my
sanity, and to appeal to public sympathy and public
meetings in order to achieve my liberation.

A book appeared in which the count demonstrated
his own innocence and described the cruelty of which
I was the victim. The entire Press re-echoed his
indignant outcry.

And the hoped-for help came at last from that
generous land of France where my misfortunes were
so keenly felt. A French journalist, a writer equally
well known and respected (whose name I should like
to mention with gratitude, but whose reserve and
dislike of publicity I am forced to respect), had gone
to Germany in order to prepare some political work.
At Dresden he was told about my sufferings. He
went at once to see the head of the police, who,
greatly embarrassed, acknowledged that I was the
victim of Court intrigue. In order to see me per-

LINDENHOF 215

sonally, this gentleman visited Lindenhof in the char-
acter of a neurasthenic. But either from mistrust, or
the impossibility of tampering with the diagnosis, he
was not accepted as a patient. He returned to Paris,
and through his influence Le Journal^, the powerful
daily paper whose independence is so well known,
took up my cause. From this moment the count
found the support which this paper has extended to
so many other deserving cases.

He was still unable to return to Lindenhof. The
French journalist, however, came there, and the first
news which rekindled my hope came in a letter from
my then unknown friend, which — together with one
from the count — was thrown into my carriage by a
little boy.

This letter was stolen from me by my companion.
The other missive remained in my possession, and in
vain did my police-woman attempt to dispossess me
of it.

When I read it with a throbbing heart I only found
one word, written in a language which I never heard
in my captivity — the language of my native land.
My eyes filled with tears, I read and re-read this
word :

"HOPE."

CHAPTER XVII

How I Regained my Liberty and at the Same
Time was Declared Sane

As I had not been in good health it seemed advis-
able for me to take the waters at some cure. I really
needed treatment, and as small thermal establish-
ments abound in Germany it was not difficult to find
a place suitable to my state of health, where my keep-
ers would have no fear of a cosmopolitan crowd, and
where they could still guard me as an isolated
prisoner.

However, soon after the incident of the letters
which had been thrown into my carriage, I was told
that I was to stay at Lindenhof. The promised cure
was abandoned.

Fortunately the doctor who was called in consulta-
tion sided with me, and promised to intervene on my
behalf. In the meantime my daily walks ceased. I
even decided not to go out at all, as I was completely
misled by all the stories which were told me, especially
by Dr. Pierson.

He rigorously guarded me, although he always
treated me with respect. He knew perfectly well that
I was not mad, but he also knew that I was a very

2l6

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 217

remunerative patient; the idea of losing me was ex-
tremely unpleasant to him. He continued to watch
me, but he also tried t© humour me, and he easily-
persuaded himself that Lindenhof was a really en-
chanting place.

Had it not been for his position of Doctor in
Lunacy and my jailer, his visits would not have been
disagreeable to me, as they were not lacking in cour-
tesy.

Dr. Pierson adopted an air of kindness and devo-
tion. He told me, in tones of real alarm, about cer-
tain information which he declared came from a reli-
able source, and which he advised me to take into
consideration if I did not wish to grieve him. He
said he had heard that bandits had resolved to attack
me suddenly in the forest and rob me of the jewels
which I usually wore. Dr. Pierson did not deny that
the count might have written to me. But he said that
the letter which had been seized by my "lady-in-
waiting" was not what I imagined it to be. It was
spurious and very mysterious. It could not be shown
me because it belonged first of all to the Law. I
should be well advised to give up the letter I had
kept. It evidently emanated from the gang who had
planned to rob and assassinate me.

Frightened into listening to him and being utterly
depressed by my existence I allowed myself to be
convinced. I did not want to go out. For several
days I lived in anguish, oppression and uncertainty.
I could not sleep. When I reflected, I did not know

218 MY OWN AFFAIRS

what to think and what to believe. Suffering upon
suffering overwhehned me. Nobody can conceive
the will-power necessary to preserve a certain amount
of lucidity when one lives for years among lunatics.
The haunting terror is such that if you have not the
strength to detach yourself from your surroundings
you must inevitably succumb.

But God permitted me to escape in spirit and to
rejoin my hoped-for rescuer. I ended by pulling
myself together and I again asked to go out. They
dared not refuse.

However, I was still somewhat impressed by what
I had heard, and I dared not go as far into the forest
as formerly. And if saw one or more cyclists I was
afraid, although I said nothing.

Had they come to attack me? I wondered. Had
they, perhaps, come to rescue me?

What a power is imagination! The cyclists were
only harmless people quietly going about their busi-
ness.

My doctor-professor had not forgotten his prom-
ise. His intervention obtained the desired effect,
and it was decreed that I should go to Bad-Elster in
Bavaria. This place is in the mountains about a quar-
ter of an hour's drive from the German frontier. If
I escaped Charybdis I should encounter Scylla!

The country is wild and the spa deserves to attract
a cosmopolitan clientele. But its fame, which is
purely German, reassured my jailers. No one would
look for me in this modest Bavarian Wiesbaden.

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 219

And if, per adventure, my defender should arrive, he
would find all the avenues to escape well guarded.

In fact, the hotel at which I arrived with my suite
of police officials, male and female, was immediately
surrounded, according to the rules of the profession,
by a cordon of sentries and inspectors.

If any unknown or suspicious person approached
he was followed, observed, and promptly identified.

The count took care not to show himself, although,
through information which he had procured at Kos-
wig, he was not slow to learn that I had left for Bad-
Elster.

The police notified nothing out of the way to my
keepers. Personally I was, as usual, neither impa-
tient nor excited. My "lady-in-waiting" could not
deny my affability. But within myself I felt that
dehverance was at hand.

This intuition was promptly confirmed.

One day, when I was playing tennis, I noticed a
fat man whose gait, hat and clothes pronounced him
to be an Austrian. His eyes met mine in a very curious
manner, but he saluted me respectfully. I could
have sworn that his look heralded the coming of the
count.

I was not deceived.

A little later, when I was coming out of the dining-
room of the hotel, preceded by the doctor attached to
my person, and followed by my "lady-in-waiting,"
a fair man brushed past me and whispered: "Listen!
Someone is working for you."

220 MY OWN AFFAIRS

I was obliged to lean against the door; I was sud-
denly incapable of movement. Fortunately I recov-
ered myself. My two watch-dogs noticed nothing.

The following day I came down to dinner escorted
by the doctor and my companion. The waiter who
usually attended on us was a little late and was fin-
ishing laying the table. Ordinarily he hardly dared
look at me, but I now saw that his eyes were speaking
to me. At the same time he passed and re-passed his
hand over the tablecloth. He first made a fold, and
afterwards he arranged and re-arranged the linen.
I seated myself and, at the same moment, I carelessly
touched the spot the waiter had seemed to indicate. I
heard a crackling of paper underneath the cloth. . . .

My two keepers were discussing Wagner; they
talked on ordinary topics. They could see me ap-
proving their banalities with a gracious smile, and
they redoubled their eloquence. I profited by this
to seize and hide the letter so cleverly placed within
my reach between the tablecloth and the table.

I read the letter — I devoured its contents — as soon
as I was alone in my room. It was from whom I
guessed! It announced my approaching liberty. It
gave me explanations of what had been done and
what still had to be done in order to effect my escape
from my long torture. I was to answer in the same
way. I could rely on the waiter.

This is how a daily correspondence began between
the count and myself. I very soon knew what meas-
ures I should have to take, what attitude to adopt,

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 221

what necessary preparations to make, whom to fear
and whom to trust.

The night watchman had been gained over on our
side. This brave man, Hke the waiter, ran a grave
risk. No one will ever know the extent of the devo-
tion which the frightful persecution to which I was a
victim has evoked and still evokes!

At last I received the eagerly awaited note, which
said: "It will he to-morrow."

To-morrow ! To-morrow ! I had only another day
to wait, and then I should be free. . . , This was in
August, 1904. For seven years I had been in cap-
tivity; I had lived among lunatics, and I had been
treated as a lunatic.

One thought alone froze my blood: the count
would, no doubt, make his appearance. And I re-
membered that quite recently my "lady-in-waiting"
had shown me a revolver, and coldly warned me that
she had orders — from whom? — ^to shoot any would-be
rescuer.

Never were my prayers more ardent. Then, re-
covering my serenity and my confidence, I made all
my preparations.

I needed a few hours in which to arrange my pa-
pers, destroy letters, and to sort what I intended to
take with me. How was I to do all this without
arousing suspicion?

I decided to say that instead of going out in the
afternoon I would wash my hair. This proceeding,
which I often did myself, afforded me the oppor-

222 MY OWN AFFAIRS

tunity of being alone, without the "lady-in-waiting,"
that indefatigable spy, being alarmed. The chamber-
maid arranged everything that was necessary, and
I made a great show of splashing with the water.
But I took good care to keep my hair dry for fear
of contracting rheumatism or neuralgia, which would
have considerably diminished the good condition of
health in which it was so necessary for me to be. I
rolled a towel round my head, and I took the neces-
sary measures without being disturbed. When eve-
ning came, rested and refreshed by the opportune
"washing," I went to the theatre with my usual escort.

Of all the plays I have ever seen, none has left me
with so slight remembrance as that with which the
little theatre of Bad-Elster regaled its honest audi-
ence that evening. I was lost in thought concerning
what was to follow, and I said to myself :

"Come what may, if life is a game let us play it to
the end." When the performance was over, I re-
turned to my hotel, without letting my secret agita-
tion be noticed. The doctor and the other follower
were amiably dismissed on the threshold of my room,
and my last words added to their tranquillity:

"We arranged to go to tennis a little earlier to-
morrow morning," I said, "but I feel that I shall
have a good night — so let us put off our party until
an hour later."

How could they doubt but that I was wisely going
to try and have a long sleep? Moreover, every eve-
ning my clothes and my shoes were taken from me,

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 223

and although I was not locked in my room (they had
intended this at first, as on my arrival all the locks
had been renewed), the night watchman had orders
not to lose sight of my room, and a cordon of sentries
surrounded the hotel.

But, as I have said, the watchman had been won
over to my cause, and as to the sentries, I should soon
see what was going to happen. I was much more
afraid of my "lady-in-waiting," who slept in the room
next mine. She had a keen sense of hearing, and
she was always on the alert.

I had in my room my favourite dog, the good and
faithful Kiki. What was I to do with him? How
would he take my flight? He barked at a fly! The
hour had indeed arrivedj, but I saw many harassing
obstacles in the way.

I ruminated on all this while the chambermaid fin-
ished her duties. At last I was alone. . . .

I promptly dressed myself in a costume and put
on a pair of boots which I had succeeded in concealing
in anticipation of my flight. My packing was soon
completed. All lights were extinguished, and, hardly
daring to breathe, I awaited the signal.

But what signal? I knew nothing. I must
listen. . . .

By degrees complete silence reigned in this tran-
quil corner of Bavaria after the theatre, as is usual in
Germany, closed at 10 o'clock. Those who partook of
late suppers were few. The calm night enveloped
Bad-Elster — a beautiful night with a full moon — one

224 MY OWN AFFAIRS

more danger. But I had no choice, and my vigil was
soon about to end.

