Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

(spoilers!)

I never thought that I will see something more embarrassing when it comes to ruining the franchise than 1. WB handing the keys to DC kingdom to Zack Snyder and giving him three tries to make a movie then on the third try going "oh, fuck no!" and firing him mid-making of the film 2. Dumb and Dumber wrecking Game of Thrones so bad that the early seasons are now unwatchable because you know it is all heading towards explosive diarrhea.

Enter whoever was in charge of Disney's Star Wars trilogy (do we blame just Kennedy? Surely more people were involved in making final decisions?). Because whoever made the calls here just wrecked 40+ years worth of a franchise.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Gareth Edwards' 2014's Godzilla was one of the most forgettable big budget movies I've seen. Nothing memorable came out of it, other than hilarious Honest Trailer highlighting Ken Watanabe's stares and the meme of Bryan Cranston saying "Godzilla, we need to cook" and shot of Godzilla going "bitch". Somehow it got good reviews and made enough money to jump start the Monsterverse.

At WB.

So you knew shit will get dicey fast.

Avengers: Endgame

(spoilers!)

Once upon a time comic book films were rare and mostly not very good. Once upon a time Robert Downey Jr. was unhirable. Once upon a time the idea that the movie based on a comic book will earn rave reviews and score nominations for major awards was unthinkable.

And then MCU happened.

Captain Marvel

(spoilers!)

Aquaman

(spoilers!)

When James Wan, acclaimed and successful director mostly known for his horror films, was asked which movie he wanted to make - The Flash or Aquaman - he decided on Aquaman because the character is "an underdog". And Wan was right - the character was ridiculed for a very long time, with jokes at his expense, appearing most notably in South Park and The Big Bang Theory, becoming the most famous thing about the character.

Well....who's laughing now?

Venom

Well, what do you know? The turd in the wind turns out to be the breath of fresh air.

Avengers: Infinity War

(spoilers!)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

(spoilers!!!)

Rian Johnson has really accomplished something incredible in the newest Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi. Something different. Something unique. In that he made Star Wars movie that is so boring even if you paid me money I'd not sit through it again. I'm not sure what is more baffling - that a film from the director of Looper is so poorly made or that a Star Wars film is such a poor spectacle.

Logan

(spoilers!!!)

When few seconds into Logan I saw the character I've only seen in toned down, PG-13 scenes tear people apart in violent and bloody fashion, I knew I was in for something refreshing. When I was reminded of Fury Road during the sequence where Logan is trying to drive through the fence, I knew I was in for something great. But when during one sequence while I still haven't composed myself after I cried I suddenly started laughing, I knew I was witnessing something really special.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Where to begin?

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

 (spoilers!)

I was 10 years old when Phanthom Menace came out. I remember how the toys inspired by the movie were everywhere and everyone was talking about this film. I had not seen this one in the cinema but I did see Attack of the Clones. By the time Revenge of the Sith came out the new trilogy was already such a subject of ridicule I watched it solely for the laughs.

I wish I was born 15 years later or 20 years sooner. It must be so dope to be a kid and grow up with actual good Star Wars films. But what George Lucas tarnished for my generation, the new one is getting thanks to Disney and JJ Abrams. I'm not gonna sit here and lie - this film has one of the least ballsy scripts of the year. It follows the formula of A New Hope, it relies so heavily on nostalgia and it plays everything very safe. But I think this is a small sin comparing to the alternative - Lucas' prequels were no doubt creative. Creative to the point we wanted to rip out our eyeballs and shove them into our ears as plugs, just so we don't have to experience that creativity anymore.

Mad Max: Fury Road

It's really hard to describe Mad Max: Fury Road. It is first and foremost a film you need to experience. No amount of words and descriptions can really help you understand or prepare you for the film's hellish pace, spellbinding visuals and intensity.

Maleficent

I was very much looking forward to this movie when I first heard that they are planning on making a film from the perspective of Maleficent, one of the most iconic villains in cinematic history. Unfortunately, after the first trailers showed up it seemed pretty obvious that the film will be yet another cash grab from Disney - just like Alice in Wonderland, Snow White and the Huntsman and Oz - the Great and Powerful filled with useless 3D, atrocious to look at color palette, half assed script and a bunch of random, CGI creatures which are practically indistinguishable from each other when it comes to those four movies.

Oz: The Great and Powerful

(spoilers about the Wicked Witch of the West and the very ending)

Disney doesn't give up. Since Johnny Depp is slowly becoming more annoying than charming and their last attempt to launch new trilogy - in a dreaded title John Carter - misfired like the smelly poop in clogged toilet, they are, poor things, time and time again challenged to come up with something "new" that will prove to be profitable. And those poor things, even when they succeed in unleashing half assed movie that will bring them money just can't get the people to do sequel soon enough. With Tim Burton taking his sweet time on Alice in Wonderland 2, what else to do than look for another adventure that will hopefully bring tons of money?

