Little Stories 305: Showing Up and Moving Through

 

Yesterday was a rough one. The build-up of emotions had to go somewhere, so I did what any mentally strong person does when things get overwhelming—I sobbed. And, of course, life being life, I had a 1:1 call with my boss in 15 minutes. Perfect timing. Miserable condition. But responsibility called, so I pulled myself together and joined the call.

My boss asked how I was doing, and I decided to be honest:
"Honestly, I'm not in a good place today. I'm feeling really low right now."

Amazingly, I have an emotionally mature and understanding boss. Instead of brushing it off or making it awkward, she told me to take all the time I needed to process my emotions, cry it out, and feel whatever I needed to feel. Then she asked, "What can I do to help make your day a little better?"

I asked her to distract me—tell me about her week, her plans, anything at all. 😊

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A Great Reminder from Our 1:1 Session

Regular communication is crucial in any organization, group, family, or relationship. Why?
To avoid misunderstandings. To stay connected. To build trust. To solve problems. To create togetherness. To grow.

She shared a perspective that stuck with me. During COVID, everyone was scared, but what she remembered most was how our government prioritized communication—giving regular updates, sharing what they knew (and even what they didn’t), and being transparent about possible solutions. Even when there was uncertainty, they kept communicating as best as they could. That made me realize how much I was stuck in my own anxiety back then, unable to see that perspective. Yes, they did the best they could in communicating with us on daily basis!

She emphasized the importance of communicating what we’re going through while also trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Finding balance in communication means not just expressing our needs but also asking, "What do you need from me?" and "What do I need from you?" to work toward a solution together.

It always starts with good communication.

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The Aftermath

I survived the 30-minute call. But as soon as it ended? Back to sobbing. The energy was still too intense. I spent the rest of the day in and out of emotional waves, and honestly, maybe I needed it. Maybe it was months of repressed emotions finally demanding release. Maybe I need to get back to running.

But one thing is clear—the only way past something is to go through it.

She also mentioned; Thanks for showing up ♥︎

Note: I know my stalker brother is worried because I didn't want to reply to his text yesterday, and here's a tiny explanation of why (just leaving space for assumptions) - I know he will read this through anyway =.=  I'm okay, I'm always going to be okay, it is just a strong rain, I'm fine with rain, I survived worst weather. Chill.

Little Thing 286: Assembling the Mess

I've been really into puzzles lately.

Last month, I started with a 500-piece set. Finished it three times. So, naturally, I leveled up to a 1,000-piece one. My intense focus has always been my superpower—depending on where I aim it. So when work drains me, I turn to puzzles. They quiet my mind.

Every right piece is a tiny dopamine hit, and I’m hooked. My wind-down routine now? Puzzles. Books and streaming feel too loud after a long day at work. I needed something that slows me down, something that lets my brain breathe.

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Reflecting on that:

Life is like one of those giant, complicated jigsaw puzzles—the ones with 5,000 pieces and no picture on the box. At first, it’s just a mess of scattered bits, and you're not even sure where to start. Everything is jumbled together. Some pieces fit easily—like the corner pieces of responsibilities, you can’t ignore. Others? You swear they should fit, but no matter how much you twist and shove, they just won’t. That’s the tricky part.

But here’s the thing—eventually, the picture starts coming together. It’s not perfect, but it’s yours. And you realize that maybe the missing pieces weren’t meant to fit, or maybe the edges can be a little wobbly, and that’s okay. Then, there’s that one rogue piece you couldn’t place—until suddenly after everything else falls into place, it just clicks. You also start noticing the small things—the gradient of colors, the tiny details, the missing spots. Slowly, you learn the pattern. It takes time, but you get there. Somehow, you always do.

Maybe life, like puzzles, isn’t about rushing to complete the picture. Maybe it’s about learning to sit with the mess, trusting that the missing pieces will show up when they’re meant to. Some days, you find the perfect fit right away. On other days, you stare at the same piece, turning it over and over, until you finally see where it belongs. Either way, you keep going. You learn to enjoy the process.

Just remember—the missing pieces will find us when we’re finally ready for them.

Tell me what piece you’re working on right now. 

Be it a puzzle, be it something in life.