The twelve strokes of midnight sounded, then the
half -hour, then one o'clock struck, and almost imme-
diately I heard a scratching at my door hke that of
a mouse. Kiki raised himself . . . but with a sign
I quieted him, and he understood.

I opened the door softly. The shadow of the
watchman could be dimly seen in the corridor.

"Here I am," I said, in a low whisper.

"Silence! . . . Hold yourself in readiness. I will
return when it is time."

He went away.

I remained for two hours absolutely glued to my
door, my valise beside me. At last I saw a gliromer
of light. It was the watchman. I turned to my dog,
who was watching me uneasily. He pricked up his
ears, and, sitting on the corner of a cushion in a chair,
he understood that I was going away without him.

I caressed him, saying as I did so: "Kiki, don't
make a noise. If you do, I am lost!"

He did not move, he did not bark, he did not even
whine.

I was now beside the watchman at the threshold
of the door.

"You must take off your boots," he whispered.
"You will be heard."

He stooped down and removed my boots; then,
taking charge of my small baggage, he conducted me
forth, leaning on his arm.

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 225

With one last look I said good-bye to the familiar
things which I had left in my room, and I again en-
joined my good httle dog to silence. I went along the
corridor into which the rooms of my "lady-in-waiting"
and the doctor opened. Thank God, the doors re-
mained closed! Another corridor took us to a stair-
case by which we gained the ground floor. There, in
almost total obscurity, I perceived a shadow, with
one finger on its lips. It was the count. . . .

The night watchman would not allow us to delay;
he gave me back my boots and guided us, sheltered
from the light of the moon by the hotel building, as
far as a small conservatory, and then to a terrace
which adjoined the road.

There two sentries had met and were talking
peacefully in the moonlight, which, unfortunately for
us, now illuminated the road to safety.

We waited anxiously. Luckily they soon sepa-
rated, and walked away in opposite directions. . . .
The count, taking his chance, made me cross the road
in a few light bounds. He held my valise; the night
watchman remained hidden on the terrace. We were
now under the trees on the other side of the road.
The sentries had seen and heard nothing! We had
still to reach the carriage, which was waiting a little
distance away. This was a landau with two horses,
a local equipage, which would pass unnoticed. Any
other, unknown to the district, would have been sig-
nalled and reported.

But a catastrophe occurred. The carriage was

226 MY OWN AFFAIRS

not where it should have been. We had a moment of
despair. What a night! What suspense! All this
agony of mind occurred under the trees pierced by
the moon-rays, which seemed peopled with fearful
phantoms. At last some of our friends who knew
of my escape joined us and conducted us to the car-
riage. It started, but the tired horses went slowly.
Suddenly, in the middle of the wood the vehicle came
to a standstill; the driver confessed that he had lost
his way.

We had reached a place known as "The Three
Stones," the boundaries of three kingdoms, where
Bavaria, Saxony and Austria join.

The driver turned his back on the right direction
and returned towards Bad-Elster, where we hoped
to get to the little station and catch a train for Berhn.

We had the good luck to be rescued from our
anxiety by two of our partisans, who, worried by our
non-arrival, came upon us unexpectedly and oppor-
tunely.

We arrived at the Hof without further incident,
and a few hours later we were in the capital of Prus-
sia, When the news of my escape reached my son-
in-law and his Imperial brother-in-law they did not
believe it. The fuss was tremendous. But matters
had been well arranged at Bad-Elster. The brave
people there took my part so thoroughly that the
German and Austrian police had actually to go to
the expense of making inquiries. I had vanished into

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 227

thin air like a spirit, and they could not find a trace
of the count.

In Berlin the secret agents of the Socialist deputy,
Dr. Sudekum, who generously defended my cause,
awaited us and sheltered us until a lull in the tempest
enabled us to gain a hospitable soil.

Everything considered, we resolved to go by auto-
mobile to the station where the Orient Express
stopped, and then to depart for France across Bel-
gium by this train de luwe.

Let us pass over an alarm at the hotel at Magde-
burg, where I should have been recognized and de-
nounced had I not called Dr. Sudekum my husband !
We seemed very devoted, and it was quite evident
that a celebrated Socialist could not have a king's
daughter for his wife.

At last I was able to get into a sleeping compart-
ment, and luckily I had it to myself. The train
rushed across Germany. The count watched over me
and remained outside in the corridor as much as pos-
sible. The hours rolled by. At last I heard cries of
"Herbesthal"!

I was just entering Belgium. I was about to see
my country once more. Without, however, daring to
stop there ! Alas ! The King was on the side of the
Prince of Coburg. I hardly dared approach the
window. I trembled. The Belgian Customs officials
passed through the carriages. There was a knock
at the door of my compartment, and the Customs offi-

228 MY OWN AFFAIRS

cials appeared behind the conductor. But I had been
vouched for, and they retired unsuspiciously.

Oh, the irony of the banal question: "Have you
anything to declare?"

On the contrary, what had I not to declare ? I was
the eldest daughter of the great King of these good
people who did not recognize me. I wanted to cry
out, so as to be heard as far as the Chateau of
Laeken, and denounce the injustice of Fate, which
made me a victim and an exile.

I was thinking thus when an old superintendent
of the Belgian railways passed. He did not glance
carelessly at me as the Customs officials had done;
he scrutinized me gravely, and I saw that he knew
at once who I was.

The count was watching in the corridor, and he
was also certain that I had been recognized. He
followed the superintendent. The man looked at
him, read the anxiety in his face, and identifying him,
doubtless by the photographs in the newspapers,
stopped and said kindly:

"It is our Princess, is it not? . . . Do not be afraid.
Nobody here will betray her."

I never knew the name of this good and faithful
compatriot. If he is still alive I hope he will learn
through these lines that my gratitude has often gone
out and will always go out to him.

I arrived at last, safe and sound in Paris. I had
nothing more to fear. I was in a hospitable country,
protected by just laws.

HOW I REGAINED MY LIBERTY 229

It is common knowledge that shortly afterwards
the most eminent French physicians recognized, after
long interviews, when I was minutely interrogated
and examined, the inanity of the pseudo-medical
statements which had kept me in a lunatic asylum for
seven years and caused me to be treated as a minor,
incapable of managing my own affairs. My civil
rights were restored to me; together with my liberty
I had miraculously recovered my reason!

But I found again, alas ! during the dreadful war,
evidences of the implacable hatred from which I had
suffered so much.

This time my enemies thought me in their power,
and behaved in an odiously grasping manner. It was
not now covetousness for the millions of my inherit-
ance from my father the King, but it was greed for
another fortune, that of the Empress Charlotte, my
unfortunate aunt, whose old age is sheltered by the
Chateau of Boucottes. This fresh possibility of
wealth aroused the same covetousness, and, as of old,
it produced the same line of conduct. But once again
I was providentially saved.

CHAPTER XVIII

The Death of the King — Intrigues and Legal
Proceedings

A certain book exists of which only 110 copies
have been printed, and these have been carefully dis-
tributed among those who were unlikely to mislay
them.

This book, of which I deplore the fact that a
greater number of copies were not printed, contains
all the evidence concerning NiederfuUbach, and the
various judgments against my claims. Such as it is,
and for the sake of what it contains and does not
contain, I should be glad to see this book in the col-
leges and schools of Law throughout the world. It
would be both useful and suggestive. Also if it were
under the eyes of the general public it would doubtless
be consulted with great interest.

What reflections would it not inspire, not only
amongst jurists, but still more amongst deep thinkers,
historians and writers, to see documents which throw
new light on a century, a people and a man.

What would not be found hidden in high-sounding
words and enormous figures! What a prodigious
part is played in this book by a gifted spirit sur-
rounded by collaborators devoted to his greatness so

230

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 231

long as he lived, but who, enriched and satisfied, for-
got his work and his name when once he was dead.

"Gratitude," said Jules Sandeau, "is like those
perfumes of the East which retain their strength
when kept in vessels of gold, but lose it when placed
in vessels of lead."

There are few golden vessels amongst men. There
are vases which seem to glow with this precious metal,
but which are really made of the worst kind of lead.
Appearances are mostly deceitful.

The book which I should like to see more widely
circulated, is a large volume bound in green card-
board, printed at Brussels under the title, "The
Account of the Inheritance of His Majesty Leopold
II — Documents published by the Belgian State."

One of the best-known French lawyers wrote to
me concerning this work:

"It is a great treasure, an inexhaustible mine.
Some day lovers of Right, the young and old of every
country, will publish essays and works inspired by
the documents concerning the estate of King Leopold
II. They are priceless. Here are to be found a
glowing romance of business, of magnificent con-
ceptions, of astonishing forms of contracts, of stat-
utes and entails, and finally a marvellous judicial
discussion where morality and immorality are at vari-
ance. The whole terminates in a fantastic judgment,
preceded and followed by stupefying transactions.

"It was thought that this lawsuit was finished. It
will recommence and perhaps continue for a hundred

232 MY OWN AFFAIRS

years, under various forms and under certain condi-
tions which cannot be foretold. It is impossible that
the menace by Belgian justice against natural rights
will be accepted and remain unchallenged."

If, as will be seen presently, it is indisputable that
the King freely made over the Congo to Belgium, a
possession which originally was secured by his money
and under his direct superintendence. Reason must
admit that such a gift could not have been accepted
without Belgium, on her side, incurring some indebt-
edness to the family of the Sovereign, principally to
his children.

That the donor may have wished to exclude his
daughters from his real estate is not to be disputed,
but that he could do so in justice is not presumable,
and this action will never be admitted. To agree to
such an iniquity would mean a conflict with that
sacred principle which forms the basis of the continu-
ity of the family.

I will now quote the opinion of a lawyer. His
brother lawyers who read these lines will know him.
I could quote a thousand opinions. But one will
suffice: that of a Belgian lawyer, who was powerful
enough to obtain "in the name of the State" what
can only be called a sacrilegious judgment.

On the evening before the judgment which settled
in my person the defeat of Law and Justice, one of
my principal lawyers at Brussels was so sure of suc-
cess that he telegraphed to one of my counsel, whose

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 233

advice had been of great value: "Congratulations
in anticipation."

How could this be doubted? The public prose-
cutor, a real lawyer, had summed up in my favour.
He was an honest man. He saved the honour of
Belgian justice on this eventful day.

My leading Belgian counsel was so convinced of
not being beaten that he was opposed to a compro-
mise, which was then perhaps possible, and I agreed.
For I (who had appeared so many times before the
the courts) had a horror of legal proceedings. Here,
as elsewhere, I have been seized and crushed in a
fatal cogwheel. It would be easy to prove it. But
the interest does not lie there; it lies in the extraor-
dinary struggle which I have had to sustain, almost
alone, in the lawsuit concerning the King's estate.

My sister Clementine, who perhaps had not read
Hippolyte Taine, yielded to dynastic illusions, and
unhesitatingly sacrificed her claims. She accepted
from the Belgian Government that which the State
was pleased to offer her. She did not take into con-
sideration the fact that she ought to join forces with
her sisters. The Belgian motto is "Union is strength."
This motto is not applicable to all Belgian families!

My sister Stephanie at first sided with me, then
she backed out, then she came in with me, and again
she backed out. . . .

