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Dear desolation:
I wasn’t myself for months and nobody noticed
I wasn’t myself for years and nobody cared
But when the past isn’t dead, is it even the past?
When the past is still alive, how can it ever be forgotten?!
I always thought I’d heal one day
Seems I never did, I never will
Seems we live in the wrong time
For kids with a pure heart
But in the dark times
Will there still be singing?
Or will we just sing then
About the dark times?
Then I talk to myself at night
Another Lorazepam and Coke fight
My mind is begging for sleep
My heart begging for rest, so deep
Am I dying?
“Just a little…”
Is it blissful?
“It’s like a dream…”
I want to dream
You won’t find healing
At the feet of those who broke you
We won’t find healing
As long as we still miss the people…
…we once used to be…
If I’d had to describe my life
In just eight simple words
Fuck, I’d just say:
All I was afraid of happening, it happened…
So I chose not to choose life
Seems I chose something else
I’ve been alive way too long
And dead way longer than that
I woke up tired a few years ago
And never really recovered since
Just like a walk towards death
But with grace in heart and flowers in hands
Just like a walk towards death
But with grace in heart and flowers in hands
“Hurry up, you are dreaming!”
Everything not saved will be lost…
“Hurry up, you are retreating!”
Fall into distance, grey upon grey…
I woke up tired a few years ago
And never really recovered since
Just like a walk - towards death
Be the void you wanna see in the world
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2. |
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Don’t give up my dear
We built this road together
My heart starts breaking
But together we will fall
Don’t give up my dear
As lonely nights keep holding you tight
Forget we’ve ever parted
Forget we’ll never come back home
And so I thought nothing could keep us apart
And if something did, I didn’t think it’d be you
And then I came back to the place we first met
I could hear my heart breaking
And I hope yours will too one day
Don’t give up my dear
Our dreams of endless summers
You try to disappear
But just want to be found
Don’t give up my dear
As my heart still beats your name
Loving you was like going to war
I never came back home the same
Perhaps it was too little, too late
We were already too broken, too hurt
But I want to thank you for a thousand kisses
That I can still feel on my face
I thought I had forgotten all about you
But here I am, calling your name again
You still live inside of me
And I’m cursed to carry you, wherever I go
Maybe someday we’ll be two people
Meeting again for the very first time
Time has taught us we’ve always been strangers
But in another life I’m sure I’d make you stay
…at least another night…
…another day…
I tried so hard to save you
I tried so hard to save me
Save us from the maelstrom of time
Save us from the great cold nothing
Then all the love has been forgotten
In times of furor and fear
May you find peace now
As well as me
These nights were ours, but I failed you
Our “almost” will always haunt my dreams
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3. |
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I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Always haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we have met
Cause without you I’m just a sad song
I’m waiting for someone and can’t remember who
But there’s a hole in my heart shaped just like you
You’ve drawn memories in my mind that I can never replace
You’ve painted colors in my heart which I can never erase
So I became my own ghost still haunting these walls
Always chased by the memories I loved the most
I would have taken your love to the grave
But maybe we were just meant to meet and not to be
My only regret in life is I never told you how I feel
And I wish we were back home, I’d still be holding your hand
Cause like sunlight, like sunset we first appear then disappear
So important to someone, but we were just passing through
You’ll always be my favourite ghost
I hoard memories that haunt me
I collect scars that spear my dreams
And little do you know, how I break while I sleep
Little do you know, how much I want to disappear
It’s this day of the year again
So many years have already passed
It’s so strange how the world has changed
Even though we never did, we never will…
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Always haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we have met
Cause without you I’m just a sad song
WITHOUT YOU I’M JUST A SAD SONG
There’s no one that can teach me to forget
I thought I’d die in your arms one night
Please one more kiss, one last hug
Under the stars, before we turn off the light
Maybe we found forever
At the wrong time
Couldn’t put us back together
And never will
I wasn’t yet finished loving you
Maybe I never will
But in the space of my chest
My heart still beats your name
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4. |
No Graves but the Sea
08:01
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I loved to walk barefoot on the shores
Just to feel the coarse sand between my toes
To hear the waves crushing and roar
And to hear the ocean calling my name
Calling me home…
Raise your glass to the ones we loved
For whom we cried at night
For those who left this place too early
In my dreams I hold you tight
Raise your glass to the ones we loved
For whom we cried at night
I’ll see you on the other side
Where shadows reach for light
For what we’ve lost like a you & me
It’s always ourselves we’ll find in the sea
To the pain of pure hearts
Bleak skies and the sea
To the mountains and tides
As they fall so do we
No man steps in the same river twice
For it’s a different river, a different man
But through him flows the river of time
And the time shared becomes a memory or a scar
I love to feel the bare stones between my hands
To gasp and fill my lungs with cold air
To sense the wind, not breaking young hearts, but branches
To hear the mountains now and then calling my name
Finally calling me home
And now as I stand here in the clouds
It starts hurting a little less
Since I know I’m not alone anymore