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Love, 

AE ✨

Taiwan Trip: Finding Solitude in Taiwan

I've never really shared much about the Taiwan trip. I mentioned sharing more about that in January, but I didn't have the energy to write as planned. Taiwan felt too personal in my self-growth journey, and other than repeating the story of the nature hikes that I loved so much, I felt like perhaps every exploration would feel like a repetition in one way or another. I did the over-thinking for awhile, so I didn't write anything.

Public bicycles to rent

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This morning, I woke up to one of Craig Mod's newsletters. If you are not familiar with that name, well, Craig is a writer, photographer, and an avid walker. He did so many walking expeditions across Japan and those newsletters kept me hoping high throughout the Covid phase when everyone was stuck in the house. I craved nature walks ever since. His writing was the catalyst of my own walking journey post-covid. 

So when I woke up this morning, I noticed that he is still writing to these people who subscribed to his newsletters even after all these years, not knowing whether we still read them, right? Then, I decided to sit and continue this draft anyway, to you, my invisible readers. It's early in the morning, there's a soft morning breeze through the window next to me, and I'm off from work. I'm going through my Papershoot camera folder while reimagining what happened in Taiwan that worth mention to you. 

I wish I could have coffee. 

At the peak of one of the first hikes in Taiwan

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The hikes

The nature walks and hikes were incredible. Honestly, it wasn’t as wet, muddy, or wild as you might imagine. Most of the trails I found were surprisingly well-maintained, lined with beautiful wooden, stone, or even metal railings guiding the way. It’s easy enough—if you don’t mind a solid relationship with stairs and hilly climbs. 

Honestly, calling it “hiking” almost felt like cheating. It was more like leisurely inclined walks... but hey, I still earned those peak selfies and stair-climbing bragging rights. No shortcuts, no regrets. 

We’d usually head out early in the morning, scrolling through Google Maps to find the nearest mountain near wherever we were staying. We’d walk there, conquer the trails, then head back to the hotel—ready to kick off the real day. I explored mountains in Taoyuan, Beitou, and Taipei. Each one had its own flavor, but all of them left a mark. I like to keep things spontaneous, so I’d intentionally limit how much research I did ahead of time. It felt more like an impromptu adventure than a boxed-in, overly structured itinerary. My daily goal was simple: explore. 

Hiking in Taiwan’s soft winter? Absolutely magical. Words fail me. 

I fell in love.

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The Art Scenes 

 

I did not expect it to be this good. Throughout the trip, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of pop-up markets, independent creative events, and quirky art hubs tucked away in every city. Art sculptures casually lounged in parks and public spaces, and even everyday things—from signage to coffee cup designs—oozed creativity. It’s like the entire island has a low-key obsession with art, and honestly? I was here for it. 

 

Some personal highlights: 

 

One of my own illustrations—yep, something I drew and uploaded to Freepik—was right there across Taipei’s Metro stations! The pregnant lady illustration? That’s mine. A little reminder for passengers to give up their seat for expecting moms. And as if that wasn’t enough of a “mic drop” moment, on my last day, I spotted a pregnant lady wearing a pin with my design on it. Wild, right? What a surreal and humbling surprise. 

And the exhibitions? I feasted on them. Taipei served up plenty, but the standout for me was the “Art Nouveau: Light and Shadow” Exhibition—think Gaudí, Mucha, Klimt, but with a modern twist of light and shadow installations. As someone who has dreamed of seeing Mucha’s work since forever, this was a full-circle moment. 

 

I probably spent a solid hour wandering around, soaking up the colors, the curves, the intricate beauty of every piece. It was like stepping into a living painting—vivid, whimsical, and completely hypnotizing.

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You know, I’d love to head back to Japan. Really, I would. But lately, it feels like everyone has the same idea. Have you seen that viral video of tourists swarming the streets of Kyoto? Just watching it gave me secondhand anxiety—and I’m usually chill behind a screen.

But hey, to be fair, I kinda got a taste of that in Taiwan too. We visited Jiufen Street in Taipei early in the morning, right as the shops were just rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. The crowd was mellow, totally manageable. But by the time we were ready to head back during peak hour? Boom. Human tsunami. Waves of people squeezed into a narrow, crammed, twisty alley. Picture sardines in a can—but sweating and taking selfies. Claustrophobic doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Moral of the story: tourist hotspots? Timing is everything. Get there early, beat the crowds, and enjoy the calm before the selfie sticks rise.