I remained firm in my mistake — if it be thought a
mistake. I knew at least what I wanted. My
younger sister was not so sure. That is her affair.

234 MY OWN AFFAIRS

It cannot be counted against me that my cause, being
that of the right, was not always hers.

I trust that I may be believed; I only struggled
for justice. Nobody can possibly say what I should
have done had I won.

As regards the Congo, it was never my intention
to pretend that my sisters and I could possibly dis-
pute the wishes of the King and the laws passed in
Belgium for taking over the colony. But, between
the conflict of certain points at issue and the accept-
ance of a disinheritance against nature and against
legality, a space existed which could have been, and
should have been, bridged by an honourable settle-
ment.

The Belgian State had one proposition to make,
which it timidly outlined. My leading counsel did
not consider this sufficient. The Belgian people, left
to themselves, would have known better how to act,
and how to honour the memory of Leopold 11, but
this duty was delegated to those who, to this day, have
wilfully and lamentably failed.

Let us consider Belgium as a human being, en-
dowed with honour and reason, and jealous of the
judgment of history and the esteem of the world;
mistress of millions of Congolese and of other millions
of colonial treasure. As a reasoning being, would
she have considered herself free from all obligations
towards the unfortunate children of the giver of these
gifts? Most assuredly not.

If she thought otherwise she would be without

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 235

honour, without reason, a cruel cynic, justly mis-
trusted by all right-minded people. All the decrees
in the world would never make her otherwise.

I have reasoned this out, and I still adhere to my
view I was not alone in this opinion. My Belgian
lawyers had other opinions besides mine, and believed
them to be conclusive.

If I have not succeeded in proving my case I have
had, at least, the satisfaction of knowing that my law-
yers have lost nothing.

My case brought them luck. They eventually be-
came Ministers, men to be envied in every way, who
are proud of having defended me.

But let us turn to the written words ; they are more
eloquent than any of mine. I only wish to be sin-
cere. Here, as elsewhere, I say exactly what I think.
I do not gloss over or twist things round. I only
restrain myself from being too vehement. You see
me as I am.

I express myself as if I were standing in the pres-
ence of the King. I wish to reach my father's spirit,
commune with his soul, and convince him in the in-
visible world that my claims were just.

At the conmiencement of these pages I have placed
his name, which has remained dear to my respect as
a daughter. I was never able, and I never dared
discuss matters with this father who was so deceived
and misinformed about me.

*****

236 MY OWN AFFAIRS

On December 18, 1909, the Moniteur published
the following statement:

"The Belgian nation has lost its King!

"The son of an illustrious sovereign, whose memory will remain
for ever as a venerated symbol of constitutional monarchy,
Leopold II, after a reign of forty-five years^ has died in harness,
having, up to his last hour, devoted the best of his life and
strength to the aggrandizement and prosperity of the country.

"On December 17, 1865, before the reunited Chambers, the
King pronounced these memorable words, which since then have
often been recalled:

" 'If I do not promise Belgium either a great reign like that
of the King who founded her independence, or to be a noble
King like him whom we now lam^r.t, I promise at least that I
will prove myself a King whose whole life will be devoted to
the service of Belgium.'

"We know with what powerful energy he has kept and even
exceeded this solemn promise.

"The creation of the African State which to-day forms the
Belgian Colony of the Congo was the personal work of the
King, and constitutes a unique achievement in the annals of
history.

"Posterity will say that his was a great reign, and that he
was a great King.

"The country now mourning his loss must worthily honour
one who has died leaving such a splendid record behind him.

"The country places all its hopes in the loyal co-operation,
already so happily manifested, of the Prince who has been called
to preside over the destiny of Belgium.

"He will be inspired by the illustrious examples of those who
became, by the help of Providence, the benefactors of the
Belgian people.

"The Council of Ministers:

F. ScHOLLAERT, Minister of the Interior and of Agri-
culture.
Leon de Lantsheere, Minister of Justice.
J. Davignon, Minister of Foreig?i Affairs.

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 237

J. LiEBAERT, Minister of Finance.
Bon DescampSj Minister of Science and Art.
Arm. Hubert, Minister of Industry and Labour.
M. Delbeke, Minister of Public Works.
G. Hellepute, Minister of Railways, Posts and Tele-
graphs.
J. Hellepute, Minister of War.
J. Renkin, Colonial Minister."

Of the signatories of this moving proclamation
some are dead, others are still living.

To those who are no more, and to those who are
still alive, I say:

"You have written and attested that the creation of
the African State was the personal work of the King.
In his person^, then, you have recognized the marij
the head of the family — and therefore the family
itself; otherwise the word personal is without mean-
ing. . . . And, as a matter of fact, it has suddenly
lost its meaning. The King, now an entity without
terrestrial chains, has enriched Belgium to the ex-
clusion of his children, who are declared non-existent.

"And how, with or without you, has he been
honoured?

"In continuing the endowment of Niederfullbach
and other creations of this gifted benefactor?

"Ah! In no way whatever!

"You have liquidated, realized, destroyed and
abandoned all that he conceived and ordered. I do
not wish to describe in detail all that has passed, and
I have no desire to touch on the sadness connected
with the secrets of Niederfullbach and other works

238 MY OWN AFFAIRS

of the King, from the day when they ceased to be
under his direction. I will take my stand on the
ground of the sin against morality which most con-
cerns me.

"Eleven years have passed since the death of the
'Great King.' Where is the monument erected to
his memory?

"The people of Ostend, who owe to him the pros-
perity and beauty of their town, have not even dared
to show an example of their gratitude. They are
afraid of vexing the ungrateful people of Brussels,
who prefer silence."

His wishes with respect to the Congo and his heirs
are in three documents, which I append below:

First:

( 1 ) An explanatory letter of the King, dated June
3, 1906, in testamentary form.

(Attached to exhibit No. 36 in the collection pub-
lished by the Belgian Government.)

"I undertook, more than twenty years ago, the work of the
Congo in the interests of civilization and for the benefit of
Belgium. It was in the realization of this double aim that I
annexed the Congo to my country in 1889.

"Cognizant with all the ideas which governed the foundation
of the independent State, and which inspired the Act of Berlin,
I am anxious to specify, in the interests of the nation, the
wishes expressed in my will.

"The title of Belgium to the possession of the Congo is
due to my double initiative, namely the rights which I acquired
in Africa, and the uses which I have made of these rights in
favour of my country.

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 239

"This situation imposed on me the obligation of ensuring,
in accordance with my initial and dominant idea, that my
legacy should prove useful in the future to civilization and to
Belgium.

"In consequence thereof I wish to make the following points
clear — points which are in perfect harmony with my immutable
wish to assure to my beloved country the fruits of the work
which I have pursued for long years in the continent of Africa,
with the general consent of most of my subjects:

"Upon taking possession of the sovereignty of the Congo,
with all the benefits, rights and advantages attached thereto,
my legatee will assume, as is only just and necessary, the obliga-
tion of respecting all the engagements of the State assigned to
third parties, and likewise to respect all acts which I have
established touching the privileges of the natives for donations
for land, for the endowment of philanthropic or religious works,
for the foundation of the domain of the Crown, for the establish-
ment of the natural domain, as well as the obligation not to lessen
by any measure the rights of the revenues of these various in-
stitutions without giving at the same time an equivalent compen-
sation. I consider the observation of these rules as essential to
assure to the sovereignty of the Congo the resources and the
power indispensable for the accomplishment of the task.

"In voluntary surrendering the Congo and the benefits derived
therefrom in favour of Belgium, I must, without adding to the
national obligation, strive to ensure to Belgium the perpetuity
of the benefits which I bequeath her.

"I wish to state definitely that the legacy of the Congo to
Belgium should always be maintained by her in its integrity.
In consequence, the territory bequeathed will be inalienable
under the same conditions as Belgian territory.

"I do not hesitate to specify this inalienability, for I know
how great is the value of the Congo, and I have, in conse-
quence, the conviction that this possession will never cost the
Belgian nation any lasting sacrifice.

"(Signed) Leopold.

"Brussels, June 3, 1906."

240 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Having read this, no really right-minded person
can deny that the King speaks of the Congo as pri-
vate property which he surrenders voluntarily to
Belgium, which he was quite at liberty to do, and
which Belgium was equally at liberty to accept as a
Royal gift.

But there is no right without duty.

I ask whether it was right of the Belgian Govern-
ment to ruin me, an exile and a prisoner, calumniated
and mistrusted; to deny me my Belgian nationality,
and to sequestrate the little money left me in Bel-
gium?

This, I have said before, was, I believe, the fatal
result of a general measure, misinterpreted perhaps
by an inexpert official.

But let it go! !

I only ask whether the Belgian Government can
assert to-day that it has fulfilled the conditions im-
posed on it by its benefactor, and especially "the
obligation to respect the integrity of the revenues of
the various institutions" established by the King in
favour of the Congo.

I await an answer. I now come to the question of
the Will.

Will of the King. (Document No. 42.)

"This is my will.

"I inherited from my parents fifteen millions. These fifteen
millions I have scrupulously kept intact, in spite of many
vicissitudes.

"I possess nothing else.

"After my death these fifteen millions become the property

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 241

of my heirs and must be made over to them by the executor
of my will^ to be divided between them.

"I die in the Catholic religion, to which I belong; I wish
no post-mortem to be made; I wish to be buried without pomp
in the early morning.

"Except my nephew Albert and the members of my house-
hold, no person is to follow my remains.

"May God protect Belgium, and may He in His goodness
be merciful to me.

"(Sgd.) Leopold.

"Brussels, November 20, 1907.**

A great deal has been written about this Will.
The statement "I possess nothing" except the de-
clared fifteen millions caused the ink to flow.

The statement itself was proved untrue on the
death of the King, since in the abundance of wealth
of all sorts which was found, the Belgian Government
was obliged to specify as "litigious" certain shares
and moneys which it could not take over, and which
it left to my sisters and to myself. These shares and
moneys have nearly doubled the fortune bequeathed
us by our father.

Let no one say: "The fortune was considerable."
As a statement it is true. But it must not be forgot-
ten that everything is comparative, and that if I
explain a point of succession which is unique in his-
tory it is not because I am avaricious. It is because
I must insist, as a question of principle, to defend
what I consider right, and to enlighten the public on
a hitherto entangled and obscure discussion.

The second Will, reproduced below, merely states
precisely the intention of the first:

242 MY OWN AFFAIRS

The Other Will of the King. (Document No. 49.)

"I have inherited from my mother and my father fifteen
millions.

"I leave those to be divided amongst my children.

"Owing to my position and the confidence of various people,
large sums have at certain times passed through my hands with-
out belonging to me.

"I do not possess more than the fifteen millions mentioned
above.

"(Sgd.) Leopold.

"Laehen, October 18, 1908."

In this document the King said no more about
having "scrupulously" saved the fifteen millions. A
great deal has been written about this, because else-
where the King often declared in his most formal
manner that not only had he used his own fortune,
but also that of my aunt, the Empress Charlotte, in
the Congo enterprise.

He might have lost all. If this had been the case,
would Belgium have indemnified his children at his
death? Certainly not! Fortunately Belgium has
been the gainer.

