In the Sea, No One Can Hear You Scream

The best way to force my hand in watching a movie? Threaten to remove it from streaming! Hence today's feature, which had sat on my Hulu queue for an eternity before falling into the "expiring soon" death list. What better time to dive in? (and yes, considering the aquatic nature of Sea Fever, that pun was intentional.)

Quick Plot: Siobhan is great with research and anomalies but bad with talking to people, making her graduate school program slightly more complicated than she'd like. She reluctantly departs on the Niamh Cinn Óir fishing vessel for some fieldwork, where the tight knit crew immediately bristles at her ominous red hair.

Still, a job's a job, and Captain Freya and husband/skipper Gerard plow on, only for the boat to run afoul of some kind of squid-like creature deep in the "excluded zone". Siobhan is justifiably freaked out, but Gerard smells a big payoff. A messy fishing attempt leads to crew member Jack being injured and the boat's winch breaking, but hey! There's a boat nearby!

And naturally, said boat has its own problems: a busted radio and dead crew, some with their eyeballs gouged out. By the time young Jack is burning with his own fever and ocular woes, it's pretty clear to Siobhan that there's a parasite aboard the boat...and most likely, several of its members' bodies.

Written and directed by Neasa Hardiman, Sea Fever wears its Alien and The Thing-references all over its wetsuit sleeve, and I have no problem with that. Though it has some recognizable faces (Dougray Scott and Connie Nielsen play Gerard and Freya) Sea Fever is clearly a fairly bare bones production, set almost entirely on the claustrophobic boat. It gives us just enough fairly natural conversations between crew members for us to draw a clear enough picture of who has what at stake, so it's easy to care about their fates without exposition overload. Likewise, Siobhan's awkward data-driven nature is perfectly established and gives us a clear compass as the facts unfold, especially as the film dips into just-ahead-of-its-time morality on quarantine responsibility.

There's something extremely efficient about Sea Fever. Its barely 90-minute length wastes no time, but for the most part, we still get everything we need out of the characters and story. Plus, a giant squid! Okay, we don't get MUCH of the squid (if that's what it actually is) but a jellyfish-y sea monster that eventually causes eye explosions? That's pretty darn neat. 

High Points

Without spoiling anything, I was quite satisfied with Sea Fever's ending, which feels appropriate to the story's nature and emotionally right for the characters

Low Points

With so few characters, I would have liked just a little more time to better understand the one with the foggiest fate (Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Olwen Fouere)

Lessons Learned

Fishermen don't swim because they'd rather die fast

College bars are the ideal location to further investigate the possibilities of UV rays

Crazy idea, I know, but hear me out: if you discover a gooey glowing substance eating away at many layers of metal, perhaps the best course of action is not to touch it

Rent/Bury/Buy

I don't know which streamer Sea Fever moved to, but hop onboard if you can. This isn't the find of the year by any measure, but it's solidly made and incredibly clear-headed about the story it wants to tell. Bon voyage.

Do Zey Zerve Zima?

While I would never argue its merits as a piece of high art, I'll go on record as saying Jurassic World was one of the funnest movie theater experiences I've ever had.

So why would I not watch what can essentially be called a remake with the dinosaurs recast as zombies?

Quick Plot: 10 years after a major zombie outbreak, the last remnants of the living dead are stored at an exotic, isolated island where wealthy guests drop big bucks to play zombie paintball (without the paint). On this particular excursion, we follow a young woman named Melanie, who decides that killing the undead might be the only way to finally get over her childhood trauma of watching her father turn. Accompanying her is Lewis, her loyal boyfriend who had some serious military experience during the zombie wars of the past.

Also in Melanie's group is a pair of teenage gamers, a jilted bride with a few secrets, and Dougray Scott--

Yes, in case you didn't know, referencing Dougray Scott legally requires me to go on an extended aside about the greatness of Ever After.

Seriously, how good is Ever After?

Drew Barrymore as a likable, strong-willed young woman not willing to let a prince decide her fate, cute old people being sweet and cute in a cute old people kind of way, Angelica Huston in some form of Renaissance drag flirting mercilessly with Toby Jones as a dwarf...

YOU GET MY POINT

Back to The Rezort. Just in case you couldn't figure it out from the line, "Jurassic World with zombies," allow me to say, this is Jurassic World with zombies. A security breach causes the typical flesh-eating chaos, forcing our gaggle to reach an exit point before the park's security doomsday plan takes effect, leveling the island before the contagion spreads to the mainland.

Obviously, this is a great idea for a film. Directed by Steve Barker from a script by Paul Gerstenberger, The Rezort isn't quite game-changing, but it sure is fun. You get the typical setups of crass businessmen trying to impress their Asian clients and trigger-happy teenagers overstaying their welcome, but deep character insight isn's always a requirement in dinosaurs-loose-in-the- 

er, I mean zombie theme park movies. 

Actually, in its brief 90 minute running time, The Rezort manages to cram far more heavy social themes than your usual pterodactyl-filled flick, with a final act reveal that makes some surprisingly timely and frightening observations on the refugee crisis.  Take THAT, Bryce Dallas Howard's high heels!

High Points

Maybe I've just been a tad worn down by some recent low budget watches, but it just felt nice to see some good-looking zombies tearing into their prey without overly pixelated CGI blood spurts 

Low Points

While I very much appreciated the opening newsreel that perfectly set up The Rezort's universe, there did seem to be some pieces missing. We don't learn enough about the park's mastermind to have the right kind of anger called for later in the film, and with its brief running time, it certainly feels like we could have had more

Title Points

I was all set to make a pointed joke about using a "Z" for an "S" in the title of a zombie film, but The Rezort might be the exception to the rule that, well, using a "Z" for an "S" in the title of a zombie film rendering it immediately terrible

Lessons Learned

If you are female and your morality is put into question, the solution to any accusation is simply, "I'm a businesswoman" 

Every apocalypse deserves an after party

In the near future, thumb drives will be fully waterproof

Rent/Bury/Buy

Zombie films are as ubiquitous these days as The Walking Dead t-shirts, but The Rezort gets my recommendation. The production values are high, the effects look good, the cast is able, and the setup lends plenty of fun. For a good 90 minutes of tourists-in-turmoil, this is the trip.