Honestly, I’m not built for big crowds. 

Give me quiet mountains, open trails, and chirping birds over-packed streets and elbow-dueling any day. Nature wins.

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Maybe that’s why this trip felt different.

I steered clear of the crowds, found myself wrapped in nature more than I had originally planned, and I wasn’t glued to my brother 24/7. We made space—deciding when to explore together and when to wander solo. It gave the trip this personal rhythm, one where I felt free but grounded. Less anxious, more me.

Traveling alone is a strange cocktail—equal parts nerve-wracking and liberating. I’m not exactly a thrill-seeker; honestly, I’m a homebody through and through. Give me a cozy corner and some tea, and I’m golden. But here’s the paradox: I crave nature walks and the thrill of discovering someplace new. It’s this weird push and pull, and finding that balance? That’s the journey in itself.

And you know what?

I want more of this.

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Love, 

AE ✨

Little Thing 285: On Time

You can tell exactly how much people value you by how they treat your time. Important people don’t get left waiting—because their time is the gold standard. 

If someone sees you as less important, they’ll waste your time without blinking: keeping you waiting, flaking on plans, brushing off the effort you put in. You’ve seen it, you know the pattern. 

So stop handing out your time like free samples at a grocery store. Don’t waste it on people who wouldn’t even budget theirs for you. Time’s non-refundable—and newsflash, if they don’t respect yours, you’re just not on their VIP list.

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“By the time, in fact, humanity is in the loss, except those who have believed and performed righteous deeds and are mutually advised to patients”. [Quran, 103: 1-3]

 

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Love, 

AE ✨

Little Thing 284: Taming Chaos

Since January, somehow, things have slowly changed. I noticed a change in my own perspective, realizing I'm accepting things that I used to avoid. These breadcrumbs of little incidents slowly lead to phases of realization. And now, I'm just slowly letting go and accepting my story. I'm no longer in pain, no longer attached, and it is a weird sensation to feel. I thought I'd be losing a part of me, but I feel like I'm truly getting myself back, something that I missed for what felt like an eternity. I feel free and lighter, like I've been released from an invisible chain, and I'm not used to it. 

In February, life has been quieter and quieter, and now I'm reaching the second week of March, I feel like I'm in a long silent meditation camp. Other than having to socialize for work (I can't avoid that), I've been enjoying my own company. It is the total opposite of what I've been pushing myself towards la kan, I said I wanted a bigger circle this year. But, maybe, it is just not the right time yet, or the right people, I've tried, and it was leading nowhere. I got tired of trying to reach out to people who didn't want to be reached. So I'm heading back to my own path again. (Fun note: My main vision board get-go that I've been repeating every night before I sleep for years is the trail hike in a very light Japanese forest, so that's what I imagine my path looks like. Very friendly, very calm, very peaceful).

Not sure how long I can avoid drama and triggers in my life. Eid is coming soon, and that is usually a very stressful season, so I'll be avoiding that this year. I'm hoping to pursue a much calmer Eid, away from expectations, triggers, disappointments, and family drama. UB said that every drama or chaos is a chance for us to learn and grow. Ugh, I still wish I could have a very uneventful, silent, boring life for as long as I live and at the end, I'll say that "I lived a good life". But a girl can only wish.

Salam Ramadhan ♥

Eat responsibly.

Mini note: Zakat paid, a week of fasting done. 

Time for a little treat ✿✿

Little Stories 304: The Concert ✦⋆

The Concert:

Last weekend I went to Yuna's concert. 

It was eventful; it was my February highlight. I waited since 2010. I wore something shiny, I put on glitters and diamond stickers, and I sang with her. It is good that I can just let my guard down and wear something I wouldn't wear when I want to (it used to be a struggle). 

I enjoyed those 2 hours of songs collected over years of heartbreaks, confusion, and pain. It was magical, her voice was beautiful, and her performance was amazing. My early adult self must be so happy that we managed to wait this long. I'm thanking myself for buying the ticket, it was worth it.