Is it logical that the King's children should be
objects of indifference to him?

To finish with the question of the fifteen millions,
one fact remains which I cannot pass over, and which
will suffice to invalidate the characteristic declaration
of the King, if the discovery had not already been
made at his death.

About this well-known fact everyone will guess
beforehand what I could say. , . .

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 243

It is not wise to enlarge on this subject. Age is
excusable in its errors, and the disposal of sixty mil-
lions will find many willing helpers.

But, truly, whom does one deceive, and by whom
is one deceived? Virtuous airs are strangely a mat-
ter of circumstance with certain people who lend
themselves to an astonishing favouritism, to the detri-
ment of the natural heirs of the King.

However, let us forget this. Let us only remem-
ber the material point, which was that the King
wished to disinherit his daughters.

Was it right and moral of Belgium to associate her-
self with this inhuman error and this illegality?

Ought she not to have assumed another line of
conduct on behalf of myself and my sisters ?

I ask it of the King as if he were alive and in the
entire possession of his faculties; I ask this of the
King who is now enhghtened by death.

I ask it of my brave compatriots.

I ask it of the jurists of the entire world.

I ask it of history.

Let us put aside the millions of future generations
and the hundreds of millions of the past.

I have renounced expectations and the promises of
fairy tales more easily than most people. I would
have liked to have made many people happy, to have
helped beautiful works, to have created useful insti-
tutions. God knows all my dreams. He has decided
that they should not be fulfilled, and I am resigned.

I have only wished to defend a principle and to

244 MY OWN AFFAIRS

obtain for myself a minimum of the possibilities of
a free and honourable existence in accordance with
my rank.

Was my action then unjustifiable?

What do certain documents — which it is easy to
consult — establish, but which I cannot reproduce here
without giving to these pages a different character
from that I wish to give?

These documents prove that the personal fortune
of the King had attained a minimum of twenty mil-
lions at the time of his last illness.

On the decease of the Sovereign this fortune, or
the greater portion of it, had disappeared. My sisters
and I had a round figure of twelve millions.

But what of the rest?

It has been said to us, and to me especially:

"What? You are complaining? By the terms of
your father's will you should only have five millions.
You have twelve millions, and you are not satisfied.
You argue, you accuse, you incriminate! You are
always at war with someone."

I am not at war with any particular person in this
affair. I have simply upheld the right, and I believe
it to be my duty.

The Government, the judge and the party oppo-
nents have told me, in fine-sounding sentences, that
I was wrong.

Would they agree to submit their judgments to the
final verdict of a tribunal composed of jurists from
countries friendly to Belgium?

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 245

I renounce in advance the benefit of their decision
if it should be in my favour.

Would they agree to accept an inquiry into the
subject of the real and personal fortune of the King
at the time of his death and what has become of it ?

I know beforehand. These indiscreet questions
will only meet with profound silence.

What consoles me in my misfortunes is the knowl-
edge that the men in the confidence of the King have
become wonderfully enriched. If my father could
only leave fifteen millions I am confident that they,
at any rate, will be able to leave much more. I am
very pleased to think that this is so, as I find it only
natural that merit, valour, conscientiousness and
fidelity should be recompensed on earth.

I only regret one thing, which is common to human
nature. Money, alas! does not tend to improve it.
Instead it seems to harden the hearts of those who
possess it.

How can the King's faithful servants and those of
my family be at ease in palaces, where everything
breathes comfort and luxury, when I am reduced to
living as I am now obliged to live, practically from
hand to mouth, uncertain to-day where to look to-
morrow for sustenance, although within the grasp of
two fortunes: one already mine by right of inherit-
ance, and the other which I have every anticipation
of inheriting?

People may say that instead of complaining I could
continue to defend my rights, and it avails nothing to

246 MY OWN AFFAIRS

abuse the injustice of men. I do not ignore the fact
that I have only to attack the Societe des Sites, and
the French property which the King has given to
Belgium, for French justice, which is worthy of the
name of justice, to condemn a fictitious society,
whose so-called existence is not unwelcome to a
Parisian lawyer and the servants of my family who
have lent their name as circumstances required.

Law is law for everyone in France, and when the
Societe des Sites was founded in Paris, it was done
with the most flagrant disregard of French legality.

I do not forget that the German law would equally
condemn what transpired between Belgium and the
administrators of Niederfullbach, if I were to attack
these persons before the Justice of Germany, as I
could easily do. The two Germans who are included
in the list of administrators have sensed danger so
strongly, owing to their properties and positions
being in Germany, that, in face of possible dangerous
retaliations, they have sheltered themselves behind
the Belgium State by the "arrangement" which they
have accepted, and which has robbed my sisters and
myself of considerable sums.

I also know that the Royal Gift of 1901 is open
to an attack in Belgium, based on the material error
committed over the question of the disposable share
of the King's property. But, really, it is too painful
for me to think about this and to go into these details.
I only give certain of them in order to show that I
have resisted, and I shall still resist, assuring myself

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 247

that if I have not found justice in Belgium I shall
find it elsewhere.

To speak with perfect frankness, I have suffered
cruelly, and I still suffer on account of the strife in
which I have been involved.

When I occasionally re-read the pleadings of the
talented lawyers who defended or attacked me over
the question of the King's inheritance, a sort of f aint-
ness overcomes me. Before so many words, in the
face of so many reasons for and against, I feel that
all things except equity can be expected of mankind.

It is positively stupefying for me to realize that
three of my lawyers are Ministers, or are on the point
of becoming Ministers, as I write these pages. I
have only to take up their "pleadings" to hear the
voice of their conscience proclaiming the justice of
my cause, and accusing the State in which they are
embodied to-day of collusion and fraud — in one word,
of unqualified actions.

Do they not remember what they said, wrote and
published? I listen in vain for some words from
them. . . . Nothing . . . never a word. I am dead,
so far as they are concerned.

I am unhappy. They know it, and they keep
silence.

Never a thought, a memory for one who confided
in them. They are in power — and I am in misery;
they are living in their own country — I am an exile.
They are Men, and I am a Woman. Oh, pettiness
of the human soul!

248 MY OWN AFFAIRS

I think again of all that has been said and writ-
ten against me in the land of my birth for which I
was sacrificed. What errors, what exaggerations,
what passions, what ignorance concerning my real
self! Nevertheless, taken as individuals, those who
attack me and defame me are really good and brave
men at heart. But they rend one's soul. Do they
not understand what they do?

Has Belgium no conscience? She ranks so high
to-day in the opinion of the world, that it seems im-
possible for her to expose herself to the diminution
of her moral glory which will inevitably follow when
History goes into the vexed question of the King's
Inheritance, and its results in my own case. Can she
rightly and peacefully enjoy that which has been
unjustly obtained, or more or less greedily seized by
her? History will find, as I find, certain ineffaceable
words in the address to the Senat by M. de Lant-
sheere, Minister of State, touching the Royal Gift
of 1901, which all that was best in the Belgian soul
then found inacceptable.

I reproduce these words for the contemplation and
consideration of all honest men.

M. de Lantsheere spoke as follows in the Belgian
Senat on December 3, 1901, to contest the acceptance
by the Chambre des Representants of the King's
Gift, and all that had privately enriched the King:

"I intend to remain faithful to a principle which King
Leopold I always upheld and from which he never departed,
one which I also upheld twenty-six years ago with M. Malou,

LEGAL PROCEEDINGS 249

M. Beernaert, and M. Delcour, Members of the Cabinet of
which I had the honour to be a member — which MM. Hubert
Dolez, d'Anethan and Notcomb^ chief of those preceding me^
who, like others after me, have equally upheld. This principle,
which it has been reserved for the law to abandon for the
first time, can be summed up in few words. The common law
is an indispensable support of the Royal Patrimony. The pres-
ent project offends Justice. . . . Two of the Royal princesses
are married. From these marriages children have been born.
Therefore families have been founded. These children have
married in their turn, and have founded new families. These
families may very reasonably have expected that nothing
detrimental could happen to the hereditary rights which the
Code declares unalienable from the descendants. ... If, owing
to some aberration of which you will give the first example . . .
you do not respect the laws by which families are founded,
. . . one universal vmce tuMl he heard in Belgium which wilV
curse the dominions which have enriched the nation at the ex-
pense of the King's children. . . .

"Do you not think that it will look very disgraceful for
Royalty to be exposed to the suspicion of wishing (under
the cloak of liberality towards a country) to reserve the means,
if not of disinheriting its descendants, at least of depriving
them of that to which they are legally and morally entitled.''
I venture to believe that those persons will serve the interests
of the State much more faithfully who insist that she must
remain firm in her acceptance of the rights of Common Law,
than those persons who uphold the acceptance of the disastrous
gift of an unlimited authority. I wish to ignore the possi-
bility of any of these ulterior motives having entered the mind
of His Majesty; you must ignore them if they have not already
occurred to you; but I know that man's will is variable and
certain laws are made in order to prevent possible injustice.

"If at the time of the King's death a point had been made
of encroaching on the disposable funds, you would not have
had the courage to lay the hand upon this patrimony. Why,
then, do you forge weapons which, when the moment is ripe,
you will blush to use.''

250 MY OWN AFFAIRS

"Therefore, Sirs, the uselessness of the project again reveals
itself, as well as its equally odious and dangerous character . . .
it is a juridical monstrosity. ... It must never be said that in
the Kingdom of Belgium any poor girl possesses more legal
rights in her father's inheritance than the King's daughters
now possess in the inheritance of their father." . . .

CHAPTER XIX

My Sufferings During the Wae

I WAS at Vienna when war was declared, and until
actual hostilities commenced I could hardly believe
such a thing was possible. The idea that the Em-
peror Francis Joseph, already with one foot in the
grave, contemplated appearing as a combatant, after
invariably suffering defeat, seemed sheer madness to
me. It is true that a camarilla, acting under orders
from Berlin, used the weakly old man as a tool. But
that Berlin really wished to embark on a war which
could not fail to cause a universal conflagration was
incredible. It was worse than madness — it was a
crime.

But the desire to kill carried away those in power
at Berlin. I had a presentiment of a mysterious
fatality which had laid its spell on Berlin and Vienna.

I wondered what would become of me. And each

possible solution became more and more difficult. If,

according to the views of my Belgian countrymen,

I am unfortunate enough not to have regained my

nationality in spite of the good sense and approval

of the King my father, and once more denied the

rights of justice and humanity, an action against

which I protest most strongly, I was regarded from

251

252 MY OWN AFFAIRS

the first day of the war as an "enemy subject" by the
Court of Vienna, which was doubtless pleased to be
able to hurt me in some new way.

I was asked to leave the Dual Monarchy as soon
as possible. The Chief of the Police came in person
to notify me of this decision. This distinguished
functionary was in many respects courteous, but the
order was extremely precise and formal.

I left for Belgium. But certain events detained
me at Munich. The German Army barred the road,
and my devoted country was soon to know the hor-
rors of which the first responsibility rests with
Prussia.

Until August 25, 1916, I was able to live in the
capital of Bavaria, as a Belgian princess, without
having to experience many of the inconveniences to
which my position exposed me. The Bavarian Gov-
ernment was certainly indulgent. I was even allowed
to retain a French maid who had been long in my
service. The count — that devoted knight, whose
proximity in my sad life had brought me consolation
and unfailing support — was also allowed to be a
member of my entourage.