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

The Two Towers has always been my favorite installment in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's an incredible accomplishment - it's a popular belief that the middle part of the trilogy is always the weakest. We don't have the fun of being introduced to the world the movie is set in and we already know all the main characters plus it doesn't provide the conclusion the third part does. But for me, The Two Towers is not only (however slight) improvement over The Fellowship of the Ring but it also doesn't feel too long like The Return of the King did in its last 40 minutes.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I remember when I first saw The Fellowship of the Ring, 11 years ago. I loved the movie. I loved The Two Towers even more and though I'm not a big fan of The Return of the King it still had many unforgettable and moving moments. The Hobbit, which will be inevitably compared to The Lord of the Rings, really suffers when that comparison is made. There are so many problems with it I hardly know where to begin. It doesn't help that I didn't read the book and yet I still didn't love the movie - what I mean is that I was completely new to this story, yet many times I was really bored.

Beasts of the Southern Wild

I was certain I will love Beasts of the Southern Wild - it's set in Louisiana, the place I love, it shows so much nature, which I love as well, and its protagonist is a child - as a sensitive person such movies usually move me to the very core. Unfortunately, even though I shed a tear few times during this movie, it didn't make a lasting impression on me. It's unique and interesting, but it doesn't have enough going for it to make me want to see it again or to leave a lasting memory in my mind, lasting mark on my heart.

Snow White and the Huntsman

57/100 (127 min, 2012)
Plot: In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.
Director: Rupert Sanders
Writers: Evan Daugherty (screenplay), John Lee Hancock (screenplay)
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron

Not the fairest of them all

Snow White and the Huntsman was really shaping out to be a good movie - all the trailers, TV spots and pictures promised darker, more exciting and mature take on the famous classic fairytale. Unfortunately, the film falls flat because of the very poor script and film's unnecessary prolonged run time. Even when some elements do work here, because there are so many story arcs the film frequently abandons its greatest achievements and replaces them with boring sequences that at times make the film quite a snoozefest.

After the loss of her mother, Snow White is living alone with her father, the King in the castle and spends a lot of time playing with her friend - William. Soon the land is attacked by the mysterious, magical army. When the King defeats them he finds a prisoner - beautiful woman named Ravenna and instantly falls prey to her charm. Ravenna murders him during wedding night, takes over the kingdom and imprisons Snow White.

Dark Shadows

36/100 (113 min, 2012)
Plot: An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection. Director: Tim Burton
Writers: Seth Grahame-Smith (screenplay), John August (story)
Stars: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer and Eva Green

 Burn, baby, burn!

I love Tim Burton's movies. I love his imagination, the beautiful cinematography, Danny Elfman's scores, the bizarre and grotesque world that always hides within the frames of his pictures. Even Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland while definitely weren't the best of his movies, were at least coherent, had a consistent style and at least managed to be entertaining. With Dark Shadows I was hoping it will be a good movie till the very last moment, that is until I actually saw it. I don't know what happened to Tim Burton but Dark Shadows is a huge disappointment and worse yet - complete, embarrassing and ridiculous mess that at times is not even watchable.

The story follows....oh wait that's not right. Dark Shadows doesn't really follow any of the characters, it changes the points of view many times and it never makes much sense. So let me start over - once there was a rich playboy Barnabas Collins who fooled around with the girls. That was until he fell in love with Josette, lovely, blond girl. One of the girls he abandoned - Angelique - turns out to be a witch and she decides to take her revenge - she makes Josette jump out of cliff to her death and Barnabas follows. But he doesn't die - it turns out that Angelique turned him into a vampire.

The Moth Diaries

62/100 (81 min, 2011)
Plot: Rebecca is suspicious of Ernessa, the new arrival at her boarding school. But is Rebecca just jealous of Ernessa's bond with Lucie, or does the new girl truly possess a dark secret?
Director: Mary Harron
Writer: Rachel Klein (novel)
Stars: Sarah Bolger, Sarah Gadon and Lily Cole

Sex, blood, Lily Cole

The Moth Diaries is not yet another teenage take on vampire/monsters legends. It has something movies rarely have anymore - genuine style and atmosphere. Mary Harron who directed American Psycho and captured the essence of the novel without even showing off most of the events is again on the director's seat here. It's bizarre how her career went from being very close to success to approaching the oblivion. Whilst American Psycho was not the masterpiece of directorial work, it was better than most movies out there yet Harron only went on to make TV movie The Notorious Bettie Page (as lovely as the film was it didn't get much acclaim) and then pretty much disappeared.

While a lot of bad things can be said about The Moth Diaries and its story, which is its weakest link of the film, it tells a tale many of people will relate to - the roots of the protagonist's fragility lie in the loss of a parent, here in quite dramatic events. Her father was a famous writer who committed suicide. The main heroine Rebecca, asks interesting questions in her search for her own self - does it mean she is prone to taking her own life too?