You know what's missing? A printed ticket- it would be so nice to have something tangible to commemorate the event ✦

Here's from her latest EP:

 

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The Exhaustion:

 

I've been pilling up activities upon activities in my already busy schedule. I am somewhat exhausted, but I don't even listen to myself anymore. I run or bike every busy week that I am having. I don't want to, but I do it anyway. Definitely managing my stress better, but perhaps I am feeling extra exhausted and probably under-nourished, and I can't seem to find the balance. I am always hungry, but I don't feel like eating. And I know what it is, sure. But I can't seem to manipulate my mind into handling it better. Having human emotion is so exhausting. 

Here I am, educating myself, self-explaining these conditions that I'm having like a third-person would because I'm well aware of this. I don't even want to ride this emotional rollercoaster, but all my efforts to navigate this better were tossed elsewhere, hidden, ghosted. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. And I don't know what I should do. I'm not good at being stagnant in one place. 

I can't read because I'm also mentally exhausted due to the busy week we've been having lately. In my free time, I play Sofi's game (Hello Kitty Island Adventure) and collect all the tiny tidbits that we need to loot all around the island. I can't even watch anything online. 

I run or I bike, then I work, and I manage Sofi, on repeat. 

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Random:

• Here, I designed the ebook - free to download. 
• Have you tried Notion's Faces? So cute, I did mine. It is a custom portrait that you can use as your profile photo. Love the illustration ‪‪❤︎‬
• Baca AlMulk at night and AlWaqiah in the morning - every day. It helped me; it might help you too.

Little Stories 303: My First Gathering

Hosted my first housewarming party last weekend:

I convinced myself in thinking that I need to host something for the first time at my house, to bring in good energy, to start the year with good vibes, and to make an effort to have more people in my life. I prepared for months (since Dec to be exact). Slowly, but it was definitely something that I've been mentally preparing for a while. 

I bought the furniture I believed I needed for future gatherings, ordered, waited, pushed the heavy boxes to my house, and assembled them myself with sweat and determination. Like you would be proud kalau tengok how I was pushing myself macam this was a paid small project. Then I cleaned up the house little by little, even thinking through the details of where to put the lights (there were several btw) and how many extension cords I should prepare, or where to put the charging station, or where should they solat, or crafting the e-invite (on the new Apple app: Invites) or what should Sofi wear. A lot of prepping, because I honestly never hosted any gathering at my new place (and perhaps the last one was during the Pilihan Raya several years back in the old house).  

Plus, it can be overwhelming because I will go through everything in my head, and I annoyingly plan everything. I recognize this pattern; this came from my Ma, she's super intense when she plans. It's not that I wanted everything to be perfect; on the day of the event, I flowed well; I just don't want any surprises. I used to have a channel out when I was overwhelmed, now, I need to figure everything out myself, so I rather prepare.

Technically, it was a potluck party, so I didn't have to cook everything alone, but they all chip in and cook/bought something that we can eat together ♥️

The gathering was great; there were around a dozen people. 

It was mostly a chill session. I don't know who started with the yuna karaoke, but that happened. Ha.

Alhamdulillah, it was a great sussess.

I bangun at 5am to masak2, kalau tak best, I don't want to host anything again. Hm. 

Note: I had eaten leftovers for several days after that :D

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Aside from that:

I've been feeling unwell since last week. It started with a sore throat, sandy, but no cough. I lost my voice on Friday. I was feeling physically fine most of the time, but later on the weekend, I started feeling chilly. I hid in the comforter, but I sweated because the night was hot, so it was double chilly. My body was feeling cold, but the weather was hot. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, but fairly manageable. I definitely caught something, right?   

Little Thing 283: Relearning Conversation ♥

 

On Learning How to Make a Meaningful Conversation:

It’s kind of like learning to dance with someone new. The first few steps? Awkward, fumbling, maybe even stepping on a few toes. You’re figuring out how your movements match, where the rhythm meets, how the space between you feels. A dance only flows effortlessly when both people contribute—it’s never a solo act.

And just like dancing, the more you practice with someone, the smoother it gets. Some duos just click on the first try—gliding effortlessly across the floor. That’s rare and magical, kan? Tapi, for the rest of us, who don’t exactly spend our weekends ballroom dancing, things can feel a little… clunky. Unsure when to lead, when to follow, or how to pick up the subtle cues.