But the German victories convinced my pitiless
enemies that I should soon be at their mercy. They
at once arranged their new plan of campaign!

I am proud to write this — proud to admit that the
sufferings of Belgium were my own. She was op-
pressed. I was also the victim of oppression. She
had lost all. I had also lost everything.

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 253

From day to day my resources became straitened,
and the atmosphere, at first compassionate, became
hostile. I tried to efface myself as much as possible,
and to submit myself patiently to the exigencies of
my delicate situation. It was well known with whom
my heart was in sympathy! Worries and harshness
soon assailed me.

My son-in-law, Duke Gunther of Schleswig-
Holstein, did not ignore — and with good reason — the
difficulties I had to overcome. He lost no time in let-
ting it be known that he considered I ought to agree
to be placed under his guardianship, and forced to
receive my last morsel of bread at his hands.

I do not wish to enlarge on the actions of this
gentleman. If I were to publish the documents and
the legal papers which I have kept, I should only add
to the remorse and confusion which I should like to
think have overcome my unhappy daughter. But, in
duty to myself, I must relate a little of what trans-
pired. Nothing else will suffice to show the drama
which has enveloped me since the day when I repre-
sented the possible loss of a fortune to my family.

Duke Gunther of Schleswig-Holstein, from the
very moment when Germany thought herself mistress
of Belgium, occupied himself in ascertaining what
might accrue to me from the inheritance of my
father. Rather more than four and a half millions
had been deposited in the bank, assigned for the bene-
fit of my creditors, by arbitration of the tribunal which
had been formed on the eve of hostilities.

254 MY OWN AFFAIRS

This sum of money was the object of the touching
soMcitude of my son-in-law. I leave it to others to
relate his efforts to obtain possession of it and divert
it into a diiFerent channel from the one for which it
was intended.

Nevertheless, these four and a half millions were
only a drop in the ocean compared with the promise
of the past. My dear country can therefore rejoice,
and I rejoice with her, that, by the victory of the En-
tente, she has escaped a revision of the lawsuit touch-
ing the Royal inheritance, one which would have been
in direct opposition to the Divine and human right,
at least as soon as the decree had been issued.

What crime would not then have been committed
in my name in favour of the final triumph of German
arms if, threatened with the pangs of starvation, I had
signed certain renunciations which were extorted
from me at Munich, and had thereby lost my person-
ality and abandoned my rights to my children in con-
sideration of a miserable pittance?

They now saw themselves likely to be compensated
in some measure for all that had previously prevented
them from acquiring the King's inheritance. They
had also the certainty of possessing the thirty mil-
lions which represent my share of the fortune of Her
Majesty the Empress Charlotte, when my unfortu-
nate aunt succumbs beneath the burden of her ad-
vanced age.

My children — from the hour when they became
aware of the frightful state of destitution to which I

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 255

was reduced during the war — ^have only pursued one
end: without troubling to see me or to approach me
directly^ they have endeavoured by the mediation of
paid agents to force me to sign a renunciation of my
expectations.

In direct defiance of the law I was ordered to
sign my name to a document by which I relinquished
my future inheritance from the Empress to my chil-
dren. At last, worn out with sufferings, I was on the
point of consenting for a consideration of an annual
payment of a sum of sir thousand marks, in exchange
for which I was to be reduced to isolation and slavery,
and to be further plundered of all that might belong
to me.

I will say nothing here to the Duke of Holstein,
this soldier financier; but to my daughter Dora, the
fruit of my body, whom I have fed at my breast, and
whom I have brought up, I say this :

"You may possess all the outward appearances of
respectability. You may enjoy the benefits of a for-
tune of which I know the source, you may experience
neither shame nor remorse, you may even dare to
pray. But God can never be deceived. No wicked-
ness, no guilty complicity, no action contrary to Na-
ture will escape His justice. Sooner or later He will
judge all men according to their works."

Before I conclude my account of the machinations
of these human vultures who attempted to assail my
liberty and my rights, when once I had been unfor-
tunate enough to ask help from my children, I must

256 MY OWN AFFAIRS

not forget to mention that later, when I regained the
captaincy of my soul, I appealed to Justice at Munich.
The courts there declared the renunciations extracted
from me in my misery and frenzy when I was starv-
ing and homeless to be invalid.

During the war I have often actually not known
where I should sleep, or of what my next meal would
consist.

I write this frankly, without a particle of false
shame — firm in the approval of my own conscience.

I have never willingly injured anyone. I have suf-
fered in silence. I am speaking to-day in my own de-
fence, bringing as evidence a family drama which
touches contemporary history. I speak with candour,
but I am not actuated by feelings of hatred. Wicked-
ness has diminished. But my personal sufferings
have in nowise lessened. I was born a king's daugh-
ter, I shall die a king's daughter. I have certainly
pleaded for assistance, but more on behalf of my at-
tendants than for myself. I could not bear to see
these devoted creatures, my comfor? and support in
my misery, weep and grow pale during these dark
days.

The count had been obhged to leave Munich. On
the morning of August 25, 1916, his room was sud-
denly invaded by the police. He was put in prison,
then taken to Hungary, and afterwards interned
near Budapest. He was by birth a Croatian and
therefore regarded as a subject of the Entente, even

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 257

before the defeat which united Croatia and Servia.
Human justice is really only a word!

On the same day Olga, my principal attendant,
an Austrian who had always shown me an invaluable
and long-standing devotion, was also arrested. She
was afterwards released. But I understood the sig-
nificance of this — the order had come from the highest
authority to alienate everyone who cared for me.
I will describe what followed.

My French maid, whose care of me was so disinter-
ested, was interned. If my faithful Olga had not
come out of prison, and if I had not had the means to
keep her, I should have been completely isolated.

But, shortly after this, I really did not know how
to supply my daily needs. My last jewels had been
sold. I was now as poor as the poor souls who im-
plored my charity.

What should I decide to do, what should I at-
tempt? If I appealed to my daughter I knew that I
should be up against the Duke of Holstein. He was
absolutely pitiless. All this happened in July, 1917.

Providence now threw in my way an honourable
man, a Swiss professor, who was terribly distressed at
my fate.

He generously offered to help me to reach Silesia,
where my daughter was in residence at one of her
castles. This castle is not far from Breslau. I there-
fore left Munich, with Olga, in the hope of seeing
my child and obtaining from her some temporary
shelter.

258 MY OWN AFFAIRS

But when I reached my journey's end I tried in
vain to be received, listened to, and assisted by Dora.

I was therefore stranded in a little village in the
Silesian mountains, where my last few marks soon
disappeared.

The count had tried to send me the wherewithal to
exist. Without any warning, the German postal au-
thorities retained the money and returned his letters.

The little inn where I had taken refuge was kept by
kindly folk who were, however^ unable to let me
stop unless I could pay. I saw myself faced with
the most extreme misery. The innkeeper seemed
frightened of me. He told me that he had been
ordered to render an account of my doings to the po-
lice, and that I was kept well under observation,
although I might not be aware that this was the
case.

He was mistaken. I and Olga had both noticed
that our slightest movements were watched. Even in
our walks in the open country we continually met
some peasant or some pedestrian who appeared not
to notice us, but who actually spied on us more or less
unsuccessfully.

I felt the influence of an implacable force that
wished to immure me in some new goal, madhouse or
prison, or which would perhaps even make me contem-
plate self-destruction.

In this extremity Heaven once again came to my
rescue.

On the very day v/hich I thought would be the last

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 259

I should be allowed to stay at the inn, I sat down,
miserably, on a bench in front of the house. I asked
myself in despair what was to become of me. Sud-
denly a carriage appeared — a rare sight in that un-
frequented region. The coachman signalled to me,
and I saw, sitting in the carriage, a large, important-
looking person who seemed looking for something or
somebody.

He was looking for me! *

I was soon acquainted with the fact that this gen-
tleman had come from Budapest on behalf of the
count, and wished to speak to me.

At these words I felt myself lifted out of the abyss
of despair. But my trials were not over.

The count's confidential agent had been charged
with the mission of helping me to leave Germany.
In order to do this, it would be necessary to cross
Austria into Hungary, where I could rely upon ac-
tive sympathy being shown me.

Things and people had already changed in the Aus-
tro-Hungarian Monarchy!

But, what possibilities such a journey presented!
First, I had no official papers. The revelation of my
name and title would alone suffice to impede my prog-
ress; I should be instantly detained.

But although, thanks to the count's messenger, my
bill at the inn was settled, I had only very limited
means at my disposal. Austria, it is true, was not
far away. We could go there across the mountains
by way of Bohemia, but the envoy declared that, ow-

260 MY OWN AFFAIRS

ing to his shortness of breath and his troublesome
legs, he could not possibly follow me over the goat
tracks which we should most assuredly have to pass.
He decided that our best plan was to make for Dres-
den, and from there to choose the easiest route.

When evening fell our host metaphorically closed
his eyes to my departure. He waited until the next
day to notify my disappearance to the authorities.

By the time he did so I was in Saxony. But here
again it was too dangerous to go near Lindenhof in
a kingdom where my misfortunes had been the sub-
ject of so much publicitj^ At last we remembered
a little village close to the frontier, on the side nearest
Munich, where the regime was less rigorous than in
the vicinity of Dresden, and we arrived there without
anything untoward happening.

The present difficulty was not so much in crossing
Germany. It chiefly consisted in solving the ques-
tion of the possibility of my being able to stay in some
retired spot without my identity being discovered and
notified, and afterwards to cross the frontier without
a passport and gain safety at Budapest.

This Odyssey alone would make a volume. It ter-
minated in a Bavarian village where I breathed freely
once more. A good woman extended the kindest hos-
pitality towards me and my faithful Olga.

The count's messenger still continued to watch over
my welfare, and found accommodation for himself in
the vicinity.

From my window I could see the church steeple of

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 261

the Austrian village through which I must pass in
order to reach Salzburg, Vienna and Hungary. I
was now on the borders of the Promised Land. A
little wood separated me from it, at the extremity of
which flowed a brook well known to the contraband-
ists, since it separated Bavaria from Austria, and
served them by night as a means of transit.

I dared not risk it I It would be necessary for me
to cross a bridge constantly guarded by a sentry. But
once over the bridge I should have left Germany be-
hind me!

When I happened to be near Munich, I had re-
gained possession of two favourite dogs. My love of
dogs is well known. I did not wish to be separated
from these, and I had an intuition that they would be
of use to me in my flight. I thought tenderly of the
clever Kiki, now a prisoner at Bad-Elster. His suc-
cessors, like himself, would surely bring me luck I
One was a big sheep-dog, the other a little griff'on.

At first I hesitated to go near the bridge for fear
lest I should be recognized. Then I reflected that it
would seem suspicious to a sentry on duty if I always
remained some distance away. My best method would
be not to hide from the sentries, but to walk constantly
with my dogs in their proximity. The soldiers (the
same ones were always on duty) would soon get ac-
customed to seeing me, and in their eyes I should only
represent an inoffensive inhabitant of the village.