Since I know I’m gonna sleep through this storm
Drink with me to the days gone by
And the life that used to be
Drink with me to the days gone by
To the life we used to live
Father ocean, oh, mother sea
Come lady death and wear your crown
Cause the seas words were always more honest
Speaking to those willing to drown
For what we’ve lost like a you & me
It’s always ourselves we’ll find in the sea
To the pain of pure hearts
Bleak skies and the sea
To the mountains and tides
AS THEY FALL SO DO WE
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5. |
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As autumn sets fire to days
We can no longer hold on
We are burning in water
Steadily drowning in flames
While in my dreams we’re still roaming
Through these fields together
In my dreams it’s still young love
Yearning for forever
Like the last days of a suicide kid
Borrowing happiness from tomorrow
Still and always craving for summer
But for a summer so many years ago
Those who got outcast from their hometown
Will burn it down to roughly feel its warmth
Like a fire-theft in times of peace
Now break my heart and take your piece
…oh what a flammable heart I’ve been given…
Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey
And fuck, that’s just fine, cause it was never meant for them
Cause the eyes, useless when the mind is blind
And by the time we learn to live, it may already be too late
Maybe you think that I got thorns on my tongue
Cause of the words that I said or the way I spoke
But my heart was just growing roses
My heart was always searching for a place in the sun
Cause some days I’m the “Starry Night”
Then other days I’m the suicide letter
And I keep on craving for summer
But for a summer many years ago
And so I became who I always hated
And my life, worth one more tragedy
And so I destroyed everything
And turned my back on the world
…blame it on my wild heart…
It’s a walk among tombstones
Everyone I loved left or died
Death still conducts, still sings our songs
And this poem of life ended with a scream
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6. |
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What if you were but a gift
To my estranged and miserable heart
Would you guide me back to times of grace?
Where I felt sheltered, where I still felt alive?!
You were the most important chapter
In the book of my life
You were the summit
I was almost there
But now my heart is broken
And yours seem broken too
Don’t promise me forever
If you never meant to
You gave up on me
Way easier I gave up on myself
You forgot me so quickly
I’m pretty sure you never cared
But the past is like an anchor
The past’s the greatest fall-apart
A hole filled with gunpowder in my chest
Where once, once was a heart
And you will search for me
In the arms of another stranger
You will search for me
Not eventually, that’s a fucking promise
So when did we lose sight?
Fuck, we used to be so close
And now you became
The main source of my pain
And I don’t know how to live on
Or make it go away
And I don’t know how to live on
Or make it go away
I wanna be the pain in your paintings
I wanna be the tempest in your words
I wanna be young love, too vague to insist
I wanna be your poem of solitude and grief
You were the most important chapter
In the book of my life
You were the summit
I was almost there
You gave up on me
Way easier I gave up on myself
You forgot me so quickly
I’m pretty sure you never cared
But the past is like an anchor
The greatest fall- apart
A hole filled with gunpowder in my chest
Where once was a heart
Just once I’d like to be the poem
And not again its fucking poet
I was just another promise you couldn’t keep
Burn everything that bears my name
Cause nothing will ever be louder
Than the silence between two people
That once pretended to love each other
And were ready to see the world burn
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7. |
Too Late for Goodbyes
07:53
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Maybe I’m going to kill myself by pretending I’m ok?!
But die a little every fucking single day?!
Love betrays and kills and I found out the hardest way
Cause a thousand years in the water couldn’t wash your name away
My pain I mainly chose myself
I’m so heartsick I could die
Love & death are just beautiful lies
I never knew how to say goodbye
I like melodies that just tell me sad things
Songs of loss, yet resisting its cold
But as soon as you grow up your heart dies
So never grow up, never grow old
I’m a piece of all the places I’ve been
I’m so homesick I could die
Love & death are just beautiful lies
I still think we deserved a better goodbye
We deserved a better goodbye
Now after all these empty days & sleepless nights
I still drown in silence, still drown in the void
But death created time and time created death
Death is the crown of all, let her reign our hearts tonight
What a loss to spend so much time
With someone just to find out she’s a stranger
In the end it seems we both lost something
You lost me, while I lost trust and time
And now after all this agony and heartbreak
I still drown in anguish, still perish from grief
It’s pretty easy to see the beginning of things
But way harder to see their end
Cause I remember with painful clarity
When we began for me
But can’t lay my finger
On the moment of our end
I’m sorry the void once more engulfed me
But somehow I guess, I myself became the void
I’m leaving soon…
…sorry I can’t save myself…
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8. |
Street Spirit (Fade Out)
05:34
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Rows of houses all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out
This machine will, will not communicate
These thoughts and the strain I am under
Be a world child, form a circle
Before we all go under
And fade out again
And fade out again
Cracked eggs, dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death, can see its beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again
And fade out again
Immerse your soul in love
Immerse your soul in love
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AOP Records Seesen, Germany
Label & Mailorder
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