And every time you step onto the floor with a new partner? It’s a reset. You start from scratch. Some people don’t even want to dance with you, some hesitate for a while, some love dancing but struggle when it comes to moving with someone else. Some charge ahead like professional leads, others prefer solo freestyle. There’s always this layer of openness—or resistance—that shapes the flow.

But here’s the thing: I’m not really talking about dancing. This is just how I’ve started to make sense of conversations lately.

I’m in this phase where I’m deliberately pushing myself out there, facing the weird little fear of connecting with others. And just like learning dance steps, it takes practice. Yesterday, it hit me—conversations and partner dancing? Kinda the same. Both require vulnerability, presence, and rhythm.

When I frame it this way, it all clicks. No wonder meaningful conversations can feel hard sometimes. I can swing between being super intense and honest or completely zoning out—it depends on the partner, the vibe, the moment.

Lately, I’m learning to be more intentional. To “practice the steps” beforehand, like thinking through what I’d like to know, what questions to ask, and how to make the interaction enriching for both of us.

Because maybe, just maybe, with enough practice, the awkward shuffle becomes a graceful dance. 

My supervisor asked me; "What's about conversation that you feel you want to learn, because the scope is wide." 

That also make me ask myself, "what do I feel I'm lack of and what do I want to improve?". 

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It’s hard enough to reach other souls and lay your heart bare on a silver platter each time. Vulnerability can feel like walking into a storm without an umbrella. But then there’s D’s advice: “Don’t care too much.” As long as the message is clear and your heart’s in the right place—just do you. Don’t waste your energy worrying about sounding stupid, or fearing how others might judge your thoughts and feelings. Truth is, you’ll never know how they’ll react unless you try. And besides, people will judge anyway—it’s just what humans do.

I’ve found that advice surprisingly freeing.

So, I’m going to keep baring my soul when I need to. I’ll face the discomfort, the awkward pauses, the vulnerability. Because I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. Like any craft, connecting deeply takes practice.

It reminds me of Howl, giving Calcifer his heart, trading it for power—but losing touch with what made him soft, what made him feel. Without our hearts on display, how will we ever let someone meet us halfway?

To build something meaningful with others, you need to offer that heart—plated up, shining, scary as hell—but necessary. Honesty and openness are the lifeblood of real conversations.

So, I’ll keep extending my hand, inviting others to dance. And if they don’t take it? That’s fine too. Not every rhythm is meant to sync, but I’ll still show up, ready to try.

Happy Friday.

Glad to be back ♥

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Love, 

AE ✨

Little Thing 282 : TLC for Ladies ✿

 

Okay, I'm going to share with you life necessities for women (or men, as long as you have a wife, sisters, mothers, or any ladies that you care about in life). This might be useful.

1. The Soothing Tea - Learn to make this warming and soothing tea for your hard days (pre-menses and during menses). So I bought this in bulk, poured everything out in a big container, mixed it, and kept it in the fridge. Every time my body needs some TLC, I make this for myself. Click on this list to buy it on Shopee, this is from my go-to shop:

• Ginger slice
• Red dates slices
• Longan kering
• Rosebuds
• Goji berries
• Peach gum
• Lemon slice

If you are too lazy to do this, you can buy the cube version of Ginger Tea with Molasses (bloaty and nauseous phase). It is a bit too sweet for my taste, but try it. I love it when I wake up early in the morning and can make this tea, especially when I'm bloated from hormones and everything. 

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2. Magnesium Spray—I have a sleeping problem. I always wake up earlier than I should. Maybe it is hormonal, or maybe it is stress; I don't know. So, this magnesium spray helps me have a much deeper, longer sleep. Sometimes, it works, and sometimes, it doesn't, count the good days. 

But I always appreciate the nights when I have a completely 'full blackout' session. 

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3. The Weighted Blanket - I got this for my birthday, my blanket is 4kg. It is supposed to help you get a high quality sleep, yes, it feels like a hug, and it feels good when your body is sore from physical activities. I'm always cold, so I'm a blanket person. Get this blanket, lay on your sofa, and rerun Pride and Prejudice or Bridgerton (your pick). 