The count's envoy begged me to hasten my depar-
ture. I refused. He advised a nocturnal flight. I

262 MY OWN AFFAIRS

did not agree with him. I said : "I shall go when I
see fit, at my own time, when I feel that the propi-
tious moment has arrived."

It is curious, but it is nevertheless true, that I al-
ways experience a weird kind of intuition under diffi-
culties. It is exactly as if some inner voice advised me
what course to pursue. And whenever I have obeyed
this intuition I have always been right.

One morning I awakened under the domination of
my unseen guide.

"You must leave at noon to-day."

I sent at once to the count's messenger. Thanks to
his official papers he was able to cross the frontier
with Olga without any difficulty. They therefore
went on in advance. I arranged to meet them at the
foot of the belfry in the Austrian village — so near and
yet so far.

If the sentry stopped me and questioned me, I
should be a prisoner! . , .

Towards noon I strolled along by the side of the
brook, my big dog jumping round me, the tiny griffon
in my arms. The autumnal sun was quite fierce, and
the sentry was standing in the shade a little distance
from the bridge. I sauntered across the bridge, as if
it were a matter of course. The soldier took no no-
tice. I walked away unconcernedly, but my heart was
beating furiously! I was in Austria at last! Upon
reaching the village I rejoined my "suite." A car-
riage was waiting. I drove to Salzburg, and put up

MY SUFFERINGS DURING THE WAR 263

at a small hotel where I knew I should be in tempor-
ary security.

I waited three days for the arrival of my Vien-
nese counsel, M. Stimmer, who had been secretly ad-
vised of my return to Austria, and of my wish to
proceed to Budapest under his protection.

M. Stimmer responded to my appeal. He waived
all the legal difficulties which might arise from the
situation. The voice of humanity spoke more strong-
ly than the voice of obedience to the order which had
banished me from Austria, and given me over to
the power of Germany, where I should inevitably
have succumbed to misery and persecution.

But in Hungary I should stand a chance of know-
ing happier days. M. Stimmer decided to accompany
me thither.

I had reached the limit of my endurance when my
wanderings came to an end at Budapest, and I found
myself in a comfortable first-class hotel. The authori-
ties saw nothing compromising in my presence. At
my urgent request the count was allowed to leave the
small town where he was interned, and remained near
me for several days in order to discuss my affairs.

Unfortunately the war was hopelessly prolonged.
Life gradually became more and more difficult. Aus-
tria and Hungary were no longer the victims of illu-
sion. Enlightened by the knowledge of defeat, they
cursed Berhn as the author of their misfortunes.
Budapest was in a state of ferment.

All at once everything collapsed. The wind of

264 MY OWN AFFAIRS

Bolshevism swept furiously over the Dual Monarchy.
I now became familiar with the commissaries and sol-
diers of the Revolution. I experienced visits of in-
spection, perquisitions, interrogations. But suddenly
my misfortunes disarmed even the savage leaders of
Hungarian Communism. I have already mentioned
how one of these men remarked when he saw to what
poverty I was reduced: "Here is a king's daughter
who is poorer than I am."

If I were to live for centuries, I should still experi-
ence in thought those poignant emotions which I un-
derwent during the time of torment which overthrew
thrones and threw crowns to the four winds of
Heaven. Past ages have never witnessed such an up-
heaval.

On the banks of the Danube, between the east and
the west, the downfall of Prussian power and the pres-
tige of Monarchy was felt perhaps more keenly than
elsewhere.

I often wondered whether I was actually alive in
the world I had formerly known, or if I was not the
victim of a long-drawn-out nightmare.

Our troubles, our worries, our own individuality
are as naught in the whirlpool of human passions. I
felt myself carried away with everything which sur-
rounded me into the unknown country of a New Era.

CHAPTER XX

In the Hope of Rest

And now that I have said all that I think is indis-
pensable, perhaps my readers will make excuses for
me if I have expressed myself badly in narrating the
story of my sufferings.

They will, perhaps, also make excuses for my having
broken the silence which I have hitherto maintained.

There has been endless discussion concerning me
and my aiFairs. I have not wished it, I have not in-
spired it. It has arisen solely through force of cir-
cumstances.

We are powerless against circumstances. Our Hves
seem to be influenced more by others than by our-
selves, and the fatality which often orders our actions
and our days is not our choice.

A moment's folly can wreck a whole life. This has
been my personal experience. But I think that at
first I was the person deceived, because I was not
old enough to judge rightly and to see clearly.

Can I grow old without obeying the duty to de-
fend the truth, which has been so outraged by my
enemies? Can I go down to the grave, misunderstood

and slandered?

265

266 MY OWN AFFAIRS

My life represents a succession of fatalities of which
I was powerless to avert the final denouement.

I have already said, and I repeat, I do not hold
myself guiltless of errors, faults and wrongdoings.
But one must, in justice, seek their primary cause in
my disastrous marriage.

My parents — ^particularly the Queen — saw nothing
wrong in giving me to the Prince of Coburg when I
was hardly more than a child.

The King saw in this marriage the possibility of
certain influences and a political union which would
be useful to himself and to Belgium.

The Queen was overjoyed at the thought that I
was to make my home in Austria and Hungary,
whence she had herself come, and where I should re-
member her, and at the same time further my coun-
try's glory and the King's ambitions.

I have been sacrificed for the good of Belgium, and
Belgium now includes Belgians who reproach me for
the gift of my youth and happiness essentially des-
tined for their benefit! Belgians to-day regard me
as a German, a Hungarian — a foreigner — and worse
even than that ! Alas for human gratitude !

Be that as it may, am I guilty of having voluntarily
abandoned my country or of ceasing to love it?

The whole of my being protests against this vile
accusation.

Of what then am I guilty? Of having left my hus-
band and my children?

I lived for twenty years at the most corrupt Court

IN THE HOPE OF REST 267

of Europe. I never yielded to its temptations or its
follies. I gave birth to a son and a daughter^ I
suckled them at my breast, and I reposed all my hopes
of a mother in my children. My son's fate and how he
left me is common knowledge. It is also well known
how my daughter, influenced by her husband and her
environment, has treated me.

Of what was I actually guilty? It is true that find-
ing myself at the end of my courage, and suffocating
in the atmosphere of a home which for me was detest-
able, I was about to succumb. . . .

I was rescued at this crisis, and I dedicated my life
to my deliverer. And, in consequence, my saviour
was branded as a forger, and by dint of monetary
persecutions and fines it was sought to annihilate
him.

Both of us have escaped from the murderers who
desu'ed our destruction.

Am I guilty of having struggled, of having re-
mained faithful to fidelity, and of having resisted the
efforts to overthrow me?

The judgments of error and hatred matter little to
me. I have remained the woman that I promised my
sainted mother I would become — the idealist, who has
lived on the heights.

Am I guilty in the real meaning of morality and
freedom? Many women who consider themselves in
a position to cast the first stone at me have far more
with which to reproach themselves!

What remains to be said?

268 MY OWN AFFAIRS

This .... I believed, I believed in common with
the greatest legal minds, that in the ordinary course
of events I should inherit a fortune from my father.
My inheritance was considerably encumbered and
reduced owing to fraudulent schemes and wrongful
judgments, which have been universally condemned.

Am I guilty for having been deceived and plun-
dered?

Again it is said that my family was not united. Is
this my fault?

I always loved my flesh and blood more than my-
self. Have I been found wanting in affection and re-
spect towards my parents? Was I not to my sisters
the adoring eldest sister who loved and cherished
them?

Am I guilty of the errors of the King and the
Queen, the latter convinced by my persecutors of the
gravity of my "illness," the former irritated — ^not by
my independence, but by the scandal that it created?

Am I guilty of the selfishness of my sisters — one
the victim of narrow-mindedness, the other the victim
of pohtical schemes?

I freely admit this: I have certainly rebelled
against disloyalty and restraint. But for what mo-
tives? For what ends?

My real crime has consisted in my effort to get my
own property, in waiting for a fortune which I have
not handled.

The world only admires the victorious, no matter
by what means they achieve victory.

IN THE HOPE OF REST 269

I have been a victim ever since my girlish feet were
led into devious paths; I have always suffered de-
feat.

When the battle was over I did not ask pardon of
untruth, injury, theft, or persecution.

I might have been alone, I might have fallen under
the burden of infamy and violence. But I would not
yield because I was not fighting for myself alone.

God has visibly sustained me, by animating my
heart with feelings of esteem and gratitude for a
chivalrous soul whom I have never heard utter a word
of complaint, no matter how atrocious the intrigues
and the cruelties which encompassed him.

A base world has judged his devotion and my
constancy from the lowest standpoint.

Let such a world now realize that beings exist who
are far above the sordid instincts to which humanity
abandons itself, beings who, in a common aspiration
to a lofty ideal, rise superior to all earthly weaknesses.
The last lines of this short sketch of a life, the details
of which would fill many volumes, must be a recogni-
tion of my gratitude towards Count Geza Mattachich.

I have not said a great deal about him, because he
will think that even a little is too much. This silent
man only appreciates silence.

"Silence alone is strong, all the rest is weakness."
Thus wrote Alfred de Vigny, and this line is the
motto of the strong.

But you know. Count, that unlike you I cannot
force myself to be silent. I wish to invoke the vision

270 MY OWN AFFAIRS

of the hour when you first spoke those words which
penetrated my conscience and cleansed and illumined
it. From that hour, this light has been my guide. I
have sought in suffering the road towards spiritual
beauty. But you preceded me thither, and in the
dark depths of the madhouse I looked towards your
prison cell, and in so doing I escaped the horrors of
insanity.

We have had to submit to the assaults of covetous-
ness and hypocrisy.

We have struggled in the mire; we have been
separated in wild lands. The world has only seen the
splashes of mud and the tattered banner of our com-
bat. It has ignored the cause, and its malevolence has
never pardoned us for emerging from the fight as vic-
tims.

All this was very bitter at the time, but I never
regret! My sufferings are dear to me because you.
Count, have shared them, after having tried so ardent-
ly to spare me.

There is always a certain joy in bearing unmerited
afflictions in the spirit of sacrifice.

This spirit of sacrifice is peculiarly your own. I
never possessed it. But you have endowed me with
it. No gift has ever been so precious to my soul, and
I shall be grateful to you on this side of the tomb
and beyond it!

I, who alone know you as you really are, and know
the adoration that has given you a reason for living,
I thank you, Count, in the twilight of my days for the

IN THE HOPE OF REST 271

nobility which you have always shown in this adora-
tion. Shall I ever know, will you ever know, the
meaning of rest otherwise than the last rest which is
the lot of mankind?

Will earthly justice ever render unto us the hoped-
for reparations?

Will it be possible for us to remain outlawed from
the truth, and crushed by the abuse of power and
human wickedness?

Let it be as God wills!

INDEX

Agram, Princess Louise at, Austria, return of Princess

199-201
Albert, King of the Belgians, 56
Albert, Prince Consort, influ-
ence of, 134
Queen Victoria and, 183
Alexandrine, Princess, of Saxe-

Coburg, 79
Alice, Princess, of Hesse, be-
trothal of, to Nicholas II,
182
character of, 182
Amelie, Princess, of Saxe-Co-
burg, marriage with Maxi-
milian of Bavaria, 87
Ardennes, Royal picnics in, 58
Augusta (of Schleswig-Hol-
stein), German Empress,
96, 152
bad taste in dress of, 162
character of, l6l
Duke Gunther's marriage

and, 164
influence on outbreak of war

of, 170
mediocrity of, 181
Princess Louise and, l62
Augusta (wife of William I),
German Empress, Prin-
cess Louise and, l6l
Auguste, Prince, of Saxe-Co-
burg, 61, 134, 136
as Count Helpa, 86
Ausbach, M., Burgomaster of

Brussels, 74
Austria, Princess Louise or-
dered from, 252

Louise to, 262
Automobiles, Princess Louise
on, 59

Bad-Elster, escape of Prin-
cess Louise from, 219
Princess Louise taken to, 218
Beatrice, Princess (of Batten-
berg), 182
Belgian Government, will of

Leopold II and, 234
Belgium, constitution of, 41
fortitude of, 14
indignation in Berlin against,

57
King Leopold's fortune and,

46-47
Leopold's anti-German pol-
icy and, 152
Princess Louise and, 52, 54,

55
Princess Louise's escape

through, 227-229
Princess Louise's escape

tionality in, 251
"sacrifice" of Princess Lou-
ise to, 266
Belgium, Royal House of, and

its connexions, SO
Berlin-Bagdad railway, 155
Berlin, Court of, under Wil-
liam I, 161
under William II, I6I-I62
Biarritz, Belgian Royal fam-
ily at, 65
Birthday oaks at Laeken, 51

275

276

MY OWN AFFAIRS

Bismarck, Count von, l6l, 163
Blanche de Nemours, 62
Bologna, Princess Louise at,

89, 92
Bolshevism at Budapest, 89,

264
Boucottes, Chateau of. Em-
press Charlotte at, 229
Brown, John, and Queen Vic-
toria, 185-186
Brussels, plots against Prin-
cess Louise in, 211
Princess Louise an "enemy
princess" in, 55-56
Brussels, Palace at, inconven-
iences of, 35
portrait of Charles I by Van
Dyck, in, 63
Budapest, Bolshevism at, 89,
264
Count Mattachich interned

at, 256
Princess Louise at, 80, 89
Society at, 91
war experiences in, 263

Cannes, Princess Louise at,

89, 93
Chantilly, Princess Louise at,

60
Charlotte, Empress of Mexico,

fortune of, 46, 55, 229,

242, 254
Chartres, Due de, 59
Chartres, Duchesse de, 59,

92
Chauteaubriand, Princess Lou-
ise and, 28
Chateau d'Eu, Princess Louise

at, 61
Chotek, Countess, camarilla

against, 114, 115
created Duchess of Hohen-

berg, 113
influence in Austrian politics

of, 114

Chotek, Countess, marriage
with Francis Ferdinand
d'Este, 113
Claremont, Queen Marie

Amelie at, 61
Clementine, Princess, of Bel-
gium, accepts Belgian
Government's offer, 233
as horsewoman, 58
as musician, 37
birth of, 35, 48
birthday oak at Lacken of, 5 1
Leopold II's attitude to, 49
marriage of, 63
Clementine, Princess (of Or-
leans), 61
at Coburg Palace, 83
Ferdinand of Bulgaria and,

135, 140-141
Ferdinand's wife and, 143
Princess Louise and, 86
Clotilde, Archduchess, of Saxe-
Coburg, 87
at Budapest, 90
character of, 90
Coburg, family of, 134
Coburg, Prince of (see Philip
of Saxe ^ Coburg and
Gotha)
Coburg, Royal gatherings at,

180-182
Coburg Estates in Hungary,

73
Coburg Palace, Princess Lou-
ise at, 24, 78
Conde, Prince de, 60
Congo, King Leopold's policy
for, 46, 47
King Leopold's will and, 232
Cyril, Grand Duchess {see
Melita, Princess)

Daszynski, Deputy, on Count
Mattachich, 205-207

d'Aumale, Due, as friend of
Belgium, 60

INDEX

277

d'Aumale, Due, at Princess
Louise's wedding, 74
friendship of, with Queen of
Belgium, 60
Delehaye, M., on King Leo-
pold I, 67, 68
d'Este, Francis Ferdinand,
camarilla against, 115,
116
influence of Duchess of Ho-

henberg on, 115
marriage with Countess
Chotek of, 113
Doebling Asylum, Princess
Louise in, 168, 201, 202,
203
Donny, General, 51, 58
Dora, daughter of Princess
Louise, birth of, 96
leaves her mother, 168, 194
marriage with Duke Gunther
of Schleswig-Holstein, 96,
164, 165, 166, 168
Princess Louise's fruitless

appeal to, 258
"wickedness" of, towards
mother, 255
Dresden, Princess Louise at,
79

Edward VII at Princess Lou-
ise's wedding, 74

German Emperor and, 152

John Brown and, 186
Elizabeth, daughter of Arch-
duke Rudolph, 124
Elizabeth, Empress of Austria,
after death of Archduke
Rudolph, 131-132

and Heinrich Heine, 110

as "Martyr," 109

as "Queen of Queens," 70

character of. 111

death of, 132

meeting between Princess
Louise and, 110-112

Emperor of Austria {see

Francis Joseph)
Empress Frederick, character

of, 161, 181
Empress of Austria {see

Elizabeth, Empress of

Austria)
Ernest, Duke, of Saxe-Coburg,

79, 134
Princess Louise and, 179
Etienne, Archduke, 66
Eucharistic Congress (1914),

Emperor Francis Joseph

at, 132-133

Faure, M., duets with Queen

Henriette, 33
Ferdinand of Bulgaria, adopts
title of Tsar, 141

as "Emperor of Byzantium,"
139

character of, 86, 108, 135

downfall of, 149

enmity of, to Princess Lou-
ise, 148

excommunication of, 144

marriage of, 142

mother's influence on, 135

Princess Louise and, 136-
138, 144-149

sons of, baptized into Greek
Church, 142
Flandre, Comte and Comtesse
of, 61

visit Princess Louise at Lin-
denhof, 210
France, politics and religion

in, 114
Francis Joseph, Emperor of
Austria, 13

and Princess Louise's scan-
dals, 106-107

at Eucharistic Congress
(1914), 133

Berlin and, 155

278

MY OWX AFFAIRS

Francis Joseph, character of,

100,152
death of Archduke Rudolph

and, 102
greatness of, 70
"justice" of, 99
Madame Schratt and, 101,

102, 133
"madness" of, regarding

war, 251
personal appearance of, 152,

154
refuses help to Princess

Louise, 108
Frederick, Crown Prince, 72
at Princess Louise's wed-
ding, 74
Frederick, Emperor, character

of, 151-152, 161
Fugger, Countess, fidelity of,

197, 201, 209

Gerard, Queen Henriette's

maitre-d'hotel, 37
German Emperor {see William

H)
Germany, evil influence of
Prussia on, 151, 170, 176
legendary philosophy of,

176
treatment of ex-kings by,

178
William II responsible for
crimes of, 151, 159
Goethe, as Princess Louise's

favourite author, 28

Gotha, Princess Louise at, 79

Gunther, Duke of Schleswig-

Holstein, character of,

164

coerces Princess Louise at

Munich, 253
Count Mattachich and, 167
fortune of Leopold II and,
57

Gunther, Duke of Schleswig-

Holstein, marriage of, with

Princess Dora, 96, 164-

165

warns Princess Louise, 199

Heine, Heinrich, Empress
Elizabeth and, 110
Princess Louise's estimate
of, 110
Helpa, Count {see Auguste of

Saxe-Coburg)
Henriette, Queen of Belgium,
16
and death of Prince Leopold,

38-39
as horsewoman, 34, 58
beauty and character of, 31,

32, 33, 38, S9
death of, at Spa, 54
friendship of, with Due

d'Aumale, 60
influence at Vienna of, 73
influence on Princess Louise,

35-36, 51, 53
King Leopold and, 38-39,

42, 45, 48
letters of, to Princess Louise

at Lindenhof, 210
marriage of, 30
parents of, 30

Princess Louise's marriage
and, 69, 72, 266
Hesse, Grand Duke of, mar-
riage of, with Princess
Melita, 181-182
Hofburg Palace, Vienna, Prin-
cess Louise at, 98
Hohenberg, Duchess of {see

Chotek, Countess)
Hoyoz, Count, at Meyerling,

128
Hungary, Coburg estates in,
73

John, Archduke (John Orth),
disappearance of, 112

INDEX

279

Joinville, Prince de, 60
Joseph, Archduke, at Princess
Louise's wedding, 74
at Sadowa, SO
palace of, at Buda, 90

Keglevich, Count, and Count
Mattachich, 200, 201

Keglevich, Countess, Princess
Louise and Count Matta-
chich take refuge with,
198

Laeken, Chateau of, child-
hood of Princess Louise

at, 63, 66, 78
commemoration oak trees at,

51
inconveniences of, 35
King Leopold and gardens

at, 44-45
marriage of Princess Louise

at, 76
Queen Henrietta's feat of

horsemanship at, 34
Royal children's gardens at,

51
Lantsheere, M. de, address to

the Senate by, 248-250
Le Journal, Princess Louise

and, 215
Leopold I, death of, 31, 43

influence of, 134
Leopold II of Belgium, 13, 14
accession of, 31
administration of Empress

Charlotte's fortune by, 46
attitude towards daughters

of, 48-49
Belgian Government on, 236-

237
Belgium and fortune of, 46-

47, 230
character of, 39, 41
colonial policy of, 42, 46
death of, 236

Leopold II of Belgium, fore-
thought against Germany
of, 152
fortune of, 46, 47, 48, 95,

165, 168, 190, 231, 254
gardens at Laeken and, 44,

45
influence of death of son on,

48
lawsuit concerning fortune

of, 230
love of flowers of, 44
marriage of, 30
marriage of Princess Louise

and, 117, 266
marriage of Princess Steph-
anie and, 117
on "blindness" of France,

114
on William II, 152
personality of, 42-43
Princess Louise at funeral

of, 54, 165, 168
sarcasm of, 22
will of, 240-241
Leopold, Prince, of Belgium,
birth of, 35
birthday oak at Laeken ofj

51
character of, 66-67
childhood of, 66-67
death of, 35, 38, 48, 65
Leopold, son of Princess Lou-
ise, death of, 95
relations of, with mother,
95
Lindenhof, Princess Louise in

asylum of, 209
Lobor, Chateau of. Princess
Louise and Count Matta-
chich take refuge at, 198
Louis II of Bavaria, character

of, 172-174
Louis III of Bavaria, charac-
ter of, 173-174
Louis Philippe, King, 61

280

MY OWN AFFAIRS

Louis Victor, Archduke, as in-
stigator of persecution of
Princess Louise, 103, 104,
105, 107
Louise, Princess, alleged mad-
ness of, 53, 168, 170, 199,
205, 208
appeal to Munich courts by,

256
Archduke Louis Victor and,

103
Archduke Rudolph and, 120-

122, 125, 126, 127
arrest of, 202
as eldest daughter, 35
as horsewoman, 58-59
as mother, 94, 267
as Princess of Coburg, 56,