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4. MOOM's - cramp/less or de/bloat 

My cramps are manageable, so I don't take anything. But my bloaty phase is really bad and I needed a quick fix, I take Moom and it usually works. I bought it several times already because it just works compared to all the other things in the drugstore - and this is natural. 

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5. Good soup. The basic one is the egg drop soup, very easy to make.

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All my life, I wish someone would take care of me when I'm having my menses (sebab it can be awful and dreary), but I buat sendiri je lah semua.  So, I share this with you, go do something nice for your closest family and friends because this cycle repeats every month kan. Cmana la we can go on living our normal lives when our body is feeling so awful, I don't know how we do it every time, we are just amazing. 

If you have anything else useful to add, feel free to add in the comment! ✿

Little Thing 281 : January Highlights

The Taiwan Trip

Got back home from Taiwan in the first week of Jan and apparently left a part of my heart there.

The Birthday Month:

• Celebrated my birthday with the family
• Bought myself a bunch of yellow and white flowers - of hopes and dreams
• Did manicure for the first time - it was weird, but my nails were all clean and shiny, love it. 
• I finally bought my own sofa. I wanted a comfy sofa for the longest time but it is such a huge purchase kan. So, this year, I decided to just buy one, I make my own decision and bought one without asking for anyone's opinion. So proud of myself. My sofa's name is Mr Danny Sir. That's another present for myself. I also bought some furnitures and assembled them myself. 

Social Meetups (every social meetup is a small win for me, because I am not a social person and this is a very uncomfortable thing for me - but I assigned myself this challenge since last year to make an effort in connecting with more human):

• Met AP after more than 10 years - AP texted me, wished me a birthday wish and I think that was a sign that I might need to try to make more friends again, so, we finally met during one of the weekend. I thought AP would never meet me again after what I did post-uni (I was MIA forever)
• Met MC after our trips to update - we spent 3 hours at Flaaah, then we visited some lanes in Petaling Street, walked over to CM to checkout the booths and then spent another hour eating gelato. I don't know what I did to have this privilege. Tqiu MC - now that we can agree that I can call you my friend instead of my former English teacher kan. 
• Oh yes, and I also saw Aina at CM, that was exciting. She has this lovely vibe that I always love.
• The siblings meetup (but without Aja) - we talked about our plans, reflections, latest gossips, doubts and decisions. It's so good to be able to just faking adulthood together. 
• Siti's wedding - went to Seremban for their wedding. Sofi was sick so that was not so fun.
• Birthday teatime potluck party - with my dad :F , my other mom, my siblings, and family friends. 
• CNY gathering - with my mom and my siblings. I was rather socially exhausted to be honest, and spent the next day managing migraine and the pain. 

Run: 

• I did my first 10k of 2025 (MAIWP Run Putrajaya), it was slow - 1:31 but the important thing is I did it, it rained heavily halfway during the run and the wind blew hard. I was drenched and cold. Took the train back home and was shaking all the way. I had a nice loooooong hot shower and had a short nap afterwards. I was off running the whole week post 10k.

Work:

My probation is up, I was offered a full-time position and I accepted it! I told them to let me observe and join all the meetings because I need to learn to participate in human interaction practice as much as I could - that explains a lot of meetings and zoom call with clients. Hah hah hah. I even make a LOT of awkward conversations with the people from NZ and AU team because they do really push me to make the 'connection' outside of work (this is a huge struggle - but I consider this as a part of my job that I was paid for). 

Books: Time to read is a privilege, I will forever miss you, time ❤︎

• On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
• The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo

Random:

Since I've been working full-time, I really pushed myself to do a lot of uncomfortable stuffs, things that I rather not do, activities that I know will drain me, I make efforts to really put myself out there, within the society - just to get a hang out of it, as practice, as a skill that I might need to polish or will find useful. 

But, but, but, even though I am doing all these things out of my comfort zone (which sounded great - my IG is colourful with activities now), I still 50 times rather pursue my quiet, slow pace normal life. I rather bloom in the background, invisible to the public eyes, I rather have intimate close-knit people that I can be myself with, but I don't have that. So I had to play this game, just to push myself out there every week, as a challenge to myself. 

So I've been diligently making weekly activities that I could do to spend the time outside, than spending more time in front of the screen. I make an effort to meet people during my off days and do activities outside of work. It is a massive change for me.