80
at Agram, 199-201
at Biarritz, 65
at Bologna, 89, 92
at Budapest, 80, 89
at Cannes, 89, 92
at Chantilly, 60
at Chateau d'Eu, 6l
at Coburg Palace, 24,

78
at father's funeral, 54
at Queen Victoria's Jubilee

celebrations, 187
at Regensburg, 176-177
attitude of King and Queen

towards, 43-44, 191
Belgium's treatment of, 14
betrothal of, 69
birth of daughter to, 96
birthday oak at Laeken of,

51
Bolshevists and, 13, 14, 89,

264
childhood of, 35, 44, 63
coercion of, by Duke Gun-

ther, 253-254
Comtesse de Flandre's visit
to, at Lindenhof, 210

Louise, Princess, conjugal life
of, 52
Count Mattachich, at Nice

with, 166, 167, 194, 195;

attempts release of, 212
Court of Vienna and, 20
daughter's desertion of, l68
declared sane by French

doctors, 229
departure for Austria of, 78
differences with husband of,

83, 91, 105, 106, 107
divorce of, 55
Dr. Sudekum's assistance to,

219
Emperor William and, 151,

156
Empress Augusta and, l6l-

162
enemies of, 16, 17
enmity of Ferdinand of Bul-
garia to, 148
escape of, from Bad-Elster,

219
exile of, 51

extravagance of, 189-190
favourite authors of, 27-28
feelings for Belgium of,

14
Ferdinand of Bulgaria and,

137-139, 144-149
flight from Silesia of, 258-

260
flight with Count Matta-
chich of, 197
Heinrich Heine and, 110
hereditary qualities of, 21,

24, 25, 26
ideals of, 23
in asylum at Lindenhof and

Purkesdorf, 208
incident on wedding night

of, 75-77
infancy of, 31, 35
King Leopold and marriage

of, 117

INDEX

281

Louise, Princess, King Leo-
pold's fortune and, 46
lawsuit of, concerning the

King's fortune, 280
Le Journal and, 215
life in asylums of, 168, 191-

192, 201, 202, 203, 205
marriage of, 15, 49, 74
meeting of Empress Eliza-
beth and, 110-112
misfortunes of, 13, l6
mother's influence on, 35, 36,

39, 51, 53
mother's letters to, at Lin-

denhof, 210
M. Stimmer's assistance to,

263
on motor-cars, 59
on Shakespeare, 28-29
on the theatre, 28
"peculiarities" and "weak-
nesses" of, 189
predominant quality of, 20
presentation to Emperor

Francis Joseph of, 100
Princess Clementine of Co-
burg and, 6l
Queen Marie Amelie and,

61-62
Queen Victoria and, 183
receives 5,000,000 francs

under King's will, 244
relations with son of, 95
religion and, 158-159
renunciation of rights signed

by, 255
restoration of Belgian na-
tionality to, 55-56
return to Austria of, 262
"sacrifice" to Belgium of,

266
sufferings during the war of,

251
taken to Bad-Elster, 218
takes refuge with Count
Mattachich at Countess

Keglevich's chateau, 198,
199
Louise, Princess, Vienna scan-
dals and, 105-109
visit to Duke Ernest of, 179
visit to Rosenau of, 179
visit to Sofia of, 144
visit to Spa of, 37
war experiences at Mimich
of, 55, 252
Louise, Queen of Belgium, 67
Luitpold, Prince, Regent of

Bavaria, 172
Lutheranism, Princess Louise
on, 158-159, 170

Marguerite, Princess, of

Thurn and Taxis, 178
Marie, Duchess, of Saxe-Co-

burg-Gotha, 179
Marie, Princess, of Saxe-Co-
burg (Queen of Ruma-
nia), beauty of, 180
Marie Amelie, Queen, 62
Marie Dorothee of Habsburg,
marriage with Duke Phil-
ip of Orleans, 87, 88
Marie Louise of Parma, flight
to Vienna of, 142-144
marriage of, with Ferdinand

of Bulgaria, 142
return to Sofia of, 144
Marriage, disillusionment of,
15, 75, 76, 82-83
reflections on, 195
Mattachich, Count Geza, 18,
52
ability of, 269
arrest of, at Agram, 203; at

Munich, 256
assists Princess Louise to es-
cape from Germany, 258-
260
character of, 193
charge of forgery against,
196, 203

282

MY OWN AFFAIRS

Mattachich, Count Geza, Count
Keglevich and, 199-200
discussion in Reichsrath of,

205-207
duel with Prince Philip and,

195
Duke Gunther and, 167
efforts of, to release Princess
"pardon" of, 212
Emperor William and, 169
flight with Princess Louise

of, 197-198
follows Princess Louise to

Bad-Elster, 219
imprisonment of, 196
internment at Budapest of,

256
" pardon " of, 212
public indignation at treat-
ment of, 210
takes refuge with Princess
Louise at Chateau Lober,
198
with Princess Louise at Nice,
166, 167, 194, 195
Maximilian^, of Bavaria, mar-
riage and death of, 87-88
Melita, Princess, marriage with
Grand Duke of Hesse, 182
Meyerling, tragedy at, 108,

118-119, 126-128
Moellersdorf Peni t e n t i a r y.
Count Mattachich in, 211
Moltke, Marshal von, l6l
Monarchy, principles of, 174,

181
Moniteur on King Leopold, 236
Montpensier, Due de, 60

palace of, at Cannes, 92
Munich, Court of, 172

insubordination to Prussia

of, 173
Princess Louise's appeal to

courts of, 256
war experiences of Princess
Louise at, 55, 252

Nice, Count Mattachich and
Princess Louise at, 194,
195
Nicholas II, betrothal to Prin-
cess Alice of Hesse, 182
character of, 182
Niederfullbach, report of, 230
Nietzsche, "that fool," 149
Nymphenburg, Prince Luit-
pold at, 173

Orleans family, 59, 87, 88
Orleans, Prince of (see Philip,

Duke of Orleans)
Orth, John (see John, Arch-
duke)

Paris, Comtesse de, 61
Parma, house of, and excom-
munication of Ferdinand,
144
Philip, Duke of Orleans, mar-
riage of, 87, 88
Philip of Saxe-Coburg and Go-
tha, as Austrian prince, 56
at Meyerling, 128, 130, 131
betrothal of, 69-70
differences with Princess

Louise, 83, 91-92
divorce of, 55
duel with Count Mattachich,

109, 195
"madness" of Princess

Louise and, 199
marriage of, 74
Pierson, Dr., medical superin-
tendent at Lindenhof, 210,
216, 217
Prague, Princess Louise at, 79-

80
Prussia, evil influence on Ger-
many of, 151, 170, 176
responsibility for war of,
251
Prussian Royal House, descent
of, 156

INDEX

283

Purkesdorfj Princess Louise in
asylum at, 208

Queen of Belgium (see Henri-
ette. Queen of Belgium)

Queen of Greece (see Sophie,
Queen of Greece)

Queen of Rumania (see Marie,
Princess, of Saxe-Coburg)

Regensburg^ Court life at, 176,

177
Beichsrath, discussion on Count

Mattachich in, 205, 206
Religion, Princess Louise on,

158, 159, 171
Republic, principles of, 175
Reuss, Prince of, 119, 120, 126
Right of Princes, 55, 56
Romanoff, House of, relations

with Coburg of, 181
Rosenau, Princess Louise at,

179
Rudolph, Archduke, Archduke
John and, 112, 113
characteristics of, 123, 129,

130, 172
death of, 108, 113, 118, 126
Empress Elizabeth and, 110
marriage of, 63, 117, 118,

122
Mary Vetsera and, 118, 119,

121, 125

Princess Louise and, 120-

122, 125-127
Russia, Court of, 181

Saint Antoine, Chateau of,
94

Saxe-Coburg, Duke of, at Prin-
cess Louise's wedding,
74

Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, Court life
of, 178

Schaumbourg, Chateau of.
Archduke Stephen at, 30

Schratt, Madame, Emperor
Francis Joseph and, 101,
102, 133
Serge, Grand Duchess, 181
Shakespeare, Princess Louise

and, 28
Social Democracy, 176
Socialists and Count Matta-
chich, 205-207
Societe des Sites, 246
Sofia, flight of Marie Louise
from, 143
Princess Louise at, 144
Soignies, Forest of, 51
Sophie, Queen of Greece, 20
Spa, death of Queen of Belgium
at, 54
visit of Princess Louise to,
37
StanfFerberg, Count of, 177
Stephanie, Princess, of Bel-
gium, birth of, 35
birthday oak at Laeken of,

51
childhood of, 44, 62
Count Mattachich's alleged
forgery of signature of,
203, 204
King Leopold and marriage

of, 117, 122
King Leopold's attitude to-
wards, 49
last letter of Rudolph to,

131
lawsuit over King's fortune

and, 233
marriage of, 49, 63, 117, 118
serious illness of, 64, 65
Vienna scandals and, 105
Stephen, Archduke, exile of,

30
Stimmer, M., assists Princess
Louise on return to Aus-
tria, 263
Sudekum, Dr., escape of Prin-
cess Louise and, 227, 228

284

MY OWN AFFAIRS

"The Account of the inheri-
tance o£ His Majesty Leo-
pold 11/' 231

Theatre, Queen Henriette on,
33, 34
thoughts on, 28

Thurn and Taxis, Court of,
176-178

Tsar of Bulgaria {see Ferdi-
nand of Bulgaria)

Van den Smissin, 58

Van Dyck, portrait of Charles

I by, 63
Vetsera, Mary, Archduke Eu-
dolph and, 118, 125
description of, 120
Vienna, after the war in, 98
Vienna, Court of, camarilla
against Francis Ferdi-
nand at, 115
decadence and downfall of,

99, 132
etiquette at, 70
Ferdinand at, 116
Princess Louise declared
enemy subject by, 251-252
Victor Napoleon, Prince, mar-
riage of, with Princess
Clementine, 63
Victoria, Queen, 183
character of, 184
jubilee celebrations of, 186,

187
Princess Alice and Princess
Beatrice as readers to, 182

Victoria, Queen, Princess
Louise seeks aid of, 197

Villa Eugenie, Biarritz, Bel-
gian Royal family at, 65-

Vladimir, Grand Duchess, 181

Wales, Prince of (Edward
VII), at Princess Louise's
wedding, 74
Waltz, the, as "incomparable

queen of dances," 92
Wiemmer, Dr., 58, 64, 65
William I, 151

William II, German Emperor,

as "scourge of God," 57-

as welt Kaiser, 139, 155

character of, 150, 180, 181

Count Mattachich and, 169*

170
Duchess Gunther and, 169
Empress Frederick and, 181
Princess Louise and, 151,

156, 170
responsibility of, for war and
German war crimes, 151^
155, 156, 159
visit to Vienna of, 162
Windisgretz, Princess of, 124
Windsor, Queen Victoria's life

at, 185
Wittelsbach, family of, 174
Woman, influence of, in Gov-
ernments, 27
Women and the war, 15

Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process.
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide
Treatment Date: j^,^ ^^

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